TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction
Chapter 1. Who Is The Courtesan and Why Does All This Even Matter?
Chapter 2. Why Learn the Techniques of the Courtesan?
Chapter 3. The French Context
Chapter 4. Four Courtesans
Chapter 5. Foundations: The Courtesan Mentality and Finishing School
Chapter 6. The Dance Between Courtesan and Client: Minding Her Own Business
Chapter 7. The Courtesan’s Public Persona: Personal Branding and Marketing
Chapter 8. The Courtesan Makes Her Mark
Chapter 9. Practical Considerations for Courtesans-In-Training

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INTRODUCTION
Welcome! I am so excited to share this book, How to Date Like a Courtesan, with you.
I also want to congratulate you on your life-changing decision to seek out the knowledge
and practical skills which will give you the two things that most women want from men
but are usually embarrassed to admit: both love and financial security.

The advice in this book is applicable to all women, of all ages, sizes, and relationship
situations. You may be single and just out to have fun while dating, or you might be
looking for ‘the one’ and want to know how you can improve your chances. You may be
in the wrong relationship and feel ready to move on, or you might be unhappily married
and looking for a practical solution. I don’t care if you are 18 and don’t have a clue
about dating or if you are 65, divorced, and looking to re-marry. This book is for you.

And this book is especially for you if:

1. You’re sick of wasting time on men who have little, if anything, material to bring to
the relationship
2. You’re tired of coming out of relationships with nothing to show for it but ‘lessons
learned’ (i.e., time wasted)
3. You’re annoyed that your ‘ex’, who refused to spoil you, has easily and happily done
a 180 for the next woman
4. You’ve invested your youth in a relationship that is now over, and from which you
profited very little; now you’re struggling to let go and cut your losses
5. You’re single and ready to re-enter the dating scene, but this time you are determined
to gain something of value for the time you spend in relationships

You seem to see women everywhere who have what you don’t have: they are either
happily married or in a fulfilling long-term committed relationship with a high-value
man. A man with not only intelligence, ambition, and a skill for acquiring material
wealth, but also a genuine love for sharing their abundance with that one important
woman in their life. It’s painful for you because you see it everywhere and therefore you
know it’s possible. But it’s never happened for you – it’s always the other woman.

But, why not YOU?

It’s time for a pro to let you in on a little secret: the woman who seems to have it all
together, the one who always has the highest-value men wrapped around her little finger,
is no different from you. She has insecurities, she has faults, and she has a past.
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However, she has the right mindset and a handy set of skills that you don’t possess (yet).

In this book, I will explain how the female with a courtesan mentality thinks and
behaves, the advantages of her business-like approach, and how these very practical
strategies can make the difference between settling for what you’ve gotten in the past
and having your pick of the most high-value men in the present and future.

Consider this book to be your manual for learning how to kill two birds with one stone
by attracting both love and money in the same man. If you follow my advice, from
now on, you will be the one in control. You will be the one ending relationships if they
are not working out. He will be the one waiting on your phone call from now on, and not
the other way around. You will never feel taken for granted ever again. You will be
pursued, you will always have dates, and you will always have options. Better options.

This is my honest gift to you. I will pull no punches. I will tell you the truth about the
reality of relationships and sex with men of wealth. And I will guide you so that you can
attract these men for a more lucrative relationship (or marriage) yourself.

The truths that I will reveal may be hard for you to hear but you need to understand
the game in order to get the top prize. Be prepared, because this is not the politically
correct sugarcoated advice that you will typically get from most dating and relationship
books. I’m talking about the uncomfortable topics that few people will openly
acknowledge: money, social class, and transactional sex. As you read through this book,
you will have more than a few ‘aha’ moments because most of it will be familiar to you.
On some level you know deep down that all of these principles are true, even though
they are not blatantly expressed in the media, in public, or even in private.

But, why should you listen to me?

I’m Celeste Mgboli, image consultant and abundant love coach. I help women attract
lucrative relationships through my courses and programs at
http://www.ladymgboli.com.

Several years ago, I discovered the seduction community, a secret society dominated by
heterosexual men who are focused on learning tactics of subtle psychology and
nonverbal communication as a strategy to improve their dating success with women.
These men have created a ‘system’, and it works. Every day, otherwise intelligent and
successful women are being ‘gamed’ by these ‘pick-up-artists’, and these poor women
don’t have a clue.

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After heavily researching, I realized that there is no real equivalent of this community
for women, and I became determined to level the playing field. Now, I make a living as
an expert in helping women understand what subconsciously drives men, showing them
how to avoid being taken advantage of, and helping them get the most for the time and
energy they invest in their relationships.

With the information you will find in this book, we can level the playing field for you
too. If you will pay close attention and execute what you learn here, you will
accomplish your financial and personal goals, no matter what point you are starting
from.

So, without further ado, let’s get started!

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CHAPTER I
WHO IS THE COURTESAN AND WHY DOES ALL
THIS EVEN MATTER?
The French term ‘courtesan’ has a long and complicated history. The term can be traced
back to Medieval Europe when courtiers entertained at court and socialized with the
nobility. By the time of the Italian Renaissance, cortigiane came to be known as highly
educated and independent women who were favorites at court and who often served as
mistresses to kings and other nobles. By the nineteenth century, especially in France, the
courtesan came to be associated with high-end prostitution. These women, called
‘grandes cocottes’ (lit. great hens, French) or ‘grandes horizontales’, were the kept
women of powerful men who could afford to maintain them in great luxury. In addition
to their exorbitant wealth, the courtesans’ social intelligence, individuality, style, and
charisma set them quite apart from average prostitutes and comfortably kept women.

Instead of following society’s rules, a courtesan followed her own path, and although
often vilified socially, created trends that influenced fashion, design, literature, music,
theatre and culture. In love, she was the female equivalent of the male ‘player’ or ‘Don
Juan’. She was the ‘femme fatale’ who enslaved men by stealing their hearts and
controlling their minds. She understood the psychology of men, what they yearned for,
what made them tick, and how to manipulate them for her own purposes. Historically, a
courtesan was known to successfully utilize the men in her life for the attainment of her
own social, economic, or career goals. By living according to this strategy, many a
famous courtesan rose from a life of common prostitution to a position of unimaginable
wealth, luxury, and power.

For modern-day women who have the drive and ambition to enter into relationships
with men of higher social status, there is much to be learned from this historical figure.
How exactly did the historical courtesan manage to succeed at such an extraordinary
feat of social reinvention? What preparation did she undergo? What were some of the
pitfalls and lessons along the way? This book aims to answer these questions so that
modern-day women can learn from these women of the past. Rather than seeing them as
simply women who traded sex for material benefit, a clever woman in search of her
own fortune and desiring more power in her own personal relationships might find it
beneficial to dig deeper, study the lessons and apply some of these techniques to her
own life. By doing so, she is even more likely to gain what women want and need: self-
love, self-confidence, peace of mind, and financial security. Any woman who adopts a
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courtesan mentality is never bitter at the end of any relationship with a man because she
always keeps herself in the driver’s seat from the very beginning; and she stays in that
power position throughout the duration of the relationship.

SHE OPERATES AT A CONSCIOUS LEVEL IN HER INTERACTIONS WITH

MEN

Consciousness – from learned knowledge, experience, and awareness – is the first

advantage that sets women with a courtesan mentality apart from other women. The vast
majority of women living in the current digital age are bombarded with confusing mixed
messages regarding gender roles and social expectations for both sexes. Because of this
uncertainty, few women have a good understanding of men and how to handle them
successfully. It is not unusual to see intelligent and well-educated women stumbling
over the same mistakes with men well into her thirties and forties.

The most basic way these ‘alpha’-type women differ from their less competitive ‘beta’
counterparts is in their understanding of contrast and difference between the sexes. The
courtesan understands that the masculine and feminine are a manifestation of the concept
of yin and yang: the masculine and the feminine are complementary, and that it is this
difference (the opposition between the sexes) that creates the magnet for attraction.
Therefore, the first thing for a courtesan-in-training to understand is that men and women
are essentially different. They are biologically, mentally, and emotionally different in a
complementary way. This follows that they have different, but complementary, goals and
needs. This is such a basic concept, but it is very easy to overlook, especially for
inexperienced women and those returning to the dating scene after a long absence.

Her consciousness and mindset mean that she offers her lovers a completely different
reality of relationships, which they are not used to experiencing with most women.
Because she is not predictable, she presents a mental challenge, which keeps men on
their toes. Every liaison with a courtesan is surrounded by the seductive allure of the
demimonde (lit. ‘half-world,’ French): risk, sexual abandon, obsession and intrigue.
Paradoxically, even if she may be sexually experienced, she is careful to maintain a
veneer of innocence and respectability. While she definitely uses a highly sexualized
feminine appeal to attract potential suitors, this aspect is understated, and therefore
more effective. Always careful to maintain a certain grace and distinction, she avoids
coming off as tarty or cheap. She is the Madonna and the Whore, the light and the
darkness, all wrapped up in one. This heady combination of the innocent and illicit,
intimate and aloof, and vulnerable and independent is irresistible to men. There will
always be a certain charm associated with the fun-loving and exciting mistress who is
far removed from the obligations of home and hearth and the worries of business
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concerns. The courtesan occupies a space unique within the life of a man. She is a lover
and discreet confidant, often privy to the secrets of her clients who include politicians,
diplomats, royalty, successful businessmen and financiers. She is a therapist as well as
a muse. In exchange, her lovers provide her with financial security and social
protection.

SHE IS MADE, NOT BORN

Skill is her second advantage. A keen understanding of men is not enough; the courtesan
also possesses a unique set of practical skills necessary to exploit this knowledge.
Above-average social skills are an advantage for learning the feminine arts of charm
and the social arts of conversation and entertaining. For her to pick up these skills
naturally, many things should have been in place from an early age. Ideally, she would
have been born into an affluent family. Her upbringing would have been marked by
many traits associated with the upper classes. She would have learned from her mother
or other female mentor – who would have been a highly developed female herself –
how to speak, behave, dress and successfully navigate society in order to marry well.
For a select few very lucky young women, this is exactly how it occurs. However, for
the vast majority of women there is no such advantageous starting point. For them, the
road to social success will be a gradual, haphazard, experiential learning process of
trial-and-error. Unfortunately, more often than not, their enlightenment is set in motion
by some cataclysmic event, such as the bitter end of a romantic relationship. For such a
woman, her motivation comes about as an act of defiance. She makes a conscious
decision to not only survive her loss, but to look on it as a gift.

A successful seductress elevates her technique to an art form, and does not treat it as a
hobby or a passing interest. For this reason, I want to take as our role models those
women in history who were professional seductresses – that is, they made seduction
their main profession – whether out of their own choice or due to external
circumstances. The historical characters of whom I speak were the independent women
of the past who made their living by the oldest profession.

SHE IS NOT RULED BY THE CONVENTIONS OF SOCIETY

The courtesan’s practical and business-minded approach to relationships is the third

essential advantage that gives the courtesan her edge. Historically, the courtesan lived
outside the boundaries of respectable society, and was therefore not duly influenced by
conventional thinking regarding relationships between men and women. As a result, the
modern-day courtesan has a realistic awareness and understanding of the transactional
nature of sexual relationships and she embraces this reality. She tends to see dating as a
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business and the dynamic between men and women as akin to a negotiation or power
struggle. She is not squeamish about the metaphorical, but politically incorrect, view of
marriage as a form of prostitution. She logically views men who are pursuing her as
“buyers” on an open market in which she is a “vendor,” and the companionship, beauty,
physical favors, and even progeny that she can offer as the “product.” With this practical
viewpoint, she considers her own needs and then unapologetically uses her feminine
sexual power to her social and economic advantage. For the courtesan, it is not merely
her body that is on offer, as it would be for the run-of-the-mill prostitute. She is selling a
fantasy, a trophy, or a long-held dream of success to these men.

In a sense, prostitution and marriage are two sides of the same coin. One situation is to
rent, the other is to buy outright. This is not a popular sentiment, but the dynamics which
we see every day in our human interactions in the majority of human cultures show this
to be the case. It is not necessary to be in moral agreement with the nature of things to
acknowledge and accept reality and act accordingly (for the sake of one’s own
interests). There is an inherent metaphor of transaction in the way that men and women
sort each other out for relationships, and value judgments haven’t changed the way
human beings have interacted over millennia and the way they continue to interact now.
The interesting thing about prostitution is that it is a reflection of these universal needs
on a basic level.

The whole spectrum of sex work includes street prostitutes, escorts of various ‘classes’,
strippers and exotic dancers, and poor students who play the role of sugar babies to
older sugar daddies and sugar mommas. The demimondaine comes under so many
guises. However, for the purposes of this book we will focus on the highest class of
prostitute: the courtesan. The courtesan was different from the rest by the fact that she
had her choice of lovers, and her lovers were usually men of high social rank. These
elevated social connections allowed her to have more control over her income and
lifestyle. As a result, she enjoyed a high level of personal independence, was highly
influential, and had many opportunities to make her mark on history.

At the risk of making some of my readers uncomfortable, the dating scene is

characterized as a ‘market’ for a reason. The dating and marriage market is a real
phenomenon ruled by the economic laws of supply and demand. Historically, relations
between the sexes, including social arrangements such as marriage, were primarily
driven by economics. It is only relatively recently in Western society that love has
become an essential requirement for marriage. But, despite our social evolution, the
same basic financial and biological imperatives continue to influence human behavior.
This book is not meant to be an academic treatise on the morality of these realities, and I
place no judgment whatsoever on this issue. What I am here to offer is a way for women
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to navigate this terrain, so that any woman can — regardless of her background or
station — attract love and wealth, and preferably at the same time.

I believe strongly that a woman must know her own dating and relationship ‘market
value’; she should have the confidence to negotiate with men in order to gain the most
she can for her own needs and lifestyle. If a woman is able to recognize that there is a
high demand among men for certain female characteristics and skills, and she is also
happy to develop these characteristics and skills herself, she can exploit this knowledge
for her own benefit. In my opinion, most young modern women who are blinded by love
– or worse, infatuation – are at a disadvantage because they are unable to approach
dating and relationships in a practical manner. Men tend to take advantage of women
who don’t know their own value and how to demonstrate it. In any business transaction,
a vendor must keep several things in mind: the inherent value of their own product, how
much they are willing to sell it for, how much demand there is for their product, and the
needs and wants of prospective buyers. In relationships, every woman should know
how to negotiate; and the very best way for a woman to successfully negotiate with a
man is through her actions, not her words. She should ask herself, “What do men
want?” And then, “How can I exploit this so that I get what I want?” As we know, the
whole point of business is not just to break even, but to also make a profit.

