Writing your

command college
article V2.0

By
Bob Harrison
Writing Your Command College Article V2.0

© Bob Harrison, March 2009. All rights reserved. This

document may not be reproduced in any form, print or
electronic, in whole or in part, for any reason without the express
consent and permission of the author.
Writing Your Command College Article

Preface

The final step in your journey through the Command College is to author a scholarly article
from the completed futures research of your chosen topic, then submit that article to a
magazine or periodical in general circulation. If you are not a seasoned writer, this can seem
to be a daunting task. Rather than tossing you into the canal and asking you to swim,
however, this guidebook was created to assist you through the process. Even if you are an
accomplished writer, the review should be beneficial as you work to publish your work.

This guidebook is written to logically present the skills in a sequence that will help you work
from one step to another with a minimum of redundant work. It is constructed as a workbook
with included resources and references. Using it and your Futures Project, you will be able to
construct the components of your article, then link them together to form your finished work.
The guidebook may be read in no particular order, and should be a source of reference as you
construct each section of your article.

Beyond this guidebook, there is a multitude of resource and reference information on the
Internet. Many of the more prominent sources will be discussed herein; there are as many
others out there that would be equally as helpful. Good luck as you enter this final phase of
the Command College; graduation lies just on the other side.

Bob Harrison
March 2009

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 Table of Contents

Page

The Article Writing Process, Step-by-Step 3

Article, “How to Have Fun With Your NGT Without Really Trying” 7

How to Learn to Write 10

Prewriting Strategies 11

The Title 16

The Lead & Introduction 18

The Body of the Article 21

The Conclusion 23

Format Guide for a Quality Article 24

Tips for Good Organization 30

Transitions 31

Clear, Concise and Direct Sentences 34

Writing Clearly 41

Style Guide and Reference Sources 43

Visual Support 45

Submission Guidelines and Sources 45

Conclusion 48

Assessment Rubric 49

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 THE ARTICLE WRITING PROCESS
STEP-BY-STEP

THE STEPS WHAT YOU’LL DO

You use prewriting to:

The Prewrite • Think more clearly
• See a start to your article
• Keep track of your ideas
• Practice expressing yourself in writing

One of the best places to start is to write uncritically about the

themes of your article. Some of the best ways to do this are to start
jotting a list, doing a “freewrite” where you just write out words
that come to mind, and brainstorming, which is often best done as a
small group activity to put words up, then associate other words or
concepts with them.

Next, start organizing your thoughts into a preliminary order. Many

writers use one of three methods; outlining topics, which helps to
start “chunking” out the work, clustering thoughts, phrases or
words, and diagramming, which is similar to clustering but adds the
organization of outlining.

Ten styles of titles (Using the topic of “The Future of Patrol

The Title Cars” as an example):
• Descriptive: “The Patrol Car of the Future”
• Rhyming: “Cars for the Stars to patrol our Bars”
• Alliteration: “The perfect patrol platform – the future of
mobile patrol”
• Challenge: “Do you know where your next patrol vehicle
will come from?”
• Statement: “Mobile patrol - Where we’re going from here”
• Shocker: “Your next patrol vehicle may not have wheels!”
• Drama: “Trapped in the past - no patrol in my future?”
• Statistic: “Experts agree – 38% of cops prefer Fords”
• Emotional appeal: “How do they expect us to do our job
without the right car?”
• Witty: “Black and White Fever - a cure in sight?”

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 Consider a subtitle to:
The Subtitle • Highlight an interesting quote
• Juxtapose conflict (e.g., with a title of “The Future of
Patrol Cars” you might consider a subtitle from one
of provocative title styles; if a provocative title,
consider a descriptive subtitle)
• Ask a compelling question

Use one of eight styles of leads:

The Lead • The factual summary lead (Who, what, where, when,
why & how)
• Descriptive leads (The great fish moved silently…)
• The shocker – grab, frighten or compel further reading
• The quick fragment – staccato leads (It was the best of
times…)
• Parodies on familiar topics or subjects
• Direct quotes – “Read my lips. No new taxes.”
• Pose a question – “Is random patrol outdated?”
Contrast leads – “Despite our leadership in education,
today’s youth know less than ever before.”

The Opening Continuation of the lead sentence. Most readers stop here
unless you have induced them to read further. Make it fun,
Paragraph interesting, provocative or compelling through your prose.

If your reader lacks the background to understand the paper,

try one of these strategies:
• Define terms
• Present a brief history
• Explain the different sides to a controversy
• Set the scene in detail

If they know something of your subject, stimulate by:

• Raise a provocative question
• Tell an anecdote that relates to the topic
• Ask your reader to imagine
• Refute a commonly-held idea or concept
• Relate seemingly unrelated facts & bring them
together for the reader

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 Remember, you can mix strategies together…

This is a logical and ordered presentation of your topic; where

The Meat of the you move from the macro to the micro level, organize the
reader’s understanding of the subject and present your
Matter – argument, perspectives or other related information
The Body
Remember:
• Use your outline to build 3-4 major “chunks” of
work; these will become your chapters
• Transition from one paragraph to the next and from
one sub-heading to the next
• Sub-head titles help to emphasize topic points and
enhance flow
• Think about having an objective for each chapter or
sub-head; gather information, outline and follow a
logical pace
• Be concise yet informative. Use appropriate
grammar
Use proper citations when you refer to the work of
others, including those you uncovered in your
literature review

Use one of seven types:

• Full circle endings that tie into the lead
• Summary endings; pull out the most relevant points
and restate them
Your Conclusion • Quotation endings, whether from the article research
or an expert source that adds a perspective and
challenges the reader to think further
• Finish your story; don’t leave the reader hanging – not
the full-circle ending; offers hope or new insight at the
end
• Direct endings – reiterate and reinforce the point of
the article; consider it as a short editorial on the body
and its meaning
• Give advice – allows you to give advice or insight;
similar to the direct ending
The shocker – ends the story in a manner not anticipated
by the reader; disquiets the reader, alerts the reader to
dangers ahead

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 Editing & Follow Turabian, APA or MLA1 style guides; be certain to
cite references appropriately and credit the work of others.
Proofreading

Visual Support – Visual images can tell the reader volumes you would never
have room to present in text
Speak to • Think of charts, graphs, pictures or other visual
Them in Pictures representations that would support your text and
enrich the reading experience
• Use visual language to integrate words, images and
shapes into a coherent whole
• Most periodicals will want visuals; even scholarly
publications desire charts, graphs or displays that
reinforce the learning experience.
Experiment with clip art, images in your topic area and
other mediums to convey your message

These notes are adapted from:

A Writer’s Guide to Getting Published in Magazines by JJ DeSpain, Alethieia Publications, Putnam Valley NY 2000
The Complete Idiots Guide to Publishing Magazine Articles by Sheree Bykofsky, Jennifer Basye Sander & Lynne
Rominger, Alpha Books, Penguin Group USA 2000
The University of Wisconsin On-Line Writing Center http://www.wisc.edu/writing
The Kansas University On-Line Writing Center, www.writing.ku.edu
The Bowling Green University On-Line Writing Lab, www.bgsu.edu/departments/writing-lab/

1
The specifics of each style guide are discussed in a following section

6
 CREATIVE WRITING, AUTHORING ARTICLES AND & SUBMITTING THEM
FOR PUBLICATION TO PROFESSIONAL PERIODICALS

Or

HOW TO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR NGT WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

By Bob Harrison

So, you’re still not sure why you signed up for Command College a couple years ago?
Even with all the great food and good company in beautiful downtown Folsom, you’re
still not sure if the struggle is worth it? Rest assured, things are looking up…

When Command College was first presented, POST envisioned a learning experience that
not only prepared each of you to lead policing into the future, but also as an educational
experience that would enrich the profession. The concept of the Independent Study
Project (ISP) was to craft it as original research that would be suitable for publication in
research journals, academic texts and in professional periodicals throughout the nation.
The cost was worth it, they thought, if what you learned was shared with all. The problem
was that, unless you were a college professor or PhD who enjoyed reading arcane data
non-stop for days on end, the ISP’s weren’t especially suited for consumption by the
masses. In a word, they were boring. Granted, they were chock full of great information,
but they were, nonetheless, boring.

How We Got Here

In the early 1990s, POST set about to fix the ISP boredom issue as a way to make the
work of Command College students more exciting. Since 1991, students have been
required to complete the ISP or one of its successor efforts (now entitled your Futures
Project) and also to author a 12-15 page article covering the findings of this research.
Write it and they will come…won’t they? Unfortunately, the answer was…no.

