Light

Action Sound Action Secenery Flys Video Action

Cue
 Cabaret was first presented by Harold Prince, in association with Ruth
Mitchell, at the Broadhurst Theatre, New York, on November 20, 1966. The
cast
was as follows:

Master of Ceremonies (Emcee), Joel Grey

Clifford Bradshaw, Bert Convy
Ernst Ludwig, Edward Winter
Customs Officer, Howard Kohl
Fraulein Schneider, Lotte Lenya
Fraulein Kost, Peg Murray
Herr Schultz, Jack Gilford
Girl, Tresha Kelly
Sally Bowles, Jill Haworth
Girl Orchestra, Maryann Burns,Janice Mink, Nancy Powers,Viola Smith
Two Ladies, Mary Ehara, RitaO'Connor
Maitre D', Frank Bouley
Max, John Herbert
Bartender, Ray Baron

German Sailors, Bruce Becker, Steven Boockvor, Roger Briant, Edward Nolfi
Frau Wendel, Mara Landi
Herr Wendel, Eugene Morgan
Frau Kruger, Miriam Lehmann-Haupt
Herr Erdmann, SoZ Frieder
Kit Kat Girls: Maria, Pat Gosling
Lulu, Lynn Win
Rosie, Bonnie Walker
Fritzie, Marianne Selbert
Texas, Kathie Dalton
Frenchie, Barbara Alston
Bobby, Jere Admire
Victor, Bert Michaels
Greta, Jayme Mylroie
Felix, Robert Sharp

Directed by Harold Prince

Dances and Cabaret Numbers by Ronald Field
 Scenery by Boris Aronson
Costumes by Patricia Zipprodt
Lighting by Jean Rosenthal
Musical Direction by Harold Hastings
Orchestrations by Don Walker
Dance Arrangements by David Baker

Scene: Berlin, Germany

Time: 1929-1930. Before the start of the Third Reich

Note: There is no curtain. As the audience enters the theatre, the stage is

bare and dark. Street lamps on both sides of the stage recede dimly into the
distance. A large mirror hanging center stage reflects the auditorium, thus
allowing the audience to see itself. A spiral staircase is on the left side
of the proscenium arch.

ACT ONE

SCENE 1
In the darkness, a large sign is illuminated-letter by letter. It reads:

Cabaret. Then it disappears. There is a roll of the drums. Then the MASTER

OF CEREMONIES (EMCEE) enters in a spotlight upstage. He is a bizarre little

figure-much lipstick, much rouge, patent-leather hair parted in the middle.
He walks toward the footlights and greets the audience.

EMCEE: (Singing)
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Fremde, etranger, stranger
Glucklich zu sehen
Je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret!
Meine Damen und Herren-Mesdames et Messieurs-Ladies and Gentlemen!
Guten
 abend-bon soir-good evening! Wie geht's? Comment ca va? Do you feel
good?
Ich bin euer confrencier-je suis votre compere-I am your host!
(He sings again)
Und sage-
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaretl
Leave your troubles outside! So-life is disappointing? Forget it! In here
life is beautiful-the girls are beautiful-even the orchestra is beautiful!
(A GIRL ORCHESTRA appears on stage and plays a chorus of "Willkommen"')
And
now-presenting the Cabaret Girls! (The GIRLS enter. The mirror tilts

upward-reflecting the stage rather than the auditorium") Each and every one

a virgin. You don't believe me? Well, don't take my word for it. Go ahead. Ask
her! Out side it is winter. But here it is so hot-every night we have the
battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don't go away.
Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!

GIRLS: (Singing)
Wir sagen-
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
1m Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaretl
EMCEE: And now to serve you- (WAITERS, BUSBOYS, ENTERTAINERS
appear)

ALL: (Singing)
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Fremde, etranger, stranger
Glucklich zu sehen
Je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stay
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Im Cabaret, au Cabaret, to Cabaret

Blackout

SCENE 2
(A compartment of a European railway train. It appears to be in motion.

CLIFFORD BRADSHAW is alone in the compartment-asleep. He is in his late

 twenties, pleasant looking, intelligent, reserved. His suitcase and portable
typewriter are on the rack above his head. ERNST LUDWIG enters. He is
German,
about thirty, friendly and likable. He conies a suitcase, a brown leather
briefcase and a magazine. He seems rather nervous.)

ERNST: Occupied? (CLIFF opens his eyes and shakes his head) It is
permitted?
CLIFF: Please.

(ERNST places his suitcase on the rack over the seat opposite CLIFF. He puts
his briefcase on the floor beside his legs as he sits down)
ERNST: English?
CLIFF: American.
ERNST: German. Berlin. Ernst Ludwig. (They shake hands)

CLIFF: Clifford Bradshaw. Pennsylvania. Are we slowing down for the German
border?
ERNST: Ja.
CLIFF: You've taken this trip before?
ERNST: Many many times. (ERNST shows increasing signs of nervousness)
You are
a tourist?
CLIFF: No. Not exactly. I'm a writer and I give English lessons. (The train
stops. ERNST gets up and surveys the corridor) Would you care for a
cigarette?
(There is no answer) Herr Ludwig?
ERNST: (Absently) Ja?
CLIFF: A cigarette?
ERNST: No. Thank you.

(ERNST suddenly sits down and pretends to be absorbed in a magazine. Two

German CUSTOMS OFFICERS enter the compartment)
OFFICER: Deutsche Grenzkontrolle. Ihre passe, bitte.
CLIFF: I beg your pardon?
OFFICER: Your passport, if you please. (CLIFF hands his passport to the
OFFICER) Welcome to Germany, Mr. Bradshaw. (The OFFICER indicates
CLIFFS
bags) Yours? (CLIFF nods. The OFFICER puts a Customs mark on his hags
without
even taking them off the rack. Then he turns to ERNST, who is deep in his
magazine) Ihren pass, bitte. (ERNST hands over his passport) Sie waren
geschaftlich in Paris?
ERNST: Nein. Auf einer urlaubreise.
OFFICER: Off en sie ihre tasche. (ERNST takes down his suitcase and opens
it.
The OFFICER goes through it. While the OFFICER'S back is turned ERNST
takes
his briefcase off the floor and puts it on the rack over CLIFF'S head. CLIFF
is surprised, but says nothing. The OFFICER marks ERNST'S bag) Haben sie
nur
diese eine tasche?
ERNST: Ja. Das ist alles.

OFFICER: (To CLIFF) I wish you will enjoy your stay in Germany. And a most

Happy New Year. (The OFFICER exits. ERNST, very relieved, retrieves the
briefcase)
CLIFF: What's in the bag?
ERNST: (Too casual) What? Baubles from Paris: perfume... silk stockings...
But
more than is permitted. You understand?
CLIFF: (Nods) I guess I've done a little smuggling myself.
ERNST: (With new vigor) You are most understanding. I thank you very much.
And
I would like to see to it that Berlin will open its arms to you! We begin
tonight-New Year's Eve-the Kit Kat Klub! The hottest spot in Berlin.
Telephones
on every table. Girls call you. You call them. Instant connections.
CLIFF: (.Shaking his head) Thanks-but I've still got to find a room.

ERNST: You have no room! But this is no problem! (He takes out a card and
writes on it) I know the finest residence in all Berlin. Just tell Fraulein
Schneider that Ernst Ludwig has recommended you.
CLIFF: I can't afford the finest residence in Berlin. I need something
inexpensive.

ERNST: But this is inexpensive! Very inexpensive! She has this kind of room
and that kind of room. Absolute satisfaction!
CLIFF: I don't care if it's awful as long as it's cheap.
ERNST: But this is awful. You will love it!
(The train starts again. ERNST hands CLIFF the card. CLIFF reads it)
CLIFF: Fraulein Schneider...
ERNST: You see! You see! You have a new friend-Ernst Ludwig! You have a
fine
place to live! And you have perhaps even your first English pupil! (He
indicates himself. CLIFF is quite surprised) Ja! So welcome to Berlin, my

friend. Welcome to Berlin (They shake hands. The train moves upstage and
 disappears as the EMCEE crosses downstage)

EMCEE: (Singing)
Welcome to Berlin!
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome
Fremde, etranger, stranger
Glucklich zu sehen
Je suis enchante
Happy to see you
Bleibe, reste, stayl

SCENE 3
(A room in FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S flat. The furnishings are ugly and
ponderous:

a bed, a table with two chairs, an armoire, and, behind a curtain, a washstand.
As the lights come up, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER enters. She is about sixty: full
of
vitality, interested in everything, probably indestructible. She wears a

flowered dressing gown and carpet slippers. CLIFF follows her, carrying his
bags.)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: You see! All comforts! And with breakfast only one
hundred
marks!
CLIFF: It's very nice, Fraulein Schneider. In fact-too nice. You don't have
something cheaper?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But for a friend of Hen Ludwig...
CLIFF: I've very little money.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But you will give English lessons. Many pupils will
come.
And they will pay you. And then you will pay me. No?

CLIFF: (Shaking his head) Fifty marks. That's my absolute limit. (FRAULEIN

SCHNEIDER shrugs her shoulders) If you've any thing else... I don't care how
small, how far from the bathroom...
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But for a professor-ibis is mere suitable.

CLIFF: I am not a professor. Think of me as a starving author. What do you

have for a starving author?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: An author! A poet! You have the look!
CLIFF: A novelist.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: And you will be most famous. There is no doubt.
You will
 have this room. Here is for your clothing. Look-there is even a table for
writing. Come... sitz. (She pulls out the chair at the writing table and

invites CLIFF to try it. He does) Good? (CLIFF nods) You need a cushion...
(She stuffs a cushion in behind him) Besser? (Then she stands back and
admires
the scene) A novelist! It is like-years ago-when in all my rooms-persons of
real quality...
CLIFF: But I can still only pay fifty marks.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: This room is worth one hundred. More than one
hundred.
(She looks at CLIFF hopefully. He shakes his head) Fifty? (CLIFF nods.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER suddenly surrenders') Sitz! (She sings)

You say fifty marks,
I say one hundred marks;
A difference of fifty marks,
Why should that stand in our way?
As long as the room's to let,
The fifty that I will get
Is fifty more than 1 had yesterday, ja?
When you're as old as I-
Is anyone as old as I?
What difference does it make?
An offer comes, you take.
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares? So what?
So who cares? So what?
When I was a girl my summers were spent bу the sea, so what?
And I had a maid doing all of the housework, not me, so what?
Now I scrub up the floors and I wash down the walls,
And I empty the chamber pot.

If it ended that way then it ended that way, and I shrug and I say, so what?
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares, so what?
So who cares, so what?
When I had a man, my figure was boyish and flat, so what?
 Through all of our years he was so disappointed in that, so what?
Now I have what he missed and my bosom is full,
But he lies in a churchyard plot.
If it wasn't to be that he ever would see the abundance of me,
So what?
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares, so what?
So who cares, so what?
So once I was rich, and now all my fortune is gone, so what?
And love disappeared and only the memory lives on, so what?
If I've lived through all that, and I've lived through all that,
Fifty marks doesn't mean a lot.
If I like that you're here, and I like that you're here,
Happy New Year, my dear, so what?
For the sun will rise and the moon will set,
And you learn how to settle for what you get.
It'll all go on if we're here or not,
So who cares... so what?
So who cares... so what?
It all goes on,
So who cares? Who cares? Who cares? So what?

