Sleeping Child

A Collection of Untitled Poems

about Love, Life, Faith and Relationships

By Rona Go

www.ronagobooks.com

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Image: Dynamite Imagery / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 #1

Today, I ask a favor from you

I thought you would give it to me
I thought you would stay with me
I was left in the middle of hell
The devil devoured on every
Part of my flesh
With vengeance
I was dragged towards the pit
Yet, you never came
You left me alone to die
You abandoned me
You weren’t there
You left me
I seek for you
Called your name a hundredth time
You remained deaf…
If something goes wrong
I blame you
If everything’s great
I don’t even remember you
Now I know why you left me
You just want to remind me
That you too, need my love…
 #2

Boredom conquered my being

My hollow existence
Waiting to be filled
The shallowness of my soul
Hoping to be deepened
Feed me with your
Noble thoughts
Fill me with your love
Give me the key
To your being…
 #3

I envy those who know too much

For I know nothing
I envy those who have everything
For I have less
I envy those who are happy
For I am sad
I envy those who are loved
For I am alone and cold
I envy those who are blessed
For I am cursed…
It is so sad
To be envious of what others have
It is so lonely
To be jealous of what others feel…

I am so ashamed
For what I feel
For what I think
I am guilty
For blaming others
Of what I do not have
Of what I do not know
Ah, men…women…
Why should I envy them?
I have nothing, I know nothing
It is them who should envy me…
 #4

The moon
Was reached
The mountains
Climbed
The sea
Crossed
In the end,
Produced a progeny
Of shallowness
Nothingness
Conquered
My being
My soul
Remained cold
And unmoving
Instead pain
Gnawed
I’m going back,
Back
To
My
Solitude…
 #5

Songs are yet to be heard

Poems, read
Storied, told
Feelings, expressed
The abyss
Remains
Unreached
The writer
Is still
Unknown
Unravel
The mystery…
 #6

Life is
But a trick
It is a
Set of rules
You have to conform with
A set of questions
You have to answer
A sweet success
You have to work for
A little amount of
Wealth
You have to enjoy temporarily
A must
An unwritten law
A piece of paper
An unwanted gift
What’s important
Is
What lies
Beyond the grave…
 #7

Sometimes
Man must do
Something
Bad
To know he is alive
But he doesn’t
Have to do it
To remind him
He is a
Human being…
Because of my
Great desire
To change men
And the world
I forget that
I am only human…
 #8

It is better to know
You are alone
You can’t help but be sad
Than to know you aren’t
But you still
Feel empty
And blue…
 #9

I stared
At the moon
I recognized it
I looked at
The stars
I counted all of them
I failed
But it did not
Make any difference
I can still count
I am still me.
 # 10

Falling in love
Has always been the same
From Adam and Eve
To Romeo and Juliet
Poets have played with it
Artists have painted it
But it has always been the same
The problem with it is
When it happens to you
You forget that
It has always been that way
And you tend to convince
Yourself
Yours is a different love story
But practically speaking
It has always been that way
You started loving
And ended up hurt.
 # 11

Like the light

From the sun
Captured
In one hand
Conquered
In another
Released
Altogether
I left you
But I never really
let you go…
 # 12

I have nothing with me

Only naivete
And ignorance perhaps
But it’s me
I know nothing
Not even the simplest of things
But it’s me
After the dawn
That awakens man has cracked
I’d share the me
I was
I am
But perhaps will never be
But it’s me
I guess this is
the only thing
which can set me free
the only thing which put
me back to my
cage
is you…
can you ever take me
the way I am…was…
but will never be?
Wouldn’t it be nice
If the only thing
That matters
Is that
it’s still
Me?
 # 13

After the inquiry to

God’s existence
After claiming that the
God I knew
Was unknown to me
The god of Satan
I woke up to
A nightmare
Which could have
Sent me
To hell
Catching my breath
And afraid as ever…
I’ve had the nightmare twice
The nightmare of medium
And spirits
Mortal medium
Healers as
They claimed they were
And evil spirits
Descendants of Lucifer
Children of the devil…
In the end
I realized how little
I trust my Maker
The maker of good and good
The most powerful Maker…
In the name of the Father
The Son
And the Holy Spirit
I believe…
 # 14

I was angry
You never noticed
You never did
I was hurt
You ridiculed me
Mocked me with the pain
I created on my own
You never did care
You never understood
The pain and the anger
And the confusion
Of trying to care
And understand you
I quit
I surrender
I could never
Really understand you
Still…still…
It does not
Mean
I’d stop
Loving you…
 # 15

