The Brain Bank

The Brain Bank It seems there was a woman who received some bad news. Her husband had
been in an automobile accident and was brain dead. The doctor told her some good news,
though. They had perfected their brain transplant technique and that she was lucky there were
three fresh brains in the brain bank from which to choose. A large explosion had killed a
firefighter, a captain and a chief. Having insurance, she requested the cost for each of the
brains. The firefighters brain was $10,000, the captains brain was $50,000 and the chief was
a MILLION DOLLARS! Curious, she asked why the chiefs brain was so much more
expensive. The reply.... you see the chiefs brain has never been used!

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"Private Conversation"
Last week I went to the theatre. I had a very good seat. The play was very interesting.I did not
enjoy it. A young man and a young woman were sitting behind me. They were talking very
loudly.I got very angry. I could not hear the actors. I turned around. I looked at the man and
the young woman angrily. They did not pay any attention.In the end, I could not bear it. I turned
around again. I could not hear a word I said angrily.Its none of your business the young
man said rudely. This is a private conversation

"The Boss And The Trainee"

A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into
the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who
you're talking to, dumbo?"
No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!" The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU
are talking to, you fool?"
"No", replied the Managing Director. "Thats Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

"Honey What is for Supper?"

An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make
an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks,
and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of
her problem.

Here's what you do, said the doctor. Start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational
speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, I'm
about 40 feet away, let's see what happens. Then in a normal tone he asks, Honey, what's for supper?
No response.
So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, Honey, what's for
supper?
Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for
supper?
Again he gets no response.
So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. Honey, what's for supper?
Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. Honey, what's for supper?

Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN!

www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2003/For_Supper.htm

Bad Dream
Once there was a couple sleeping. The wife had a bad dream. She woke up. She was scared
and cried.
Her husband tried to make her comfortable and asked why she cried. Then she replied: I had
a dream that a very rich and handsome man kidnapped me from you. Hearing his wife
answer, the husband said: It is ok honey, it was just a dream.
Immediately the wife responded loudly: That is why Im crying.

Vampire Bat
Vampire Bat A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, face all covered in fresh blood
and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats
smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and let
him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. OK, follow me, he said and
flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went,
across a river and into a huge forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats were
excitedly around him with their tongues hanging out for blood. Do you see that large oak
tree over there? he asked. YES, YES, YES!!!! the bats all screamed in a frenzy. Good!
said the first bat, Because I didnt.
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"The Perfect Husband"

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-
free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007
models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$80,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're
asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he smiles and

asks: "Anyone know whose phone is???!!!"

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"Its Time to Go to School!"

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to
school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

"The Zoo Job"

One day a clown was visiting the zoo and attempted to earn some money by making a street
performance. He acted and mimed perfectly some animal acts. As soon as he started to drive a
crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zoo keeper explained to
the clown that the zoo's most popular gorilla had died suddenly and the keeper was fear that
attendance at the zoo would fall off. So he offered the clown a job to dress up as the gorilla
until the zoo could get another one. The clown accepted this great opportunity.
So the next morning the clown put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd
came. He felt that it was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, played and made fun of
people and he drove bigger crowds than he ever did as a clown. He pretended the gorilla
successfully.
However, eventually the crowds were tired of him for just swinging on tires. He began to notice
that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the
attention of his audience, he decided to make a spectacular performance. He climbed to the top
of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top to the lion's cage. Of course,
this made the lion furious, but the crowd people loved it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper came and gave him a raise for being such a good attraction.
Well, this went on for some time, he kept taunting the lion, the audience crowd grew a larger,
and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day happened. When he was dangling over the
furious lion, he slipped and fell into the lion cage. The clown was really in big terrible situation.
He was terrified.
Sooner the lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The clown was so scared. He could do
nothing and he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close and closer behind.
Finally, the lion could catch him. The clown started screaming and yelling, "Help me, help
me!", but the lion was quick and pounces. The clown soon found himself flat on his back
looking up at the angry lion and suddenly he heard a voice from the lions mouth;"Shut up you
idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?".

We Don't Subscribe to Any Newspaper

Mike was a university student. He studies history. At the end of the year, his history
professor failed him in his examinations and he was told to leave the university. The next
day, Jack's father went to see the proffessor. He urged the professor to let Jack continue his
studies the following year. "He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you give him a
chance this time, I'm sure he will improve a lot next year." "No, no! That's quite impossible!"
replied the professor, "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon died, and he
could not answer it." "Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father, "you see, we
don't subscribe to any newspapers in our house, so none of us even knew that Napoleon was
ill."

