Table of Contents

Table of Contents .................................................................................................. 1

About the Author .................................................................................................. 2
Step 1. Before you Start Writing .................................................................... 3
Purpose of the Personal Statement .............................................................................................. 4
Who reads your personal statement? ......................................................................................... 5
Understanding the Prompt .............................................................................................................. 6
Choosing a Topic .................................................................................................................................. 8
Personal Statement Considerations for Undergrads, Transfers, Veterans, Grad
Students, and Job Seekers.............................................................................................................. 10
Step 2. Writing your Personal Statement ................................................ 14
Using Tone Effectively in Your Personal Statements and Other College Admissions
Essays..................................................................................................................................................... 19
Appealing to the Reader’s Senses............................................................................................... 20
Insider Tips to Woo the Admissions Officers ........................................................................ 22
Other Do’s & Don’ts for Writing the Perfect Personal Statement ................................. 25
The Diversity Statement ................................................................................................................ 26
Step 3. What to Do After Your Initial Draft ............................................. 30
6 Questions to Ask Yourself After You’ve Written Your First Draft ............................. 30
How to Effectively Revise Your College Admissions Essay ............................................. 32
Conclusion ............................................................................................................ 34

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About the Author

I'm a first-generation college student and have worked for the past couple
years as a seasonal college admissions reader for the University of
Washington.
During my years as a reader, I’ve gotten the opportunity to read thousands of
application files for high school students and transfers from all over the
United States, including applicants from every academic and socioeconomic
background.
I have a passion for making higher
education accessible to all students
and this desire as well as my
experience has positioned me to
provide coaching and advising on
the topics of writing personal
statements, college admissions and
navigating post-secondary
education.
As a graduate of one of the top
military colleges in the world, West
Point, and a two-time earner of
advanced degrees, I have the
Founder and Lead Coach, Koodoos
personal experience to understand
how difficult it can be to get into top Joy G. Turner
schools and my goal is to help
students from all backgrounds succeed in this process.
I also had a past job as a writing consultant, where I worked with college
students at every level helping them craft essays and research papers from
multiple academic disciplines. In my job as a writing consultant, I’d wager to
say 50-60% of the students I saw, wanted help with personal statements,
resumes, or cover letters, so I’ve developed a keen sense on what the average
college admissions essays looks like and I know how to make it stand out
amongst the thousands of others an admissions officer will read during a
typical admissions cycle.

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Over the course of the last 10 years:
● I’ve earned $10,000s in graduate level scholarships and grants
● I’ve read and evaluated 1000s of personal statements from students
in every degree major and level of education including PhD candidates
and engineering school applicants
● I’ve worked on the admissions staff of a top research university where
I learned the exact academic and socioeconomic indicators they use to
evaluate candidates
● I’ve worked for years as a writing consultant and worked with 100s of
clients to help them craft high-quality and professional writing
● I’ve been awarded prestigious honors such as being named a 2018
Presidential Management Fellow Finalist and a member of the
University of Washington Husky 100.
I’m writing this guide because my goal is to help students and applicants
craft personal, one of a kind essays for college applications. With an
abundance of tutoring and test-taking prep widely available to students, the
test scores among students applying to top schools are virtually identical and
provide little means for admissions staff to distinguish candidates from one
another. For this reason, the personal statement has become critically
important in selecting students for the incoming cohort.
I have multiple years of experience working with writers and applicants to
draft the perfect essays for scholarships, internships, and college admissions,
and know I can help you craft an essay that is impactful and memorable.
As the personal statement, becomes more and more essential in selecting the
incoming class, you’ll want to know that your personal statement stands out
as among the best.
Let’s get started.

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Step 1. Before you Start Writing

Purpose of the Personal Statement

A personal statement, also known as a statement of purpose is a priority tool

for assessing applicants for college admissions that admissions teams use the
tools is useful to colleges because it essentially serves as a self-manifested
demonstration of one’s unique qualifications. The personal statement also
provides a glimpse of your writing ability, creativity, and career goals.
Admissions committees look to personal statements to gain insight about the
applicant and understand their motivations as they relate to school and
career choices.

A successful personal statement, or what is commonly known as a statement

of purpose for graduate students, should highlight the writer’s achievements,
goals, background, and special attributes. A good personal statement also
addresses who you are, how you got to this point, and where you want to go.
The personal statement is designed to:
1. Tell the reader(s) something about you and why you should be
accepted to the school that they cannot learn from reviewing your
transcripts, test scores, CV, or other materials.

2. Demonstrate that you can write clearly, coherently and effectively.

A personal statement is required for most college applications including

those for admission as an undergraduate, a transfer student, or a graduate
student.
Personal statements can range in length from 350 words to several pages.
Most are between 500 and 2000 words, which means you have limited space
to describe your experiences, achievements, and goals.

Generally, personal statements fall into two categories:

1. The general, comprehensive personal statement, which allows you

maximum flexibility in terms of what you choose to write about.

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 2. The response to very specific questions like, “Explain why you’re a
good fit for X Program,” that are more frequently used for graduate
school statements of purpose and short response essays.

Who reads your personal statement?

