MANIPULATION AND NLP

TECHNIQUES

The 9 Steps to Have Full Control of Your Life. How to

Analyze People, Detect Deception, and Protect
Yourself from Covert Emotional Manipulation and
Toxic People
Jonathan Mind
 Copyright 2020 All rights reserved.
This document is geared towards providing exact and reliable
information with regard to the topic and issue covered. The
publication is sold with the idea that the publisher is not required to
render accounting, officially permitted or otherwise qualified
services. If advice is necessary, legal or professional, a practiced
individual in the profession should be ordered.

From a Declaration of Principles which was accepted and approved

equally by a Committee of the American Bar Association and a
Committee of Publishers and Associations.

In no way is it legal to reproduce, duplicate, or transmit any part of

this document in either electronic means or printed format.
Recording of this publication is strictly prohibited, and any storage
of this document is not allowed unless with written permission
from the publisher. All rights reserved.

The information provided herein is stated to be truthful and

consistent, in that any liability, in terms of inattention or otherwise,
by any usage or abuse of any policies, processes, or directions
contained within is the solitary and utter responsibility of the
recipient reader. Under no circumstances will any legal
responsibility or blame be held against the publisher for any
reparation, damages, or monetary loss due to the information
herein, either directly or indirectly.

Respective authors own all copyrights not held by the publisher.

The information herein is offered for informational purposes solely

and is universal as so.
The presentation of the information is without a contract or any
type of guarantee assurance.
The trademarks that are used are without any consent, and the
publication of the trademark is without permission or backing by
the trademark owner. All trademarks and brands within this book
are for clarifying purposes only and are owned by the owners
themselves, not affiliated with this document
Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE
Understanding Dark Psychology
The Dark Triad
Explore your dark side to regain control
The archetype of the shadow: the dark side of our psyche

CHAPTER TWO
What Is NLP
The principal of Neuro-linguistic programming
NLP Techniques
Benefits derived from the use of NLP
Manipulating the Mind Through NLP
Strategies to Increase Self-Esteem Through NLP
Methods for rescuing self-esteem recommended by psychologists.

CHAPTER THREE
Psychological Manipulation Techniques
Psychological Manipulation In Communication
Emotional Blackmail and Manipulation
How to Avoid Emotional Manipulation and Cope with Manipulation?
How Do You Understand and Stop Your Partner's Emotional Manipulation?
Behavioural and Character Traits of the Manipulators

CHAPTER FOUR
Covert Emotional Manipulation
Signs of Emotional Manipulation
How to deal with an emotional manipulator?
Emotional blackmail and manipulation in relationships
Emotional Manipulation in The Workplace
CHAPTER FIVE
Understanding Body Language
 What Is Body Language
Body Language of Each Personality Type
The types of body language
Body language of self-confidence
CHAPTER SIX
The Five C's of Body Language
How to identify the subtle inputs sent by the body
Mastering the Secrets of Non-Verbal Communication
Master your non-verbal communication

CHAPTER SEVEN
Verbal Communication and Nonverbal Communication
Rapid Cynological Or Nonverbal Language Decryption.
Body language in the workplace
CHAPTER EIGHT
How To Analyze People
How to Influence People
How to Analyze Your Relationship?

CHAPTER NINE
Brainwashing
Mind Control Brainwashing - 3 Common Ways it is Used to Manipulate Others
Brainwashing: Coercive Persuasion Techniques
Brainwash Yourself to Higher Self-Esteem

CHAPTER TEN
Understanding Persuasion
Key elements of persuasion
Principles of Persuasion
Persuasion Techniques
Psychological Tricks to Increase Your Persuasive Power

CHAPTER ELEVEN
How to Differentiate Between Persuasion and Manipulation
Gestures to Increase Your Power of Persuasion
Persuasion Tactics to Influence Anyone in The Most Effective Way
 Persuasive Communication and Interpersonal Relationships. How Does It Help Us?
Discover When You Are The Target
How to increase our capacity for persuasion

CHAPTER TWELVE
What Is Deception
Main Components of Deception
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The Role of Defence in 9 Steps
How to Spot Lies with Deception Detection Techniques
Techniques for defending against manipulation
Acceptance
Increase awareness
How to increase self-esteem and gain confidence?
Change reactions
Be assertive
Feed yourself
Become autonomous and take control
Deal with toxic people

CONCLUSION
 INTRODUCTION

Dark Psychology attempts to explain certain impulses, emotions, beliefs, and

processes of rational thinking that contribute to antithetical sexual behavior to
contemporary human acts. Dark Psychology postulates there is a human mind
setting where all individuals can act atrociously without intent. The Dark
Singularity invented theory.
Once the man started speaking, mental manipulation and writing have been
of considerable significance. As we have seen in history, there are several
forms of manipulators; those that manipulate other people for economic
reasons, without remorse. Deception, manipulation, terror, seduction, etc.
Many people are exploited. We've developed persuasion skills since our
childhood, and the most obvious is; impulses and deceptions to achieve our
goals.
Our homes show vital signs of abuse. In families, there is usually a more
influential individual who can become a manipulator, either our father or
mother. Masculinity has been more common in past generations than in
present times. It was the man who took control in the social sector, but as we
matured, we were able to repress this scenario that we used to, balancing
these aspects. There are tall, strong women now. And our controlling media
are the greatest manipulators.
A combination of personality traits Machiavellianism, narcissism, and
subclinical psychopathy is called the Black Triad, embodied in, among other
things, self-esteem and careless, deceptive actions. These three characteristics
are conceptualized differently, while similarity exists empirically. They
require an arrogant, aggressive, interpersonal style. Strong features of these
characteristics are essential when hiring and assessing managers in
organizational psychology. In studies, men typically have higher values for
all dark triad characteristics than women.
For years, mind-management intrigued people. Books and movies told tales
of brainwashed or hypnotized people doing things they would never have
done otherwise. There are people on both sides of the issue; some say there's
no such thing as mind control, and it's all made up, while others believe they
can be affected by mind control at any moment.
This guidebook offers a detailed overview of what emotional intelligence
means and how this knowledge can help you identify, prevent and overcome
many of the common traps that keep people from achieving their goals in
areas of their lives.
As you read this guide book, you will find a top-down approach to
understand what emotional manipulation is, how it can affect you, where you
can turn for help, and what you can do to formulate an action plan personally.
 CHAPTER ONE
Understanding Dark Psychology

Dark Psychology is the study of human nature concerning people's thoughts,

feelings, and behaviors linked to this innate propensity to prey on others
without clear motives. Because behavior is consciously, consciously, and
conceptually based on modus operandi, dark psychology incorporates the
notion that the closer a person gets to the "black pit" of unclean evil, the less
likely he/she will have a motive. Although the author claims unclean evil is
never achieved because it's infinite, dark psychology claims others are close.
Given its latent form, Dark Psychology may be misunderstood by its
potential to perceive as aberrant psychopathy. History is full of examples of
this latent tendency to become involved, destructive actions. Modern
psychiatry and psychology define psychopaths as a killer without remorse.
Dark psychology offers a continuum of seriousness from thought and
experiencing aggression to extreme, irrational victimization and assault.
Dark Psychology claims everybody has violent potential. The ability is
inherent to all organisms, and both internal and external factors raise the
likelihood of erratic behavior. These practices are deceptive and frequently
operate without intent. Dark psychology suggests humans misunderstand the
predator-bear model. Dark psychology is also psychological, so no other
human being feels it. Aggression and disaster may occur among other living
organisms, but humankind is the only species capable of doing so without
intent.
Dark Psychology can be characterized as the study of the human condition as
it relates to people's psychological nature to pursue other people without
intent and general perceptions of instinctive instincts and social sciences
driven by criminal urges or deviants.
Dark Psychology recognizes all subjective cognitive thoughts, emotions,
attitudes, and processes that contribute to predatory behavior those conflicts
with contemporary human behavioral values. Dark Psychology claims that
99.99 percent of the time is intentional, deviant, and violent conduct and has
a logical, focused purpose. It is the remaining 0.01%, the amounts of
Adlerian theory and teleology in Dark Psychology. Dark Psychology assumes
that the human psyche has an area that allows some people to engage in cruel
behaviors without a purpose. It's named Dark Singularity in this theory.
Dark Psychology notes that all humanity has a reservoir of malicious
intentions toward others, ranging from minimally intrusive and transient
thoughts to purely psychopathic deviant behavior without any coherent
reasoning.
What Dark Psychology considers the Dark Factor is the limiting factors that
serve as accelerators or attractors to get closer to the Dark Singularity, and
where somebody's horrible actions fall into the Dark Continuous. Below is a
brief introduction to these definitions. Dark Psychology is a theory battled by
this author for 15 years. It is only recently that the meaning, theory, and
psychology of this dimension of the human condition has finally been
conceptualized.
The Dark Triad
The Dark Triad is a relatively new concept in the literature, and the impact
that this concept has had in recent years is noted by the vast amount of
research in this area of interest.
The Dark Triad consists of three undesirable personality factors: narcissism,
Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These traits involve malice, grandiosity,
duplicity, the need for power. Psychopathy is characterized by impulsivity
and antisocial behaviors, Machiavellianism by manipulative actions towards
others, and narcissism by arrogance, vanity, selfishness, and grandiosity.

Characteristics
The dark triad is described as a component of personality consisting of three
distinct subclinical personality traits, the common feature being aversion.
The term Machiavellianism can be briefly described as a person's tendency
to be manipulative.
Machiavellianism is the concept that refers to interpersonal strategies used in
one's interest using flattery, emotional detachment, and deception to
manipulate social and interpersonal interactions. These people are perceived
as smart and attractive. However, intelligence does not correlate with the
aspirations of Machiavellian life, such as significant material situation or
status. People with Machiavellian traits tend to expose others to achieve their
interests; this aspect was predictably correlating with a low level of empathy.
Machiavellians easily take the lead in small groups and prefer to negotiate the
formation of an alliance in complicated situations. People with high scores on
Machiavellianism succeed and are excited about it, especially when
circumstances involve face-to-face interactions, a place conducive to
innovation, and situations where the emotional load is substantial.
People with this trait should not be seen as evil bastards, but as people who
force the rules rather than break them. Thus, just as people with high scores
on Machiavellianism should not be considered channels, neither should those
with very low scores on this characteristic be regarded as models of the
perfection of social virtue. We could think that they make art from
manipulation techniques, deliberate lying, and social influence.
Narcissism is characterized by feelings of grandeur (in one's fantasies or real
behavior), the need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others.
Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of importance, and they are
preoccupied with fantasies of success, beauty, power, or ideal love.
He needs constant admiration, shows arrogant behavior or attitude,
superiority, and tends to take advantage of interpersonal relationships
(exploits other people for gain or personal gain), feeling that he is entitled to
certain favors. They always overestimate their abilities and exaggerate their
achievements, often being perceived as boastful and pretentious.
They take it for granted that others appreciate their efforts just as much and
are surprised if they are not praised as they think they deserve. Being often
preoccupied with overestimating their achievements, they underestimate the
contribution of others.
Narcissism is associated with self-orientation and extreme vanity, a constant
need for attention, admiration, and self-determination, an expectation of
special favors that are simply due to him. For the narcissist, understanding
the workings of others is essential to exploit such favors on their part.
Narcissism is associated with self-orientation and extreme vanity, a constant
need for attention, admiration, and self-determination, an expectation of
special favors that are simply due to him. For the narcissist, understanding
the workings of others is essential to exploit such favors on their part.
Narcissism is associated with self-orientation and extreme vanity, a constant
need for attention, admiration, and self-determination, an expectation of
special favors that are simply due to him. For the narcissist, understanding
the workings of others is essential to exploit such favors on their part.
Narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism and feel it as a direct threat to
their self-image and vision, which is a somewhat problematic consequence in
certain situations. For example, narcissistic leaders are quite abrasive with
their subordinates. They cannot tolerate dissent on the policy they impose.
However, paradoxically, these leaders manage to be significant due to the
emotional isolation they show.
Psychopathy is marked by the ability to influence and dominate others, to
show a low degree of anxiety, take risks, look for "strong sensations" and
also tend to be indifferent, selfish, aggressive and profitable, act unplanned,
and have a low imaginative capacity. People with this trait are opportunistic,
selfish, and cruel, yet they can be charming, ambitious, and manipulative.
Egocentric impulses, specific to this trait, can lead to unethical behaviors.
Feelings of social responsibility are not pronounced, and they rarely feel
shame, guilt, or remorse over the consequences of their decisions.
Psychopathy is defined not only by antisocial behavior but also by an
emotional "deterioration," such as lack of guilt.
Psychopaths are deceptive, biased, superficial in attitude and in what they do,
dominant over others, manipulative, show very little affection and somewhat
superficial, are unable to create strong emotional connections with others, and
are almost incapable of feeling empathy, remorse, or guilt.
Initially, the triad was individually framed in the areas of the five major
personality traits (extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness,
neuroticism, and openness) to analyze similarities and differences concerning
fundamental personality dimensions.
Although these traits seem to manifest as an unstable core of personality, they
can be integrated and recognized as the right qualities of co-leadership.
Machiavellians are characterized by long-term strategic orientation and can
postpone their immediate satisfaction for a long-term reward. At the same
time, psychopathy is characterized by a person's willingness to take certain
risks, and this is not necessarily a negative aspect.

Explore your dark side to regain control

Do you have feelings you hate? Do you do things you're ashamed to talk
about? Is there a part of you that you want to delete? Do you want things you
hate to admit? We have a dark side that we are afraid to face.
Your dark side does not understand the intentions, the commitments, doing
what is supposed to be done. He remains overwhelmed, but growing, looking
for a way out.
Exploring your dark side will allow you to rethink your control if you
understand and know yourself.

What do you feed your dark side?

The dark side of your mind feeds on misery and self-destruction with
everything you refuse, with those desires that cannot materialize.
Your unmet need produces negative emotions that feed you. If you can't get
rid of these needs, these negative emotions will continue to make you worse
and make you believe that this is your true or even your only version.
Not feeding this obscure part of your mind is the only way to control it.
However, there are many things you don't know how to do because I'm bad
for you, and I still do. You know you shouldn't smoke, you shouldn't overdo
your fat intake, you shouldn't yell at your partner or children, you shouldn't
feed unnecessary discussions that lead nowhere ... But, anyway, you do it all
this.

For your dark side, good intentions are not enough. Either take action and
turn off the power, or it will take over the best of you.

Why do you need your dark side?

In order not to feed your dark side, you need to know what he likes best. It
feeds on negative psychological worries, those foods that make you shake
tightly in a previous state that creates suffering.
These negative blows prevent you from feeling safe, balanced, and healthy.
Express yourself through rejection, humiliation, betrayal, feelings of
worthlessness, and failure. All this negativity feeds the darkest part of the
psyche, which grows with negative emotions, thoughts, and behaviors with
the influence of toxic people that have existed and still exist in your life.
Whenever something negative happens in your life or whenever you
remember something you don't like, your darkest part, which clings to this
negativity as if you were entitled to it, comes out. There was another way out.
To attract more misery, self-destruction, and negativity to feed yourself. How
to deal with the dark side?

The solution to face the dark side of the mind is to face it

consciously.
There are things we can't eliminate, but for those that can be addressed, you
need to know them. The biggest challenge is to bury yourself in mind and
illuminate everything that is hidden in it.
Share the dark side hides much more than unfulfilled desires, frustrated
aspirations, or broken dreams, but only you can throw yourself into the water
and exploit it. Whenever you face negativity in your life, every time you feel
something creepy trying to catch yourself, you should try to understand why
this is happening, without feeling ashamed.
You have to accept that there is an obscure part of your mind that is there and
that it will not turn into smoke simply because you want to suppress it
Repression will make you stronger and with more force, explode once you
have the opportunity. Be brave.

The archetype of the shadow: the dark side of our

psyche
The archetype of the shadow represents, according to Carl Jung's analytical
psychology, the "dark side" of our personality. This is an explosive world in
our psyche with the most primitive, the sharpest selfishness, the most
repressed instincts, and my "mind" has "denied" the conscious mind, and we
reject the deep exile of our being.
We have all heard about this concept, this shadow archetype that continues to
be used to talk about this confrontation in psychology. From that feeling of
struggle that we sometimes have in ourselves when working on our
frustrations, fears, insecurity, or resentment.
However, we cannot forget that the idea brought by Carl Jung through his
work on archetypes was already present in our historical and cultural society.
The concept of the shadow or the dark side is this well-known duality, which
had even served as inspiration for Robert Louis Stevenson to now create his
classic Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde long before Jung himself developed his
theory of the shadow archetype.
Everything we consider at one time "bad" because of our education and the
moral standards of our society becomes our shadow. However, it is not
advisable to consider all these internal dynamics as condemnable or
dangerous experiences, to the point that we all carry within us Hyde tends to
escape.
Jung himself explained that there are different types of shadows and that one
way to achieve personal well-being, healing, and freedom is to make them
aware by confronting them.

The archetype of the shadow: the dark side of the

human being
The archetype of the shadow is closely linked to Freud's concept of the
unconscious. However, it contains unique nuances that distinguish and
significantly enrich it. We must not forget that what began as an intellectual
love story between Freud and Jung was gradually cooled to the point where
he came to say the father of psychoanalysis was "a tragic figure of a great
man, but of someone whom he did not share the therapeutic method.
Jung developed his method, analytical psychology. He left the couch and the
asymmetrical relationship between therapist and patient to establish a
conversation-based therapy where he investigated the structure of the psyche
and unconsciously where the archetypes navigated. Of these, the one that
could have the most significant therapeutic value was, without a doubt, the
archetype of the shadow. Let's see its characteristics:
The shadow, a familiar but repressed presence

"Shadow" is a term that Jung borrowed from Friedrich Nietzsche.

This idea represented the hidden personality of each person. At
first glance, most of us claim to be (and perceive as) good and
noble beings. However, there are inside us some repressed
dimensions, inherited instincts, where violence, anger, hatred
sometimes hide…
The archetype of the shadow does not live only on each person. I
Not sometimes present in "groups of people," insects, in certain
types of religions, or even in political parties. These are
organizations that, at any time, can cast their shadow in the light to
justify violent actions against humanity itself.
The shadow is more destructive, insidious, and dangerous when
 we "repress" it. Then he "projects," thus revealing, according to
Carl Jung, disorders such as neurosis or psychosis.
Similarly, Jung differentiated two typologies in his shadow
archetype. The first is the personal shadow, which we carry with
our small frustrations, our fears, our selfishness, and the most
common negative dynamics. However, there would also be an
impersonal shadow, which contains the essence of the more
archetypal evil, the one that accompanies criminal genocide,
ruthlessness, and so on.

How to deal with our shadow?

It is possible that the theory of Jung's shadow archetype is interesting to us on
a theoretical level, that it is attractive, that it has a symbolic and mystical
character. We all perceive in this concept the most classical representation of
taboo, evil, and this dark dimension of the human personality, which always
provokes excellent interest. However, can we practically apply it in our daily
lives?
The answer is, "yes." As a father of analytical psychology, he reminds us in
such works as "Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious" our role in life is
to accept and fully integrate "our shadow" with the personality to become
aware of it and work with it., which he directly faces. To neglect her, to let
her continue in her unconscious universe, can undermine our balance and the
possibility of being happy.
We cannot forget what kind of dynamics this concept we call shadow is:
Here, we find our fears, our past traumas, the disappointments that poison us,
the dreams that we did not realize through indecision, and that turn into
frustrated sharks sailing in our personality. If we hide them, these inner
demons become stronger, and if we ignore them, they will eventually control
us, often projecting on others an image of ourselves that they do not like.
Therefore, we cannot forget that our personal growth and psychological well-
being will always depend on our ability to highlight these shadows. This act
of courage will be the starting point of a delicate but precious work, which
tends to heal us, to find calm and well-being.
 CHAPTER TWO
What Is NLP

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) is one of many techniques for

modifying behavior and experiencing. Neurolinguistic programming focuses
on the relationship between the functioning of the human neural network
(hence the word "neuro" in the NLP name), linguistic (linguistic) aspects, and
the resulting behavioral, but also influencing the behavior of other people
(collectively understood as programming). Although it probably sounds quite
complicated, in reality, neurolinguistic programming is not that difficult to
understand. What's more - basically anyone willing to do so can get
acquainted with this technique.
NLP Neurolinguistic Programming is the abbreviation for Neuro-Linguistic
Programming. At first glance, the title sounds exceptionally pompous, and it
seems that we are dealing with something overly complicated and
inaccessible. In reality, Neurolinguistic Programming is a clear, precise, and
easily applicable science immediately. NLP is the study of how people work,
understanding the mechanisms, and their practical use in everyday life. NLP
is both simple and "dangerously good," in the sense that, using the right
techniques, you can change your condition, you can change other people's
states, you can convince more easily, you can drive easier, you increase your
efficiency, you increase productivity, eliminate mental and emotional
blockages.
In short, the abbreviation NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is explained
as follows:

N - Neurology - How the mind works and how we think to

become exponential in the environment in which we live
L - Linguistics - How we use language to build trust and manage
our and those around us
P - Programming - How we order our actions and thoughts to
generate exceptional results

History of NLP (neurolinguistic programming)

Neuro-linguistic programming was born in 1976, co-founded by Richard
Bandler and John Grinder. Their approach was slightly different from the
scientific method in general, in that they began to study the best therapists of
the time, to see what they were doing, to systematize what they were doing,
and then to devise strategies that worked. Thus, for a moment, he was not
interested in the scientific basis, but only the final result, namely: What do
they do to have effects? Among them are Fritz Perl’s (gestalt therapy),
Virginia Satir (family therapy), and Milton Erickson (hypnotherapy).
The NLP was an important step forward at that time and has maintained its
reputation today. On the other hand, there are still opponents today, as to how
neurolinguistic programming works is an empirical rather than a scientific
approach, despite the pretentious title. For example, you can send a child to a
psychologist, when at the same time, the same child can be sent to the NLP
therapist. Assuming that this child refuses to go to school, through NLP
techniques, the child can change his mind about school in 30 minutes (be
careful, not always!), Unlike a psychologist where he could go for years.
Days at therapy sessions. This was just an example, but this is where the
controversy comes from. The NLP is interested in solving the problem
immediately in solving it, and as long as it is solved, it goes on. The
alternative of psychologists (at least in the 80s) was to probe the unconscious
and the subconscious of the person (somehow to work on the cause) until,
miraculously, the child had a revelation.
I think that to say that Neuro-linguistic Programming is good or bad, or to say
that psychology or classical therapy is good or not, are statements that do not
help us much. In my view, these sciences complement each other, just as they
complement each other. with other sciences.

Where does NLP apply?

Some might say that NLP - neurolinguistic programming applies in too many
areas. So it is, fortunately, or unfortunately. See below the three areas in
which we can use neurolinguistic programming, but before that, I also offer
five definitions, in the vision of those who created and developed it.

Neurolinguistic programming in business - how to apply it?

In business, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes intentionally, we
encounter neurolinguistic programming techniques everywhere. For example,
NLP techniques are for problem solving or creativity. In the creation of
slogans or commercials, we also see NLP. In sales or negotiation, NLP
techniques are often applicable immediately.
Also, in building a business strategy, you can use neurolinguistic
programming techniques to create a skeleton (using modeling), and you can
optimize using the Disney strategy. NLP is also a critical step in Leadership.
It seems to me that the science of neurolinguistic programming goes beyond
the realm of generalist techniques. For example, if we say that a leader
inspires those in the team or those who sympathize with them, neurolinguistic
programming will teach you concretely HOW to do this. Without making
NLP a dogmatic approach, I can say that I am an NLP fan because it gives
me concrete answers to the question HOW IS IT DONE?

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) in personal development

Here the NLP attacks the most complicated topics such as self-confidence,
achieving goals, or managing emotions. Using NLP, you optimize your
"relationship with yourself" and the relationship with those around you. NLP
techniques not only help you grow, but they also help you get up when things
are not exactly rosy. For example, some of the methods I use to make it
possible for people to do seemingly impossible things to do (such as going
through the fire, bending a steel bar around their neck, breaking a wooden
board) are all collected from NLP. Basically, in a way, we could say that
through NLP techniques, the impossible becomes possible. If you are
wondering to what extent you can integrate NLP techniques alone or with the
help of someone, you will find the answer below.

Neurolinguistic programming (NLP) in therapies

Neurolinguistic programming is also applied in therapies. Some therapists
have chosen to integrate it thoroughly, and others who have integrated only
part of the NLP techniques. I will not insist on this field because it is already
addressed to specialists, and the debates and opinions are very divided and
different.

Coaching with NLP

Lately, Coaching is also in great demand in many countries. Without going
into the details of coaching schools, I want to remind you that there are quite
a few coaches who coach with NLP. Specifically, they use, beyond the actual
coaching technique, tools in neurolinguistic programming to deliver coaching
with results.

The principal of Neuro-linguistic programming

1. The internal map is unique
One of the concepts of the NLP relates to the orientation people have around
them in the world. The way the person orients himself has to do with his
inner map. The internal map is simple in the early stages of life. However, as
we grow, the map will become more complex, and new routes will be
opened.
The more complete the map, the more successful the person is. The map of
the world is individual, and it is based on our experience. Each person has his
or her map, and no two maps are the same.
2. The best map is one that offers more than one road
As mentioned above, the complete map is also more accurate, offering more
opportunities to reach a goal or solve the problem. This involves flexibility
and the ability to react to an important event in various ways. The map is not
the territory it represents, but if accurate, it will have a territory-like structure
and be more useful.
3. Every behavior has a positive intention
It may be one of NLP's most debated ideas. This argument refers to the fact
that every person and action has an intrinsic positive purpose. For example,
someone doubts a smoker has a good intention to smoke. But according to
this theory, the smoker may smoke or be socially accepted. NLP seeks to turn
this optimistic attitude into a more efficient and appropriate individual
behavioral model.
4. The structure of experience
This principle shows how each interaction consists of a particular structure.
Each thinking, feeling, memory, or experience is a collection of elements.
This implies that if each perception has a structure, its impact can be
modified by changing its composition.
5. All problems have a solution
This theory relates to the idea that there is a solution to any problem. And
because often it may seem ideal, the solutions cannot be enforced. Many
times, issues can occur that do not have a simple solution. This applies to the
person's map. Since then, the fewer paths or options that you have, the fewer
approaches that you can give to the actual situation. Additionally, the
definition of the problem is related to the map material. A richer map offering
more services will experience some fewer alarming circumstances.
6. Everyone has the strength they need
This is one of the principles of the NLP and has to do with the individual's
personal growth because it means that everybody has the power to
accomplish what is being suggested. The question comes up when the
restricting values of individual affect self-esteem.
7. Body and mind are part of the same system
This principle refers to the human being is body and mind. In other words,
every feeling and emotion affects the body. This is also true in reverse. For
example, a disease that affects the body will have psychological
repercussions. Therefore, for NLP, thought changes that modify physical
problems are essential. By the way, have you heard of embodied cognition?
8. The meaning of communication depends on the result
It is necessary to establish clear guidelines for communication, which do not
give rise to misunderstandings, nor an option of distorted personal
interpretations by the recipient of the message.
9. There are no failures but opportunities
When a person is continuously on the move, he has several ways to achieve
the goal. Failures must be seen as opportunities, that is, as measures that
allow you to overcome and move in the desired direction.
10. If something doesn't work, try something else
Sometimes, people insist on doing something that doesn't work, and they also
don't change the way they do. At this point, the famous phrase "don't expect
different results if you always do the same" makes sense. NLP professionals
aim to help recognize and modify those behaviors that are not effective and
that make you stumble, again and again, with the same stone.

