Dare to Lead

READ-ALONG
WORKBOOK FOR
EDUCATORS

Based on the research of

Brené Brown, Ph.D.
“Knowledge is only rumor
until it lives in the bones.”
The Asaro Tribe

We want to do everything we can to help you get courageous leadership skills in your
bones. We made Dare to Lead as tactical and actionable as possible, and this read-along
workbook will help you put language, skills, and tools into practice.

This workbook is a companion to the book - the book has the teachings and the
workbook has the exercises.

Also, this workbook was developed for use by teams (3 or more) and individuals working
in pairs. You can certainly do this work on your own, but it’s more powerful with another
person. If you don’t have a colleague at work who can do this with you, find a friend or
partner in other areas of your life. They can talk about their work experiences and you
can talk about yours. Either way you’re sharing and learning from each other.

Let’s get started.

01. We suggest you get a printed copy of Dare to Lead. We love audiobooks and
reading on our e-readers, but these formats are much more complicated to use
with a companion workbook. We’ll be referencing page numbers when asking you
to find and re-read pieces.
02. If you’re working with a team or group, decide how often you want to meet and
who’s going to coordinate those sessions. Check out our “Read-Along Schedule”
on the Dare to Lead #daringclassrooms hub on brenebrown.com for support in
creating a schedule.
03. For each exercise, we’ve included Exercise Instructions for sharing as a team.
It’s a good idea to read through these instructions so you understand the process
before you complete your work.
04. There’s not a right way to start. You can read the entire book and then work
through the exercises, referring back to sections you’ve already read. Or you can
read one section at a time and complete the workbook as you go.
05. You can find our Glossary of Key Language, Skills, Tools and Practices on the
downloads section of the Dare to Lead #daringclassrooms hub on
brenebrown.com.
06. Materials:
◦◦ Everyone participating will need pens, sticky notes, and their own workbook.
◦◦ Teams will need poster-sized sticky notes or flip chart paper and tape.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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What’s OK and What’s Not OK

It’s ok to use Dare to Lead and this read-along workbook with your teams, groups,
school, or entire districts. Share, discuss, and learn!

It’s NOT ok to use the workbook for commercial use. You can’t sell it, sell workshops
that you’ll facilitate based on it, or create a website redistributing the workbook.

If you’re interested in digging deeper with your school or hiring a Certified

Dare to Lead Facilitator, visit the Dare to Lead Referral Network on
brenebrown.com.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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N OT TH E M A N WH O P O I N TS O U T HOW THE STRO N G
MA N STU M BL E S , O R W HERE THE DO ER O F DEEDS
CO U L D H AV E DO N E THEM BETTER.

THE CR E DIT BE LONG S TO THE MAN W HO IS

AC TUA L LY IN TH E ARENA , W HOSE FAC E I S M A RRED
BY DU ST A N D SWEAT AN D BLO OD; W HO STRI VES
VALIA N TLY. . . WH O AT THE BEST KNOWS I N THE
E N D TH E TR IU M P H OF HI G H AC HI EVEM EN T, A N D
W HO AT TH E WO R ST, I F HE FA I LS, AT LEAST FAI LS
W HIL E DA R IN G G R EATLY.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Introduction
BRAVE LEADERS AND COURAGE CULTURES

Exercise 1: Permission Slips

Content and exercise covered on page 53 of Dare to Lead.

Permission slips are a great way to start building trust in your school community and
to start container building. If you’re working on your own, it’s a helpful tool to identify
what might get in your way of learning and practicing new ways of showing up.

What do you need to give yourself permission to do, feel, or not do to

show up for this read-along?
Sometimes the first step in getting started Or if you’re doing this in a group
is giving ourselves permission. Maybe you setting, permission to:
need to give yourself permission to:
01. Show up to the staff meetings
01. Stay open minded 02. Ask for what you need
02. Give yourself the time you need 03. To pass during group sharing
03. Make a list of questions 04. Ask for more time

Write your permission slips below or on a sticky note.

Feel free to have more than one.

Exercise Instructions: We like to round robin this exercise – basically go around

the table at a quick but reasonable pace and let everyone share their permission
slip(s). Everyone listens and holds comments until everyone has shared. The power in
the round robin is finding commonalities. Sometimes that’s harder to recognize when
people share entire worksheets instead of one set of answers going around the table, or
when there’s cross talk in the middle of sharing. This is also a good check-in exercise if
you want to start meetings with, “What new permission slips do we need today?”

