INTRODUCTION:

Both actors stand with books or scripts held formally in front of them.

ADAM: IN THE BEGINNING GOD CREATED MAN. ( proudly)

EVE: THEN HE CREATED WOMAN ( EXCITED)

ADAM: STRONGLY: AND HE HAS REGRETTED IT EVER SINCE!

TOGETHER: THE DIARY OF ADAM AND EVE

ADAM: BY MARK TWAIN
EVE: ADAPTED FOR THE STAGE BY MARK BUCCI.

At this point move to stools and bring up scripts together and

begin.

Adam enters carrying and tall stool and sits. He faces the audience.
He sits brooding, chin cupped in one hand.
Eve enters slowly and sits on a smaller stool in front of Adam. They
do not look at one another. They talk only to the audience
until later in the script.

EVE: I am almost a whole day old now. I arrived yesterday. It

could be that it was the day before yesterday and I just didn’t
notice. Very well, it will be best to start right and not let the record
get confused, for some instinct tells me that these details are going
to be important to historians some day. For I feel exactly like,
(Thinks) an experiment! No one could feel more like an
experiment than I do. Soo if I’m an experiment, am I the whole of
it.?
( Sits in same position with hand cupped thinking as is Adam
frozen behind her.)

ADAM : (to himself and the audience, none too happy. )

The new creature with the long hair is a great deal in the way.

EVE: No, I think not. Though I am the main part of the experiment,
the rest of it has it share in the matter.

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ADAM:
It is always hanging around and following me about. I don’t like
this. I am not use to company I wish it would stay with the other
animals. Cloudy today, wind in the east: think we shall have rain.
“WE”? Where did I get that word from?

EVE (VERY EXCITED)

Oh, last night the moon got loose and slid down and fell out of the
sky. It breaks my heart for there isn’t another ornament like it for
beauty and finish. It should have been fastened better. I do love
moons they are so romantic.

ADAM:
I wish it would not talk!

EVE:
Followed the other Experiment around today, at a distance to see
what it might be for. It has frowsy hair and blue eyes. It has no
hips and tapers like a carrot. When it stands it spreads itself apart
like a derrick. It think it might be architecture. Anyway, though I
thought it was going to chase me, I found it was only trying to get
away. I got it up a tree again.

ADAM: It is always talking. Privacy and silence are all I ask for.

EVE: TALKING DIRECTLY TO ADAM FOR THE FIRST TIME.

They returned the moon last night and I was so happy. It slid down
and fell off again, but there’s no need to worry when one has that
kind of neighbors. They will fetch it back. I wish I could do
something to show my appreciation. I’d like to send them some
stars., for we have more than we can use. ( Adam turns and ignores
her.) He turns full back on the stool.

Yesterday at twilight it had crept down and was trying to catch the
little speckled fishes that play in the pool. I had to clod it to make it
go up he tree again and let them alone. It used language when one
of the clods hit it in the back of the ear.

ADAM ( turns shrieking an unintelligible sound of pain and anger. )

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!

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EVE:
I didn’t understand the words, but they seemed expressive.
Oh you can talk! I love to talk: I talk all day and in my sleep. Try asd
I may, I cannot fathom what the other experiment is. It isn’t put
together securely enough to be architecture. ( She thinks) It must
be a “he.”

ADAM: I think I will go dive off the great waterfall.

EVE: You mean Niagara Falls!

ADAM: Why Niagara Falls?

EVE: Because it looks like Niagara Falls!

ADAM: Well, I just renamed it, the Garden of Eden.

EVE:
It is not the Garden of Eden. This place is all rock, woods, and
scenery and has no resemblance to a garden. Besides it LOOKs like
a park. We need some “Keep Off the Grass.” Sign.

ADAM:
My life is not as happy as it was. The new creature names
everything that comes along before I can get in a protest. And
always the same pretext is offered “It looks like the thing.” There
is the dodo, for instance.

EVE:
“Well I do declare. If there isn’t a dodo bird there.”

ADAM:
How do you know it’s a dodo bird?
It no more looks like a dodo bird than I do!
I get no chance to name anything. It always does it first.

EVE:
By the way, I am not an it, I am a she. !!!!! My name is Eve and you
can call me that whenever you want.

