Kate Bingle

CPS 510 J. Mullen

COUNSELOR (opening): Hi Beth! Before we get started today, Id just like to inform you about
a few things. First of all, this session is for a school assignment and it involves me critiquing my
responses to you, um, and just to let you know, my professor is going to listen to this but no one
other than myself or she will read or hear anything. Um, unless you say anything that would lead
me to believe that you might harm yourself or someone else, this is strictly confidential. Um,
now in the past, weve talked about your relationship with Dustin, so would you like to continue
to talk about that or would you like to talk about something else? Its totally up to you, whenever
youre ready
1.1
CLIENT: (Laughs.) Um, yeah, I could continue on that, I guess. Uh, lately hes been
annoying the heck out of me by getting onto a myspace account and finding older women to
talk to. I mean, being 20, its just like, Why are you doing this to me? and Ive said that to him
many times and Im sick of him just not listening and not taking care of things. He and I have
been seeing each other for so long now that he should just look into what I need from him at this
point because Ive given so much to him in the past.
1.2
COUNSELOR: Youre confused because youve had this relationship for a long time and
now hes starting to look at older women.
1.3a

REFLECTION

1.3b My response worked effectively because it showed her that I was concerned and actively
listening by accurately reflecting her feeling of being confused as to why hes looking at older
women. The proof of this is that she agreed with what I had said in her next statement (Yep,
thats what it is) and clearly felt comfortable enough to elaborate.
1.3c Alternative Response: Its confusing and hurtful to you now that Dustin is apparently
seeking out other women after all the time and effort youve put into the relationship.

2.1
CLIENT: Yep, thats what it is, hes not, he just is attracted to older women. He likes
me, he liked me in the beginning, and now its just like I dont know what Ive done to make him
back up and go in this other direction again or whatever. Hes even, hes just, he stays at my
house so much that youd think he would get used to my family and get used to being with me
and respect the whole relationship we do have at the moment, even though he doesnt consider it
to be a relationship at all. Its just like, Im not your boyfriend. Therefore, I can do whatever I
want. I can talk to whoever I want, but I can stay at your house, I can hang out with your brother,
I can give him information on women, and I can have fun with your father, but you and I are not
together.
2.2
COUNSELOR: Youre upset because he spends so much time around you and your
family, and hes become quite close to your family, and yet he wont allow the two of you to

become close and exclusive.

REFLECTION

2.3b This response was effective because it shows that I understood how the incongruence
between his actions and his words make her feel, which is upset. In other words, it showed her
that I am genuinely empathetic toward her. This is evidenced in her next statement, wherein she
agrees with what Ive just said (Right. Thats what it is.) and continues to give more
information about the issue.
2.3c Alternative Response: It bothers you that hes becoming close to your family and yet he
wont allow you to have a close, intimate, committed relationship with each other.

3.1
CLIENT: Right. Thats what it is. He is recently talking to this woman on the internet and
Ive asked him several times if hes going to meet her and hes like, Well, I dont know, its a
long drive. But the thing is, I have a feeling hes going to meet her. I really get this sense that
hes interested and hes looking for something else. He may be at the point where hes nervous
about us, and that he feels so comfortable with us that hes gotta find out if its worth staying for.
But, I think over and over again Ive tried to prove to him that it is and that we could make things
work together. [I interrupted her because I thought she was done and apologized for it.] Hes
always saying Im the voice of reason for him.
3.2
COUNSELOR: So youre wondering if maybe hes just scared that youre relationship is
becoming serious and hes not ready to settle down, so maybe thats why hes starting to look
again.
3.3a

PARAPHRASE

3.3b I paraphrased here to see if I understood her main point correctly, and to try to get her to
elaborate on that point. My response illustrates what I thought that main point was (that Dustin is
acting the way he is because hes nervous about their relationship getting serious,) and although
she agreed with what I had said in her next statement (I think thats what it is), I think I was
only partially right because she did not elaborate on that exact point. Instead, she went in another
direction (about girls including herself cheating on him,) which may be what she really
meant by hes nervous about us, but Im not positive. Nevertheless, it was an effective
response because it allowed her to give more information about another aspect of this issue,
some of which was probably harder than usual for her to tell me.
3.3c Alternative Response: Youre thinking there is something that is making Dustin nervous,
and that might be what is motivating his behavior.

