Secrets of Body Language
Secrets of Body Language
Body Language:
The Secret Code to
Communication!
Unconscious Nonverbal Communication
Success Without Words:
Mastering Body Language
Rita, you can say, that Kevin Hogan, author of The Psychology of
Persuasion, says that the President of the United States had some kind of
sexual relationship with Monica Lewinsky.
How did you determine that Doctuh?
I explain the whole process to her. She asks a few more questions but
she has her headline. Im the first person in the United States to say that Bill
Clinton had sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky.
Boy, I hope Im right.
By the end of the week, I was interviewed by dozens of radio stations
all over the United States. Over and over and over. The same questions, the
same analysis of the body language and the dead giveaway in impotent
denial.
Worst part was I like the President. Best part, this is going to sell some
books. Clinton will understand. Thats how you become President.
As a rule a persons body language should be similar to or congruent
with their verbal communication. You should know that I could have been
wrong about the President. Ive analyzed the former Presidents body for his
entire term in office. I have hours of the President speaking on video. (He
happens to be the finest speaker as President we have ever had and that
includes Reagan who was also a brilliant speaker.)
Had Clinton denied his indiscretion with his left hand I would have
been less inclined to authoritatively state that he did it. You can never be
absolutely certain about what another person is thinking based upon their
body language but there are definitely clues in the cues that you see. This
was a big one. Now, before we go on, I want you to take your right hand (or
your left hand if you are left handed) and say, I did not have sexual relations
with Monica Lewinsky. Now take your other hand/finger and do the same.
Do you feel the difference?
Now that you have one specific behavior understood lets look at some
of the critical body language events in meeting with your client.
Its not fair but its true: Your Physical Appearance Matters
Your body language and your physical appearance will boost you to the
top or keep you among the majority of people in the middle and bottom. You
have less than 10 seconds and realistically closer to four seconds to make a
good first impression on those you come into contact with. There is a world of
research that clearly indicates that you will be judged professionally and
personally in the first few seconds of your meeting someone for the first time.
In fact your first impression is recorded and is used as a yardstick for all
future communication by those whom you meet. Whatever that first
impression is going to be on your part, you want it to be intentional and on
purpose.
Before going any further in discussing verbal communication we better
take a look at how to really be perceived as attractive with your body
language. Most people are completely unaware of just how much their body
says and how it often contradicts what the words are saying! There are
numerous elements of what we call body language. They include your
physical features both changeable and unchangeable, your gestures and
signals that you send to others at the conscious and unconscious level and the
space that you use when communicating with others. In this module we will
touch on all of these important areas of body language.
and also are less likely to receive the blame when a student receives a failing
grade! (Romano and Bordieri 1989)
Did you know that marriage and dating decisions are often made with
great weight placed on physical attractiveness? A wide variety of research
indicates that men will often reject women who are lacking (in their opinion)
in positive physical features. Women on the other hand place less significance
on a mans physical attractiveness in considering him for a date or marriage.
(studies by R.E. Baber)
Did you know that in studies done on college campuses, it has been
proven that attractive females (attraction as perceived by the professors)
receive significantly higher grades than male students or relatively
unattractive females? (studies by J.E. Singer)
There is more evidence that shows you must make the most of what you
have physically.
Among strangers, individuals perceived as unattractive in physical
appearance are generally undesirable for any interpersonal relationship!
(studies by D. Byrne, O. London, K. Reeves)
In one significant study of 58 unacquainted men and women in a social
setting we learned that after a first date, 89% of the people who wanted a
second date decided to do so because of attractiveness of the partner! (Brislin
and Lewis)
In the persuasion process, attractive females are far more convincing
than females perceived as unattractive. (Mills and Aronson)
Among American women, the size of a womans bust is significant to how
both American men and women perceive the woman. Women with a
medium sized bust are considered to be more likable and have greater
personal appeal than women with a large or small bust. Women with a small
bust are perceived as more intelligent, competent, and moral. Women with a
large bust are generally perceived as less intelligent and less competent.
(Kleinke, Staneski, 1980)
In yet another study, we find that young men who are obese are generally
considered to be slothful and lazy. Both men and women who are obese are
generally perceived to have personality characteristics that place them at a
disadvantage in social and business settings. (Worsley, 1981)
you werent gifted with a Cindy Crawford or Tom Cruise face then its time
for you to take advantage of the exposure principle.
If you dont have the advantage of being seen time after time by a
person or a group, then you must make the most of what you have. In other
words you want to look as good as you possibly can on every given day.
Because of the significance of body image and weight you must do what you
can to keep your body weight down and your body in shape for your overall
image to be as good as it can be.
Your teeth will tell a tale as well. If your teeth are yellow and look like
you just ate, your face value is obviously greatly reduced. Do everything you
can to keep your teeth pearly white and you will be perceived as more
attractive. (Youve already seen the benefits of the perception of
attractiveness.) When you watch the news tonight on TV, look at the teeth of
every news anchor, weather person and sports announcer. They all have
beautiful white teeth. Theres a reason for that and that is positive
impression management.
Signed_________________________________________
blinking far more often than normal (and you do have to know what normal
is for each person you meet and adjust for lighting) you know they are very
probably extremely anxious and very possibly lying.
When your clients eyes blink rapidly, he may be anxious or deceiving you.
Second, if you are in conversation with someone and their eyes are easily
distracted by the goings on in the environment, this is usually a good
indicator that you havent earned the interest of your listener. In general it is
a very wise strategy for you to keep your eyes well trained on your client in
distracting environments. To constantly look around at the environment
when you are with someone else is perceived as rude. To keep eye contact
with another person instead of being distracted by extraneous activity is
considered flattering and complimentary, especially by women.
Always sit at a table so your client is not distracted. Your client should see
you and only you.
So, there you have it! You dont have to look perfect and own Trump
Towers to be incredibly attractive to the multitudes! However, you want to
take advantage of every aspect of your attractiveness that you can and later
in this book you will discover specifically what to do to really bring your best
you forward!
Its almost impossible to control the increase in pupil size that occurs
when we see something we like. This expansion is also an evolutionary
process that happens to take in more of something that is very dear to the
person. Unfortunately for the observing person, it is an uncontrollable
response.
Look at your clients eyes and you will know whether they like you or not.
agreement from those people. They nod their heads, lean forward, show
interest, smile, and everyone in the audience sees how much fun they are
having. In groups, head nods are like a virus. Once one person nods his head
almost everyone does!
I receive all of this positive feedback, in part, because I dont just look at
faces in an audience. It is because I look at the eyes of dozens of people in the
audience and find the biggest pupils I can locate! These searches are like a
treasure hunt that always has a pot of gold at the end. If I can do this with an
audience of 50 or 100, can you imagine how easy this is to do in a smaller
group at a party or in a public place? Start paying attention to the eyes that
are looking at you.
You may wonder, What if you are wrong? What if those eyes are just big
because they are among the women whose eyes are normally large? Then
arent you just fooling yourself into believing that all of those women are
attracted to you? My response is, Of course. When you hallucinate, it should
always be something that increases your self- esteem and self- confidence!
Well talk about how your beliefs and self- confidence effect your
attractiveness elsewhere in this book!
A little while back there was a fascinating study which revealed that
when you show two pictures of the same woman to a man, the man will
perceive the picture of the woman with the biggest pupils to be significantly
more attractive. Many magazine cover editors know this and actually touch
up the cover picture. Obviously in the bright light of a photographers studio
the subjects pupils would be very small. Because of the importance of pupil
size and attraction, the models pupils are enlarged to be much larger than
they possibly could be. This makes the final picture irresistible to the
magazine purchaser. We simply love people with big eyes!
Men desperately want eye contact with women. Men gauge the interest of
a woman by her eye contact. Men are very competitive and territorial when it
comes to women looking at other men. They see this as a sign that the
woman is no longer interested in them, or that the interest is fading.
Therefore, if a woman wants to continue to make a good impression with her
male client, the woman needs to maintain steadfast eye contact. A mans self
esteem will crumble if a woman begins to observe all the other males in the
environment.
On the other hand, we can safely predict that if we have the full attention
of the one we are with, they hold us in esteem to some degree. There is no
other indicator that is as powerful as eye contact that can show interest in
another person. Our eyes unconsciously and automatically move toward that
which interests or arouses us. We all know that and we all judge our value in
some part by the response we receive from other people. The eye contact we
give and receive is just the beginning of the sales process.
Its interesting to note that people with blue eyes are more demanding of
eye contact than people with brown eyes. It is quite easy for us to look at a
2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved
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No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.
person with blue eyes and see the size of their pupils. When they expand and
contract it is evident. The person with blue eyes is used to people looking at
them for an extended amount of time, in part, because of the contrast
between their blue eyes and black pupils. The contrast can be striking at an
unconscious level.
