1st (first class degree) Geoff Hurst He managed a Geoff [Geoff Hurst was a soccer player who

played for England 49 times - Thanks to L H Webber]

2:2 (lower second class degree) Desmond Tutu He’s got his Desmond [Thanks to John Curtis-Rouse]

3rd (third class degree) Douglas Hurd I got a Desmond but he only managed a Douglas [Thanks to Tim
Herman]

All Dayer (all day drinking session) Leo Sayer Let's make it a Leo Sayer. [Thanks to Sean
Gillespie]

All Dayer (all day drinking) Gary Player Let's make it a Gary Player [Thanks to J. Jeffreys]

Alone Jack Jones He went to the pub all Jack. [This doubtless comes from a Music Hall song sung,
somewhere between 1900 and 1914, by the Cockney songster Gus Elen entitled " 'E dunno where 'e
are". Gus is buried in Streatham Park Cemetery, London. I believe he died about 1944. The song is about
a bloke, Jack Jones, who comes into a sum of money and thinks himself too good for his former mates:

"When he's up at Covint Gardin you can see 'im a standin' all alone, / Won't join in a quiet little Tommy
Dodd (half-pint of beer), drinking Scotch and Soda on 'is own, / 'E 'as the cheek and impidence to call 'is
muvver 'is Ma, / Since Jack Jones came into a little bit o' splosh, well 'e dunno where 'e are." - Thanks to
Frank Haigh for the explanation of the source]

Alone Pat Malone I'm all pat tonight. [Thanks to Alan Little]

Alone Todd Sloan Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight. [Thanks to Jeff McCartney. - Frank Baynham
reports that Todd Sloan was a famous jockey (I've found a listing for him at the Wikiup ranch in Northern
California) who had a tendency to run at the front of the pack... all alone.]

Arm Chalk Farm He broke his chalk.

Army Daft and Barmy He was promoted in the daft. [Thanks to Alan Little]

Army Kate Karney He's off and joined the Kate. [Kate Carney (1869-1950), a comedienne, was
born into a music hall family in London. She made her first stage appearance at the Albert Music Hall,
Canning Town, and later became famous for her cockney character songs. These songs established her
at the top of the bill and she was described as 'The Cockney Queen'. - Thanks to Cab for the information
on Kate]

Arse April in Paris I’m ‘aving terrible trouble with me April [How can such a simple word have so
many convoluted references? April in Paris - Aris (from Aristotle - bottle which is from bottle and glass -
arse.) Whew – Thanks to Peter Chrisp]

Arse Aristotle I gave him a good kick up the Aris. (Aristotle=Bottle=Bottle and Glass=Arse;
therefore, Aris=Arse) See also bottle.

Arse Bottle and GlassI gave him a good kick up the bottle.

Arse Khyber Pass Stick it up your khyber.

Arse Rolf Harris She kicked him in the Rolf [Rolf Harris wrote "My Boomerang Won't Come
Back". See the reference above to Aristotle. Thanks to Matt Fisher]

Arsehole Elephant & Castle He's a bit of an elephant [Thanks to Steve Fuller]

Arsehole Jam Roll That geezer is a right jam roll. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Arsehole Merry Old Soul ‘e’s a bit of a merry old soul [Thanks to Sanor]

Aunt Mrs. Chant He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas [Thanks to Alan Little]

Back Cadbury Snack Me cadbury's playing me up [Thanks to Pete Powis]

Back Hammer and Tack Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again. [Thanks to James]

Back Hat Rack He fell off the roof and broke his hat rack [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Back Union Jack My old Union Jack's giving me gyp something chronic [Thanks to Ray Wells]

Bad Sorry and Sad That dinner was a bit sorry.

Balls (testicles) Berlin Walls Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly [Thanks to
Stephen Hartwig]

Balls (testicles) Cobbler's Awls Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! [Can also be used to express disbelief,
such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is."]

Balls (testicles) Coffee Stalls He gave him a kick in the corfies [Thanks to Rick Hardy - the
pronunciation is reported to be corfie, not coffee]

Balls (testicles) Niagara Falls I got him in his niagara's [Thanks to Alan Little]

Balls (testicles) Orchestra Stalls He nearly got hit in the orchestra [Thanks to Alan Little]

Balls (testicles) Royal Albert Hall I kicked this geezer straight in the Royal Alberts [Thanks to Steve
Smith]

Banana Gertie Gitana I like a gertie on my cereal [Possibly an old music hall star - Thanks to
Christopher Webb. Sue Lawrence adds: "Gertie Gitana was indeed a music hall performer. My mother,
now ninety-two, spent her early life in Dalston and used to go and see her at the Hackney Empire.]

Bank Armitage Shank I’m off to the armitage [Armitage Shank is the maker of fine porcelain fixtures
found in washrooms everywhere - Thanks to Ed Leveque.]

Bank Cab Rank I won't be long - just going to the cab rank [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Bank Iron Tank He lost his house to the iron.

Bank J. Arthur Rank Gotta get a cock & hen from the J Arthur [Thanks to Aaron Marchant]

Bank Sherman Tank He's off to the Sherman [Thanks to Iain Gordon]

Bank Tommy Tank I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses. [See also Wank - thanks to
Christopher Webb]
Bar (pub) Jack TarI'm off to the Jack. [See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if
you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack
jack, Jack"]

Bar (pub) Near and Far I saw him at the near.

Barber Dover Harbour I’m off to Dover to get me barnet sorted [Thanks to Mark Vernon]

Barking (mad) Three stops down from Plaistow He’s three stops down from Plaistow [from the
London Underground District Line – thanks to Matthew Jackson]

Barrow Cock Sparrow He's wheeling his cock 'round the market. [Lenny notes that in the north this
expression can also refer to a friend, as in "Hello me old cock sparrow"]

Bath Steffi Graf I’m just going for a steffi [Thanks to David Shea]

Bed Uncle Ted I'm off to Uncle Ted.

Beer Pig's Ear Can I buy you a pig?

Beers Brittney Spears 'ow about a Brittney?" [Brittney Spears is a popular singer. Thanks to Ben Allen]

Believe Adam and Eve I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used]

Belly Auntie Nellie I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.

Belly Derby Kelly That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well [From old
cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby. Thanks to Christopher Webb]

Belly New Delhi Look at the new delhi on him! [Thanks to Daniel Williams]

Bender (homosexual) Leo Fender That blokes a bit leo after all. [The late Leo Fender was the
inventor of the Stratocaster guitar - thanks to Richard English]

Bent (criminal) Stoke on Trent 'e's stoke he is. [Thanks to Alan Little. See also 'Bent (gay)']

Bent (homosexual) Behind with the Rent You're not behind with the rent? [Thanks to Gez who
heard this in the film 'Layer Cake'

Bent (homosexual) Duke of Kent Bet you any money e's a duke [Thanks to Tom Hoyle]

Bent (homosexual) Stoke on Trent That bloke's a bit stoke [Thanks to Alex Wood. See also 'Bent
(criminal)']

Best Mae West I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Beverage Edna Everage Would you like an Edna? [Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star,
darling! Thanks to Sue Cope.]

Bill (statement) Beecham's Pill I got my Beecham's from the tax people.

Bill (statement) Jack and Jill I'm going home - can I have my Jack? [See also Hill]
Bill (statement) Jimmy Hill Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? [Thanks to Magnus Spencer. Jimmy
Hill is a football pundit and former player]

Bird Richard the Third Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!

Bird (woman) Lemon Curd I’m off to see me lemon [Thanks to Jesse Wynne]

Bitter (beer) Apple Fritter I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout -
stout].

Bitter (beer) Gary Glitter Give us a pint of gary [Thanks to Gareth Evans]

Bitter (beer) Giggle and Titter 'ere. I could use a giggle. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Bitter (beer) Kitty Litter A pint of kitty litter please [Thanks to Mark]

Blind Bacon Rind Are you completely bacon? [Thanks to Damon]

Blonde Magic Wand I pulled a top magic wand last night [Thanks to Lee Henderson]

Boat Nanny Goat I took my nanny out on the river.

Bog (toilet) Kermit the Frog Sorry mate - where's the kermit [Thanks to Ray Wells]

Boil Can of Oil 'e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up. [Thanks to Marie Gordon]

Boil Conan Doyle 'e's got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist! [Thanks to Marie Gordon. John
Mahony adds that very often the expression used is "Sir Arthur", as in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - He's got a
Sir Arfur on his bushel]

Bollocks Jackson Pollock This modern art's a load of old Jacksons [Thanks to Justin Ellis. Pollock is
a "20th Century strange artist".]

Bones Tom Jones Ooh, me toms are clicking [Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Book Captain Hook I've read this captain.

Book Fish Hook I've read the new fish by Deighton.

Boots Daisy Roots You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.

Booze Tom Cruise I need some Tom [Thanks to Christopher Loosemore]

Boozer (pub) Battle Cruiser I'm going to pop round the battle before I go to the party [Thanks to
Peter Cotterell and Robert Manikiam]]

Boss Joe Goss Never trust a joe [Joe Goss was a talented boxer - Thanks to Sanor]

Boss Pitch and Toss My bloody pitch kept me late again.

Bottle Aristotle If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. [Every now and again they throw a
curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might
have assumed the name was Harry Stottle! Heard from John Mahony who says that when one uses the
expression "lose your bottle" it means to lose the contents of your arse, i.e. "he's shit it", but Ken Caleno
says it means to lose your courage (from Courage's bottled beer)]

Bra Tung Chee Hwa I'm off to buy a tung for the troubles birthday [Admittedly this isn't in common
usage - the person who submitted it is an ex-pat living in Hong Kong - I just think it's neat that we Brits
will try to bugger up the language of every country we visit! Tung Chee Hwa is the Chief Executive of
Hong Kong.]

Braces Airs and Graces He's got his new airs on.

Brandy Fine and Dandy A small drop of fine would suit me.

Bread Uncle Fred Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?

Bread (money) Poppy Red Where's he stashed his poppy [Thanks to Emyr Marks]

Breast East West ‘ave a look at her easts [Thanks to Sanor]

Broke (financial) Hearts of Oak I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.

Brother Manhole Cover My manhole cover is coming for a visit. [How does manhole cover rhyme with
brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!]