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CHAPTER 2
WHY LEARN THE TECHNIQUES OF THE
COURTESAN?
What can ‘honest women’ learn from prostitutes? I understand that this topic is
uncomfortable for some people and initially you, dear reader, may be hesitant to listen
to what I have to say. But before you close this book, I suggest you ask yourself a few
simple questions: Why is prostitution the world’s ‘oldest profession’? Why do ‘honest
men’ whom you would never expect – boyfriends, husbands, fathers and brothers —
patronize women who work in the sex industry? What is the basis for the development
of ‘sugar daddies’ and ‘sugar babies’? What is the reason that women are attracted to
men with abundant resources and why do very wealthy men have their pick of beautiful
and intelligent women?

Feminine sexuality is not only a form of female power; it is one of the most powerful
forces on earth. The potential of this power is not lost on a woman who sells sex; she
understands it very well and knows how best to exploit it. However, society puts
women into categories and this influences how readily women feel confident using this
power. The ‘Madonna/Whore dichotomy’ – in which virginal women are considered
‘good’ and ‘valuable’, whereas sexually experienced women are held in disdain – is the
most basic way that society has traditionally categorized and controlled female
sexuality. This basic dichotomy fails to acknowledge that women are complex creatures
with many different sides to their personalities and with a diverse array of needs,
drives, and desires. However, where there is darkness, light must also exist. The
existence of one extreme assumes the natural existence of the other. Even in the simplest
of ways, we can see the effects of this very real feminine power and the resulting
tension it creates in our popular culture and daily interpersonal interactions. Savvy
marketers use sex to sell everything from consumer goods to fashion, films, and music.
Actors, singers, and celebrities who are falling off the radar know that the surest way to
grab the attention of the media is through very public, highly sexualized, and well-staged
shock-and-awe pyrotechnics. To get themselves back into the limelight, they will usually
go for the most provocative behavior, and dress in the sexiest fashions. Tongues will
wag, but the results speak for themselves. This is basic public relations and marketing,
or ‘just another day at the office’ for the savvy celebrity with a courtesan mentality. Just
follow the media to see examples of this done again and again. Is this a form of
prostitution, or business savvy? All women should learn and understand the techniques
of the courtesan, because these strategies work.
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Let’s go back to basic economic principles and the fact that the dating and marriage
market operate on the principles of supply and demand. Just as youth and beauty in
women is in high demand by men, so is charm. Very few women are highly skilled in the
arts of charm and seduction. A skill that can be learned is within any woman’s grasp, if
she has the will and determination to learn. Whereas youth (for childbearing and
childrearing) is fleeting and beauty (for pleasure and as a ‘trophy’) is relative, charm
can be utilized by any woman to improve her social and relationship opportunities.

I say to any woman reading this book: Why not put yourself in an advantageous position
by learning the skills and techniques of the greatest female lovers in history? Why not
give yourself an unfair advantage in love and life? After all, the value of any product is
really perceived value. Good marketing is simply perfecting the art of enhancing the
apparent value of any product you are selling. In this instance, if you haven’t already
guessed, the product that I am referring to is you. In order to think like a courtesan, it is
useful to adopt a more liberal and open-minded attitude towards relationships and sex.
Leaving morality aside, it is best to focus on common-sense principles and the natural
way of things and not necessarily on what society says is right or wrong. I am not
suggesting or advocating that it is necessary for a woman to actually have sex or sell
herself as a prostitute. What I am advising is to learn how the courtesan negotiates a
high financial return on her investment in romantic relationships. As you will see from
the histories of these women, there are three key differences between a prostitute and a
courtesan:

1. The courtesan sells more than just sex. She sells an experience.

2. The courtesan is very subtle. She leaves something to the imagination.

3. The courtesan is always in the driver’s seat. She chooses the men in her life and she
sets and maintains the tone of her relationships.

The courtesan ‘sells’ a total experience of herself within the context of a long-term
relationship. The prostitute is dealing in a one-off transaction, overtly and plainly
offering a physical act for a fixed amount of money. Furthermore, the trend seems to be
that the more socially and financially successful a courtesan becomes, the more likely
she is to settle down with one man in either a marriage or other type of long term
relationship. Indeed, the most successful courtesan profiled in this book – Esther
Lachmann – found success in the forms of both love and money.

Although the sexual aspect of the relationship between the courtesan and benefactor is
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inexplicitly included in the deal, unlike the prostitute who solicits, the courtesan does
not display her sexual availability openly, and the selling of sex is never set in stone.
Always indirect and subtle, she communicates sex through such signifiers as her choice
of seductive grooming and dress, flattering make-up, provocative on-stage
performances, and other such displays. She pursues hobbies or interests that might be
highly sensual in nature, or she entertains or decorates her home in a manner that
arouses the senses. It is not so much the selling of the sexual act, but the marketing of her
sexual allure combined with a sense of scarcity that gives the courtesan her edge. She
interacts with men in such a way as to allow them to see her as a sensual being who is
available for a relationship if he is proven worthy. She uses intrigue and the possibility
of sex as bait, but the man is never quite sure if he will succeed in having her just by
giving her money. Sex is never promoted as the main commodity. She markets herself as
a total package available for the right man within the context of a relationship, the terms
of which she dictates. Her marketing is targeted to attract wealthy and socially
prominent men; from this pool of suitors she then filters men based on her assessment of
their character and generosity. She knows that it is in her best interest to weed out those
men who are unwilling to provide the desired amount of financial benefits. If she is
marriage-minded, she prioritizes those men who are willing to commit to marriage.

So unlike the common prostitute, the courtesan is able to choose the men she wants. She
does not put a price tag upon herself for a man to choose her. For a courtesan to be in
the best possible position to choose, she must have options. She might have options on
account of her skills of seduction, youth, beauty, social status, education or financial
resources. Using examples from the lives of four remarkable women, I will argue that in
the long run, financial independence is the most reliable advantage of all.

I would like to introduce you to Esther Lachmann, Cora Pearl, Apollonie Sabatier, and
Marie Duplessis. These four women came from nothing, and yet found love, enjoyed
celebrity, and lived a life of luxury at a time when women had much fewer options than
they do today. The characteristics these demimondaines had in common were:

1. A willingness to take the risks necessary to live the life they wanted for themselves
2. A deep understanding of the psychology of men combined with strong skills of
seduction
3. A talent for marketing and self-promotion
4. Strong personal ambition and drive to succeed
5. An additional advantage which ultimately sets Esther Lachmann apart from the rest of
the courtesans and ultimately makes her the most successful of all: a strong head for
business and sharp financial acumen

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The courtesan, whether in her past incarnations or modern-day versions, is a creature
unlike any other because she nurtures and honors her feminine nature. She is confident
and comfortable with the power she wields by embracing this femininity. Feminine
power is intimidating and threatening to those who fear and resent the capabilities of a
truly developed woman in total possession of herself physically, mentally, and
emotionally. The courtesan knows her own value and demands that men in her life
respect the value that she brings to her relationships. There is much we can learn from
this historical figure, whose spirit has continued to stay alive into the present age under
various guises.

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CHAPTER 3
THE FRENCH CONTEXT
The setting is Second Empire Paris, during the reign of Emperor Napoleon III (1852-
1870). During this time period, Paris was the cultural center of the Western world. The
city had a reputation for excitement, glamour, excess and hedonism. It was a time of
general prosperity and opportunity. Previous unknowns who arrived in the City of Lights
with talent, ambition and determination could become rich and famous within a short
period of time. Everyone who was anyone either visited or lived there. The Parisian
international milieu included visiting ambassadors, members of royal families from
abroad, artists and musicians, writers and journalists, wealthy entrepreneurs, visiting
foreign celebrities, and ambitious careerists. In the wake of the Industrial Revolution
and a more liberal political climate, capitalism and materialism reigned, and society
became much more fluid. The new wealthy bourgeoisie, who coveted the privileges
previously outside their reach, started to gain political power. The social and lifestyle
opportunities which had only been available to the nobility and other social elites were
now accessible to those who had succeeded in business. Having access to capital meant
increased social mobility, political power, and influence. For the first time, money
became the new currency determining one’s place in society, rather than title or family
of origin.

The prevailing social climate in France was more liberal from a socio-sexual point-of-
view as well. Prostitution was legal and highly regulated by the authorities. The names
of street prostitutes and brothel workers were inscribed on a compulsory register and
most women involved in the sex trade were also compelled to undergo regular
screening for venereal diseases. The exceptions were those prostitutes of the higher
social classes who were kept in apartments and mansions by wealthier benefactors;
these women largely avoided routine surveillance. As one can imagine, the atmosphere
of conspicuous consumption associated with new wealth combined with a more liberal
attitude towards sexual activity made the emergence of the courtesan in her most
sophisticated form inevitable. Napoleon III himself kept mistresses from the ranks of the
most well known of these courtesans, including the well-known stage actress
Marguerite Bellanger. Alongside the ranks of these demimondaines who lived
independently, a new and ambiguous underground of social strata began to form,
supported by the vices newly affordable to those with high disposable incomes. This
underbelly of society existed on the fringes, its presence known, but unacknowledged by
‘respectable’ society. The sensibilities and codes of life of this social group were

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antithetical to the conventions of the middle-class and socially striving bourgeoisie.
These ‘dropouts’ either did not aspire to enter - or for whatever reason could not enter -
into ‘respectable’ society. This ‘demimonde’ (lit. ‘half-world’, French.), as they
became known, was largely made up of the class of women who were kept by wealthy
benefactors, the society of men who kept them, and a variety of associated characters
who lived a creative, unconventional or hedonistic lifestyle. Their lifestyle was
characterized by activities such as drinking, the use of mind-altering drugs, conspicuous
consumption, gambling, and sexual promiscuity. The men who frequented this social
milieu came from all classes and professions and included fledgling and established
writers and artists, bourgeois men of above-average means, wealthy businessmen, and
aristocrats.

The stories of the early lives of the four courtesans profiled in this book are typical of
many young women who entered the sex trade during this era. Usually because of
poverty or bad luck, these women started out in life with some type of a disadvantage.
For example, poor women lacking the protection of a husband or family due to
circumstances of death or divorce and who were unable to remarry, were common
entrants into the underbelly of society. Another scenario was the middle-class
‘honorable’ woman who found herself living a very different life than she would have
ever imagined for herself – that of a demimondaine – because of an unintended scandal
or life-altering event. The prevailing social code of respectability dictated that any blot
on a woman’s reputation occurring before she was safely married, could result in her
‘unsuitability’ for marriage. Since marriage was typically the only way for working and
middle-class women to improve their socioeconomic status, any type of shame on such
a woman’s reputation would be akin to a social death sentence and a strong barrier to
moving up the social ladder. This was true especially if she had no other resources such
as family connections or money with which to facilitate her upward mobility. Her life
path would divert then, and she would be marked from that moment onwards, forever
banned from polite society and the benefits of a respectable bourgeois marriage.
However, if she managed to marry first before making an irreversible mistake, she was
safe from any social repercussions. Paradoxically, social mores allowed for married
women of the higher social classes to engage in illicit affairs, and to even accept
financial rewards for these liaisons. In addition, while ‘fallen women’ lived on the
fringes, their male counterparts, benefactors, and lovers passed easily and discreetly
between both the underworld and respectable society without consequence.

In nineteenth century Paris, prostitutes existed on a ladder of status, and a prostitute’s

‘level’ was entirely based on two criteria:

1. The amount of money she was able to command, and

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2. The extent to which she was able to choose her clientele.

The lowliest prostitute was the common prostitute who might work on the street or in a
brothel. She would function either alone or under the control of an intermediary, such as
a pimp. This prostitute was paid very little, had no control over her income, and was
forced to take any and all clients because of financial necessity, coercion or both.

The next level up the ladder of prostitution, we find the working-class woman who sold
sex on the side alongside her day job. These ‘grisettes’ were typically young girls
working in retail shops or service-oriented jobs who sold sex to men of above-average
means in order to supplement their meagre incomes. More fortunate than the common
prostitute, these women were not dependent on prostitution for their daily survival, and
would often spend the money given to them on luxuries while striving for a middle-class
marriage.

The highest level of prostitutes were those kept women who either lived with their
benefactor or were put up in a separate private accommodation by him. These women
did not work for a living and instead sold their sexual favors to one or more men in
exchange for protection and ongoing financial support. Several advantages of being kept
included:

1. Avoiding the high risks of crime and assault associated with lower forms of
prostitution
2. Avoiding hassles from the police and immigration authorities
3. Avoiding the routine and often humiliating health checks by the authorities
4. Avoiding placement of one’s name on the register of prostitutes
5. Enjoyment of a comfortable and sometimes lavish lifestyle
6. Freedom of time and energy for more personal and creative pursuits

The most successful professional prostitutes – the grandes courtesans — were able to
attract and retain the favors of the wealthiest and most distinguished clientele, including
established and well-respected artists and musicians, wealthy businessmen, financiers,
and statesmen. Because of the elevated social position of their clients, higher-level
courtesans were offered an unusual amount of protection from the authorities. Because
of their notoriety, they were in a unique position to pick and choose clients based on
whichever grounds they wished. As a result of the wealth they were able to accumulate,
it was not unheard of for the most successful of these women to live even more
luxuriously than women of the nobility. As these demimondaines were not limited by the
same social expectations that dictated the behavior of ‘polite women’, they were free to
take social risks, to experiment in the domains of fashion and art, and to live an
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outlandish lifestyle that solidified their newfound celebrity status.

And yet, for these unconventional women of the demimonde, it was not all free and easy
fun and excitement. There was a cold, hard existence barely visible under the surface of
their precarious lives. Even after the most successful courtesans reached the notoriety
and wealth to rival women of the upper class, they were still excluded from polite
society. Jealous and envious women of the haute monde were usually on guard to play
the role of gatekeeper in order to prevent these ‘unsavory’ newcomers from stealing the
limelight within a social scene they had previously dominated. Well-known and
influential courtesans would inevitably bump into these disapproving society women
who held forth over exclusive official events and institutions. The courtesan might be
the current darling of the media and the muse of the most promising fine artists at the
moment, and yet she might find herself turned away at the last moment at the entrance to
an official social event, publicly forced to leave in humiliation.

We can see examples of this struggle in the life experiences of two of the most
financially successful courtesans – Alphonsine Plessis and Esther Lachmann. If the story
Lady of the Camellias (based on the life of Alphonsine, later Marie Duplessis) carries
any historical truth, she must have suffered terribly. Despite her never-ending string of
suitors, she only found happiness in the love of one man. She planned to marry for love
and leave prostitution behind forever, only to be confronted with the reality that the
relationship would eventually end because of the shame it was bringing on her lover’s
family. Similarly, Esther Lachmann, or ‘La Paiva’ as she was later known, never
managed to shake the stigma of her past as a prostitute. She was roundly rejected by the
Parisian elite, despite her enormous wealth and legitimate marriage to one of the richest
men in Europe.