4.1
CLIENT: I think thats what it is. I also think that its because he is, hes been in past
relationships and hes been engaged twice. Hes been cheated on by those girls, hes been hurt so
badly by those girls that I think hes just afraid of me doing that to him also and I did once,
and I didnt mean to. I apologized and have tried to show him that Im not going to do it again,
but at the same time, I think hes always looking for revenge on that one situation.
4.2
COUNSELOR: Youre frustrated because even though you did the exact thing that he
was afraid of because its happened to him before, youve shown that youre sorry and that
youre not going to do it again, but it seems that hes not accepting this.
4.3a

REFLECTION

4.3b This response proved to be effective because she agreed with it and continued to give
more information (I think that, and), and it showed her that I have empathy for her even
though she did something that shes not proud of, which was cheating on Dustin when she knew
that was exactly what he was on guard for. It allowed us to get to what I believe is the crux of the
issue, which is lack of trust. I think I did the best job I could of shutting up the judgmental voice
in my head that was shrieking at this point, You cheated on him and now youre surprised at
how hes acting?!?! I really did feel empathy for her though, because she did seem very
remorseful about it, and I feel bad that my response might have sounded slightly judgmental
toward the beginning. I did the best I could to cover that up and convey my empathy by the end
of it. I was very careful not to let my facial expressions or body language show any negativity
toward her, though I hear it in my tone a little bit.
4.3c Alternative Response: Its frustrating you that even though youve apologized for
cheating on him and have made it clear that you wont ever do it again, he hasnt accepted it and
seems to be seeking revenge.

5.1
CLIENT: I think that, and I think that he and I dont trust each other as much as he says
he has trust for me. Um, he just does it repeatedly. He never takes what I say for real, I think. I
think hes just telling me, You know, I dont care what you do. But at the same time, hes
watching me to see if Im gonna go do it or anything like that. And then if I do, or even if I dont,
he still looks for some sort of revenge on me. It feels a lot like he just doesnt care.
5.2
COUNSELOR: Youre upset because youre sincere and serious about this relationship,
but he doesnt seem to believe you, so hes acting very suspicious of you.
5.3a

REFLECTION

5.3b This response proved to be effective because she agreed with what I said so emphatically
that she used my word, suspicious, twice. Once again, this reassured her that I was really
listening to and feeling what she was saying. It also helped confirm my belief that lack of trust

was the real problem in her relationship with Dustin, and I wanted to know more about how she
felt about this. My response allowed her to provide this information.
5.3c Alternative Response: Youre disappointed that Dustin seems to be suspicious of you and
wants to get back at you, when youd really like to work to make your relationship more mature,
serious, and trusting.

6.1
CLIENT: Hes acting suspicious of me, therefore, making me suspicious of him, and it
snowballs into this big untrust. And, a lot of people have said, You know you cant trust, if
you cant trust him then why do you pursue this? Its because I really have these feelings that
we could work, and weve had these days that are just great. Weve had so many times together
that make it look like it is workable, its something that we could do, but Im kind of looking,
maybe, that its the end.
6.2
COUNSELOR: Youre hurt because you know what it could be like, based on those good
days, and yet, on most days, he doesnt treat you well and he upsets you.
6.3a

REFLECTION

6.3b Although I think I accurately reflected that his treatment of her hurts her, I dont think I
should have said that Dustin upsets her on most days because she didnt say that, and it could
have upset her that I assumed that. Fortunately, she felt comfortable correcting me (He goes
back and forth.) The response was effective because even though it may have been wrong, she
went on to clarify what she meant, and it showed that our rapport was strong enough to withstand
a mistake like that. I kind of wish I had used my alternative response instead because I think
conflicted more accurately describes what she was feeling at that moment.
6.3c Alternative Response: Youre conflicted because on some days, he treats you well and
you see that the relationship could work, but then on other days, he treats you badly and that
makes you wonder if you should end it.

7.1
CLIENT: He goes back and forth, and hes said himself that he very well could be
bipolar, which I could see right off the bat. But, um, he just, he treats me well in that if I really
need him or I need him to call me back, he does it for the most part, but then hell yell at me and
say that Im annoying him by asking him in the first place to do it. He doesnt try to console me
if I have a problem. He, for the most part, just sits there and worries about himself. Hes very
selfish in that area of consoling and being there for someone, and I think it could be due to his
childhood.

7.2
COUNSELOR: So youre irritated that he doesnt show you the support that you expect
and deserve and that you give to him.
7.3a

REFLECTION

7.3b This response was effective because she agreed with it in her next statement (Yeah),
and gave more details about what goes on in their relationship. This indicates that she was still
confident that I was listening to her and trying to understand her. She also used the word
aggravating in her next statement, which is very similar to my word, irritating, so that shows
a connection was made.
7.3c Alternative Response: It bothers you that he doesnt willingly give you the support you
expect.