Brother One and t'other 'ere's me one and t'other now. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Brussel Sprout Doubt Without a brussel mate [Thanks to Chris Ducker]

Brussel Sprout Shout Give us a brussel when you're up to it.

Bug Steam Tug The bed was full of steamers [Thanks to Roger]

Bum Kingdom Come He just sat on his kingdom all day [Thanks to Alan Little]

Bunion Spanish Onion Oooh – ‘e’s stepped on me Spanish onion [Thanks to Kristin]

Bunk (bed) Pineapple Chunk I could use a couple of hours in the pineapple [Thanks to B.
Hygate]

Burst (urinate) Geoff Hurst I'm dying for a Geoff. [Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West
Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven
into the fabric of football folklore. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Bus So Say All Of Us hurry - here's the sosay [Thanks to Peter Duggan]

Butter Stammer and Stutter Extra stammer for me.

Butter Talk and MutterWould you like some talk on your toast [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Cab (taxi) Flounder & Dab See if you can flag down a flounder [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Cab (taxi) Sherbet Dab 'e's been on the sherbet for five years (driving a cab). [Thanks to John
Butt]

Cab (taxi) Smash & Grab Let's look for a smash and grab [Thanks to Simon Inger]
Café (pronounced caff) Riff RaffI'm off to the riff raff [Thanks to Mike Leith]

Cake Sexton Blake ow about a nice slice of sexton? [Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in
comic book stories (?) - thanks to Christopher Webb]

Candle Harry Randall Look at all the Harry's on his cake.

Cans (headphones) Desperate Dans 'ere - put your desperates on [Thanks to Chris Hanley]

Car Jam Jar Bloody jam is down again.

Car Kareem Abdul Jabbar Bloody kareem is down again. [Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball
player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know! Thanks to Richard English]

Cardy (cardigan) Linda Lusardi Oh my God – look at that awful Linda he’s wearing [Thanks to
Richard Grieve]

Cash Arthur Ashe That blokes not short of Arthur [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Cash Bangers and Mash I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers
[Thanks to John Basquill - see also Sausage and Mash]

Cash Crosby, Stills, Nash That blokes not short of Crosby [Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Cash Harry Nash There’s a discount if you’re paying Harry Nash [Thanks to Phil Woodford – if
anyone knows the origin of this I’d appreciate it]

Cash Oscar Asche Haven't got an Oscar [Oscar Asche (1871-1936) was an actor and producer or
some renown. Thanks to Ruth Summers]

Cash Sausage and Mash I haven't got a sausage. [A little bit different, but fairly common in many
English-speaking countries - see also bangers and mash].

Cash Slap Dash I haven't any slap dash on me [Thanks to Anonymous]

Cell Flowery Dell I've got three more years in this flower.

Chair Lion's Lair Have a lion's while you wait.

Chalk Duke of York All I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.

Chancer (someone not qualified) Bengal Lancer News paper adds would state no bengal lancers
when advertising for tradesmen. [Thanks to Ray Davis]

Change Rifle Range I haven’t got and rifle for the bus [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Chat Bowler Hat Let’s get together for a bowler [Thanks to Simon Bray-Stacey]

Cheek Hide and Seek He kissed me on my hide and seek [Thanks to Gillian White]

Cheese John Cleese I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work [Thanks to Mitchell]

Cheese Stand at Ease Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. [For whatever reason this one is backwards - the
only rule is that there are no rules!].
Cheque Goose's Neck He stuck me with a bouncing goose.

Cheque Gregory Peck I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. [Thanks to Peter
Cotterell] or, [another example from Kevin McKerrell] - I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory.

Cheque Jeff Beck I'll send you a Jeff Beck [Thanks to Jimmy Horowitz]

Chest Bird's Nest I had to punch him in the bird's nest. [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Chest George Best (In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie [Thanks to S. Sexton. George Best is a
famous footballer]

Chest Pants and Vest This cough is killing me pants and vest

Child Molester Charlie Chester Have you seen how young ‘is bird is? He’s a right Charlie Chester
[Thanks to Tim B]

Child Molester Uncle Fester He's a bit of an Uncle Fester [Thanks to Graham Taylor]

Chin Biscuit Tin He's got a big biscuit [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Chink (Chinese) Rink-a-dink We're going to get rinky take-away. [Thanks to Sparky James]

Chink (Chinese) Tiddley Wink ‘e’s not from around these parts. I think e’s a tiddley [Thanks to Stewart
Stallworthy]

Chips Jockey Whips I'll have a large plate of jockey's [Thanks to Paul Aylett]

Chum Fruit Gum How yer doing, my old fruit [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Cider Easy Rider Pint of Easy Rider please [Thanks to Jo Miller]

Cider Sue Ryder Give us a pint of Sue, mate [Thanks to Graham Taylor - The Sue Ryder
Foundation works for the sick and disabled]

Cider Winona Ryder Can I get two pints of winona please [Thanks to Tony Whelan]

Cigar La-di-da I enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal [Thanks to Sparky James. Lenny wrote to
say that Michael Caine (a somewhat well known Cockney) once asked if he could light up a lardy in his
taxi.]

Clanger (mistake) Coat Hanger He dropped a coat [Thanks to Neil Devlin. A clanger is when you
really put your foot in it.]

Class Bottle and GlassHe don't have the bottle [Thanks to Rob O'Connor]

Clink (jail) Kitchen Sink After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while [Thanks to
Wendy Shaw]

Clock Dickory Dock What's the time on the dickory? [Paul Millington writes that cabbies used the
expression to refer to the meter [“What’s on the hickory then?)]

Clue Danny LaRue He ain't got a danny. [Thanks to Charly Large]

Clue Pot of Glue 'e hasn't got a pot of glue [Thanks to Martin Groves]

Clue Scooby-Doo I haven't got a scooby [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]

Clue Vindaloo He hasn’t got a bloody vinda [Thanks to Carla Forbes Pool]

Coat Nanny Goat Put your nannies on - it's taters out. [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Coat Weasel and Stoat I left my weasel in the pub. [See also throat]

Cockney Rhyming Slang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang We're talking about chitty chitty on this web site
[Thanks to Hywel Jones]

Coffee Everton Toffee I’ll have an everton [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire]

Cold Potatoes in the Mould Blimey – it’s taters out there [Thanks to Sparky James]

Cold Potatoes in the mould Cor, taters out there init? [Thanks to Ossie Mair]

Cook Babbling Brook My missus couldn't babble to save her life. [See also Crook]

Copper (police) Grasshopper He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.

Coppers (police) Bottles and Stoppers Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!

Corner Johnnie Horner I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.

Cough Boris Karloff That’s a nasty Boris you’ve got there mate [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Cough Boris Karloff That’s a nasty old boris you’ve got there son [Thanks to Paul Liney]

Cough Darren Gough This Darren is killing me pants and vest [Darren Gough is one heck of a
cricketer.]

Crabs (pubic lice) Marble Slabs E's got a right case of marbles [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Crap Macca I'm off for a macca [Mark Crowe admits this ones a bit convoluted but apparently it's
common in some areas so I've included it. Comes from Macaroni = pony; Pony & Trap = Crap]

Crap Pony and Trap 'Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]. Or, another
usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate! [Thanks to Jon Hughes]

Crash Sausage and Mash He was in a fearsome sausage.

Crime Lemon Lime Not one lemon reported all night [Thanks to Alan Little]

Cripple Raspberry Ripple The old boy's a raspberry [Thanks to Sparky James]

Crook Babbling Brook He's always on the babble. [Meaning he's always planning something crooked.
See also Cook].

Cuddle Mix and Muddle Come and give us a nice mix and muddle [Thanks to Claire Reed]

C**t Berkshire Hunt He's a right berk.

C**t Ethan Hunt He's a right Ethan [Ethan Hunt is the main characters name in the Mission:
Impossible movies. Thanks to Steve Fuller]

C**t Grumble and Grunt He's after your grumble [Thanks to Chris Webb]

C**t Struggle and Grunt That ones a right struggle.

Cupboard Mother Hubbard There's nothing in the mother.

Curry Ruby Murray I'm going for a ruby. [Thanks to Mark Pearson][Ruby Murray was a singer in
Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info. N. Matthews tells
me that Ruby was an Irish singer (1935-1996) popular in the mid to late 1950's. Got a note from Sandy
Everitt who knew Ruby Murray – Ruby was a top recording star in the 1950’s who achieved the rare feat
of having five songs in the top 20 at one time. Ruby died in 1996]

Curtains Richard BurtonsShut the Richards - I'm trying to get some kip [Thanks to Ray Wells]

Darlin' Briney Marlin You look lovely tonight, me old briney.

Daughter Bricks and Mortar I'm taking me bricks and mortar shopping. [Thanks to Geoff and
Niki Sams]

Daughter Didn't oughta He brought his didn't oughta [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Daughter Lamb to the Slaughter That blokes lamb is a real stunner [Thanks to Peter Schlosser]

Dead Brown Bread I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Dead Hovis Bread Old Jim is hovis [Thanks to Jeremy Williams]

Deaf Mutt and Jeff Poor buggers mutt and jeff. [Usually full slang expression is used. Keith Turner
reports that very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".]

Decks (turntables) Posh ‘n Becks Have you got yer posh ‘n becks yet [Thanks to anonymous – see
Sex - Posh ‘n Becks]

Dick (penis) Hampton Wick He got his hampton out in the pub last night [Thanks to David Agius.
John Parker adds: The best use of this was the Goon Show which for a long time had a mythical
character called Hugh Hampton where the Hugh was mispronounced as Huge. This running joke was
totally missed by the BBC management, who would never have let anything like that on the radio in the
50s/60s. Graham recalls that the characters name was actually Hugh Jampton - same end result.]

Dick (penis) Three Card Trick She couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card trick [Thanks
to Peter Norman]

Dictionary Tom, Dick and Harry I’ll just check the meaning in the tom [Thanks to Leon Walker]

Dinner Jim Skinner Is my Jim ready yet?

Dinner Lilly and Skinner What’s for lilly and skinner [Thanks to Jud Chimp]

Dinner Michael WinnerI’m Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner. [Thanks
to Simon Rowan. Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times]
Doddle (easy or straight forward) Glenn Hoddle That jobs a Glen Hoddle. [Glenn Hoddle is the
coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Dog Cherry Hogg My bloody cherry is off again.

