Chapter III.

A Caucus-Race and
a Long Tale

T hey were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled

on the bank—the birds with draggled feathers, the ani-
mals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping
wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
The first question of course was, how to get dry again:
they had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes
it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking fa-
miliarly with them, as if she had known them all her life.
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the Lory, who
at last turned sulky, and would only say, ‘I am older than
you, and must know better’; and this Alice would not allow
without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively
refused to tell its age, there was no more to be said.
At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of author-
ity among them, called out, ‘Sit down, all of you, and listen
to me! I’ll soon make you dry enough!’ They all sat down
at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Al-
ice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she
would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry very soon.
‘Ahem!’ said the Mouse with an important air, ‘are you
all ready? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all round,

20 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

if you please! ‘William the Conqueror, whose cause was fa-
voured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English,
who wanted leaders, and had been of late much accustomed
to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of
Mercia and Northumbria—’
‘Ugh!’ said the Lory, with a shiver.
‘I beg your pardon!’ said the Mouse, frowning, but very
politely: ‘Did you speak?’
‘Not I!’ said the Lory hastily.
‘I thought you did,’ said the Mouse. ‘—I proceed. ‘Edwin
and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared
for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Can-
terbury, found it advisable—’
‘Found what?’ said the Duck.
‘Found it,’ the Mouse replied rather crossly: ‘of course
you know what ‘it’ means.’
‘I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when I find a thing,’
said the Duck: ‘it’s generally a frog or a worm. The question
is, what did the archbishop find?’
The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly
went on, ‘—found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to
meet William and offer him the crown. William’s conduct
at first was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans—’
How are you getting on now, my dear?’ it continued, turn-
ing to Alice as it spoke.
‘As wet as ever,’ said Alice in a melancholy tone: ‘it doesn’t
seem to dry me at all.’
‘In that case,’ said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, ‘I
move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption

Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 21

of more energetic remedies—’
‘Speak English!’ said the Eaglet. ‘I don’t know the mean-
ing of half those long words, and, what’s more, I don’t believe
you do either!’ And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a
smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.
‘What I was going to say,’ said the Dodo in an offended
tone, ‘was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Cau-
cus-race.’
‘What is a Caucus-race?’ said Alice; not that she wanted
much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that
somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined
to say anything.
‘Why,’ said the Dodo, ‘the best way to explain it is to do
it.’ (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some
winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (’the
exact shape doesn’t matter,’ it said,) and then all the party
were placed along the course, here and there. There was no
‘One, two, three, and away,’ but they began running when
they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not
easy to know when the race was over. However, when they
had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry
again, the Dodo suddenly called out ‘The race is over!’ and
they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, ‘But who
has won?’
This question the Dodo could not answer without a great
deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger
pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usu-
ally see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest

22 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, ‘everybody has won,
and all must have prizes.’
‘But who is to give the prizes?’ quite a chorus of voices
asked.
‘Why, she, of course,’ said the Dodo, pointing to Alice
with one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round
her, calling out in a confused way, ‘Prizes! Prizes!’
Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her
hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily
the salt water had not got into it), and handed them round
as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all round.
‘But she must have a prize herself, you know,’ said the
Mouse.
‘Of course,’ the Dodo replied very gravely. ‘What else
have you got in your pocket?’ he went on, turning to Alice.
‘Only a thimble,’ said Alice sadly.
‘Hand it over here,’ said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round her once more, while the
Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying ‘We beg your
acceptance of this elegant thimble’; and, when it had fin-
ished this short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all
looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she
could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and
took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was to eat the comfits: this caused some
noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that they
could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to
be patted on the back. However, it was over at last, and they

Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 23

sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them
something more.
‘You promised to tell me your history, you know,’ said
Alice, ‘and why it is you hate—C and D,’ she added in a
whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.
‘Mine is a long and a sad tale!’ said the Mouse, turning to
Alice, and sighing.
‘It IS a long tail, certainly,’ said Alice, looking down with
wonder at the Mouse’s tail; ‘but why do you call it sad?’ And
she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking,
so that her idea of the tale was something like this:—

Fury said to
a mouse, That
he met
in the
house,
‘Let us
both go
to law:
I will
prosecute
you.—
Come, I’ll
take no
denial;
We must
have a
trial:

24 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

 For
really
this
morning
I’ve
nothing
to do.’
Said the
mouse to
the cur,
‘Such a
trial,
dear sir,
With no
jury or
judge
would be
wasting
our breath.’
‘I’ll be
judge,
I’ll be
jury,’
Said
cunning
old Fury!
‘I’ll try
the whole
cause,
and
condemn
you
to
death.’

‘You are not attending!’ said the Mouse to Alice severely.

‘What are you thinking of?’
‘I beg your pardon,’ said Alice very humbly: ‘you had got

Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 25

to the fifth bend, I think?’
‘I had not!’ cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
‘A knot!’ said Alice, always ready to make herself use-
ful, and looking anxiously about her. ‘Oh, do let me help to
undo it!’
‘I shall do nothing of the sort,’ said the Mouse, getting
up and walking away. ‘You insult me by talking such non-
sense!’
‘I didn’t mean it!’ pleaded poor Alice. ‘But you’re so easily
offended, you know!’
The Mouse only growled in reply.
‘Please come back and finish your story!’ Alice called af-
ter it; and the others all joined in chorus, ‘Yes, please do!’
but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked
a little quicker.
‘What a pity it wouldn’t stay!’ sighed the Lory, as soon
as it was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the oppor-
tunity of saying to her daughter ‘Ah, my dear! Let this be a
lesson to you never to lose your temper!’ ‘Hold your tongue,
Ma!’ said the young Crab, a little snappishly. ‘You’re enough
to try the patience of an oyster!’
‘I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!’ said Alice
aloud, addressing nobody in particular. ‘She’d soon fetch
it back!’
‘And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the ques-
tion?’ said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk
about her pet: ‘Dinah’s our cat. And she’s such a capital one
for catching mice you can’t think! And oh, I wish you could

26 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

see her after the birds! Why, she’ll eat a little bird as soon as
look at it!’
This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the
party. Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie
began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, ‘I really
must be getting home; the night-air doesn’t suit my throat!’
and a Canary called out in a trembling voice to its children,
‘Come away, my dears! It’s high time you were all in bed!’
On various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice was soon
left alone.
‘I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah!’ she said to herself in
a melancholy tone. ‘Nobody seems to like her, down here,
and I’m sure she’s the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear
Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!’ And here
poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and
low-spirited. In a little while, however, she again heard a lit-
tle pattering of footsteps in the distance, and she looked up
eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed his mind,
and was coming back to finish his story.

Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 27