If there is a word that has described me as an individual, it is “learner.

” Since childhood, I

always loved school simply for the mere fact that I would learn new things that I could not learn

at home. Thus, I chose my higher education to take place in an environment that revolved around

learning by going to a residential college to better invests myself in academics. In retrospect of

my four years as an undergraduate student, there were many dynamic instances that nurtured my

development as a college student and as a whole person. However, as I mentioned before, the

purpose of my time in college was to expand my intellectual capabilities, and I did so through the

theoretical foundation I received in the classroom and the experiential learning I gained outside

of the classroom.

The experiential learning I gained was unexpected, but ultimately had the most impact in

my development, thus Kolb’s Theory of Experiential Learning is the basis of this

autobiographical analysis of my progression in college. Intertwined within this theory was my

development of identity, most significantly my racial and ethnic identity. I use Ferdman and

Gallegos Model of Latino Identity Development in conjunction with Rowe, Bennett, and

Atkinson’s White Racial Consciousness Model to explain the juxtaposition that exists in the way

that I identify. In order to explain these theories, I have divided each of the adaptive mode of

learning into my four years as an undergraduate student and explore some of the most intimate

thought processes I endured in that time period.

Freshman Year - Concrete Experience

Kolb’s theory consists of four adaptive modes that work in a cyclic manner, meaning that

each ability provides a foundation for the succeeding one (Evans et al, p. 138). The four stages

represent my fours year in college, in which each year, there was an emphasized development
within a single stage. My freshman year of college coincides with the development of my

concrete experience a​ bility. It was my first year living alone in the United States, separated from

my family, and experiencing college for the first time. By living in the residence hall of the

college, I was automatically instilled in the campus culture, trying to become involved in clubs

and extracurricular activities related to my majors. I entered my first year as a double major in

Psychology and Dance, and I wanted to be involved in everything so that I could absorb the

“college experience” I had learned so much about by watching television and hearing stories

from older students.

This was the specialization stage of my development, where my my affective complexity

was increasing as I began to explore new facets within myself through the interaction of my

surroundings. I discovered during this period that I struggled with mental health issues, such as

an eating disorder and high functioning anxiety, with depressive states selectively triggered.

Once these characteristics were brought to my attention, I had to explore ways to manage these

emotions whilst succeeding socially and academically. I discovered that being extremely

challenged in activities was a good distraction for a short period of time, that would allow me to

observe my experiences and decide whether my environment was helping me succeed in this

stage.

Sophomore Year - Reflective Observation

Sophomore year I decided to stay a semester in my institution and reflect upon my past

experiences and compare them with what I was going through. At this point, I was ready to move

on and strengthen my ​reflective observation​ stage, already having lived through a year in college,

a concrete experience. I delved deeper into my psychology major and found myself taking a
challenging course titled Relational Psychology, in which its purpose was to explore the

ramifications of the psychology of human relationships via connection and development as a

community, rather than as separate beings. We read a book a week relating to a specific form of

identity that is stigmatized by society. This created some inconsistencies between my prior

experiences and the new understandings. In the class we read Beverly Tatum’s “Why Are All the

Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria,” and I was struck with a new kind of identity

development. My racial identity development.

While reading this book, I struggled with two conflicting thought processes. The first was

my strong belief that I belonged to a marginalized group because I was a female latina/hispanic,

and therefore I had no privilege. The second, was realizing that my white physical appearance

was definitely a privilege I held. As Ferdman and Gallegos explained in their Model of Latino

Identity Development, “race is secondary” to people from the Latinx/hispanic, meaning that the

community does not usually emphasize race as a form of identity like white and black americans

do. This results from the mixed heritages Latinos have, which makes it difficult for a Latinx to fit

in a finite racial category. As a Puerto Rican, that grew up surrounded by others who had

differentiating skin colors identifying themselves Puerto Rican, my attitude was conflicting. At

this point, my orientation was ​Subgroup-identified​, indicating that I only identified with the

Puerto Rican community, not including this ethnicity within the larger pan-Latino framework.

As a member ​Subgroup-identified Latino ​orientation, I was well aware that white people

had full access to this subgroup especially since some Puerto Ricans appear white and may even

fall in the ​White-identified​ orientation. However, during the process of reading Tatum’s book, I

was open to the idea of fully understanding my racial and ethnic identity development, and
possibly deviate from the orientation and beliefs I had entering the United States. Initially, I

fought the idea that I was white, even though my skin tone is light enough to pass as someone

white. I demonstrated the ​dissonant,​ unachieved white racial consciousness, where I had high

levels of uncertainty of my privileged experiences in comparison to less privileged people of

color.