Dole (welfare) Ear’ole (Ear Hole) If I get the tin tack I’m going on the ear’ole [Thanks to Paul
Liney]

Dole (welfare) Nat King Cole I've got to sign on the old Nat King [Thanks to Hywel Jones. Ray Wells
says it's also known as Old King Cole]

Dole (welfare) Rock and Roll 'e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll.
[Thanks to Mark Moule]

Dole (welfare) Sausage Roll He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage. [Thanks to Martin
McKerrell]

Dollar Oxford Scholar Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. [Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5
shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown - thanks to Jim Williams]

Door Henry Moore They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two [Thanks to Alan Little]

Dope (marijuana) Bob Hope I think he’s been smoking a bit of Bob Hope [Thanks to Phil
Woodford]

Draft George Raft There's a bit of a george in here. [Thanks to Jim Battman]

Drink Tiddley Wink Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.

Drugs Persian Rugs ‘ere mate. Got any Persians? [Thanks to David Rolph]

Drunk Elephant's Trunk He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.

Dump (shit) Camel's Hump Just going for a quick camels [Thanks to Kevin Lowther who tells me this
one was used in Abu Dhabi]

Dump (shit) Donald Trump I've got to go for a donald [Thanks to Peter Conway]

Dump (shit) Forrest Gump "Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first". [Thanks
to Richard English]

Dyke (Lesbian) Magnus Pike She looks like a right Magnus [Thanks to Steve Vincent - Magnus Pike
was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids]

Dyke (lesbian) Raleigh Bike She’s a right Raleigh [Thanks to Claire Reed]

Dyke (Lesbian) Three Wheel Trike She's a bit of a three wheeler [Thanks to Barry Smith. Ray Wells
has heard the expression rusy bike as well]

Early Liz Hurley ‘e’s never gotten here liz [Thanks to Paul Woodford

Earner Bunsen Burner The jobs not much but it's a nice little bunsen [Thanks to Laurie Bamford]

Ears Ten Speed Gears Look at the size of 'is ten speeds [Thanks to Billy Wade]
Engineer Ginger Beer He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.

Erection Standing Election He's holding a standing election in his callards [Thanks to Buddy]

Evening Post Beans on Toast Go and buy the beans on toast will you son [Thanks to Hefin Gill]

Eyes Mince Pies She got beatiful minces.

Fable Railway Timetable (After someone tells you a tall tale) What’s he been doin’? Reading a
railway table. [Might also be substituted with bus timetable – Thanks to Paul Island]

Face Boat Race Nice legs, shame about the boat. [Also a good song by The Monks]

Face Cod & Plaice It's too cold outside; no good for my cod [Thanks to Mark Elston]

Face Chevy Chase She's got a lovely Chevy Chase [Thanks to Adrian Calvin and Paul Beer]

Face Jem Mace Wipe that look off your jem [Thanks to Chris Webb - Jem Mace was a boxer in
the late 19th century]

Facts Brass Tacks 'Ere, you've got your brass wrong! [Thanks to Alan Little]

Fag (cigarette) Cough and DragI’m going out for a quick cough and drag [Thanks to Trevor Baker]

Fag (cigarette) Harry Wragg Have you got a harry? [Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a
famous jockey]

Fag (cigarette) Melvynn Bragg Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you [Thanks to Mark Holmans
who reports that Melvynn was a television host]

Fag (cigarette) Oily Rag Give us an oily. [Thanks to David Hughes]

Fag (cigarette) Toe Rag / Tow Rag Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags [Thanks to Mike
Smith. Mike says he thinks toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they
didn't have shoes… we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his
old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag =
queer).]

[Martin McKerrell adds that toe rag referred to a small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty
little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents".]
[Gillian adds "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and
probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer
to travelling people."][And Michael Kendix adds: I heard that "Toe rag" came from "Taureg" a nomadic
people living in the Arabian desert, regarded by colonial powers as "low life's". So, it would be insulting
to refer to someone as a "Toe rag", which, as you say, could be used to describe a ne'er do well! And
Paul offers a somewhat disturbing image: In the times of Nelsons navy paper was too expensive to use in
the head (toilet) and so sailors would get a short length of rope (toe) and unravel it until it resemble rags
(toe-rag), this would then be used instead of paper and had the added benefit that t could be washed
and re-used.]
Fake Sexton Blake He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton [Thanks to Martyn Tracy. See also 'Sexton
Blake-cake']

Fanny Auntie Annie She’s just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie [Thanks to “the boys at CHS]

Fanny Jack and Danny She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny [Thanks to Glenn Collignon]

Farmer (see usage) Arnold Palmer 'e's a right Arnold [Thanks to Nick Williams. I love this one - it
refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course]

Farrahs (trousers) Bow and Arrows Nice pair of bow and arrows [Use your best Cockney
accent here. The reference is to Farrah slacks – Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Fart D'Oyly Carte Have you done a d’oyly? [D’Oyly Carte is a light opera company – thanks to
David Poulten]

Fart Horse and Cart Have you just horse & carted? [Thanks to Paul Beer]

Fart Orson (i.e. Horse ‘n Cart) He’s dropped an orson [Thanks to Paul Gardner]

Fart Raspberry Tart He blew a raspberry. [Thanks to Tobias Bard]

Favour Cheesy Quaver Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site. [Thanks to Ed Wright]

Feel Orange Peel I fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)

Feet Dogs Meat Me dogs are barking [Meaning my feet are tired. Thanks to Sparky]

Feet Plates of Meat Get your plates of the table.

Fibs (lies) Scott Gibbs He’s been telling scotts again [Scott Gibbs is a rugby star – thanks to
Hefin Gill]

Fight Read and Write He'd rather read than walk away.

Fine Calvin Klein I'm calvin today. [Thanks to Tony Alderton]

Fish Lilian Gish Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.

Fist Oliver Twist Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.

Fiver (£5 note) Lady Godiva Ere, that bloke still owes me lady! [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Fiver (£5 note) Taxi Driver 'ere - you owe me a taxi [Thanks to David]

Flares (wide bottom trousers) Lionel Blaire Got on his best lionels for the evening. [Lionel Blaire is a
performer. Thanks to Josh Holmes]

Flash Lemon Dash Don’t act so lemon [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Flash (natty) Harry Dash 'e was alway a bit of an 'arry [Thanks to Sparky James]

Flowers April Showers I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.

Flying Squad Sweeney Todd Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]
Fork Duke of York Keep your fingers out of your grub, man. Use a duke [Thanks to Sparky James]

Function Spaghetti Junction e's got spaghetti tonight.

Garage Steve Claridge I've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol [Thanks to Jon Simmons. It
helps if you realize that garage, which commonly rhymes with mirage in North America, more usually
rhymes with carriage in Britain. A great Tony Hancock piece has him trying to act all condescending and
pronouncing it the American way, confusing the ears off a local constable. Steve Claridge is a venerable
striker, late of Leicester.]

Gargle (drunk) Arthur Scargill 'e's right Authur'd [Thanks to John Claffey]

Gay (homosexual) Bale of Hay Don't bother Britany - he's bale. [Thanks to Uncle Custard who
also provided the example of usage… just who do you suppose Britany is?]

Gay (homosexual) Doctor Dre E’s a bit of a doctor [Dr. Dre is a rap artist – Thanks to Will
Sowden]

Gay (homosexual) Finlay Quaye That boozer is Finlay ub [Thanks to Stuart Taylor –Finlay Quaye
is a musician]

Gay (homosexual) First of May He's a right first [Thanks to Jeremy Williams]

Gay (homosexual) Ted RayHe's a bit Ted. [Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This
association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a
character called Jack Gay. Thanks to Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Geezer Fridge & Freezer He’s a right fridge [Thanks to Tomma]

Geezer Ice Cream Freezer 'e's not a bad old ice cream [Thanks to Vince Scott]

Geezer Julius Caesar 'ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius [Thanks to Dudley]

Geezer Lemon Squeezer I saw that lemon we met in the rub-a-dub last night [Thanks to Mark
Foster]

Ghost Pillar and Post Looks like he’s seen a pillar [Thanks to Neil Gemmill]

Gin Mother's Ruin Another mothers would sit well.

Gin Needle and Pin I'll have a small needle and tonic.

Gin Nose and Chin I'll have a drop of nose and chin [Thanks to Philip Hart]

Gin Thick & Thin I enjoy a bit of thick and thin [Thanks to Beanage]

Gin Vera Lynn I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad. [Thanks to Mark Hamnett]

Girl Cadbury Swirl Come over here, me old Cadbury [Thanks to Jonathan Burroughs]

Girl Twist and Twirl She looks like a nice twist [Thanks to Alan Little]

Git (twit) Strawberry SplitThat bloke's a right strawberry [Thanks to Dennis Wise]
Gloves Turtle Dove's Where's me turtle dove's [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Go Scapa Flow Scapa! [Actually pronounced 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied
with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone. Robert Benoist sent
me the following which I found interesting: Scapa Floe was a Royal Naval base established in the 20th
Century and famous for the scuttling of the German fleet in 1919 and a subsequent WW11 battle.
Before 1919 it is doubtful whether anyone in the country let alone cockneys would have heard of it.

In Mayhew's London Labour and the London Poor (vol 3 1851) there is a chapter on Punch Talk (basically
the slang language used by traveling Italian Punch and Judy men and entertainers). This slang contains
both English and Italian roots. In Punch Talk "To get away quickly" e.g. from the police or authority is
spoken and written as scarper. This comes from the Italian Scappare. Punch talk formed one of the roots
of Polari which also incorporated rhyming slang and was used first by the east end street traders, and
then the west end street traders, and finally by homosexuals in the 40's and 50's. There are almost as
many Polari expressions currently used as there are rhyming slang. It is probable that after 1919 it was
imagined that the word had originated in the rhyming slang after Scapa Floe but I think the evidence
firmly points to its Italian Origins.]

Gob (mouth) Gang and Mob He's got a big gang [Thanks to Dave Connolly]

Good Robin Hood That sounds like it's robin [Thanks to Alan Little]

Gossip Rex Mossop What's the latest Rex, love? [Thanks to Rebecca Marks who tells me Rex is an
Aussie sports commentator]

Grand (1000) Bag of Sand He owes me a bag [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Gravy Army and Navy Can I have some army for my mashed?

