Parenting Styles-Children's Temperaments. The Match - Goodman & Gurian (1999)

The document discusses parenting styles and how they interact with children's temperaments. It describes the four main parenting styles - authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved - and cites research finding that children tend to be best adjusted with authoritative parents who balance high demands with emotional responsiveness. A child's temperament also influences the parent-child relationship, with easy, difficult, and slow to warm up temperaments described. The best outcomes occur with a good "fit" between a child's temperament and their parent's parenting style.

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Parenting Styles-Children's Temperaments. The Match - Goodman & Gurian (1999)

Uploaded by

Eduardo Aguirre Dávila

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Parenting Styles/Children's Temperaments: The Match 1

by Anita Gurian, Ph.D.

Clinical Assistant Professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
NYU Child Study Center Letter
 Introduction
 Parenting Style-what is it?
 How does parenting style affect children?
 Parenting styles and some daily dilemmas
 What about children's styles?
 What parents should keep in mind
 References and related books
 Related articles

Introduction

Joel D, on the birth of his daughter:

"The idea of being a parent is exciting but it's a little scary; what if you get it
wrong? There's so much you have to know and so many things you have to
decide."

Parents' lives change when a child is born. Right from the start they need to make
decisions: bottle or breast feeding; carriage or stroller; nanny or day care, work or
stay at home; and the list goes on. As children grow older, the decisions don't stop;
they change -- school, meals, allowances, after-school activities, friendships,
holidays. Although solutions to these individual daily dilemmas are important, it's
the parents'overall style and attitude that count as they influence, teach and
socialize their children.

Parenting style-what is it?

1
http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/parentingstyles.html
As all parents know all too well, parenting is complex, and there are no easy
answers. The interaction of many specific actions and attitudes on the part of
parents come together to affect a child's development. Parenting style refers to the
broad overall pattern of parental actions, rather than to a single act.

Types of parenting style

Description of parenting styles grew out of the work of Diana Baumrind and other
researchers in child development. They looked at children who had the qualities
most of us would want in our children: independence, maturity, self-reliance, self-
control, curiosity, friendliness and achievement orientation. The researchers then
interviewed the parents of these children to ascertain which elements of parenting
fostered these qualities. They identified two important ingredients: a)
responsiveness, or warmth and supportiveness, and b) demandingness or
behavioral control. Descriptions of four styles of parenting, as listed below, are
based on these elements.

Authoritarian, or extremely strict, parents are highly controlling. They dictate how
their children should behave. They stress obedience to authority and discourage
discussion. They are demanding and directive. They expect their orders to be
obeyed and do not encourage give-and-take. They have low levels of sensitivity
and do not expect their children to disagree with their decisions.

Authoritative, or moderate, parents set limits and rely on natural consequences

for children to learn from making their own mistakes. Authoritative parents explain
why rules are important and why they must be followed. They reason with their
children and consider the children's point of view even though they might not
agree. They are firm, with kindness, warmth and love. They set high standards and
encourage children to be independent.

Permissive, or indulgent, parents are accepting and warm but exert little control.
They do not set limits, and allow children to set their own rules and schedules and
activities. They do not demand the high levels of behavior as authoritarian or
authoritative parents.

Uninvolved parents, demand little and respond minimally. In extreme cases, this
parenting style might entail neglect and rejection.

How does parenting style affect children?

Research has found that the best adjusted children, particularly in terms of social
competence, had parents with an authoritative, moderate parenting style. These
parents are able to balance clear high demands with emotional responsiveness
and respect for their child's autonomy. Both authoritian and authoritative parents
have high expectations of their children and use control, but the overly strict parent
expects the child to unquestioningly accept parental judgments and allows the child
little freedom of expression. Children of overly strict parents are apt to be reliant on
the voice of authority and to be lacking in spontaneity. In contrast, the authoritative
parent permits the child enough freedom of expression so that he or she can
develop a sense of independence. Permissive parents make few demands and
their children have been found to have difficulty controlling their impulses, are
immature and reluctant to accept responsibility.

One example of the effect of parenting style on the development of children was
published in the June 2006 issue of Pediatrics. A research team headed by Dr.
Kyung E. Rhee, a pediatrician of Boston Medical Center, analyzed data for 872
children collected by the National Institute of Child Health and Human
Development. They assessed the relationship between child-rearing style,
assessed when the children were 4 l/2 years of age, and their weight status two
years later. By that time more than 11% of the children were overweight and an
additional 13.4% were considered at risk. The children of authoritarian mothers
were nearly five times as likely to be overweight as those of authoritative mothers,
and children of permissive or uninvolved parents were at more than three times the
risk. The researchers stated that an overly strict upbringing can have a negative
impact on weight because the children may fail to learn to eat on the basis of
hunger and satiety. In such families parents may use food as a reward, insist that
children clean their plates, or restrict the kind of amount of food a child can eat.

Parenting styles and some daily dilemmas

Annie, aged 4, has grabbed a ball from Luisa, another child.

 Strict parent: You come back right this minute and give that ball back to
Luisa immediately.
 Moderate parent: The ball belongs to Luisa. I know you want to play with it,
but why don't you talk it over with her and try and work out a system to take
turns?
 Permissive parent, believing that Annie should be allowed to express her
impulses freely, doesn't suggest a solution and does not use the opportunity
to help her solve a problem.

Richard, aged 12, wants to rent an R-rated DVD that his friends have been talking
about.
 Strict parent gets mad and tells him he can't rent any more DVDs
 Moderate parent says no and helps him find a more appropriate DVD

 Permissive parent lets him rent it when he pleads.

What about children's styles?

Parenting doesn't happen in a vacuum; parenting is an interactive situation.

Children also have styles, or temperaments, which mesh with their parents' style,
each affecting the other. Children are born with a tendency toward reacting to
people and events in specific ways. This preferred way of responding is called
temperament. Children in the same family often have different temperaments, and
parents who have several children are likely to recognize the differences and to
react differently to each child. For example, a parent would probably respond quite
differently to an overly active, impulsive child than to a shy, timid child. She
probably would discourage impulsive behavior in the overly active child but
encourage assertive behavior in the shy child.

Differences in children's temperament can be seen even in infancy. Researchers

have delineated three broad styles of temperament, as follows:

 Easy children are calm, happy, adaptable, regular in sleeping and eating
habits, positive in mood and interested in new experiences.
 Difficult children are often fussy, irregular in feeding and sleeping habits,
low in adaptability, fearful of new people and situations, easily upset, high
strung, and intense in their reactions.
 Slow to warm up children are relatively inactive, reflective, tend to
withdraw or to react negatively to novelty, but their reactions gradually
become more positive with experience.

It's the mix or the "goodness of fit" between parent and child that matters most.
The match or mismatch between a child and parent determines the harmony
between them. Temperament, however, is not set in stone. Although temperament
has been shown to be consistent over time, family environment and life
experiences can make a difference. Parents who are sensitive to their child's
temperamental style and can recognize the child's unique strengths, will make
family life smoother. For example, when faced with a new situation, a parent of a
slow to warm up child may need to be patient and allow him more time to assess a
situation. A difficult child may need advance rehearsal of the expected behavior to
help her deal with the new situation.

Obviously, parents and children are individuals and not easily categorized. Most
will show characteristics of several styles, but over time, one style generally
prevails.