They mocked me with my anger

Ridiculed me with my pain
They never did take me seriously
I am standing between sanity
And insanity
Being in the middle is a lot
More difficult than to
Succumb to one
All these things
are making me sick
everything is driving me crazy
now, you cry over her dead
body as if she can still hear you
she is dead
when she was alive you never
paid any attention to her
isn’t it paradoxical that
she’s worth more dead
than she was alive
it was what she wanted
how can a funeral be so joyful?
Right this very minute
Her Maker cradles her in His Arms
I never knew you knew how
To paint
You never knew me
 Is it a sandcastle?
It was…
Now, it’s merely sand…
 # 16

Flowers
Languish
but
friendship
stays on
until
life
itself
shall slumber
especially
that of
old locks…
 # 17

She talked so freely

Acted so naturally
Smiled so effortlessly
Just like an angel
There was no acceptance
Nor forgiveness
For there was no hatred
In the first place
Nor was there love
There was only vanity
She looked like a corpse
Old, unmoving
She talked so freely
About sepulchers
Acted so naturally about death
Smiled so effortlessly
About pain
Just like a corpse
Cold and unmoving
 # 18

I think of myself
The child I was once
And now the woman
I think of time
Of the past
Which was once the present
Of the future
And the possibility of
Becoming a now
And now…fleeting
I think of life
What it has been
What it has become
Life…time…myself
Inextricable coils
It is so sad
So complicated
So painful
Yet so beautiful…
Ahh…I feel so beautiful
And yet so old
So indifferent
Death…here I am
Ahh… it is that time of
The year again
When I get emotional
And funny too…
 # 19

You have once touched

The heart of a numb soul
You made a song
Out of the crumbled dreams
The soul had
You made her whole again
Now, you’d be lowered
Down to your grave
And solitude
The soul knew
What you wished for
She, too, wanted the same thing…
But you, yourself can tell
How your majesty
Was left unmoved, unexplored
Down to your deathbed
There’s no solace
Only turmoil
Which would constantly
Thunder in your head
Like wrathful gods
But the soul and you
Would be like inextricable coils
Nothing will ever keep you away
From each other
And although you
Can’t be together
 You’d never ever be apart…
When you died
She ceased to live along with you
For you and the soul are one
A creator of life
Beauty
Art
Poetry
And in your deathbed
There’s a desperate wish
That it may just be
An ephemeral cessation
I whispered the same wish to
The gods too.
 # 20

He felt so old and fulfilled

Very much fulfilled in fact
Yet so alive
How can life lose
Its meaning all of a sudden?
How can one reconcile
Such a paradox
Of a completed life
To that of an empty
Well-understood patterns
Intricate patterns
So familiar
So commonly called life…
How can one be so eagerly
Waiting, anticipating
Of gravediggers
And old churchyards
Turned into
Sepulchers
Yes…how can one talk
So freely of death?
Ahh… at his stage
Death is no longer a mystery
But just another clumsy step…
 # 21

The fine network of wrinkles

Cover overload of questions
The long deep black lashes
Cast not only shadows
But deep worries
The closed-tight lips
Curtain words
Which remain not
Uttered
In her deep slumber
The deepest
Darkest dream
Overshadows fear
Fear of a mother
Losing her child…
Finally…
(I fear more of the vision
Of losing a mother…)
 # 22

Let the face

Remain
Hidden
Unknown
A mystery
So mortals
May continue
To seek
To pursue
To listen
To believe
And to
Look forward
To immortality
Where
When
The face
Will
Surface
Finally…
I will wait until then.
 # 23

Death is
Birth
Birth is
Death
Death
Birth
One mournful
The other joyful
Some mistake
One for the other
Others
Just
Don’t
Care
Until
They
Themselves
Face
Their
Own
Fate
That’s
When
One can say
If death is death
And birth is birth…
 # 24

Look at the flowers

They are so full of beauty
So full of hope
So full of passion
So full of life
For now
For tomorrow
For the next ten to fifteen days
Then, comes
The inevitable…
Listen to me
Hear me speak
I sound so real
So full of thoughts
So full of life
So full of dreams
For now,
For the fleeting now
Then, the unexpected…
Flowers live for days
I live for years
Flowers live for butterflies
For nature, for people
For bees
I live for nothing, for nobody
For years…
Flowers are merely flowers
 I am a human being
This world does not deserve me
The world deserves the flowers
But the flowers deserve me
One day, I went to the cemetery
Stopped in front of a deathbed
Which cuddles
An unknown person
I saw flowers with blood red
Petals, picked two of them
And brought them home
Look at the flowers…
Look at the flowers again
By this time perhaps they don’t look that
Beautiful anymore the way they once were
Listen to me again…by this time perhaps
I don’t sound so alive
For the inevitable, the unexpected
Has finally arrived.
 # 25

