How to Make a

Good Confession
a private guide for penitents at Prince of Peace Church
A Word of Welcome

One of the most wonderful things I get to do as a priest is be involved in the reconciliation
of sinners to God. The Sacrament of Penance, popularly called Confession, is one of the
greatest gifts that God has given His Church to shed His Mercy on the world. This guide
will hopefully be a help to you to understand better the nature of sin and prepare yourself
for a fruitful celebration of this wonderful mystery of Love.

Father Christopher Smith, Prince of Peace

Sin

All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.1 We have all experienced times when
we have done something wrong or when we could have done something good, but we failed
to do it. Our conscience is the voice of God, which convicts us of our sin. The word sin
has its origins in the Greek word hamartia, which means missing the mark in archery. God
has a plan for our lives, and sometimes we miss His plan. Ever since Adam and Eve
committed the Original Sin of disobedience to God in the Garden of Eden, man has
concupiscence a disordered tendency to evil. The Apostle Paul even writes, I
experienced concupiscence,
do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.2 We experience in
ourselves a spiritual war with the world, the flesh and the Devil for our souls, and often we
lose certain battles. Some deceive themselves into thinking that they are not sinners. If
we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our
sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all
unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His Word is not
in us.3 We must be aware that the wages of sin is death4 and that all sin has eternal
consequences. God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love5 but He
also a righteous judge.6

Romans 3.23
1

Romans 7.19
2

I John 1.8-10
3

Romans 6.23
4

Psalm 103.8
5

Psalm 7.11
6
The Tradition of the Church maintains that there are two kinds of sin. Mortal sin
separates us from God, kills the soul and merits eternal punishment in Hell. A venial sin is
a lesser sin, which does not result in separation from God or eternal punishment in Hell
and does not kill the soul. Venial sin should always be avoided because it predisposes us to
mortal sin. But for a sin to be mortal, three conditions must be present:

1. it must be a serious, grave matter

2. there must be sufficient deliberation on how to commit the sin
3. there must be consent of the will; it cannot be an accident

All three conditions are required for a sin to be mortal. We know that a matter is serious
and grave if it is contrary to the Law of God and the requirement of love for neighbor.
Eternal salvation requires the absence of mortal sin in our soul and growth in the Christian
life also has as its prerequisite the absence of even venial sin. Because sin offends God, we
should take care to avoid even the near occasion of sin out of love for Him.

Contrition

If our conscience is rightly formed according to the Word of God and the Tradition of the
Church, we will know when a certain thought, word, deed or omission is a sin. We will
often have feelings of guilt associated with the knowledge that we have violated moral
standards and are responsible for such violation. Guilt often causes us to have sorrow for
our sins, or contrition. Perfect contrition is when we are sorrowful for our sins because we
have offended the love of God. Such sorrow is enough to elicit God=s forgiveness.
forgiveness But
often human beings, their intellect darkened and their will weakened by sin, are incapable
of perfect contrition. They still experience, however, imperfect contrition,
contrition when we are
sorry for our sins because of some other motive: embarrassment, fear of Hell, or for the
sake of other people. Contrition should cause us to desire never to sin again, which is
repentance.
repentance When we repent of our sins, that should also cause us to turn towards the
LORD and away from sin in conversion.
conversion

Sacrament of Penance

Guilt and contrition in us make us want to be sure that God forgives us. Jesus Christ came
to earth to forgive sinners and reconcile them with His Father. He wants to re-create in us
what sin has destroyed by His gift of grace,
grace the gift of His own inner life. He dispenses
His grace as He wills, but He also instituted seven sacraments as outward rites which
express inner realities that Christ brings about in the soul. When He rose from the dead,
the first person to whom He appeared was Mary Magdalene, identified by the Tradition as
the woman caught in adultery. God sent His Son into the world, not to condemn the
world but that the world might be saved through Him.7 He then appeared to the Apostles
and said, Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you
retain the sins of any, they are retained.8 Only God can forgive sin, and He communicates
to His Apostles the power to free from sin and re-create the divine life in repentant
sinners. Because we still need that liberation from sin, that power is passed down to the
successors to the Apostles, the priests and bishops. This freedom from the slavery to sin
by perfect contrition or by the Sacrament of Penance,
Penance the rite by which we confess our
sins and receive the gifts of God=s Mercy when imperfect contrition is present in the soul.
The sacrament of penance consists of several acts: preparation, the confession of sins,
direction or exhortation from the priest, the assignment of a sacramental penance >an act
of prayer to be done or said to express sorrow for sin?, absolution from sins and
reconciliation to God and the Church, and thanksgiving. Catholics often refer to availing
themselves of the sacrament of penance as @going to confession.A

