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READING
OTHERS

James H. Johnson, Ph.D.

Kathy N. Johnson, Ph.D.
Richard Gallagher, M.D.

HUMAN EDGE SOFTWARE CORPORATION

 CONTENTS
Reading Others
Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..I

Why We Need To Read Others.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1

How We Read Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

Ways We Read Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .35

How To Train Yourself To Read Others . . . . . . . . .49

How To Read People In Friendships . . . . . . . . . . . .63

How To Read Others In Business And

Professional Settings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .75

Software Instruction Manual

ISBN 0-924442-00-X
Getting Started..............................101

Running the MIND PROBER

No part of this book may be (IBM PC, Apple II, Commodore 64). . . 111
reproduced in any form or
by any means without permission
in writing from the publisher. MIND PROBER Instructions for
the Macintosh. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121
Published by:
Human Edge Software Corporation, Appendices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...141
2445 Faber Place, Palo Alto, CA. 94303

Copyright (c) 1984 BCDEFG

-Introduction
How To Use
The Mind Prober

W elcome to the Mind Prober. This powerful new

package combines innovative expert systems software
with a comprehensive exolanatorv book. The Mind Prober
will help you understand why someone behaves the way he or
she does. The Mind Prober will also show you how to have
more success in all your personal and professional relation-
ships.

If you have previously used

your computer only for bal-
ancing numbers in spreadsheets
or for word processing, then
you will be amazed. Because
now you can use your comput-
er to probe a person’s mind.
The Mind Prober package will
increase your understanding of
personal dynamics and will
enhance your perceptions of

1
Introduction Introduction

others. Now you will be able to have a secret look at the ideas What This Book Will Do For You
and attitudes hidden inside another person.
The hmdamental purpose of this book is to help you to read
To use the Mind Prober is simple. The computer will present others and to take the first important steps toward enhancing
you with a series of words that may relate to the person you are your relationships. The person who truly understands other
probing. All you have to do is agree or disagree with the words. people will have more rewarding interactions with others and
Your computer then accesses the Mind Prober database to experience greater satisfaction in life.
give you a Mind Prober report.
Reading Others is a guide to the art and science of understand-
CHAPTER ONE, “Why We Need to Read Others,” ing another person’s behavior. You will explore all facets of
explains the importance of the skill of reading others in your relationships with other people - family, friends,
securing your happiness and success in life. acquaintances, and professional associates.

CHAPTER TWO, “How We Read Others, “teaches you Reading Others prepares you to to make the best possible use
to observe another person’s speaking styles and nonver- of t h e Mind Prober software.
bal mannerisms.

CHAPTER THREE, “Ways We Read Others, ” relates How to Use the Software
the common behaviors observed in the previous chapter
to several major personality styles. The Mind Prober software is an accurate, easy-to-use re-
source for both personal and professional needs. In as little as
CHAPTER FOUR, “How To Train Yourself to Read ten minutes you can understand the range of someone else’s
Others,” provides you with the skills you need to put feelings, thoughts, and values - better than if you had spent
your new knowledge to work. hours or even days with him. The Mind Prober method is
simple. And the book will train you to observe another’s
CHAPTER FIVE, “How To Read People in Friend- behavior so that you can use the software more accurately.
ships, ” gives you insight into the ways you become
emotionally involved with other people. Whose Mind Should You Probe?
CHAPTER SIX, "How to Read Others in Business and Use the Mind Prober as a resource to understand people in all
Professional Settings, ” develops your skills for use on kinds of relationships. The software has been designed to
the job. consider a person’s attitudes and actions in both work and
personal environments.
When combined with the Mind Prober software, this book will In a work setting, the Mind Prober is useful for understanding
help you to read other people successfully. And it will show anyone’s style of thinking, whether this person is your
you how to immediately apply your new skills. employee, employer, or partner. It can help you prepare for a

2 3
 Introduction
Introduction

sales call or an important interview. Before a contract Now You Can Accurately Assess Someone
negotiation, it can remind you of the major characteristics of
your counterpart’s personality. Before a meeting it can help You’ve Known For Only Five Minutes.
you assess the strengths and weaknesses of all the other
participants. Wherever there are critical relationships in your Research in social psychology shows that people are accurate
work life, the Mind Prober will assist you. judges of one another. We seem to have a built-in ability to
form impressions of people we meet. This ability varies from
one individual to another. The Mind Prober software is
In a personal setting, the Mind Prober can provide important designed to help you integrate and structure those impressions
insights into the motives and behaviors of your family and into a complete picture of another person.
friends. For example, you can use it to better understand a new
acquaintance. Or why your spouse is in a good mood or a bad We form our impressions of people in two ways: by cate-
mood. gorization and by differentiation. In the first case we acquire
information from simple observation. Categorization allows
us to establish mental types for different kinds of people. For
example, if someone is talkative in a group, we use this trait of
When Should You Use the Mind Prober? talkativeness to identify that person with our internal cate-
gories. In this case, those categories could be: “outgoing,”
Use the Mind Prober after your initial meeting with someone “friendly,” or “demanding.” Then, when we make a new
- that is, before you speak with him a second time. For acquaintance who also is talkative, we can associate this
example, after you are introduced to a new employee, run the person with the first one through the characteristic of talk-
Mind Prober before your next meeting. You will find that your ativeness, which they both share.
use of the Mind Prober will sharpen your perceptions and
communication style. And with your new understanding you Differentiation is when we look for unique characteristics in
can guide the conversation in a profitable direction. someone that we are meeting for the first time. First we
identify their unique characteristics. Then we use those
You will find it valuable to run the Mind Prober before special characteristics to distinguish that person from everyone else.
events, such as a first date with a prospective new partner. The
program can give you a unique insight into what this attractive The best people-readers combine unique characteristics that
new person is really like. Also, the Mind Prober is effective they have observed about someone with impressions that are
when you want to understand the different directions in which more general. In that way a more whole picture of an
your relationship could develop. individual is formed. Differentiating impressions and cate-
gorizing impressions, then combining those specific and
In addition, the Mind Prober can be helpful in providing a fresh general impressions of someone in a way to better understand
perspective on people you’ve known for years. For example, them, is exactly what the Mind Prober helps you to do.
You may now be able to understand the reasons behind a
neighbor’s eccentric behavior.

5
Introduction Introduction

To use the Mind Prober software program, you must rely on Information in the knowledge database comes from experts in
your first impressions of a person. Do not worry whether or not given fields. Decision rules are established as each expert
you feel sure about your impressions. Select the adjectives in works with a software engineer. The level of expert systems
the assessment which best match your initial perception. The performance is comparable to the level of expertise a phy-
software is designed to take this approach into account. In this sician needs to make a diagnosis. Or for an engineering Ph.D.
way, you will get the most accurate Mind Prober report to do engineering consulting. Expert systems have long been
possible. used to aid in such sophisticated functions as the diagnosis of
disease, interpretation of psychological tests, determining the
ability of bridges to withstand stress, and discovering valuable
How Does the Mind Prober Assessment minerals deep inside the earth.
Work? The advantage of an expert system lies in its access to
specialized technical and managerial knowledge and in the
To assess someone, you agree or disagree with a list of way it efficiently handles that knowledge. In the Mind Prober,
adjectives that potentially describes a person that you want to the expert system produces a tailor-made, highly specialized
understand. The adjectives you choose are analyzed by the report for every person you probe.
Mind Prober expert system. Then Mind Prober creates an
individualized report for the person you are probing.
Human Edge Software Corporation has years of experience in Where Do You Go From Here?
the assessment of personality variables. Our methods have
proven accurate in hundreds of different situations. You can take advantage of other Human Edge expert system
programs.
To assist you in the assessment process, the adjectives used in
this software are defined in Appendix C. Human Edge Software Corporation has an entire business
strategy library of expert systems software. All Human Edge
software is designed to provide you with professional assis-
tance in person to person interactions. Business strategy
Each Mind Prober Report is Unique software is designed to help you get ahead in your career.
The versatility of Mind Prober expert systems software Business strategy software differs from the Mind Prober in one
creates a unique report each time you run an assessment. major way. Business strategy software takes into account not
only the personal characteristics of a person you choose, but
Expert systems software belongs to the category of software your personal characteristics as well. In this way your person
called artificial intelligence. The Mind Prober expert system to person interactions can benefit from the highest degree of
contains massive amounts of information built into a know- expert consultation available. This consultation is strategical-
ledge database. Decision rules allow the software to analyze ly lit to each party involved in every business situation you
data and then to make reports. encounter.

6 7
Introduction Introduction

The Sales Edge gives you a better handle on your prospect. Also, you may take the enclosed coupon to any authorized
For example, you’ll know when to be aggressive with a chosen Human Edge dealer to receive $25.00 off the purchase of any
customer. And when to back down. You’ll see how best to of the business strategy software programs.
prepare for a given customer. And how to open and close any
sales situation. You will be able to sell your prospects the way Finally, we invite your reactions and stories after you have
they want to be sold to. Now you can achieve more sales. used the Mind Prober. Let us hear from you.

The Management Edge helps you better analyze, under- Human Edge Software Corporation
stand and manage the people you work with. You can keep the 2445 Faber Place
bright ones and lose the ineffective ones while keeping an easy Palo Alto, CA. 94303
grip on the reins of management. Now you can get more l-800-624- 5221; in California, 800-824-7325.
results.

The Negotiation Edge helps you size up your opponents.

You’ll see where they’re strong and where they are vulnerable. James H. Johnson, Ph.D.
Whether what’s on the table is a property deal, a merger, or the Kathy N. Johnson, Ph.D.
promotion you’re overdue, the Negotiation Edge will help you Richard Gallagher, M.D.
win. Now you can win more negotiations.
The Communication Edge shows you how to make your
conversations and meetings more effective. It helps you make
your point with a specific person -to achieve your aims. Now
you can be a more effective communicator.

All business strategy reports describe how you can use your
strengths to your best advantage with another person and win
in any situation. Human Edge programs not only tell you how
a specific individual typically acts, but also gives you a
strategy based on your personal characteristics and the
personal characteristics of another.
As a new member of the growing family of Human Edge
software users, you are about to discover how Human Edge
software products are built to give you the edge, in business
and in life.

To learn more about Human Edge Software Corporation or

about business strategy software, call or write.

8 9
-Why We Need
To Read Others

W hen visiting a foreign country whose language he

does not speak, the greatest genius in the world
instantly becomes stupid. His problem in Mozambique,
Afghanistan, Korea, or Texas is similar to the problem we all
had as infants: he does not know the rules of communication.
He does not know how to tell people what he wants, and he
does not comprehend what people are telling him. In order to
be smart, you have to know what’s going on; and in order to
know what’s going on, you have to understand the symbols of
communication.

When you share a language with another person, a certain kind

of communication becomes possible. This language need not
be made up of words or even sounds; it can be virtually any
organized set of symbols whose purpose is generally agreed
upon. In fact, a great deal of communication takes place
among people through nonverbal signs and inanimate objects.
A traffic light, for instance, speaks to you of the law in the
language of colors. Film scores speak to you of emotions and
drama in the language of music, telling you which scenes are
going to be romantic, which ones adventurous, and which ones
dangerous for the characters on the screen. And the snarling,
barking watchdog baring his fangs through the fence speaks a
language of warning telling you not to enter.

11
I Why We Need To Read Others Why We Need To Read Others

In professional and personal situations, a failure to communi- And the Real World
cate often causes the failure of a relationship. Lost deals, lost
promotions, and lost romance can frequently be traced to
someone’s inability to communicate in a way that can be While we are still striving toward such an ideal world, we are
received and understood, or to someone’s inability to receive faced with the difficult task of trying to understand others on
or understand communications sent his way. our own. Everyone’s share of happiness and success in life
depends upon his mastery of this skill. The better we are at
That is why we need to read others. reading others, the greater the rewards of our personal and
professional relationships. It follows, of course, that the worse
we are at reading others, the more our relationships are liable
to suffer, as the following examples indicate.
The Ideal World.
In an imaginary world where everyone holds advanced
knowledge of psychology, and each person brings his under- How Failing To Read Others
standing of the secret motivations and wishes of others into all Destroyed A Business
relationships, one of life’s major problems - how to really
know others - would have been solved. Everyone would
know exactly how his actions would affect everybody else, Several years ago, Atari, the California-based computer game
why another person might say or do certain things, and how to company, hired a new chairman to oversee operations. His
make others like him. background was in the textile business. Friction developed
immediately between him and the company’s design engi-
In this imaginary world, no one would ever need to have a neers, because he failed to understand their values and goals.
single misunderstanding, confrontation, or argument. News- The chairman’s plan was that the company would produce
paper headlines would read like this: computer games quickly and worry about innovation later.
The engineers, on the other hand, were concerned that the
games they devised should be fun and new. They warned
management that they would quit before they would com-
DIVORCE RATE CONTINUES TO DECLINE promise their standards. But after listening to their complaints,
LABOR AND MANAGEMENT NEGOTIATE SUCCESSFULLY the chairman decided that they were only bluffing. Such
engineers were a dime a dozen, he boasted.
WORLDWIDE PEACE TALKS CONTINUE
FEWER LAWSUITS CAUSE LAWYERS TO SEEK ALTERNATIVE Disaster followed for Atari. After months of unsuccessful
CAREERS. communication, the engineers resigned and formed Acti-
vision, now one of Atari’s major rivals. Eventually the chair-
man was removed, but by that time the company had sunk into
All relationships would be rewarding because everyone would a decline that seemed irreversible. Finally, more than 90
know how to get along with everyone else. percent of Atari’s remaining employees had to be laid off.

12 13
Why We Need To Read Others Why We Need To Read Others

The story of Atari’s problems helps explain an important side All Is Not Lost
effect of failing to read others: not only does the principal
relationship suffer - in this instance, the one between the new History also offers a few examples of people who have read
chairman and the design engineers -but the damage can spill others successfully, to their own advantage.
over into other relationships. It can wreak havoc with them as
well. Surely, many other Atari employees developed negative Roosevelt Takes a Risk
feelings about their new boss even before they lost their jobs When it came time to pick a running mate for the Presidential
(simply from observing his interactions with the design election of 1944, Franklin Delano Roosevelt defied popular
engineers.) His subsequent removal indicates that displeasure opinion and chose Harry S. Truman. Critics held that Truman
with the chairman was company-wide, and went all the was controlled by political bosses and was inexperienced.
way up to the board of directors. Roosevelt read him differently, however.