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 2: Container Building
Content and exercise covered on page 36 of Dare to Lead.

Whether you’re working in a large team or with a good friend, DO NOT SKIP
this exercise.

Have each person in the group answer the following questions individually
on sticky notes:

• What do you need to show up and do the work?

• What will get in the way of you showing up and doing the work?
• What does support look like?

Have everyone share their answers and use them to develop group ground rules
that you can use in all of your discussions.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 3: What Stands in the Way Becomes the Way
Content covered on pages 7-8 of Dare to Lead.

In Dare to Lead, we learn about ten behaviors and cultural issues that leaders
identified as getting in our way in organizations across the world.

01. We avoid tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback.

02. Rather than spending a reasonable amount of time proactively
acknowledging and addressing the fears and feelings that show up during
change and upheaval, we spend an unreasonable amount of time managing
problematic behaviors.
03. Diminishing trust caused by a lack of connection and empathy.
04. Not enough people are taking smart risks or creating and sharing bold ideas
to meet changing demands and the insatiable need for innovation.
05. We get stuck and defined by setbacks, disappointments, and failures, so
instead of spending resources on clean-up to ensure that stakeholders or
internal processes are made whole, we are spending too much time and
energy reassuring team members who are questioning their contribution
and value.
06. Too much shame and blame, not enough accountability and learning.
07. People are opting out of vital conversations about diversity and inclusivity
because they fear looking wrong, saying something wrong, or being wrong.
Choosing our own comfort over hard conversations is the epitome of
privilege, and it corrodes trust and moves us away from meaningful and
lasting change.
08. When something goes wrong, individuals and teams are rushing into
ineffective or unsustainable solutions rather than staying with problem
identification and solving. When we fix the wrong thing for the wrong
reason, the same problems continue to surface. It’s costly and demoralizing.
09. Organizational values are gauzy and assessed in terms of aspirations rather
than actual behaviors that can be taught, measured, and evaluated.
10. Perfectionism and fear are keeping people from learning and growing.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 3: What Stands in the Way Becomes the Way (continued)
Content covered on pages 7-8 of Dare to Lead.

Exercise Instructions: Think about this list of behaviors, then decide if you want to
talk about these obstacles in the context of your classroom, your school, your district, or
any other relevant unit. Once you decide, have everyone write down the three that you
think present the most significant barriers to courageous leadership in that unit. Make
sure everyone has a shared understanding of the unit you’re assessing.

Once everyone is done, you’ll use the Turn & Learn to share your top three (everyone
shows their sticky at the same time to avoid halo and bandwagon issues – see page 55).

Discuss similarities and differences. Do people in different roles have different

experiences? Are there two that your team is willing to hold in mind while you’re
working through this read-along process?

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Part One
RUMBLING WITH VULNERABILITY

Section One: The Moment and the Myths

Exercise 1: Square Squad

Content and exercise covered on page 22 of Dare to Lead.

“We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.”
Write the names of the people whose opinions really matter to you within the square.

Exercise Instructions: How you process this exercise with a group depends on
the level of trust in the group. One of the most effective ways to share without asking
individuals to disclose who’s in their square squad is to ask these two questions:

01. What did you learn from the process of thinking about who belongs in the square?
02. Do you, like most of us, find yourself steam-rolling over these important people
in your life to gain the acceptance and approval of strangers? If so, what’s one
commitment you can make to strengthen the squad and spend less time
approval-seeking?

Have each person in your group share their answers to both #1 and #2,
then move to the next person.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 2: The Six Myths of Vulnerability
Content covered on pages 23-42 of Dare to Lead.

Thinking about the six myths of vulnerability, complete or answer the following:

01. I grew up believing that vulnerability was …

02. For me, vulnerability feels like …

What does it physically feel like for me? What does it emotionally feel like for
me? What am I thinking?

03. For each of the six myths of vulnerability, rate on a scale of 1-5 how much you
need to “unlearn.” (1=none, 5=a lot)

_____Vulnerability is weakness.
_____I don’t do vulnerability.
_____I can go it alone.
_____You can engineer the uncertainty and discomfort out of vulnerability.
_____Trust comes before vulnerability.
_____Vulnerability is disclosure.

04. In my school community, the messages and expectations about vulnerability are …

05. In my area of influence at school, the messages and expectations about

vulnerability are ...

