The Truth About Collaborating

The Truth About Collaborating

Why People Fail and
How to Succeed

Dr. Gail Levitt

The Truth About Collaborating: Why People Fail and How to Succeed

Copyright © Business Expert Press, LLC, 2020.

Cover image licensed by Ingram Image, StockPhotoSecrets.com

Cover and interior design by Exeter Premedia Services Private Ltd.,

Chennai, India

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other
except for brief quotations, not to exceed 400 words, without the prior
permission of the publisher.

First published in 2020 by

Business Expert Press, LLC
222 East 46th Street, New York, NY 10017
www.businessexpertpress.com

ISBN-13: 978-1-94858-083-0 (paperback)

ISBN-13: 978-1-94858-084-7 (e-book)

Business Expert Press Human Resource Management and Organizational

Behavior ­Collection

Collection ISSN: 1946-5637 (print)

Collection ISSN: 1946-5645 (electronic)

First edition: 2020

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Printed in the United States of America.

 Dedication
This book is dedicated to a few individuals in my inner circle who have
inspired me over the years to develop a special interest in facilitating the
collaboration process with teams.
From my mother, Marilyn Levitt, I acquired a natural curiosity about
diverse people, and an appreciation for the special powers of intuition.
These are two very essential traits for a successful collaboration.
My sister, Karen Levitt Morris, has been a positive role model to
understand just how much constructive disagreement, as well as agree-
ment, is crucial for an effective collaboration.
Watching my husband, George Geniev, make difficult choices about
whether or not a collaboration is the best approach has given me valuable
insights that have helped me in tough situations when I needed to do the
same.
I would also like to acknowledge Dr. Kathryn Cook, my first mentor,
who encouraged me to find strength in self-awareness, communication
agility, and continuous improvement to help facilitate some of the most
fulfilling collaborations ever.
I would like to thank J. Liz Saunders of The Virtual Alternative for her
collaborative approach to editing and formatting this book.
I was inspired by the memory of my dear brother, Mark Elliot Levitt,
who left this life all too soon, but who will always be remembered for his
keen intellect and sensitivity.
Finally, I would like to acknowledge the positive influence of Becky,
who made the tedious hours of writing in my office always pleasant due
to her cheerful canine presence.
 Abstract
This book takes a unique approach to collaboration by exploring the
truth about collaboration failures and successes, based on exploring both
the obstacles to and the solutions for collaborating successfully. It offers
valuable strategies, best practices, techniques, tools, checklists, and tem-
plates for applying collaboration most efficiently, especially to achieve the
following: build relationships and partnerships, solve business problems,
make decisions, leverage conflicts, increase innovation, and stimulate
transformation and change. Special features in this book include:

• Self-test: What are your collaboration strengths and weak-

nesses?
• Action planner: Checklist for planning an effective collabora-
tion.
• Templates: Collaboration processes and techniques to imple-
ment.

Keywords
collaboration mindfulness; mindfulness; interpersonal communication;
transformational leadership; conflict management strategies; conflict
triggers; reframing messages; group collaboration processes; teamwork;
facilitating group processes; communication agility; creative thinking
techniques; transformative leadership; collaboration competencies;
business vision; cultural adaptability; influencing without authority;
­collaboration teams; collaborative workplace
 Contents
Introduction������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������xi

Chapter 1 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not������1

Chapter 2 Practicing “Collaboration Mindfulness”��������������������������17
Chapter 3 Collaborating As a Process����������������������������������������������27
Chapter 4 Analyzing Problems and Opportunities Strategically�������37
Chapter 5 Negotiating to Influence Decisions in Collaborations�����45
Chapter 6 Navigating Conflict When Collaborating�����������������������55
Chapter 7 Collaborating for Innovation and Change���������������������67
Chapter 8 Overcoming Obstacles to Collaboration�������������������������81

Template 1: Self-Assessment of Collaboration Competencies���������������������93

Template 2: Planning Checklist for “Collaboration Mindfulness”�����������113
Template 3: Collaboration Process Planner�������������������������������������������117
Template 4: Problem and Opportunity Topic Planner���������������������������121
Template 5: Negotiating and Influencing Tip Sheet�������������������������������125
Template 6: Collaboration Conflicts: Strategies for Success���������������������129
Template 7: C  hecklist: Generating Creative Ideas on Collaboration
Teams������������������������������������������������������������������������������133
Template 8: Tips For Overcoming Collaboration Obstacles��������������������137
References�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������143
About the Author��������������������������������������������������������������������������������145
Index�������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������147
 Introduction
Either attempt it not, or succeed.
—Ovid

Many organizations do a great job of promoting collaboration, but they

fail to provide their people with the resources they need to succeed at it.
This book is dedicated to those leaders and teams who are expected to
collaborate in their daily work roles, and seek tools and techniques to
help them do it well. Each chapter addresses a specific truth about collab-
oration in business: why a collaboration is likely to fail, and what to do
instead to achieve collaboration success.
Chapter one addresses the number one reason why collaborations fail:
unrealistic expectations and underdeveloped skill sets. It provides insights
about how to set realistic expectations and identifies 10 core competen-
cies for collaboration success:

