Running head: An Educators Perspective on Conversations & Technologies Effects on It 1

An Educators Perspective on Conversations & Technologies Effects on It

Since the development of language, humankind has been having conversations both big

and small. Sharing ideas and passing on values all in the name of progress. In Sherry Turkle’s

Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age, she stresses a narrative of

conversation. She also stresses a Narrative of back and forths, including awkward pauses,

difficult discussions, and sometimes boring topics. Turkle believes that conversations help

people develop self-reflection, empathy, and meaningful relationships. She also believes that

technology is having a devastating effect on our ability to have conversations. According to

Turkle, conversations can be broken down into three types based on Henry David Thoreau’s

three chairs: conversations with ourselves, conversations with our loved ones, and conversations

with the rest of society. Each type of conversation provides its own benefits to those involved.

Conversations and Technology

The conversations we have with ourselves allow us to self-reflect. We do this through

solitude. “Solitude does not necessarily mean being alone. It is a state of consciousness retreat, a

gathering of the self.” (Turkle, pg. 46) It’s during this inner monologue that we better understand

our true selves. We think about our past experiences and discover who we are and who others

are. That way when we do connect with each other the connection is far more meaningful. The

conversations we have by ourselves helps develop a sense of self.

The conversations we have with our loved ones help us learn how to connect with others.

With family, friends, or lovers we persevere through the trial and errors of a conversation. Early

on, our families teach us the value of listening and being heard as well as the importance of

talking out our feelings. (Turkle, pg. 106) Conversations with our families allow us to safely

make mistakes and prepares us for conversations with the rest of the world. Our safe zone for
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having connections slowly opens up as we invite friends and lovers to be part of our

conversations. Our loved ones offer us an opportunity to be honest and vulnerable outside

ourselves.

The conversations we have in society help us build meaningful relationships. At places

like work and school we interact with others. It's during this time we can genuinely grow our

social network. We learn who the people are around us and collaborate with them to make

change. This type of conversation relates closest to our ability to make progress.

While all types of conversations bring their own assets to the table, all conversations

promote empathy. Whether we are reflecting on someone else or listening to what they are

saying, we are further understanding the feeling of the people around us. “Without conversation,

studies show that we are less empathic, less connected, less creative and fulfilled.” (Turkle, pg.

13) Our conversations lead to empathy and in turn allow us to further our human experience.

Unfortunately, technology has challenged this narrative. With technology, genuine

solitude is much harder to come by. Many look at solitude as not having anyone around, but it’s

about being engaged in one’s own thoughts. Being alone with devices like phones, tablets, or

video games is not the type of solitude that can lead to self-reflection. Surfing the web or trying

to beat a video game divides our attention and keeps us focused on external stimuli. (Turkle, pg.

61-63) It can feel like time to ourselves, but it is just another distraction from being left to our

own thought. Technology use can be especially detrimental to our solitude if we are using social

media and are still “connecting” with others. Our constant connection through use of technology

can also cause a fear of solitude. This creates a “disconnection anxiety” in which people can’t

concentrate until they have checked their phones and connected through a text or Facebook
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update.” (Turkle, pg. 68) People are finding reasons to break up their solitude and reconnect

through their device.

Technology has also changed our self-reflection. This is due to the fact that there are two

selves to keep straight because of the internet. There is your true physical self and your online

self. With your online self, you have the ability to present yourself in the best possible way

because you choose what is posted and have the ability to proofread or edit your thoughts before

anyone sees them. For many, this can create a huge divide between selves and then the lines blur

creating a distort sense of self. (Turkle, pg. 84) It becomes very difficult to identify your true self

through reflection. Even more challenging to self reflection are apps that do it for us. Using

algorithms, technology can measure and assess many aspects for your life. Some apps claim to

be able to tell you if you are happy or depressed. Blindly believing in these apps could lead to

one feeling depressed because they were told that is how they feel.

The relationships of those closest to us is interrupted by our technology. Often parents are

allowing their phones to take away time with their kids. As children are neglected, they lose

“qualities like the development of trust and self-esteem, and the capacity for empathy, friendship,

and intimacy.” (Turkle, pg. 126) The fewer meaningful conversations parents have with their

children the weaker the children’s conversation skills are and they are not equipped to develop

meaningful relationships. What is lost with family only further affects future relations formed

with friends.

Friendships and the formation of friendships have changed due to technology. For many,

social media has changed how they share on and offline. Speaking in front of others becomes

about presenting a prepared in advance thought and letting others respond. (Turkle, pg. 138) This

takes away from the back and forth of a conversation as well as the need to truly listen to others.
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Even offline, people’s minds have been trained to focus on the reactions of others to their ideas

or actions.

Through their devices, the process of conversations has changed. Conversations aren’t

being done in real time. Text messaging has replaced the need for a phone conversation. This has

become a preferred method because it allows for time to perfect a response and getting it “right.”