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER starts checking the room. She takes out a blanket)
An
additional blanket. The telephone is in the hall. I will bring towels.
(There is a knock on the door) Come in!
(FRAULEIN KOST enters. She is thirtyish, a large and happy woman who
works
duigently at her profession)
FRAULEIN KOST: Fraulein Schneider! There you are! There is no hot water in
the
bathroom! The second time this week!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (To CLIFF) If you will excuse me, Herr Bradshaw.
FRAULEIN KOST: (She notes CLIFF and starts giving him the eye) So you
have
finally rented this room.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Here is Herr Clifford Bradshaw-the world-famous
American
novelist.
 (FRAULEIN KOST starts toward CLIFF. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER steps
between them)
CLIFF: How do you do?

FRAULEIN KOST: (Flirtatiously) I am Fraulein Kost. Across the hall... Please

feel free at any time...
(A GERMAN SAILOR runs in)
SAILOR: Schatri-where are you...?
(FRAULEIN KOST is a little embarrassed to have CLIFF see the SAILOR)

FRAULEIN KOST: (Making it up quickly) My nephew! He is visiting me. From

Hamburg.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (To FRAULEIN KOST) Come! We talk outside. We
are
disturbing Herr Bradshaw. And bring your nephew with you-from Hamburg!
(When
they are gone, she turns hack to CLIFF) My apologies, Herr Bradshaw. I
guarantee she will not bother you again.
CLIFF: Bother me?
(There is a knock at the door)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: What is it now?
(HERR SCHULTZ enters. He is in his fifties, very warm and cheerful. He
dresses

neatly, but it would appear that he needs a woman to tell him what tie goes
with what. He is carrying a bottle of schnapps)
SCHULTZ: Fraulein Schneider

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Ah, Herr Schultz! Is it eleven o'clock? I have been

showing Herr Bradshaw his room. Herr Bradshaw-Herr Schultz, who also lives
here.
CLIFF: Pleased to meet you.
SCHULTZ: Honored!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Herr Bradshaw is from America.
SCHULTZ: America! I have a cousin in Buffalo.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: And Herr Schultz is proprietor of the finest fruit
market
on the Nollendorfplatz.
SCHULTZ: Seville oranges. Delicious.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I will dress now. (To CLIFF) Herr Schultz has been
kind
enough to invite me to join him in a glass of schnapps for the New Year.
SCHULTZ: And a little fruit.
 FRAULIN SCHNEIDER: And-after all-why not? Otherwise I am in bed with a
hot-water bottle.
SCHULTZ: Perhaps Here Bradshaw...
CLIFF: No. But thanks for asking.
SCHULTZ: Another time (SCHULTZ shakes hands with CLIFF) I want to wish
you
mazel in the New Year.
CLIFF: Mazel?
SCHULTZ: Jewish. It means luck!
CLIFF: Thank you. The same to you.
SCHULTZ: I come to you, Fraulein-in ten minutes-with the schnapps!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: And the fruit! (HERR SCHULTZ exits. FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER

turns to CLIFF) And now-please-anything you require-knock on my door. Day,

night Also - welcome to Berlin! (She exits)

CLIFF: Welcome to Berlin-famous novelist (He puts his typewriter on the table)
Open the Remington...
(A beautiful GIRL appears, sitting at a cafe table. She is singing into a
telephone. She does not look at CLIFF)
GIRL: Hello? Hello?
(CLIFF is unaware of the GIRL. He looks gloomily at the typewriter)
CLIFF: That's what you came here for.

GIRL: (Singing)
Sitting all alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye.
Would you like to buy a girl a drink?
(CLIFF opens the typewriter half-heartedly)

CLIFF:
Welcome to Berlin-famous novelist...

GIRL: (Singing)
]a? You would? Come on overl
(CLIFF closes the typewriter, takes his coat, and exits out the door)

SCENE 4

The GIRL is sitting in the middle of the Kit Kat Klub, an establishment in
which all the tables have telephones on them so that guests
can call each other. At the moment, the Klub is packed. It is New Year's Eve,
1930

CLIFF enters the Klub and is seated at a table. The EMCEE appears; there is
fanfare from the GIRL ORCHESTRA.
EMCEE: Meine Damen und Herren-Mesdames et Messieurs-Ladies and
Gendemen - And

now the Kit Kat Klub is proud to present a beautiful young lady from England.

She is so beautiful, so talented, so charming that I have asked her to marry

me. And now there is only one thing standing in our way: my wife! (He

pantomimes cutting his throat. A few members of the audience laugh) I give
you: the toast of Mayfair-Fraulein Sally Bowles! (SALLY BOWLES enters. She
is
in her early twenties, rather pretty, rather sophisticated, rather childlike,
exasperating and irresistible)

SALLY: (Singing)
Mama thinks I'm living in a convent,
A secluded little convent
In the southern part of France.
Mama doesn't even have an inkling
That I'm working in a nightclub
In a pair of lacy pants.
So please, sir, if you run into my mama,
Don't reveal my indiscretion -
Give a working girl a chance.
Hush up, don't tell Mama,
Shush up, don't tell Mama,
Don't tell Mama whatever you do.
If you had a secret,
You bet 1 could keep it.
I would never tell on you.
I'm breaking every promise that I gave her,
So won't you kindly do a girl a great big favor?
And please, my sweet patater,
Keep this from the mater,
Though my dance is not against the lam.
You can tett my papa, that's all right,
'Cause he comes in here every night,
 But don't tell Mama what you sawl

(The CABARET GIRLS appear)

GIRLS: (Singing)
Mama thinks I'm on a tour of Europe
With a couple of my school-chums
And a lady chaperone.
Mama doesn't even have an inkling
That I left them all in Antwerp
And I'm touring on my own.
So please, sir, if you run into my mama,
Don't revel my indiscretion-
Just leave well enough alone.

GIRLS:
Hush up-

SALLY:
Don't tell Mama.

GIRLS:
Shush up-

SALLY:
Don't tell Mama

SALLY and GIRLS:

Don't tell Mama whatever you do.

SALLY:
If you had a secret, You bet I could keep it.

GIRLS:
We would never tell on you.

SALLY:
You wouldn't want to get me in a pickle,
And have her go and cut me off without a nickel,

SALLY and GIRLS:

 So let's trust one another.
Keep this from my mother,
Though I'm still as pure as mountain snow.

SALLY:
You can tell my uncle, here and now,
'Cause he's my agent anyhow.

GIRLS:
But don't tell Mama what you know,

SALLY:
You can tell my grandma, suits me fine,
Just yesterday she joined the line.

GIRLS:
But don't tell Mama what you know.

SALLY:
You can tell my brother, that ain't grim,
'Cause if he squeals on me, I'll squeal on him.

SALLY and GIRLS:

But don't tell Mama, bitte,
Don't tell Mama, please, sir,
Don't tell Mama what you know!

SALLY: If you see my mummy, mum's the word

(During this number SALLY has gradually become aware of CLIFF. She has
sung to
him, almost as if he were the only one in the audience. At the end of the
number SALLY and the GIRLS dance off. SALLY reappears soon afterward.
CLIFF

watches her intently as she goes to a "Reserved" table for two. She sits there
alone for a moment. Then she picks up the phone)
SALLY: Table number three.
(The phone on CLIFF'S table lights up)
CLIFF: (Into the phone) Hello?
SALLY: (Into the phone) You're English!
CLIFF: I wish I were.
 SALLY: American?
CLIFF: I'm sorry.

SALLY: But you speak English! You speak it beautifully! Will you just-keep
talking-please? You can't imagine how starved I've been!
CLIFF: Okay. Let me think. (He recites)
The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits: -on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs on England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night air!
SALLY: Yes-yes-don't stop-please!
CLIFF:
I'm afraid that's all I know. My name is Cliff Bradshaw. I come from
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. You know where that is?
SALLY: Such a beautiful language.

CLIFF: Well, it's ninety miles west of Philadelphia. May I come to your table?
SALLY: It's like music! (Pause) Why did you stop?
CLIFF: I asked you a question. I'd like to join you at your table.
SALLY: Oh. I see. Well - I'm not absolutely sure that's possible - at this

time. (A man, rather middle - aged and quite Germanic - looking, walks up to

SALLY'S table and sits down next to her. He looks rather irritated with her)
As a matter of fact, I rather doubt it. (The man snatches the phone out of
SALLY'S hand and hangs it up. There is fanfare from the orchestra. The
EMCEE
appears, dressed as Father Time)
EMCEE: Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, Ladies and
Gentlemen. It

is almost midnight! Husbands, you have only ten seconds in which to lose your
wives! Five-four-three-two-Happy New Year!

(Then the stage goes black. In the darkness, there is enormous jubilation. The
EMCEE changes into Infant New Year, 1930. Then a match is lit in the
darkness.
It is SALLY lighting a cigarette in a long, long cigarette holder. She is
sitting at CLIFF'S table)
SALLY: Would you recite that again-about the coast of England?
CLIFF:
The sea is calm tonight, The tide is full-
 (He has a better idea. He kisses her) Happy New Year.
SALLY: I'm Sally Bowles. Are you new in Berlin?
CLIFF: Yes, I've only been here three hours.
(The man who was sitting with SALLY has risen and is heading toward
CLIFF'S

table. As he approaches, CLIFF sees him and starts to get up politely. SALLY

puts her hand on CLIFF'S arm, indicating that he should keep seated. SALLY
glances briefly at the man - as if challenging him. The man hesitates for a
moment. Then he goes away. SALLY turns back to CLIFF)
SALLY: Three hours! And how long are you planning to stay?
CLIFF: (Shrugs his shoulders) I'm working on a novel. I'll stay till it's
finished.
SALLY: (Impressed) You're a writer! Would I know your books?
CLIFF: It's highly unlikely. Anyway, it's book-singular.
SALLY: Was it a huge success?
CLIFF: They said it showed promise.
SALLY: Promise?

CLIFF: (He puts his arm around her) Let's talk about Sally Bowles. What part
of England are you from? (No answer) London? (No answer) Stratford-on-
Avon?
(No answer) Stonehenge?
SALLY: Oh, Cliff, you mustn't ever ask me questions. If I want to tell you
anything, I will. Why did you come to Berlin to do your novel?
CLIFF: I'd already tried London, Rome, Venice...
SALLY: Just looting for a place to write?
CLIFF: Something to write about

SALLY: Where are you staying? (CLIFF shows her the card ERNST gave him)
CLIFF: And you, where do you live? A hotel?
SALLY: No. Not really. It's more of a flat-actually.
CLIFF: You live alone? (SALLY shakes her head) You think your roommate
would
mind if I came up for just a few minutes?
SALLY: I'm afraid so. You see, Max is most terribly jealous.
CLIFF: Max? (SALLY nods again) Your husband?
SALLY: Oh, no! He's just the man I'm living with (CLIFF looks a little surprised)
-
this week. (She studies his face) I say - am I shocking you - talking like
this?
CLIFF: (Mocking) I say, are you trying to shock me?
 SALLY: Trying to...? (But she likes him for having seen through her) You're

quite right, you know. (She kisses him; the EMCEE appears and signals to her.