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"Goat Jumping into Deep Hole"

Two men were walking through the woods and come across a very big deep hole. "Wow...that looks
deep." One replied,"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and we will see how deep this hole is."
Then they pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise "Geeez. That is really deep...
here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." After that, they
pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. but no noise
they heard.

Wow.. They were really impressed with how deep hole it was. They look at each other in
amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's
a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss that sucker in this hole, it's must make some
noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. But, not a sound comes from the
hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the
two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and
into the hole. The goat disappeared into the deep hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen. How could a goat jump into the hole?
Then, not long after that, out of the woods comes a farmer. He seemed to seek something and asked
to the two men, "Hey two guys... have you seen my goat out here?"

Feeling amazing with what they saw of a goat jumping to the hole, they answer straightly,"You bet
we did! Craziest thing I've ever seen! A goat came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!"

The farmer thought a moment and said, "That could not have been my goat. Because my goat was
chained to a railroad tie." Then he left the two men.

Abu Nawas and the King Aaron

The king wanted to test Abu Nawas smartness. So he invited Abu Nawas to the palace. You
want me, your Majesty? greeted Abu Nawas. Yes, you have fooled me three times and thats
too much. I want you to leave the country. Otherwise you will have to go to jail said the king.
If that is what you want, I will do what you said said Abu Nawas sadly. Then Remember,
from tomorrow you may not step on the ground of this country anymore the king said seriously.
Then Abu nawas left the king palace sadly.
The following morning the king ordered his two guards to go to Abu Nawas house. The guards
were very surprised found Abu Nawas still in his house. He had not left the country yet. Instead
leaving the country, Abu Nawas was swimming in small pool in front of his house. Hey Abu
Nawas, why havent you left this country yet? The king ordered you not to step on the ground
of this country anymore, didnt he? said the guards. Sure he did answered Abu Nawas
calmly. But look at me! Do I step on the ground of this country? No, I do not step on the
ground. I am swimming on the water continued Abu Nawas.

The guards were not able to argue with Abu Nawas so they left Abu Nawas house and went
back to the palace. The guards reported what they had seen to the king. The king was curious
on Abu Nawas excuse not to leave the country. Therefore the king ordered his guard to call
Abu Nawas to come to the palace.

Abu Nawas came to the palace on stilts. The king wondered and said Abu, I will surely punish
you because you havent done what I have said. You have not left this country. The King
continued And now, look at you. You walk on stilts like a child. Are you crazy? The king
pretended to be furious.

I remember exactly what you said, Your Majesty Abu Nawas answered calmly. This
morning I took a bath in the small pool in my house so that I had not to step on the ground.
And since yesterday, I have been walking on this stilts. So you see, Your Majesty, I do not step
on the ground of this country. The king was not able to say anything.

"Abu Ali Counts his Donkeys"

One day Abu Ali went to the fair, and bought nine donkeys. He rode home on one of them the rest of
the donkeys followed behind.
After a while Abu Ali said to himself, I must make sure all my donkeys are here. And he turned
round to count them.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Oh! Wheres number nine? Abu Ali cried
He jumped down from his donkey. He looked behind the rocks and behind the trees. But there was
no donkey to be seen.
Ill count them again, Abu Ali said. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Oh, he must
have come back.
So Abu Ali climbed back on to the donkey and trotted away.
After a while he counted his donkeys again. He counted only eight! Once more he looked behind the
rocks and behind the trees. But there was no donkey to be seen.
I will count again, he said, and this time there were nine.
Just then Abu Ali saw his friend Musa walking along the road. Musa, he called. Help me to count
my donkeys. I keep losing one. When I stop to count I have only eight, but when I get down looking
for the ninth, there he is again!
Well, I can see ten donkeys, Abu Ali, laughed Musa. And the tenth donkeys name is Abu Ali

"Loving Money Too Much"

There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all
of his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved
money more than just about anything.
Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all
my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he
asked his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money
in the casket with him.
Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting
there in black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before
the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that
the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said,
"I hope you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
The wife turned to her friend and replied; "Yes, because I have promised." Then she continued;
"I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." Feeling
shocked, her friend said; "You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket
with him?" Then the wife answered; "Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into
my account and I just wrote him a check."

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That Phone is Off

Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his
own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e
few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
It must be my first customer Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be
very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and
expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish
his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; I am from the telephone company and I
was sent here to connect your telephone