Production No.

3F04

The Simpsons
"TREEHOUSEOF HORRORVI"
Written by

John Swartzwelder
Steve Tompkins
Davids. Cohen

Created by
Matt Groening

Developed by
James L. Brooks
Matt Groening
Sam Simon

This script is not for publication or reproduction. No one

is authorized to dispose of same. If lost or destroyed,
please notify Script Department.
THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULDNOT BE USED
FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST
CHECKINGWITH TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT.

·Return to Script Department FINAL l

20TH CENTURYFOX TELEVISION
10201 w. Pico Boulevard Date 4/21/95
Los Angeles, California 90035
 1

"TREEHOUSEOF HORRORVIa
j
~·

Cast List

HOMER
•••.••••••••••••••• DAN CASTELLANETA
MARGE
••••••.•.•..•••.••• JULIE KAVNER
BART•••••.••••••.••••••• NANCYCARTWRIGHT
LISA .••••••.•••••...•••• YEARDLEYSMITH
TEENAGECLERK••••.•••••• DAN CASTELLANETA
RADIO ANNOUNCER(V.O.) •• HARRYSHEARER
LARD LAD••••••••••••••.• HANKAZARIA
COLLEGE STUDENTS•..••.•• DAN CASTELLANETA/HARRY
•••.••.•••••••••.••••••• SHEARER/HANKAZARIA
STORE OWNER
••••••••••••• HANKAZARIA
KENT BROCKMAN
••••.•••••• HARRYSHEARER

r CHILDREN•.•.•••.••.••.••
.•.•.••.•.•••••••••••••.
OTTO•••••.••.••••..•••••
NANCYCARTWRIGHT/YEARDLEY
SMITH/RUSSI TAYLOR
HARRYSHEARER
ANGRYCITIZEN ••••••••••• HARRYSHEARER
HIPPIE SHOPKEEPER
••.••.• DAN CASTELLANETA
KANG••.••••••••••••••••• HARRYSHEARER
KODOS•••••••••••••••••.. DAN CASTELLANETA
CHIEF WIGGUM
•••••••••••. HANKAZARIA
LOU•••••••••••.••••.•••• HANKAZARIA
NED FLANDERS••••.••••••• HARRYSHEARER
GRAMPA
•••••••••••••.•.•• DAN CASTELLANETA
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE •••• DAN CASTELLANETA
MR. VAN BRUNT •••.•••••• HARRYSHEARER
 2

PAUL ANKA•••••.••••••••• HIMSELF

TOWNSPEOPLE•..•..•••..•. ALL

SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER ••• DAN CASTELLANETA

NELSON..••••••••.••••••. NANCY CARTWRIGHT

PRINCIPAL SKINNER •.•..•• HARRY SHEARER

MARTIN.•••••.••••••••••• RUSSI TAYLOR

MRS. KRABAPPEL•••••••..• MARCIA WALLACE

CLASS •••••.•.••••••.•••• NANCY CARTWRIGHT/RUSSI TAYLOR

.•••••.•••••••.•••••••.• YEARDLEY SMITH

KINDERGARTEN KIDS ••••.•• NANCY CARTWRIGHT/RUSSI TAYLOR

••.•••••. • ••.•• • •••••••• YEARDLEY SMITH

ALL PARENTS ••••.•••••••• ALL

MR. VAN HOUTEN••..••.••. HANK AZARIA

TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.) • •••• HARRY SHEARER

PAUL MUNI (V.O.) ..•••••• HANK AZARIA

KRUSTY THE KLOWN••••••.• DAN CASTELLANETA

PATTY ••••••.•••••••••••• JULIE KAVNER

SELMA•••••••••••••..•••• JULIE KAVNER

HOMER'S BRAIN .•••••••••• DAN CASTELLANETA

HOMER'S MOUTH••••.••.••• DAN CASTELLANETA

REV. LOVEJOY••••••••• • •. HARRY SHEARER

DR. HIBBERT •••.•.••••••• HARRY SHEARER

PROF. (DR.) FRINK ••••••• HANK AZARIA

 "TREEHOUSE OF HORRORVI"
,_.
\ ·.
by
John Swartzwelder
Steve Tompkins .
Davids. Cohen
OPENINGTITLESEQUENCE

Throughout this sequence, the . camera swoops and twists

(Steadicam style) through a large haunted house, a la the
opening of HBO's "Tales from the crypt."
We open outside, where through flashes of lightning, we see
LEATHERFACE(from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre") charge
into the house, chainsaw ROARING. The CAMERAFOLLOWShim
into:
1) THE KITCHEN, where Leatherface removes his mask to
reveal it's NED FLANDERS. He sits down at the table with
the rest of the Flanderses, dressed like the other
"Chainsaw" characters. NELSON, looking nervous with an
apple in his mouth, is the main dish. The family begins to
say grace reverently as the CAMERAMOVESINTO:
2) THE PARLOR, where the ghosts of SIDESHOWBOB and BART
circle each other, preparing to strike. Each is trying to
conceal an axe behind his back, but since they're both ·
transparent, it doesn't do much good. We MOVEINTO:
3) T ~ BATHROOM, where SMITHERS is cheerily BLOW-DRYING
his h~ir. He doesn't notice that behind him is MR. BURNS,
drowning in a glass shower completely full of water. Burns
GASPS and pounds on the glass to no avail. Smithers
finishes up and casually tosses his blow dryer into the
shower as the CAMERASWINGS INTO:
4) THE LABORATORY, where DR. HIBBERT is experimenting on
RICHARDNIXON'S severed head, a la "Re-Animator." With
each JOLT of electricity, the head makes Nixon-y SHUDDERING
SOUNDS. The CAMERAthen MOVESINTO:
5) THE BEDROOM, where a SKELETONis trying to decide on an
outfit for the day. He peruses the contents of his closet
-- SKINNER'S empty hide, MOE'S empty hide, APU'S empty
hide, and then decides on KRUSTY'S skin. As the skeleton
steps into Krusty like a jumpsuit ••.
The CAMERAMOVESthrough the rear window, down the
hillside, and into the Simpson house for our standard
beginning.
 ·-~
ATTACKOF THE 50 FT. EYESORES
by
John Swartzwelder
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
INT. HOMER'S CAR - DAY SCENE l

Homer's car turns onto Springfield's garish business strip.

HOMER

Ah, the Miracle Mile -- where value

wears a neon sombrero and there's not a
single church or library to offend the
eye. It truly is a miracle.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD STRIP - CONTINUOUS

Homer cruises past the Paul Bunyan Vision center. On top

r is a forty-foot fiberglass PAUL BUNYAN,wearing glasses.

His blue ox BABE is also wearing glasses.
HOMER
Now .1at's a great sign! I !!iill. try ox
meat.
Homer passes "Aladdin's Magic Carpets & Linoleum", which
features a giant statue of ALADDINon a flying linoleum
floor. Then he passes a giant TAMO'SHANTER on top of "Tam
O'Shanter Tax Preparation".
HOMER(CONT'D)
(IMPRESSED) Oooh, big. (BEAT) Oooh,
big.
He suddenly spies a huge BIG BOY-LIKE CHARACTERin
checkered overalls, holding up a giant donut. The sign
says "Lard Lad Donuts: Home of the 'COLOSSAL' Donut," and
there is a banner reading "Grand Opening."
 3F04 FINAL l 4/21/95 Page 2.