People with brown eyes on the other hand are used to other people
looking away more rapidly because at the unconscious level it appears that
the person with brown eyes is not as interested in them! The brown eyes
present a weaker contrast to the black pupils. It often appears at the
unconscious level that those brown eyes are not interested in us! Therefore
we tend to look away from the person with brown eyes when in fact they may
have been very interested in us!
When the person you are attracted to has brown eyes you must pay more
attention to their eyes to see the contrast between the black and the brown.
What seemed to be an uninterested person may be someone who is actually
quite excited about you!
Confirming our beliefs about the value of eye contact in selling yourself is
an attraction study that was done some years ago. People watched films of a
couple that communicated with each other in two distinct ways. The first film
showed a couple that had eye contact during 80% of their communication.
The second film showed a couple that had eye contact 15% of the time. The
observers of the films rated the couples that had eye contact 15% of the time
as cold, cautious, submissive, evasive, defensive and immature (among
others). The observers of the films whose couples had eye contact 80% of the
time described the people in the film as mature, friendly, self confident,
sincere and natural.
Gazing into someones eyes is much more than just something special for
the two engaging in the eye behavior. It is a clear signal to the rest of the
world. These people like each other!
Having carefully watched the President for almost 7 years, I was familiar
with his every facial expression and body posture. President Clinton certainly
was the most charismatic president since John Kennedy. His ability to excite
an audience and win over people who disagreed with him is legendary. He is
an outstanding speaker who thrives on being in the limelight. There were
however two speeches and the famous grand jury testimony where the
President was not his usual charismatic self. On these three occasions he was
uncomfortable about the deception he needed to partake in. The first was
when he shook his right finger at the world and said, I did not have sex with
that woman, Monica Lewinsky. The next was during the grand jury
testimony where he was videotaped from the White House. The third was the
speech he gave that very evening, after the grand jury testimony, when he
offered his regret for being involved in the situation. On these three
occasions his eyes gave him away as being deceptive. The one speech that I
want to share information with you about is the speech where he apologized
for his behavior.
For 7 years I have watched the President communicate with the country
and even though has been called Slick Willie, his body language has rarely
indicated any internal discomfort with what he communicated to the public.
In this particular apology speech however, his anxiety, fear and deception
cures were very high.
When I watch someone to see if they are being deceptive, I look to the
eyes for important cues. I want to especially know how many eye blinks per
minute a person experiences in contrast to when they are telling the truth.
For 7 years President Clintons eye blink pattern is that of about 7-12
blinks per minute. That is very normal. During the apology speech however
his eye blinking was recorded at 70 per minute! What that means is that on
some level, the President was being deceptive in his communication.
Once eye irritants like contact lenses and allergies are ruled out, the only
internal experience that will cause eyes to blink at that pace is the experience
of anxiety normally associated with deception.
You should know that some people have eyes that never blink and a
small number of people have eye tics that just wont stop blinking. On
average though, a person will blink from 7-15 times per minute. When a
person is being deceptive their eyes will blink 5-12 times that pace. Like
pupil dilation, controlling eye blinks is very difficult if not impossible. Take a
moment right here and now. Simply try and keep your eyes open for 30
seconds without blinking. Its not easy is it? Now heres another experiment
for you to do. Stare at a friend for 30 seconds. No blinking is allowed.
It is very difficult to stop your eyes from blinking! If you are in
conversation where someone is telling you about something, and suddenly
you notice a big jump in the number of eye blinks per minute, you can safely
bet there is some deceptive behavior going on somewhere in what they are
saying!
2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved
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No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.
The eyes may or may not be the windows to the soul but they certainly
are strongly linked to the emotions and the entire make up of the brains
responses to other people.
In general, all of our studies show that most colognes and perfumes are a
biological turn off to the opposite sex. There are minor exceptions, but there are
no scents that you can wear to enhance sales compliance.
Scents are powerful in the selling process and if you have clients
coming to your office you should contact the authors for a special
consultation. The science of aromachology has revealed that certain scents
cause people to spend more money, take more time in stores, relax, feel more
erotic and a plethora of behavioral changes from arousal to helping attitudes.
In the sales process, outside of your home office, you, the sales professional
need to be scentless. If you wear deodorant, buy one that is scentless.
Numerous studies show that men will reject women based on what
they perceive as deficiencies in the womans appearance. (In the realm of
interpersonal relations, women are more interested in money than men,
showing some practicality but continuing the thread of superficiality in this
Mind Access Point!)
Many elements of your physical appearance are genetic and are not
going to change. You cant grow two more inches and you cant change the
shape of your face. There is much you can do to enhance your perceived
physical attractiveness. Here are the keys to your appearance for both men
and women. Follow these 20 tips and you wont be pulling the negative
response Mind Access strings in your clients mind.
1) Women: Never dress suggestively. Research shows that you will get
a longer interview but you will make fewer sales. Dressing suggestively pulls
out an entirely different set of Mind Access strings to be pulled. Low cut
blouses and shirts are out. Mini-skirts are out.
2) Women: If your wedding ring is large and you are going to be seeing
women, take it off and put your band on instead. A large wedding ring
reduces sales. Women outwardly express their excitement about a large
wedding ring but it is perceived as a negative for numerous reasons. Your
sales will go down if your wedding ring is significantly larger than that of
your clients.
3) Women: If your fingernails are more than 1/2 long cut them and
you will increase your sales. Long fingernails are perceived negatively by
men and women in the sales process.
4) Men and Women: If your fingernails look like anything but clean
and well rounded fingernails, get a manicure. Your fingers are the one area
that both men and women can be turned off at. A sales professional has nice
looking hands.
5) Men and Women: If you wear glasses, normally smaller glasses are
appropriate. You are normally better off making sales presentations wearing
contact lenses if they do not irritate your eyes too much. Glasses rarely make
sales and often break them.
6) Men and Women: Your weight will make or break sales. If you are
more than 20% over normal, you lose credibility in the sales process. Begin a
program of eating right and activity to reduce your waistline. Thinner people
sell more. Period.
7) Men: Facial hair reduces sales in almost all cases. If you are a man
and have a beard you should cut it now. There are no men with beards in the
top 100 sales professionals. If you have a mustache, ask men and women for
their opinion. Some men appear to look better with a mustache, but in
general, all facial hair reduces sales.
8) Men and Women: Ear and nose hair can create feelings of disgust in
many of your clients. If you look in the mirror and you see ear or nose hair,
cut it and keep it cut.
9) Women: Makeup that is lightly applied is not distracting. If your
make up is heavy, you will lose sales. The closer to natural you appear, the
better.
2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved
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10) Men and Women: Teeth. Teeth should be white, flossed and clean
before you meet any client. If your teeth are stained, get them cleaned.
Yellowed teeth lose sales.
11) Men: Hair Length. If your hair length goes beyond covering the
back of your neck you will lose sales. Long hair can feel good and even look
good, but, it isnt taken seriously. Decide whether you want to make all the
sales you want to or whether you need your hair long.
12) Men and Women: Dress like your clients dress... plus 10%. If you
see conservative clients, dress very conservatively. If you are selling to casual
clients you will dress dressy casual.
13) Men and Women: When wearing suit coats, nothing goes in the
outer pocket except a spotless and perfectly fitted handkerchief. No pens, no
calculators. Nothing else goes in the suit coat outer pocket.
14) Men and Women: Your shoes should be shiny and looking new.
15) Men and Women: Jewelry. Men should wear nothing other than a
watch and a wedding band. Women should wear nothing more than a watch,
a wedding ring or band, a thin necklace and a pin. Earrings that are small for
women are acceptable but they should not distract. Earrings for men are
always out. No earrings are permissible for men. You will lose sales.
16) Men and Women: You should be showered every morning and have
your hair conservatively and neatly in place before every sales call.
17) Men: Unless you absolutely must, your briefcase should be no
larger than a case that will hold two copies of the Encyclopedia Britannica.
18) Women: A large purse is out. Never bring a large purse on a sales
call with you. If you do, you will look disorganized. Bring a trim purse with
whatever essentials you need during the day. Everything else can stay in the
car or your desk at the office.
19) Men: Your suit should fit properly. With your coat buttoned, take
your fist and place it between your belly button and the coat. It should
comfortably touch both. If you cant squeeze your fist comfortably between
your stomach and your coat, your coat is too small.
20) Men: Your pants should touch the bridge on your shoes. They
should not run on the ground or be raised high up on your socks. They need
to touch your shoes or get them altered. Anything unusual costs you sales
2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved
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No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.
Do I Walk Funny?
Many people do. When I (KH) moved from the Chicago area to a small
rural town in Minnesota in my senior year of high school, I learned this
lesson the hard way. I had won a role in a play called, The Crucible as the
Reverend Hale. It was a wonderful role for the young person that I was.
