Table 1 WP1

I collect some small or similar problems together.

Catalyst: (from
whom/where? If it
The change(s) I made
Text from my was a comment, what
to what I initially How this change
initial WP 1 was said? From a
wrote: impacts my paper:
submission lecture or reading,
what was the quote
or general idea?)
As a result, people
who lack relative basic
1.Add a clear thesis
knowledge but still This change helps me
at the middle of
want to understand restate and enhance my
original paragraph 1
Julia: no clear thesis milisim could read the thesis for better
and divided this
simple article argument which is more
paragraph to two
translated by me convincing.
with it.
instead of complicated
professional books.
Julia: improper verb
Changed all future
tense used in
tense to present tense
paragraph 2 (original This change reduces
2. Paragraph 2 cause I have already
1), and I will use P2 ambiguity of my meta.
finished the
instead of paragraph2
translation.
later.
This change allows me
3. Add direct quotes
Julia: Lack of direct to show exactly what I
and relative analysis Bottom half of P2
quotes. change from the original
in P2
texts to audiences.
4. Add a new
paragraph after P2
This change allows me
to analyze pictures I
Julia: More analysis to show more effect (a
used in the New P3
about pictures new aspect) I made to
translation.
audiences directly.
(including direct
quotes)
Julia: I’m confused
Deleting the unrelative
5. Delete the about the tangents on
part of my article helps
personal anecdote page thirteen New P4
readers to follow my
in P4(original P2) regarding other things
logics and thesis.
that you’ve written.
6.Add a paragraph From lectures that we This change helps
about analysis of need to analyze New P5 readers know why I
different readers conventions make such a translation.
 These changes help me
summary up the main
7.Rewrite the Julia: need a better ideas of the paper in the
Conclusion paragraph
conclusion summary and thesis. closing and restate the
thesis clearly.

This change allows

readers to know why I
8. Add new direct I believe I still need choose to delete some
New P8
quote and analysis more direct quote parts from original text
with the extra support of
direct quote
9. Change some Make my article shorter,
expression to Some of them are Almost every which is easy for
shorter one (all of wordy. paragraph audiences to read.
them together here) (might just a little)
10. Add correct
Peer comment Page header A correct page number
page header
Julia: Italicize the
11. Infantry Rifle
titles of books and “Infantry Rifle Platoon
Platoon and Squad Cited pages and text
place articles in and Squad (FM3-21)”
(FM3-21)
quotation marks
Decrease some grammar
mistakes, and increase
the credibility of my
12. Change some Checking again by Of course, to correct paper. That is not some
grammar mistakes myself one interesting and exciting
part of this WP so I just
collect all of them
together.
13. Deleting the Peer comment: it Same to Change 5, helps
personal anecdote might not concern to Just delete it. readers to follow my
in page 15. my thesis logics and thesis.
14.Change to
Julia: Some sections To some a relatively
awkward It allows readers to read
were a little awkward normal description
description to it easily.
or felt like tangents (form my aspect)
normal one
Slack: what words
Nevertheless, on the It protects my word
15. However appear in your article
other hand diversity. 😊
frequently.
Table 2 WP2
Catalyst: (from
whom/where? If it
The change(s) I made
Text from my was a comment, what
to what I initially How this change
initial WP 1 was said? From a
wrote: impacts my paper:
submission lecture or reading,
what was the quote
or general idea?)
That changes helps me
The military article
1. Add a make thesis connects
Julia: There is no clear focusses on the air
complement to smaller argument
thesis. combat itself, but the
thesis together into one,
historical article anal
overarching argument.
a book that researches
strategy and tactics of
air warfare in the
Korean War, That part helps readers
2. Add detailed Julia: although the
, an article that know better about the
introduction to articles themselves are
analyzes the process background of articles I
cited articles. not introduced.
and result of analyzed
intervention of Soviet
air force in Korea,
(part)
3. Besides the
objective Besides the objective
information, information, authors Correct and clear
they also try to of both articles also try pronouns will allow
Julia: Be careful with
persuade their to persuade their readers to understand
ambiguous pronouns.
audiences with audiences with what I express
concrete concrete situations accurately.
situations given given by pilots,
by pilots,
Keep one thesis for one
Julia: Several The two paragraphs
paragraph is easy for
4. Divide P3 into 2 paragraphs are too discuss two difference
readers to make sure
paragraphs long and need to be about evidence these
what authors want to
broken up. authors used.
talk about.
5. Divided the Julia: Several I try to put the analysis It is relatively hard for
main paragraph paragraphs are too of different jargons in readers to read a long
in page 4 into 3 long and need to be one paragraph at the paragraph, so it is a
parts. broken up. beginning, but now I good idea to write
divided into three shorter to increase their
parts: military, history, reading experience.
 analysis.
Julia: I particularly
like your analysis on
pages 3-4 in More analysis of jargons
6. Add more
discussing the jargon the new paragraph of with concrete evidence
analysis about
between the two analysis. will bring more
jargon
disciplines. I think you credibility of my essay.
can push the analysis
even farther.
A short summary will
help readers to
understand the main
point of this paragraph
better, and the reason for
me to delete the
7. Add a short personal opinion is that
Julia: I had a little
summary for The end of paragraph should not exist in an
trouble understanding
this paragraph of argument on pages objective analysis article
the argument on pages
and delete my 6 regarding (and it will cause some
6 regarding
personal constraints. ambiguous
constraints.
opinions here. understanding here.) In
fact, what I want to
express with the opinion
is I believe it is a
comparison between bad
and worse but not good
and evil.
8. Take the section
A new aspect of analysis
that each article
will show how
makes the Julia: I think you
comprehensive this
opposite claim should take this
essay is to readers,
about the same section out of the
The new paragraph which allows them to
even. out of the conclusion and make
before conclusion know more and increase
conclusion and it its own paragraph,
the credibility of my
make it its own as well as expand the
essay since I tried to
paragraph, as argument.
prove it with many
well as expand
aspects.
the argument.
9. Add direct and I believe a new Quote and paraphrase
indirect quotes argument should be The new paragraph are important evidence,
and analysis in proven by a direct before conclusion which can increase the
change 8. quote as well. credibility.
10. Put a quotation Julia: Don’t forget to On the beginning of Correct application of
 marks will make an
marks in the place titles of articles article more formal,
P2 (I forgot here...)
title of books in quotation marks. which is more
persuasive.
11. Add a After checking again, I Two major subjects
This change makes the
connection find the new thesis that prefer to study
move from one idea to
between P1 and does not connect the this war are military
the next smoother.
its thesis. introduction well. and history.
12. Change to
Julia: Some sections To some a relatively
awkward It allows readers to read
were a little awkward normal description
description to it easily.
or felt like tangents (form my aspect)
normal one
Decrease some grammar
13. Change some
Checking again by mistakes, and increase
grammar to correct one
myself the credibility of my
mistakes
paper.

14. Change some Make my article shorter,

Some of them are Almost every
expression to which is easy for
wordy. paragraph
shorter one audiences to read.

Slack: what words

Then, in addition to,
15. And appear in your article Word diversity, UP
besides, plus…
frequently.