As these courtesans soon realized, the learning curve of this social trajectory was steep
and not without its setbacks and challenges. The more confident demimondaine would
simply affect nonchalance, while secretly resolving to seek revenge in one way or
another. Sometimes winning and sometimes losing, the most powerful courtesans would
always compete with women of the haute monde on their own terms. However, for the
most part, success in entering official ‘high society’, with all its respectability,
remained an elusive dream.

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CHAPTER 4
FOUR COURTESANS
1. ESTHER LACHMANN (‘LA PAIVA’)

‘La Paiva’ was the most financially successful of all the courtesans. Her determined
ascent from poverty to riches is an illustration of the potential rewards of self-
reinvention, discipline, and hard work. Born Esther Lachmann (1819), she was a Polish
Jew who came to Paris from the Moscow ghetto.

Esther (later known as Therese Villoing, Blanche Herz, and finally ‘La Paiva’) came to
her transformation after years of planning, plotting, and preparation. While still in
Russia, her beauty caught the eye of one Antoine Villoing, a young Frenchman working
as a tailor in Moscow. The young couple married when Esther was seventeen years old,
and soon after, Esther changed her first name to ‘Therese’. Her name change not only
suggests that she had a strong attraction to France, but may also be an indication of her
desire to start a new life, perhaps even a new identity. She was born into a Jewish
family in Russia at a time when Jews were severely discriminated against. In contrast,
France — and Paris in particular — was a cosmopolitan environment, which offered
Esther the promise of a life free from the social limits placed upon Jewish people at that
time.

By age eighteen, Therese had given birth to a child. However, she was unsatisfied with
her life in Moscow, and had her sights set on Paris, the bright lights of which offered the
irresistible promise of a new existence. Using her status of marriage to a French
national, she managed to obtain travel papers and set off for Paris on her own, leaving
her husband and child back in Moscow. Whatever the circumstances of her departure
were, it was clear by her future actions that she had no intention of going back to her
previous life in Russia.

Now aged nineteen, she arrived in Paris alone, but free. The first two items on the
agenda: reliable accommodation and a way to support herself financially. It is likely that
she followed in the footsteps of many young girls before her who, determined to make
their fortunes, had also arrived alone in the City of Lights. The desire to escape a life of
poverty surely influenced her dependence on the then burgeoning and legal sex trade in
France. She started at the very bottom of the social ladder of prostitution, while
harboring much larger aspirations. It is important to keep in mind that foreign women

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such as Therese had their own unique challenges if they aspired to bring themselves up
by their own bootstraps in the demimonde. Foreigners were easier targets for arrest and
detainment not only by the police but also by the immigration authorities. For this reason
they were in many cases more dependent on their benefactors than their French
counterparts.

Therese was resourceful, and by the age of twenty-two she had the means to travel to the
resort destinations of the rich. From a practical point-of-view, Therese knew that any
potential benefactor would be more amenable to her charms while he was enjoying his
rest and relaxation. She thus made a plan to travel to the German resort town of Bad
Ems, a destination that was notorious for the numerous rich men who took their
vacations there. On arrival, she promptly got to work looking for potential prospects.
Soon enough, she found herself a suitable target. The man who caught her eye was the
distinguished pianist, Henri Herz. Successful and renowned, Henri would one day
become a Professor at the Paris Conservatory. However, unbeknownst to him, Therese
now had him marked as a potential lover and benefactor who would bankroll her
upgraded lifestyle.

The intrepid young courtesan immediately planned her strategy. She would stage a coup
in order to shock and awe him. He would see her, be delighted by her, and be unable to
forget her. She went to see his next piano performance, making sure to sit as close as
possible in the front where he could easily see her. While he performed on stage, she
prepared for her chance. As he played, she assumed the behavior of a woman
transfixed. She became overwhelmed with emotion and then finally, she swooned. The
dramatic and sensual scene of a beautiful and exotic-looking young woman in a fit of
ecstasy brought on by his playing undoubtedly caught his attention. It must have also
sufficiently flattered his ego as well, because before long they were an item.

Although Henri was not of the nobility, Therese moved up the social ladder through this
relationship. She learned how to conduct herself in society and gained an education in
culture and music. Through her relationship with Henri, she also developed friendships
with well-known cultural influencers, including the journalist Theophile Gautier and the
composer Richard Wagner. Although Therese and Henri were never officially married,
the couple lived together for a decade under the guise of being husband and wife. To
prevent anyone from finding out about her true identity, Therese made up false stories
about her origins and took on the new first name ‘Blanche’. This was no doubt a strategy
to prevent her past life catching up with her. Under no circumstances should anyone find
out about Therese Villoing, the young woman who had to sell her body to survive on her
first arrival in Paris.

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And so she continued living with Henri as ‘Blanche Herz’, traveling and socializing
internationally as the ‘wife’ of a famous musician. This quasi-marriage arrangement
eventually broke down, however, due to pressure from Henri’s family. They could no
longer abide her excessive spending, and demanded that he end the relationship. In the
midst of this feud, Henri set sail for America for a concert tour, leaving her alone in
Paris. While he was abroad, his family took matters into their own hands and succeeded
in forcing her out of the couple’s home. Unfortunately, as she was not legally married to
Henri, she had no legal recourse. After the fallout of this relationship, she found herself
penniless and without protection, yet again. From the new level of sophistication and
financial security she had enjoyed for ten years with Henri, she now found herself back
to her previous humble beginnings.

Now aged twenty-nine, Blanche was wiser, but also older, and found it difficult to
quickly replace Henri with another lover and benefactor. She was forced to swallow
her pride and go back to the way she had started out ten years previously, living hand-
to-mouth and in modest accommodations. She was now reduced to accepting the sort of
clients whom she felt were now beneath her, but who nevertheless provided her with the
means to survive. Despite this humiliating setback, she continued to fight. Although she
now had to settle for cheap hotels, she made sure to stay within close proximity to
wealth, choosing to live in the exclusive area of the Champs-Elysees, even if the
lodgings themselves were humble. Immediately, she went back on the market to seek out
another protector. It was during this time that Blanche became tougher than she had ever
been, taking the next three years to accomplish her ambitious goal. Despite her
desperate circumstances, she was already strategizing her comeback. Her goal was to
become rich enough to eventually build the most luxurious and exclusive hotel in Paris,
right on the Avenue des Champs-Elysees.

Now, when we consider the position Blanche was in at this time and the loftiness of her
ambitions, her dreams to some might indeed seem laughable. However, she was clever
and as hungry as ever for success. Although she had no money, she was prepared to take
a risk. Through the introduction of another courtesan, Blanche managed to enter into a
deal with a known ‘madam’ who would provide her with the clothing, accoutrements,
and capital to blend into high society and get back into the high-end dating game.
Because there was at that time an economic recession throughout continental Europe,
Blanche gathered her belongings and moved to London, where the rich were still largely
unaffected by the financial downturn in other parts of Europe. She set up operations
there for several months, in the hopes of reversing her fortunes yet again. After a
particularly successful social debut in Covent Garden, she came to the attention of
several wealthy businessmen and aristocrats, who committed to providing her with
substantial resources for the length of her stay. Now flush with money, she wisely chose
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to invest her earnings so as to never be in such a desperate financial position ever again.

2. MARIE DUPLESSIS

Alphonsine Rose Plessis, later known as ‘Marie Duplessis’, was born in Normandy in
1824. Marie grew up in very difficult circumstances. Sometime between the ages of six
and eight, Alphonsine’s mother died, possibly of tuberculosis. Following this tragic
event, she lived in poverty with her father, an abusive drunkard who often profited by
selling his daughter as a prostitute to older men. By the time she was in her early teens,
Alphonsine had become quite precocious, having learned from her father the lucrative
power that her sexuality held over men. After his death, she went to live with relatives
in Paris, where she initially took work as a laundress and then in a clothing shop. These
types of occupations were typical of the opportunities for working-class women at that
time.

Unable to get by on her meager income, she was already playing the role of the grisette
by the age of sixteen. This lifestyle entailed maintaining her socially acceptable (and
low-paying) day job while occasionally accepting financial support from various
lovers. She continued this way until meeting a well-to-do restaurant owner named
Nollet. He was the first man to offer her the life of the kept woman. In exchange for
covering her expenses, he offered to set her up in an apartment to which he alone had a
key. With this arrangement, she would be well provided for, and he could conveniently
and discreetly see her whenever he wished. Seeing a way out of her desperate situation,
Alphonsine accepted the arrangement, and in so doing, turned her back on a life of
respectable drudgery forever. Nollet was her entry point into the demimonde, but
eventually, the driven courtesan moved on from her bourgeois lover. As she continued
trading up, her succession of lovers provided the means for her to move ever higher up
the ladder of prostitution.

Although she was now quite comfortable in her role as a grande cocotte, it was not until
she met a young nobleman by the name of Agenor that she transformed into the femme
fatale who would become the inspiration for La Dame aux Camelias and La Traviata.
Agenor, the Duke de Guiche (later, the Duke de Gramont), was a twenty-two year old
nobleman and playboy who fell in love with Marie at first sight. Although lacking
wealth and not being particularly ambitious himself, he nevertheless carried a title and
was able to provide her with the finishing education that she later used to create a new
identity. Marie, who at this stage would have had many lovers continuously maintaining
her, must have had some unique qualities for such an eligible and strapping young
nobleman to choose her as his companion. After all, his social position meant that he
could have chosen any woman of either the haute or demimonde. But he fell in love with
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Marie and took her under his wing, training her to look, behave, and speak like a proper
young lady. He saw in her some potential beyond their physical relationship, and so
arranged for her to have a variety of tutors in order to not only educate her on the basics
necessary to inhabit his world, but the manners and refinement which a young woman
could only be exposed to if she was born into high society. She was tutored in a variety
of subjects including the piano, dancing, writing, reading, deportment and decorum, and
the art of conversation. The complete transformation from Alphonsine Plessis, working-
class grisette, to Marie Duplessis, elite courtesan, took several months and tens of
thousands of francs. Her new name and identity allowed her to make a firm break from
her previous life, giving her the freedom to create a new reality for herself.

3. APOLLONIE SABATIER

Apollonie Sabatier was born Aglae Savatier in Charleville Mezieres, France, in 1822.
By all accounts, she had a relatively normal and carefree childhood. As a young student,
she worked as an artist’s model while living with her mother and younger sister.
Although there is no history of sexual abuse like that of the early life of Marie
Duplessis, Aglae did have complicated issues surrounding her paternity. Although
raised by Savatier, a soldier in the French army, she was actually the illegitimate
daughter of a nobleman, the viscount Etienne Louis Harmand d’Abancourt. Her
biological father had enjoyed a secret liaison with her mother, but in order to avoid
scandal, refused to publicly acknowledge the relationship and the child after she
became pregnant. Rather than jeopardize his social position, he arranged for her mother
to be married off to the young Savatier who would look after the young mother and child
as his own.

Unlike other courtesans who typically found their way into prostitution out of financial
necessity or the desire for wealth, the young Aglae lived a carefree lifestyle, devoid of
any grand strategy to ensnare a benefactor. Nevertheless, in 1846, the bohemienne’s
beguiling beauty caught the eye of Alfred Mosselman, a wealthy industrialist, banker,
and arts patron. Aglae had often spent time in the company of artists and writers, and as
an arts patron, Alfred often socialized within the same circles. Soon after meeting Aglae
at the home of a mutual friend, the two art lovers became inseparable.

Alfred, who was twelve years older than Aglae, and also married, came from a wealthy
Belgian mining and banking family, with connections to the French aristocracy. In
addition to his involvement in the family business, he had also spent time in the Belgian
diplomatic service. Being well-connected and rich, Alfred was able to provide the right
social and economic support for Aglae to develop from an occasional artist’s model
living with her mother to a society hostess, muse for renowned artists, and eventually
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the inspiration for the famous sculpture Femme Pique par un Serpent. He kept her in a
fashionable bohemian district of Paris known for being inhabited by kept women as
well as many famous creative artists, including Eugene Delacroix, Hector Berlioz,
Theophile Gautier, and Henry Murger. There she lived in a large apartment at 4 Rue
Frochot that was sumptuously decorated with flowers and beautiful birds and elegantly
furnished with tasteful décor and antiques. She entertained artists and intellectuals in her
home every week on a Sunday for conversation and inspiration, and soon her salon
became one of the most important artistic and cultural gatherings of the period. Her
new lifestyle with Alfred provided her with an added layer of sophistication, education,
and connections. It was from this position as fashionable salon hostess and muse that
she became known as ‘La Presidente’. During this period of her life, she changed her
name from Aglae Savatier to Apollonie Sabatier.

4. CORA PEARL

Cora Pearl was born Eliza Emma Crouch in 1835, near Plymouth, England. Although the
exact details of her early life are obscure, we know that her father, a musician,
abandoned the family to avoid creditors, and soon afterwards, her mother took another
lover. Eliza did not get on well with her new stepfather, and before long, she was sent
away to a French convent boarding school. When she returned to England several years
later, at the age of twenty, she was sent to live with her grandmother in the Covent
Garden area of London.

In her memoirs, Cora Pearl explains exactly how she came to enter the demimonde: The
young Eliza, newly arrived in London, was bored of the sedate existence she was
leading in her grandmother’s house. Inevitably, and despite her grandmother’s warnings,
the rebellious twenty-year-old began to explore the temptations of London on her own.
But her life changed when, on a carefree day out in London, she met and befriended a
strange man. Against her better judgment, Eliza followed the stranger into a pub where
he offered her strong drink; once sufficiently intoxicated, she is then lured into a brothel
and raped. After awakening in a strange bed, naked with this strange man, Eliza knew
immediately that she could never return to her previous ‘respectable’ life in her
grandmother’s house. Uninterested in going back to live with her grandmother, and
having refused the offer to stay with the man who stole her innocence, she instead
decided to accept enough money from the stranger to rent a room. It was at this point that
her life as a demimondaine began.

After making the decision to live as an independent woman, Eliza decided to make her
start on Regent Street, a well-known Red Light District in London. And in the same
pattern as other ‘fallen women’ in similar circumstances, she changed her name to the
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more glamorous ‘Cora Pearl’, probably in order to make a break with her past. Soon
after establishing her new identity, she caught the attention of one Robert Bignell, the
proprietor of the infamous Argyll Rooms, an establishment on Regent Street where
prostitutes entertained wealthy men. This is where Cora, by now an alluring young
woman, began developing herself in earnest as a courtesan-in-training.

