How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People is a self-help book written by Dale Carnegie,
published in 1936. Over 30 million copies have been sold world-wide, making it one of the best-
selling books of all time. In 2011, it was number 19 on Time Magazine's list of the 100 most
influential books.[1]

In 2011, a third edition was released, How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital
Age. Written by Dale Carnegie & Associates, it applies Carnegie's prescription for relationship
and business success to the digital age.[1]

Twelve Things This Book Will Do For You

This section was included in the original 1936 edition as a single page list, which preceded the
main content of the book, showing a prospective reader what to expect from it. The 1981 edition
omits points 6 to 8, and 11.
1. Get you out of a mental rut, give you new thoughts, new visions, new ambitions.
2. Enable you to make friends quickly and easily.
3. Increase your popularity.
4. Help you to win people to your way of thinking.
5. Increase your influence, your prestige, your ability to get things done.
6. Enable you to win new clients, new customers.
7. Increase your earning power.
8. Make you a better salesman, a better executive.
9. Help you to handle complaints, avoid arguments, keep your human contacts smooth and
pleasant.
10. Make you a better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
11. Make the principles of psychology easy for you to apply in your daily contacts.
12. Help you to arouse enthusiasm among your associates.

The book has six major sections. The core principles of each section are explained and quoted
from below.[3]

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain. Human nature does not like to admit fault.
When people are criticized or humiliated, they rarely respond well and will often become
defensive and resent their critic. To handle people well, we must never criticize, condemn
or complain because it will never result in the behavior we desire.
 2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in
the world. People will rarely work at their maximum potential under criticism, but honest
appreciation brings out their best. Appreciation, though, is not simple flattery, it must be
sincere, meaningful and with love.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want. To get what we want from another person,
we must forget our own perspective and begin to see things from the point of view of
others. When we can combine our desires with their wants, they become eager to work
with us and we can mutually achieve our objectives.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people. "You can make more friends in two
months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in
you."[4] The only way to make quality, lasting friendships is to learn to be genuinely
interested in them and their interests.
2. Smile. Happiness does not depend on outside circumstances, but rather on inward
attitudes. Smiles are free to give and have an amazing ability to make others feel
wonderful. Smile in everything that you do.
3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important
sound in any language. "The average person is more interested in their own name than
in all the other names in the world put together."[5] People love their names so much that
they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after
themselves. We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering
their name.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. The easiest way to
become a good conversationalist is to become a good listener. To be a good listener, we
must actually care about what people have to say. Many times people don't want an
entertaining conversation partner; they just want someone who will listen to them.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest. The royal road to a person's heart is to talk
about the things he or she treasures most. If we talk to people about what they are
interested in, they will feel valued and value us in return.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. The golden rule is to treat
other people how we would like to be treated. We love to feel important and so does
everyone else. People will talk to us for hours if we allow them to talk about themselves.
If we can make people feel important in a sincere and appreciative way, then we will win
all the friends we could ever dream of.