So, I’ve seen the question pop up over and over again from applicants
wanting to know who is actually reading their personal statements.
For most undergraduate applications, personal statements and the
applications overall, are read by admissions office staff members or
admissions committee members who have specialized training and
experience reading and reviewing college applications. Usually between one
and three professional admissions staff or committee members will read
your application.
I began my work reading and assessing college applications for the
University of Washington as a graduate student, so it’s also not unheard of to
have your personal statement read and evaluated by trained student
employees or temporary admissions office staff members.
The admissions committees for graduate programs are usually composed of
professors and staff members of the program or department you’re applying
for. They will want to know why you’re choosing a major in their specific
profession and why you think you will do well in it for the long term.
Still, it’s nearly impossible to know for sure who will read your application,
especially at large universities, so consider that anyone could be looking at
your personal statement. This includes people from a range of backgrounds,
ages, and belief systems.
Nonetheless, each person who reads your application is working on behalf of
the college or university and are eager to accept students who are a good fit.
The personal statement is your opportunity to make your case for admission.

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Understanding the Prompt

Before you start writing your personal statement or college admissions

essay, you need to understand the essay prompt. As simple as it seems, this
can be difficult if you can’t figure out exactly what the prompt is asking.
Remember, there are generally two types of personal statements: the
general, comprehensive kind and the type that answer a specific question.
Regardless, of what type the college you’re applying to calls for, there are
number of holistic questions you should consider when trying to understand
your college essay prompts.

What does the prompt ask about me?

Academic and Personal Goals. A typical question might be “How will

attending X College help you achieve your goals?”

Academic History. For example, is there anything in your academic history

that warrants further explanation like a dip in grades junior year or a
withdrawal from a core class.

Previous Learning Experiences. Consider listing applicable research,

projects, and work experience.

Extracurricular Activities. Discuss your involvement with extracurricular

activities, clubs, or community programs (don’t include anything from before
high school).

Financial Situation. Questions about financial situation, ability to pay

tuition, or fund your education in general, most commonly appear on
scholarship essay prompts.

What does the prompt ask about the school I’m applying to?

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Program Fit. Example - What makes you a good fit for the MA program at
University X? Colleges want to know how your unique skills and experiences
will align with their program focus and values.

College Fit. More generally, universities are also interested in WHY you want
to attend their school and how that desire aligns with the culture and
atmosphere of the college. A common question you might see is “why do you
want to attend Y university”?
What keywords does the prompt use?
For the most part, there’s little difference in the meaning of the words listed
here as examples, but I still advise writers to carefully consider and do
exactly what the prompt requires. This is especially important if you re-use
essays or templates.
Examples:
● Describe
● Share
● List
● Analyze
● Evaluate

What official requirements does the prompt include?

Word Count or Page Length. Don’t go over the limit and expect essay
readers not to notice.

Online Form vs. Email Submission. Which does the application require -
submission via an online application or website? Or a pdf or doc file sent to
the admissions office contact email?

Formatting. Consider the requirements for font size, spacing, page margins,
and headings. These requirements shouldn’t be considered just suggestions
and I recommend sticking to any formatting rules the application lists. Don’t
tick off the person reading your application by leaving off the title for your
essay to save space when the instructions strictly call for one.

After carefully considering the prompt, it’s time to choose a topic.

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Choosing a Topic

And so, here comes the difficult part about writing a personal statement.
You have to choose a topic.
My number one recommendation - Write about something that reflects your
life authentically and communications what you’re passionate about.
Admissions officers don’t want to read in personal statements what they can
read on a resume or transcript. So, when choosing a topic for your personal
statement, pick something to write about that motivates you, intrigues you,
or exhibits a part of yourself that you would be incomplete without.
That being said, you also have to choose a topic that addresses the essay
prompt. It’s not easy to do both, but it’s definitely possible after a bit of
brainstorming and pre-writing.
The topic of your personal statement may span multiple years of your life or
cover a single event, like your 1st place win at the State Robotics tournament.

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The personal statement is just that, personal. As we stated earlier, it’s your
opportunity to show your writing ability, creativity, and goals.
For this reason, the topic you choose should allow you to communicate a
personal story that clearly indicates your ability to write and be vulnerable
about who you are and who you want to be.
Still, it’s important to be reflective in the telling of your story through the
topic you choose as way to create distance between you and the experience
and demonstrate both the maturity and insightfulness admissions officials
expect from students who eventually enroll at the university.
So, choose wisely.
As a guide, here are some questions to consider when brainstorming a topic,
story, or focus for your personal statements.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Start Writing

Questions about Your Academic Questions About Yourself and

Plans and Career Goals Background
● What are your short term and long- ● What skills (for example,
term career goals? leadership, communicative,
● What challenges in the workplace analytical) do you possess?
have you faced that have prompted ● Why might you be a stronger
you to return to school? candidate for admission—and
● How have you already learned about more successful and effective than
this field that prepares you for the other applicants?
next step? ● What are the most compelling
● Have you been employed in any reasons you can give for the
capacity or volunteered in your admissions committee to be
chosen field? If so, what have you interested in you?
learned from that experience? ● What makes you special?
● What is your undergraduate major? ● What is impressive about your
Who or what has inspired you to experiences or life?
pursue this major? ● What are your future goals?
● Are there any gaps or discrepancies ● What skills/characteristics of
in your academic record that you yours will contribute to your
should explain (great grades but success in the field?
mediocre LSAT or GRE scores, for ● Where were you born? Your
example, or a distinct upward ethnicity?
pattern to your GPA if it was only ● Are you the first in your family to
average in the beginning)? attend college?

