Name: Nichols

School:

Drama Kids international Presents:

The Cleanest Town in Texas

ALL (big sigh, X legs L over R, lean head on R hand) Hmmm (sigh switch positions) Huhhh (Switch
again, cowboys heads down, then up) This is a boring town.

JESSE Nothing happens anymore.

MARY LOU Nothing worth gossiping about!

SHERIFF Everything we do here is good & right!

SODA POP We’re know around as a clean little town.

(ALL TAKE HAT OFF, HAND OVER HEART)

ALL No messes, no stealin, and NOO fightin (big spit) (SFX spittoon) (all sit)

CAL (throws body and head back) This is a boring town. For folks of every age

SODA POP Hey, cheer up! Here comes the Stage…...Coach. (SFX Horse & Carriage)

(CHANEL ENTERS SR TO CS)

CHANEL Stand back, stand back. Don’t crowd me. Autographs are $20 each.

SODA POP Aww. I only have 2 10’s.

JESSE Who’s this big city folk? (SFX Whistle)

CHANEL My name is Chanel, but you can just call me #VSCO

SHEIFF Yeah, I’m not doing that.

CAL Whoa, what rich town are you from?

CHANEL I’m from the greater incorporated area of mind your own business.

ALL Highland Park.

SHERIFF (stands X TO CS, extends hand to shake) Howdy, Ma’am. Welcome to the cleanest town
in Texas.

CHANEL How clean is it?

SODA POP You’ve heard of Abilene? Well this is Abi-CLEAN

SHERIFF It’s so clean, the only alcohol we serve is Purell.

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MARY LOU We put the OK in OCD

CHANEL And who are you?

MARY LOU I’m Mary Annabel Lou.

CHANEL With all those names you think there’d be more people. How did you…

MARY LOU BORED!!! (Falls on the ground and starts running)

(CHANEL gets on her phone and SODA POP looks over her shoulder)

SODA POP You got a text from your mom.

CHANEL AGH! Nosey much?

SODA POP I’m Aboloo the Soda Pop Guru!

CHANEL I didn’t ask.

SODA POP No one ever does. Would you like to try my new bubble tea? (gives tea to CHANEL)

CHANEL WOULD I?!?! (Takes cup and throws it away)

JESSE Folks call me Jesse. You seem mighty important to be ‘round here.

CAL Yeah! You look rich! And famous! And rich.

CHANEL Thank, you. I am. I have, like, a million followers on my finsta alone. Say, Miss Cowgirl
Girl, be a doll and go get my bags?

JESSE It’s Jesse, ma’am.

CHANEL Thanks. I’m not going to remember that.

SHERIFF And I’m Mr. Sheriff. I’m the sheriff of this here town.

CHANEL Wait, your name is Sheriff Sheriff?

SHERIFF Sheriff.

JESSE (picks up bags) Whoa, how many shoes did you bring!? (Trying to balance bags, trips
over tumbleweed spills bags everywhere) (SFX Tumbleweed & SFX RC Fall)

ALL TOWNFOLKS (Gasp) (ELLY MAY X to JB)

MARY LOU Oh my… oh my… (rushes to CS) look at this mess! I think I’m going to pretend to faint…
(faints)

CAL Did you get that fall? Quick, post it! (CHANEL ad-lib trying to post video)

CHANEL Oh no I can’t get a signal! There’s no Wi-Fi! WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD
PEOPLE?!?!

(CHANEL PACES AROUND LOOKING FOR SIGNAL & go to the card table)

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CAL (playing cards, stand up throws cards down) Aces over eights!

JESSE You’re cheating AGAIN, Cal! At Solitaire.

SHERIFF (clears throat faces audience walks to CHANEL) That’s Cal from Cowpie Corral. Since the
town became clean, she’s become messy and mean.

CAL (SFX Good/Bad/Ugly SFX) (strike pose) Excuse me Miss Chanel. You seem to be
stumped with the ways of this backwards town.

JESSE Everyone seems to really like Chanel.

MARY LOU I wouldn’t say EVERYone…

SHERIFF I wouldn’t say anyone.

JESSE Oh be nice, you two.

SODA POP Evening folks. It’s almost closing time.

CHANEL But it’s only 3:00!!