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Whenever we argue with
someone, no matter if we win or lose the argument, we still lose. The other person will
either feel humiliated or strengthened and will only seek to bolster their own position. We
must try to avoid arguments whenever we can.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong." We must
never tell people flat out that they are wrong. It will only serve to offend them and insult
their pride. No one likes to be humiliated, we must not be so blunt.
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Whenever we are wrong we
should admit it immediately. When we fight we never get enough, but by yielding we
often get more than we expected. When we admit that we are wrong people trust us and
begin to sympathize with our way of thinking.
4. Begin in a friendly way. "A drop of honey can catch more flies than a gallon of gall."[6]
If we begin our interactions with others in a friendly way, people will be more receptive.
Even if we are greatly upset, we must be friendly to influence people to our way of
thinking.
5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes. Do not begin by
emphasizing the aspects in which we and the other person differ. Begin by emphasizing
and continue emphasizing the things on which we agree. People must be started in the
affirmative direction and they will often follow readily. Never tell someone they are
wrong, but rather lead them where we would like them to go with questions that they will
answer "yes" to.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. People do not like listening to us
boast, they enjoy doing the talking themselves. Let them rationalize and talk about the
idea, because it will taste much sweeter to them in their own mouth.
7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers. People inherently like ideas they come
to on their own better than those that are handed to them on a platter. Ideas can best be
carried out by allowing others to think they arrived at it themselves.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. Other people may
often be wrong, but we cannot condemn them. We must seek to understand them.
Success in dealing with people requires a sympathetic grasp of the other person's
viewpoint.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. People are hungering for
sympathy. They want us to recognize all that they desire and feel. If we can sympathize
with others, they will appreciate our side as well and will often come around to our way
of thinking.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives. Everyone likes to be glorious in their own eyes. People
believe that they do things for noble and morally upright reasons. If we can appeal to
others' noble motives we can successfully convince them to follow our ideas.
11. Dramatize your ideas. In this fast paced world, simply stating a truth isn't enough. The
truth must be made vivid, interesting, and dramatic. Television has been doing it for
years. Sometimes ideas are not enough and we must dramatize them.
12. Throw down a challenge. The thing that most motivates people is the game. Everyone
desires to excel and prove their worth. If we want someone to do something, we must
give them a challenge and they will often rise to meet it.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing
Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation. People will do things begrudgingly for
criticism and an iron-fisted leader, but they will work wonders when they are praised and
appreciated.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. No one likes to make mistakes,
especially in front of others. Scolding and blaming only serves to humiliate. If we subtly
and indirectly show people mistakes, they will appreciate us and be more likely to
improve.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. When something
goes wrong, taking responsibility can help win others to your side. People do not like to
shoulder all the blame and taking credit for mistakes helps to remove the sting from our
critiques of others.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. No one likes to take orders. If we offer
suggestions, rather than orders, it will boost others confidence and allow them to learn
quickly from their mistakes.
5. Let the other person save face. Nothing diminishes the dignity of a man quite like an
insult to his pride. If we don't condemn our employees in front of others and allow them
to save face, they will be motivated to do better in the future and confident that they can.
6. Praise every improvement. People love to receive praise and admiration. If we truly
want someone to improve at something, we must praise their every advance. "Abilities
wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement."[7]
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. If we give people a great
reputation to live up to, they will desire to embody the characteristics with which we have
described them. People will work with vigor and confidence if they believe they can be
better.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct. If a desired outcome seems
like a momentous task, people will give up and lose heart. But if a fault seems easy to
correct, they will readily jump at the opportunity to improve. If we frame objectives as
small and easy improvements, we will see dramatic increases in desire and success in our
employees.
9. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest. People will most often
respond well when they desire to do the behavior put forth. If we want to influence
people and become effective leaders, we must learn to frame our desires in terms of
others' desires.

Letters That Produced Miraculous Results

This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.
In this chapter, the shortest in the book, Carnegie analyzes two letters and describes how
to appeal to someone with the term "do me a favor" as opposed to directly asking for
 something which does not offer the same feeling of importance to the recipient of the
request.

Seven Rules For Making Your Home Life Happier

This section was included in the original 1936 edition but omitted from the revised 1981 edition.
1. Don't nag.
2. Don't try to make your partner over.
3. Don't criticize.
4. Give honest appreciation.
5. Pay little attentions.
6. Be courteous.
7. Read a good book on the sexual side of marriage.

Origins
Before How to Win Friends and Influence People was released, the genre of self-help books had
an ample heritage. Authors such as Napoleon Hill, Orison Swett Marden, and Samuel Smiles had
enormous success with their self-help books in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Dale
Carnegie began his career not as a writer, but as a teacher of public speaking. He started out
teaching night classes at a YMCA in New York and his classes became wildly popular and
highly attended. The success of the classes in New York prompted YMCAs in Philadelphia and
Baltimore to begin hosting the course as well.[8] After even greater success, Carnegie decided to
begin teaching the courses on his own at hotels in London, Paris, New York, Boston,
Philadelphia, and Baltimore. Because he could not find any satisfactory handbook already in
publication, Carnegie originally began writing small booklets to go along with his courses.[9]
After one of his 14-week courses, he was approached by publisher Leon Shimkin of the
publishing house Simon & Schuster.[10] Shimkin urged Carnegie to write a book, but he was not
initially persuaded. Shimken then hired a stenographer to type up what he heard in one of
Carnegie's long lectures and presented the transcript to Carnegie.[11] Dale Carnegie liked the
transcript so much he decided to edit and revise it into a final form.[12] He wanted it to be
extremely practical and interesting to read. To market the book, Shimkin decided to send 500
copies of the book to former graduates of the Dale Carnegie Course, with a note that pointed out
the utility of the book for refreshing students with the advice they had learned.[13] The 500 mailed
copies brought orders for over 5,000 more copies of the book and Simon & Schuster had to
increase the original print order of 1,200 quickly.[14] Shimkin also ran a full page ad in the New
York Times complete with quotes by Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller on the
importance of human relations.[15] Originally published in November 1936, the book reached the
New York Times best-seller list by the end of the year, and did not fall off for the next two years.
[13]
Simon & Schuster continued to advertise the book relying heavily on testimonials as well as
the testable approach the book offered.[15] Carnegie had created a new kind of book, one that was
not read with passive interest, but rather a manual of active participation.
Reception
How to Win Friends and Influence People became one of the most successful books in American
history. It went through 17 print editions in its first year of publishing and sold 250,000 copies in
the first three months. The book has sold over 30 million copies worldwide since and annually
sells in excess of 100,000 copies. A recent Library of Congress survey ranked Carnegie's volume
as the seventh most influential book in American history. [16]

