Basic Counselling Skills

1. Attending Behaviour
2. Closed and Open-Ended Questions
3. Paraphrase
4. Summary
5. Reflection
'1) 'Attending Behaviour
Orienting oneself physically and psychological
Encourages the other person to talk
Let’s the client know you’re listening
Conveys empathy
What Does Attending Behaviour Look Like?

a) SHOVLER (Or SOLER – the underlined):

S: Face the other Squarely

H: Head nods
O: Adopt an Open Posture
V: Verbal Following
E: Speech
L: Lean toward the other
E: Make Eye Contact
R: Be Relatively Relaxed

b) Listening:

Listening is the most important skill in counselling. It is the process of ‘hearing’ the other
person. Three aspects of listening;

'i) 'Linguistic: actual words, phrases and metaphors used to convey

feelings.
'ii) 'Paralinguistic: not words themselves but timing, accent, volume,
pitch, etc.
'iii) 'Non-verbal: ‘body language’ or facial expression, use of gestures, body
position and movement, proximity or touch in relation to the counsellor

All these express the internal state of the counselee and can be ‘listened’ to by the
attentive counsellor.

Active listening happens when you "listen for meaning". The listener says very little but
conveys empathy, acceptance and genuiness. The listener only speaks to find out if a
statement (or two or twenty) has been correctly heard and understood.

Active listening ) is hard but rewarding work. It is so tempting to interrupt, so easy to be

distracted.
1. Before the session, make sure your physical needs are taken care of (thirst, hunger,
bathroom, stretching).

2. Look at the speaker. Taking a few notes can keep you on task; mentally put masking tape
across your mouth.

3. Watch your body language.

4. Encourage the speaker to continue with short, gentle comments like “uh-huh”, “really!?”,
“tell me more”, etc.

Developing encouraging body language (BL) can take some practice. (Link is toPerson-
centred counselling: an experiential approach by David L. Rennie.) We all have our
favourite stance, our “default position.” At the same time, communication is 55% body
language, 38% tone and 7% words. So, remember that your client may not remember what
was said, but they will remember how you made them feel.

The SOLERF method:

S - Squarely face person vs. sitting kitty-corner.

O - use Open posture vs. crossed arms and legs

L - Lean a little toward the person vs. settling back in your chair

E - Use Eye contact vs. staring off into deep space

R - Relax; keep it natural vs. sitting like a board

F – look friendly vs. neutral or scowling

'2) 'Four types of Counselling Interventions

'i) 'Open-Ended Questions

An open question is one that is used in order to gathering lots of information – you ask it
with the intent of getting a long answer.
• What brought you in here today?

• Do you have an idea about why this keeps happening?

• What is your Plan B?

• How does that make you feel?

You’ll notice that I didn’t use “why?” directly. This is because some people find it
threatening and overwhelming. It implies judgment and it can be asking an unanswerable
question.
Questions that clients cannot easily answer with “Yes,”, “No,” or one- or two- word
responses
“Tell me about your family while you were growing up”
“Why is that important to you?”
How did you feel when that happened?”
“What did you do when she said that?”
“What are your reasons for saying that?”

Purposes of Open-Ended Questions:

Starting the information gathering part of the session

Keeping the client talking

To begin an interview

To encourage client elaboration

To elicit specific examples

To motivate clients to communicate

'ii) 'Closed-Ended Questions

A closed question is one used to gather specific information - it can normally be answered
with either a single word or a short phrase.

Questions that the other can easily answer with a “Yes,” “No,” or one- or two-word responses
“Are you going to have the test done?”
“Did you drink before you got into the car?”
“Do you drink often?”
“Do you exercise?”
“Do you like your job?”

Purposes of Closed-Ended Questions:

 For getting necessary information

 To get bring a chatty client back on track or interrupt her/him.
 To obtain specific information
 To identify parameters of a problem or issue
 To narrow the topic of discussion
 To interrupt an over-talkative client
Closed vs. Open-Ended Question

Examples
 C: Are you scared?

O: How do you feel?

C: Are you concerned about what you will do if the test results are positive?

O: What do you think you might do if the test results are positive?

C: Is your relationship with your husband a good one?

O: Tell me about your relationship with your husband.

Closed Questions (CQs) are those that can easily be answered with a “yes” or a “no” or brief
information. For example:

• What is your name and date of birth?

• Did you call the health practitioner to set up a physical?

• Where do you work? Occupation?

• Are you ready to stop doing that?!

