Text or Talk

The document discusses how technology and social media are impacting human relationships and loneliness. While social networking allows for more connections, research shows people actually feel more alone. Younger people especially report higher loneliness despite being prolific social media users. While technology is useful for staying connected over distances, it does not replace genuine in-person interactions that are needed for close relationships and intimacy. The document provides seven strategies for building strong real-life social networks, such as unplugging from technology, becoming a better listener, getting involved locally, and reconnecting with old friends.

Uploaded by

Nur Athirah

We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.

Available Formats

Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

0% found this document useful (0 votes)

48 views

Text or Talk

Uploaded by

Nur Athirah

We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.

Available Formats

Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

You are on page 1/ 4

Text or Talk: Is Technology Making You

Lonely?

by Margie Warrell

As social media reshapes how we connect, we have to rethink what we need to

feel fulfilled in our relationships, and realize that no amount of tweets, texts or
Facebook status updates can provide it. While social networking is a great
tool, there’s a profound difference between an online social network and a real
one. Despite the fact there will always be someone, somewhere awake to “like”
our latest status update – however witty or banal it may be - when it comes to
friends, quantity doesn't equal quality.

Recent studies have found that despite being more connected than ever, more
people feel more alone than ever. Surprisingly, those who report feeling most
alone, are those you’d expect it from least: young people under 35 who are the
most prolific social networkers of all. Another recent study found that 48%
of respondents only had one confidant compared to a similar study 25 years
ago when people said they had about three people they could confide in. So as
we have built expansive social networks online, the depth of our networks
offline has decreased. So it seems that because technology makes it easier to
stay in touch while keeping distance, more and more people find themselves
feeling distant and never touching. Or at least not enough to avoid us feeling
increasingly alone.

Today In: Leadership
As I wrote in Find Your Courage, human beings crave intimacy.
Neurobiologists have found we are wired for it. Yet genuine intimacy
demands vulnerability and vulnerability requires courage. It requires that we
lay down the masks we can so easily hide behind online, and reveal all of who
we are with others – the good, the bad and the sometimes not so (photo-
shopped) pretty.

Social media allows us to control what we share. It appeals to our

vulnerability and vanity. We can pick and choose which photos we share and
craftily edit our words to ensure we convey the image we want others to
see. Yet it also provides the illusion of friendship that, in real life, may be
shallow, superficial and unable to stand the demands, and pressures genuine
friendships entail.
PROMOTED

Digital communication can never replace in person, face-to-face, contact in

building relationships – personal and professional. As a study by Harvard
Business Review found, team performance went up 50% when teams
socialized more and limited email for more operational only issues. But
whether loneliness leads people to the Internet, or the internet to loneliness, it
seems that many of us turn to the internet to avoid simply being with
ourselves. As Sherri Turkle author of Alone Together wrote, until we learn
how to be okay with solitude, we are not going to be able to connect deeply
with others. Social networking provides a means of escaping confronting
aspects of ourselves and our lives we wish were different, better, more
glamorous and less mundane. It's an all too convenient tool for avoiding
sometimes harsh realities and playing pretend (to ourselves and others) with
our life. Online websites promise avatars that will allow us to love our bodies,
love our lives, and find the true romance we dream of. But at what cost to the
real life (marriage, body, friendships) we have to face when we close our
computer down? Even the most brilliant and mesmerizing avatars cannot
compensate for what is missing in real life.

Don’t get me wrong; online technology is not some “necessary evil.” Far from
it. It’s a magnificent tool for staying in touch with people across miles, time
zones and years. We’ve all witnessed it’s power in rallying people behind noble
causes (think KONY 2012), overthrow governments (as we saw in the Arab
Spring last year), enable people in isolated corners of the globe to plug into
resources and information they could never otherwise access (think North
Korea), and provide opportunity to conduct business more efficiently than
ever before. But like all tools, we have to learn how to use it well, and not let it
use us. We cannot become dependent on it to do things it simply cannot do –
like fulfill our deep innate need for intimacy, genuine connection and real
friendship. All needs which can only be fulfilled through sometimes-
uncomfortable conversations, in which we share openly what is happening to
us and engage authentically with what is going on for others.

As we rely on technology to communicate more efficiently in an increasingly

global world, we mustn’t lose tough with the physical community around us or
forget that human element within any relationship can never be replaced by
technology. The more we rely on technology in our lives the more mindful we
must be to turn it off and spend time with people, without our gadgets beeping
at us to return texts that really, aren’t worth our time to reply to. While it
might be stating the obvious, if you want to connect with people more, you
need to be in converse with people more - openly, authentically and with
a vulnerability that may sometimes make you uncomfortable.

7 STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING A REAL SOCIAL NETWORK:

1. Unplug: Turn off your computer, put down your iPhone, step away from
your iPad, and take time to engage with people, in person, with face-to-face
communication. A night at home with 500 of your FB friends can never
compare with an evening out with five friends, or even one friend. If you can’t
connect face-to-face at least switch off the computer and pick up the phone for
a meaningful conversation, rather than a series of cryptic texts or tweets. Fifty
text messages over a day can never compare with just five minutes of open,
caring and honest conversation.

2. Become a better listener: Too often we talk to much and listen too
little. Learn to listen well and be okay with yours and others stumbles. We
can’t edit real conversation and we don’t want to. It’s when we hesitate,
stumble on our words or simply find ourselves sitting in silence without any
words that we reveal ourselves to others and connect most deeply. As I’ve said
before we connect to others through our vulnerabilities, not through our
brilliance.

3. Engage in your community: Get involved in your local community or

neighborhood. Join the local tennis club, or volunteer to help clean up the
local park or spend some helping at a local service organization.

4. Practice Conversation: If you are out of practice at meeting people take
small steps. Make the most of all chances for social contact, whether it's
speaking to the local greengrocer or responding to a fellow bus passenger who
strikes up a conversation. For some people, just making eye contact can be
difficult. So it may be that you have to begin with just that.

5. Find Like Minds: Join a class or find an interest group. Getting to know
new people can be part of the learning process in a new class. Whether you
enjoy winetasting, water painting. Bush walking or going to the movies, there's
bound to be an interest group in your area where you can meet like-minded
people.

6. Reconnect with long lost friends: Pick up the phone and call an old
friend who you have lost touch with. See if they’d like to catch up for coffee.
It’s very likely they will be delighted to hear from you, and will enjoy
reconnecting every bit as much as you (assuming your friendship didn’t end
badly)

7. Invite people over: Many people are intimidated by the idea of inviting
people over for dinner, or ever a coffee. But some of the best conversations
happen over a coffee or casual meal. Yes it may be a bit scary, but real
connection will always demand a degree of risk and vulnerability. Then again,
what worthwhile endeavor doesn't?

Margie Warrell

is a bestselling author, executive life coach, media personality, and frequent

keynote speaker who empowers women globally to live and lead more
courageously. Author of Find Your Courage: 12 Acts for Becoming Fearless
in Work and in Life (McGraw-Hill), Margie is a regular commentator and
media guest on major television networks. To receive her free LIVE BOLDLY!
Newsletter, or to learn about other programs that support your living more
courageously, please visit www.margiewarrell.com. See her Forbes profile.