SCENE I

This play is dedicated to my family'. A rough dirty whitewashed concrete basement room. Only the
rear wall is visible. In the wall is a door. On the wall, fixed with
four big hurtful nails, is a crude, violent drawing of a man's face.
The face has one Mg eye and one small eye; it's painted with black
"the dreamer examines his pillow" was presented by the Double strokes, and has a drop of red and a faint smudge of green. There
Image Theatre (Helen Waren Mayer, Founder/Executive Direc- are long cracks in the wall, emanating from the nails.
tor; Max Mayor, Artistic director; Leslie Urdang, Managing At rise, Tommy is sitting in his busted recliner looking at his
Director) in New York City in October, 1986. It was directed by dirty refrigerator. He's unshaven. He's drinking a can of beer.
Max Mayer; the sets were by Adrianne Lobel, the costumes were He's in dirty white garb.
by Dunya Ramicova; the lights were by James F. Ingalls; the pro- Tommy: Hail to you, O my refrigerator. Is my self in you? Can
duction stage manager was William H. Lang; the assistant light- this be right? I guess this is something I gotta exist through.
ing designer was Michael Lincoln; and the sound was by Janet Makes sense. It's a tense drag, though. (A loud knocking at the
Kalas. door.) Who's that?
Donna: (From off.) It's Donna.
The cast, in order of appearance, was as follows: Tommy: Donna? Hah. Why do you honor me, Donna?
Tommy Scott Renderer Donna: (From off.) Open the fuckin door.
Donna Anne O'Sullivan Tommy: Alright. Since you put it that way.
Dad Graham Beckel
He gets up and opens the door. There's Donna, an intense girl
inside a black dress with a few white polka dots.
"the dreamer examines his pillow" was originally presented as a
staged reading at the 1985 National Playwrights Conference at Donna: You.
the Eugene O'Neill Memorial Theatre Center. Tommy: You look great.
Donna: You've got to be fucking kidding me. Get outta my
"the dreamer examines his pillow" was subsequently produced way. I'm comin in. (She pushes past him and takes the place in.) What
by the Double Image Theatre in association with The Power- a shi thole.
house Theatre at Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, New York, in Tommy: I call it "Home."
1986. D onna: You do, huh? How do you think 'em up? You got somethin
to drink? Somethin protected? A glass a bottled water or somethin?
Tommy: How 'bout the rest of my beer?
Donna: How Isout a fresh one, doghead?
Tommy: Charming. Alright.
He goes and opens the refrigerator.
Donna: I hope nothin's livin in there.
Tommy: And me, I hope just about the reverse.
Gives her a beer.
Donna: How long you lived here now?
 John Patrick Shanley
t h e d r e a m e r e x a m i n e s h i s pillow
Tommy: Your father.
D onna: It ain't my lingo. Donna: You never met him. He moved to The Heights a long
Tommy: If s English. time ago.
Donna: Then English ain't my lingo. Tommy: What's he gonna do?
Tommy: What is then? Donna: There's some questions I wanna ask him, And there
Donna: What I say is my native tongue, and what I say comes
may be somethin I want him to do. To you.
outta thinkin as I go along. Not repeatin words outta somebody Tommy: To me?
else's life that happens to look like mine at the moment causa
Donna: Thaf s right.
love. If s cheap. Like cheatin onna test. That ain't how ya learn. Tommy: What would you want him to do to me?
Tommy: You make everything so hard. D onna: I may want him to beat you up.
Donna: I don't make it that way. Tommy: You mean, hurt me?
Tommy: Listen, Donna, let's just chuck it. Let's just give up
Donna: Yeah. I beginning to think that I may have to get very
chewin this same fuckin bone till we got no teeth left. We're
basic with you.
comin from nothin, we're goin ta nothin. Tommy: But why would he wanna hurt me?
Donna: What are you talkin about? Donna: He's my father. And he's Mona's father, too.
Tommy: Relief. Let's take a break. You know when you're not
Tommy: Is he strong?
here, when I'm alone, I can feel exactly the flesh of your cheek on
Donna: Yeah. He's very strong. And he's very smart. But he's
my lips. I can smell your hair. I can feel the length of your body
got some faults, too. I gotta a couple a questions I wanna ask him.
under me. When I'm not around, can you feel my body that way?
And then I'm gonna ask him about you.
Donna: Yeah. Donna walks to the door and exits.
Tommy: Do you?
Tommy: Donna? Donna? O my refrigerator. Is my self in you?
Donna: Yeah.
Tommy: Can't you feel it, Donna? The whole thing's spinning (The lights fade quickly to Hack. And the refrigerator door, of its own
and we're in it and we're spinnin, too. There's almost nothin here volition, slowly opens. A blinding light emanates from it, engulfing
already. We've busted everything. Tommy. He stares into the light and has a vision.) I dive into a lake
Donna: I gotta get outta here. fulla hot water. It doesn't hurt me. It gives me power. I go down to
Tommy: Come here with me. the bottom. There are caves, large fish, extravagant wrecks, under-
Donna: No, I tell ya. I'm not gonna get deluded with you no- water birds. One of the birds is Anger. It's faster than anything
more. I've been up there in the romantic clouds with you. We else. There's music. The ground under my feet is hot food. It crawls
always gotta come back down to this shithole room or some other part way up my legs as I walk. Electric bolts and submarines bar
shithole room, and I can't feature that no more. I think what I my passage. Certain caves beckon to me. Old men and women
gotta do is I gotta understand the world outside a us. long dead advise me. Crews of skeletons rig the dead ships with
Tommy: Why? wormy sails and rotten ropes. They sing... I breathe the water and
Donna: Cause I part a the way feel the reason we fell in such a choke a moment, but then I'm okay. The bird thaf s Anger lands on
deep hole is there's so many deep holes around. my shoulder. My chest becomes larger. I'm wearin less clothes. I
Tommy: So what if there are? What are you gonna do about it? was afraid. I am less afraid. I see ahead the possibility of being
Donna: I think what I gotta do is, I think I gotta go to The brave. The caves stand before me. God help me cause that is where
Heights. I think I gotta go to The Heights and talk to my father. my future lies. The caves are mothers and fears and no one will
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know what will happen to me when I go in there, I have always be further from the truth. I'm thrilled I ain't seen you. I hate kids.
been before the caves. Gotten my power from them. Gotten my Especially my own. At least other kids turn into adults. Eventual-
weakness from them. It's time. Enter away from the ordinary ly, If they live. But your own kids are always your kids. At least
extraordinary twilight I have lived in. Don't read the newspapers, that's the common wisdom. And the other thing about your own
be the news. Run no more. Hold yourself away from your own kids, of course, is when they show up, you know, you know that
sight no more. Throw people between yourself and yourself no they want somethin. And also, that they're probably angry.
more. Call up the things you have buried. Be free to be hated. About somethin. Somethin you did and forgot fifteen years ago.