HOMER(CONT'D)

"'
\ ' There
"fat"
it is!
in "fat
The chain
southern
that
sheriffs!"
put the

INT. LARD LAD DONUTS - A MINUTE LATER

Homer rushes in and slaps a dollar down on the counter.

HOMER
I want a colossal donut. Just like the
one on the sign.
The TEENAGECLERK gives Homer a normal-sized donut. Homer
looks at it in dismay.
HOMER(CONT'D)

(ANNOYED GRUNT) Nuts!

Homer points out the window to Lard Lad's giant donut.

HOMER(CONT'D)
That's false advertising! Lard Lad
lied!
TEENAGECLERK
Sorry, sir. No refunds.
HOMER
I paid for a colossal donut and I'm
gonna get a colossal donut.
Homer stalks toward the door. Thunder CRACKSin the
distance. outside, we see dark, Spielberg-style thunder
clouds rolling in.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD STRIP - 2:30 AM

Lightning flashes in the sky. The empty Miracle Mile is

lit up like the Las Vegas Strip. Homer, wearing pantyhose
over his head like a bank robber, drives up to Lard Lad
Donuts.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/9~ Page 3.

RADIO ANNOUNCER
(V.O.)

~- (DANCEMUSIC, THEN) We interrupt this

program for a special bulletin.
Astronomers from Tacoma to Vladivostok
have just reported an ionic disturbance
in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt.
Scientists are recommending that all
necessary precautions be taken.
HOMER
(SCOFFING) Eggheads. What do they
know?
Homer gets out of his car and throws a tow chain around the
giant donut.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
(V.O.)
We now return you to Swing Serenade,
sponsored by German's Ear Guards.
(LOUD) Guard your ears (SOFT) with
German's.
Homer hits the gas and the giant donut SNAPS off. As he
speeds away, the donut BOUNCESoff his roof, SHA'rI'ERS the
rear window, and then DRAGS behind the car, sparking.
HOMER
Hee hee hee. I've got your donut, Lard
Lad! And what are you gonna do about
it?
There is a flash of LIGHTNING and Lard Lad's smile turns
into a grimace of rage. His head slowly rotates to watch
Homer, a la the statues in "Jason and the Argonauts". He
.breaks free from his moorings and lumbers after Homer, but
can't catch up.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page A.

LARDLAD
(UNEARTHLYROAR)
UP AND DOWNTHE STRIP
In quick succession, Paul Bunyan, Aladdin, and the Tam
O'Shanter are brought to life by the unearthly roar.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM- 4:00 AM
The huge donut takes up the whole living room. Homer,
pantyhose rolled up to his forehead, is sitting in the
donut, happily drinking a beer. Marge SQUEEZES into the
room.
MARGE

Homer! Where did you get that?

HOMER

(GENUINE INNOCENCE) Get what?

MARGE

That giant donut.

HOMER
Well .•• I acquired it legally, you can
be sure of that.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD STRIP - SAME TIME

The giant neon Duff Cowboy comes to life, a la the "After

Midnight" beer commercial. He steps down off his perch,
proffering his giant beer to a group of excited college
students.
COLLEGE STUDENTS
Beer me, dude!/ Party on, Tex!/ Yeah,
let's party, baby! (AD LIB, ETC.)
The giant cowboy lowers the beer to the college students,
then GRINDS them into the ground with the butt of the
bottle.
COLLEGE STUDENTS (CONT'D}
(SCREAMS AND CRIES OF DISMAY)
 ~F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 5.

FURTHERDOWNTHE STRIP
At the Zip Boys Auto Parts store, the cartoon statues of
MAURY,MEL, AND MACKcome to life and step down from the
sign. After a beat, their oversized caricature heads flop
to one side. They DRAG their heads along the ground with.
their tiny bodies and GRUMBLE. The OWNERof the store runs
out.
STORE OWNER
(OLD JEWISH MAN VOICE) Fellas,
remember, whatever you do reflects on
this store! Hey, don't scratch up them

heads! What are you, crazy? You don't

drag your head in the street.
EXT. ROOFTOP OF CHANNEL 6 - EARLY MORNIHG

As the monsters rampage in the background, KENT BROCKMAN

reports.
KENT BROCKMAN

Good morning, everybody. Panic is

gripping Springfield as giant
advertising mascots rampage through the
city. Perhaps it's part of some darin~ .
new ad campaign. But what new product
could justify such carnage? ••• A
cleanser? A fat-free fudge cake that
doesn't let you down in the flavor
department like so many others--
During the above, behind Kent, the Channel 6 billboard
featuring his likeness comes to life. The GIANT KENT grabs
the real Kent.
 3F04 .~HAL 1 4/21/95 Page 6.

KENT BROCKMAN
(CONT'D)
Stop! Stop! Unhand me, you local
Emmy-nominated veteran news anchor!
The giant Kent Brockman climbs down the building carrying
the real Kent Brockman like Faye Wray.
EXT. STREET - MORNING SCENE 2

The school bus SCREECHES to a stop in front of a giant

DEVIL whose chest reads: "Red_ Devil Realty." BART and LISA
grab each other and SCREAM. The devil picks up the school
bus and peers through the front window menacingly.
CHILDREN

(SCREAMS)
OTTO
(RUBBING EYES) Whoa! Another acid
flashback! Man, I'm sure getting my
money's worth out of that little tab.
EXT. STREET - A LI'rl'LE LATER

SCREAMING people run hysterically down the street. When

they get to a red light, they stop and wait, making low
WHIMPERING sounds. Then, when the light changes, they
panic down the street again, SCREAMING even louder. A
giant PROFESSORPEANUT(wearing pince-nez glasses and
mortarboard) CRACKSopen a car like a peanut and eats the
people inside, discarding the "shell." We see a trail of
car "shells" behind him.
EXT. DOWNTOWNSTREET

A huge OCTOPUSMONSTERhas slithered off a store and is

grabbing citizens with its tentacles and vaporizing them
with its laser eyeballs.
ANGRYCITIZEN
Why did you have to name your store
"Atomic octopus Yogurt"?!
 3F04 FINAL 1 4, 21/95 Page 7.

·b
HIPPIE SHOPKEEPER
(HOSTILE) What would~ like, man?!
"Suburban Polyester Power Trip
Yogurt?!"
The hippie is immediately vaporized by the octopus.
ANGLE ON A FAMILIAR FLYING SAUCER

hovering over the scene. KANG looks out the window.

KANG

Hey, Kodos, you'll like this .••

K0D0S joins him at the window.
KANG/ K0D0S
(EVIL LAUGHTER) Foolish Earthli--
They are instantly vaporized as well.
EXT. SPRINGFIELD CITY LIMITS

Furiously HONKINGcars try to flee town. We see them speed

into a tunnel, then WIDENto see Paul Bunyan has his mouth
over the other end of the tunnel.
EXT. KWIK-E-MART

APU is frantically painting "Monster Owned" on the side of

the Kwik-E-Mart.
EXT. BIG AND TALL MEN'S SHOP - SIMULTANEOUS

A giant MANlurches away from the shop. CHIEF WIGGUMFIRES

at him and he instantly DROPS to the ground.

CHIEF WIGGUM

Aw, they're not so tough.

LOU
Ah, Chief, that wasn't a monster. That
was the captain of the high school
basketball team.
 JF04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 ~.ge 8.

CHIEF WIGGUM
(COVERING) Uh, yeah ..• Well, he was
turning into a monster, though.
EXT. SCHOOLYARD- DAY

Bart is now riding on the shoulder of the huge red devil.