8.1
CLIENT: Yeah. Its Im doing all of the work and hes just taking it for granted. He
comes home every night and stays at my house, hangs out with my family, like I said before, eats
my food. I make him dinner, well go places together, well do things together, and he just takes
it all but never really gives much back... Its aggravating. (Laughs.)
8.2
COUNSELOR: Youre discouraged because youre pouring so much of yourself into this
and he just seems to not be willing to do the same right now.
8.3a

REFLECTION

8.3b This response was so effective that she said it was very true and even used the
metaphor of pouring herself that I had used. It seems that I had hit the nail on the head at this
point, and this allowed her to really open up about deeper feelings and issues, such as jealousy,
extreme confusion and frustration, and the fact that her other relationships are suffering because
she is so focused on this one.
8.3c Alternative Response: You feel that its unfair that youre offering so much to him your
time, your food, your house, your family and yet he is giving very little of himself back to you.

9.1
CLIENT: Thats very true. Um, I tend to pour myself into him more than I do other
people, and other people are upset with me in that I dont give them time, but at the same time,
Im trying to get this whatever it is going with him because hes got me in, like, a relationship
limbo, so to speak, because were not together but were together, we can see other people but
we cant see other people, we get jealous if we see other people. Where do you go? Its like a

stalemate of sorts. Its just but that same time, my feelings are caught up in him and he says
that hes gonna be there for me, so he stays, and then he says that I annoy him because he stays,
that he spends too much time with me. I spend too much time with him, therefore, he gets ticked.
(Laughs.) I cant talk to him, I cant have a conversation with him because hell see it, and then
hell be like, Lets change the topic, I dont want to hear anymore, dont speak. Its just like,
why? (Laughs.)
9.2
COUNSELOR: Youre so confused and frustrated because here he is, looking for another
woman, and yet he willingly spends a lot of time with you, and then says that its too much. Its
not like youre forcing him to do it.
9.3a

REFLECTION

9.3b This response was effective because she agreed with it (in a double-negative sort of
way,) and she used the word frustrated after I had, which indicates that I had accurately
understood her. This motivated her to continue describing to me why their relationship is so
confusing and frustrating. This response was also effective because even though she asked
questions (which may have been rhetorical,) it did not matter to her that I didnt answer them;
my reflection was enough to keep the story flowing. However, I wish I hadnt said, Its not like
youre forcing him to do it. To me, that sounds a little like a judgment and an assumption. Even
though it motivated her to go on, I think she would have anyway without that.
9.3c Alternative Response: Its confusing and frustrating to you that he doesnt want you to be
with someone else and he spends so much time with you, but then he says its annoying him and
he goes looking for other women.

10.1 CLIENT: No, and Ive asked him many times, Why do you stay if you feel so
aggravated and so annoyed with me? Why do you stay? And he says, Because youd call me
up and youd be all mad at me and Ive have to listen to you go on and on on the phone. Im
like, Then why dont you not pick up the phone? Why dont we just end this and you know, you
never speak to me again? And hes like, Because I cant lose you. And Im like, Then, why
are we like this? Why do you bother? It just is, its a never-ending cycle of being frustrated and
aggravated and mad at each other, but at the same time, caring enough about each other to be
there.
10.2 COUNSELOR: Thats very confusing to you that he does all these negative things like
not consoling you and interacting with other women, and yet he says he doesnt want to lose you.
10.3a REFLECTION
10.3b This response was really effective because it showed her that I was so connected in with
what she had been telling me that I was able to incorporate things she had talked about in

previous statements that were relevant, such as Dustin not consoling her and interacting with
other women (I meant flirting with or dating other women and I should have been clearer.) I tied
all of this in with how confusing it is that he does these negative things but then he tells her that
he doesnt want to lose her. It was also effective because she agreed with what I had said in her
next statement (Yeah, because...), and even incorporated the points I had just made about
Dustin not consoling her and seeking out other women.
10.3c Alternative Response: Youre exasperated because he says he doesnt want to lose you,
but then he behaves in ways that make you wonder if the relationship should end.