Greek Bubble and Squeak 'E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. [Bubble and squeak is a uniquely
British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel
sprouts work well). Thanks to Mark Pearson]

Guts (stomach) Newington Butts Me Newingtons are playing me up. [Thanks to Mark Crowe and
Martin McKerrell - Michael Faraday (the magnet fellow) born in Newington Butts, the area of London
now known as the Elephant and Castle]

Gutter Bread and Butter Found him laying in the bread and butter. [Usually full slang expression
is used]

Gym Fatboy Slim I’m going down to the fatboy [Fatboy Slim is a recording artist – thanks to
Martin Rowe]

Haddock Fanny CraddockFanny and chips for supper? [Thanks to Sparky James]

Hair Barnet Fair She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.

Hair Biffo the Bear Me biffo’s not looking the best today [Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano
from 1948 to 1974. Thanks to Gillian White]
Hair Bonney Fair She's got beautiful shiny bonney.

Half (a pint) Cow and Calf I could use a cow and calf [Thanks to Nick Williams. He reports that
there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf]

Hand St. Martins-Le-Grand I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago [Thanks to Alan Little]

Hands German Bands Get your germans off my missus.

Hands Jazz Bands Get yer jazz bands off me [Thanks to Peter Norman]

Hat Titfer (Tit for Tat) Lovely titfer. [This one uses the first two words - probably because
saying "lovely tit" proved awkward]

Head Crust of Bread Use your crust mate.

Head Loaf of Bread Don't just stand there - use your loaf.

Head (fellatio) Blood Red She likes to give blood. [Thanks to Kirk Whitworth]

Heart Strawberry Tart Me strawberry belongs to you [Thanks to John Curnow]

Hell Gypsy Nell My knee is giving me gyp today. [Thanks to Chris Webb]

Hemorrhoid Clement Freud Oooh, me clements! [Thanks to Ian Coppell]

Hemorrhoids Emma Freuds Me Emma's are playing me up. [Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1 - Thanks to
Stuart Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Heroin Vera Lynn Goodbye Vera Lynn [from Pink Floyd – “Goodbye Vera Lynn.

I'm leaving you today" meaning I’m giving up heroin, written at that time for Gilmore. Thanks to Joe
Lovick for the slang and the references]

Hill Jack and Jill The store is up the jack. [See also Bill]

Hole Drum Roll Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house). [Thanks to Dave
Hughes]

Home Pope in Rome Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.

Host Pillar and Post Who’s the pillar and post for tonight? [Thanks to Dave]

Hot Peas in a Pot Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.

House Cat and Mouse Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.

House Mickey Mouse I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. [Usually means a theatre rather
than a residence]

Howler (mistake) Robbie Fowler I made a right Robbie yesterday [Thanks to John Revell – Robbie
Fowler plays for Liverpool]
Hymen Bill Wyman Virgin? Don’t think so mate – not a bill in sight [Thanks to Benjamin Smith. Bill
Wyman is, of course, with the Rolling Stones and Benjamin reports he had a bit of a penchant for the
younger cadburys]

Ice Blind Mice I'll have a Gold and Blind [Thanks to John Gibson]

Jacket Desmond Hackett He's sporting a new Desmond [Thanks to Chris Webb - Mr. Hackett is a
renowned Daily Express sports reporter]

Jacket Tennis Racquet I bought a new tennis racquet [Thanks to Laura Clifford]

Jail Bucket and Pail One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.

Jail Ginger Ale 'e's doing time in the ginger. [Thanks to Wendy Shaw]

Jeans Harpers and Queens He's sporting a new pair of harpers [Thanks to Neale Davison. Harpers
and Queen is a woman's magazine "Published in London for the World"]

Jeans Runner Beans How do you like me new runners [Thanks to Darren Foreman]

Jeans Steve McQueens Me new steves are a bit tight [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Jew Five to Two If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.

Jew Four by Two He's not from around here - he's a four.

Jewellery Tom Foolery That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom. [Thank the Peter Cotterell]

Jive Duck and Dive She can’t half duck and dive [Thanks to Podster]

Job Corn on the Cob 'e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Job Dog's Knob Me new motor is just the dog's knob [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Jock (Scot) Sweaty Sock There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat... [This
term is usually derogatory. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Joke Rum and Coke Go on then, tell us another rum and coke [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Joker Double Yoker Who's this double yoker [Thanks to Joel Glover]

Judge Barnaby Rudge I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.

Jugs (breasts) Carpets and Rugs That girls has a lovely set of carpets [Thanks to Benjamin Smith]

Kebab (shish kebab) Phil Babb Bloody hell, boys, I'm proper Oliver'd - anyone fancy a Phil?
[Thanks to John Loveday]

Keen Torvill and Dean She's a bit torvill on my mate Barry [Thanks to Darryl Middleton]

Kettle Hansel & Gretel I put the Hansel on for a nice cup of Rosy [Thanks to Peter Robinson]

Key Brenda Lee Where’s me brenda’s? [Thanks to Nick Webster]

Key Vivian Lee Where's me Vivian? [Thanks to John Kitley]

Keys Bruce Lee’s Have you seen me brucies? [Thanks to Graham Cooper]

Keys John Cleese ‘ave you seen me johns [Thanks to Mathew]

Keys Knobbly Knees Have you got your knobblies with you? [Thanks to Beeman]

Kidney Bo Diddley Me bo’s are giving me gyp [Thanks to Jay]

Kids Dustbin Lids A nice girl but too many dustbin's.

Kids God Forbids Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.

Kids Saucepan Lids I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids [Thanks to Peter Cotterell - see also
'Yid']

Kids Teapot Lids I'm taking my little teapot to country.

Kids Tin Lids I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids. [Thanks to Bernie
Albert]

Kiss Heavenly Bliss C’mon me turtle, give us an ‘eavenly [Thanks to Rebecca Coonan]

Kiss Hit and Miss How about a bit of hit and miss [Thanks to Doosh]

Knackered (tired) Cream Crackered I'm cream crackered, mate. [Thanks to David
Carruthers]

Knackered (tired) Kerry Packer I'm right Kerry'd [Thanks to David Bennett - Kerry Packer is an
Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!)]

Knackers (testicles) Jacobs Crackers That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs [Thanks to Bryan Rayner]

Knees Biscuits and Cheese I've been on my biscuits all day.

Knickers Alan Whickers The 'lastics gone in me alans. [Alan Whicker used to host a TV
programme called Whickers World - Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Knob (penis) Uncle Bob ‘e’s a bit proud of his Uncle Bob [Thanks to “the boys at CHS”]

Kraut (German) Rainbow Trout Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night! [Thanks to Alex Gordon]

Lager Forsythe Saga Mines a forsythe [Thanks to Den Frankham]

Lager Mick Jagger How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here? [Thanks to Colin Reid]

Lark (fun) Tufnell Park Always one for a tufnell [Thanks to Michael Mundy]

Late Cilla Black You’re a bit Cilla today, mate [Thanks to Justyn Olby who explains that this
comes from Cilla Black’s Blind Date TV programme that was popular]

Late Terry Waite You’re a bit Terry Waite [Thanks to Paul Woodford]

Later Baked Potato I'll see ya baked. [Thanks to Eric Van Zanten]

Later Christian Slater See you Christian Slater [Thanks to Kris Grissom]
Laugh Bubble Bath You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya? [Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Laugh Cows Calf Your having a cows calf, ain't you [Thanks to Graham Todd]

Laugh Giraffe You're havin' a giraffe, mate. [Thanks to Ed Balch]

Laugh Steffi Graf You're having a Steffi [Thanks to Peter Grewal]

Laugh Turkish Bath He's havin' a turkish. [Thanks to Chris Baylis]

Laugh Wally's Scarf He's having a wally [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Legs Bacon and Eggs Lovely set of bacons [James Robinson notes that this can be Ham & Eggs as
well].

Legs Dolly Pegs 'ave a butchers at the dollies on 'er [This comes from the old style wooden
clothes pegs that little girls used to draw faces on and make little dresses and hats/hair for, hence the
dolly peg. Thanks to Simon]

Legs Mumbley Pegs Stand on your own mumbleys [Thanks to Sanor]

Legs Nutmegs He was nutmegged [this is a common football term for when the ball is kicked
between an opponents legs and then the other player runs around to get control of the ball again –
thanks to Allen Keep]

Legs Pins and Pegs I was so surprised I nearly fell off me pins [Thanks to Sparky James]

Legs Scotch Pegs Sit down and take a load off your pegs. [For whatever reason, the common
usage is the rhyming word rather than the first]

Leicester Square Euan Blair We're getting off the train at Euan Blair station [Thanks to Vix.
Mark points out that Euan Blair (Prime minister's underage son) was found drunk by police in Leicester
Square earlier this year. Hence the slang.]

Lesbian West End Thespian She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know. [Thanks to Richard
English]

Liar Bob Cryer Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris [Sergeant Bob Cryer is a character in
"The Bill". Thanks to Kelly Webb]

Liar Dunlop Tyre ‘e’s a bit of a dunlop [Thanks to Donald Burk]

Liar Holy Friar ‘e’s a bit of a holy friar [Thanks to Donald Burk]

Lies Pork Pies Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.

Life Nelly Duff Not on your nelly, mate. [The expression 'not on your nelly', meaning 'not on
your life' (meaning that the person would never do something), is from Nelly Duff which rhymes with
puff which means breath which is another way of saying life... convoluted little devil, isn't it? From
everything I researched it would seem Nelly Duff was a fictional character but this is not certain. Thanks
to Cathleen Kelly]

Life (term) Porridge Knife 'e's doing a stay in the porridge. [Thanks to Alan Morgan]
Liver Cheerful Giver Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight. [Mike King has written to say that he that
the slang for liver comes from "The Lord loves a cheerful giver", which was then shortened to Lord...
Lovely - we're have the Lord for dinner tonight.]

Liver Swanee River We're having swanee for dinner again? [Thanks to John Gibson who actually
heard this in an interview with Ian Drury who, talking about his colon cancer, said, "... it's in me swanee
now".]

Lodger Artful Dodger She's taken in an artful to help pay the way.

Look Butcher's Hook Here - take a butcher's at this.