She rises) Good luck with your writing! (And she is gone. CLIFF'S phone lights
up)
CLIFF:
Hello?

GIRL ON PHONE: (Singing)

Hello.
Sitting alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye.
Would you like to buy a girl a drink?

CLIFF:
Sorry.

GIRL ON PHONE:
Ach! Godbye.

(CLIFF exits)

FIRST BOY: (Into phone)

Hello

FIRST GIRL: (Into phone)

Hello-table four is calling number nine
How are you, mister?

FIRST BOY:
Danke-fine

FIRST GIRL:
Sitting all alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye,
Would you like to give a girl a dance?

FIRST BOY:
Yah-why not?
 BOTH:
Goodbye!

(They dance)

SECOND BOY: (Into phone)

Hello

SECOND GIRL: (Into phone)

Hello

THIRD BOY: (Into phone)

Hello

THIRD GIRL: (Into phone)

Hello

SECOND and THIRD GIRL:

Table seven calling number three.
How are you, handsome?

SECOND and THIRD BOY:

You mean me?

SECOND and THIRD GIRL:

We can see you-can you see us?
Would you like to have a dance
The minute that the music's hot?
Maybe we can talk it over, Ja?

THIRD BOY:
Ja!

SECOND BOY:
Of course!

SECOND and THIRD BOY:

Why notl

(Both couples dance)

 FOURTH and FIFTH BOY: (Into phone)
Alone-alone
You shouldn't sit alone like that
Alone-alone
Not on a night like this.

ALL:
Alone-alone
You shouldn't sit alone like that
Alone-alone
Not on a night like this.

(They dance, and from different parts of the stage - right, center,
left-the dancers alternately say "Hello")

ALL:
Sitting all alone like that,
You happened to catch my eye.

GIRLS:
Would you like to buy a girl a drink?

BOYS:
Would you like to buy a man a drink?

ALL:
Would you like to buy а boy a drink?

(They dance, and from different parts of the stage-right, center-left - the
dancers alternately, say, "You will, "Why not?" "Goodbye"')

ALL: Ja!

(Blackout)

SCENE 5

CLIFFS room. ERNST is referring to a dictionary. CLIFF - watches him.

ERNST: You know what is the trouble with English? It is not like German. It is
not an exact language. Or one must memorize fifty thousand words or one
cannot
 speak it correctly.
CLIFF: Either one must memorize - or one cannot speak...
ERNST: Aha! Either-or-(ERNST happily makes a notation in his notebook,
then
closes it and stands up) The time is now finished.
CLIFF: I'm in no hurry.
ERNST: But the lesson is one hour. No? Another pupil is waiting.
CLIFF: What other pupil?

ERNST: No other pupil? (CLIFF shakes his head) Then I make a suggestion! I
will telephone my lady friend. She will bring a friend for you. Elsa! A
genuine flapper.
CLIFF: Not tonight, Ernst.

ERNST: But you have not seen this Elsa! Hot stuff, believe me! In one minute,
I guarantee, you are making a pass after her.
CLIFF: A pass at her.
ERNST: Aha!! A pass other!
CLIFF: The trouble is, I've got a date tonight. (He indicates his typewriter)
ERNST: A typewriter? But what can one do with a typewriter?
CLIFF: Not very much-lately.
ERNST: Then come with me! We make a large whoopee!

CLIFF: (Shakes his head) For one thing, I've got a budget. And it only allows
for a very small whoopee. Unfortunately.
ERNST: Then you are my guest!
CLIFF: Thanks, but... (He shakes his head negatively)

ERNST: It is difficult, you know-adjusting to the idea of a poor American. But

I tell you a secret. There is no need for this-poverty. Ja! If you are willing,
I show you a most excellent way to supplement your income.
CLIFF: Doing what?

ERNST: Oh-by taking very brief trips-to Paris! Perhaps a few days each time.
Nothing more. But it will pay you well, extremely well. (There is a knock at
the door)
CLIFF: Come in.
(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER enters. She wears her flowered dressing gown. She
is quite
excited)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Herr Bradshaw, there is a young lady to see you! A
young
lady in a fur coat!
CLIFF: A young lady?
 FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Fraulein Bowles...?
CLIFF: Bowles? (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER nods) Ask her to come in.
(FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER exits)
ERNST: You are old friends - you and Fraulein Bowles? From London,
perhaps...?
CLIFF: From the Kit Kat Klub. Last night.
ERNST: Last night! You are some snappy operator!

(SALLY enters wearing a fur coat, smoking a cigarette in a cigarette holder.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER follows her)
SALLY: Cliff!! (She kisses CLIFF) Ernst, darling! (She kisses ERNST. To
CLIFF) Will you be a dear and get my bag? (She surveys the room
approvingly)

It's lovely, Fraulein Schneider! All these wonderful old pieces! (CLIFF enters
with her bag. To CLIFF) Just put it anywhere. I'll unpack later.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Unpack? But Herr Bradshaw did not mention...
SALLY: I'll just be here temporarily.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But I am sorry. This is not possible.
SALLY: (To CLIFF) How much are you paying?
CLIFF: Fifty marks.
SALLY: (To FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Sixty marks?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Shaking her head) It is not the money-
SALLY: Seventy?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I cannot permit-
SALLY: Eighty? (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER mutts this over for a moment. She is
very,
very tempted)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But this room is worth one hundred marks. More
than one
hundred.
SALLY: Eighty,
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Eighty-five! (They shake hands) And now - please
make
yourself cosy-Frau Bradshaw. (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER exits. ERNST looks at
his
watch)

ERNST: (To CLIFF) Such a to-do! I will see you Friday for the neat lesson. But

I tell you something: I think I am taking from you the wrong kind of lessons.
(ERNST exits. SALLY, still in her fur coat, collapses onto the bed)
CLIFF: Sally, now what's this all about?
SALLY: Did you guess I was terrified?
 CLIFF: Were you?

SALLY: What if you'd - thrown me out? Can you imagine how that would feel -
being thrown out twice in one day?
CLIFF: You mean-Max...?

SALLY: Dear Max. And you know whose fault it was? (She points at CLIFF) If

you hadn't come to the Kit Kat Klub - and been so dreadfully attractive - and

recited poetry - (She suddenly sits up) You know what I'd love? A spot of gin.
CLIFF: Gin?
SALLY: You've got some? I mean - I think one must.
CLIFF: No, I don't have any ...
SALLY: Oh, well, Prairie Oysters, then.
CLIFF: Prairie Oysters?

SALLY: I practically live on them. It's just a raw egg whooshed around in some
Worcestershire sauce. It's heaven for a hangover.
CLIFF: I haven't got a hangover. (SALLY takes eggs, salt, pepper and
Worcestershire sauce out of her coat pocket. CLIFF watches her) That's quite
a
coat.
SALLY: It should be. It cost me all I had. Little did I dream how soon I'd be
unemployed.
CLIFF: What about your job at the Klub?
SALLY: Well, that's rather complicated. You see, one of the owners of the
Klub.
CLIFF: Dear Max?
SALLY: You're divinely intuitive! I do hope I'm not going to fall madly in
love with you. Are you in the theatre in any way? (CLIFF shakes his head)
Then

you're safe - more or less. Though I do believe a woman can't be a truly great
actress till she's had several passionate affairs - and had her heart broken
(Manufacturing the Prairie Oysters, SALLY breaks the eggs on this line) I
should have let Ernst pay my cab fare. He's got all that money from Paris.
CLIFF: From Paris?
SALLY: He smuggles it in for some political party.
CLIFF: Ernst is in politics?
SALLY: You didn't know? He goes to Paris about once a month and brings
back
pots of money.
CLIFF: He has to smuggle it in?
 SALLY: It's terribly dangerous. But Ernst is so resourceful. He's discovered

the Customs people almost never open the bags of non - Germans. So, just

before the border, he finds some innocent-looking Englishman-or American...

(She completes the Prairie Oysters)
CLIFF: It's hard to imagine an American that gullible.
(SALLY hands him his drink. She toasts)
SALLY. Hals and beinbruch. It means neck and leg break. It's supposed to
stop
it happening. Though I doubt it does.
CLIFF: (Toasting) Look - it's about time we -
SALLY: Drink!
(SALLY drinks her Prairie Oyster. Then CLIFF sips his)
CLIFF: It's amazing! You know what this tastes like? Peppernrint!
SALLY: Oh-well, it's your toothbrush glass. I should have rinsed it.
(SALLY wanders over to the - writing table. She - picks up a book)
This is your novel! (She opens it) It's in German! (She looks at the cover')
Mein Kampf?
CLIFF: It's not my novel. I thought I should know something about German
politics.
SALLY: Why? You're an Americanl You know, I've never known a novelist. Will
I
be allowed to watch you work? I promise to be incredibly quiet...
CLIFF: I don't think I can write with someone else - on the premises.

SALLY: But I'm hardly noticeable - really. (Imploring) I'll go out when you're
writing - take long invigorating walks!

CLIFF: In the middle of the night? And there's another thing: I'm not a prude.
At least, I don't think I'm a prude. No-no-I've got work to do. I could never
explain this arrangement. It's too peculiar.
SALLY: Peculiar? No, not in the least!
(Spoken, but the music is playing)
1 think people are people. I really do, Cliff, don't you?
I don't think they should be made to apologize for anything they do.
For example, if I paint my fingernails green-

And it happens I do paint them green-Well, i? someone should ask me why,

I think it's pretty.
I think it's pretty, that's what I reply.
So, if anyone should ask about you and me one day,
You have two alternatives:
 You can either say: "Yes, it's true we're living in
delicious sin,"
Or you can simply tell them the truth, and say ...
(SALLY sings)
I met this perfectly marvelous girl
In this perfectly wonderful place
As 1 lifted a glass to the start of a marvelous year.
Before you knew it she called on the phone, inviting.
Next moment I was no longer alone,
But sat reciting some perfectly beautiful verse
In my charming American style.
How I dazzled her senses was truly no less than a crime.
Now I've this perfectly marvelous girl
In my perfectly beautiful room,
And we're living together and having a marvelous time.

CLIFF: Sally, I'm afraid it wouldn't work. You're much too distracting.
SALLY: Distracting? No, inspiring! (She sings)
She tells me perfectly marvelous tales
Of her thrillingly scandalous life
Which I'll probably use as a chapter or two in my book.
And since my stay in Berlin was to force
Creation,
What luck to fall on a fabulous source
Of stimulation.
And perfectly marvelous too
Is her perfect agreement to Ъе
Just as still as a mouse when I'm giving my novel a whirl.
Yes, I've a highly agreeable life
In my perfectly beautiful room,
With my nearly invisible,
Perfectly marvelous girl.
(There is a noise at the door) Oh, it's the taxi man! (The door bursts open,

and there is the taxi man with a mountain of luggage) Hello, taxi man. Just
put them anywhere. I'll unpack later. (CLIFF, a little dazed, points to all
the baggage) Things do accumulate. I'll throw most of it away-tomorrow! I

promise! (CLIFF helps the taxi man bring in the bags. SALLY starts counting
the pieces) One-two-three-four-five-(She gives up) There's really not much

point in counting. I never remember how many there're supposed to be. (To
CLIFF) Can you let me have three marks? That includes the tip. (CLIFF hands
her a bill) Thank you. (SALLY hands the bill to the taxi man, who tips his
cap and exits. There is a pause) So quite seriously, Cliff - please may I
stay?
CLIFF: Sally, I can't afford-
SALLY: Only for a day or two-please?