He whispers into its ear.
BART
(SLY) What are you waitin' for? Wreck
the school. You know you wanna.
The devil wrestles with his conscience. Impatient, Bart
scurries around to the devil's other shoulder and whispers
in that ear.
BART (CONT'D)
(GRUFFLY) I agree. Destroy the school.
The devil shrugs and begins destroying the school.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM- DAY

There's no sign of monsters, and all is still. Homer sits

in the middle of the donut meditating in the lotus
position.
HOMER
(MANTRA) Mmmmmm.• • Mmmmmmm
•••

The doorbell RINGS. Homer opens the door to reveal LARD

LAD bending over and peering in.
HOMER(CONT'D)
Hello? Yes? (REALIZING) Oh! Uh •• •
if you're looking for that big donut of
yours ••• uh • • . Flanders has it.
(POINTING, NONCHALANT)Just smash open
his house.
Lard Lad heads for Flanders' house. Homer closes the door.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 9.

HOMER(CONT'D)
(AFTERTHOUGHT) He came to life. Good
for him.
We hear. a house being torn apart, then heavy footsteps
returning. The doorbell RINGS again. Homer opens the
door, and Lard Lad peers down. In the background, we see a
hysterical FLANDERSrunning down the street, his clothes
torn and partially missing.
FLANDERS
Help me! Help me, Lord!
He bumps smack into the towering red devil, who is just
rounding the corner.
FLANDERS(CONT'D)
(COVERING) Er ..• Lord of darkness,
that is. (BEAT) Howdilly-doo, Beelze-

buddy.
ON THE SIMPSON FRONT PORCH

Homer is arguing with Lard Lad.

HOMER
I told you: Flanders has it. (IDEA) Or
Moe! (PUSHING HIM A LITTLE) Go kill
Moe.
Marge SCREECHESup in the station wagon with the kids.
MARGE
Homer! Just give him the donut. Once
he has it, that will be the end of all
this horror.
HOMER
(RELUCTANT)Well ••• okay. If it'll
end horror.
 -·~~ r~n.iu.. 1 4/21/95 Page 10.

FLIP TO:·
MOMENTSLATER

Lard Lad happily holds the donut. The family looks

relieved. Suddenly, Lard Lad storms off, destroying cars
and houses with his donut, and kicking BARKING dogs over
fences.
HOMER
Don't you ever get tired of being wrong
all the time?
MARGE
(MEEKLY) Sometimes.
WIDE SHOT OF THE CITY

Amidst the destruction, the monsters are making Godzilla-

style SCREAMING noises and lumbering about awkwardly,
except for Professor Peanut, who strolls gracefully across
town at normal speed, twirling his cane jauntily. A giant
top-hatted exterminator with a mallet behind his back (a la
the Western Exterminator logo) FLATTENS a passing trolley.
ALADDINflies past on his linoleum floor, the Tam O'Shanter
slithers by like the blob, then the Zip Boys struggle by,
pushing their over-sized heads in shopping carts.
EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - FRONT YARD - A FEW MINUTES LATER

Marge, Bart, and Lisa watch Lard Lad lumber off into the
distance.
MARGE
These monsters are destroying
everything and everyone we hold dear!
(THEN) And you kids should have

jackets on.
Lisa notices one of Lard Lad's footprints and walks over.
LISA

Hey, what's that in his footprint?

 JF04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 11.

She sees the imprint of a copyright notice in Lard Lad's

footprint. The copyright reads "(c) 1947, VAN BRUNT &
CHURCHILLADVERTISING."
LISA
Hm. Maybe they'll know something.
SCENE 3
EXT. VAN BRUNT& CHURCHILLAD AGENCY- A LITTLE LATER
Lisa's bike is parked outside.
LISA (V .O.)
So you created all those giant
characters?
INT. AD AGENCY - CONTINUOUS

MR. VAN BRUNT

(MASON ADAMS-TYPEVOICE) Mmm-hmm. All
except for the atomic octopus.
(BITTER) Sure, it won lots of awards,
but it didn't move yogurt.
We see Mr. Van Brunt sitting in a decaying 1950s-style ad
agency. The walls are decorated with old ads, including
"50 Million Cigarette Smokers Can't Be Wrong", "If You Like
Ike, You'll Love Anderson Septic Tanks", and "Join The Army
And See The opposing Army".
LISA
So you must know how to stop those
things.
MR. VAN BRUNT
(THOUGHTFULLY)Well, sir, advertising
is a funny thing. If people stop
paying attention to it, pretty soon it
goes away.
 LISA
Like that old woman who couldn't find
the beef?
MR. VAN BRUNT
Exactly. If you stop paying attention
to the monsters, they'll lose their
powers.
LISA
But people can't help lookihg at them.
They're wrecking the town.
MR. VAN BRUNT
You know, maybe a jingle would help.
He goes over to a piano and begins noodling around on the
keys.
MR. VAN BRUNT (CONT'D)
(HALF SINGING) Don't watch the •••
(DIFFERENT MELODY)... don't watch
the ..•• (FANCYMOVE)••. monstersssss.
(BEAT) It'll sound a lot better comin'
outta Paul Anka.
EXT. DOWNTOWN
STREET - A LITTLE LATER
Lisa stands on the roof of a sound truck with PAUL ANKAas
Mr. Van Brunt drives them down the street . The townspeople
are watching, agog, as the monsters destroy what's left of
their town. (Lenny is leaning forward at an unnatural
angle, like Buster Keaton, with the widest eyes
imaginable.)
 1
•
~ ,

LISA

Hey, Springfield! Are you suffering

from the heartbreak of (DEEP VOICE)
monsteritis? (NORMALVOICE) Then take
a tip from Mr. Paul Anka •••
PAUL ANKA
(SINGING) To stop those monsters 1-2-3

/ Here's a fresh new way that's trouble

free/ It's got Paul Anka's guarantee/
LISA

(SINGING) Guarantee void in Tennessee.

LISA / PAUL ANKA
(SINGING) Just don't look!/ Just
don't look!
During the above, citizens turn their attention away from
the monsters and toward the sound truck. They tap their
feet and slowly join in.
LISA/ PAUL ANKA/ TOWNSPEOPLE
SINGING) Just don't look!/ Just
don't look!
ON PAUL BUHYAN AND THE GIANT EXTERMINATOR
We see them PUNCHING buildings, then noticing that no one
is watching them. They gesture to each other a la "what
gives," then start showing off, PUNCHING the buildings with
even more ferocity.
LISA/ PAUL ANKA / TOWNSPEOPLE

(SINGING) Just don't look!/ Just

don't look!
 Jf04 FINAI, 1 4/ 21/95 Page 14.

ANGLE ON ALL THE MONSTERS

With no one watching them, they start to lose their

strength. The Red Devil, the Duff Cowboy, and the giant
Kent Brockman begin to stagger, GASP, and topple over.

Several of the monsters huddle together and we hear FRANTIC

WHISPERING. When they emerge from the huddle, they begin a
trendy hip-hop dance routine -- with Professor Peanut as
the lead, and the Zip Boys as backups. The Atomic Octopus
POUNDS out the rhythm on the historic Bongo Building.

BART
What are they doing?

MR. VAN BRUNT

They're trying to get hip to the times.

It's what advertisers do when they're

desperate. Remember Rap-Master

Kenmore?