1. Commitment
2. Connection
3. Curiosity
4. Convincing skills
5. Communication agility
6. Cultural adaptability
7. Courage
8. Creativity
9. Conflict resolution
10. Compliance

Chapter two explains how a lack of “collaboration mindfulness” can

contribute to ineffective results. It also identifies how to achieve success
based on a four-step process that can be remembered easily using the
acronym “COIN”: Committed, Open, Invested, and Nondefensive. It
then offers 20 guidelines for achieving mental preparedness prior to and
xii Introduction

during collaborations that enable collaborators to gain the readiness and

agility needed to overcome obstacles and achieve the best results.
Chapter three reveals that ineffective planning without a clear struc-
ture causes poor collaboration results. It introduces readers to the four
components of a smooth collaboration process:

1. Discovery
2. Discussion
3. Disagreement
4. Agreement

Strategies and guidelines are provided for structuring and manag-

ing each component of the collaboration process most efficiently and
effectively.
Chapter four addresses another reason why collaborations fail, namely
the lack of a clear focus to which everyone agrees. This chapter emphasizes
the importance of viewing both perspectives of the topic, as a problem or
an opportunity, before committing to which one will be the most suitable
choice to achieve the best outcomes. Practical guidelines for facilitating
effective discussions for both problems and opportunities are featured.
Chapter five identifies inadequate questioning and poor influenc-
ing skills as key factors contributing to collaboration failures. It presents
proven strategies for effective questioning, messaging, and persuading
that enable collaborators to negotiate and influence decisions with agility
and impact. This chapter reveals 12 types of influential questions to ask
and concentrates on ways to motivate awareness, interest, commitment,
and action using the “PARTNER” approach.
Chapter six explores how to navigate the emotional, physiological,
and cognitive aspects of conflict in collaborations. It identifies poor con-
flict management as a contributing factor to failed collaborations and
examines how to achieve successful collaborations by encouraging and
managing disagreement strategically. The four conflict stages and strate-
gies for managing each proactively are then discussed as follows:

1. Dormant
2. Emerging
 Introduction xiii

3. Active
4. Aftermath

Chapter seven discusses narrow-minded thinking as a key reason why

collaborators fail to achieve peak innovative solutions, and how to achieve
success using more of a balanced, whole-brain thinking approach. This
chapter offers guidelines for how to achieve maximum idea ownership
and creativity by merging both left- and right-brain methods for the most
creative options and solutions.
Finally, chapter eight reveals 10 common obstacles to the collabora-
tion process as follows:

1. Unrealistic expectations about collaboration as a process.

2. Great difficulty scheduling meeting times and locations that are suit-
able for all parties.
3. Lack of accountability and commitment to follow through on prom-
ises.
4. Incompatible and dominant personalities.
5. Lack of integrated technology tools.
6. Team discomfort sharing knowledge and resources.
7. Lack of sponsorship from influential senior executive leaders.
8. Restrictive organizational bureaucracy limiting the ease of change
initiatives.
9. Lack of diverse membership and representation.
10. Inadequate change leadership within the collaboration team.
Practical guidelines for overcoming each obstacle successfully are pro-
vided in detail.
 CHAPTER 1

Collaborating Defined: What

It Is and What It Is Not
Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
—Attributed to Helen Keller

Preview
This chapter discusses one key reason why people fail in collaborations:
unrealistic expectations. It then explores how having a realistic under-
standing of what a collaboration is, and what it is not, results in the most
successful outcomes. In this chapter, the misleading words, processes, and
actions frequently mistaken for a collaboration are contrasted with what
is actually required to enable a true collaboration to occur.
This chapter defines collaboration as a goal-oriented communication
process that encourages both disagreement and agreement between two
or more parties to identify and create a broader range of options, and
determine the most beneficial solutions to a mutual problem or oppor-
tunity. The essential competencies to ensure a successful collaboration
are identified and explained using the collaboration model, “The Deca-
gon of Collaboration.” Without these core capabilities, individuals are
more likely to fail at collaboration than to succeed. These 10 capabilities
include the following:

1. Commitment
2. Connection
3. Curiosity
4. Convincing skills
5. Communication agility
6. Cultural adaptability
2 The Truth About Collaborating

7. Courage
8. Creativity
9. Conflict resolution
10. Compliance

Defining Collaboration
Collaboration is a word I hear almost daily on a professional and personal
basis. For example, a client tells me that he would like to collaborate
about an upcoming project. A senior executive informs me that her team
needs to collaborate more to increase innovation. At a town hall meeting,
a chief executive officer (CEO) emphasizes collaboration as a primary
corporate priority that will help utilize resources better, increase team-
work, and improve overall organizational performance. At a project kick-
off meeting, the sponsor refers to team collaboration as a crucial focus in
a digital workplace. In a training workshop, a participant asks me how to
build collaboration with someone who “does not want to collaborate.” In
a coaching session with a vice president of a major Canadian corporation,
I am asked for efficiency tips about how to increase staff collaboration
with limited time in a fast-paced, customer-focused environment.
Chances are that you or someone in your work or personal life has
also emphasized the importance of collaboration. Perhaps a work col-
league has said, “We need to collaborate” to indicate an interest in an
honest dialogue about a mutual challenge or opportunity. Maybe a leader
has informed you that collaboration is a core value for your organiza-
tion, and expects you and others to demonstrate it as a model leader. Or
consider a conversation with a business partner, client, or vendor who
expresses an interest in developing your partnership through increased
collaboration. A prospective employer might describe a workplace as a
collaborative environment and ask you to explain how you can contribute
to building a more collaborative culture, if you are hired to work there.
At a monthly meeting, a book club member thanks the others for a col-
laborative discussion about a controversial book. In your personal life,
your child might be involved in a collaborative learning project, or your
physician might ask to work with you to collaborate on ways to promote
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 3

