Like A Garment

1) The document discusses the importance of healthy intimacy in marriage according to Islamic teachings, as marriage partners are meant to "play with each other". 2) However, many Muslims today have an avoidance of discussing sexuality due to cultural taboos rather than Islamic teachings. This can contribute to unrealistic expectations and lack of intimacy in marriages. 3) The author plans to address these issues in a series of emails and articles, providing practical advice grounded in the Quran and hadiths to help improve intimacy in Muslim marriages.

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Like A Garment

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Suhayl Salaam

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Like A Garment

By Shaykh Yasir Qadhi

“Your wives are garment to you, and you are garments to them”.
-Qur’an, 2:187

Towards a Healthy and Blisfull Marriage...

The topic of marital relations is one that many people of knowledge feel highly uncomfortable
talking about. For some reason, it has taken on a taboo status, despite the fact that desires of
intimacy are completely natural and God-given, and good marital relations are an integral part of
any healthy marriage! The Shariah, being the complete Law that it is, governs this area of life in
as much detail as it does other areas, yet a stigma still remains amongst us when it comes to
discussing this subject in public.

A Healthy Marriage is One of the Goals of Islam…

The hesitancy to address this topic is more cultural than Islamic. The Quran and Sunnah are quite
frank regarding procreation and sexuality; they are explicit without being obscene or
unnecessarily graphic. In the famous hadith of Jabir b. Abdillah, in which the Prophet salla Allah
alahyi wa sallam asked the young man why he hadn’t married a young wife, the Prophet salla
Allah alahyi wa sallam expressly stated the reason for this was, “…so that you could play with
her and she could play with you” [Reported by al-Bukhari]. The hadith is crystal clear: the
Prophet salla Allah alahyi wa sallam clearly wanted Jabir to find as much sexual satisfaction as
possible in his marriage. In fact, the encouragement was for both partners to find satisfaction in
each other. Hence, in contrast to ancient Christian beliefs or medieval Victorian notions of sex
being a ‘necessary evil’ which should not be enjoyed, Islam has always viewed marital relations
as being a blessing that should be enjoyed by both men and women, but only within the confines
of marriage.

The Problem of Conservative Muslims in a Liberal World…

Today, we live in a world of contradictions. While society around us is over-sexualized and

hyper-erotic, it appears that many Muslims have reacted to this by becoming prudish and
attempting to insulate themselves from the topic of sexuality. Perhaps as a result of this attitude,
one finds that one of the most common problems of Muslim couples is a lack of healthy intimacy
in their marriages. It does not take a da’ee or Islamic activist to point out the growing problem of
divorce amongst our ranks, and while such a high rate of divorce is not solely linked to sexual
problems, these problems do exacerbate other situations and are potentially lethal for the survival
of any marriage. Some of the main issues in this regard are:

 - Ignorance In days gone by, both partners in a new marriage were just as ignorant as
each other about marital relations. Therefore, they both entered marriage on a similar
level, and taught each other along the way. These days, with the preponderance of the
internet, movies, and, (unfortunately) sometimes even personal experiences, it is common
that one of the partners is far more aware of this topic than the other. This disparate level
of knowledge could potentially lead to problems.
 - Expectations Because of the stereotypes and outlandish representations of each gender’s
role in marital relations, it is common that one party might have unrealistic expectations
of the other, and this many times leads to growing resentment. The ‘real world’ (as is
always the case) is radically different from that of Hollywood.
 - Embarrassment This is, obviously, a highly sensitive topic, and one that people feel
very awkward talking about.
 - Haram Elements Since the topic of sexuality is linked to many haram issues, such as
pornography and explicit language and pictures, many Muslims rightfully feel extremely
hesitant to read works or internet websites in order to increase awareness in areas that
might otherwise be halal.

The Islamic Solution!

With all of these factors in mind, it is essential that issues of intimacy be discussed in an
Islamically permissible manner. Therefore, in a series of emails and articles, I will be beginning
the discussion of some of these issues in light of the Quran and Sunnah, and with quotations
from some of our scholars and other experts. Additionally, the anonymity of the internet, and the
absence of awkward classroom moments or personal interactions, make online classes the ideal
manner to communicate these issues.

I intend to move beyond the clichéd one-line counsels, and give practical, beneficial advice that
is relevant to our modern world. Additionally, I will be conducting anonymous surveys in order
to gain a better understanding of the problems that Muslim men and women of our time face.

I encourage you to sign up in the box on the right in order to start receiving these emails (around
two a week). Also, send this message to a few friends (or your spouse!). The more people who
participate in the survey, the more accurate and representative the data will be!