The Last Judgment by Karelapek

The notorious multiple-killer Kugler, pursued by several warrants and a whole army of policemen and
detectives, swore that hed never be taken. He wasnt either at least not alive. The last of his nine murderous
deeds was shooting a policeman who tried to arrest him. The policeman indeed died, but not before putting a
total of seven bullets into Kugler. Of these seven, three were fatal. Kuglers death came so quickly that he felt
no pain. And so it seemed Kugler had escaped earthly justice.

When his soul left his body, it should have been surprised at the sight of the next world a world
beyond space, grey, and infinitely desolate but it wasnt. A man who has been jailed on two continents looks
upon the next life merely as new surroundings. Kugler expected to struggle through, equipped only with a bit of
courage, as he had in the last world.

At length the inevitable Last Judgment got around to Kugler. The judges were old and worthy councilors
with austere, bored faces. Kugler complied with the usual tedious formalities: Ferdinand Kugler, unemployed,
born on such and such a date, died at this point it was shown Kugler didnt know the date of his own death.
Immediately he realized this was a damaging omission in the eyes of the judges; his spirit of helpfulness faded.

Do you plead guilty or not guilty? asked the presiding judge.

Not guilty, said Kugler obdurately.

Bring in the first witness, the judge sighed.

Opposite Kugler appeared an extraordinary gentleman, stately, bearded, and clothed in a blue robe strewn with
golden stars.

At his entrance, the judges arose. Even Kugler stood up, reluctant but fascinated. Only when the old
gentleman took a seat did the judges again sit down.

Witness, began the presiding judge, omniscient God, this court has summoned you in order to hear your
testimony in the case against Kugler, Ferdinand. As you are the supreme truth, you need not take the oath. In
the interest of the proceedings, however, we ask you to keep to the subject at hand rather than branch out into
particulars unless they have a bearing on this case.

And you, Kugler, dont interrupt the witness. He knows everything, so theres no use denying anything.

And now, witness, if you would please begin.

God, the witness, coughed lightly and began:

Yes. Kugler, Ferdinand. Ferdinand Kugler, son of a factory worker, was a bad, unmanageable child from his
earliest days. He loved his mother dearly, but was unable to show it, this made him unruly and defiant. Young
man, you irked everyone! Do you remember how you bit your father on the thumb when he tried to spank you?
You had stolen a rose from the notarys garden.

The rose was for Irma, the tax collectors daughter, Kugler said.

I know, said God. Irma was seven years old at that time. Did you ever hear what happened to her?

No, I didnt.
She married Oscar, the son of the factory owner. But she contracted a venereal disease from him and died of
a miscarriage. You remember Rudy Zaruba?

What happened to him?

Why, he joined the navy and died accidentally in Bombay. You two were the worst boys in the whole town.
Kugler, Ferdinand, was a thief before his tenth year and an inveterate liar. He kept bad company, too: old
Gribble, for instance, a drunkard and an idler, living on handouts. Nevertheless, Kugler shared many of his own
meals with Gribble.

The presiding judge motioned with his hand, as if much of this was perhaps unnecessary, but Kugler himself
asked hesitantly, And what happened to his daughter? Whats she doing right now?

This very minute shes buying thread at Wolfes. Do you remember that shop? Once, when you were six years
old, you bought a colored glass marble there. On that very same day you lost it and never, never found it. Do
you remember how you cried with rage?

Whatever happened to it? Kugler asked eagerly.

Well, it rolled into the drain and under the gutterspout. Right now its still there, after thirty years. Right now its
raining on earth and your marble is shivering in the gush of cold water.

Kugler bent his head, overcome by this revelation. But the presiding judge fitted his spectacles back on his
nose, and said mildly, Witness, we are obliged to get on with the case. Has the accused committed murder?

He murdered nine people. The first one he killed in a brawl, and it was during his prison term for his crime that
he became completely corrupted. The second victim was his unfaithful sweetheart. For that he was sentenced
to death, but he escaped. The third was an old man whom he robbed. The fourth was a night watchman.

Then he died? Kugler asked.

He died after three days in terrible pain, God said. And he left six children behind him. The fifth and sixth
victims were an old married couple. He killed them with an axe and found only sixteen dollars, although they
had twenty thousand hidden away.

Kugler jumped up. Where?

In the straw mattress, God said. In a linen sack inside the mattress. Thats where they hid all the money they
acquired from greed and penny-pinching. The seventh man he killed in America, a countryman of his, a
bewildered, friendless immigrant.

So it was in the mattress, whispered Kugler in amazement.

Yes, continued God. The eighth man was merely a passerby who happened to be in Kuglers way when
Kugler was trying to outrun the police. At that time Kugler had periostitis and was delirious from the pain. Young
man, you were suffering terribly. The ninth and last was the policeman who killed Kugler exactly when Kugler
shot him.

And why did the accused commit murder? asked the presiding judge.

For the same reasons others have, answered God. Out of anger or desire for money, both deliberately and
accidentally-some with pleasure, others from necessity. However, he was generous and often helpful. He was
kind to women, gentle with animals, and kept his word. Am I to mention his good deeds?
For the same reasons others have, answered God. Out of anger or desire for money, both deliberately and
accidentally some with pleasure, others from necessity. However, he was generous and often helpful. He
was kind to women, gentle with animals, and kept his word. Am I to mention his good deeds?

Thank you, said the presiding judge, but it isnt necessary. Does the accused have anything to say in his own
defense?

No, Kugler replied with honest indifference.

The judges of this court will now take this matter under advisement, declared the presiding judge, and the
three of them withdrew.

Only God and Kugler remained in the courtroom.

Who are they? asked Kugler, indicating with his head the men who just left.

People like you, answered God. They were judges on earth, so theyre judges here as well.

Kugler nibbled his fingertips. I expected I mean, I never really thought about it. But I figured you would judge
since

Since Im God, finished the stately gentleman. But thats just it, dont you see? Because I know everything, I
cant possibly judge. That wouldnt do at all. By the way, do you know who turned you in this time?

No, I dont, said Kugler, surprised.

Lucky, the waitress. She did it out of jealousy.

Excuse me, Kugler ventured, but you forgot about that good-for-nothing Teddy I shot in Chicago.

Not at all, God said. He recovered and is alive this very minute. I know hes an informer, but otherwise hes a
very good man and terribly fond of children. You shouldnt think of any person as being completely worthless.

But I still dont understand why you arent the judge, Kugler said thoughtfully.
But why are they judging the same people who were judges on earth?

Because man belongs to man. As you see, Im only the witness. But the verdict is determined by man, even in
heaven. Believe me, Kugler, this is the way it should be. Man isnt worthy of divine judgment. He deserves to
be judged only by other men.

At that moment, the three returned from their deliberation. In heavy tones the presiding judge announced, For
repeated crimes of first degree murder, manslaughter, robbery, disrespect for the law, illegally carrying
weapons, and for the theft of a rose; Kugler, Ferdinand, is sentenced to lifelong punishment in hell.

Next case please: Torrance, Frank.

Is the accused present in court?