I am filled with anger and resentment

Towards the life I have now
Not because I am not satisfied
Because somehow I am
But because I seemed to have not
Satisfied the world, the people
And life itself
I am filled with sadness
Not because I have never felt
Happiness before, for certainly I have
But because of the sadness that goes
Along with the happiness which
Seemed inseparable, inescapable
I am filled with despair
Not because of a life suddenly turned wrong
Because everything seemed right
But because nothing more can be done…
I seemed to be dead
Not because of a lifeless life
But because I continue to live…
Life is filled with emptiness
Not because of nothingness
Because everything seemed full
But because of that fullness itself,
That suffocating fullness…
 # 26

Each second is fleeting

The rapidity of it almost unconquerable
I became explicitly aware of
The air which enters my nose
The very same air which my life
Depended on…
Each minute is a toil
The burden of waiting
Yet, I continue to breathe
Not giving up on dear life…
Each hour seemed like a race
Between a team of turtles
And a herd of snails
That it seemed difficult
For me to live another minute
Therefore
I will love myself
Because nobody can ever truly
Love me other than myself
That way
Every second, every minute
Every hour
Would be bearable
That way,
I can continue to live…
Even if I have nothing
And nobody
Even life itself is not worth living for.
For in reality
I live alone
And I die alone…
 # 27

I would like to think

I am the very
First mortal
He has ever revisited
From the land
Of immortality
His growing beard
So vividly pressed
Against my cheek
His grasped, fatherly embrace
Warming my fearful
Soul
Then, tears welled up
In acceptance
He is dead
The encounter retold
Re-enacted
Yet, mine and mine alone
Let it remain
Mine and mine alone…
For he was mine
And I was his
Yet he’s dead
And I still live…
 # 28

There’s something
Unknown to man
Which keeps
Him
From asking questions
and believe
something unfamiliar
something called
faith…
I have asked
Searched for so long
Now, I simply
Submit to faith
I believe…
 # 29

How could one express

Such
Pain
Such
Sorrow
Such
Anguish
For live
For love
For death
If
Crying
Seemed
Insufficient?
Would
Laughing be enough, then?
 # 30

‘twas Being
That I sought
‘tis nothing
That I found
‘tis a journey
Without end
‘twas even
Without
A why-
Let it be…
 # 31

It hurts
Me to think
That I can do
No more
Than stare
At death
As it slowly
Snatches
Your life
Away from you
From me…
I feel so
Helpless
For I cannot
Protect you
For I too
Am powerless
From death
Not even God
Can help it
It seemed…
For He, too, died…
 # 32

I must bid
Farewell
For my own sake
And yours, too,
Perhaps…
Leaving
Wouldn’t mean
Loving you not
For in fact
I have come to
Love you more
In fact
More than
You can
Ever think of…
But because of this
I have come
To fear
Myself…
Because I know
You will never be mine
And mine you’ll not be
Foolish me to keep
What is not mine
But was meant for me
in the first place…
 # 33

I don’t know
When I am going
To die
But I know
When I am
Not going to die…
I just wish
I don’t live
Long enough
To learn how
To hate life…
I also wish
I don’t live
Short enough
To hate death…
As it is…
I keep holding on
To life
Or to the
Shadow of
Death.
 # 34

I want to shield
Myself from you
The necessity of it so
Emphatic
It’s hurting me…
Then you surprise me
By saying
You have penetrated
Invaded
And you found out
How disgusting
My world is…
Now, what is left of me?
Not my shield
Not myself
Not even my disgusting world
I have nothing…
You took what I had
Once I had everything
I thought I
Even had you…
 # 35

You don’t have the right

To threaten me this way
I didn’t give you the
Right
You don’t have the
Right to mock
My world
For you don’t know
How it is in here…
No matter
How disgusting
You may find my world is
Still it’s mine
And it is beautiful…
 # 36

It is so easy
To kill a bastard
You give life
You take it away…
It is easy
To fuck
With a bitch
You use
And you’re used
How difficult can it be
To sentence a god
For he has damned it?
 # 37

The rise and fall

Of the bosom
The trembling
Of the groins
Witnesses of the
Quixotic
Love affair
Between a
Covered lie
And a naked truth
It only hurts when
Evinced not…
 # 38