Unfortunately, I didnt walk normally and my posture was terrible. I had a
bit of a swagger and my shoulders bounced as I walked. It was cute, to
some, but it was a sign of bad posture and needed correcting.
The dramas director, John Fogarty, needed his Reverend to walk with
an air of confidence and not a Chicago shuffle. He decided he would tie fivepound weights to each of my ankles. Now that may not seem like a lot of
weight but imagine a half of a gallon of milk tied to each of your ankles. It
slows you down and straightens you up. I had to wear these weights all day
for six weeks. At the end of the six weeks I walked upright and not like the
Cro-Magnon man I had become accustomed to.
In life we all play roles. We play the roles of parents and spouses. We
play the roles of volunteers and business people. As a salesperson, you play
the most important role of all. You play the role of a person who literally
helps the world go around.
When you are walking, you should be walking as if a big hand was
scooting you along by putting pressure on your butt to go forward. This is an
important first step to improved posture. Practice walking around the house
as if a big hand was pushing you gently and slowly forward by scooting your
butt forward. That will help you with your walk and your posture. The
alternative is the weights...and that is a lot of work.
Strategic Movement?
The most powerful nonverbal process you can use with an audience
that must determine as a group to buy or not buy your products or
services is that of strategic movement. Other sales trainers call similar
strategies spatial anchoring. Both are applicable and here is what strategic
movement is all about.
Do you remember Johnny Carson? He was the host of the Tonight
Show for almost 30 years before Jay Leno took over in the 1990s. Each night
that Johnny came out he stood on a small star, which marked exactly where
he was supposed to stand. It was the best spot on the entire stage for camera
angles, connecting with the audience and because of the curtain back drop,
we knew without seeing Johnnys face that he was there and not a guest host,
who would stand on a different star.
The only thing Johnny ever did from this specific location was make
people laugh. He didnt wander around the stage and tell his jokes. He stood
right there and made people laugh. There were many nights when Johnny
literally could just stand on his star and people would laugh. That is spatial
anchoring. Audience laughter was anchored (conditioned to) Johnnys
standing on his star.
When I (KH) first visited NBC in 1984, I thought it was fascinating
that only Johnny stood on that star. At the time I thought it was an ego trip
or some bit of arrogance on the part of Carson. How wrong I was. I knew
nothing at that time of spatial anchoring and strategic movement.
When you are called on to make your sales presentation in front of a
group, you are on stage. You are the star. You will want to select three
specific points on the stage, or in the meeting room from which to speak.
Each of these points is a specific location and not an approximate area. Point
A is your podium. Podiums and lecterns are used by teachers and
preachers. Therefore, the podium (point A) will always be used only to relay
factual information to your audience.
You will choose a point to your left about four feet from your podium
that you will deliver all of the bad news discussed in your presentation. (You
cant make many sales without painting a vivid picture about how bad things
will get if the corporation doesnt hire you.) The bad news point, is point B
and you will only talk about problems and anything that is going to be
2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved
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No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.
Body Language:
29 Points to Make A Great Impression!
The right side is where you make the best impression.
Pupils dilate when they are interested in what they see.
Rapid eye blinks often mean anxiety and deception.
Forward leaning is a sign of liking.
Eye contact when it isnt necessary is almost always a good sign.
70% eye contact is just about right in the USA.
Your body weight sends a message.
Your hairstyle speaks volumes.
Hairpieces usually indicate insecurity.
Rapport begins by matching physiology.
Women feel comfortable when men are just a bit below eye level.
Women feel comfortable when you are straight across from them.
Men feel comfortable when you are at a 90-degree angle from
them.
Touch is a sign of liking.
Nod your head. It unconsciously affirms your client.
Look out for leakage: A sure sign of nervousness.
The nose usually engorges when the person is deceptive.
Dress to the situation is appropriate.
Radical dress means the person is making a statement. What?
Spatial anchoring is a powerful non-verbal communication tool.
The people who sit in Mom and Dads chairs are looked to for
assurance.
The person sitting next to the person standing up has no power.
People in rapport tend to synchronize together.
Physical attractiveness means more than we wish it would.
Blue-eyed people expect to be looked at more than others.
Scents of vanilla are considered positive in the USA.
Our face value goes up with each exposure!
Negative emotions are usually triggered on the right side of the
brain.
Smile. Its tough to resist a sincere smile.
Conclusion:
This manual and the accompanying CD can change
your life and how people perceive you IF you will
simply follow the recommendations and prove to
yourself the power of how a body can
communicate/respond unconsciously to men and
women in various situations.
Take the lessons you learn and your own personal
research projects so you can test the results for
yourself!
Begin to watch people in different settings. Look
for head nods and bodies leaning forward or back.
Make predictions about what will happen next in
other people's encounters so you become a master
of your own!
Arnolds thumbs-up sign is a bit awkward not the usual thumbs-up sign, so
perhaps he is putting on a bit of a show. But, he is sending a positive message.
These are two people, very much in love who have a different agenda for the
day. The mix of business and pleasure is obvious from the body language point
of view. Both are going well. She appreciates the crowd more than Arnold and
she appreciates Arnold, at this moment more than he does her.
What can you learn? Go back to Maria's smile. See those two lines that go back
to her ears? When the smile is genuine (with the vast majority of people), you
see those lines go back to people's ears and you see two or more. The more the
better.
This couple is happy and nothing is likely to get in their way.
My Notes:
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Photo 2 - Chelsea Clinton and Boyfriend.
This is a very interesting picture of the former President's daughter. Again, a
snapshot in time. First the boyfriend. Notice where his hands are. They aren't up
in the air, they are "holding the ceiling up." Generally when a man does this kind
of "Samson" gesture (holding/pushing the pillars) you can read it as an
intentional show of strength (which usually actually means quite the opposite!)
Next look at his eyes. They are looking right down at his....correct. What he is
seeing is anybody's guess but his facial expression indicates he is pleased with
it...
We can only guess what is happening in this picture. Are they beginning to
dance? Is she trying to get past him? Are they standing still? If shes trying to get
past him, she seems comfortable with him as we know that women wont try and
pass by a man shes not comfortable with chest-first, she will turn the other
direction to pass by.
Chelsea is close to this young man...but not as close as you might suspect given
the depth perspective of the photo. Her eyes do NOT attend to her boyfriend but
something/someone else off to the side. She also (in this snapshot in time) does
not actually touch her boyfriend and that is interesting.
She appears happy and yet uncomfortable with the setting. A bit shy for this
really now outgoing girl. Perhaps because of the camera in her face? You can't
tell but the overall chemistry plays out like this. Samson and a distant Delilah.
There is no talking going on between the bodies and although it appears they
have fun together on some levels, this looks short-term from this moment in time
forward. A full body shot would have added a great deal to the context. Her smile
is genuine. Notice the lines...
My Notes:
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The affectionate touch to the stomach like Maria did is nowhere to be found. Tom
clearly is very fond of this lass. Her smile is a combination of the prefrontal and
limbic. Only one line usually means that there is some "truth" in the smile but not
joy or happiness. The young ladies rear end is far too far back there for her to be
feeling intimate toward Tom who appears that he could ignore his outdoor
surroundings at any moment and....well yes.
My Notes:
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Photo 6 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
We all now know the story about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, who have since
split. I analyzed these photos during the period of time when they were together,
and engaged.
Ben has his right arm around J. Lo. You can see all 4 of his fingers, and indeed,
his thumb. This is a sign of possession. This is usually a good sign for a
relationship. You cannot see his other hand, though. It is buried in his pocket, or
behind his back. A man might do this in an uncomfortable situation.
2004 Kevin Hogan All Rights Reserved
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No portion of this manual may be reproduced without express written consent of the author.
Jennifer Lopez has never been one to be shy about exposing skin, so instead of
looking at the cleavage, lets observe the hair. It is done up nice an effort
showing her awareness of being on display. Eyes? Both of them show boredom.
Two people here are holding onto one another, but are moving different
directions. They seem to like each other, but probably have a stormy relationship.
She seems to be Bens equal in this photo as far as status, and appeal. This is
not always good for a relationship.
My Notes:
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Photo 7 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
Their hands here are interlocked, not just holding hands. This is the sign of a
close bond between two people.
They are walking the red carpet. The expression on his face shows a sort of
mask with no positive emotions. His eyes seem to dart to the right in a survival
mode type of action. He is standing erect, not showing any emotion.
She is pretty comfortable here. The two never seem to make eye contact with
each other. They do seem to touch a lot, but not face to face. She is fairly
comfortable, holding a purse. Bens other arm is comfortable dropped alongside
his body.
I am seeing two sets of signals from Ben partly relaxed from the arm hanging
limp, but the erect body says, Im not comfortable Im ready for danger! They
are under the camera lights, that is for sure. He is not stressed, but at the same
time, not all that comfortable either. The expressions on their faces show neutral
to negative.
