Healthy Gender Development
Healthy Gender Development
O v er vi e w
Healthy Gender Development and Young Children: A Guide for Early Childhood Programs and
Professionals offers practical guidance for teachers, caregivers, parents and staff. It draws on
decades of research on child and gender development, and experiences of early childhood
educators, pediatricians, and mental health professionals.
We hope you find this resource helpful in your work to promote children’s resilience and early
learning. As one of the adults in young children’s lives, you can play an important role in guiding
children as they explore one of their most pressing questions: Who am I?
Infancy. Children observe messages about gender from adults’ appearances, activities, and
behaviors. Most parents’ interactions with their infants are shaped by the child’s gender, and
this in turn also shapes the child’s understanding of gender (Fagot & Leinbach, 1989; Witt, 1997;
Zosuls, Miller, Ruble, Martin, & Fabes, 2011).
18–24 months. Toddlers begin to define gender, using messages from many sources. As they
develop a sense of self, toddlers look for patterns in their homes and early care settings. Gender
is one way to understand group belonging, which is important for secure development (Kuhn,
Nash & Brucken, 1978; Langlois & Downs, 1980; Fagot & Leinbach, 1989; Baldwin & Moses, 1996;
Witt, 1997; Antill, Cunningham, & Cotton, 2003; Zoslus, et al., 2009).
Ages 3–4. Gender identity takes on more meaning as children begin to focus on all kinds of
differences. Children begin to connect the concept “girl” or “boy” to specific attributes. They
form stronger rules or expectations for how each gender behaves and looks (Kuhn, Nash, &
Brucken 1978; Martin, Ruble, & Szkrybalo, 2004; Halim & Ruble, 2010).
Gender rigidity typically declines as children age (Trautner et al., 2005; Halim, Ruble,
Tamis-LeMonda, & Shrout, 2013). With this change, children develop stronger moral
impulses about what is “fair” for themselves and other children (Killen & Stangor, 2001).
Sometimes we unintentionally expect and encourage particular behaviors and traits based on a
child’s gender. For example, adults tend to comment on a girl’s appearance, saying things like
“Aren’t you adorable?” or “What a pretty dress!”
You can also offer a developmental perspective on why it’s important to let children explore
different gender roles—once you have a sense that parents seem open to this. For example,
you could start by saying, “I understand that seeing Isaac playing house and wearing an apron
in the kitchen makes you feel uncomfortable. Can you tell me a little more about that?”
After you’ve listened, you may decide that it would be helpful to offer some developmental
information by saying, for example, “We see this kind of play as a way for Isaac to explore the
world around him, try on different ideas, and mirror what he sees family members, community
members, or media characters doing.”
If children demonstrate this kind of natural curiosity in your setting, you can share your
observations with the children’s parents and ask them if they want to talk more about it. Parents
may react differently, depending on their comfort level with you and this topic, and on what
they’ve discussed with their children at home.
When your relationship with a parent is strong and trusting, you might say, “I know this can be
uncomfortable to talk about, but I wanted to share an observation I made today. I noticed your
child and a friend were talking about their different body parts on the way to the bathroom. I’m
wondering if you’ve seen the same kind of curiosity at home and if you’ve talked about it?” If
they haven’t, ask if they’d like some ideas about how to answer their children’s questions when
they do come up. Offer resources if they are interested in learning more.
The age at which gender identity becomes established varies. Gender identity for some children
may be fairly firm when they are as young as two or three years old (AAP, 2015; Balwin & Moses,
1996; Gender Spectrum, 2012; Zosuls et al., 2009). For others it may be fluid until adolescence
and occasionally later.
The age at which an individual becomes aware of their sexual orientation, that is, their
feelings of attraction for one gender or the other or both, also varies. Such feelings may
emerge during childhood, adolescence, or later in life (Campo-Arias, 2010; Gender
Spectrum, 2012). At present, child development experts say there is no way to predict
what a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity will be as an adult (Bryan, 2012).
If parents or staff members have questions or are concerned about a child’s gender
expression, assure them that you and your program are available for ongoing discussions.
Family acceptance of a child’s gender identity is a critical factor in the child’s development
(AAP, 2015; Gender Spectrum, 2012; Ryan et al, 2010). Whatever a child’s emerging
gender identity, one very important message that caring adults can give to young children
is that they are healthy, good human beings. Be prepared to share resources that can help
family members learn more about gender in young children.
