Part 2:

Training Mentors

JUMPstarting
Your Mentors
Module 2

Time: 2 hours
Limit: 20 participants
NOTES
Introduction
Session Goals
Participants will prepare to deliver an introductory training session,
called “Starting the Relationship,” to their program’s new mentors.
By the end of the workshop, they should:

• Have identified the skills and knowledge their program’s mentors

should possess
• Have practiced adapting and facilitating training activities for new
mentors
• Have practiced reflecting on, and learning from, their
experiences as facilitators

The Basics
1. Mentor-training materials should be adapted to address the issues
most relevant to your program, the children and youth who partic-
ipate, and the adults who serve as their mentors.
2. It is important for new mentors to define what their roles are and
are not.
3. Understanding basic principles of positive youth development can
help mentors identify effective approaches for building supportive
relationships with their mentees.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
Agenda
1. One Thing About Me (20 minutes)
Participants meet in pairs to introduce themselves.

2. Training Mentors (15 minutes)

Participants discuss skills and knowledge their programs’
mentors should possess.

3. Planning an Introductory Training Session (15 minutes)

Participants explore the material in “Starting the Relationship.”

4. Preparing an Activity (45 minutes)

Small groups adapt and facilitate training activities for
new mentors.

5. Group Reports (20 minutes)

Small groups report on their strategies for modifying the
activities and on the facilitation experience.

6. Now What? (5 minutes)

Participants reflect on their experiences during this session.

Connections to Other Training Sessions

This session is intended as the second of four sessions designed to help
programs train their mentors. The information and strategies referred
to in this session are related to these JUMP trainings:

• “Preparing to Facilitate”
• “Connecting and Communicating”
• “Keeping the Relationships Going”
If members of your training group have already attended any of those
sessions, you may want to draw on information they have learned
there. If they have not yet attended those sessions, you will want to,
where appropriate, encourage them to attend in order to reinforce
and add to the information that is covered during this “JUMPstarting
Your Mentors” session.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
Preparation
Note: “JUMPstarting Your Mentors” is a train-the-trainer module. Thus,
one of your roles throughout the session is to model effective facilitation
strategies and approaches. (Also note that the words “trainer” and
“facilitator” are used interchangeably in this module.)

1. The materials for this module include “Starting the Relationship,” a

curriculum unit that programs can use to plan and deliver an
introductory training workshop for their new mentors. It is used
heavily during this JUMP training session. If at all possible, you
should get a copy of “Starting the Relationship” to your partici-
pants before the training session so they have time to read it in
advance. Ideally, you can mail it to participants a week or two
before the “JUMPstarting Your Mentors” training. Include a cover
note explaining how it will be used during the session and empha-
sizing that it is essential they read “Starting the Relationship” before
the session takes place.
2. Read the mentor training materials, “Starting the Relationship.”
Much of this session is devoted to helping participants learn to use
these materials in a training workshop for their program’s new men-
tors. Be prepared to give a brief (5 to 10 minute) overview of
“Starting the Relationship” at the beginning of Activity #3.
3. Read the handouts.
4. Visit the Web sites listed on Handout #5, “Resources for
JUMPstarting Your Mentors,” so you are prepared to describe to
participants the kinds of information they can find there.
5. Review the trainer resource.
6. Review the three curriculum modules, listed on the previous page,
that include information and strategies relevant to “JUMPstarting
Your Mentors.”
7. Prepare a set of handouts for each training participant. (Copy the
handouts onto paper with three-hole punches so participants can
keep them in a binder.)

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
8. Prepare a copy of “Starting the Relationship” for each partici-
pant. Many of the pages are printed on both the front and back,
so be sure to copy both sides. (Copy “Starting the Relationship”
onto paper with three-hole punches so participants can keep it in
their binder.)
9. Prepare transparencies of the two overheads.
10. Copy the goals of the session onto a flipchart. On a separate sheet
of paper, copy the agenda.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
Materials
Trainer Resource
• Trainer Resource #1: Principles of Adult Learning

Overheads
• Overhead #1: Possible Topics for Mentor Training
(three pages)
• Overhead #2: Principles of Adult Learning

Handouts
• Session Goals and Basics
• Agenda
• Handout #1: Who I Am
• Handout #2: Checklist: Mentor Trainings
• Handout #3: Guidelines for Small-Group Practice
• Handout #4: Three Things I Will Use
• Handout #5: Resources for JUMPstarting Your Mentors

Mentor Training Materials

• “Starting the Relationship”

You Will Need To Supply

Flipcharts, easels, markers, and masking tape
An overhead projector
Index cards

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
Activities
1. One Thing About Me
Participants meet in pairs to introduce themselves.

• Introduce yourself. Tell participants that, in a few minutes, they

are going to introduce themselves to each other.
Refer them to Handout #1, “Who I Am.” Allow a few minutes for
#1
them to silently read it and think through (or write notes about)
how they would complete each of the items.
Then organize the group into pairs. (Pair people together who do
not know each other.) Ask each pair to use “Who I Am” as a guide
for having a conversation in which they learn about one another.
Tell them that each person will use the information to introduce
his/her partner to the whole group.
Allow about 6 minutes for pairs to complete their conversations.
Ask for 3 or 4 volunteers to introduce his/her partner, allowing
about 1 minute per introduction.
• Now ask, “If this activity were done with new mentors, how could
it begin to prepare them for starting a relationship with their
mentee?” (The word “facilitator” would be changed to “mentor”
on the “Who I Am” handout.)
What communication skills would it help new mentors think about?
How might it help them think about their roles as mentors?
• Note that this session helps participants get ready to provide an
introductory training workshop to their program’s new mentors.
Using the flipchart you have prepared, describe the goals of this
session. Then briefly review the agenda.
Check to be sure each person has the handouts for this session and
a copy of “Starting the Relationship.” Note that “Starting” contains
materials for an introductory mentor training workshop, and you
will be focusing on those materials during much of the session.
Refer participants to page 1 of their handouts, “Session Goals and
Basics.”
Review the three “basics” that are listed there. This session will be
examining those points more fully.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
2. Training Mentors
Participants discuss skills and knowledge their programs’ mentors
should possess.

• Note that this is the first of three JUMP sessions that are intended
to help programs plan and deliver training workshops and ongoing
support groups for their mentors. (In addition, the “Preparing to
Facilitate” session provides an introduction to training strategies.)
Before starting to look at the materials for the mentor training
workshops, this is a good time to take a few minutes to talk about
programs’ current training efforts.
Lead a discussion about the training that participants are offering,
or plan to offer, for their mentors. The discussion should address
at least these points:
1. What training—including training in skills and providing infor-
mation—do their programs currently provide?
Is the training (if any is provided) required? If so, how many
hours of training are required? Is the training optional? Who
facilitates the training—for example, program staff? staff from
other agencies? professional trainers?
2. When is the training given?
Before mentors begin to meet with the children/youth? Soon
after they begin the relationship? Ongoing during their mentor-
ing experience?
3. What are the most successful current components of their
mentor training?
4. Are there areas where they would like to provide training for their
mentors but don’t?
What are those areas? Why aren’t they providing the training? Are
there external obstacles? Have other participants found effective
ways to overcome those obstacles?
As participants speak, record their major points on the flipchart.
#2
• Refer participants to Handout #2, “Checklist: Mentor Trainings,”
and allow a few minutes for them to review it. (Major items on
#1 this handout are reproduced on the three pages of
Overhead #1, “Possible Topics for Mentor Training.”)