11.1 CLIENT: Yeah, because if he didnt want to lose me, youd think that he would come
around and say, you know, Im here for you, Im gonna stop this, Im not going to go out and
look for other women to spend time with, Im not gonna go out and not tell you where I am, or
say Im going to my moms and turn around be at some other womans house. Its just so
difficult sometimes to deal with, but at the same time, I feel like theres a purpose to deal with it.
11.2

COUNSELOR: You sense that theres a reason that youre still struggling with this.

11.3a PARAPHRASE
11.3b I paraphrased here to make sure that I understood what I thought was her main point,
which was that she feels theres a reason shes still struggling with this relationship. It was
effective because she agreed with it in her next statement (I do.), and felt motivated to further
describe this aspect of her story (which helped answer the question that had been floating around
in my head for quite some time: Why are you putting up with all of this?)
11.3c Alternative Response: Even though situation feels very negative at times, you continue to
deal with it because you feel like thats what youre meant to do.

12.1 CLIENT: I do. I when we spend time together, I have a friend that has a baby now and
everything and when he sees me with the baby, he tends to want to come over and spend time
with me, he wants to play with the baby, and in that situation weve talked about having children
together. Weve talked about possibly getting married in the future, and he just says, you know,
Its possible, its possible, but right now, you annoy me. Right now, I wanna do what I wanna
do, and you cant tell me what to do. And Im like, How, if you dont try to fix that now, do
you do that? How do you fix it in the future? Its just gonna get worse. You dont stop going on
the computer and looking up women. How are you going to stop going on the computer in the
future and looking for women? I mean, where does it end? Where do you start getting better?

And he says, Ill start getting better when I feel like I need to get better. But the point is, you
have to do some of the things you dont want to do and Im wondering if the thing I dont want
to do, which is to give him up, is what I need to do but then theres feelings. How do you go
about dropping those feelings but to, I dont know, its just (Sighs.)
12.2 COUNSELOR: Youre very conflicted right now because even though hes treating you
badly right now, you still have feelings, and on top of that, he talks about the future like things
are going to get better.
12.3a REFLECTION
12.3b This response was effective because in her next statement, she did not correct it or
indicate that anything was wrong about it, and she built upon it (And I see things getting
better). Also, although she started to ask another question, once again it did not matter that I
didnt answer it because my reflection motivated her to keep describing what shes feeling.
12.3c Alternative Response: He tells you that maybe someday you will be married and have
children together, but youre worried about how and when this is going to happen because you
feel its going to become harder and harder as time goes on for him to quit looking for women on
the Internet.

13.1 CLIENT: And I see things getting better, thats the problem. I see things getting better.
Its like, one step forward, two steps back. And then when he does finally get back to where he
left off as being better, I feel like theres something bad gonna happen. Because hes got this
cycle, this, what is it, pattern of sorts, that if he does something good that something bad is soon
to follow. And Ill ask him about it, Im like, Why are you doing this? If, you know, you are
good to me today, what are you gonna do to me tomorrow thats gonna make me wonder? And
youre supposed to be able to have faith in the person that youre with, and I see faith with him
in a lot of things but at the same time, he turns around and he sloughs it off as if its nothing. I
mean, Ive done so much for him. Yes, I do complain to people about him in front of him, but its
to try to get a response from him to find out if I matter. I mean, if I matter to him, it would be
like he wouldnt do this stuff anymore. He would just settle down, and I guess at the moment
he doesnt want to.
13.2 COUNSELOR: Youre apprehensive because when things are going well, youve noticed
a pattern that thats just before things start to go bad.
13.3a REFLECTION
13.3b This response was effective because she agreed with it in her next statement (Yup.),
and then she went on to describe an example of this pattern. I dont think she would have done
this if I had been incorrect. I repeated her word, pattern, because I felt that was the best word

for it and to show her that Id been listening carefully.

14.1 CLIENT: Yup. They, like, we went out to dinner and a movie one night. The next night,
he was cooking dinner for some other lady and I knew about it. He made these plans right
directly in front of me and I was like, How can you do that to me? I kind of explained it to him
as, you know, You love the color green. Everything you want is green, but for some reason, you
stick with blue. You do everything that blue wants you to do, but you still love green. Like, you
love to be with that color. And hes like, I sort of get it, but I dont. But, you know, just stop
talking to me. Im sick of hearing this now.
14.2 COUNSELOR: Youre having a lot of trouble communicating with him exactly how he
makes you feel when he does these bad things like interacting with other women.
14.3a PARAPHRASE
14.3b This response was not as effective as the others because part of it was so unclear that she
felt it was wrong, which I completely understand. I said interacting with other women again
and Im not sure why. Again, I meant specifically looking for, flirting with, and dating other
women. Fortunately, she felt comfortable enough to correct me because our rapport was strong.
If not for this mistake, my response probably would have been effective because she obviously is
having a lot of trouble communicating with him exactly how he makes [her] feel when he does
these bad things, because she says he would say, I sort of get it, but I dont. But, you know, just
stop talking to me. Im sick of hearing this now. (I was a little confused by the blue/green
metaphor, too, though!) She would have agreed with my statement and continued on with her
story, but because of my mistake in wording, she had to go in another direction to correct me.
14.3c Alternative Response: Its really frustrating that he wont listen when you try to tell him
how much it hurts you when he looks for and spends time with other women in a romantic
manner.