When the article concept was first floated to classes (who met the idea with several
rounds of cheers), a number of those hardy souls actually submitted their articles to one
or more of the various police publications. Four graduates saw their names in lights (or at
least in print), still a paltry 7.5 percent of the total number who hung the POST Command
College plaque on their wall. From that time, the number of published projects continued
to dwindle to the point where only one of the last forty graduates has had their article
printed in general circulation. This is in spite of the fact that classes had mentors assigned
to students for the purpose of sheparding them through the project and article process.
Well, even the most stubborn amongst us saw the current state of affairs couldn’t last.

Where We’re Going

POST still envisions Command College as a vital link in the development of our leaders,
and that their knowledge should be shared with others to enrich the profession. The best
way to fulfill that goal is for each student to continue to undertake significant original
futures research on a topic of their choosing, then to craft an article suitable for

7
submission for publication to a professional periodical. The problem to date has been the
curriculum of the course has never included training on how to do just that, and that no
structure is in place to support the effort. That has changed.

Command College Class 36 piloted the effort to significantly enhance the quality of the
article, and for requiring each student to submit their article to one or more government
or public safety periodical for publication. Oh, $#@*#, you’re thinking, I’m not a
novelist. I can write a police report, I can even construct a futures scenario for my
project, but how in the world am I going to get this thing done? Worry not, my eager
researcher. Help is on the way.

How We’ll Get There

Starting in January 2005, Command College classes included instruction on how best to
satisfy the requirement to write and submit an article based on your research. The block
of training includes creative writing techniques, the construction of quality articles and
how to submit them to editors and publishers. It is also a starting point for your work to
develop a working title, options for outlining your content and the creation of winning
leads and closings.

During the time you are putting the finishing touches on your research, you will work
with an instructor one-on-one electronically to submit articles and receive coaching and
mentoring sufficient to get you across the finish line. The goal for Command College
classes is to have 100 percent of all students submit an article, and to see 25 percent of
those submitted be approved for publication. We’ll work on specific ways to get you
across the finish line with an article prepared and appropriately prewritten, constructed
according to best-practice guidelines and laced together in a manner that will be accepted
by the editor whose job it is to put the most interesting things into his or her magazine.

Some Nuts and Bolts

Prior to entering your class on developing quality research articles, there are a few things
that are important for you to know (beyond where the instructor wants to go for lunch…).
As you have time, please venture onto the Internet to see what resources there may be for
you in your quest to write that article. As you wander through the electronic forest, think
about:

Prewriting – You’ll be asked to choose from one of three dominant ways to organize your
thoughts prior to writing the text of the article. They are the outline, bubble clusters and
spider diagrams. You have already done the research, so consider ways to group data,
compile expert interview statements and form ways to discuss your conclusions and
recommendations.

Transitions – This is something you may be doing without much thought, but in an
article, it is important to transition from one paragraph to the next, and from one section
to that which follows it. The next time you read an interesting article, note the flow. That
sense of seamless movement is created by effective transitions. There are tools and tips to

8
help you develop yours, so don’t worry if this seems intimidating (or you can just circle
the transitions you see in this article as a starting point).

Article format – Articles generally follow an accepted format. This will help you “chunk
out” the sections of your prose, and also help fit it into the length and pace of articles
generally seen in professional journals. Think about your working title, your lead or
introduction, the 3-4 (usually four) subsections of the body of your work and your
conclusion. We will get into much greater depth in this area during class.

Style and Submission Guidelines – there are on-line tutorials and resources for the major
style and editing guides in publishing. The American Psychological Association (APA)
style is used in most, if not all, academic and research publications. The Chicago Manual
of Style is used for most books in publication, and Kate Turabian’s Style Guide is an
offshoot of the Chicago style used for the writing of theses, dissertations and other
scholarly writing. Most periodicals readily accept either style; however, most popular
articles tend to use Turabian as their guide.

Conclusion
For those who work as instructors, you are already aware that the best way to learn a
subject is to teach it to others. In much the same way, the best way to learn your topic is
to write about it persuasively so others begin to know what you know. Submitting an
article to a magazine can be a daunting task, one that exposes the budding author to
critical review and the possibility of rejection. This article should have already served to
allay some of these fears by providing a glimpse of the tools and techniques successful
writers use to move their ideas from thought to publication. If you have published before,
you know the intrinsic reward of seeing your name on a byline, and knowing that others
will be impacted by your considered words. For those of you who have not yet enjoyed
this experience, you’ll soon see it is an effort worth the expense. Let the writing begin…

Author: Bob Harrison, [email protected]

Working Title: How To Enjoy Your NGT Without Really Trying
Length: 1,313 words
Photos: None
Attachments: None

9
 How to learn to write
1. Read the writing of others – Read a lot
Share the books of others
Focus on non-fiction
You will not be a proficient writer if you are not a reader

2. Revising the work of others

This includes the rewriting of all or part.
Look at it as if it were your own draft; what is it trying to say?
Look at paragraphing; splits between paragraphs are like turns in the road
(not a fall off a cliff). Where are they, and how do they connect?

3. Write a lot
Write every day, especially if you are writing for purpose
Primary problem of students is they don’t write enough, producing a lack
of applied skill in the craft

4. Revise your own writing

Edit two ways – on screen and with a hard copy
Check spelling from the bottom up
Start in the middle
Read your writing naively; what might it mean to the reader?

When you write, you are a team with your reader. What you don’t do, they will have to
do. They, of course, always have the choice to merely put your half of the conversation
down and disengage.

Write in your own voice; think of being conversational, not stiff and formal

Personal reflection

Considering the ways in which one becomes a better writer, how much time do I devote
to reading, writing and revision in general?

How much time am I spending in relation to the Command College process?

What am I noticing about my comprehension of writing as a result?

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 Pre-Writing Strategies
Pre-writing is a way of organizing your thoughts and beginning to put the information
you have on paper. It is best to do a pre-writing activity before you actually begin writing
your paper or essay.

think more clearly

You should use See a start of your paper
prewriting to . . . Keep track of your ideas
practice expressing yourself in writing

Quite often, writers will start with a basic form of prewriting once the topic focus begins
to emerge. The advantage of starting with a jot list, brainstorming or freewriting as a first
step is that each of these strategies may be done in a non-judgmental manner. The act of
listing various thoughts in no particular order can often generate new ideas, connect
words or phrases and begin the process of sorting and grouping concepts in a logical and
interesting order.

BASIC PREWRITING STRATEGIES

Develop Questions

What do I know? What do I need to find out? What is the point of the paper?

Jot List Brainstorm Freewrite

FOOD FOOD What I really mean is . . .

DELICIOUS
HEALTHY
HAMBURGERS
DIET
CALORIES
FAT
PIZZA
NOODLES
COOKING

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 Visualize / Organize Major Categories
Outline Mapping Tree Diagram

Once beyond this stage, the writer will begin the serious process of electing a course of
storytelling by identifying segments of the future article through outlining, mapping or
tree diagrams. This is an essential step in the process of creating the finished article, and a
great way to “see” the flow of the words before pen goes to paper to write the actual text.
Some writers prefer to use one of the mapping (bubble clusters or hierarchical bubbles) or
diagramming (tree or spider), then move to outlining to the third or fourth level of detail.

(adapted from the University of Wisconsin Writing Center – www.wisc.edu/writing)

STEPS IN PREWRITING
Brainstorming

Brainstorming and listing are quite similar as processes that generate a lot of information
in a short time by building on the association of previous terms. The process is completed
by:

1. Jot down all the possible terms that emerge from the general topic of your paper.
This procedure works especially well if you work in a team. All team members
can generate ideas, with one member acting as a scribe. Don’t worry about editing
or throwing out what might not be a good idea.
2. Group the items you have listed according to arrangements that make sense to
you.
3. Give each group a label. Now you have a topic with possible points of
development
4. Write a sentence about the label you have given to the group of ideas. Now you
have a potential topic sentence or thesis statement.

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Clustering
Clustering is also called mind mapping or idea mapping. It allows you to explore the
relationship between ideas. A bubble cluster circles ideas, while a spider or tree diagram
underlines central ideas. The process is:

1. Put the subject in the center of the page. Circle or underline it.
2. As you think of other ideas, link the new ideas to the central circle with lines.
3. As you think of ideas that relate to the new ideas, add to those in the same way.
4. The result will look like a web on the page. Locate clusters of interest and use the
terms you attached to the key ideas as departure points for your paper.