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
Note that the handout can serve as a tool for programs as they
define and organize their mentor training efforts. Very briefly
review the items on the list of potential training topics, pointing out
that some of the workshops could be facilitated by program staff
while others might best be led by an outside person.
For example, someone from an agency that provides services to battered
women could be invited to give a training on domestic violence; someone
from a local Planned Parenthood agency could give a training on teen
sexuality; a school DARE officer (a police officer who participates in
the national Drug Abuse Resistance Education program) could offer
information on signs of drug use and ways to get help.
Emphasize that programs need to decide which issues/training top-
ics are relevant to their particular circumstances. Ask if there are
items they want to add to the list of training topics.

3. Planning an Introductory Training Session

Participants explore the material in “Starting the Relationship.”

• Refer participants to “Starting the Relationship,” materials for

planning and delivering an introductory training workshop for
new mentors. Note that the workshop would cover most or all of
the first five mentor training topics on the handout they have just
discussed.
• Give the 5-to-10 minute overview of “Starting the Relationship”
that you have prepared. Allow opportunities for questions and dis-
cussion throughout your presentation.
Ideally, your participants should have received and read “Starting
the Relationship” in advance of this session. If they have, you can
move more quickly through the overview.
Your overview should cover:
1. The way the materials are organized.
Note that there is introductory material (workshop goals, the
agenda, information about what is provided and what facilita-
tors need to provide, preparation tips for this workshop and
general facilitation tips, and some useful quotations); informa-
tion for facilitating five activities (and for two optional activi-
ties); and handouts to use during the session and/or to distrib-
ute at the end of the session, and an evaluation form.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
2. The content of a mentor training workshop based on these materials.
Review the four goals on page 1 of “Starting the Relationship.”
Describe how the materials contain an icebreaker (the same
one your participants did earlier), and activities geared toward
meeting these goals. The activities are intended to help new
mentors explore their roles; understand special qualities of the
children/youth in the program; and become familiar with youth
development principles and how mentors can apply them.
Tell participants that in a few minutes, they are going to meet in
small groups to work with some of the activities in “Starting the
Relationship.” Ask if they have any additional questions or com-
ments about the materials.

IN ADDITION: If people attending this session have not previously

attended the training on “Preparing to Facilitate,” you might
#1 want to cover a few key points from that session. These might
include a brief review of principles of adult learning (they are
#2 summarized in Trainer Resource #1 and on Overhead #2,
“Principles of Adult Learning”) and of the “Facilitation Tips”
that are included in the introductory pages of “Starting the Rela-
tionship.”
However, keep this review limited to a few minutes—it is
important for participants to move quickly into the small-group
work. The adult-learning principles and facilitation tips can be
referred to again, and applied in a specific context, later in the
session when the small groups report back on their work.

4. Preparing an Activity
Small groups adapt and facilitate training activities for new mentors.

• Explain that now you want everyone to get some experience work-
ing with the material in “Starting the Relationship.”
Organize participants into small groups of 4 or 5 people. Each
group is going to work with one of these two activities in “Starting
the Relationship”:
Activity #2—Roles of a Mentor, or
Activity #4—Supporting Children and Youth.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
You might decide to organize groups randomly and then
assign each group one of these activities to work on, or you
could ask participants which activity they prefer to work on and
then organize the groups around their preferences. In either
case, make sure that at least one group is working on each of the
activities.
#3 Refer participants to Handout #3, “Guidelines for Small-Group
Practice,” and briefly review it. Make sure each group knows
which activity it will be working on.
Also make sure that each group has index cards, a flipchart, an
easel, markers, and masking tape.
Allow about 40 minutes for each group to meet and complete its
work. (Give a “5-minute warning” after 35 minutes so the groups
know they have to begin to wrap-up.)

5. Group Reports
Small groups report on their strategies for modifying the activities and
on the facilitation experience.

• Bring the entire group back together.

Ask each small group to give a 3-to-5 minute presentation on its
work. Have each group that worked on Activity #2, Roles of a
Mentor, present their reports. Then have groups that worked on
Activity #4, Supporting Children and Youth, present.
Each group should:
1. Describe the characteristics of the mentoring program it identi-
fied for the purpose of modifying the activity.
2. Talk about any modifications it made in the activity and why
they were made.
3. Discuss their experience of role-playing the activity. What
worked well and why? What would they change in doing the
mentor-training activity again?
Each group’s facilitator should also talk briefly about his/her expe-
rience—what went well and what felt uncomfortable.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
AS AN ALTERNATIVE : If there is time, and if any of the activities
lend themselves to immediate presentation, some of the small
groups might choose to present part of their activity as a role-
play. In this case, one of the small-group members would be the
facilitator, and all of the other participants in this training ses-
sion would play the role of new mentors who are taking part in
the activity.
As each small group and its facilitator makes its presentation,
encourage questions and comments from other participants.
If more than one small group worked on each of the activities (for
example, if two small groups practiced facilitating Activity #2, Roles
of a Mentor), have the whole group discuss the ways in which each
small group approached the activity differently and the impact of
those differences.
In addition, as appropriate, ask questions that help everyone focus
on principles of effective facilitating and adult learning.
These might include, for example, questions about the use of
flipcharts, the facilitator’s ability to involve everyone in the group
and to draw on people’s “real life” experiences, and the atmosphere
in the group while the activity was taking place.
• As time allows, have participants look at Activity #3, Youth in the
Program, in “Starting the Relationship.” Lead a brief discussion
about whether that activity would be useful for the mentors in
their particular program and, if so, how they would approach it.
What people would they invite to make the presentation?

6. Now What?
Participants reflect on their experiences during this session.

#4 • Refer participants to Handout #4, “Three Things I Will Use.”

Ask them to write down three things they learned during this ses-
sion that they will apply at their programs. These might be facilita-
tion strategies, content for mentor training sessions, or anything
else.
Ask for a few volunteers to read one of their items.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
NOTES
Remind the group that two additional JUMP training sessions
(“Connecting and Communicating” and “Keeping the Relation-
ships Going”) focus on helping programs train their mentors in
other areas, including developing communication skills, building
trust with their mentee, and understanding and respecting cultur-
al differences.

#5
• Refer them to Handout #5, “Resources for JUMPstarting Your
Mentors,” for information on other mentor training curricula
and materials, and Web sites that are useful sources of information
on youth development.