Before long, Robert became quite smitten with Cora, and pressured her to live with him.
He promised to not only support her financially, but to also marry her. However, Cora
was as independent as ever, and was not interested in playing the role of wife. She
rejected his offer, but did allow him to take her on a trip to Paris, where they travelled
under the guise of husband and wife. After a month in the French capital, she knew she
had found her new home. To Robert’s shock and dismay, Cora refused to return back to
London with him, choosing instead to take a risk and remain in Paris on her own. He
repeated his offer of marriage, but she again refused.

Like the other courtesans who moved to the City of Lights from abroad or from the
French Provinces, Cora had to start from the bottom and move her way up in society. On
her arrival, she took residence in a nondescript area in eastern Paris, the Cite des
Bluets, and accepted men of modest social standing with very little money to spend on
themselves, never mind beautiful courtesans. Starting from the lowest ranks of
prostitution, she continued plying her trade, all the while continuing to move residence
to more fashionable areas of Paris as her income allowed. She soon found that the
higher the position of her benefactor, the higher her position on the ladder of
prostitution, and the wealthier she could become. She continued climbing, and found it
not too difficult, as her keen sense of intelligence, vivaciousness, and raucous sense of
humor made her popular with men. We also get the sense, from those who have written
about her, that she was no pushover, unintimidated by the powerful men who pursued
her and knowing full well how to put them in their place.

Soon enough, Cora was able to take up residence in close proximity to the Champs-
Elysees, proof that she had reached a definitive level of financial success as a
courtesan. Now officially a ‘grande horizontale’, she began having liaisons with dukes,
princes, and diplomats. In particular, she seems to have focused on those men of the
upper class who were most at home within the demimonde, including the playboys,
hedonists, and spendthrifts. Cora also took lovers from the ranks of the illegitimate
offspring of the royal classes. The illegitimate sons of the nobility were less often in the
public eye than their acknowledged siblings. However, they were usually well aware of
their true origins, and because of their close (although hidden) association to the haute
monde, were afforded access to privileged educations and occupations. Cora dated
several of these men, including the Duke de Morny, the illegitimate half-brother of the
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Emperor Napoleon III, who despite his illegitimacy, went on to distinguish himself in
business, finance, and politics. She also had relationships with William Prince of
Orange, the son of the then King of Holland, and Prince Napoleon Joseph Charles Paul
Bonaparte, the socially awkward cousin of the Emperor Napoleon III. She and the
prince maintained a long relationship that provided Cora protection and even secret and
discreet entrée into the Palais Royal. Through this string of lovers - men who Cora
described as her ‘golden chain’ - she was able to acquire a fantastically expensive
wardrobe, rare jewels, an army of servants, a chef, and a collection of up to sixty
horses. An avid horsewoman, Cora’s horses were reputed to have been quite fine and
very well cared for. Because success breeds success, she became well known and
sought after by more and more wealthy clients.

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CHAPTER 5
FOUNDATIONS: THE COURTESAN MENTALITY
AND FINISHING SCHOOL
Hypergamy is defined as the act or practice of marrying someone who is wealthier or of
higher social status than oneself. Hypergamy demands traits such as an ability to
recognize opportunities, the courage to take risks, and the strength of character to apply
everything learned consistently over an extended period of time. To illustrate, one must
imagine the indefatigable willpower and tenacity required of a street-prostitute to pull
herself up by her own bootstraps to become the favorite mistress of a duke or a prince.
Women who are interested in taking part in this practice must first develop the right
mindset. A woman with a courtesan mentality has the ability to conceive within her
mind the possibility of elevating her socioeconomic situation. She has a clear vision of
her destination and continues to believe in ambitious dreams that defy her social origins,
personal circumstances, and the prevailing social attitudes about lower class women.

Once she has conceived the thought in her mind that she can have whatever she desires
in life, she dares to ignore self-doubt so that she can take the first steps toward reaching
her goal. In addition, she must be strong-willed enough to follow through despite
inevitable setbacks.

The woman with a courtesan mentality is in control of her relationships. Relationship

dynamics between individuals can be broken down into three possible styles, and those
between a courtesan and sponsor are no different. The three models of power exchange
include:

1. The benefactor is in control

2. The courtesan is in control
3. Power is shared between the benefactor and courtesan

Although it is true that, at least in the beginning, the benefactor has the financial
advantage, a strong courtesan can overcome this if she possesses the most powerful
ingredient for the art of seduction: mental strength. In order to benefit financially from
the relationship, the courtesan must firmly and confidently impose her will over her own
mind. Her mindset is the key, because it determines her attitude toward herself and the
world, and is also the foundation from which all her decisions affecting the relationship
will be made. A courtesan in the mental driver’s seat trusts herself and makes decisions
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from a place of self-confidence. She is able to remain emotionally detached from men
when it is to her advantage to do so (such as during financial negotiations), and is never
blinded by love to the point where she makes decisions that are to her detriment. She
demonstrates this self-possession (and lack of desperation) in the way she interacts with
men.

Most courtesans will start out in very humble beginnings. At the outset, they may live in
humble quarters and may have to deal with men from the lower rungs of the social
ladder. All courtesans need to learn certain skills and grow through the process of trial
and error before gaining the confidence to attempt the journey up the social ladder. The
successful ones take initiative, learn from mistakes, and demonstrate resilience.
Consider these essential steps followed by the most successful courtesans:

1. She drastically improves her appearance.

2. She upgrades her knowledge of etiquette and manners and improves her social skills.
3. She changes her environment in order to increase the chances of meeting men with
money.
4. She makes a conscious decision to stop associating herself with men of lesser means
and inferior position.
5. She continues climbing, no matter what, because ‘settling’ is never an option.

As cold and calculating as this may seem, the courtesan knows that the social system
requires that she leverage a liaison with a well established man in order to gain the
most value for her time. Therefore, she makes sure to enter into romantic relationships
that will be advantageous for her.

Once the steps above are internalized, the new cocotte has officially ‘graduated’, and is
now ready to move on to the big leagues. After securing housing in the right geographic
area, reliable transport, and a suitably elegant wardrobe, her next objective is to find a
truly wealthy benefactor. In order to meet these wealthier clients, the courtesan-in-
training stays visible. To achieve this end, she makes a point of visiting places and
attending events where rich men congregate, whether for business or pleasure.

Once the first wealthy benefactor is hooked, a smart courtesan makes sure to learn as
much as possible from him. This first relationship is essential to introducing her to the
trappings of wealth and the subtle social codes of upper class society. This initial
education is usually achieved through participation in leisure activities, trips to
exclusive resorts, attendance (as his guest) at high profile events, and even expensive
personal tutoring. Elite courtesans are diligent. They tend to take advantage of all the
educational opportunities offered, using each experience as an opportunity to gain
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confidence in environments and social situations that have previously intimidated them.

Even though her external appearance is designed to catch her target’s attention, the
seductress on the hunt for big game cannot succeed through beauty alone. In addition to
her external beauty, she needs to cultivate her intelligence and social skills as well.
Therefore, she studies history as well as fashion. She practices her etiquette and
manners. Her determination to master these skills transforms her into a woman of
refinement and high-value. Thus, a ‘smoothing around the edges’ (sometimes referred to
as a ‘finishing education’) is a common characteristic of those rare courtesans who
differentiate themselves from the herd of common prostitutes.

Once financially successful and comfortable as a grande cocotte, the social climber’s
next task is to move (yet again) to an even more exclusive area. The more exclusive, the
better; after all, the object of the game is to attract the most generous lovers. In order to
entertain at an even higher level than before, this social courtesan always ensures that
her home is clean, tastefully decorated, and sumptuously upholstered.

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CHAPTER 6
THE DANCE BETWEEN COURTESAN AND CLIENT:
MINDING HER OWN BUSINESS
The courtesan’s practical state of mind definitely stands to her as she manages the
‘business side’ of the relationship. She thinks of herself as her own enterprise and never
forgets to mind her own business. Consumers are fickle, and she knows that the eye of a
man who has followed her obsessively for months could easily stray to a new ‘it girl’
next week, instantly depriving her of a steady stream of income. Therefore, she
considers her market value and works hard to maintain and improve on it. She takes
good care of her physical, mental, and emotional fitness, maintains a thriving social life
outside of the relationship, and keeps her romantic options open. If she accepts the
advances of a lover, but later finds herself in a relationship that is time-consuming but
not profitable, she quickly moves on to another target without apologies or explanation.

The first thing the courtesan might notice, as she moves up to a higher socioeconomic
level, is that in relation to money and spending, wealthy men are quite different from
their middle and working class counterparts. Wealthy men possess enormous egos.
Their emotional needs require a beautiful woman to serve as a trophy and as proof of
their financial success. They are big spenders, comfortable engaging in conspicuous
consumption, and their women are expected to be an extension of that. So a deal is
struck: he provides the financial security and she is on show to make him look good.
The courtesan is expected to pay close attention to all the details of her grooming, dress,
and manners. Her daily schedule will include, at a minimum, some type of exercise, a
detailed and elaborate beauty regimen, styling and dress fittings, and a fully booked
social schedule.

Because it is a status symbol for these men to be associated with her, admirers send
expensive and exquisite gifts to outcompete each other, hoping to be added to her long
list of lovers. In addition to financial security, the courtesan benefits significantly from
the prestige of these men, and the attention allows her to attract more and more high-
profile clientele. However, it is an expensive lifestyle to maintain. As a status symbol,
she has an image to uphold – that of a lady of leisure – and the expenses required to
support this persona can quickly add up. Rather than saving, she is expected to spend the
money, and to be seen wearing the clothes, jewels, and other finery that she is given. Of
course, all of this is in order to demonstrate to the world the wealth of the man who
keeps her. This is fine, so long as the relationship lasts. But when these relationships
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end – as they so often do – a courtesan with a high level of credit and as many debts,
accustomed to an expensive lifestyle, can easily find herself in a very difficult
predicament.

A future of financial uncertainty is the biggest risk for a woman choosing the path of the
courtesan. It is not for the faint of heart, definitely too risky a life path for a more
traditional woman. It is more suited to a woman who feels, for whatever reason, that she
has nothing to lose and everything to gain. For the successful few who choose this path,
the lifestyle can lead to riches and increased confidence with men.

So what is the best long-term strategy? Above all, a courtesan should aim for financial
independence. Sharp business acumen is essential. The first objective is always to
ensnare a rich man as soon as possible, and once established in the relationship, to
carefully ‘mind one’s own business’ in order to ensure financial security. Then, no
matter what the future of the relationship, security is certain. Just as it is essential to
have multiple streams of income when endeavoring to achieve financial independence,
it is necessary to have multiple men on the go in order to maintain a firm level of
control. Once the initial benefactor has been secured, it is useful to find a second, and
even a third. To manage this, it is necessary to be adept at manipulating men and to be
always on the lookout for more opportunities.

Marie Duplessis was known to be quite manipulative, cleverly juggling multiple men at
once while managing to convince them all to accept the arrangement. Also, she was not
averse to cruelly dismissing her lovers when they were no longer useful to her. Within a
matter of weeks of her transformation from Alphonsine to Marie, she quickly added
other high profile lovers to her list, including the young Viscount de Meril, by whom she
later became pregnant. Agenor de Guiche, for reasons unknown but possibly out of
anger and jealousy, left for England, only to return a few months later to find her a fully-
fledged courtesan. Her transformation was so complete that he barely recognized her,
and deep down he understood that she would never fully belong to him ever again. She
had since adopted an exorbitant lifestyle, with expensive habits such as gambling and
partying, which further contributed to the need for additional lovers. By the time she
was eighteen (two years after meeting Agenor), he was no longer able to afford her at
all. However, he still remained in her life as her amant de coeur, that is, their
relationship was now based on mutual affection rather than his financial abilities.
However, this also meant that although he was still a dear friend, because he could not
afford to compete financially, clients with more financial resources were prioritized for
her time and attention. She moved on to the Count Edouard de Perregaux, who set her up
in an even more spacious and expensive apartment on the Rue d’Antin. Count Edouard,
being young and naïve, nearly ruined himself financially trying to maintain their
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relationship. Finally, even he was unable to continue supporting her to the level she
desired. Despite this, he still remained devoted as ever, and would later elope with her
in London.

By this time, Marie was dying of tuberculosis, but while she still had the strength and
will to live, she continued her flamboyant lifestyle in the Rue d’Antin. She took up with
the then fledgling writer Alexander Dumas, fils, who would later immortalize her in his
novel and later play, La Dame aux Camellias. As a writer, Alexander was not in a
position to support her financially and so remained as another devoted amant de coeur,
limited to seeing her only when she was not busy with men with deeper pockets. This
was usually in the wee hours of the morning, but even then engagements with him could
be broken at the last minute to accommodate other lovers. He was unable to handle his
jealousy, humiliated that he could not afford to be the only man in her life. In frustration
and desperation, he broke things off with her after eleven months. No matter. Before she
and Alexander had finished, she was already in a relationship with Count Gustav Ernst
von Stackleberg, an elderly diplomat who was most generous and agreeable, and who
not only put her up in an even more luxurious apartment at 11 Blvd de la Madeleine, but
also gifted her with all manner of luxuries including horses and carriages, servants,
laundry services, hairdresser, clothes, jewels, household items, and fine foods
delivered to her home on a daily basis. While in this new arrangement, she also
developed an intimate relationship with the pianist and composer Franz Liszt, who was
a frequent guest at her soirees in the Blvd de la Madeleine.

Having multiple lovers was essential for Marie’s independence as it made it more
difficult for any one man to control her. As her typical client was a wealthy, egotistical
man who could have any woman he desired, it was a potent mental challenge to
encounter a woman he could not control. Understanding their competitive natures, she
calculatingly played her lovers against each other. This in turn motivated them to spend
more and more to compete for her favors.

What we learn from Marie Duplessis, is that when it comes to handling men, the most
useful weapon in a woman’s arsenal is actually psychology. When endeavoring to
establish a lucrative relationship with a man, subtle interpersonal skills such as
knowing how to lie and knowing when to give a lover the illusion of control in order to
achieve one’s own ends, are essential skills in the long run. These subtle interpersonal
skills are essential to maintaining the mental upper-hand and ensuring a continuous
stream of income.