healthy eating in your family. A lawyer might introduce collaboration as

a method for managing a fair divorce settlement.
All of these examples illustrate that talking about one’s intentions to
collaborate is a positive motivation. Nonetheless, saying the word “collab-
oration” does not lead to a common understanding. The first step toward
achieving a successful collaboration is to ensure that all parties involved
agree on how to define what collaborating with each other means to them
individually and as a group. Otherwise, there will be different interpre-
tations about what occurred, and no way to guarantee that everyone will
interpret that a collaboration actually happened.
One of my clients, a CEO of a large corporation, experienced this
exact challenge firsthand. He spoke frequently and consistently about col-
laboration as a corporate value and priority for all staff, customers, busi-
ness partners, and vendors, including at town hall meetings with staff.
But he did not define the word “collaboration” specifically to any of his
senior executives or their teams. In his view, this was not necessary.
When I was contracted by the company to help support the CEO’s
vision of more collaboration, I interacted over a two-year period with
over 500 of his senior leaders and their staff for interviews, coaching, and
training. I witnessed a high level of confusion, frustration, and disbe-
lief regarding what he actually meant by using the word “collaboration.”
Some of the leaders and their staff assumed they were already collaborat-
ing, so they were offended by his asking them to do more of it, when they
felt they were already delivering their best. Additionally, some individuals
believed their approach to collaboration was better than that of others,
and criticized some of their leaders and peers for not doing it well, which
caused friction and conflict within the team. Still other members of the
senior executive team were demotivated by the ambiguity of the CEO’s
request, expecting the CEO to communicate more clearly exactly what he
meant by collaboration, so they knew how to put it into action.
After a series of debriefings and careful reviews of leader and staff
feedback, the CEO finally agreed to communicate better with his
senior executive team to cocreate a more specific corporate definition of
collaboration that would then be conveyed consistently to all levels
within the organization. The result was increased buy-in and commit-
ment from the senior executive team. They were able to cocreate more
4 The Truth About Collaborating

tangible performance indicators to ensure that the CEO’s vision was clear.
Having a common understanding about what collaboration entailed in
their organization also helped the leaders become more unified in achiev-
ing the vision that they felt more committed to supporting.
Agreeing about how to define collaboration is not the only way to
understand it. Another way to comprehend what a true collaboration is,
is to identify what it is not. Collaboration is not one-sided. Collaboration
is not something one can accomplish solely with oneself; it requires the
participation of one or more others to occur. Ultimately, collaboration is
not possible if the others do not want to participate. Collaboration is not
necessarily a safe or easy thing to do. This is because collaboration is not
something that is inherently good or well received by others, as it involves
some risks. Its motivations and outcomes can have negative as well as
positive impacts that can be hard to predict or prepare for, depending on
one’s perspective. For example, collaborating on an innovative idea can
be considered positive, whereas a war-time collaboration with the enemy
based on power or coercion can be considered negative.
It is also crucial to understand that collaboration is not always the best
way, or the right way, or the most approved way. Collaboration does not
mean providing information or input that others have to agree with or
respond to positively, so it is not the same as consensus. Collaboration
is not based solely on agreement or compromise. Collaboration does not
make collaborators more popular. Actually, collaborators can, in fact, be
regarded more negatively if they offer opinions that are not commonly
approved of by the rest of the team. Collaboration is not always effective,
especially if it is perceived negatively, as inappropriate, as a waste of time,
or is executed poorly. Collaboration is not a natural way for people to react,
and it is not something that can be done easily without tremendous effort.
Additionally, collaboration is not a standardized, universal process.
There is no one consistent, homogeneous approach that will work in every
situation. It is not something that people do naturally and it is not easy to
learn, either. Collaboration is not the same in each culture or organization
because the individuals involved have diverse mindsets, beliefs, practices,
and norms that define and demonstrate it differently. A collaboration
does not have to be planned. It can occur proactively or spontaneously if
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 5