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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
 Principles of
#1
Adult Learning

Learning results in a change in knowledge, skills, and/or attitudes.

Some of the factors that contribute to adult learning are not very
different from those that contribute to learning by children and
youth.

1. Adults learn what they are motivated to learn.

Adults want to see a reason for learning something. The learn-
ing has to be applicable to their work or other responsibilities to
be of value to them. Adults learn in order to solve perceived
problems.
2. Adults are practical and goal-oriented.
They focus on aspects of a training that are most useful to them.
3. Adult teaching should be grounded in learners’ experiences.
Adults have accumulated a foundation of knowledge and life
experiences that is a valuable resource. Adults learn best when
new information and concepts are built on this foundation.
4. Adults learn best when they are in a supportive environment.
They want guidance, not competition. They don’t want to be put
on the spot or feel like they are being tested. They learn best
when they are both psychologically and physically comfortable.

PART 2: MODULE 2:
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Training Mentors JUMPstarting Your Mentors
 PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Overheads 15

#1
1 of 3

Possible topics for mentor

training:

• Mentors’ responsibilities,
and available resources

• Characteristics of children/
youth in the program

• Child/youth development

• Mentors’ roles and

expectations
 PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Overheads 17

#1
2 of 3

• Ideas for mentor/mentee

activities

• Listening skills

• Cultural sensitivity/diversity
training

• Goal Setting

• Skills for setting limits with

their mentee

• Problem-solving skills

• Conflict resolution
 PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Overheads 19

#1
3 of 3

• Potential issues with

mentees’ families

• Child abuse, including neglect

• Teen pregnancy/sexual
activity

• Alcohol and other drug

issues

• Domestic violence

• Ongoing mentor support

groups
 PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Overheads 21

#2

Principles of Adult
Learning

• Adults learn what they are

motivated to learn.

• Adults are practical and

goal-oriented.

• Adult teaching should be

grounded in learners’
experiences.

• Adults learn best when

they are in a supportive
environment.
 Handouts

Page
Session Goals and Basics 1

Agenda 2

Handout #1: Who I Am 3

Handout #2: Checklist: Mentor Trainings 4

Handout #3: Guidelines for Small-Group Practice 6

Handout #4: Three Things I Will Use 8

Handout #5: Resources for JUMPstarting Your Mentors 9

JUMPstarting
Your Mentors
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 1

Session Goals

• To identify skills and knowledge your program’s mentors should possess

• To practice adapting and facilitating training activities for new mentors
• To practice reflecting on, and learning from, your experiences as facilitators

The Basics
1. Mentor-training materials should be adapted to address the issues most relevant to
your program, the children and youth who participate, and the adults who
serve as their mentors.
2. It is important for new mentors to define what their roles are and are not.
3. Understanding basic principles of positive youth development can help
mentors identify effective approaches for building supportive relationships
with their mentees.
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 2

Agenda

1. One Thing About Me

Notes:

2. Training Mentors
Notes:

3. Planning an Introductory Training Session

Notes:

4. Preparing an Activity
Notes:

5. Group Reports
Notes:

6. Now What?
Notes:
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 3

#1

Who I Am

1. My name is…

2. My most important role in life is as a…

3. At work, I…

4. My favorite way to spend my free time is…

5. One thing about me that is important for people to know is…

6. Some of the strengths I will bring as a facilitator of mentor trainings are…

7. One of my worries about being a facilitator is…

(Adapted with permission from the Volunteer Development Seminar, “Relationship Building.”
Volunteer Education and Development Manual. 1991. Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.)
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 4

#2

page 1 of 2
Checklist: Mentor Trainings

Does your program require training for mentors? If so, how much training is
required?

When does the training occur? Before the mentor and child or youth first meet?
Early in their relationship? Ongoing throughout their mentoring experience?
What topics does the training include? Who delivers the trainings?

Does your program offer optional training sessions for mentors? If so, when do
these occur? Before the mentor and child or youth first meet? Early in their rela-
tionship? Ongoing throughout their mentoring experience? What topics does the
training include? Who delivers the trainings? Are the sessions well attended?

What Trainings Do You Give? What Would You Like To Offer?

Currently Would like

offer to offer
1. Mentors’ responsibilities to the youth and to
the agency, organization, and/or school district;
and resources available to help mentors ❏ ❏

2. Characteristics of children/youth who

participate in the program ❏ ❏

3. Child/youth development ❏ ❏

4. Mentors’ roles and expectations ❏ ❏

5. Ideas for mentor/mentee activities ❏ ❏

PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 5

Checklist: Mentor Trainings

page 2 of 2

Currently Would like

offer to offer
6. Listening skills ❏ ❏

7. Cultural sensitivity/diversity training ❏ ❏

8. Goal setting ❏ ❏

9. Skills for setting limits with their mentee ❏ ❏

10. Problem-solving skills ❏ ❏

11. Conflict resolution ❏ ❏

12. Potential issues with mentees’ families ❏ ❏

13. Child abuse, including neglect ❏ ❏

14. Teen pregnancy/sexual activity ❏ ❏

15. Alcohol and other drug issues ❏ ❏

16. Domestic violence ❏ ❏

17. Ongoing mentor support groups ❏ ❏

18. Other: ❏ ❏

19. Other: ❏ ❏

20. Other: ❏ ❏
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 6

#3
page 1 of 2
Guidelines for Small-Group Practice

Your group will be working with either Activity #2, Roles of a Mentor, or Activity
#4, Supporting Children and Youth, in “Starting the Relationship.”

Follow these steps:

1. Select a group leader. That person will then guide you through the following steps.
2. Allow a few minutes for everyone to read the activity carefully and to under-
stand how it fits into the context of the goals and other activities in “Starting
the Relationship.”
3. Have a brief group discussion about the activity in which you identify its
specific goal: What should new mentors know and/or be able to do as a result
of participating in this activity?
4. All mentor training will, to some extent, be customized so it is specifically
geared toward the characteristics of the particular program in which the mentors
are volunteering; the specific issues that are important in that program; and
the characteristics of the people who serve as mentors.
So that your group can think more specifically about the audience for this activity,
you should all agree on the identity of the mentoring program that will be
presenting the activity during your role-play. The easiest approach is to use
one of the group member’s programs. Be sure everyone in the group knows
that program’s goals, characteristics of the children or youth who participate,
where the mentor/mentee meetings take place, and any other information that
could influence the approach to mentor training.
5. Select someone in your group to be the facilitator when you practice this activity.
(That person might or might not be the same as the leader you selected in step #1.)
6. As a group, decide whether you want to make any changes in the activity. For
example, if it is suggested that participants be paired up, would you want to
change this so they are instead working in small groups of 4 or 5 people?
What would be the advantages or disadvantages? Do you want to substitute
for, or drop, a suggested quote? Do you want to alter any of the sub-steps in
the activity? Do you want to create a handout to use during the activity or to
give to participants to read after the training workshop? Do you want to create
any overheads?
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 7