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ADAM ignores her and deep sighs. By the way, I am building a
shelter, and I will have this shelter to myself.

EVE:
It is strange that my name doesn’t interest him. If he would tell me
his, I would care. It would be pleasanter in my ears than any other
sound. Though he has a good vocabulary, he’s not very bright and
perhaps wishes to conceal it. Ah, but brightness is nothing. It is in
the heart that the values lie. If only he would realize that a loving
heart is riches, for without it, intellect is poverty.

ADAM:
I do not wish to be disturbed!!!!!! Me is what I intend being; one
person, undisturbed by any WE.

EVE:
So I spent the next few days improving the estate. I purposely kept
away from him, hoping he would get lonely. But he didn’t. I tried to
get some of those apples for him but cannot learn to throw straight
and I failed. He says they are forbidden and that I will come to
harm. He doesn’t care for the painted clouds at twilight, for the
miraculous paths of color that bless the sky after rain. Oh, is there
anything he does car for

ADAM ( cutting into her speech)

Thumping melons, sampling the grapes, testing the fruit on the
trees and especially building architecture to protect her from the
elements. ( The last comment was meant for Eve.)
I’ve always liked the plunge and coolness of going over the falls.

EVE:
They were only meant for scenery.

ADAM;
I went over the falls in a barrel: not satisfactory to her.
I went over in a tub: still not satisfactory.

EVE:
The fire has revealed fear to me, and its horrible. I wish I’d never
discovered it. It gives me dark ,moments, it spoils mu happiness, it
makes me shiver and tremble. But, I cannot persuade him, for he
has not discovered fear yet and so he does not understand.
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ADAM:
I need a change of scene. I am too hampered here.
(turns back on stool)

EVE:
Looking for Adam she calls his name several time, becoming more
concerned with no answer. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday all
without seeing him. It is a long time to be alone. Still it is better to
be alone than unwelcome. So I made friends with the animals.

ADAM:
I had escaped last Tuesday, traveled two days and built me a
shelter. Though I covered my tracks, she hunted me down by
means of a tiger.

EVE: For swiftness

ADAM:….and a lamb

EVE: For guidance.

ADAM: I was obligated to return with her, but will presently

emigrate when occasion offers.

ADAM: She has been trying to pick apples from that tree again. So, I
clodded her out of it. She has taken up with the snake now. In a
way I am glad because the snake talks and this enables me to get a
rest.

SNAKE: Monologue ( Snake like gestures)

They’ve been keeping diaies! ( Looks at Adam who is frozen and
then looks back at the audience.) Ah, the vanity of man’s history.

Looks at Eve and then to the audience: She is frozen.

And oh, the history of woman’s vanity. ( He looks at both of them.

How secure they seem. How dedicated to their own self

importance. How sure of their good they are. What would happen
if they were offered the knowledge of both good and evil?
Already I am restless, so my stay here will be brief. I yearn to
return below.
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SNAKE TO EVE
Life should be fruitful, not dull. Limited knowledge is fruitless.

EVE:
But there seems to be a limit to everything. If you cast up a feather,
it sails away, if you throw a clod, it comes down. But I yearn to
nkow, to learn, to understand.

SNAKE
This tree is the only tree in the Garden, I beg your pardon, the
PARK, which can bequeath true knowledge, the ultimate wisdom,
unending.

ADAM: Unfreezes
I foresee trouble. She says the snake advises her to try the fruit of
that tree and says the result will be

SNAKE: COMES ALIVE:

A fine and noble education.

EVE:
And will all the wisdom make him……love me. ( unsure but
hopeful)

SNAKE: YOU WILL BE THE APPLE OF HIS EYE!

ADAM: ( FRANTIC)
Keep away from that tree! (2 TO 3 TIMES)
Eve cannot hear him.

EVE:
What do I have to do.
Snake holds up the Apple: They freeze.

ADAM; STAY AWAY FROM THAT TREE! (IT IS TOO LATE, ) Eve
offers Adam an apple from her basket.

EVE: The snake told me “ This tree is the only tree in the Garden, oh
I beg your pardon, the Park, which can bequeath true knowledge,
ultimate wisdom and unending love.

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ADAM
The snake is a legless beast that crawls on his belly. But it is too
late, it had eaten the Apple from the tree of life. She had
introduced death into the Garden of Eden

See what you have done! You are willful, stubborn and incapable of
rationality!