One year later, when Roosevelt died in office, Truman

They Shoot Guardsmen, Don’t They? ascended to the Presidency. His term was laden with
Well, Don’t They?? responsibility as he oversaw events ranging from the govern-
ment’s seizing of steel mills to prevent a strike by 600,000 CIO
steelworkers, to dropping the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and
During the anti-Vietnam war demonstrations, the nation was Nagasaki. Time and again Truman surprised his critics with
shocked by the killing of students at Kent State University in his ability to make well balanced decisions in these difficult
Ohio. The tragedy appears to have been a result of the utter situations.
failure of two groups of people, students and national guards- The Cuban Missile Crisis
men, to read correctly the motives and potential actions of one
another. In 1962, United States reconnaissance planes discovered
Soviet missile and bomber bases in Cuba. President John F.
Kennedy demanded that all installations be removed and
The students read the guardsmen’s intentions as fundamental- subsequently ordered an American blockade of Cuba. After a
ly peaceful and protective when, in fact, they were aggressive. few long, tense days during which the possibility of nuclear
The guardsmen, in turn, understood the students to be angry
war seemed very real, Soviet Premier Nikita S. Khrushchev
and confrontive even though the students were unarmed and
conceded to Kennedy. Cuba dismantled the bases and
demonstrating for peace. removed all the Russian missiles. Because both Kennedy and
Khrushchev were on target in understanding one another’s
If either group had been able to read the other well enough to powers and limitations, we are all still here.
achieve a true basis for understandingthe other’s thoughts and
feelings, the whole incident might have been just another
footnote to an era of protest and reconciliation. However, But What About the Rest of Us?
Kent State became a symbol of the desperately high cost that
false assumptions about other people can have. Can you remember when that special someone in your life said

14
15
Why We Need To Read Others

just the wrong thing, at just the wrong time to you? How about
when you hurt someone’s feelings and did not even know that
you had done so? Or when you said one thing and another
CHAPTER
2
person twisted your meaning or intentions, hearing something
very different from what you meant? These sorts of problems
and unpleasant interactions, can occur when we really don’t
-How We
understand others or have not read them correctly.
Read. Others
On the other hand, with very little effort, any of us can
remember an incident in our own lives when one person read
another accurately. Perhaps
we know a couple who fell in
love during high school, were @ “’
married, and stayed happily &&q/ $g$!&
married for years. Or we may
have children who time their g
compliments of us, to co-
incide with a visit to the toy ?%J??% A
‘1 g B ack in the days of television’s Perry Mason, millions
of viewers were riveted to their screens by the scene near
the end of the program. That was when the perpetrator of the
crime broke down under Mason’s intense gaze and confessed.
store, to subsequently be-
come the envy of their peers. Maybe we have seen people If you were watching, you might have tried to figure out who
interview for jobs in our companies, when no openings existed, the killer was before Mason did. But more likely, like Mason’s
but who somehow were starting work when Monday rolled sidekick, Della Street, you had to wait for the master to
reveal his deductive magic before you learned just how the
around. These and other common examples till our lives and criminal was fmgered.
are there for our instruction when we, too, learn to read other
people successfully. You are not likely to be in the business of catching criminals,
but like a detective you need to be able to read people
From the examples above, we see that misreading people can effectively. Your success in personal and professional re-
bring hardship into our own lives and also into the lives of lationships, your income, your social status, and your lifestyle
others. Reading people accurately can bring joy and even all depend on the degree to which you can correctly read what
success. The ability to predict what another might do can bring other people mean.
order to a life that may otherwise feel charged with chaos. It is
to this ability which we will now turn our attention.
Communication in a Changing World
“If you can’t communicate, you can’t command.” This was
the consensus of 2,628 successful men and women across the
United States who were questioned about what quality they

17
How We Read Others How We Read Others

thought was most pivotal to success. In a study conducted by The Communication Tangle
John Molloy, national columnist and consultant to Fortune
500 companies, executives reported communication was the There seems to be no limit to the sophistication and com-
most essential skill. plexity of our communication. The content we convey to each
Authors from various disciplines in the past few years have other is influenced by our inflections and choice of words. We
described a radical shift from an age dominated by industry to change the meanings of our statements with visual cues. We
an age dominated by information. Entry into the information alter what we believe we’re saying through facial expressions
age has altered the nature of strategic resources. A shift of or body movements. Language is sometimes employed to
focus has taken place. Capital was once the hallmark of mask or confuse. In recent years, all sorts of double-speak and
wealth and could even buy information. Now “know-how” jargon have gained wide acceptance.
has emerged as the new wealth. The systematic growth of COMMUNICATION TANGLE
knowledge is becoming the driving force in today’s advanced
economies, worldwide.
Now, communication is taking center stage in all social
transactions. Communication affects the ways we run our
businesses, send our mail, and talk to our families. But unless it
can be communicated, information is worthless.
60%

But it is the complexity of communication that preserves the

truth. This truth is the reward for the perceptive reader of
others.
It is people, of course, with symbolic minds, who commu- Kinesics is the study of body language. It teaches us to pay
nicate information consciously. Whether information con- attention to what people say through nonverbal communi-
cerns grain, space, or love - it is information from people to cations. Simple physical expressions, such as a raised eye-
people. Information about people and people’s concerns is the brow, can indicate skepticism, and differences between words
information that effects our lives. Whatever our interests and gestures. For example, during the Vietnam war, President
might be, the most important and fascinating aspect of our Richard M. Nixon was asked in a nationally televised news
information age is the question of how we relate with one conference how long the United States would be in Cambodia.
another. Information about other people -how as individuals Although he assured the nation in soothing tones that there
we collect it, synthesize it, use it, and communicate it - is was nothing to be alarmed about, a clenched fist -picked up
what this chapter explores. by one perceptive cameraman - belied his words.

18 19
 How We Read Others How We Read Others

To understand the impact the body language has on us -and talking about, the classy package went over well with its target
how we use it to read others - consider some of the messages audience of vice-presidents from Fortune 500 companies.
people give and receive through first impressions. These decision-makers did not have to know about the
product’s technical merits. They had only to hear a five-
minute overview about its performance and special features to
The Power of First Impressions gauge its usefulness to their own companies. To ensure their
receptivity, the presentation was geared to appeal to their
A man applying for a manager’s position had 20 years of unique sensibilities. And it was a success.
experience. Yet, what seemed like a positive initial interview
did not lead to a second meeting. When one of the recruiting The actor created a carefully-planned first impression. He
managers was asked why this wellqualilied candidate did not controlled his appearance, gestures, and movements. He
survive the first round of the selection process, he answered: controlled the tone and the modulation of his speech. If you
pay attention to these attributes in any person’s self-
Because of his military bearing. It hit me almost presentation the first time you meet him, it is likely that you
the first minute I saw him. He held himself erect will learn most of what you need to know about him. People
and stiffly throughout the interview. And as it have an innate faculty for nonverbal communication. Whether
turned out, he had been a career officer. we are giving or receiving the information, our first im-
Although we work very hard and take security pressions can speak louder than our words.
extremely seriously at this company, we rely on
an informal, friendly relationship with em-
ployees to make our system work. His rigid, What’s In an Appearance?
uptight style just wouldn’t have fit in here.
When John Molloy ‘s books on dressing for success in business
were published several years ago, they became instant best
Most of us are aware of how important first impressions can
be. Whether preparing for a presentation, a job interview, or a sellers. His books demonstrated that “success” had become a
commodity that could defined by clothing and dressing the
date, we are concerned about how we look and what kind of
impression we leave with other people. We recognize that in part. Molloy reasoned that individuals wishing to move up in
some sense we are selling ourselves, and that however we do corporate America might become more promotable if their
the job we are liable to influence the other person’s perception appearance communicated competence, self-confidence, and
of us. Because we know that the first impression we make may purpose. His position was that no one would discuss a business
be a lasting one, we usually want it to be positive. merger, or delegate responsibility, to a subordinate who wore
mismatched socks or his lunch on the front of his suit.
A few years ago a major corporation produced a slick Clothing and grooming have come to serve as personal calling
videotape that featured a distinguished looking actor with gray cards in almost every walk of American life. Together they
hair and a dark, pin-striped suit. He extolled the virtues of a make a statement intended to communicate to others what a
brand-new product. Although the corporation’s expert techni- person believes himself to be. And would like others to believe
cal staff could tell that the actor did not know what he was him to be.

j 20 31
How We Read Others How We Read Others

sadness. Unconvincing performances were eliminated before

the judges rated them. But when the remaining tapes were
played, judges correctly identified the “intended” moods only
about half the time. A second review of the tapes, played back
married or single status in slow motion, revealed that the opposite of the emotional
states the actors were instructed to play showed up. Their real
emotions appeared briefly in their faces. These momentary
flashes of true emotion are not always picked up by the
untrained observer’s eye. But our minds seem to read and
react to the hidden message at some unconscious level.
When a British research team studied and catalogued 135
When you look at people, how many of the following facts can you
establish from their appearance?
different facial expressions and head and body movements,
they found that 80 involved the head and face. John Molloy
states that more than 70 percent of nonverbal communication
What else can you ascertain about the person? Does he care is effected with the facial muscles. As these sorts of figures
how his clothing looks and fits? Do you think it reflects his suggest, smiling, frowning, and winking, or reacting to the
personality? What do the colors say about him - are they smirks, scowls, and winks of others, contribute to much of our
becoming, or striking, or do they serve as camouflage? Is he most sophisticated nonverbal communication.
concerned with current fashions and designer labels, or is his
taste distinctively individual? What does his jewelry indicate Our faces can show any emotion - shock, surprise, sym-
about his taste - is it expensive or inexpensive? Flashy or pathy, happiness, cooperation, rejection, conflict, authority -
sedate or merely functional? without the aid of words or even gestures. In almost all our
social encounters we scan a person’s face for clues about what
Appearance is not only made up of clothing and grooming. he is really thinking or feeling. With the broad range of
Body language is a well-known barometer of a person’s true expressions people employ when communicating, it is up to
feelings. the observer to interpret the deliberate or unintentional
messages correctly. In our observations, we must pay particu-
cular attention to the other person’s eyes.
What the Body Communicates
Verbal language dominates most of our interactions with other
people. But it is our nonverbal messages people believe if the The Eyes Have It
two are inconsistent with each other.
The eyes have been called the windows of the soul. They are
In an experiment conducted at one university, students were the first features an infant can distinguish in his mother’s face.
asked to act out six different moods on videotape. The moods As we grow up we continue to rely on others’ eyes. We believe
were anger, fear, seductivity, indifference, happiness, and that by looking in another person’s eyes, we can find the truth
about that person.

22 23
 How We Read Others
How We Read Others

We look at the eyes more than at other parts of the face or the telephone and find yourself gesturing wildly to emphasize
body. We actually look each other in the eye between 30 and your points. Sometimes we are wholly unconscious of our
60 percent of the time during our conversations. The only gestures. Then we use them in place of our words. When used
other time we look at each other more is when we are more appropriately and masterfully, gestures have the force to sway
interested in the person with whom we are talking, than we are nations. Winston Churchill’s “V for Victory” sign memorably
in what he is saying. signaled the close of World War II. It later came to symbolize
peace to a concerned generation of the 1960s. Politicians the
Most people strive to have more eye contact when listening world over have tried to make its well-worn symbolic value
than when talking. If we are feeling uncomfortable or guilty as their own.
we talk we are liable to avert our eyes. But if someone asks us a
question, or says something that makes us react angrily, our When we draw conclusions from the gestures we observe we
eye contact will increase dramatically. must remember the varieties of interpretation even the
simplest glance may be subject to. Not everyone wears his
People typically signal their interest in another person with a feelings on his sleeve. The lowered eyelids that mean “Go
glance. Men and women use signaling behavior with their eyes away” for one person may mean “Ask again” for another.
to initiate meetings. A woman will look at a man once, or Many gestures have subtle or even multiple meanings. It
depends on who is sending and who is receiving the communi-
respond to his gaze if he initiates the exchange. If she holds the
glance for a few seconds or responds to a second look from the cation. The difference in significance a single response can
man, he will interpret her behavior as permission to approach. have will be apparent when people gesture across cultures.
Her response is a meaning-laden gesture. The wave of a hand that means “hello” in one country can
mean “good-bye” in another. Even in a single nation, such as
the United States, gestures imply different meanings to
members of different ethnic groups. And men and women will
Just a Gesture? often read and interpret a single behavior differently. Certain
kinds of gestures are so innate that they can be read
As your airliner ascends to its cruising altitude, your flight successfully in diverse circumstances. Among these kinds of
attendants demonstrate its emergency life-protection devices.
While one attendant carefully reads instructions for using the gestures is posture.
oxygen masks, others wordlessly demonstrate the routines
with smart, precise movements. Frequent air travelers take
these routine moves for granted, but few would deny the Carrying It Off
importance of these gestures.
The John Wayne swagger was known to flutter more than a
Gestures are an integral part of human communication. They few female hearts, and cause grown desperadoes to quake in
add direction, impact, and meaning to our exchanges. Some- boots. The way Big John carried himself across the silver
times gestures complement our spoken thoughts. Sometimes
screen communicated a message of strength, serious purpose,
they take the place of words. Sometimes we gesture only for
and no-nonsense masculinity.
ourselves when words cannot express the force of our ideas.
You may observe this when you have a heated argument over

24 25
How We Read Others How We Read Others

Few people have a s distinctive a posture as John Wayne had. an attempt to effect differences in social status. However, not
But most of us are aware that how we hold ourselves touching may be taken as an insult elsewhere in the world.
communicates important information to others. A bowed back
tells us someone is tired and carrying the weight of the Similarly, the space maintained between people in a casual
world on his shoulders. A stiff, erect bearing conveys both situation follows its own unspoken rules. In the USA, between
tenseness and, often, authority. Power, eagerness, vulnerabili- two and three feet is the most acceptable distance in normal
ty and numerous other human qualities are communicated conversation. In the Middle East, the same distance is con-
instantly by our stance. Consider the impression you receive sidered enormous. Because of our acculturation, North
from one person standing with his shoulders square, head Americans usually find that greater proximity makes many
erect, mouth closed and unsmiling, and eyes steady. Contrast people uncomfortable. Greater distance makes them feel
that to another who slouches, shifts from foot to foot, and pops separate. As a result, some people alter their distance from
his bubble gum. What are the messages each communicates? others intentionally, to intimidate, threaten, offer comfort,
provide credibility, or otherwise influence the attitudes of their
Most of us may register these messages primarily on a conversational partners.
subliminal level. However, we often copy the nonverbal
behavior of those we find attractive or want to impress. While there are no exact measurements, the size and sex of a
Similarly, people who agree with each other may often be seen person will help determine what is most comfortable. One
unconsciously matching or synchronizing their body move- method of estimating this ideal distance is to look at the
ments. And when two people are engaged in a conversation, situation from the other person’s perspective: how close is too
they often both lean forward, raise their heads, or gesture at close for him? How far is too far? If you can understand where
about the same time and pace. Studies-have shown that the other person’s limits are, you can greatly influence how he
individuals with a high level of intimacy tend to be most feels about you and the topic of your discussion. You can also
synchronized. People who are dating, for example, often alter some qualities of your speech to change the effects of
synchronize their speech and movements, including the ways different degrees of distance.
in which they touch and do not touch each other.