(Turkle, pg. 143) Many are not willing to take the risk of making mistakes or having a difficult

conversation. Text messaging can help avoid those situations. Communications through our

devices can also divide our attention and time with the people physically around us. Many people

have a “fear of missing out,” that inhibits them from appreciating where they are and conversing

with those around them. (Turkle, pg. 145) When attention is split, neither the online relationships

or offline relationships are being nurtured.

Technology has damaged our ability to focus and obtain deep attention. In both school

and the workplace, Turkle found that technology caused people to multitask. “If we have a

device in our hands, we want to multitask.” (Turkle, pg. 213) Students and employees will try to

do multiple things at once because the device has many entertaining distractions or they feel it’s

not taking anything away. For example, when students are texting during a class discussion or

colleagues are texting during a meeting they may get the gist of what is happening, but they

aren’t being part of the conversation happening right in front of them.

It’s difficult to argue with Turkle’s narrative of conversations. There are many benefits of

conversations that we take for granted all the time. I am a big proponent of self reflection and

had never thought of it as a conversation with oneself, but agree that it is. We can learn so much

about ourselves and others through conversations. Then there is value of empathy. This is

probably our most humanizing trait and it is difficult to teach, but it can happen through eye
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contact and conversations. It happens by genuinely listening to others which in itself is another

great benefit of having conversations. We build our relationships around conversation and grow

our social networks. We have the difficult conversations that bring about change. Conversations

have brought us to where we are today and it can’t be replaced.

While technology is interfering with traditional conversations, it has created new ways

for us to communicate and who we communicate with. Today people can share thoughts and

ideas with anyone with an internet connection. What we share and others share can inspire

others. There is value in being able to distribute our music, art, and experiences with others, even

if it feels like a one-way conversation. Unfortunately, this advantage of online sharing doesn’t

erase the damage technology has done to our abilities to converse with each other.

I see technology interfering with our abilities to have conversations everyday. I’ve seen it

affect my own life and affect the students I teach. In my own life, I have “phubbed” (A term

reffering to snubbing someone for your phone.) many people including my wife, family, and

friends. I’ve also been “phubbed” by them. I constantly try to multitask by texting during work. I

let web surfing get in the way of my solitude. There are people in my life that it is much easier to

text than have a live phone conversation with them. I know that I could improve my conversation

skills and I want to do that, but the effortlessness of my phone is in the way.

As a teacher, I have seen the deficits in my students’ conversational skills. Everyday,

students try to be on there phones texting or playing games during class. They have no real

understanding of what we’re talking about. They lack the ability to focus deeply on people

speaking or listening intently. Most students have an inability to work in solitude. They break

eye contact often and are uncomfortable with having difficult conversations. They struggle to

discuss ideas on demand or take a stand on controversial topics. I also see the lack of empathy
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caused by a life of online communications. Students have a difficult time relating to other’s

experiences and perspectives.

Conversations and Technology in Education

After hearing Turkle’s argument on technology’s role in our conversations, it is easy to

think that technology should not be used in schools. However, that is not her point and she says

“The goal is to use them with greater intention.” (Turkle, pg. 216) Educators must find ways that

go beyond the simplicity of substitution on the SAMR model. The greatest take away from the

argument is to question if the technology being used is hurting the students’ ability to have

conversations. Schools must also enforce a great deal of structure when using technology.

Devices should strongly be discouraged unless deemed appropriate for the activity to avoid

multitasking. Teachers and staff would have to demonstrate this themselves as role models to the

students.

There are many ways technology should and shouldn’t be used to help students with the

conversations they have with themselves and self reflection. Devices should not be used as music

listening devices because it leads to multitasking and possibly the use of even more distracting

applications. Students must train themselves to focus on a task without music drowning out

surrounding noises. Writing applications could be used for self reflection journals. What would

make this different from pen and paper is they have the ability to go back and change their

writing just like their thoughts change through reflection. Students could also self-reflect through

e-portfolios. This way they could curate their progress and work.

While effort would need to be put into face-to-face discussions, technology could also be

used to further develop students’ conversation skills with their family and friends. Homework
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assignments could involve conversations with parents. Student could record interviews with

parents about specific topics. The recording would have to be unedited. This would spark

conversations within the family, but also allow students to practice their conversational skills.

Also class or partner discussions could be recorded and played back for notes. This would allow

students to practice their listening skills as they listen intently to their peers.

Technology in school could even be used for practicing conversation with society. This

could be done with a video chat app. Students could have debates with students from another

school. This will allow them to practice speaking live and listening to others. A similar activity

could be done with sharing presentations in which the students from another school are on a Q &

A panel. Again, this would encourage listening as well as practicing live speech. A video chat

app could also allow students or guess speakers to share their stories with each other and

understand other perspectives. This could help develop empathy among the students.

Ultimately, there is no technology gizmo or gadget that can completely replace a real live

conversation. Speaking with one another is too far ingrained in the human experience. It’s

something we crave whether we realize it or not. As our society evolves so do our

communications. Technology has allowed us to communicate in new ways, but it doesn’t mean

the old ways should or can be replaced. That same principle has to be applied to conversations in

education as well.