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32 SPEECH, LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION

Please dont be quiet!

Michael Jones speaks up on how to support quiet and anxious children

G
race is six and has been She is beginning to whisper to certain In school, children often
at her primary school for children in the playground, as long as no
two years. At home she adults are within earshot. Yet, when her feel the need to compete
is boisterous and chatty mum comes to pick her up, she will talk with each other to attract
with members of her immediate family, quite freely to her, once she is outside
but the adults in her school have yet the school gates. an adults attention
to hear her speak. One staff member Staff are, naturally, very concerned.
reports that she wont answer when They initially described Grace as "just
her name is called during registration shy", but because she talks to her end of the session, they are beginning
and refuses to talk to any of the adults. mother when she collects her at the to wonder whether Grace is an elective
mute. Graces mother says that Grace
behaved in exactly the same way when
she was at preschool, though there she
was unable to talk to other children.
Unfortunately, mum, who describes
herself as having been "painfully shy"
when she was at school, has researched
elective mutism on the internet, and has
become very confused and alarmed.
Her search engine refused to accept
"elective mutism" and automatically
changed the search to "selective
mutism". This led to hundreds of entries,
many of them suggesting that her child
has "high anxiety" and "social phobia",
and is possibly using refusal to speak
as a way of gaining control, or that it is
a symptom of trauma or even abuse.
Up to this point, Graces mother was
confident that she was doing a good job
as a parent, but now she has become
anxious that her daughter is "starting
to have the same problems" that she
went through.
Although selective mutism in children
is relatively rare, the situation I have
just described is quite common, and it
is essential that all adults working with
young children are clear about why
some children are very quiet, and what
to do about it.

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 SPEECH, LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION 33

Children who are shy

Maggie Johnson, co-author of The
go first. When faced with a new activity,
shy children usually need to see another
Some teenagers fail to
Selective Mutism Resource Manual, child get the activity right and, most understand why small-
says that it is particularly important
to understand the difference between
importantly, need to see someone make
a mistake, so that they can see how
talk can be useful
shyness and selective mutism: Many adults react. While they welcome and
children can be described as reluctant respond well to adult support, children Amy Eleftheriades, an educational
talkers outside their homes, and being who are shy may remain uncertain in consultant who works with older
shy is just one of the reasons for this. new situations, or with unfamiliar people. children, their families and schools,
Some shy or timid children are often is exploring how deeper issues of
lacking in confidence with unfamiliar Children with high sensitivity communication may have an impact
people, and especially in groups. They Some children may be quiet because on children becoming silent. These can
may have a quiet temperament, or they are highly sensitive. Dr Elaine Aron, include teenagers failing to understand
possibly a sensitive disposition, or have author of The Highly Sensitive Child, why small-talk and banter with their
low self-esteem. Children with low self- gives a detailed description of what peers can be useful, and failing to
esteem expect that nothing they do will she calls high sensitivity or sensory appreciate the very subtle ways that
be right, including talking. processing sensitivity. "It is a genetically we use non-verbal signals to keep
Children who are described as shy inherited trait characterised by depth conversations going.
have a natural tendency to be wary of of processing and sensory sensitivity.
new situations and people. They may It is a normal trait found in 15-20% of The silent phase
feel anxious if they are suddenly asked the population. It often displays itself Many young children in the very early
to do something that they have not in an innate 'pause to check' type of stages of learning a second language
tried before. This may be especially behaviour, in which the person prefers go through a silent phase. This is an
noticeable in a group. The children to observe and wait before acting. active silence, when they spend a lot of
feel very self-conscious, which may Highly sensitive children are more time listening and working out important
manifest itself in the children blushing aware of subtleties and tend to be more aspects of their new language, such as
or becoming tearful. Shy and quiet affected or over-stimulated by their when one word ends and another one
children may function well at home physical or emotional environment than begins. Children often emerge from this
because they are in an environment (other) people. stage as chatty individuals who then
that is predictable. Language at home is According to Aron, children with learn their new language by talking a
also very predictable, where children, in high sensitivity may be silent because, lot. However, some children who may
general, begin conversations and adults they avoid the high stimulation involved have a shy, anxious or highly sensitive
respond. Children are therefore much in meeting strangers and as a result nature may need more support during
more familiar with topics of conversation, become increasingly unskilled and their silent phase, to make sure that
which are often very repetitive and over-aroused when they do have to they join in activities with other children,
based around daily routines. This can be speak to strangers....Further, many so that they are getting the practice
the opposite in school, where children have experienced painful rejections for they need to learn their new language
may feel the need to compete with each being 'too quiet' or 'lost in thoughts'. with confidence.
other to attract and maintain an adults Barbara Allen-Williams, founder of
attention through talk. the National Centre for High Sensitivity, Children with
Children who are shy may initially has observed that Highly sensitive selective mutism
talk very quietly to a few adults and children experience a great deal of over- Children with selective mutism speak
children, but are more likely to talk freely stimulation and 'new-ness'. While they freely with only a small number of
once they get to know the staff and are young they are introduced to many people with whom they feel comfortable.
routines. This is particularly the case if new people, things and experiences. Typically, the children are able to speak
they are encouraged to join in with group They can find this totally overloading at home with familiar family members,
activities where adults avoid putting to their senses. Even at a young age but experience extreme anxiety about
them under pressure to speak. They they may be aware that they appear to speaking outside their home. This
are usually keen to join in with group be the only one who is not enjoying a anxiety is so strong that the children
activities, as long as they are not put on new or boisterous experience, leading often describe experiencing an actual
the spot, for example, by being asked to to self-doubt, fear and shame. >>