Unloved. Alone. Be alone with yourself. In the dark of the mother But not them. Cause they're your kids.
cave where you have always stood outside. You're not so frighten- Enter Donna.
ing that you can't be looked on. Call the Being from the tomb Donna: Hi, Dad.
you've been carving all your life. You dream of outer space of dis- Dad: Hi, Donna. Long time no daughter.
tant seas of unknown people. What could be further deeper more Donna: Yeah, it's been a long time.
unknown than your own tongue whispering the unlying truth in Dad: You look like shit.
your own ear. You fear no one. You have never feared anyone. Donna: And you look like a big piece a red lint. So fucking what?
Except yourself. Yourself you have feared, subjected yourself to, Dad: So. You're mad at me.
humiliated yourself for all the days of your life. You have given the Donna: Maybe I am. I don't really know. It ain't central, any-
power to everyone because you cannot bear to have the power way. To what brings me up from lower Broadway. Where's all
yourself. Oh my oh my oh my. God help me I am a free man. the paintings?
Primal drums start beating simultaneous with a blackout. Dad: I sold some. Some are in storage.
Donna: Getta lotta money for 'em?
SCENE 2 Dad: Yeah.
Donna is heard calling for her father through the primal drums. Donna: How much?
Donna: DADDY. DADDY. DADDY. Daddy? Daddy? I've gotta Dad: A lot.
talk to you. Daddy? Donna: There were so many. Just the one now, huh?
The lights come up on Dad's Place. The drums cease. Dad's Place is Dad: Yeah, it's the last holdout. It's an old one, too. I did it
at a physically higher level than Tommy's place. Dad, a powerful, what, maybe fifteen years ago. Funny the thing that pops outta
handsome guy, is sitting in a chair. The only chair. He's wrapped in the water when the ship goes down. I wouldn'a picked this one,
a huge, very soft, old red chamois robe. He's got a big drink in his but there we are. Here it is. Cheers.
hand and a bottle of liquor near his slippered, foot. Hanging on a Donna: What ship went down?
redwood wall behind him is a painting of a voluptuous nude Dad: Mine.
woman. It's a good painting with a neo-expressionist feel. Donna: I need to talk to you.
Dad: (To himself.) Oh no no no no no no. It's my daughter come Dad: Oh no you don't.
to make me a parent. (To the offstage Donna.) I hear you. Come in. Donna: Yeah, I do too.
Come on. Come up. Jesus, I even recognize your voice. It's you. Dad: You're wrong.
Your dead mother's little girl. Come on in and pull up a chair. Donna: Whaf s that on your finger?
Have a drink. How long's it been? Six months anyway, Not that Dad: A ring.
I'm ribbin you to the purpose a bein more periodic. Nothin could Donna: Whose?
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Dad: Mine, Donna: I've got questions for you,
Donna: You never wore one. Dad: I don't answer questions.
Dad: It was your mother's. I stuck it on and I can't get it off. I Donna: You'll damn well answer mine.
may have to chop off this finger. Dad: Or what?
Donna: Mona ain't here, is she? Donna: Or ... I'll move back in. It could happen, Pops. The
Dad: No. prodigal could return. Me an Mona could start up our old cat-
Donna: Where is she? fights.
Dad: I don't think she lives here anymore. Dad: ALRIGHT. I grant you three questions.
Donna: Don't ya know for sure? Donna: You grant me three? What is this, a friggin fairytale?
Dad: No. Dad: Call it whatever you want.
Donna: She's only sixteen, Dad. Donna: I got more than three questions.
Dad: So? When I was sixteen, I was eatin outta garbage cans in Dad: So take some away with you an work on em yourself. It
Philadelphia. ain't my job ta unravel every little thing for you.
Donna: That was you. You probably loved it. You get off on Donna: It ain't a matter a every little thing. There's hard stuff
squalor. Mona's different. If she ate out of a garbage can, she'd die. that I...
Dad: And a hellava way to go, too. Adios, mi Mona. Shitcanned Dad: THREE QUESTIONS. THAT'S MY ONLY FUCKIN
at sweet sixteen, OFFER. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
Donna: I'm glad to see you. Donna: Alright. I'll take it. I agree. My first question is How do
Dad: I can't think a why, you see women?
Donna: Don't be a jerk. You're my father. Dad: You want an answer to this?
Dad: So? Donna: I want your answer.
Donna: So? So don't be so freakin smug or I'll jam that drink up Dad: Alright. I see all women bald. It started a long time ago. I
your nose. found I was bein deceived by hair. I was all the time gettin the
Dad: You lay a finger on me, I'll break your back. You know I wrong impression a this woman or that woman cause their hair
could and you know I would. So just forget the threats, alright? created a certain mystique. So I made a resolution one New
Donna: Is that the booze talkin? Year's that whenever I looked atta potential woman, I'd shave
Dad: Yeah, if s the booze. An several of my primitive ancestors her clean as a hardball, in my mind, and then I'd look at her and
that are jumpin around in my jungle brain. I'd see what I saw.
Donna: Well, just remember. Your ancestors are my ancestors. Donna: Did it make a difference?
Dad: Shh. Drums. Dad: Shit yeah. In fact, the first woman that I shaved in this
Donna: Oh, you hear drums? It's probably high blood pressure. way was your mother. And the result was so ... simple, that I got
Dad: The drums say, Fuck off. swept away and married her. The terrible thing was, on the hon-
Donna: Why do you hate me? eymoon, in the mornin, when I woke up, she had all this awful
Dad: I don't hate you. hair. What a shock that was. But, this is how we learn. Women
Donna: Why are you shutting me out? who are not bald have hair. I still do though, see all women bald.