The monsters weaken a little more when they see their ploy
isn't working. The citizens continue to shield their eyes
and HUM THE JINGLE.

After a beat, we hear a horrendous GROANING and CREAKING of

metal.

BART

(TRYING NOT TO LOOK) What are they

doing now?

MR. VAN BRUNT

(MATTER OF FACT) Sex sells. So they're

having sex.

MARGE
Children, don't look.
 3f04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 h:1.ge .:>.

BART
(CAJOLING) But Mom, it's just a
beautiful act of respect between two
consenting monsters •••
With a GRUNT, Marge twists Bart's head away. Every
building in sight is covered with the shadows of monsters
having sex.
ON THE MONSTERS - A FEW MOMENTSLATER

With no one looking, the monsters GASP and topple over one
by one. As a last act of defiance, they try to land on
valuable buildings, including the orphanage and the
hospital. A kamikaze Aladdin nosedives into the Birthplace
of Norman Vincent Peale.
LISA
It workedl They're all deadl
BART

Well, except for Chubsy-Ubsy over

there.
Bart points. ZIP PAN to the one remaining monster, Lard
Lad, who seems to be regaining his strength. He's holding
a crudely lettered sign that says "Now With Sprinkles!" as
he waggles his giant donut nticingly.
ON HOMER

He is staring at Lard Lad, mesmerized.

HOMER
Mmmm
•••• sprinkles.
MARGE
Homer, stop lookingl
LISA
Don't make us poke your eyes out, Dad.
Homer MOANS in frustration and turns away.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 16.

,.,
\
ON LARD LAD

He weakens, collapses and dies. The donut slips out of his

hand and rolls off down the road past a sign that reads
"Birthplace of Paul Anka -- 1 Mile."
PAUL ANKA
Oh no! My beloved Ankabello!
He runs off in pursuit of the donut.
EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - !ATER

In the background, the Simpsons pick through the remnants

of their house as Kent Brockman does a news report from the
street. We PUSH slowly in on him so that, by the end, his
face fills the frame a la Criswell in "Plan 9 From Outer
Space."
KENTBROCKMAN
Even as I speak, the scourge of
advertising could be heading toward
your town. (BUILDING) Lock your
doors. Bar your windows. Because the
next advertisement you see could
destroy your house and eat vour family.
HOMER
(LEANING IN, SLICK) We'll be right
back.
FADE OUT:
THEEND
 JF04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 17.

NIGHTMAREON EVERGREENTERRACE
by
Steve Tompkins
FADE IN:

EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE- FRONT YARD - AFTERNOON SCENE 4

PAN DOWNfrom a street sign reading "Evergreen Terrace" to

BART and SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER playing in the Simpson yard.
In a corner of the yard, we vaguely see someone raking
leaves.
SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER
(HAPPY BARKING)
BART
Okay, boy, catch the Frisbee!
He tosses a Frisbee. The dog leaps and catches it in his
mouth.
BART (CONT'D)
Good catch, boy.
SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER
(UPPER-CLASS VOICE) Thanks, Bart.
The dog stands and tosses the Frisbee to Bar... Bart
leaps, but the Frisbee BONRS off his head. His eyes
KACHINGl with "No Sale" signs as a cartoon bump encircled
by TWEETINGbirds rises from his head.
SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER (CONT'D)
(SYMPATHETIC) Oh, hard luck.
Bart shakes it off with a FLAPPINGMOUTH "YADDA" SOUND.
As Bart picks up the Frisbee, a menacing shadow shaped like
"Freddy Kruger" falls over him •. Bart looks up and his eyes
bug out Tex Avery-style as he sees GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE (in
a striped sweater and hat) brandishing a rake. Bart holds
up a Wile E. coyote-type sign reading "YIPES!"
 3FO~ FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 18.

GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE
Glad to~ your acquaintance. (EVIL
LAUGH)

He swipes at Bart's chest with his rake.

BART
(SCREAMS)

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - BART'S BEDROOM- NORMING

Bart sits up in terror, still

.
SCREAMING. He stops and
calms himself.
BART
(SIGHS) It was only a dream.
He sees that his pajamas are torn, and that there are real
scratch-marks on his chest.
BART (CONT'D)
(SCREAMS)

HOMER(O.S.)
(VERY CONCERNED)Bart?! Is that you?
BART
Yes.
HOMER (O.S.)

Take out the garbage.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY
- PIAYGROUND- THE NEXT DAY
Bart confides in Lisa.
 3F04 FINAL 1 1/21/95 Page 19.

BART

. • •And then he raked me across the

chest. And the weirdest thing was, it
was that school janitor who
mysteriously disappeared
Groundskeeper Willie.
LISA
(GASP) Oh my God! Bart, Groundskeeper
Willie was in my nightmare, too! But
he got M with hedge-clippers!
In her outstretched hand, she holds two points.of yellow
hair. We see her hair is missing two points. A group of
kids overhears and joins in, including SHERRI and TERRI,
who have one continuous scratch across both of them, and
Nelson, who is incredibly shiny and polished. He sparkles.
NELSON
~
~•· He ran his floor-buffer over me!
'
PRINCIPAL SKINNER appears behind them.
PRINCIPALSKINNER
(CHUCKLES) I couldn't help monitoring
your conversation. There's no mystery
about Willie. Why, he simply
disappeared •.• under very rum-
mysterious circumstances. Now, let's
have no more curiosity about this
bizarre cover-up.
Off the children's dubious looks, we
DISSOLVE TO:
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 20.

INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY

- BART'S CLASSROOM
- LATER
MRS. KRABAPPELwalks up and down the rows, handing out
blank test forms.
MRS. KRABAPPEL
Class, you have one hour to complete
this standardized test. Remember, the
worse you do, the more funding we get
from the state, so don't knock
yourselves out.
MARTIN
(RAISING HAND) But I'm afraid I've
already filled in all the answers
correctly.
MRS. KRABAPPEL
(ROLLING EYES) Then put your head down
on your desk and sit quietly.
MARTIN
Aah, a duet of pleasures!
Martin puts his head down. His eyes flutter as he falls
asleep.
MARTIN'S DREAM
Martin is dressed like a wizard in a robe of letters. He
swirls his cape with a flourish.
MARTIN
I am the Wondrous Wizard of Latin! I
am a dervish of declension and a
conjurer of conjugation, with a million
hit points and maximum charisma!
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 21.

He walks to a giant chalkboard that extends up into the

stars and is covered with Latin conjugations.
MARTIN (CONT'D)
(TRIUMPHANT: POINTING TO BOARD) Ha ha!
Morire: To die. Morit: He, she, or
it dies.
Behind him, a Willie-shaped figure made of chalkboard and
chalk oozes out of the board (a la T2). Willie drags his
rake down the chalkboard with an awful SCREECH. Martin
turns in horror.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE
Moris: YQy die.
MARTIN
(SCREAM)

Martin starts to run away.

GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE

r- (CHUCKLES) Ye've
tongue,
mastered
but can ye handle
a dead
a live one?
His long tongue snakes out and coils around Martin, choking
him like a boa constrictor. Martin STRUGGLES FRANTICALLY.
BACK TO THE CLASSROOM

MRS. KRABAPPEL
Now, who got the answer to number
seven?
Martin, still asleep, convulses violently in his chair and
makes CHOKINGSOUNDS.
MRS. KRABAPPEL(CONT'D)
Someone besides Martin, please.
MARTIN
(SCREAMSIN HORROR)Aagh! Aaaaaaugh!
 .au<t .FJ.ilAL l 4/.21/95 Page 22.