06. When was the last time you saw someone bravely facing uncertainty, risk, and
emotional exposure at school/in the classroom?

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 2: The Six Myths of Vulnerability (continued)
Content covered on pages 23-42 of Dare to Lead.

07. When was the last time you bravely faced uncertainty, risk, and emotional
exposure at school/in the classroom?

08. When you reflect on how you want to show up and be seen as a leader in your
school, what do vulnerability and courage look like for you?

09. What is one way you’ll experiment with being more vulnerable at school/in
the classroom?

Exercise Instructions: This is an important exercise to round robin – meaning

everyone completes the exercises then shares their answers to #1. Next, everyone
shares their answers to #2, and so on. Don’t forget to give yourself and others
permission to pass!

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Part One
RUMBLING WITH VULNERABILITY

Section Two: The Call to Courage

Exercise 1: Assembling Your Armor

Content covered on pages 51-52 of Dare to Lead.

We all use armor to protect ourselves, but that armor is heavy and prevents us from
growing, being seen, and being in connection with others. When we’re in fear, or an
emotion is driving self-protection, there’s a fairly predictable pattern of how we assemble
our armor, piece by piece:
• I’m not enough.
• If I’m honest with them about what’s happening, they’ll think less of me or
maybe even use it against me.
• No way am I going to be honest about this. No one else does it. Why do I have
to put myself out there?
• Yeah. Screw them. I don’t see them being honest about what scares them. And
they’ve got plenty of issues.
• It’s actually their issues and shortcomings that make me act this way. This is
their fault, and they’re trying to blame me.
• In fact, now that I think about it, I’m actually better than them.

01. What are two situations that are likely to lead to you armoring up at school?

02. What does your “armoring up” process look like?

a. My body language?
b. My words?
c. My thoughts?
d. My go-to transformer behaviors?

Exercise Instructions: We do NOT round robin this exercise. We find it helpful to

have participants share all of their answers, and then move on to the next person. We
suggest no cross talk and reminding people that they can pass. Also, remind people to
stay mindful about time so everyone can share.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 2: The Cave You Fear to Enter
Content covered on pages 52-53 of Dare to Lead.

01. What is your personal call to courage as a leader? Be specific.

Ex. I want to be braver about sharing ideas and practices from my classroom
schoolwide.

What is the cave you fear to enter and why?

Ex. My cave is having hard conversations with colleagues at school.

Exercise Instructions: We do NOT round robin this exercise. We find it helpful to

have participants answer both of these questions in one turn. We suggest no cross talk
and reminding people that they can pass. Also, remind people to stay mindful about
time so everyone can share.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 3: Gritty Faith and Gritty Facts
Content covered on page 57 of Dare to Lead.

Brave leaders must rely on gritty faith and gritty facts … at the same time.

01. On a scale from 1-4, how often does your team or group balance gritty faith and
gritty facts in your decision making at school?
(1 = we never balance | 2 = we sometimes balance | 3 = we often balance | 4 = we
always balance)

02. Have you fallen into dangerous patterns where people assume the roles of
optimists and realists, the dreamers and the reality-checkers, etc.?
(Yes / No)

2a. If yes, what language would you use to describe the roles?

Rumble together on how not balancing gritty faith and gritty facts holds you back.

Exercise Instructions: Use the Turn & Learn to share your rating from question
#1. Then, round robin the answers to #2 and #2a. Discuss similarities and differences.
Do people in different roles have different experiences?

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and
feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective
and unproductive behavior.”
- Brené Brown

Exercise 4: Care and Connection

Content covered on pages 70-75 of Dare to Lead.

01. In reference to the quote above, what gets in the way of leaders doing this in your
school/classroom culture?

02. What is keeping you as a leader from digging into the fears and concerns of your
colleagues and students?

03. What are the cultural barriers that prevent you from doing this?

04. What’s one commitment everyone is willing to make to start attending to fears
and feelings, and what does support look like?

Exercise Instructions: These questions lend themselves to open discussion.

To manage time and focus thoughts, we suggest hanging three posters in the room, one
with each question written at the top. Ask everyone to write 1 or 2 answers on a sticky
note and hang them on the corresponding poster. Before the discussion starts, have a
quick silent walk where you give people 5-10 minutes (depending on group size) to read
the sticky notes. The silent part is important because it’s easy for two people to start
commenting on a sticky note not knowing the author is standing beside them. Once the
walk is over, allot 10 minutes per question for discussion.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Part One
RUMBLING WITH VULNERABILITY

Section Three: The Armory

Exercise 1: Armored Leadership versus Daring Leadership

Content covered on pages 76-114 of Dare to Lead.