CLIFF (Singing)
I met this truly remarkable girl
In this really incredible town,
And she's skillfully managed to talk her way into my room.

SALLY: Oh, Cliff!

CLIFF:
I have a terrible feeling I've said a dumb thing;
Besides, I've only got one narrow bed.

SALLY:
We'll think of something.

CLIFF:
And now this wild, unpredictable girl

SALLY:
And this perfectly beautiful man

BOTH:
Will be living together and having a marvelous time
(They are in each other's arms as the lights fade)

SCENE 6

The EMCEE appears, followed by two sexy LADIES.

EMCEE: Everybody in Berlin has a perfectly marvelous roommate. Some

people
have two people!

FIRST LADY: (Singing)

Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

SECOND LADY:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee
Deedle-dee-deedle-dee-deel

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
Two ladies

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
Two ladies

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
And I'm the only man, Ja!

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
I like it.

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
They like it.

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
 EMCEE:
This two for one.
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES:
Two ladies

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES:
Two Ladies

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES:
And he's the only man!

EMCEE:
Ja!

ALL:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

FIRST LADY:
He likes it.

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

SECOND LADY:
We like it.

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

LADIES:
This two for one.
 FIRST LADY:
I do the cooking.

SECOND LADY:
And I make the bed.

EMCEE:
I go out daily to earn our daily bread.
But we've one thing in common-

FIRST LADY: He!

EMCEE:
She

SECOND LADY:
And mel

FIRST LADY:
The key!

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee

SECOND LADY:
The key!

EMCEE:
Beedle-dee
The key!

LADIES:
Beedle-deedle-deedle-dee
(They dance)

EMCEE:
He switch -partners daily
To flay as we please.

LADIES:
Twosie beats onesie,
 EMCEE:
But nothing beats threes.
I sleep in the middle.

FIRST LADY:
I'm left.

SECOND LADY:
And I'm right.

EMCEE:
But there's room on the bottom if you drop in some night.

LADIES:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
Two ladies
Beedle-dee-deeble-dee-dee

LADIES:
Two ladies
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
And he's the only man, Jal

ALL:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
I like it.

ALL:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

EMCEE:
We like it.

ALL:
Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee
This two for one
 Beedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-deedle-dee-dee

(They exit)

Blackout

SCENE 7

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S living roam. It is dominated by a

large sofa which nestles between two hideous end tables. An old
Gramophone lurks in the background.
Doors lead from the living room to the rooms of FRAULEIN KOST and HERR
SCHULTZ
also to the bedroom of FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER. A large double door leads
outside.

A hallway extends offstage, leading to still more rooms. As the lights come up
FRAULEIN KOST is entering through the double door with a GERMAN
SAILOR. He
pinches her. She screams. And FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER zooms out of her
room to
accost them.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: That sailor! Out of my house!

FRAULEIN KOST: That sailor-dear lady-is my brother!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Out! Out! Out!
(The GERMAN SAILOR exits through the double door)

FRAULEIN KOST: Wait! Wait! How dare you! You think it is easy - finding a

sailor? This was only my second one since New Year's. And what is it now?
April!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Your second? Your second? You think I do not know
what
goes on here? Sailors-all the time. In-out-in-out! God only knows what the
neighbors must think I have here-a battleship? (Outraged) Fraulein Kost, I
give you warning! One sailor more - I call the police!
FRAULEIN KOST: And if I cannot pay the rent?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: The rent is due each Friday - as always.
FRAULEIN KOST: No sailors. No rent. I move.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Move?
FRAULEIN KOST: Move!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Upset) And what am I supposed to do with your
room? Out
 of the blue - she tells me "I move!" Is that gratitude? Only last week I gave
you another new mattress!

FRAULEIN KOST: All right! I will leave the end of the week-since you insist.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I insist? You insist!
FRAULEIN KOST: And what about the sailors?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: The sailors? (She mulls it over and reaches a
decision)
Fraulein Kost - if you wish to continue living here, do not let me catch you
bringing in any more sailors? You understand?
FRAULEIN KOST: (Haughtily) Very well. So it is the same as always. (She
goes
into her room and closes the door)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: It is not the same as always! (She knocks on
FRAULEIN
KOST'S door) Fraulein Kost! You hear me? I have put my foot down! (She
knocks
again) Fraulein Kost! Fraulein Kost! (Meanwhile, HERR SCHULTZ has
emerged from
his room, wearing his best suit and carrying a brown paper bag)
SCHULTZ: Fraulein Schneider-Good evening! (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER sees
HERR
SCHULTZ. She quickly and adroitly switches from AC to DC)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Herr Schultz! Such a surprise!
SCHULTZ: You are occupied?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: No. No. Free as a bird. Please forgive my
appearance. (She
indicates her dress. If necessary, she could wear it to the opera - and she
knows it)
SCHULTZ: But it is most becoming.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Thank you.
SCHULTZ: (Indicating the 'paper bag) I have brought you a little something
from the shop.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Another little something? (HERR SCHULTZ hands
her the bag)
SCHULTZ: With my compliments. (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER feels the bag)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: So heavy! But what can it be? Pears? (She shakes
her head
merrily) Last Wednesday you brought me pears. And such pears! Apples,
possibly? (She rejects the idea) Friday was apples.
SCHULTZ: (Nods) Friday was apples.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: So I cannot guess...
SCHULTZ: Then open! (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER peers into the bag)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Herr Schultz! Can I believe what I see? (HEER
SCHULTZ nods
proudly) But this is - too much to accept. So rare-so costly - so luxurious.
(She sings)

If you bought me diamonds, If you bought me pearls,

If you bought me roses like some other gents
Might bring to other girls,
It couldn't please me more
Than the gift I see -
(She takes a large pineapple out of the bag)
A pineapple for me!

SCHULTZ: (Singing)
If, in your emotion,
You began to sway,
Went to get some air,
Or grabbed a chair
To keep from fainting dead away,
It couldn't please me more
Than to see you cling
To the pineapple I bring.

BOTH:
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
I can hear Hawaiian breezes blow.

BOTH:
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

SCHULTZ:
It's from California.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
Even so,
How am I to thank you?

SCHULTZ:
Kindly let it pass.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
 Would you like a slice?

SCHULTZ:
That might be nice,
But frankly, it - would give me gas.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
Then we shall leave it here -
Not to eat, but see.

BOTH:
A pineapple.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
For me!

SCHULTZ:
From me!

BOTH:
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ah

(They dance)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:

But you must not bring me any more pineapples! Do you hear? It is not proper.
It is a gift a young man would present to his lady love. It makes me blush!

SCHULTZ:
But there is no one-no one in all Berlin - who is more deserving! If I could,
I would fill your entire room with pineapples!

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER is quite surprised by this. HERR SCHULTZ is even

more
surprised. He had no idea he was going to say it)

BOTH: (Singing)
A pineapple...

SCHULTZ:
For you!
 FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
From you!

BOTH:
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

(The music continues)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I think I will He down for a few minutes. My head is

spinning.
SCHULTZ: Good evening, Fraulein.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Good evening, Herr Schultz. (They shake hands.
FRAULEIN

SCHNEIDER opens her bedroom door, then turns to HERR SCHULTZ.) I am -

overwhelmed! (She goes in and closes the door. The music ends. HERR
SCHULTZ
is all atingle. He makes a decision. He is about to knock on FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER'S door when suddenly he hears a sound. He jumps back from
the door.
He kneels down as if looking for something. FRAULEIN KOST opens her door
and

comes out. She wonders why HERR SCHULTZ is so far from his own door)
FRAULEIN KOST: Good evening, Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ: Good evening, Fraulein Kost. I am looking for - I think I dropped - a

small coin - a groschen. It rolled this way.
FRAULEIN KOST: You're looking for a groschen? (Meaningfully)
I'm looking for two marks.
(FRAULEIN KOST exits. HERR SCHULTZ goes again to FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER'S door.

He knocks. Immediately the door swings open. He swiftly enters. The door
closes)

Blackout

SCENE 8

(A group of WAITERS are seen on the spiral staircase. They are handsome,
well-scrubbed, idealistic. The EMCEE is seated stage right.)
 WAITERS: (Singing)
The sun on the meadow is summery warm,
The stag in the forest runs free,
But gather together to greet the storm,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
The branch of the linden is leafy and green,
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea,
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

(The EMCEE joins the WAITERS in song)

Oh, Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign

Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come when the world is mine,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

(The WAITERS disappear upstage, leaving a leering EMCEE alone as the

lights dim)

SCENE 9

(CLIFF'S room. SALLY'S things are everywhere - on the floor, bulg-out of the
drawers, peeking out of the closets. CLIFF is at the writing desk, typing.

SALLY enters with groceries, kisses CLIFF, takes off her fur coat, and comes
over to see what he is writing.)

CLIFF: It's not the novel. It's a letter to my mother - thanking her for the
check.
SALLY: It finally arrived!

(CLIFF indicates the check from his mother)

CLIFF: Everyone at home's very thrilled the novel's going so well. Any day now
they're expecting to see it in the bookstores.
SALLY: Oh, Cliff
CLIFF: I may not be a good novelist, but I'm a very good liar. And I write a
hell of a letter.
SALLY: It's my fault. If I weren't always dragging you off to party after
 party...
CLIFF: But I like those parties. The truth is, I like this whole city. It's so
tacky and terrible - and everyone's having such a great time. If this were a

movie, you know what would happen? A volcano would errupt - or there'd be a
tidal wave...
SALLY: Maybe you should write for films! And I'll star in them! Oh, Cliff -
wouldn't that be heaven!
CLIFF: Heaven! Just as soon as I finish the novel.
SALLY: There must be something to write about?
CLIFF: Or someone? Sally Bowles? Who would ever believe it?
SALLY: You're right - I'm much too strange and extraordinary! Much! And
much
too distracting...
CLIFF: Distracting? Nonsense! What about Venice? What about Rome? There
was no
Sally Bowles then - and no novel either. I was just drifting...
SALLY: And now you're sleepwalking. Is that better?
CLIFF: Sleepwalking? Who said that?
SALLY: You did. Last night
CLIFF: I was drunk last night. Anyway - I said it was possible I was
sleepwalking. And - if I am - who cares? What's the point in opening
my eyes? (Singing)

Why should I wake up?

This dream is going so well.
When you're enchanted,
Why break the spell?
Drifting in this euphoric state,
Morning can wait.
Let it come late.
Why should I wake up?
Why waste a drop of the wine?
Don't I adore you?
And aren't you mine?
Maybe I'll someday be lonely again.
But why should I wake up till then?

SALLY: Even so, Cliff - I've always said: When you want me to go, I'll go...
even this very minute. I've never stayed so long with anyone.
CLIFF: Let's not talk about that! (Singing)
 Drifting in this euphoric state,
Morning can wait.
Let it come late.
Why should 1 wake up?
Why waste a drop of the wine?
Don't I adore you?
And aren't you mine?
Maybe I'll someday be lonely again.
But why should I wake up,
Why should 1 wake up till then?