NLP Techniques
NLP techniques are useful for all those who need a guide to overcome
obstacles and who have resistance to change to get out of the well-known
comfort zone.
They serve to provide you with the necessary resources, although to achieve
this, it is vitally essential to want to carry out the change and have the belief
that reaching the objective is possible and useful for you.
As you get closer to your goals, your well-being with yourself will increase.
The more energy you use in the resources that NLP offers you, the more
likely you are to succeed. These resources are designed to be applied in your
daily life and improve your quality of life.
Next, I am going to explain the most used techniques in NLP.
 Rapport
This approach is demonstrated in circumstances where we would like to
improve our contact with anyone in the community, whether they are
working or personal.
This aims at creating an environment of cooperation and confidence in which
there is no conflict, debate, or judgment, and there is active listening between
the two. The interpretation of the message the other party wants to transmit is
being worked on, as well as being able to communicate just the message we
want to send to our listeners.
We are going to use the mention of those things we know that connect us to
our listeners. In reference, body language is vitally important in addition to
using verbal language.

Covert orders
According to this technique, questions are usually formulated, ending with an
ascending musical intonation, while orders are crafted with a descending
intonation.
Thus, NLP proposes to intone the questions in a descending way, as an order,
to achieve the desired effect.

Anchorage
We spoke about anchoring as a method to reduce the feeling of distress in a
stressful situation, such as fear or anguish. This method is based on social
learning conditioning.

Physiology
It is about knowing the functioning of our body and how the postures, the
type of breathing, and the heart rate, among others, influence our behaviors
and our emotions.
If we modify our body postures and learn to breathe correctly, we can change
our behavior and, consequently, what we transmit to the outside.

Eye access
Ocular accesses are part of physiology and refer to the sequence of eye
movements referring to the intention of the person.

Internal or external reference

References are a form of metaprogram, that is, mental patterns that are
unconscious and systemic.
Being mindful of both our actions and those of others allows us to increase
our understanding of ourselves and empathy for others.
The reference norm, in particular, allows us to know what the principles and
standards of our behavior are focused on. That is where our decision-making
process resides.
We can distinguish two styles of reference:

Internal Reference: People who use this guide focus on their

perspective, their view of the world, and their feelings. If we want
to sway their opinion, we're going to use questions like: How do
you feel about the decision you're going to take?
External reference: Those with that kind of experience attach
great importance to others' views and seek agreement with the rest
of the people around them. The phrases we will use will be geared
towards revealing our point of view, as the individual will consider
it.
Visual / auditory / kinesthetic
Every person has different channels of choice (visual, auditory, or
kinesthetic) for decision making.
For example, if we want to convince a person whose preferred channel is the
auditory one, we would use that to propose our target.

Change of beliefs and empowerment of identity

If we have beliefs as a basis to determine our reality, to identify our current
beliefs, our internal conflicts, and to be aware of a change in these, we can
change our reality.

Alternative illusion
The purpose of this approach is to convince the other person to do what we
would like them to do. It consists of offering the individual many decision-
making choices, but all of them will be guided at what we want to
accomplish.
For instance, if our goal is to go to the beach, the question we must ask to
meet our goal will be: are we going to the beach by car or train? Why don't
we go to the beach instead?

Modal operators of possibility or necessity

Metaprograms are firm thinking strategies that act unconsciously in people,
according to NLP. Inside these are the possibility or requirement modal
operators in the form of implicit instructions from our internal dialogue.
Such implicit commands are expressed in the form of words such as I must,
ought, need, etc. Each in the individual creates an emotion.
I will provide a concrete example so that it can be understood better. Using
the expression "you can't do this" as an excuse for not acting is quite
common, and the question we usually ask is why you can't?
If we answer this query, the individual will be able to send us an endless list
of excuses for not being able to perform the behavior. On the other hand, if
the question that we are returning is "What stops you? With this question, we
direct the person to find potential solutions to his or her dilemma, rather than
to think of excuses. That is, it focuses attention on the solution.

Benefits derived from the use of NLP

The strategies used in NLP include a set of advantages that address a wide
variety of needs and aspirations that anyone should recognize at any point in
their lives.

We are increasing our perception of ourselves.

Managing emotions: In any situation, a person can control and
manage their emotions and actions (for example, it can help you
face a job interview successfully).
Through our communication techniques: When coping with
 stressful situations, NLP uses anchoring as a way to reach targets
or solve other problems. One of the most common issues in the
field of communication is the fear of speaking in public.
Generally, this condition produces feelings of frustration and
anxiety. A fun, comfortable, and optimistic moment that we have
in our mind is "anchored" through the anchoring process, and we
relate it to the stressful situation at the exact moment through
visualization techniques.
Learn Strategies for Creativity.
Increase motivational strategies: both to achieve personal and
professional goals, helps to increase and make the motivational
strategy more successful.
Understand our style of learning and that of others: our questions
are often informed by something that has been learned over time.
Cognitive patterns, antecedents that have contributed to the
development of a way of thought because it has happened
frequently, and it gets to a point where it is hard to modify.
Increase our ability to attain personal goals: reasons concealed in
the unconscious and made unconsciously allow us to delay
beginning to accomplish our objectives. This consists of
identifying the cause, making it aware of it so that it can be
changed later, and taking the decision to act.
Develop effective decision-making techniques.
Comprise, embrace, and learn to manage cycles of personal and
professional transition.
Removing the fears and phobias.

Manipulating the Mind Through NLP

Those who deal with NLP are quickly confronted with the accusation of
manipulation. Critics accuse NLP of being selfish, manipulative, and
unethical because it puts personal interests first.
From a value-neutral point of view, every action and communication are on
"manipulation." That is the reason to do something or say: to get in touch
with someone and make something at the other. Instead, the question arises
as to whose cost something is being done. Whoever deceives his counterpart
acts at his expense. If benefits, advantages for the communication partner are
not taken into account, any act on is negatively manipulative. On the other
hand, NLP wants to create so-called innovations: conscious influence,
practical actions in the sense of successful communication for mutual benefit.
The 15 basic assumptions in the NLP
The so-called basic assumptions describe fundamental and useful theories of
how excellent communication can work.

1. People are unique and experience the world in

different ways
People are different; each is unique in itself. However, people tend to see
themselves as a yardstick, starting from their world.
Accepting the uniqueness of the other means recognizing his value,
respecting him and his individuality. It is essential not to allow diversity, to
appreciate it, and not to rate "be different" as "better" or "worse." It also
means that each person takes up his environment differently and chooses
from the many stimuli according to his criteria. The result is individual
images, priorities, and conclusions that can stand respectfully side by side.

2. Mind, body, and environment form a system that

influences each other
The mental attitude of the person influences his psychic and physical well-
being; his behavior affects his thinking. If you change a part in this system,
the whole system changes like a mobile.

3. Any behavior is communication

Each behavior contains messages to the other person, whether it's visible
movements, things, postures, or "non-retention," such as silence. A person's
actions are the only visible, audible, and tangible reference to the
neurological processing processes that take place internally. A person's
abilities and values are not directly perceptible, but can only be seen and
experienced through his specific hands. Everything else is conjecture,
evaluation, and interpretation.
 4. The importance of communication arises from the
reaction it provokes
This is a crucial question, namely: who is the cause of good, successful, or
bad communication – the sender of a message or the one who receives a
message? "You misunderstood this" and "I expressed myself inaccurately"
reflect the two opposing poles as statements. If, for example, the
communication occurs adverse reactions, there is little to blame the recipient.
On the contrary, the sender must supersecret statements and formulations in
such a way that the addressee understands them in his or her sense.
The receiver, not the transmitter, is essential. It is not about the latter's
intention, not about what he wants to say, but about what arrives at the
interlocutor, what he can and wants to understand. The Sen. must take
responsibility for his communication.

5. People orientate themselves on spiritual maps

A map is never the actual landscape, just as the menu is not the food, or the
score is not the music. It is an image of reality, a model of reality. The map
shows the user where they are, which areas are where, and how far they are,
for example, to the destination. This applies not only to road maps but also to
find their way around the world in general.
In spiritual maps and models, the sensory pressures are stored. They are not
the real world, but they make it possible to find their way around them.
Everyone has different spiritual maps that are no better or worse than those of
others. For example, people have so-called perception preferences, i.e., they
use their sensory organs and evaluate the stimuli differently. These
differences are often the reason for conflicts and misunderstandings. The first
step towards understanding and successful communication is to get to know
and understand the map of the area. Different maps appear in the language:
words are used differently or linked to other content.
The usefulness of spiritual maps depends on the purpose for which they are
used. People consciously or unconsciously align their actions according to
their maps. They can't change reality, but their mental image: scales, ratings,
the use of different maps for different goals – if the user manages to vary
here, the use of the maps increases. The potential of the maps lies in the
unused, individual choices.
 6. It is better to have choices than to have none
Whether it's a choice from a wide range of goods or between different options
for reaction, it's good to have the choice. NLP methods are intended to create
new margins and alternatives. However, there is only one real choice with at
least three different options:

If there is only one way available, this means a compulsion, a

must.
Two possibilities are better than a compulsion, but a dilemma
arises: the decision for something or against, an either
Only from three or more alternatives, there is a real choice, a free
choice.

7. People make the best choice from what is currently

available to them
Every person has a life path. He has learned what he can do and how to do it
in the best possible way. What is of the most significant benefit comes to the
application. If a person considers the benefits insufficient or encounters
problems, he must develop new, better, and more suitable alternatives for
action.

8. Any behavior makes sense

This means that people always function correctly in their world and map.
Perhaps the meaning does not always open up to a viewer, but it is present
from the parted.

9. Each behavior is based on a positive intention

This NLP often on skepticism. How can behavior be positive that has
negative effects on other people, such as if an employee deliberately fails to
inform her colleague? This basic assumption separates a person's behavior
from their intent. In other words, against the background of the individual
map of the actionable, the behavior is correct and beneficial. The benefits,
often unheard of that are behind unproductive behavior, are called secondary
gains.
10 Any behavior is useful in a specific context
Behaviour is learned and applied in a particular situation. Then it is
appropriate and helpful. However, these behaviors are often transferred to
other associations, places, and times when they are no longer fit and lead to
negative consequences. The aim is to carry out the appropriate, appropriate
action in every context.

11. People have all the resources they need for change
Everyone has a variety of skills and resources that they don't make full use of.
At the heart of this very positive assumption is that people can learn, grow,
and make full use of their potential.

12. All that man can learn is

NLP assumes that everything that a person has ever learned and mastered
excellently can be known. Excellent behavior can be looked at, recreated, so
to speak, by others. Motivation, dynamism, decision-making, creativity, self-
confidence, and other skills can be learned. The first steps in the NLP are
based on this basic assumption. It is a question of learning from a model and
going through the same neurological processes in the course of the learning
process, using the same spiritual maps as the model. He succeeds, and
excellencies have a structure – and this is learnable in cash.

13. There is no failure, only feedback

An error is a feedback, and it names the deviation from the desired target.
When people seize it as an opportunity, the perspective changes. From this
point of view, mistakes are the basis for solutions. For they define the degree
of further improvements, show the way to the goal.
Checklist: How errors become chances

Questions you should ask yourself

What has been achieved so far?
What can I learn from this?
What works well?
What else is there to do?
What can I do instead of the previous solution?
What room for maneuver is there?
 What are the alternatives on the way to the goal?
What is the current state of affairs?

14. If what you do doesn't work, do something else

Of course, this basic assumption only applies if someone has choices. Many
people continue to use and even reinforce their previous behavior in the case
of problems; for example, they become even louder in a conversation when
there are difficulties in understanding. In most cases, such a procedure does
little. Flexibility, i.e., doing something completely different, often brings the
solution. The personal opportunity for development lies in creating those
extra margins.
This view leads from the principle of guilt: not the other is to blame for my
situation. I don't expect my environment to change to make a difference. I
take responsibility for myself and change my behavior.
15. The most flexible element in a system controls the
system
Being flexible means having a wide range of choices. The person with the
most excellent flexibility to submit new proposals is most likely to put an end
to a deadlocked, debilitating state. The more alternatives to action someone
have at their disposal, the more likely they are to obtain the communicative
partner's desired reaction.
How our perception works according to the NLP
There are many theories about how a man thinks. NLP assumes that he uses
the senses inwardly, i.e., when we think or remember, we see images, hear
sounds, smell, and taste, and feel touches. This means that all mental
processes can be experienced and designed with sensual elements. The
precondition is that content is absorbed through the senses, processed, and
thus become so-called representation systems: the representation in the brain
of what we have realized about the senses forms the basis of thought.

Strategies to Increase Self-Esteem Through NLP

When we only see our weak points. When we are not able to see the good
things we do. When we don't value each other, all this indicates that we lack
self-esteem, and NLP can help us reverse this dynamic.
Self-esteem, self-confidence, and NLP
Self-esteem part of respect for the person with their strengths, weaknesses,
and abilities. It is a feeling related to personal worth, that is, having a purpose
and giving it the importance it deserves. On the other hand, self-confidence,
which is closely linked to self-esteem, consists of satisfaction with our life
and the perception of being happy. Some people complain about the lack of
self-confidence, self-esteem, feeling of worth, and security.
From NLP, it is proposed that these feelings are the result of a bad
combination of the different parts of the personality that we saw in previous
subjects. The critical part is precious, but its fundamental task is to
disassemble everything that has been built, imagined, or thought.
The NLP considers that each person has the forces they need. All the
resources available to a person are made up of the sum of the elements that
underlie the experiences and perceptions.
Thus, some people think they do not have enough patience, but who can say
that they never have, at any time, and for any second, disposed of such a
resource? Each person carries the resources with them; what happens is that
they do not perceive them.
Almost everyone has ever experienced how, in an extreme situation or under
tremendous pressure, he has had unknown strengths and abilities. What is
now is to make the most of personal resources without waiting for these
borderline situations to appear.
The role of beliefs in self-esteem
Beliefs are generalizations about causes, meanings, and limits related to the
environment, specific behaviors, abilities, and identity. Together with values,
they are the essential sources that make up our way of being. Beliefs do not
necessarily have to be based on a logical framework. Many stand out for their
lack of logic, despite which we continue trying to adjust them to our reality
by rejecting any other contrary idea.
Limiting beliefs prevent the development of self-confidence. Thinking "I am
a failure,” "I am not important,” "I lack the strength to act like this," are some
examples of phrases that people continuously formulate and in which they
end up believing. Self-esteem is on the opposite side, and it allows us to be
sure that we have the necessary internal resources to overcome the difficulties
and use them. In labor matters, it is normal to have overwork. However, it is
not normal that as a result of the accumulated beliefs the person feels guilty
of not answering, he would like to the continuous demands of his boss, his
clients, or his environment in general.
Reverse limiting beliefs
To change limiting beliefs, a series of steps are proposed:

The first step in changing limiting beliefs is to detect them. Once

identified, the formulation that causes negative feelings is sought.
Let's observe how we react, what emotions do you wake up?
The second step is to locate a state that has sufficient resources and
anchor them. To do this, let's look into our lives for a situation in
which we have truly felt good. Imagine that situation as intensely
as we can, and as soon as we notice that positive feelings grow, let
us anchor this state of memories.
Next, as a third step, we relive that situation while trying to change
the way we state our limiting beliefs.
Build trust
To have little self-confidence is to have an image of oneself in which
something important is missing: trust. Each person has an image that he
interprets as a reference for his assessment, formed from a combination of
images, sounds, movements, feelings. Therefore, what it is about is to obtain
a positive image of oneself to increase self-confidence. To do this, the
following steps are proposed:

View the current image of oneself in an associated way. Build an

image of one regarding how it is perceived. We must pay attention
to the perception of the body, the posture, the comments in which
we describe ourselves.
Display the image in a dissociated way. In this step, we distance
ourselves from that image, we leave it, and we observe ourselves
as an outsider: How do we see each other? What differences do we
observe with the idea of the first step?
The third step is to visualize a "copy" of the dissociated own
image and positively modify those aspects that are less pleasant.
Then we try to make our image even more enjoyable,
experimenting until we find nothing that makes the image more
pleasant.
The fourth step is to incorporate the modified copy of our
dissociated image into the associated image, that is, to make the
image we have created ours, the one that defines us.

Methods for rescuing self-esteem recommended by

psychologists.
Do you feel overwhelmed with self-esteem down there and don't know what
to do to get more satisfaction in your personal and professional life? Would
you like to have a healthier and more harmonious marital relationship,
develop professionally, and be less anxious about over-responsibility?
Breathe in and breathe! All these yearnings are the result of a lack of self-
confidence and emotional and emotional needs. The good news is that they
can be soothed and balanced with psychological techniques and methods for
restoring self-esteem.
1. Be more constructive and think positive
The method of cognitive and behavioral restructuring is critical for rescuing
and understanding the limiting and negative beliefs learned in childhood
through family education, school, or other social spaces.
Through this method, you will learn to think more positively and act more
constructively. This will make it easier for you to move away from negative
people and calm your mind. Automatically, you will feel more confident and
secure.
In a time of distress or more intense emotion, seek to arouse positive
thinking. This way, you can change the way you interpret your experiences in
a different way of dealing with other circumstances.
2. Valuing yourself to rescue self-esteem
Accepting all the flaws and imperfections and vibrating with the little
achievements of everyday life is very important. Whether in relationships at
work or in other areas of your life, have fewer expectations of others'
attitudes and judgments. These are some of the ways that can help you regain
your self-esteem.
Inferiority complexes and lack of family references can affect your self-
confidence, but these frameworks can be reversed through understanding
your boundaries and self-affirmation exercises.
So, push away ideas that insist on tormenting you about someone else's
judgment on you and keep in mind your strengths and achievements. Try to
be good, above all, within your conceptions, not in others.
3. Avoid Making Comparisons
One of the most challenging aspects of comparative behavior is
understanding the negative impact it has on us. The first step is to know why
these comparisons, when you started comparing yourself, and how this
attitude affects you.
Breaking through these thinking patterns is sure to be a significant
differentiator in gaining a sense of who you are and how different you might
be from others.
Regularly review its essentiality and seek to know its flaws and qualities,
seeking to learn that each human being has its characteristics.
4. Learn to deal with life's frustrations
Life's "no's" closed doors, and limitations are very frustrating situations.
However, each person reacts differently to the same situations and
experiences. It is, therefore, essential to be open to behavioral changes to
overcome frustrations.
Face the frustrations and hardships of your life as challenges and try to learn
from every situation you experience so that at the end of a complicated
process, you will come out strong and mature.
Invest in a change of habits and conceptions to achieve the expected
transformation. Combining this with best practices will make your self-
esteem recovery process faster and lighter. Also, consider assisting a
psychologist in collaborating with your mental stimuli.
5. Spend more time with the people you like
The feeling of "belonging" means that we need to feel like part of a place or
group of people and, at the same time, consider that they are part of us as
well. He is one of the pillars of self-esteem that makes you feel good and
satisfied just by being around people you care about.
Try to find an opportunity during the day to be with your family. The
welcome it provides is refreshing and aids in growing self-confidence, and is
considered essential for success in life.
Set aside time each month or week, depending on your availability, to meet
friends and socialize with them. It is even enjoyable to try to include that
class of friends from the time of adolescence because keeping in touch with
them reminds you of your old dreams, beliefs, and ambitions, which are
essential activators of self-esteem and favor self-knowledge.
6. Be convinced of your goals
Every accomplishment begins with the goals we set in our mind. When we
reflect on how much we can achieve our goals, self-esteem drives us to think
more and better. So, use all your mental resources to visualize what you
crave.
For example, if you want a promotion or have more freedom to express your
ideas - it can be in the workplace, personal or family - stimulate your self-
confidence and demonstrate your skills more effectively.
Set goals with which you can check your progress. Determine concrete
criteria to measure the growth in the achievement of each goal you set, as this
provides more security during your planning.
7. Talk to a Psychology Professional
Consulting with a psychology professional is one of the best solutions for
restoring self-esteem. Do not let the situation get worse! Seeking help from a
psychologist can reduce your suffering or even eliminate it once and for all in
your life.
It is also necessary for you to make a personal reflection of how much the
situation is - or not - in your control, never to allow a depressive degree to be
reached. To do so, seek proper guidance.
If you don't have time to go to a clinic in person, how about getting online
psychological help to answer your questions and concerns? Even if you can't
during the day, you can enjoy the night or weekends when you're not doing
things.
 CHAPTER THREE
Psychological Manipulation Techniques

The art of subtly influencing others psychologically is one that can lead you a
long way in life and help you to be a great leader and to follow your path. If
that sounds as if it isn't very good, and that's because it isn't, but whether or
not it depends on how you use it.
There are several techniques to be effective in psychological warfare and to
influence the views or perceptions of others subtly. One is to recognize a
person's facets easily so that you can understand them better. It is sometimes
referred to as the 'art of deduction' as taught by Sherlock Holmes, or the
'science of deduction.' In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), a person is
trained to deduce quickly what kind of 'input' a person uses to appeal to
his/her sensitivity. If somebody says 'see here,' then maybe they'll be
interpreting information 'visually' and appealing to that meaning would have
the most effect on them, while if they're saying 'listen to me,' you may want
to try a more audible assault.
You may also use specific tried and tested approaches to cater to a broad
spectrum of people, as well as using the art of inference and NLP to classify
information about an individual. Another is to build a 'relationship' by subtly
mirroring the actions and expressions of others. One is to refer to facts and
figures or to use sentiment in your argument, to try to get others behind you.
They're found most frequently in places we frequent. It may be our
supervisor, our neighbor, a colleague, a customer, a distant relative, or an
acquaintance. We are thinking about people who possess complete mastery of
specific methods of deception and who use them to confuse us.
Despite being right around us, these people are not easy to discover. Their
characteristics and personality traits are not evident. No one carries a sign on
their foreheads saying they are either a narcissist or a sociopath. How can we
avoid them?
These people feed on someone else's suffering. So, it is not we who are
weaker, helpless, or different. We are just another victim in their eyes.
Another number.
As a consequence of those circumstances in which we were involved, we all
felt guilty or distrusted. And the worst thing about it is that we think so
without knowing how or why. Yet the results are branding us, weakening our
confidence, complicating our lives, and growing our insecurities. But how
can they do that without actually realizing it to us?
What are manipulators looking for
There are several groups of deceptive people in general: sociopaths,
narcissists, liars, and so-called emotional vampires. And it is more a practical
question to consider them than a theoretical one. For this purpose, if you've
been victims of them at times, it's easier for you to identify and precede them
now.
However, it can be said that deceptive people's aims are very straightforward,
instrumental and that they follow a specific pattern. Most of them include:

Cancel your willpower: they're trying to sow suspicions and want

to bind you to their safety.
Destroying your self-esteem: bringing a spoken word into the
wheel of all you do or have done. We are not helpful, and they just
want to point out the shortcomings.
Passive-aggressive revenge: By avoiding you, they threaten you.
They neglect you when you need them; it's enough to ask them
something, to get them to stand up and not even speak to you.
Prevent reality: they enjoy confounding people and creating
 misunderstandings and discussions. We step back after provoking
a debate, loving the rants of others.
What are the psychological manipulation techniques?

Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the most subtle methods of deception. "It's never
happened," "Imagine you," or "You're kidding?" These are some of the words
that they use to manipulate and confuse our perception of reality, which
makes us believe things have changed.
This instills an intense sense of anxiety and uncertainty in the victims, to the
point of causing them not to trust in themselves, their memory, their
understanding, or their judgment.

Projection
The manipulator transfers the negative characteristics to another person or
shifts blame for his actions. This is being used heavily by narcissists and
psychopaths, saying that the wickedness that surrounds them is not their fault
but anyone else's.

Meaningless conversations
The conversation lasts ten minutes. Now is the time for you to leave the
conversation. Manipulators say nonsensical things, offer illogical excuses,
refer to past events, and throw smoke in the eyes ...
We generate discord and misunderstanding. We are doing monologues, and
they are trying to confuse you with their gab. Some advice? Get straight to
the point and then better if you can leave after 5 minutes. Your feelings
would be thankful.

Generalizations and denigrations

They make generic, vague, and abstract statements. They may seem
intellectual. In reality, they are just elusive. Their conclusions are too general;
their goal is to demean your e debilitate your opinions.
For example, "you always want to be right," "anything annoys you," "never
once you agree." Keep calm. You can opt for irony, with a simple "thank
you," or you can ignore them with a curt, "I think you're a little upset, we'll
talk later."

Absurdity
Remember that they try to undermine your morals and cause you to question
what you believe. They can put words you have never said in your mouth;
they will make you think you have the superpower to "read your mind." But
that's not the case, and they are just tricks and deceptions. You can help
yourself with simulated defeat. Tell them they are right for them to believe it,
but stick to your position. You can also respond to their blackmail with an
"okay" or with laconic sentences.
The important thing is that you take your self-esteem out of their hands.
Remember that they want to demoralize you so that they can control you.
After making you weak, the task will be much easier.
Good mask
"Yes, but…". If you manage to buy a house, they will tell you that it is a pity
that you do not yet have a place by the sea; if you are dressed more elegant
than ever, they will tell you that another pair of earrings would have been
better for you ... If you have written an impeccable report, they will tell you
that the staple is not well fixed.
But don't let yourselves be influenced: you know what you are worth! Your
successes and virtues are worth more than their manipulation techniques.
Don't give them any credibility and hang out with people who spend more
time pointing out the positives and encouraging you; those who compliment
you when you deserve them and who make constructive, non- destructive
criticisms.

Positive reinforcement
Through positive reinforcement learning, behavioral performance is linked to
achieving a good outcome. This does not have to be an entity, not even
tangible; in many cases, food, liquids, a smile, a verbal message, or the
presence of a friendly emotion are likely to be seen as favorable
reinforcement.
A father who congratulates his young daughter if she uses the toilet correctly
promotes positive reinforcement learning; the same thing happens when a
business offers cash incentives to its most successful workers, and also when
we get a bag of potato chips after placing a coin into a retailer.
The definition of "positive reinforcement" refers to the reward that
accompanies the action, while positive reinforcement is the process that
creates the connection the learner produces. Nevertheless, the words
"reinforcement" and "reinforcement" are frequently used interchangeably,
possibly because such a distinction does not exist in English.
From a technical point of view, we can conclude that there is a favorable
variance between a particular response and an appetizing stimulus in positive
reinforcement. The knowledge of this risk motivates the subject to act to get
the reward (or strengthening).

Negative reinforcement
In comparison to what occurs in the positive, the instrumental response in the
negative reinforcement includes the absence of an aversive stimulus, i.e., an
event or condition that motivates the subject to avoid or attempt not to come
into contact with it.
In behavioral terms, the reinforcement of this technique is the absence or
non-appearance of the aversive stimulus. As we stated earlier, the word
"negative" refers to the fact that the reward does not consist in obtaining an
inspiration but in the absence thereof.
This type of learning is divided into two processes: training to escape and to
train to prevent it. The conduct precludes the presence of the aversive
stimulus in the negative reinforcement of avoidance; for example, when an
agoraphobic individual avoids using public transport to escape the fear this
presupposes, it is reinforced negatively.
The escape, on the contrary, is the disappearance of an aversive stimulus
present before the subject executes the behavior. Some examples of negative
escape reinforcement include an alarm clock that stops by pressing a button, a
mother buying a request for her child to stop weeping, or taking a pain
reliever to relieve pain.