Look Captain Cook I just went over there for a captain [Thanks to Ashleigh Mills]

Loot (money) Fibre of your fabric C'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric [Thanks to Olli Black -
fabric=suit=loot]

Lot (Serving or share) Hopping Pot That's your hopping mate. [Meaning, that's all you get. Thanks
to James Vosper who says that this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other
districts to gather hops for beer]

Love Turtle Dove All right me old turtle [Thanks to Vince Scott]

Luck Donald Duck How's your Donald? [Thanks to Charly Large]

Luck Friar Tuck 'E always had a bit of friar tuck. [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]

Mad Mum and Dad He's a bit mum and dad. [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]

Marriage Horse and Carriage e's off to his 'orse and carriage [Thanks to Emma]

Married Cash and Carried Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend.

Matches Cuts and Scratches Do you have any cuts?

Mate China Plate How are you, my old china?

Mate Garden Gate He’s an old garden gate from school [Thanks to Martin Hillier]

Meetin' (meeting) Buster Keaton We'll see you at the Buster [Thanks to Kris Grissom]

Mental Radio Rental He's a bit radio [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brinks]

Mental (crazy) Chicken Oriental It was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday night [Thanks
to Phil Vondra]

Merry Tom and Jerry E’s a tommy bloke [Thanks to Sparky James]

Mess Elliot Ness My drum's a right Elliot [Thanks to Nick Williams]

Milk Acker Bilk Would you like Acker in your coffee? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Acker Bilk
(born Bernard Stanley Bilk) was born in 1929 is a master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount Jazz
Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a Somerset term meaning friend or mate]
Mind Chinese Blind You're out of you little chinese mate. [Thanks to Danny O'Sullivan]

Miss Cuddle and Kiss She's a cute little cuddle.

Missus (Mrs) Love and Kisses Where did your love and kisses go? [Thanks to Alan Little]

Missus (Mrs) Plates and Dishes How's the plates getting on then? [Thanks to Alan Little]

Money Bees and HoneyCan't go in there without any bees.

Money Bread and Honey Let's drink with him - he's got bread. [This one has enjoyed very
common usage]

Money Bugs Bunny I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub.
[Thanks to Nigel Ritson]

Motor (car) Haddock and Bloater I’ve gone and locked me keys in the haddock [Thanks to Alistair
Steadman]

Mouth North and South I gave him a punch up the north.

Mug (chump) Toby Jug I'm tired of people taking me for a toby [Thanks to Roger Gillespie]

Neck Bushel and Peck He's got a bushel like tree trunk.

Neck Gregory Peck Wind you Gregory in [Thanks to Graham Todd]

Nerves West Ham Reserves e's got a bad case of the West Ham's [Thanks to Martin Elliot]

News Wooden Pews Did you catch the wooden pews yesterday [Thanks to LO]

Nick (prison) Shovel and Pick He's spending a bit of time in the shovel. [Thanks to John Butt]

Nightmare Lionel Blaire I'm havin' a right lionel [Lionel Blaire is a performer. Thanks to Jonathan
Harris]

Nightmare Weston-Super-Mare Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super

[Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset. Thanks to Christian Martinsen]

Nipple Raspberry Ripple Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts! [Can also mean
cripple. Thanks to Dave Brown]

Nippy (cold) George and Zippy It’s a bit George [Thanks to Sam Murray – Eli Davenport reports
that George & Zippy are from an old BBC kids show called Rainbow]

Noise Box of Toys Hold your box - they can hear you miles away!

Nose Fireman's Hose Look at the size of his fireman's [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Nose Fray Bentos Look at the Fray Bentos on that poor sod [Fray Bentos is a maker of a fabulous
Steak & Kidney Pie (and other treats). Thanks to Ray Wells]

Nose I Suppose That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.

Nose Irish Rose She gave me a kiss on my Irish.

Nun Current Bun My meanest teachers were currents [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]

Nutter (crazy) Roll and Butter That blokes a bloody roland [Like titfer meaning hat, this expression
uses the first two words rather than just the first. Thanks to Rhian]

Off (take off, leave) Frank Bough I'm gonna do the Frank [see 'scoff'. Frank Bough was a
television personality - Thanks to Tom Kimber]

Old Man (Father or Husband) Pot and Pan I was talking to me old pot just yesterday. [Thanks to
Bernie Albert and Colin]

On My Own Toblerone He's over there on his toblerone [Thanks to Laura Clifford

Out of Order Allan Border He's bang Allan [used when someone does something to another
person that is not looked upon favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late
80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang.]

Paddy Tea Caddy Did you know Kevin is a tea caddy? [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]

Pager John Major Me John Major’s just gone off [Thanks to Ian Nelson]

Pakistani Bacon Sarnie They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon [Thanks to
Nathaniel Espino. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich
you haven't lived. Nathaniel notes that this expression may be considered offensive]

Pakistani Reg Varney Martin's new bird's a Reg [Thanks to Jonny Morris. Reg played Stan
Butler on 'On the Buses', one of the 1970's BritComs]

Pants Adam Ant Get your adam’s on [Thanks to Mike Leith]

Pants Surrey & Hants Blimey, I have no clean surreys [Thanks to Oliver Dick]

Paper (newspaper) Linen Draper Has the morning linen come yet?

Parcel Elephant and Castle Wot you got ‘ere then, a bleedin’ elephant [Thanks to Paul Island]

Park Noah's Ark I'm taking my misses to the Noah.

Party Moriarty Mental morry mate [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Party Russell Harty I've phoned for a sherbert to take us to the Russell [Thanks to Jo Walker -
Russell Harty is a TV host]]

Peas John Cleese Eat yer John Cleese - they're good for you [Thank to Mike Leith]

Peas Knobbly Knees We’re havin’ sexton and knobblies [Thanks to Mathew]

Pee Gypsy Rose Lee I’m off for a gypsy [Thanks to John Trimmer]

Pest Fred West Here comes that Fred West again [Fred West was and alleged mass murderer
found hanged in his jail sail in 1995. Thanks to Kevin Wade]

Tonic Philharmonic I'll have a Vera and Phil (gin and tonic) [Thanks to Michael Hawkins]
Phone Al Capone He’s always on the al capone [Thanks to Mike Agnes]

Phone Dog and Bone She's always on the dog.

Piano Joanna He sparkles on the joanna. [Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're
trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana']

PicturesDolly Mixtures Going out to the Dolly Mixtures tonight [Thanks to Philip Hart - Dolly Mixtures
are ]

Piddle (urinate) Jimmy Riddle I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.

Piles Nuremberg Trials Me Nuremberg's are really playing me up [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Piles (hemorrhoids) Chalfont St Giles Me chalfonts are playing up. [Thanks to Paul Costello]

Piles (hemorrhoids) Farmer Giles Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers [Thanks to David
Hughes]

Piles (hemorrhoids) Nobby Stiles Me nobbies are acting up again [Nobby Stiles was a great
footballer from years gone by - Thanks to David Hughes]

Piles (hemorrhoids) Rockford Files Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! [Jim Rockford was the
central character in the TV show The Rockford Files. Thanks to Paul Darbyshire]

Piles (hemorrhoids) Sieg Heils I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.

Piles (hemorrhoids) Slay 'em in the aisles Me slay 'ems are playing me up. [Thanks to Stuart
Burgess & Gordon Leel]

Pill (birth control) Jack and Jill She's on the Jack [Thanks to Justyn Olby]

Pillow Weeping Willow 'ere. Get yer head off my weeping willow [Thanks to Graham Allen]

Pill Strawberry Hill I must remember to take my strawberry tonight [Thanks to Jonathan Wills]

Pills Jack 'n Jills Where's me Jack n Jills [Thanks to Brian Kemp]

Pills Mick Mills ‘e’s always ‘ad a weakness for the Mick Mills [Thanks to Phil Woodford. Mick
Mills played for Ipswich in the ‘70s]

Pinch (steal) Half Inch Someone's half-inched me pint! [Thanks to Mark Schofield]

Pipe Cherry Ripe He does a cherry [Cherry Ripe is an Australian chocolate bar - although this may
be Aussie slang rather than Cockney I've included it since I've received so many submissions for it.
Thanks to Ben Murphy et al]

Piss Arthur Bliss I'm just popping out for an Arthur [Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer
(1891-1975). Thanks to Robert Harper]

Piss Gypsy's Kiss Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.

Piss Hit and Miss I've got to have a hit before we go out.
Piss (Make fun of) Mickey Bliss He’s always taking the mickey out of someone [Mickey is short
for a mythical 'Mickey Bliss,' providing the rhyme for 'piss and has been in widespread use since the late
1940s. The original idea was that of deflating someone, recalling the description of a self-important
blusterer as 'all piss and wind.' Thanks to Brown Terriers]

Pissed (angry) Hit List I'm really hit today [Thanks to Michael G]

Pissed (drunk) Brahms and Liszt He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink.
[Thanks to Ray Davis. Sometimes the expression "Mozart & Liszt is used.]

Pissed (drunk) Oliver Twist I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. [Thanks
to Peter Cotterell]

Pissed (drunk) Schindlers List I'm a bit schindlers after a too many forsythes [Thanks to Den
Frankham]

Pissed (drunk) Scotch Mist 'e was completely scotch mist last night. [Thanks to Alan Little. Thanks
to Marie Gordon for the example of usage.]

Plate Alexander the Great Don’t try and scarper before you’ve washed those alexanders [Thanks to
Paul Island]

Play Grass & Hay Let's grass and hay down the park [Thanks to Oliver Nunn]

Pocket Lucy Locket Keep it in your Lucy.

Pocket Sky Rocket I've got nothing in my skies.

Poof (homosexual) Iron Hoof He's a bit of an iron. [Also Horses Hoof]

Poof (homosexual) Tin Roof I think he might be a tin roof [Thanks to Kron]

Porn Frankie Vaughan Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight? [Thanks to Jason Rankin]

Porn Johnny Vaughn I enjoy a bit of Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast –
thanks to Dan Longhurst]

Powder (cocaine) Nikki Lauder He's off doing a bit of Nikki [Thanks to Jim Smith)

Prat (arse) Paper Hat He's a bit of a paper [Thanks to Justin Semmens]

Prayer Weavers' Chair Haven't got a weaver's of getting into her alans. [Thanks to Cormac Kennedy. A
weaver's chair has a low profile back allowing free movement of the arms.]