There's a letter for you from England.

SALLY: England? (She is afraid to take the letter from him)
CLIFF: It won't bite.

SALLY: Don't be too sure. (She picks up the letter and looks at the envelope)
It's from Sybil! She's just a mad girl I used to go to school with! We were
utterly wild - smoking cigarettes and not wearing bloomers! Our parents
predicted we'd both come to a bad end - and the truth is - she did.
CLIFF: Why? What happened?

SALLY: She met this absolutely dreary boy and fell hopelessly in love with him
and married him and now they have two children. (She indicates the letter)

Probably another one on the way. (Pause) It looks as if everybody's got one on
the way. (There is a pause. CLIFF looks at SALLY)
CLIFF: What? Are you sure? (SALLY nods) How long have you known?
SALLY: Oh - a day or two.
CLIFF: Good God! How do you feel about it?
SALLY: I don't know, Cliff. I was going to ask how you feel.
CLIFF: Terrible! How else could I feel? I haven't got a dime! I haven't got -
anything!

SALLY: It does seem - a bad idea. Good heavens, if you find me distracting -
can you imagine a baby!
CLIFF: It's just not the time.

SALLY: I think you're perfectly right. So what shall we do? (Pause) The usual
thing? (No answer) Cliff...?
CLIFF: It's not the first time - is it?

SALLY: Oh, Cliff - remember - you mustn't ever ask me questions! The truth is,
I should never have told you about the baby. But I thought if you didn't mind -
perhaps I wouldn't mind. It might even have been rather - nice. But now we
know where we stand. The subject is closed.
CLIFF: Will I ever be able to figure you out?
SALLY: After all, it's as much my fault as yours.

CLIFF: You are the world's craziest girl. It's no easy matter, you know, being
in love with the world's craziest girl. (They kiss) Who says I'd be a terrible
father?
SALLY: But is it the time?
CLIFF: Yes! It's time. Time I got a job.
SALLY: What about your novel?
CLIFF: If I'm going to be a writer, I'll be a writer - in the evening, in the
morning, in the bathtub. This might be the best thing that ever happened to
me.
SALLY: And I'll go back to the Kit Kat Klub!

CLIFF: Oh, no! (There is a knock on the door) Come in! (The door opens and,
ERNST LUDWIG is there)
ERNST: Clifford - Sally - (They shake hands) I do not wish to intrude, but I
have urgent business.
SALLY: Would you like something? A drink?
ERNST: Only if you will join me.
(CLIFF nods. SALLY starts pouring three glasses of whiskey)
CLIFF: (To ERNST) What's on your mind?

ERNST: You remember - I mentioned the possibility of an occasional business

trip to Paris... (CLIFF nods) If you are interested - I think - in the next
few days...
CLIFF: What would I have to do?

ERNST: It is so very simple. You go to an address I will give you - you pick
up a small briefcase - you bring it back to Berlin. And then I pay you
seventy - five marks!
SALLY: Seventy - five marks! Cliff - it's a gift from heaven!
ERNST: And I promise you are giving help to a very good cause.
CLIFF: Well, whatever it is, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.
ERNST: As you wish. But you will go?
SALLY: Of course he will!
ERNST: Clifford?
CLIFF: You see how it is? And we're not even married yet
ERNST: Married! But such a surprise! My congratulations! Sally,
congratulations. And when is the wedding to be? (CLIFF shrugs his shoulders)
CLIFF: We haven't decided yet. This all just happened today.
ERNST: Today?
SALLY: Of course. We only found out today.

(ERNST looks at SALLY very quizzically. CLIFF quickly raises his glass of
whiskey)
CLIFF: That we're going to be rich! Here - drink up! I mean, Prosit! (SALLY
and ERNST raise their glasses)
SALLY, ERNST and CLIFF: Prosit! (They drink as the lights fade)

SCENE 10

(At the top of the spiral staircase, the EMCEE appears. He wears expensive
clothes and flashy jewelry)

EMCEE: Prosit! You see? There's more than one way to make money!

(He sings')
My father needs money,
My uncle needs money,
My mother is thin as a reed.
But me, I'm sitting pretty -
I've got cul the money I need.

My dearest friend Fritzy

Is out of his - wits, he
Has four starving children to feed.
But me, I'm sitting pretty -
I've got all the money I need.

I know my little cousin Eric

Has his creditors hysterical,
And also Cousin Herman
Had to pawn his mother's ermine,

And my sister and my brother

Took to hocking one another, too.
But I've got some talents
Which build up my balance,
 So even my bankers agreed
That me, I'm sitting pretty -
I've got all the money I need.

You wonder where I get my money? I have something to sell. Love! For all
tastes! From all over! Meet Olga, my Russian ruble! (A beautiful RUSSIAN
GIRL
enters, her bosom covered with rubles. The EMCEE helps himself to a few

rubles.) The Russian ruble will never collapse! Sushi, my Japanese yen! (A
stunning JAPANESE GIRL enters, a yen on each breast. The EMCEE takes
one yen)
I have one yen. (He takes the other) I have two yen. (He turns to the
audience) You have a yen? My French franc! Viola! (A gorgeous FRENCH
GIRL
enters owith a French franc in her hand, which she gives the EMCEE) And
now -
Ladies and Gentlemen - My American buck! (A beautiful AMERICAN GIRL
enters,
an American dollar in the beak of the eagle headdress she wears. He takes
the
dollar and sings)

I know my little cousin Eric

Has his creditors hysterical,
And also Cousin Herman
Had to pawn his mother's ermine,
And my sister and my brother
Took to hocking one another, too.
But, I'm not a nincompoop.
I've got an income you
Put in the bank to accrue.
Yes, me, I'm sitting pretty -
Life is pretty sitting with you!

(They dance)

And now, Brunnhilde, my German mark - you can't keep that girl down!

(She rises from behind the piano and "flies" straight up in the air. She poses

for a brief moment, and as she is descending, he hits the gong that is between
her legs)
 ALL: (Singing)
Life is pretty sitting with,
Pretty sitting with,
Pretty sitting with you!

Blackout

SCENE 11
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S living room is empty. Then FRAULEIN KOST'S
door opens

slowly. FRAULEIN KOST looks out. All seems to be clear. A SAILOR emerges.
Just at this moment, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER opens her bedroom door. The
two
ladies spot each other.
FRAULEIN KOST: All right! There is no need to say it! I know it by heart
already! (The SAILOR exits. For some strange reason, FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER says
nothing) So no lectures-please-about sailors! They are just lonesome,

patriotic boys! I have a duty! (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER still says nothing. She
looks vaguely uncomfortable. Inexplicably, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER goes back
into
her bedroom and closes the door. FRAULEIN KOST is quite surprised. She
goes
into her room. A moment later, FRAULEIN KOST opens her door and another
SAILOR
emerges. As she is about to close her door, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S door
opens
and HERR SCHULTZ peeks out. FRAULEIN KOST sees him but he doesn't
see her.
Both doors close. After a while, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S door opens and
HERR
SCHULTZ starts out, followed by FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER. At this point,
FRAULEIN
KOST opens her door and she comes out—very brazenly—followed by yet
another
SAILOR. For FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S benefit, FRAULEIN KOST hugs and
kisses the
SAILOR at great length) Goodnight, Karl.
SAILOR: (Correcting her) Fritz.
FRAULEIN KOST: Fritz—you must be sure to come back again soon. At any
time.
(Taking money from him) Bring your friends. (The SAILOR exits. FRAULEIN
KOST
waltzes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Ah-good evening, Fraulein Schneider.
A busy
 evening, no? I see we are—after all—sisters under the skin.
SCHULTZ: Fraulein Kost!
FRAULEIN KOST: Yes?
SCHULTZ: This fine lady is not your sister! She has just honored me by
consenting to give me her hand in marriage!
FRAULEIN KOST: (Really amazed) Marriage!
SCHULTZ: We marry in—three weeks.
FRAULEIN KOST: Three weeks!
SCHULTZ: So a little respect for the future Frau Schultz—if you please!

FRAULEIN KOST: Ja! Ja Frau Schultz? (Chastened-she exits into her room)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Herr Schultz. You were supreme.
SCHULTZ: But what else could I do?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Such a magnificent lie-to preserve my reputation.

SCHULTZ: But why did I say three weeks? Why not three months? Three
years?
This way she will find out the truth so quickly. Unless—
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Unless?
SCHULTZ: Unless what?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: You said "unless"!

SCHULTZ: But it is foolish! I mean—after all—who would have me? An elderly

widower—with gray hair—and heartburn and a little fruit...
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Am I such a bargain then? An unbeautiful spinster
with a
few rooms to let—poorly furnished.
SCHULTZ: I work fourteen hours a day.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I do my own scrubbing.
SCHULTZ: My right leg bothers me.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I have such palpitations.
SCHULTZ: I'm not a well man.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Am I a well woman?
SCHULTZ: What are we talking about? We're alive! And what good is it—
alone?
So if you would even consider—marriage...?
(There is a long pause)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I will consider it.
SCHULTZ: But take your time, by all means. No hurry.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Yes. I will consider it. (They shake hands) But this
much
I can tell you. You have good reason to be very, very optimistic.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER goes to her room. HERR SCHULTZ, shaken, sings)

 SCHULTZ:
How the world can change,
It can change like that
Due to one little word-
Married.
See a palace rise
From a two-room flat
Due to one little word-
Married
And the old despair
That was often there
Suddenly ceases to be.
For you wake one day,
Look around and say,
Somebody wonderful
Married me.

(The lights come up in FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S bedroom. Through the wall,

we see
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER sitting thoughtfully on the edge of her bed)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Singing)

How the world can change,
It can change like that
Due to one little word—

SCHULTZ and FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:

Married.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
See a palace rise
From a two-room flat
Due to one little word—

SCHULTZ and FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:

Married.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
And the old despair
That was often there
 Suddenly ceases to be.

SCHULTZ and FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:

For you wake one day,
Look around and say,

SCHULTZ:
Somebody wonderful,

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:
Somebody wonderful

SCHULTZ and FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER:

Married me.

(The light goes out in FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S bedroom. She comes out of
her
door and back to the living room)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Herr Schultz-I have considered your proposal.
SCHULTZ: So quickly?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Nods) I can think of no arguments against it. And so
—if
you still desire me—I am yours.
SCHULTZ: If I desire ...? If? I must tell someone the good news! I must tell

everyone! Good news! Good news! (lie rushes to one of the doors and starts
knocking on it) Is anyone there? I have news! Exciting news!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But that is your own door!
SCHULTZ: Oh! Good news! Good news! Come and hear! (SALLY enters
through the
double door)
SALLY: What's going on?
SCHULTZ: Fraulein Sally! Good news! Fraulein Schneider and I are to be
married!
SALLY: Married! How wonderful! It's in the air! It must be!

SCHULTZ: I am so happy! (He sits down) I never thought—I never thought I

would be so fortunate.
SALLY: I've got the most perfect idea! When Cliff comes back from Paris,
we're giving you an engagement party!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Engagement party? For two old people-it is not
suitable.
 SCHULTZ: What old people? I do not see any old people! But I will give the
party! I will give it at my shop! And there will be music-dancing.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: And who will dance? How many people do we
know?
SALLY: I'll do the inviting! I know lots of people!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I still think its foolish-this party-a waste of money!