Requirements for Confession

The sacrament of Baptism forgives Original and any personal sins we have committed,
initiates us into the Church, and makes us a child of God and heir to heaven. Baptism
cannot be repeated. The sacrament of penance is like a second baptism, when sins
committed after baptism are forgiven and grace given to us to live the divine life. We must
be baptized before we go to confession, and we must be of the age of reason so that we can
show our responsibility for our sins and our desire to actively change our lives. Ordinarily,
only those who are in communion with the Catholic Church can come to confession, but
other Christians may avail themselves of the opportunity to come to confession if they
believe what Catholics do about confession and if there is a grave need. We must also have
a firm purpose of amendment,
amendment a real desire and intent to leave behind sinful ways, in order
to come to confession. When one has no intention of conversion, or one intends on
continuing in a state of life contrary to the law of God and His Church >such as those who

John 3.17
7

John 20.23
8
are divorced and remarried outside the Church or those who live with someone to whom
they are not married in the Church?, one cannot receive absolution for sins, which depends
on a firm purpose of amendment. Only in case of death can such persons receive
absolution, and that is conditional upon at least imperfect contrition on the part of the
recipient.

Do I have
have to go to Confession?

Roman Catholics are required to confess their mortal sins at least once a year and receive
Holy Communion at least once between the beginning of Lent and Trinity Sunday once a
year. Confession may be seen as a duty, an obligation. But if one sees it as an encounter
with the Merciful LORD by which we are restored to friendship with Him, Confession is
neither duty nor obligation, but a freely chosen act of love which produces great joy.
Monthly or biweekly confession, including confession of venial sins, is a great help to the
spiritual life. Frequent Confession also disposes us to receive more from Holy
Communion, which we may not receive in the state of mortal sin, but which helps us to
overcome venial sin and imperfections. Many stay away from confession because of pride,
fear, or anxiety that the priest will think less of them or share information learned in the
confessional. Yet there is no excuse valid when compared with the great gift of confession
to the soul.

Why must I confess my sins to a priest? Can=t I go directly to God?

Whenever we sin, even if no one else knows about it, it is an offense not only against God
but also the Body of Christ, the Church. Sin harms the whole Body of Christ into which
we are baptized. So as sin hurts the whole Body, it is fitting that the Body through Christ=s
representative on earth, the priest, be involved in the reconciliation of the sinner to God.
God could have chosen any manner of ways to forgive sin and reconcile sinners, but He
chooses to do so principally through the sacrament of penance which he established to
bring us back to Him. And if He gives us this gift, how can we ignore it? If God wanted us
to go directly to Him, He would have not established the Church or the sacrament of
penance. Of course, that does not preclude our coming to God in prayer and asking for
His Mercy.

Remote Preparation for Confession

Every night before we go to bed, it is a fitting spiritual exercise to do an examination of
conscience.
conscience We look over the events of the day and think about what we may have done
wrong and what we could have done right, but failed to do. We should do this examination
of conscience as part of a broader program of trying to see ourselves as God sees us by
realizing the import of every single action and its consequences. We do not do so merely
to obsess over our faults, but to give us a realistic picture of ourselves before God so as to
ask for His help in overcoming sin and developing virtue. A help in examining our
consciences is seen by comparing them with the standards God and the Church give us for
our moral life. Those standards include, but are not limited to, those to be found in the
General Checklist below.