“Courage is contagious. To scale daring leadership and build courage in teams and
organizations, we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work, tough conversations,
and whole hearts are the expectation, and armor is not necessary or rewarded.”
- Brené Brown

Now is a good time to revisit your permission slips and/or container building as we dig
deeper into the work.

Exercise Instructions:
01. For each of the 16 elements on the model on the next two pages, rate your school’s
culture on the spectrum of Armored Leadership (1 point) to Daring Leadership
(4 points). You can refer back to the book for fuller explanations of the concepts.

02. Add up the number of points and enter that total in the top of the model. Your
total will be somewhere between 16 and 64.

03. Write that total on a sticky note and use the Turn & Learn process to share your
total with the group.

04. As a team, decide on the two most daring and the two most armored behaviors
your team displays.

05. Dig into the cultural norms influencing these behaviors. For example, what are
the rewards for daring versus armored leadership?

06. What is one shared commitment that everyone can make as a group to create a
more daring leadership culture?

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Exercise 1: Armored Leadership versus Daring Leadership (continued)
Content covered on pages 76-114 of Dare to Lead.

Armored Leadership Total: _____ Daring Leadership

Driving Perfectionism and Modeling and Encouraging

Fostering Fear of Failure Healthy Striving, Empathy, and
1 2 3 4
Self-Compassion
01. Ex. Viewing feedback as a “gotcha”
moment or as a fear based tool Ex. Viewing feedback as an
opportunity to grow
Working from Scarcity and Practicing Gratitude and
Squandering Opportunities for Joy Celebrating Milestones and
02. and Recognition 1 2 3 4 Victories
Ex. Overlooking wins due to never Ex. Taking time to celebrate
having enough time school-wide wins

Numbing Setting Boundaries and Finding

Ex. Hiding out and scrolling through Real Comfort
03. 1 2 3 4
social media to take the edge off Ex. Having a tough
conversation with your
colleague about your concerns
Propagating the False Dichotomy Practicing Integration— Strong
of Victim or Viking, Crush or Be Back, Soft Front, Wild Heart
Crushed 1 2 3 4
04. Ex. Keeping an open door
Ex. Exerting power over students policy while maintaining clear
to avoid feedback boundaries

Being a Knower and Being Right Being a Learner and Getting

1 2 3 4 It Right
05. Ex. Being the sage on the stage--
closed off from input from students Ex. Learning alongside students

Hiding Behind Cynicism Modeling Clarity, Kindness,

and Hope
Ex. Emailing entire staff about one 1 2 3 4
06. person’s “transgression.” Ex. Speaking directly to the
person in question
Using Criticism as Self- Protection Making Contributions and
1 2 3 4 Taking Risks
Ex. Shutting down new ideas
07. immediately because of a fear of Ex. Speaking up at a staff
change meeting with a new idea
Using Power Over Using Power With, Power To,
1 2 3 4 and Power Within
08. Ex. Micromanaging students; no
autonomy or choice “because I Ex. Collaborating with
said so” students, facilitating growth,
offering choice

Hustling for Our Worth Knowing Our Value

09. 1 2 3 4
Ex. Hustling for approval; fear of Ex. Knowing your strengths and
being irrelevant gifts and operating from both

Copyright © 2018 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daretolead

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Exercise 1: Armored Leadership versus Daring Leadership (continued)
Content covered on pages 76-114 of Dare to Lead.

Armored Leadership Total: _____ Daring Leadership

Cultivating Commitment and
Leading for Compliance and Control
Shared Purpose
10. Ex. Enforcing rules and consequences 1 2 3 4
Ex. Giving students agency to
without rationale
co-create a shared purpose with
teacher

Acknowledging, Naming, and

Weaponizing Fear and Uncertainty
1 2 3 4 Normalizing Collective Fear and
Ex. Instilling fear about testing and Uncertainty
11.
test results
Ex. Acknowledging testing
anxiety that students are feeling
Rewarding Exhaustion as a Status Modeling and Supporting Rest,
Symbol and Attaching Productivity Play, and Recovery
to Self-Worth 1 2 3 4
12. Ex. Encouraging self-care
Ex. Incentivizing not taking any
days off
Tolerating Discrimination, Echo Cultivating a Culture of
Chambers, and a “Fitting In” Belonging, Inclusivity, and
Culture Diverse Perspectives
13. Ex. Ignoring culturally responsive
1 2 3 4
Ex. Honoring and celebrating
teaching strategies cultural differences through
classroom instructions