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34 SPEECH, LANGUAGE AND COMMUNICATION

Anxiety is so strong that

children often describe
experiencing a physical
blockage in their throats

However, we need to let children know

that there is no pressure to rush into
talking and that it is OK for them to talk
when they are ready.
If, like Grace, children have been
silent for several years, though, their own
self-image may be of one who never
talks". In these cases, children will need
a structured programme to gradually
desensitise them to their fear, and to
Selective mutes can fear hearing their own voice outside the family environment. help them to develop their confidence
as a talker throughout school. If school
staff decide that the time is right to
physical blockage in their throats, that adults may put pressure on them introduce a structured programme,
possibly caused by muscular tension. to talk. it will be vital to enlist the support of
The condition was originally referred to local professionals with experience of
as "elective" mutism because it was Providing appropriate selective mutism. This is often the local
thought that the children were electing or support speech and language therapy service,
choosing to be silent. It is now generally So how should the staff at Graces possibly working in conjunction with
recognised that these children have school respond to her? The very first educational psychologists. Parents
developed a fear of hearing their voice action to be taken to support any child will also need to be fully involved with
outside the family and have little or no with anxiety about talking in groups, the programme.
control over their reaction. and particularly if the child has selective
Maggie Johnson says that mutism, involves all the adults working Useful reading
Aron, E.N. (2003) The Highly Sensitive Child,
practitioners can make a clear distinction together. Everyone needs to believe that Thorsons.
between children who are shy and those Grace is not choosing to be silent, but Johnson, M. and Wintgens, A. (2002)
The Selective Mutism Resource Manual,
with selective mutism by observing their finds herself unable to talk in certain Speechmark Publishers.
Johnson, M. And Wintgens, A. (2012) Can
reactions to adults. Shy children are situations and with certain people. I Tell You About Selective Mutism? Jessica
generally unsure of themselves and Adults who say, Grace wont talk to us Kingsley Publishers.

usually welcome help with joining in, should be encouraged to say, Grace
whereas children with selective mutism is a confident talker at home, and we
have a specific dread of speaking. They are helping to build her confidence at
Further information
may suddenly shut down, back off, or school. The fact that Grace is beginning Michael Jones is a freelance
become almost frozen or rooted to to talk to other children should be seen educational trainer who has
the spot and unable to respond. They as a positive step in the right direction. written extensively on the subject
of children's communication: His
become wary of what they perceive to There also needs to be an agreement
latest book, Supporting Quiet
be a threat to make them talk. They may to reduce pressure for Grace to talk. As Children, is co-authored by
also be too frozen to communicate Maggie Johnson explains in a training Maggie Johnson:
non-verbally, including making eye DVD produced by The Selective Mutism www.talk4meaning.co.uk
contact, smiling, nodding or pointing. Information and Research Association, Selective Mutism Information and
They often develop a response of 'silent We often find that once the pressure Research Association (SMIRA):
watchfulness', where they have become is off the children to talk, they relax and www.smira.org.uk
extremely sensitive to the possibility speech begins to emerge naturally.

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