all parties are like-minded in wanting to achieve the same goal or focus on
a common interest. Collaboration does not look the same each time, so it
is neither easy to identify in all situations nor obvious to explain.
So, when attempting to define what collaboration actually is, there
are two commonly accepted definitions. The first one generally refers to
working with others, typically using a formalized process, to produce or
create something with a positive value to both parties, as in collaborating
with another to achieve a common goal. In this context, the following
words are often identified as related synonyms: groupings, teamwork,
partnerships, associations, and alliance. The second definition typically
identifies collaboration as a negative act of cooperation or treason, such
as helping an enemy by providing information. These are some related
words that one can associate within this context: conspiring, colluding,
fraternizing, and betraying.
Although both definitions have very different motivations, the process
is the same, namely providing information with some type of benefit in
return. In the first example, collaborating for the purpose of producing
something of value can result in improved status or image, shared pride,
quality, better return on investment, happier customers, or enhanced team-
work. In contrast, as a negative act of collusion or conspiracy, collaboration
with the enemy is more likely for the purpose of providing something of
value to the other party for survival or self-preservation.
Regardless of whether it is for good or for bad, a collaboration cannot
occur without another’s active commitment and participation. It involves
achieving results one could never accomplish on one’s own by combining
different skills, perspectives, information, and styles to achieve a common
goal, outcome, result, or vision. This inevitably requires a special emo-
tional climate and communication process for disagreement to ensure
that diverse and differing views and perspectives are conveyed and truly
heard in a safe group setting.
In essence, a collaboration is a contradiction in itself because to suc-
ceed, it needs to blend agreement on common principles, goals, and
interests, with ample opportunity for disagreement. It is an ongoing pro-
cess for both asserting ideas and building trusting relationships to express
those ideas with all parties’ interests in mind. Therefore, to succeed,
6 The Truth About Collaborating

collaborators need to attain a fine balance of assertiveness and trust that is

complex and challenging to achieve.
Without a common goal, collaboration is most likely to fail due to
the pressures that result from the two conflicting dynamics related to dis-
agreement and agreement. To balance both equally, effective communi-
cation is necessary.
I recall an excellent example of a collaboration with a business partner
that had the perfect balance of assertiveness and trust based on well-man-
aged agreement and disagreement. For these reasons, that specific col-
laboration will always stand out in memory as one of the best I have
ever experienced. Initially, we met to discuss an upcoming project and
I learned that there was a team of about 12 people. I will name my key
contact, a senior leader of the group, John. John had made a special effort
to interview prospective business partners with the intent to hire the one
with the most compatible values and complementary expertise. After ask-
ing and answering questions over a total of four meetings, two which we
traveled to in person from two different cities, and two virtual meetings,
John informed me of the good news that I was the vendor of choice for
that project.
The first planning meeting by teleconference was a key turning
point that consolidated our relationship to evolve into a true collab-
oration. The team members asked me to do a specific task for them
a certain way, and assumed I would agree. However, I indicated that
I preferred to do it another way. They were curious and open to hear-
ing my approach, and they asked for clarification and an example.
Motivated by their commitment to learn more about my course design
process, I asked them many questions to understand their mindset
and approaches. By the 10th weekly teleconference update, we were
much more knowledgeable about each other and more aware of the
thinking differences among us. Although it took much longer to get
everyone’s input, we established norms for disagreement to focus on
better options and solutions without taking any criticisms or chal-
lenges personally.
Six months later, John and his team joined me for the training day.
Each member sat at a table with other participants as a “champion” of
the program. At breaks, we gave each other feedback about what was
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 7

working and what needed improvement, and we brainstormed options

together, sharing our commitment and accountability to ensure success-
ful results. By the end of the session, I truly felt that this was our collec-
tive accomplishment. I would have done the training very differently if
left on my own. It would have been faster and easier to work alone, but
not as impactful. The participants rated the session the highest ever in
the organization’s history. And John and the team joined me to celebrate
the incredible results of our collaboration.
That day was a reminder of Helen Keller’s famous line, “Alone we can
do so little; together we can do so much.” Helen Keller (1880 to 1968)
was a famous author, political activist, and lecturer. She could not see or
hear, but based on the communication support of a team of people with
complementary skills, she learned to speak and graduated from Radcliffe
College of Harvard University in 1904 with a Bachelor of Arts degree,
two very impressive accomplishments. Our team’s relatively more modest
achievement was to build a powerful, trusting relationship that enabled
us to challenge each other for continuous improvement to achieve a goal
that we accomplished with pride. Essentially, the quality of our commu-
nication was the key to our success.

Collaboration As a Communication Process

It is important for collaborators to remember not to take the process of
communication for granted. The communication component of any col-
laboration begins with the complex process of encoding and decoding.
This exchange includes conveying messages to others using words, tone,
body language, silence, and intended meanings, and relying on them to
decode the meaning accurately. When one party sends the information
or input with the intent to convey specific information to the other
party, there is no guarantee that mutual understanding will be achieved.
When the receiver attempts to decode, or decipher what is transmit-
ted, communication misunderstandings can easily occur due to differ-
ences in values, culture, language, experience, and interpretation. To
achieve a common understanding, all collaborators need to invest con-
siderable mental and emotional energy to clarify meanings for mutual
understanding.
8 The Truth About Collaborating

Demonstrating Collaboration Competencies

There are 10 essential competencies to ensure a successful collaboration
for all concerned parties. I like to refer to these competencies as “The
Decagon of Collaboration.” They are as follows:

1. Commitment
2. Connection
3. Curiosity
4. Convincing skills
5. Communication agility
6. Cultural adaptability
7. Courage
8. Creativity
9. Conflict resolution
10. Compliance