Collecting Gold Stars Giving Gold Stars

1 2 3 4
14. Ex. Taking credit for academic Ex. Celebrating the hard work
achievements of the class/school and effort of students and staff
Zigzagging and Avoiding Straight Talking and Taking
Action
Ex. Talking about a colleague instead
15. of to the colleague 1 2 3 4 Ex. Meeting first with the
colleague to rumble on a
concern

Leading from Hurt Leading from Heart

1 2 3 4 Ex. Leading from a place of
16. Ex. Leading from a constant state of
defensiveness, comparison, and a compassion, empathy, and
need to be right vulnerability

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Part One
RUMBLING WITH VULNERABILITY

Section Four: Shame and Empathy

Exercise 1: Understanding Shame

Content covered on pages 119-130 of Dare to Lead.

Complete the following sentences to get a better understanding of how your body
responds to the emotion of shame.

01. When I hear the word shame, I think of…

02. If shame were a color it would be…

03. If I could taste shame, it would taste like…

04. If I could smell shame, it would smell like…

05. If I could touch shame, it would feel like…

06. I physically feel shame in/on my…

07. My shame symptoms include…

08. I know I’m in shame when I feel…

09. When I’m in shame, I feel…

10. When I talk about shame, I feel…

11. I can talk about shame with…

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is for everyone to start using the
word shame and start getting their hands, hearts, and heads around the concept.

Because shame makes us feel so alone, it’s sometimes hard to even use the word around
others. Because of this, it’s important to round robin the answers so people can see
commonalities. Everyone will complete the exercises then share their answers to #1.

Next, everyone shares their answers to #2, and so on. Don’t forget to give yourself and
others permission to pass.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 2: How Shame Shows Up in Schools
Content covered on pages 119-130 of Dare to Lead.

There are many ways that shame can show up in schools. Below are the most common
examples.

• Perfectionism • Discrimination
• Favoritism • Power over
• Gossiping • Bullying
• Back-channeling • Blaming
• Comparison • Teasing
• Self-worth tied to productivity • Cover-ups
• Harassment

How does shame show up in your school?

Exercise Instructions: As you can imagine, this exercise can feel very sensitive to
team members. It’s a good place to revisit container building and permission slips.

To manage confidentiality and time, and to focus thoughts and stay productive, we
suggest that everyone writes their top three on a sticky note (no names necessary).
Have one person put all of the notes on a large flip chart or post-it poster. Set time
expectations and open discussion with a conversation on themes and patterns (e.g.,
this issue is coming up over and over, anyone surprised by what they see or don’t see?).

We like to close with this round robin question: Now that we’re starting to see how and
where shame is showing up, what’s one commitment you’re willing to make to start
changing that and building shame resilience?

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 3: What Does Empathy Look Like?
Content covered on pages 136-150 of Dare to Lead.

01. When I share something personal and vulnerable, and I really feel understood, it feels:

02. When I share something personal and vulnerable, and I don’t feel as if anyone
understands, I feel:

03. When I share something personal and vulnerable, I like the person listening to
(ideal empathic response):

Select all that apply.

_____Make eye contact
_____Look away so I don’t feel so self-conscious
_____Reach out to hug me
_____Give me my space
_____Respond right away
_____Just listen and stay quiet

_____ ________________ (Add your own)

04. When someone shares something painful and personal with me, I:

Select all that apply.

_____Worry about saying the wrong thing
_____Want to say something really comforting
_____Get nervous
_____Worry about not feeling anything
_____Don’t know what to do if I really don’t want to know
_____Want to fix it

_____ ________________ (Add your own)

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 3: What Does Empathy Look Like? (continued)
Content covered on pages 136-150 of Dare to Lead.

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is for everyone to see that empathy
is different for all of us. You can’t respond to everyone the same way because we all
have different needs. The only right way to be empathic is to show up and listen.

We do the regular round robin with questions #1 and #2. For #3 and #4, we read the
question aloud and ask everyone to raise their hand. For example, “When you share
something personal and vulnerable, raise your hand if you like the person listening to:

• Make eye contact (show of hands then hands down)

• Look away so I don’t feel so self-conscious (show of hands then hands down)
• Reach out to hug me (show of hands then hands down)”

It drives home how different we are when it comes to empathy and connection.

