Critical Skills and Mindsets
For the No-Drama Leader
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2016 Marlene Chism, Inc.
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Critical Skill #1
Alignment
Alignment
Conflict
Conflict
Career
Family
Conflict
Profits
People
Misalignment = Competing Priorities &
Values
Career versus family
Profits versus people
Results versus relationships
Kindness versus competitiveness
Personal versus professional
Success versus balance
Signs of Misalignment in the Workplace
Policies that are not enforced
Walk doesnt equal talk
Allowing inadequate performance
Making a promise and not keeping the promise
Not giving employees the training the need
People walking out and quitting without warning
Excessive and unwanted turnover
Critical Mindset
Harmony
Alignment = Harmony
Law of the land
Values of the organization
Personal values
Rules and cultural norms of the workplace
Other?
Whats Required?
1. Declare your values
A. Self-Examination
B. Course-correction
Declare Your Values
Honesty
Integrity
Kindness
Trying on Values
Organizational Action Items
Teach the concept of alignment to your leaders.
Use examples in No Drama Leadership to illustrate lack of
alignment.
Ask each leader to declare at least two core values.
Add alignment to personal values as part of performance
feedback.
Personal Action Items
Declare two core values.
Examine how these two values may compete.
Describe requirements of living in alignment with core values.
Describe how you feel when you are misaligned.
Critical Skill #2
Communication
Communication is...
Communication is absolutely necessary for
Sales
Negotiating
Building teams
Gaining collaboration
Learning
Setting vision
Setting goals
Building relationships
Achievement
Success
Communication is
The most important skill you will ever acquire
A skill you have total control over learning
A skill you may never fully master
A skill that is under-utilized and undervalued
Much of our communication is manipulative
and reactive.
Much of our communication is manipulative and
reactive, rather than strategic and intentional.
Manipulative and Reactive
Communication
Hinting
Eye-rolling
Heavy sighing
The silent treatment
Fake apologies
Playing dumb
Sarcasm
Avoiding
People pleasing
Intimidation
Emotional outbursts
Gossip
Finger pointing
Passive Aggressive
Critical Mindset
Communication is strategic not soft
What Do These Things Have In
Common?
Starting a new email without a warm introduction
Writing a long overly detailed email
Letting voice mail back up
Losing control of a meeting
Interrupting
Telling long winded stories with no relevance
Complaining about a boss or co-worker
Losing your temper
Telling a sales person you are interested when you are not
Making promises with no follow through
Your communication habits
become your personal brand!
Its More Strategic to
Speak truth
Give honest feedback
Ask for what you want rather than hint
Set a boundary
Say no and mean it
Keep everyone updated
Be respectful
Deal with difficult issues
Take responsibility for your emotions
Learn how to effectively use the tools of communication
Text, Email, Phone
Whats Required?
1. Self-awareness
2. A plan to improve
weaknesses
3. Practice
4. Accountability
Organizational Action Items
Make a list of communication deficits in your organization.
Put together a plan to offer communications development.
Determine how to make interpersonal communications part of
performance evaluations.
Personal Action Items
Decide on one communication skill to work on each month.
Ask a trusted colleague to tell you one area in which you can improve.
Observe others who excel in areas where you need improvement.
Practice a skill and seek feedback.
Critical Skill #3
Relationship Building
Relationships?
Relationships
Affect every area of your life
Contribute to your health and well-being
Are necessary for survival and success
Good relationships = living the dream
Bad relationships = living the drama
All Drama Has a Relationship Component
The Karpman Drama Triangle
How to Identify Rescuing Behaviors
Difficulty saying no
Resentment toward others
Hiding the truth to protect others
Control freak
Constant need to fix other peoples problems
The need to be the hero
Doing other peoples emotional work
Organizational Impact of Rescuing
Create a culture of non-performers
Enable victim mentality
Leadership burnout
How to Identify Victim Behaviors
Constant complaining
Resisting solutions and sound advice
Sense of being done wrong much of the time
Relying on parents excessively in adulthood
Negativity
Excuse-making
Low standards or unrealistic standards
Organizational Impact of Victim Behavior
Create a culture of entitlement
Employees exhibit behaviors of learned helplessness
Lowered productivity
How to Identify Persecutor Behaviors
The need to win every argument
Justifying rude behaviors
Harsh criticism/no mercy
Sarcasm
Angry outbursts
High performer but disregard for others
Passive aggressive behavior
Organizational Impact of Persecuting
Behavior
Create a culture of fear
Employees will not openly share information
Absenteeism and turnover
Critical Mindset
Creator orientation: I am a creator
Whats Required?
1.Take full responsibility for yourself
2. Super Vision versus Supervison
Organizational Action Items
Observe the patterns present in your organization
Look at policies that are in play but not enforced
Make a plan for course-correction
Put necessary systems and training in place to
Increase personal responsibility and create a learning environment.
Personal Action Items
Self-evaluate to determine the patterns you play on the triangle.
Decide where you need to implement a new boundary.
Notice how often you deny, or fail to speak truth.
Practice breaking patterns one habit at a time.
Four Reasons for Relationship Drama
Four Reasons for Relationship Drama
1. Failure to speak your highest truth
Four Reasons for Relationship Drama
2. Failure to set an appropriate boundary
Four Reasons for Relationship Drama
3. Believing you are 100 % responsible for
someone elses well-being, success or
happiness.
Four Reasons for Relationship Drama
4. Believing someone else is 100%
responsible
for your well-being, success, or
happiness.
Four Reasons for Relationship Drama
1. Failure to speak the truth
2. Failure to set an appropriate boundary
3. Believing you are 100 % responsible for someone elses
well-being, success. or happiness.
4. Believing someone else is 100% responsible for your wellbeing, success, or happiness.
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www.stopworkplacedrama.com
[email protected]
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