Dad: Look, I ain't seen you in a very long time, Donna, which is I guess it's a weakness a mine now, a dream.
great. It's put me inna great mood. But don't push it. Donna: I never saw paintings you did a bald women.
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John Patrick Shanley
Dad: This is not what I did in my art, this is what I did in my for wisdom.
life. I've never managed to be as dumb as an artist as I've been as
Dad: But there's a kicker, see? Cause after it's been dead for a
a man. Close sometimes. Perilously close. But I always managed
while/ an you're sure it's dead, deader than dead, it comes back.
to keep the bald woman out of the picture,
Yeah. Like a ghost but flesh an blood. Usually it comes about ourta
Donna: Then why don't ya paint no more?
a moment a madness. You go nuts. You figure you can, your sex is
Dad: Oh, I dried up, I got the horrors, I drank myself out of it, I
dead, what'sit matter you whig out? Maybe you drink too much or
lost interest. I got obsessed with the fact a my own mortality, and
you laugh too much. You do Somethin ta stoke yourself up. And
every time I looked atta canvas all I saw was my own grave. And
there's a woman there, usually the wrong woman, just some
then there was the guilt and my nerves and I never got over the
wrong woman, an suddenly you've got her. In the wrong place.
death of your mother. And the sight a you and Mona discour-
The closet atta party, a bathroom, the storage room where you
aged me, along with the heat an cold. And a tired feelin I got
work at some shitty office job you don't care about an it's the
from time to time. And monsters from Jimjam Land. And illness.
Christmas party. It was dead. It was gone an buried in the cold
And fear of failure. And success. And heights. These are some a
cold ground, an suddenly you're high an your nailin some teenag-
the reasons I don't paint anymore. Would you like me to go on?
er like gangbusters against a buncha filing cabinets. Do you know
Donna: Shut up. I have two more questions.
what I'm talkin about? I'm talkin about sex, man. I don't know
Dad: You count funny, but okay. Would you like a drink?
where it goes when it goes away, but it's a long ways off. But when
Donna: No.
it comes back, you don't remember what sex is for, you don't
Dad: You didn't learn ta say no from me. That's a good sign.
remember a goddamn thing except if you don't get it if you don't
Shows how much good my neglect a you is doin.
get to it, your eyeballs 'ill pop out, they'll pop right out the win-
Donna: Second question. What is sex for?
dow, an you'll lose your mind. Then after maybe, you remember
Dad: Alright. Sex is for makin babies. I'll never forget when I
what it's for. When you're sittin like a bag a shit in some chair with
figured that one out, I experienced fuckin vertigo. I was thirty
rollers on it, an notice that your heart every once inna while is hit-
years old. Before that I made like I knew, but I was really like one
tin your ribs like some youngblood boxer sparrin from the inside.
a those primitive tribesman who thinks sex is a gift from the gods
An maybe you think, I coulda knocked her up. That coulda been a
and babies come from bugbites. It's when your mother and my
knockup I just did. But you just don't care. Cause you just found
girlfriend got pregnant the same week... Somethin about all that
out that you ain't dead. You're just too glad, too glad too glad, to
news hittin me at once gave me the... Well, it was like the apple
feel bad about anything. So when sex goes dead for you, and it will.
for Newton. What a moment that was. The zipper on my pants
That I promise you. Just remember. It comes back. It resurrects.
became like this major responsibility. I felt like I had the Space
Donna: Dad, Somethin's happened to me. It's made me have a
Shuttle in there. That's the first time sex went dead for me. When
lotta ideas. And I'm very upset. About it. And if s got to do with you.
I found out what it was for. Has sex gone dead for you yet? Dad: How?
Donna: No.
Donna: Well, inna couple a ways. There's this guy. His name is
Dad: Don't worry, it will. It's a cycle thing. Somethin happens Tommy. I'm in love with him.
in your brain, or between you an somebody else, an it just goes Dad: So go kiss him or somethin.
dead. If s all shellfish. I got this deveined shrimp, and she's gotta Donna: He's hurtin me, A lot.
shucked oyster. Dad: So then go talk to him.
Donna: Don't tell me the story a your life an try ta make it pass
Donna: I just did that. Listen. He ... Well, he's been foolin with
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John Patrick Shanley
Mona, too. any. When she had money, you took it. You walked on her face
Dad: He's seein you an Mona? with muddy shoes. When she was in the hospital, you didn't visit
Donna: Yeah. her. And then finally she just fuckin died. Now I hate your fuckin
Dad: My, my, my. guts for that, but I decided a long time since that I wasn't gonna
Donna: He's all fucked up. He's stealin now. He looks like shit. spend my whole life wishin you dead or different, cause I didn't
But all that I can deal with. Even the Mona thing, I think. But this want my life bossed by your life. I even thought, Maybe she
is the thing. In the whole way that this has come down, I thought deserved it. I knew I didn't know the whole story and never
I knew what I was doin. The me part of it. Till today. Another like would an what was it my business anyway? But that was before.
level came into it. I always heard that girls went after guys who Today, I saw that picture on Tommy's wall, an it was writin on
reminded em of their fathers. An I guess I kinda believed that the wall to me, an the writin said, Watch Out. You could be in the
idea or was spooked by it at least, so. . . I've always made double middle of somebody else's life. So that's why I'm here. Because
goddamn sure never ta go near any guy I thought was like you, before I thought I didn't have to know about you to do my life,
because then I'd like turn into my mother, right? A thought that and now I see I better find out a few things. If s like medical history.
makes me think a the phrase, Fate Worse Than Death. Anyways, Dad: What bullshit.
I always steered clear of this certain kinda guy for that reason. Donna: Thaf s what you say when I pour out my heart to you?
Like this guy Tommy. I'm like absolutely sure he's totally differ- Dad: I'm sorry. What you're afraid of just cracks me up, thaf s all.
ent than you. And then today, I go to him, inta this pit where he's Donna: I don't understand.
livin, and up on the wall is a painting a drawing he did. Dad: Alright, you want your father's smarts, I'll give you your
Dad: This guy your seein? father's smarts. What you have are women fears.