Freewriting
Freewriting is a process of generating a lot of ideas by writing non-stop. It allows you to
focus on a specific topic, but forces you to write so quickly you are unable to edit any of
your ideas.
1. Freewrite on your general topic for 5-10 minutes non-stop. Force yourself to
continue writing even if nothing specific comes to mind. This freewriting will
include many ideas; at this point, generating ideas is what is important, not
grammar or spelling.
2. After you’ve finished freewriting, look back over what you have written and
highlight the most prominent and interesting ideas; then you can begin again with
a tighter focus.
3. Looping is a freewriting technique that allows you to increasingly focus your
ideas to discover a topic or sub-topic. Loop one freewriting effort after another so
you have a sequence of freewrites; write quickly and do not edit.

As you complete the organizing process, be mindful of the 5W’s and 1H of questions you
want to ask of your topic, and for which your future readers will be seeking answers. The
process of answering the Who, What, Where, When, Why and How may be a part of your
outlining or a parallel process of creating topic areas for continued work. You will want
to ask:
Journalist’s (and cop’s) Questions

Who? are the participants, the primary topics, the secondary topics?

What? is the significance of the topic, the basic problem, the issues?

Where? does it take place, is the source, the meeting of cause and effect?

When? is the issue most apparent, historical forces, etc.?

Why? is it a problem or issue, why did it develop as it did?

How? can it be addressed or resolved?

(adapted from the Kansas University Writing Center, www.writing.ku.edu)

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 Freewriting/ Prewriting Exercise Page

Use this page for your “brain dump” to write freely without self-censure.

My topic is: _____________________________________________

• Write non-stop for fifteen minutes.

• Write anywhere on the page, and at any angle.
• Clump words if you wish, but don’t stop to think or hesitate
• Don’t worry about spelling, grammar or punctuation
• Try not to lift your pen from the paper
• Concentrate on getting your ideas down originally

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 Hook, Opening and Thesis
Worksheet
What is the purpose of my article?
(I am going to prove…
Describe…
Tell a story about…
Explain why or how…)

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

What should the reader know and be able to do when they finish reading it?

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Your Thesis Statement (what is the purpose of the article?)

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 Your Title
OK, you now have a general idea of your article’s topic, and a prewrite to help you
structure the body of your text. The next step in the process is to think about a working
title (you can always change it as the writing progresses; a working title helps fuel the
creative juices, but don’t fret too much- when you submit your work, it is about 50-50
whether the editor will keep your title or insert one of their own).

Titles should convey a little of the spirit and tone of the article to follow, and should not
distract the reader from the opening paragraph or lead that follows. They should be
catchy, simple and on point, and should “grab” the reader who may be casually scanning
a magazine cover or table of contents. Titles generally are grouped in one of ten ways:

Descriptive: the title merely describes what will follow. An article about the future of
patrol cars might be titled “The Future of Patrol Cars” which tells the reader what to
expect, but doesn’t excite them all that much. Using the patrol car theme, the alternatives
are:

Rhyming “Cars for the Stars to patrol our Bars”

Alliterative “The perfect patrol platform – the future of mobile patrol”

Challenging the “Do you know where your next patrol vehicle will come from?”
Reader

The Statement of “Mobile patrol -- Where we’re going from here”

Fact

Shock the Audience “Your next patrol vehicle may not have wheels!”

The Dramatic “Trapped in the past -- no patrolling in my future?”

Statistics and “Experts agree -- 38 percent of cops would rather drive Fords”
Figures

The Emotional “How do they expect us to do our job without the right car?”
Appeal

Witty, Clever or “Black and White Fever -- is there a cure in sight?”

Tongue-in-cheek

(adapted from A Writer’s Guide to Getting Published in Magazines, JJ DeSpain, Aletheia

Pub, 2000)

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 Working Title Workpage
Your general topic (as derived from your prewriting): _____________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

Develop at least three working titles from the ten styles presented on the preceding page:

1. _________________________________________________

2. _________________________________________________

3. _________________________________________________

Discuss with your group; brainstorm other possibilities:

1. _________________________________________________

2. _________________________________________________

3. _________________________________________________

Don’t get too hung up on the title; it is an important step in presenting your article to
others, but not integral to writing the body of the article itself. Many authors realize after
a few submissions that editors often change the title at publication. This isn’t because
they are smarter or more creative than you; many times, they change it to fit the flow of
the issue, to link the content to other articles in this genre or for personal purposes and
reasons. For our work, though, you should elect one working title, then move on to the
lead paragraph of your narrative.

What’s your elevator pitch? 30 words max

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 The Lead and Introduction
Although every word in your article should have importance, meaning and an impact on
readers, no words are more important than those that introduce you to the reader. You
want to hook them, grab them and give them a reason to continue reading all the great
things that follow. Without energizing their motivation to take moments of their life with
you, they may just as likely toss the article aside, continue flipping pages and never know
what you’re trying to tell them. Think…

“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.”

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

“Dr. Weiss, at forty, knew that her life

had been ruined by literature.”
The Debut, by Anita Brookner

“The great fish moved silently through the night water,

propelled by short sweeps of its crescent tail.”
Jaws by Peter Benchley

You may not know what follows, nor might you be able to determine the plot, but these
(and many other great leads) hook you and induce you to read further. In literature,
whether books or articles, there are eight general types of leads:

The Factual This is most often found in newspaper and news magazine
Summary articles; you give the reader the who, what, where, when, why and
how of the body to follow. For your purposes, you have a story
that transcends the 4W’s & H, so you would think about using it
to keep the reader going to find out what circumstances would
produce the facts you give them at the outset.

The Descriptive The lead of Jaws sends chills through the reader without
Lead bloodshed or graphic violence. The words cause the reader to
visualize the shark, menacing and bold, cold and merciless, even
without talking about his razor-sharp teeth or the way he rips the
flesh from his victims. The descriptive lead helps the reader
construct a mental picture of the setting, using any or all of the
five senses in your writing (…”smell the bread; with memories of
the fire burning as Mom walked in with her tray of home-baked
treats, I could almost hear the crackling of the wood as she
handed me a warm, soft chunk of the homemade prize…”).

The Shocker You may wish to amaze, astonish or shock your reader as a means
of grabbing their interest. Diet ads and news headlines are
perhaps the most prevalent uses of the shocker, e.g., “Lose ten

18
 pounds this week!” or “New threat to your health in food you eat
everyday. News at Eleven!” This lead compels the reader to go on
at the risk of not knowing, not being able to act, or to alleviate
their sense of dread or curiosity, which can only be done by
reading your text.

Staccato Openings Dickens’ book is the classic staccato; “It was the best of times. It
was the worst of times.” You may wish to play off of famous
sharp openers in your work (The best has passed; the worst of
times is upon us”).

Parodies A parody lead plays on the reader’s familiarity with any cultural
item (song lyrics, books, poems, etc.) to create an imaginative
lead. Recent troubles in the National Basketball Association with
record profits and brawls in the stands have generated several
articles that parody A Tale of Two Cities, e.g., “The Best and
Worst of Times for the NBA” and “It was the best of times until
the worst of fights between fans and players.”

Direct Quotes Especially in cases where you have a compelling quote from an
expert or public figure, using their words to lead your article
allows the reader to “get on the inside” of intimate details. “How
vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live”
said Thoreau (think about how that sentence made you feel; if
your article is on the topic of armchair research without real-
world application, this might make a great lead).

The Question This may be either a direct question to the reader (e.g., “Tired of
reading useless papers?”) or a question posed to the topic to
follow (such as “Where will the insanity of terrorism training take
us?) as a means of piquing their interest and compelling them to
read on.

The Contrast Lead This contrasts extremes, posing opposite thoughts or concepts in
the same sentence (“Despite the popular image of youth
perpetrated by movies and television shows such as “The OC,”
adolescent obesity is emerging as our number one health problem
in America”).

Although the lead is a relatively small part of the overall article, it may be the most
important sentence you will write. Your words fall short if not read; the lead hooks the
reader and allows your thoughts to enter their consciousness. Give it your best effort, and
the rest of the article may just flow from there.

19
 Lead and Introduction work page
Using page 15 of the Student Guidebook, choose at least two types of leads to use as
format guides for your work.

Write out your lead sentences (three sentences max) in each of the two forms:

1. Type __________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

2. Type __________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

Group input process

• Read your chosen lead sentences
• Each of your team members, in succession, states whet the lead means to them in
their own words what they might expect to know or be able to do at the end
• No crosstalk
• Cycle continued until all have read their lead and received input from all others

Team input from group discussion

1. ___________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

Keep at it; think about your first turn in the road – the transition
into the body of your article…

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 The Body of the Article
Generally, feature articles range from 1,500 to 2,000 words in length. The opening and
closing of the article should consume about 5-10 percent of that total, leaving 80-90
percent for the body of your text. The “classic” article will use subheadings to divide the
article into sections. This helps focus the reader’s attention and allows you to change
directions easily amongst the major areas of your research. The average number of
subheadings is four for an article of the length we are constructing. Using that formula,
your general word count would be:

Opening: 200 words

Subheading One: 400 words

Subheading Two: 400 words
Subheading Three: 400 words
Subheading Four: 400 words

Closing: 200 words

Total: 2,000 words

Certainly, this is a general guide only, and you can vary the lengths of particular sections
to best fit the theme and pace of your article. However you construct your article, though,
ensure you include a variety of information sources within each subheading (like an
expert quote, information attributed to an expert or published source, an anecdote or a
combination of these sources).2 For the purposes of Command College, your article
should be between 2,500-3,000 words, formatted in either Turabian, APA or MLA styles.