A rigorous and regular examination of conscience every day according to God=s standards
helps engage our conscience in such a way as to become sensitive to the import of our
actions and be wary of sin. This remote preparation for Confession is a spiritual discipline
which can be hard to develop, but makes our confessions and our spiritual life more
fruitful. Such an examination is meant to help us also avoid two extremes: scrupulosity,
scrupulosity
where we see sin where there is no sin and exaggerate the gravity of our sins and laxity,
laxity
where we refuse to admit sin where it exists and dismiss their seriousness. An examination
of conscience must be made not according to feelings and vague sentiment, but according
to the objective criteria God has established by which we can live a good and holy life.
Some of these standards are negative prohibitions,
prohibitions commandments of God not to do
something >Thou shalt not kill?, and others are positive commandments where God
demands that we do something >Keep the Sabbath Day holy?. All of these standards should
be the measure by which we try to ascertain how well we are doing in obeying God.

The Act of Contrition is a prayer to be memorized by all Catholics. While it is said from
memory in confession, it also should be prayed frequently, especially at the end of our
examination of conscience.

Proximate Preparation for Confession

If we have committed a mortal sin, we should try to get to confession at the first available
opportunity. But whenever we decide to go to confession, we should spend some time in
prayer looking over our life since our last confession to ascertain what sins have been
committed. After prayer and examining our conscience, pray for the illumination of the
Holy Spirit to help us confess worthily and well as well as for the grace of true contrition.
We then prepare a mental list of all of the mortal sins committed since our last confession,
as well as any venial sins we wish to confess. We may go to confession at any of the
regularly scheduled times in any Catholic church, or set up an appointment with the priest
in church or elsewhere. We should arrive early enough to prepare ourselves and to allow
for the priest to hear the confessions of all who are waiting in a timely manner. If we feel
that our confession may be complicated or unduly long, we should call for an appointment.
Sometimes when someone has been away from confession for some time, in preparation
for an important event in their lives like marriage or an ordination, or to manifest his
seriousness about the spiritual life, he will make a general confession of all sins committed
and remembered since baptism. For such a confession, it is useful to make an appointment
with the priest.

General Checklist

Whenever we are doing our examination of conscience for our remote preparation for
confession as a daily part of the spiritual life, we should do so against the backdrops of
some of the standards God and the Church has set for our moral life. For your
convenience, these are provided here, but they should be memorized by all Catholics.

The Ten Commandments9

1. I am the LORD your God. You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall
you serve.
2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
3. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.
4. Honor your father and your mother.
5. You shall not kill.
6. You shall not commit adultery.
7. You shall not steal.
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
9. You shall not covet your neighborFs wife.
10. You shall not covet your neighborFs goods.

Exodus 20.2-17; Deuteronomy 5.6-21

9
The Precepts of the Church10

1. To attend Mass on Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation and resting from servile works.
2. To observe the days of abstinence and fasting.
3. To confess our sins to a priest, at least once a year.
4. To receive Our Lord Jesus Christ in the Holy Eucharist at least once a year during
Easter Season.
5. To contribute to the support of the Church.
6. To obey the laws of the Church concerning Matrimony.
7. To participate in the ChurchFs mission of Evangelization of Souls.

The Spiritual Works of Mercy

1. Convert the sinner

2. Instruct the ignorant
3. Counsel the doubtful
4. Comfort the sorrowful
5. Bear wrongs patiently
6. Forgive injuries
7. Pray for the living and the dead

The Corporal Works of Mercy11

1. Feed the hungry

2. Give drink to the thirsty
3. Clothe the naked
4. Shelter the homeless
5. Visit the sick
6. Visit those in prison
7. Bury the dead

Catechism of the Catholic Church 2041-2043,

10

Matthew 25. 31-46, Tobit

11
The Beatitudes12

1. Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
2. Blessed are the meek: for they shall possess the land.
3. Blessed are they who mourn: for they shall be comforted.
4. Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after justice: for they shall have their fill.
5. Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
6. Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.
7. Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
8. Blessed are they that suffer persecution for justiceF sake, for theirs is the kingdom of
heaven