Guidelines for Small-Group Practice

page 2 of 2

7. Allow the facilitator about 5 minutes to prepare, including doing any necessary
writing on a flipchart (since it is not possible right now to prepare overheads)
as well as becoming mentally prepared.
8. Role-play presenting the activity in a mentor training workshop. Your selected
facilitator is “the facilitator”; everyone else in the group is a “new mentor.” (You
will probably have about 15 to 20 minutes for the role-play, slightly less than the
ideal amount of time for conducting this activity for a group of new mentors.)
9. Give feedback on the role-play. Everyone in the group participated in making
decisions about whether and how to modify the activity. Give yourselves feed-
back on the decisions you made about content and approach in this activity.
Did the activity achieve its goal? What worked well? What would you change?
Give the facilitator feedback on his or her work. For example, did the facilitator
help participants feel engaged in the activity? Handle group process well? Model
good listening skills? The facilitator should be a full participant in this feedback
session, talking about his or her own perceptions of what went well and what
he or she would change in facilitating this activity again.
10. Each small group will make a brief (about 3 to 5 minutes) presentation to the
whole group about modifications it made in the mentor training activity. Decide
who in your group will make that presentation.
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 8

#4

Three Things I Will Use

Briefly describe three things you learned during this session that you will use at
your program. These might be facilitation strategies, content for mentor training
sessions, or anything else.

1.

2.

3.
PART 2: Training Mentors MODULE 2: JUMPstarting Your Mentors Handouts 9

#5

Resources for JUMPstarting Your Mentors

Curriculum
Mentor Training Curriculum. 1991. National Mentoring Working Group.
Washington, D.C. Available through the National Mentoring Partnership,
(202) 338-3844; or through the “Volunteer Marketplace Catalog,” (800) 272-8306.
Volunteer Education and Development Manual. 1991. Big Brothers Big Sisters of
America. Available through Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, 230 North 13th
Street, Philadelphia, PA 19107, (215) 567-7000, [email protected].

Other print material

How To Be a Great Mentor. 1999. A guide, in magazine format, produced by Kaplan,
Newsweek, and the National Mentoring Partnership. Available through the National
Mentoring Partnership, (202) 338-3844.
The Kindness of Strangers: Adult Mentors, Urban Youth, and the New Voluntarism.
1993.
Marc Freedman. Jossey-Bass, Inc.

Some useful Web sites

www.mentoring.org
National Mentoring Partnership—includes information about mentors’ roles and
characteristics of effective mentors.
www.nydic.org
National Youth Development Information Center—provides a wide range of
information about youth development principles and programs, relevant statistics,
and links to related sites.
www.search-institute.org
Search Institute—provides information about research on, and approaches to,
positive youth development.
 Mentor Training Materials

Starting the Relationship

Materials to help you
plan and deliver an
introductory training
session for new mentors

Time: 2 to 21/ 2 hours

Limit: 20 participants
The best time to give this
training session: before
mentors have the first meet-
ing with their mentee
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 1

Introduction

Goals
To help new mentors develop a realistic understanding of their role and begin to
explore effective approaches to mentoring. By the end of the workshop, they
should have:

• Identified qualities of good mentors

• Identified roles that mentors can play in the lives of children and youth

• Learned about the children or youth who are enrolled in your program

• Been introduced to youth development principles and how they can be

applied to mentoring

Agenda
1. Introductions (35 minutes)

2. Roles of a Mentor (30 minutes)

3. Youth in the Program (25 minutes)

4. Supporting Children and Youth (25 minutes)

5. Wrap-Up (5 minutes)

At the end of the workshop, distribute the evaluation forms to participants and ask
them to complete the forms and return them to you before leaving.

Included Here Are

• Suggested activities, in a suggested sequence, that you can use or modify to
meet
the particular needs of your program

• Handouts that you can use or modify, and an evaluation form for participants to
complete at the end of the session

• Notes and training tips for facilitators

• Some quotations you can use at key points during the training session
2 Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials

Materials You Will Need To Provide

• Copies of the handouts and any other materials you prepare for the participants

• Copies of the evaluation form

• Flipcharts, an easel, marking pens, and masking tape

• The overheads you prepare

• An overhead projector

• Name tags (do not distribute them until after the first activity)

• Index cards
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 3

Notes For Facilitators

Preparation Tips
1. This material includes two lengthy handouts related to youth development: Handout
C, “Developmental Assets for Children and Youth,” and Handout D, “Develop-
mental Stages of Children and Youth.” While you will not want to use much (or
perhaps even any) workshop time reviewing these handouts, you might want
to briefly introduce them during Activity #4, “Supporting Children and Youth,” and
give one or both to participants at the end of the session so they can read them
later.

2. If you have not covered program information during an orientation session, you
should add an activity that describes:

• Your organization’s expectations of mentors. This includes time requirements

(both the frequency of meetings with their mentee and the length of commit-
ment); any required paperwork and telephone or in-person meetings with the
program supervisor or school coordinator; and training requirements.

• The support that mentors can expect from program staff.

• Community resources, if any, that are available for the mentee and mentee’s
family, as well as the program’s process for accessing those resources.

• Legal/liability and confidentiality issues as they relate to your program.

• The program’s ground rules.

In addition to making a presentation about these topics, prepare written materials

that contain this information and be sure that each new mentor receives a copy.

This presentation could take place immediately after the introductory activity. (If
you are going to be presenting this program information, add another 30 minutes
to the scheduled time for the workshop.)

If your new mentors have already received this kind of orientation, you should still pre-
pare written materials that cover this information and give everyone a copy at the end of the
session.

Facilitation Tips
“Facilitate” means “to make easier.” Think about yourself as a “facilitator”—someone
who helps mentors learn, rather than as someone who attempts to impose learn-
4 Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials

ing upon them. “Facilitating” suggests the idea of a collaborative relationship

between the trainer and participants.

A facilitator is a:

• Coach

• Listener

• Trainer

• Learner

• Manager of group process

What follows are some good practices for facilitating.

1. Before the training session:

• Take time to plan carefully. Customize activities and handouts so they best
address characteristics of your program. Be prepared to offer real-life exam-
ples that illustrate your program’s experiences. Think about how you will
facilitate the session, and be prepared to make on-the-spot adjustments if,
for example, an activity is not working well or you find you need to spend
more time on one activity and thus have to shorten another.

• Select a space for the training that is physically comfortable and con-
tributes to group interaction. Avoid a traditional classroom setup. Depend-
ing on the size of your group, have a table large enough for all the partici-
pants to sit around, or multiple tables (square or round) for smaller groups to
sit around. If that is not possible, arrange chairs in a circle—this will facilitate
discussion. If small groups are going to be meeting as part of the activities,
make sure there are rooms available nearby, or be sure the training room is
large enough that small groups can meet within it without distracting each
other.