My Notes:
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Photo 8 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
Its impossible to tell if they are touching in this photo, as it is not a full body shot.
You see some lines on Bens head here, almost like a frown. His eyebrows are
kind of low. You see that when a person is more contemplative. You couldnt
paint a straighter line on a persons face than the perfectly straight line Bens lips
make. What does this mean? He is uncomfortable or unhappy in some way.
Jen has a sort of condescending smile. When you see no lines a persons face,
there is not much of a genuine smile. These two barely seem to have any
awareness of each other here. Not a good sign for a relationship.
My Notes:
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Photo 9 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
This photo was taken within probably a few minutes or seconds of the top photo
on the page. Jen here is the consummate model. She is the object here of
everyones attention. She is not showing being in the moment.
This is the first time Ive seen Ben look at her. Here he looks down into her
cleavage. But, not into her face. All four of his fingers and thumb are around her
waist. There is no real connection between the two except the touching. They
seem here, too, to be going in different directions.
What I told the media that day was that this couple would not last.
My Notes:
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Photo 12 Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
In this photo, Ben is finally looking at his girl. He is probably a man who has
trouble sharing his emotions. He again has a hand in his pocket. Hes giving her
only a tiny smile. She gives him a full smile back. These two do not have the
same level of investment in this relationship. Who is the boss? He is. He is
always holding her hand or having it around her. He gives little feedback to her.
She is deeply in love, but disappointed with his level of reciprocation.
My Notes:
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Her face is neutral. There are no smile lines. She may be content to be there, but
not necessarily happy. Shes moving fast, and hes not. Shes leaning forward,
and her left hand, which is interwoven with his right hand, is bending backward.
He has a little grin on his face. Its hard to read a face with a beard. Hes looking
down at the hand, and seems in tow.
His belt buckle is about 4 inches to the right of center. This may give us some
clue as to the type of activity that may have been taking place prior to the picture
being taken.
My Notes:
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I would predict strongly that they really like each other a great deal. Notice how
the legs move symmetrically in opposition to each other up to the waist. Switch
over to the other leg, and notice how they are identically bent.
This couple shows a great predictor of future long-term marriage.
My Notes:
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Photo 21 Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford .
Notice that the teeth are exposed with Franks forced smile and hes trying hard
to appear happy. Kathie Lee is draping herself around Frank. She has a big grin
on her face, but its also not a genuine smile. Shes trying to make things appear
okay.
This is not a genuinely happy pair. They do not have the symmetry that other
couples weve seen have. This is fake happiness.
My Notes:
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Photo 22 Kelly Ripa and Husband .
They are not looking at the same thing. The man is looking significantly off to his
left. She is looking to his right. He is well dressed, very sharp. He has no frown
lines, and his eyebrows are not high. He may be tired. At best, content. He has a
closed-mouth smile. A lot of men smile this way. This means they are trying not
to appeartoo something. Too happy? Too content?
His fingers are grabbing around her. Whats the telltale sign of this picture?
Thats right, the hand to his chest. She has strong feelings for this man. Her face
is happy and content. Again with the closed mouth smile. This couple is
mirroring each other. There have been very few pictures of closed mouth smiles
that weve seen in this program. When we have the two here in the picture with
both closed mouth smiles it shows great symmetry.
They are both more comfortable with each other than they are with the crowd
surrounding them.
My Notes:
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Photo 23 Kobe Bryant and Wife .
Kobe got into trouble and was accused of rape. We dont know what the outcome
of that matter will be at press time. He has very high eyebrows. He has lips that
are straight across, neither a smile nor a frown. That could be intentional. On his
left hand he has a big wedding ring. He also wears bracelets on the left and a
chain around his neck. People wear things that mean something to them when
they have the ability to choose something this special.
She is wearing a stylish hat, one eye covered. Her lips are pursed together.
Notice the pressure on the purse shes holding up. If she were comfortable here
with Kobe, her hand would probably be down, or up even with his stomach.
She is sharing with us her well-proportioned body, comfortable with doing that,
perhaps an unconscious move against Kobe, revealing how she feels.
You see nothing to connect them as a couple in any way.
My Notes:
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This is a nice picture of two people who sincerely like each other. He has little
chicken marks on his left cheek, revealing his happiness. His eyebrows are
significantly above his eyes. Hes done this before.
Shes wearing a wedding ring on her left hand. Her left hand is up on his
shoulder. Her cheek is sort of sitting on his shoulder. Very sweet. Shes leaning
very much into him. She cares very much about him, and him her. They will
probably remain married a long time.
My Notes:
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Photo 26 Nicole Kidman.
The media wanted to know why Nicole Kidman tends to strike this pose. She is
wearing a fairly revealing outfit here. Her hair is back. It is an attention getting
style. She is posing in a style, which she believes is sexy. She has an open
mouth smile, but it is not genuine. Shes really good at this kind of plastic smile,
but it doesnt look plastic or faked.
She reveals her left leg and the interesting thing is that both her hands are in
front of her. Notice her right hand covers her left hand where her wedding ring
used to be. She may be covering up her sadness. She is perhaps embarrassed
that she has lost her marriage.
She does have an out there look with the dress and the leg poking out. She is
not behaving as a married woman here, and she indeed no longer is.
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My Notes:
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Photo 27 Madonna and Guy Ritchie.
This woman looks extremely bored. However, her eyebrows are high, so she has
some level of contentment. She may be extremely tired. Her lips are straight, her
face smooth. Very little movement. Shes wearing her shirt unbuttoned, but a
jacket on top, presenting a more conservative image.
He is leaning down to kiss her. Notice the pressure, his nose is squished against
her face. His hand is directly around her waist. But look at the opposition they
have. Shes facing away from him. He plants a kiss on her cheek. He has color in
his face, and she doesnt. It is probably a kiss with happiness and contentment in
it on his part. But, she is not returning the feeling.
If this were to happen on a continuous basis, this relationship wouldnt last long.
My Notes:
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Photo 28 Cynthia Nixon.
Why would someone stand like this, leaning so far to one side? The media
wanted to know why she so often strikes this pose.
The bigger context is that she is on a show with several women who are quite
attractive Sex and the City. Here she is dressed in a not so flattering outfit. Her
dress goes all the way down to her ankles almost. As you look at her eyes, the
eyebrows are low, lips straight across. She is posing for a picture, so this is the
best shes going to give in this situation.
When shes on television, she does not necessarily have this tilt to her body. It
only seems to come out in posed situations. It may be an unconscious effort on
her part to say that shes not trying to be a sex symbol and she doesnt quite fit
in, and she knows it. She is not trying to compete with the other girls on the
show.
My Notes:
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Photo 29 Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin.
Like the photo of Kate Winslet and her boyfriend, these two are sort of bent into
each other. They seem to be mirroring each other. The symmetry is complete.
This indicates that indeed they are very close to each other. Notice that to her
right is about 6 or 8 inches of space that she could be using to sit, but she is
closer to him. His elbow rests on the arm of the bench.
She has her straw in her mouth and is looking at his eyes. She doesnt care what
hes looking at or paying attention to. She has a huge genuine smile, with lots of
lines. These two genuinely like each other and are in for good things in their
relationship.
My Notes:
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Photo 30 Pamela and Tommy Lee.
This is a posed photo. Pam is spilling out of her scoop neck outfit. It is done in a
bedroom, and shes having fun. She doesnt have that big smile on her face, but
she is happy in the moment. Her hand is reaching up to his left hand. That is a
telling sign of liking. Tommy Lee sort of drapes himself across her. It is a tender
touch where his hand is almost grabbing hers but so soft. That is a tender
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gesture of love. He is very happy with her as you can see by the smile lines. He
has question mark wrinkles on his forehead. He is wondering something. It
could be anything, but we know hes curious about something.
Pam and Tommy Lee. Stormy life in this picture they are two happy people.
My Notes:
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Photo 31 Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.
She has a partially genuine smile. You see some smile lines. His smile is more
joyous as he looks at her. Eyes are wide, shes attentive, and the eyebrows are
high, but not high enough to cause wrinkles. Its a bit of a pose.
He is so happy this smile is extremely genuine. You can see the smile line
going all the way back. You can almost see the bottom teeth. The angle and the
way he looks at her are admiring. These two will stay together.
My Notes:
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Photo 32 Reece Witherspoon and Husband.
Reece is very in touch with the people in the crowd. Her right hand is not only
holding up her shawl, but its curled back in to her. Its a look at me gesture.
She has a genuine smile and erect body. Shes happy, in charge, and in control.
He on the other hand is not dressed appropriate to what she is wearing.
Photo 33 Reece Witherspoon and Husband.
Shes pregnant and happy about it. She has a beautiful genuine smile.
His left hand is curling all the way around her. Clearly the stage is hers. Hes
looking at her. He is dressed much nicer than the previous picture.