Voice and Pacing

Touching and Spatial Communication Barry Goldwater said that Hubert Humphrey talked SO fast,
listening to him was like trying to read Playboy while your wife
Touching and the space we give each other are critical
turned the pages. As Goldwater’s assessment implies, the
elements of our nonverbal communications. Rules of social
etiquette govern permissible and appropriate touching and sound of a person’s voice and the speed with which he talks can
influence both what we hear him say and also the way we hear
special behavior for all types of situations and levels of
relationships. They differ markedly from culture to culture. him say it. Anyone who has gone to college knows that the
professor who lectures in a monotone invites his students to
For example, touching between strangers in North America,
other than shaking hands, is usually inappropriate. Here it is fall asleep. While the shrill lecturer whose piercing voice keeps
his students wide awake can be as irritating to their nerves as
likely to be interpreted as a sexual advance, a power play, or
chalk screeching across a blackboard.

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How We Read Others How We Read Others

In many ways both coarse and subtle, voices can reveal a

person’s feelings. But we must learn to hear the inner messages Intuition
they contain. As the well-known speech consultant, Dorothy
Sarnoff, notes: A high school student recalls, “I was sitting in a restaurant
after I got off work, having a hamburger. Something about the
Tone influences us greatly because our bodies guy who walked in just didn’t feel right to me. I got up, paid the
are sound sensitive. A shrill voice produces the waitress and left. I was sort of surprised the next day to read in
same involuntary muscle tightening and con- the paper that the manager had been robbed.”
striction of blood vessels in its hearer as a jack-
hammer in the street. A thin, whispery voice is Intuition is among the least acknowledged ways we communi-
tiring because you have to strain to hear it. An cate with others. Some people deny its existence altogether,
uninflected drone has the effect of a sleeping and many fmd it difficult to define. Even when it is hard to
pill. Sound can cause emotional reactions; the identify, intuition can help us read others with more accuracy
physical effect of a voice can make a listener and speed than we can manage with our physical senses alone.
buy or resist, become a believer or nonbeliever. Webster defines intuition as “the act or faculty of knowing
without the use of rational processes: immediate cognition.”
When someone talks to us, we hear more than the words he We might think of it as our visceral response to a stimulus of
says. We also hear the tone and volume of his voice, his any sort: our “gut feelings.”
pronunciation, and his accent. If we are sensitive to patterns of
speech we discover surprising influences lurking in his un-
spoken background, such as evidence of his teenager’s slang or
the unique inflections of an historical figure he found The twentieth cen tury renaissance
important.
SPEAKING CUES
man Buckminister Fuller says, “‘Every-
Not all such infor-
A person’s voice and word choice may also reveal:
body has this intuition very, very
mation will be ob-
vious in the way a
powerfully, but most of us today are so
person speaks, the quickly frustrated about things, that we
sound of his voice, or learn not to listen to our intuition. ”
his choice of words.
However,these are all
clues he cannot help
but give. Listening for The experience of following a hunch or a feeling and later
them will help you finding out that it was right is probably more common than we
tune in to the speaker realize. Our society gives greater credence to other, more
as well as what he is clearly deductive processes than it does to these less tangible
saying. ones. So we often ignore or invalidate our intuitive feelings
without even giving them a chance to prove out.

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 How We Read Others How We Read Others

Paying attention to our hunches can pay off. When hotel that listening skills can be practiced and improved, com-
magnate Conrad Hilton wanted to purchase the Stevens munications experts devised a number of ways to improve
Corporation, he was required to submit a sealed bid. Hastily, people’s listening abilities. They did this to insure that people
he submitted his offer of $165,000, but something seemed to understood and remembered most of what they hear.
make him uneasy with the number. A second figure of
$180,000 continued to haunt him, and so he changed his bid.
When the sealed offers were opened his second bid was the
winning figure; the next highest bid was $179,000. By
following his hunch, Hilton won by the narrowest of margins,
and the Stevens Corporation returned nearly $2 million to people
him. Although your intuition may not secure you such a think
stunning validation, it is an attribute that should not be ignored at
= 400
in the course of dealing with others. to
500
WPM

Listening
1 DAY

Recognizing that people speak at about 125 words per minute,

but think at about 400 to 500 words per minute, the experts
developed some of the following tips for listening:
1. Pay attention to what the other person is saying; note any
discrepancies between his content and delivery.
2. Listen to understand rather than to argue or refute.
3. Keep a positive outlook. You will probably learn some-
thing useful even if the subject is boring.
! While paying attention to others’ mannerisms and appear- 4. Pick out key statements; screen out irrelevancies.
ances, we ought not to neglect how we take in their words. The
phrase “active listening” was coined by the reknowned 5. Concentrate on the main ideas.
psychotherapist Carl Rogers. He used it to identify the way a
person uses specific skills to listen effectively, so that he is able 6. Try to understand the speaker’s viewpoint even if it is
to understand and recall what is said. Based on the observation different from yours.

30
 How We Read Others How We Read Others

7. Don’t let your mind wander; try to anticipate what will be presidents. In her monthly status reports to him, she took extra
said next. pains to check over all the details of her work, and she put forth
only cautious recommendations.
8. Note your own prejudices, ideas, and reactions to what
the speaker is saying. After she had been on the job for six months the senior
I financial analyst position fell open. The vice-president had
By developing you active listening skills, you will be better given her high marks on her contribution to the department.
able to follow a speaker’s main points as he is talking. And you Laura felt she had a good chance of being promoted to the
will recall them later. You may also find that you can under- vacant position. However, when he finally talked to her about
stand and process more technical material and even think the job, her superior said, “We need a stronger hitter who can
ahead, to anticipate where a speaker may be leading with his take the live-year plan and pretty much implement it single-
talk. In addition, by giving the speaker your full attention, you handedly. Sorry, Laura.”
demonstrate that you respect him enough to hear what he has
to say. When the time comes to state your own case, your Laura consistently delivered good reports on the job, but she
position may be received with equal respect and consider- failed to verify her assumptions with her manager. Instead, she
ation. tried to match the style she had observed in him without
soliciting enough of his direct input. Her picture of him grew
out of touch with reality. What did he value and look for in a
star performer (her personal goal)? What steps did she need to
The Emperor’s New Clothes take to assure a steady, upward path? Had Laura paid more
May Not Reveal Everything attention to reading his behavior she would have discovered
what he valued.
So far in this chapter we have identified a number of ways to
delve beneath the surface of words and appearances in order to We are motivated in all our actions by our values and
read people better. However, to secure the most accurate attitudes. We organize our lives around these guiding prin-
picture of someone, you need to know something of the ciples, derive meaning from them, and reveal them to others
attitudes and values that motivate him. Often these values are through our behavior. In attempting to read and understand
not easily perceived, and your personal assumptions about someone, we can begin to understand his values by looking at
them can mislead you. the issue of consistency. For example, many people these days
talk about physical health, but never actually exercise or alter
Take Laura, for instance: a newly-graduated MBA who had their diets. Their real values are evidently quite different from
been hired as a financial analyst for a medium-sized computer the values they espouse.
company. She was accustomed to seeing the vice-president of
her division arrive at work in a conservative three-piece suit. It would be easy to be consistent in these sorts of matters if
Laura assumed that his attitudes and work philosophies were a every action was influenced by one value. But we never really
little conservative. She observed him in board meetings where see single values or attitudes expressed in isolation. They
he never made the kind of big splash typical of other vice- cluster and interact as they influence our behavior. So the
person in the above example who claims to value exercise may

32 33
How We Read Others

also value his time with his family. And the extra attention he
receives by working overtime on an exciting business project.

We
His behavior may simply result from all these values being in
conflict. So that while he does value exercise, he values
spending his time in other ways more and does not go to the
gym.
Given that most of our motives are at least this complex, how
Read Others
can anyone know what values motivate others? Brian Hall, in
his book Leadership Through Values, suggests four cate-
gories that are useful to review.

UNDERSTANDING OTHERS’ VALUES

people: How do they

form relationships?
I n the course of trying to understand human behavior,
social science researchers have identified a set of char-
acteristics that can be used to describe people. They can be
said to underlie all, or most, human motivations and actions.
These characteristics, each of which is distinct from the others,
Approach to Approach to society:
are called “human factors” or “traits.” In this chapter we will
thinking: What images What is their outline five of the most important of these factors, and help you
organize their thinking?
In what ways do they
involvement in their learn how to recognize them in others.
community or
explore consequences
of various alternatives?

Our Hidden Assumptions and How They

In understanding the cluster of these key areas we can begin to Affect the Way We Read People
understand the motivations behind any individual’s actions.
Consciously and unconsciously, everyone develops beliefs
and expectations about others. We internalize our beliefs
about the people in our lives, and make judgments and
assumptions about how they will act based on the qualities we
have ascribed to them. For example, if you believe that your
next door neighbor is trustworthy and responsible, you will
have few qualms about giving him an extra key to your house,
or leaving your beloved family pet in his care.

34 35
I Ways We Read Others Ways We Read Others

W. T. Norman, a well-known personality researcher, per- hypothesis was confirmed by the research of other social
formed a comprehensive analysis of nearly 2800 different trait scientists. This led to the determination that all people could
descriptors encoded in the English language. He identified five be seen as predominantly sociable or predominantly shy. An
basic traits people use to categorize others and to make individual’s place on the continuum from sociability to
assumptions about them. According to Norman, those trait shyness was a trait that could be dependably observed.
descriptors are:
You are probably very good
at reading this trait in others
already. For instance, you
quickly recognize the social
sort of person who seeks out
the company of others, and
takes advantage of every
opportunity for a good con-
versation. At the water cool-
er, sociable Harry stands
out immediately. He is the
person holding court in the
center of the group, happily chatting with a cluster of people.
The personal assumptions we make about people are usually He simultaneously tells the group a joke, while flirting with
formed through early life experiences. These personal assump- Marilyn. His gestures are open and inclusive, his face is
tions grow increasingly resistant to change as we become smiling and friendly. His voice can often be heard above the
older. Our beliefs are influenced by our culture in such forms din of the crowded office.
as books, movies, television, newspapers. Also by the opin-
ions of friends, enemies, and popular heroes. When these Having seen only this much of Harry, imagine that you must
beliefs are combined in our minds with data on the appear- introduce yourself to him as a reporter interviewing members
ance, sex, race, socioeconomic status, and occupation of of his corporation. From the following list, which adjectives do
another person, we find we have developed the fundamental you think would best describe the Harry you will meet?
information for a basis on which to read others.
Talkative
Sociable or Shy
In the late 19th century the great French psychologist Alfred
Binet observed that one of his daughters was a quiet and
inward-looking child. The other was outgoing and amicable.
The disparity in this facet of his children’s characters led Binet
to theorize that they were motivated by different factors. His

36 37
Ways We Read Others Ways We Read Others

If you selected the adjectives “talkative” and “outgoing,” and suggests, “Let’s go to the mountains for our vacation this
conducted your interview based on those traits, you probably year!” it will probably be his shy, inward-looking wife who
would have had a successful talk with Harry. Harry is likely to finds the maps, packs the suitcases, and rents the cabin.
provide a frank, open interview. He would find it easy to
answer your questions, and you might conclude the interview
feeling as if you had acquired a new friend.
On Being Nervous
At their best, sociable people make ideal dinner companions.
They are adventurous and will invite you to join them at Have you ever noticed how some people’s hands can shake at
parties, sports events, street fairs, and occasions tilled with the slightest provocation? Or that they seem overwhelmed by
the demands of their lives? These people probably possess a
people and new experiences. At their worst, however,
high degree of our second human trait, nervousness.
sociable people can be loud and obnoxious. They belabor their
personal opinions or viewpoints until you give up or give in. Imagine for a moment that you are interviewing Janice, an
And their constant need for attention can exhaust other people
applicant for a technical writer’s position with your company.
who need more quiet in their lives. Janice’s handshake is cold and clammy and her voice seems
choked. She first sits on the edge of her chair and then slumps
The reserved, inward-looking person backward, wrapping her leg around the chair leg. When
stands in direct contrast to the sociable answering questions she alternates between one-syllable
one. Unlike the smooth, flowing interac- responses and rapid-fire delivery of far more information than
tion almost anyone could have with you need. At the conclusion of your time together, she thanks
Harry, an interview with a shy person is you profusely and bolts for the door, only to reappear three
likely to prove a difficult task. He may be minutes later to reclaim her forgotten purse.
quiet to the point of silence. You may find
yourself wondering whether he is simply When you summarize your interview on the personnel
bored with you, or has missed the entire records, which of the following adjectives would you use to
point of your conversation. But people describe Janice?

Fearful
who are inherently reserved often main-
tain a cautious attitude with everyone, and

WORRYING
feel any other person’s intrusion quickly.