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 Questions about Your Academic Questions About Yourself and
Plans and Career Goals Background
● What are your major ● Have you overcome any personal
accomplishments, and why do you or economic struggles?
consider them accomplishments? ● Who or what was your motivation
● How have you been challenging to continue your education?
yourself in school to prepare for ● What are the opportunities
graduate school? and/or challenges you find in your
● Why are you interested in pursuing community?
graduate study in this field? Are
there any courses and/or
extracurricular activities you have
completed to get you started in this
area?

Personal Statement Considerations for Undergrads, Transfers,

Veterans, Grad Students, and Job Seekers

As you apply for college programs at various points in your life, your
personal statement should differ as a result. Admissions committees expect a
personal statement for a transfer student to be much different from a college
admissions essay from an incoming freshman student. With that in mind,
here are some unique considerations to keep at the forefront when writing
personal statements as an undergrad, transfer, veteran, graduate school
applicant, or job seeker.
Writing a personal statement for undergrad

When applying for undergraduate admission, you should primarily focus

your essay on what has shaped your interests throughout your life,
specifically over the last four years of high school. You should also focus on
your academic studies and experiences in high school as well as how they’ve
prepared you for a college-level curriculum. Another important topic you
should write about for your essays is how you will fit into the culture of the
college and what unique attributes you’ll bring to campus. For diversity and
supplemental statements focus on your community, personal identity, and
any adversity you’ve experienced in your life.

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Writing a personal statement for veterans

As an active-duty veteran, I’ll be the first to say that in the military we get
accustomed to writing in a very specific military-style, which is characterized
by communication of the bottom line up front and a focus on informing the
reader. This concise and straightforward style is essential for military
communications but doesn’t work well for writing personal statements that
are meant to be somewhat creative and introspective. So for veterans,
remember to inject your personality into your writing and ditch the
objectivity characteristic of the military writing style. Further, most college
admissions committees are comprised of civilians with little experience
working with military personnel or reading military correspondence. So,
avoid using military jargon or translate military speak to the civilian
equivalent.
Some schools might also expect you to discuss your military service and how
those experiences have influenced your educational and career goals. I
recommend including this type of information in your personal statements in
so far as you would with any other job you’ve had in the past, especially if the
experience has been a significant part of your life over the last few years.

Writing a personal statement for transfer students

As a transfer student, you should have a bit of a different focus for your
personal statement than the average high school senior. For instance, you
might want to discuss the specific reasons you wish to leave your current
college/university or program of study. You might also devote space in your
statement to explaining your current academic interests and what
prerequisites you will complete before transferring.
Personal statements from transfer students should reflect the experience and
maturity of someone who has already attended college. It should also
demonstrate your understanding of the effort it takes to pursue a college
education, and balance competing demands in a university setting.
For transfer students, the college application essay is also your opportunity
to take responsibility for less-than-perfect grades, recognize academic
challenges, and explain the steps they have taken to conquer them.

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Writing a personal statement for graduate school

Often, the readers of your graduate school statement of purpose want to see
you answer three general questions:

Why them?
Your graduate school admissions essay should hone in on the specifics
of why you want to study in the program you’re applying to. Why are
you applying to this school, department, internship, or program and
not some other? What is special about them? Are there specific
professors you’d like to work and conduct research with and why?
What are your connections to the program’s location?

Why you?
What is special about you? What is in your background, interests, or
achievements that shows you are an ideal candidate? Remember
though that grad schools, more than undergrad program, also expect
to benefit from having you as a student, so it’s important to also
explain how you will contribute to the culture, reputation, and work
of the program through your research and leadership activities.

Why now?
Grad school admissions committees and department heads are also
hoping to understand why you’re applying at this point in your life,
whether that is straight out of undergrad or after a 10-year career.
More importantly, they want to know how the decision to pursue a
graduate education right now fits in with your long-term goals?

Your answer to these questions should continuously circle back to how

studying in the program will help you attain your academic and career goals.

Writing a personal statement for a job or internship

A personal statement for a summer job or internship will differ than a

personal statement for college admissions in that it should stress the
qualifications that will make you successful in the workplace or lab. Your

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focus for these essays should be on the skills, experiences, and education that
makes you a good fit for the job. Include content that explains the personal
strengths and traits that have prepared you to be successful in the position
you’re applying for.
My recommendation is to take the job listing, list out the key attributes and
skills the position calls for, and to focus your essay narrative on describing
the particular experiences and learning that has prepared to fulfill those
criteria.