PAUSE: REACT EMOTIONALLY REALIZING THAT ALL HAS CHANGED

IN THE GARDEN.

EVE;
Well I suppose we will shall have to get to work.

ADAM:
Work?

EVE: Yes something we will have to do for the rest of our lives. It is
ordered.

EVE EXPRESSES HER INNER THOUGHTS OUTLOUD.

And so we worked, and time wove a pattern of days into weeks,
and weeks into months and after awhile. ( She holds an infant in
her arms.

ADAM:
We have named him Cain. She caught it while I was up-country
hunting. Caught it in the timer a couple of miles from our place.

EVE: It…..resembles us in some ways and may be a relation.

ADAM:
This is an error in my opinion. The difference in size warrants the
conclusion that it is a new kind of animal. (Thinking) Perhaps a
fish. Though when I put it into water to see, it sank.

EVE
How can you do something like that! How can you be so unfeeling. I
care so much for it.

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ADAM:
Sometimes she carries the fish in her arms half the night when it
complains and wants to get to the water. I have never seen her do
this with any other fish. Months went by and somehow an
explanation eluded me.

Ah! The short front legs and long hind ones indicated that it is of
the Kangaroo family. I will call it Kangaroorum Adamiensis!

EVE: Eleven months now and still you grow.

ADAM:
Since it walks on its hind legs, it is probably some kind of bear. It
has no tail, no fur, however, except on its head. Further study is
required . I will go up North and make a search. There must be
another one like it. ( TURNS BACK TO TAKE HIMSELF OUT OF
SCENE.)

EVE’S MONALOGUE: Maybe talk over music. Harvey?

WHEN I LOOK BACK, THE GARDEN IS A DREAM TO ME. IT WAS SO
BEAUTIFUL AND I SHALL SEE IT NO MORE. THE GARDEN IS LOST
BUT I HAVE FOUND ADAM AND I AM CONTENT. HE LOVES ME AS
WELL AS HE CAN; I LOVE HIM WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF MY
NATURE. I ASK MYSELF WHY I LOVE HIM. I LOVE CERTAI BIRDS
BECAUSE OF THEIR SONG; BUT I DON’T LOVE ADAM FOR HIS
SINGING, IT SOURS MILK.
IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF HIS GRACIOUS WAYS THAT I LOVE HIM. HE
IS LACKING IN THESE REGARDS, BUT HE IS IMPROVING. IT IS NOT
FOR HIS BRIGHTNESS OR EDUCATION THAT I LOVE HIM. HE IS SELF
EDUCATED AND DOES REALLY KNOW A MULTITUDE OF THINGS
EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT SO.

AT HEART HE IS GOOD AND STRONG AND HANDSOME AND I

ADMIRE HIM. IF HE WERE PLAIN, I WOULD LOVE HIM, IF HE WERE
A WRECK, I WOULD LOVE HIM AND WOULD WORK FOR HIM AND
PRAYFOR HIM, AND WATCH BY HIS BEDSIDE UNTIL I DIED.

This is what I think but then, I am first woman who has examined
this matter, and it may be that in my inexperience I haven’t gotten
it right.

Adam slowly turns around on his stool.

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ADAM;
It has been a weary, weary hunt; yet I have had no success. In the
meantime, without stirring from our place, she has caught nother
one. I never saw such luck.

EVE;
His name is Abel

ADAM;
It is perfectly plain that they are the same breed. This one is ugly
like the other one wa at first, and it has the same singular head
without any fur on it.

EVE;
like a fish

ADAM;
It has the same short front legs and long hind ones.

EVE;
Like a kangaroo.

ADAM;
It is not a kangaroo and it will no doubt walk on its hind legs.

EVE:
Like a bear

ADAM:
Don’t interrupt me. I know what they are!They are aboys!!!

EVE: Why boys?

ADAM:
Because they LOOK like boys.

They laugh:

EVE:
Do you remember how beautiful the evenings were in the Garden.

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ADAM:
I like these evenings, too.

EVE:
Oh, Adam, do you miss the Garden?

ADAM:
Wherever you are Eve, THERE is Eden.
(Close books, hold in front of you. Drop heads together to indicate
end of piece.)

The End!!!

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