The Cardinal Virtues13

1. prudence
2. temperance
3. justice
4. fortitude

The Theological Virtues14

1. faith
2. hope
3. charity

The Seven Deadly Sins and the Seven Life-Giving Virtues15

1. lust chastity
2. gluttony temperance
3. greed charity
4. sloth diligence
5. wrath patience

Matthew 5.3-10
12

Plato
13

I Corinthians 13.13
14

St Gregory the Great

15
 6. envy kindess
7. pride humility

The Sins that Cry out to Heaven for Justice16

1. homicide
2. sodomy
3. oppression of peoples
4. oppression of foreigners, widows and orphans
5. cheating the worker of his due

Detailed Checklist

Whenever we are doing our proximate preparation to go to confession, we should examine

our actions against the standards outlined in the General Checklist. We also should see as
to whether our faults are grave or less serious so as to help determine whether they are
mortal or venial. Below is a checklist of some more common grave and less serious matter
seen against the backdrop of the Ten Commandments. The less serious matter would be
venial sins. The grave matter may also be venial sin, if the action is not accompanied by
sufficient deliberation and consent of the will.

GRAVE MATTER

1. I am the LORD your God; you shall not have strange gods before Me.
- occult
- atheism or agnosticism
- leaving the Church
- superstitious practices
- joining societies condemned by the Church >ex: Masons?

Catechism of the Catholic Church 1867

16
- desecration of the Eucharist
- receiving Communion in the state of mortal sin
- failure to make the Easter duty >confession once a year and Easter Communion?
- receiving Confirmation or Marriage in the state of mortal sin
- marriage outside the Church
- denial of the truths of the faith
- despair
- presumption of God=s Mercy
- buying or selling sacred objects
- hatred of God

2. You shall not take the Name of the LORD your God in vain.
- using God=s name as a curse
- wishing evil upon another
- slander and willful insult
- blasphemy
- lying under oath
- lying or withholding a sin in confession

3. Keep the Sabbath Day holy.

- missing Mass on Sunday or Holy Day of Obligation without serious cause
- unnecessary work on Sunday or Holy Day
- failure to fast or abstain on appointed days
- requiring employees to work on Sunday in non-essential jobs

4. Honour your father and mother.

- failure to care for aged parents
- disrespect, disobedience to parents, superiors, authorities
- abuse or neglect of children
- failure to baptize children soon after birth
- failure to carry out the reasonable last wishes of parents
- neglect of one=s duties

5. You shall not kill.

- murder, homicide, manslaughter
- abortion
- selective reduction of babies in the womb
- encouraging, counseling, paying for abortion
- voting for pro-abortion policies
- intentionally injuring another
- driving recklessly or under influence of drugs or alcohol
- leading another into sin or tempting them
- hatred of another
- taking or selling illegal drugs
- intentional drunkenness
- self-mutilation
- unnecessary tattoos and piercing, especially of intimate parts
- sterilization
- involvement in euthanasia
- intention or attempt of suicide
- bigotry and racial hatred

6. You shall not commit adultery

- willful entertainment of impure thoughts or desires
- use of impure or suggestive words
- telling/listening to impure stories
- deliberately looking at impure TV, videos, plays, pictures or movies
- deliberately reading impure materials
- committing impure acts on self
- committing impure acts with another
- practicing artificial birth control
- marry or advise anyone to marry outside of the Church
- failed to avoid occasions of impurity
- failed to control thoughts
- engaging in homosexual activity
- failure to respect members of the opposite sex
- sterilization of self or spouse
- abused marriage rights
- acting to produce arousal in someone who is not one=s spouse
- immodest dress
- prostitution
- rape
- artificial insemination
- surrogate motherhood
- fertility testing that involves immoral acts
- support of human cloning
- willful divorce
- desertion of a spouse
- incest
- having more than one spouse
- cohabitation before marriage
- seduction for purposes of immorality
- lust in the heart
- spouse-swapping
- cross-dressing

