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Assignment 1

This document contains examples of business messages with improved tone, language, and style. It provides revised wording for business messages that use more positive, inclusive, and familiar language. The messages are revised to benefit the audience by focusing on the reader's needs and using "you" perspective. Conversational but professional tone is emphasized over accusatory language. Inclusive language is used to avoid gender-specific pronouns. Technical and legal terms are replaced with plain English and familiar words to improve understanding.

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77 views

Assignment 1

This document contains examples of business messages with improved tone, language, and style. It provides revised wording for business messages that use more positive, inclusive, and familiar language. The messages are revised to benefit the audience by focusing on the reader's needs and using "you" perspective. Conversational but professional tone is emphasized over accusatory language. Inclusive language is used to avoid gender-specific pronouns. Technical and legal terms are replaced with plain English and familiar words to improve understanding.

Uploaded by

SC Tagle
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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TIONGSON, STEPHANIE CLAIRE M.

GED106-B8
Assignment: Business Messages
September 4, 2019

Audience Benefits and the “You” View


24. To prevent us from possibly losing large sums of money in stolen identity schemes, our
bank now requires verification of any large check presented for immediate payment.

 You may now complete and return your enclosed card to keep your record up-to-
date and eliminate the expense of duplicate mailing.

28. We are offering an in-house training program for employees who want to improve their
writing skills.

 You may now undergo the in-house training program to improve your writing
skills.

Conversational, Professional Tone


33. BTW, Amy was pretty ticked off because the manager accused her of ripping off office
supplies.
 Amy was worried because the manager suspects her of stealing office supplies.

31. From your recent request, the undersigned is happy to inform you that we are sending
you forthwith the brochures you requested.

 As per your request, the undersigned is glad to notify you that we will send the
brochures you requested immediately.

Positive Expression
42. If you do not fill in all blanks in the application form, we cannot issue a password

 It is necessary to fill in all the information in the application form to issue a


password.
43. You won’t be disappointed with your new smart phone.
 Your new smart phone will make you fulfilled.
Inclusive Language
44. Every employee must wear his ID badge on the job.
 An ID badge must be worn by the employees in the job.
46. The conference will include special excursions for the wives of executives
 The conference will include special excursions for the spouses of the executives.

Plain English and Familiar Words


50. Our attorney ascertained that we must compensate the consultants despite perplexing
results.

 Our attorney discovered that we must pay the consultants even with confusing
results.

51. We appear to have some slippage in the development schedule, which may have an
adverse reaction vis-à-vis the revenue picture.

 We appear to have some decline in the development schedule, which may have an
opposing reaction about the income picture.

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