People with the trait of shyness often appear secretive. They

initiate friendships slowly and reveal little about themselves to Nervous
jumpy Apprehensive
their acquaintances. Unlike their impulsive sociable counter-
parts, shy people do not make requests lightly or on the spur of
the moment. They would give any matter careful consider-
ation. They can be expected to carry out other people’s
schemes quietly. If the outgoing sociable man spontaneously
Empathetic

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Ways We Read Others Ways We Read Others

If you are an astute reader of people, you would include they are trying to complete an important task. Humanitarians
“jumpy” and “apprehensive” in your selections. People who such as Nobel Peace Prize recipient Albert Schweitzer
possess the trait of nervousness to a high degree exhibit these exemplify this trait. He stands in stark opposition to disagree-
characteristics. They also become particularly anxious in able counterparts, such as the harsh and irritable J.R. Ewings
crowds or under deadline pressures. Nervousness describes of this world.
someone who easily becomes highly excited, sometimes even
losing all sense of competence, the way Lucille Ball did. She Even if you’ve never seen an episode of the TV series Dallas,
dashed around on I Love Lucy shows, trying to fix some you know J.R. as the meanest, most conniving oil baron Texas
impossible predicament, until she finally dissolved in tears. ever produced. His character has achieved the status of a
modem American archetype, comparable to Simon Legree or
People who are extremely nervous the other villains of Charles Dickens’ novels. His dealings
may become hypochondriacs, suf- with people are dominated by questions like, “What can I get
fering the symptoms of both real from you.?" and “What’s in it for me?” He is driven by a need
and imagined ailments. They may to control money, land, and power, and he has no compassion
subject the people around them to for the person who disrupts his schemes.
endless worry and recitations of
their problems. Friends and casual If you were asked to write an episode of Dallas, which of the
acquaintances may be left wonder- following adjectives would you use to depict J.R.?
ing how they became the confi-
dants to such a litany of woe. In actuality, the nervous
person doesn’t much care who listens, just as long as someone
can be corralled into rescuing him.
People who rate low on nervousness would commonly be
called cool, calm, and collected. They are poised in groups and
can handle the pressures of tight deadlines. Their easy attitude
toward life keeps stress to a minimum, and reduces the rate at
which they contract real or imagined illnesses.

Any of these adjectives applies to J.R. Like other people who

Kind or Disagreeable lack agreeableness, J.R. might generously be seen as +
“tough minded.” He and his kind have difficult
Is there really a need to define the characteristic we call human interpersonal relationships because their actions are
kindness? Those agreeable souls who possess this trait in always dictated by their need to use ideas and
abundance warm our hearts with their easygoing good natures. things. His relationships are never characterized
We see them as flexible and even generous in their dealings by a sympathetic recognition of other people’s
with others. Cooperative and sensitive to other people’s needs feelings. They can be original, creative thinkers who
their style is generally mild and non-abrasive - even when may often be found starting new companies or
running for political office. Such a person focuses on

40 41
Ways We Read Others Ways We Read Others

one idea, working at it single-mindedly until it is actualized. While overly responsible people may be taken advantage of
He is the type who finds it necessary to cut you off in traffic and sometimes even become the butts of other people’s jokes,
because he is in a hurry to get on with the important “things” their efforts often improve the lives of those around them. If
in his life. you selected any of the adjectives above, you were right. In
addition, the responsible person can be orderly and per-
severing, willing to follow any task to its conclusion.
The Responsibility Factor
At its extreme, responsibility becomes fussy and demanding.
Remember high school? Remember those people who always It imposes on others the need to do things the way the
made the prom committee a success, or who dusted the library responsible person would have them be, regardless of other
shelves for the teacher? They could be said to have in large easier, or more streamlined alternatives. Overly responsible
measure the human factor of conscientiousness. This trait is people can be meticulous and even picky about details. Like
known as “responsibility.” It most obviously manifests itself the teacher with eyes in the back of his head, they see
in handling the necessary tasks in life that may offer little everything.
glamor or glory. In high school responsible people were
unlikely candidates for prom queen or class president. But
they did the work essential to the success of any enterprise.
And what do they do as adults?

Think of the neighborhood in which you live. Who is the one

person on your block who volunteers for every good cause?
Who campaigns door to door for one of the candidates for
mayor? Who organizes the car pools? Who sees to it that you
have a block party every Fourth of July? Which adjectives
would you pick from the following list to describe this person? By contrast, someone with little sense of responsibility is like
the neighbor who does not participate in the neighborhood
watch. He brings only his appetite to the block party, and
Organized Orderly leaves when others make a move to clean up. He can be
careless with things as well as with people’s feelings. He
cannot be counted on when the chips are down. Other people
may find it simpler to dothetask, than to try to cleanup after he
handles the job in a messy and half-hearted way.

A fine modem example of the two extremes of this human

factor can be found in Neil Simon’s play, The Odd Couple.
Felix and Oscar epitomize the ways people can be either very
responsible or very irresponsible. You probably know a Felix
or Oscar in your own work or personal life.

42 43
Ways We Read Others Ways We Read Others

The Cultured Companion in their everyday lives. However, real people who are
reflective and sensitive to their surroundings can actually be
The fifth human trait we will describe is generally known as seen every day under normal circumstances. Money is not the
culture. However, its nuances are far broader than the word criterion by which they are to be recognized, but rather by their
implies. The cultured person has an eye for the finer things of style or approach to life. They reflect an abiding interest in
life. He uses his appreciation to cultivate a stylish approach to intellectual pursuits.
all his experiences.
Cultured people tend to be bright
Imagine a person who supports and appreciates the arts. He and creative thinkers. So you
attends theatrical performances regularly. He serves as chair- would want someone with this
man of the symphony’s fund-raising committee. He collects trait on a creative team in a publi
art. He prides himself on the brilliant fresh flowers appointing relations agency, or in adver-
his tastefully decorated home. His office contains a priceless tising. His polished style would
antique desk. On his desk sits a leather-bound first edition of make him an articulate public
Mutiny On The Bounty. He is always happy to discuss the speaker or professor. Author,
latest literary best-seller over a glass of excellent port. You commentator, and editor, William F.
might feel you are in over your head when he begins his ley exemplifies the cultured kind of style.
polished, imaginative review.
The individual who is low in culture rese
As an adept reader of people, which adjectives would you bles the Archie Bunker stereotype. He is
select to characterize this person? especially interested in his surroundings or in
his conversations. He doesn’t take the time to reflect on the

czti* Polished
consequences of his actions to the larger community. He can
be narrow minded and set in his ways.

Well-read Intellectual Complexity and Conformity

Artistic Cultured As you read the brief descriptions of these five key human
traits, it probably occurred to you that most people fall

Educated somewhere between each of the extremes. You may know a

few people who are vigorously outgoing or painfully shy. But
you probably know far more individuals who are some mixture
of both. You may also know people who are highly responsible
Your skill in reading others might lead you to select polished members of society who also fail to cut their grass on a weekly
and intellectual, among other choices on the list. The poised, basis. Your hunch is right, of course; few people truly represent
refmed individual of our description is an ideal few people see any of these extremes.

44 45
Ways We Read Others Ways We Read Others

In the complex task of reading people, it can be difficult background. They can be sensitive to the feelings of others, yet
to identify the key human factor when a person does not don’t overreact. Unless you observe chameleons in more than
embody one of the extremes. In fact, most of us are one setting, you might never notice how versatile they are.
much more like the person who is half-way between
sociable and shy. We exhibit one quality in some Even if they are not chameleons, most people embody some
situations and the other in different situations, like a combination of these traits - this may confuse your people-
chameleon. reading process from time to time. For example, someone who
ranks high both in nervousness and responsibility is the
Consider Carol, carrying a bag of groceries into her prototypical nervous mother. She worries about every imagin-
house. She is still wearing her “dress for success” business able detail, and pesters people around her until they flee in
suit. She has just come from a sales meeting where she laid out frustration. She is riddled with guilt at her failures, yet
plans for the next campaign. At the grocery store, she waited demands increasingly higher standards of performance. Know
patiently in line listening to her children’s stories about their any people like this?
day care center’s trip to the zoo. Now, walking in the front
door, she discovers that her husband has accepted a dinner President Ronald Reagan offers an example of still another
invitation for them this evening. She calmly puts the fish she sort of person who combines human factors. He is usually very
just purchased into the freezer and calls up the baby sitter. agreeable. He jokes goodnaturedly with the press corps and
Throughout the day and evening, Carol plays a variety of roles foreign dignitaries. He approaches Congress with an attitude
as she moves through different situations. Which term below that is cooperative and expresses a willingness to com-
best describes her? promise. At the same time, the President is known as an
excellent communicator. He easily presents his ideas in a
frank, open way - sometimes even speaking too frankly,
leading to occasional public embarrassments. Finally, he
exhibits a measure of culture. He appreciates the advantages
the role of President offers, and wishes his idea of what a good
life is on all of us.

The skilled reader of people is someone who can pick out every
human factor in a person. He can see how human factors are
balanced in that individual. One person’s sociable preferences
may be moderated by his sense of responsibility, leading him
Chameleons are practical, and able to adjust to nearly any to forego an after-work party to finish a project. Another’s
circumstance. If they are unhappy or frustrated, it is almost cultural trait might be overshadowed by his nervousness,
certainly due to conditions in their environment. They do not making him an arts patron who is too anxious about the high
tend to be moody or demanding. Life with a chameleon tends crime rate of city life to venture into its theater district. Like
to be tranquil, since they are able to roll with the punches. any valuable skill, reading the human factor well takes
When leadership in a group is required, they are ready to take practice. Learning some of the essential techniques of this skill
charge. When a low profile is called for, they blend in with the will be the subject of our next chapter.

46 47
 To Train
W
Yourself To
Read Others

T o read a person effectively, it is important to acquire an in-

depth knowledge of his motives and values. This chapter
will help you master the necessary skills, using techniques
developed from the work of various behavioral scientists who
specialize in this sort of communication.

First Impressions
People telegraph information about their values, interests,
motives, and concerns through their words and actions. Since
a great deal of this information is communicated uncon-
sciously, it is being expressed in a wide variety of ways by
everybody, all the time. You generally receive all the infor-
mation you need in order to read someone from your first
impressions of him.

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How To Train Yourself To Read Others How To Train Yourself To Read Others

Research on first impressions demonstrates that people who Since silent messages are usually received unconsciously, the
can initiate conversations are seen as affable, energetic, and next part of this chapter will be devoted to describing those
enjoyable. They appear to have mastered the skill of creating listed above, and exploring their most common meanings.
an atmosphere in which others feel comfortable talking about While each silent message is described individually, it is
themselves. They also have learned to manage first impres- important to remember that messages occur in clusters. These
sions by reading both the silent, and the spoken messages, that clusters can give you impressions and lead you to make
other people send. The following chart lists the most prom- general assumptions about character and personality. As you
inent of those silent and spoken messages: improve your knowledge of these clusters, your ability to read
others will become increasingly complete.
IMPRESSIONS ARE EASED ON:
SILENT MESSAGES SPOKEN MESSAGES

Step 1: Style of Dress

When we evaluate someone’s physical appearance, we ob-
serve one of three key grooming styles that together seem to
encompass the varieties of physical presentation: success,
excess, and just plain mess.

Dress for Success is a style of dressing associated with an

upper-middle-class background and upwardly mobile,
achievementoriented ambitions. People who Dress for Suc-
cess seem more likely to be described by others as ambitious,
Silent Messages assertive, intelligent, helpful, and responsible. For men, Dress
for Success clothing includes dark blue and dark grey suits,
You gather approximately one-third of your first impressions white or pale blue shirts, and conservative ties. For women, it
of another person from what he actually says. Everything else includes white blouses with bows, skirts with matching
you perceive derives from the nonverbal cues he sends. blazers, and modestly cut dresses.
Psychologists use the terms “unconscious” and “subliminal”
to describe these sorts of silent messages -because they often Dress to Excess is a style that appears to be in sharp
go unrecognized by the conscious mind of the sender as well as contrast to dressing for success. For men, it may
the receiver of a communication. entail brightly colored shirts unbuttoned past the
chest, tight pants that ride low on the hips, jewelry
If you had a special power of observation that allowed you to hanging around the neck, and boots or similarly
be aware of all the silent messages you ordinarily encounter, trendy shoes. For women, the excessive look is
you would be so overwhelmed by information, that you would dominated by tight-fitting clothes, low-cut dresses,
have trouble walking down the street, or going into a crowded and heavy makeup.
party.
How To Train Yourself To Read Others How To Train Yourself To Read Others

Dress for Mess is a style of dressing - if style is the proper and solve problems. They appear confident, goal-oriented,
term - apparently designed to give the impression that the and determined. One study found that more than 90 percent of
wearer just finished gardening, for example, or painting the high-ranking graduates from prestigious business schools were
living room ceiling. The clothing is outdated, wrinkled, and Strutters.
dirty. The messy dresser places a low priority on his physical
appearance. This is often because he is preoccupied with
another subject. Like the stereotypical, absent-minded pro- The Sprinter, The Sprinter walks at a fast pace, often with his
fessor who frequently seems more occupied with his thoughts hands on his hips. He leans forward slightly, as if to gain an
than his appearance, the Dress for Mess person may be so extra bit of momentum. He emits periodic bursts of energy
consumed by his profession or his pastime that other concerns, during which he may work long hours and become highly
such as eating, sleeping, and dressing are overlooked. He cares productive. The energy burst is followed by a resting period
about ideas more than people - including himself. during which the Sprinter contemplates his next course of
action. The Sprinter’s gait is consistent with his high level of
As you train yourself to analyze people’s appearance, ask drive and dedication. Many entrepreneurs and inventors are
Sprinters who work intensely to create new products.
yourself questions about the care with which a person’s dress
has been put together. What message might he be trying to
convey? What about his aspirations can you ascertain from his The Thinker. Thinkers im- - -
appearance? merse themselves in prob-
lems, which they are at
pains to understand. Their
heads and shoulders are
Step 2: Gait pointed toward the ground,
indicating that they are pre-
When you observe your family or friends over time, you will occupied and do not wish to
find that each person moves in a characteristic fashion. Our be disturbed. Typically their
gait provides information to others about our moods, goals, behind their backs and their gait is slow and
and attitudes toward life. It goes hand in hand with the manner methodical. Professors and scientists who spend much
in which we dress to reinforce our self-presentation. Certain of their time contemplating abstract research questions are
styles of gait enable you to read another individual with typical Thinkers.
considerable accuracy. Some especially observant people-
readers can identify a person approaching their offices by the
sound of the footfalls alone. The Drooper. The Drooper’s gait is seen in people who walk
hunched over, with eyes pointed downward and shoulders
The Strutter. Strutting is a gait characterized by a quick and pulled up toward the neck. Their hands are thrust deep in their
deliberate pace, stiff legs, freely swinging arms, and a raised pockets, and they walk from toe to heel, as if kicking the
chin. It signals that someone is “on the move." People running ground. When people are dejected, they often adopt the
for political office are often Strutters. They exude optimism Drooper’s walk. As a result, one psychologist says he can tell
and convey the impression that they can manage’ resources if a patient is depressed simply by looking for the Drooper
signs when the patient enters his office.

