Effective feedback skill exercise

Feedback skills are important in getting, maintaining and developing a career. They are especially important in
socially difficult and complex situations. Mastering effective feedback helps the learner to communicate his/her
feelings, reactions and ideas in an appropriate manner.
This offers an overview of effective and ineffective feedback. It is a good activity for practising recognising and
giving effective feedback.

Instructions:

Circle the number of each sentence that you think meets the criteria for helpful feedback (not necessarily perfect, but OK)
For the rest of the questions, see if you can figure out the criterion that has been actively violated. Put that criterion in front
of the sentence. You may find more than one.

1. "I'm really confused over what you just said about my work".

2. "Now I don't want you to get upset about what I'm going to say, but...."

3. "When you interrupt me like that, it makes me want to stop talking to you".

4. "It really doesn't matter to me, but a lot of people would really be upset with what you just did".

5. "You're really overreacting to what I just said".

6. "Your problem is that you just don't like yourself".

7. "I have some feedback for you and I've got to give it to you for your own good."

8. "When you continue to talk so softly, even after I've said I have trouble hearing you, I get
frustrated and want to end the conversation".

9. "You've just offended every person in this group".

10. "You appear to be frowning, and I'm confused about what just happened."

11. "From the way you needle people, you must have a need to get even with the world".

12. "I could work with you more easily if you had a better sense of humour".

13. "Why do you do things like that?".

14. "Do you understand what I mean when I say you're sending me a double message?".

15. "Charlie, how does it make you feel when Tom keeps coming late to meetings?"

16. "I'm going to be open with you, level with you: I think you're a fathead".

17. "I wish you'd stop trying to run things around here".

18. "How do you think it makes me feel when you say things like that?"

19. "That kind of adolescent behaviour won't get you anywhere around here".

20. "And another thing. I'm sick and tired of you calling me "Honey".

CRITERIA FOR EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK

EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK INEFFECTIVE FEEDBACK

1 Describes the behaviour which led to the feedback- Uses evaluative / judgmental statements- 'You're
'You are finishing my sentences for me...' being rude'. Or generalised ones- 'you're trying to
control the conversation.'

2 Comes as soon as appropriate after the behaviour - Is delayed, saved up, and dumped. Induces guilt and
immediately if possible, later if events make that anger in the receiver, because after time there is not
necessary ( something important going on, you need usually anything he can do about it.
time to cool down etc)

3 Is direct, from sender to receiver Indirect, ricocheted- Tom, how do you feel when Jim
cracks his knuckles? - also known as let's you and
him fight

4 Is owned by the sender, who uses 'I' messages and Ownership is transferred to 'people', 'the book',
takes responsibility for his thoughts, feelings, 'upper management', etc.
reactions.

5 Includes the senders real feelings about the Feelings are concealed, denied, misrepresented,
behaviour, insofar as they are relevant to the distorted. One way to do this is to 'transfer
feedback- 'I get frustrated when I'm trying to make a ownership'. Another way is to smuggle the feelings
point and you keep finishing my sentences.' into the interaction by being sarcastic, sulking,
competing to see who's right, etc.

6 Is checked for clarity, to see that the receiver fully Not checked. Sender either assumes clarity or - fairly
understands what's being conveyed. often- is not interested in whether receiver
understands fully.

7 Asks relevant questions which seek information, with Asks questions which are really statements-'Do you
the receiver knowing why the information is sought think I am going to let you get away with that?' or
and having a clear sense that the sender does not which sound like traps- 'Do you behave that way at
know the answer. home too?'

8 Specifies consequences of the behaviour - present Provides vague consequences- 'That kind of
and/or future- 'If you keep finishing my sentences I behaviour is going to get you into trouble'. Or
won't want to spend much time talking to you in the specifies no consequences- 'you shouldn't do that'
future'.

9 Is solicited or at least to some extent desired by the Is imposed on the receiver, often for his own good.
receiver.

10 Refers to behaviours about which the receiver can do Refers to behaviours over which the receiver has
something, if he wants to. little or no control

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