Just like an
Angel
Deep in her
Slumber
I watch
Foolishly
Knowing
That
Someday
Death
Will
Have
Its
Way
And dying
Would
Chain
My
Angel
Into deep
Slumber
Deeper
Still
Until
No kiss
Could
Wake
My little angel
Foolish me…
 # 39

It’s amazing
How the
Fine network
Of wrinkles
Can tell
So much
Tales
And time
It’s sad
How the
Fine network
Of wrinkles
Can predict
Much
Of the inevitable end
Ahh…
Can there be
Anything better
Than to get old…
Can there be
Anything bitter
Than to grow old…
 # 40

One day
She was found
Her body
Motionless
Cold like
A corpse
A gun
Close to her
Hand
A hole
Between her bosoms
So intimate
With her heart
She’s dead…
Who would have known
She would
Leave the
World young
Can there be
Someone in heaven
Who knows
Can there be a God
Who could have
Stopped her?
Can’t miracles happen
Nowadays
Not a gush of wind
 Neither
A flash of light
Had stopped her
She’s dead…
It scares me to think
That it could have
Been me
For then again
What makes me
Different from her
What makes my
Grasp to life tighter
I could let go
It could have been me…
A single loud noise
Pierced through
The air which broke
The silence of dawn
For just a few seconds
The secret of the grave
Opened up to another
Thirsty soul
To its eternal slumber
Who would have known
It could be me…
 # 41

The past re-lived

The inner world
Revisited
Everything
Was beautiful
It felt almost real
Yet, dreams
Are dreams
And I became
A magical creature
Almost deemed
I was pretty
Powerful
Loved
And free
Then pain
Stung
And fear
Appeared
The dream ended
Yet, it’s another tale
To tell…
 # 42

Sorrow
It seemed
Was implanted
Within me
Though
Unwanted
It springs
Forth
To become
Big and bigger
Still
Which
ushers
A coldness
which
make
the soul calloused-
numb…
 # 43

The acknowledgement
Of a power
That can
Strip me
Naked
To the last
Possession
I can have
The loss…
Everything-
What bigger
Loss can there be
Than a loved on
Succumbing
To eternal
Slumber
What else do
I have to lose
I lost a loved one
I lost everything
Losing another-
What is left
Of everything
That is lost?
ME!
 # 44

I am the seeker
Of the GOOD
I was not born
A possessor of it
I am the finder
Of a love
I was not born
An owner of it
In the end-
It is nothing
That I get to keep…
I was born
To live with it
I became Human…
Now, tell me…
What is ironic
About Christmas?
Why people
Celebrate it
At all…
It’s nothing but
A tragic
December Love Affair…
 # 45

I live
I love
I died
I am dead
But living
Loved
Death
When life is
Loathed
Not for
Living
And loving
Is dying…
 # 46

The earth
Has whispered
Its secret-
I know..
The universe
Has marked
Its median-
I know…
Nature
Has answered
Its riddles-
I know…
I have conquered
Myself…
I know…
Life has
Revealed
Its truth-
I know…
THAT…
BEYOND…
The greatest lie
Has been told-
I un-know…
 # 47

Why is the blood red?

So much like the roses petal
Dark, intense
Beautiful…
They looked at me
With passivity
In their eyes
I looked at myself
And saw resignation
In my soul
I looked at you…
Ahh, I found beauty…
Where do I begin?
Why is the roses petal red?
Yet so much unlike blood
Dark, intense
Unbecoming…
 # 48

I looked at myself
In the mirror
And saw an ugly face
I looked the way
I am-
UGLY…
But I thought
I only mirrored
The truth
The good
The beautiful…
I can only be ugly
For those
Who do not understand
Who can accept not
For then again,
The truth can be -
An illusion…
The good -
A trick…
The beautiful –
Magic?
I remain the ugly duckling…
 # 49

I am sick and tired

Of life
Yet I am scared of death…
Where shall I wait
For the gravediggers?
What thin line
Separates death and life?
There I shall anticipate
Such a sacrament
A vocation
A waste?
 # 50

Never had my body

Been so familiar
With pain
The way it responded to
The sting of the pin
As it stabbed
Through my flesh
It could have been
My brain
With a hole
Instead of my nostril
It could have been
a bullet
not a nose-ring
so trivial
as a nostril pierced
so obtuse
from death…
a soul is saved
not from hell…
 # 51

I am the greatest
of painters
The noblest
Of writers
The best of
Teachers
The king
Of kings
The god
Of the gods
I am the most
Powerful person
On earth
But I am still
Not contented
For nobody has seen me
NAKED…
And nobody loved
Me as a BUM…