If he can handle her being the star of the show, perhaps they can be a happy
couple. If the photo above is an indicator of how life is for the most part, there
could be trouble.
My Notes:
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End CD
One of the things youve started to discover while analyzing body language is
that there is a lot of deception that happens in communication non-verbally, even
as you are analyzing liking. We dont have the opportunity to tell the truth in every
situation. Weve seen people who didnt really want to be at events, or maybe
didnt want to be with the person they were with.
You cant cover up everything. You just cant do it. Deception and liking go hand
in hand. Whether a person is trying to cover up how much they really like
somebody, or how much they really dont like somebody, there is the attempt to
cover up. There are other areas of deception as well, as we shall see in other
photos and discussions.
Photo 34 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver.
This is a very secure event. The person behind Arnold has a gun, and is dressed
in a security uniform. In looking at Arnold, you see his eyes are looking directly
at his wife. On his left cheek, you see a set of three lines on his face that indicate
a real smile. You can see his bottom teeth.
His left hand is reaching up toward her. He is focused on her and not the crowd.
Her face looks caught between pictures. Its hard to analyze in this state. Her
neck is kind of tight in the picture. It could be a sign of stress.
The neck is a very revealing part of the body. It is absolutely impossible to control
this area. You cant control the coloration here, if veins pop out, etc. You can tell
when a persons mood is changing by looking at the color of skin at the neck and
face. You may know before they even do that emotions are changing if you pay
attention!
Its a good thing for them as a couple you feel warmth toward the wife coming
from him.
My Notes:
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Photo 35 Roseanne Arnold and Man.
This couple has since broken up. Would you have been able to guess it here?
You see his arm around his girl, and you see a thumbs up sign from him. His
hand comes all the way around her. As you look at his face, you see a genuinely
happy man.
Hes looking at the same spot she is. It is a little unusual. When two people are
attentive to the same stimulus, you can compare how they react. His face is
happy, giving the thumbs up. Roseanne is looking at the same location. Her
eyebrows are high above her eyes. She is interested. She has straight lips. She
is, at the most, tolerating this moment. She likes to have her picture taken, and
she likes to be interviewed, so this seems unusual for her. Her cheeks are
flaccid. Both arms are straight down almost like a doll. Shes holding a most
unique purse - a huge heart. As you look at this you see two people looking at
the same thing, responding very differently. You would not see good things for
this couple.
My Notes:
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Photo 36 Russell Crow and Wife.
His eyes are squinting; hes possibly very sensitive to the light. There is a huge
crowd; it may be very loud in the background. Theres a lot of activity, with people
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trying to get autographs, etc. His eyebrows are almost straight across. His
cheeks are up; hes got the 2 lines. The beard masks his face a bit. You sense by
looking at him that hes happy. His right hand is interlocked with the woman. He
has no ring on his left hand.
With her, if you were to take a line, you could put a straight line from eyebrow to
eyebrow. There is no sign of interest here in what shes looking at. Her eyes are
very large. If you were able to see her pupils and they were dilated, youd be able
to tell if she likes what shes looking at, but we are unable to detect that here.
Russell has erect, straight posture. Shes holding a purse or camera with her
right hand and it is wrapped around and around her wrist. Shes not very secure
about that purse. Shes holding onto Russells hand. You see two people
responding to stimuli in the same way.
My Notes:
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Photo 37 Shania Twain and Mutt Lange.
She loves to be in the limelight and shes married to a recluse. She has her left
hand up on her hip. Shes carrying a small purse in the traditional way. Shes not
all that happy. Why? Most people dont put their hand on their hip when walking.
What do you feel when you do that? Defiance.
He does not want to be there, and is very uncomfortable. This is a candid shot.
Hes six or eight feet behind her. He is not taking care of her in this situation, it
seems his discomfort has taken precedence for him.
My Notes:
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Photo 38 Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw.
Her hand is on his stomach. That is the sign of what? Love and deep caring. He
is dressed very nicely. This seems to be a formal occasion, outdoors maybe in
California there are palm trees.
I dont sense happiness from him. There are no smile lines, and no teeth
showing. He gives only a neutral expression.
If you look at her, you can see the smile lines around her face. Like her husband,
her lips are closed, and no teeth, but you see the genuine lines indicating a real
smile. Shes reserved yet has her shirt unbuttoned quite low.
Shes positioned at 3 oclock; hes at 12 oclock. Shes facing him. His arm is
around her. Hes showing some affection toward his wife with his arm wrapped
around her. They have probably been married a long time, and probably will
remain so.
My Notes:
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Photo 39 Bruce Springsteen and Patti Scialfa.
They both have lots of clothes on in this candid shot. You notice that Springsteen
has his arm around his wife, much like a young man would have his arm around
his girlfriend. He seems proud of her.
You see genuine smile lines on his face. Notice his left foot facing toward her. It
remains facing toward her even though for the picture he needs to face his body
the other direction. This indicates closeness between the two of them.
She has a nice smile, lots of lines and bottom teeth showing. These are people
happy together and in love.
My Notes:
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Michaels arm is wrapped around her, and you can barely see his fingers there at
her waist. They are facing toward each other. He is bored. She is the focal point.
This couple has an equal relationship as far as power is concerned. Their
relationship will probably go a long way.
My Notes:
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Photo 42 Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.
This couple is in an embrace and someone tries to get their attention. They both
look over and give a bit of attention, but neither lets go of the other. You see his
fingers interlocked with each other as he holds her. This is unusual for a couple,
especially in a public place. They have a very strong bond, and probably a very
passionate relationship.
He seems to be encircling and protecting her with his embrace. You see in his
eyes a person being observant, and a bit of possessiveness. With her, she has a
bit of a pre-frontal smile which you can tell from the lines on her face. She may
not be happy in the context of the picture, but is happy with her partner here.
My Notes:
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Photo 43 Tobey McGuire and Girlfriend.
The woman is wrapped up into Tobey. He is looking past his girl. She has her
eyes closed. They are in a stadium, and no one is paying any attention to them.
She has the face of attraction. Her eyes are just about closed. Her lips are the
closest things to his face. You see total surrender on her face. What do you see
with her hand? She is grasping for him, tightly. But, he is looking past her.
My Notes:
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Photo 44 Tobey McGuire and Girlfriend.
This is indoors in a poorly lit area, but the photo is very clear. Look for
inconsistencies when you look at body language. When two people are exuding
such different energy, there is a problem to observe.
He is looking down, away from her. His lips are turned down. The expression is
disgust or disappointment. Some kind of upset.
When you see a persons hand go up to a neck or ear, it is a sign of discomfort or
deception. You may say, Well, she could just be itching. That is also true.
His eyebrows are tilted down. But, she seems interested in what shes looking at.
Her eyebrows are high up. Her smile is totally plastic not one line. This is a
pretend smile augmented by the fact that she has her hand up, and scratching
her neck. If I were to try and define a relationship by this picture I would say
this is a very bad day for them.
My Notes:
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Photo 45 Angelina Jolie and Son.
You cannot tell anything from her eyes, but she is looking at her son. She has a
downward tilting gaze, a sign of concern. She is holding tight to her precious
child here. Her right hand goes under his arm. The other arm goes all the way
around. She has a large vein visible on her left arm.
This is a mother who really wants her baby to be secure.
My Notes:
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Photo 46 Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
The context is a crowd with jeans, hats, baseball caps an event that has Demi
seeming very out of place. He is carrying something in his hand, partially
concealed. She is leading him by the hand.
She is relatively unaware of him. She is carrying a large purse. This may be a
sign of insecurity, or a need to be prepared. Zoom in on her face and you will see
an annoyed expression. Her eyebrows are close to her eyes; she seems very
focused on moving to an outcome.
Ashton has a slight smile, and is being led like a puppy dog.
My Notes:
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Photo 47 Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.
This photo is taken some time later than the photo above. Ashton is closer to her
this time, yet still behind her. Ashton has a devilish grin, as does Demi. Its hard
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to tell what the two of them are doing behind her with their hands but its
probably playful and flirty.
Women typically do not carry their purse on the same side as the person they are
with. She chose to carry her purse on the side Ashton is on.
She is looking off to her right. He is looking down at something different.
We have not seen a picture of Ashton in front yet. When we do, perhaps this
relationship will have a long-term chance.
My Notes:
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Photo 48 Courtney Cox and David Arquette.
David Arquette is standing straight up and down at 12 oclock and she is standing
at 1 oclock. He has dark sunglasses on. His right hand is not interlocking
Courtneys fingers. This is not a sign of closeness or love. If you look at his left
hand, he is carrying a bag/purse. He is facing her. Both of his feet surround her
and he is at 3 oclock, she is at the 12 clock position. If you look at her face, she
has straight lips. The eyebrows are not interested. There is a little line on the
right hand side of her face. She is carrying a piece of paper in her hand. I sense
that they posed for the picture to be kind. I see nothing that reveals any strength
in their relationship.