• Have everything ready. Copy handouts and prepare overheads. Gather any
required materials and equipment: flipcharts, markers, masking tape, name
tags, an overhead projector (and extension cord, if necessary), and anything
else you might need for the session.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 5

• Arrive early. Get to the training room about 30 minutes ahead of time to set
up the area: arrange chairs, do any necessary advance writing on the
flipchart, and check equipment. Be sure that refreshments (coffee, water, soft
drinks, etc.) are available.

2. During the session:

• Create a comfortable learning environment. Be sure participants can hear
each other as they speak. Create an atmosphere where people are taken
seriously and where they can also laugh—people are usually most open to
new ideas when they are enjoying themselves and feel comfortable enough
to risk making mistakes. Think about ways to inject humor into the training
session. Using relevant cartoons as overheads, for example, or telling funny
anecdotes about experiences of mentors, can help create an open and
friendly atmosphere.

• Pace the training appropriately. Encourage the exchange of ideas and

information, while also keeping activities on track. Move things quickly
enough to keep participants from being bored but slowly enough to make
sure they absorb what is being discussed. Allow time throughout the session
for participants to ask questions. Where appropriate, involve the whole group
in answering questions. But also have a feel for which questions should be
answered quickly so the session can proceed.

• Model good listening, feedback, and problem-solving skills—the skills

that mentors need. Listen carefully and respectfully. Acknowledge what
people say even if you don’t agree. Maintain eye contact with each person as
he or she speaks. Monitor your nonverbal signals as well as your verbal com-
ments. Be nonjudgmental. Respond by guiding, not imposing. Repeat and
address key points. Help participants develop collaborative problem-solving
skills by involving them in answering other participants’ questions and having
them work together to arrive at solutions to problems.

• Keep this point in mind: People remember about 20 percent of what

they hear; 40 percent of what they hear and see; and 80 percent of what
they discover for themselves. Use overheads and flipcharts to help people
see and remember. Flipcharts are a useful tool for group thinking and prob-
lem solving. Summarize major discussion points on flipcharts, and post the
pages on the walls around the room so you and your group can keep refer-
6 Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials

ring back to, and expanding upon, earlier ideas and contributions.

• Build in success. People learn best when they experience success fre-
quently. Structure activities so participants have a sense of accomplishment
at the end of each. Structure the training session so participants’ sense of
accomplishment grows throughout.

• Be yourself. Have a sense of humor. And know your limitations. If you don’t
know the answer to a question, that’s OK. You don’t need to know all the
answers. Just say you will try to find the information they requested and get
back to them.

3. After the session:

• Use an evaluation form to get feedback from participants. Distribute it at
the end of the session, and ask participants to complete it before they leave.

• Reflect on what worked well and what did not. Use the information from
participants’ evaluations to help you think through what worked well from
their point of view, what you need to modify about the content, and what facil-
itation skills you want to strengthen. Along with participants’ feedback, give
yourself your own feedback on the training. Think about the situations when
participants seemed involved, bored, stimulated, confused, angry, or having
fun. Based on your self-observations, make necessary adjustments in ses-
sion content and your facilitation strategies.

• Follow up on information you promised participants you would get for

them. During the training session, keep a “to do” list of information (or
answers to questions) that you tell participants you will obtain for them. Try to
get the information, and then contact the participants who requested it. If you
can’t find the information (or the answer to a question), contact the partici-
pant to let him or her know about the situation.

Some Quotations to Use During this Session

These are among many good quotations that could help mentors think about their
roles and about the strengths and vulnerabilities of children and youth. You can
make overheads of some or all of these quotes—or other quotes you like—and
use them during the session to stimulate discussion or sum up key points. You could
also develop a handout for participants that lists these and/or other relevant
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 7

quotes.

“There is no beginning too small.”

—Henry David Thoreau

“Let everything you do be done as if it makes a difference.”

—William James

“You never know when you’re making a memory.”

—Rickie Lee Jones

“Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let
him know you trust him.”
—Booker T. Washington

“Once the self-concept changes, behavior changes to match the freshly perceived self.”
—Carl Rogers

“With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.”
—Chinese proverb

“Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming.”

—Haim Ginott

“If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confi-
dence,
you have won even before you have started.”
—Marcus Garvey

“The impulse to dream had been slowly beaten out of me by experience. Now it surged up
again and I hungered for books, new ways of looking and seeing.”
—Richard Wright

“Catch people in the act of doing something right.”

—Ken Blanchard
8 Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials

Activities

Activity #1: Introductions

• Introduce yourself. Welcome the new mentors and explain the goals of this
training session. (Copy the goals onto a flipchart or prepare an overhead.)
Then tell participants you want them to introduce themselves to one another.

• Organize the group into pairs. (Pair people together who do not know each
other.) Then distribute Handout A, “Who I Am.” Ask each pair to use the hand-
out as a guide for having a conversation in which they introduce themselves
and learn about one another. Tell them that each person will then introduce his
or her partner to the whole group.

Allow about 10 minutes for pairs to complete their conversations. Then have each
person very briefly—allowing about 1 minute per person—introduce his or her part-
ner.

• Thank the group for their contributions. Then lead a discussion focusing on how
this activity is similar to starting a new relationship with their mentee. Be sure to
include these points:

How did it feel to reveal things about themselves to a stranger?

Did their partner do or say anything to help them open up? If so, what?
What did they try to do to help their partner feel more comfortable?
What would they do differently if they did this exercise again?

• Note that this exercise provides practice in sharing information with another
person and in helping that person share information with you. Those are key
first steps in beginning a relationship. The exercise should also have helped the
participants think about some of the roles they play in life. For many of them,
being a mentor will be a new role.
[Activity adapted with permission from the Volunteer Development Seminar, “Relationship Build-
ing,”
pp. 11-12. Volunteer Education and Development Manual. 1991. Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.]

Activity #2: Roles of a Mentor

• Give each participant an index card. Then ask them to think back to when they
were a child or youth. (Suggest an age range that is the same as the ages of
the
children or youth they will be mentoring.)

Ask them to identify one person outside of their family who was a kind of mentor
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 9

for them. (If there is no one outside of their family, then they can identify a rela-
tive who served as a kind of mentor.) Ask them to think about why that person
was important to them and the result for them of that person’s interest.

Have them recall the qualities of that person that made her or him so valued by
them. Ask them to write down three or four of those qualities on their index
card.

• Have the participants talk briefly about the mentor they identified and the qualities
they valued. As they speak, list those qualities on the flipchart. When a quality is
repeated, put a check mark next to it each time it is mentioned. (For example, the
first time someone says “good listener,” write that phrase. Each time someone else
identifies this quality in his or her mentor, put a check mark by the phrase.)