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 4: Emotional Literacy
Content covered on pages 147-148 of Dare to Lead.

List of Core Emotions

(This research is in progress and we expect to have findings and a final list in early 2020.)
• Anxious • Frustrated • Lonely
• Belonging • Gratitude • Love
• Blame • Grief • Overwhelmed
• Curious • Guilt • Regret
• Disappointed • Happy • Sad
• Disgust • Humiliation • Shame
• Embarrassment • Hurt • Surprised
• Empathy • Jealous • Vulnerability
• Excited • Joy • Worried
• Fear/Scared • Judgment

Pick one of the emotions from the Core Emotions List that is hard for you–one that shows
up in difficult ways at school. Consider the following questions when thinking about the
emotion you chose.

When I experience ____________

01. I’m feeling…
Affect or Emotion – Where am I physically feeling this? How’s my body responding?

02. I’m thinking…

Cognition – Is there a thought constantly looping in my mind? What’s my go-to
thought process?

03. I do/I act…

Behavior – What’s the first thing I want to do? What is the only thing I want to do?

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 4: Emotional Literacy (continued)
Content covered on pages 147-148 of Dare to Lead.

We often see or experience anger or shutting down on the surface of ourselves

or others, but these are commonly hiding other emotions. What are the core
emotions that show up for you as anger and/or shutting down?

Exercise Instructions: This can be a sensitive exercise for the people who are really
stretching and doing the work. One way to process is to have everyone share their entire
worksheet at one time. Another option is to have everyone complete the exercise and
simply share one thing that they learned about themselves in the process. If you’re going
with the second option, explain the process before people start (To give us room to dig
deep and stretch, we’re not going to share our answers to these questions, just share how
we experienced the process).

Copyright © 2019 by Brené Brown, LLC | All rights reserved | www.brenebrown.com/daringclassrooms

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Exercise 5: Empathy in Practice
Content covered on pages 152-157 of Dare to Lead.

Empathy Misses
• Sympathy vs. Empathy
• The Gasp and Awe
• The Mighty Fall
• The Block and Tackle
• The Boots and Shovel
• If You Think That’s Bad…

01. When you think about these six types of empathy misses, is there one or two that
shut you down?

02. What emotion comes up for you when your sharing meets one of these barriers,
and how does that affect your connection with the person?

03. On the flip side, how do you rate your own empathic skill?

04. Are there one or two empathic misses that you typically use that you need to change?

Exercise Instructions: We do a round robin with this exercise, and reminders

about permission slips and container building. It’s helpful to remind each other that we
all miss sometimes.

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Exercise 6: Shame Shields
Content covered on page 161 of Dare to Lead.

Strategies of Disconnection:
(From Linda Hartling and her fellow researchers at the Stone Center at Wellesley.)

• Moving Away: Withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves and keeping secrets

• Moving Towards: Seeking to appease and please
• Moving Against: Trying to gain power over others, being aggressive, and using
shame to fight shame

01. Whom are you most likely to Move Away from?

02. What are the specific triggers or situations at school that would prompt you to use the
shield of Moving Away?

03. Whom are you most likely to Move Towards?

04. What are the specific triggers or situations at school that would prompt you to use the
shield of Moving Towards?

05. Whom are you most likely to Move Against?

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Exercise 6: Shame Shields (continued)
Content covered on page 161 of Dare to Lead.

06. What are the specific triggers or situations at school that would prompt you to use the
shield of Moving Against?

07. Do you have a go-to shield that you grab in certain situations?

Exercise Instructions: This can be a sensitive exercise for the people who are
really stretching and doing the work. The best way to proceed is to set it up as an
exercise where you’ll share your experiences of working through the process (versus
sharing answers).

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Part One
RUMBLING WITH VULNERABILITY

Section Five: Curiosity and Grounded Confidence

Exercise 1: Rumble Starters

Content covered on pages 171-174 of Dare to Lead.

List of Rumble Starters:

01. The story I make up . . .
02. I’m curious about . . .
03. Tell me more.
04. That’s not my experience (instead of “You’re wrong about her, him, them, it, this . . .”).
05. I’m wondering . . .
06. Help me understand . . .
07. Walk me through . . .
08. We’re both dug in. Tell me about your passion around this.
09. Tell me why this doesn’t fit/work for you.
10. I’m working from these assumptions—what about you?
11. What problem are we trying to solve?