Brainwashing
The concept of brainwashing is very close to that of 'mind control.' It is an
idea without a strictly scientific basis that suggests that the will, thoughts, and
other mental facts of individuals can be modified through techniques of
persuasion that would introduce unwanted ideas into the psyche of the
'victim.' If we define the concept in this way, we see that it has a marked
similarity. However, the term "suggest" is less ambitious.
Although the idea of brainwashing is not entirely wrong, this popular concept
has some scientific connotations which have led many experts to reject it in
favor of more modest ones. The instrumental use of the term in legal
proceedings has contributed to this, in particular, in child custody disputes.
Mind control is also known as brainwashing, coercive persuasion, mind
control, and mental manipulation. All these terms mean a process that a
group or individual systematically uses to force someone to do what they
want through the process of thinking of that person. In the majority of cases,
these systematic processes are realized without the conscious knowledge of
the person.
There are times when we can use mind control over ourselves for a variety of
reasons. Self-hypnosis is in this category. We use this kind of mind control,
which is voluntary on our part, with our conscious consent, to reinforce a
positive idea or to change our minds.
However, this is not the same as the "mind control" phase, or it involves
brainwashing. These phrases mean that a person's mind is systematically
changed without knowing it, either in the agreement or even against his will.
They are carried out through unethical, manipulative tactics, and other means,
all designed to control the mind of someone. In such cases, they are realized
in such a way that one person or group can take full control of the thoughts
and actions of others. So, when the terms "mind control" and "brainwashing"
are used, it is said that specific tactics are used to take control of another at
the expense of the manipulated person.
This is interesting because the idea of brainwashing falls under the category
of social influence. This is because the concept of brainwashing is used to
induce a victim's mental manipulation. This means that brainwashing and
mind control are used to completely change the way someone thinks and
perceives things concerning their beliefs in a particular social device. This is
achieved by using various means to change the attitudes, behaviors, and
thoughts of a person. The person is like a puppet who does everything the
manipulator wants.

Psychological Manipulation In Communication

As we think in conversation about psychological manipulation, we see the
first something happens: a relationship imbalance. To exploit means to use
language for your gain, not just to dominate the other, but also to do harm. As
the mechanism of this violence is set in motion by the most visceral
emotions.
Aldous Huxley said words could be much like X-rays. Used in a
Machiavellian style, they will go through everything: self-esteem, integrity,
and even the other's identity. Let's learn to see them arrive, to grasp this
disruptive process a little more on a personal level.
1. Handling the facts
Any specialist in psychological communication deception is a great strategist
who distorts the facts. He will still turn it to his benefit and may himself to
blame all of us. You can avoid overuse and hold key details to clarify the
facts further and ensure that the balance is still "your reality."

2. You will be told that it is impossible to talk to you

This prayer is simple, direct, and useful. If someone tells us, "it is impossible
to talk to us," avoid precisely what they do not want: to talk about this
problem. Therefore, it is customary to be told that we are too emotional, that
we always take ourselves too seriously, and that lately, it has become tough
to talk to us. These people project something they deeply lack:
communication skills.
3. Intellectual harassment
The psychological and emotional manipulator also uses a wider
communication strategy. This is intellectual harassment, which is only aimed
at We bring a considerable amount of arguments, information, facts, and
complex reasoning to convince ourselves of one thing through information
exhaustion and overload.
4. Ultimatums and little time to decide
"If you don't accept what I propose, it's the end, and I'll give you until
tomorrow so you can think about what I told you." This type of
communication strategy is very painful and distressing. They put us back on
the wall, which creates anxiety and plunges us into states of great emotional
distress.
5. The person very often says our name during the conversation
When, in talk or discussion, someone pronounces our name almost
continuously and exaggeratedly, they are using a very clever control
mechanism. Doing so forces the other person to pay attention to you and, at
the same time, plunges them into a constant state of intimidation.
6. Irony and black humor
Irony and the use of a sense of humor that humiliates, ridicules, and
denigrates us is another sign of psychological manipulation in
communication. The aggressor or manipulator tries to make us feel very
small and impose on us his supposed psychological superiority.

7. The use of silence or evasions

I don't want to talk about it. This is not the time. Why are you talking about
this now? … This type of dynamic is very recurrent in emotional
relationships, especially if one of the parties lacks communication skills,
commitment, and a sense of responsibility.
8. Feign ignorance: "I don't understand what you mean."
It is a very classic tactic. That which consists of making the one who does not
understand what the other wants to say or do. This means playing with the
other person, making him see that he complicates things too much; she brings
the conversation to a level that does not make sense. We are faced with a
classic passive-aggressive manipulative strategy that avoids taking
responsibility and trying to hurt others.
9. We will let you speak first
The signs of psychological manipulation the most difficult to perceive in
communication. It was found that of the person who tries to speak first.
Thanks to this strategy, she manages to do several things. First, save time
preparing your argument, and second, find our weak spots.
In addition, it is expected that, after listening to us, the emotional manipulator
avoids exposing their ideas or opinions. You can limit yourself to asking us
questions to exploring points that, far from being useful for a possible
agreement, we seek to reveal our defects, guiding the problem on its ground
and pretending to be moles, weak, or exaggerated all the time.

Emotional Blackmail and Manipulation

Emotional blackmail is a type of control that makes use of guilt, obligation,
or fear. The goal is to get another person to behave according to interests that
are in the blackmailer's favor. It's a way to exploit others 'will that's focused
on triggering unpleasant feelings that the blackmailed person doesn't seem to
be able to get out of unless he does what the blackmailer wants.
Emotional blackmail is a type of control that uses guilt, obligation, and fear
to get someone else to be in the interests of the blackmailer. One way of
manipulating others 'will is to trigger unpleasant feelings, which the
blackmailed individual can't seem to get out of unless he does what the
blackmailer wants.
Emotional coercion infiltrates our relationships, which often makes it hard to
decide if we're being blackmailed or blackmailers. It is usually performed
unconsciously, and deception is more comfortable to detect. Phrases like "Oh,
what you do? "It's up to you," "If you loved me, you wouldn't," are examples
of how seemingly innocent messages can be used with the intention of
putting fear in the other person if they don't cede to the wishes of the
blackmailer.
Usually, we associate deceit with Machiavellian, twisted, greedy men. In
reality, though, we all resort to some kind of emotional blackmail. Whenever
a person plays the role of a manipulator, and when he attempts to manipulate
what another person does or does, he asks for something. He does not offer a
choice alternative or trigger another's self-esteem. In a relationship, the object
of emotional manipulation often is to gain control.
We have all been involved in a similar siege at some time, either as victims or
as executioners. But, why do we manipulate or let them use us?
Signs of Emotional Blackmail
1. Threats to people or things dear to the victim
Emotional blackmail always includes risk, but only the threat object can be
different: it is a physical object (person or object), as well as something more
abstract, like a close relationship or reputation at work. The victim should
feel that she should obey the blackmailer so as not to harm herself and her
relatives.
2. Threats to the victim herself
Although direct blackmail is less common, it is also a clear sign. A
blackmailer may threaten physical violence for not fulfilling his demands
directly to the victim. For such an aggressor to achieve the goal, he must
know precisely what the victim is afraid of. Usually, these are deep fears: the
fear of separation, loneliness, humiliation, and failure. Of course, physical
violence is unlikely to happen. However, it is a powerful manipulative means
of control and pressure.
3. Threats to oneself
Emotional blackmailers (partners, parents, relatives) may use different tactics
and threaten to harm themselves. It may seem that you have no choice but to
do what a person requires to avoid tragedy, but it’s better to protect yourself
and protect yourself. The threat of harming oneself (up to suicide) is a way to
gain control over the situation and force the victim to fulfill the requirements,
knowing that the victim loves the blackmailer and does not wish him harm.
4. Provoking guilt for blackmail and manipulation
Often, an emotional blackmailer will use threats in conjunction with
provoking feelings of guilt to convince a person to succumb to his demands.
The risk is designed to make the victim feel guilty that the manipulator is
supposedly ill. For example, a blackmailer may justify why he stole money
from a victim, appealing to her conscience and complaining about his
problems. His task is to make you feel guilty for your inattention and
insensitivity to his needs and his situation.
When you know what emotional blackmail is and clearly define it, you can
already deal with it. There are some key points that you should always
remember if you are already dealing with a person who uses such blackmail
as a manipulation tool.
5. Do not give in to requirements
Even if the situation is somewhat threatening, fulfilling the demands of the
blackmailer only stimulate him, and the problem only worsens. Be firm and
steady and refuse to do what the manipulator wants, especially if his threat is
violence against himself or others.
6. Remember that people do not blackmail those they love
This can help you ignore the situation and facilitate the refusal to comply
with his requirements. Just admit to yourself that a loving person will never
behave this way and do this to you.

How to Avoid Emotional Manipulation and Cope

with Manipulation?

1. There is no point in trying to be honest with an emotional

manipulator.
You make a point, and that's going to get twisted. Example: I'm furious
you've forgotten my birthday. Answer: "It makes me sad that you think I'm
missing your birthday, I'd have to tell you how hard my life is right now, but
you see, I didn't want to interrupt you. But you're right, and I'd have to put
aside all that pain (don't be shocked to see real tears at this point) and
concentrate on your birthday. But there isn't much you can say because his
words are actual. Then all of a sudden, you hold your anxieties high! In any
case, don't capitulate if you get this feeling! Do not heed; do not accept an
apology if you believe they are not sincere. When you get the feeling, it's
because you certainly are right. Trust your judgment when it comes to a
master singer. Rely on your senses. If the emotional manipulator is
significant, he will add it to his list of work-related items and tell you this
stuff regularly.
2. An emotional manipulator gives the image of someone who is
at the service of others.
They'll almost always agree if you tell them to do anything, they'll even
volunteer before you can ask them something. Then when you say "yes,
thank you," they make a lot of sighs or signals that let you know they just
don't want to do this service. When you tell them, you believe they don't
seem to want to do that; they'll return the situation by telling you, "of course,"
because you're not fair to think that way.
It's sort of a tactic, and in this game, the emotional manipulators are
powerful. When a manipulator says YES, rule number two; keep them
responsible for their commitments; Do not tolerate sighs and subtleties,
because you just have to move on and leave them in their delirium if they
don't want to do whatever they say to you.
3. A reversal, say one thing and later make sure they did not tell
you.
If you find that you are in a relationship where you have understood that you
should start saving a diary of everything that has been said, because you
begin to ask yourself questions about your mental health, you are
experiencing emotional manipulation. An emotional manipulator is an expert
at reversing the situation, rationalizing, justifying, and explaining things.
They can lie so well that you can sit down and look in the dark, and they will
say it's white, and they will argue in such a way that you will begin to doubt
yourself. Over time, it's so insidious and tiring that it can change your sense
of reality.
Emotional manipulation is VERY dangerous! An emotional manipulator will
be confused if you start having a journal and a pen on you to take notes
during your conversations. Feel calm to let them know that you do not have
all your head right now and that you do not want to forget his sweet words.
The craziest thing is getting there, which is why you should seriously think
about getting out of this kind of unhealthy game. If you have to pack around
with a notepad to protect yourself, it's time to start asking the right questions!
4. Guilt. Emotional manipulators are excellent propagators of
responsibility.
You will make you feel bad for talking or not talking enough, being
emotional or not being emotional enough, giving and being cared for, or
targeting it. All is a guilty game with an emotional manipulator. Emotional
manipulators never freely express their wishes or desires; they get what they
want through emotional manipulation. Guilt is heavy. Many people are
trained enough to do something to reduce this sense of remorse. Sympathy's
another strong emotion.
An emotional manipulator is a great target. It conveys a deep feeling that
makes us love, care, and nurture it. Emotional manipulators rarely fight
themselves and stop dirty work. The craziest thing is that when you do it for
them (which they can never ask directly), they can turn around and say they
don't want it, and they don't expect it from you! Try not to fight wars or do
the dirty work for them. Here's a sentence you can say, "I have every faith in
your ability to solve this question, I know you can do it," write down their
response and remember their reaction.
5. Emotional manipulators make low blows.
We don't face issues directly. They'll talk behind your back, and finally place
you in a position to tell you what they can't tell you about themselves.
They're passive-aggressive, meaning they're finding subtle ways to let you
know they're not content, intrepid. They will tell you what you think about
building confidence. Example: "Of course, my heart, I help you. But the day
before the test, he invites his buddies to play poker when you're sitting at the
table studying. At that moment, you hear the cries of kids weeping, the
television that sounds, and the dog barking! And you wonder where the so-
called" My Heart "has gone ... Can you react to such a comment that you're
likely to hear like," You can't hope to hear it?
6. If, by any chance, you have a headache, and emotional
manipulator will have a brain tumor!
Whatever situation you've encountered or are experiencing, the emotional
manipulator either encountered it worse or is experiencing it now. After a
while, remaining emotionally linked to an emotional manipulator is hard
because they have a way to turn conversations around and concentrate on
themselves. When you point them out, they'll probably get angry or irritable
by telling you you're greedy and saying you're just focusing on you anyway.
But if you know, that isn't the case, and you'll always have to explain
yourself. It doesn't matter, trust your instincts, and withdraw!
How Do You Understand and Stop Your Partner's
Emotional Manipulation?
Emotions are the dimensions that make us human, incredible sensations that
can range from the quietest happiness to the bleakest sadness. We are rarely
more vulnerable when we are in love. At this point, it is more challenging to
realize the famous emotional manipulation by our partner.
You may be surprised, but emotional manipulation is not so easy to identify.
But why? Because we are talking about this complex and intense dimension,
that is love.
Many people confuse, for example, “domination” with love: “my mate is
jealous because he likes me” … It is undoubtedly one of the most common
phrases and one that brings more problems in the long run. But let's dig
deeper into the topic.
1. To love is not to possess
There are many couples who usually do everything together. Going out,
traveling… This is very positive and even necessary, but only good when
there is no “control.”
Some, for example, disagree with their partner leaving home alone, having
their own friendships, and even more, having their work and professional life.
We have to go carefully. Love does not show itself by controlling a person,
let alone forbidding him to do anything.
2. The need to take care of our self-esteem
Emotional manipulation is directly linked to our self-esteem. In a
relationship, we do everything for the other person, love him or her above
anything else, and we would do everything for them.
This is all sincere and good, but we also have to know how to protect
ourselves.
If your partner values your own needs more than yours and acts selfishly,
day by day, you will suffer the effects and feel worse.
Most people conceive of love as an exchange of affection and desires, where
there is a balance between what we give and what we receive.
If we are the ones who give everything, we will feel empty, manipulated, and
with very low self-esteem, which will make it very difficult to find happiness
in everyday things.
3. When we gradually lose our identity
It may be that before you entered into a relationship, you were part of a social
circle that made you happy, and you had vital projects that you tried to reach
day by day.
But sometimes we fall in love with those we should not, all because, on many
occasions, it is something we cannot master, which occurs suddenly, and we
fall into a carousel of intense emotions.
Although there are people who are not mature enough to be in a healthy
relationship, they, instead of making us happy and helping us grow as a
couple, are taking away our identity.

Behavioral and Character Traits of the

Manipulators

Throughout your life, you will encounter manipulative people who pursue
your selfish purposes, for whom they have no qualms about causing harm to
you.
Generally, manipulative people have no qualms or compassion when they
find a new victim for their plans since they are individuals dedicated to
exploiting other people's weaknesses to achieve their benefit, regardless of
what they have to do for it.
The manipulative method used in his approach focuses on emotional
blackmail, involving people with false words and deeds. In this way, their
victims trust and yield to the supposed good intention of this manipulative
mind, which pretends to feel sympathy and appreciation for others.
Hence the danger posed by manipulative people to anyone's life, as for them,
there is no moral limit or obstacle between their goal and themselves. This
allows them to easily crush, use, and dispose of people affected by the way
they act.
Despite knowing the threat that manipulative people pose in their life, it is
quite challenging to differentiate them into a group of acquaintances or
coworkers since you can even fall victim to someone without realizing it until
you are affected by their evil influence.
That is why we present five typical characteristics of a manipulator to help
you identify and recognize this type of predator that lurks in your social
circles.
Five common traits in manipulative people
Innate speakers
Manipulative people demand their best speech skills to convince their victims
of their false good intentions to deal with the gift of speech effectively.
They can transform any situation they find themselves in to convince others
of their innocence. Coming to create a false image in the minds of those who
fall for their mind games.
They maintain excessive control over the situation, always obtaining the most
significant benefit in exchange for others' hard work. His word tends to
confuse and manipulate his victims efficiently, to the point of remaining
unaware of a bad way of acting.
Manipulative people are greedy.
Manipulators do not pursue a simple goal that they can achieve on their own;
on the contrary, and they are always looking for a more significant objective
that continuously compresses their victims.
The hunger for power and control is also a reflection of the great ego that
manipulative people tend to possess—those who over-rely on their
manipulation to the point of feeling invincible, lest they set future limits.
They tend to assume the role of the victim.
Being a victim implies significant vulnerability and innocence, so it is the
preferential role of manipulative people. Since people around you never think
that the victim is the victim.
In this way, they manipulate other people emotionally, playing with their
feelings. Therefore, confrontation with a manipulator can make you believe
that he is the victim, and you are the aggressor.
Create a false image of the need
Righteousness is the emotion that manipulative people tend to hold on to. To
do this, they use an image of weakness and fragility, to which their victims
fall easily, wanting to help someone in need.
After deceiving people with their false need, a manipulator makes his victims
feel responsible for their health, food, money, and any other benefits they can
obtain from that individual.
Manipulative people always lie.
Inevitably, lying is part of any manipulator's repertoire. They deal with this
ability naturally, without showing doubts or any characteristic that allows
their victims to detect the truth behind their false facade.
Manipulative people are masters of lies, to the point of lying in any aspect of
their lives, regardless of whether it is minimal or essential. Because, through
deception, they can approach the goal they are pursuing.
For lack of a moral compass, there is no limit to the lies of a manipulator. For
him, lies are part of the tools he needs to achieve his goal, regardless of who
causes harm.
 CHAPTER FOUR
Covert Emotional Manipulation
 In our gut, we may have
an awkward feeling that does not suit the words of the manipulator or feel
stuck in agreeing to a proposal. Most people respond in ways that exacerbate
violence or play into the abuser's hands and feel small and guilty, but
withdraw and permit unacceptable conduct. If you had a deceptive parent,
recognizing in a partner may be more difficult because it is familiar.
Ancient wisdom is essential when dealing with a manipulator to "know your
opponent" Being able to spot those secret arrows helps you to respond to
subtle exploitation strategically. Comprising what they are up to inspire you.
When people act passively-aggressively, implicit aggression is what tends to
be passive or defensive. The degree to which their action is conscious or
unconscious is debatable.
No matter to the survivor. The impact is similar. Being too empathetic places
you in danger of being mistreated over and over again. They become violent
when someone is threatening you directly or covertly. Psychologist George
Simon claims that these secret manipulators consciously say and do stuff for
power and influence to get what they want.
He insists that for character-logically impaired individuals, such as
sociopaths and narcissists, and even individuals with a borderline personality
disorder, their strategies are not unconscious in the way defensive
mechanisms usually work. But their action becomes so ordinary that it is
reflexive over time. They are not talking about it, but they are still aware of it.

Signs of Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation is not always obvious… Manipulators can be very
good at what they do and go unnoticed. So how to identify such a situation?
Read the text and check out eight signs of emotional manipulation

Manipulate by words
A handler can say things in a way that seems genuine and honest. They are
adept at hiding their true intentions. For example, you might express anger at
them for missing a birthday / special occasion, and they respond to something
like, "wow, you make me very sad to think that I would forget your
birthday." Or, "Wow, I lie because you make me."
It is widespread for them to use words to make you feel guilty for something
that you are not to blame. It can be a simple matter of forgetting your
birthday and stopping even the most severe aggressions.

Distort facts
Another form of manipulation is when they distort what happened or what
you said. Use phrases out of context or retell a fact in their view. And some
are so good that they can make you believe that. Usually, they justify their
bad behavior and blame you.

They are great at making you feel guilty.

Guilt is one of the great weapons of emotional manipulation. It is always you.
You stopped talking or talked too much. You worry too much, or you don't
care. You're too careful or sloppy… Anyway, the handler will always try to
convince you that it's your fault for the bad behavior. And they are great at
putting themselves in the victim position.

Minimize Your Problems

Emotional manipulators do not care about their problems. Whenever you say
something like “wow, I have a migraine,” they will find a way to convince
you that they have a much worse problem. They will take your lines and
make you feel guilty for saying anything, as their problems are so much
worse, their work is more stressful, their lives are harder… or they will try to
make you believe that.

Passive-Aggressive
Passive-aggressive behavior is widespread in emotional manipulation. They
often say good things to you but superficial. Then they will depreciate you,
make up some problems, messing up your psychological health. Or they will
simply be silent out of nowhere, making him even more guilty, wanting to
find out what he "did wrong."

Energetic Vampires
Emotional manipulators have a dark cloud that follows them wherever they
go. When they enter the room, the cloud envelops everyone, so attention falls
to them. Gradually we feel weakened. They are toxic and will always try to
take away our joy. The best thing we can do is walk away.

Aggression
Handlers often use aggressive language and actions to intimidate you. If they
realize that you do not confront them, they will make you feel uncomfortable,
and therefore they will get what they want easily. Aggressions tend to get
worse and worse and may escalate into abuse as they "advance" in their form
of emotional manipulation.

How to deal with an emotional manipulator?

Try to Understand This Person's Need for Acceptance
If the person acting in a manipulative manner is a member of the family or
someone with whom you believe the relationship should be maintained and
helped, try to analyses their attitudes and understand the origin. It can be
insecurity, and it can be a lack of self-esteem. Each of these feelings is a sign
of a kind of need, and you can help it, demonstrating that this gap can be
filled without depending on, interiorizing, or manipulating others.
It is worth remembering that it is essential to stop giving in to blackmail and
attempts at manipulation if you intend to help. Loving is also knowing how to
say no when necessary, and being firm to have a healthy relationship, be it of
love, friendship, work, or family, is essential. Dialogue is a crucial thing to
seek understanding, too.

Seek Self-Knowledge and Understand Your Needs

Self-knowledge is the solution to most of the issues we may have concerning
our feelings. A manipulative situation also constitutes a relationship of
dependence between both parties. If you tend to get carried away by
somebody is blackmail, it is because, perhaps, you also need acceptance and
feel loved that makes you give in to the other's will, even without wishing to.
Knowing your feelings will help you to understand why you tend to give in to
manipulation. You will be able to stand firm through this understanding and
come to the conclusion that you do not need to act against your convictions
and wishes just to be accepted by someone. By demonstrating security over
what you want, the manipulative person will see he no longer has power over
you.
 When is it best to walk away?
There are cases where the best thing to do is move away, preventing the
manipulative individual from continuing to make you feel ever more
dependent and inferior. This attitude is necessary, mainly in abusive-type
amorous relationships, in which the other needs to remain in control of the
situation and, for this, emotionally and, in the most severe cases, even
physically mistreat their partner.
Breaking a relationship can be very delicate, but you need to recover your
freedom and individuality in many cases. Remember always that your
happiness and safety must come first, and that it may not be the best choice to
sacrifice just to stay with someone who uses harmful devices like blackmail.
Analyze the relationship as a whole and ponder how it usually makes you feel
most of the time. That way, you can find the answer to how you should be
acting. And if you already know what to do, encourage yourself, and make
your physical and mental well-being and happiness a priority.
A relationship, whether it is loving or not, should be based upon respect for
the individualities and desires of each individual. It is essential that you know
your feelings and wishes so that when someone tries to manipulate you, you
can identify and lead you to act differently than you think. Watch this out,
empower yourself, and take control of your life!

Emotional blackmail and manipulation in

relationships
1. Does the partner laugh at your feelings, consider them
insignificant?
Emotional manipulators care exclusively about their feelings and needs. And
if you try to start an open and honest conversation with them about those
moments when you feel underestimated or when it hurts you, your
interlocutor will try to “minimize” this conversation as soon as possible. He
will argue that you are acting silly, childish, or, say, overreacting to
everything.
Psychotherapist Petty Blue Hayes claims that “their calm and external
rationality, combined with your “inflated” state and sensitivity in such
situations, often make you doubt yourself and your feelings. And over time,
you begin to wonder if they are right.”
An emotional manipulator will never apologize to you for anything ...
Instead, he will blame you for this situation. He will try to make you doubt
your own emotions.
So, if you start to catch yourself on the fact that at the suggestion of a partner,
you ask yourself over and over that maybe he’s right and you are really too
sensitive or take everything too close to your heart ... This may mean that it’s
time for you to leave this relationship is behind.
2. Does a partner humiliate you?
If a partner constantly insults you or laughs at you in public, then the
likelihood that he or she is an emotional manipulator is very high. Such
people take advantage of your self-doubt to get what you want, but their
tactics are not always obvious. Outwardly, it may seem to your friends and
relatives that the partner is merely joking with you and that you do not mind,
although you want to scream in pain from a scream.
For example, an emotional manipulator, knowing that you are worried about
gaining a little extra weight lately, may begin to shame with your friends that
you ate three slices of pizza, shaking your head sympathetically and saying
something like: "Yes, dear, you have to change clothes from the tents."
RESEARCHERS point out that, unfortunately, many women who were
raised in families where their parents constantly humiliated them are used to
similar behavior from close people. Moreover, they even consider it quite
normal. Therefore, we must clearly draw a line for ourselves between what is
permissible and what is not.
3. Does the partner accuse you of your bad deeds or bad
behavior?
An emotional manipulator will never accept responsibility for his actions.
Instead, he will try to dodge in such a way as to put all the blame on you and
prove that his actions were justified. An emotional manipulator always makes
his partner doubt the veracity of his feelings and the justification of
resentment.
For example, a simple reminder to a partner that he promised to pay utility
bills can cause a flurry of reproaches and accusations in your direction. Like,
he has recently become exhausted at work, that he simply does not have time
for all kinds of little things, and that you could do it yourself ... And all this
instead of recognizing that he forgot about his promise and correcting
everything.
4. Does the partner refuse to explain his actions?
Emotional manipulators often use phrases like “you still won’t understand,”
because they don’t want to establish full, real communication with you.
They try to assert themselves, to put themselves above you, claiming that
their thoughts and feelings are so complex that you cannot even fully
understand them.
As a result, you almost always expect your partner to get angry because you
did not do something that you did not even know about.
5. Does he try to make himself the most miserable and
offended?
If you tell such a partner that you had a bad day at work, then instead of
comforting, he will immediately begin to convince that your day was still
nothing, but he had a real nightmare.
In a word, your feelings again turn out to be depreciated, and you begin to
feel guilty for having started talking about your problems.
6. A partner is “corrected” only when you understand that you
have enough?
Emotional manipulators feel as if by some sixth sense when you find yourself
almost ready to give up and leave them.
Just when you are already brave enough to say goodbye, your partner turns
into kindness, charm, and courtesy, delighting your hearing with something
very similar to an apology ... But if you have mercy and forgive him, the
relationship is right there, beginning to return to the knurled track.