Martin jerks violently and falls over with a THUD, toppling

his desk. Then he is still.
NELSON

Haw haw!
INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY - CLASSROOM- LATER SCENE 5
PRINCIPAL SKINNER, Mrs. Krabappel, and NURSE DORIS confer
by Martin's body which lies covered on a gurney.
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
(WHISPERS) Wheel him out quietly. It's
best the children don't see him.
As Nurse Doris wheels him out, Skinner unknowingly stands
on the sheet, which pulls off, revealing Martin's body
frozen in tortured agony.
CLASS

(HORRIFIED SCREAMS)

PRINCIPAL SKINNER

Oh, just get it out of here!

Doris cringes and quickly wheels it out.
PRINCIPAL SKINNER (CONT'D)

Not into the kindergarten!

KINDERGARTENKIDS (O.S.)

(HIGHER-PITCHED SCREAMS)

INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - DINING ROOM- THAT EVENING

LISA

Mom, Dad Martin died at school

today!
MARGE
(SHOCKEDMURMUR)I don't see what that
has to do with Groundskeeper Willie.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 23.

There is a beat of SILENCE.

r BART
Um••• We didn't mention Groundskeeper
Willie, Mom.

Marge and Homer share a guilty look.

MARGE

(GRUNTS) Kids, it's time we told you

the true story and put your fears to
rest. It's a story of murder and
revenge from beyond the grave.
The kids look hopeful.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- NIGHT - THE PREVIOUS WINTER

It is snowing and the wind BLOWSfuriously.

INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- CLASSROOM- NIGHT

A sign on the door reads "P.T.A. MEETINGTONIGHT".

MARGE(V .o.)
(OMINOUS) It all started on the
thirteenth hour of the thirteenth day
of the thirteenth month. We were there
to discuss the misprinted calendars the
school had purchased.
PARENTSenter the classroom past a calendar open to the
month of "SMARCH". Homer comes in, shaking snow off his
coat and shivering.
HOMER

(SHIVERING) Lousy Smarch weather.

He turns to the thermostat, next to which is a handwritten

note reading "DO NOT TOUCH-- WILLIE".
 .a ,.)4 Y .lNAL 1 4/21/95 Page 24.

HOMER(CONT'D)
(READING) "Do not touch Willie." Good
advice.
CLOSE UP OF THERMOSTAT

we see · that the "Cool'', "Warm", and "Hot n settings are

closely grouped together at the left end of the scale.
Homer shoves the lever clear to the other side.
INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- BOILER ROOM- SIMULTAHEOUS

Willie sits on a bucket playing his BAGPIPES. He turns to

see fingers of flames poking out of the furnace.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE
A wee bit o' tummy trouble, eh, Furnie-
Sue'?
He approaches the furnace. At that instant, an enormous
ball of flame shoots out and sets all of the basement, and
Willie, on fire.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Ach!
He tries to open the door, but the doorknob falls off.
INT . SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY
- CIASSROOK - SIMULTAHEOUS
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
our next budget item: Twelve dollars
for doorknob repair.
ALL PARENTS
NAY!
INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- BOILER ROOM- SIMULTANEOUS
Willie, partially ablaze and SCREAMING, tries to put the
flames out with a fire extinguisher. A pathetic puff of
powder spurts out and does nothing.
 3F04 FINAL~ ~1~~/~J ~age 25.

<\
INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- CLASSROOM- CONTINUOUS

PRINCIPAL SKINNER

••• Recharge fire extinguishers. This

is a free service of the fire
department.
ALL PARENTS

NAY!

INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- BASEMENT- SIMULTANEOUS

The door to the boiler room BURSTS open and Willie,

engulfed in flames, staggers out and down the hall.
INT. SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY- CLASSROOM- CONTINUOUS

Willie lurches into the classroom in full burn.

GROUNDSKEEPERWILLIE

(SCREAMS) Help! Please help me!

PRINCIPAL SKINNER
Willie, please, Mr. Van Houten has the
floor.
Willie ~~.ts politely as Mr. Van Houten drones on.
MR. VAN HOUTEN

I, for one, would like to see the

cafeteria menus in advance, so parents
can adjust their dinner menus
accordingly. I don't like the idea of
Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in
one day.
PRINCIPAL SKINNER
None of us wants that, Kirk.
 3F04 F~NAL 1 4/21/95 Page 26.

GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (O.S.)
(~EARTHLY WAIL)
The parents and teachers turn to look at Willie, who is now
just a smoldering skeleton. Willie's skeleton stands in an
eerie, supernatural fashion and points accusingly at the
parents.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)
(RASPY) Ye'll pay for this with yer
children's blood!
CHIEF WIGGUM
(MOCKING)Oh, right. How ya gonna get
'em? "Skeleton power"?
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE
I'll strike where ye kinna protect them
-- in their dreams!
Willie's skeleton collapses into a pile of dust. The dust
obligingly slides into a dustpan, which empties itself into
a trash can.
BACKTO THE DINING ROOK
LISA
Bart, don't you realize what this
means? The next time we fall asleep we
could die!
From offscreen, we hear CUTESYBABYSLEEPING SOUNDS. The
family looks over to see Maggie asleep.
MARGE/BART/LISA/HOMER
Awww. (BEAT) Aagh!!
PUSH IN on Maggie's face.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 27.

MAGGIE'S DREAM

(' · Maggie toddles

becomes off-key
down Sesame Street.
and ominous •. Willie,
The Sesame Street THEME
as OSCARTHE GROUCH,
pops up from a trash can.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE

(SLY) Yoo-hoo, Maggie! How'd you like

to see Big Bird?
He gestures to an enormous cooked bird on a platter with
Big Bird's distinctive orange feet as the drumsticks.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Don't forget the Stove-Top
Stuffeluffagus! (EVIL LAUGH)
Willie grabs Maggie and starts to pull her into the can.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)

This nightmare-has been brought to you

by the number 7 and the letter "hell!"
(BEAT) And a generous grant from the
Ford Foundation.
Maggie begins SUCKING h• : pacifier rapidly, like an
outboard motor. She tr~.nbles and we MATCHCUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - DINING ROOM

The family is trying to shake Maggie awake.

BART/LISA/HOMER/MARGE
Maggie! Maggie! Wake up! (AD LIBS)
Maggie's eyes snap open, terrified. She grabs for the
tablecloth like a security blanket. Dishes and silverware
CRASH to the floor as she PURRS with relief.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - TV ROOM- LATER THAT HIGHT SCENE 6
Bart and Lisa are surrounded by coffee cups. Bart affixes
a nipple to a bottle of Buzz Cola and hands it to Maggie.
Heavy-lidded, they stare dully at the TV.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 ~age 28.

BART
(~ROWSY) I gotta stay awake or Willie
will get us.
TV ANNOUNCER
(V.O.)
We now return to Paul Muni and Greer
Garson in the 1936 classic "To Build a
Chapel."
PAUL MUNI (V.O.)
(SCRATCHYAND WARPED) Susan, we need
more boards. About ten more.
Bart starts to nod off, then jerks himself awake.
LISA
It's no use, Bart. We can't stay up
forever.
r BART
(GETS AN IDEA) Oh, the only thing left
to do is to go into my jream and force
Willie into a final showdown.
(INTENSE} You stay awake, and if it
looks like I'm in trouble, wake me up.
LISA
Okay, but promise you won't be grouchy.
Bart YAWNS and drifts off to sleep.
DISSOLVE TO:
BART'S DREAM
Bart appears in the schoolyard. It is creepy and deserted.
He walks around cautiously, fists at the ready.
 3F04 FINAL l 4/21/95 Page 29.