SCHULTZ: Have you ever had an engagement party?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Of course not.
SCHULTZ: And neither have I. So—I ask you—what are we waiting for? It's
time!
(The lights fade, except for a spot on FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S Gramophone
as
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER and HERR SCHULTZ waltz off)

SCENE 12
(The lights come up on HERR SCHULTZ'S fruit shop-all decorated for the
party,
which is in full swing. Prominent among the guests are the performers and
GIRL

ORCHESTRA from the Kit Kat Klub. CLIFF enters—carrying his suitcase and
ERNSTS briefcase. SALLY kisses him.)
SALLY: Cliff! Was Paris divine?
CLIFF: Divine.
SALLY: (Indicating the briefcase) Was there any trouble?
CLIFF: No. But I'll be happy to get rid of it. Is Ernst here?

SALLY: Not yet. (CLIFF takes off his overcoat and puts the briefcase with it
on a counter) Come see the lovely gift we're giving Fraulein Schneider and
Herr Schultz.
(CLIFF embraces FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)
CLIFF: Fraulein... (Asking HERR SCHULTZ'S approval to kiss her) May I?
(HERR SCHULTZ nods. CLIFF kisses FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)
Congratulations.
SALLY: (To FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Now open your present. Be careful.
(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER undoes the ribbon from a large white gift box)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Ah-Herr Schultz-look! Crystal!
SALLY: Cut crystal. It's for fruit.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Beautiful.

SCHULTZ: Thank you. And I will keep it filled. I promise—as long as we live—
this bowl will not be empty.
(Everyone applauds. The door opens and FRAULEIN KOST enters)
 FRAULEIN KOST: Fraulein Schneider-I am welcome?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Fraulein Kost-forgive me! I did not invite you. But
only
because I know you work in the evening.
FRAULEIN KOST: Tonight I am free.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Aside) I should live that long.
(She indicates that FRAULEIN KOST is welcome. FRAULEIN KOST points to
the
door)
FRAULEIN KOST: My cousins?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: From Hamburg? (FRAULEIN KOST nods) In!
FRAULEIN KOST: My cousins! (Three SAILORS burst in. They find girls to
dance
with. FRAULEIN KOST stops one of them) Otto...
SAILOR: (Correcting her) Rudy.

FRAULEIN KOST: Rudy-it's Fraulein Schneider's party. If you want to dance—

dance with her!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: No-no.
FRAULEIN KOST: Dance with her, Otto!

SAILOR: Rudy! (He comes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) It is my pleasure,

Fraulein.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But I do not... And you are so young ... It is out of
the

question. Unthinkable—absolutely unthinkable. Absolutely. (And she begins to

dance with him—the fruit-shop dance. At the end of the dance, ERNST
LUDWIG
enters. He has a swastika armband on his overcoat)
ERNST: Clifford-Sally.
SALLY: Ernst!
ERNST: You have the briefcase? (CLIFF points to the swastika armband) Oh
—I

come direct from the meeting. (ERNST takes his overcoat off. He is wearing a
business suit) I am sorry, Clifford—since you did not wish to know my
politics. However—the briefcase, please. You have it? (CLIFF hesitates.
SALLY
hands it to ERNST)
SALLY: Here it is.

CLIFF: (To ERNST) You said it was a good cause—if I remember correctly.

ERNST: And so it is! Our party will be the builders of the new Germany. And
you are helping! So—for you—(ERNST extends an envelope to CLIFF. CLIFF
doesn't
take it) Something wrong? (SALLY takes the envelope)
SALLY: No. Of course not. Thank you, Ernst.
CLIFF: (To ERNST) I've been reading your leader's book...
ERNST: Ah, yes. Mein Kampf.
CLIFF: Have you read it?
ERNST: Certainly!
CLIFF: Then I don't understand. I mean—that man is out of his mind. It's
right there on every page...
ERNST: Clifford—this is not the time nor the place for such a discussion.
Perhaps you would never understand. At any rate—now I find myself a flapper
—I

enjoy the party. (ERNST leaves CLIFF and SALLY. He goes up to FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER) Fraulein Schneider—I wish you much happiness!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Thank you.

ERNST: I am sorry to be late, but there was a meeting. An important business

meeting.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: One does what one must.

ERNST: But now I look forward to a most delightful evening. (ERNST wanders

off-looking for a flapper. HERR SCHULTZ, carrying a bottle of schnapps and

some glasses, comes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)
SCHULTZ: Schnapps?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: You've had enough.
(HERR SCHULTZ watches the dancing couples admiringly)

SCHULTZ: Beautiful dancing! Beautiful! (He suddenly notes two boys dancing
together. He looks around to see if anyone else has noticed.) All right!
Enough dancing! Enough! No more dancing!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But why?

SCHULTZ: No more dancing! (The music stops. The dancers stop) Sit down,
everyone! We do something else.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Something else? What else?
SCHULTZ: What else? What? (Suddenly inspired) I will entertain!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (To the guests, apologetically) He has had too much
schnapps...
SCHULTZ: But I insist! So you will not think my only talent is fruit. (HERR
SCHULTZ sees to it that everyone is seated and ready) Now—the only word
you
 have to know in order to understand my little song is the Yiddish word:

"meeskite." "Meeskite" means ugly, funny-looking. "Meeskite" means... (He

sings)

Meeskite, Meeskite,
Once upon a time there was a meeskite, meeskite,
Looking in the mirror he would say, "What an awful shock,
I got a face that could stop a clock."
Meeskite, meeskite,
Such a pity on him, he's a meeskite, meeskite,
God up in his heaven left him out on a shaky limb,
He put a meeskite on him.

But listen, he grew up. Even meeskites grow up. (He sings again)

And soon in the Chader (that means Hebrew school)

He sat beside this little girl
And when he asked her her name she replied,
"I'm Pearl."
He ran to the Zayda (that means grandfather)
And said in that screechy voice of his,
"You told me I was the homeliest!
Well, Cramps, you're wrong. Pearl is!
"Meeskite, meeskite,
No one ever saw a bigger meeskite, meeskite,
Everywhere a flaw and maybe that is the reason why
I'm going to love her until I die.
"Meeskite, meeskite,
Oh, is it a pleasure she's a meeskite, meeskite,
She's the one I'll treasure, for I thought there could, never be
A bigger meeskite than me."
So, they were married,
And in a year she turned and smiled:
"I'm afraid I am going to have ... a child."
Nine months she carried,
Worrying how that child would look,
And all the cousins were worried too.
But what a turn fate took!
Gorgeous, gorgeous,
They produced a baby that was gorgeous, gorgeous,
 Crowding round the cradle all the relatives aahed and oohed,
"He ought to pose for a baby food.
"Gorgeous, gorgeous,
Would 1 tell a lie? He's simply gorgeous, gorgeous,
Who'd have ever thought that we would see such a flawless gem
Out of two meeskites like them?"
Sing with me, somebody? Fraulein Schneider? Herr Ludwig—we
make a duet? Sally?
(SALLY comes forward and sings with HERR SCHULTZ)

SCHULTZ and SALLY:

Meeskite, meeskite,
Once upon a time there was a meeskite, meeskite,
Looking in the mirror he would say,
"What an awful shock,
I got a face that could stop a clock."
Meeskite, meeskite,
What's the good denying I'm a meeskite, meeskite,
God up in his heaven made a joke for the world to see ...

(SALLY kisses SCHULTZ and sits)

SCHULTZ:
He made a meeskite of me.

Now, wait! The story has a moral! All my stories have morals!

Moral, moral,
Yes indeed, the story has a moral, moral,
Though you're not a beauty it is nevertheless quite true,
There may bе beautiful things in you.
Meeskite, meeskite,
Listen to the fable of the meeskite, meeskite,
Anyone responsible for loveliness, large or small,
Is not a meeskite
At all!

(All applaud except ERNST, who puts on his coat)

ERNST: Fraulein Schneider—Clifford—I wish to say good evening.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But why so early? ERNST: I find that I do not belong
here.
 I cannot stay.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: As you wish.

ERNST: Fraulein—you and I are old acquaintances. I have sent you many new

lodgers... So let me urge you—think what you are doing. This marriage is not
advisable. I cannot put it too strongly. For your own welfare.
CLIFF: What about Herr Schultz's welfare?
ERNST: He is not a German.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: But he was born here!
ERNST: He is not a German. Good evening.

(ERNST goes to the door. As he reaches it, FRAULEIN KOST runs up to him)
FRAULEIN KOST: Herr Ludwig—wait! You are not leaving so early?
ERNST: I do not find the party amusing.
FRAULEIN KOST: Oh-but it is just beginning! Come-we will make it amusing-
you
and I, ja? (She pulls ERNST back into the center of the sfeop) Ladies and
gentlemen—quiet please! Quiet! (To ERNST) Herr Ludwig—this is for you.
(She sings)

The sun on the meadow is summery warm,

The stag in the forest runs free.
But gather together to greet the storm,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
Ja?
The branch of the linden is leafy and green,
The Rhine gives its gold to the sea.
But somewhere a glory awaits unseen,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
Herr Ludwig! Sing with me!

(ERNST, wearing the coat with the swastika armband, goes to her side.
The guests form a circle around them, as if magnetically air tracted)

FRAULEIN KOST and ERNST: (Singing)

The bаbе in his cradle is closing his eyes,
The blossom embraces the bee.
But soon, says a whisper, arise, arise,
Tomorrow belongs to me.

FRAULEIN KOST: And now-everyone!

 (The guests join in the singing—their voices growing louder and louder, even
rather frightening. Only FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER, HERR SCHULTZ, CLIFF
and SALLY
remain outside the circle)

FRAULEIN KOST, ERNST and GUESTS: (Singing)

Oh, Fatherland, Fatherland, show us the sign
Your children have waited to see.
The morning will come when the world is mine,
Tomorrow belongs to me.
(As the song ends amid cheers and applause, the EMCEE appears at the top
of
the spiral stairs—puffing on a cigar. He takes in the scene: FRAULEIN
SCHNEIDER and CLIFF watching the singers with great concem-HERR
SCHULTZ
and SALLY laughing, unaware of what is happening. As the EMCEE descends
the
stairs the fruit shop vanishes. The people on stage freeze against a black
background. The EMCEE slowly crosses the stage—looking at everyone. Then
he
turns to the audience. He shrugs, he smiles, and exits)

Blackout

ACT TWO

SCENE 1

Eight girls dance out on stage—obviously the Kit Kat Klub chorus. They do a

spirited dance of high kicks. Suddenly we are aware that one of the girls is

the EMCEE. As the dance begins to fall apart, we hear the ominous sound of

military drums; the music changes to a martial version of "Tomorrow Belongs

to Me" as the EMCEE and GIRLS goose-step offstage.

Blackout
 SCENE 2

Inside HERR SCHULTZ'S shop, HERR SCHULTZ is taking down some of the
remaining

party decorations. Passers-by can be seen through the windows. FRAULEIN

SCHNEIDER enters. She is obviously troubled.
SCHULTZ: Fraulein Schneider—good morning!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Good morning, Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ: New apples. Fresh off the tree. Perfection! (He wipes one off and
hands it to her) Please...
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Refusing it) Perhaps later.