When you hear children making comments similar to the ones below (in italics), you might
consider these responses:
When a caregiver shares questions similar to the ones below (in italics), you might consider
these responses:
“Mercedes uses a boy’s name when they play pretend. Her grandmother said not to let her do
that. I can’t go against the grandmother.”
■■ “Let’s talk this over with her grandmother and learn more about her views on this, why
this is important to her, and what she would suggest. We can share our observation that
Mercedes seems to know she disapproves, yet still really seems intent on using a boy’s
name right now in her pretend play. Maybe then we could share with her our view of
this kind of play as a way to use creativity to learn about one’s self and other people.
She may still disagree, but getting this dialogue going would be a good start.”
“Zach’s dad makes fun of him when he sees him playing with girls. Zach now gets nervous
whenever his father comes to pick him up. What can I say to the dad?”
■■ “Zach enjoys playing with the other children in our program. We encourage the boys
and girls to play together to learn from each other.”
“One of the other teachers punishes Taylor when she acts like a boy. What should I do?”
■■ “I noticed that you scolded Taylor when she acted like a boy. Can we talk more about
why you did that? You might remember that our educational approach encourages all
children to play pretend. We believe creativity is a part of learning and development.”
When a provider wants to talk with a child’s parents or guardians about gender-related
teasing, similar to the example below (in italics), you might consider this response:
“A child called a boy a ‘“girl”’ at school today. It seemed intended as an insult. What can I say?”
■■ “Your child usually gets along so well with the other children. So when your child called
a boy a ‘girl,’ as if that were a bad thing, we wanted to be sure to talk this over with you.
Your son is such a leader, and we know he can be a positive one. We want to make sure
that the children know that the words ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ aren’t insults, and that this is a safe
and secure environment for all of them.
Do you have some ideas about how we
can work with your son as we work with
all the children on this?”
Early learning environments are important places to teach children language and behavior that
helps them all feel good about who they are and how to recover from the hurts they may cause
each other.
Of Course They Do! Boys and Girls Can Do Anything. Roger, M.-S, Sol, A., & Jelidi, N. (Ages 2–5).
Attempting to break gender roles, this book depicts boys and girls engaging in activities that are
supposedly associated with the opposite sex. Boys cook, jump rope, take care of babies, and
dance, while girls play sports and drive cars.
Who Has What? All About Girls’ Bodies and Boys’ Bodies. Harris, R. H., & Westcott, N. B. (Ages
3–7).
Humorous illustrations, conversations between two siblings, and a clear text all reassure young
kids that whether they have a girl’s body or a boy’s, their bodies are perfectly normal, healthy,
and wonderful. This is helpful for parents or families when their children start to ask questions
about their bodies.
Jacob’s New Dress. Hoffman, S., Hoffman, I., & Case, C. (Ages 4–8).
Jacob loves playing dress-up, when he can be anything he wants to be. Some kids at school say
he can’t wear “girl” clothes, but Jacob wants to wear a dress. Can he convince his parents to let
him wear what he wants?
Kate and the Beanstalk. Osborne, M. P., & Potter, G. (Ages 4–8).
Kate (instead of Jack) trades her family’s cow for magic beans and climbs the beanstalk to find a
kingdom in the clouds.
S el ect e d Re f e r e n c e s
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2015, November 11). Antill, J. K., Cunningham, J. D., Cotton, S. (2003). Gen-
Gender identity development in children. Retrieved from der-role attitudes in middle school: In what ways do
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/ parents influence their children? Australian Journal of
gradeschool/Pages/Gender-Identity-and-Gender-Confu- Psychology, 55, 148–153.
sion-In-Children.aspx
Baldwin, D., & Moses, L. (1996). The ontogeny of so-
American Psychological Association. (n.d.) Definitions cial information gathering. Child Development, 67(5),
Related to Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity in 1915–1939.
APA Guidelines and Policy Documents.
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Nonconforming People. American Psychologist, 70(9),
Bryan, J. (2012). From the dress-up corner to the senior
832–864.
prom: Navigating gender and sexuality diversity in preK-
American Psychological Association. (2012). Guidelines 12 schools. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Education.
for Psychological Practice with Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexu-
Bussey, K. & Bandura, A. (1999). Social cognitive theory
al Clients. American Psychologist, 67(1), 10–42.
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American Psychological Association & National Asso- cal Review, 106(4):676–713.
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