To illustrate, Marie was very careful to ‘set the tone’ from the beginning of each new
relationship, in order to manage her lovers’ expectations. In her biography written by
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Romain Vienne, we can tell by the speech she makes to a potential suitor that she was an
expert at manipulating men:

“Baron, I follow an unpleasant profession; but I must not leave you ignorant of the
fact that my favors are very expensive. I spend, on average, five hundred francs a
day, and sometimes I indulge in extravagant expenditure which doubles this figure.
Therefore, my protector needs to be very rich to cover my household expenses and
to satisfy my many, varied and strange caprices. At present, I am approximately
thirty thousand francs in debt, which is very reasonable for me. I find nothing
alarming about this figure, and don’t mind admitting that it is sometimes higher.
There it is, it’s an obsession I have, along with plenty more. It’s not my fault; after
all, it is not I who dances too fast, it is the violins who can’t keep up. When my
current debts have been paid, I will lose no time in contracting new ones to justify
the old and so as not to get out of the habit; it is stronger than I…in addition, I must
point out to you that, in my lover’s company, I wear only those outfits which his
generosity has provided. As for the old ones, I either make them into relics or give
them as presents to those less fortunate than myself…I think these confidences are
sufficient to explain to you why I always have new outfits; they do honor to those
who love me. I am always frank; I intend to remain, at all times, absolutely free in
my movements and mistress of my fancies; I give the orders, I do not receive them.
I have no desire at all to be compelled to receive a lover whenever he expresses
the wish to see me. I have also the misfortune to believe neither in promises nor in
fidelity. It is enough to tell you that I acknowledge sincerity only when it has been
proved to me…”

Like Marie Duplessis, Cora Pearl used the strategy of balancing relationships with
many men at once in order to maintain control. Whether juggling multiple liaisons at
once or sequentially, she knew how to manipulate her lovers for a maximum financial
return on investment. She knew when to hide the existence of one lover from another and
when to use one to make the remaining feel jealous and competitive. She was even
meticulous enough to keep a diary of the men who came in and out of her life. The
detailed register of her lovers’ visits described the following details: the name of each
client, the dates of their visits, the amount of money each provided for her
companionship, and any general observations or notes on the encounter. This highly
recommended practice allowed her to always remain objective. From her analyses, she
could easily judge whether or not a particular relationship was truly profitable.

Unfortunately, despite her laudable attention to detail, which clearly demonstrated the
potential to become wealthy, Cora did not achieve a comfortable financial position at
the end of her life. On more than one occasion, she found herself in dire financial straits,
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having to pawn jewelry and sell other personal effects as a result of an inability to meet
debts. She suffered through several of these humiliating episodes despite being quite
adept at acquiring multiple homes, fine jewels, luxurious clothes, and tens of thousands
of francs in maintenance per month from her lovers. Why, at the end of her life, did she
end up so financially reduced?

Cora, to her detriment, was not a saver or investor. She lived a rollercoaster lifestyle,
way above and beyond even her very lavish means, and spent money like it was going
out of style. She entertained guests at her home in Paris, and then at other times of the
year played hostess for long stays at rented chateaus in the French countryside. She took
trips abroad to gamble in the casinos and spas at Baden, Monte-Carlo, and at Vichy. She
was partying, always partying and didn’t know the value of money. Her gross and
frequent oversights allowed those close to her – including servants – to take advantage
of her poor financial management skills. At the large parties she threw, many of the
guests were friends of friends, acquaintances, and other people she barely knew. Cora
spent her money almost as soon as she made it, and finally ended up with nothing. She
makes light of it in her memoirs, saying, “my independence was all my wealth”, and it
cannot be doubted that she led a life free from any sort of commitment to any one man.
However, as she found out too late, true independence for the courtesan requires
financial security. Despite all of the temptations, the frivolity, and the excessive
lifestyle, a courtesan in charge of her own life must be level headed enough to plan for
her financial future. It is a serious risk for any woman, courtesan or not, to continue to
be financially dependent on anyone, and to fail to save and invest.

The story of Apollonie Sabatier and her relationship with Alfred Mosselman provides
yet another example of the importance of financial independence. Apollonie was wholly
dedicated to Alfred and entertained no other lovers throughout the duration of their
relationship. Unfortunately, there were definite downsides to this level of loyalty.
Unlike the men of their social circle who could travel between haute monde and
demimonde with ease, she had no such social freedom. As for Alfred, his public family
life and business interests kept him occupied when not with her. As a courtesan, she had
to be careful in case her presence at public events would be considered indiscreet. Add
to this that she had no personal income of her own; it is not surprising that she was
unable to have much of a life outside of their relationship. She may not have had the
same financial worries of the common street prostitute or the woman working in a
brothel, but without her own money independent of Alfred she was nevertheless limited
in a profound way.

Financial dependence on Alfred compromised her in other more subtle ways as well.
Many of the couple’s mutual male friends were either secretly or openly in love with
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Apollonie, whose writhing likeness had been notoriously rendered in sculpture by the
famed sculptor Auguste Clesinger. Apollonie would frequently be the only woman
presiding over this large weekly gathering of men, and the talk at these testosterone-
fuelled evenings could often be bawdy and lewd. This created a delicate situation for
the hostess and muse. On several occasions she became the object of several of the
men’s barely suppressed sexual frustrations and desires. However, because of her
precarious financial position, she made light of it, choosing instead to laugh it off and
put the men at their ease. For unlike a woman of the haute monde, Apollonie had
crossed over that boundary which separated respectable women from those for whom
polite behavior was considered unnecessary.

Apollonie’s naivete finally caught up with her in her thirty-eighth year. Her tenuous
position and her entire world with it came crashing down when her first and only major
benefactor suddenly ended their fourteen-year relationship. Despite separating from his
wife years earlier, he had never proposed marriage to Apollonie. And now he was
leaving her for another woman eighteen years her junior. To add insult to injury, Alfred
offered her only a pittance of an allowance, which her self-respect would not allow her
to accept.

Unlike the other great courtesans, Apollonie did not put a lot of financial demands on
her benefactor. She had chosen to live rather modestly during their long relationship and
didn’t bother putting any money away for herself for the future. Besides a few paintings
and sculptures given to her by Alfred or her artist friends, she had few assets. As she
had not maintained relationships with other lovers or potential benefactors, she also had
no other immediate means of financial support. Apollonie had accepted and become
comfortable in a relationship dynamic where her benefactor retained all the power, a
situation in which she was dependent upon him to maintain her basic necessities and
which he could walk away from at any time with no ill consequences for himself. She
had entrusted her future to him, wrongly assuming that he would look after her in her old
age. Foolishly, she had been living as if their relationship would last forever.

If not for the subsequent support of an old friend, the English nobleman Richard
Wallace, she would have inevitably finished in quite undignified circumstances after the
breakup. Richard was an old fixture of their social circle during her younger days with
Alfred, and when he heard about the split, he immediately came to her assistance. When
he took her as his mistress, she was in very reduced circumstances, having sold many of
her valuable works of art and moved to a smaller and more modest apartment. Although
their relationship was far removed from any great love affair, he proved to be very kind
and generous with her, ensuring that she would be financially comfortable for the rest of
her life.
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On the other side of the financial spectrum, Esther Lachmann (otherwise known as
Blanche Herz, and later as ‘La Paiva’) was a sharp businesswoman and investor, and
the most financially successful of all her contemporaries. She was no stranger to
hardship and struggle, and learned a bitter lesson at the end of her relationship with
Henri Herz. Now aged twenty-nine, she was left with nothing and was forced to sell her
body yet again to survive. This last insult made her resolve to never be dependent on
any man ever again. From then on, it became apparent to anyone who knew her that
financial independence was the main goal in her relationships with men. She had no
interest whatsoever in spending money wastefully as many other high-rolling courtesans
were wont to do.

Blanche’s stay in London was fruitful, thanks to her generous new friend and lover, the
Lord Edward John Stanley. As soon as she returned to Paris, she invested her earnings,
and once economically secure, went about searching for a suitable husband in order to
solidify her social position. She found an easy target in a socially prominent Portuguese
gentleman named Albino Francesco de Paiva-Araujo. She had first met de Paiva-Araujo
through friends in the literary and artistic circles that she had been a part of since her
relationship with Henri Herz. Her first husband, Antoine Villoing, had recently died;
now free to marry and newly flush with money, she recognized an opportunity. Her new
lover had a reputation for being a gambler and spendthrift – characteristics that marked
him as easy prey for a courtesan with strong financial acumen. Although he came from a
wealthy merchant family, he had gambled away most of his fortune and carried only a
fictional title. As their acquaintance progressed, he accepted loans from Blanche to
maintain his lifestyle and social image, and before long he was heavily in her debt.
Once firmly in her power, she suggested an offer he couldn’t refuse: she offered to
cover his debts and support him financially in exchange for marriage and what she had
probably believed was a real title. He accepted, but (not surprisingly) the marriage did
not last. After two years of supporting his wasteful lifestyle, she refused to support him
any longer. He returned back to Portugal, humiliated, and she returned back to her life as
a courtesan, now ‘respectfully married’ with a new legal surname and a (fictional) title.

Blanche de Paiva was now in a comfortable position. Financially, she was secure, and
this freedom had a profound effect on her social existence. She had worked her way up
to a position outside the influence of the petty snobbery of the haute monde. Although
never fully embraced by the traditional elites, she now had the financial means to live
quite comfortably within her own social bubble. Her daily routine would be similar to
other courtesans: purchasing clothes and jewelry, going to fittings, and preparing for an
evening at the opera. In addition to these activities, she entertained friends and
acquaintances regularly in her home at the Place Saint-Georges. Her well-attended and
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well-heeled weekly salon was noted to be a place of intelligent conversation and
delicious food.

But in addition to these social activities, Blanche continued to make time for more
serious financial matters. Now firmly in control of her financial future, Blanche
consulted regularly with trusted advisors on her various business investments. As her
wealth continued to grow, her financial success could be measured by the effect it had
on her relationships with men. For example, despite socializing within the same circles,
mutual male friends interacted with Apollonie and Blanche quite differently. In contrast
to their approach to Apollonie, these same men had a more deferential tone in their
communications with Blanche; further, they wouldn’t dream of behaving in an over-
familiar or ribald fashion when attending Madame de Paiva’s soirees.

‘La Paiva’ was her own woman, coming and going as she pleased, and able to choose or
reject suitors without fear of financial consequences. Despite starting out in Paris as a
foreign-born prostitute living in abject poverty, Blanche had succeeded in reinventing
herself several times over, and managed to survive. She was a woman in control of her
destiny. And yet, she still had another dream to fulfill. The seed of this dream, which
was planted years previously, started to grow one fateful evening during one of her
weekly gatherings. The Prussian consul, a friend and regular attendee, introduced her to
Count Guido Henckel Von Donnersmarck, a Prussian businessman, and one of the
wealthiest men in Europe. She met Guido when she was thirty-three years old and he
was twenty-two. The cunning courtesan deftly downplayed her age, telling him at the
time that she was only twenty-six.

Guido was from an old wealthy mining family that held a castle and large estate at
Neudeck, Silesia. In addition to sharing a love of business, the pair shared a bond of
genuine affection for each other that could only be described as a ‘soulmate’
relationship. Because of Blanche’s head for business, he was able to freely discuss his
business interests and concerns with her and she became an asset to him professionally
as well as socially. Soon they were an item in Paris and he began travelling often
between Prussia and Paris to visit her. Before long he had moved into her residence in
the Place Saint-Georges, and they became a fixture on the Paris social scene. Their
relationship was strong, and Guido had eyes for no woman but her. Guido loved
Blanche dearly and he provided her with the means to make a successful exit out of the
life of a courtesan for good.

Eventually, with the financing of Guido, Blanche started on the building project she had
envisioned years ago: her own grand mansion on the Champs-Elysees. On 11 July 1855
she bought a plot of land on that famous boulevard for the project. She was thirty-six
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years old. For the next ten years, together they designed and built this magnificent
mansion, turning her long held dream into a reality. In addition to this residence, Guido
purchased a chateau at Pontchartrain for her so the couple could entertain their friends
in the French countryside.

For this courtesan, dreams truly became reality when in 1871 at the age of fifty-two,
Blanche was granted an annulment of her previous marriage to de Paiva-Araujo and she
and Guido were finally married. The Countess Henckel Von Donnersmarck had truly
found a man who loved and respected her for the high-value woman she had worked so
hard to become. Poignantly, her wedding present was a triple-tiered diamond necklace,
which had formerly belonged to the French Empress Eugenie. The deposed Empress had
been forced to sell the precious necklace in the aftermath of the Franco-Prussian War.

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CHAPTER 7
THE COURTESAN’S PUBLIC PERSONA: PERSONAL
BRANDING AND MARKETING
On entering society for the first time, some individuals are content to sit on the
sidelines, simply enjoying the novelty of being part of the ‘in crowd’. Others may desire
more social prominence as unique personalities in their own right. And a select few,
after reaching a certain level of expertise or wealth, may have their hearts set on social
leadership roles among the established social elites. There are many types of social
leaders in society, including politicians, business magnates, artists and celebrities.
While they all wield their influence on society on some level, each inhabits a uniquely
different social world and thus operates under a different set of social rules.
Historically, the courtesan would fit into the celebrity category of social leadership. The
formula for becoming a celebrity has many ingredients; in addition to obvious talent or
expertise, the four other important characteristics include:

1. Attractiveness
2. Visibility
3. Charisma
4. Ambition

Attractiveness

Many successful courtesans were not considered ‘beautiful’ by conventional standards.

However, they found success because they knew how to make the most of their gifts.
The courtesan treated her appearance as her most valuable asset because it was literally
the bait with which she caught her prey. The goal of her image management strategy
was to present herself as an expensive woman, so as to attract men for whom money
was no object. This habit of image management was followed on a daily basis, and not
only on occasion.

To maintain her desired image, she adopted a lifestyle that could only be described by
one word: extravagance. Her high level of living was noted and envied by other women.
She knew this, and did everything possible to stoke the flames of jealousy. Beauty was a
ritual, with special attention given to hair and makeup. She used elaborate cosmetics
such as hair dyes, glowing skin powders, and kohl. She attended the same clothing
designers as women of the haute monde, and chose more fashionably designed home
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décor and furnishings. Cora Pearl, in particular, was notoriously competitive. She was
known to dye her hair in the most unusual hues, don elaborate jewels and accessories,
and even strove to possess the finest livery, carriage, and horses.

Fashion was a social domain that the most successful courtesans took very seriously. As
the French say, “good clothes open all doors,” and for the social climber it was
essential to use fashion as a statement and symbol of her new status in this very
hierarchical society. Fashion was no longer an exclusive domain of the old guard.
Anyone with taste and financial resources was in a position to set style trends. With
expensive attire, the courtesan could demonstrate her newfound wealth and power,
blatantly competing with ladies of the haute monde.

The elite courtesan had the means to attend the most exclusive couturiers, and she now
sat triumphantly opposite her social ‘superiors’, awaiting the same fittings, buying the
same quality materials and the same gowns. Cora Pearl had a good relationship with the
fashion designer Charles Frederick Worth long before he became a brand name. She
benefitted tremendously by being one of the first women to publicly wear his luxury
gowns. He, and other high profile couturiers, counted courtesans among their most
important clients, in addition to aristocratic women, such as the French Empress
Eugenie. This is the reason that above a certain financial level it was impossible to tell
by dress alone who was a demimondaine and who was a woman of the haute monde.