SCHULTZ: Such a party last evening! I have never been to a finer party! Such
food! Such music! (Suddenly very contrite) Can you ever forgive me?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: For what? A few glasses of schnapps?
SCHULTZ: I promise you—on our wedding day—no drinking—you will be
proud of
me.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I am already proud of you. But-as concerns the
wedding...
SCHULTZ: Yes?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: There are problems. New problems.
SCHULTZ: If it is my drunkenness—I swear to you, Fraulein: I am
not an alcoholic.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: There is a thing-far more serious.
SCHULTZ: А new problem...?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: New to me-because I have not thought about it. But
at the
party my eyes were opened.
SCHULTZ: And?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I saw that one can no longer dismiss the Nazis.
Because
suddenly they are my friends and neighbors. And how many others? And—if
so—is
it possible they will come to power?
SCHULTZ: And you will be married to a Jew.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Frightened) I need my license to rent my rooms! If
they
take it away...

SCHULTZ: They will take nothing away. I promise you. (Softly) I feels such
tenderness for you. It is difficult to express. Are we too old for words like
"love"?
 FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Far too old. I am no Juliet. You are no Romeo. We
must be
sensible.
SCHULTZ: And live alone. How many meals have you eaten alone? A
thousand? Ten
thousand?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Fifty thousand.
SCHULTZ: Then be sensible. Governments come. Governments go. How
much longer
can we wait? (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER says nothing) Let me peel you an
orange...
(HERR SCHULTZ takes a knife and starts peeling an orange rather clumsily.
The
underscoring of the music to "Married" is heard. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER
reaches
for the orange)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I will do it.

(She peels the orange. For a moment, we are back to the mood of their scenes
in the first act)

SCHULTZ: (Singing)
And the old despair
That was often there
Suddenly ceases to be.
For you wake one day,
Look around and say,
Somebody wonderful
Married me.

(A brick crashes through the window. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER and HERR

SCHULTZ jump
up)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: You see? You see!

SCHULTZ: It is nothing! Children on their way to school! Mischievous children!

Nothing more! I assure you! (HERR SCHULTZ runs out. We see him outside
the

broken window, looking for the culprit and questioning the onlookers. No one
seems to have seen anything. HERR SCHULTZ comes back in)
Schoolchildren.
Young—full of mischief. You understand?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Slowly-thoughtfully) I understand.
 Lights fade

SCENE 3

The EMCEE enters, walking hand-in-hand - with a gorilla. The gorilla is

really rather attractive—as gorillas go. She wears a chic little skirt and
carries a handbag.

EMCEE: (Singing)
I know what you're thinking—
You wonder why I chose her
Out of all the ladies in the world.
That's just a first impression—
What good's a first impression?
If you knew her like I do,
It would change your point of view.

If you could see her through my eyes,

You wouldn't wonder at all.
If you could see her through my eyes,
I guarantee you would fall like I did.

When we're in public together,

I hear society groan.
But if they could see her through my eyes,
Maybe they'd leave us alone.

How can I speak of her virtues?

I don't know where to begin:
She's clever, she's smart, she reads music,
She doesn't smoke or drink gin like I do.

Yet when we're walking together,

They sneer if I'm holding her hand.
But if they could see her through my eyes,
Maybe they'd all understand.

(They waltz)

I understand your objection,

I grant you the problem's not small.
 But if you could see her through my eyes,
She isn't a meeskite at all!
Alternate: She wouldn't look Jewish at alll

Blackout

SCENE 4

CLIFF'S room. SALLY is dressing to go out. CLIFF enters, wearing a coat.

SALLY: Cliff! I've been waiting so anxiously! Did you get a job?
CLIFF: I'll try again tomorrow. (They feiss)
SALLY: And you'll find something! I'm sure of it! President of a bank!
CLIFF: They're closed.

SALLY: Guess who visited me today! Bobby and Victor! From the Kit Kat! You
remember them?
CLIFF: How could I forget them?

SALLY: They say business at the Klub's way off since I left. And Lulu—one of
the girls—had her teeth knocked out by a Lithuanian. Oh—and Max... you

remember Max? He's fallen madly in love. And it turns out she's a dedicated
Communist and a dedicated virgin. Isn't that heaven!
CLIFF: Heaven.
SALLY: Would you simply hate it if I went back to work at the Klub?
CLIFF: I sure would.
SALLY: But we need the money so badly!
CLIFF: Not that badly.
SALLY: I don't understand you. Really I don't. First you tell me you're not

going to Paris for Ernst any more—even though it does seem the very easiest
way in the world to make money—

CLIFF: Or the hardest. (SALLY looks at him blankly) Someday I've simply got
to sit you down and read you a newspaper. You'll be amazed at what's going
on.
SALLY: You mean—politics? But what has that to do with us?
CLIFF: You're right. Nothing has anything to do with us. Sally, can't you
see—if you're not against all this, you're for it—or you might as well be.

SALLY: At any rate, the Kit Kat Klub is the most unpolitical place in Berlin.
Even you've got to admit that.
 CLIFF: Sally—do me a favor? Let me earn the money for this family. At least
give me the chance. If I can't even get something—washing beer glasses—
then
we'll talk about you working in some cabaret. And after you've tried every

other dub in Berlin, we might even talk about the Kit Kat Klub. And I imagine
I'll still say no. But—who knows? By that time I may be almost ready to
listen to reason. Okay? (There is a knock at the door) Come in! (The door
opens. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER is there. She carries a large gift-wrapped
package)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I intrude?
SALLY: No. No. Come in, Fraulein Schneider.

CLIFF: (To FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Have you see Herr Schultz this morning?
(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER nods) How is he? A little hung-over? (She nods
again)

SALLY: Fraulein Schneider—is that the fruit bowl? Is something wrong with
it? (She indicates the package FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER is carrying)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: (Shaking her head) I cannot keep it.
SALLY: But why?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: An engagement present. But there is no
engagement.
SALLY: What do you mean?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: We have-reconsidered-Herr Schultz and I.
CLIFF: Fraulein, you can't give up that way!
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Oh, yes! I can. That is easy to say! Easy for you.
Fight!

And—if you fail—what does it matter? You pack your belongings. You move to
Paris. And if you do not like Paris— where? It is easy for you. But if you
were me... (She sings)

With time rushing by,

What would you do?

With the clock running down,

What would you do?
The young always have the cure-
Being brave, being sure
And free,
But imagine if you were me.
Alone like me,
And this is the only world you know.
 Some rooms to let—
The sum of a lifetime, even so.

I'll take your advice.

What would you do?

Would you pay the price?

What would you do?

Suppose simply keeping still

Means you manage until the end?
What would you do,
My brave young friend?

Grown old like me,

With neither the will nor wish to run;
Grown tired like me,
Who hurries for bed when day is done;
Grown wise like me,
Who isn't at war with anyone—
Not anyone!
With a storm in the wind,
What would you do?

Suppose you're one frightened voice

Being told what the choice must be.

Go on, tell me,

I will listen.
What would you do If you were me?

CLIFF: Aren't you forgetting something? If you marry Herr Schultz— whatever
problems come up—you'll still have each other.
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: All my life I have managed for myself-and it is too
old a
habit to change. I have battled alone, and I have survived. There was a
war—and I survived. There was a revolution —and I survived. There was an
inflation—billions of marks for one loaf of bread—but I survived! And if the

Nazis come—I will survive. And if the Communists come—I will still be here—
renting these rooms! For, in the end, what other choice have I? This—is my
world! (Softly) I regret—very much—returning the fruit bowl. It is truly
magnificent. I regret—everything. (She exits)
SALLY: Oh, Cliff-how terrible. Should I speak to her?
CLIFF: What could you say?
SALLY: Oh-that it will all work itself out
CLIFF: I don't think she'd believe you.
SALLY: It seems nobody believes me today. It's quite obvious you don't—
about

Max. If he wants me back at the Klub, it's not for the reason you think. Did
it ever occur to you I just might be a tremendous asset to that Klub? The

fact is, they're waiting there this very minute—to rehearse my numbers. So I

really must go. (CLIFF has gone to his typewriter, opened it, and started to
dust it with his handkerchief)
CLIFF: The fact is, you're going a lot farther than the Kit Kat Klub.
SALLY: I am?

CLIFF: Home. (SALLY looks at him blankly) America—since you won't go to

England.
SALLY: You're joking!
(CLIFF indicates the typewriter)

CLIFF: I'm going to sell this. The money should get us as far as Paris. And
I'll cable home for steamship fare.
SALLY: What are you talking about?
CLIFF: Leaving Berlin—as soon as possible. Tomorrow!
SALLY: But we love it here!
CLIFF: Sally—wake up! The party in Berlin is over! It was lots of fun, but
it's over. And what is Berlin doing now? Vomiting in the street.
SALLY: How ugly, Cliff!

CLIFF: You're damn right it's ugly! And it's going to get a lot worse. So how
could we live here? How could we raise a family?
SALLY: But is America the answer? Running away to America?
CLIFF: We're not running away. There's no place to run to. We are going
home.
SALLY: Oh, certainly—that's fine for you. But what about me? My career?
CLIFF: You've got a new career.

SALLY: But I can work at the Klub for several months at least. And then—in
November—oh, Cliff, I want the world for our baby—all the most elegant,
 expensive things.

CLIFF: We'll talk about it tomorrow—on the train. (He finishes preening the
typewriter. He closes it and starts for the door with it)
SALLY: Cliff—wait! We can't just—uproot our lives—that quickly!

CLIFF: Oh, no? You give me one hour! And don't move! (He pushes her into a

chair) Sit down! Or—better yet—start packing! (He puts a suitcase on the bed)
There's plenty to do! (CLIFF goes toward the door. Then he reaches into a

pocket, takes out a coin and gives it to SALLY in a gesture of reconciliation)

Here. Call the Klub. Tell them goodbye. (CLIFF exits. SALLY looks at the

coin. Then she makes up her mind. She springs up, grabs her fur coat and
rushes out the door)

Blackout

SCENE 5

A crowded evening at the Kit Kat Klub. CLIFF enters.

WAITER: Good evening, sir.
(CLIFF sees SALLY at the bar and goes to her)
CLIFF: What the hell are you doing here? I—
SALLY: May I speak for a moment?
CLIFF: Get your coat! I'm taking you home!

SALLY: (Pulling CLIFF to a table) Please, Cliff! If we go to America, there's

no assurance you can get a job. There is a great deal of unemployment there.
You've said so yourself.
CLIFF: I'll find something.
SALLY: Maybe, but this is sure!
CLIFF: This! What the hell is this? You keep talking about this as if it

really existed. When are you going to realize, the only way you got this job
is by sleeping with somebody!
SALLY: That's not true!