SHERIFF Rules are rules, Miss Chanel

JESSE (stands placing hand over heart) We’re know around as a clean little town…

ALL CAST No messin’, No stealin’ and NO fightin’ (SFX spittoon) (all sit, back to 1st position)

CHANEL Yeah, I’ve heard your catchphrase. No fighting, No Wi-Fi, No fun! This town is literally
the worst! (twirls around crosses arms & rolls eyes)

CAL (pulls Chanel DS) Chanel if you & I could be partners we would really clean up around
here. (winks to audience)

CHANEL (offended) NO PUNS!

CAL With your good looks and my sharp brain we’ll make a lot of money around here.

CHANEL Finally someone is talking my language.

SODA POP Here’s your root beer, Miss Callie. (CAL stands up and stares at SODA POP) Don’t do it.
(CAL slowly pushes drink off table) Don’t you don’t it. Don’t. Don’t! (drink falls on floor) You did it.

(CHANEL crosses to table, Messes up cards & puts gum under table) (SHERIFF & DEPUTY move to table)

(TOWN FOLKS GASP & REACT)

JESSE (pacing CS & looking at town folks) Don’t worry folks! Chanel won’t do you any harm.
(CHANEL screams, flips over table) She really is very sweet…

CHANEL Well, I’m sick of this town and everyone in it. Take these bags up to my room. I want to
stay here and dance (twirls)

SHERIFF I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m afraid there’s no dancing around here after 3PM.

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CAL Now that’s just downright un-neighborly (stands up slaps table)

SHERIFF Sorry folks, those are the rules. It’s time to shut the door… (Waves hand dismissively)

SODA POP Night folks, I’ve got lots of washin to do.

JESSE Goodnight Miss Chanel. (JESSE picks up luggage & takes it off SR)

CAL (stage whispers) Meet us by the jail house so we can go over our plan. (VILLAINS laugh)

(SFX Good/Bad/Ugly)(VILLAINS strike post/back to back) (CHANEL/CAL ALL X TO JAILHOUSE)

SCENE 2: (all towns folk dance to 1 st

(SODA POP ENTERS, CRYING)

JESSE Oh, no! What happened?

SHERIFF I heard that Chanel partnered up with Cal and they’ve been scamming people out of
their money and land!

MARY LOU MEANIES! (ALL look & gasp) That’s right. I said it.

(CHANEL/CAL DISCUSSING PLANS IN FRONT OF JAILHOUSE)

SODA POP Chanel brings people into CAL’s house for meetings.

(CHANEL/CAL ACTING OUT SCENE)

SHERIFF Cal then tricks them with facts and figures. (VILLAINS hold up signs with facts & figures)

JESSE And while they’re confused, she makes them sign a fake contract.

(FORCES CHANEL TO SIGN, CHANEL MOVES TOWARDS COUNTER LOOKING CONFUSED)

SODA POP Cal then sells the land to men from out of town.

(CAL ROLLS UP BLUEPRINTS OF LAND, TALKS ON PHONE)

MARY LOU She stole all our money!

JESSE And all our land!

SODA POP Sheriff, they took my farmhouse.

JESSE They even took my brand-new cowboy boots.

SHERIFF I can’t let them get away with this!

(SHERIFF MARCHES UP TO A CRYING CHANEL SITTING ON THE FLOOR)

SHERIFF Miss Chanel, I’m afraid I’m going to have to place you under arrest!

CHANEL Go ahead. I deserve it.

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SHERIFF Are you sure? I was kinda looking forward to a tense, climactic stand-off.

CHANEL Cal turned on me. She took my phone. She took my shoes. She took…she took
everything.

MARY LOU She did the same thing to you that you did to us.

CHANEL Yeah! What did I ever do to deserve this?

JESSE Are you kidding me?!?!

SODA POP Really, Jesse? We thought you liked Chanel.

JESSE No! I don’t like her. But I’m polite. And helpful. Because that’s what you do when you’re
a good person! But you have never once been nice to anyone. Ever! So go to jail you
EVIL. GREEDY. HATEFUL! GIRL!!!

CHANEL Is that what people think of me?

SODA POP Pretty much.

CHANEL But I’m…I’m popular. I get so many likes on all my accounts.

SODA POP What? You don’t get a reward for being a good person.

SHERIFF We’re not polite because we want to get something out of it. We’re nice people
because, well, we want to be nice people.

CHANEL Even when it means someone might take all your stuff?

MARY LOU Yeah. We’re not nice because we want to be rich and famous.

JESSE We’re nice because we don’t want to be jerks.