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Step 2. Writing your Personal Statement

Using Style in Your Personal Statement

The style you choose to use for your personal statement offers important
clues about you and your character. Much like your high school English class
essays, the style of your personal statement can reveal your ability to write,
your attention to detail, and how you choose to communicate. Alternatively, a
statement of purpose that fails to convey an appropriate style demonstrates
undesirable characteristics like laziness, an inability to communicate
appropriately, or a lack of real interest in the application process.
Personal statements and other college admissions essays are meant to
communicate your admirable traits while at the same time describing your
background, skills, and experiences that make you an ideal candidate. For
this reason, I recommend you stick to using 1 of 2 styles when writing your
college admissions essays: the narrative essay or the persuasive essay.
In narrative writing, the main purpose is to tell a story - your story. In telling
your story, you communicate to admissions officers details about your
background, life, and experiences that aren’t otherwise obvious on your
resume or transcript. A narrative is personal by nature, so it works well as a
means to convey what makes you unique and offers a glimpse into how you
see yourself and the world around you.
Key Characteristics:
• Your story is told by you through first person/ your own point of view
• Your essay uses elaborate detail that uses the five senses to convey
feelings
• Your personal statement has characters and/or dialogue
• Your essay has definite and logical beginnings, intervals, and endings
• Your essay uses situations like actions, motivational events, and
disputes or conflicts which are eventually resolved
• Your essay has a conclusion that relates back to your academic or
personal goals, interests, or motivations

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In using a persuasive writing style for your college admissions essay your
main purpose should be to convince the reader of why you’re the best-
qualified candidate for admission. To convince others to agree with your
point of view, persuasive writing contains justifications and reasons like a
description of your skills, previous jobs, relevant certifications, and
applicable honors. This type of writing is typically used for cover letters and
letters of application and thus are also a good fit for graduate school
statements of purpose which should follow a similar format.
Key Characteristics:
• Your statements are equipped with reasons, arguments, and
justifications for why you should be admitted
• Your essay attracts attention, stimulates interest, and maintains the
focus of the admissions reader
• You ask the reader (admissions team member) to agree with your
reasoning
• You ask the reader to do something (admit me!)

There are many different styles of writing to choose from when writing
college admissions essays. A narrative style or persuasive style provides the
most useful format for structuring your essay as they help to convey the
information about you admissions officers want to know most. So, stick to
one of these two styles and you’ll be set in writing a top admissions essay.

Using the Narrative Essay Style

A personal narrative works great when writing a personal statement because

it allows you to relay the authentically relay your thoughts, feelings, and
experiences about a certain event. Since a personal statement serves as your
opportunity to communicate your individuality and what inspires, the
narrative should be a go to format for your college admissions essays.
In writing a personal narrative as the primary basis of your college
admissions essay or personal statement, your goal should be to construct a
coherent story from the facts of a situation or series of events. Ideally, this
narrative consists of a beginning, middle, and end. In personal narratives,
you are both the storyteller and the main character.

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The beginning of your narrative essay should draw the reader in with an
exciting start which introduces the story you’re telling. There are numerous
ways in which you can write this opening. For instance, you can:
● Write in chronological order, starting at the beginning of the situation
or series of events
● Start in the middle of the action filling in gaps later using dialogue or
recollections
● Start with a fact about your life, background, or community that will
take on a larger meaning as you piece together the narrative
Next, you should give relevant details about the story or event. The middle of
your story can detail a series of events or facts that occur in the narrative
you’re telling. This is also the place where the characters in your story
change or grow and you begin to resolve any the prevailing issue(s). Be
careful not to lose your reader at this stage of your narrative by following
these guidelines:
● Be descriptive by using sensory details to better convey feelings and
help the reader visualize your story
● Show, don’t tell as means of avoiding sounding preachy, moralistic, or
coming off as pretentious
● Build to the climax of your story tying together the individual details
Lastly, you want to write the ending of your essay. Ideally, this coincides with
the final part of your narrative which should:
● Reveal what lessons you learned in living through the experience you
related
● Describe how the events or situations changed you in a positive way
or how your thinking has evolved
● Relate a revelation about the situation or event that speaks more
broadly about your beliefs and motivations
● Include a statement that looks ahead towards the future especially as
they relate to your personal and academic goals

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Using the Persuasive Style for the Cover Letter Essay or Statement of
Purpose

The statement of purpose, or what I like to call the cover letter essay because
of its similar structure, is generally used for graduate school applications and
focuses much more on describing the skills, experiences, and education that
has prepared you for the program you’re applying to than a personal
statement would. Its main purpose concentrates less on telling your story
through a narrative and more on communicating the qualities that make you
a perfect candidate. Ideally, the statement of purpose should convey your
genuine interest in and enthusiasm for the program of study you’re pursuing,
and what you have done in the past to nurture that passion.
Here are 4 steps for writing a statement of purpose using a persuasive style:

1. Start off your statement of purpose by describing your motivations

for applying for and how it fits in with your academic and personal
goals. Basically, you should be answering the question - what makes me
want to learn more about this subject?

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 2. Next, you should communicate the past subjects you’ve studied,
previous jobs you’ve held, and relevant skills and certifications you’ve
obtained that prepare you for the curriculum or program of study. This
is the part where you really get to brag on yourself in discussing your
relevant qualifications and unique skill set that ideally prepare you for
success in the field you’ve chosen.