Constructing the body text

Remember, the quality of your writing will be the result of appropriate attention having
been given to the prewrite process and the momentum you have created with the
completion of your lead and opening paragraph.
• Think about your subject; consider reviewing your futures research, pulling out
themes, key words and topics to include in your article draft.

• Freewrite or cluster those themes and topics into and expanded prewrite; outline
your results if you want to enhance the linkage amongst the parts.

• Your topic and research may generate ideas about a working title- the nature of
the title may encourage you to write the article in a more scholarly tone, one that
irritates or challenges the reader, or even one that is more humorous in nature.

• Think about “chunking out” the subheadings and the pace of your article
2
Adapted from JJ DeSpain, “A Writer’s Guide to Getting Published,” Aletheia Publications, 2000

21
 • Your pre-write probably also gave you at least a head start on chunking out the
chapters (sub-headings) of your text. Please refer back to the article included with
this guide. Notice the four sub-heads, and how they help transition the reader’s
move from one section to the next. You may merely start a new paragraph when
transitioning to the next thought; however, a good sub-head title will help the
reader change gears with you.

For your work as a Command College participant, the body may emerge from the work
you have already completed. It is not as simple as synopsizing the four sections of your
futures research, but the findings may be a great platform from which to start. Absent
other considerations, you may consider:

• A themed opening that includes your question regarding the future

• An opening sub-head that sets the stage, discusses the background and history of
the issue, and why it is worth writing about

• A transition to a section that discusses constraints and opportunities, what focus

groups may think and related concepts

• A section that might look at what would happen if action isn’t taken (perhaps
looping back to the literature review and adding quotes or objective evidence to
support your view)

• A final section discussing how it would be done (strategic and transition planning)

• A conclusion of your choice; think about re-emphasizing the importance of the

issue, the dangers of not planning ahead, or the dire circumstances we would face
absent some affirmative action by the critical mass.

Some authors write out the subheadings (often from the grouping that emerged during the
outlining phase), then seek to link them to following sections; others choose to write from
front to back. In either case, the words will need to relate to one another as you move
from one paragraph to the next, from one section to the next. That is done through the use
of transitions.

22
 Your Conclusion
Just as the title, opening paragraph and body draw them in and keep them reading, the
conclusion is where you use one of seven general styles of endings to leave them either
satisfied & feeling rewarded or wanting to know more. An effective ending might offer a
surprise; it might be a source for reflection; it might prod the reader to take action. No
matter what style in which you elect to end your article, remember that people often
remember the first and last things they are told (or read). Use your words precisely and
strive to end strong. The seven general types of endings are:

Full circle endings The ending answers the questions you posed at the outset and ties
that tie into the up the story in a satisfactory manner
lead

Summary endings The summary ending is consistent with the philosophy of “tell
them what you’re going to tell them, tell them, then tell them
what you told them.” The summary restates the most relevant
points of the article

Quotes and Sometimes, you have a great quote from your research (or from
Quotations an expert source) that sums up your point neatly and with the
emphasis you want to give the reader. Endings that use impactful
quotes are often some of the most memorable

Finish your story You don’t want to leave the reader hanging. This is not a full
circle ending; it offers new hope or insight at the end

Direct endings Reinforce the main point of your article; consider the ending as a
short editorial on the body and its meaning

Give advice to the This allows you to give advice, insight or direction to the reader
reader as they conclude your article

The shocker This is more common in fiction; ends the story in a manner not
anticipated by the reader; disquiets them, possibly alerts them to
the road ahead (if you have a shocker, you might consider it for
your opening; if so, don’t shock them again at the end unless you
feel strongly it is the best way to convey your message)

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 FORMAT GUIDE FOR A QUALITY ARTICLE
Purpose: The purpose of your Command College Journal Article is to explore an
important topic that will affect the future of law enforcement operations or service. This
topic should be of interest you, relevant to law enforcement and offer solutions, ideas or
recommendations of how this topic can be addressed to capitalize on emerging trends or
mitigate potential adverse circumstances. This section is intended to provide a ready
reference to issues you must consider as you embark on the writing process.

I. Your Research – research should be thorough, substantial and diverse. Once

you have outlined a topic, begin to think of the most probable places you can
find information to provide the foundation and supportive arguments for it.
Think of this paper on the same level as one you would present in a Master’s
level course, and which is worthy for publication in Police Chief, the FBI Law
Enforcement Bulletin, Law and Order or other periodicals. The primary areas
to consider for work are:

A. UC/CSU libraries - California has some of the finest academic

institutions in the country; they will have both historical and
current data on any subject on file; you may use their resources
personally or via the Internet.

B. Newspapers – you can access most of them via the Internet.

C. FBI reports and publications – access either through Internet,

e-mail or telephone.

D. Magazine and Special Publications – relevant to your topic or o

otherwise

E. California or U.S. Department of Justice Libraries – numerous

reports issued on a variety of topics

F. CA P.O.S.T. – contact your friendly P.O.S.T. consultant or log

onto their web site to find a report; data that may currently be
under the review process or find a subject-matter-expert you can
contact for further information. P.O.S.T. representatives are
connected to numerous agencies, colleges, subject-matter experts
and instructors that can offer a variety of information for a topic.
The POST Library is also a great tool for your work.

G. In-person interviews – very effective, quick and insightful.

Don’t be afraid to contact a UC Professor, an attorney that has
expert knowledge of your topic area, a chief, sheriff or FBI
official, private vendors or a business leader. These contacts may

24
 also refer you to someone that would be important for your
research that you may not have thought about.

H. The Internet – The editor should not be able to find surprises or

other relevant knowledge from a keyword search on Google; you
should be the expert, and have collected the information and
understanding necessary to write a worthy article.
.
II. Cite Research – it is important to always reference information. You can
draw conclusions from research or your findings, but will want to develop a
foundation of expertise from which to state it. Note your references in all
instances (whenever you might use “According to experts…” or “many
say…” you will need to cite your source. In editing, you may find notations
such as cite ref or similar as an indication of the need to provide a foundation
for statements, conclusions or comments. Note- Wikipedia is not a vetted
source for citations.

III. Use your Focus Group (NGT) – you do not have to specifically state you
held an NGT, etc.; however, you should use the perspectives, opinions and
conclusions of the group and its members. When selecting your NGT panel,
ensure you seek out folks on both sides of an issue so the basis of your
research is balanced. NGT panelists also are a rich source of comments,
follow-up interviews and resources for finishing your work.

IV. Repeating Same Content – be careful to not repeat the same content from
one page to another (e.g., page two to page five) if there is no discernible
purpose. Make your points strongly, but only once except in closing when you
tie it all together.

V. Grammar – it may be necessary to brush up on the correct usage of commas,

semicolons, colons and paragraph delineation. Your specific grammar will
depend on the style within which you are writing (APA, Chicago, Turabian,
MLA); however, many grammar errors are common to many Command
College drafts. Use one of the guides; it is good for you and good practice
when you edit the work of others as a manager.

VI. Paragraph Flow – as you are writing and reviewing your first (or subsequent)
draft, double check that your paragraphs flow appropriately – that a thought
pattern is carefully connected from one paragraph to the next. It is important
to watch out for an end sentence of a paragraph that “floats” by itself and isn’t
attached to the rest of the thought/theme of the same paragraph or a suitable
connector to the one forthcoming.

VII. Sentence Structure – You are writing persuasively, so your sentences at

times are shorter and more direct. One of the most common mistakes is long,
wordy sentences that could be more succinct and still make the same point.

25
 (provide example) Also be sure sentences connect to a central thought per
paragraph.

VIII. Use a thesaurus and dictionary – don’t rely on the computer (“their” and
“there” will both spell-check as correct, etc.). Both of these handy-dandy
books are quite useful, even for the most skilled writer.

IX. Paper Style: Opening & Closing – The opening should definitely hook the
reader. Think of an interesting story or scenario that ties into your topic that
would want the reader to stay interested and intrigued. If you are creative and
provocative, more than likely you will be more persuasive, but most of all,
have great fun and learn more than you thought possible. Your closing should
also hook them to keep thinking about what they just read. Be memorable.