Apollonie Sabatier was also described by her contemporaries as quite fashionable, but
in a more bohemian type of way:

“Her clothes were full of imagination and taste – she hardly conformed to fashion,
but instead created a quite special fashion of her own; great artists among her
guests gave her advice and designed dresses for her….”

Even though they lived on the fringes, courtesans set the fashion standard. Uninhibited
by social mores and expectations dictating dress, they were free to experiment with
fashion styles that more sedate ladies would never dare to attempt. Therefore, they were
the first to introduce new styles into the popular consciousness. The courtesan’s fashion
choices were admired, debated on, and shamelessly copied by all layers of society. No
matter how outrageous and eccentric her choices in clothing and hairstyle, she always
left an indelible impression.

Visibility

And what would be the point of dressing to the nines if not to show it off? In order to
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stay firmly in the limelight, courtesans sought out occupations that offered high
visibility. More than a few of these women took up activities such as singing, acting and
circus performing. These roles, which were considered too seedy and unbecoming for
ladies of gentle society, were perfect occupations for obscure women pining for the
limelight. Highly visible occupations were useful opportunities to display one’s beauty,
style and personality with the view of attracting men. Cora Pearl famously performed
the role of Cupid in Offenbach’s operetta Orphee aux Enfers in 1867 at the Theatre des
Bouffes Parisiens. Her performance was notable for the fact that she was covered from
head to toe in jewels, but otherwise completely nude! Although her performance had
mixed reviews, she had definitely achieved her objective.

When not performing on stage, everyday social activities served as opportunities to be

seen. To this end, she dined in fashionable cafes and restaurants, took her daily carriage
drive in the Bois de Boulogne, and sat conspicuously in her box on opening nights at the
theatre and opera. If invited, she would be present at the most high-profile galas, balls,
and dinners. In addition to a local social life, the courtesan traveled abroad extensively.
Always taking note of ‘the season’, she attended the most important international social
events. For leisure, she could equally be found gambling or taking the waters in Baden,
Monte Carlo, or Vichy.

Charisma

The courtesan was a natural social climber who boldly competed with women of the
nobility for the attention of the public and early mass media. Courtesans were the
original celebrities, and in order to keep people talking, they became quite skilled at
self-promotion. They strategically used public relations and marketing tactics in order
to keep themselves firmly in the limelight and their names constantly in the papers.
Unlike ‘gentle people’ who shun media attention, celebrities require buzz to maintain
their income. The courtesan’s role in society was to be on stage, originally as a status
symbol for her lovers, but eventually also for the sake of the public’s interest and
entertainment. These women were larger than life, riveting the attention of the masses
through their varied exploits, outrageous behavior, and high profile lovers. Their very
public lifestyles became their generation’s material for books, plays, and operas. The
scintillating reputation of Paris during those days can be partly attributed to these
women and their fascinating personalities.

You have heard her sultry voice on the radio and you have seen her captivating
performance on screen. On occasion, you open the newspaper and learn about yet
another shocking thing she has done, despite the fact that there are always more serious
things going on in the world. You may hear such women described as “icons”, or “a
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voice of her generation.” She herself is a symbol of the current times, representing
culture to the public through her personality and lifestyle. She is an influencer, a social
and cultural leader, contributing to the reality of the world we all live in now. The
courtesan does not live her life as a consumer. She does not passively sit on the
sidelines of life, watching as others represent her reality.

The courtesan’s strategy of gaining the attention of the masses is still used today by
modern-day celebrities. Similar to the courtesan, celebrities court the attention of the
media at every turn by engaging in all sorts of attention-seeking behavior. They cultivate
a multi-faceted persona, with plenty of ‘bad girl’ insolence, shock-and-awe antics and
relationship intrigue to provide unlimited fodder for the papers. Just as the courtesan
sells sex to clients, the celebrity, in order to keep the masses fascinated, metaphorically
sells sex to the public through daring fashion choices, suggestive music videos and live
performances. For modern actors and rock stars, having the sexual appeal of the siren,
stud, or heartthrob is essential and taken for granted in the course of a career in
entertainment. For the most part, being charismatic, attractive, and/or sexually
compelling is a given and necessary in order to establish and maintain celebrity
influence. Even now in the second decade of the 21st century, in the current economic,
political, and cultural climate of excess and materialism, the courtesan can still be found
among the crowd of elites in the media and entertainment industries. She may be known
under different names – socialite, celebutante, actress, hostess – but her codes and mode
of life, with their origins in the sensibilities of the demimonde can still be recognized.

Ambition

The courtesan developed into a type of ‘alpha female’ by being a leader, not a follower.
But this confidence and ability to trust her own judgment and go her own way was hard
earned through many trials and tribulations.

The first stage of the courtesan’s social ascent involved her struggle with her own
mental and emotional demons. Feelings of inferiority and self-consciousness had to be
overcome before she could have the confidence to take action. Once a small level of
success had been achieved and she was free from the shackles of poverty, she could
now aspire to the second stage of development. Again, the second, or intermediate stage
came with its own set of challenges. She now had the means to live the life she wanted,
but she still had many lessons to learn as she rose up the ranks and gained experience
within a new social class. At this stage, what she truly desired was social acceptance –
or at least tolerance – by the local ruling families and greater social establishment. It
was quite a fine line to tread. Acceptance was tenuous at best; fame a double-edged
sword. However, the most significant difficulty she encountered along her journey came
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during the third and final stage of the process as she endeavored to ascend to roles of
social leadership and prominence.

On the one hand, the social contract under which these women operated demanded that
the mistress be publicly displayed as the arm-candy of the man who was paying for the
privilege. On the other hand, because she was a kept woman, it was frowned upon that
she assert herself, seek social influence, power, or have her own identity independent of
her benefactor. She must be present, sitting perfectly coiffed, ostentatiously dressed, and
decadently jeweled for all to see in order to satisfy the ego of her protector. At the same
time, she should not be heard and her opinions must not be made known. She should be
a plaything, a trophy, nothing more. What convention demanded of prostitution was that
it be freely available to the powerful men who used it when needed, and in the same
stroke, easily kept hidden and forgotten when the time came for their virtuous family
lives. And while these men were given free pass to partake of both these worlds, the
women involved were rigidly divided into either one realm or the other, with no traffic
in between. Thus were the circumstances of these courtesans as they tried to establish
themselves in society.

A particularly painful example of the risks of social climbing for a fallen woman can be
illustrated by Blanche Herz’s demoralizing experience at the Tuileries. The fact that she
and Henri were living together unmarried was quite scandalous, but as Blanche was
still married to her first husband (Villoing), she could not legally marry Henri. Everyone
in Paris who knew the couple assumed they were married, and neither Blanche nor
Henri was unduly worried that any one else would care enough to dig more deeply. As
they waited in line to enter a high-profile event at the Tuileries – a reception to which
Henri had been invited – there was an unanticipated and embarrassing delay as they
both were questioned and scrutinized. Finally, and humiliatingly for Blanche, she was
publicly asked to leave before she had a chance to enter the building.

Unfortunately, scenes like this were not that unusual. Courtesans faced this social
rejection often, regardless of later attempts in life to improve their image, whether
through social works, personal accomplishments, or financial success. In order to
compensate for her social failures, Blanche strove harder to accumulate more money,
material objects, homes, and even political power. In her mind, the answer was clear:
Who cares if I am not invited to an event by this duchess or that princess because of my
history as a courtesan? Blanche contented herself with the fact that, although she would
never be invited to a salon of the likes of Princess Mathilde, her powerful lovers, who
often were royalty themselves, did not fail to attract famous and celebrated personages
to her own salon. She lived better than her detractors, never lacked for anything, and
always enjoyed the finest food, travel and leisure opportunities.
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Blanche had made a conscious decision that no matter what the challenges, she would
never feel sorry for herself. After every social snub, she picked herself up and used the
lessons learned to her own personal advantage. She never allowed a petty humiliation
to deter her from her goals. Once she and Guido had finally taken residence in the
opulent mansion on the Champs-Elysees, she made a conscious decision to invite only
her true friends, pre-emptively choosing not to seek acceptance within the haute-monde
by simply ignoring their social events. She created a social life for herself, her future
husband, and her carefully chosen circle of friends. Ironically, the exclusivity of her
soirees and the restriction of admittance to her new luxurious mansion made it more
compelling to the outsiders who had rejected her in the first place! Those competitors of
hers – her female counterparts within the haute-monde – invariably had to accept that
not only was ‘La Paiva’ here to stay, but she could and would rival anyone in displays
of wealth and lasting influence.

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CHAPTER 8
THE COURTESAN MAKES HER MARK
On the subject of the demimondaine, Arsene Houssaye eloquently said, “The real
queens of France were the women who reigned by right of conquest, not by right of
birth.” But what attracts us to these women, what makes them so compelling that their
histories have been passed down the generations in the form of plays, operas, and
novels? These women and those like them left a lasting impression on not only French,
but also on world culture.

There is no such thing as one ‘type’ of courtesan. Any woman who has self-love can be
attractive, visible, charismatic, and ambitious. Through her own self-acceptance, she
leads by providing an example for others with less experience and confidence to follow.
In a sense, she gives permission by saying to those who read her story, “You can dare as
well..you don’t have to fit into someone else’s box….you can dream and achieve
whatever you desire…the only limits you have are the ones you place on yourself.”

LEGACIES

Esther Lachmann (Blanche Herz) was described by many of her contemporaries as

determined, strong-willed, and single-mindedly bent on acquiring wealth. Her most
singular focus and the most important priority ahead of all else was the attainment of
financial freedom so that she would never have to depend on anyone else ever again.
This was understandable, considering her life experience and the precariousness of life
for a single woman without husband or family in the middle of the nineteenth century.
Where other courtesans were prodigal with the gifts and money given them by their
suitors, Esther invested the money she made and looked for further business
opportunities. For her, being a courtesan was a way out of poverty and into a secure
financial position from which she could continue building long-term wealth.

Esther, the practical and business-minded courtesan, who once made a promise to
herself that she would one day build a magnificent hotel on the Champs-Elysees,
succeeded in willing her dream into being. Her mansion still stands to this day as an
historic monument at 25 avenue des Champs-Elysees. The Hotel de la Paiva - which
took ten years to complete - was designed by the most celebrated and skilled artists and
craftsmen of the period, including the architect Pierre Manguin, the painter Paul Baudry,
and the sculptors Dalou and Rodin.

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In addition to performing on stage, Cora Pearl was a writer and author. She was able to
garner publicity for her creative work through her close friendships with theatre
directors, editors, journalists, and publishers. Cora made her mark through her memoirs,
which although highly embellished, served as not only a recounting of her adventures,
but as a social history of the Second Empire. The spirit of the age is brought to life
through her reminiscences, and in those pages her personality comes alive again and
lives on for future generations.

A natural socialite, Apollonie Sabatier curated one of the most historically important
social communities for creativity in Europe. With the financial support of Alfred, she
presided over a regular Sunday soiree that became a sort of institution at No. 4 Rue
Frochot. Although perhaps not as esteemed as that of her royal peers, the salon of ‘La
Presidente’ had an edge and a freshness which made it hard to emulate. In this space,
this free-spirited and unassuming bohemienne made a lasting impact on the arts and
culture of the period.

Even as Apollonie seemed to live only for the present moment, as a muse she achieved
a sort of immortality. Within her own lifetime, paintings and sculptures of her likeness
became international sensations. She can be seen in several paintings from the period,
including portraits by Vincent Vidal and Gustave Ricard, as well as Gustave Courbet’s
L’Atelier du Peintre. In sculpture, she was the subject of the famous work by Auguste
Clesinger, La Femme Pique Par Un Serpent. This work in particular attracted much
attention when it was exhibited at the Paris Salon of 1847. Both that sculpture and a bust
in her image are on permanent display in the Musee d’Orsay. In addition to her influence
on other fine artists, Apollonie was an artist in her own right. She showed a talent for
painting and her miniatures were exhibited at the notable Salon des Refuses of 1863.
Within the realm of literature she influenced the brooding poet Charles Baudelaire, a
frequent guest at the Rue Frochot. After languishing in obscurity for years, he finally
reached fame after penning Les Fleurs du Mal, a book of poems inspired in large part
by his close relationship with Apollonie.

The tragic and romantic Marie Duplessis is the original ‘live-fast-die-young’ celebrity
archetype. Like Cora Pearl, Marie was a notorious ‘bad girl’ who loved the flamboyant
lifestyle. Because she was infected with tuberculosis – which at that time had no cure –
she chose to live her short life to the fullest while she could. In art, Marie’s legacy was
her role as the inspiration for the story La Dame aux Camellias by Alexander Dumas,
fils, which in turn came to inspire Giuseppe Verdi’s opera La Traviata.

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CHAPTER 9
PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR COURTESANS-
IN-TRAINING
Now that you have learned about the history of the courtesan, her financial mindset, and
how this mindset distinguishes her from other types of seductresses, it’s time to consider
your own life and where these lessons might apply. A wise woman will put her own
happiness first because she knows that when she is fulfilled, she has more to give to the
world. If you care a great deal about what others think, or have a need for external
approval, you will probably find it very difficult to accomplish your dreams. However,
if you have read this far, I am going to assume you mean business. Therefore I would
like to provide you with a few practical pointers, which I hope you will take to heart as
you embark on this fruitful journey.

To your success!

WHEN DOES A MODERN-DAY COURTESAN START HER TRAINING?

There is no time like the present. The earlier you decide to learn the subtle arts of charm
and seduction, the more confident you will be in relationships. If you learn these skills
early, the fruits of your hard work can be enjoyed while you are still young. Therefore, I
urge you to prioritize this area of study, and to create a habit of daily practice in order to
reach your goals in a timely manner.

However, if you have not started on this journey as a youth, please do not be
discouraged. As we all know very well, there is no age-limit when it comes to learning
and self-improvement. It has become more and more common for people to reinvent
themselves in later life. No matter what your age, you can reinvent yourself within one
year if you have the right information, a singular focus on the goal at hand, and
unbending self-discipline. Therefore, do not let your age be a deterrent from reaching
for the stars. If you are active, energetic, and enjoy life-long learning, you can benefit.
It’s really up to you.

