CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Presented By Sheila Cranman

Guidelines for Sessions

 Be positive about other people and other people’s ideas.

 Listen carefully
 Observe confidentiality and respect the privacy of other people.
 Do not use put downs—even if joking
 No side conversations
 Do not interrupt
 Buzzword to bring group back together?
 Other suggestions:
What do you see? What is the truth?
What do you see? What is the truth?
Perspectives/Listening

Share Story—What did you hear?

Truth is in the eyes/ears of each individual…Each person has own perspective…..
Obstacles to Listening

 Stress  Topic not familiar

 Cell phones  Thinking about response

 Distracted-something on my mind  Noise – outside influences

 Tired  Pre-judgment, disconnected, turned off

 Don't want to hear  Language barrier

o Different views  Can’t tell you value or care
o Heard it before
 Boring
Roadblocks to Communication

What do you do that is a roadblock or shuts down communication?

 Sarcasm  Over-talk
 Physically withdraw  Distracted
 Interrupt  Analyze
 Assume they understand when I’ve skipped details &  Feet shift to walk away
frustrated when they don’t follow what I’ve said
 Body language, facial expression, tone (harsh)
 Not clear
 Attitude – ordering someone to do something
 Not focused
 Excusing away the reason the person is upset
 The Conflict Cycle

Examples of Responses to Conflict Occurrences:

• Pretend nothing’s wrong
Beliefs and
Attitudes • Cry
about Conflict • Complain
• smile no matter what
• just give in
• get visibly angry
• use the silent treatment
Conflict • make jokes and kid around
Consequence
Occurs
Examples of Consequences:
• Stress
• Relief
• Escalation
• De-escalation
Response • Resolution
• Stronger or poorer relationship
• Hurt feelings
 The Conflict Cycle

1) Our beliefs about conflicts affect how we respond

Beliefs & to a conflict occurrence.
Consequence Attitudes
of our about
Response to Conflicts 2) Responses are typically influenced by our beliefs
Conflict about conflict.

3) In turn, our responses to conflict leads to

consequences, which may be negative or positive.

Response to Conflict 4) Consequences reinforce our beliefs about

Conflict Occurrence conflict, which leads to an unchanging cycle of
conflict.
Definition of Conflict from Merriam Webster

DEFINITION OF CONFLICT
1: FIGHT, BATTLE, WAR an armed conflict
2a: competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or
action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons) a conflict of principles
2b: mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives,
wishes, or external or internal demands His conscience was in conflict with
his duty.
3: the opposition of persons or forces that gives rise to the dramatic action in
a drama or fiction The conflict in the play is between the king and the
archbishop.
3 Questions Associated with Conflict

1 – How do you feel in a conflict?

2 – Who do you have conflicts with?

3 – How do people handle conflicts?

What is denial, confrontation (positive & negative); problem

solving?
 TUG OF WAR

Tug of war = Win – Lose

What is Win – Win
Orange Story—Gather information, find common
ground, develop options, identify needs and
interests, Develop options, choose between
options….. Getting to Yes by Fisher & Ury.
 Common Ground

 1. Gather information—ask questions, listen…… 3. Identify needs & Interests

 2. find common ground 4. Develop Options
5. Choose Between Options
 Tools in your Conflict Resolution Toolbox

 1. Active Listening
 2. Open Questions
 3. Finding Common Ground----focus on interests & not positions……
 4. Neutral Language
 5. I-Statements --Assertion----without escalating….
 6. Defuse Anger
 7. Be Soft on the People & Hard on the Problem
 Active Listening

1. Show understanding and acceptance nonverbally:

 Tone of Voice
 Facial Expression
 Gestures
 Eye Contact
 Posture

2. Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes to understand what the person is saying and how the person feels.

3. Restate (in a neutral way) the person’s most important thoughts and feelings

4. Do Not Interrupt, offer advice or give suggestions. Do not bring up similar feelings or problems from your own
experience. Silence is Golden

5. For someone resolving a conflict—remain neutral. Don’t take sides.

Active Listening

 Encouraging
 Clarifying
 Restating
 Reflecting
 Summarizing
 Validating
 Paraphrasing

 Paraphrasing is repeating back the important FEELINGS and

IDEAS of the speaker.
 Open Questions (Not Closed)

Open questions open up the conversation:

Who, what, when, where, could you tell me more……..
What happened in the hallway?

Closed questions shut the conversation down

Did you do that? Response is Yes or NO……
Did you have a fight in the hallway?
Exercise: I am? Ask me open questions…..
 What is Neutral Language?

 Neutral Language does not accuse, offend, judge or

state an opinion

Don’t you feel a little bad about having done that? Not Neutral
Reframe: How do you feel about that or What do you think about
that?--Neutral
 Persuasion Techniques in Conflict Resolution

 1. Role Reversal
 2. Focus on the Future
 3. Common Ground
 4. Trade-Offs
 5. The cost of not settling
 6.Trial period
 For Graduate students in Labs, you don’t want things to escalate so use tools in your
toolbox. Also, remember that email is not clear so pick up the phone or discuss with the
individual in person and clarify……
 I - Statements

 You – Statement: the listener feels judged or blamed

 Ex. You are so messy!

 I – Statement:
 I feel frustrated (state the feeling)
 When you don’t clean up (state the specific behavior)
 Because I have no place to work in the lab. (state the effect on YOUR life)

Practice: How can you use I – Statements…….

 Defusing Anger

 What does defusing anger mean?

 How do you diffuse anger?
 Speak softer
 Speak slower
 Look the person in the eye
 Body language
 Common ground- win-win
 Watch language: words that escalate: never, always, unless, can’t, won’t, don’t, should,
shouldn’t, mustn’t, better not……..
 Use tools in your toolbox
 From ABA Section of Dispute Resolution Words Work

You can deal positively with anger by:

 Talking with someone not involved, writing, or physical exercise

 Distract yourself from the problem by doing positive things

 Leave the situation

 Stopping & thinking, taking a deep breath

 When people are different from each other, there may be obstacles to communication that you might not realize.

 When we become aware of how our own culture shapes our expectations, we can begin to be more accepting of
others who are different. As long as we think that the way we do things is the “right” way, it is hard to accept
others who are different from ourselves.

 When we encounter people who are different from us, some people make judgments (positive or negative) which
may interfere with communication.

 Just because someone does something differently from you, doesn’t mean they are “wrong”. It simply means that
they are different from you and that people behave differently
 Stereotypes & Cultural Differences

 Look for unconscious bias –Are you looking to work with people who are like you?
 When people are different from each other, there may be obstacles to communication that
you might not realize.
 When we encounter people who are different from us, some people make judgments
(positive or negative) which may interfere with communication.

We could learn a lot from crayons:

some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have uncommon names,
and all are different colors...
but they all exist very nicely in the same box.
 Building Consensus

Making choices as a group is not easy.

Some people will have more influence than others.
To have a decision that everyone will help to implement, it is important that all voices are
heard and respected.
Consensus is harder than voting, but it means that more people will be committed to the
outcome.
 Be Soft on the People & Hard on the Problem

 Examples………
 Thank you!

Sheila Cranman, Assistant Chief Counsel-Export & Trade

Office of the General Counsel, Ethics & Compliance
[email protected]