Emotional Manipulation in The Workplace

Emotional manipulation is rampant in many workplaces. A manipulator's
primary goal is to influence and control the action and behavior of others.
They use tactics such as factual distortion, lying, hidden threats, and
discrediting others. Manipulative people will detect your weaknesses and use
them against you. To avoid being exploited, proactive steps need to be taken
to address the situation.
Here are some tips for dealing with emotional manipulation at work:
1. Stay away
The manipulator's actions typically differ depending on the situation they are
in. For instance, a manipulator may talk rudely to someone and behave
politically in the next moment. It is advisable to stay away from them when
you sometimes see these extremes in a person. Do not communicate with this
individual unless necessary. This defends you from being abused.
2. Know your rights
Knowing your rights is very important when handling a manipulative
individual. Also, you should be ready to defend yourself when you feel your
rights are being violated. Here are some of your fundamental workplace
rights:

The right to express opinions, feelings, and wishes

The right to respect
The right to say "no."
The right to have your priorities
The right to protect yourself from emotional, mental and physical
harm
Emotional manipulators will try to violate your rights to take advantage of
you. Take control, and don't let anyone cross your borders.
3. Ask questions
An essential tactic of manipulators is the unreasonable request on your part.
They will then expect you to do whatever it takes to meet your needs. When
you hear such requests, you have to counter them with probing questions that
the manipulator has to answer. For example, you can ask:

Is what you are asking, right?

 Is it a request or an order?
Is my opinion on this important?
How can I benefit from this?
Do you seriously expect me to (repeat the request)?
Asking such questions will cause the manipulator to question their motives.
As a result, some are likely to withdraw. However, others will simply ignore
your questions and continue to make requests. In this case, you can apply any
other tactics.
4. Buy time
Most manipulators will want you to respond to their requests immediately.
This is a tactic commonly used by sellers when trying to close a sale.
However, don't succumb to the pressure to respond immediately. Instead, find
a way to buy time and withdraw from the person. You can just say, "I'll think
about it." They are powerful words that will allow you to escape and evaluate
the situation.
5. Learn to say "no."
When it comes to communication, knowing when and how to say "no" is very
important. When said diplomatically, it allows you to defend your rights by
maintaining good working relationships with your colleagues. If someone is
unwilling to take "no" for an answer, it is necessary to mention the
consequences of violating their rights. For example, you could threaten to
report the matter to your supervisor.
 CHAPTER FIVE
Understanding Body Language

Body language has significantly affected interpersonal relationships. And

basic hand motions can be interpreted in various ways. Other body
movements and facial expressions can alter a hand gesture to complicate
matters further. And it may not be as straightforward as body language.
Individuals still do not know it, but their body movements are an indicator of
unwanted actions that can be transmitted to others. Since different personality
types show different behaviors, you need to be aware of how you travel,
because the behaviors you demonstrate can judge you many times.
It is important to note that not only the movements we call body language can
tell us a lot about other people, but these physical manifestations can also tell
us something about ourselves. Since our attitude, body language can be
described as a mirror to the soul, and physical movements usually represent
what we feel. Actually, we are going to tell us what emotions we feel.
The fascinating thing about non-verbal communication is our product of
physiology, environment, and culture. Maybe we can warn others about our
attitudes. We may inherit specific characteristics that affect how we project
ourselves to others and depending on our relationships, and we continue to
use different types of nonverbal communication. For example, you can
present yourself to work with colleagues differently from family members.
Maybe because the comfort zone changes, you are more vigilant in different
circumstances, influencing your response.
You do not show yourself to others visually. Although some movements are
intended, in nature, when we interact with others, many of the body's
responses seem more unconscious. Unfortunately, often implicit body
language gives us information that we do not want others to know about us.
There are some physical indicators that can provide us with hints or feelings
about our emotional state.
We observe and process others' body language, especially when talking.
Facial and hand motions contribute to the discussion. If we were not aware of
this, another person's words might not have the same effect.
One way to more effectively perceive other signals is to become more self-
aware. Heed expressions and emotions. Try to see the link between your non-
verbal communication and words to convey a feeling. By learning to read
your own body language, you begin to understand your interactions with
others.
Children are a prime example of unconscious body language. Young children
sometimes express their feelings non-verbally, even after learning
vocabulary. Usually, you can tell a child if she is frustrated or sad. Toddlers
and preschoolers tend to express themselves verbally. Likewise, babies and
kids understand our body language very well.
Interestingly enough, the movements that children use to express their needs
will eventually help their brains develop, leading to later verbal
communication. From the outset, children pay attention to an adult's face
while talking to them. Why did they know that? Genetics is the underlying
explanation, so maybe eyes are portals of the soul!

What Is Body Language

Humans have the ability to interact. It can happen in unobtrusive and
straightforward ways. We speak, we write. We can also communicate without
using words, though. When words are used to express information, this
nonverbal contact addresses our relationships. Perhaps more relevant than
getting the message across. We're meta-communicating about contact!
If words just don't do it, if we speak to an individual, we also need to make
clear how to interpret our message material. The way we do this speaks of
this person's relationship, or at least the way we think about this other.
Sounds can't do that. Showing is better than thinking about our feelings. Our
words' meaning is produced through body language. In the Saussurian
context, this language is used for nonverbal communication. We do have it.
We don't even care about using it often. Touching someone in conversation
means something completely different from not touching our partner in
dialogue. Communicating without using non-verbal words is just not
feasible-writing is the only exception.
Body language is a form of non-verbal communication, where the body
"speaks" through gestures, facial expressions, and postures.
Body language appeared long before verbal language, and even today, it
represents one of the most basic forms of communication for human beings.
Experts say that approximately 93% of all human communication is non-
verbal. 55% of the communication is done without the use of words; that is, it
is related to postures, facial expressions, and gestures. Loudness and
vocalization (tone of voice, rhythm, and speed of speech) are also essential
and correspond to 38% of messages transmitted.
The posture of the arms, legs, head, and facial expression can convey various
feelings. For example, if a person does not maintain eye contact while
someone else is talking to them, it may mean that they are not interested in
the conversation or the person. On the other hand, when a person has his
arms crossed, this posture can be considered defensive, revealing insecurity.
The distance between the speaker and the speaker can also indicate tension
between the two.
Social psychologist Amy Cuddy says that our posture can change not only
the opinion of others about us but also influences our view of ourselves.
Cuddy also identifies powerful and non-powerful attitudes, which can have a
positive or negative impact on our self-esteem. An appropriate posture can
contribute to several scenarios, such as job interviews, for example.
Developing
Sometimes a text is used instead of a word or a sentence, or something is
drawn with the hands to complement what is said orally. For example, the
signal of what is said goes between quotation marks are made with the index
and middle fingers of both hands. For example: to indicate late arrival, the
clock is tapped. It belongs to the category of paralanguages, which describe
all forms of non-verbal human communication. This includes the most subtle
and unconscious movements, including winking and slight eyebrow
movements. Also, body language can consist of the use of facial expressions
and posture.
Paralanguage (including body language) has been extensively studied in
social psychology. In everyday discourse and popular psychology, the term is
often applied to body language considered involuntary. However, the
difference between what is deemed to be voluntary and involuntary body
language is often controversial. For example, a smile can be triggered
consciously or unconsciously.
Body posture
Body posture is the posture of the body or its parts about a reference system,
either the orientation of an element of the body with another aspect or with
the body as a whole, or its relationship with another person.
Within the body language, one talks about open or closed postures. The first
ones are those postures where there are no barriers such as arms or legs
between one interlocutor and others, otherwise in closed postures, where for
example, crossed arms are used to isolate or protect the body (unconsciously
in many cases). Furthermore, it is essential to consider the ideal positions to
speak according to the point, for example:

In competitive situations: face to face

To help or cooperate: next door
To chat: at a right angle
Head posture
Side to side movements: denial.
Up and down movements: assent.
Above: neutral or evaluation.
Laterally tilted: interest.
Tilt down: disapproval, negative attitude.
Arms pose
Standard crossing: defensive posture, can also mean insecurity.
Crossing them while keeping your fists closed indicates a sign of
defense and hostility.
Crossing your arms holding your arms is a sign of restriction.
Leg pose
Standard crossing: defensive attitude.
Cross in 4 (“in Indian”): competition, discussion.
Cross while standing: discomfort, tension.
Cross the ankles: used to conceal a negative attitude.
Important considerations
If you lean too much towards the other person, you will be invading their
personal space, and this should not be done when there is still not much
confidence, and you will appear too aggressive.
Arms crossed are a sign. Keeping your arms crossed is a sign of withdrawal;
it means that the person does not want to be intimate, that they do not feel
confident, or that they are not entirely well.
A shrunken posture means boredom.
Maintaining a relaxed position with slightly open arms and legs demonstrates
self-confidence and security.
Getting closer than you should or a rigid body can demonstrate
aggressiveness.
Showing yourself upright is the best thing for when you want to demonstrate
security, courage, and importance in what you do.
Hands-on the waist: defiance, aggressiveness.
Thumbs on the waist or pockets: manhood.
Finger-pointing: challenge.
The gestures
A gesture is a form of non-verbal communication executed with some part of
the body and produced by the movement of the joints and muscles of the
arms, hands, and head.
The language of gestures allows a variety of feelings and thoughts to be
expressed, from contempt and hostility to approval and affection. Virtually
all people use gestures and body language in addition to words when they
speak. There are ethnic groups and specific communication languages that
use many more gestures than the average. Certain types of gestures can be
considered culturally acceptable or not, depending on the place and context in
which they are performed. Five categories of gestures are distinguished,
proposed by Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen:

Emblematic gestures or emblems: they are signals emitted

intentionally and that everyone knows their meaning. (thumb
raised)
 Illustrative or illustrative gestures: gestures that accompany
verbal communication to clarify or emphasize what is said, to
impersonate a word in a difficult situation, etc. They are used
intentionally. These gestures are instrumental in speeches and
when speaking in public.
Regulatory or regulatory gestures of interaction: with them,
communication is synchronized or regulated, and the channel does
not disappear. They are used to take over in conversation, to start
and end the interaction, to give way to speak... (shake hands).
Gestures that express emotional states or displays of affection:
this type of gesture reflects the emotional state of the person and is
the emotional result of the moment. As an example, we can
mention gestures that express anxiety or tension, grimaces of pain,
triumph, joy, etc.
Adaptation or adapting gestures: these are gestures that are used
to manage emotions that are not wanted to be expressed. Here you
can distinguish signs directed at oneself (such as pinching
oneself), directed towards objects (pen, pencil, cigar, etc.), and
those directed towards other people (such as protecting another
person). Adapters can also be unconscious; very clear examples
are biting a fingernail or sucking a finger, very common in young
children.
Facial expression
With the facial expression in many moods and emotions are expressed. It is
used to regulate interaction and to reinforce or emphasize the content of the
message addressed to the recipient. The facial expression is used to describe
the mood, indicate attention, show disgust, joke, blame, reinforce verbal
communication, etc. Paul Ekman developed a method to decipher facial
expressions while working with Wallace Friesen and Silvan Tomkins. It is a
kind of atlas of the face that is called FAST (Facial Affect Scoring
Technique). FAST classifies images using photographs (not verbal
descriptions) and dividing the face into three areas: the forehead and
eyebrows, the eyes, and the rest of the face, that is, the nose, cheeks, mouth,
and chin.
The look
The gaze is studied separately for its importance, although it is part of the
facial expression. The gaze fulfills a series of functions:

The regulation of the communicative act.

Source of information.
Express emotions.
Communicate the nature of interpersonal relationships.
The study of the gaze contemplates different aspects, among the most
important of which we can mention: the dilation of the pupils, eye contact,
the act of blinking, and the way of looking:

The dilation of the pupils indicates interest and attractiveness, and

they dilate when something interesting is seen.
The number of times you blink per minute is related to calm and
nervousness. If you blink a lot, it is a symbol of nervousness and
restlessness, and the less you blink, the calmer you will be.
Eye contact consists of the gaze that one person directs to the gaze
of the other. Here we must mention the frequency with which we
look at the other person and the maintenance of eye contact.
The way of looking is one of the most relevant behaviors to
distinguish high-status, dominant, and powerful people from low-
status people who are not powerful.
The smile
Although the smile is included or can be included in the facial expression, it
deserves to be explained in detail. It is used to express happiness, joy, or
sympathy. The smile can even be used to make situations more bearable. It
can have a therapeutic effect on pessimistic or depressed people.

Simple smile: with this type of smile, an insecure, doubtful

message of lack of confidence is transmitted. It should be avoided
if you want to give an impression of firmness and confidence.
Simple smile of high intensity: this smile occurs with a more
pronounced separation of the corners of the mouth, and this rise
more. A small part of the upper teeth can be seen. It transmits
confidence and heat.
Upper Smile: The upper lip retracts so that almost or all of the
 teeth can be seen. A message of some satisfaction is transmitted by
seeing someone.
Superior smile of high intensity: it opens the mouth more, and
the teeth are seen more. A light closure of the eyes usually
accompanies it. Apart from conveying happiness, it is often used
to say a happy question or to represent a funny surprise. It is often
used deceptively; for this reason, care must be taken.
Wide smile: it is one in which the gaze narrows slightly. The
upper and lower teeth are fully exposed. This type of smile
expresses the highest intensity of joy, happiness, and pleasure.
Laughter: it is the one that goes beyond the broad one. It is the
most contagious and occurs in a group of people.
Importance of Body Language

The human being can always communicate because even when not utter
words, transmit something to others through your body presence, your
physical appearance, your facial features, your dress, your posture ... Body
language has more impact still in the receiver that words because an image
has a lot of power, and through the sense of sight, a person captures a lot of
information from another in a single visual hit.
The body language shows the gestural ability of a human being. Within the
different parts of the body, it should be noted that the face has a tremendous
expressive capacity because the look and the smile have a lot of power.
Having control over your body communication helps you to be aware of the
message you transmit in everyday situations such as a job interview, a first
love date, a couple's discussion ...
If what you express through the body contradicts what you say in words, then
you transmit a confusing message to the recipient. For example, if, despite
the fact that a person has an excellent resume, he attends a job interview with
a sloppy look and arrives at the appointment late, then he transmits a lack of
interest in that job. Paying attention to detail is essential to communicate
better.
However, even though there are many studies on body language, it is
essential to understand that it is not possible to analyze scientifically what
each gesture means. For example, a yawn can be a symptom of boredom.
However, it can also mean feeling hungry or that the person is sleepy because
they have not slept all night. Putting things in context is essential to avoid
making hasty deductions from certain gestures. To know a person is a long
process that requires time and many hours of conversation.
The body language shows the reality of the human being composed of body
and mind. While you transmit your ideas through your word, the body
expresses its discomfort or well-being through bodily presence.
If you want to learn to have a better command of the communication of your
own body, then I encourage you to participate in a public speaking course
where you will get enough information. You can see the importance of body
language by doing the exercise of watching a movie on TV without volume.
You will notice how you capture information from what you observe.
Our communication consists of verbal and non-verbal, in which we
communicate non-verbally up to 93 percent of the time. The tone of voice,
stance, hand motions, facial expressions, all this and more are our non-verbal
communication.
Our vocabulary learns to talk, builds it in school, but our body's language is
not taught. That's something we're doing alone. The way we stand to look at
others this means something. How well we can use them becomes essential.
Our body language changes when we meet people. For example, if we meet
our school teacher, we stand straight, don't fidget, and be friendly, but on the
other hand, if we meet our mates, we change the style by going and giving
them a handshake/hug and loosening. We're most drawn to someone with a
strong attitude and a friendly smile.
Another essential feature of the language of the body is to tell what we are
thinking about here. The corporeal language will help us find out how
someone feels about what they say. For example, someone may tell their boss
she'd be happy to take this into account, but her body language might suggest
she's not happy about it in reality. This will help a boss determine who is best
in handling this task. This can be an essential hype. If she doesn't have a
conscience, she can do an acceptable role if another employee will make a
life-long client of this small work.
The deciding factor in a work interview maybe body language. When the
body language of the candidate shows that he is easy to manage and trust, he
is more likely to get the job, particularly in this challenging job market. We
addressed the fact earlier that particular body language is considered
awkward and unregulated. These are some of the same characteristics which
make a worker less confident and relaxed.
Through friendship, the language of one's body may show that someone takes
care of what the other person says or doesn't care. Leaning into the
conversation indicates that he is interested in listening to what the other
person says. Leaning back will suggest that he was unselfish or thought
superior. Sitting up and standing near during speech may mean that someone
actively attempts to convince or control the discussion. Hearing someone
when you don't have eye contact means you aren't alert, just waiting for the
chance to speak. It gives your friend the impression that you just don't know
what they say, and that they cannot listen carefully when it's your turn to
chat.

Body Language of Each Personality Type

Communication is essential to the human being so that he can live in society
and understand and appreciate us. Fortunately, for that: language, we have a
resource beneficial. Nevertheless, there is no universal language so that we
can use various forms of language in our interactions with others.
Body language is, in fact, one of our best communication devices. There is
also a link between our personalities and the linguistic style we use.
However, to understand this, we must first take into account that language is
capable of taking many forms and that our way of being is not only embodied
in what we literally say through words.
Although usually when we talk about language, speech, and verbal
communication are thought of, we understand by language all the system
used by one or more individuals to transmit information through a series of
symbolic elements or signs whose meaning is shared by both interlocutors,
which may be said issuance of voluntary or involuntary information.
This communication is established with a specific objective, and the act may
have different functions such as informing, persuading, organizing one's
conduct, or socially linking.

The types of body language

emblems
If we don't know something, we shrug our shoulders. If we are angry with
someone, we show the stink finger. If we want to greet someone, we wave
our hand or just raise our hand. If we are angry, we clench a fist. It's
something we learned very early on. We use body language to save words.
Emblems are body language placeholders for words. However, emblems are
culture-dependent. African American cultures, for example, have their
emblems. These can also contradict ours.
illustrators
As emblems pile up, the number of illustrators decreases. Illustrators are the
background to a statement. For example, a speaker on stage. He often backs
up statements with his hands. Draws things in the air or gives them accents.
The eyebrows are also used, for example, to show astonishment. We use
illustrators to describe away, to explain a zigzag, or to describe a spiral
staircase. Illustrators are also culture-dependent.
manipulators
Manipulators are gestures of reassurance. We use calming gestures when we
are under stress. Most of the time, we stroke ourselves, drive our way through
our hair or rub against our bodies. Some chew their fingernails, others caress
their necks or play with their chains or watches. If the number of
manipulators increases, this is an indication of a heavy emotional burden.

Body language of self-confidence

It is not enough just to understand what should not be done.
It is essential that the attitude also demonstrates what you want to expose.
Assertive body language impresses customers, colleagues, or anyone.
When showing authority, performance in professional and personal life tends
to increase.
Everyone likes to be around someone who feels safe in their skin.
And that is what you will learn. So, stay tuned for tips.
1- Be dominant in the handshake
When talking to a business partner or customers, pay attention when
complying.
Much more than a handshake, this gesture shows who dominates the
conversation.
If you extend your hand with your palm facing downwards, it indicates that
you lead the conversation.
If you do the opposite, palm up, you expect the other to take the lead.
Using hugs in body language in business is rarer, but it can happen when
there are a deep friendship and companionship.
But be aware: in certain cultures, this is unacceptable.
2- Breathe deeply
The rhythm of breathing reveals many signs.
When inhaling and exhaling in a superficial and fast way, the impression that
remains is of stress, nervousness, and fear.
If you want to show self-confidence, use a technique: take a deep breath until
you feel the broader abdomen and the ribs expanding.
Slow, deep breathing helps to control anger and anxiety.
3- Fix your eyes between the other person's eyebrows
Speaking, looking into someone's eyes can be difficult for many.
However, the way of facing the other shows who is in control of the debate.
An easy way to use the look of power is to imagine a point between the
person's eyebrows and keep your eyes there.
That way, you will be showing security.
4. Speak calmly
The voice is essential to get the right message across. It helps to convey the
feeling of credibility and authority.
During your speech, articulate each word well, take breaks, and breathe easily
between sentences.
This ensures that the other person understands what is being said.
5- Look for a neutral posture
Crossed arms indicate annoyance or that you are closed to the subject.
However, the hands beside the body, in a light way, is a message of
neutrality.
A good tip is to try to mirror the gestures of whoever is talking to you.
This creates an atmosphere of sympathy and friendship.
With these body language techniques, you will pass on the correct image to
your interlocutors.
With them, you will make negotiations with your customers much easier and
gain respect in your work environment.
 CHAPTER SIX
The Five C's of Body Language

Regardless of an organization's focus or size, communication is often

identified as an area of organizational improvement. Paradoxically, this
deficiency survives for decades, being on the list of steering committees more
than ever. The question is this:
How can it be that in an era where information sharing is easier than ever,
effective communication remains such a common business challenge?
Does not it seem surprising that when sharing information is the easiest,
organizations have not made progress in offering their employees a useful
communication framework?
It is not surprising in many ways. Communication preferences vary between
people; some prefer written information, other visual communication, and
much more verbal communication.
Interest may also vary; what a collaborator wants or needs to know can differ
significantly from what matters to another. Similarly, communication remains
mostly dependent on people, and the lack of a practical communication
framework makes each leader use his "manual" and interpretations, which
can cause flow, type, and quantity information to vary significantly between
departments and locations where different employees work.
Effective and high-performance communication.
Despite these differences in communication preferences and practices, high-
performing organizations have taught us a direct path to better organizational
communication.
Over the past fourteen years, our research and work have enabled us to
decipher effective models and methodologies for their development. We
frame the four essential characteristics of high-performance communication:
Let us see briefly what is behind each axis that defines the characteristics of
high-performance organizational communication:

Consistent - Regular and predictable communication in any

 circumstance.
Ensuring regular and predictable communication is essential to building trust
in collaborators and teams of an organization. To do this, select from several
approaches to improve information flow through organizations. Some of our
preferences for greater organizational efficiency are the C-Suite blog, the
weekly newsletter, leadership pills, quarterly town hall meetings, and
management breakfasts.
Whichever option is chosen, the most important thing is that leaders carefully
consider the ability to fulfill their commitments without deviations before
committing. Otherwise, announcing a new initiative that does not execute as
expected or that does not continue for a significant period will only break the
framework of mutual trust to improve communication.
This consistency should also include monitoring and reporting on previously
discussed topics in which future actions or developments were planned.
Similarly, ensuring adequate answers to any questions arising from
organizational communication is a fundamental aspect of consistency.

Communication
A culture of organizational transparency requires honest communication.
Even if the communication is conducted regularly, if it does not address the
interests of the collaborators or does not address what is relevant in the day-
to-day running of the organization, our teams may feel alienated or even
disappointed by the organization's reality.
In this sense, a current issue may also have an uncertain framework or may
not be thoroughly discussed. In these situations, collaborators appreciate their
leaders' recognition on the matter, even when much of the information about
it is unknown or cannot be communicated.
An honest statement about what is known and can be shared with a
communication plan will establish honesty as an organizational
communication value.

Convenient - Timely.
Another way to ensure that the organization's communications are convenient
and meaningful is to strive for its timeliness, that is, for its punctuality. In this
sense, we must understand the opportunity in three phases of time:

Before: What information or preparation should be provided to

collaborators and teams so that they are well-positioned to
innovate, meet the future's needs, and take advantage of the key
opportunities it can provide?
During: What is happening that may provoke questions from
collaborators and teams that require more information?
Next: What milestones have been achieved recently that can be
celebrated, learned, or shared to build on?
Organizations typically have room to improve communications in each of
these phases, but the "during" phase can be particularly tricky when
something is not entirely clear or causes concern among teams.
Again, in these cases, communicating about known information promptly is
better than saying nothing until every response is known. Rumors are the
worst enemy of high-performance organizational communication.

Complementarity
In the previous point, the leader and his role in coordinating team members
were discussed, choosing the best prepared for each task. The
complementarity is to count on the team with people with particular
knowledge and skills to respond to the needs of the clients globally.
The training and experience, both personally and professionally, will enrich
the results of everyday work.
Therefore, whenever possible, it is essential to form teams in which their
members complement each other. Knowing each person beforehand favors
the coordination of tasks. It is an excellent option to bet on the creation of
teams of people with different profiles, even if the coordination is more
complicated since, in this way, the results will be enriched.

Collaborative - connecting creativity and talent.

Ensuring an organization shares relevant information consistently, reliably,
and time is critical to high-performance organizational communication. But
that is not enough.
Communication must be a conversation that connects hierarchies, divisions,
functions, locations in both directions to create an ecosystem of mutual trust
and real commitment.
Based on our experience in developing worldwide high-performance teams,
corporate social media provides the perfect environment. However, to make
conversation possible, leaders play a fundamental role as role models,
eliminating fear and connecting opportunities.
When this happens, corporate social media conversations create learning,
collaboration, re-application, and innovation bonds.