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I How To Train Yourself To Read Others How To Train Yourself To Read Other

Step 3: Posture Enter and Exit Signs. When

you see two people talking
and notice that their shoul-
Posture completes the self-image a person presents to the ders and feet are pointed to-
world. Although there are many ways to stand, virtually ward each other, they are
everyone adopts some single, identifiable pose as the one that involved in a personal con-
best expresses who he feels himself to be. versation and do not wish to
be disturbed. Their bodies
The Military Shoulder. Military shoulders are erect and form a shield to prevent
pushed slightly backwards. This posture is often seen in others from entering. When
Strutters, since, like that gait, the Military Shoulder exudes people converse in a loose
pride and confidence. semicircle with their feet pointed outward, however, their
silentmessage is aninvitationforothers tojointhem. When his
feet and body both shift toward the door, a person is expressing
The Alert Mind. People who are interested in and excited by disinterest, and his wish to leave.
the conversation or the action going on around them lift their
heads up, exposing their throats. When something especially Ready for Action. Heightened readiness is expressed by a
fascinating catches their attention, they tilt their heads slightly linked series of gestures. A person moves forward to the edge
to the side. Conversely, when bored their heads drop down- of his chair, he spreads his feet apart on the ground, and lets his
ward. When they are seriously bored their chins may hands hang loosely at his sides or rests them on his hips. In
completely cover their throats. social interactions, this combination of gestures means that a
member of the opposite sex is receptive. In business settings,
‘The Leg and Ankle Cross. Social custom dictates that people this cluster of behaviors indicates that the person has made a
cross their legs when seated. How long the cross-legged decision and is ready to pursue a course of action.
posture is maintained indicates something of the person’s
sense of ease, since people uncross their legs when they feel
comfortable. A person whose legs remain crossed may be seen
to feel guarded; stronger feelings of resistance are ac- Step 4: Gestures
companied by locking the ankles together.
Spontaneous gestures are not so much apart of a person’s self-
The Unbuttoned Coat. As they do when they uncross their image as they are expressions of it. Gestures punctuate our
legs and ankles, people unbutton their suit jackets when they verbal deliveries, giving our listeners far more information
feel open and in agreement. A person often unbuttons his coat than words alone might convey. Understanding gestures is an
at the same time he uncrosses his legs and moves slightly essential part of reading people successfully.
forward, signaling a high level of agreement and acceptance
It’s All in the Hands. In the Open Hands gesture, which
Observant negotiators know that when the other party engages
in these actions, a successful bargain will soon be completed. suggests sincerity and a general openness, a person spreads his
hands out with the palms facing his conversational partner. In

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How To Train Yourself To Read Others How To Train Yourself To Read Others

the Fists Clenched position, which implies argumentative-

ness, defensiveness, and hostility, a person forms his hands Increasing Your Skill
into tight fists, and his knuckles protrude. The Hand over To increase your skill at reading others, try matching the
Mouth gesture, which express ambivalence or a desire to gestures of people around you with the emotional descriptors
lessen the force of what is being said, suggests your counter- included in this chapter. For example, if your neighbor walks
part is unsure of what to say or is astonished by what was just over to your house with his fists clenched, greet hi by asking
said. Wringing Hands express a stronger form of ambivalence, what he has on his mind. If you notice your friend tugging at his
and occurs when the person feels nervous about being “in the ear during lunch, check to see if he wishes to say something.
hot seat.” As you grow skilled at reading other people, begin to notice
how they gesture, and you will quickly come to understand the
Up in Arms. Many body ges- messages that lie behind what others say aloud.
tures occur in harmony. Like
Open Hands, Open Arms rep- In addition to the observable cues of dress, gait, posture, and
resent honesty and welcom- gesture, two qualities cut across all silent messages; they are
ing. Crossed Arms indicate consistency and context. By including your observations of
defensiveness, withdrawal, these qualities in your message clusters, you can round out
and lack of interest. Arms your insights into the communications of others.
Spread, but with the hands
tightly gripping the table,
hint that an angry ultimatum will soon be forthcoming.
Consistency
Touches and Tugs. The Ear Tug involves pulling slightly on
the ear lobe with the thumb and forefinger, and signals a wish As we discussed earlier, messages occur in clusters. For the
to speak. In the Pants Tug, a person grabs and pulls upward on most part, the clusters of silent messages people send are
the top of his pants. This gesture occurs when a decision is continuous and consistent. The person who Dresses for
being contemplated. Success probably also stands with a Military posture and
walks with a Strutting gait. Even the poorest reader of others
takes in these messages subconsciously, and fmds them to be
Doodlers and Drummers. Students listening to a boring supportive of each other.
teacher, or workers observing a repetitive demonstration of a
new production technique, are among those people who When people are inconsistent in their messages, others are apt
engage in a variety of doodling and drumming behaviors. One to notice their discontinuity readily, or to feel vaguely uneasy.
professor observed that he could gauge how interesting his The person who Dresses to Excess, walks like a Thinker, and
lecture was by seeing how many students were drawing circles stands like an Alert Mind is sending mixed signals. He may
in their notebooks. Similarly, a percussion of foot tappers and leave other people feeling uncomfortable, because his re-
finger rollers means that the participants would rather be flective body presentation is incongruent with his outlandish
elsewhere. appearance.

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How To Train Yourself To Read Others How To Train Yourself To Read Others

As you train yourselfto observe the clusters of signals another What does he do when you interrupt him? What are the
person is sending to you, ask yourself how consistent the volume and pitch of his voice like?
person appears to be. Do you feel comfortable as you speak to
him? Or do you have the uneasy sense that something doesn’t Highly successful communicators are able to walk into new
quite fit? situations and quickly assess those characteristics that are
important to the people they meet. One prominent business
consultant modifies his mannerisms, dress, and speaking style
Context to accommodate his different clients. For a morning breakfast
with the executives of an established company, he wears a
As your proficiency in reading silent messages grows, keep in conservative suit and speaks in long, ponderous sentences. At
mind the context within which you meet another person. Not a midday meeting with the youthful founders of a high
only do individual messages appear in clusters, the clusters technology firm, he dons a sports jacket and emulates their
themselves appear in clusters. Because behavior is complex, it brisk pace. When talking with the supervisors of a construction
is important to understand silent messages within the setting project later that afternoon, he wears a hard hat and uses
when forming an impression. informal language. Some people might think this consultant
presents himself falsely. But, he explains that to work
Consider carefully the context of any interaction: how well effectively with people in different professions, he must
does one person know the others? What is the topic? What is understand how they function. By adopting each client’s
his level of expertise in the topic area? A person sitting in a perspective, the consultant helps all of them talk more easily
comer with arms and legs crossed might not be as introverted about their specific business problems.
or defensive as he appears. He may simply be an artist
mingling with a group of engineers, and thus unsure of what to Spoken messages can be divided into four general categories.
say when the group discusses technological advances in Although they are present in almost all communications,
microchips. frequently they go unnoticed. Sharpening your people-reading
skills requires that you understand the unspoken messages that
stand behind the spoken ones.
Spoken Messages
While silent messages constitute a starting point for un- When the Person Speaks
derstanding first impressions, spoken messages provide the
essential information that confirms what you have perceived. Whether the person speaks without prompting in a group or
When you listen to another person speak, a few key questions waits until he is invited to do so can suggest the degree to which
can help you organize your reflections. Is the speaker an he is sociable or shy. Sociables are usually conversation
assertive person? Does he initiate topics, or does he simply leaders. They like to initiate conversations. They participate
follow your lead? How much does he discount his own words actively in the discussions that ensue. And they often direct the
and ideas? When you ask a question, does he answer it? Or group’s attention toward topics they find most stimulating.
does he answer one of his own making? Does he interrupt you? Shy people, on the other hand, prefer to be conversation

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How To Train Yourself To Read Others How To Train Yourself To Read Others

followers. They will often wait until someone asks them them, indicate that something more is being communicated
something before offering a brief comment as their con- than what the simple words convey.
tribution.

Putting the Parts Together

How the Person Speaks
You can train yourself to observe silent messages by re-
The person who speaks in a confident, consistent tone displays membering what they are, and then looking for these signs in
his self-assurance. He is likely to stick by his guns when your social contacts. Begin by observing people you already
questioned, and is unlikely to waver when confronted with know. Picture your spouse or a work associate. Then use this
petty criticism. By contrast, the person who mumbles quietly discussion of silent messages as a guide to discover how any
and peppers his speech with apologetic remarks like, “I’m particular message is consistent with what you already know
really not sure, but...” and “I sort of think that...” exhibits about the speaker.
nervousness. His lack of conviction reveals his selfdoubt.
Finally, when you meet new people, use your skill at
understanding the importance of silent messages to develop
How Much the Person Speaks your own hypothesis about what the person is like. The
hypothesis can be tested when you initiate conversation. With
We have all had the experience of being held spellbound by a practice, you will become adept at identifying exactly what
person who addresses a topic of great interest to us. And we another person finds important.
have all been bored by someone who seems more interested in
hearing himself talk than in communicating anything very
meaningful. The quality of the speaker’s content will help you
evaluate his total personality. When a quiet person suddenly
becomes animated in the midst of a conversation, you know
that the topic under discussion pushes some button for him.

Whether the Person Asks Questions

In general, people who ask questions want to draw others or
themselves into the conversation. There are also variations in
how questions are asked. The tough minded person is more
likely to indicate self-confidence by asking, “You’d agree with
me, right?” While the nervous person exhibits self-doubt by
inquiring, “Does that make sense to you?” Both the way
people ask questions, and the frequency with which they ask

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Chapte 5
-How To
Read People
In Friendships

The Importance of Our Relationships

0 ur family and friends till primary needs in our lives.

They provide love and comfort, and allow us to love
and comfort them. Family and friends help us combat feelings
of isolation and loneliness. They guide the development of our
learning, values, and attitudes. Through their reactions to our
behavior we learn about ourselves and the world. Through
them we build our personal and local networks of social
support and assistance. And with them, we find ways to
contribute to the good of human society as a whole.

At times, the selection and formation of our friends may seem

random and unplanned. We appear to gather acquaintances
through work, school, and recreation for reasons that have no
particular meaning apart from convenience and happenstance.
But in truth we exercise far more control than we realize over
the processes by which one person becomes close to us, and
another drops out of our life.

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How To Read People in Friendships How To Read People in Friendships

In this chapter we will explore the ways in which we create our

lasting human relationships. In the course of our exploration INGREDIENTS OF FRIENDSHIP
we will discover how dramatic an impact our ability to read
others actually has on the stages of this process.

The Four Stages of a Relationship

Ask anyone to describe his relationships. He will tell you
stories of friends, lovers, acquaintances, andassociates. If you SE OF HUMOR
examine the underlying characteristics of those relationships, _INGNESS TO MAKE TIME FOR ME
you will discover people in several distinct phases of inter- INDEPENDENCE
action. This bears out the claims of social psychology that the GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST
evolution of a friendship is a process that passes through four INTELLIGENCE
specific stages. Each stage has its own development, without SOCIAL CONSCIENCE
which the relationship will falter, and either change course, or SHARES LEI SUR E (NONCULTURAL) INTE R E S T S
fade away altogether. CULTURAL INTERESTS
SIMILAR EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND
10%
IUT MY AGE
L ATTRACTIVENESS 9%
STAGES OF A FRIENDSHIP 8%
ICAL VIEWS
8%
~kSI0NAL ACCOMPLISHMENT
ACGROUND DIFFERENT FROM MINE 8%

ABILITY TO HELP ME PROFESSIONALLY 7%

4%
ILAR I N C O M E

Attraction
As you can see, the interpersonal qualities we rely on for a
In a recent study by Psychology Today, 40,000 Americans friendship are not necessarily those we first observe when we
were asked to describe the qualities they found most important make a new acquaintance. The process of moving from an
in their friendships. The chart that follows represents their initial attraction to a deep affiliation entails particular stages of
responses. its own.

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How To Read People in Friendships How To Read People in Friendships

Then they often begin to move in synchrony - as each person

Imagine yourself at a party chatting with a charming
catches the other’s attention, they turn toward each other.
person whom you’ve just met, when suddenly he takes ou
a card and hands it to you. You take it and read: Our initial posturing declares our interest in another. But
before we step beyond that first attraction, we make a
judgment about how we think we are received. When we
perceive another person as receptive and open to our
overtures, we respond by moving closer. If the other seems
WARNING closed or unavailable to us, we pull back and re-evaluate our
initial position.
What you don’t know about me
and our potential relationship Assuming that the two of us have come together in the first
stage of attraction, the second stage of moving closer entails
could be hazardous to your three phases of its own. First, we respond to a huge need for
mental, physical and emotional trading stories about each other. People want the blanks tilled
health. in: we want to know how we are alike and how we are different
from our new acquaintance. For this reason people who have
been recently introduced spend time describing the nature of
their jobs, homes, and families, their interests, and how they
come to be at the same place at the same time.

What would your first reaction be? To drop the card and
If storytelling is successful, the two of us will have a desire to
head for the door? Would you take this as a challenge to
explore the secrets of the other person’s life? Or return
spend more time together, participating in mutually chosen
the card with a wry smile, saying, “Likewise, I’m sure?”
activities. New acquaintances consciously plan ways to
extend the relationship. “Lets’s have lunch,” becomes a real
possibility, rather than a socially appropriate way to close a
conversation.