15.1 CLIENT: Its not, its not a bad thing for him to interact with other women, its a bad
thing that he, I think, wants to interact with them maybe in a more physical manner, and that hes
looking for that and possibly a relationship with them. And at the same time, he keeps me on a
string close behind, and as far as talking to him, its just when the topic of us comes up, he

doesnt want to hear it, he doesnt want to see it, and wants nothing to do with it. I can talk for
hours, I can talk until Im blue in the face to him, but he doesnt have any input as to why he
does the things he does. Hes just like, I dont know. I dont know. He gives me a shoulder
shrug, and hes like, But, thats who I am. You cant tell me you cant care. And at the same
time, I do care, and he cant tell me I cant care because Ive been there so long now. A whole
year is long enough to get to know somebody, especially with spending most every day with him,
I mean, from start to finish. He comes home from work, and youre there with dinner, how can
you not feel that youre in a relationship? He asks you to take care of his bills, he, you know, Im
taking care of his laundry sometimes. How can you not feel youre in a relationship with that?
Do you just normally ask your friends to go out, Oh, can you pay this bill for me? Can you do
my laundry?, and expect them to do it all the time. Im there all the time, Im 24/7, and he
doesnt do the same for me. As much as he says he will, as much as he says hes gonna pay me
back, I havent seen much to show for it yet, and sometimes I believe that thats why he does
stick around. Its because he doesnt feel he can pay me back in cash or anything like that, but he
can pay me back in spending time with me, and he feels bad. So Im wondering if Im just
because he feels bad, if thats why he doesnt want to stop talking to me, because hes afraid I
will take all of my money he owes me, and leave. That thatll be it. That I want it now, and hell
have to give it to me in full, and he wont have it.
15.2 COUNSELOR: It really bothers you that it seems like youre in relationship, like you live
like youre in a relationship, but yet he refuses to call it that, and youre very confused as to what
he thinks it is.
15.3a REFLECTION
15.3b This response was very effective because she fully agreed with it (Thats exactly what it
is.), and she elaborated on how their friends are confused by the situation as well. I know Ive
used confused a few times in this session but I feel its appropriate because confusion over
what is going on within their relationship is a major theme for her. I also could have eliminated a
like or two. She kind of lost me by the time she got to the old marriage, the car, and the titles,
but at that point my silent alarm was going off, telling me that we needed to stop so that she
could leave for her appointment. I felt bad because it seemed like the ending was kind of abrupt
but I couldnt think of how to do it any other way.
15.3c Alternative Response: You and Dustin sometimes live like youre in a real relationship,
and youre having a hard time figuring out why he wont acknowledge this.

CLIENT: Thats exactly what it is. He we live it, his friends see it, my friends see it. Theyre
like, You guys are practically married. Why arent you in a relationship? Why dont you take
care of her better? I mean, I give 100% of myself to whatever this is, and he gives about 5060% in his good days. And back in the beginning, the very beginning, one of the reasons why I
hang on more is because he was so good. He was willing to take care of me, he was there for me