In addition to considerations of age, the prevailing economic, social, cultural and

political climate is an important factor that must be taken into account. During times of
economic prosperity, technological innovation, and cultural liberalism, it is important to
take advantage of opportunities that are offered to the few independent souls who are
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perceptive, creative, and adventurous. As mentioned throughout this book, France
during the Second Empire (1852-1870) is often considered to be the golden age of the
courtesan. This is because it was a period of economic prosperity, increased social
mobility, and more conspicuous consumption and appreciation of the finer things in life.
During that time in history, it became possible for hard-working, talented and savvy
individuals of obscure origins to reinvent themselves and become whoever they wished
to be. Just as the Industrial Revolution was a time of great social upheaval and
technological change, the 21st century, dominated by digital technology, extreme
capitalism, and social liberalism is the perfect opportunity for the demimondaine with
strong social ambitions.

WHERE SHOULD THE MODERN-DAY COURTESAN GO TO MAKE HER

FORTUNE?

A change of environment is the most practical action a woman can make if she is
determined to create a new life for herself within a higher socioeconomic class. The
most efficient strategy towards this end is complete immersion in an environment whose
influences are conducive toward the desired elevation of social status. The courtesan
must avoid surroundings and relationships that inculcate either a culture of poverty or a
conventional middle-class mentality. She will instead endeavor to move residence out
of her comfort zone to a geographic area where people of a higher social class are to be
found. People with ambition and/or money tend to inhabit the global cities, those
international financial centers that exert such a strong influence on the world economy.
When not busying themselves with the cares of making money, they indulge in their
favorite leisure past-times in locales that are frequented by others who are also wealthy.
Therefore, in addition to the necessity of moving residence, it is also useful for the
courtesan to attend one-off events where she is more likely to meet the right type of
prospects. These include major internationally noted cultural and social events, as well
as major economic or business events.

A courtesan who desires results must place herself at the center of the action. This
means avoiding countries adversely affected by an economic recession and shunning
those communities where the prevailing social pressure motivates people to hide their
wealth. As an illustration of this strategy, it is useful to study the example of Blanche
Herz in London. Nineteenth century Paris was a dynamic world capital boasting new
advances in technology, a liberal atmosphere, and thriving economy. A city flush with
money and a culture of conspicuous consumption, it was a veritable playground for the
grande cocotte. However, when an economic recession hit continental Europe in the late
1840s, suddenly there was less money available to Parisian men for spending on
beautiful women. Recently separated from Henri and needing urgent funds, Blanche did
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not waste her precious time with Parisian men struggling under these new straitened
circumstances. Instead, she moved her operations to London, where the very wealthy
were still spending and enjoying their leisure, free from financial worry.

Geography is everything. Once a courtesan-in-training has secured the funds necessary

for her relocation, she will not hesitate to move to either a global city or a high-end
leisure destination. Nowadays, the excitement can be found in places like New York
City, San Francisco’s Bay Area, London, Lagos, Singapore, Hong Kong, and Dubai.
These are the geographic areas where the approximately 200,000 High Net Worth
Individuals (out of the 7 billion world population) who have assets of $30 million or
more (top .003%) live and work. As for leisure destinations, the locales attracting the
well-heeled include Miami, Aspen, the Hamptons, South of France, the Maldives, Fiji
and St. Barts. The rich are more amenable to seduction when taking their leisure, and
for this reason, the holiday atmosphere is a strategic backdrop for conquests. Bad Ems
was a successful result for Esther Lachmann when she met Henri Herz there in 1840.
Similarly, Marie Duplessis first met Count Gustav Von Stackelberg, at Bagneres-de-
Luchon, a French spa town.

Whichever city you live in, spend your time where the rich are. Avoid the entertainments
catering to the working and middle classes and focus on the artistic, sporting, and other
leisure events that are popular with the ultra high net worth crowd. Opening nights at the
theatre and opera, charity events, golf and tennis tournaments, sailing events, fine art and
antique auctions, exclusive gyms, country clubs, and high-end restaurants and hotels are
all options to consider. Avoid living in impoverished areas and refuse to spend your
time in places where you would be unlikely to bump into a millionaire or billionaire. If
money is tight and you don’t have the financial resources to spend time in expensive
places, focus on bohemian areas that are on the cutting edge, especially those scenes
which are noticed and noted in business magazines and business newspapers as being
‘up-and-coming’ for arts and cultural activities. These places will be expensive soon,
but as yet are affordable. Note that Apollonie Sabatier met the art patron Alfred
Mosselman at the Hotel Pimodan, the meeting place for the Club de Hashischins (a
Parisian group of well-known artists who indulged in drug-induced experiences). In this
space, Alfred relaxed with his creative friends, far away from the cares and worries of
his business and family life. There, he sought diversion in the form of psychedelic
drugs, art, and a young, beautiful mistress.

If, for whatever reason, you cannot live in a global city, then you must make an effort to
attend as many high profile international events as you can afford. Examples of good
events include the World Cup, Olympics, Cannes Film Festival, Monaco Grand Prix,
Art Basel, New York Fashion Week, Paris Fashion Week, Venice Biennale, and the
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Oscars. From a practical point of view, it is essential to have a social calendar placed
prominently in your home where you can see it on a regular basis. This will keep your
goal of attendance at the forefront of your consciousness and allow you to anticipate
travel requirements in advance. In addition, maintain regular contact with other like-
minded women with whom you will later travel to these events. Not only is traveling in
a group better for your safety, but the right kind of supportive girlfriends will make your
travels more enjoyable.

HOW A BETA WOMAN TRANSFORMS INTO A COURTESAN

Personal transformation starts with a change in mindset. The process of social mobility
can be an intimidating prospect. Make the process easier on yourself by refusing to
listen to limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are those from anyone (including yourself) that
say you cannot change or self-improve because of your family background,
socioeconomic background, education (or lack thereof), or any other factor. Listen only
to your innermost desires. What would you desire if anything were possible? Allow
yourself to be still so you can hear the sound of your own voice. Get used to doing this
often and before making any decisions in life. Above all, banish worry from your mind
in all things. What you have control over, do your best to improve, and what you do not
have control over, don’t waste your time and energy worrying about. Focus on doing
your best and the rest will take care of itself.

On Your Education

Knowledge is power, so focus first on educating yourself. This is the starting point for
the development of the right mindset for success. Education is something that you have
100% control over no matter what is your age, background, or experience. Anyone can
pursue an education at any age and at any stage of life.

As far as education is concerned, you cannot go wrong with a good grounding in

socioeconomics and social psychology. These two interdisciplinary subjects are key to
understanding how money works in society and how it affects social mobility. Learn
how to get on with others, how to read people, and be interested in what motivates them
to do what they do. Your efforts will stand to you as you move upward in society. You
must first understand before you can physically move from working class to middle
class to upper class in your mindset and in the way you spend and invest money. The
working poor, middle classes, and wealthy each have very different relationships with
money, and you must understand these differences if you want to consciously choose
which category you will end up in. Stay curious about the characters around you, study
them, and learn.
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Do not listen to any negative press about social climbers and gold-diggers because
these two (usually related) activities are time-honored traditions. Anyone who is
wealthy or currently in a high position in society surely had a predecessor somewhere
along the line who was a gold digger, a social climber, or both! Study this time-honored
tradition and figure out which type of ‘climber’ you are and where you fit into the
puzzle. Wanting to improve your socioeconomic position does not make you a snobbish,
evil, bad or selfish person – it makes you a wise, responsible and potentially generous
person. In addition, never be ashamed if you come from humble beginnings, and don’t
be intimidated by luxury and money. Remember that material things can be acquired by
anyone. Continuously work on yourself (including your self-esteem) in order to be
comfortable with luxury and the lifestyle associated with wealth. Open yourself up to
the idea of wealth, get comfortable with it, and before you know it, abundance will start
showing up in your life.

Once you are in the right frame of mind, it is time to get specific about what interests
you. Use your own passions as a guide, while also being discerning about what you
consume. It is useful to read quality periodicals on a regular basis. Some good examples
include: The Wall Street Journal, Financial Times, Forbes, The Economist, CNBC,
Bloomberg, Vogue, Tatler, and Vanity Fair. These periodicals in particular will keep you
up-to-date on what is happening internationally in business, finance, fashion, arts, and
culture. Focus on your areas of interest within these quality sources. You may also
choose to search online for information more specific to your particular tastes.

Improve your sense of aesthetics by surrounding yourself with arts and culture.
Remember to start with what truly interests you. Take a peek at the current exhibitions at
your local museum as well as the shows at nearby art galleries. Attend antique auctions.
Go to the theatre and the opera. Nurture your own creativity by taking classes in
creative writing, music, performing arts, and dance. Befriend creative people who take
their work seriously. Take advantage of opportunities to play the muse – act in films and
plays, sing in venues, and pose for student photographers, painters and sculptors. You
never know where those students – and their work – will end up.

Get involved in a sport. Whether you choose to be an active participant or an

enthusiastic spectator, sporting events are a great way to socialize, meet new people,
and meet potential love interests. In addition to having fun, getting more fit, and meeting
many new friends, you will elevate your social class if you consciously focus on
sporting activities that are popular with the wealthy. A few examples include: motor
racing, tennis, golf, sailing, horseback riding and polo. Pick a sport that you truly enjoy
and then get involved on some level. This does not mean you should forego sports that
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are enjoyed by a variety of people from all walks of life. The key is to become
comfortable with sporting activities that the wealthy enjoy so that you can comment
intelligently on the sport and feel comfortable attending the event.

Brush up on foreign languages. It is always useful to learn languages traditionally

associated with refinement and taste, such as French. However, it may be more practical
at first to focus on languages specific to your own personal and/or business needs. For
example, if you are business-minded, it is wise to learn languages that are spoken in
nations associated with emerging and growing economies, such as Chinese. Nations
with emerging markets are where most new money is coming from right now and where
the biggest financial opportunities are. Emerging economies are also typically
associated with the relatively New Rich, a much easier milieu to break into socially
than the Old Money establishment.

Make your external attractiveness a priority. Why? Because knowing that you are
beautiful fosters confidence, and confidence is beautiful. Start with achieving and
maintaining a flattering weight for your height. Do a major overhaul if necessary. Lose
weight until you are at your most confident size. In addition to this goal, focus on a
regular basic grooming schedule (daily and weekly). Consider a complete makeover for
hair, makeup, and wardrobe. Consult with a stylish friend or a professional stylist to
come up with an image that is both flattering and authentic to you. From now on, never
leave the house without looking your best. Even if you are going for a casual look, you
should never forget basics of hygiene, perfume, concealer, mascara, lip color and clean,
pressed clothes. On a practical level, this might require you to join a gym, make time for
a beauty routine, save money for new clothes, and - if you’re on a budget - scan the
vintage stores in wealthier neighborhoods for quality accessories. Being ‘presentable’
is an absolute must. Remember that the world is a stage and you are the heroine of this
story.

Develop your personal sense of style. Once you have learned the rules of presentation
and are now in the habit of looking your best, you can start to break the rules of fashion
to create your own signature style. Fashion is one of those social domains where you
can make a statement without saying a word. Clothing and accessories can be used as a
vehicle to express your personality, lifestyle, socioeconomic status, and creativity. As
mentioned earlier in this book, when it comes to fashion, ladies of the haute monde are
usually indistinguishable from the high level demimondaine. Even with a limited budget,
if you have a unique and intriguing personal style, you can enter and make a good first
impression within any social environment.

Complete a finishing school program. Add the finishing touches to your presentation by
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studying etiquette and manners for all occasions. There are many options available if
you need to learn the basics, including short courses, personalized coaching, study-at-
home courses, distance learning, workshops and seminars, and residential programs.
Many of these programs will offer training to an international standard. An adequate
course should cover topics such as communication skills, poise, table and dining
etiquette, business etiquette, décor and home management, grooming, and dress.

Practice the feminine arts of charm and seduction. You can influence the way men feel
when they are in your presence. There is an art to building attraction, and it is a skill
that can be learned. If you are focused and determined, you can master the skills of
seduction to the highest level possible. Just as for finishing training, there are programs
specific to attracting men, dating skills, sexual confidence, and marriage coaching. You
must keep practicing by dating a variety of men, and as often as possible, in order fail
quickly, learn from those mistakes, and gradually gain confidence in your skills with
men.

Be resilient! Once you start practicing what you are learning in real life, you will make
mistakes. The occasional, and sometimes embarrassing, faux pas is common in the
beginning stages of the learning process. Keep learning and keep putting yourself out
there, because as you overcome each obstacle you will learn and grow. As you
progress, you will become more confident in yourself and your place in the social
world of your choosing.

On Giving Yourself Permission

You have the foundation. Now, stop sabotaging yourself, start taking your goals more
seriously, and give yourself permission to succeed. Dreams are not afterthoughts to be
put on the backburner for a later date to be confirmed. When you put yourself last and
other people first, guess what happens? You get resentful and start blaming other people
for your problems and lack of progress in life. Start putting yourself first and you will
have more to give to others. On some level, you understand that real personal
transformation and personal reinvention requires acceptance of reality, self-discipline,
time-management, and sustained hard work for months and even years. Accept reality,
be committed, and take a long-term view. Be mentally and emotionally prepared for the
essential mindset and lifestyle changes that are required for success.

You have made mistakes in the past. Now let them go. From now on, you are no longer
allowed to use personal failures, past mistakes, and the ‘emotional baggage’ from these
inevitable life events as an excuse to avoid moving forward with your life. No matter
what happens to you in life, always face forward. Each and every setback is an
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opportunity for self-improvement. Whatever your ‘baggage’ is, whatever it is that makes
you insecure, the way to overcome it is to face it, shine a light on it and say ‘I’m done
allowing you to hold me back’. By calling it out, making it conscious in your mind as
something that is not a part of you, you disable it. Then, forgive yourself for past
mistakes and accept yourself wholly with your perceived flaws (of which they really
are not flaws – it’s only in your head) and embrace your life.

Create a new persona. Do it first as an exercise. Don’t think of it as being someone

you’re not. Think of it as a safe space to create the person you really are. Decide right
now who you want to be. Think ‘as if’. For example, the possible questions might apply
to you:

1. If you couldn’t feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, obligated, or any other negative
emotion, what would you do?

2. If you suddenly had all the financial resources you and your family could possibly
ever need or want, who would you be?

3. If you had no health-related conditions limiting you physically, and you were in the
best shape of your life, who would you be?

4. If you could magically transform back to an earlier physical state (e.g. younger age,
lighter weight) who would you be?

5. If there was literally nothing stopping you from being whoever you wanted to be and
doing whatever you wanted to do, what would you do? Who would you be??

Start creating and embodying this woman today and every day, and eventually one day
you will become her.