X. Commit to Getting Published – Write this paper with the idea that you will
get it published in a relevant magazine – Police Chief, Western City etc. This
will aid you with all the above components, and motivate you to go the extra
mile for a final outstanding article. Take a look at articles in your target
publication to get a better sense of the flow of their articles.

XI. Don’t Procrastinate – You will be given the same level of attention as all
others, even if you submit late. Generally, expect 3-4 edits, which can involve
greater research and writing, and perhaps a major re-write. It behooves you to
consider early your topic, write an outline and start the research immediately.

XII. The Structure of an Article – Your article will generally follow a format of;
opening sentence (or paragraph) followed by your thesis paragraph. Body
paragraphs will follow to expand, provide pros and cons, add depth, and to
introduce and resolve any sub-issues. You will conclude with a conclusion
section, usually 2-3 paragraphs at maximum. The challenges many writers
face is to establish a clear thesis (why are you writing the article) and then
staying focused on the thesis while avoiding the temptation to add filler,
interesting but irrelevant information or to “off-road” into unrelated territory.
We’re not looking for raw length of text, nor is it a “popular” article like an
editorial. The article is the culmination of your research, and should reflect the
effort put forth in Command College.

Hints for Writers

Pre-writing
Please take the time to outline, prewrite or think through what you might want to say.
You have your topic statement from Command College that prompted your research.
This is different, and now displays your knowledge and understanding of the subject. Use
the back of a business card; write what your article is about in 20 words or less on the

26
back- when you can clearly write what your article’s topic and position is in those few
words, you are ready to begin.

Your prewriting can take any form you may choose. It often starts with your topic in the
center of a page, with 3-4 areas around the central theme for your sub-themes. Use this
template as a starting point and you will save hours of writing time (and perhaps starting
over) when you do write.

The thesis paragraph

Once you have your stunning opening, and have grabbed the reader, you will want to do a
thesis paragraph. The opening can be the first part of that paragraph, or stand apart from
it. Classically, a thesis paragraph has three parts:
• A sentence or two to relay background information that is clearly related to the
topic, and which “sets the stage” for the thesis.
• Sentences (no more than 3-4 max) to explain your motive for writing the article
and showing how it might relate to the discourse on the theme
• The thesis statement, which makes your novel claim or statement to the subject.
This is the core of “why” you are writing, and is the central point to all that
follows.

Body paragraphs
Body paragraphs develop your argument (thesis) further, providing the data, evidence,
statements, conclusions of others and anything else relevant to the support of your thesis.
They should generally be formatted as follows:
• They start with a topic sentence. Each paragraph should be concerned with one
topic (thought), and not meander from one thought to another (don’t cross the
streams). The topic sentence develops your thesis, introducing new information
that may either confirm, add depth or complicate your argument (like opposing
opinions, etc.)
• Next come the analysis sentences. These clarify, add specifics, quote experts, and
provide data and statistics. They should explain why the topic sentence supports
your argument and flow in a logical order
• The last sentence in a paragraph concludes the thought and provides a transition
point to the next thought (the next paragraph). It might give the reader a greater
understanding of the significance of that thought. In any case, it is your segue to
the next paragraph, and seeks to avoid any “sudden stops” to disrupt the flow of
the article.

Concluding paragraphs
Your conclusion should:
• Not introduce anything new to the content of the article
• Focus on motivating the reader to consider your thesis
• Encourage the reader to continue the discussion on your topic
• Be in one of the styles noted in the student guidebook
• Not be more than 2-3 paragraphs maximum

27
 General Grammar tips
• Don’t start sentences or paragraphs with the word “however”
• Avoid using “that” in almost all instances – it is a demonstrative adjective
specifying a noun (thought you’d like to know) such as “that chair” or similar.
Remove it where you are tempted to use it unless the deletion changes the
meaning of the phrase
• Do not use the phrase “in order…” and start the sentence with the inevitable next
word of “To…”
• Vary your use of the term “law enforcement.” Consider using “policing,” “public
safety,” “officers and deputies” or similar language. It helps the reader avoid
fatigue from seeing the same term countless times. Also, “law enforcement” is not
capitalized (nor is policing)
• Use commas intelligently; avoid sprinkling them in. The comma is to create a
conversation; use it for small pauses and slight changes in sentence parts. Don’t
use it before the last item in a series in most instances (before that last “and”)
• Use semi-colons to join independent clauses without using a conjunction (and, if,
or, and but). You also use a semi-colon before however, though, etc., if the part
before the semi colon could have stood without support as a complete sentence.
• Do not use the “%” symbol. Spell out “percent” in all instances
• Spell out all numbers under eleven
• Use active tense- when you spell check, and it tells you a phrase is passive tense,
please take notice. Active tense is clearer, uses less words and assigns ownership
to actions (you want all your police reports to be active tense, also)
• An average sentence is about seven words; the average paragraph is about 5-7
sentences. Try to avoid running on in either instance

Format
Many who embark on this phase of the course do not necessarily share in the wealth of
expertise regarding the use of automated programs to create text (e.g., it’s just a big, fast
typewrite with a nice screen). Since adults dislike disclosing things they don’t know, I
sometimes receive drafts with very interesting formatting. To help avoid some of the
more common errors, please do your best to follow these guidelines:
• Please write your text in Times New Roman font (normal text). You’ll see the
font type and style on the toolbar near the top of the screen
• Please use 12 point font for normal text with normal spacing and indentations- I
count the words written as a general guide, and not the number of pages
• Please “align left” the text (on MS Word, the far left icon for the 4 options)
• Double-spaced text is best for editing and clarity. If you are uncertain how to
double-space, you may either send the first draft single spaced and I’ll do it for
you, or use the commands in the “format” toolbar command to format double
spacing
• For footnotes and endnotes (in Turabian or Chicago styles), you may do that
automatically under the “Insert” toolbar category (scroll down to “reference” and
you will see a drop down box for “footnote.” You will click on that and it will
create one for you, and then automatically number and renumber the footnotes as

28
 you move along). If you are unsure how to do this, just place succeeding numbers
in parentheses in the text and construct the endnotes manually. If you have any
questions, ask
• Follow APA, Turabian or Chicago guidelines for headings and subheadings.
Identify your style and stick with it; please work not to mix styles

Length of article
The article will be about 2,500 words in length in its final form. It will be no shorter than
2,000 words, and no longer than 3,000 words. Please use your “tools” function to check
words (excluding titles and references). It is easier to cut text than to add it, though, so err
on the side of putting things in, and then trimming them out, rather than focusing solely
on the mark.

Sparkcharts
If you want to pick up a great quickguide for writing, grammar and composition, go to
Barnes and Noble (in person or on-line) and look for “Sparkcharts.” They are ready
reference guides for almost anything, and the ones for English Grammar, English
Composition and Essays and Term Papers are excellent resources. If you go in person,
they are usually in a rack near the books on writing and reference sections. You can
quickly see what you might want to do re: creating a paragraph, suing punctuation, etc.,
and also use them for your real work back at the job. They are about five dollars each,
and well worth the expense.

Conclusion
You are in a conversation with your reader, and want to carry your end of the bargain to
the best of your ability. Please use friends, spouses or peers to read your drafts and listen
to their thoughts. Make what you write memorable, and be clear about what you mean
and what you want the reader to consider. The skills you will exercise in this process can
be readily transferred to any form of persuasive writing you might do at work (staff
reports, budget requests, grant applications, editorials, speeches, even internal memos
where you want to engage the reader and not just provide information).

29
 Tips for Good Organization
1. Spend time on a good lead – This is how you hook your reader; you get about
three seconds to do it

2. Have a center – Like the hub of a wheel, this is your focus. Your support ideas
revolve around it like the spokes of a wheel

3. Gather information in chunks – Put things together that go together. Get rid of
filler – anything you don’t need, or which does not relate to the thesis and center of your
topic.

4. Try to see patterns and designs – Find a good match between the kind of
writing you are doing and the way you structure your information.

5. Make connections clear – Every time you write a sentence-every single time-you
need to ask yourself, “What does this have to do with the main point I am making or the
story I am telling?” It is OK to surprise your reader with new or unexpected information-
but make each connection clear to them.

6. End with flair – Weak ending disappoint the reader. Good endings raise
questions, show new insight, leave the reader with a startling imagination or surprise or
suggest a new story to come. End strong to reinforce your thesis and purpose.