They sound a little harsh, but are needed:

'iii) 'Reflection:

Reflection is the echoing back of the last few words that the client has spoken. It is widely
used in Rogerian counselling.

e.g.: Counselee: We moved to Bangalore from gulf at the beginning of last year but
none of us really settled down. My wife never did like living in such a large city. I found it
difficult to get a job….
Counsellor: You found it difficult to get a job…
Counselee: Well, it was difficult to start with, anyway. I suppose I didn’t really try
hard enough …
Counsellor: You didn’t really try hard enough …

'iv) 'Challenging:
Though challenging and confronting are not associated with counselling, there are times they
are appropriate and even necessary.

Counselee: There is no one in this organization that I can talk to at all

Counsellor: No one?
Counselee: I have always been a failure, never been any good at anything.
Counsellor: Always?

'3) 'Paraphrasing
is when you, the listener, restate succinctly and tentatively what the speaker said -
conveying empathy, acceptance and genuineness. Since we cannot read our
client’s mind and we’ve been given a lot of extraneous material, it’s good to learn
how to rephrase briefly and acknowledge that this is what we think the client has
said.

The counsellor rephrases the content of the client’s message

Example:

Ø Client: “I know it doesn’t help my depression to sit around or stay in bed all day.”
Ø Counsellor: “It sounds like you know you should avoid staying in bed or sitting around
all day to help your depression.”
Purposes of Paraphrasing

To convey that you are understanding him/her

Help the client by simplifying, focusing and crystallizing what they said
May encourage the client to elaborate
Provide a check on the accuracy of your perceptions

When to use it
 When you have an hypothesis about what’s going on with the client
 When the client is in a decision making conflict
 When the client has presented a lot of material and you feel confused

Steps in Paraphrasing

Client, a 40-year-old woman: “How can I tell my husband I want a divorce? He’ll think I’m
crazy. I guess I’m just afraid to tell him.”

Steps
a) Recall the message and restate it to yourself covertly
b) Identify the content part of the message
c) Wants divorce, but hasn’t told husband because he will think she’s crazy
d) Select an appropriate beginning: E.g., “It sounds like,” “You think,” “I hear you
saying,”
e) Translate the key content into your own words: Want a divorce= break off, split;
E.g., “It sounds like you haven’t found a way to tell your husband you want to end the
relationship because of his possible reaction. Is that right?”
f) Confirm the accuracy of the paraphrase
 '4) 'Summary

 A collection of two or more paraphrases or reflections that condenses the client’s

messages or the session
 Covers more material
 Covers a longer period of client’s discussion

Purposes of a Summary

 To tie together multiple elements of client messages

 To identify a common theme or pattern
 To interrupt excessive rambling
 To start a session
 To end a session
 To pace a session
 To review progress
 To serve as a transition when changing topics

Steps in a Summary

Example- Client, a young girl

Ø At the beginning of the session:

“I don’t understand why my parents can’t live together anymore. I’m not blaming anybody,
but it just feels very confusing to me.” [Said in a low, soft voice with lowered, moist eyes]

Ø Near the middle of the same session:

“I wish they could keep it together. I guess I feel like they can’t because they fight about me
so much. Maybe I’m the reason they don’t want to live together anymore.”

a) Recall key content and affect messages

Ø Key content: wants parents to stay together

Ø Key affect: feels sad, upset, responsible

b) Identify patterns or themes

Ø She is the one who is responsible for her parents’ break-up

c) Use an appropriate sentence stem and verbalize the summarization response

Ø e.g., “I sense,” or “You are feeling”

d) Summarize

Ø e.g., “Earlier today you indicated you didn’t feel like blaming anyone for
what’s happening to your parents. Now I’m sensing that you are feeling like
you are responsible for their break-up

e) Assess the effectiveness of your summarization

'5) 'Reflection

A verbal response to client emotion

Example

Client: “So many things are going on right now: another hectic semester has started, my
dog’s sick, and my mom’s ill too. I find myself running around trying to take care of
everything. I’m not sure I can take it anymore.”

Counsellor: “You’re feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the things that are going on right
now.”

Purposes of a Reflection

¨Helps clients:
1. Feel understood
2. Express more feelings
3. Manage feelings
4. Discriminate among various feelings
Steps of a Reflection

Ø Client, a 50-year-old steelworker now laid off: “Now look, what can I do? I’ve been
laid off over a year. I’ve got no money, no job, and a family to take care of. It’s also
clear to me that my mind and skills are just wasting away. [Said in a loud, critical
voice, staring at the ceiling, brow furrowed, eyes squinting]

a. Listen closely and observe behaviour

Ø Watch nonverbal behaviour

Ø Verbally reflect the feelings back to the client

b. Identify the feeling category

c. Identify the intensity

d. Match the feeling and intensity of a word

e. Feed back to the client

f. Add content using the form

Ø “You feel ___ , because _____.”

g. Check for accuracy