1  Commitment: To take accountability by investing time and energy

to achieve a mutual end goal
The first essential competency needed for a successful collaboration
is commitment. This involves taking full accountability for the success of
the collaboration, regardless of how much time and effort are needed to
achieve the end goal. Being committed to the process of collaborating, as
the best possible approach, also means believing in its power to achieve
the desired outcomes. Investing mental and physical energy throughout
the collaboration process entails having the emotional resiliency and the
intellectual stamina to stay the course of the collaboration, without giving
up. Example: Recognizing that doing a project by oneself is faster, but decid-
ing that collaboration is the best way to achieve innovation for that particular
project.
2 Connection: To develop trust and community with the other parties
Building strong connections with others is essential for a collabora-
tion to succeed. Connecting with others to create a unified community
of collaborators involves the skill to both give and receive direction, guid-
ance, support, and criticism nondefensively in the spirit of cooperation
and trust. To achieve this end, the collaborator needs a keen ability to
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 9

observe others’ emotional states nonjudgmentally and to be able to use

that knowledge authentically with the best intention to establish an emo-
tional climate of trust. To build trust, there needs to be a “you and me
against the problem” mentality, not a “you are the problem” mindset.
Example: While collaborating on a new digital IT platform, you find out
that one of the other team members in a different department is upset about
a change. You decide to learn more about why that person objects, and con-
centrate on listening actively to what is said to understand, not to evaluate
or judge. That other individual then asks you to talk about your attitudes in
favor of the change and also listens without interrupting, while keeping an
open mind. Although there is no immediate agreement about what to do next,
both you and the other team member build more trust by knowing that you
could express your views without argumentation, disapproval, or defensive-
ness. At the end of the conversation, you still do not agree, but you have each
increased your understanding of the other’s interests, and enhanced your trust
as well.
3  Curiosity: To explore new ideas and approaches outside one’s own
world view
Curiosity is often underestimated as an essential competency for a
successful collaboration. Wanting to know how others think, operate,
work, and communicate is a positive motivator for any collaborator. It
enables a true partnership that manages expertise and knowledge transfer
with an openness to new ways of achieving the goal. Being curious cre-
ates the willingness to engage others to learn more about their concerns,
motivations, suggestions, and goals with interest, patience, and tolerance.
The result is more enjoyment of the collaboration process to explore the
unknown, and the increased willingness to take risks to acquire new
insights and skills based on trial and error, including broadening one’s
knowledge, based on making mistakes and reflecting on lessons learned,
to put into action next time. Example: During a collaboration, one of the
team members, Jessie, objected to a process that Pat was explaining. Instead of
responding defensively by justifying why the process needed to be followed and
how it worked, Pat showed a natural curiosity by asking a series of questions
to learn more about Jessie’s concerns. During this process, Jessie’s tone and
manner became more relaxed, and he started to share more of his opinions.
Throughout the discussion, Pat did a lot of paraphrasing to make sure that she
10 The Truth About Collaborating

understood Jessie’s concerns and point of view, without pressuring him to agree
to anything. At the end of the conversation, Pat informed Jessie that she appre-
ciated the time he took to explain his concerns. As a result of her curiosity, Pat
was able to learn more about Jessie’s thinking process and earn his trust for
future brainstorming discussions throughout the collaboration.
4  Convincing skills: To influence buy-in and manage disagreement
proactively
The ability to influence others, both with and without authority, is
one of the most important competencies needed to achieve success in a
collaboration. Fluent convincing skills require a combination of talents:
an understanding of the difference between informing and influencing,
the verbal and written agility to reframe messages with the intent to per-
suade, the capacity to think quickly on one’s feet, and an understanding
of negotiation strategies and tactics to apply in different situations, as the
need arises. Example: During an intense debate involving a lot of disagree-
ment, you notice that the comments are adversarial and not constructive. So
you convince the collaboration team members to refocus on the purpose of
their debate. You get their agreement to a common goal, namely improving
customer service quality and delivery times. Once you achieve their buy-in
and commitment, you are able to encourage and manage their disagreement
by establishing and enforcing “ground rules”, and reminding the group that
improving customer service quality and delivery times is the end goal.
5  Communication agility: To convey constructive messages fluently
and skillfully
In any collaboration, responding spontaneously to unexpected ques-
tions with competence and credibility requires considerable communica-
tion agility. An agile communicator has the skill and self-confidence to
think on his or her feet quickly and demonstrate the flexibility to adapt
the message to engage the other collaboration parties. Being able to han-
dle ambiguous information and questions with confidence and reframe
one’s response with a clear focus on the collaboration goals are key com-
ponents of communication agility. Example: During a collaborative nego-
tiation session, a business partner assumed that the other party had agreed to
implement a new process. But the other party had not agreed yet to the process
and expressed some serious concerns in an aggressive way that was emotion-
ally charged. The business partner demonstrated communication agility by
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 11

rephrasing the question to ensure her complete understanding of the concern.