My Command College Class graduates the week of: _______

My journal article must be in the editing process by: _______

I must have my article completed & approved by: _______

“One rule of the road not stated elsewhere in this book: ‘The editor is always
right.’ The corollary is that no writer will take all of his or her editor’s
advice; for all have sinned and fallen short of editorial perfection.”
Stephen King, “On Writing”

30
 Transitions
Transitional words and phrases can create powerful
links between ideas in your article and can help the
reader understand the logic of your prose. It is
sometimes difficult to ensure the reader has a clear
meaning of specific words. Since many words have
different meanings, nuances and connotations, the best
way to ensure clarity in your writing is to effectively
transition from one paragraph to the next, and from a
subheading to the one that follows.

Repetition of key words and phrases links sentences and paragraphs. Further, the
structure of sentences can enhance the relationship between and amongst sentences in
your article (even the pattern of your writing and specific usage of grammar will help the
reader gain insight into your meaning). They bridge the parts of your article, and help the
reader interpret what you want them to know.

As you build your article, remain mindful of writing sentences that take the reader from
familiar or old knowledge to new things, then link sentences in a coherent fashion into
your paragraph. Your paragraphs then link with strong transitional words and phrases.

As you construct your paragraphs, remember that each paragraph should concern itself
with a single overarching thought or focus. Don’t let your paragraph move from one
thought to another (good sign it’s time to start a new one) or fuzz out midway through the
thought. Think of the paragraph as a series of sentences building on that one topic, and
ensure you have the appropriate singularity of thought, good coherence from one
sentence to the next, a primary topic sentence (usually near the start of the paragraph, but
not always), and that you flesh out the thought fully before moving on. If you have two
or three short paragraphs, see if they are actually part of one larger thought heading and
join them together

While constructing your sentences, then linking together your paragraphs, common
words used as transitions are:

Type of transition Examples

Addition
furthermore moreover too
also in the second place again
in addition even more next
further last, lastly finally
besides and, or, nor
first second, secondly, etc.

31
Time
while immediately never
after later, earlier always
when soon whenever
meanwhile sometimes in the meantime
during afterwards now, until now
next following once
then at length simultaneously
so far this time subsequently

Place
here beyond adjacent to
there wherever neighboring on
nearby opposite to above, below

Exemplification or
to illustrate as an illustration
Illustration
to demonstrate e.g., (for example)
specifically for example
for instance

Comparison
in the same way in like manner
by the same token likewise
similarly in similar fashion

Contrast
yet on the contrary but
and yet in contrast however
nevertheless notwithstanding though
nonetheless on the other hand otherwise
after all at the same time

Clarification
that is to say to clarify
in other words to rephrase it
to explain to put it another way
i.e., (that is)

Cause
because on account of
since for that reason

Effect
therefore thus
consequently hence
accordingly as a result

Purpose
in order that to that end, to this end
so that for this purpose

Qualification
almost perhaps never
nearly maybe always
probably although frequently

32
Intensification
indeed undoubtedly doubtedly
to repeat in fact certainly
by all means surely without doubt
of course in fact yes, no

Concession
to be sure granted of course, it is true

Summary
to summarize in short in brief
in sum in summary to sum up

Conclusion
in conclusion to conclude finally

Demonstratives
this these
acting as
those that
transitions

Pronouns serving
his her it
as links to clearly
its they their
refer to a specific
theirs our your
word or phrase

(reprinted with permission from University of Wisconsin Writing Center)

33
 Clear, Concise and Direct Sentences
OK, it’s time for your English lesson. As compelling as you topic is, you want the reader
to gain a clear understanding of it without being distracted by poor grammar, confusing
words or sentences that may obfuscate understanding through inflated and conflated
prose (translated: sentences that may cloud their understanding).

One of the better sites to enhance your writing skills is from the University of Wisconsin
(www.wisc.edu/writing). Their site includes a full writer’s handbook, several sections of
which are reprinted in this guide with their permission. The style guide is replete with tips
and examples to help you:
• Move from passive to active voice
• Trim your prose
• Improve the clarity of your words, and
• Construct sentences that are direct yet interesting to read.

Please refer to this site (and others you may find, such as Kansas University’s Writing
Center at www.writing.ku.org) and the Online Writing Lab at Purdue University
(http://owl.englishpurdue.edu) for a broad spectrum of learning aids to assist in any phase
of your article development. The tips listed in this section are by no means
comprehensive; however, they will help you avoid the more glaring errors in your draft
text and allow you to start burnishing the sentences into your finished product.

Use the Active Voice

At the heart of every good sentence is a strong, precise verb; the converse is true as well
– at the core of most confusing, awkward, wordy sentences lies a weak verb. Try to use
the active voice whenever possible.

• Active Voice: Subject of the sentence does the action

• Passive Voice: Subject receives the action

Active Voice Passive Voice

The candidate believes that Congress must It is believed by the candidate that a ceiling
place a ceiling on the budget must be placed on the budget by Congress
Researchers earlier showed that high stress It was earlier demonstrated that heart
can cause heart attacks attacks can be caused by high stress

The dog bit the man The man was bitten by the dog

34
Converting sentences to the active voice

• Look for “by” phrases (e.g., “by the dog” in the last example above). If you find
one, the sentence may be in the passive voice. Rewrite the sentence so the subject
buried in the “by” clause is closer to the beginning of the sentence.

• If the subject of the sentence is somewhat anonymous, see if you can use a
general term such as “researchers” or “the study” or “experts in this field.”

When to Use the Passive Voice

There are sometimes good reasons to use the passive voice

Use the passive voice… Example

After a long debate, the proposal was
To emphasize the action rather than the
endorsed by the long-range planning
actor
committee.
The data processing department recently
To keep the subject and focus consistent presented what proved to be a controversial
throughout a passage proposal to expand its staff. After a long
debate, the proposal was endorsed by…
The procedures were somehow
To be tactful in not naming the actor
misinterpreted.
To describe a condition in which the Every year, thousands of people are
actor is unknown or unimportant diagnosed as having cancer.
To create an authoritative tone Visitors are not allowed after 9:00 p.m.

Put Action Into the Verb

Put all the action of a sentence into the verb. Don’t bury the action in a noun or blur it
across the entire sentence.

Good: The committee has to approach it differently.

Bad: The establishment of a different approach on the part of the committee has become
a necessity.

Beware of nominalizations

Watch out especially for nominalizations (verbs that have been made into nouns by the
addition of –tion).

35
 Nominalization How to fix it
An evaluation of the procedures needs to
We need to evaluate the procedures.
be done.
The procedures need to be evaluated. We need to evaluate the procedures.
The stability and quality of our financial
We will improve our financial performance
performance will be developed through the
by not only executing our existing business
profitable execution of our existing
more profitably but by acquiring or
business, as well as the acquisition or
developing new businesses.
development of the new business.

Reduce Wordy Phrases

Make sentences concise by eliminating wordy phrases

Wordy sentence Concise sentence

In a situation in which a class is
When a class is overenrolled, you may ask
overenrolled, you may request that the
the instructor to force-add you.
instructor force-add you.
I will now make a few observations I will now make a few observations about
concerning the matter of contingency funds contingency funds
You must inspect all welds more carefully.
There is a need for more careful inspection
(or)
of all welds.
Inspect all welds more carefully.

Here are some words you can use to trim the fat off of wordy phrases

Prior to
In anticipation of
Subsequent to
Before, after, as
Following on
At the same time as
Simultaneously with

For the reason that

Due to the fact that
The reason for
Owing to the fact that Because, since, why
In light of the fact that
Considering the fact that
On the grounds that

36
Despite the fact that
Regardless of the fact that Although, even, though
Notwithstanding the fact that

In the event that

If it should transpire/happen that If
Under circumstances in which

On the occasion of
In a situation in which When
Under circumstances in which

As regards
In reference to
With regard to About
Concerning the matter of
Where…is concerned

It is crucial that
It is necessary that
There is a need/necessity for
Must, should
It is important that
It is incumbent upon
Cannot be avoided

Is able to
Has the opportunity to
Is in a position to Can
Has the capacity for
Has the ability to
It is possible that
There is a chance that
May, might, can, could
It could happen that
The possibility exists for

Reduce Wordy Verbs

Try to keep the action of a sentence clear by using concise, direct verbs.

• Instead of “is aware of” or “has knowledge of,” use knows.

• Instead of “is taking,” use takes.
• Instead of “are indications of,” use indicates.
• Instead of “are suggestive of,” use suggest.

37
Reduce Unnecessary Prepositional Phrases

Sometimes prepositional phrases aren’t really necessary, especially when you use them
(instead of apostrophe + s) to denote possession of an object.

Also, try to avoid using too many prepositional phrases in a single sentence, since they
can obscure the main subject and action of a sentence.