How to identify the subtle inputs sent by the body

The brain is your boss
While you are doing an important math test, you know your brain is very
hard at work. But your mind does more than just recall formulae. Do your
hands start sweating when the test is given? It is because the brain works. Do
you feel a great relief when you realize the answer to a question is known?
That is your brain too. And yes, it is also your brain that is responsible for the
daydream about the big party you are going to be going to next Friday.
The brain is the bossiest organ in the whole body: it commands virtually
every other part of the body, continually telling them what to do, no matter if
you are aware of it or not. Not only does it control what you think and feel,
how you learn things, and remember them and how you move, but it also
controls many things you are less aware of, such as a heartbeat, sleepy, or
awake.
Daily brain and nervous system
If the brain is imagined as a central computer that controls all of the
organism's functions, then the nervous system becomes a network or network
that sends messages in both directions between the brain and the various parts
of the body. This is done through the backbone, starting from the brain and
going down the back and containing filaments linked to other organs and
parts of the body. This is done via the spinal cord.
Upon entering the brain, a message tells the body how to respond. For
example, if you accidentally touch a hot oven, the nerves in your skin can
send a message of pain to your brain. The brain responds by sending a
message to delete muscles. Luckily this neurological relay race takes much
less time to read its definition!
How the brain functions
The human brain is exceptionally lightweight and weighs just over 3 pounds
(1,360 g), considering all it does. It does have a multitude of folds and
grooves, however, which give it the surface to store all the essential body
details.
The spinal cord, meanwhile, is about 18 inches long (45 cm) and just below 2
cm thick, with a long bundle of nerve tissue. This extends from the bottom of
the brain down to the backbone edge. During the whole journey, specific
nerves radiate to the rest of the body. These form the peripheral nervous
system.
A series of ring-shaped, intertwining bones called the vertebrates protecting
the brain and spinal cord with bones, the brain with the skull bones, and the
spinal cord. The membrane layers called meninges, and a special fluid named
cerebrospinal fluid are both protected and cushioned. The fluid assists in
protecting, sustaining, and removing excess nerve tissue.
The brain consists of three principal components: the forebrain, the midbrain,
and the hindbrain.
The forebrain
The forebrain is the human brain's most voluminous and complicated part. It
consists of the telencephalon — the area with all the folds and grooves
typically reproduced in brain illustrations — and other structures below the
telencephalon.
The telencephalon contains information that makes us feel and move:
intelligence, memory, personality, emotions, speech, and ability. Some
specific telencephalon areas are responsible for processing different
information types. They are called lobes, with four lobes in total: frontal,
parietal, temporal, and occipital.
The telencephalon is divided into two halves, called hemispheres, connected
by a bundle of nerve fibers (corpus callosum) that allows them to
communicate.
While the two halves may seem identical as an image and reflection, many
scientists believe they have different functions. The left hemisphere is logical,
analytical, and objective. Law is more intuitive, creative, and subjective. So,
while solving a math problem, you use the left hemisphere, while you use the
right when listening to music. Scientists believe that the left hemisphere
predominates in some people or the right and that no hemisphere
predominates in others, since both hemispheres are used to the same extent.
The telencephalon's outermost layer is called the cortex (also known as "grey
matter"). The information the five senses collect reaches the brain through the
spinal cord. This information is then sent to other nervous system parts for
further processing. For example, when you touch a hot oven, this information
will not only be processed to move your hand but will also be sent to other
parts of the brain to help you remember not to do it again.
Thalamus, hypothalamus, and hypophysis are inside the forebrain. The
thalamus transmits signals from sensory organs such as eyes, ears, nose, and
fingers to the cerebral cortex. The hypothalamus controls temperature, thirst,
appetite, sleep patterns, and other body processes automatically. It also
regulates growth hormones, metabolism, mineral and fluid balance, sexual
maturation, and tension.
The midbrain
The midbrain (midbrain), located below the central part of the forebrain, acts
as a master of ceremonies, coordinating all the messages that reach the brain
and those that go to the spinal cord.
The hindbrain
The hindbrain (brain pons) is located below the posterior part of the
telencephalon and encompasses the cerebellum and medulla. The cerebellum
- also called a "little brain" because it looks like a small-scale version of the
brain; it controls balance, movement, and coordination. The bridge and the
medulla, together with the midbrain, make up the so-called brain stem. The
brain stem receives, sends, and coordinates all brain messages. It also
controls many functions that the body automatically performs, such as
breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, swallowing, digestion, and blinking.
The way the nervous system works
A multitude of small cells called neurons depends primarily on the basic
functioning of the nervous system. The brain contains millions of those cells,
which are specialized in many types of functions. For example, sensory
neurons pick up sensory information in the eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and skin
and send it to the brain. Motor neurons transmit messages from the brain and
send them to the rest of the body.
All neurons transmit information to each other through a complex
electrochemical process, establishing connections with each other that affect
the way we think, learn things, move, and behave.
Intelligence, learning, and memory
When you learn something, messages repeatedly travel from one neuron to
another. Then the brain creates neuronal connexions (or pathways) to make it
easier and better.
The brain is extremely adaptable to children. When one part of a child's brain
is injured, another part often performs some of the functions lost. But as we
get older, the brain has a more challenging time creating new connexions or
neural networks, making it harder for us to learn new tasks or change
established behavior. That is why many scientists believe it is important to
keep challenging our brains by proposing new learning and establishing new
connexions, as this will help keep the mind active for the rest of our lives.
Memory is another dynamic brain function. The things we do, learn, and see
our first processed in the cerebral cortex. Then if that information is
sufficiently important to be worth remembering permanently, it is sent to
other parts of the brain (such as the hippocampus and the amygdala) to keep
it in long-term memory. As these messages travel through the mind,
connexions (pathways) are created as memory foundations.
Movement
Different parts of the telencephalon are responsible for moving other parts of
the body. The left side of the brain controls movements on the right side of
the body, and the right side of the brain controls actions on the left side of the
body. For example, when you kick a soccer ball with your right foot, the left
cerebral hemisphere is in charge of sending the message that allows you to do
it.
Basic bodily functions
The autonomous nervous system is part of the peripheral nervous system, and
it controls a large number of processes in the body, such as breathing,
digestion, sugaring (or sweating), which we do not have to consider. The
autonomous nervous system consists of two subsystems, together with the
sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous systems.
The nervous system, like a robbery, is sympathetic and prepares the body for
rapid responses. The sympathetic nervous system makes the heart pump
faster when something dangerous happens, so it sends more blood to the
different parts of the body, which may need it. It also causes the adrenal
glands above the kidneys to release adrenaline, which helps to give muscles
additional strength for rapid escape. This process is termed a response to
"fight or flight."
The parasympathetic nervous system does precisely the opposite; it prepares
the rest of the body. It also helps the digestive system, so that the body can
assimilate the nutrients in the food we eat effectively.
The senses
Your eyes can see your best friend approaching. But if you didn't have a
brain, you wouldn't even recognize it. Your favorite pizza is sure to be
delicious. But if you didn't have a mind, your taste buds wouldn't let you
know if you're eating a pizza or the cardboard box it came from. None of the
sense organs would be of any use without sensory information processing in
the brain.

Eyes. The view probably tells us much more about the world
around us than any other sense. The light that enters our eyes
projects an inverted image onto the retina. The retina transforms
light into nerve signals and sends them to the brain. The brain
inverts the image so that we see it from the right and tells us what
it is that we are seeing.
Ear. All the sounds we hear are the result of sound waves that
enter our ears and cause vibrations in our eardrums. Those
vibrations are transferred along the ossicle chain of the middle ear
and transformed into nerve signals. Then the cerebral cortex
processes those signals and tells us what we are hearing.
Taste. The tongue contains clusters of sensory cells called taste
buds that react to chemicals in food. The taste buds respond to the
sweet, sour, salty, and bitter flavors. They are responsible for
sending messages to the areas of the cerebral cortex responsible
for processing flavor.
 Smell. The olfactory cells in the mucosa that lines the inside of the
nostrils react to the chemicals that we breathe in and send
messages to the brain through specific nerves. According to
experts, the brain can distinguish between more than 10,000
different smells. With such a highly developed sensitivity, it is not
surprising that researchers suggest that smells are intimately linked
to memories.
Touch. The skin has more than 4 million sensory receptors —
mainly cantered on the fingers, language, and lips — that catch
touch, sound, temperature, and pain-related details. To process and
react, send them to the brain.

Brain conditions
Since the brain controls practically everything, when there is a problem in
mind, it is usually severe and can affect many parts of the body. Hereditary
diseases, brain disorders associated with mental illness, and trauma to the
head can affect how the brain works and disrupt other parts of the body's
daily activities.
Here are some of the problems that can affect the brain:
Brain tumors. A tumor is an abnormally caused tissue growth. A tumor in
the brain can grow very slowly, causing very few symptoms until it reaches a
significant size. Also, cancer can grow and spread rapidly, causing severe and
rapidly deteriorating symptoms.
Tumors of the brain may be benign or malignant. Benign ones are generally
limited to a specific area and can be surgically cured if they are in places
where they can be removed without damaging adjacent tissues. Malignant
tumors are cancerous and tend to grow and spread more quickly.
Cerebral palsy. Cerebral paralysis results from a developmental defect or
brain injury that is violent, labor-related, or early years. Cerebral paralysis
affects the motor areas of the brain. An individual with cerebral paralysis
may have an average understanding of severe mental or developmental
delays.
Cerebral paralysis can affect body movement in many ways. In milder cases
of cerebral palsy, the individual concerned may have only slight weakness in
the muscles of the arm and leg. In other cases, a higher degree of motor
disability can occur-the person may have trouble speaking and making basic
movements like walking.
Epilepsy. Epilepsy is a condition of the nervous system that can cause
seizures. Partial seizures only affect specific areas of the brain, and symptoms
vary depending on the epileptic focus's location. Other seizures, called
generalized seizures, involve a larger part of the brain and are generally
associated with the body's uncontrolled movements and loss of
consciousness. Although, in many cases, doctors don't know its cause,
epilepsy can be related to brain injuries, tumors, or infections. The tendency
to develop epilepsy can be inherited from the family.

Headache. There are many types of headaches; the most frequent are:
tension headache (the most common pain of all) is caused by accumulated
muscle tension in the head, neck, and shoulders migraine is a strong and
recurring headache of unclear cause Outbreak headache is often considered a
form of migraine
Migraines can appear with or without notice and last for several hours or
days. The tendency to have a migraine seems to have a hereditary basis. A
person with migraines can experience such an episode when exposed to a
"trigger" (for example, a particular food), and may experience dizziness,
numbness, nausea, sensitivity to light, and see zigzagging lines.
Meningitis and encephalitis. These are infections of the brain and spinal
cord that are usually caused by bacteria or viruses. Meningitis is an
inflammation of the membranes that line the brain and spinal cord, and
encephalitis, an inflammation of brain tissue. Both of these disorders can
cause permanent brain damage.
Mental illness. In terms of thinking and working, mental illness encompasses
a broad range of issues. Experts know that some mental illnesses are
associated with structural or chemical abnormalities present in the brain.
Some mental illnesses are inherited, but although researchers know those
illnesses are inherited, they have yet to identify their cause. Brain injuries and
drug and alcohol abuse can also trigger some mental illness.
Signs of chronic mental illness, such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia,
may begin to manifest during childhood. Mental illnesses that can affect
teens include depression, eating disorders like bulimia or anorexia nervosa,
obsessive-compulsive disorder, and phobias.
Cranioencephalic trauma. Traumatic brain injuries fall into two categories:
internal and external (usually affecting the scalp). Internal trauma can affect
the skull, the inside of the blood vessels of the brain. Fortunately, only the
scalp is injured in most falls and blows to the head, which is often more
fearsome than dangerous. Internal trauma is usually more severe because the
skull acts as a delicate brain-protective helmet.
Concussions are a type of traumatic internal brain injury which causes a
temporary loss of normal brain function. Repeated concussions can
permanently damage the brain. Practice in sport is one of the activities where
adolescents suffer the most concussions. Therefore, when practicing sports,
you have to wear the appropriate protective equipment and stop practicing it
when you are suffering a traumatic brain injury.

Mastering the Secrets of Non-Verbal

Communication
In this section, I will explain how to learn non-verbal communication and
master it correctly until you can get what you want from people by using the
right levers. But before going into the details, I must give you this essential
little reminder to understand what it is all about.
Do you know why most people hate phone calls? Because they unconsciously
feel that they are restrained in their expression with their interlocutors. They
think that they cannot communicate fully, as in a face-to-face dialogue. They
know that there is a lack of data, of information, in what they transmit. Why?
It's simple: on the phone, everything goes through the words expressed. The
only non-verbal communication is in the tone of the voice—everything else,
body language, micro-expressions, all that, it doesn't exist on the phone.
Why learn non-verbal communication is important:
Specialists agree that non-verbal communication represents 70 to 80% of the
message transmitted to the other party in a conversation or an exchange
between human beings.
I don't know if you realize it, but it's huge. Imagine for a moment, a
conversation in which 80% of the words are deleted. Or a book from which
80% of the chapters are removed. The importance of non-verbal
communication is at this point.
There is a second thing on which communication specialists agree: one
cannot communicate. This means that your body language always expresses
something, even when you try to make it communicate nothing. Even 'non-
communication' is a form of communication. And it will influence your
interlocutor, who will see a closed posture there, with all that it sends us a
message.
If your goal is to learn non-verbal communication, you will make the right
choice because it will open a lot of doors for you. You will be able to
influence your interlocutors without using words, to get your ideas across
smoothly. Above all, you will be able to decode what people say beyond their
words. This will allow you to ' understand ' people, to feel their needs, and to
gain their confidence quickly by anticipating what they cannot express
themselves in words.
Non-verbal communication is like a second language. It is better than that: it
is a language that does not lie because 99% of people do not even realize
everything they under-communicate with their bodies. Knowing how to read
body language is a bit like reading people's minds; it's a kind of superpower
(and you quickly become addicted), like The Mentalist.
How to decode non-verbal communication
Each gesture, each posture, each micro-expression sends signals to the person
in front of you. A slight raising of the eyebrow, a crossing of the arms, a
rocking movement of the foot, all the gestures that one makes without
realizing it means something, and are unconsciously translated by your
interlocutor.
Besides, all human beings know how to recognize the great signals of non-
verbal communication. I'm not going to list you; in the vast majority of cases,
a broad smile means that you feel good, your clenched fist means anger, and
tears mean sadness…
If you know that, I will reassure you for the following: you can learn body
language. The main task is to succeed in detecting the less noticeable or less
marked emotions. Everyone notices when someone has a huge tantrum, it's
not complicated.
On the other hand, being able to spot hidden, buried emotions, such as when
we tackle a sensitive subject for someone, or when we offend a person or
even know if they are lying to us, becomes more subtle and requires training.
Here's how to get there.
Sharpen your sense of observation
The first step in learning non-verbal communication is to work on your sense
of observation to spot any small signs of any feeling or emotion in your
interlocutors. Most of the signals sent by people are quite subtle. It is not
necessarily easy to know the emotional state of a person who has taken the
habit of hiding his emotions since his entry into adulthood.
So, you have to be on the lookout for small signals. For example, when you
speak, look at the person's face, especially their eyebrows, which may show
astonishment, joy, anger, etc., depending on their movements or position.
Likewise, remember to observe the hands (is the person twisting their
fingers? Are they lying on the table? In the pocket? Etc), the general posture
of the body (closed or open), also observe the lips (especially the slight grin
from the mouth which also expresses many things).
In poker's language, we talk about 'tells,' to talk about small, almost invisible
gestures that describe the emotional state of the player, to know if he is
bluffing or not. These 'tells' that you have to learn to spot in people, in
everyday life, to decode their emotions, intentions, and inner states. And for
that, no secret, you have to work on your sense of observation. Besides, poker
is a great way to develop it (both to 'read' others and to learn to master your
body language). If you are new to this game, you can easily find web pages to
help you practice better. Then, I recommend that you find a club near you to
play in real life and be directly confronted with intense observation
situations. You will see, there is something really fun about discovering the
emotions of others.
Cross the different information received
Keep in mind that each of these elements taken out of context does not
necessarily mean much. Someone who touches his nose is not necessarily
lying or preparing a bad blow; he may simply have something that tickles his
nostril. On the other hand, if you have a fleeting glance, contact with the
nose, gestures of the hand a little too pronounced, and that it is coupled with a
certain tone in the voice, then yes, you certainly have some face to one who
lies to you.
What I want you to understand is that we should not conclude too quickly.
The woman who touches her hair to seduce the man in front of her is a myth.
This only means something if the rest of her body language communicates
interest to her interlocutor (leaning forward, open posture, body language
modeled on the one she appreciates, etc.).
Tell yourself that you need at least two distinct signs to get an idea of the
person's emotional state in front of you.
Trust your instinct, your sixth sense.
There are dictionaries for non-verbal communication, body language. But
there is something at least as powerful in my opinion: your sixth sense. Learn
to listen to your little voice inside you, your gut feeling, which tells you “this
guy is lying,” or “he doesn't believe me,” “I hurt him,” etc. By working to
improve your sense of observation, you will develop a real ability to feel
what the person feels in front of you immediately. Believe me. You will be
less often mistaken in being attentive to your little inner voice which tries to
slip its good advice to you, rather than by referring to any dictionary of non-
verbal communication, as complete as it is.
Practice as much as possible
Once you get there, you will already have an excellent level of body language
decoding. You will be able to interpret more things than most people, and
therefore be more subtle in your communication with people.
To progress quickly, you must practice continuously. Observe the people
around you, on public transport, in cafes, etc. Don't lose a crumb of all the
information that comes before your eyes.
One great exercise I can give you is putting on a movie or series that you like
and turning off the sound. Observe the gestures of the actors, their facial
expressions, their successive postures. And try to guess what's going on to
recognize situations. Then correct your exercise by repeating the same scene
with the sound, and see if you had just fallen on the emotions of the
characters. For my part, I did this exercise there on Big Bang Theory, but it
works with everything!
Besides, the advice I just gave you should make you tilt: by definition, you
observe actors, who play a role, therefore who can 'faker' an emotion by
using their body language to perfection. This means, in particular, that you,
too, can learn to express yourself through non-verbal communication, by
perfectly mastering what is released from your body. This is the subject of
the next part of these chapters.

Master your non-verbal communication

After learning to decode the non-verbal language of the people around you, it
is essential to take the next step in the process: successfully mastering your
body communication. In other words, manage to get the messages you want
unconsciously to the people you want. It almost sounds like science fiction
when I say it like that, yet that's the reality. I'll take the example of film
actors, that's exactly what they do: they use every millimeter of their body to
transmit emotions in you when you look at them on the other side of the
screen. It’s tough, but it’s not impossible to master, and either way, you
probably don't need to win an Oscar.
Here are the steps to master your non-verbal communication.
Become aware of your body language
This requires being fully in the present moment. You have to be focused on
your body, feeling every bit of skin, from your toes to the top of your head. If
this seems difficult to you, I recommend that you start with a regular practice
of meditation. Ten minutes a day is enough to successfully calm the flow of
thoughts, clear your mind, and be fully aware of all the sensations going
through our body.
Make it a habit, regularly, to surprise your posture and observe yourself. How
do I stand? What head do I make right now, when this person speaks to me?
Where are my hands? What do I do with my fingers, my arms? What is the
position of my legs? Be aware of your body, what it is communicating to
you. For example, in an embarrassing conversation, your legs are likely
turning outward to escape the confrontation. Or if you're stressed, find
yourself twisting your hands or frantically moving your toes. Observing your
body language and associating it with your emotions also allows you to make
your dictionary. And then, to be able to recognize elements of body language
in others and associate them with their own emotions.
Concretely, from today, I recommend that you proceed as follows:
 Pay attention to your emotions
As soon as you spot one, whatever it is, observe your body
language and write it down in a notebook
Repeat the process to create your own personal 'dictionary' of your
non-verbal communication.
Over time, you will have in mind a whole list of attitudes, behaviors, ' tells,
'which relate to your inner emotions. You will know, for example, that when
you are angry, you will clench your jaw, and your nostrils will widen slightly.
And it will be the same for all types of emotion that you can feel every day.
Correct your gestures permanently
Once you've gotten into the habit of observing yourself and paralleling your
body language with your internal emotions, it's time to take the next step. It
consists of correcting what you communicate to the unconscious of people.
For this, we will use two things:

The custom dictionary of your body language, which you built up

in the previous step, over time.
The emotions you want others to think you are feeling (are you
following?).
Basically, to use the example from the previous step, if you want to make
someone understand that you are angry with them, clench your jaw, swell
your nostrils slightly, frown, and that's it, don't verbalize, the message should
get through. You can even train with friends to see if your acting plays off.
Where it gets interesting is in certain situations, especially when you have to
convince people. During a job interview, during a romantic date, all you have
to do is adopt the posture and body language you want to get the message of
your choice. For example, if you want to show someone that you are
confident, based on your dictionary, you can occupy more space with your
arms, stand straighter, look the person in the eye, etc. And all that, even if
you are deep in fear.
All you have to do is transform yourself into a studio actor on demand to be
able to use non-verbal communication to your advantage. And believe me, it
is an extremely powerful tool that will take you far beyond anything you
could have imagined. By mastering this art, you will:
 Succeed in putting people in your pocket by systematically making
a good first impression,
Anticipate the needs of those around you by detecting how they
feel before they even verbalize it
Give off the charisma necessary to move forward in your life as
you wish
Many other benefits you will discover as you go on this wonderful journey
into the world of non-verbal communication.
 CHAPTER SEVEN
Verbal Communication and Nonverbal
Communication

Verbal and nonverbal communication makes up our interactions with others

in business and interpersonal relationships, as well as in our financial,
personal success, and our physical and psychological well-being.
Understanding the different aspects of verbal and nonverbal communication,
and the essential roles they play in our interactions with others is the first step
in improving communication.
Verbal communication: characteristics
Verbal communication is one in which the sender uses words, whether
spoken or written, to transmit the message to the recipient. It is the most
effective form of communication because the exchange of information and
feedback are speedy. There is less chance of misunderstanding since the
communication between the parties is clear; that is, the parties are using
words to express those they want to say.
Communication can be done in two ways:
 Face-to-face communication: oral, conferences, phone calls,
seminars, etc.
In writing: letters, emails, text messages, etc.
There are two main types of communication:

Formal communication, also called official communication: it is

a type of communication in which the sender follows a predefined
channel to transmit the information to the receiver.
Informal communication: is the type of communication in which
the sender does not follow any predefined channel to transmit the
information.
Nonverbal communication: examples and types
Nonverbal communication is based on the understanding or interpretation of
each of the parts that are part of the communicative act since the transmission
of messages does not occur through words but with signs. Therefore, if the
receiver understands the message completely, and there is adequate feedback,
the communication will be successful. A very clear example of this type of
communication is facial expression, gestures, and body position when
speaking.
In many situations, it complements verbal communication to obtain a more
global vision of the situation, to understand the state of people (if they are
nervous, relaxed, sad ...) and certain personality characteristics (if the person
is shy, outgoing ...). Therefore, it serves to obtain that information that the
discourse does not provide. The types of nonverbal communication are as
follows:

Cronemia: is the use of time in communication. For example,

punctual or unpunctual people, speed of speech, etc.
Proxemic: is the distance maintained by the person concerning
others during the communicative act. The Proxima tells us when
the communication is intimate, personal, social, and public.
Vocal: the volume, tone and voice ring used by the transmitter
Haptic: is the use of touch in communication that expresses
emotions and feelings
Kinesia: is the study of the person's body language: gestures,
postures, facial expressions ...
 Artifacts: it is the appearance of the person who shows aspects of
his personality, for example, the way of dressing, jewelry,
lifestyle, etc.
Differences between Verbal and Nonverbal Communication
Verbal communication is a form of communication in which words are used
to exchange information with other people, either in the form of speech or in
writing. On the contrary, nonverbal communication does not use words, but
other modes of communication, such as body language, facial expressions,
sign language, etc. are used. These are some of the differences between
verbal and nonverbal communication:

Words are used in verbal communication, while non-verbal

communication is based on signs.
There is less chance of confusion between the sender and receiver
in verbal communication while in non-verbal communication,
understanding is more difficult since language is not used.
In verbal communication, the exchange of messages is faster,
which makes feedback very fast. Nonverbal communication is
based more on understanding, which takes time and, therefore, is
slower.
In verbal communication, the presence of both parties in the place
is not necessary, since it can also be done if the parties are in
different places. On the other hand, in nonverbal communication,
both parties must be there at the time of communication.
In verbal communication, documentary evidence is maintained if
the communication is formal or written. But there is no conclusive
evidence of nonverbal communication.
Verbal communication fulfills the most natural desire of humans
to speak. In the case of nonverbal communication, feelings,
emotions, or personality is communicated through the acts
performed by the parties in the communicative act.
It is important to comment that both types of communication
complement each other and, in many cases, occur simultaneously.

Rapid Cynological Or Nonverbal Language

Decryption.
The voice.
It's our word's first vector. We can say if they are nervous, relaxed, smiling,
etc., without even seeing the person talking to us.
The voice elements are as follows (decode): The following.

Timbre: it's unique to each person and ranges from extremely

serious to very acute.
Volume: level of sound to be adapted to the context and the
audience, one or more persons, friendly or public speaking, etc. A
speech that is hard to hear or that doesn't penetrate an entire
audience represents a sense that the speaker is uncontrolled,
nervous, or unsure.
Flow: that's the speed we're talking about. Pay particular attention
to your speed if you have to speak openly because when speaking
before an assembly, it is common to speak too quickly and thereby
indicate some nervousness.
The sound: the tone of the voice brings words to life. It's the kind
of melody we're talking to.
It is important to modulate your voice's tone to capture the attention of your /
your interlocutors, for example, or to awaken a sleeping audience.
Physical appearance
If we are used to saying that the habit does not make the monk - which is
intrinsically true, remains that our general physical appearance (decoding)
and clothing convey many messages about our personality.
Also, if you are well in your outfit, you will appear more confident and
inspire more confidence in others.
Unconsciously, before our interlocutor has even said a single word, our brain
analyzes its overall appearance.
Without wanting to learn more, many people stop at this first impression.
The same is true of a recruitment interview; you use more or less deliberately,
just like some more abstract aspects of your personality, certain qualities,
skills.
For example, you might have a neglected appearance because of
responsibility.
Also, dressed like most people in the business you apply for gives you an
advantage because you have the impression because you belong to the same
group.
It is the mirror, which induces sympathy and positivity instantly and
unconsciously.
So you must follow the dress code of the profession and the spirit of the
business you apply for during a work interview.
The colors of our minds and personalities are also a great deal.
Posture and gestures
Your movements and your way of doing them indicate strongly how you feel
within yourself and your real intentions. Your face-to-face, side-by-side
determine your relationship to the latter, sitting, standing, etc.
Posture
Your general location (decode), head disposition, and location before an
interlocutor sends out unconscious messages: are you any threat to him?
Are you exuberant of warmth and friendliness or hostility and aggression? If
you sit facing the speaker, do you lean to the second or rather wedge the
upper body at the back instead of the back?? Cross your legs, don't you?
Where are your hands, and what do you do?
Without a word spoken, our interlocutor's attitude lets us read various
information.
Feet fixed in the ground, straight back, relaxed hands, non-fleeing look...
They are all elements that have a specific charisma, self-confidence,
soundness, and energy.
On the opposite, a heavy sense of shyness, discomfort, lack of self-esteem,
nervousness, etc. Back leaning forward, blank eyes, hands tortured
constantly.
Crossed arms or legs suggest a shut attitude.
Gestures
You are in a state of rest, anxiety, warmth, hostility, hostility, threat,
openness, closedness...
Your interlocutor interprets each of your actions unconsciously and can, for
example, determine the result of negotiations or discredit somebody's
intervention.
Running your hand through your hair (decode), rubbing your nose, mouth, or
chin is a matter of lying and fear. Similar to jerky or fast motion.
Instead, large, controlled, and slow moves are signs of trust and comfort.
Among the major gestures, we can mention the handshake that has been more
or less soft, supported more or less, the index accusing, indicators simply,
permission noddings, etc.
The look
Is it not the mirror of the soul that we are saying? In addition to that formula,
the gaze gives people who know how to decode a lot of details.
Eye contact is often necessary to answer a query. The latter's strength can
make the person easy to turn to or, instead, annoy him or her, even destabilize
or scare them.
The gaze can be there, assisted, set, unstable, fleeing, turning up or to the
ground, straight, and can submit various information: dominance, coercion,
flight, fear, irritation, boredom, rage, warmth, goodwill, etc.
Please take care not to be too pushy to look at your contact person(s) in your
eyes that will make them uncomfortable.
Facial expressions and micro-expressions
Gestures and attitudes were certainly the first means of communication
between humans and constituted a veritable paralanguage that accompanies
and completes the verbal message.
The body language manifests itself in postures which may concern: the head,
the bust, the pelvis, the legs, and the arms.
Through gestures, we express ourselves, and we can be defensive or
aggressive.