3. Follow that up by communicating your interest in attending the

particular university you’re applying to. It’s important to articulate why
you’re choosing X school or Y program at every level of education. As an
example, you might state your interest in working with Prof. Baker who
is an expert in a rare 16th-century form of restoring ancient artifacts.
Admissions officers and committee members want to know that you
did your research and have a compelling and personal reason for
wanting to attend their institution. In this section, be sure to also
include statements about what you can bring to the university’s campus
and how you will contribute to the prevailing culture of the college or
grad program. Again, think, why should they pick me?

4. Lastly, don’t forget to include in your statement what attributes and

traits make you special because, yes, it matters to admissions
committees what kind of person you are and student you will be. As an
example, you could focus on describing the parts of your personality
that demonstrate your ability to learn and think as well as your desire
to collaborate and communicate effectively as a student-scholar.
Colleges want to know that you possess the traits that will contribute to
both your growth and the betterment of the department and university
community. One of the important things to remember is that the best
way to communicate your traits is to use an anecdote or experience
from your past, that shows rather than just lists what makes you a top
candidate.

No matter what, remember to be authentic and your uniqueness will shine

through in your statement of purpose. Follow these 4 steps and you’ll be on
your way to writing a winning statement of purpose.

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Using Tone Effectively in Your Personal Statements and Other
College Admissions Essays

Tone is more than what you write, it’s how you write it, and the tone of your
personal statement can significantly impact your college application. Your
choice of words, level of formality, and the writing style you choose to use
comprises your writing tone and can reveal a significant amount about how
you view yourself, your academic/career path, and your community. It’s easy
for an essay reader to forgive flaws in your writing style as multiple styles
can work. It’s less easy to forgive a tone that is too harsh, moralistic, or
pretentious.
Writing a personal statement usually calls for a semi-formal, conversational
tone in order to convey the right attitude to admissions readers. Think how I
would tell my story to my YouTube audience vs. how would I tell it to my
best friend. The difference is, with an audience, there’s still some separation
between you and the people you’re talking to, whereas with your best friend
you’re not really holding anything back. In personal statements, you should
be vulnerable and introspective. With your best friend, you can be a sloppy
crying mess.
Too informal and generic: When I was in 9th grade, me and my friends
used to get together to work on math homework after school.
Better: As a freshman, my friends and I would often stay around after school
ended, working on our math homework, and forming what we liked to call
our “Math Club”.

How to Use Tone in Your Personal Statement:

• Avoid an overly formal or ceremonious tone
• Avoid sarcasm or being highly condescending
• Don’t make generalizations
• Don’t “otherize” your peers or people from different backgrounds or
cultures
• Don’t use slang, especially words that are regional or generational
• Avoid pop culture references. Often times, what you think of as
universal knowledge, really isn’t and the reader will have no idea
what you’re referencing

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Tone Can Be Established in a Number of Ways:
• How you talk about yourself
• How you talk about your peers
• How you talk about your community and the world around you
• What you choose to reveal about yourself
• What people you choose to include in your essays

Other Notes on Tone:

Be specific
It’s better to discuss one interesting and relevant experience than to gloss
over a bunch of mediocre events that don’t really add to anything to your
narrative.
Communicate confidence, without being arrogant
It’s important to demonstrate your confidence in your ability to be successful
in adding to the campus culture and completing the curriculum. Don’t go
overboard though in describing your qualifications. As an example, you can
say you that “I was happy to be among the top students in my graduating
class” instead of stating that you were “among the most accomplished and
educated scholars within the graduating class at my undergrad institution.”
Everything in moderation
The key is not to be too extreme in your commentary as you typically don’t
know who will end up reading your college admissions essay. You shouldn’t
take on the task of explaining the rationale for any extreme ideologies, good
or bad, that it would be impossible to really explain the nuances of in 650
words or less.
Overall, the tone you use in your personal statement should mirror the tone
you would use when giving a briefing or presentation - be interesting and be
aware of your audience. With this combination, you’ll do great when writing
your personal statements and college admissions essays.

Appealing to the Reader’s Senses

When you’re writing a narrative or telling a story in your personal statement,

using sensory details is one of the more effective ways to captivate the reader

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which makes your essay more likely to stand out. Sensory details help the
reader figuratively see, hear, feel, smell, and taste your words.
If you haven’t started writing yet, but you have an event or story in mind, you
can create a chart like the one the next page as a way to draft and organize
the sensory details you want to include.
Here’s a paragraph from Wright State University that offers a good example
text:
“Grandmother Workman lurched over and grabbed the pale skin of my thin
forearm with her leathery hand. The folds and creases beneath her skin
coiled themselves out like electrical wiring, like the bloated, roughly-textured
relief map of the world that his mother just posted above his bedside table. I
looked ahead toward the winding spiral staircase, fidgeted with a small hole
in my baseball jersey, and bit my lip. My mouth filled with the sweet, coppery
taste of blood as she leaned in closely toward me, breathing her hot breath
on the damp hair at the base of my neck. She smelled of wet cigarettes and
bacon. As we slowly climbed the long, steep staircase, the only sound was my
grandmothers’ labored breathing and the mournful creak of the wooden
stairs.”
And here’s the table I would use to write about this story during the pre-
writing phase of my essay:

Sensory Details
I saw I heard I felt I smelled I tasted

● pale skin ● lurched ● leathery hand ● wet cigarettes ● sweet,

and bacon coppery taste

● folds and ● labored ● fidgeted with a

creases beneath breathing small hole
her skin

● bloated, roughly ● mournful creak ● damp hair

textured

● winding, spiral ● roughly

staircase textured

● hot breath

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If you’ve already written your personal statement or essay, go back through
it and underline all the places you use sensory details. If you find that you
don’t have many spots underlined, I recommend revising your text to include
more sensory details.
You can use the shorthand below to quickly mark the sensory details you
underline during your initial review:

See – S
Hear – H
Feel – F
Smell – Sm
Touch – T
No matter if you’re writing about a specific event or a personal narrative that
includes details from your entire life, you should include sensory details. It’s
one of the most effective ways to ensure the people reading your essay are
engaged in what you wrote.

Insider Tips to Woo the Admissions Officers

There are some clichés in personal statements that seem to happen over and
over again. While having one or two clichés won’t prevent you from getting
into a good college, it is nice to avoid them as don’t add depth to your writing,
nor do they particularly work to help your application stand out. There are
also a number of common occurrences I’ve seen when reading personal
statements that are just annoying and don’t add any value to the application.
To help you out, here’s a short list of clichés and topics/ideas to avoid when
writing your personal statement:

Citing Einstein or any Other Famous Person

Remember that personal statements are about YOU. Quoting Einstein takes
that focus away from you and places it on someone who the reader already

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knows, so they’re not really learning anything new in reading your essay.
Instead of quoting Einstein, reflect and communicate your own ideas about
physics or science and turn that into a mantra or saying that exemplifies who
you are. This gives the application reader a glimpse of your personality,
ideas, and beliefs, which is much more beneficial in relating what you stand
for and why you should be selected.

Bashing Your Own Generation or Peers

Avoid this altogether. Understand that each generation is unique, and this is
what makes progress and change possible. No application reader wants to
read through a personal statement in which they applicant only sees despair
and destruction ahead because of the belief that current generations aren’t as
successful as ones of the past. Instead of criticizing your peers, focus on
describing your personal and professional goals and how you hope to
connect with the folks in your community (from all generations) to ensure
that our world becomes a better place. Focus on the positive, not the
negative.

Whine about obviously insignificant events impacting their grades

I tell most applicants to do their best to especially avoid using the additional
information section on applications to make an excuse as to why their grades
may have slipped. Don’t get me wrong; there are definitely legitimate and
very real reasons as to why your grades may have been impacted by an event
in your life (i.e. you were in a coma and missed three weeks of school). If
your reason doesn’t involve a medical issue, major life event (like a death in
the family), or school transfer, you should probably avoid talking about it
altogether. Of course, every situation is different, so this list isn’t all-inclusive.

Write about something completely unrelated to the prompt

Stay on topic. There’s nothing more annoying than reading through an entire
personal statement or supplemental essay and realizing the writer didn’t
even attempt to answer the question the prompt asked. Don’t write about

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“why you want to attend X University” if the essay instructions say to
“describe a time in your life when you had to make a tough decision.”

Reduce diversity down to a story about how multicultural their friend

group is

There’s just so much more to talk about that when application readers see
this, it can seem as if the writer just treated it as a throwaway question.
There is a story to tell in having friends from different ethnic, religious, or
socioeconomic groups, but when a prompt is asking you to describe how
you’ll contribute to diversity on campus or to discuss personal adversity
you’ve experienced, they’re wanting to know that you have an informed
perspective on the nuances of identity, equity, and inclusion. So, if you don’t
think you have anything useful to say for diversity questions, think deeper
and consider questions like:
● how do my goals work to promote equity in the world?
● how has my personal identity informed my goals and choose to apply
to X College?
● what impact has my cultural background had in my choice to attend
college or pursue a particular career path?
● what am I going to bring to campus that helps create or maintain an
inclusive learning environment?
Keep in mind that while most colleges have standard rubrics for evaluating
applicants, each application reader is different and has their own pet peeves
when it comes to reading files. This is just one opinion, but hopefully, it can
still help you avoid some of the common clichés and pitfalls writers can fall
victim to when crafting a personal statement.

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Other Do’s & Don’ts for Writing the Perfect Personal Statement

As the name implies, personal statements are inherently personal and meant
to communicate your qualifications and show what kind of person you are.
For this reason, each statement an admissions team member reads is
uniquely different from any other, as it should be. That said, there are still
some general do’s and don’ts to consider when writing your personal
statement.
Do:
• Focus on why the event or experience you’re communicating is
significant to you and what you learned from it when writing a
narrative for your personal statements.
• If submitting an essay over email, pdf, or other document format, use
readable fonts, conventional spacing, and margins.
• Always articulate your specific reasons for applying to each school or
program. Don’t be generic or vague.
• If you’re writing a grad school application essay or applying as a
direct admit, don’t forget to mention specific faculty with whom you
are interested in working.
• Use concrete examples and relevant anecdotes to validate the skills
and experiences you list on your resume and personal statements

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 • Connect life experiences to your professional goals and career
motivation.
• Get feedback from trusted individuals who aren’t afraid to give you
objective and constructive criticism
• Be selective when choosing supplemental materials or additional
information to submit
• Provide an explanation for irregular grade trends, discrepancies on
transcripts, or circumstances that affected test scores.
• Use present tense when possible.
• Follow the scholarship application submission rules precisely.
• Proofread your essay once all edits and revisions are made.