7. You shall not steal

- stealing a large amount of money or a valuable item
- destroying or defacing another=s property
- stealing a sacred object or anything from a sacred place or person
- selling, buying, concealing or receiving items known to be stolen
- failure to make restitution
- unnecessary gambling
- defrauding workers of their wages
- cruelty to animals
- slavery
- pirating software or music
- violating copyright
- excessive waste and expense
- forgery
- tax evasion
- fraud, embezzlement
- failure to fulfill work duties
- untruthfulness in accounts
- failure to help the poor and less fortunate
 - blackmail

8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

- lying under or not under oath about someone
- premeditated lies
- detraction >revealing faults of another without serious reason?
- calumny >falsely maligning another=s character?
- revealing a secret without sufficient reason

9. You shall not desire your neighbor=s wife

- pornography
- reading sexually explicit materials
- lusting after another
- dwelling on impure thoughts for the purpose of arousal

10. You shall not desire your neighbor=s goods.

- intentional greed
- intention to steal or destroy another=s goods

LESSER MATTER

1. I am the LORD your God; you shall have no strange gods before Me.
- failure to pray daily
- not loving or trusting God
- trying to control things rather than seek God=s will
- self-pity or self-deprecation
- failure to examine one=s conscience
- failure to pray during temptation
- putting off confession when needed
- entertaining doubt about the faith
- failure to study and learn the Church=s teaching
- indifference, ingratitude, lukewarmess in our relationship with God
- contenting oneself with mediocrity
- putting other people or things before God
- anger at God
- embarrassment for being Catholic
- failure to defend the Church
- failure to support the Church with time, talent and treasure
- willful distraction at prayer and Mass
- failure to offer up suffering

2. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
- habitual, unthinking use of the LORD=s name in surprise and anger
- thoughtless cursing
- irreverent use of the names of Mary, a Saint, the Pope, or other sacred persons
- vulgar language
- bad jokes about sacred persons, places or things
- irreverent use of the Bible

3. Keep the Sabbath Day holy.

- unnecessary work
- failure to keep Sunday for family and recreation
- failure to spend extra time on Sunday for prayer and study of the faith
- allowing sports or other activities determine Sunday schedule
- irreverence and needless talking in church
- refusing to participate in Mass
- coming late to Mass or leaving early without sufficient reason
- desecrating Sunday by sinful amusement

4. Honour your father and mother.

- fighting siblings
- treating those under one=s authority disrespectfully
- speaking badly about parents, children, spouse
- failure to give good example
- taking spouse or children for granted
- failure to pray for those entrusted in one=s care and those in authority over one
- failure to teach the faith to children
- lack of gratitude towards parents
- nagging
- treating adult children like minors
- meddling in affairs of adult children
- excessive laxity or strictness on rules, boundaries, discipline
- shame or embarrassment about parents, spouse or children
- breaking just civil laws without reason

5. You shall not kill.

- arrogance, pride, vanity
- unreasonable stubbornness
- rudeness
- failure to apologize or forgive
- fighting over little matters
- unreasonable anger
- obscene or vulgar gestures, words
- prejudice
- holding grudges
- seeking revenge
- impatience
- selfishness
- listening to and buying bad music
- excessive use of TV, computer, internet
- TV, movies or games that promote sex or violence
- failure to care for one=s health
- unnecessary tobacco use
- abuse of medicine or refusal to take necessary medicine
- laziness, procrastination, failure to arrive on time
- scandalizing another
- unjust treatment of others
- failure to pray for deceased relatives, sinners
- intentionally provoking anger in others

6. You shall not commit adultery.

- lack of custody of the eyes
- allowing the heart to stray from spouse
- treating others as objects
- failure to respect those of opposite sex
- seeking wrongful attention from others
- selfishness in marital act
- failure to be open to life without sufficient reason
- bad friendships