The nod of the head back and forth which signifies approval,
The outstretched hand in a sign of peace,
 The raised fist in a sign of revolt,
The armor the finger of honor,
Etc.
An upward eyebrow, an edge of the mouth, a curling eye, a front that folds,
tense lips ... Some facial expressions are unwittingly moved by our muscles
and are easily detected (decoding).
But for most of us, others, which are more subtle, but just like unwitting, pass
unknown, reveal invaluable information.
It is known as micro-expression. The latter are universals, extremely stubborn
(less than half a second), and the expressions of one of our seven emotions
(joy, sadness, fear, anger, degustation, surprise, contempt, underlined by Paul
Ekman-American psychology specialized in the study of emotions.
The former needs extensive knowledge and training to use them as
benchmarks if it is easy to interpret.
Pupils' dilation, a slight blink of eyes, and half-open mouth are subtle and yet
very talkative for the uninformed eye.
The mentalists, especially, master this Art, among other things, beautifully
and frequently bluff the public, which remains astonished in the face of so
much power.
If we are implicated, arrested, then we have barrier gestures.
Among the most common:

hands-on ears, eyes or mouth,

arms crossed,
rubbing hands,
forms of readjustment: the lock of hair, the fold of a pantaloon, a
skirt, imaginary dust, clearing of the throat…
We also communicate through conventional signs:
the finger pointed towards the door means “get out! ”
the sign of the hand to say“goodbye ”
the nod of the head to say“yes ”
the clapping of hands (applause) to show our satisfaction in front
of a demonstration.
Space and distance
The distance
Edward Twitchell Hall - the American anthropologist specializing in
interculturalism at the beginning of the XXth century - brought to light the
proxemic concept through which he classifies the type of relationship
between 2 protagonists to the physical distance separating them during an
interaction and fine cultural rules. He thus highlighted four zones, varying
according to the habits and customs:
Intimate: highly emotional range between 15 cm and 45 cm; this is the
distance between, for instance, two members of the same family, whose
emotionally strong links (physical contact, whispers, etc.). A person outside
the area does not perceive the dialogue (s) (decodes). The distance from
secrecy is often called.
Personal: it is referred to as the effective zone from 45 cm to 1.20 m.
Emotionally, but enough to tick the effect, the bonds are less intense. This is
the difference between two people who know each other well (friends), for
example, for a specific discussion. The dialogues are audible but relatively
silly. Distance from the trust is named.
Social: 1.20 meters to 3.60 meters; this is the socialization zone with
interactions between people that regularly know each other or rub each other
(connections, colleagues, and so on). Without effort, the voice is heard and
heard.
The distance between a person and a group of individuals (for example,
lecturer facing his or her audience) is no physical contact or direct
interaction. Public:
Each individual has their perception of these areas, which it is essential to
respect; otherwise, the discussion will be overturned before it has even
started.
You will have to change depending on your background, temperament, or
even the essence of your touch. Don't pass an area's threshold unless invited!
Space
The space in which communication takes place also affects us.
The gestures are performed in space. This space is codified. We know the
expression, "keep your distance."
Each of us marks our distance by talking to the other. There are four
communication zones:

intimate zone (15 to 45 cm), tone of confidence,

personal zone (between 45 and 1.20 m), professional, even
friendly relationships,
social zone (1.20 to 3, 50 m), marks the function of each,
public area (> 3.50 m), facing an audience.
Anyone who enters an area that is not reserved for him commits a fault, and
the person who is the victim feels uncomfortable, destabilized, attacked.
We all have a personal territory that we protect from their external charisma.
This space and the objects in it can become an extension of our physical
body. (Car, chair, desk, etc.)
The layout of a room, the layout of the tables affect our communication,
which plays in favor of their persuasive force.
Power of body language
Listening and understanding one's interlocutor beyond their words is a huge
asset in many situations. This allows, among other things, to:

Interact clearly and effectively with their interlocutors: particularly

in sales interviews or a job interview.
More easily convince by taking the right position and appropriate
gestures.
Redirect negotiations to a closed contact person by identifying
signs of anger, interest, etc. and correct the shot.
More accurately identify the personality and signs of nerve or
lying of a recruiting candidate.
Manage conflict decoding and detecting the unpublished more
effectively.
Detect shift resistance until it is explicitly defined.
Facial expressions and body movements
These are the facial expressions that manifest emotions: joy, surprise, disgust,
sadness, anger, fear...
These expressions can reinforce the message, but they can modify it and
change its meaning.
the wink indicates that what is said should not be taken seriously,
steadfast gaze signifies hostile intent,
- the panoramic view involves all the interlocutors so that everyone feels
concerned by the message.
Facial expressions may be intended, such as a smile, but are often
uncontrolled and involuntary (wide-eyed in amazement, frowning in anger,
etc.). They are an integral part of our overall behavior.
The look is certainly the part of the body that expresses most of us, "the eyes
are the mirror of the soul" (J. Cocteau).
It is essential to take into account facial expressions and body movements to
avoid misunderstandings.

Body language in the workplace

We tell each other without words. Even if this sentence drips with romance, it
contains truths that have been scientifically proven. According to a study by
the psychologist Albert Mehrabian on the factors involved in persuasion,
55% of the effectiveness of a speech is based on body language, followed at
some distance by the tone (38%), and finally, the choice of words (7%).
Therefore, we can not allow ourselves to pay attention to our appearance, our
attitudes, and gestures, because others do it very well!
Tips for mastering body language in the workplace

1. When talking or having to deal with an angry colleague. The goal is to

engage with this angry person to relieve tension. Your body can help you in
the following ways:

Use physical expressions that convey active listening and

understanding. For example: Bend the upper body slightly toward
the person or bring your hand to your chin while you nod.
Put your hands up with your palm: this shows honesty. Otherwise,
 you convey an attitude of control or superiority (or extinguish a
fire with gas?).
2. during a job interview. Prove that you are very excited about this
opportunity and willing to give everything in the selection process.

Bend your body towards the person you are talking to so that you
are in the moment of your full attention and interest.
Use the mirror technique to create an affinity with the hiring
manager. In other words, try to imitate his gestures, of course, or
better, do not stop your automatic imitation. This is a way to show
that you share values and opinions.
Hold and seek eye contact. If you do not, the reason may be
nervousness, and you may not be very trustworthy and competent.
There are gestures that hurt you, and they should definitely keep you locked
up in crucial moments:

Holding your hands on your hips, with your arms bent, gives you
aggression and impatience.
Constantly looking at the clock, or rubbing your eyes, ears, or
cheeks, indicate a lack of interest and boredom concerning the
conversation, the situation, or the conversation partner.
Always cross your legs or arms makes you seem aloof and
uninvolved. But you should not sit with your legs apart ... That
does not look decent and not professional.
Playing with your hair or constantly repeating a gesture reflects
insecurity.
3. When you meet with a potential customer. Here are the previous tips,
but also you should ... smile! After all, you build a new relationship. As with
everything in life, do not overdo it. Otherwise, you might think you are
flirting.
4. When presenting a project.

Turn to your audience. Do not turn your back on him! The

projector does not decide, has no feelings, and does not need to
understand anything. Show who all your services are for.
Do not look at the monitor all the time. It's your project, right? So,
 show that even if a Tyrannosaurus pops up suddenly and confuses
the screen with chewing gum, you can perfectly continue the
presentation.
Do not stay stiff in one place throughout the presentation. Use
your movements to amplify your speech and show that you are in
your element.
The eyes capture 82% of the world. It is up to us to try to be positive about
what we see!
 CHAPTER EIGHT
How To Analyze People

It can be really difficult to understand what a person is thinking, to feel his

feelings and mood. Without certain knowledge and skills, most likely, you
will not be able to do this. But, there are some effective methods that will
help you understand how to learn to analyze people, understand them, and
see a person as a whole as a person.
First, you must start with yourself. You must realize who you are. It may be
the most difficult for a person to understand himself. What do you want from
life? What are you striving for, and what do you want to achieve? What are
your positive aspects, and what else do you need to work on? If you can
understand yourself, you will already take a big step towards learning how to
analyze people.
What is the nature of the person you are trying to analyze?
We are all social beings, and everyone has basic needs. These are safety, the
need for communication, self-realization, physiological and social needs -
who we are in society. Once you understand the basic needs of a person, you
can better understand him. Next, pay attention to its nature. What is the
nature of the person you are trying to analyze? How to determine this? Pay
attention to what he does. By what a person does, much can be said about his
character. To analyze a person, you have to ask yourself a couple of
questions:

What motivates a person to engage in his activities?

Does he or she have an active social life?
What does this person need, and what does he need?
When you ask these questions, you can come to some conclusion. If a person
is active in society, this may mean he cares for others and is socially active.
For example, I have a friend who supports several charities, helping people.
His social life is about helping others. He has many friends and an active
social life. He does everything with sincerity and pure heart. That person has
a good soul. He is always ready to help and quite conscious. He understands
that not only money, power, and recognition are important in our world, but
also many other human values.
Pay attention to what the person says
To learn to analyze people, you must pay attention to some small things.
What is the person you want to read talking about? Is he talking about his
problems, or is he trying to learn more about you and interested in you?
Follow his communication. Does he behave confidently and communicate
openly, or does not he talk comfortably with you and does not know what to
say? A person who communicates a lot can be told about his personality.
Confident, self-sufficient people speak quietly and meaningfully. And if a
person is hurried and jumps from phrase to phrase, it means he is hiding
something, or he is simply not interested in you.
Pay attention to body language
The next way to learn how to analyze people is the language of the human
body. This will help you see his inner mood and state. People who have a
good life, as a rule, walk and behave quite happily. They are very active,
radiating energy. Instead, people walking with a drooping look and head
bowed. They are shy, secretive. Such people generally do not have their own
opinions and are introverts.
If a person seems negative to you, he cannot achieve something, and his life
does not go well. If our basic needs are not met, we can respond in various
ways. One is that it becomes evil and aggressive. See if he is a loner or has a
certain social circle? If a person communicates with two or three
acquaintances, for some reason, he may feel comfortable with them. We tend
to love people who are more like us.
When a person communicates with many people, it can be assumed that he is
open and friendly. And if he is inside himself and communicates a little, he
may not feel the need to communicate with others. Why will someone not
communicate with someone? This may have several reasons. One is a person
who may not feel they belong to these people. Another reason may be his
social fear.
Ask the person more questions.
There are some reasons why a person behaves in a certain way or does
something. You can learn more about a person if you are sincerely interested
in him. When you understand what the motives and goals of a person are, it
will be much easier for you to analyze him. Yes, not all people will be open
with you. But even in the case when a person will move away from
questions, it will be possible to conclude that he is secretive and afraid to
show his true self.
To know about cultural differences
To learn how to analyze people, you need to know and understand their
culture. A person can behave in a certain way because his culture is different
from yours. When you are trying to analyze someone, it is important to pay
attention to where he was born. When you learn a little more about where a
person is from, you can have a certain idea of his personality, manner of
communication, and behavior.

How to Influence People

When we need to convince someone, we can use many techniques. If we
make a good proposal, we have valid arguments, and what we want to do is a
win-win. It will be easy to convince our interlocutor of our interests.
But apart from the content, there are some small tricks that we can use to
influence the people we talk to and achieve our goals.
The way we talk, our attitude, and know how to handle the conversation can
be the key to getting a favorable response to our interest.
1. Smile
A smile on your face is the first thing we have to do if we want to influence
people. When someone smiles, conveys happiness, and well, and we all like
to feel good.
When a proposal is made with a smile on our face, we are more predisposed
to accept what they are asking.
2. Take advantage of fatigue.
When we are tired, we don't feel like arguing, and we are more willing to say
yes (even if they leave us alone).
Cults know this perfectly. Therefore, the sessions where you "brainwash" are
always long and exhausting. They know that a tired person has low defenses
and is more willing to obey and accept how true what you are saying.
3. Make the ball
The ego is one of the weak points of all people. We all like to be told how
good we are, and we are more willing to serve a person who makes us feel
good.
It is not easy to flatter without it noticing. So, if you're beating someone to
convince him, do it subtly and credibly.
4. Tell him many times YES
If you want to influence someone, let them say yes. When in a conversation,
we say many times, yes, our brain understands that we are in tune with the
person with whom we speak and the inertia of responding that if it can be a
good tool to get us to respond affirmatively to what we want.
Cold-door commercials are one of the strategies they use very often:

Do you want the best for your family? Yes

Do you like to save on the fixed expenses of your home? Yes
Do you live in this address? Yes
Do you like things to work correctly? Yes
Do you want me to make a special offer for you? Yes
Make the ball and let us say many times IF they are two of the basic
techniques of commercials (another day I will write on this subject).
5. Do not take the reason from your interlocutor
Showing someone who is not right in what he says and that if you have, it is a
good strategy to feel good and have the feeling of "having won the
argument."
But it is not a good strategy to influence another person.
When we argue, most of the time, we end up curling ourselves even more in
the position we defend.
If you want to influence another person, you better not discuss and ignore the
negative arguments of the other person (this strategy is one used by all
politicians in our country).
6. Extra trick: Use your voice well
The voice is a key element when it comes to influencing others.
There are four aspects of the voice to consider; these four elements, which
make us perceive a certain voice differently, are; intensity, tone, timbre, and
duration.
On the union of all parties, it will depend on a voice being more or less
persuasive. The ideal formula to be persuasive with our voice would be like
that; medium-strong intensity, serious tone, open bell, and medium-fast
duration.

How to Analyze Your Relationship?

While relationships are complex, they do not necessarily have to be difficult
as long as they are evaluated. For them to be healthy, it is enough that both
members work their insecurities, separate previous bad experiences, and
strengthen empathy.
Being affectionate, communicating correctly with our partner, having a good
level of sexual desire, developing the capacity for consensus, being willing to
solve problems, respect each other, set goals together, and balance our
individuality with life as a couple are the main factors that The Nicolás
Moreno Clinical Psychology Center, in Granada-Spain, underlines the
fundamentals for a couple to succeed.
Now, regardless of the time we have with our partner, it is important that we
periodically evaluate our relationship in order to analyze the positive and
negative before a small problem grows and crises. Prevention is always better
than regret.
Relationships are dynamic experts say that this dynamism is that which
allows the courtship or marriage to evolve and its members to grow
personally and as a team. Every union implies agreements that are by no
means static, so permanent evaluation can help us reconsider approaches we
may have made at the beginning of our relationship, but they are no longer
working.
The doctor and counselor of couples, Monsita Nazario, argue that assessing
the relationship can ensure the health and future of the union. It even
emphasizes that the direction taken by divergence and incompatibility, which
appear over time, must be noted to make sound decisions regarding life in
common.
Key points to assess the relationship
The specialist highlights three key points to consider when assessing the
relationship:
Periodic Analysis:
Constantly assessing the relationship allows us to raise awareness, stay alert,
and make life a couple a priority. Nazario recommends that this be done
daily, because knowing that we are in the process of constant evaluation, we
strive to do better and better and avoid becoming demotivated, neglected, and
tired. "Failure to follow up on the processes damages them and puts them at
risk of failure," he says. Besides, it highlights that the periodic analysis
should be considered as one of the fundamental agreements at the beginning
of the relationship to be able to tackle the reasons that lead to distancing and
separation in time.
Reinventing yourself is the key:
The success of a relationship is not proportional to how long it lasts; In fact,
many years of life as a couple do not guarantee the thorough knowledge of
both members.
Getting to know each other is a lifelong process, so the expert ensures that the
key to happy couples is to grow and reinvent themselves based on the stage
in which the relationship is because conflicts cannot be avoided but if they
reduce its impact with a timely evaluation.
To love us is to be able to transform ourselves, and each couple will do it
differently; Of course, the doctor emphasizes that the transformation must
occur consciously and by both members to avoid dysfunctionality.
Love Maps:
Loving someone implies knowing him, so the precise counselor is essential
that the couple knows each other deeply: their tastes, history, concerns,
manias, ways of thinking, and postures on different issues.
They are the so-called “love maps,” and you have to keep them up to date to
handle the circumstances presented to us more effectively. In our evaluation,
Nazario proposes an essential question: “What would it be like to be married
to someone like me?” The answer will undoubtedly make us more aware of
the weaknesses and strengths we have and how to take care of them.
Likewise, the consultant warns of the existence of certain actions classified as
“horsemen of the apocalypse”: criticism, complaint, contempt, defensive
attitude, and evasion, which are present in every relationship, so our task is to
warn them, stop them, and neutralize them.
To do this, it is recommended to write monthly the purpose of life in common
to stay connected.
On the other hand, the psychologist Miriam Martín invites us to ask ourselves
the following questions to evaluate our relationship: Does this link add or
subtract us? Does it help us to be better and develop as people? Does it limit
us and generate negative emotions? Based on them, we can measure how
well we are going and decide what changes to make.
Keys to a healthy relationship
There are no partner schools, but there are many tools to learn, even
informally, to have a relationship that provides us with well-being. That is
why we include some keys to make this experience healthy:

Avoid emotional dependence to maintain high self-esteem.

Depending on the tastes and needs of the couple promotes
distancing, that is why we must preserve our autonomy and
maintain interest in work, friends, and hobbies. All this will
balance the personal space with the shared one and will provide
stability.
Respect the privacy of the other, accept their decisions and way of
being. Do not manipulate or pretend that he or she changes, and it
may be better to change ourselves, especially the perspective from
which we see what bothers us about our partner.
To be authentic, that is, not to be permanently trying to show our
best version because it is unreal and more than generating
closeness with the other will end up chasing it away. The true
interest of every human being is when we feel we have access to it
 when it shows us its hidden aspects and emotions without shame.
Communicating assertively is essential. Good communication can
make a discussion constructive. We must talk a lot with our
partner to strengthen the relationship and learn to negotiate
without reproach or evasion. Listening carefully, understanding
your point of view, letting you see that we understand what you
have said, and expressing our point of view in a friendly tone will
allow us to find consensual solutions with which we will both win.
Take care of the details to maintain the relationship. Say and do
what at first generated so much happiness in the other and that due
to lack of time or routine, we sometimes leave aside. Gestures
should not diminish over time, on the contrary.
Respect and trust the other. Jealousy will only bring us discomfort
and make the relationship fail. A little security is not over.
Have common goals that generate interest and enthusiasm. This
will avoid the monotony and boredom that both deteriorate life as
a couple.
Share quality time in doing what we enjoy together.
Maintain social relationships to enrich our life and revitalize it.
Let us consider what works for us, for now, and we can evaluate ourselves
and pay more attention to our relationship because it is one of the most
important we have, and it is always worth cultivating.
Powerful Questions
To analyze and strengthen your relationship:

What do you admire about your partner?

What do you thank your life partner?
What has your partner contributed to your personal or professional
achievements?
What do you like about the way you are?
What goals do they have together in five years?
What things should improve in the relationship, according to your
partner?
What behaviors on your part may be destabilizing the relationship?
What situations generate conflict between the two?
What should happen in the relationship, so that everything is much
better?
What moments or behaviors would be worth recovering?
What agreements would you like to propose to your partner?
What has to happen for these common goals to be met?
What can you do differently with your partner today?
What recognition does your life partner deserve?
What love story do you want to tell your children about their
parents?
 CHAPTER NINE
Brainwashing

The definition of brainwashing is very close to that of 'mind control.' This is

an idea without a purely empirical foundation that implies that the will,
thoughts, and other mental facts of individuals can be manipulated by
persuasion techniques that would insert undesirable ideas into the 'victim'
psyche. When we describe this definition, we see that it has a marked
resemblance. The word 'say' is less optimistic.
While the notion of brainwashing is not entirely false, some scientific
connotations of this common term have led many experts to dismiss it in
favor of more modest. This has helped to use the word instrumentally in legal
proceedings, especially in child custody conflicts.
Brainwashing, emotional coercion, and mental control are also known as
mental control. In reality, all these words mean a mechanism that a group or
entity deliberately uses to manipulate others to do what they want in their
thinking. In most cases, these systemic procedures are performed without
awareness of a person.
Sometimes, for a variety of reasons, we use mind control over ourselves.
Self-hypnosis under this group. Through our informed agreement, we use this
kind of mind management, on our part voluntary, to reinforce a good concept
or alter our minds.

That is not the same as "mind control," though, as it requires brainwashing.

Such phrases often mean a person's mind is systematically modified without
realizing it, either in the agreement or even against his will.
These are immoral, coercive methods, and other means all designed to
manipulate someone is mind. In these situations, they are understood as
encouraging one person or group to take full control of other's thoughts and
acts. When using the words "mind control" and "brainwashing," it is implied
that similar techniques are used to gain control of another at the cost of the
controlled individual.
It is important as brainwashing falls under the category of social impact.
Because they use brainwashing to trigger emotional abuse in a victim. In a
single social system, brainwashing and mind control is used to transform the
way someone feels and perceives their values fully. Using different ways to
change the perceptions, habits, and values of a person. The person's like a
puppet doing whatever the manipulator wants.

Mind Control Brainwashing - 3 Common Ways it is

Used to Manipulate Others
Mind control brainwashing is a mechanism where someone uses coercion and
unethical tactics to convince others to obey the controlled person's wishes.
Typically this phase occurs to the detriment of brainwashed humans. Many
common names include coercive coercion, through change, and control of
thought, among others. One way to use authoritarian coercion is by
totalitarian regimes worldwide policies. Such governments are not shy about
using force to get what they want, even though that force is disproportionate
and immoral. We were known to succeed in indoctrinating their prisoners of
war with various methods, including relentless propaganda and torture.
These brainwashing techniques are also used in new religious movements.
Many new religious groups that pop up are led by very charismatic
individuals who possess extremely persuasive powers of persuasion, as well
as the ability to brainwash others by different strategies, one of the key ones
being alienation from family and friends who are not fellow members. In
being separated from others, you are more deeply rooted in the values of the
party.
A final scenario is less serious, but it can still lead to disastrous consequences
when taken to extremes. Members of fraternities and sororities are often
abused and forced to suffer numerous forms of psychological and physical
abuse and humiliation to become part of the community. By destroying the
ego by submitting to a higher group authority or performing different actions
that are often humiliating, the person begins to establish a very strong group
identity and loyalty. Sometimes, the extreme nature of some of the aspiring
members 'physical tests can cause severe bodily injury and even death. This
brainwashing technique leads leaders of other brotherhoods to do things they
wouldn't do if not for group pressure driving them along.

Brainwashing: Coercive Persuasion Techniques

Some films are warning us about brainwashing, including those showing how
Vietnam's communists brainwashed American soldiers. But far from these
films being dramatized, brainwashing is best understood if we call it coercive
coercion, which is manipulating, pushing. This method of persuasion is the
strongest and most intrusive of religions, totalitarian governments, terrorist
groups, and kidnappers, among others.
Washing a person's brain, or more accurately applying coercion, is not easy.
To alter an individual's entire belief system, thought, feeling, and behaving,
many strategies must be used. These manipulative manipulation methods can
be classified into four types: physical methods, emotional techniques,
cognitive techniques, and techniques that induce dissociative states.

1. Social techniques
In this case, techniques are used that are intended to manipulate and control
the environment of the person being brainwashed. The goal is to weaken the
resistance of the person in question, making it easier to convince him. Some
of the coercive persuasion techniques that anyone can use are:

Insulation: this makes it a lot easier to brainwash someone. It

means that someone is mentally, socially, and physically cut off
from the rest of the world.
Information management: manipulating and checking the
information that someone receives is a form of isolation. The less
information a person has, the fewer options he has to choose from.
As a result, his critical mind is very limited.
Creating a state of existential dependence: this means making
someone believe that his existence depends entirely on someone
else. Usually, that person is a kind of leader. In practice, it means:
fully meeting one's primary and secondary needs until he develops
complete dependence.
Psychophysical weakening: some types of physical weakening
are associated with psychological weakening. This, in turn, leads
to a weakened ability to resist persuasion techniques.

2. Emotional techniques
Motivations are emotionally conditioned. So if you can influence people's
emotions, you can also influence their motivations and behavior.

Emotional activation of pleasure: charm and treat someone

well. People use this technique to attract others and attract their
attention.
Emotional activation of fear, guilt, and tension: use rewards and
punishment to induce emotional reactions such as fear, guilt, and
anxiety. These emotions encourage dependence and submission.

3. Cognitive techniques
These methods are based on the two methods that we discussed above. A
person who is physically weak and feels guilty is in an ideal brainwashing
position.
 Thoughtful in critical thinking: the offender shows the other
why it is not wise to follow his thoughts. Because of this, he will
suppress every thought he wants.
Use of deception and lies: distorting reality by hiding, lying, or
deceiving information.
A requirement for submission: Ensuring compliance with group
ideas. Demand that the person obeys what the group decides. In
other words: develop compliance and submission.
Group identity: identity must be collective. As a result, people
lose their individuality and accept group identity. As a result,
people may lose their identities.
Attention control: manipulating what the person’s attention is
focused on means that you can also make him pay attention to
your persuasion methods.
Language control: speaking in a controlling way means that you
are restricting your freedom. Skipping certain words or phrases is
a way to avoid specific questions or ratings.
Change in the source of power. As soon as you violate
someone’s principles of power, you expose him to totalitarian
power. As a result, this power gains full power. Everyone else
must obey him.

Brainwash Yourself to Higher Self-Esteem

Most people who come to me say, "I realized I need to improve my self-
esteem, but I don't know how." Switching to high self-esteem is nothing you
do overnight. There's no miracle cure. And I, as a self-esteem mentor, have
no magic wand I can wave over you, so you instantly start loving yourself.
Moving towards higher self-esteem means replacing the thoughts that fill
your mind with new ones. Think about it, and your self-esteem depends on
your feelings, the feelings you think about yourself. All the feelings you've
ever felt about yourself have now developed into the sense of self-worth (or
lack of self-worth) you're experiencing.
It would be very easy if you could just buy a package of new thoughts at the
pharmacy, or go to a surgeon who opened your brain, take out the old stuff,
and bring some new fresh stuff in. Unfortunately, swapping your old mindset
for a more resourceful approach will cost you time and energy.
Think about how you got the thoughts that fill your everyday life now.
You've been affected by your family, education, media, culture, etc. You've
been brainwashed 24 hours a day since your birth! It may not take too long to
start thinking more useful thoughts, but it may take a lot of time because you
need to unlearn everything you've learned up to this point in your life.
The solution? Brainwash yourself with positive thoughts about yourself!
How? Ok, here are some techniques:

Write affirmations-Affirmations are the new things you have

decided to say, for example, "I'm so happy and grateful that I have
so many friends who love me," or "I feel and look so beautiful and
sexy that I'm just irresistible." Put the statements anywhere you
can recall them, on the fridge, in the car, on the bathroom mirror,
on your bedside table, in your wallet...
Stand before a mirror and praise yourself. Aim for at least 1
minute. Your brain builds new pathways between the optimistic
words you say and the self-image.
Stand before a mirror and smile (for at least one minute). This may
sound much dumber than complimenting yourself, but it's nice to
build brain paths between you and a good feeling.
Build a music playlist that really cheers. Brainwash yourself with
songs that you're amazing! It is a simple way to put new ideas into
your mind.
Write a list of things you've done well every day before you go to
sleep. It will help you find the good things you do in your life.
Hypnotizing yourself! Yeah, hypnosis works, and hypnosis CDs
are designed to increase self-esteem. Look at the platform!
Get a coach to help! I'd love to shower you with fresh, resourceful
ideas and make sure they stick in your brain!
 CHAPTER TEN
Understanding Persuasion

Persuasion is the ability that people have to transmit ideas and that they are
disseminated by those who act as recipients of them. This translates more
effectively as the ability that human beings have through a relationship, to
convince others. Persuasion is a tool that can be used in fields such as
marketing, advertising, and commerce, basically sectors of the economy in
which the public is sensitive to various interactions with environmental
media and where the decision is the objective of who persuade
Let us elaborate on a scene in which a seller wants his products to be
acquired by the buyers, these besides being useful, must be attractive and, in
one way or another, more desirable than that of the competition. This is
achieved with persuasion, which attracts customers by offering the best
attributes of the product or service, effectively providing comfort to the buyer
by relating the most promotional aspects to the most personal. Persuasion, in
turn, generates competition and demand in the market, generating dynamism
of intentions and offers that fosters the development of sustainable
economies.
Another use of persuasion that we see in a society constantly is in the
application of the law. In a trial, the lawyers, in addition to using the law as
the main tool, use the elements in their favor and persuade the jury and the
judge that they are valid to win the case.
We are always waiting for others who live in our environment to reproduce
or share our ideas, even unintentionally, people seek to persuade others so
that their ends are fulfilled. A wife who asks her husband to optimize
expenses is trying to convince him that it is the best for both. Either way,
each person's ideas will be interpreted as an intention for others to apply and
build their ideas based on the initial idea. Persuasion can be so extreme that
they can change the way a person thinks. It all depends on what the person
who persuades another looks for.
Key elements of persuasion
To better understand the process by which one person or medium can
influence another by changing their mind, it is necessary to take into account
the key elements of the process, these being the issuing source, the receiver,
the message itself, and the technique that It is used to transmit it.
1. Issuer
Regarding who transmits the information, the source that tries to persuade,
two characteristics are taken into consideration when it comes to being or not
being persuaded: its attractiveness and credibility. It has been shown in
multiple experiments that we generally consider those individuals we
perceive to be more reliable (partly because of the halo effect, in which we
assume that someone who has a good quality will surely have others). This is
the reason why men and women of great physical attractiveness, or well-
valued celebrities, frequently appear in advertising in order to sell us a
product.
However, the most influential feature of the source when it comes to
persuading us is credibility, which is given to the level of competence of the
source in the subject matter and the perceived sincerity.
2. Receiver
Concerning the recipient of the message, the main characteristics that affect
the time of being influenced are the level of intelligence, self-esteem, and the
level of involvement with the subject.
It must be taken into consideration that the effect of the intelligence level
should not be taken as a direct measure. It is not that who is more influential
is less intelligent, but someone with higher intelligence will have more
resources to question the arguments put forward in persuasion. By having a
higher capacity to learn and use in real-time the information memorized, the
way of a dialogue of the most intelligent people is more fluid and consistent,
something that is reflected in the results they obtain when it comes to
convincing.
With regard to self-esteem, we generally find that the lower self-esteem, the
less likely we will consider our arguments as valid, more easily accepting
those of others.
3. Message
Another of the main elements when it comes to persuading someone is the
message itself. Several studies indicate that the fact of using a more rational
or more emotional message will depend on the type of response you want to
favor. It also affects the message incorporating elements that cause fear or a
sense of threat: according to Rogers protection motivation theory, we will
tend to seek and consider more certain words that allow us to minimize or
avoid damage.
The fact that persuasion occurs more often with a closed or open message has
also been investigated, indicating that it is generally better to leave a
conclusion open to interpretation, although guided in the direction of which
one wishes to persuade. This may be because, in this way, the listeners are
more satisfied when they reach those conclusions, something they experience
as if it had been a discovery made by themselves, without someone trying to
impose an idea from outside.