Donna: An Mona. A really lousy picture, self-portrait. But it Donna: Women fears.
scared me. I think more than anything that's ever happened ta Dad: That's right.
me. I heard the fuckin Twilight Zone music. Cause here I am, Donna: I hate what I'm hearin.
goin along, thinkin things are one way, that I'm choosin an goin Dad: Well, tough shit. You got women fears. That's what I
my own way, an maybe doin a terrible fuckin botch a that, but know and I'm tellin you. When I talk to a woman, I feel like I'm
doin it. An then I see this picture. And I think, Do I really know yellin across the Indian Ocean. That's cause I'm a man, Do you
what's goin on in my life? Or am I just a complete molecule or wanna hear this or not?
some shit. If this guy Tommy is turnin into you, then I'm in some Donna: Yes,
kinda car I don't even know I'm in, and some guy inna scary Dad: Women are very concerned about bein trapped. All
mask is drivin, an he's had the route the map since the doctor women, or virtually, anyway. They worry about it, that's been
smacked my ass. Where am I? I'm in love with this guy Tommy. my experience. So what they do, a lot of em, to feel strong, they
He's drivin me crazy, yeah. He's tearin my heart out an steppin trap a man. They trap some guy in their dream. And then they
on it, yes. The whole thing I'm doin looks to be a total fuckup, but feel trapped cause they gotta guard what they caught. At least let
I can deal with that I can live with that. But what I wanna know me say, this is what happened with me an your mother. But
gotta know is IS THIS MY LIFE OR WHAT? Is this my pain? My there's a certain universal here.
love? Or is what's goin on here just like history? You treated my Donna: And men don't feel that?
mother like shit. You cheated on her. You lied to her. You humili- Dad: What happens with men is a little different. I think that
ated her in public. When you had money, you wouldn't give her men recognize or make up that they are trapped, already, an
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John Patrick Shanley
what they do is, the man feeling is, they long to be free. Of moth- Everything goes up through me from my belly and legs and feet
er, wife, job, art, whatever. to my head and all these tears come out but it can't get out that
Donna: Do you hear yourself? You sound like a total jerk. This way, so it goes down against my throat swells an through down to
stuff you're sayin can be knocked down by a three-year-old with where it can get out GET OUT GET OUT. But it doesn't go out, so
a feather. I, I EXPAND. Like to an ocean. To hold the size of it. An then it's
Dad: So what? I'm tryin to tell you somethin to get somewhere, maybe something you could speak of as pleasure, since then some-
somewhere maybe you'd like to get to. Don't think you can get how I can hold it. I'm this ocean with a thousand moons and
everywhere by algebra, honey. Things ain't that straight. Life ain't comets reflecting in me. And then I come back. Slowly. Slowly.
at all like the psychological section in the New York Times three- From such a long way. And such a different size. And I'm wet. My
warning-signs-to-look-for bullshit. Things ain't like that at all. If body my hair. The bed is just soaked, torn up and soaked. There
somebody's willin to talk to you an tell you shit they think is true, ain't a muscle left in me. I'm all eyes. My eyes are the size of like
don't be so quick to knock it. People don't usually part with the two black pools of water in the middle of an endless night. And
weird shit they personally know because they know how easy it Tommy's there. And he did it to me. He took me completely. I
will be to punch holes in. Now I'm tellin you somethin. If s for you wasn't me anymore. I was just a blast a light out in the stars. What
to poke through the soup an find the meat. So listen up. There's a could be better than that? What could be better? It's like gettin to
level where you fear an want that's a woman level. This shit you die, an get past death, to get to the universe, an then come back. In
just told me about bein afraid you're turnin inta your mother, the world where we talk and fight and he fucks me over, it all just
thaf s on the woman level, that's a women fear. So my suggestion seems so unimportant after that. I don't understand how he can do
about that is, you go talk to a woman about that. But there's anoth- that for me an then turn around an be such a, well, smaller. It is a
er place under that place, where men an women can meet an talk, small world this world, in comparison to where we go in bed. And
if you know what I mean. It's way down. An it's dark. An it's old I guess we gotta be smaller in it.
as the motherfuckin stars. If you want somethin from me, or if you Dad: What are you tryin to tell me. Donna?
wanna tell me somethin, thaf s where we're gonna haveta be. Donna: I'm afraid.
A long pause. Dad: Of what?
Donna: Alright. (A long pause.) Tommy an me . , . When he loves Donna: I'm afraid to leave him or that he'll leave me. I'm afraid
me. In bed. When he puts his arms around me, and I can feel his to be without the sex we get to. Everything else seems like nothin
skin, his heart beating, his breath, and I smell him, it's like Africa. next to it. But I can't give up who I am to be his love slave. That's
If s like, I get scared because all of my guts shake . . . Sometimes I what I'm afraid of. That I'll lose myself if I stay with him, and that
press my hands against myself because I think things are coming I'll lose the sex if I get away.
loose inside. He just touches me, starts to barely touch me, and Dad: I've felt that.
I'm so frightened because it's so much, if s so hot, it's so close to Donna: You have?
losing my mind. It's beyond pleasure. It's . . . He takes me over. Dad: Yeah.
Like there's a storm, I get caught in this storm with electricity and Donna: But that seems like a woman thing to me.
rain and noise and I'm blind I'm blind. I'm seeing things, but just Dad: Nope. Men have that too. It's a very down thing. It's very
wild, wild shapes flying by like white flyin rain and black shapes. near the bottom.
I feel I feel this this rising thing like a yell a flame. My hair I can Donna: In one way, he don't know a thing about me, not really.
feel my hair like slowly going up on its toes on my skull my skull. And in another way, what he knows is the key that lets me outta
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my life. It's like what he don't know about me is exactly what I me. I thought it was too much to let somebody have. And when
don't care about anyway. she was dyin in the hospital, sure I didn't go an see her. I couldn't
Dad: Yeah. bear it. Don't you get it? I just couldn't bear to watch her leave me.