My Notes:
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Photo 49 Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith.
There are huge lines on her face extending all the way back on her face. This is
a magnificent happy smile. Look at how high the eyebrows are. You see
discoloration on her hands perhaps a skin disorder? She has him captive.
He has many lines on his face, showing a genuine smile, also. Make the same
gesture with your hand as he is making. He seems to be saying, How do I get
out of this? but in a playful way.
My Notes:
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Photo 50 Beyonce Knowles and Boyfriend.
He has an arm around his girl like a teenager would. She is wearing a tight and
sexy shirt. He may have an issue with that he appears unhappy. These two
people are both looking at the photographer. There are inconsistencies in how
they react to the same stimulus. She is smiling nicely, but it is a plastic smile with
a bit of impatience. It seems to say, Take the picture already!
Hes not giving anything away with his face. The way they react differently is not
a good sign for consistency in this relationship.
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My Notes:
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Photo 51 Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley.
This appears to be outdoors at a party. Nicolas appears straight, erect, standing
still. He is holding her hand, no interlocking fingers. As weve seen, this is not a
good sign for closeness. She has a very low-cut dress. She has a tiny little
delicate purse.
Lisa Marie rarely smiles. Shes looking off to the left. There is no expression on
her face except for a little disdain. If you know anything about Lisa Marie, you
know that that is pretty common. He seems to have a little more tolerance for the
atmosphere. He seems to be invested more in the relationship, as he is gripping
her tightly.
My Notes:
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Photo 52 Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson.
This is a posed photo, taken outside. There is a lot to glean, even from posed
photographs. Look where she puts her left hand. She puts it on his right
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shoulder. These two have been together a long time, and are very comfortable
together. His arm goes all the way around her, gripping her waist.
You dont get a big smile out of Tom; hes being polite here with the photo
opportunity. She also doesnt have lines on her face. These two are almost
welded together, as close as can be. These two are solidly together.
My Notes:
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Photo 53 Julia Roberts and Danny Moder.
This is taking place outside in the street. You can find annoyance in her face.
Look at her posture. Shes leaning into him, almost in defiance. She has both
arms tight and standing down. Put yourself in that position, also, and find out
what you feel. Zoom in on her face again. Note what else you can see on her
face. She has sunglasses on, so its hard to read her face. She is looking directly
at his face.
He seems to be explaining something to her or giving directions.
What gives this photo away? Look at the person in the background. Perhaps a
bodyguard or friend. His face shows amusement. He is obviously not concerned.
My Notes:
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A lot of these people in the photos that we see kissing each other are people who
I dont know. That is one reason that a lot of media will contact me to have
pictures analyzed as they know Im an objective observer.
Within liking or the show of liking is a certain degree of deception. Its rare that
you see people completely make themselves vulnerable to everything thats
going on around them. I want to show you, not only deception that might occur in
intimate moments, but what to look for to determine if someone else is attracted
to you.
Ive been very pleased that over the years the media has asked me to focus so
much on intimacy. It is so very important to know, in all contexts of life, whether
people you are dealing with are fully present or putting on a show.
Photo 55 LeAnn Rimes and Husband.
This is a real nice kiss. As you look at this photo, you try and determine the
amount of connection between the two people. This young man has his eyes
closed. His nose is pressed up against hers. He has his lips closed against hers.
I cannot tell where his right hand is, and so its hard to determine the amount of
affection.
We can see a wedding ring on his left hand. She is wearing a bracelet on her
wrist. On her face, you can see her eyebrows are high as he kisses her. You
normally dont have eyebrows that go up when you are involved in an intimate
kiss. Also, it is interesting that her arm is not touching him.
He is giving her a gentle, soft kiss, his hand raised to the back of her ear lobe.
The touch on the neck is very kind.
Are these people comfortable with one another? Are they equally involved? No.
He is much more connected here. She doesnt seem connected beyond the kiss
he is planting on her. You are looking for closed eyes during a kiss, and she does
have closed eyes.
He does seem more invested than she is. When you are being kissed and
wondering about the other persons interest, ask yourself and notice, Is he/she
touching me, and where?
My Notes:
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Photo 56 Kate Hudson and Husband.
I dont see a lot from the man in this picture. There is nothing here that is
positive coming from him. His right hand is covered by his shirtsleeve. He has
facial hair, and very messy hair covering his face.
She is pregnant. This can be a sensitive time for a woman. She probably wants
more attention from him at this point. You notice her eyes are closed. She is
doing all the work here. Her hand has gone up to his cheek. The thumb pressed
up against his chin. This is a similar picture that we just saw directly above in
Photo 55.
She is leaning directly into him. Shes very much into this moment. He appears
not to care at all. His hand is not coming around her waist. There is not a lot of
affection being given back from him.
It is rare to be kissed with this much affection, and at least not touch the other
person.
My Notes:
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Photo 57 Drew Barrymore and Boyfriend.
The context is not a very fancy place it seems casual. He is relaxed, but not
completely comfortable. He is into the moment, but not completely comfortable.
You see some indentations on the forehead near the eyebrows. They are into
each other, and not trying to smile into the camera.
Her eyebrows are high, a sign of interest. She is sucking or biting on his lower lip.
Thats kind of a nice touch. Perhaps that is whats making him nervous or
uncomfortable getting this much attention in public.
They are both into the moment. He seems surprised by her sucking his lip. This
couple is having fun.
My Notes:
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some of the women in previous photos, while she kisses him. Eyebrows are very
high interest, curiosity or inquisitiveness shows.
These people are not totally comfortable with each other and neither is looking
very comfortable in this photo, either.
My Notes:
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Photo 60 Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith.
This is a close up picture of their faces, so you see no hands or arms. His
eyebrows are down, the eyes are closed. The noses are close together. Her eyes
are open. There is a lot of pressure between their two lips. You sense a little
smile on her face as she looks into his face.
There is the start of a smile on her face. The muscle in her cheek is tense. Her
lips show muscle movement. These people appear to be very into each other.
My Notes:
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Photo 61 Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones.
You can see that her mouth is open a little. Shes pressing hard up against him.
He is not as passionately into this kiss. He has a frown line on his face.
She has her glasses up. She has a smile on her face. Her cheek is big up
against his nose. Perhaps she kissed him and he wasnt prepared for it. This
photo is indicative of their consistently comfortable relationship.
My Notes:
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Photo 62 Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith.
He is very wrapped around her. His right arm is all the way around her waist,
sitting on her right hip. Thats pulling her close. Look how relaxed his left hand is.
There is no tension at all a good sign. There are no frown lines on his face.
This is a very soft gentle, delicate kiss. Lips open just a little bit to add a touch of
romance.
The context shows someone taking pictures. There is a person dressed
extremely casually. Her lips are closed as she kisses him. They are into each
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other in this moment. Shes holding onto a purse. It is surprising that her hand
does not move closer to Will.
He is very much leaning into her. This couple is very happy together, this is very
sweet.
My Notes:
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Photo 63 Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter.
There is an intimacy between these two. They are outside. You see his index
finger curled all the way around her. You see a flesh wound on his knuckle. A
small detail to pay attention to. Look at the eyebrows. On him, they are low. The
lower down the eyebrows are in a kiss, the more passion is there.
We see no muscular movement on the face, showing they are into each other
and not the cameras.
Her eyebrow is a little higher, but again, shes looking up at him and that would
naturally bring it up a bit. You can expect that this couple have good things
happening between them.
My Notes:
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Photo 64 Couple Embracing.
The man is wearing jeans and a casual top. She is dressed in an attention
getting outfit. It appears that she came over to him to give him this kiss. You see
no muscular movement in the face. This is a closed mouth kiss. His hands are
almost locked together around her shes going nowhere.
He pulled her close as she was approaching, otherwise her feet would be closer
to him. The eyebrows are high up on her forehead. This kiss is not intimate (yet)
for her. The lips are turned up a little bit in a smile. Her arms are around him as
much as possible.
They are wrapped around and wrapped up into each other. Both are happy.
My Notes:
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My Notes:
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Photo 67 Salma Hayak and Edward Norton.
This is at the Tribeca Film Festival, as we can read on a banner in the
background. Salma Hayak has the ability to look absolutely stunning. She does
not look stunning here. You can see a bit of a tummy. His head is tilted slightly
toward her. His shoulders are very angled downward. This is unusual, even in a
candid shot. Most men dont have shoulders that dip that far down. But he
certainly is relaxed.
He is not happy to be taking the picture, but he is compliant. Hands are in his
pockets, perhaps impatient. His shirt is not tucked in evenly in his pants. He
dressed quickly, whatever he was doing before the picture was taken.
You would never recognize this woman as the beautiful starlet that she is. She
is annoyed. Her eyes are open; she is attentive to whoever has engaged her.