To help you make this mental shift, consider creating a pseudonym, stage-name, or alias
to mark your transformation. Start using this new name with new people you meet in the
new world you are creating for yourself. Make sure it’s a name that you feel
comfortable using and also a name that makes you feel confident. Subconsciously, this
new name will allow you to create a boundary between who you are now and who you
used to be. It also gives you psychic space from people who ‘used to know you when’
and with whom you may prefer to break contact so as to more easily reinvent yourself.
When you create a new identity, old friends and acquaintances cannot easily follow you
unless you want them to. Similarly, any mistakes, hurtful experiences, and any hurtful
gossip from the past cannot follow you into the future you are creating for yourself. An
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alias or pseudonym does not have to be permanent; however, for some people it can
serve as a safe space to give oneself permission to create a new identity without the
danger of old influences from the past holding them back.

Learn how to lie, and be unapologetic about it, because the end truly does justify the
means. If the lie is not going to hurt anyone, and it gives you more confidence, why not?
Although extreme, it is wise to consider the examples of Blanche de Paiva and Cora
Pearl. In order to assure the attention and interest of a love prospect, Blanche literally
shaved seven years off her age. It was well worth it; once Guido had fallen in love with
her, the issue of her age became unimportant. What was important is that she and her
Prussian billionaire – one of the richest men in Europe, and eleven years her junior –
were eventually married. The notorious Cora Pearl was also quite adept at deceptive
marketing. Her memoirs have generally been acknowledged to contain more than a few
inaccuracies. As an example, she states that she was born in 1842, which is actually
seven years later than her true birth date. To further support this lie, she originally
presented a copy of her birth certificate, which she had obviously forged. However,
none of this really mattered then, and it doesn’t matter now. Through the eponymous
Memoirs of Cora Pearl, published shortly before her death, she continues to tell her
own story for posterity, presenting to the world the version of her life that she wants us
to remember.

On Handling Your Prospects

If you’re not happy with the results you’re getting in your relationships, then you must
change the way you relate to men. Are you relating and engaging from a strong sense of
your own personal power, or from a place of insecurity and neediness? Sometimes it’s
hard to be objective about how we habitually relate to others unless we examine our
previous relationships. What are the stories we tell ourselves as a result of these
experiences? Are all men the enemy? Are all men [insert negative description here]?
Focus on how those past relationships made you feel about yourself. Notice any
patterns. If you don’t feel good about the emotions that are triggered from past
relationships, and you feel that these issues are creating problems for you in the present,
have the courage to seek support. If you don’t seek support, you risk staying stuck and
losing valuable time that could have been better spent in a loving and lucrative
relationship. Be honest with yourself and go for whatever services you think may be
helpful, including relationship coaching, inner psychological work, or image consulting.
Be aware that many people who outwardly seem to be successful, confident, and ‘put-
together’ on first glance have probably used these types of services themselves, even
though they are unlikely to admit it! So I urge you: if you are not happy with the results
you are having in your dating and love life, take action today. It is very difficult to be
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objective when you are trying to analyze your own situation. Do not assume that you can
do it all on your own. If you ruminate, make excuses, and sit on things too long, you may
be left with a lot of regrets.

Remember that when it comes to men, you have to be a bit of a ‘bitch’ in order to keep
them on their toes. To have the upper hand in the relationship, the men in your life must
love you more than you love them. The only way that this can work for you is if you love
yourself more than you love any man. This requires you to do the hard work that is
required, especially if you are coming from a place of low self-worth and low
confidence. What do I mean by “hard work”? I mean the inner work and the outer work
that will give you confidence and self-esteem in yourself as a woman. Inner work is
confidence and self-esteem building. Outer work is grooming, dress, etiquette, manners,
and social skills. When you feel good about yourself, you have confidence in your own
ability to find and sustain a committed relationship with the right man for you. When you
have this type of confidence, you are never hung up on any one particular man. This
follows that you will not be too dependent on the outcome of any one particular date, or
any one particular relationship. A humorous example of the paradoxical allure of the
‘bitch’ is well illustrated by “Zed”, the French memoirist. Dumbfounded by Cora
Pearl’s success, he wrote:

“What hidden lure, what secret potion did she have that she was able to live it up, for
twenty years, to the tune of fifty thousand francs a month, to have jewels, outfits and
carriages like no other, to stun and astound Paris?

Cora led her lovers by the nose and was not at all hesitant to address the most violent
and offensive words to them in public. She spared them in nothing and made their lives
very hard…none of which prevented her from dragging behind her chariot princes of the
blood, one of whom – a future king, if you please – made her a present of a pearl
necklace of phenomenal value, as well as noblemen of the highest rank, very popular
young men, and very estimable men of all sorts….”

Never ever allow yourself to become emotionally dependent or attached to the outcome
of a relationship with any one man. Always, always, always, the courtesan chooses
independence over loyalty to any particular man and refuses to allow herself to be
controlled by the irrational fear that she can’t do any better. This alpha-female mindset –
which can be learned and cultivated – requires a high level of self-esteem, confidence,
and strength of will. Ironically, women such as these are the ones men love above all
others.

On a Preference for Rich Men

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When dating, prioritize men of means. It is just as easy to marry a rich man as it is to
marry a poor man, so all else being equal, why not focus on the men who have more to
offer you materially? After all, we all need some material things to survive in this
material world. There is no shame in acknowledging it, so all political correctness
aside, please at least admit this fundamental truth to yourself. This is not to say that men
with little or no money cannot be good and valuable as men; but for the purposes of
‘having it all’ – and yes, I do believe women looking for both love AND money can
have it all – I do advise the habit of FOCUS. Focus on men with money, and pick out the
ones with good character within this pre-selected social milieu.

It is important to note that even if a man does have money, it doesn’t necessarily mean
that he will be generous with his money. Be wary of men who are mean and selfish
financially, and avoid men who try to place themselves on the ‘taking end’ of the
relationship. Some of them play the role of ‘accountants’ who are always crunching
numbers. They are forever calculating how much money they have spent on you and will
constantly remind you of it; others expect and even demand something in return for what
they give. When you come across men like these, be sure to run in the other direction.
Never forget that men are generous creatures by nature and actually do want to give the
world to the woman they love. So, if a man begrudges you anything financially
(especially if he can easily afford it), he does not love you. Move on, and quickly! This
advice is very important for weeding out the wrong men, so you ignore it at your peril.

A Few Tricks of the Trade

There are some ultra high net worth men who are more ‘approachable’ and may thus
serve as an ‘entry point’ for women who are attempting to climb socially. These are the
extremely wealthy men who, for whatever reason, spend at least some of their time
among people who are not of their own class. Men may do this for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes a man who is newly rich and still insecure in himself socially, may continue
to engage in the occasional secret transactional relationship with a lower-status woman
with whom he feels more at ease, while outwardly choosing high-status women for the
roles of wife and mother to his children. Other wealthy men may work within a
profession or occupation where they frequently come into contact with a wide variety of
people who may subsequently become close friends and colleagues. Because of their
wide networks, these men – despite their wealth and social position – have the potential
to form relationships with women outside their own social class.

In addition, you may find another group of wealthy men who, because of lifestyle
preferences, are either temporarily or permanently ‘slumming it’. These men, despite
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being members of the elite by birth and/or wealth, choose an alternative to the status quo
in their personal social networks and lifestyle. Within this group of men, you may find
the debauched, the gamblers, the bohemians, the artists, and those with drug or alcohol
habits. These habitual ‘tourists of the demimonde’ are also useful targets for women of
lower social status who would not otherwise have contact with wealthy men. As an
example to illustrate, the modern-day ‘Alfreds’ or ‘Agenors’ of the world are the perfect
initial benefactors for a woman climbing her way into wealth. Remember that despite
his elevated social position and official image of business magnate and politico, Alfred
Mosselman was a laid-back type who enjoyed smoking hashish with his artistic friends
and investing in his passion for Impessionist painting. Such a man, who takes a young
mistress for amusement, could be a useful entrée to a world-class education for a poor
but ambitious young woman. Others of their ilk are similar to Agenor de Guiche - not
particularly ambitious career-wise, but instead preferring to spend their leisure chasing
beautiful young women. For these high-powered bachelor-playboys, life with a devil-
may-care courtesan is exciting and intense, and a welcome break from the more socially
acceptable (and stifling) pressures of marriage and family. For the intelligent courtesan
who can keep her head and not give away her heart, this type of man can be a great
opportunity. If she is savvy, she can utilize him to accumulate wealth, knowledge, and
skills, before moving on to a stable long-term relationship or marriage.

On Handling The Competition

Evaluate and, if necessary, change the way you relate to other women. Take the time to
examine any maladaptive feelings you may have towards them. Do you feel bitter,
envious, or depressed when you see successful women who are comparable to yourself
in age, occupation, or background? Do you compare yourself to other women and
sometimes feel a sense of jealousy and resentment? This negativity could actually be
holding you back from success.

You must always remember that you are not in competition with any woman. You are
only in competition with yourself. Really dig deep and have a good look at the emotions
that come up when you think about other women in your life, including family, friends,
colleagues and acquaintances. Don’t judge yourself if these feelings make you
uncomfortable. Look at these feelings and be honest about what they say about you. You
don’t have to admit these feelings to anyone but yourself. However, it is essential that
you see feelings for what they are – a sign of a desire (met or unmet) within yourself –
so that you can understand and use them to improve your life. Don’t be defensive, and
don’t allow shame or fear to prevent you from getting real with yourself about your
feelings. Negative or destructive feelings only have power over you if they are ignored,
suppressed, or buried.
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There are several ways to overcome feelings of competitiveness, jealousy, envy and
criticism of other women. Such strategies are self-empowering, and bring a sense of
peace and serenity to your life. Try to do the following on a regular basis:

1. Build your self-confidence by taking pride in your personal appearance. Make a

conscious effort every single day to look your best before leaving the house. If you feel
good about how you look, you are less likely to be envious of other attractive women.
Rather, by being attractive yourself, you are more likely to befriend and socialize with
other attractive women, and therefore more likely to attract high-status men into your
social circle.
2. Make a conscious effort to validate other women in the way you think, speak, and
behave. Stick up for other women when you overhear or witness female-directed
criticism or shame-ing. Women are oftentimes more critical of other women than they
would be of a man in comparable circumstances. Speak up when you see this happening.
Don’t ignore it because next time you could be the target of their venom.
3. Remind yourself that another woman’s success is not your failure; it is proof that
success is possible for you as well! Congratulate other women on their successes and
really try in your heart to be happy for them. You will be amazed at how quickly this
good energy (and good fortune) will come back to you.
4. Refuse to enable weak women who don’t have the insight or inner strength to manage
their own feelings of jealousy and competitiveness. Don’t tolerate frenemies because of
guilt, the desire to people-please, or misplaced loyalty (when you do so, you are
essentially saying that it’s OK for others to treat you badly).

Always remember that other women are your allies. Socialize with like-minded single
women who are also looking for opportunities to meet high-value men. Cultivate this
group of friends and make a point of getting together regularly. As a single woman, a
buddy-in-crime is invaluable to your personal and social goals. There is no doubt that it
is less intimidating, safer, more enjoyable and more practical to socialize as a group.
Together, you can confidently dine in fashionable restaurants, attend high profile cultural
and sporting events, and travel to luxury leisure resorts. When times are difficult, you
have each other for mutual emotional support and honest feedback. As you rise within
society, socializing within higher and more exclusive circles, continue to support your
‘team’ of girlfriends and help each other out along the way.

On A Successful Exit

Begin with the end in mind.

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What you desire most is well within your reach.

Somewhere deep down, you know this to be true, but for many of you reading this, you
have not yet achieved certain things in your life because you chose not to go after your
dreams, for one reason or another.

Where do you want to be one year from now? Focus first on the basics: your love life,
your financial situation, and your physical appearance. Within a single year, every facet
of your life could be completely different from the way it looks now. All it takes is the
right mindset and consistent action.

But you must know where you are going if you want to arrive at the right destination.

The key is to find a coach or mentor, to study, to practice daily, and to continuously
stretch yourself out of your comfort-zone again and again.

A committed, loving, and lucrative relationship leading to marriage is within your

reach. Are you ready to get started on the journey? If the answer is YES, you can find
more information and training on all the topics discussed in this book by visiting my
website http://www.ladymgboli.com. You can follow me on Twitter @ladymgboli and
on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/celestemgboli.

If you go to my blog and sign up for my mailing list, you will be among the first to hear
about my upcoming personal transformation courses and programs. Let me coach and
guide you to success in love and abundance.

This book is about improving your romantic relationships, and through that, improving
your socioeconomic status. However, I hope you realize, after coming to the end of this
book, that the most important relationship you will ever experience is the relationship
you have with yourself. If you love yourself, trust your instincts, honor your dreams, and
take consistent and disciplined action to accomplish your goals, you can achieve the
impossible. I hope that by relaying these stories of four interesting women who fought
the same battle for self-realization that all women face (to varying degrees, and in
different contexts), I have lit a spark of excitement and courage within you to embark on
the challenging but rewarding journey to your true self.

Your life is not a dress rehearsal. Seize the day!

In Love and Abundance,

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Celeste Mgboli

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If you would like to leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads to let others know how
you felt about my book, I would really appreciate it!

You can leave a review on Amazon HERE.

You can leave a review on Goodreads HERE.

THANK YOU!

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References

The Biography of Marie Duplessis, by Romain Vienne

Le Demi-Monde sous le Second Empire: souvenirs d’un sybarite, Charles Albert de

Maugny

Man About Paris: The Confessions of Arsene Houssaye, by Arsene Houssaye

The Memoirs of Cora Pearl, by Cora Pearl

The Memoirs of Count Horace de Viel-Castel: A Chronicle of the Principal Events,

Political and Social, During the Reign of Napoleon III from 1851 to 1864, by Horace de
Viel-Castel

Grandes Horizontales, by Virginia Rounding

The Courtesans: The Demi-Monde in 19th-Century France, by Joanna Richardson

How to Date Like a Courtesan

Attract, Seduce and Manipulate Men
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for Love, Money, and Marriage

By Celeste Mgboli
The Abundant Love Coach

Copyright © 2015 Celeste Mgboli

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher.

Cover design by Humble Nations

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 Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER I
WHO IS THE COURTESAN AND WHY DOES ALL THIS EVEN MATTER?
CHAPTER 2
WHY LEARN THE TECHNIQUES OF THE COURTESAN?
CHAPTER 3
THE FRENCH CONTEXT
CHAPTER 4
FOUR COURTESANS
CHAPTER 5
FOUNDATIONS: THE COURTESAN MENTALITY AND FINISHING SCHOOL
CHAPTER 6
THE DANCE BETWEEN COURTESAN AND CLIENT: MINDING HER OWN
BUSINESS
CHAPTER 7
THE COURTESAN’S PUBLIC PERSONA: PERSONAL BRANDING AND
MARKETING
CHAPTER 8
THE COURTESAN MAKES HER MARK
CHAPTER 9
PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS FOR COURTESANS-IN-TRAINING

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