Donna: You've really had this? You come here to tell me things you think I don't understand. So
Dad: Oh yeah. I had this with your mother. It's why I always maybe you were right. Maybe you are turnin inta your mother. And
kept a girlfriend on the side. I hadda keep somethin away from maybe this guy Tommy is turnin inta me. I don't know. But the big
her, so I didn't lose everything when we went nuts in bed. And • news is you don't know who those people are. I promise you.
too, because I wanted to protect what we had in bed by havin Donna: You never told me.
somethin else goin that was not that intense. Sort've a compari- Dad: It just woulda sounded like an apology for abuse.
son, a reminder. Somethin common to underline the extraordi- Donna: All my memories seem wrong now.
nary. Your mother was the love of my life. Dad: Good. Maybe now then you can remember a few things.
Donna: But if that's true, how the fuck could you treat her like Donna: Who am I?
you did? Dad: Don't worry about it. I think you worry too much.
Dad: That bed was what we had. When I got outta that bed, I Donna: I love this guy.
didn't walk, I ran. When I got outta that bed the most important Dad: Come here, baby. I hate the sight a you, but let me hold
thing was that my feet hit the ground, found the fuckin ground. Do you in my arms.
you understand? If there was gonna be anything else a me outside He holds her.
a that bed, it hadda be without her. Otherwise, she woulda taken Donna: I don't see any future for me.
me over all the way. I hadda create a second place in me and outta Dad: Good.
me where I could work. Do my painting. I got the studio. I got the Donna: It's not good.
girlfriend. WHY DO YOU REMIND ME OF THESE THINGS? If s Dad: You can't see the future anyway. If s a very realistic feelin
so fuckin painful. Your mother's dead. My baby's dead. you're havin.
Donna: I can't believe this. You mean, you really loved her? Donna: Can I move back home?
Dad: Shut up shut up. Can't you understand? All I have now is Dad: No.
that little bit I kept from her. That little room. I can't even paint Donna: I want to.
anymore. Why would I want to? What do I care what I see, why Dad: You probably feel like suckin your thumb, too. But there's
would I describe it? I hid part a me from her to save somethin a time an place, an that time an place called home is gone now.
cause I was scared. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I shoulda given her Donna: What am I gonna do?
that, too. If I'd given her everything, then when she died, I woul- Dad: Well, thaf s a question. You could run away to the circus.
da died, too, and that woulda been the merciful end of it. Why Donna: This is the fuckin circus.
did I save something? What for? It wasn't worth it. What I saved Dad: You wanna grapple an go inna single direction and stick with
wasn't worth a goddamn thing. If I only known. it, ride it out inna straight line right to heaven, the grave or whatever?
Donna: I'm here. Donna: Yes.
Dad: I can't stand the sight a you. You remind me just enough ta Dad: There's only one thing that goes straight, my baby, and
make it unbearable. At least Mona don't look like her. You. Some- if s not love. It is not love. You can chase that one forever, it won't
times, the way you ... Sometimes you could be her. But you're not. come to you. It won't bow, it won't serve, it won't do what you
Sure I treated her like shit. I was so angry cause she had so much a want, what it should, it won't be how you thought, or was taught
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how it was meant ta be. You can't lead it cause it'll be draggin felt. I woke up my girlfriend and I threw her out. That's how we
you wherever it wants. If you wanna go inna straight line, give broke up, you know. Right that minute. And after she was out, I
up people. People are what zigzag. I'd rather predict the weather went ta the bed, and I looked at the pillow. There was a dent
three months in advance, my sweet girl, than try to tell you one there where my head had been. And I thought, never put your
thing about the future of the dullest heart. head in that hole again. That's when I stopped paintin.
Donna: I got one more question. Donna: I don't understand.
Dad: You mean I ain't answered three questions yet? Dad: You think I do? Yeah, I do. That's the night I found I was
Donna: Two. alone. That's the night I found out there wasn't a person left in
Dad: Maybe we should call it a day, cause I gotta tell you, I'm the world I had a thing to do with. So I sold the paintings. Most
startin ta feel pretty bad. You're makin me think about things I of 'em. Some are inna warehouse somewhere. And I live on the
honest ta God don't wanna recall. money. And I go inna straight line. An I do not stink up my
Donna: Just one more. Why did you stop paintin? world with people.
Dad: Don't ask me this. D onna: You've got a broken heart.
Donna: Why did you stop? Dad: You've asked your three questions, and I've answered
Dad: Same reason I started. em. Now leave me alone.
D onna: And what was that? Donna: It never occurred ta me that you loved her.
Dad: I saw somethin. Dad: So what? If you'd known, what would you have done?
Donna: What? Donna: I mighta tried ta comfort you. When she died.
Dad: When I started, it was simple. I saw something, an object,. Dad: Then it's a mercy on us both that you didn't have the true
an I saw something about that object. And I set that down, Imper- drift, cause if you'd tried to comfort me I probably woulda
fectly. And when I looked at the thing I'd drawn, and the object knocked your teeth out.
I'd drawn it from, the two things started a quarrel. And that Donna: Big tough guy.
quarrel lasted through every painting I ever did. Dad: An you, the big tough girl. This guy you've been seein, it
Donna: But then you stopped. seems clear ta me at least that he's been walkin on you. An that's
Dad: I hadda dream. One night. Your mother'd been dead about somethin you've been lettin him do.
a year and a half, I'd been drinkin a lot. And then one time I went to Donna: Yeah, I have.
bed sober. And I had a bad night. I hadda lotta dreams. And then I Dad: Big tough girl.
had one of those big dreams. I went out for a celebration drive with D onna: I want some a the money you got from sellin the paintings.
my girlfriend. We were celebrating your mother's death. It was a Dad: Why would I give you money?
great night. The cops stopped us. And while they were checkin us, Donna: I don't know. I'm just tellin you what I want.
a guy, a petty thief came from nowhere an grabbed a box or some- D ad: Alright. I'll give you some money. What will you do with it?
thin. One of the cops started ta draw his gun. And all I could think Donna: Maybe I'll go somewhere. Or maybe I'll give it to my
was Stop the bullet. So I ran in front of the cop and he accidently sometime boyfriend. Depends on how things go.
shot me. So I was killed. I was dead. I was killed. I was dead. I was Dad: I'll give you money. I won't give Mona any money.
killed by a single bullet not even intended for me. Money just makes Mona get more Mona, an that I couldn't take.
D onna: What did it mean? Donna: And now there's one last thing.
Dad: I woke up. My eyes musta lit up the room, that's how it Dad: What d'you mean?
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John Patrick Shanley
Donna: One last thing I gotta ask. the guy.