The book met widespread popularity, but also stark criticism in many cases. Despite many of the
negative comments from his critics, Carnegie's book established a new genre. Carnegie described
his book as an "action-book" but the category he created has since become known as the self-
help genre. Almost every self-help book since has borrowed some type of style or form from
Carnegie's "path-breaking best seller."[17]

Although How to Win Friends and Influence People ascended quickly on best-seller lists, the
New York Times did not review it until February 1937. They offered a balanced critique arguing
that Carnegie indeed offered insightful advice in dealing with people, but that his wisdom was
extremely simple and should not overrule the foundation of actual knowledge.[18]

The satirical writer Sinclair Lewis waited a year to offer his scathing critique. He described
Carnegie's method as teaching people to "smile and bob and pretend to be interested in other
people's hobbies precisely so that you may screw things out of them."[19][20] However, despite the
criticism, sales continued to soar and the book was talked about and reviewed as it rapidly
became mainstream.

Scholarly critique however, was little and oscillated over time. Due to the book's lay appeal, it
was not significantly discussed in academic journals. In the early stages of the book's life, the
few scholarly reviews that were written explained the contents of the book and attempted to
describe what made the book popular.[21] As time passed however, scholarly reviews became
more critical, chiding Carnegie for being insincere and manipulative.[22]

Despite the lack of attention in academic circles, How to Win Friends and Influence People was
written for a popular audience and Carnegie successfully captured the attention of his target. The
book experienced mass consumption and appeared in many popular periodicals, including
garnering 10 pages in the January 1937 edition of Reader's Digest.[23]

The book continued to remain at the top of best-seller lists and was even noted in the New York
Times to have been extremely successful in Nazi Germany, much to the writer's bewilderment.
He wrote that Carnegie would rate "butter higher than guns as a means of winning friends"
something "diametrically opposite to the official German view."[24]

How to Win Friends and Influence People continues to have success even into the 21st century.
The book ranks as the 11th highest selling non-fiction book on Amazon of all time and shows no
signs of slowing down.[25]
In popular culture
 Warren Buffett took the Dale Carnegie course "How to Win Friends and Influence
People" when he was 20 years old, and to this day has the diploma in his office.[26]
 Charles Manson used what he learned from the book in prison to manipulate women into
killing on his behalf.[27]
 The title of Lenny Bruce's autobiography, How to Talk Dirty and Influence People is a
parody of the title of this book.
 English rock band Terrorvision titled their second album How to Make Friends and
Influence People in reference to the book.
 In August 2015, the book was featured on Showtime's Masters of Sex, with portions
recited in a voiceover as a main character studies the text.
 The title of Toby Young's memoir How to Lose Friends & Alienate People is a parody of
the title of this book. The memoir was also adapted into a 2008 film of the same name
starring Simon Pegg.
 An episode from season 7 of Cheers is called "How to Win Friends and Electrocute
People" as a play on the title of the book.
 Season 7 episode 9 of Supernatural is titled "How to Win Friends and Influence
Monsters", in reference to the title of the book.
 Season 2 episode 3 of Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is titled "Making Friends and
Influencing People", in reference to this book. It aired October 7th, 2014.
 The book is referenced in the 2016 film Imperium, in which an undercover FBI agent
uses principles from the book to infiltrate an extremist group.
 In the November 2, 2017 episode of Young Sheldon, "Rockets, Communists, and the
Dewey Decimal System", Sheldon reads the book and attempts to apply its advice.
 The book is said to have greatly influenced the life of television and film actress Donna
Reed. It was given to her by her high school chemistry teacher Edward Tompkins to read
as a sophomore at Denison (Iowa) High School in 1936. Upon reading it she won the lead
in the school play, was voted Campus Queen and was in the top 10 of the 1938
graduating class.[28]