Principles of Persuasion
1. Reciprocity
During his research, Robert Cialdini proved a principle that many already
sensed by common sense. According to their research, people treat others the
same way they are treated. So, for example, we tend to be kind to those who
treat us kindly. That is where a great power lies: we can make a person
appreciate us more or less over time.
Advertising makes use of this principle. The reason a brand sometimes offers
its products "as gifts" is precisely the principle of reciprocity. They know that
consumers appreciate this gesture and will become more brand loyal for this
reason.
2. The scarcity principle
Robert Cialdini found that people tend to value more what they perceive as
rare or exclusive. It doesn't matter if it's real or not. The rarer and unusual
something is, the more it arouses our desire.
Advertising also takes advantage of this principle. It is the basis on which
campaigns such as the “promotion for a few days” or “discount for the first
50 buyers” are built. And it usually works very well. On the other hand, a
continuous succession of “last opportunities” for the same product dissipates
this effect. We must deliver on our promise, as scarcity involves credibility.
3. The principle of authority
This principle states that people who have a position of leadership or
notoriety enjoy greater credibility, among others. People tend to believe
everything they say. We tend to be less critical of celebrities, for example.
That is why there is such a lucrative business around the so-called
‘influencer.’ Others identify with them and imitate them. In this case, we are
less demanding about the consistency of what they represent, and we are
more likely to believe what they say.
4. Commitment and consistency
Robert Cialdini says that the principle of commitment and consistency
implies that people are more willing to take action, consistent with what is
familiar. It is, therefore, important to adopt attitudes that create a commitment
to your client and be consistent with the commitment made. Offer only what
you can deliver. Keeping an old customer is easier than capturing new ones.
This principle of persuasion is widely applied in sales. To attract new
customers, their behaviors and customs are studied to know what type of
offer to make. If they are, for example, impulsive people, situations are
generated that lead them to act impulsively to buy.
5. Consensus or social approval
This principle states that people tend to join the majority: they often see what
others are doing to act accordingly. We usually accept the opinion of the
majority. If many people believe something is right, we will believe it is
right. If most believe that something is wrong, we will also believe that it is
wrong.
Thus, in both business and politics, great efforts are made to "create trends."
These trends are not always inspired by the right or reasonable elements.
However, once they begin to “wave,” they are usually successful.
6. The principle of sympathy
This principle has to do with the so-called halo effect. It is related to the fact
that the most physically attractive people have a greater persuasiveness. They
are unconsciously associated with other positive values , such as honesty and
success. This effect also occurs with people who are sympathetic to attributes
other than the physical.
Thus, advertising almost always uses stereotypes that generate this principle
of sympathy. Usually, the models are beautiful or beautiful, or people who
represent the appearance that arouses the identification or desire of the public.

Persuasion Techniques

Influencing and persuading are everyday tools of any project manager. It is

therefore essential to know some "tools" that can be used for this purpose
(mostly psychological):

Social Compatibility - “we decide what is right or not, depending

on what others think is right” - how often does this come about
when we are evaluating something they are presenting to us? The
fact that we are presented with evidence or examples of the use of
something that we are trying to persuade is halfway to being
convinced to follow the same examples.
Agreement - “It is easier to get the person who wants to persuade
to change their minds when we call on someone like him or her
and respects and shares their opinions” - it is essential to create a
platform of understanding where our opinions are shared by
others, making it more comfortable to accept future ideas.
Empathy - “When you want to persuade, you want others to
empathize with the idea. You want them to identify with it and to
understand its situation, its motives, and emotions. And with
empathy, they will tend to find their conclusions correct. ”- The
more emotional the story and appealing to audience-like
experiences to persuade, the higher the empathy and the more
effective the persuasion.
Inconsistency - “It’s a stealthy persuasion strategy because it
leaves the feeling of accomplishment” - small ideas are being
implemented with the persuader accompanying the whole process,
solving small problems step by step increases trust and strengthens
 the relationship, making easier to persuade a great idea.
To be appreciated - “ we accept the ideas of someone we like
more easily than those of whom we are indifferent ” - it is essential
to build a relationship with whom we want to persuade, are in
small gestures of daily life, in sympathy, confidence, and trust. It
is an excellent education that the relationship becomes closer and
makes us more easily appreciated and, therefore, stronger in the art
of persuasion.
Giving to receive - “when we give we unleash one of the most
powerful ideas of human beings, and when we receive we feel
obligated to repay ” - it's called the principle of reciprocity, and we
all do it at some point in time.
Accountability - “One of the first lessons we learn in life is to
keep our word” - getting the other to take responsibility for
something is the first step to persuading.

Psychological Tricks to Increase Your Persuasive

Power

1. Keep in mind that persuasion is different from manipulation.

To manipulate is to coerce someone into doing something that is not in their
best interest. Persuasion, however, is the art of persuading people to do
something that is in their interest and, on top of that, benefits you.
2. Evaluate context and time
The foundation for increasing your power of persuasion is context and the
exact time. The first requirement sets a standard for what is acceptable and
can be done, while the right timing makes your chances increase or decrease
considerably. Trying to persuade your boss to raise you well when he is
nervous or discussing an important issue is not a timely approach, right?
Therefore, having this notion of timing is critical in the persuasion process.
3. Speak what people want to hear
You will not be able to persuade someone who has no interest in what you
are saying. Generally, people are interested in themselves and spend most of
their time thinking about money, love, or health. Therefore, to increase your
power of persuasion, it is necessary to learn to talk to people about
themselves consistently. Remember: If you show interest in what they want
and say, you will always have your attention.
4. be persistent
Have you noticed that historical figures who persuaded large masses
achieved this with much persistence in their messages? If you focus on
demonstrating value and staying focused, you are much more likely to get
what you want. When considering giving up, take a look at the example of
Abraham Lincoln, who lost his mother, three children, a sister, his girlfriend,
failed in business, and lost eight elections before being elected president of
the United States.
5. Greet People Sincerely
We are all affected by compliments, whether we like it or not. And people
tend to believe more in someone who gives them good feelings. So greet
people when they deserve it, highlight their qualities and achievements. You
will see how, practically and honestly, you will be able to persuade someone
more easily. Investing in reciprocity is also very effective in this process;
after all, when you do something for someone, that person feels compelled to
do something for you too. This is part of the evolution of our DNA.
6. Create a sense of urgency
To increase your persuasive power, you need to create a sense of urgency in
people by making them want something or take action right now. If you're
not motivated enough to want something right now, you probably won't want
it in the future. Therefore, invest in your power of persuasion in the present,
betting on the urgency of things.
7. Value the images
Remember: what we see is more important than what we hear. Therefore,
hone your first impressions to increase your persuasive power by increasing
your ability to paint an image of experience you can offer others in the future.
8. be flexible and communicate simply
Have you noticed how flexible children are in their behaviors? They do
everything they can to get what they want from their parents, and most of the
time, they can. Therefore, adopting a rigid posture is never a good way to
increase your persuasive power. Communicating is also another important
point because the art of persuasion is to simplify something so that it is quick
and simple to understand.
 CHAPTER ELEVEN
How to Differentiate Between Persuasion and
Manipulation

Integrity of Persuasion
Although people manipulate and persuade them to get others to do what they
want, persuasion is more honest. When you convince someone, you are only
presenting your product, service, or argument to the best of your ability. You
need not lie, omit information, or intimidate another person. Instead, the
persuasion is right - the facts presented are real. It is giving people
information they previously did not have clearly and logically in order to
convince them by informing them rather than manipulating them.
Handling and False
To manipulate is to get people to do what you want in provocative ways that
are truly lacking. So while someone can convince someone else by giving
them facts, a handler creates or insinuates them. They do not care how they
achieve their results as long as they reach; it means they are less concerned
with the facts and the integrity of their processes.
Facts versus Emotions
Persuasion uses facts, while manipulation is based on emotions. This is
because emotions are small, concrete, and harder to define than facts. If, for
example, one car is 20% better than another, a salesperson would have to use
manipulation to sell the second car to a financially shrewd customer. Instead
of focusing on the raw facts (the mileage), the salesperson can manipulate the
customer to sell the second car in terms of how it makes them feel.
Goals
Bob Berg, a successful salesman, speaker, and writer, describes persuasion
and manipulation in terms of what the persuader (or manipulator) wants.
Persuasion will serve the person he is persuading, and he will sell a product
or service that he truly believes will add value to his client's business or life.
A manipulator, on the other hand, focuses only on himself. He is not serving
the other person, but instead makes him or her a target for his own ends. This
is the main difference between convincing and manipulating.

Gestures to Increase Your Power of Persuasion

1. Know how to place yourself...
In negotiation, in the sales situation, or even during interactions, we tend to
place ourselves in front of the interlocutor. Yet this positioning unconsciously
creates a climate of confrontation and not of cooperation.
During interviews or certain negotiations, you sit in front of your interlocutor
with a table that separates you. This use makes you face each other, face to
face.
If you want to create a climate of sympathy, the ideal is to be side by side.
Take the example of some stores where vendors will approach you on the
side and advise you by your side, both facing the product, rather than face to
face. This also applies in seduction; an unknown person will be more easily
approached on the side than in front.
2. Take your distance ... but not too much!
The distance you have towards the other person also plays a very important
role. A radius of 45 centimeters corresponds to the intimate zone, from 1.30
meters to the personal zone, from 4 meters to the social zone. Beyond that, it
is the public area.
If you do not know the person, the intimate zone is to be banned, except
exceptional situation. You can use the personal area to create a climate of
sympathy and trust with the person. If, for example, you are speaking to a
group, do not hesitate to move to be close to everyone, and give each person
importance.
The best example is the situation of debate between several people. It is often
more appropriate to place everyone in a circle rather than face to face to
avoid face-to-face confrontation.
3. Use the touch well ... without overdoing it!
An application accompanied by physical contact with the person to whom
you are applying is rarely refused. Touch, well used, creates excellent
sympathy.
Do not hesitate to support your speech with slight pressure on your arm or
shoulder.
However, there is a rule for touching the hierarchy. In a professional context,
it is the superior who has the right to touch and not the opposite. Again, it
depends on the people in front of you and the context. Everyone does not
have the same "tactile" relationship with others. Many elements come into
play: education, environment, culture, values, etc.
Generally, you feel immediately if you can afford it with the person in front
of you or not. It's a question of feeling during interaction and especially
context.
However, do not hesitate to use it in an informal climate and abuse it in
seduction.
4. Imitation: the key to success
The famous synchronization technique, which you most certainly know, is
the most powerful in terms of influence. We love those who look like us!
A person will feel more in tune with you if you synchronize on his gestures,
like a mirror.
Be careful, and it's not about making a monkey. You're just going to adopt
the same postures and the same attitude as the other. If he crosses his arms,
do the same, if he scratches his head, imitates a few seconds later ... but do it
in a discreet and natural way, of course.
Likewise, the other person will tend to adopt the same attitude as you:

In front of a warm person, you will be warm,

Facing a cold person, you will be neutral,
Faced with a tense person, you will be tense,
If the person speaks loudly, speak,
If the person speaks slowly, speak slowly.
Short. You understood. By synchronizing with each other, you get in tune
with him. This is an indispensable technique well known in NLP and
influence. Use and abuse!
5. Do not close the doors
Many gestures cut off communication. The gestures to banish are:

Cross arms and legs

Look elsewhere or focus on something other than the other party
Put your hands in your pocket
place your hand in front of your mouth while talking
Carry an object and put it between you and the other
Also, avoid distracting or parasitic gestures that divert attention from the
other:

Play with an object in your hands

Scratching all the time
Play with your fingers
You're biting your nails
Parasitic mimicry

Persuasion Tactics to Influence Anyone in The Most

Effective Way
Tactical Persuasion # 1: Start your discussion on the right
track.
One of the biggest mistakes people make in persuading them is that they start
talking about a topic or situation that the other person doesn't know or doesn't
know yet.
I have a friend who usually dives in the middle of a story or topic, which
leaves me (and I think many other people) have no idea what he's talking
about. It is essential to start your discussion at a point that people can relate
to, preferably from the beginning, unless you are sure you already know the
basics of the discussion topic.
Persuasion Tactic # 2: Be clear in conveying your message.
When you say, "He's angry," do you mean he's angry, or are you crazy?
Whenever you say or write something vague or that may lead to
miscommunication, it is strongly recommended that you change the words to
convey a clear message.
Persuasion Tactic # 3: Summarize or overview the big picture.
This is vital when it comes to something that takes a little (or longer) to
understand. This way, they can better relate the discussion to the overall
scenario and "absorb" what you are saying.
Persuasion Tactic # 4: Be Humble.
Never brag or be arrogant because it's a big detour. The other side may think
(in your mind) that he is better than you, and you will simply hurt his ego.
You can even pretend not to know the things you already know if it gives you
an advantage in convincing you. Give him the impression that you are an ally
and do not compete with him.
Persuasion Tactic # 5: Pay attention to what is said rather than
what you will say next.
This can be a little difficult to do initially. This is why it is essential to
practice and improve your persuasion skills until it becomes part of you.
When listening, do not interrupt while they speak. Wait a second or two
before speaking. Avoid changing the subject as this indicates your disinterest.
Persuasion Tactic # 6: Choose the right time.
When you are not in the mood or pressed for time, your persuasion efforts
may fall on deaf ears because they will not pay attention to you.
Ask first if you can have a few minutes of your time. If they say this is not a
good time, ask for a schedule that suits your plan.
Persuasion Tactics # 7: Never disrespect anyone.
Beware of the body signals you are giving. You may be pouting, breathing
heavily, shaking your head, or rolling your eyes without realizing that you are
offending others.

Persuasive Communication and Interpersonal

Relationships. How Does It Help Us?

The persuasion - manipulation- cannot be very useful in our relationships,

both professional and personal. Who dominates persuasive communication
determines the ideas that are taken into account and those that stay in the
way?
Think of running, and the question is not whether you know how to run or
not; The question is whether your way of running allows you to win races.
And in our day to day, we aim to win some. Have you ever wondered how
you can conquer a boy? Would you like to be an attentive person? Have you
ever been told that it seems that you are not listening? If you have answered
any question, yes, this post interests you.
One of the factors that influence these issues is the type of persuasive
communication. But what do we mean by compelling communication?
Persuasion attempts to modify a person's behavior, attitude, or behavior,
directly influencing their intentions, beliefs, or motivations. Fleeing always
from manipulation or disrespect, persuasive communication is a subtle and
healthy way to influence the thinking of the listener.
Personally, an emotional discussion is easily recognizable in which two
people try to convince the other person based on feelings. In the field of
business, the most rational methods are often abused. It is important to know
the right measure between both methods and combine them so that persuasive
communication is effective.
We may not be aware of this, but communicating is the behavior of a social
nature that we perform most throughout the day and, nevertheless, it is also
the one over which we have less conscious control. Therefore, being aware of
and making good use of this capacity can make a difference in our social
relationships.
Characteristics of a person who uses persuasive communication:
It gives confidence to the interlocutor. When we are interested in meeting
someone, we want to show this interest in the best possible way. Before
speaking without contributing, it is more coherent to listen carefully, avoid
hesitation, and contradict. These are some of the bad practices that we carry
out in these situations pretending to please or to imply that we are attentive.
We need to show that we are people that can be trusted and, although it is not
easy - especially in those situations in which we have just met the listener -
we must develop skills that enhance this characteristic.
He has as much knowledge as possible. If you do not know the person, it is
common for doubts and questions to arise. If you are interested in something
specific, let them know by preparing the context and clarify, if necessary,
why you are interested in knowing it. Having information that gives us
knowledge about the other person is crucial to understand better the
information that is transmitted to us and return it
Listen. Much of the art of persuasion lies in the ability to actively listen to
the other person and discover their needs and concerns. Ask questions about
the content, paraphrase the information that has been transmitted to you,
emphasize what has caught your attention.
Be empathetic. Concerning the previous point, we must also show the
interlocutor that we understand his point of view and value it, although this
does not mean submitting to all his requests, but rather seeking a meeting
point where both parties win. The operation of persuasion is a win-win.
Take care of all communication channels. We must put so much care in
what we say, as in how we say it: our tone of voice, the movements, our
appearance, the stage, or the chosen channel. These are factors that also
influence the ability to persuade. Look at the other person, and sometimes
with only this ability, we know how we are doing it!
Discover When You Are The Target
Are you the puppet of others? Learn the three steps to cut the threads that
bind you to those who try to handle you...
I don't understand how it happens, but every time I meet my sister, I lose.
When Lidia wants me to do something for her, she always succeeds! Again, I
don't know how it happens, but does the situation unfold in a way that leaves
me no choice but to do what she wants?
This is Francis' complaint, Lidia, his older sister, is a teacher in the art of
manipulation. And Frank is not alone; Your sister's name can be substituted
for a son, a husband, a mother-in-law, a colleague, or even a best friend. And
is that there are people who, to get away with it, handle others as if they were
puppets.
The manipulators, those skilled "puppeteers," know how to handle the strings
of those who fall into their orbit to achieve their goals. Some do it
consciously because their plan is coldly calculated; others act like this
because it is the only way they know to get away with it. But everyone,
without exception, can continue to work that way because they have a great
partner. Guess who? The person who lets himself be manipulated. In many
cases, she is not a victim, but a volunteer in that frustrating game. In other
words: manipulation happens and persists because the manipulated allows it
to happen.
Review your case. Perhaps you give in out of grief, out of a sense of
obligation, because you fear offending that person or keeping the peace.
Many times you feel that the circumstances have conspired in a way that
leaves you no choice but, once again, to dance to the music you are playing
(the most typical case is the vendor who warns you to act now! because the
"wonderful" offer ends in five minutes). You end up feeling frustrated,
irritated, exhausted, and full of resentment. The truth is that your
relationships with these "puppeteers" are not the best. Also, how much time,
money, resources, and peace of mind have you lost in the hands of the
manipulators!
But is there a light at the end of this tunnel? The good news is that while you
are responsible for what happens, in the same way, you can take control of
your life and cut the threads that tie you to the manipulator. Here are three
steps to achieve it.

1. Recognize The Game

Some victims of manipulation feel uncomfortable after dealing with one of
these specimens but cannot identify exactly why. As Francis says, "I don't
know how, but my sister always gets me to do what she wants."
That is why the first step to cut the threads that tie you to the manipulator is
to recognize what your game is. In other words: discover what weapons he
uses to wield you. Do you employ the penalty? "I have not had as good luck
in life as you." Maybe it controls you with guilt feelings. "If you don't help
me, my children, your nephews! Will go bankrupt." Or he presents you with
the fait accompli, believing that "it is better to ask for forgiveness than to ask
permission." Example: "I took the liberty of taking this from your home."
You must know their strategies so that you are prepared and not taken by
surprise. «I discovered that my sister's tactic is to use the penalty. Does she
play the unhappy, plagued by bad luck? And I always fall, "admits Francis.
Once you recognize this person's modus operandi, take the next step.
2. Discover Your «Buttons»
The manipulators have an effective secret: they use the appropriate tactics for
each person because they know which one works with each individual. With
one is the feeling of guilt, while with another, it is a pain; with some, it is
vanity (the manipulator pretends to be incompetent to be rescued, making the
rescuer feel important - without realizing that he has been used) or even fear
of divorce, dismissal, abandonment or ruin.
What is your Achilles heel? Discover the «buttons» that you have, and that
press you to operate as if you were a robot. When you determine that you
always fall out of grief, vanity, or because you don't know how to act when
you are presented with a fait accompli, stop. Discuss why you have that
particular "button" and what your fear is if you don't budge. Are they
realistic? Or are you allowing yourself to be influenced by the "puppeteer"?
Is it fair with yourself that you feel influenced by the “puppeteer? And that
you think like this? How does it affect you or harm you? And what effect
does it have on your relationship with that person? Do you want to keep the
threads that bind you to the «puppeteer»? If you want to cut them and be free,
continue to the next step.
3. Modify Your Behavior
Now that you know what tactics these people use to manipulate you and you
recognize why you fall into the trap, you should modify your behavior.
-Recognizes tampering
-Don't be rushed. Take all the time, and you need to assess the situation and
determine how you want to respond.
-Mentally prepare yourself for everything you will feel in those
moments: grief, fear, guilt, and anxiety. Let those feelings flood you? And
pass, like a wave that envelops you and then drifts away. Remember: the
"puppeteer" uses them precisely because they are effective. Accept the
possibility that some people will stray from you or that some relationships
will radically change. But if you are clear that none related to being based on
manipulation is positive, you will be at peace with that possibility.
-Expresses your preference or your position with kindness, but with total
firmness. If the person insists, be consistent, since it is you who will teach
others how they can be with you, simply by the treatment you allow. Be
prepared to repeat the same thing a thousand times, and for the "puppeteer" to
find other tactics to handle you. Again: be consistent. The moment you stop
accepting manipulation, the person will understand that their tactics do not
work for you - and you will be free.
When You Should Seek Help
Sometimes the situation reaches levels that you cannot handle using the same
tactics as if they work in normal situations. If you are dealing with an
unstable person, physically abusing you, threatening suicide, or committing
"crazy," take that situation very seriously and seek help urgently. Both you
and others affected must be safe from a dangerous situation.

How to increase our capacity for persuasion

As John Ruskin said, "He who has the truth in his heart must never fear that
his tongue lacks the power of persuasion. " Probably this is the best option.
However, psychology has studied other theories that can be very useful in
certain specific situations.
Before continuing, know that by persuasion, we mean the ability to seduce,
convince, impress, or fascinate a person.
Some psychological theories to improve persuasion.
The term "persuasion" may have had some negative connotations in recent
years. We live in a world of global uncertainty and strong consumerism, and
we are continually bombarded with advertisements that appear to be
convincing, whose motives are not necessarily as straightforward or simple as
they should be, but far from belonging to worthy causes.
It is therefore important to make the difference between persuasion and
manipulation, and the latter lies in honesty, which exists in persuasion but not
in manipulation; from a persuasive perspective, the other knows, since this is
how it was presented to him, that we are trying to convince him of
something. In contrast, from a manipulative perspective, this information
tends to be concealed, hidden.
Persuasion is understood as the ability to influence another person honestly,
which gives a great advantage to the people who developed it. This is why it
is important to know some theories that are valid over time.
The amplification hypothesis
A firm mentality, conveyed with confidence, is very immune to convincing.
However, it softens if it is expressed with uncertainty. In this case, arguments
based on an emotional basis are very resistant to logic, and vice versa.
So, by carrying this hypothesis promulgated by Clarkson, Tbormala, and
Rucker to practice, your possibilities of influence will increase if the attitudes
that you project have the same meaning as those of the interlocutor. This is
precisely what gives a name to the theory: if you want to persuade someone
on a sport-related subject and you both support the same sports team, for
example, the power of your arguments will then be amplified.
The manipulation theory
This theory handles four maxims to seduce a person, ensuring that the
information is as complete as possible, ensuring the authenticity of this
information, its relevance to the subject matter, and presenting it in such a
way that it can be fully understood by the 'other.
This hypothesis, which might sound very poor, is very rational and fair. As
Ruskin said, if you have the facts on your hand, you don't have to think about
not being convincing. However, it is necessary to be well prepared and to
have great knowledge of the subject, as well as to know how to explain them,
to convince someone.
However, it is difficult to defend yourself against such a strategy, especially
if your interlocutor is skillful with words. It is necessary to observe his
nonverbal language, which reflects contradictions between the assurance of
his speech and what his gestures say. Having a little idea of the subject, I can
point out what the most fragile part of his argument is.
The priming theory
This psychological method of persuasion is commonly used in the
advertisement. It is focused on the networks of interaction that we need to
create in our minds. Indeed, when memory is activated, a concept or a
feeling, in turn, allows the activation, for a limited time, of everything
associated with this memory. For example, if you are told about the
breakfasts of your childhood, it will be much easier afterward to make you
buy milk.
The priming must be very subtle; thus, the person being stimulated is not
aware of how he is influenced, even if he knows that he is in an influence
brand since it is a publicity question. In another case, we would speak of
manipulation.
The standard of reciprocity
This is a widely accepted social norm. It's as simple as giving something and
waiting to be returned. It is not a voluntary act, but established and accepted
by all.
Carrying out this standard can be as simple as saying thank you. Faced with
the offer you make to him, you wait for your interlocutor to send you this
courtesy, and reciprocity must be proportional to the type of service rendered.
The principle of scarcity
In a way, all human beings need to control their world. Having free will over
what surrounds us is important. This is why when something is scarce, the
desire to have it increases.
This psychological technique is also widely used in the advertising world;
think of the famous slogans. So if you consider yourself a victim of this
practice, ask yourself if you need the rare good, feeling, or emotion that is
offered to you.
All of these psychological theories of persuasion go beyond the mere
theoretical field. They have been put into practice and demonstrated to be
functional. You have likely used them at some point in your life without even
being aware of them.
 CHAPTER TWELVE
What Is Deception

Firstly, the concept of what disappointment is. Deception, along with

subterfuge, mystification, deception, trick, and beguilement, is an act the
agent uses to spread ideas about events that are falsehoods or only partial
truths.
Deception includes many things like concealment, disguise, diversion, sleight
of hand, deception, and dissimulation. The agent will monitor the subject's
mind because the subject trusts them. The item may believe what the agent
says and might even base plans and build their life on the things the agent
told them.
Unless the agent follows the deception procedure, the statements they told the
subject will be false. Trust can easily be lost if the issue finds out, which is
why the agent must be talented at the deception process and good at turning
things around if they want to proceed with their subject.
Deception also occurs in connection, and it may contribute to feelings of
mistrust and deception between the two partners in the relationship. This is
because deceit breaks most relationship laws and is often seen to harm the
perceptions that come with the relationship.
Many people hope to have a real conversation with their partner; if they knew
that their partner is manipulative, they would have to learn how to use
misdirection and deception to get the honest and truthful details they need.
The faith will also leave the relationship, making it difficult to bring the
relationship back to where it once was.
The topic will also doubt the statements the agent told them, questioning
whether the story was real or something made up. Because of this new
mistrust, most relationships end until the subject finds out the agent's
deception.
Types of Deception
Deception is a form of communication that relies on omissions and lies in
order to convince the subject of the world that best fits the agent. Since there
is communication involved, there will also be several different types of
deception that could be occurring. According to the Interpersonal Deception
Theory, five different types of deception are found. The five main forms of
deception include:
Lies: this is when the agent makes up information or gives information that
is completely different from what is the truth. They will present this
information to the subject as fact, and the subject will see it as the truth. This
can be dangerous since the subject will not realize that they are being fed
false information; if the subject knew the information was false, they would
not likely be talking to the agent, and no deception would occur.
Equivocations: this is when the agent will make contradictory, ambiguous,
or indirect statements. This is done to lead the subject to get confused and do
not understand what is going on. It can also help. The agent to save face if the
subject comes back later and tries to blame them for the false information.
Concealments: this is one of the most common types of deception that are
used. Concealments are when the agent omits information that is relevant or
important to the context, intentionally, or they engage in any behavior that
would hide information that is relevant to the subject for that particular
context. The agent will not have directly lied to the subject, but they will have
made sure that the important information that is needed never makes it to the
subject.
Exaggeration: this is when the agent will overstate a fact or stretch the truth
a little bit in order to turn the story the way that they would like. While the
agent may not be directly lying to the subject, they are going to make the
situation seem like a bigger deal than it is, or they may change the truth a
little bit so that the subject will do what they want.
Understatements an understatement is the exact opposite of the
exaggeration tool in that the agent is going to downplay or minimize aspects
of the truth. They will tell the subject that an event is not that big of a deal
when, in fact, it could be the thing that determines if the subject gets to
graduate or gets that big promotion. The agent will be able to go back later
and say how they did not realize how big of a deal it was, leaving them to
look good and the subject to look almost petty if they complain.