Dad: I answered yar goddamn questions, and I'm not gonna Donna: Before you go, gimme that ring.
answer anymore. Dad: No, it's mine.
Donna: There's nothin else I wanna ask you about anythin. Donna: No it's not. It's on you but it's my mother's ring, and it
Now, what I want is, I wanna ask you ta do somethin. belongs to me. Give it over.
Dad: The answer is fuck no. You're on your own. I'm serious Dad: I couldn't even if I wanted to. It's stuck.
now. What d'you want me ta do? Donna: I'll get it off.
Donna: I want you ta go an talk to this guy Tommy.
She twists it off, causing Dad a lot of pain.
Dad: I won't do it.
Donna: I want you ta go an talk ta him because he's all fucked Dad: Owwwww! Holy shit, that was painful.
Donna: Yeah, I bet it was.
up, an he's been boffin both your daughters, and because he may
be turnin inta you. Dad: You're your old man's daughter.
Dad: No fuckin way would I do that. Donna: Go if you're goin. (Dad exits. Donna remains. The lights go
Donna: I want ya ta go an talk to him, an see if he's curable, rea- down. As they go down, Donna thinks.) So whaddaya know. There is
sonable, whatever. And he should promise you that he'll stop a weird justice. An somebody else can do somethin ta move your
seein both your daughters, or that'll he'll stop seein Mona only an life forward. I guess it's what I hoped. I ain't totally alone after all.
go on seein me. And if he won't promise ta one a those things, I Donna takes the ring and pops it in her mouth. Primal drums of
want you ta beat him up. greater urgency begin to sound.
Dad: Where the fuck did you come from? You're like a totally
medieval bitch. SCENE 3
D onna: An no matter what he promises, if you take him in an see The drums cease. Lights up. Tommy is discovered.
that he's turnin inta you, I want you ta beat him up till his skull is Tommy: Maybe that's it. There's somethin ta be said, after all,
ringing like a church bell. Will you do it for me? Dad? Dad? for feeling happy. Maybe God's in his heaven after all. That
Dad: Why would I agree ta do this? would be a first class goof, I guess I always thought if I was left
Donna: Because it's a family thing. Cause I'm your daughter alone to myself long enough that sooner or later I would have a
who looks like your wife. And becausa pride. This guy Tommy breakthrough. But can you have a breakthrough without think-
he's treatin me like a dirtbag, like you treated my mother. Now in ing anything new? Just a breakthrough feeling? But fuck, man,
your own life you couldn't treat my mother better cause the sex there musta been some moment out there in the desert when
power made you crazy. Well, I can't deal with this guy for the them wanderin Jews first smelled the milk and honey comin over
same reason, the same reason that drove ya crazy in yar own life. the hills ahead. Still in the desert, but honey in the air.
But here's the chance, see? You take care a me, maybe in another A knocking at the door.
life or somethin, I'll take care a you. You hear what I'm sayin? Dad: (From off.) Anybody home?
Maybe that's what the family's for. Maybe this is how you get ta Tommy: Come in.
face yourself. Maybe this is how you get ta unfuck your life. Hear Enter Dad, in a tuxedo.
me, Daddy. And help me. I can't help myself. An for all intents Dad: Hi.
an purposes, if ya don't do this, your life is over anyway. Tommy: Hi.
Dad: Alright. I'm not promisin anything. But I'll go, I'll talk ta Dad: What a shithole.
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the d r e a m e r e x a m i n e s h i s p i l l o w
Dad: Hey, don't be lazy. Look around in there. It's a big place.
Tommy: Yeah, ain't it though. I gotta move. Tommy: I can't see nothin else.
Dad: Yeah, you do. Dad: You may be too close to it. It may be real big. I tell you
Tommy: I guess you must be Donna's father. what. Look up. Look way up. Do you see anything there?
D ad: That's right. I'm Donna's father. And I'm Mona's father.
Tommy: Oh. Yeah. I do.
Tommy: Both. Dad: What is it?
Dad: That's right. Tommy: It's my ma. She's big as A&P. Whop. There she goes.
Tommy: You come to beat me up? MA. No, she's gone. I think she was angry. Donna an Mona were
Dad: Not necessarily. angry, too.
Tommy: You're younger than I thought you'd be.
Dad: What else?
D ad: So you've thought about me? Tommy: Now I see nothin. Dirt. Pollution. Oh, there's Donna again.
Tommy: Not till lately. You wanna beer? Dad: Oh man, you are a case, Okay, open you eyes.
Dad: Sure, I'd take a beer. Tommy: (Opening his eyes.) Why'd you want me to do that?
Tommy goes to refrigerator, gets a beer, gives it to Dad, Dad: Never mind.
Tommy: So, you hadda talk with Donna? Tommy: That was interesting.
Dad: Yeah. Dad: (Look at picture.) You do this?
Tommy: She's some girl. Tommy: Yeah.
Dad: Yeah. Dad: Do you think it's good?
Tommy: So's Mona. Tommy: No.
Dad: No, she's not. Mona ain't in the same league with Donna. Dad: You're right. It's not. It's terrible. If it was strictly infantile
Donna's a plum. it might have a certain charm. It's the adult badness of it that real-
Tommy: I know. ly makes it very bad.
Dad: What, are you testing me? Tommy: You sound like you know about these things.
Tommy: Yeah. Dad: She didn't tell you I was a painter?
Dad: Well, stop it. Tommy: No.
Tommy: Alright. Dad: Well, I'm not. But I was.
Dad: Close your eyes. Tommy: Why are you wearin a tux?
Tommy: Why? Dad: Because I am the father of the bride.
Dad: Because if you keep them open I'm going to suck them out Tommy: Oh? And who's the bride?
of your face. Dad: Donna is the bride.
Tommy: Okay. Tommy: I didn't know she was getting married.
Tommy doses his eyes. Dad: Well, if that's what I was tellin you, how would you feel?
Dad: What do you see in there? Tommy: I'd feel really bad.
Tommy: Donna's face. Dad: Why?
Dad: Uh-huh. Okay, let go a that. What else do you see? Tommy: Cause I'm in love with her.
Tommy: Mona's face. Dad: I understand you been seein my daughter Mona, too.