Finally, if our shared time is satisfying, we will form a style of

In most instances, we are attracted to someone on the basis of communication that is unique to us. Our relationship will be
a special combination of appearance and behavior. When characterized by how and when we speak. When we meet we
something in us recognizes what we call a mutual attraction, will have personal rituals concemingwhat we talk about and in
each person gives typical nonverbal signals. These signals what order. Even the places we choose to meet and the
indicate that one wishes to speak with the other. For example, activities we engage in will be expressions of our personal style
people who are going to meet generally make eye contact first. of communication.

66 67 .
How To Read People in Friendships How To Read People in Friendships

CE
If you are an adept reader of people you might see any of the
following behaviors during the attraction phase of friendship:

ATTRACTION STAGE

The similarities we share with another person only partly

provide the basis for our developing friendship; more impor-
tantly, they provide the basis for establishing trust. It is on the
basis of trust that a solid friendship can be built. The survey of
40,000 Americans cited earlier in this chapter reports two
All are signs that the early stages of the relationship are critical characteristics that people display as they progress
proceeding successfully. The newly introduced people are through this relational stage. They trust one another with
likely to move on to the second phase of developing a increasingly personal information, and experience the other
friendship, discovering their similarities. person reciprocate with continued acceptance.

In discussing trust in Men and Friendships Stuart Miller

suggests questions like the following:
Similarities
If you received a telephone call late at
When we begin telling stories with a new acquaintance we night from a friend needing extraordinary
generally listen for the similarities between us - a mutual assistance, with no questions asked,
friend, common career goals, or a shared enthusiasm for some would you go?
hobby. Studies have determined that in general people are
attracted to others whose attitudes, values, and lifestyles are If an acquaintance requested to move his
like their own. Going to the same church, living in the same family in with yours for the next year,
neighborhood, or attending the same college provides a basis would you make the room?
for developing a relationship. We can feel most comfortable
with someone who shares our views toward money, sex, If a friend was in desperate financial
politics, and friendship, and whose personality and style mesh trouble and asked you to rescue him,
with our own. would you mortgage your house or car?

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How To Read People in Friendships How To Read People in Friendships

If a friend became seriously mentally or

physically ill, would you care for him and The ability to trust and be trusted -- to share confidences, in
help him avoid hospitalization? other words - is essential if we are to determine the sorts of
similarities that matter to us in relationships. If we fail to read
While most friendships will never be put to such dramatic our new acquaintances correctly we can find ourselves in
tests, nevertheless the importance of trust among friends relationships that provoke conflict in our lives, rather that
cannot be overstated. To be able to reveal to another what is extend support. For example, a story in the March, 1984 issue
precious and valuable and even fragile about ourselves frees us of Inc. magazine described three college buddies who decided
from the need to constantly maintain our social roles. This to start a midwest engineering firm together, never dreaming
allows what is most true about us to be nurtured and to grow. that they might wind up leading three very different kinds of
Such a freedom is closely related to the issue of acceptance. lives. According to the article, the first partner married and
settled down. The second led a swinging playboy life. And the
Acceptance, in this context, is more than just liking what is third, who was a shy loner, moved into his office. The
said and continuing to approve of similarities. Acceptance is partnership finally split up when the second partner refused to
active rather than passive, concerned with making conscious stop propositioning the company’s female employees, and the
decisions. Acceptance means seeing the specially revealed third persisted in leaving rumpled clothing lying about his
information as an inherent and even desirable part of the office floor.
person who has revealed himself to us.
These former classmates failed in their business relationship
When a new relationship reaches the issue of trust in the stage because they only recognized their similar interests in engi-
of exploring similarities, the observant reader of people might neering and entrepreneurship. They neglected to pay attention
witness such behavior as: to their very different personal lifestyles. Their communi-
cation problems sabotaged their professional endeavors. If
SIMILARITIES STAGE the men had spent some effort exploring the factors underlying
their differences, as well as their similarities, their business
might not have failed - or they might not have gone into
partnership to begin with.

Differences
In our eagerness to emphasize our similarities with someone,
we sometimes ignore or fail to notice the obvious differences
between us. This neglect could be attributed, in part, to the
over events Of widespread human desire not to rock the boat. Psychologists
mutual interest have noticed that people find it hard to hold two conflicting
ideas at the same time. When presented with such a situation,
we tend to blur one or both of the ideas in order to lessen our

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How To Read People in Friendships How To Read People in Friendships

discomfort. In the short run, we ignore areas of potential individuals whether their similarities will sustain them over the
disagreement and maintain an idealized picture of the person long term.
with whom we differ. However, if our acquaintance is to grow
deep and meaningful, the difficult work of recognizing and Throughout the relational phase concerned with differences,
dealing with these differences cannot be postponed forever. people examine the degree to which they can trust and be
Consider the example of Fred and Herb. accepted by another person. The universal human needs for
trust and acceptance point to the importance of being able to
Fred and Herb work together and enjoy swapping computer read the differences between oneself and another, because it is
programs. But they have very different personal lifestyles. the differences - the weak links - rather than the strong
Fred prefers his solitary existence, while Herb has a growing, similarities that are likely to try a relationship.
rambunctious family. In their many conversations, Herb
ignores Fred’s terse references to bothersome neighborhood When trust and acceptance are being tested or breaking down,
kids. He assumes that Fred will see children differently once the relationship develops new characteristics, which the astute
he visits Herb’s wonderful family. Eventually, Fred’s obvious reader of people will be able to identify through such behaviors
discomfort (when confronted by Herb’s kids and dog bounding as:
through the living room) leads to disharmony, and may make DIFFERENCES STAGE
Herb decide that the two men have little in common after all.

Dissimilar interests may not appear until later in a friendship.

Relationships may be weakened or even destroyed by such
events as the relocation of either party, one person’s feeling
betrayed by the other, the marriage or divorce of either person,
borrowing and/or lending money, the birth of a child, or
success in one person’s career. Our lives are always in flux,
with similarities and differences between ourselves and other
people arising and vanishing naturally over the course of time.
But it is particularly in the early stage of discovering a
relationship that we both determine the degree to which our
differences matter.

Apart from the differences we have with our friends, some

Accommodation and Adjustment
relationships go through a testing phase after about six months. Regardless of the number of friends a person makes during the
The test concerns acceptance, and begins with one party course of a lifetime, he will achieve truly intimate, satisfying
engaging in unusual actions and attitudes. Or one person may relationships with only five or six of them. With each of these
pull away in an effort to achieve independence from the the critical relational factor will be fairness: neither person will
relationship’s established pattern of communication and care. seek to take advantage of the other and both will help enrich
Whatever its form, the test serves to measure for both the other. The intentions of both will be reciprocal.

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How To Read People in Friendships

The nature of fairness can be hard to identify. One way to

measure it lies in the relative equality of resources each
person brings to the friendship, whether in terms of material
goods or money or virtues such as duty and devotion.
h To Read
People who share approximately equal resources while feeling
a strong sense of fairness stand a better chance than other
people of developing the kind of friendship that can deeply
Others In
effect their lives. The precise balance of personal resources
necessary to create such a condition cannot really be quanti-
tied or even seen in any short term view of friendship. Over
Business And
time, the give and take of two people’s lives achieves a balance
that enriches both partners. Some characteristics of that
balance include:
Professional
ACCOMMODATION AND ADJUSTMENT
Settings

F rom Sigmund Freud to Leo Buscaglia, psychologists

have observed that love and work are the two most
important elements in human satisfaction. When a person can
achieve satisfaction in these two arenas, he can achieve it
anywhere. In the preceding chapter we discussed reading
These qualities alone do not make a life-long friendship that others in friendships. In this chapter we will consider how you
matters; but without them, no friendship can achieve or sustain can read others effectively in your work environment, whether
that depth and breadth of meaning. you are employed in a profession, a business, or a trade.

How to Read Your Employer

People generally approach new job opportunities with a
mixture of excitement, anticipation, and nervousness. You

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How T o Read Others In Business How To Read Others In Business
And Professional Settings And Professional Settings

can probably recall this combination of feelings yourself, from

the last time you started a new job. Perhaps you wondered if moving into the Fortune 1000, and describes its financial
you made the correct decision when you took it on, and asked ambitions in terms that might warm the hearts of any venture
yourself such questions as: Will I be competent? Do I have capital firm. However, as you work with Bill and observe his
enough training, or the right education for this work? Will I fit business practices, you might discover that his managerial
in with the other employees? Will my boss like what I do? Will goals are inspired by personal rather than corporate motives.
he like me, when he really gets to know me?
In person, Bill talks frequently of being a “Renaissance
Whether you are just starting that new job, or have been at it technocrat.” His personal goal is to become proficient in a
for many years, the ability to assess your employer’s wishes wide variety of skills. He already has a degree in human
accurately will be a key to your success and advancement. resource management and is currently enrolled in law school.
There are two skill areas that are essential to reading your boss He has been managing editor of a newspaper and written
accurately. Both skill areas you can learn to master: under- extensively for numerous professional journals. He is a
standing his approach to the tasks of your position and programmer who consults with other star-up high tech
understanding his approach to other employees. companies on their problems. He volunteers time with his
church and other organizations in the community, and talks
To read your boss’s wishes about the work of the company, occasionally about running for public office.
you first must understand his personal goals. Unless you know
what it is you are supposed to accomplish and whv the tasks Bill has organized his company around his pursuit of his
of your job may seem vague and uncertain. Or they may seem personal goals. Being vice-president of a company adds yet
difficult to accept and carry out. But your boss’s objectives another piece to his elaborate self-image. He manages other
may be different from the company’s, or they may be different people accordingly, seeking out and promoting those who can
from what you think they should be. add to his repertoire of skills, rather than those who will
develop a successful corporation. If an applicant for work can
Finding out your manager’s true goals may not be an easy job. teach Bill some new technique, then that person is likely to be
Some companies create formal job descriptions to help clarify an employee on Monday morning. Whether the company
such questions. Others rely on corporate culture and the needs him or not, Bill needs him, and uses him as a tutor more
grapevine to teach employees both the history and the goals of than as a subordinate. But if you work for Bill, how do you
the organization. Confusing situations can arise when a actually identify what he wants from you?
manager does not accept all of his company’s objectives and
directs his employees in a way that is intended to fulfill his In order to gain some insight into your manager’s mission, you
personal needs and ambitions. For example, consider the case will have to ask some questions of yourself and, perhaps, of
of Bill, the executive vice-president of a start-up company. your co-workers. Those questions might include: Are we in
business as a profit center or for some other purpose, such as to
Bill is an articulate spokesperson for the rapidly growing high be first to the market with a new idea? What role does my
technology industry. He speaks of his company as capable of particular task play in my boss’s goals, and what role does it
play in the larger goals of the corporation? Who is responsible

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How To Read Others In Business How To Read Others In Business
And Professional Settings And Professional Settings

for seeing that my boss’s goals are met - is he personally acknowledgement you understand, then you may consider
responsible or am I, as his subordinate? And if his goals and yourself a failure in your boss’s eyes when he hands you a
the corporate goals are at odds, where do my loyalties and bonus or an extra week’s vacation. You may be right -but
responsibilities lie? then again, it's possible that he considers what he gave you far
more valuable than simply another line on your resume. You
owe it to yourself to know the difference.
Determining Your Manager’s Expectations
You not only have to review your manager’s goals and Reading the Organization
motives, you must also understand what he considers to be an
outstanding performance. Some bosses reward long hours of of Staff Members
work, while others reward personal loyalty, and still others
only reward creative or cost-saving contributions to the firm. To understand any manager, look to the way he has organized
What your boss considers important will become apparent to his staff relative to his own strengths and weaknesses. Some
you as you observe who he rewards and for what reasons. It bosses seek employees who are strong where they themselves
may also be important to notice when people are rewarded. are weak, in order to make up for their personal deficits.
Does your boss pass out the bonuses whenever some major Others prefer to capitalize on their own strengths by augmen-
project is concluded successfully, or only at specific times of ting them with like-minded people. For example, the boss who
the year, such as Christmas? As you develop your people- excels at laying out broad company goals and motivating his
reading skills, you will learn the answers to these and related employees to follow his dreams, but loathes the detailed
questions, so that you can devise a plan to follow the model paperwork of day-today transactions, may surround himself
established by other successful people in your work group. with detail specialists so that he never has to think about a
detail again. On the other hand, he might prefer to develop a
If you think back on your career -or if you think back to your staff of global thinkers to capitalize on his visionary attitude,
time in school (since teachers often behave like managers and let the details take care of themselves.
toward their employee-like students) - you will recognize
immediately that different managers dispense rewards in a Once you know how your boss expects you to complement his
multitude of different ways. For instance, some offer raises or strengths and weaknesses, you are in a position to become a
promotions to positions of advanced responsibility. Others valued member of his staff, because you can do what he wants
offer personal favors such as extra time off, corporate perks you to do. Until then you are only guessing, and you might
or help with family problems. Still others take their valued’ guess wrong. Some questions that will help you Identify your
employees into a small circle of confidants and advisors. boss’s expectations are: How has your boss organized the
staff around himself? Is anyone - or everyone - a detail
It is critical that you determine how your boss rewards his specialist? Is it the staffs job to evolve new goals, or does the
subordinates. It is equally important that you recognize how boss like to discover all the creative ways to advance the
those rewards effect you. If a promotion is the only kind of company? Who -the boss or the staff - is supposed to worry

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How To Read Others In Business How To Read Others In Business
And Professional Settings And Professional Settings

about every penny and paperclip? Is it the staff's major from the staff? Are new ideas seen as threats to someone’s
responsibility to maintain employee moral? Or is your boss the power, or are they welcomed openly as contributions to the
fatherly type who counts on the staff to organize the work while
welfare of all?
he listens to problems? As you become your own most
reliable expert on the expectations of your manager and the While you’re examining your company’s organization, notice
organization of his staff, you will find another area in which who the corporate achievers like and who they complain
you must become insightful to advance in your career - you about. Modeling your behavior on that of successful people
must learn how your organization itself is structured. can help you acclimate to an organization. Finally, and
above all, take every opportunity to learn more about your
chief executive officer. Nowhere will you have a better chance
Reading the Organization to learn how to work with the organization than from his words
and actions - even if you are privy to these ideas only from
In addition to complementing the strengths and weaknesses of afar.
your boss, you have to fit into the larger staff of the company.
Different companies are organized in different ways, ranging Your ability to read your organization is an inherent part of
from the military model with generals and troops, to the family your ability to adjust to the limits of your position. For
model in which a benevolent father is concerned with the example, if you don’t recognize that managers in your
details of every employee’s life. company are always hired from outside the organization, you
are likely to become upset when you are repeatedly passed
The organization of most companies reflects the mind of the over for a managerial promotion. Or if you imagine your
person at the top, just as your own manager’s staff reflects his company is built on a family model with a father and children,
mind. If you know who really runs the company -not just the when it is actually organized like an army with one command-
titular head, but the person who controls its directions and er-in-chief and a lot of foot soldiers, then you will experience
developments - you can read him and come to understand frustration.
him in the same way you can read and understand your boss.
You may not have enough access to the top, to make these One key to reading your company lies in the distribution of
sorts ofjudgments. But you can still read the company from the power within the organization. The easiest way to understand
way it is organized -starting with the fact that you can’t reach internal power lines is to draw a diagram of the company’s
the boss of bosses. Some questions that will help you along the power structure. A company that operates on a military model
way include: How is the staff organized in your company? Is will quickly emerge as a triangle with the CEO as the general
there a complicated layer of management between the chief at the top, the managers as lieutenants in the middle, and the
executive office and the people who do the company’s actual multitude of employees at the bottom.
work? Is there easy access to the different levels of manage-
ment? Or do you have to claw your way through the hierarchy?
How does management receive suggestions and observations

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How To Read Others In Business How To Read Others In Business
And Professional Settings And Professional Settings

people? Everyone? When you work for the goals of your boss,
are you working for the goals of the company too? Is your
direct superior even important in the overall life of the
company? Does advancement within the company take the
same form it might be expected to take in another, similar
company?