Review the items on the list. Note which were mentioned most often. Then
have the participants identify which of the qualities might be categorized as
“communication skills,” such as listening, talking, asking questions, and being
nonjudgmental. (Material in the training session on “Building Trust” focuses
more
specifically on communication skills, but their importance for mentors can
never be overemphasized.)

• Now ask the participants—again thinking back to the person they identified—to
identify the roles a mentor can play in a child or youth’s life. List their responses on
the flipchart. (These might include: friend, big brother, big sister, positive role
model, resource, guide.) Lead a brief discussion about what each of these roles
might include. Be sure the participants see that a mentor is not a parent, teacher,
or counselor.

• Display the following quote on the flipchart or an overhead you have prepared
in advance. Use it to sum up the discussion from this activity:

“The program director and I used to talk about what was wrong with the
world, and we always used to say that if somebody could just hold these
kids’ hands sometimes—not drag them along, but just walk along with
them—maybe a lot of them would find their way.”
—Mentor, Washington, D.C.

Activity #3: Youth in the Program

• Write on the flipchart or make an overhead of this statement:

“Helping young people achieve their full potential is the best way to prevent
them from becoming involved in risky behavior.”
10 Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials

(The statement is from a brochure about the National Clearinghouse on Fami-

lies and Youth.)

Relate this statement to the mentor “roles” that your participants have just identi-
fied. Then ask them to keep the statement in mind as they hear more about the
children or youth they will be mentoring.

• Present information that will help your mentors understand characteristics—the

particular strengths and needs—of the children or youth whom they will be men-
toring. Depending on your program, you may want to do the presentation in one
of the following ways, or come up with your own alternative (one alternative is
to have a staff member make the presentation):

1. If the children or youth in your program have “special needs” or some other
common characteristic—for example, if they are children in foster care, youth
who all live in the same housing project, youth living in a juvenile detention
facility, children or youth with physical disabilities—you can arrange to have
an outside presenter come to the training to talk about the particular chal-
lenges
the children/youth face and the special strengths they possess. A social
worker involved with foster care could, for example, talk about the foster care
system and its effects on children. Someone from the housing project’s ten-
ant council could talk about living in the project, so that your mentors have a
context for understanding their mentees’ lives. If your program is school-
based, a staff
member from the school or your program’s school coordinator could make a
presentation about what life is like in the school.

2. If the children or youth in your program are all within a particular age range,
you can invite someone who works with young people that age to talk about
them in terms of youth development. For example, someone who works with
youth at a local Boys & Girls Club, Y, or other after-school or weekend pro-
gram could talk about his or her experiences with, and observations of, children
or youth of that age.

Be sure that anyone you invite to speak has the kind of positive, supportive
attitude toward children/youth that you want your mentors to have. Talk to the
person well in advance about this training session and why you would like
him or her to speak to the group. You can also, in advance, give the speaker
a copy of the curriculum for the training so he or she can see how the pre-
sentation fits into the entire training session.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 11

3. Arrange for a panel of 4 to 6 current or former mentors with your program (or
mentors from a similar program) to talk about the children/youth. Among other
topics, they could discuss their initial expectations for the mentoring rela-
tionship and how and why those expectations may have changed over time,
their challenges and rewards, and what they have come to understand about
the children/youth. (As the trainer, you will facilitate the panel discussion.)

4. Arrange for a panel that includes both the professionals or other experts in
items #1 and #2 above, and current or former mentors. If you choose this
approach, be sure, as you facilitate the panel discussion, that the mentors do not
feel overwhelmed or become inadvertently “silenced” by the professionals.

Whatever presentation form you decide to use, allow plenty of time for questions after-
ward.

• Return to the opening statement about “helping young people achieve their full
potential,” and relate it to the information that has just been presented. Note
that the idea in this statement is the essence of a positive approach to youth
development.

Activity #4: Supporting Children and Youth

• Copy one or more of these quotes (or other quotes that you like) onto a flipchart
or make an overhead:
“Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to
let him know you trust him.”
—Booker T. Washington

“Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming.”

—Haim Ginott

“If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With
confidence, you have won even before you have started.”
—Marcus Garvey

Lead a discussion about the quote(s) as a way into talking about principles of
positive youth development.

• Note that experts in positive youth development talk about young people’s basic
needs—essential conditions that help youth avoid risky behaviors, experience
healthy development, and achieve their full potential. These basic needs
12 Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials

include
a sense of:

– Safety and structure

– Belonging

– Self-worth/self-esteem and an ability to contribute

– Independence and control over one’s life

– Support from caring adults

– Competence and mastery

Display these items on the flipchart or an overhead you have prepared. You
might also want to make a handout to give to participants.
(This list is adapted from “A New Vision: Promoting Youth Development.” Testimony of
Karen Johnson Pittman, Director, Center for Youth Development and Policy Research,
before the House Select Committee on Children, Youth and Families, September 30, 1991.)

Have participants discuss what each of these items means to them. Write their
key points on the flipchart.

Note: Two handouts on aspects of youth development—Handout C, “Develop-

mental
Assets for Children and Youth,” and Handout D, “Developmental Stages of
Children and Youth”—are included at the end of these materials. If you are
going to give either
or both of these to your participants, you may want to refer to them here,
while waiting until the end of the session to distribute them.

However, as an alternative to the following exercise, you could distribute

Handout C, “Developmental Assets for Children and Youth,” and review it
with participants. During the review, ask which of the assets can be promoted
or delivered by a mentor, and what, specifically, the mentor could do to deliver
those assets.

• Organize the participants into pairs, and give each pair an index card. Ask them
to think about everything the group has discussed so far during this training
session, including the qualities and roles of mentors, the children/youth enrolled
in the program, positive youth development, and young people’s basic needs.
Then ask each pair to decide on two or three ways that, as mentors, they can
be contributing to the development of the youth they will be mentoring. They
should write these on the front of the card. On the back of the card, they should
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 13

write down two or three things that, as mentors, they should avoid doing because
they would be counter-productive.

• Have the pairs present their “should do” and “should avoid” lists. As they do, com-
pile two master lists on the flipchart.

Where useful, have the group discuss individual items—both positive and nega-
tive ones—and give specific examples of how they might “play out” during a
meeting between a mentor and youth. For example, if a pair suggests that a
mentor can help a youth feel like a valued part of the community, ask “How?”
(One possible response is “doing community service projects together,” and
this would contribute to a youth’s sense of belonging, self-worth, and compe-
tence.) If a pair suggests that a mentor should avoid being judgmental, ask for
examples of situations when a mentor’s first impulse might be to sound judg-
mental (if the youth reports bad grades or being in a fight, for example) and how
those situations could be handled in a more positive, productive way.

Wherever possible, connect the items on their “should do” lists to the six basic
needs of young people that you discussed earlier in this activity.

After the pairs have finished presenting their ideas, review the lists and see if
there is anything that the participants want to add, delete, or modify.

• Display this quote (or another quote) on the flipchart or on an overhead you have
prepared:

“Catch people in the act of doing something right.”