BART
(N~RVOUS) Come on, Willie. I know
you're out there.
After a beat, a tractor with Willie's face, plaid chassis,
and a menacing mowing attachment SMASHES through the hedge
behind Bart and nearly runs him down.
BART
(SCREAM)

GROUNDSKEEPERWILLIE

(EVIL CHUCKLE)Better write your

girlfriend a John Deere letter!
BART

What? I don't have a girlfriend.

GROUNDSKEEPERWILLIE

How am I supposed to know that?

Bart charges back through the hedge. Willie tries to
follow, but in order to turn around, he has to make a
laborious eight-point turn. We hear TRUCK BACKING UP
BEEPS.

OH THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PIAYGROUND

BART

(FRANTIC NOISES)
Bart spies a bag of grass clippings and gets an idea. He
grabs the bag and starts sprinkling the clippings onto
something.
TRACTOR'S POV

Willie has finished his turn and is looking around for

Bart.
OH BART

Bart picks up a garden hose, throws it out of frame, and

turns on the spigot.
 J:-04 FINAL l 4/21/95 Page 30.

BART
Hey Lawn-Boy! You missed a spot!
Bart gestures to an overgrown patch of grass in front of
him.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE
That's impossible! I'll grind ye into
mulch, 'cause I come with that
attachment!
TRACTOR'SPOV
Willie swerves towards Bart. We see his gearshift slide
forward and his accelerator floor itself. He bears down on
Bart, sending up a big rooster tail of sod, dirt, sprinkler
pipes, etc. When the tractor is almost upon Bart, it blows
away his grass clippings, revealing a water-soaked sandbox.
Willie can't stop in time and becomes mired in the
"quicksand." He begins to sink.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Ach! Sinky-sand! (YELPS OF DISTRESS)
As Willie sinks, he desperately morphs into a succession of
different forms, including: a tank, a mastodon, a rocket,
and finally, his human form. His arm reaches up from the
muck as his head goes under.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE ( CON'.'D)
(DEATH GURGLES)
Bart sits down by the sandbox.
BART
(RELIEVED SIGH) Willie's gone for
good. Now I can get back to my normal
dreams: me and Krusty winning the
Superbowl.
Krusty trots over in a football uniform.
 JF04 FIN .- T.., 1 4/21/95 Page 31.

KRUSTY
(PANTING) Bart, there's two seconds
left! Go long!
Bart smiles . Behind him, pipe-like tentacles slither up
from the sandbox, followed by an enormous spider-like
bagpipe monster with Willie's face. Bart turns around,
SCREAMS, and is immediately seized by one of the bagpipe
tentacles.
KRUSTY(CONT'D)
{REVOLTEDNOISE) Oh, boy. Don't dream
about me no more, kid.
Krusty runs away as the bagpipe tentacles start pulling
Bart under.
SFX: WHEEZYBAG-PIPE "BREATHING"

BART
Help! Lisa, help!
Lisa runs up to the sandbox.
LISA
Bart, wake up! You've got to get out
of this dream!
BART
Wait a minute •.• If you're here, then
you've fallen asleep too!
LISA
I'm not asleep, I'm just resting my
eye-- uh oh.
A tentacle grabs Lisa, and Willie starts pulling both kids
into the quicksand. The WHEEZYBAGPIPE BREATHING gets
faster and faster as the kids struggle. The bagpipe's
blow-hole opens and closes with each breath.

r
 JF04 FINAL l 4/2: 1 95 Page 32.

LISA (CONT'D)
~ Go_od-bye, Bart!
\
BART
Good-bye Lis. (BITTER) I hope you get
reincarnated as someone who can stay
awake for fifteen minutes.
From offscreen, we hear a PLUGGINGSOUNDand the bagpipe's
breathing stops abruptly. Willie's eyes bulge out in
horror.
BART/ LISA
(HOPEFULGASP)
WIDEN TO REVEALthat Maggie is there, and that she has
corked the blow-hole with her pacifier. Willie's eyes dart
back and forth in panic as he tries to exhale. He drops
the kids and begins flailing frantically for the pacifier,
all the while growing larger and larger until the air bag
has inflated to the size of a house. After a beat, he
EXPLODES, splattering plaid everywhere and blowing the kids
sky high.
GROUNDSKEEPERWILLIE

(ANGUISHEDSCREAM/DISSONANT BAGPIPE
CHORD)
EXT. EARTH - CONTINUOUS

The kids are blasted into space and fall into orbit around
a cratered, sofa-shaped moon. After a few quick orbits,
they smack into the surface of the sofa/moon.
MATCHCUT TO:
INT. SIMPSON TV ROOM- CONTINUOUS (MORNING)

Bart, Lisa and Maggie wake up on the sofa. Lisa hugs

Maggie.
LISA
You saved us, Maggie!
Maggie produces a new pacifier, spins it like a six-gun,
and blows on it before sticking it in her mouth.
 Jf04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Pag · 33.

,.,.
r
Thanks to you,
BART

the nightmare's over

forever.
The three get up and head outside to admire the sunrise.
EXT. SIMPSON HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - CONTINUOUS

It's a beautiful morning. Birds are CHIRPING, etc.

LISA
I don't know, Bart. something tells me
Willie's still out there, and that he
could come back any time in any form
and kill us in ways we can't even
imagine.
A city bus pulls up and stops across the street. The doors
open, and Willie gets off. He glares at the Simpson
children and makes a variety of mildly scary gestures.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE
(SCARY NOISES)
Willie realizes the bus is pulling away.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)
stop! I left my gun on the seat!
He chases after the bus, then stops and turns to the
Simpson kids.
GROUNDSKEEPERWILLIE (CONT'D)

wait here, please .

 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 34.

He runs off HUFFING and PUFFING. A shoe falls off as he

goes.
GROUNDSKEEPER
WILLIE (CONT'D)
Aw, geez!
FADE OUT:

THE END

"'
( ,
 .... ..... ,.. ~fiAi... i 4/ 21/95 Page 35.

3
HOMER

r- by
David S. Cohen
FADE IN:

INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY SCEME 7

HUMMING happily, Marge is preparing party snacks at the
counter. As Maggie looks on, Marge mixes some chopped-up
items in a bowl.
MARGE
What's mommymaking? Apples •••
Walnuts ... Raisins •••
Maggie reaches eagerly into the bowl.
MARGE(CONT'D)
(WAGGING FINGER) Unh, unh, unh. It's
not fit to eat without the wholesome
kiss of mayonnaise.
With a GLOMPshe empties an entire jar of mayonnaise onto
the mixture, stirs it i n, and samples it.
MARGE(CONT'D)
Mmmmm, Waldorf salad. I feel like a
millionaire.
She hands the mayonnaise covered spoon to Maggie, who licks
it greedily.
MARGE(CONT'D)
(CALLING) Homer? Get ready. Patty and
Selma will be here any minute.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS .

A panicky Homer looks for a hiding place.

 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 36.