As you consider the answers to your questions, try not to jump

to conclusions about what they could mean. Not all companies
are organized the way you might assume they would be. For
example, at a company such as IBM, an engineering manager
might take an apparent demotion to a data processing sales
A family model is more likely to look like a wheel, with the position, because he knows that most top management
fatherly CEO at the hub and the organization’s divisions and positions go to individuals from the sales ranks. An astute
parts radiating out like spokes from his attention. employee will understand when management rank is less
important than area or function, as he will understand which
department generates the promotions that matter. He will also
understand the unique value of interacting with other em-
ployees, as far as his particular company is concerned.

Reading the Ways Employees Interact

In one company, groups of employees will be rewarded for
socializing together. The fatherly boss will appreciate the
harmony that results when employees get alongwell, socialize
together outside work, and are involved in each other’s lives.
In another, more regimental company, high achievers will be
singled out for their special contributions with rewards from
the boss and admiration from fellow workers.
When reading your organization, try to answer such questions The employee who does not participate in the family-like
as: Within the company, who has ultimate responsibility for atmosphere of the first company, or who disdains the success
you and your tasks? If your part of the organization does not of the high achiever in the second, is likely to find limits
meet its commitments, who is directly effected? Who is imposed on his success. When you understand the distribution
effected by your decisions and actions? No one? A few of power in your company, and how it accommodates its

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How To Read Others In Business
How To Keaa Others In Business
And Professional Settings And Professional Settings

particular model of employee interaction, you will also

understand where and how you can expect to tit in best to corporate job. For instance, if you work for an established
succeed most easily. private university, your experience may be of an organization
directed by well-researched rules and procedures. Here
Everyone in a company falls into identifiable patterns of office employees meet regularly in formal committees and issue
behavior. Part of reading the ways employees interact entails lengthy reports designed to guide academic and administrative
learning the process of your policy. If you work for a branch of a multi-national bank, your
company’s corporate culture. days are more likely to be guided by conformity. Here
For example, if everyone gath- traditions of a specific monetary theory, may be identical with
ers around the coffeepot the traditions that guide your colleagues in the bank in the
early in the morning to trade next town. And if you work for a start-up high tech company,
stories, the employee who you probably find your day organized around innovation and
comes in late may miss out on
excitement. Here employees gather casually to brainstorm
a great deal of informal in- new approaches to their jobs in an expanding industry.
formation. Even skipping a Wherever you work, however, you will be expected to
seemingly innocuous lunch respond to the nature of your business and the people who are
meeting might mean missing most directly involved with it.
the chance to contribute to a
crucial decision. It is cer- If you are a creative, innovative person you will find yourself
tainly true that in some com- uncomfortably constrained in the restricted atmosphere of a
panies, the coffeepot crowd is rules-oriented company. By the same token, if you need to
made up of shirkers, and lunch meetings are nothing but bull know exactly the “right” way of doing every task, you will
sessions. But in other companies, you must join the corporate experience a different sort of frustration in a radical firm that
culture to succeed in the group, even if doing so interferes with thrives on the absence of structure. When an employee’s
your personal habits. Because these matters are never cut and abilities are well matched with the opportunities presented by
dried, they demand your careful evaluation. It is critical for his organization, corporate “lit” has been achieved. Under-
business success to apply your people-reading skills to the standing the climate of your organization is critical to your
ways employees interact. And the knowledge you gain from success because it allows you to locate yourself within it, in
this study will help you to read your organization’s climate. the most appropriate possible way.

How to Read the Climate How to Read Good Corporate Fit

of Your Organization If you are successful in reading your boss, your fellow
employees, and your organization, you will generally succeed
The “climate” of an organization is the general atmosphere and fit in. If you cannot lit in and act appropriately, you will
that pervades its sensibility and its approach to doing its gravitate to a situation closer to your needs. Staying and
succeeding is a sign that you have achieved corporate mastery.

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HOW To Read Others In Business How To Read Others In Business
And Professional Settings And Professional Settings

Mastery is another way to think of corporate tit. The good

match we just described between the goals of the organization tributing little can be taxing on all concerned. Unfortunately,
and those of the employee is one example of the fit. When the employee who needs to move along (if he is to be more
creative interplay occurs among the organization, its man- successful) is not always’ aware of his unfitting behavior, and
agement, your peer group, and you, that is another example of sometimes he is just afraid to see himself as having failed.
fit. When you can advance your knowledge or skills while still
benefiting the company, that is still another form of fit. As you The signs of the unhappy or overextended employee have
can see, mastery is marked by precise nuances of employee been described in numerous management books. They
competence. It is marked by your identification of clear goals include having a short temper when ordinary or minor
and opportunities to achieve them. It is marked by your problems arise, an attitude of cynicism toward the work,
sarcasm toward the organization and fellow employees, and
understanding and willingness to play by the rules of the
culture of your particular corporation. sloppy or unfinished work.

Ordinarily, when a person is at the end of his time in a

company he can be seen to be simply going through the
motions of work and participation in the corporate culture. He
will shun any opportunity to make an extra contribution or
take on an additional task. He is liable to come to work late and
leave early, and take long lunches in between. His enthusiasm
for corporate goals will be minimal, and he will decline the
chance to participate in social gatherings.

As an astute people-reader it is important for you to recognize

the signals when one of your co-workers has reached the end of
his time with your company. To ally yourself with a cynical or
dissatisfied employee can jeopardize your own future, par-
ticularly if he is on the verge of leaving the company. To model
your participation on his could give you a false sense of what is
expected of you in the company. It could also give the
However, corporate tit is elusive. Not everyone belongs in company a false and diminished sense of your own capacities.
every work situation, and you may fmd yourself in the
awkward position of helping another person or yourself
discover when to leave a company. Knowing when someone Finding Work Satisfaction
has reached the appropriate end of his time at a job, is vital to
the professional success of both the individual and the If work was something people did casually, ‘like dropping
company. Working with an unhappy person who is con- down the block to see a film on Friday night, the ability to read

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How T o Read Others In Business
And Professional Settings

others in a business setting would be a matter of little

consequence. But because satisfaction in work is one of the
two essential aspects of a satisfactory life, reading people in
the professional world can be vitally important for your
personal happiness, as well as for your professional ad-
vancement.

A failure to read others well on the job all but guarantees a

failure to attain the highest professional level of which a person
is otherwise capable. Since it is possible that something as
simple as understanding how to contribute to your corporate
culture, or reading your manager well, can make your whole
work life more pleasant, successful and easier, there is every
reason to learn something of how we read others in any setting.

CONCLUSION
How to read others in any setting is now your task. We have
offered you insights into the areas for reading others. And we
have outlined skills which you can develop to be effective
in doing so. It is now left to you to transfer this information to
the schoolroom, boardroom and living room. With the
assistance of the Mind Prober software, you will easily be able
to read the key people you encounter in any setting.

This book now turns to the technical information needed to run

the software on your personal computer. You will find
contained in the following pages, directions for getting your
system started, for running the software and for seeing the
Mind Prober reports.

88 89
 CONTENTS

Getting Started
Overview of the MIND PROBER
Instruction Manual...........................

Introduction to the MIND PROBER . . . . . . . . . . . 1 0 2

Getting Started with the MIND PROBER 103

IBM PC and Compatibles ................ 103
Apple II and Compatibles 109
Commodore 64 .............................. 109

Running the Mind Prober

(IBM PC, Apple II, Commodore 64)
The Main Menu.............................lll

Receiving Help While Using

the MIND PROBER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113

Quitting the Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113

The MIND PROBER

On-screen Instructions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114

The MIND PROBER Assessment . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 5

Printing a MIND PROBER Report . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 9

99
Mind Prober Instructions
for the Macintosh
What You’ll Need . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 121
etting
The Manual . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122
Started
Starting the MIND PROBER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 3

About the MIND PROBER . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 5

Assessing Your Subject . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 126

Overview of the MIND PROBER
Updating the Instruction Manual
MIND PROBER Assessment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 2 8

Getting the MIND PROBER Report . . . . . . . . . . . 1 3 0 The MIND PROBER Instruction Manual is divided into
the following sections:
Quitting the Program . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133
Getting Started
Hints and Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134
The first section of the Instruction Manual introduces the
Error Messages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135 MIND PROBER and prepares you to use the program. If you
are using an IBM PC, Apple II, or Commodore 64 version of
the MIND PROBER, read the section on how to get started
with that particular computer. If you are using the MIND
Appendices PROBER on a Macintosh computer, turn to the section titled
“Mind Prober Instructions for the Macintosh .”
Appendix A: Diskette Guidelines. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 141
Running the MIND PROBER.
Appendix B: Glossary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142 (IBM PC, Apple II, Commodore 64)
Appendix C: MIND PROBER Assessment This section takes you step-by-step through the operation of
Adjectives and Defmitions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .143 the MIND PROBER. Here you learn just how easy it is to
choose options from the program’s Main Menu, to receive

101
Getting Started Getting Started with IBM PC

help and instructions, and to complete the assessment of The MIND PROBER Assessment
another person. This section will explain how to obtain your
printed or on-screen MIND PROBER reports. In this section of the MIND PROBER, you will signal your
agreement or disagreement with a series of adjectives describ-
ing the other person. Once you have completed your assess-
MIND PROBER Instructions for the Macintosh ment, the MIND PROBER will have the data necessary to
Everything you need to know to run the MIND PROBER on generate a Report that will help you to better understand this
the Macintosh computer is included in this section. You will person’s behavior and attitudes. You will be ready to move to
learn how to use the mouse to make selections from the menus, the next section of the program.
how to complete an assessment, how to update an assessment,
and how to generate a MIND PROBER report. Printing the MIND PROBER Report
The third option of the MIND PROBER will allow you to
Appendices receive an on-screen or printed Report. The program will
The appendices are provided to make additional information instruct you on what you should do to receive a Report.
convenient for you. Appendix A explains Diskette Handling
Guidelines. Appendix B is a Glossary designed to help you
with any technical terms of which you are unsure. Appendix
C presents the adjectives used in the MIND PROBER Getting Started
software and their definitions. with the MIND PROBER
(IBM PC, Apple II, Commodore 64)
The following instructions will help you get started using the
Introduction To The MIND PROBER MIND PROBER. Read the section that pertains to the type
of computer you are using. If you are using a Macintosh, turn
The MIND PROBER is divided into three sections. You will to the section “MIND PROBER Instructions for the Mac-
learn how to use each section of the program in the pages intosh.”
which follow. For your convenience, the different sections of
the program are briefly described below. IBM PC and Compatibles
MIND PROBER Instructions The following items are necessary in order to run the MIND
PROBER.
Choosing this option will provide you with information you
need to operate the various sections of the MIND PROBER. l MIND PROBER Diskette
Included are descriptions of how to use the menus, how to l IBM PC or equivalent personal computer
receive help while using the MIND PROBER, how to quit a l The Disk Operating System (DOS) for your
section of the program, and how to exit from the program. computer

102 103
Getting Started with IBM PC
Getting Started with IBM PC

l IBM color or monochrome display or equivalent

display Procedure For Single-Drive Systems
l Printer (optional) 1) Insert your DOS 1.1 diskette into the disk drive.
l A double-sided disk drive
2) Turn on your computer. After DOS is loaded, you will
be prompted for the date and time. If you choose not to
Running the MIND PROBER enter the date and time, simply press <RETURN>
for the First Time after each prompt. If you wish to respond, see your
DOS manual for further instructions.
Before you can use the MIND PROBER on your IBM PC or
IBM-compatible computer, you will need to copy your Disk
Operating System (DOS 1.1) onto your MIND PROBER 3) Type:
Disk. This procedure is referred to as “Installing DOS.” The SYS B:
Disk Operating System contains the information necessary to
maintain the computer’s functions. Press <RETURN>
YOU WILL NEED TO INSTALL THE DOS FILE The system will prompt you with:
ONLY ONCE. Then anytime you wish to use the MIND
PROBER, you simply insert the Diskette into your disk drive,
Insert diskette for drive B: and strike
turn on the computer, and the program will start automatically.
any key when ready
Below are the procedures you need to follow in order to install
the DOS file onto your MIND PROBER Diskette. These 4) Remove the DOS diskette from the drive. Insert the
MIND PROBER Diskette. Press any key. You
procedures will vary depending on whether you have a single- should see the following:
drive or two-drive system. If you need additional information
about the DOS. consult your computer system’s DOS System transferred
manual.
A>

NOTE: If you are installing DOS 2.0 or above, you will not see the
System transferred prompt because you need to perform the following
additional steps at this time.