SHERIFF Even if that means some jerk…hint hint…takes all our stuff. That’s the kind of people we
want to be.

SODA POP That’s why we’re know around as a clean little town.

JESSE No messin’

MARY LOU No stealin’

SHERIFF And no fighting. We’re not even gonna fight you, Miss Chanel.

JESSE So…what kind of person do you want to be?

CHANEL I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be, well, mean. It’s just I have this brand to maintain.And I’ve
been doing it so long I sort of, you know, forgot how to… you know.

MARY LOU Be a person?

CHANEL Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry everyone. What can I do to make this right?

SHERIFF I don’t think this is something you can fix. Cal has everyone’s land and money.

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CHANEL I have an idea that might help catch her.

JESSE Well, helping out our town is a good start.

SODA POP Just make sure to keep it clean!!! (wags finger at everyone)

(ALL TOWN FOLKS GATHER AROUND CHANEL)

CHANEL I got it! Here’s the plan. (pause) Okay, how do I tell you the plan without group text. Cal
took my phone.

SHERIFF We normally all form up in a huddle and you whisper it to us.

CHANEL Why?

MARY LOU Never you mind why.

(ALL GO INTO HUDDLE)

CHANEL It’s not a complicated plan, I could probably just…

JESSE Shh! You have to whisper the plan.

CHANEL Again, why?

SODA POP Mind your business. That’s why! (SFX Jeopardy music)

SCENE 3: (ALL TOWN FOLKS HOOT & HOLLER “WAY TO GO JB!) (DANCE SFX Cotton Eye Joe)
(Return to 1st position)

CAL Well, well, well. If it isn’t tweedled dee and tweedled stupid and tweedled I can’t be
bothered to remember your names. What are you all so happy about?

SODA POP Nothing. We don’t have a cunning plan or anything.

CAL That song you were dancing to was too happy. Sing it again, but sad!

(ALL TOWN FOLKS sing sad version of “Cotton Eyed Joe”)

CAL (evil laugh) That’s right, suckers. Be sad!

MARY LOU How come?

CAL What do you mean how come. I took your land. I took your money. I took everything.
I’ve taken over this no-horse town!

SHERIFF You did? But how?!?!

CAL Really? This is why you don’t put lead in the drinking water. I made up a bunch of fake
contracts and you all signed them because you’re all a bunch of dumb-dumbs and I’m a
big smart-smart!

CHANEL Can you say that again for levels?

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CAL What?

JESSE Never mind. Are these the contracts?

(JESSE ruffles through CAL’S papers. CAL pushes her to the other side of the stage while CHANEL takes
photos of the papers with her phone)

CAL Yeah. They say you have a legal obligation to stay out of my business.

SHERIFF Cal, do you have anything to say before I have to take you in?

CAL Take me in? How? You’ve got no proof! Even if you did, who’s going to stop me? These
goobers who are speak in unison about being clean? Face it, Sheriff, I’m untouchable.

CHANEL Yeah! We have a million likes.

CAL Wait, what?

JESSE Chanel posted all that, and your fake contracts, on her account.

CHANEL It went viral. FT dubs.

SODA POP That means “For The…”

CAL I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, SALLY!

SHERIFF It means, you’re under arrest.

CAL Time to leave this two-bit, tumbleweed town!

(CAL TRYIES TO SNEAK OFF)

MARY LOU STOP HER!

(A snake is thrown on CAL)

CHANEL That would make a cute belt.

JESSE She’s getting away!

(SFX Can CanMusic) (Comedy of errors ensues)

CAL The root beer! It burns!!!!

(SHERIFF catches CAL.) (music stops)

SHERIFF Hold it right there! Now move your hands real slow like.

(CAL SLOWLY RAISES HANDS) (SFX Wah Wah Wah)

JESSE I declare all these contracts null and void!

CAL You can’t do that.

SODA POP Yuh-huh. I’m a notary public. And I officially notarize that you stink!

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MARY LOU So, what are you going to do now, Chanel

JB Well, I have to say after all those crazy adventures, I think this little town of Abi-clean is
all the excitement I need.

ALL CAST YEE-HAW!

JESSE It’s time for a good old fashion…

SHEIFF Shoot Out?

SODA POP Group Selfie?

CHANEL Or a Chanel-fie

CAL NO PUNS!

MARY LOU No. It’s time for a Hootananny!

CTIT SONG & DANCE / LINE DANCE: OLD TOWN ROAD