Don’t:
• Submit the exact same essay to multiple schools. I’ve read many
essays that included the wrong school name.
• Use a moralistic or preachy tone.
• Repeat information elsewhere in your application to the point of
redundancy.
• Discuss money or securing a “high-paying” job as a motivating factor.
• Exceed the prescribed word and/or page limits.
• Lie or exaggerate your qualifications or experience.
• Plagiarize the content of your essay.
• Discuss potentially controversial topics like politics, money, or
religion.
• Remind the school of its ranking or tell them “how good they are.”
• Simply list the honor awards or achievements that you included on
your application.
• Don’t compliment yourself with praise that makes you seem
immodest.

The Diversity Statement

Today, almost all college applications for school in the U.S. require applicants
to submit a diversity statement, or short response essay related to diversity,
with their application submission. In addition, providing a personal
statement, the University of Washington, for instance, asks freshman
applicants to respond to the prompt:

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 “Our families and communities often define us and our individual
worlds. Community might refer to your cultural group, extended
family, religious group, neighborhood or school, sports team or
club, co-workers, etc. Describe the world you come from and how
you, as a product of it, might add to the diversity of the UW.”

But why do colleges want you to submit a diversity statement in the first
place you ask?
Well UW states on their website, that the university “strives to create a
community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences,
values and viewpoints.” For this reason, admissions officers look to admit
applicants who will embrace and enrich the multicultural and intentionally
inclusive environment colleges strive to be. So, without a face to face
interview, submitting a diversity statement is the most straightforward
means to assess your openness and ability to foster a culture of diverse
identities and viewpoints on campus.
As an admissions professional, I sometimes get asked the question, “For
someone who is white and middle class, how can I write about how I will
bring diversity to a school?” Well, let me tell you. It’s possible to do and it’s
possible to do it without treating the diversity statement as a throwaway
part of your application. Don’t simply write about, for example, how you like
to eat ethnic food or play soccer with people of color. These topics, for the
most part, don’t show a genuine interest or commitment to diversity and
equity.
As a means of jump starting your brainstorming process, here are 5 ways to
write an effective diversity statement for your college admissions
applications:

1. Show what you know.

Show that you have a deep understanding of the true costs of social
inequity in the world. If you were born upper class with two well-
educated parents, this might mean writing about how you recognize
injustice in the world and that it's imperative to dismantle injustice
and oppression. You can supplement this information by sharing your
core values, especially those that relate to inclusion, diversity, and
equity for all people.

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2. Provide examples.

Provide examples of experiences that demonstrate your commitment

to fostering the success of marginalized and oppressed people
including people of color, women, LGBTQ folks, religious minorities,
and other groups. Discuss any volunteer work, projects or research
you’ve done on behalf of marginalized communities. Did you build an
app that helps disabled people navigate city streets? Did you create a
nonprofit that donates school supplies to kids who families who can’t
afford to buy them?

3. Relate your professional goals.

Talk about how your professional goals will promote equity and
diversity in your community and more largely, in the world. For
instance, if you want to be a doctor, discuss the lack of access to
adequate healthcare around the globe and how your goal is to work to
eliminate socioeconomic and cultural barriers that prevent people
from receiving care.

4. Discuss your travels.

Share your experiences travelling or living abroad and relate how the
communities and cultures you saw and experienced differed from
your own lifestyle or changed your previously-held beliefs. Just be
sure not to “otherize” the places and people you discuss. Also, be sure
to avoid clichés or describing your experiences as shocking in some
way. You don’t want to come off as naive or judgmental to admissions
officers. Try relating how your travel experiences informed your
personal development and impacted your views on culture and
diversity. If you grew up outside the United States, you might discuss
what cultural aspects of living and going to school in the U.S. interest
you.

5. Share your story.

If you have overcome personal adversity to get to where you are, you
should discuss it in your diversity statement. Some examples of
personal adversity include being bullied in school because or your
sexual orientation, experiencing homelessness, or enduring racism in
your community. If, on the other hand, you were raised with relatively

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 little to no adversity, socioeconomic or otherwise, it’s important to
acknowledge your privilege. It's possible to talk intelligently about
diversity, even if you are a straight white male, by demonstrating that
you have the awareness and desire to work to dismantle inequity, and
encourage diversity as a means of promoting inclusion.
Overall, keep your statement focused on communicating your beliefs about
diversity, equity, and inclusion, and no matter who you are, you should be
able to write an effective diversity statement.