Prick Hampton Wick He gets on my wick. [Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it]

Pride Jekyll and Hyde You lost your jekyll or something? [Thanks to Joe Mills]

Prison Boom and Mizzen 'e's off to the boom for a bit. [Thanks to Mike Shepherd]

Pub Nuclear Sub I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock [Thanks to Robert Lynch]

Pub Rub-a-dub-dub I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub. [Comes from the children's rhyme Rub-a-dub-dub,
three men in a tub...]
Pube (pubic hair) Rubric's Cube When your having a shower make sure you wash your rubric's
[Thanks to Andrew Turner]

Puff (marijuana) Mickey Duff Here, mate. Got any Mickey? [Thanks to Nortsqaf2]

Punter (gambler or odds maker)Hillman Hunter ‘ere comes another load of Hillmans [the Hillman was a
fine auto introduced in 1966. Thanks to Steve Trice]

Purse Gypsy's Curse Someone's alf-inched me gypsy [Thanks to Martin Grove]

QuarterFarmers Daughter My Nan want me to get her three farmers of rosie (3/4 lb of tea)
[Thanks to Peter Summersgill]

Queen (homosexual) Torvill & Dean He’s a right old torvill [Thanks to Tony Johnson]

Queer (homosexual) Brighton Pier That blokes a bit of a Brighton [Thanks to S. Sexton]

Queer (homosexual) Ginger Beer He's a bit ginger [Thanks to Steve Robinson. See Queer (odd)
below]

Queer (homosexual) King Lear e's a bit King Lear. [Thanks to Leslie Munday]

Queer (odd) Ginger Beer I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger. [Heard from Chris and
Colin who have heard the expression "very glass", meaning very strange (from Glass of Beer), based on
this rhyme. Also, see Queer (homosexual) above]

Quid Bin Lid Lend us a bin [Thanks to Richard Hall]

Quid Teapot Lid I'm down a teapot already.

Rail Toby Ale 'e's traveling by toby.

Railway Guard Christmas Card Look out for the christmas [Thanks to Sparky James]

Rain Pleasure and Pain Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.

Rave (dance) Comedy Dave You coming to the comedy? [Comedy Dave is a Radio 1 DJ – Thanks to
Hefin Gill]

Readies (pound notes) Nelson Eddy's 'e's got a pile of nelsons! [Thanks to Julia Jones]

Rent Burton on TrentThey've raised my burton again.

Rent Clark Kent I'm having a tough time coming up with me Clark [Thanks to Richard Robinson]

Rent Duke of Kent I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Rich Scratch & Itch 'e's got scratch [Thanks to Richard Lee]

Right Isle of Wight Down the High Road to the lights and make an Isle. [Thanks to Daniel Maurer.
Also seen used as slang for "all right" but not in common usage]

River Shake and Shiver He jumped right into the shake [Thanks to Alan Little]

Road Frog and Toad Don't ride your bike on the frog. [See Road = Kermit]
Road Kermit 'e took off down the kermit. [From Kermit the Frog = frog and toad = road. Thanks to
Gavin Wallace]

Rotten Dot Cotton I’m feeling a bit dot [Dot Cotton is a character from Eastenders – thanks to
Rachel Walmsley]

Row (argument) Barn Owl Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the
geezer behind the desk. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell][[Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to
'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone]

Row (argument) Bull and Cow Had a right bull with my misses last night.

Rum Tom Thumb A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.

Sack (fired) Tin Tack He got the tin tack the other day [Thanks to Duncan Whitesmith]

Saloon Bar Balloon Car I'll be at the balloon.

Sauce Dead Horse Pass the dead horse [Thanks to Brad Spencer]

Scar Mars Bar I fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the dog & bone, hit my head
and ended up with a mars bar [Thanks to David Bancroft]

Scoff (food) Frank Bough I’m going to get some frank [see 'off'. Frank Bough was a television
personality – thanks to Martin Brewer]

Score Bobby Moore You know the Bobby [Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993.
Thanks to Graham Todd]

Score Hampden Roar You know the hampden [Thanks to Andrew Mkandawire who goes on to explain
that the Hampden Roar is is a commonly used term that refers to the noise made when fans cheer on
Scotland at Hampden Park]

Score (£20) Apple Core I gave me last apple to that old paraffin [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]

Scotch Gold Watch I'll have a gold watch and ten [Thanks to Del Sinnott]

Scotch Pimple and Botch He enjoys a good pimple.

Scotch (Whisky)Gold Watch 'E enjoys his gold watch [Thanks to Martyn Tracy]

Scouser (Liverpudlian) Mickey Mouser 'E's a mickey mouser [Refers to someone from Liverpool.
Thanks to César Lozano]

Scouts Brussel Sprouts He's always been a brussel.

Scran (food) Jackie Chan I’m Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner
[Thanks to Simon Rowan]

Sex Posh ‘n Becks Had a bit of posh with the missus last night [Thanks to Iain Sisson– Posh refers
to Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) of the Spice Girls while Becks refers to David Beckham, the famous
footballer she married. Another example of Rhyming Slang evolving to reflect the times. See also Decks
- Posh ‘n Becks]
Shabby Westminster Abbey He's turned out a bit westminster today [Thanks to Sparky James]

Shag Billy Bragg He's off for a billy [Billy Bragg is a singer/songwriter. Thanks to Robert Christian]

Shank (golf term) J. R. You really JR'd that one mate. [Abbreviated reference to J. Arthur Rank.
In golf, a shank is a ball that goes in a decidedly unexpected direction. Thanks to Bern Summers]

Shave Chas and Dave I'm off for a chas [Thanks to Conor Keeling]

Shave Dig in the GraveA quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.

Shiner (black eye) Ocean Liner I punched him right in the mincer and gave him an ocean liner
[Thanks to a somewhat violent Claire Reed]

Shirt Dicky Dirt Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.

Shirt Uncle Bert I've got to press my uncle.

Shit Brace and Bit Just off or a brace [Thanks to P Loynd]

Shit Brad Pitt I right need a Brad Pitt [Thanks to Big Bill]

Shit Eartha Kitt I'm going for an Eartha [See also 'Tit' - Thanks to Peter Cotterell for this
variation]

Shit Tom Tit I'm going for a Tom Tit. [Thanks to David Carruthers.]

Shite Tom Kite I’m off for a tom [Thanks to Denis Daly]

Shite Turkish Delight They’re playing completely Turkish today [Thanks to Paul Island]

Shite (shit) Barry White I need a Barry White [Thanks to Oli Hickman]

Shits (diarrhoea) Two-Bob Bits I’ve got a real case of the two-bob bits [Thanks to Steven Elder]

Shitter (rectum)Council Gritter When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council!
[Thanks to Uncle Custard. He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts
grit on icy roads]

Shitter (rectum)Gary Glitter He kicked him right up the Gary [Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Shitter (toilet or rectum) Rick Whitter Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick [Rick Whitter is a singer
in the group Shed7 - thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]

ShockerBarry Crocker That's a Barry Crocker [Barry Crocker is an Aussie performer - thanks to Dan
McGivern]

ShockerCostantino Rocca Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Costantino

[Costantino Rocca is an Italian golfer - thanks to Christian Martinsen]

Shoe Scooby Doo Where are me Scooby's? [Thanks to Mark Chinery & Michael Lloyd]

Shoe Ghost (Boo) Get yer ghosts on [Thanks to Richard Lee]

Shoes One and two's Where's me one 'n two's? [Thanks to John Ioannou]
Shoes St. Louis Blues 'e's got himself a new pair of St. Louis' [Thanks to Doug Sammons]

Shoes Rhythm and Blues Get your rhythm and blues on [Thanks to Jack Summers and Neil Devlin]

Shoes Yabba-Dabba-Doo Nice pair of yabba’s mate [For them what don’t have a classical
education, “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” was the catch phrase of Fred Flintstone. Thanks to Jon Evans]

Shout (round) Wally Grout It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). [Wally
Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968 - Thanks to Mark Redding]

Shower David Gower I'd just got out of the David Gower [Thanks to Mark Crowe - David Gower is an
English cricketer]

Shower Eiffel Tower I’m going for an Eiffel Tower.

Sick Moby Dick I'm feeling a bit Moby today. [Thanks to Elaine MacGregor]

Sick Spotted Dick We don’t have a goalie – John’s spotted [Spotted Dick is a dessert make with
raisins – thanks to Andrew Black]

Sick Tom and Dick He's feeling a bit Tom. [There is also an expression "Feeling a bit dicky" as in not
quite right that comes from this slang. Paul Morgan says that it’s also used as “Bob and Dick”]

Sick Uncle Dick I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick [Thanks to Chris Keeley]

Sight Website Get out of me website [Thanks to Antony Kennedy who says this was taken from
the Human Traffic film]

Silly Daffy Down Dilly 'e's a bit daffy. [Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam
Alexander. Thanks to Peter Bendall]

Silly Piccadilly I've always said he was piccadilly [Thanks to Martin McKerrell]

Simple Dolly Dimple She’s a bit Dolly Dimple [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Sister Skin and Blister She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.

Six Tim MixHe rolled a Tom Mix [Thanks to Jude Saffron who says this expression is common in
casino's when referring to dice games]

Skin (cigarette paper) Vera Lynn Got any vera's? [Thanks to Paul Cheese]

Skint (broke) Borassic Lint He's right boric. [Thanks to Peter Langdale who's a chemist in the UK for
correcting this one]

Skint (broke) Larry Flint I'm completely larry mate [Larry Flint is an American publisher of adult
magazines. Thanks to Rob Haynes]

Skint (broke) Polo Mint I'm polo'd [Thanks to Kieran Cooney]

Slag (prostitute)Oily Rag She's a bit of an oily rag [Oily Rag is also slang for fag (cigarette). One
can't help but wonder how many times a simply "Can you spot me an oily?" might have been
misinterpreted. Thanks to Matthew Wilson]
Slag (prostitute)Toe Rag / Tow Rag She’s a right toe rag [Thanks to Chris Roberts. Mike Lyons adds:
It should be 'Tow Rag'. When a car towed another in times past, (broken down car) behind it, it was/is
common practice to tie a piece of rag halfway along the rope between the two vehicles. This was to
indicate the rope's presence to pedestriams, particularly when stopped in traffic. (i.e. to stop people
tripping over it when walking between the cars). As this piece of rag was literally dragging or 'always in'
the dirt all the time, it was compared with someone who was shifty, untrustworthy, criminal, loafer, a
general 'low life'. Such a person was called a tow rag, example "don't trust him, he's a bit of a tow rag".]
Thus, a tow rag could refer to a male or female of dubious character.