Unnecessary prepositional phrases How to fix them

The opinion of the manager The manager’s opinion
The obvious effect of such a range of The wide-ranging references in this talk
reference is to assure the audience of the assure the audience that the author is
author’s range of learning and intellect. intelligent and well-read.
It is a matter of the gravest possible
importance to the health of anyone with a
history of a problem with disease of the Anyone with a history of heart disease
heart that he or she should avoid the sort of should avoid saturated fat.
foods with a high percentage of saturated
fats.

Reduce Expletive Constructions

Expletive constructions are phrases such as:

• It is
• There is
• There are

Try to avoid using them, since these constructions merely obscure the main subject and
action of a sentence.

Examples…

Expletive constructions How to fix them

It was her last argument that finally
Her last argument finally persuaded me.
persuaded me.
There are likely to be many researchers Many researchers are likely to raise
raising questions about this methodological questions about this methodological
approach approach.
It is inevitable that oil prices will rise. Oil prices will inevitably rise.

38
Avoid Using Vague Nouns

Try to avoid using the following all-purpose nouns, which sometimes lead to wordiness,
especially when used in prepositional phrases:

• Factor
• Aspect
• Area
• Situation
• Consideration
• Degree
• Case

Examples…

Vague nouns How to fix them

Consumer demand is rising in the area of
Consumers are demanding more service.
service.

Strong reading skills are an important Students’ success in college depends on

factor in students’ success in college. their reading skills.
Photography took on new aspects during The Civil War saw the advent of graphic
the Civil War. battlefield photography.

Avoid Unnecessarily Inflated Words

While a large vocabulary is useful and often impressive, you should try to avoid using
inflated diction if a simpler phrase works equally well.

Examples…

Instead of… Use…

Cognizant of Aware of, knows
Facilitate Help
Impact on Affect
Implement Start, create, carry out, begin
Subsequent to After
Utilize Use

39
Avoid Noun Strings

Unless readers are familiar with your terminology or jargon, avoid using phrases with
many consecutive nouns (noun strings).

Examples…

Noun strings How to fix them

MHS has a hospital employee relations MHS has a program to improve relations
improvement program among employees.
NASA continues to work on the
NASA is still developing the module that
International Space Station astronaut
will provide living quarters for astronauts
living-quarters module development
aboard the International Space Station.
project.

40
 Writing clearly – what do the
following mean?
Example One
When it comes to learning the sport of golf, it is good to keep in mind that there are
simply no shortcuts and that therefore some amount of practice with golf equipment of
varying uses is essential to lower your score and handicap.

Example Two
Public entity funding, considered as an aspect of the modern general economy, is subject
to a myriad of influences. Fortunately, beyond their context, many of these elements are
moderated in the totality of municipal or county budgets and never rise to the level of
suggesting meaningful impact to the behavior of public agencies

Example Three
The mechanism of adjusting assessed value at time of ownership change also impacts the
manner in which market fluctuations are reflected in available tax revenue. Increases or
decreases are not manifested until enough properties have changed owners for the
collective assessed value of property to reflect the market change. This shifting in
assessment is enhanced by the conveyance of properties with high levels of equity that
have not experienced an adjustment for a prolonged period of time.

Example Four
It may be in your objective interests to know that we are in the process of developing a
conjoint analysis/evaluation comprising the process by which the police department will
develop its budget during a period of stagnation or impending decline. Conjoint analysis
is best understood through analogy to the critical techniques employed by marketing
firms to develop products whose salient characteristics are in compliance with the
primary market member’s needs. Key to this process is the assembly of a voluntary
committee whose expertise can be counted upon to facilitate development of a viable
decision-making model. We would like you to consider some level of participation in an
active sense.

41
 Punctuation
Punctuate the following letter so that it makes sense:

Dear John

I want a man who knows what love is all about you are

generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit

to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other

men I yearn for you I have no feelings whatsoever when we

are apart I can be forever happy will you let me be yours

Gloria

For a full guide to the rules of grammar, go to:

OWL’s
Purdue University’s On-Line Writing Lab:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/

UC Berkeley Library style guide:

http://www.lib.berkeley.edu/TeachingLib/Guides/Citations.html

Kansas University’s Writing Center

http://www.writing.ku.edu/students/guides.shtml

University of Wisconsin-Madison Writing Center

http://www.wisc.edu/writing/Handbook/index.html

42
 Style Guide & Citing Reference
Sources
OK, let’s take a few moments to talk about style (not
yours; I’ll take for granted you have style…). Your article
will be written according to the style guideline you
choose, or which is chosen for you by the editor of the
publication to which you will submit your draft. Each
major style has its advantages and disadvantages; as you
will see, there are specific preferences by certain
industries. Remember, the words are what are important.
Focus on crisp, concise and interesting prose, then worry
about the nuances of style and citing reference sources.

Take a look at the brief description of each style. You may recognize one or more from
previous work in school or other articles you have written. If you wish, scan a magazine
you are considering to get a feel for the style of writing (content and grammar) as well as
the style guide they are following. Don’t get too hung up on liking one versus another. If
you are having difficulty choosing, try one on for size, then change if you find it clunky
or difficult when dealing with your subject matter. The choices you have are:

Turabian Kate Turabian developed the Turabian guide as a job aid for
students writing theses and dissertations. She derived her guide
from the larger (and much more precise) Chicago Manual of
Style, which is used primarily for writers of books. The Turabian
style is less academic and a bit more conversational, which lends
itself well to popular articles and for writing to a broader
audience. You can readily see Turabian style in use for any piece
where you see footnotes or endnotes. The flow is not interrupted
as much, and information is available for those who want to see
the referred source and other relevant information.

If you are planning to submit to an academic publication, or a

journal that is research-oriented, you may not want to use this
style. On the other hand, if you are writing for one of the many
popular professional magazines or other periodicals with a wide
readership, this style may be for you.

APA The American Psychological Association (APA) style guide is

used as the primary style and cite reference guide for scholarly
papers, articles in university publications, research papers and
other peer-reviewed publications. You can quickly discern the use

43
 of APA if the cite reference is parenthetically in the body of the
narrative, e.g., “According to Harrison (1993)…” or, “Studies
show Command College students experience significant duress
when considering writing a 3,000 word article (Harrison, 1993).”

If you are writing an article that will rely heavily on your

objective data, results of the NGT, etc., or are submitting it to a
periodical published by a university (such as those from the
various criminal justice programs) or government institution, this
may be your preferred style.

MLA The Modern Language Association style is a blend of

Chicago/Turabian and APA. It emphasizes parenthetical
annotation in the body of your narrative, but allows for and
encourages footnoting when desired and appropriate. The MLA
style is used primarily in academic settings, and is an acceptable
alternate to APA for theses and dissertations.

CBE The CBE style guide is used in the scientific community for
published research. It would be a rare Command College article
that would be eligible for publication in a hard science journal;
however, you should be aware of the style in case you see it as an
alternative reference for style.

There are a number of excellent web sites (many of which have been previously cited in
this guide) that will provide assistance with the specifics of grammar, punctuation, style
and citing references (in text and in your bibliography/works cited page); therefore, we
will not spend time here showing examples. Three texts can assist you with this
endeavor;
• A Turabian Style Guide; or,
• The Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association (current
version; and,
• Strunk & White’s Elements of Style

Turabian is a good fall-back for you to become more familiar with style, punctuation and
grammar, and would be appropriate for an article submitted to many of the more popular
public safety periodicals. The Elements of Style is a short and readable style guide that
will help polish your prose and create a narrative that is both interesting and concise.

All right, now. Back to business…

44
 Visual Support to Your Article
Your article’s prospects of being published go up
(sometimes dramatically) when you include appropriate
photos, charts, graphs or other similar visuals for
inclusion with the article text. Pictures truly are worth a
thousand words, with the caveat that poor visuals are just
as boring or problematic as a thousand words on an
irrelevant topic.

Consider taking photos yourself (or soliciting the help of a friend, co-worker or loved
one) to enhance the article’s appeal. Your best format would be to capture the image
digitally and submit it as is. If you have a photo taken the old fashioned way (with film),
that can still be scanned, saved and transmitted. Graphs, charts and other tables should be
included in the text of the submission unless you wish to save them in separate files and
note your suggestions for placement (editors invariably place them where they best fit
with the final format of the article in print).

Absent access to a camera, you may wish to scan the Internet (Google images has
countless photo samples3) for visuals that would fit well with your article.