when I needed him, and it just worked really well. And now its like an old marriage. Its really
getting to the point, like, were married with children but we dont have children and we dont
have the titles. Its like owning a car, but you dont really own the cars title, its yours, but its
not.
COUNSELOR: Well, um, Im sorry to end it at this point but you did tell me that you have an
appointment to be at, and I want you to be able to be on time, so I think we should end this for
now, and hopefully we can pick it up again some other time.
Summary
My greatest improvement is that I felt and sounded much more relaxed and confident in
this session than in the first one. Looking back on this session, I realize that I was not thinking
too much about my own responses. I didnt worry at all about my statements sounding like
questions, and I was very happy that nothing sounded like one. I was really engaged in listening
to her and trying to feel what she was feeling. I think I sound a little too tentative at times, but
that will probably lessen with practice, and I might be only one who notices it. I am no longer
afraid to be wrong, and it didnt faze me too much when I was wrong a couple of times, mainly
because we had a good rapport and I was confident that she felt comfortable enough to correct
me. I also noticed throughout the session that I frequently matched her body position, and we had
excellent eye contact the entire time. I think my facial expressions, tone and pace of speaking
were relaxing and comfortable to her. All of this felt pretty natural to me this time, so that is a
major improvement.
One thing I need to work on is my informed consent/opening statement. It sounded like I
was nervous or didnt know what I was doing, with all the ums. Im not really sure why I did
that because I felt quite comfortable. I also didnt mean to make it sound like I was forcing her to
talk about Dustin. Her statement after my opening statement kind of makes it sound like she
didnt want to talk about it, but thats not the case at all because just before we started the
session, she firmly stated that she had a lot to talk about regarding him and that thats what she
wanted to discuss. I also gave her the option to talk about anything else if shed wanted to.
Basically, I need to work on giving my opening statements more clearly, smoothly, and
eloquently. The same goes for my ending statements, which I felt were sort of abrupt and cold
this time, even though it couldnt be helped because she had to be somewhere.
Another improvement is that my feeling vocabulary was more varied this time. I feel as
though I am getting better at identifying specific emotions that clients are feeling, rather than
always using vague words like frustrated. Nevertheless, I still need to work on this because I
did use some vague words more than once, such as upset, bothers, and confused. I was
also excited at how many times she repeated words that I had just used, because that shows that
we had established a good connection. In addition, I think it is an improvement that I was able to
synthesize information from several of her statements into one response, because this shows the
client that I have been actively listening all along and I understand how all of the information is
connected.
A major thing I still have to work on is not letting my own experiences, judgments, and
assumptions infiltrate the counseling session. For example, during her statement in block #3, I
was thinking, Yes! Many guys do get nervous when relationships get serious and that can make

them act like jerks! I so badly wanted to say this to her to try to make her feel better, but
obviously I knew better and held off. This may not have been what she was thinking at all, but
because I have had personal experience with it, thats where my mind went, and this influenced
my response. I also need to work on my blocking skills, as evidenced by my interrupting her at
this point. I really wanted to jump in there and say what I had to say, and I thought she was
finished, but it was really just a slight pause. I felt bad because my interruption might have
prevented her from saying something important.
As previously stated, another thing I need to work on is not making assumptions. For
example, in block #6, I made the assumption that Dustin mistreats Beth on most days, which
could have offended her, but she simply clarified it as going back and forth. Fortunately, this
shows that Ive improved at building a rapport to the point that she didnt seem to mind too much
that I made that assumption, and she continued to feel comfortable enough to go deeper into her
story.
Finally, withholding judgment is something that I have both improved on and need to
work on. For example, when she admitted that she had cheated on Dustin while knowing that his
behavior was influenced by the fear of that very thing happening, it was very hard for me to not
be judgmental, but I did the best I could. Im worried that I let it slip into my tone of voice a little
bit, but I tried to turn it into an empathetic tone by the end of my response in block #4, and I
made sure to keep my facial expression and body language open and relaxed so that she wouldnt
feel judged.
The same type of thing happened again in block #7 when she said that she could see
right off the bat that Dustin might be bipolar. Based on their level of education, I highly doubt
that either of them could make that diagnosis themselves, and she didnt make it sound like that
diagnosis had been made by a mental health professional. I simply disregarded this, but I
couldnt help feeling a bit of a negative reaction when she said that he yells at her after having to
call her back or be there for her. I was thinking, How can you consider it good treatment to be
yelled at and told that youre annoying? I probably should have confronted her about this
incongruence but I didnt feel confident enough to, so that is something else I should work on. I
began wondering if her self-esteem is very low and thats why shes been putting up with so
much from him. I think it is a sign of growth that I resisted the strong temptation to ask a
judgmental question such as, How much longer are you going to let this unhealthy situation go
on? I just wanted to make her see that I understand that shes attached to him but shes really
hurting herself more than anything. I could not think of an ethical way to do this, other than
reflecting and paraphrasing like I have been and hoping that shell figure out the subtle message
herself. I do see how clients can figure things out for themselves with person-centered therapy,
and this session also reaffirmed my faith that the client will answer my internal questions as long
as Im consistent and accurate in my active listening. I will continue to work on being patient
because I know it can take a long time for these things to happen.