—Ken Blanchard, The One-Minute Manager

Ask the participants to think for a minute about some of the many small ways
they could “catch” their mentee “in the act of doing something right.” Then ask
for a few volunteers to give some examples.

Using items from the “should do” and “should avoid” lists and the idea behind
this quote, emphasize the important role that mentors have in providing support
and building their mentees’ self-esteem.

Activity #5: Wrap-Up

• Distribute Handout B, “During This Session.” Ask the participants to write down
two or three things they have learned during this session that they will be able
to put to use as they begin their mentoring relationship. They should also try to
describe how they will put that learning to use.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 14

Allow a few minutes for them to complete the handout. Then ask for a few
volunteers to share one of their items.

• Thank the participants for their attendance and involvement. Let them know
that the next training session is going to build on this one, looking more closely
at
communication skills.

Distribute the evaluation forms, and ask everyone to complete one and return it
to you before leaving.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 15

Handout A: Who I Am

1. My name is…

2. My most important role in life is as a…

3. At work, I…

4. My favorite way to spend my free time is…

5. One thing about me that is important for people to know is…

6. Some of the strengths that I will bring to a mentoring relationship are…

7. One of my worries about being a mentor is…

8. One thing I hope to gain from being a mentor is…

Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 16

page 1 of 4

Handout B: During This Session

List two or three things you learned during this session that will help you when
you begin your new role as a mentor. Then explain how each will help.

1.

2.

3.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 17

Developmental Assets for Children and Youth

page 2 of 4

Handout C: Developmental Assets for Children and Youth

“Developmental assets” are factors—both internal and external—which decrease

the likelihood that young people will engage in risky behavior and increase the
chances they will grow up to be healthy, caring, and responsible adults.

The following framework, developed by Search Institute (a research and training

organization in Minneapolis), identifies 40 assets or factors that are critical for
young people’s growth and development. The first 20 of these assets are exter-
nal—positive experiences that children and youth should be receiving. The next 20
are internal—qualities that young people should (with the help of adults, communities,
and institutions) be developing within themselves.

External Assets
The first 20 developmental assets focus on positive experiences that young peo-
ple should receive from the people and institutions in their lives. Four categories
of external assets are included in the framework:

1. Support
Young people need to experience support, care, and love from their families,
neighbors, and many others. They need organizations and institutions that pro-
vide positive, supportive environments. The developmental assets in this category
include:

• Family support. Family life provides high levels of love and support.

• Positive family communication. Young person and his or her parent(s) com-
municate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from
parent(s).

• Other adult relationships. Young person receives support from non-parent

adults.

• Caring neighborhood. Young person experiences caring neighbors.

• Caring school climate. School provides a caring, encouraging environment.

• Parent involvement in schooling. Parent(s) are actively involved in helping

young person succeed in school.

2. Empowerment
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 18

Developmental Assets for Children and Youth

page 3 of 4

Young people need to be valued by their community and have opportunities to

contribute to others. For this to occur, they must be safe and feel secure. The
developmental assets in this category include:

• The community values youth. Young person perceives that adults in the
community value youth.

• Youth as resources. Young people are given useful roles in the community.

• Service to others. Young person serves in the community one hour or more per
week.

• Safety. Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.

3. Boundaries and Expectations

Young people need to know what is expected of them and whether activities and
behaviors are “in bounds” or “out of bounds.” The developmental assets in this cate-
gory include:

• Family boundaries. Family has clear rules and consequences, and monitors the
young person’s whereabouts.

• School boundaries. School provides clear rules and consequences.

• Neighborhood boundaries. Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young

people’s behavior.

• Adult role models. Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible
behavior.

• Positive peer influence. Young person’s best friends model responsible behav-
ior.

• High expectations. Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to
do well.

4. Constructive Use of Time

Young people need constructive, enriching opportunities for growth through creative
activities, youth programs, congregational involvement, and quality time at home.
The developmental assets in this category include:
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 19

Developmental Assets for Children and Youth

page 4 of 4

• Creative activities. Young person spends three or more hours a week in lessons
or practice in music, theater, or other arts.

• Youth programs. Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports,
clubs, or organizations at school and/or in community organizations.

• Religious community. Young person spends one hour or more a week in

activities in a religious institution.

• Time at home. Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do”
two or fewer nights per week.

Internal Assets
A community’s responsibility for its young does not end with the provision of exter-
nal assets. There needs to be a similar commitment to nurturing the internalized
qualities that guide choices and create a sense of purpose and focus. Four cate-
gories of internal assets are included in the framework:

1. Commitment to Learning
Young people need to develop a lifelong commitment to education and learning.
The developmental assets in this category include:

• Motivation for achievement. Young person is motivated to do well in

school.

• School engagement. Young person is actively engaged in learning.

• Homework. Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework
every school day.

• Bonding to school. Young person cares about her or his school.

• Reading for pleasure. Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours
per week.

2. Positive Values
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 20

page 1 of 7

Youth need to develop strong values that guide their choices. The developmen-
tal assets in this category include:

• Caring. Young person places high value on helping other people.

• Equality and social justice. Young person places high value on promoting
equality and reducing hunger and poverty.

• Integrity. Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his
beliefs.

• Honesty. Young person “tells the truth, even when it is not easy.”
• Responsibility. Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility.

• Restraint. Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or

to use alcohol or other drugs.

3. Social Competencies
Young people need skills and competencies that equip them to make positive choic-
es, to build relationships, and to succeed in life. The developmental assets in this
category include:

• Planning and decision-making. Young person knows how to plan ahead

and make choices.

• Interpersonal competence. Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and

friendship skills.

• Cultural competence. Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people
of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds.

• Resistance skills. Young person can resist negative peer pressure and
dangerous situations.

• Peaceful conflict resolution. Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolent-

ly.

4. Positive Identity
Young people need a strong sense of their own power, purpose, worth, and
promise. The developmental assets in this category include:

• Personal power. Young person feels he or she has control over “things that
happen to me.”

• Self-esteem. Young person reports having high self-esteem.

• Sense of purpose. Young person reports that “my life has purpose.”
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 21

Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

page 2 of 7

• Positive view of personal future. Young person is optimistic about her or

his
personal future.

[Reprinted with permission from the Search Institute. Copyright 1997. All rights reserved. This
list is an educational tool. It is not intended to be, nor is it appropriate as, a scientific measure of
the developmental assets of individuals.]

Handout D: Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

Children may be of similar chronological age but at different levels of maturity.

Eventually, most children will end up at the same maturation level, but it may take
some children longer than others. What defines each child’s development is both
that child’s biological clock and what has happened to him or her emotionally and
environmentally. Most of the children you encounter as a mentor may have had
some disturbance in development, such as a loss through divorce or death. Some
children seem to weather these changes, while others are more vulnerable to their
effects. It is important to be aware of this and have realistic expectations for your
mentee.