She then reframed the focus to the common goal and explained nondefensively
how the new process would achieve the expected outcomes. This communica-
tion agility to de-escalate the conversation and address challenges more con-
structively enabled the business partner to build trust and understanding with
the other party throughout the remainder of the collaboration.
6  Cultural adaptability: To observe and adjust well to diverse values,
beliefs, and norms
The ability to observe, adjust, and adapt to different cultural norms,
beliefs, and practices is necessary for any collaboration to succeed.
Cultural adaptability entails the awareness and sensitivity to recognize
important cultural differences that need to be noticed and addressed to
build rapport and enable effective communication. Collaborators with
cultural adaptability are thoughtful and deliberate about how they com-
municate, taking into consideration others’ different beliefs and attitudes
about time, technology, authority, conflict, teamwork, decision making,
negotiation, and collaboration meeting norms.
Since collaborations require a significant investment of time, effec-
tive time management is essential. Understanding how different cultures
perceive and utilize time can be a crucial advantage for any collaborator
interested in achieving high engagement as well as maximum productivity
for successful outcomes. There are two contrasting time values. Those cul-
tures preferring monochronic time, or m-time, see time as linear, sequen-
tial, structured, and not to be wasted. They integrate these values into
collaborations by insisting on having detailed agendas, strict timelines,
and documented follow-up for planned actions. Cultures considered to
be monochronic include Germany and England.
Cultures that prefer polychronic time, or p-time, perceive time as
more spontaneous and free flowing, with a “we will get there when we get
there” attitude. Collaborators with a polychronic focus on time enjoy a
more open-ended approach to meetings without the need for much writ-
ten documentation or structure. They prefer to leave lots of unscheduled
time for unforeseen opportunities and enjoy the freedom of responding
in the moment and not being obligated to follow a strict agenda. One can
identify monochronic and polychronic time values through observation,
asking questions about preferences, and trial and error. Cultures that are
12 The Truth About Collaborating

considered polychronic include Brazil and France. If one is not sure about
the team’s attitudes toward time, it is best to organize the collaboration
meetings to include a blend of polychronic and monochronic elements.
Example: During a collaboration session, one individual from a monochronic
culture insisted on an agenda with the specific start and end times for each
topic. However, another participant from a polychronic culture objected, say-
ing that an agenda was not necessary, and that it would be better to just “go
with the flow.” The collaboration facilitator was very familiar with m-time
cultures that see time as linear, and with p-time cultures that prefer a less
structured approach. So the facilitator recommended a compromise to appeal
to both parties by simplifying the agenda to be less detailed and more open-
ended. Both parties agreed, knowing that making small adjustments would
demonstrate their commitment to building a partnership that was strength-
ened by different cultural expectations of what makes a collaboration meeting
most productive.
7  Courage: To take risks beyond one’s comfort zone to try new approaches
Having the courage to take risks, despite some discomfort, can lead to
more successful outcomes in collaborations. The courage to trust someone
else’s expertise or try a new approach offers the potential for more inno-
vative options and solutions. The courage to voice unpopular or different
viewpoints and try new approaches requires the mindset of an explorer
and adventurer. There is always the risk of uncertainty regarding whether
or not the desired end results will be achieved. Nonetheless, the courage
to strive for something new and different and trust in one’s intuition is an
essential part of the collaboration journey. Example: Mary’s collaboration
team member, James, has recommended a new process, the XYZ methodology,
but Mary has never tried it before. Mary is open to trying it on a pilot basis,
but Mary’s boss is suspicious about using it at all because there is no statistical
data available to support its potential success or failure. However, James has
used this process before, in a former job in another organization, and claims
that it will be ideal for the project Mary is working on. After careful review
of the facts with her collaboration team colleague, Mary agrees to take a risk
and recommend to her boss that a test pilot be implemented to try the new
process and evaluate its effectiveness. If the process fails, Mary could receive
negative feedback from her boss, or even a demotion. If Mary succeeds, the
organization will benefit with more efficiency and cost savings, and she could
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 13

gain more credibility with her boss and other leaders, even eligibility for a
promotion. Mary’s courage leads her to take the risk with the support of her
collaboration team, including her boss. Six months later, Mary provides her
boss with a summary of the cost savings and high customer praise for the new
process. Shortly after, Mary’s boss approves a proposal from the collaboration
team for a new partnership to implement the XYZ process for the organization
for all locations globally.
8 Creativity: To apply both divergent and convergent brainpower
Achieving peak creativity for innovative solutions is what drives the col-
laboration process. Exploring and inventing new options and approaches,
that others might never have considered alone, is one of the most exciting
ways a collaboration team can achieve success. The biggest obstacle to
achieving peak creativity in a collaboration occurs when team members
rely too much on proven approaches or delude themselves into thinking
that they have generated creative options, when those ideas are not very
creative at all. Limiting one’s thinking style to either a logical, left-brain
approach or a more intuitive, right-brain focus can restrict a collaboration
team’s potential to achieve peak creativity. The best approach is to com-
bine both left- and right-brain methods when attempting to generate the
most innovative ideas. This requires blending both right-brain, divergent
thinking and more left-brain, convergent thinking approaches. Whereas
convergent thinking involves wanting to know the correct answers to ana-
lyze and solve problems logically and systematically based on data and
logic, divergent thinking is the opposite. Divergent thinking is a more
intuitive approach to generate as many options as possible, even if they
are not practical or correct. It involves thinking more conceptually and
less practically.
In contrast, convergent thinking involves narrowing down the options
as quickly as possible to avoid ambiguity, often achieved by devising oper-
ational procedures and a tactical action plan. The divergent approach to
problem solving, also known as lateral thinking, involves a more free
flowing and less linear process that poses more questions than answers
to address alternative options based on supposition and the imagination.
Example: During a team meeting to collaborate on a new process for tracking
project results, a convergent thinker recommended a specific product based
on quantitative data that supports it for being the most accurate, affordable,
14 The Truth About Collaborating