7. You shall not steal

- disordinate attachment to persons or things
- theft of small or inexpensive items
- failure to return borrowed items
- wasting time
- failure to pay debts promptly
- failure to help the poor
- spending on unnecessary things
- failure to keep promises

8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

- lying
- gossip
- spreading rumours
- talking behind another=s back
- negative, critical thought of others
- rash judgment
- undue suspicion
- failure to restore good name of another
- exaggeration, bragging
- flattery
- complaining, whining

9. You shall not desire your neighbor=s wife.

- telling or listening to impure, vulgar jokes or stories
- brief entertainment of impure thoughts
- failure to bring imagination under control
- curiosity
- seeking out immodest persons or images
 10. You shall not desire your neighbour=s goods.
- envy
- jealousy
- materialism
- failure to trust in God for one=s material and spiritual needs
- attachment to possessions

How to go to Confession

When we enter the place set apart for the sacrament of penance, usually a confessional
inside a church, we make the Sign of the Cross and say, @Bless me, Father, for I have
sinned.A We then tell him exactly how long it has been since our last confession and can
also tell him our state in life >married, single, widowed, priest, religious?. While we need
not bring a written list into the confessional with us, we do list our mortal sins in the
following way: what the sin is, how many times we committed it, and if there were any
circumstances that would change the nature of the sin. We must be succinct and specific,
without trying to @set up the sceneA, excuse ourselves, or give details which do not relate to
the sin itself. We are required to list all mortal sins committed since our last confession
that we can remember. If we have a question over whether something is a sin or not, we
should ask the priest. If we have venial sins or imperfections that we would like to
mention so as to obtain graces to overcome them, they can be mentioned here. If there
are sins from our past which have already been confessed but we wish to mention them to
express our sorrow for them, or something which we forgot to confess in previous
confessions, we should tell them and why are confessing them.

While it is important to try to remember all of the mortal sins we have committed, Christ
through the sacrament frees us from all our sins, if we have not held anything back on
purpose. If we deliberately conceal a sin, do not have a firm purpose of amendment or lie
in the confessional, we make a sacrilegious confession,
confession, which is gravely sinful and a
mockery of the LORD=s forgiveness. If we are not prepared to try to change our lives, we
should pray for the LORD to grant us the grace of conversion rather than risk a
sacrilegious confession.
The priest may ask a few questions to ascertain the nature or the gravity of the sin and he
may give some counsel. It is important to remember that, as a general rule, confession is
not the place to ask advice or spiritual direction, although both can be requested and given
in confession. If you are looking for conversation, advice and spiritual direction, it is
better to ask for an appointment with the priest. The priest will then assign a penance to
be performed outside the confession, and he will invite you to pray the Act of Contrition.
You should be prepared to recite this prayer from memory, but some churches have a copy
of it posted. You can also request the priest to help you in the prayer or permission to say
your own prayer, although the normative formulas of the prayer are preferable.

The priest will then raise his right hand over you in blessing and recite the Prayer of
Absolution,
Absolution which ends, @I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of
the Son and of the Holy Spirit.A After you respond, @Amen,A he may say another brief
prayer and dismiss you in pardon and peace.

For your convenience, an act of contrition is printed here:

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because
of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all-
good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no
more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.

What to do after Confession

After confession, it is always appropriate to spend some time in church thanking God for
the gift of His Mercy. If the priest has assigned you a penance which requires a prayer to
be said, it is fitting that it be said as part of your thanksgiving. If it is an act to be
performed elsewhere, it should be done as quickly as possible. Confession is a joyful
encounter with Christ and His love for us. It is important that, when we leave church and
go back to our daily lives, that we daily commend to God our resolution to live in His love
and root out sin. We should also look for those wandering sheep who have not been to
confession for a while, share our good experience with them, and encourage them to go to
confession. Parents must always set the example for their children, going to confession as a
family on a regular basis and whenever needed. We also need to spread the word of the
great grace of confession and never fail to praise Him: Forever I will sing the mercies of the
LORD!