HOMER

r. Oh_, no.
the closet.
Better ride this one out in

He OPENS the coat closet. Bart and Lisa are already

huddled inside.
LISA
Sorry, dad . This is our spot.
HOMER
Oh yeah? Well it's~ house, so it's
m spot.
BART
Nuh-uh, 'cause we called it.
HOMER
(DEFIANT) Did not .
LISA
Well, we're calling it now.
HOMER
(ALARMED)You are?
BART
'Fraid so.
HOMER
(MOANS) They got me with their legal
mumbo-jumbo.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - A SECONDLATER
Homer looks around desperately. He lifts Up the rug, but
SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER and SNOWBALL II are there. They
GROWLand HISS at him as he cautiously lowers the rug.
SFX: DOORBELL.
 MARGE (V.O.)

Just a second!
HOMER
(PANICKED SOUND)
Homer sees a tall bookcase, pushes it out from the wall,
and ducks behind it.
HOMER(CONT'D)
Huh. I never looked behind this
whatchamacallit case before.
Homer CHUCKLES and leans cockily against the wall.
Strangely, his arm passes ghost-like through the solid
wall.
HOMER(CONT'D)
That's odd.
We hear a SPOOKY SCI-FI STING. Homer stares in disbelief
as he slides his arm in and out of the wall. (The wall
shimmers slightly and there are occasional blue sparks
around his arm.)
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS

Marge opens the door and PATTY and SELMAbarge in.

PATTY
How's it hangin', Marge?
Selma starts to take off her heavy overcoat. (It's raining
outside.)
SELMA
Ugh . I'm baking like a meatloaf under
this wet wool.
She OPENS the closet door, revealing Bart and Lisa. They
attempt to look casual.
 JFOt FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 38.

BART
,-. (COVERING) May I take your coat, Aunt
\
Selma?
LISA
(STILTED) I would also like to take
your coat.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - A FEW SECONDS LATER

The morose-looking kids enter, followed by Marge, Patty and

Selma. Patty carries a large RATTLINGsack.
SELMA
Have we got a family activity for you!
PATTY
A pillowcase full of seashells from our
trip to Sulfur Bay.
SELMA

You're gonna help us clean and organize

'em.
PATTY
And pry out all the dead hermit crabs.
Get a screwdriver.
Selma heads toward the bookshelf where Homer is hiding .
BEHIND THE BOOKSHELF

Homer's eyes widen in horror as Selma heads right toward

him.
HOMER

(STIFLED YELP) I'll take my chances •in

the mystery wall.
Homer steps through the wall and into .••
 Jf v ~ PINAL~ 4/~~ / 95 ?a~e J9,

THE THIRD DIMENSION

We see a shimmering wall (a la Stargate). Homer gradually
emerges from it -- first his groping hands, then his
stomach, his face, and finally his entire body -- all
rendered in stunning 3-D COMPUTERGRAPHICS. Homer steps
toward camera and looks around in awed disbelief at a
wondrous landscape we can't yet see.
HOMER'S BRAIN (V.O.)

(AWED) Oh glory-of glories! Oh

heavenly testament to the eternal
majesty of God's creation!
HOMER'S MOUTH

Holy macaroni!
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM- SAME TIME
Newspapers are spread out on the floor and the rest of the
family sits glumly prying hermit crabs, etc., out of the
shells.
PATTY
(SLURPING SOUND, FOLLOWED
BY SPITTING
SOUND) Hey! You can just suck 'em
out!
HOMER (V.O.)

(ECHOEY) Hello? can anybody hear me?

Everyone looks around in confusion. (Note: All of Homer's
voice-overs have an unearthly quality.)
MARGE
Homer? Where are you?
HOMER (V.O.)

I'm somewhere where I don't know where

I am.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/9~ Page 40.

MARGE
Do you see towels? If you see towels,
you're probably in the linen closet
again.
HOMER ( V • 0 • )

Just a second ..• No, it's a place I've

never been before.
SELMA
Ah, the shower! (LAUGHS)

HOMER(V .O.)
Hey!
IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

Homer stands on an endless grid of glowing green lines. In

a sweeping 360 degree tracking shot around Homer, we see a
sparse landscape of standard 3-D shapes, columns and the
like, in various colors and textures. [ANIMATORS NOTE: The
fqllowing equations a~pear on background objects: l+l = 2,
e" = -1, P = NP, 1782 + 1s41U = 1922u, mo> 3Hj/S~G, 46
72 69 6E 6B 20 72 75 6C 65 73 21] Homer gropes around
looking for the entrance he came through.
HOMEF

(NOT ECHOEY) I don't want to alarm you,

Marge, but I seem to be trapped in
here.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS

MARGE
(CONCERNEDMURMUR) We better call Ned.
He has a ladder.
IN THE THIRD DIMENSION
Homer marvels at his three-dimensional body, running his
hands over his bulging stomach and his puffy limbs.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 1.

HOMER

What's going on here? I'm so bulgy •••

Homer THONKS his belly and the fat ripples for a few
seconds.
HOMER (CONT'D)

My stomach sticks way out in front and

my•..
He turns to see his rear end.
HOMER (CONT'D)
(SMALL SCREAM)
SCENE 8

INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM- A FEW MINUTES LATER

Ned stands atop his stepladder in the middle of the living

room looking all around at the top of the room.
FLANDERS
Well, as the tree said to the
lumberjack -- I'm stumped.
SELMA
Hunh. It's like he just disappeared
into fat air.
IN THE THIRD DIMENSION
Homer begins exploring this strange new world. He strolls
curiously past the marble temple from the game "MYST," then
kneels at a reflecting pool. As New Age MUSIC plays, a
school of hauntingly beautiful golden fish swims by and
leaps into the air.
HOMER(CONT'D)
Mmm
.•• Unprocessed fish sticks.
(DROOL SOUND)

,..
r
'
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 42.

A gem-like strand of drool falls from his mouth, and we see

the entire scene reflected within it. Homer continues on,
passing a three-way street sign marking the intersection of
x, Y, and z streets. The chrome sign gleams with the
standard 3-D shimmer effect.
HOMER (CONT'D)

Man, this place looks expensive. I

feel like I'm wasting a fortune just
standing here. (STARTS HUMMING)
Better make the most of it. (BEAT,
THEN) (BELCH)
A cone comes rolling across the ground like a tumbleweed.
It bounces and jabs Homer in the butt.
HOMER(CONT'D)
(RUBBING BUTT) Ow! Watch it, Coney.
Homer hurls the cone, sending it spinning towards camera.
It flies through the air, falls, and TEARS a small "black
hole" in the grid (where the lines bend down into
darkness). We hear a faint WHOOSHINGSUCTION sound.
HOMER(CONT'D)
Oops. (COVERING) Let that be a lesFon
to you other shapes.
Homer points accusingly at a cube. It cautiously slides
away.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE- LIVING ROOM- LATER
CHIEF WIGGUM,REV. LOVEJOY, DR. HIBBERT, and PROF. FRINK
have arrived to help.
REV. LOVEJOY
(CALLING OUT) Do you see a light,
Homer?
HOMER(V.O.)
Yes.
 3F04 .r. :NAL 1 4/21/95 Page 43.

REV. LOVEJOY
Move into the light, my son.
HOMER(V .o.)
(SIZZLING SOUND) Ow!
REV. LOVEJOY
All right, okay, don't move into the
light . see if I care.
DR. HIBBERT
Homer, this is your physician, Dr.
Julius Hibbert. Can you tell us what
it's like in there?
IN THE THIRD DIMENSION

Homer looks around at the glittering landscape. The black

hole has gotten slightly larger.
HOMER
Um, it's like, ahm ••• did anyone see
the movie "Tron"?
IN THE LIVING ROOM
DR. HIBBERT
No.
LISA
No.
CHIEF WIGGUM
No.
MARGE

No.
BART

No.
 3F04 FINAL 1 '/21/95 Page 44.

