ASSIGNMENT ON

ADJUSTMENT PROBLEMS IN
MARRIAGE AND THE NEED OF
MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

SUBMITTED BY:

MR. SHYAM.S.S
IST M.S
REG NO: MS091117
IBMS

ADJUSTMENT PROBLEMS IN MARRIAGE AND THE NEED FOR

 MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

“Couples who remain committed to building a strong marriage have a

realistic view of what it takes to be successful.”

INTRODUCTION

In at least one aspect, marriage is like football. In a close game, the winning team is
usually the one that made the most significant adjustments in strategy along the way. That’s
what effective coaches do at half-time —give the players the key adjustments that will gain
them the advantage in the final quarters. A winning marriage requires the same mind-set. A
husband and wife need to recognize that surprises requiring proactive adjustments await them
in their relationship.

Who is this person I married? Who am I becoming in this relationship? Is marriage

supposed to be this hard? If you find yourself asking these questions, you’re not alone. All
married couples go through periods of adjustment. Adjusting to marriage involves uniting
two sets of perceptions, expectations, needs, goals, and personalities. There are a variety of
contributing factors to marital discord and issues adjusting to marriage. Most couples
continue to feel happy and excited with the relationship for at least six months after the
wedding. Around the six-month mark, however, many couples begin to feel bored. It is noted
that differences of opinion, financial obligations, bad habits or boredom can begin to
overwhelm even the most loving of couples.

The Honeymoon is Over, Now What?

During the first three years of marriage, there are some general patterns of adjustment.

 The first six months of marriage, considered the “honeymoon phase,” is characterized
by few serious problems and a general sense of satisfaction.
 At about six to twelve months, however, optimism fades into realism due to
differences of opinion, financial obligations, bad habits, or boredom.
  From about 12 to 36 months of marriage, there may be a short period of
disillusionment when your “knight in shining armor” seems to have lost his shine or
your “maiden fair” has been less than fair. Challenges for time or money,
childbearing, or sexual adjustment require new coping strategies. Children can further
complicate the adjustment process.
 During months 18 to 36, couples begin to get accustomed to life together. Couples
who cannot accept or improve their quality of life together break up. Those couples
who remain committed to building a strong marriage have a realistic view of what it
takes to be successful.

CAUSES

Contributing factors to marital adjustment problems include the development of

routine, unrealistic expectations, trust problems and communication differences. Even if a
couple has spent several years dating, the exhaustion from planning and executing a perfect
and beautiful wedding can be overwhelming. This fatigue can carry over into the first few
months of the relationship, making minute arguments and disagreements seem pronounced
and more difficult to cope with.

CONSIDERATIONS

Perhaps the biggest obstacle to overcoming marital adjustment problems is to foster

open communication. All problems, regardless of their importance or size, should be
thoroughly and honestly discussed. Because each person learns to communicate in his or her
own way, learning to communicate positively and successfully with a spouse can be a trying
and difficult process.

BENEFITS

Carefully and thoughtfully working through marital problems has both long-term and
short-term benefits for both individuals. It is noted that healthy marriages lead to healthier
bodies and longer lifespan. Happy marriages also decrease chances of men or women
developing depression, while simultaneously increasing their relationships and satisfaction
with other people.

COMPONENTS OF A STRONG AND SATISFYING MARRIAGE

 Strong marriages are the result of efforts by both spouses to make the marriage work.
Information gathered from spouses who had been married at least forty-five years revealed
six keys to a successful, long-term marriage:
 consider mate as best friend
 like mate as a person
 see marriage as a long-term commitment
 see marriage as a sacred institution
 agree on goals
 laugh together frequently
Couple relationships that survive and continue to deepen are generally happy, always
adjusting, and always under construction. Marriage has both highs and lows, and accepting
this as “normal” will help the couple have more realistic expectations. A strong marriage
provides companionship, interpersonal closeness, emotional fulfillment, and support that acts
as a buffer against physical and emotional affliction. Marriage should enrich the love between
a man and woman, and evolves through the foundations of friendship, a meaningful sexual
relationship, mutual respect, trust, and compassion.

STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING A STRONG MARRIAGE

Strong marriages do not happen quickly or easily. Building a strong marriage takes time,
effort, and commitment. There are several strategies you can exercise in building your
marriage.

 Commitment: Commitment brings vitality to the marriage relationship. If either

spouse entertains the idea of escaping the marriage through divorce, the marriage is in
jeopardy. Commitment provides a foundation as a couple works through obstacles and
trying times.

 Trust: The foundations of trust include mutual respect for one another and acceptance
of differences. Trust between two people takes time to develop. It is closely tied to
integrity. Follow through with what you say you will do. Be the person you claim to
be.
 Communication: Communication is essential to a satisfying marriage. Learn to share
thoughts, feelings, positive feedback, and expressions of appreciation. Self-disclosure
can be risky because you make yourself vulnerable, but the rewards are greater than
the risk. Set aside some time each day for meaningful conversation. Learn to listen—
what is your partner really saying?

 Conflict: If it is managed in a way that is mutually satisfying to both partners, conflict

can be healthy for a marriage. The outcome of resolved conflict may bring a new
understanding and more satisfaction to a marriage. Central to resolving conflict is
learning to forgive one another.

 Skills: Take the initiative to develop good skills in communication, self-

understanding, decision making, managing conflict, as well as functional skills such
as home repair and money management. Participate in educational offerings from
your local county Extension and other community programs. If you prefer self-study,
check out your local library resources.

 Caring: Part of loving your spouse involves caring for his or her needs. In a marriage
relationship, meeting your spouse’s needs should be just as important as meeting your
own.