A child’s development is an individual and continual process. The following pages

outline typical developmental characteristics of four age groups. But remember
that your mentee may be “behind” or “advanced” in any of these areas.

5- to 7-Year-Olds

General Characteristics
1. Eager to learn; easily fatigued; short periods of interest.

2. Learn best when they are active while learning.

3. Self-assertive, boastful; less cooperative, more competitive.

Physical Characteristics
1. Very active; need frequent breaks from tasks to do things that are energetic
and fun for them.

2. Need rest periods—good quiet activities include reading books together or

doing simple art projects.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 22

Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

page 3 of 7

3. Large muscles are well developed. Activities involving small muscles (for
example, building models that have small pieces) are difficult.

4. May tend to be accident-prone.

Social Characteristics
1. Enjoy organized games and are very concerned about following rules.

2. Can be very competitive—this may lead them to cheat at games.

3. Very imaginative and involved in fantasy-playing.

4. Self-assertive, aggressive, boastful, want to be first; becoming less coopera-

tive.

Emotional Characteristics
1. Alert to feelings of others but unaware of how their own actions affect others.

2. Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.

3. Inconsistent in level of maturity; regress when tired; often less mature at

home than with outsiders.

Mental Characteristics
1. Very eager to learn.

2. Like to talk.

3. Can be inflexible about their idea of fairness.

4. Difficulty making decisions.

Suggested Mentor Strategies

1. Be patient, encouraging, and flexible.

2. Give supervision with a minimum amount of interference.

3. Give praise, opportunities for successful competition, and suggestions about

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Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

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acceptable behavior.

8- to 10-Year-Olds

General Characteristics
1. Interested in people; aware of differences; willing to give more to others but also
expect more.

2. Busy, active, full of enthusiasm; may try too much; accident prone; interested
in money and its value.

3. Sensitive to criticism; recognize failure; have capacity for self-evaluation.

4. Capable of prolonged interest; may make plans on their own.

5. Decisive; dependable; reasonable; strong sense of right and wrong.

6. Spend a great deal of time in talk and discussion; often outspoken and criti-
cal
of adults, although still dependent on adult approval.

Physical Characteristics
1. Very active and need frequent breaks from tasks to do things that are ener-
getic
and fun for them.

2. Early maturers may be upset about their size—as their adult supporter, you
can help by listening and explaining.

3. May tend to be accident-prone.

Social Characteristics
1. Can be very competitive.

2. Are choosy about their friends.

3. Acceptance by friends becomes very important.

4. Team games become popular.

5. Often idolize heroes, television stars, and sports figures.

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Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

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Emotional Characteristics
1. Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.

2. Because friends become very important, can be conflicts between adults’

rules and friends’ rules—your honesty and consistency can be helpful.

Mental Characteristics
1. Can be inflexible about their idea of fairness.

2. Eager to answer questions.

3. Very curious; collectors of everything, but may jump to other objects of inter-
est
after a short time.

4. Want more independence while knowing they need guidance and support.

5. Wide discrepancies in reading ability.

Suggested Mentor Strategies

1. Recognize allegiance to friends and “heroes.”

2. Remind child of responsibilities in a two-way relationship.

3. Acknowledge performance.

4. Offer enjoyable learning experiences—for example, this is a good age to

teach about different cultures.

5. Provide candid answers to questions about upcoming physiological changes.

11- to 13-Year-Olds

General Characteristics
1. Testing limits; a “know-it-all” attitude.

2. Vulnerable; emotionally insecure; fear of rejection; mood swings.

3. Identification with admired adults.

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Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

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4. Bodies going through physical changes that affect personal appearance.

Physical Characteristics
1. Good coordination of small muscles; interest in art, crafts, models, and
music.

2. Early maturers may be upset about their size—as their adult supporter, you
can help by listening and explaining.

3. Very concerned with their appearance; very self-conscious about their

physical changes.

4. May have bad diet and sleep habits and, as a result, low energy levels.

Social Characteristics
1. Acceptance by friends becomes very important.

2. Cliques start to develop.

3. Team games become popular.

4. Often have “crushes” on other people.

5. Friends set the general rules of behavior.

6. Feel a strong need to conform; dress and behave like their peers in order to
“belong.”

7. Very concerned with what others say and think about them.

8. Have a tendency to try to manipulate others to get what they want.

9. Interested in earning own money.

Emotional Characteristics
1. Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.

2. Because friends are very important, can be conflicts between adults’ rules and
friends’ rules.

3. Caught between being a child and being an adult.

4. Loud behavior may hide their lack of self-confidence.

5. Look at the world more objectively; look at adults more subjectively, and are
critical of them.
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Developmental Stages of Children and Youth

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Mental Characteristics
1. Tend to be perfectionists; if they try to attempt too much, may feel frustrated.

2. Want more independence but know they need guidance and support.

3. May have lengthy attention span.

Suggested Mentor Strategies

1. Offer alternative opinions without being insistent.

2. Be accepting of different physical states and emotional changes.

3. Give candid answers to questions.

4. Suggest positive money-making opportunities.

5. Share aspects of your work life and rewards of achieving in work.

6. Do not tease about appearance, clothes, boyfriends/girlfriends, sexuality.

Instead, affirm them.

14- to 16-Year-Olds

General Characteristics
1. Testing limits; a “know-it-all” attitude.

2. Vulnerable; emotionally insecure; fear of rejection; mood swings.

3. Identification with admired adults.

4. Bodies going through physical changes that affect personal appearance.

Physical Characteristics
1. Very concerned with their appearance; very self-conscious about their
physical changes.

2. May have bad diet and sleep habits and, as a result, low energy levels.

3. Often a rapid weight gain at beginning of adolescence; enormous appetite.

Social Characteristics
1. Friends set the general rules of behavior.
Starting the Relationship Mentor Training Materials 27

2. Feel a strong need to conform; dress and behave like their peers in order
to “belong.”

3. Very concerned with what others say and think about them.

4. Have a tendency to try to manipulate others to get what they want.

5. Go to extremes; often appear to be unstable emotionally while having a

“know-it-all” attitude.

6. Fear of ridicule and of being unpopular.

7. Strong identification with admired adults.

Emotional Characteristics
1. Very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are easily hurt.

2. Caught between being a child and being an adult.

3. Loud behavior may hide their lack of self-confidence.

4. Look at the world more objectively; look at adults more subjectively, and are
critical of them.

Mental Characteristics
1. Can better understand moral principles.

2. May have lengthy attention span.

Suggested Mentor Strategies

1. Give choices and don’t be afraid to confront inappropriate behavior.

2. Use humor to defuse testy situations.

3. Give positive feedback—and let them know your affection is for them, not for
their accomplishments.

4. Be available and be yourself—with your true strengths, weaknesses, and emo-

tions.

5. Be honest and disclose appropriate personal information to build trust.

[Used with permission from “Child Development Seminar.” Volunteer Education and Develop-
ment Manual. 1991. Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.]