Dad: Good. Now tell that to go away and what else do you see? Tommy: Yeah, well, I have seen her a couple a times. But not
Tommy: Donna's face.
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John Patrick Shanley
really. I mean, it was sorf ve ... a sick ... a wrong ... a mistake. you know, it's just cruelty comin from somewhere. And then
Dad: Do you have any doubt at all that I could kick your ass somebody comes along and you fall in love. I fell in love. With
from here to the moon? Donna. And then that's like the point at which you get mixed up
Tommy: None. with the world. She was my introduction to the outside. Or some-
Dad: Good. Then we're onna a good conversational footing. thin. But since I've been hurt so much and confused so much all
How old are you? my life by everything that was outside, when I finally came face
Tommy: Ahm. Twenty-seven. to face with it in the person of this girl, I think I hadda a hunger
Dad: I understand you've been fuckin over anybody whose in me for revenge. What do you think a that?
shadow fell in your food. Dad: Makes sense.
Tommy: That's right. I have. Tommy: And who gives a shit, right?
Dad: Why? Dad: You're still hitchin a free ride.
Tommy: Because I've been very confused. Tommy: Anyway, I'd hurt her, an then I'd hurt myself as pun-
Dad: You know about the hitchhiker thing? You're hitchhikin ishment. Back an forth. Mona came into that. I think people like
an you get in some dude's car, an you can tell him anything, Mona, her age, it's not uncommon they get inta the orbit a some-
cause you don't know him. An he can tell you anything. This thin that don't truly got a thing to do with them.
kinda thing happens all the time. Of course, there's another side Dad: I hadda a girlfriend like that.
to it. I mean, the hitchhiker don't know the driver, an vice-versa. Tommy: Did you?
Either one a them could be a homicidal maniac serial killer. After Dad: Yeah. Alright, Tommy. Now I'm gonna ask you the ques-
pourin out your heart, it could be goodbye Charlie. Or Tommy. tion. What have you learned?
But that's the next step. We don't haveta get to that revelation till Tommy: Well, I'm still not to anything. Donna was here, and she
we get to it. What I'm sayin is, Tommy, you're not in love with dug way into me, an then she left. But after she left, somethin hap-
me, and I'm not your father. When I ask you why you've been pened. I hadda vision. I mean, I turned the big lights on myself. I
fuckin everybody over, you can tell me. Now why? looked at myself an forgot everybody. And a funny thing hap-
Tommy: Revenge. pened. I could feel myself become harmless. I felt like runnin
Dad: Revenge? around to these people. To Donna and Mona, and my mother...
Tommy: I don't know why I said that. Dad: Women.
Dad: Don't worry about it. Tommy: Yeah, women. I felt like runnin around to the women
Tommy: It just came out. in my life and saying, I'm harmless to you now. Because I don't
Dad: Well, let it keep comin out. Revenge for what? want revenge anymore. Because now, now I'm lookin at myself.
Tommy: I don't know. This world. Dad: Well, Tom. I really hate to be the one to tell you this. I
Dad: Don't fuck with me now. know you've been through a lot. And I know at the moment,
Tommy: No, I'm serious. I don't know about you but me this because of this private experience you've recently had, that you're
world has been comin in at me like chaotic madness. Which has in touch with a certain buoyancy you no doubt feel you've earned,
caused me a lotta confusin pain. It's kinda been me against the but I'm here to tell you that as a result of all your pain and experi-
world. I think everybody starts out that way. You know? You're ence and self-examination you haven't learned zip about dip.
born alone. And the whole world hits you like a bucket a broken Tommy: What?
glass chucked in your face and I don't get the joke. It's just cruel, Dad: I know it's hard to take. But there it is.
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John Patrick Shanley
Tommy: But what did you think of this stuff I told you? through my body, which makes everything pretty fuckin personal.
Dad: I think you're one hazardous motherfucker. What we're havin here, Tommy me boy, is a personal conversation.
Tommy: But I just told you... Tommy: You think I'm like you?
Dad: I heard you. Dad: Yeah.
Tommy: I'm. just like, dealing with myself now. Tommy: I don't know.
Dad: Uh-huh. Dad: You don't haveta know. I'm tellin you somethin. Humor me.
Tommy: You don't believe me? Tommy: What are you tellin me?
Dad: I believe you believe it. Although that's already probably Dad: You see this picture you did?
fadin away. Tommy: Yeah?
Tommy: What are you sayin? Dad: This picture's the beginnin of a lotta trouble for you.
Dad: That you have two problems. Your first problem is that Tommy: I don't understand.
you are very present tense. I mean, I can just see it in your fuckin Dad: I useta have a subconscious situation like you. Then I
eye. You're one a these guys who could say you're sorry a thou- started ta put pictures out.
sand times, and mean it. And go right back an do it again. You're Tommy: I painted this to understand myself, that's all.
like a too typical, too HUMAN kinda guy. It's impossible for you Dad: I had the same whim, at least I thought it was a whim. I
ta learn anything from the history of your own life. If it hadn't reached down inta the black water where I couldn't see, and I
been done before, you woulda invented the New Year's Resolu- pulled out the first thing I found. It grabs you cause you don't
tion. And you woulda been the first guy to break it, too. understand it. It's in you, but it's strange ta you. So you put it out
Tommy: How can you talk about me like this? You just met me. there where you can see it. An then it looks at ya. An you look at
Dad: Your second problem is you're women-fixed. You don't it. An ya say ta yourself, What is that? And then that's when the
know who you are cause all you got in your head is women. And change starts.
you're mad at women cause they're cloggin up your head. The Tommy: What change?
bottom of that problem, which you won't get to for some time to Dad: The balance between what you know an what you don't
come, is you don't know why you're alive. know about whaf s goin on inside. When ya start reachin across
Tommy: You just walked in the door. I think you're talkin out that line, inta the dark, an pullin things out before your conscious
your ass. mind is ready for em, that's when what's awake an whaf s asleep
Dad: I can talk about you cause I was you. At least this part a ain't fixed down anymore. It's like the difference between New-
you I'm talkin about. You're one a these subconscious mother- ton an Einstein. Neat an not neat.
fuckers. Ninety-nine percent a you operates outta some under- Tommy: But it never was neat.
ground control room you don't know about. You got your own Dad: But you didn't know that.