Submission Guidelines
Every periodical has its own submission guidelines. Many place a box in each edition
advising prospective authors of their guidelines (along with a submission schedule);
others rely on you to know the style, length and other requirements when you submit. If
you are considering a magazine that does not publish their submission guidelines, you
should:

• Locate the editor’s name, or general e-mail address to the editorial

department
• Send an e-mail asking for the guidelines
• If you cannot locate the e-mail address, contact them telephonically if an
Internet search fails to uncover the information

Some magazines and other periodicals require you to submit a “pitch” letter prior to
sending the full article draft. If you wish to pursue a periodical that requires this, the letter
should convey the topic, why it would be of interest to their readers, and any other
information you think would be relevant to their consideration. Remember, just as you
are trying to “sell” your intended audience once the article is published, you first need to

3
Many images on Google are copyrighted; get permission or use your own images

45
sell the person who will decide to put it there in the first place. Don’t be reluctant to tell
them how great the article is, and how much their readers will enjoy it and learn from it.

46
 Submitting your article
The listed periodicals are those found in the CA POST Library. They represent a broad
cross-section of magazines and other publications possibly suited for article submissions.
The prospective author should review a copy of any considered possibilities for
submission; ensuring the article conforms to the topic, length and writing style required
by the periodical. Many will be found on the web; others may be perused at POST or
local libraries.

Periodicals to consider
911 magazine Employee relations law journal
American journal of police Ethics roll call
Aslet journal FBI law enforcement bulletin
Backup Field training quarterly
Big ideas for smaller departments Futures research quarterly
Calea update Futurist
Ca journal of le Gazette
Ca law enforcement Governing
Ca management review Government executive
Ca peace officer Government technology
Ca police recorder Growth strategies
Ca sheriff Harvard business journal
Callbox Homeland defense journal
Campus law enforcement journal Homeland first response
Campus safety journal Homeland protection professional
Campus safety magazine Hospital school university campus safety
Chief of police HR focus
Community college journal HR magazine
Community policing exchange IACP concepts and issues paper
Counterterrorism homeland security IACP training keys
report IADLEST newsletter
Counterterrorism security Innovation exchange
Cpoa training bulletin International journal of selection and
Crime and delinquency assessment
Crime justice international Johns Hopkins center for gun policy and
Crime mapping news research
Criminology Journal of ca law enforcement
Defensive tactics newsletter Journal of contemporary criminal justice
Dispatch monthly magazine Journal of criminal justice
Drug intelligence brief Journal of criminal justice education
Educational researcher Journal of criminal law and criminology
Educational technology Journal of educational measurement
Educational technology research and Journal of interactive instruction
development development
Emergency medical services Journal of physical security

47
Journal of police and criminal PORAC news
psychology Public administration review
Journal of police science and Public personnel management
administration Reading research quarterly
Journal of strength and conditioning Research and teaching in developmental
research education
Justice and public safety Search and seizure law report
Justice quarterly Security
Justice research and police Security management
Juvenile justice Sheriff
Law and order Strength and conditioning
Law enforcement legal defense manual Studies in conflict and terrorism
Law enforcement quarterly Supervision
Law enforcement technology Training
Law enforcement tomorrow Training and development
Law enforcement trainer Training and development journal
Law officer magazine Training research journal
Law officer’s bulletin Western city
Leader to leader Western criminology review
Management review Women police
Mobile government Workforce
Nafto news Workforce management
National institute of justice journal, et al World futures society bulletin
OJJDP juvenile justice bulletins, et al The Futurist
Organizational dynamics
Peace officer law report
Performance improvement
Performance improvement quarterly
Personnel
Personnel administrator
Personnel journal
Police
Police chief
Police journal
Police magazine
Police marksman
Police practice and research
Police product news
Police quarterly
Police studies
Police technology and management
Police the law enforcement magazine
Police the law officer’s magazine
Policing, an international journal of
police
Policy review

48
 Conclusion
By the time you complete the training block in Command College, you should have a general
idea of what it takes to write an interesting and informative article for publication. By the
time you sit down to write it, you will have inevitably lost a little of the learning during the
lapse in time. This guidebook is intended to provide you with “just in time” help.

If you are an experienced writer, this guidebook can serve as a refresher or validating tool to
measure the structure of your prose with that of established best practice. If you are a novice
author, the steps herein will take the worry away about “what should I do next…” and
refocus it on creating words, sentences and paragraphs that flow well and will be read with
interest. Feel free to refer to this guidebook as often or as little as you are comfortable; re-
reading a particular section or moving back and forth amongst the topics as the need arises is
perfectly OK.

Nothing in this guidebook will replace the need for you to conduct sound research and use
your creativity to write an article that will add to the body of knowledge in our profession. At
the same time, even the best thoughts go unheeded if not in a form that is either acceptable or
accessible to others with common interests. The challenge is yours; the goal, once achieved,
will be worth it.

Good luck!

Writing Your Command College Article

March 2009 V2.0
 Grading Rubric for Authoring the
Command College Article
Components Unacceptable Good Excellent
Prewriting of the Little or no Used at least one Used one or more
article was prewriting; method; generally styles; prewrite
completed using one unrelated to topic or adequate but related to and
of three learned subsequent text incomplete or transferred to the
styles inadequate to write article in a smooth
narrative and seamless
fashion
A working title was No title or one that Title using one of Title intrigues and
developed using one is unrelated to the ten approved styles;encourages the
of ten learned styles topic not as compelling asreader to read
needed, adequate further; uses one of
relationship to bodyten approved styles;
of text excellent
relationship with
opening and body of
text
A lead paragraph No or inadequate Adequate opening Compelling opening
concisely presents lead; poor nexus to paragraph; relates to paragraph; grabs
the topic in an body of article; the title and body of reader’s interest &
interesting manner uninteresting to the the article; poses encourages further
reader question or posits reading; compels
position adequately further reading
Body of article, Poor transitions Adequate transition Clear transitions
including effective amongst paragraphs; from lead to body from lead to body;
transitions, sub- poor or missing sub- text; formed at least clear and interesting
headings and headings; flow three subheadings transitions; used at
narrative flow choppy, illogical or with good flow from least four sub-
out of sequence one to another headings with
interesting titling
and clear separation
The conclusion of Conclusion unclear, Adequate Strong conclusion;
the article answers inadequate or conclusion; reader reaffirms body text,
questions posed or missing; no or little can discern the poses appropriate
posits possible effort to conclude author’s intent; questions, compels
futures thoughts of text adequate emphasis the reader to think
to provoke further further once
thought or reading finished reading
on the general topic

Writing Your Command College Article

March 2009 V2.0
References were Little or no Most references All references cited
cited according to reference citing in cited appropriate correctly and clearly
either APA or text; poor, missing and in the correct in text, references
Turabian guides or inaccurate cite format cited according to
references in guide in endnotes or
endnotes or bibliography
bibliography

Writing Your Command College Article

March 2009 V2.0
The Author

Bob Harrison is a consultant working primarily in leadership

development, communications skills and instructor development
training and mentoring. His primary contract at this time is to
serve as the Course Manager for the CA POST Command
College. He has taught at every level of police training from the
basic academy to current work with the CA POST Command
College. Bob served more than 30 years as a peace officer,
completing his career in 2004 as a Chief of Police.

Bob holds a Master of Science Degree in management from the

California State Polytechnic University, Pomona, and a second Master of Science Degree in
human resource management and development from Chapman College. He has also
completed significant coursework toward his Educational Doctorate Degree from the
University of San Diego. He was the 1993 Fulbright Fellow in Police Studies to the United
Kingdom. From 2004-2006, Bob was a Management Fellow with CA POST, managing the
development and delivery of training for academy instructors in their transition to active,
learner-focused adult learning models of delivery.

Bob has been a speaker at local, state and national conferences, and is extensively published
in police periodicals. He is the author of Writing your Command College Article and the
primary author of POST’s Instructor's Guide to Learning Activities, both published in 2005.
He was also a contributor to POST’s Becoming an Exemplary Peace Officer published by the
Josephson Institute of Ethics. Most recently, his work appeared in the October 2007 issue of
Police Chief Magazine in the article Gamers, Millennials and Generation Next: Implications
for Policing. In February 2008, he was a featured speaker at the California Police Chief’s
Annual Conference on the topic of game technology and its influence on the emerging
workforce. In 2009, his article dealing with the way the brain’s processes influence a peace
officer’s perception and reactions in life-and-death situations will be published in the
National Tactical Officer’s Association Tactical Edge magazine.

Bob graduated with Class 15 of the Command College, and remained involved as a program
mentor for several years. He was also the keynote speaker at the graduation ceremonies of
two classes in 2001 and 2002. Since Class 37, he has been the course trainer for written skills
and managing the completion of the journal article by students. He has served as the Course
Manager since Class 42 in 2008. Bob is a member of the Command College Alumni
Association, the Society of Police Futurists International and the World Futures Society.

Bob Harrison
ER Harrison & Associates, Inc.
[email protected]
619-948-3638

Writing Your Command College Article

March 2009 V2.0