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Step 3. What to Do After Your Initial Draft

6 Questions to Ask Yourself After You’ve Written Your First Draft

It’s important to consider grammar, style, and organization when writing

your application essays because bad writing is the absolute first thing any
admissions committee member notices when reading admissions essays.
Most college applicants, however, don’t have issues with the grammar and so
it rarely has a major impact on a candidate’s score.
With this in mind, I tell writers to instead focus on the content, clarity, and
composition of their college application essays by examining the following
questions:
● Do I make my point early on?
● Is there a bunch of extra detail in my essay?
● Have I answered the question?
● Am I confident, without being arrogant?
● Do I provide insight into my personality?
● Did I show that I can think critically about the multicultural world I
live in?

Do I make my point early on?

Don't write a lengthy essay and wait until the last paragraph to make your
main point. I once had a writer talk extensively about the chronic illnesses
her mother and sister faced while living in a country with limited access to
care and medicine. However, the story wasn't as clear and impactful as it
could have been because the writer waited until the end of the essay to
communicate that this motivated her to want to become a doctor.
Is there a bunch of extra detail in my essay?
It’s important to provide enough detail to readers so that the story you’re
telling makes sense to someone unfamiliar with your life. However,
extraneous details can distract from your writing and are ill-advised since
most admissions essays have a strict word count. If your personal statement

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is about your internship in the Netherlands, you don’t need to go into detail
about the color of the bus you rode to the internship site every day.
Have I answered the question?
This is probably the simplest and easiest mistake writers make when crafting
their personal statement. Go back over the prompt and then highlight in your
essay the exact ways in which you answer the questions being asked of you.
Your ability to follow simple instructions can also say a lot about whether
you’re capable of succeeding in the unstructured learning environment a
college campus can be.
Am I confident, without being arrogant?
The line between confidence and arrogance is thin, but its nonetheless
important to distinguish yourself from other applicants by conveying why
you’re the best candidate. One way to accomplish this is by speaking to who
you are without showing off. Don’t just say “I’m brilliant and destined to lead
a top tech company one day!” when you could instead communicate this by
writing about the app you developed during your summer break.
Do I provide insight into my personality?
Don’t forget that the primary purpose of the personal statement is to
introduce you as person – not just as a student. All of your academic and
professional accomplishments are on you resume, so there’s no need to
regurgitate the same information in your statement of purpose. Don’t shy
away from sharing your personality with the admissions committee and
beware of using essay templates as they can minimize your ability to share
your authentic voice.
Did I show that I can think critically about the multicultural world I live
in?
More than an introduction to your personality, the college application essay
is also a glimpse into your personal beliefs and how you navigate the world.
Universities want to know that their students can learn and work effectively
in a multicultural environment as college campuses become more diverse. I
know for a fact that some colleges include cultural awareness points as a part
of a candidate’s score, so it’s important that you don’t neglect this topic in
your personal statements. And it’s not enough to write about how you have a
diverse group of friends. Instead, you might try talking about the ways in

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which your personal identity has influenced your educational path or how
your goals will work to increase social equity and promote diversity.
Ask yourselves these questions after you’ve written your first draft and you’ll
definitely end up with a more focused and authentic product.

How to Effectively Revise Your College Admissions Essay

The revision process is one of the more critical steps in writing effective
personal statements and essays. Still, you make ask WHY EXACTLY is
revising my essay important? Three main reasons:

● To develop better content

● To correct formatting and grammatical errors
● To become a better writer over time

So, how should you go about revising your essay. Here are some tips:

1. Put it down for a while

It’s important to have fresh eyes when you’re ready to start making
revisions. Otherwise, you won’t notice errors or mistakes that need to
be fixed.

2. Read your essay out loud

Your writing should sound both conversational and professional,

especially when it’s meant to provide a glimpse into your personality.

3. Check the topic of the paper

Do you still agree with it? Do you stay on track throughout the essay?
Did you answer the prompt as it was asked? Yes, should be the answer
to each of these questions.

4. Check for flow and logic

Your essay, like those you wrote in high school English class, should
have a beginning, middle, and end and flow logically as they reader
moves through your essay.

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 5. Add detail

Anyone who doesn’t know you should be able to read your essay and
understand your experiences.

6. Check and fix grammatical errors

This should be one of your final steps. Feel free to use services built
into programs like Microsoft Word or Grammarly to save time.

7. Verify that you’ve met all the official requirements

Ensure your paper is formatted properly (font, margins) and complies

with the stated word limit.

Good writers will use all of these methods to craft a good personal statement.
To make the most of the revision process, it's important that you get an early
start on your papers so that you have time to complete any large-scale
revisions your paper might need.

Ultimately, revising is an ongoing process that takes time and effort.

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Conclusion

Whether you’re writing a personal statement for undergraduate admissions

or grad school, the process can be perplexing if you don’t plan in advance and
give yourself plenty of time to think about what you want to write.
Remember, the personal statement is your opportunity to show who you are
outside of what can be read on your transcript or resume, so think of it as
your chance to show off what makes you unique.
Make the most of our personal statement by demonstrating your creativity,
passion, and personality. Don’t forget to be both vulnerable and
introspective. And remember colleges want to admit a talented, holistic
group of students, so remember to be yourself when writing your personal
statement and what makes you a perfect fit for the college will shine through.

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