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Improving
Communication:
Developing Effective
Communication Skills

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Effective communication skills are

fundamental to success in many
aspects of life. Many jobs require
strong communication skills.
People with good communication
skills also usually enjoy better
interpersonal relationships with
friends and family.

Effective communication is
therefore a key interpersonal skill
and learning how to improve your
communication has many benefits.
However, many people find it
difficult to know where to start.
This page sets out the most
common ‘problem areas’ and
suggests where you might focus
your attention.

A Two-Way Process

Communication is a two-way
process. It involves both how
we send and receive
messages. Receiving includes
both how we take in the
message (reading or listening,
for example), and the
‘decoding’ of the message.

Improving communication
may therefore also involve
either or both elements.

However, many of the most

common issues actually lie in
receiving rather than sending
messages.

Identifying Problems
Many people appreciate that they have a problem
with communication skills, but struggle to know
where to start to improve. There are a number of
ways that you can identify particular problem areas,
including:

Ask your friends, family and colleagues to

advise you. Most people will be happy to help you
with your journey towards self-improvement. They
may even have been waiting for just this
opportunity for some time.

TOP TIP!

You may find it helpful

to use a structure like
‘Start, Continue,
Stop’ when seeking
feedback.

Ask people to tell you

one or two things that
you need to start
doing, one or two to
continue, and one or
two to stop.

This ensures that

you get action-
focused feedback
that is also relatively
brief.

Use a self-assessment tool like our

Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment. This will
help you to identify the most important areas for
improvement.

You could instead simply work to improve the

most common problem areas and see what
happens.

Four Key Areas for

Improvement

There are generally four main areas of

communication skills that most of us
would do well to improve. These are
listening, non-verbal communication,
emotional awareness and management,
and questioning.

1. Learn to Listen
One of the most common areas to need
improvement is listening.

We all have a tendency to forget that communication

is a two-way process. We fall into the trap of
‘broadcasting’, where we just issue a message, and
fail to listen to the response. Quite a lot of the time,
we are not really listening to others in conversation,
but thinking about what we plan to say next.

Improving your listening skills is likely to pay off

in improvements in your relationships both at
work and at home.

What, however, is listening? Listening is not the

same as hearing. Learning to listen means not only
paying attention to the words being spoken but also
how they are being spoken and the non-verbal
messages sent with them. It means giving your full
attention to the person speaking, and genuinely
concentrating on what they are saying—and what
they are not saying.

Good listeners use the techniques of clarification

and reflection to confirm what the other person has
said and avoid any confusion. These techniques also
demonstrate very clearly that you are listening, just
like active listening.

2. Studying and
Understanding Non-Verbal
Communication
Much of any message is communicated
non-verbally. Some estimates suggest that
this may be as much as 80% of
communication.

It is therefore important to consider and understand

non-verbal communication—particularly when it is
absent or reduced, such as when you are
communicating in writing or by telephone.

Non-verbal communication is often thought of as

body language, but it actually covers far more. It
includes, for example, tone and pitch of the voice,
body movement, eye contact, posture, facial
expression, and even physiological changes such as
sweating.

You can therefore understand other people better

by paying close attention to their non-verbal
communication. You can also ensure that your
message is conveyed more clearly by ensuring that
your words and body language are consistent.

Find out more in our pages on non-verbal

communication
communication.

3. Emotional Awareness and

Management
The third undersung area of
communication is awareness of our own
and other people’s emotions, and an
ability to manage those emotions.

At work it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that

everything should be logical, and that emotion has
no place. However, we are human and therefore
messy and emotional. None of us can leave our
emotions at home—and nor should we try to do so.
That is not to say that we should ‘let it all hang out’.
However, an awareness of emotions, both positive
and negative, can definitely improve communication.

This understanding of our own and others’

emotion is known as Emotional Intelligence.

There is considerable evidence that it is far more

important to success in life than what we might call
‘intellectual intelligence’.

Emotional intelligence covers a wide range of skills,

usually divided into personal skills and social skills.
The personal skills include self-awareness, self-
regulation and motivation. The social skills include
empathy and social skills. Each one of these is
broken down into more skills.

For example:

Self-awareness consists of emotional

awareness, accurate self-assessment and self-
confidence.

Empathy is the ability to ‘feel with’ others: to

share their emotions and understanding them. It
includes understanding others, developing them,
having a service orientation, valuing and
leveraging diversity, and political awareness.

Fundamentally, the principle behind the different

skills that make up emotional intelligence is that you
have to be aware of and understand your own
emotions, and be able to master them, in order to
understand and work well with others.