The process of transitioning from this type of attitude required a lot of reflection and

conversations with people from different backgrounds. I remember watching the documentary

The Color of Fear​, and observing the relationship between men from multiple racial and ethnic

identities. I realized how terms such as “color blind,” and “we are all equal” coming from a

white individual harms people of color when one is trying to explain the systematic oppression

that exists in the country. I cried watching that movie Finally having an epiphany and began a

transition to a ​reactive/integrative a​ ttitude within the​ a​ chieved white racial consciousness. I

knew that the only way to make the complete transition was to leave the small, predominantly

white liberal arts college and go to a larger and diverse institution.

In the middle of my Sophomore year I decided to transfer to a large research institution,

where I was instantly interacting with members of other racial and ethnic identities. My urge to

become integrated into the college community drove me to join a Hispanic/Latino Dance Troupe.

In this group, I met people from all over Latin America and I discovered similarities and a sense

of family that I never knew I could feel with others outside my Puerto Rican heritage. At this

point, I progressed to a ​Latino-identified ​orientation, having recognized the entire Latino

community “as encompassing one Latino race”(Evans et al). I was finally becoming more

comfortable with my identity, but I still needed to think of these new ideas and new environment.
At this time, I had passed the ​reflective observation​ stage and was diving into the conflicting

stages of ​concrete experience​ as a new transfer student and ​abstract conceptualization ​as

someone with newfound knowledge of their identity.

Junior Year - Abstract Conceptualization

By Junior year, I had overcome the ​concrete experience​ and was fully immersed in

abstract conceptualization​ with my new position as a resident advisor. In this position, I had to

learn a lot about my environment so that I would be capable of helping others, and through this I

found a great passion in aiding students transition into college and form their own identity. I was

definitely still one of these students, but I knew that this was instilled in me. The position also

required a diversity and inclusion component that required us to attend a dialogue based class

titles Conversations About Race and Ethnicity, commonly known as C.A.R.E. I was amongst

students of color and white students in this group, and I had some of the most difficult

conversations relating to race and justice.

I thought a lot on the Tatum’s book and I compared the interactions to those from the

documentary I saw. I recall one instance in that class when we were divided into two cohorts: a

cohort for white students and a cohort for students of color. Deciding what group I belonged to

what an arduous task as I was still battling how others perceived my white appearance versus my

heritage as a Latina. I chose the cohort for students of color, and that was the moment I knew I

could easily identify myself as a person of color. In this group, I saw a lot of parallel in our lives

such as being of a working class, the ability to code switch, and the ability to acknowledge the

privileges we held apart from our race or ethnicity.

consider to be the merge of White Racial Consciousness model and Latino Identity

Development. For both, I achieved an ​integrative​ attitude and orientation. For my white

consciousness development, I saw the realities of looking like one from the dominant society, I

understood the complexities associated with race and I wanted to use my overt privilege to

promote social justice. My Latinx identity had progressed from the ​Latino-identified​ to the

Latino-integrated ​orientation, again understanding the racial constructs that exist in the United

States and more than willing to challenge the systematic racism that exists. Achieving these

integrative attitudes and orientations propelled me to become more active in my community and

yearn for a future where I could promote this new found knowledge I gained.

Senior Year - Active Experimentation

The exploration process for this did not take long, as I discovered that I could work in

higher education and help students through the same journey I went through. By my senior year,

I had progressed into the ​active experimentation,​ the doing dimension. I was determined to apply

the knowledge I had gained, and I did so through my position as a mentor resident advisor

helping my fellow RAs by creating training sessions to motivate their identity development and

interactions with their residents. I also became a NASPA Undergraduate Fellow, which was

geared towards students with marginalized identities that want to go into the field of higher

education and bring awareness to these marginalized and disenfranchised identities.

Although my urgence to make social change was great, I needed to learn more about

others, so I devoted my time to attending other training sessions relating to the LGBT

community, students with disability and a social justice summit. In each of these instances I
repeated the cycle of the four stages, as Kolb said, “learners must choose which learning ability

they will use each time they encounter learning situations.” At this point, however, I had already

developed my learning style as a ​Diverger​ having spent most of my development within the

concrete experience a​ nd ​reflective observation​ modes.

References

Evans, N. J., Forney, D. S., Guido-DiBrito, F., Patton, L. D., & Renn, K. A. (1998). ​Student

development in college: Theory, research, and practice.​ San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.