Slap Watford Gap I’m gonna give you a Watford ‘round yer chevy [Thanks to Glenn Buss]

Slash (piss) Pat Cash I'm absolutely dying for a Pat Cash [Thanks to Bryan Rowe]

Slash (piss) Pie and Mash I’m poppin’ out for a pie and mash [Thanks to Paul Ingram]

Sleep Bo-Peep What I need is a good bo-peep. [Thanks to Bernie Albert]

Sleep Sooty and Sweep You need a bit of sooty [Thanks to John Gowland]

Smell Aunt Nell He don't half Aunt Nell [Thanks to Jo Miller]

Smoke (cigarette) Laugh and Joke I’m going for a laugh [Thanks to Winston Gutkowski]

Sneeze Bread and Cheese I hate allergies - one good bread after another.

Snide Jeckyll and Hyde ‘e’s a bit Jeckyll [Thanks to Simon Mahon]

Snout (cigarette) Salmon and Trout 'Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. [Thanks to
Peter Cotterell] [If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it]
[ [Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking
snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette. Also, Richard Beveridge has suggested that the term snout
comes from prison life when the prisoners, who would take their daily exercise in silence, would signal a
tobacco supplier that he needed cigarettes by touching his nose.] - See "ins and outs"

Snouts (Cigarettes) Ins and Outs 'ere mate, got any ins and outs? [Thanks to James Hotston] (See
Salmon and Trout)

Soap Cape of Good Hope Go wash yourself - and use the cape.

Soap Faith and Hope Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Socks Almond Rocks Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?

Socks Bombay Docks Anyone seen me bombays? [Thanks to Julie Lanham-Hathaway. Phil Diaper
suggests the expression is actually Tilbury Docks]

Socks Joe Rocks Pull yer Joe's up [Thanks to Jim Hyde]

Son Currant Bun He's awfully proud of his currant.

Song Ding Dong Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong. [Usually the full slang
expression is used]
Soup Loop de Loop Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.

Spanner (wrench) Elsie Tanner Can I borrow your elsie [Thanks to Alan Little]

Sparrow Bow and Arrow Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. [Usually the full slang
expression is used]

Speak Bubble and Squeak I won't bubble [Thanks to Justyn Olby who credits John Le Carre's book
"Night Manager"]

Specs (spectacles) Gregory Peck Where’s me gregs [Thanks to Marcia Woodman]

Specs [Spectacles) Mikkel Becks Where did I put me Mikkel's? [Thanks to Mark Crowe - Mikkel
Beck is a footballer]

Splinter Alan Minter Picked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me finger [Thanks to Barry
Greenaway. Alan Minter is a British boxer with a current record of 39-9 (23 by KO)]

Spoon Daniel Boone Pass me a daniel [Thanks to Andy Powell]

Spoon David Boon Pass me that David Boon [Thanks to Mark Crowe - David Boon is an Australian
cricketer]

Spot (acne) Randolph Scott I've got a great big randolph on my chin [Thanks to Matt Stammers]

Spouse Boiler House Me boiler's always yammerin' on. [Thanks to John Butt]

Sprouts Twist and Shouts I love bubble and squeak made with Twist and Shouts [Thanks to Mike
Leith]

Spunk (semen) Harry Monk This glue's as sticky as a load of Harry [Harry Monk was an old music hall
entertainer. Thanks to Jon Bard]

Spunk (semen) Pineapple Chunk Is that laundry powder on your jeans? Looks like pineapple
chunks to me [Thanks to Tom Dowling]

Stairs Apples and Pears Get yourself up the apples and pears.

Stairs Daisy Dancers Get yerself up the daisy dancers [This one's a bit convoluted: Daisy Dancer =
Dancing Bears = Stairs. The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing Bears=Stairs slang. Thanks to
Mike Tombs]

Stairs Dancing Bears Get yerself up the dancing bears [Thanks to Mike Tombs]

Starved Pear Halved "Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear." [Thanks to Richard English]

Starvin' Hank Marvin I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day [Hank Marvin was the guitarist
for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's. Thanks to Neil Churchard]

Starvin' Lee Marvin I'm Lee Marvin [Thanks to Peter Conway who wrote all the way from Dubai - he
adds that if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an
American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related.]
State (anguish) Two and Eight He's in a two and eight over it. [Usually the full slang expression is used]

Steak and Kidney Kate and Sydney A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang -
more a matter of getting your mords wixed up]

Stella (beer) Nelson Mandelas A couple of nelsons please [Thanks to Alan Little. Stella refers to
Stella Artois]

Stella (beer) Paul Weller Give us a Paul Weller [Thanks to Gary Williams - Paul Weller is (or was) a
musician with The Jam. Stella refers to Stella Artois]

Stella (beer) Uri Geller Mines a Uri [Thanks to Martin Harrison]

Stella Artois (beer) Ooh Aah I’ll have an ooh aah [Thanks to Steve Kensington]

Stench Dame Judy Dench A right Dame Judy in here [Thanks to Dean Cavanagh]

Stick (walking) Hackney Wick I've forgot me hackney wick back at the last pub [Thanks to Alan
Rawling]

Stink Pen and Ink That's a bit of a pen and ink.

Story Jackanory Ye late! What’s the jackanory then? [Thanks to Podster]

Stout (beer) Salmon and Trout Stop by and have a salmon.

Stranger Queen’s Park Ranger Who’s that Queen’s Park Ranger standing over there? [Thanks
to Danny Robinson]

Stranger Texas Ranger This pub is full of Texas Rangers these days [Thanks to Danny Robinson]

Stray Gamma Ray That Mary's a bit of a gamma [Thanks to Dan Collins and Keith Uden]

Street Field of Wheat He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.

Strides (trousers) Donkey Rides He's wearing black donkeys [Thanks to Keith Cole]

Strides [trousers) Jekyll and Hydes Just bought a new pair of Jekylls

Stripper Jack the Ripper I love me jack the rippers [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Strong Ping Pong I need a ping pong drink [Thanks to Chris Keeley]

Sub (pay advance) Rub a Dub Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day. [Thanks to Ray Davis]

Subaru Scooby-Doo Let's have a go in ya scooby-doo [Thanks to J. Mulroy]

Suit Bag of Fruit He turned up dressed in a bag [Thanks to Bill Smith who quite rightly points out
that while Whistle and Flute can refer to a nice looking suit, Bag of Fruit depicts a very different image of
an old and shapeless suit]

Suit Bowl of Fruit Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight? [Thanks to Brad Spencer]

Suit Tin Flute I’ll be wearing me tin flute [Thanks to Duncan Whitesmith]
Suit Whistle and Flute He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.

Sun Current Bun Old current bun's out today [Thanks to Ray Davis.]

Supper Tommy Tucker You can sing for your Tommy.

Sweetheart Treacle Tart She's a right treacle [Thanks to Kate Odgers - note that there is
reportedly a negative connotation for this expression, meaning a woman of easy virtues, but it's not very
commonly used]

Table Cain and Abel Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper).

Tablet (pill) Gary Ablett He was off his nuts on the old Gary Abletts wasn't he [Gary Ablett was a
footballer in the 80's - thanks to Majik Khan]

Tail Alderman's Nail He's always wagging his alderman's.

Talk Rabbit and PorkHe's always rabbitting on about something [Andrew Black says his sister used to
say he had “too much bunny” (or more rabbit than Sainsbury’s!). You can be sure that wasn’t a
compliment]

Talker Murray Walker She’s a real murray – just can’t get her to shut up! [Thanks to Tony Kibble]

Tan Peter Pan I’m off to the pool to top up me peter pan. [Thanks to Lee Henderson]

Tanner (sixpence) Sprarsy Anna Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes)
[Thanks to Mike Smith - he wonders if Sprarsy might have something to do with the old Indian coin
called an "anna". If you have any more info please let me know]

Tart Kick Start Is this a lads night or are we taking the kicks [Thanks to Tony Merrington]

Taxi Joe BaxiMind if I share your Joe Baxi? [Thanks to Mike Doles. William Coward says Joe Baxi was a
heavyweight boxer who knocked out British champ George Woodcock around 1950.]

Tea Half Past Three Where’s me bleeding cuppa arf past? [Thanks to Simon Buckridge]

Tea Rosy Lee I've just put the rosy on.

Tea You and Me Fancy a cup of you and me? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway]

Tears Britney Spears She's off doing a Britney [Thanks to Jade]

Teeth Edward Heath He got smacked in the Edwards [Thanks to John Curtis-Rouse. Edward Heath
was PM in the early 1970’s]

Teeth Hampstead Heath His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.

Telly (TV) Custard and Jelly As usual, nothing on the custard tonight.

Telly (TV) Liza Minelli What’s on the Liza? [Thanks to Yorgos Elissaios]

Ten Cock and Hen I didn't get much change back from a cock [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]
Tenner (£10) Paul McKenna I’m don to me last Paul McKenna [Thanks to Richard Hall. Paul
McKenna is a famous hypnotist]

Tenner (10 pound note) Ayrton Senna 'ere, lend us an ayrton me old china [Ayrton Senna was a
Formula One driver - thanks to Tom Harvey]

Tenner (10 pound note) Louise Wener 'ere, lend us a louise. [Louise Wener is a singer with the band
Sleeper - thanks to Richard English]

Thief Tea Leaf He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used]

Think Cocoa Drink I should cocoa [Said in a somewhat facetious manner, this phrase actually
means "I should think not" - thanks to Kathryn Polley]

Thirst Geoff Hurst I've got a Geoff on tonight [Sir Geoff Hurst was the only footballer to score three
goals in a World Cup final. Thanks to Graham Todd]

Throat Billy Goat I've got a sore billy goat [Thanks to Paul Robinson]

Throat John O’Groat ‘e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with ‘is germans [Thanks to Mike
Basquill]

Throat Nanny Goat Get that down your nanny [Thanks to Chris Roberts]

Throat Weasel & Stoat 'is weasel's playing him up [Thanks to Roy Sharp. See also Coat]

Thunder Crash & Blunder What a storm! Did you hear the crash and blunder [Thanks to
David Reynolds]

Ticket Bat and Wicket I've got a bat for tonight's train.