PATTY
No.
CHIEF WIGGUM
No.
FLANDERS
No.
SELMA
No.
PROF. FRINK
No.
REV. LOVEJOY
No.
CHIEF WIGGUM
Yes. I mean no. No.
INT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM- A LITTLE LATER
The bookcase has been moved aside. Professor Frink has
drawn a chalk circle around the dimensional door in the
wall. There is a flashing sawhorse in front of it, and a
variety of scientific devices are scattered about.

LISA
Well, where's my dad?
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 ~~ge 45.

PROF. FRINK
Well, that should be obvious to even
the most dimwitted individual -- who
holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic
topology -- that Homer Simpson has
stumbled into •.. (DRAMATICALLY)the
Third Dimension.
MARGE
(GASP) Are you saying what I think
you're saying, Professor Frink?
PROF. FRINK
I doubt it, ma'am. It's highly
complicated.
A GRADUATESTUDENTwearing a Springfield Polytech shirt
wheels up a chalkboard. Professor Frink draws a square on
it.
PROF. FRINK (CONT'D)
Here is an ordinary square •••
CHIEF WIGGUM
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Egghead!
PROF. FRINK
But suppose we extend the square beyond
the two dimensions of our universe,
along the hypothetical Z axis there.
Frink extends his chalk square into a cube. The onlookers
GASP in astonishment
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 46.

PROF. FRINK (CONT'D)

This forms a three-dimensional object
known as a "cube" or a "Frinkahedron",
in honor of its discoverer (MODEST
FRINK NOISE).

HOMER ( V. 0 • )

(SCARED) Help me! Are you helping me,

or are you going on and on?
PROF. FRINK

(AFTERTHOUGHT)
Oh, right, and of
course, within we find the doomed
individual.
He draws a crude picture of Homer trapped within the cube.
Homer's expression is one of unmitigated horror.
CHIEF WIGGUM
(LEAPING UP) Enough of your borax,
Poindexter! A man's life is at stake!
We need action!
Wiggum draws his gun and FIRES six shots into the portal.
CHIEF WIGGUM(CONT'D)
Take that, you lousy dimension!
IN THE THIRD DIMENSION SCENE 9

Homer cowers as the bullets zoom at him. At the last

second, however, the bullets are pulled off course by the
black hole, which is growing larger by the second. The
bullets orbit around a few times, then spiral down into
oblivion. Homer peers into the black hole, scared.

,..
r .
 F1~AL 1 4/21/95 ?age 47.

HOMER
Oh, there's so much I don't know about
astrophysics. I wish I'd read that
book by that wheelchair guy.
Suddenly, Homer's face starts to stretch and twist down the
hole, becoming many meters long.
HOMER (CONT'D)

(DISTORTED SHRIEK)
He quickly yanks his face back. He backs away from the
hole as it continues to widen. The WHOOSHINGsuction
increases, pulling in objects, including the MYSTTemple
and the golden fish. OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS.

INT. SIMPSONHOUSE- LIVING ROOM- CONTIHUOUS

The spectators mill about in consternation. Grampa enters,
wearing an old-fashioned deep-sea diving suit.
GRAMPA
I'll save Homer. All I needs is four
stout men to work the bellows.
JASPER wheels out an old-timey hand-cranked generator.
which is hooked up to Grampa. Grampa closes the porthole
on his helmet and heads toward the wall. Frink stops him.
FRINK
No, Pops, it's too risky. For all we
know, there could be cubes in there the
size of gorillas and other large •••
HOMER(V . O.)
Help! I don't have much time!
BART
That does it. I'm going in.
Bart has tied a rope around his waist. He rushes toward
the wall.

"'
\.
 3F04 FINAL 1 4/21/95 Page 48.

MARGE
Bart, no!
Before she can stop him, he vanishes into the wall.
IN THE THIRD DIMENSION
We see Bart becoming three-dimensional -as he steps through
the portal. He looks around in wonder.
BART
Cool, man!
BART'S POV

The ROAR OF THE WIND is deafening as the black hole sucks

in most of the remaining objects. A la "Monday Night
Football", two animated football helmets smash into each
other and explode, the pieces being sucked down the hole.
After the helmets disappear, Bart sees a terrified Homer on
the far side of the vortex.
OVERHEAD SHOT

The black hole now takes up almost the entire universe.

Homer stands on a narrow ledge, trying not to fall in.
HOMER
(CRAZEDWITH FEAR) (AD-LIB BABBLING
ABOUTTHE BLACK HOLE) I'm gonna be
sucked into the black hole! ••• What's .
gonna become of me on the other side?!
I don't know ... (ETC.)
BART

I'll save you, Dad.

The sign for X, Y and Z Streets is bent over the black hole
like a palm tree in a hurricane. Bart shimmies out to the
end and extends his arm toward Homer.
BART (CONT'D)

Oh, I can't get any closer! You'll

have to jump!
 3F04 PIHAL 1 4/21/95 Page 49.

HOMER
(PHONYCONFIDENCE)Piece of cake.
Homer runs straight down the wall of the vortex and
disappears (breaking up into his component spheres, cubes,
etc. on the way).
HOMER(CONT'D)
(AS HE DISAPPEARS) Crap crap crap crap
crap crap crap crap!
The CREAKING street sign reaches its breaking point. It
SNAPS off and falls into the black hole.
BART
(SCREAM)

Bart tumbles into the darkness, but is suddenly yanked out

of frame by the rope as the entire grid COLLAPSES in on
itself.
IHT. SIMPSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOK - COHTIHUOUS

Wiggum, Hibbert, etc., jerk on the rope, pulling Bart back

in through the portal with an electric SPARK. There's a
beat of silence as Bart shakily stands up and turns to
Marge.
MARGE
Bart, what happened?!
BART

Well, we hit a little snag when the

universe sorta collapsed on itself ••.
but dad seemed cautiously optimistic.
HOMER
(DISTANT) Craaaaaaaaaap!
MARGE

Oh, Homie •.•

r
 1F04 FINAL 1 4/21 / 95 Page 50.

REV. LOVEJOY
Be strong, Marge. I'm sure he's gone
to a better place.
EXT. VENTURA BOULEVARD- LIVE ACTION

There is an electrical . CRACKLE, and a live action Homer

(Dan Castellaneta in costume) falls from the sky and lands
in a dumpster.
HOMER
(FALLING NOISE, PUNCTUATED
BY ANNOYED
GRUNT)
He dusts himself off, climbs out of the dumpster, and looks
around.
HOMER(CONT'D)
Eww. This is the worst place yet.
He cautiously begins making his way down Ventura Boulevard.
PEDESTRIANS (including our regular cast members), pass by
gawking and pointing at Homer.
HOMER(CONT'D)
Omigod ••. (TERRIFIED WHIMPERS)
Under tt closing credits, a frightened Homer lumbers down
the stre~t past more wary pedestrians -- a stranger in a
strange land. As the credits close, Homer looks in a store
window.
HOMER(CONT'D)
(HAPPILY) Ooh, erotic cakes!
Homer perks up and confidently strides into the store.
FADE OUT:
THE END
ENDOF SHOW