CLIFF: And the only way you'll get a job in New York or Paris or London is by
sleeping with someone else! But you're sleeping with me these days!
SALLY: Shut up, Cliff!
CLIFF: Sally, face it. Say goodbye to Berlin, Max, this dump, everybody.
 Believe me, they'll never even know you've left.
SALLY: I've got to change for my next number. (She runs off)
CLIFF: Sally!
(But she is gone. CLIFF is trembling with anger. The phone on his table
lights up. He answers it)
CLIFF: Hello.
(A spotlight picks up ERNST LUDWIG, who is sitting at a table with an
attractive girl)
ERNST: (Into his phone) Clifford-this is Ernst Ludwig. I am at table nine.
Will you join me for a drink?
CLIFF: Not now, Ernst.
ERNST: I have been trying to reach you at Fraulein Schneider's—but you do
not
answer. I have another urgent errand for you.
CLIFF: Sorry.
ERNST: This time I pay—one hundred and fifty marks.
CLIFF: The answer is no.
ERNST: But what is wrong, Clifford? You are angry with me?
CLIFF: I am?

ERNST: It is because of the party last evening? If you were a German, you
would understand these things.
CLIFF: Goodbye, Ernst.

(CLIFF hangs up. ERNST stands and comes toward CLIFF, who is anxious to
follow SALLY)
ERNST: Wait! It is very important—this errand. I pay—two hundred marks.
CLIFF: Go to hell!
(CLIFF tries to leave. ERNST grabs him)
ERNST: But what is wrong with you? I don't understand!
CLIFF: Take your hands off me
(ERNST does)
ERNST: Clifford—I know you need the money. So why won't you go? It is
because
of that Jew at the party?

(CLIFF socks ERNST, knocking him down. Immediately two men wearing Nazi
armbands jump on CLIFF—beating him unconscious. They drag him out of the
Klub

as the patrons watch. ERNST rises and goes back to his table. The EMCEE
appears—laughing rather hysterically—as if the fight were part of the floor
show)
 EMCEE: And now—once again—Fraulein Sally Bowles!
(SALLY enters and sings)

SALLY:
What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

Put down the knitting, the book and the broom,

Time for a holiday.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

Come taste the wine,

Come hear the band,
Come blow a horn, start celebrating.
Right this way, your table's waiting.

No use permitting some prophet of doom

To wipe every smile away.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

I used to have a girl friend known as Elsie

With whom I shared four sordid rooms in Chelsea.
She wasn't what you'd call a blushing flower;
As a matter of fact, she rented by the hour.

The day she died the neighbors came to snicker,

"Well, that's what comes of too much pills and liquor."
But when I saw her laid out like a queen,
She was the happiest corpse I'd ever seen.

I think of Elsie to this very day.

I remember how she'd turn to me and say...

(SALLY has walked off the Kit Kat Klub stage. She heads directly downstage
as the Kit Kat Klub disappears. SALLY stands alone)
 What good is sitting alone in your room?
Come hear the music play.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

Put down the knitting, the book and the broom,

Time for a holiday.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Come to the cabaret.

And as for me, as for me,

I made my mind up back in Chelsea.
When I go, I'm going like Elsie!

Start by admitting from cradle to tomb

Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Only a cabaret, old chum,
And I love a cabaretl

Blackout

SCENE 6

CLIFFS room. It is late morning. CLIFF is busily packing. His face is

bandaged and he moves a little stiffly. There is a knock at the door. CLIFF
rushes to the door and opens it. HERR SCHULTZ is there.

CLIFF: (Disappointed) Good morning, Herr Schultz.

(HERR SCHULTZ enters. He has a suitcase in one hand and a brown paper
bag in
the other)
SCHULTZ: Excuse me—but I have come to say goodbye. (He sees CLIFFS
bandages)
CLIFF: It's nothing. A little accident. Where are you going?
SCHULTZ: I have taken a room on the other side of the Nollen-dorfplatz. I
think it will be easier for her. (He notes all the packing) You are leaving
also? You and Fraulein Bowles?
CLIFF: We're going home. To America.
SCHULTZ: America! I have sometimes thought of going there—
CLIFF: Why don't you? The way things look here—
SCHULTZ: But it will pass—I promise you!
 CLIFF: I hope you're right.

SCHULTZ: I know I am right! Because I understand the Germans... After all,

what am I? A German. (The door opens and SALLY enters. She looks ill and

exhausted. She wears a thin dress and is carrying her purse. She stands at
the door. HERR SCHULTZ goes to her) Ah—Fraulein Sally! I have come to
say
goodbye ... all good fortune.
SALLY: Herr Schultz.
SCHULTZ: I have brought a small farewell gift. (He gives SALLY the paper
bag) Seville oranges. Delicious. (SALLY hugs him. Then CLIFF and HERR
SCHULTZ
shake hands)
CLIFF: Goodbye, Herr Schultz. And I wish you mazel.
SCHULTZ: Mazel. That is what we all need. (He exits)
CLIFF: (Artificially cheerful) I've finished your packing. You've got a lot

of stuff, lady. You won't be able to find a thing. (SALLY says nothing) We're
going to Paris today... remember?

SALLY: (Looking at him) Going... with that face? (Her voice sounds very, very
weary)
CLIFF: I was in a little fight last night. Did you hear about it? (SALLY

nods) You should see the other two guys. (Pause) Not a mark on them. (He
looks at his watch) Do you realize how late it is? Almost time to go to the
station...
SALLY: The fact is, Cliff-
CLIFF: Don't say it. Whatever it is. Let's just—forget the last twelve hours.
Forget what I said at the Kit Kat Klub. Forget you've gotten even with me
staying out all night... okay? (He takes her hand) You're so cold. Where's
your coat? Your fur coat?

SALLY: You know what I'd love? A spot of gin! We've got some, don't we? I
mean—I think one must!
CLIFF: First thing in the morning? How about a Prairie Oyster?
SALLY: Gin! (She gets herself a drink)
CLIFF: That can't be good for expectant mothers. We'll have to get some
books

on the subject. You know, I suddenly realize I don't know a damn thing about

pregnancy. Where's your coat? Did you leave it at the Klub, or was it stolen?
 SALLY: I left it at the doctor's office.
CLIFF: Were you sick last night? Is that why you didn't come home?
SALLY: Hals and beinbruch. It means neck and leg break. It's supposed to
stop
it from happening—though I doubt it does. I doubt you can stop anything
happening. Any more than you can change people. I mean...
CLIFF: What do you mean?

SALLY: I mean—I'm not perfect. Far from it! I meet someone and I make all
sorts of enormous promises. And then there's an argument —or something
else
ugly—and I suddenly realize I can't keep those promises—not possibly!
Because
I am still me!
CLIFF: Sally, what are you talking about?
SALLY: Oh, darling—you're such an innocent. Really! My one regret is I
honestly believe you'd have been a wonderful father. And I'm sure someday
you
will be. Oh yes, and I've another regret: That greedy doctor! I'm going to
miss my fur coat. (CLIFF slaps her) I'm glad you did that. Isn't it funny it

always ends this way? Even when I finally do love someone terribly—for the
first time. But it's still not —quite—enough. I'd spoil it, Cliff. I'd run
away with the first exciting thing that came along. I guess I really am a
rather strange and extraordinary person. (CLIFF is packing his bag) Cliff...
I'm sorry. I'm so dreadfully, dreadfully sorry. Because... the truth is ...
I really would have liked... (She can't go on. CLIFF finishes his

preparations for leaving. Then he takes out his wallet. He removes one of the
railroad tickets and puts it down on the table)
CLIFF: This is your ticket to Paris. You can cash it in ... or tear it up...
or do whatever you want with it. (CLIFF takes his suitcase and goes to the
door) Sally ... if ... for any reason... you need to get in touch with me ...
in Paris . . . the American Express office. (SALLY looks at him) I'll be
there at least a week.
(CLIFF obviously can't force himself to go out the door. SALLY

wipes her eyes. She lights a cigarette in the long, long holder. She smiles—
making a tremendous effort to be the old SALLY again for a moment)
SALLY: But—the truth is—Cliff: I've always rather hated Paris.
(She puffs on her cigarette. She smiles at CLIFF, as if telling him that she
will Ъе perfectly fine without him)
CLIFF: (Sadly) Oh, Sally. Goodbye.
SALLY: Goodbye, Cliff. Dedicate your book to me!
 (CLIFF exits, closing the door behind him. SALLY takes the long cigarette
holder out of her mouth. Her smile fades. She turns to the door as the
lights dim very slowly)

SCENE 7

Before the lights come up we hear

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: Letzte ansage! Berlin-Paris Express abfahrt vier uhr

bahnsteig siebzehn. Alle einsteigen, bitte! Letzte ansagel (The lights go up

on a railroad compartment. CLIFF is alone in it. He has a writing pad on his

lap, a pencil in his hand. Two CUSTOMS OFFICERS enter from the corridor)

OFFICER: Deutsche grenzkontrolle. Ihren pass, bitte. (Cliff hands it to him.

He hands it back to Cliff) I hope you have enjoyed your stay in Germany, Mr.
Bradshaw. And you will return soon again?
CLIFF: It's not very likely.
OFFICER: You did not find our country beautiful?
CLIFF: (Tonelessly) Yes, I found it-beautiful.
OFFICER: A good journey, sir.
(The OFFICER tips his cap and exits. CLIFF looks at his writing
pad. He crosses out a few words, then adds a few. He reads what he
has written)

CLIFF: "There was a cabaret and there was a master of ceremonies and there

was a city called Berlin in a country called Germany—and it was the end of
the world and I was dancing with Sally Bowles— and we were both fast
asleep..."

(Singing)

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome,

Fremde, etranger, stranger.

(The EMCEE has entered and come downstage. He moves his lips
soundlessly as
CLIFF sings. Then he begins singing along with CLIFF)
 CLIFF and EMCEE:
Glucklich zu sehen,
Je suis enchante,
Happy to see you.

(Then CLIFF stops singing and the EMCEE finishes alone as the train moves
upstage)

EMCEE:
Bleibe, reste, stay,
Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome,
Im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret!

Meine Damen und Herren—Mesdames et Messieurs—Ladies and Gentlemen.

Where are

your troubles now? Forgotten? I told you so! We have no troubles here. Here
life is beautiful—the girls are beautiful—even the orchestra is beautiful.

(The GIRL ORCHESTRA appears onstage as do the characters from the

opening
scene, but this time the picture and the mood are much different. The girls

are not as pretty, German uniforms and twastika armbands are apparent; it is
not as bright, a dream-like quality that prevails. Dissonant strains of

"Willkommen" are heard. Then from 'among the moving people, we see HERR
SCHULTZ)
SCHULTZ: Just children. Mischievous children on their way to school. You
understand.
(The people move again and we see FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I understand. One does what one must.
(Again the people move and we see SALLY)
SALLY: It'll all work out. It's only politics, and what's that got to do with
us?
FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: I must be sensible. If the Nazis come- what other
choice
have I?
SCHULTZ: I know I am right—because I understand the Germans. After all,
what
am I? A German.
(Suddenly SALLY is lifted high on a chair)
 SALLY: (Singing)
I made my mind up back in Chelsea.
When I go I'm going like Elsie.

(SALLY is lowered. The people gradually fade away)

... from cradle to tomb

Isn't that long a stay.
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Life is a cabaret, old chum,
Life is a cabaret.

(SALLY disappears into the darkness-leaving the EMCEE alone on the stage)

EMCEE:
Auf wiedersehen!
A bientot!

(The EMCEE bows, then suddenly vanishes. The stage is empty except for the

street lamps, the mirror, and then, glowing in the darkness, the Cabaret sign)
Light Secene
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