Grounded Confidence = Rumble Skills + Curiosity + Practice

Exercise Instructions: Break into groups of two or three and give each person the
opportunity to practice some of these rumble starters. It’s often helpful to think of a hard
conversation that you’ve had or that you’re planning to have, and role-play.

01. Which of these feel natural and organic to the way you lean into hard conversations?

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Exercise 1: Rumble Starters (continued)
Content covered on pages 171-174 of Dare to Lead.

02. Do you have any good curiosity cues or starters that you’ve found effective in
tough conversations?

03. Is there a comment or language that can pull you out of your values and
intentions? Would any of these be helpful to keep you grounded?

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Exercise 2: Horizon Conflict
Content covered on page 174 of Dare to Lead.

Thinking of a recent project, identify two to three potential horizon conflicts

and the challenges they present.

01.

02.

03.

If you’re working on a team, how do you see horizon conflict showing

up in your team?

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is to increase your skills when it
comes to recognizing and naming horizon conflict. Do this in a large group as a discussion.

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Part Two
LIVING INTO OUR VALUES

Exercise 1: Values Clarification

Content and exercise covered on pages 185-190 of Dare to Lead.

Using the list of values on page 188 of Dare to Lead, choose one or two values—the
beliefs that are most important to you, that help you find your way in the dark, that fill
you with a feeling of purpose.

When selecting your values, ask yourself the following questions:

• Does this define me?

• Is this who I am at my best?
• Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

Value 1: ____________­_________ Value 2: ____________­_________

Exercise 2: Taking Values from BS to Behavior

Content and exercise covered on pages 190-193 of Dare to Lead.

Answer the following questions to dig into your values.

Value #1 _________________
01. What are three behaviors that support your value?

02. What are three slippery behaviors that are outside your value?

03. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?

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Exercise 2: Taking Values from BS to Behavior (continued)
Content and exercise covered on pages 190-193 of Dare to Lead.

Value #2 _________________

01. What are three behaviors that support your value?

02. What are three slippery behaviors that are outside your value?

03. What’s an example of a time when you were fully living into this value?

Keeping in mind both of your values, answer the following.

01. Who is someone who knows your values and supports your efforts to live into them?

02. What does support from this person look like?

03. What can you do as an act of self-compassion to support yourself in the hard work of
living into your values?

04. What are the early warning indicators or signs that you’re living outside your values?

For example, in Dare to Lead we discuss the four P’s: pretending, performing,
pleasing, and perfecting. I have to look out for a fifth - polling.

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Exercise 2: Taking Values from BS to Behavior (continued)
Content and exercise covered on pages 190-193 of Dare to Lead.

When we start polling people, it’s often because we don’t trust our own knowing.
It feels too shaky and too uncertain. We want assurances and folks with whom we
can share the blame if things don’t pan out. I know all about this. I’m a professional
pollster—it’s hard for me to go it alone sometimes. When I’m making a difficult
decision and feel disconnected from my intuition, I have a tendency to survey everyone
around me. Ironically, since doing this research, surveying has become a red flag for
me—it tells me that I’m feeling vulnerable about making a decision.
(Gifts of Imperfection, p 88)

05. What does it feel like when you’re living into your values?

06. How does living into your two key values shape the way you give and
receive feedback?

Exercise Instructions:
01. Once everyone has completed the exercise, break into small groups of two or three.
Give everyone time to share their completed worksheets with their small group.
02. IMPORTANT! After everyone has shared, go around the full group and have each
person share their two values and identify one way the team or staff can support
those values. This is a major trust and container building experience.
03. If time allows, you can also have everyone write their name and their two values on a
sheet of paper. Hang the paper in the room and ask everyone to write one gratitude
for each person and stick it under their name. This is another powerful trust and
container building experience. We use the 11X17 sticky note posters. If you walk
through our office, most people have their poster hanging up (and it’s been a year).

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Exercise 3: Engaged Feedback Checklist
Content covered on pages 198-207 of Dare to Lead

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is to spend some dedicated time as
a team talking about how, when, and why you give feedback. Have everyone open their
book to the Engaged Feedback Checklist and start the discussion with this question:

01. How is this checklist helpful for our school/classroom?

02. What can you adapt in the checklist to fit your school/classroom experience?

03. What’s working about how you all share feedback at your school and in your
classroom? What’s not working?

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Part Three
BRAVING TRUST

Exercise 1: Operationalizing BRAVING

Content covered on pages 224-233 of Dare to Lead.