She is not happy about this photo being taken she is barely tolerant of it. We
dont see her other arm, perhaps it is around him, we dont know.
The angle of her face is the same as his; this usually indicates an unconscious
rapport. Adopt the same position that she is. Hold something that weighs about 3
pounds in front of you in your hand, such as she is with her purse. It is an
uncomfortable mix.
These two people are not comfortable. In this candid photo, we see all the things
that indicate discomfort.
My Notes:
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Photo 68 Salma Hayak and Edward Norton.
This is some kind of event sponsored by Elle. This time she is the star. She is
looking quite attractive and stunning, as she usually does.
He is looking another direction. His eyes show little interest. He doesnt have any
facial muscular movement. The goatee is an interesting switch. His right hand is
straight down at his side.
Salma is holding something with her entire hand. That does not look comfortable
for her. She is dressed phenomenally attractively. Her head is tilted (away from
him). It appears shes posing for a photo off to 8 oclock. Her arm is gently
around him. Her smile is a plastic smile here not real - as you can see from
previous experience reading body language. Shes doing a nice job
professionally, giving it everything shes got. Shes only borderline happy in this
moment.
My Notes:
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END CD
In the next photo in the sequence, her hand is still reaching out for him, wanting
to touch him. Both have unhappy facial expressions.
As he comes to the curb, hes holding the bag at an angle behind him, and hes
not paying any attention to where she is, or any attention to her at all.
He stops at the curb, but still does not make any effort to connect with her. She
still has her hand reaching out for him.
In the last picture, she finally gives up on him, and her hand appears suspended.
This is the sequence of photos that led me to believe that this couple would not
get married, and if they did, it would not last more than a year.
My Notes:
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Photo 75 Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.
They are close in proximity to each other. It is hard to tell the context, but it
seems an important or serious event.
For him, the eyebrows are down, hes sort of defocused and looking off into
space. His lips go in the direction of 4 oclock. He seems out of it.
Susan Sarandon has her eyes wide open and eyebrows very high. She is
showing annoyance and slight curiosity. Shes looking up over her husbands
shoulder.
These people are in an unhappy or annoying setting here. She has a multicolored tag on her shirt some kind of event. There is not much to be revealed
with these peoples body language.
My Notes:
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Photo 76 - 79 Temptation Island Competitors.
The concept of the show is that four couples compete in an interesting
competition. They are couples that are engaged to be married or married. They
are invited to the island to be tempted to cheat on their spouse.
The men are pretty well cut, body builders and models perhaps. The women also
are extremely attractive also models? I was asked to determine from their body
language whether or not the couples even knew each other before the show.
Photo 76
This is a posed photo. Its well balanced. Each side is a mirror image of the
opposite side.
In the upper left hand corner, you have a nice looking man with blue swim trunks,
standing straight up. His right arm touches her stomach but thats set up. His
arm is around her, and thats set up also. The right side of her head is touching
his left cheek. You notice that none of the other women are even close to their
men. Perhaps this couple really is a couple. That closeness, that proximity is
nice.
Next to them you have a nice looking young man. But here you have no intimacy
or connection between the two people. There is no apparent chemistry.
My Notes:
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Wendi is somewhat opposite. Both hands are up on the table. She is neither
happy nor sad, but vocally expressing something to someone at the other end of
the table.
My Notes:
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Photo 82 Wendi Friesen, Kevin Hogan, Gido Saad.
Wendi is in a pair of blue jeans, with a flip chart. I am posing for a photo. Also in
the photo is Gido Saad, a Karate studio owner and instructor. My arm is around
his shoulder. The reason hes getting this picture taken is because he wanted the
picture taken with me. I am showing status and power with my arm around him.
My Notes:
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Photo 85 Victoria Wizzell, Wendi Friesen, Kevin Hogan.
Big smiles. Perhaps in response to something someone said. Compare the
genuine smile here on Wendis face with the photo before. When you have a real
smile, there are plenty of muscles being utilized, creating lines on the face. If you
can tell a genuine smile from a fake smile, you win!
Wendi leans into Victoria. Victoria has her right hand around Wendis waist.
Victorias in the middle again. Here you have a very happy person, cheeks are
high, and the chin is out there. You can see the lines on both sides of Victorias
face.
On my face you can see Im laughing. The smile lines are there on the forehead.
The right cheek has a smile line.
Putting my hand up on my hip, once again. This is a sign of discomfort.
My Notes:
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the smaller the pupil. Also, people have different sized pupils, and some people
have naturally larger pupils.
I like to see people leaning forward toward me. If they are leaning back, I like to
see their arms open, or their hand to their chin so I know that they are at least
pondering what Im saying.
Those are the crucial things. The most important thing is a head nod. When they
do that, they are reinforcing what ever is going on in their head. They are
accepting the information in that you are giving them.
END CD
This portion of the Body Language Home Study Course has been a pleasure to
make. For the next 30 days after your purchase, you can email me at
[email protected] with any questions you may have about this program or
comments about the pictures.
Kathleen Willey
The first piece of raw footage I analyzed for various media across the country and for
the BBC. This is footage of an interview with a woman named Kathleen Willey. She went
to 60 Minutes and told them she had been inappropriately touched by then President Bill
Clinton.
The media wanted to know if she had been touched inappropriately, and why I believed
or disbelieved her story.
Watch the first 2 minutes until you see the President come on screen.
What we observe is a woman who has a bit of a start and stumble kind of
communication style. Shell begin speaking, pause and start again. She does not
normally speak in full sentences. She tends to speak slow to medium speed.
When you look at her and her husband in the photograph shown you can observe that
both of them look a bit dazed and as if affected by alcohol or drugs. He looks a bit wild,
wide-eyed and surprised about something. She has her hair long and they both look to
be living life to the fullest.
During the interview, she looked a great deal at Ed Bradley. Usually this would be a sign
of honesty or comfort with someone. Notice her pupils were very large.
Notice when she is seeking to answer questions about the Easter egg roll, her eyes go
up, as if searching memory.
Her intention was to go see the President for a full-time job. She was comfortable
enough to go to the White House Oval Office and ask the President for help. This is
someone who intimately knew the President and had some kind of a relationship with
him.
You get the impression at first that she had met the President on a couple of occasions. I
dont know if you are familiar with people who have met the President on a few
occasions, but they dont get access to the Oval Office. Theres probably about a quarter
million people who have shook the Presidents hand. Again, they are not let into the Oval
Office for private conversations with the President.
Go back and watch the first 2 minutes and see if you can see the same
things I have discussed. Then hit pause and come back.
We will discuss the next piece, which is about 6 minutes. If youve already watched
through to this point, thats fine. If not, watch all the way through now until the 8:51 mark.
Keep watching until they talk about the President getting her a cup of coffee. Youll know
when this interview is up when video switches to an interview with Diane Sawyer and
Ken Starr. Stop at that point.
Watch the next 6 minutes of the remainder of this portion of the video.
Take notes about what you notice is similar and what is different about how
she communicated at the beginning of the interview.
Notes about this section:
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You want to pay attention to the signals that help you answer the question: is she lying?
Pay attention to the clues you can discern from the context, not just non-verbals.
Remember she has access to the President, which is not something the average person
has.
She talks about the President grabbing a Starbucks coffee cup. What is interesting about
that? Then she follows him into the pantry.
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Write down all your notes about this section. Come back at the 8:51 mark,
and hit pause.
Notes about this section:
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What you just watched is a woman who is claiming that the President touched her
inappropriately he kissed her and he touched her breast.
Lets review the context, then non-verbals.
The President gets her a cup of coffee. She remembers that theres a steward in there.
The cup he gets is a Starbucks cup, and he pulls it out of the pantry.
Notice that she speaks rapidly here during this part of the story, as if she wants to run
rapidly through it. Why? Is it because she wants to get to something else? Is it because
she doesnt want to talk about it? And what is she doing following the President into the
pantry? She probably doesnt really want anybody to know these details about herself.
But, that is not the question we are trying to determine here, we are trying to determine:
did he touch her inappropriately? It is interesting how you can forget what the whole
point of why they are walking into the pantry is as she speaks. Lets keep in mind the
question we are trying to answer as we watch further.
She tells him that her husband is in financial ruin. It is at the crisis point. She asks if he
will help. He says he will. She mentions he doesnt seem to be completely listening, but
she feels that he is. Her head bobs up and down.
She thinks that he seems to care. He follows her. That means she went somewhere.
She wanted to head back to the Oval Office? He asks why dont we go in my study; we
can talk better there. Why isnt she sitting somewhere already? They walk toward the
study. She leans against the doorjamb. He gives her a hug. The hug lasts longer than
its supposed to. Shes not very concerned about that, since he is the kind of person to
hug others. She pauses. Theres a coffee cup in between them. Shes afraid shes going
to spill it on him or on herself. He takes the coffee cup from her and puts it on a
bookcase. She says, He kissed me on my mouth.