Ministry A Propaganda. Your up-above mind only gets dribbled Tommy: NO. I just lost my footing. I got confused and I didn't
what it needs to know ta get through the day. When I was in this understand a lotta things that I useta do fine with. And the whole
same condition, which was in another time in my life—I see that area a love was not one I was used to. But my... what I'm gonna
now—I broke the back of every person who loved me. I never do is, I'm gonna find my footing. I'm gonna find the solid ground
thought I'd come face-to-face with me then. under me somewhere that I know I know is down there some-
Tommy: That's a very egotistical way of lookin at it. where under me. And I'm gonna walk on firm ground again. I'm
Dad: Yeah, so what? The only way I can take everything in is gonna be trustworthy again, like I was.
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John Patrick Shanley
Dad: When you were a kid. you're fuckin over is women, women. Your mother, my daugh-
Tommy: Not exactly. ters. It's gotta come to an end, Tommy.
Dad: Yeah, that's what you mean. Once you reach across that Tommy: It has come to an end. Now I only hurt myself.
divide, inta that black pool where the stuff you don't understand is, the Dad: Liar. To yourself a liar, to my daughters a liar, to me a liar.
stuff that don't fit, you ain't never gonna walk on firm ground again.
He tears down the picture, crushes it, and stuffs it in the refrigerator.
Tommy: You can't know that. Tommy: Hey, I'm tryin ta face myself.
Dad: You gotta get more honest.
Dad: I believe you. It's just not enough.
Tommy: You gotta get more honest. Tommy: I can't do any more,
Dad: Alright. You're right. I do. I'm glad to see you. Cause
Dad: I believe you. It's just not at all enough.
you're a lot like the way I was. And I can see, cause you're
standin there, that I've changed. I really have changed. I'm not Enter Donna, in full bridal regalia.
the man I was. So you're a comfort to me. If there was somebody Tommy: Donna.
who was like that for you, somebody who was like you the way Donna: (To Dad.) Has he promised not to see Mona?
Dad: No.
you used ta be before you were the way you are now, we could
probably draw a straight line through the three of us and see Donna: Is he like you?
where we're goin. But there's only the two of us. Like the object Dad: Yeah, he is.
an the paintin of it. The difference between the two an argument. Donna: Beat the shit outta him.
The conversation we're havin now. Tommy: I promise not to see Mona.
Tommy: Why are you wearin a tux? Dad: You can say that, but ya can't stick to it.
D ad: You see, I got to the point, I lost the women who were keepin Tommy: Yes, I can.
me from askin the question, Why live? Thaf s a long way off from Donna: It don't matter if it turns out he's like you. Is he really?
you yet. That may never happen to you at all. When you find your- Dad: Yeah.
self alone and when you ask that question of yourself alone, separate Donna: Then bang his head till it rings like a fuckin bell.
from everybody else's needs, if s like pullin the plug on your power, Tommy: I don't know that I'm like him at all.
man. It's like lookin into the hole where your art your strength your Dad: You are alright.
black water was, an there's no thin there but a dry black dent in a pil- Tommy: How do you know that?
low past broken in, past broken down. Cause there is no answer to Dad: Cause when I was your age, I painted a picture of myself,
that question for a man alone. But then Donna came to me today, and it looked just like that. Except that you have no talent.
and she needed somethin from me, somethin that belonged ta her. Donna: How could I make such a mistake?
And she reminded me that she's connected ta me. That things in me Dad: The same way your mother made it.
belong to other people. That I'm connected. That like it or not I'm Donna: How did she make it?
not alone and it's not over till it's over. Why live? Cause if s not neat Dad: Her mistake which is your mistake is no mistake at all. You
and the individual life is deceptive and a dream. We spill over into went for the guys like me an him cause that's what you like an who
each other, man. We spill blood and breath and come an time over you are. And what you hate and makes you crazy is that it's a mirror
inta each other like shelves inna water wheel. and what the mirror tells you. You got this misery built into you.
Tommy: Why are you wearin a tux? Donna: Hit him.
Dad: You said you wanted revenge against the world, but what Dad: No. Why don't you stop runnin away from yourself, the
woman who's turnin inta her mother? Why don't ya go inta yourself?
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John Patrick Shanley
Donna: Why don't you? THE END
Dad: I did my whole life. I cut an cut inta myself, an then one
night I hadda dream, and I hit white bone. An I looked at my pil-
low, where I'd dreamed that dream, I looked at that hole where
my head had been dreamin, and I said No more.
Tommy: No more.
Donna: No more.
Dad: BUT I WAS WRONG.
Donna & Tommy: HUH?
Dad: You can't stop. Once you step off the edge, you're gone.
Once your head's been in that place, you can't ever take it out.
Dad takes off his tux jacket and puts it on Tommy.
Tommy: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A BRIDE?
Donna: NONE OF YOUR FUCKTN BUSINESS.
Tommy: WHY AM IWEARIN A TUX?
Dad: Figure it out.
Tommy: Donna:
I'm not ready, I'm not ready Me neither, Me neither,
I'm not ready, I'm not ready ... Me neither, Me neither ...
Dad: It's always been this way. It's always been a total fuckin
mess. If s never the right time, and it's really horrifyin ta everybody,
like a car accident ya see comin. But, there is this problem of time an
tide, of mortality, of the woman only havin so many years in which
she can conceive — Sex is for makin babies. That picture I kept, that
one paintin a mine that I kept. It's of the Wrong Woman. If s called
The Wrong Woman In The Wrong Place. That's the non-historical
woman that I treasure. That person who wakes you from Death-Too-
Soon. You gotta make the big mistakes. Remember that. It makes it
easier to bear. But remember, too, that Sex does resurrect. Flyin in the
face of the truly great mistakes, there is that consolation. Donna,
cough up the ring. (Donna coughs up ring. Dad takes it and forces Tommy
to put it on her finger.) I now pronounce you Man and Wife.
Donna and Tommy look at each other and scream. Dad laughs.
Tommy: This feels totally wrong.
Donna: (Looking at Dad.) It never occurred ta me that he loved her.
Dad: BEGIN. BEGIN. Son. Daughter. Self. Stranger. BEGIN. (To
the audience.) BEGIN.
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