4. Questioning Skills
The fourth area where many people
struggle is questioning.

Questioning is a crucial skill to ensure that you have

understood someone’s message correctly. It is also a
very good way of obtaining more information about
a particular topic, or simply starting a conversation
and keeping it going. Those with good questioning
skills are often also seen as very good listeners,
because they tend to spend far more time drawing
information out from others than broadcasting their
own opinions.

The Skills You Need Guide to

Interpersonal Skills eBooks.

Develop your interpersonal skills with

our series of eBooks. Learn about and
improve your communication skills,
tackle conflict resolution, mediate in
difficult situations, and develop your
emotional intelligence.

Transmitting
Messages
These four key areas of communication all
share one common characteristic: they are
all (or mostly) about receiving messages.

There are, however, also important things that

you can do to improve the likelihood of being
able to ‘transmit’ a message effectively. For
example:

Do not simply say the first thing that comes

into your head. Instead take a moment and pay
close attention to what you say and how you say it.

Focus on the meaning of what you want to

communicate.

Consider how your message might be received by

the other person, and tailor your communication to
fit. By communicating clearly, you can help avoid
misunderstandings and potential conflict with
others. You can, for example, check that they have
understood by asking them to reflect or summarise
what they have heard and understood.

It can also be helpful to pay particular attention

to differences in culture, past experiences,
attitudes and abilities when conveying your
message. Avoid jargon and over-complicated
language, and explain things as simply as possible.
Always avoid racist and sexist terms or any language
that may cause offence.

For more about this, see our pages on Intercultural

Communication and Intercultural Awareness.
You may also find it helpful to read our pages about
Verbal Communication, Effective Speaking and
Building Rapport.

Other Aspects That

Can Affect
Communication
There are a number of other elements and
aspects that can affect how a message is
both transmitted and received. They
include the use of humour, the way that
you treat people more generally, and your
own attitude—both to life generally and to
the other person and communicating.

Using Humour

Laughing releases endorphins that can help

relieve stress and anxiety. Most people like to
laugh and will feel drawn to somebody who can
make them laugh. Don’t be afraid to be funny or
clever, but do ensure your humour is
appropriate to the situation. Use your sense of
humour to break the ice, to lower barriers and
gain the affection of others. By using
appropriate humour you will be perceived as
more charismatic.

See our page: Developing a Sense of Humour

for more information.

Treat People Equally

Always aim to communicate on an equal basis

and avoid patronising people. Do not talk about
others behind their backs and try not to develop
favourites: by treating people as your equal and
also equal to each other, you will build trust and
respect. If confidentiality is an issue, make sure
its boundaries are known and ensure its
maintenance.

Attempt to Resolve Conflict

It is almost always helpful to resolve problems

and conflicts as they arise, rather than letting
them fester. The most effective communicators
are also good mediators and negotiators. They
are not biased or judgemental but instead ease
the way for conflict resolution.

Our section: Conflict Resolution and

Mediation can help here.

Maintain a Positive Attitude and Smile

Few people want to be around someone who is

miserable. Do your best to be friendly, upbeat
and positive with other people. Maintain a
positive, cheerful attitude to life: when things do
not go to plan, stay optimistic and learn from
your mistakes. If you smile often and stay
cheerful, people are more likely to respond
positively to you.

See our pages on Personal Presentation and

Positive Thinking for more.

Similarly, if something makes you angry or upset,

wait for a few hours and calm down before
taking action. If you do complain, do so calmly,
try to find some positive aspects to the situation
and avoid giving unnecessary criticism.

See our pages: Anger Management,

Communicating in Difficult Situations and
Constructive Criticism for more.

Minimise Stress

Some communication scenarios are, by their

nature, stressful. Stress can however be a major
barrier to effective communication. All parties
should therefore try to remain calm and
focused.

For tips and advice about stress relief and

avoidance see our pages Avoiding Stress and
Tips for Relieving Stress. It is also important to
learn how to relax, and we have a series of pages
covering Relaxation Techniques.

A lifelong learning journey

For most of us, improving our communication skills
is an ongoing process. There is unlikely to ever come
a point at which any of us could honestly say that we
could learn no more about communication: that we
were now experts, and never got it wrong.

Just because we will never be ‘experts’, however,

does not mean that we should not start the process
of improvement.

Improving your communication skills will almost

certainly ease and improve all your interpersonal
relationships, both at home and at work. It is an
investment of time that will very definitely pay off.

Continue to:
Barriers to Effective Communication

See Also:
Employability Skills

Why You Need to Network to Get Your Next Job

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