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I suspect that, for the most part, the story is true. But, she has spun her story to make
the President the only person who was wrong in this situation, and that there was
nothing she did to contribute to the situation.
Ken Starr
While you are watching this next interview with Ken Starr and Diane Sawyer, I want you
to keep the following questions in mind:
Where is this conversation taking place?
Where is Ken Starrs left arm?
Whose couch is that?
Does he look comfortable?
If he looks comfortable, why?
Pay attention to the eye contact in this interview. Look for sincerity.
Before we get into the video, you need to be aware that at about the 9:24 mark, you will
see Ken Starr tell a little fib. Diane Sawyer will ask a question like, Do you wish you
didnt have to do this job?
Immediately before Ken Starr answered that question, you notice that his right hand
goes back and scratches his right ear. This is a completely unconscious move, and there
would be little chance that you or anyone would notice or observe the gesture in real
time.
Hell then answer the question, but we can tell that what he has said is a lie. This type of
gesture is a leading indicator when someone is going to tell a social lie, and Ill tell you
why after you watch this portion of the tape.
When Diane Sawyer is shown interviewing a number of people, that is where you will
stop the tape and we will discuss what you saw on the tape.
Watch the approximately 2- minute clip of the Ken Starr interview. Then
push pause.
Notes about this section:
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This is a short piece of footage. Did you catch the lie? When someone asks a question
that creates anxiety, then blood flows to the brain; it goes from the feet, the hands and
the fingers up to the face, behind the nose. It makes the nose and the ears itch.
In a situation such as that, anxiety is caused because the person is thinking that they
dont want others to know that piece of information about themselves.
Remember when Diane Sawyer brought up the fact that he has been compared in the
newspapers to Saddam Hussein, and other rulers? Just as she is saying those names to
Ken Starr, who happens to be fundamentalist Christian and a very good person, notice
that he puts on a plastic smile. This covers up many strong emotions inside as he listens
to her.
Diane Sawyer asks, What do you want the history books to say about this in 30 years?
He sincerely begins, I feel Notice that this is the first time that he uses that term.
He says, I feel they are my colleagues, they are my friends. We are honored by our
friends. He smiles. This is showing massive sincerity from this person at this point.
Before you continue, go back and watch the pieces I pointed out. Notice sincerity and
deception. Notice how hard it is to capture deception, and how easy it is to capture
sincerity.
Watch this portion of the tape over again.
When Ron Bittman, the man who interviewed Clinton at his house for his grand
jury testimony, says, There is not one of us here who is not proud to be a part of
this, do you believe him? Why?
Watch the 27-second clip now, paying attention to the questions noted
above.
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When you know what to look for, body language starts to get easier. Right after Ken
Starr says, We are honored by our friends, we knew that these were his friends.
Where were all the hands? All in their lap. All identical.
What about the feet and legs? They were all crossed identically, all of them. This is huge
rapport, and it only happens either between people who work very closely together, or
between people who like each other very much.
When Julie is asked, what type of questions are you asked? Do you sense shes
ashamed, happy, proud?
The facial expression shows lines, shes leaning forward to tell the story shes proud
and happy.
Notice what happened when Ron Bittman responded. He looked, after speaking, at his
friends in the sort of way that you do when you are trying to gain support from them. Did
he believe himself? No. He did not. Did you see the leakage coming out of his feet? The
unconscious anxiety came out at a mile a minute from his feet.
The people on the panel were probably proud of their work, but Ron Bittman probably
would never do it again.
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Did you notice that he was shaking his right hand in that press conference? When
people get upset, they will vigorously shake their hand.
Notice also that President Clinton was shaking his right hand during his press
conference. He was denying the accusation with his right hand. He is left-handed. When
you deny something with your weak hand, it carries no force. So make this gesture
yourself. With your weak hand, shake it and make the statement, I did not have sex with
that woman, Monica Lewinsky. Then try with your strong hand. Notice the difference.
Also notice the President leans forward and grabs the podium and hunches over. This is
someone who is struggling.
What about Hillary Clinton? Did you see her as his adversary? Or someone he respects
and admires? Why? What convinced you? He was very focused. His mouth got small.
He looked down. He had a picture of her, putting her in a small box out in space. He
admitted she was intelligent, but it was apparent he considers her an adversary.
Diane talks about the investigation. His hand begins to go up and down. He was reacting
to the fact that he believed she was off-track.
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This is a very cogent piece of video. Partly because of what we know now about 9/11
and the terrorist component.
During the opening minute when the President was uncomfortable, probably thinking
about the days events, his eyes blinked dramatically during a one-minute time period.
When the President is talking about something that he has done correctly, and feels
justified in doing, notice he does not blink his eyes.
What comes up now is the grand jury testimony. Ron Bittman asks the President all the
questions that we didnt really want to know the answer to. Notice every single nonverbal cue he makes.
Look for:
What does he do with his glasses?
What does he do with his hand(s)?
Does he have water? Diet Coke?
Does he ever steeple his hands?
What is his posture?
What is his facial color?
Take notes, and we will talk about this piece in detail. We will contrast this with the
segment about Osama bin Laden.
Watch this piece and then press pause.
Notes about this section:
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The tape should be at about 21:25 when you are through with this segment.
When a person blinks at a very fast rate, it is usually a sign of great distress and possibly
lying or deception. When President Clinton was asked about the inappropriate conduct
at about the 16:00 minute mark, he takes a big gulp. This is interesting leakage.
Did you notice he was holding a piece of paper almost metaphorically, as if he had that
piece of paper in his hand many times, and he was reading off that piece of paper?
Amazing stuff. Notice at the 18:655 mark, he grabs a soft drink. What that tells me is that
hes not all that nervous at the particular moment. Usually when you get cottonmouth
from discomfort, you want water.
When they were talking about the gifts that were given to Monica Lewinsky, he is asked,
did you give a lot of gifts? He takes a drink of water out of a big glass, no ice.
He says hes really not that interested in the grift issue. Why did he stumble and use
the word grift, instead of the word gift?
Sometimes there is an unconscious reason for the stumbled word he didnt want to
answer this question.
Review the above footage again before going to the next portion of the
video.
Hillary Clinton
Theres quite a bit to look at in this portion of the video. The piece starts out with Hillary
Clinton talking with Dan Rather, who is a good friend of hers.
We have a piece of communication first that is not controversial. This allows us to see
how the person communicates in a more natural and comfortable setting. Then we can
contrast that with when the person may feel under pressure, or more uncomfortable.
We start off at about 21:28 where shes talking about children. This is one of her favorite
volunteer things to do, and shes quite comfortable talking about it.
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This last 3- minutes of video are some of the most interesting on the whole tape. You
witness her speaking about children and her childhood in a comfortable, natural way with
left hand gestures, and fast verbals. People tend to speak that way when they are
comfortable. That is the last time you see her left hand move during the interview. Then
the tougher questions come.
After the question from Dan Rather, Does your husband communicate mixed
messages? She immediately shakes her head left to right. When he speaks about
forgiveness, her head shakes even more.
Her comment is an interesting one, Oh Ive seen it too much. This is an odd comment
to make about forgiveness, isnt it? It is a subtle unconscious response she has seen it
too much. Her head continues to shake.
After the 24:00 minute mark, after the hard questions are over, shes leaning forward,
hands interlocked together. Dan asks, How do you want to be remembered in 2050?
What is the caption in the encyclopedia?
This time she congruently shakes her head. She says, I dont see myself in that way. I
just wake up each day and do my best. This seems to be a very congruent statement
coming from her congruent with her non-verbals.
Its interesting to note with Hillary Clinton in places where you and I might nod in
conversation, she has a head shake.
Review this portion of the tape one more time and record your additional
notes and comments.
Notes about this section:
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Conclusion
Youve seen many different people here during this course. Youve been able to contrast
the behavior and body language of each in order to analyze what they are really saying.
In this raw footage, all you need to know to see the truth is there.
You will soon understand as you study this course more and more that you will find the
information you need to detect deception, liking, and discomfort, among others.
I hope youve enjoyed this CD and the video. Its been fun to produce this. I hope you
listen and watch again and again. That is how you make distinctions. Ive watched them
myself dozens of times and each time theres more distinctions to catch.
Pay attention to details like the direction of the head shake when a person speaks. Is it
consistent with the message they are trying to send? These are the kinds of things that
will help you to stand out as a body language expert.
Take notes each time you watch and listen.
Then, start watching the faces of the people around you. Do this course over and over
until you automatically begin to pick up on the non-verbal cues of those around you.
If you have questions about this course or comments about the pictures on the website,
please email and let me know. I can be reached at [email protected].
That is part of this course you can interact with me by email about this course during
the first 30 days after you purchase it.