After inserting the MIND PROBER diskette, you should see the following:
Insert diskette for Drive A: and strike any key when ready.
NOTE: When the instructions in this manual direct you to press the
<RETURN> key, you should press the key highlighted on the diagram. Remove the MIND PROBER diskette from the drive. Insert the DOS
diskette. Press any key. You should see the following:

104 105
Getting Started with IBM PC Getting Started with IBM PC

Insert diskette for Drive B: and strike any key when ready. Procedure for Two-Drive Systems
Remove the DOS diskette from the drive. Insert the MIND PROBER 1) Insert your DOS diskette into drive A.
diskette. Press any key. You should see the following:
2) Turn on your computer. After you load DOS, you will
System transferred
A>
be prompted for the date and time. If you choose not to
enter the date and time, simply press <RETURN>
after each prompt. If you wish to respond, see your
DOS manual for further instructions.
5) Type:
3) Insert the MIND PROBER Diskette into Drive B.
COPY A:COMMAND.COM B:
4) Type:
Press <RETURN>
The system will prompt you with: SYS B:
Insert diskette for drive A: and strike
any key when ready Press <RETURN>

Remove the MIND PROBER Diskette from the The A> prompt will appear on your screen.
6)
drive. Insert the DOS diskette. Press any key.
5) Type:
The system will prompt you with:
COPY A:COMMAND.COM B:
Insert diskette for drive B: and strike
any key when ready Press <RETURN>

Remove the DOS diskette from the drive. Insert the Wait for the A> prompt.
7)
MIND PROBER Diskette. Press any key.
6) Remove both diskettes and store them until needed.
If the copy was successful, you should see the
following message. Starting The MIND PROBER
1 File(s) copied The following instructions assume that you have already
installed the DOS files on your MIND PROBER Diskette
If you do not get this message, try to copy the file again. (see previous pages.) To start the program, simply perform the
following steps:
8) Remove both diskettes. Store the diskettes until
needed. Place the MIND PROBER Diskette in drive A of your

106 107
 Getting Started with Apple and Commodore
Getting Started with IBM PC

computer and turn the computer on. The program will start Apple II and Compatibles
automatically. The initial welcome screens of the program
will appear, and then the Main Menu will follow auto- The following items are necessary in order to run the MIND
matically. You will be ready to use the program. PROBER.

l MIND PROBER Diskette

l APPLE II, II+, IIe, IIc or equivalent personal
computer
l Color or monochrome display
l Printer (optional)
l A disk drive
Starting the MIND PROBER
To start the program, simply perform the following steps:

Place the MIND PROBER Diskette in drive A of your

computer and turn the computer on. The program will start
If your computer is already turned on, it is not necessary to automatically. The initial welcome screens of the program
turn it off before starting the MIND PROBER. After will appear, and then the Main Menu will follow auto-
inserting the MIND PROBER Diskette in drive A, press the matically. You will be ready to use the program.
CONTROL, ALT, and DEL keys simultaneously, and the
program will automatically begin running. Also, if the A>
prompt is already displayed on your monitor, you can simply Commodore 64
insert the MIND PROBER Diskette in drive A and enter the
letters “mp”. Then press <RETURN>, and the program will The following items are necessary in order to run the MIND
start automatically. PROBER.

l MIND PROBER Diskette

l Commodore 64 computer
l Color or monochrome display
- A disk drive
Starting The MIND PROBER
To start the program, simply perform the following steps:
NOTE: The CONTROL, ALT, and DEL keys are highlighted on the
diagram. Place the MIND PROBER Diskette in the disk drive. Turn

108
Getting Started with Apple and Commodore

on both the computer and the disk drive. When the word
READY appears on the screen, type
LOAD "*",8
When the word READY appears again, type
Running The
RUN
Mind Prober
(IBM PC, Apple II, Commodore 64)
The initial welcome screens of the program will appear, and
then the Main Menu will follow automatically. You will be
ready to use the program.

NOTES: For all Apple II series computers the CAPSLOCK Key must be
activated before running the program.

This section will explain how to run the MIND PROBER

program if you are using an IBM PC, Apple II, Commodore
64, or any compatible computer. If you are using a Macintosh
computer, you should turn to the section of this manual titled
“Mind Prober Instructions for the Macintosh. ”

The Main Menu

When you start running the MIND PROBER, the first screen
you see will be the program’s Welcome Screen. After a
moment, the program’s Main Menu will automatically appear.
The Main Menu displays the options available to you as you
use the MIND PROBER.

110 111
Running the MIND PROBER Running the MIND PROBER

If you are using a black and white monitor with a color/graph-

The screen will appear as below. ics adapter, the quality of the display may suffer.

To adjust for a better display, select menu option number 5

“Adjust Display.” The MIND PROBER program will be
configured to a black and white display. If you later decide to
switch back to a color display, just select the option number 5
again.

Receiving Help While Using the MIND

PROBER

At any time while running the MIND PROBER, you may

receive on-screen help by pressingthe H key. This information
will describe for you the possible actions you may take at that
point in the program. If you should need additional assistance,
please consult this instruction manual.
Using the Main Menu is extremely easy. If you desire to use
options 1,2,3 or 4, simply press the appropriately numbered
key at the top of your keyboard, and the program will Quitting the Program
automatically take you to that section. You may use the Q key
to quit and return to the Main Menu. If you press a number or You may quit at any time and return to the Main Menu by
key which does not apply, the Main Menu will reappear and pressing the Q key.
you may make another selection.
If you choose Q while the Main Menu is displayed, the
program will ask you whether or not you definitely wish to exit
Adjusting Your IBM Monitor the program. You will reply with a “y”or “n." Answering “y”
here will return you to the computer’s operating system. If you
As you begin using the MIND PROBER, it will be helpful for press “n,” you will be returned to the Main Menu.
you to adjust the BRIGHTNESS and CONTRAST controls
on your video monitor if your monitor has such controls. The Choosing Q from a screen other than the Main Menu will
screens which you see in the MIND PROBER are designed to return you to the Main Menu. You can only exit to the
highlight and contrast certain characters so that it is easier for operating system directly from the Main Menu.
you to use the program. Adjusting the controls on your monitor
will allow you to take advantage of this added convenience.

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 Running the MIND PROBER
Running the MIND PROBER

If you quit while in the middle of the MIND PROBER

Assessment, the data you have entered will be automatically
stored by the program. For instructions on how to return to an
assessment you previously began, consult the section of this
manual titled “The Mind Prober Assessment.”

The MIND PROBER Assessment

The first time you choose option 2 from the Main Menu, you
will begin assessing the other person. This section will present
Instructions you with a series of adjectives describing the other person. You
will either agree or disagree with each adjective by pressing A
When you choose option 1 from the Main Menu, you will to indicate that you agree that the adjective describes the
receive instructions on how to use the Main Menu, as well as person, or press D to indicate that you disagree.
brief descriptions of each of the Main Menu options.
After using the software once, the program will maintain a list
After reading the instructions presented on the screen, press of up to 8 people whom you have assessed. When you select
any key to continue or press the Q key to quit receiving option 2 from the Main Menu, you will be taken to that list and
instructions and return to the Main Menu. may choose to either change an assessment of a person you
previously assessed, or begin a new assessment. To change an
Don’t forget that in addition to these instructions, you may assessment, simply enter the number that appears on the
press the H key at any time while using the MIND PROBER screen next to the person’s name. If you want to begin an
to receive help pertaining to the section on which you are assessment of a new person, simply select number one.
working.

114 115
Running the MIND PROBER Running the MIND PROBER

If 8 different people have already been assessed and you The program will then ask you to indicate whether the person
attempt to begin a new assessment, the program will indicate is under 18 years of age or older. If the person you are
that the list is full and will ask you which person’s assessment assessing is under 18, press 1. If the person is 18 or older,
you would like to delete. Enter the number that appears on the press 2. Next, the program will prompt you for the first name
screen next to the person’s name that you want to delete. of the person to be assessed. Enter the name, and press
<RETURN>. Then you will be asked to provide a last
If you select an assessment that you began before but did not name. Enter the name, and press <RETURN>. When you
complete, the program will return you to the first unanswered have completed these steps, the program will have completed
question in the assessment. opening a tile for the person to be assessed. The first screen of
the assessment will appear as the one on the following page.
When beginning a new assessment, the program will ask you
to indicate whether the person you will be assessing is either
male or female. To do so, enter either M or F.

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Running the MIND PROBER Running the MIND PROBER

Printing the Mind Prober Report

Once you have completed every item in the assessment, you
are ready to receive a MIND PROBER Report. Choose
option 3 from the Main Menu, and you will be taken to the
appropriate section of the program.

The program will maintain a list of up to 8 people whom you

have assessed and for whom you may have reports generated.
When you select option 3 from the Main Menu, you will be
taken to that list and may choose which person’s report will be
generated by entering the number that appears on the screen
next to the person’s name.

The program will prepare a report using the answers you

provided. You may choose to receive the report on-screen, or
you may have the Report sent to your printer.

It is not necessary that you answer all of the questions before

quitting the program. You also do not have to print your
MIND PROBER Report immediately upon completion of the
assessment. The program will store your answers on the disk,
enabling you to turn off your computer and return at a later
time to complete an assessment or print your report.

NOTE: It is important for you to understand that the MIND PROBER

cannot generate a Report from an assessment which has not been
completed. Be sure you have answered all the items in an assessment
before trying to obtain a Report.

118 119
Running the MIND PROBER

Choosing the screen option will cause the Report to be

displayed on your monitor. Use the N key (next) to scroll
forward through the Report and the P key (Previous) to scroll
backward. If you choose the printer option, the program will
immediately begin to print your report.
nd Prober
NOTE: If you try and print a report of a person for whom you have not
answered all of the assessment questions, the program will display on
error message and return you to the Main Menu. You need to return to
Instructions
that person's assessment file and complete all of the questions before a
MIND PROBER Report will be printed. For The
Macintosh

What You’ll Need

The following items are necessary in order to run the MIND
PROBER.

l MIND PROBER Diskette

l Macintosh Computer
l Printer (optional)

120 121
 Appendices

APPENDIX A: Diskette Guidelines

Inserting A Diskette
A diskette for the IBM, Apple and Commodore 64 is always
inserted label-side up. The bottom edge of the diskette has two
identical, semi-circular notches in it. This is the edge that is
inserted first into your disk drive. For the Macintosh, always
insert the diskette label side up and the metal shield first.

Diskette Handling Guidelines

Improper use, or careless handling of the diskette can result in
garbled or irretrievably lost data. Following are guidelines to
reduce the chances of diskette problems.

1) Always keep the diskette in its protective sleeve when not

in use.

2) Never touch the magnetic surface with your lingers.

3) Avoid exposing the diskette to extreme temperatures

(such as the inside of a car on a hot day.)

4) Never expose the diskette to magnetic fields (such as

setting it on top of a television.)

5) Do not bend, staple or write on the cover of the diskette

with anything except a very soft, felt-tip pen.

6) Avoid leaving the diskette in the disk drive when not in

use.

141
Appendices Appendices

APPENDIX B: Glossary of Terms APPENDIX C: Mind Prober Assessment

Adjectives and Definitions
boot To load a software program into the com-
puters memory in order to run the program.
To assist you in the assessment process, you will find listed
cursor The flashing symbol (usually an arrow in the below just a few of the adjectives used in the software. In order
Macintosh version) that indicates your po- to ensure clarity, we have provided brief definitions of each.
sition on the screen.

dialog One screen showing instructions, a message,

or providing for your entry of data.
Adjective Definition
diskette A flat, flexible magnetic disk, enclosed in a
protective jacket, used to store data. The accomplishing successful, to bring to completion
disk used for the Macintosh is smaller (3 l/2
inch) and is encased in hard plastic. accurate one who is correct and precise

disk drive The device in your personal computer in achieving accomplishing, persevering, striving
which you insert your diskettes to run a
program or to store data. adventuresome daring, willing to take chances

DOS An abbreviation for the Disk Operating affiiiative wanting to be associated or connected to others
System. DOS maintains all system oper-
ations. ambitious enterprising, striving, eager

Finder The Macintosh’s built-in application for apologetic sorry, regretful, makes excuses
organizing and managing documents, tools
and disks. apprehensive fearful, worried, afraid

menu A series of choices for the user. approval-seeking wanting acceptance and praise

menu bar Horizontal strip at the top of the Macintosh carefree free of worry or responsibilities
screen that contains menu titles.
charitable generous, kind, giving
too1 An application or a program. The MIND
PROBER is a “tool.” comforting soothing, relieved, consoling

142 143
Appendices Appendices

competitive seeking to win, ambitious joking witty, wisecracking, jesting

concerned aware, caring, interested kind gentle, considerate, warmhearted
consoling solace, to cheer up loyal steadfast, faithful, devoted
defenseless unable to protect oneself, helpless meek humble, submissive, patient
defensive to guard or protect oneself from harm meticulous extremely careful, scrupulous
dependent needing aid or assistance from others neighborly friendly, amicable, familiar
distant remote, inaccessible, removed nurturing supporting or caring for someone
egotistic self-centered, selfish obedient compliant, amenable, dutiful
empathetic aware of another, compassionate playful impish, mischievous, frivolous
fun-loving playful, carefree, spontaneous pleasure-seeking seeking gratification or delight
goal-oriented seeking success and achievement precise clearly defied, exact
guarded cautious about one’s actions, secretive protective shields others from danger or harm
help-seeking looking for assistance or comfort from others quiet still, silent, not talkative
hospitable welcoming, warm, receptive reserved restrained, self-controlled, shy
humble reserved, self-conscious, modest responsible accountable, trustworthy
impatient excitable, unable to wait rigid stiff, unchanging, inflexible
independent self-reliant, autonomous joking in a biting or cynical way
sarcastic
individualistic living one’s life in one’s own way secretive covert, underhanded, concealed
insecure unsure of oneself, lacking confidence seeks attention wanting to be noticed

144
Appendices

seeks recognition wanting to he praised

self-blaming fault finding with oneself

sensitive perceptive of other’s actions or feelings

socially striving seeking respectability

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