Main Components of Deception

While it may be difficult to determine which factors show when deception is
occurring, some components are typical of deception. Often the subject will
not realize that these components have occurred unless the agent has told an
outright lie or been caught in the act of deceiving. These are components that
will be recognized later on if the agent is using the process of deception in the
right way. The three main components of deception include camouflage,
disguise, and simulation.
Camouflage
The first component of deception is camouflage. This is when the agent is
working to hide the truth in another way so that the subject will not realize
that they are missing the information. Often this technique will be used when
the agent uses half-truths when they are telling information.
The issue will not recognize that the camouflaging has occurred until later
when these truths are revealed in some way. The agent will be skilled in
camouflaging the fact so that it is challenging for the subject to find out about
the deception by chance.
Disguise
Disguise is another component that can be found in the process of deception.
When this occurs, the agent is working to create an impression of being
something or somebody else.
This is when the agent is hiding something about themselves from the
subject, such as their real name, what they do for a job, who they have been
with, and what they are up to when they go out.
This goes further than just changing the outfit that someone wears in a play
or a movie; when the disguise is used in the process of deception, the agent is
trying to change their whole persona in order to trick and deceive the subject.
There are several examples that can illustrate the use of disguise in the
process of deception. The first is in relation to the agent disguising
themselves, usually as another person, so that they are not recognizable.
The agent may do this to get back into a crowd of people that do not like
them, change their personalities to make someone like them, or for another
reason to further their goals.
In some cases, the word disguise can refer to the agent disguising the true
nature of a proposal in the hopes of hiding an effect or motivation that is
unpopular with that proposal. Often this form of disguise is found in
propaganda or political spin.
Disguise can be harmful because it is hiding the true nature of what is going
on. If the agent is hiding who they are from the subject, it can be challenging
for the item to determine who they really are.
When information is withheld from the subject, it clouds the way that they
can think since they do not have the right information to make logical
choices. While the issue may believe that they are making reasonable choices
of their own free will, the agent has taken away crucial information that may
change the subject’s mind.
Simulation
The third component of deception is known as simulation. This consists of
showing the subject information, which is false. There are three techniques
that can be used in the simulation, including distraction, fabrication, and
mimicry.
In mimicry or the copying of another model, the agent will be unconsciously
depicting something similar to themselves. They may have an idea that is
similar to someone else’s, and instead of giving credit, they will say that it is
all theirs.
This form of simulation can often occur through auditory, visual, and other
means. Fabrication is another tool that the agent may use when using
deception. What this means is that the agent will take something that is found
in reality and change it so that it is different.
They may tell a story that did not happen or add in embellishments that make
it sound better or worse than it was. While the core of the story may be real,
yes they did get a bad grade on a test, it is going to have some extra things
put in such as the teacher gave them a bad grade on purpose. The reality is
that the agent didn’t study, and that is why they got the wrong grade in the
first place.
 CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The Role of Defence in 9 Steps

To avoid falling victim to manipulators, you have to build your defenses so

that you are prepared for any manipulative strategies that they may try to use
on you. The best way to build your defenses is by taking steps to improve
your self-esteem and your willpower. However, as a point of caution, you
should be very careful about how you build your defenses because you don’t
want to create restrictions that will keep you from living a fulfilled life.

For example, as you try to guard against manipulation, you can’t act out of
fear. You can’t hide from the world just to avoid scenarios where someone
might want to take advantage of you. Remember that the world is full of
people with dark personality traits who may harbor malicious intentions, so
acting out of fear won’t protect you from anyone. In fact, it will just make
you more of a target. As you build your defenses, make sure that start on the
premise that you are willing to confront manipulators head on, and you will
never run away or recoil. If you act out of fear, you lose by default.

The steps to raise self-esteem: To help you build your defenses, we will
discuss the nine steps that you have to take in order to raise your self-esteem
and to increase your willpower by extension.

1. How to Spot Lies with Deception Detection

Techniques
We have different ways to communicate with people — verbal and non-
verbal. Unfortunately, we've learned how to get through verbal contact traps.
Some of us have mastered lies-telling art. Nevertheless, controlling our non-
verbal acts is a little harder. That's where manipulation strategies come in.
Such methods can help you decide whether a person says or makes up
something. And while most of these deception detection strategies are non-
verbal, there are several verbal signs you should search for.
Voice Quality
You will begin to figure things out by listening to the person's voice. Crack or
move from the standard pitch?
We've also seen pictures on television where a character experiences a shift
in voice tone if he tells a lie. Both of these examples are correct. Occasionally
it gets louder. It becomes smaller occasionally.
Body Language
Lying isn't normal to us. That's why a liar, particularly an inexperienced one,
freezes when he or she's in the middle of saying something wrong.
As described earlier, deception detection techniques rely heavily on non-
verbal signs. Through being just a little more observant, you can decide
whether or not you hear the facts.
Eye Contact
They say lying people can't look straight in your head. So what if you treat
professional liars here? What are introverts, extroverts?
Okay, manipulation detection strategies will tell you what kind of person
you're dealing with first. If the liar is an introvert, it may not meet your eyes.
However, if your liar is an extrovert, he or she can look more confidently into
your eyes.
Reading people is a cinch with these identification techniques. The indicators
can be easy but fairly reliable. So, the next time you're unsure about anything,
consider listening and watching for unusual shifts.

2.Techniques for defending against manipulation

1. Shifting blame
Nothing makes a person more susceptible to manipulation than a sense of
guilt, for which a person will do anything to redeem himself. The feeling of
guilt makes the person vulnerable, and a sense of unease in communication
develops. Aggressive people most commonly use this method. If you notice
that someone constantly reminds you of something you have been hiding,
especially in situations where it is not a topic of conversation at all, you can
suspect manipulation. It is important then to defend yourself in the right way.
2. Playing the victim
In theory, this behavior is also known as the Kalimer effect, which points to
the eternal pursuit of some justice, with the continued emphasis on the person
in question drawing the thickest end.
3. Pressure and insistence
The principle of this manipulation technique is that the tactics of gradual
pressure boosting have greater effects, and often the interviewee is not aware
that he has been manipulated.

3.Acceptance
Acceptance is about assenting to the reality of a given situation. It’s about
recognizing that a certain condition or process is what it is, even if it’s
characterized by high levels of discomfort and negativity. It’s about
consciously submitting to the fact that something cannot be changed, and that
its reality is not subject to interpretation. It’s about making peace with the
situation that you are in.

Acceptance is the opposite of denial. Even the most rational among us tend to
be in denial about lots of things in their lives, which are settled facts in real
sense. Denial can be a coping mechanism, one that can keep us from being
overwhelmed by the reality of a given situation. However, denial does us
more harm than good, because unless we can accept something, we can’t
change it, and we will be stuck looking for alternative interpretations and
explanations for our prevailing circumstances.

Without acceptance, the door remains wide open for malicious people to
exploit us. Take the example of a patient who is told that he/she is terminally
ill. After seeking the opinions of several medical professionals and getting
the same diagnosis, the patient is still left with the choice of either accepting
or denying the situation. The one who accepts it will make peace, and try to
make the best out of what little time he has. The one who stays in denial will
become susceptible to tricksters who may offer "alternative cures," and he
may end up losing all his savings paying such people so that in the end, he
leaves his family with nothing. That is an extreme example, but it perfectly
illustrates why acceptance is important in avoiding manipulation, even if the
reality may seem too painful to accept.

The most crucial form of acceptance is self-acceptance. It refers to the state

of being satisfied with yourself, the way you currently are. Self-acceptance is
a kind of covenant that you make with yourself, to validate, support, and
appreciate who you are instead of constantly criticizing yourself and wishing
you were someone else. Most people have trouble accepting themselves as
they are. We are all in a constant strive for self-improvement. We want to be
more successful, to be wealthier, to be more attractive, or to be perceived
more positively by others. Even the most accomplished among us have issues
with self-acceptance.

In many ways, the desire to be a better version of yourself can be seen as a

positive thing; it can help you study harder in school, work harder to earn a
promotion at work or exercise more to get in shape. However, the problem is
there is always room for improvement, so no matter how high you ascend, the
dissatisfaction will always be there, and it will make you vulnerable to
manipulation by people who want to take advantage of your desires.

To defend against manipulation, you have to accept your reality, and you
have to accept yourself. People tend to think that if they accept themselves,
they won’t try to improve – that couldn’t be further from the truth. Accepting
yourself means owning up to your flaws, and that gives you control over your
life. With self-acceptance, attempts at self-improvement would come from
within, so when you decide to change, you will be doing it for yourself and
not for anyone else.

4.Increase awareness
Increasing your awareness means having a higher level of alertness when it
comes to understanding what’s going on in your environment. It means
paying close attention to your surroundings, and to the way, people behave
around you. The higher your level of awareness, the better you will be when
it comes to adapting to your surroundings and understanding the motivations
of the people you interact with.
When you become more aware, you will be able to catch on quick when
people try to manipulate you. Many of us tend to be preoccupied with our
own thoughts that we hardly ever notice the cues of the people we interact
with. We tend to live life on autopilot, so when other people try to seize
control over our lives, we only notice it when it’s too late. If you increase
your awareness, you will be equipped with the skills necessary to identify all
the red flags, and you will be able to stop most manipulators on their tracks
before they can do any real harm.

The first step towards increasing your awareness is to learn about the
tendencies of manipulative people. Reading this book puts you ahead of the
curve; you now know enough to be able to spot people with ill motives, but
you should understand that the worst kinds of manipulators are very good at
concealing their motives, so you have to keep working on increasing your
awareness.

To be truly aware of manipulative people, you have to approach all

interactions with some levels of skepticism. We are not telling you to turn
into a paranoid person who doesn't let anyone in; we are just saying that you
should take a deeper look each person you interact with. Try to study their
body language and their words, and try to see if they are trying to hide
something.

Apart from increasing your awareness, you have to increase your self-
awareness as well. Many people confuse those two things, but them entirely
different concepts. Self-awareness is about understanding yourself. It’s about
having a clear concept of your own personality. You have to examine
yourself and figure out what your strengths and weaknesses are, what your
values and motivations are, and what kind of thoughts and emotions you are
likely to have in specific situations. Self-awareness helps you understand
both who you are and how other people perceive you.

Self-awareness works as a defense against manipulation because when you

know who you truly are, it becomes more difficult for someone to alter your
thoughts and perceptions. If you have strong and well-articulated values, it
becomes harder for a manipulator to get you to abandon those values. People
who like self-awareness are more likely to be gaslighted or to be subjected to
other forms of mind control.
If you end up in a relationship with a manipulative person, self-awareness can
help you keep your identity. Manipulators will try to tell you what to think
and how to behave, but if you are self-aware, you will experience cognitive
dissonance, and your brain will push back against any attempts at
manipulation.

5.How to increase self-esteem and gain confidence?

Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself and your abilities. It can be high, low,
or somewhere in between. While everyone sometimes has doubts about
themselves, low self-esteem can make you feel insecure and unmotivated.
You may be able to identify a few things that affect your opinion of yourself
(maybe you are bullied, or you feel lonely), or it may be a mystery. Either
way, there are many things you can do to improve your self-esteem.
The self
In today's society, the appreciation of those around you matters a lot. At work
or among friends, we often seek the appreciation of others to increase our
self-esteem. Specialists tell us that we no longer have to wait for the
confirmation of others. We must become aware of our worth, learn to
appreciate ourselves.
Comparison with other people should be avoided
We will never be able to achieve high self-esteem if we always compare
ourselves with office colleagues, friends, or other family members. The
moment we stop comparing ourselves to others, it means that we accept
ourselves as we are and appreciate ourselves at their true value.
Appreciation of the positive aspects
Psychologists tell us to appreciate the positive aspects of our lives. These are
the issues we need to focus on and not what bothers us.
Meditation
Some therapists advise their patients to meditate. It is recommended that the
patient "empty" his mind and then focus on the present, on what is happening
exactly at that moment.
Reaffirming positivity
It is important to have a few trusted friends who will regularly remind you of
the reasons why you need to have high self-esteem. You have to do the same
thing every day.
Sport
Sports and outdoor walks help increase self-esteem. Try to exercise for at
least half an hour every day.

6.Change reactions
To defend against manipulation, there is one important thing that you need to
realize; the only person you can control is you. You have absolutely no
control over what other people might say, or how they might act. Your
reaction is the only thing that is within your control. Even if you are a victim,
and someone limits your choices considerably, at the end of the day, the
power to choose how to act or react is still in your control.

Think of all the civil rights icons you learned about in school; all of these
people were victimized in one way or another, but they came out on top
because of the way they chose to react to that victimization. So, to defend
against manipulation, you have to change the way you react to the words and
actions of manipulators.

First, when someone does something to set you off, try to approach that
situation with calm rationality. Focus on resolving the conflict instead of
debating whose fault it is. When you react with anger in response to an
accusation, or if you start passing the blame back and forth, you are playing
right into the hand of the manipulator. When you change the way you react,
you will be creating your own rules for the game that the manipulator is
trying to play, and that will keep you from falling into his trap.

Never lead with your emotions. Instead, you should practice thinking things
through before you react. In other words, instead of reacting instantaneously,
train yourself to respond in a calculated way. When someone upsets you,
refrain from lashing out angrily, and try to figure out what their motivations
are. You can manage your reactions by using the same techniques that are
used in anger management therapy; take a deep breath and weight the
situation before speaking out.

It may not seem so, but the simple act of taking a deep breath can do a lot to
center you and to help you react better in any stressful situation. When you
take a breath, it puts some distance between your reaction and the trigger
situation, and that small window of time is enough for your brain to
deliberate on things and to create a better response.

You also have to understand that things only have the meanings you give
them. When a manipulator calls you names or yells at you angrily, it’s
completely up to you to decide whether you’ll let it roll off you like water, or
whether you will internalize it. It’s true that people only treat you the way
you let them.

You can change your reaction by changing the questions that run through
your mind when you are in a negative situation. If someone is attacking you,
the questions running through your mind could be: Why is he doing this?
Who does he think he is? You can try to change those questions so that you
start thinking: How can I quickly resolve this? How can I keep my dignity
here? When you ask yourself the right questions, you have a better chance of
finding a proper way to react.

7.Be assertive
Someone can only successfully manipulate you if you are not willing to stand
your ground and be assertive. Some psychologists have pointed out that being
assertive is the middle ground between being passive and being aggressive.
Aggressive people bully others to get what they want, and passive people let
others walk all over them, so they don't get what they want. Assertive people,
on the other hand, stand strong and ask for what they want in a firm and
diplomatic way.

When you are assertive, you communicate in a way that's respectful towards
the needs, feelings, and opinions of others, but you are unwavering in
advocating for your own needs. You make requests that are reasonable, and
you try to avoid infringing on the rights of others. In case of a dispute, you
seek a compromise that is objectively fair to everyone. You draw clear
boundaries, and you let people know when they are crossing those
boundaries.

The most crucial aspect of assertiveness is being a good communicator.

Assertive people have voices that are relaxed but firm. They speak fluently,
and they come across as sincere. When they have to work with others, they
are cooperative, and they contribute in a constructive way. They don't raise
their voices when things get heated; they stay steady, unshaken, and
unfailingly logical.

Assertive people are also good at using non-verbal cues to communicate

effectively. They maintain eye contact with the people they are talking too.
They have open body stances and good posture, which helps project strength
and confidence. They smile when they are pleased, and they frown when they
are displeased.

Assertive people are very direct, and they know what they want from the very
beginning. As a result, it’s very difficult for you to manipulate them.
Manipulators like to use mind games and other little tricks to conceal their ill
intentions, but assertive people will cut through all that by enforcing straight
and clear two-way communication. When ordinary people suspect that they
are being manipulated, they may keep those suspicions to themselves, but
assertive people will come out and ask the manipulators what their intentions
are; this throws the manipulators off balance and forces them to back off or
switch gears.

Being assertive means having the skills to communicate with both aggressive
people and passive people. They don't let anger or fear keep them from
putting their point across when they are dealing with aggressive people.
However, when they are dealing with passive people, they also don't let other
people's meekness, deter them from demanding what they are entitled to.
Assertive people are also well attuned with their own emotions. When they
are upset, they don’t let their own negative feelings derail them from
asserting for themselves in a rational manner.

8.Feed yourself
The idea that the food we eat affects our self-esteem has been around for a
very long time. There is a lot of scientific evidence that shows a correlation
between the type of food we eat and our levels of confidence, as well as our
general mental wellbeing. The food you eat has an effect on your mood, your
levels of anxiety, and how you feel about yourself as a person.

When we lack the right balance of nutrients in our bodies, it affects the levels
of certain hormones, and as a result, we experience a shift in our moods. That
explains why we tend to be more active and stimulated when we consume
sugar, coffee, or foods with high levels of carbohydrates. There are also other
foods that make us feel lethargic when we eat them.

Some researchers have found out that when we fail to take in enough
vitamins, fatty acid, and certain mineral, and omega three oils, we could
experience depression. Because of their ability to keep depression at bay,
these foods are referred to as "mood-boosting foods."

Carbohydrates are usually broken into glucose, which is used as energy in the
brain and in the muscles. If we don't eat enough carbohydrates, we will lack
the energy to concentrate and to make good judgments, and that can affect
our self-esteem and make us more susceptible to manipulation. On the flip
side, eating lots of carbohydrates lead us to gain weight, and that can have a
negative effect on our self-esteem. So, if positive self-esteem is your goal,
you need to eat the right amount of carbohydrate; don't kick them off your
diet, but also don't overindulge in them. Try to eat carbohydrate from whole-
food sources instead of refined sources. Unrefined carbohydrates release
energy slowly and give you a mood boost for much longer while providing
you with much-needed fiber.

Foods that are rich in omega-3 fatty acids prevent low moods and can help
keep you from getting depressed. Based on that, some scientists have argued
that eating more fish can help improve your self-esteem. As you plan out
your diet, you can make sure that you have at least one portion of fish a
week. As a point of caution, avoid eating too much fish if you are pregnant or
breastfeeding.

Foods that are rich in vitamin B, such as spinach, broccoli, meats, eggs, and
dairy, have the ability to boost your energy levels and your mood, so they can
contribute towards you having a more positive outlook. Vitamin D food
sources such as eggs, cereals, and oily fish can increase serotonin levels in
your brain and make you feel good about yourself. Of course, you can also
get vitamin D from the sun, so letting in the light or talking a walk outside
every now and then can be good for your self-esteem as well.

Excessive sugar, too much caffeine, and a high amount of alcohol can affect
your self-esteem in a negative way. When you have a sugary snack, it
increases your blood sugar levels and causes a spike in energy, but that is just
momentary. After that, you will experience a "crush." That, combined with
the feeling of guilt that comes from consuming "empty calories" can dampen
your mood and lower your self-esteem.

Caffeine also has a similar effect. It will stimulate you, for a moment and
improve your mood, but once it starts wearing off, your mood will go down.

Alcohol has the effect of improving your confidence and lowering your
inhibitions, which is why it’s referred to as a "social lubricant." However, it is
also a depressant, which means that it will make you feel anxious and
irritable the following day, and that is bad for your self-esteem. By lowering
your inhibitions, alcohol can also make you more susceptible to
manipulation.

9.Become autonomous and take control

To increase your self-esteem and to become less susceptible to manipulation,
you have to become autonomous and to take control of your own life.
Researchers have found that autonomy is more highly correlated with
happiness than any other factor out there. People who are autonomous tend to
be more satisfied than those who are wealthy. That is because autonomy
represents the core value that makes us human; the ability to exercise free
will.

In many social sciences, autonomy is defined as the quality of being able to

make decisions according to one’s own free will. Since we are social beings,
it can be argued that we don’t have absolute free will because the things we
do are constrained by the rules of the societies we live in, but the important
thing is that autonomy should be characterized by a feeling of freedom. In
other words, it’s about being able to do things within being coerced by either
internal or external pressures. To put it simply, autonomy is having your own
identity, and being the only one that controls it.

It’s very easy to lose your autonomy when you are in a relationship with a
controlling person. Even if you are part of a couple or a family, autonomy
means that you do things because you want to and not because you are
obligated to do them. It means that there should be a clear distinction
between you and your partner and that everyone should have their goals and
ambitions, independent of each other. If you are in a relationship where you
are subservient to the other person, then you lack autonomy.

To maintain your autonomy and improve your self-esteem, be very careful

about who you choose to date, and the people you choose to associate with.
Even if you are committed to the person, you have to know at all times what
your values are, what you want out of life, and who you are as a person. You
need to hold onto those foundational values, and you should be wary of
anyone who tries to make you compromise on them.

You have to retain control over your life, no matter how much it’s
intertwined with someone else’s. If you can’t define yourself, someone else is
going to do it for you, and then you will become a mere extension of them. In
other words, they will succeed in completely dominating and controlling you.

You can take control of your life by setting aside some “me time” for
yourself. It’s okay to take care of your family, friends, or partner, but if you
let them have all your time, then you lose control over your life, and your
identity will disappear. Set some time aside for yourself, and make sure that
everyone respects it.

You also need to draw clear personal boundaries and to learn to say "no" to
people. When someone asks you to do something, make an objective
assessment of the request; if it adds no value to your life, then turn it down.
Manipulative people will want to turn you into their "errand boy," so from the
very first time you meet anyone, make sure that you don't let them use you.

Deal with toxic people

Dealing with toxic people is a situation that, at some point in life, we will
have to go through.
You may come across narcissists, liars, compulsives, manipulators, just to
mention a few.
The problem with toxic people is that even if you want to avoid them, they
always find a way to get into your life. Your actions are born of the need to
belong to some group, and you can be the chosen one.
Luckily, there are some alternatives that smart people use to prevent toxic
people from settling into their lives once they have been identified.
Let’s look at a lot of advice for dealing with toxic people. Enjoy them! Smart
people:
1. Do not pay attention to toxic people
What toxic people seek most is attention? They want someone to see them
and make them feel important. At any cost, they will endeavor to focus on
each event or situation.
When you realize that one of these people has got your wish, ignore it and
pay no attention to it. If the toxic person dominated a conversation, change
the subject, and allow others to talk.
Most often, this person will try to draw the conversation where he or she feels
safe. You can avoid this by explaining that the topic is past and are now in
another subject.
In a matter of minutes, the toxic person will walk away. Over time, it will
move away completely when you notice that you do not receive the attention
you seek.
2. Don't tell your gossip secrets
How bad can a person who can't keep a secret do! Toxic people have no
problem disclosing what you said. In addition, they criticize and talk badly
behind their backs.
Identifying these people is sometimes tricky because they often seem
trustworthy and kind. But there are signs that will help you:

They speak ill of others.

Always comment on the secrets entrusted to them.
 They look for people to trust them as soon as they know them.
When you comment on someone else, they will tell her/him.
The best antidote for gossip lovers is to tell them nothing. Simply live your
life without inviting them. If you have entered your social circle, keep your
distance.
3. Spend time, a lot of time, with your real friends.
Smart people know that having a strong support network is important in life.
When you have this, you don't even have to worry about toxic people. You
will simply have people who support you the moment you need it.
Smart people know that true friends are more valuable than any material
good.
4. Avoid Handlers
Smart people know that manipulators can ruin a life. People who manipulate
hurt to reach their goals.
To avoid handlers, you first need to learn to identify them. You will know
that they are manipulative because all their feelings become negative.
5. Let liars get involved in themselves
Toxic people often lie compulsively to other people and to themselves. They
need to convince themselves that they are telling the truth to feel better.
Unfortunately, for them, lies are always discovered.
Smart people don't get mad at lies, nor argue, just let the truth fall by its
weight.
This usually happens sooner or later, because maintaining a false story is
difficult, and contradictions do not take long to appear.
6. Do not engage in drama or discussion
Toxic people are experts at arguing for anything. If something doesn't go
your way, get ready for a discussion and drama that will last for hours.
They like everyone to know about their problems. They love to be the center
of attention and do not miss the opportunity.
If you are in this situation, act rationally. Try to talk to the toxic person
calmly if you cannot finish the discussion by explaining that you will not be
able to come up with a solution and ask for it later.
If the problem has no solution or the person does not want to solve it, simply
say that it is no longer your business.
 CONCLUSION

Dark Psychology claims that all humanity has a reservoir of malevolent intent
towards others, ranging from minimally obtrusive and transient thoughts to
absolute deviant psychopathic actions without any apparent reasoning. Like
everybody in society, we are vulnerable to manipulation and using other
people to fulfill our needs, either directly or indirectly, so we must know each
other; know what our strengths and weaknesses are by exploiting and
repairing them with a shared sense. The only way to manipulate social peace.
Balancing means developing: individual, personal, care, financial,
educational, spiritual, etc.
Like other cultures, we are subject to coercion and using other people to
fulfill our needs, either directly or indirectly, so we need to know each other
fully; know what our strengths and weaknesses are by manipulating them and
fixing them in a critical way. The best way to fight coercion is a personal
balance. We need to grow in balance fields: human, family, love, social,
economic, spiritual, etc.