Ticket Wilson Picket I want to go to New York, but I can’t afford the wilsons [Thanks to Tony
Merrington]

Tie Peckham Rye I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham. [Thanks to Martin
McKerrell]

Till (Cash register) Jack & Jill 'E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill [Thanks to
Martyn Tracy]

Time Bird Lime What's the bird? [Also commonly used to refer to doing time, as in prison.
Thanks to John Gowland]

Time Harry Lime What's the Harry Lime? [Thanks to Barry Greenaway. Harry Lime is a character
in 'The Third Man']

Time Lemon & Lime Oi mate - what's the lemon & lime [Thanks to Anonymous]

Tit (breast) Brad Pitt Nice pair of brads [Thanks to Justyn Olby]

Tits (breasts) Ballroom Blitz She’s got marvellous ballrooms [Ballroom Blitz is a song by a group
named Sweet - thanks to David Rolph]
Tits (breasts) Brace and Bits Blimey - what a brace!

Tits (breasts) Eartha Kitts Nice Eartha's [Thanks to Louis and Natalie Brink]

Tits (breasts) Fainting Fits Wouldn’t mind getting me germans on her faintings [Thanks to Phil
Woodford]

Tits (breasts) Thr'penny Bit Look at the Thr'penny's on her. [Thank to David Carruthers]

Titties (breasts) Bristol Cities She's got a lovely pair of Bristols. [BristolPirate2003 (I'm assuming a
nom de plume) sent the following: The saying goes back hundreds of years from when sailors sailed to
the "New World", between Bristol, England (the second largest port outside of London at the time) and
the USA, traveling on to the tobacco plantations at Bristol, Virginia.

It was known as, "Going between the Bristol's" and became a sexual reference for what sailors would do
to their women folk on returning to dry land!.

Titty (breast) Walter Mitty She's got a lovely set of walters [Thanks to Dean Cavanagh]

Toast Holy Ghost How about another round of 'oly. [Thanks to Jack Summers]

Toe Bromley by Bow You might want to fight, but I'm going to have it on me bromleys [ie. run
away. Thanks to David Aqius]

Toker Al Roker That guy is an Al [Thanks to Andrew Backs]

Tonic Supersonic How about a nice Vera and super (Gin & Tonic) [Thanks to Vaughan Hully]

Toss Kate Moss I couldn't give a Kate Moss. [Thanks to Alex Marsh]

Towel Baden Powell 'ere, wrap a baden powell around you. Nobody wants to see that! [Thanks to
Lord Russell Grineau]

Train Michael Caine I missed me Michael [Thanks to Mike Hale]

Trainers (running shoes) Claire Rayners I've got me new Claire Rayners on [Thanks to John
Tsang - Claire Rayner is an author]

Trainers (running shoes) Gloria Gaynors That's a nice pair of Gloria's [Thanks to John Ioannou]

Tramp (hobo) Paraffin Lamp I gave me last apple to that old paraffin [Thanks to Kevin Moynihan]

Tramp (hobo) Thirteen Amp Look at that bunch of thirteen amps over there. [Thanks to Steve
Vincent - thirteen amps is the standard electrical receptacle in Britain]

Trouble Barney Rubble (Flintstones) Stay away from him. He's right Barney.

Trousers Lards ‘e was caught with ‘is lards down [Lards is from Callards & Bowsers, makers of
fine toffee’s. Thanks to Duncan Reed. Lenny has noted that often the full expression, i.e. "'e was caught
with his callards down" is used to avoid confusion with lardy meaning cigar (la-di-da).]
Trousers Round the Houses 'e's got hisself a new set of round the houses [Thanks to
Christopher Webb. Also used is "Council Houses" as in "'is councils haven't seen an pressing this year" -
thanks to Gary Chatfield]

Turd (shit) Douglas Hurd I need to dump a Douglas [Thanks to Mathew Dalton. Douglas Hurd is a
politician.]

Turd (shit) Richard the Third He's a bit of a Richard. [Thanks to Ray Davis. Elaine MacGregor
reports that this is also used as in "I'm just going for a Richard". Andrew notes that sometimes Edward
the Third is also used.]

Umbrella Auntie Ella Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella.

Voice Hobson's Choice What's the matter with 'is 'obsons [Thanks to Roy Sharp]

Vomit Wallace and Gromit One more pint and I’ll Wallace, mate [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Wages Greengages I've blown the greengages down at the dogs [Thanks to Mike Smith]

Walk Ball of Chalk After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.

Wank (masturbate) Armitage Shank He's havin' an armitage [Thanks to Ben Dear - Armitage Shank
are makers of fine porcelain bathroom fixtures]

Wank (masturbate) Jodrell Bank Just off for a Jodrell [Jodrell Bank was the site of a University of
Manchester botanical station, about 20 miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today, Jodrell
Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility. Thanks to P Loynd]

Wank (masturbate) Barclays Bank He's having a barclays. [Thanks to Peter Cotterell]

Wank (masturbate) J. Arthur Rank 'e's off having a J. Arthur [Thanks to Mike Dowding and Sparky
James]

Wank (masturbate) Lamb Shank 'e's having a lamb [Thanks to Alan Heard]

Wank (masturbate) Midland Bank I'm going for a midland [Thanks to Jonathan Harris]

Wank (masturbate) Peddle and Crank I'm off for a peddle! [Thanks to Aziz McMahon]

Wank (masturbate) Sherman Tank e's a right sherman [Thanks to David Hughes]

Wank (masturbate) Tommy Tank She's probably at home doing a tommy. [Thanks to Barbara
Wilson – from Thomas the Tank Engine, a child's program]

WankerCab Ranker 'e's a bit of a cab ranker [Thanks to Steve Tuffin]

WankerKuwaiti Tanker He’s a bit of a Kuwaiti tanker [Thanks to Daryl Egerton]

WankerMerchant Banker He's a right merchant [Thanks to Justyn Olby]

WankerRavi Shankar That referee is a right Ravi [Thanks to Justin Ellis]

WankerSefton Branker He’s a right Sefton Branker [Thanks to Paul Lundy – Sefton Branker was a Major,
and later Air Vice Marshall, who was posted to India in the early 20th century]
WankerSwiss Banker He’s a bit of a swiss banker [Thanks to Morris Childers]

Wanks Gordon Banks They’re a bunch of gordons [Thanks to Paul Island]

Watch (fob watch) Kettle and Hob That's a lovely kettle [Thanks to Mark Sparrow. I got the
following from Dudley who wondered about the connection between a kettle and a watch - he passed
on the following story:

It was commonplace for everyone to wear a pocket watch and chain in the waistcoat & it was also
equally commonplace for the watch to be in the pawn shop as an interim loan security - however no one
was keen for people to know that this situation was necessary, so the chain would be kept and worn as
normal. In the kitchens of the day the fire would be an open one and there would be a bar or hook
above it from which a length of chain would be secured and from there the kettle would be suspended
above the fire to boil. So with this in mind, if the pocket watch chain, with no weight on it to hold it in
the pocket, fell out and dangled minus the missing watch, there would always be some clever Charlie
ready to pipe up "What's that for then, your bleedin' kettle?"

Dave Walker provided the following: The origin of "kettle" comes from illicit spirit making, distilled in
what were large coppers known as kettles, hence, kettle of scotch = watch. I have always understood
this to be the true origin, and it does rhyme, after all.

Water Ten Furlongs (Mile and a quarter) I'll have a gold watch and ten [Thanks to Del Sinnott]

Web Site Wind and Kite Check out me wind and kite [Thanks to Mark Holmans]

Weight Pieces of Eight She'd better watch her pieces of eight [Thanks to Dave Connolly]

Whisky Gay and Frisky I'll have a gay and I'm off. [Be careful where you use this]

White Wine Plink Plonk Open a bottle of plonk [The rhyme here is a bit convoluted – Plink Plonk
rhymes with Vin Blanc which is, of course, a white wine. Thanks to Claire Reed]

Whore Four by Four She’s a bit of a four by four [Thanks to Dave Collard]

Whore Roger Moore I was trying to get my trousers back on, and the dirty roger is running up the
street with my wallet [Thanks to Mark Adams]

Whore Thomas Moore She a right Thomas [Thanks to Pete Masters]

Wife Duchess of Fife Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?

Wife Trouble and Strife I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.

Wig Irish Jig I think that blokes wearing an Irish [Thanks to Martin Elliot]

Wig Syrup of Figs What a syrup. [Thanks to Mark Pearson]

Window Burnt Cinder Close the bloody burnt [This works if you mispronounce window...
winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would. Thanks to Sparky James]
Windshield Wiper Billie Piper You’d better put your billies on [Billie Piper is a pop singer -
Thanks to Deane]

Windy Mork and Mindy Cor, it's bloody mork today [shows you that the slang is constantly
evolving - thanks to Alan Little. Can also refer to someone who is a bit windy - "Don't feed him brussel
sprouts again - he gets all Mork & Mindy" - thanks to Sparky James]

Wine Porcupine Where’s the porc waiter [Thanks to Tony Merrington]

Word Dicky Bird He left without so much as a dicky.

Wrong Falun Gong It seems to have all gone a bit falun gong [From semi-obscure evil Chinese cult
with tendency to inaccuracy, therefore appropriate. Thanks to Keith Hale]

Wrong Pete Tong It's all gone a bit Pete [Pete Tong is an English DJ - thanks to Dan Collins and
Keith Uden]

Yank Septic Tank He's not very bright... septic, you know. [Thanks to Peter Langdale for this one.
Tony Alderton reports that this can also be shorted to Sepo]

Yank Wooden Plank Then this wooden bloke walked in [Thanks to Ian Coppell]

Yawn Johnny Vaughn Can’t hold back a good Johnny [Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast
– thanks to Will Sowden]

Years Donkey's Ears Ain't seen you in donkeys mate. [Thanks to Ossie Mair]

Yid Front Wheel Skid Old Mikey's a front wheel [Thanks to Jan. Note that this expression is
considered offensive]

Home Info Slang Money Slang Odds & Ends

www.aldertons.com | All rights reserved