BRAVING
Boundaries
Reliability
Accountability
Vault
Integrity
Nonjudgment
Generosity

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise to start using BRAVING as a way to
operationalize trust.

Part 1:
01. 01. For each element of trust, have each member use a sticky note to rate on a
scale from 1-4 how frequently your team delivers on the element (1= Rarely |
2=Sometimes | 3= Often | 4= Always)
02. Use the Turn & Learn technique to share your answers.

Part 2:
01. Get behavioral. We like to hang one poster for each of the seven elements of trust,
and ask team members to write down one or two behaviors that support that
element on sticky notes.
02. Work together to identify one behavior that the entire staff or team is willing to
commit to for each element. In addition to trust-building, this is powerful container
building and helps people develop shared language.

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Part Four
LEARNING TO RISE

Exercise 1: Getting Hooked

Content covered on pages 249-251 of Dare to Lead.

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is to help people recognize when
they get hooked by emotion and what their go-to SFD looks like. Complete the following
questions and round robin the answers

01. Learning to rise requires recognizing when we’re hooked by emotion. How do you
know when emotion grabs you? Examples include playing a conversation or event
on a loop, stomach in knots, coming out of your skin, etc.

Body: When emotion grabs me, I physically feel:

Mind: When emotion grabs me, I often start thinking:

Behavior: The first thing I want to do when I get hooked by emotions is:

Story: The stories I most often make up are about:

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Exercise 2: Off-loading Strategies
Content covered on pages 251-255 of Dare to Lead.

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is to help people recognize what off-
loading strategies they use and how they feel when they’re on the receiving end of these
strategies. Complete the following questions and round robin the answers.

Offloading Strategy #1: Chandeliering

• Do I do this?

• How does it feel when someone offloads this way with me?

• How does chandeliering impact your school/classroom culture?

Offloading Strategy #2: Bouncing Hurt

• Do I do this?

• How does it feel when someone offloads this way with me?

• How does bouncing hurt impact your school/classroom culture?

Offloading Strategy #3: Numbing Hurt

• Do I do this?

• How does it feel when someone offloads this way with me?

• How does numbing hurt impact your school/classroom culture?

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Exercise 2: Off-loading Strategies
Content covered on pages 251-255 of Dare to Lead.

Offloading Strategy #4: Stockpiling Hurt

• Do I do this?

• How does it feel when someone offloads this way with me?

• How does stockpiling hurt impact your school/classroom culture?

Offloading Strategy #5: The Umbridge

• Do I do this?

• How does it feel when someone offloads this way with me?

• How does the Umbridge impact your school/classroom culture?

Offloading Strategy #6: Hurt and the Fear of High-Centering

• Do I do this?

• How does it feel when someone offloads this way with me?

• How do hurt and the fear of high-centering impact your school/classroom culture?

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Exercise 3: The Reckoning, The Rumble, and The Revolution.
Content covered on pages 258-268 of Dare to Lead.

Exercise Instructions: The goal of this exercise is put the three pieces of the Learning
to Rise process together and reflect on how participating in this process will positively
impact your school/classroom. Think of it like a fill-in-the-blank Mad Libs exercise. If
possible, choose a disappointment, failure, or setback that you’re comfortable sharing.
Don’t forget that your SFD is authentic if it is honest, unfiltered, unedited, and possibly
unsharable (so you can edit with your colleagues if you need to, but keep it real for you).

01. My fall:

02. I knew I was hooked by emotion because: (I felt . . . I couldn’t stop thinking . . . )

03. I offloaded hurt by (or maybe you didn’t):

04. The story I made up:

05. Conspiracies and Confabulations:

06. I got curious about my SFD by digging into:

07. What more did I need to learn and understand about the story or the people in it?

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Exercise 3: The Reckoning, The Rumble, and The Revolution. (continued)
Content covered on pages 258-268 of Dare to Lead.

08. What did I need to look at in myself:

09. Some of the emotions I had to rumble with included (anxiety, boundaries,
criticism, forgiveness, grief, guilt, integrity, shame, trust, vulnerability, etc.):

10. My brave new ending:

11. What’s the delta? What are my key learnings?

12. How has this process changed me as a person/as an educator?

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