 Affection: Demonstrating affection for one another can positively impact the quality
of the marital relationship. It is important that couples discuss with each other their
ideas on sexual relations and showing love to one another.

 Expectations: Set realistic expectations. We cannot expect our spouse to provide for
every need that we have. Continually readjust your individual and mutual
expectations.

 Priority: No relationship can grow without time and effort. Be willing to work
together to develop a mutually satisfying relationship. Set aside time and money to
work on your marriage, whether it involves communicating, taking a vacation, or
participating in a marriage enrichment seminar. Balance your time demands so that
you give your marriage your best instead of your “left-over” time.
 Remember that a happy, healthy marriage takes the commitment of both spouses.
Change and growth are part of a healthy marriage. Always search for additional ways to
renew and enrich your relationship— your marriage depends on it!

PREVENTION

Many couples pre-emptively choose to spend time in premarital counselling with a

licensed counsellor or minister. Couples who attend premarital counselling spend time
discussing potential problems that may occur during the early months and years of marriage.
Premarital counselling also places a large emphasis on discussing the daily dynamics of
marriage, such as who will handle the finances and which holidays to celebrate.

SOLUTIONS

When addressed early, marriage adjustment problems do not have to be major issues.
Marriage self-help books are a popular way to solve minor marital disagreements and are
available for purchase at any major bookstore. Marriage conferences are also a popular
choice for couples who want to grow closer while working through problems. Marriage
conferences enable couples to spend a weekend at a hotel or resort in a comfortable
environment and listen to professional speakers discuss common marriage problems and offer
simple solutions. Couples therapy or marital counselling is also a beneficial way to solve
problems by communicating with a trained professional in marital therapy.

MARRIAGE COUNSELING

Marriage counseling, also called couples therapy, helps couples and resolves conflicts
and improves their relationship. Marriage counseling give couples the tool to communicate
better, negotiate differences, problem solve and even argue in a healthier way.

It is a tool meant to foster better understanding and communication, and to resolve

conflicts. While the period of therapy can sometimes last for months it is often short term,
marriage counseling is not meant to be a long-term measure. Typically though, the greater the
extent of the problems, the more sessions the couple will undergo.

NEED FOR MARITAL COUNSELLING

 Marriage counselling requires both partners to be successful and to give up,
counselling for a marriage is unlikely to be effective if only one partner attends it. That is
individual therapy and while couples may undergo individual therapy hand-in-hand with their
marriage counselling, the counselling itself requires both of you to be there.

Most marriages and other relationships aren’t perfect. Each person brings his or her
own ideas, values, opinions and personal history into a relationship, and they don’t always
match their partner’s. Those differences don’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound for
conflict. These differences can also help people understand, respect and accept opposing
views and cultures.

Here are typical issues that marriage counselling can help you a spouse or partner cope with:

 Communication problems

 Sexual difficulties

 Conflicts about child rearing or blended families

 Substance abuse

 Financial problems

 Physical or mental conditions

 Cultural clashes

 Unemployment

 Anger

 Infidelity

 Divorce

Marriage counselling is often short term. You may need only a few sessions to help you
weather a crisis. Or you may need marriage counselling for several months, particularly if
your relationship has greatly deteriorated. As with individual psychotherapy, you typically
see a marriage counsellor once a week.

BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

There are a wide number of marriage counselling benefits that can help a relationship.
These include:

 Increasing confidence and self esteem of individuals

 Working out conflict resolution
 Improving communication between a couple
 Providing objective guidance through a trained counsellor
 Identifying the issues that are really affecting the relationship rather than focusing on
more superficial problems
 Teaching couples how to pull together rather than push one another away
 Providing help and resources to make the marriage stronger and more fulfilling

More and more people have come to appreciate marriage counselling benefits; hence this
is a method that is no longer looked upon as unusual. In fact, people are coming to realize
that marriage counselling is an effective way to strengthen and enhance their relationship and
promote a healthy, lifelong marriage. With an objective counsellor that is trained to identify
the issues that are affecting both partner individually as well as the issues affecting them as a
couple, it is possible to work upon a wealth of relationship problems that may not have even
realized were affecting your marriage.

CONCLUSION

Marriage is a special commitment between two people. It is an institution in which an

interpersonal relationships are acknowledge by the state, by religious authority, or by both. It
is often viewed as a contract. It is also referred to as couple’s therapy in some circles as it
helps couples who are not married as well as those who have tied the knot in a formal
ceremony. There are a variety of contributing factors to marital discord and issues adjusting
to marriage. The goal of marital counselling is to save the marriage there will be cases where
the marriage is irreparable. Therapist can provide direction; you are responsible for acting on
such guidance. By doing so, one will enjoy improved interaction and renewed enthusiasm for
their relationship. Stages of marital counselling are important for identifying problem and its
solution through different therapies.

REFERENCES

 Eshleman, J.R. (1994). The Family: An Introduction. Boston: Allyn and Bacon.

 Lingren, H.G. (1996, July). Strengthening the Couple Relationship. Retrieved March
13, 2001 from the World Wide Web: http:// www.ianr.unl.edu/pubs/family/g986.htm

 Silliman, B. (1998). Patterns of Adjustment/First Three Years. Marriage Enrichment

& Domestic Violence Information. Retrieved March 13, 2001 from the World Wide
Web:http://www.uwyo.edu/ag/ces/FAMILY/BEN/Marriage/STAGES/stagepatterns

 Marriage Counseling. (n.d.). Retrieved December, 30 2009 from the World Wide
Web:http://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/therapy/what-is-marriage
counseling-whos-it-for-and-how-does-marriage-counseling-work/menu-id-63/