and easy to implement quickly. In contrast, a divergent thinker on the team

provided 20 different ideas for ways to track results, including unique options
based on interviewing people in different industries who created their own
products using visual, state-of-the-art technology adapted from the graphics
and movie industries. The final solution combined both approaches, resulting
in the best use of the collaboration team’s brainpower, ultimately achieving the
most creative results possible.
9  Conflict Resolution: To manage conflicts confidently using proven
strategies and tactics
Since disagreement is a natural part of a collaboration, having pro-
ficient conflict resolution skills is critical for success. Being self-aware
of one’s own conflict reactions and being able to address others’ conflict
responses with calm and confidence require special training and practice.
The self-awareness to recognize and manage conflict “triggers” proactively
involves self-reflection and discipline. Knowing what strategies to apply to
manage disagreements without unnecessary escalation requires an under-
standing of conflict styles and the knowledge of appropriate conflict man-
agement strategies to use with deliberation and flexibility. Constructive
feedback from others based on how to handle conflict situations better
can also help develop resiliency and adaptability. Example: When acting as
the lead negotiator during a contract negotiation with multiple parties, Fred
was able to reduce people’s frustration and reframe their discussion to build on
their different opinions, resulting in contractual changes that all parties agreed
were beneficial. Fred’s self-awareness of his own conflict responses enabled him
to avoid taking the others’ comments too personally. Fred’s familiarity with
proven conflict strategies enabled him to plan and implement a variety of tech-
niques that helped him gain control of the discussion without being perceived
as too controlling.
10  Compliance: To construct and enforce consistent group processes and
protocols to ensure a successful collaboration
Team collaborations involve much more than idea generation and
trust building. They also require compliance to policies, legislation, deci-
sion-making standards, and group processes to get things done thor-
oughly and efficiently. Therefore, it is essential for all collaboration parties
to identify legal and administrative requirements and adhere to them
 Collaborating Defined: What It Is and What It Is Not 15

consistently to ensure that ethical and legal standards are maintained to

achieve quality results that are suitable for all. Additionally, it is important
to create and enforce group communication processes to ensure that the
team is able to function most efficiently and effectively to build produc-
tive partnerships and achieve the desired goals. Group operating norms
include processes regarding discussing, debating, disagreeing, updating,
deciding, and making changes. Although a collaboration does not need
to be formal, it does typically require consistent norms and protocols that
are followed routinely by everyone so that there is maximum engagement
and participation. Example: To enable effective collaboration, the project
leader engaged the group in agreeing to “ground rules” for behavioral norms
at both virtual and in-person meetings. This included agreeing on how the
group would interact during meetings to build trust, manage disagreement,
make decisions, and agree to roles and responsibilities. These “ground rules”
were communicated to all team members at the beginning of all meetings.
Periodically, the team reviewed these norms and demonstrated ownership by
contributing to and voting for “ground rule” modifications and additions
when necessary.

Summary
Defining collaboration is not an easy task because it is an often-used
and misunderstood word and process. Misconceptions of collaboration
include mistaking it as a general partnership, having universal character-
istics, involving standard norms for behavior, and generally serving as the
primary means for agreement. Collaboration is defined in this chapter as
a goal-oriented process that encourages both disagreement and agreement
between two or more parties to achieve a broader range of options and
solutions for a mutual problem or opportunity.
The purpose of a collaboration can be for good or for bad. Collabo-
ration can lead to results that one could never accomplish on one’s own.
Any collaboration requires the active commitment of at least two individ-
uals for it to take place. It encourages disagreement as well as agreement
to blend different skills, perspectives, information, and styles to achieve a
common goal, outcome, result, or vision.
16 The Truth About Collaborating

The 10 essential competencies for a successful collaboration, known

as “The Decagon of Collaboration,” are as follows:

1. Commitment: To invest time and energy on an end goal.

2. Connection: To develop trust and community with the other parties.
3. Curiosity: To explore new ideas and approaches beyond one’s world
view.
4. Convincing skills: To influence buy-in and manage disagreement
proactively.
5. Communication agility: To convey constructive messages fluently
and skillfully.
6. Cultural adaptability: To observe and adjust well to diverse values,
beliefs, and norms.
7. Courage: To take risks beyond one’s comfort zone to try new
approaches.
8. Creativity: To apply both convergent and divergent brainpower.
9. Conflict resolution: To manage conflict confidently using proven
strategies and tactics to both encourage and manage disagreement.
10. Compliance: To construct and enforce consistent group commu-
nication processes and protocols to make sure discussions involve
disagreement as well as agreement to generate the best options and
solutions.
 Index
Acceptance, 49 Committed, Open, Invested, and
Active disagreement, 33 Nondefensive (COIN), xi–xii,
Active stage of conflict 18–19
description of, 61 Communication agility
strategies of, 63–64, 131 demonstration of, 10–11
Aftermath stage of conflict self-assessment of, 101–102
description of, 61 Compliance
strategies of, 64, 132 demonstration of, 14–15
Agreement phase, 29, 35, 119 self-assessment of, 110–112
Conflict resolution
Cognitive level of conflict, 59 demonstration of, 14
COIN. See Committed, Open, self-assessment of, 108–110
Invested, and Nondefensive Connection
Collaborating as process demonstration of, 8–9
agreement phase, 29, 35, 119 self-assessment of, 95–97
disagreement phase, 29, 32–35, Convergent thinking
118 demonstration of, 13
discovery phase, 28–31, 117 Convincing skills
discussion phase, 28, 31–32, 118 demonstration of, 10
overview of, 27–28 self-assessment of, 99–101
Collaboration Courage
capabilities, 1–2 demonstration of, 12–13
communication process, 7 self-assessment of, 104–106
competencies, xi, 8–15, 93–112 Crawford Slip method, 72–73
conflict stages and strategies, xii–xiii Creativity
definitions of, 1–7 demonstration of, 13–14
Collaboration failures, xii self-assessment of, 106–108
Collaboration mindfulness Cultural adaptability
acquiring, 17–20 demonstration of, 11–12
COIN, xi–xii, 18–19 self-assessment of, 103–104
lack of, xi Curiosity
mental preparedness guidelines, demonstration of, 9–10
20–25 in persuasion, 49
planning checklist for, 113–115 self-assessment of, 97–99
Collaboration process
common obstacles, 81–91, The Decagon of Collaboration,
137–141, xiii 1, 8, 16
components of, xii Disagreement phase, 29, 32–35,
Commitment 118
demonstration of, 8 Discovery phase, 28–31, 117
self-assessment of, 94–95 Discussion phase, 28, 31–32, 118
Committed, 18–20 Divergent thinking, 13
148 Index

Dormant stage of conflict “PARTNER” approach, 48, 53

description of, 60 principles of persuasion, 48–50
strategies of, 61–62, 130 reframing, 50–53
skill categories, 45
Emergent stage of conflict tip sheet, 125–127
description of, 60–61 Nondefensive, 18–20
strategies of, 62, 130–131
Emerging disagreement, 33 Obstacles to collaboration
Emotional level of conflict, 56–57 change of leadership, 81, 90–91,
Escalated disagreement, 33 141
diverse membership and
Fear, 49 representation, 81, 90,
Focusing guidelines, 69–70 140–141
Fulfillment, 50 incompatible and dominant
personalities, 81, 85–86, 139
Group connections, 69 lack of accountability and
Growth, 49 commitment, 81, 85,
138–139
Idea generation guidelines lack of sponsorship, 81, 88, 140
checklist, 133–135 organizational bureaucracy, 81, 89,
diverse methods, 72–78 140
focusing, 69–70 scheduling meetings, 81, 84, 138
group connections, 69 sharing knowledge and resources,
overview of, 68 81, 87–88, 139–140
share accountability, 68–69 technology tools, 81, 86–87, 139
whole-brain approach, 70–72 unrealistic expectations, 81, 82–83,
Independence, 49 137–138
Invested, 18–20 Open, 18–20
Opportunity-based collaboration
Left- and right-brain methods, 70–72 discussion and disagreement
strategies, 43
Mental preparedness guidelines, overview of, 37–38
20–25 planning, 38
relevant questions, 38–40
Messaging, 45, 47–48
strategic discussions, 40–44
Mind Mapping method, 76–78
structure for, 41
topic planner, 121–123
Navigating conflict
Active stage, 61, 63–64, 131 Opposite Thinking method, 73–74
Aftermath stage, 61, 64, 132
Dormant stage, 60, 61–62, 130 “PARTNER” approach, 48, 53
Emergent stage, 60–61, 62, Persuading, 45, 48–50
130–131 Physiological level of conflict, 57–58
self-managing conflict responses, Pride, 49
56–59, 129–130 Principles of persuasion, 48–50
specific examples, 60 Problem-based collaboration
Negotiating and decision making discussion and disagreement
meaningful questions, 45–47 strategies, 42–43
messaging, 45, 47–48 overview of, 37–38
 Index 149

planning, 38 Security, 49
relevant questions, 38–40 Self-assessment of collaboration
strategic discussions, 40–44 competencies, 93–112
structure for, 40–41 Self-managing conflict response
topic planner, 121–123 cognitive level, 59
emotional level, 56–57
Questioning, 45–47 overview of, 56, 129–130
physiological level, 57–58
Recognition, 49 Share accountability guidelines,
Reframing, 50–53 68–69
Restrained disagreement, 33 Status, 50

SCAMPER method, 74–76 Whole-brain approach, 70–72