Amity University

Amity Global Business School

CERTIFICATE
This is to certify that
Rajnikant
Bonafide students for M.B.A program have
successfully completed the
Journal assignment in Self Development & Interpersonal Skills
During the acadimic year 2010-2011.

Date: 8th nov.2010

Mrs. Nidhi Puranik

(faculty )
 Amity University
Amity Global Business School
Pune

JOURNAL
Report on
Self Development
&
Interpersonal Skills

Submitted by
Rajnikant
MBA
 SOFT SKILLS

Soft skills are personal attributes that enhance an individual's interactions, job performance
and career prospects. Unlike hard skills, which tend to be specific to a certain type of task or
activity, soft skills are broadly applicable.

Soft skills are sometimes broken down into personal attributes, such as:

 Optimism
 Common sense
 Responsibility
 A sense of humor
 Integrity
 Time-management
 Motivation.

And interpersonal abilities, such as:

 Empathy
 Leadership
 Communication
 Good manners
 Sociability
 The ability to teach.

It's often said that hard skills will get you an interview but you need soft skills to get (and
keep) the job.
Self Identity

The self-concept is the accumulation of knowledge about the self, such as beliefs
regarding personality traits, physical characteristics, abilities, values, goals, and roles. It is
how one views or feels about the self. This concept is learned as you experience the world
through your senses and perception
The self-concept is composed of relatively permanent self-assessments, such
as personality attributes, knowledge of one's skills and abilities, one's occupation and
hobbies, and awareness of one's physical attributes. For example, the statement, "I am
lazy" is a self-assessment that contributes to the self-concept. In contrast, the statement "I
am tired" would not normally be considered part of someone's self-concept, since being
tired is a temporary state. Nevertheless, a person's self-concept may change with time,
possibly going through turbulent periods of identity crisis and reassessment.
The self-concept is not restricted to the present. It includes past selves and future selves.
Future selves or "possible selves" represent individuals' ideas of what they might become,
what they would like to become, and what they are afraid of becoming. They correspond to
hopes, fears, standards, goals, and threats. Possible selves may function as incentives for
future behavior and they also provide an evaluative and interpretive context for the current
view of self.
 Self-esteem
“The experience of being capable of meeting
life's challenges and being worthy of happiness.”

Self esteem is your opinion of yourself. High self esteem is a good opinion of yourself and
low self esteem is a bad opinion of yourself.

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or

appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs
 (For example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent")
and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. Self-esteem can apply specifically
to a particular dimension
(For example, "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or have
global extent (for example, "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in
general").
Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic ("trait"
self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations ("state" self-esteem) also exist
Self esteem is a concept of personality, for it to grow, we need to have self worth, and this
self worth will be sought from embracing challenges that result in the showing of success.

Your self esteem depends on many questions:

 Is your job worthwhile? Do others respect what you do? Do you?

 Do you believe you are successful? 
 How do you see yourself (your self image)?
 How do you feel about your strengths and weaknesses? 
 Are you comparing yourself to others and ignoring the unique value that you have?
 What do you think of your social status? 
 How do you relate to others? 
 Can you make your own decisions? A lack of choices leads to low self esteem. 

 
Quality and level of self-esteem
Level and quality of self-esteem, though correlated, remain distinct. Level-wise, one can
exhibit low levels of high-quality self esteem and/or high levels of low-quality self esteem,
resulting in 'fragile' self-esteem or low but stable self-esteem (as in humility).
Investigators can indirectly assess the quality of self-esteem in several ways:

1. in terms of its constancy over time (stability)

2. in terms of its independence of meeting particular conditions (non-contingency)
3. in terms of its ingrained nature at a basic psychological level (implicitness or
automatized)

Interventions
A number of interventions that attempt to improve self-esteem have been developed,
implemented, and studied. These interventions have been tailored to address the unique
characteristics of specific groups including adolescents, adults, and special populations.
Some examples of these interventions include:

 FRIENDS Emotional Health Program - This intervention consists of 10 sessions

that focus on teaching 9-10 year old children to replace unhelpful and anxiety producing
thoughts with helpful thoughts. The intervention was developed to teach children to face
and overcome challenges and problems. In order to do this children are introduced to a
7-step process: F-feeling worried? R- relax and feel good, I- inner thoughts, E- explore
thoughts, N- nice work so reward yourself, D- don't forget to practice, S- stay calm, you
know how to cope. Studies of the intervention performed in the US, UK, and Hong Kong
have all shown significant increase in measures of self-esteem in children who
participated in the program.
 Self-Esteem Enhancement Program (SEEP) Dalgas-Pelish (2006) reported that
many decreases in self-esteem have been observed during the transition from
elementary to middle school and therefore found that it is very important to provide
preventative self-esteem interventions at a young age. The intervention included 4
lessons consisting of definitions of self-esteem, awareness of how the media and peers
influence self-esteem, and activities related to the improvement of self-esteem. Factors
affecting self-esteem that were taken into account include: gender, ethnicity, age,
 socioeconomic status, genetic size, health, home environment, relationships with
parents, parenting style, and relationships with friends. Increases in measures of self-
esteem were displayed among the children who participated. Increase was related to
gender of the child, socioeconomic status, and the presence of friends. The largest
increases were seen in girls, individuals with low socio-economic status, and children
with friends.

 Social Cognitive Training Intervention Barrett, Webster, Wallis (1999)

developed an intervention that consisted of self talk and modification of negative
thinking, use of positive thinking, communication, problem solving and perception,
processes of instruction, coaching, modeling, rehearsal, self observation, group trainer
and peer feedback, and praise. These techniques were intended to shape and reinforce
new and improved skills. Participants also completed weekly homework assignments.
Fifty-one students ages 13–16 participated in the intervention and showed significant
increase in measures of self-esteem.
 I Am Super Self-Esteem Module - This intervention was developed in Québec,
Canada by Tania Lacomte et al. (1990) in an effort to increase the self esteem of those
suffering from psychosis, specifically individuals diagnosed with Schizophrenia. This 24
session, group therapy module is divided into 5 key building blocks that assist
individuals in developing their senses of: security, identity, belonging, purpose, and
competence. One study conducted by Borras, et al. (2009) found that intervention
participants displayed increases in self-esteem, self-assertion, and coping strategies as
well as decreased negative automatic thoughts, and psychotic symptoms
 Uniquely ME!  The Girl Scout/Dove Self-Esteem Program is targeted at young girls
ages 8–17, and aims to educate healthy self-esteem. It provides the skills necessary for
young girls to face life's challenges.
 Low Self Esteem

Low self esteem cannot survive if you follow a few simple steps. Believe it, I have done it
and you can too.

You can begin living a life filled with more happiness and meaning.

Poor self esteem can be unlearnt so take heart there is help! 

Low self esteem comes from a poor self image. Your self image is based on how you see
yourself. Do you think you are a good, reliable, hardworking, honest or friendly person? Do
you like what you see when you look in the mirror or do you believe others look better and
dress better than you?

Low self esteem also depends on other factors like your job.

For example, do you value the job you do? Does the job you have help you be happy with
who you are?  Do the others in your office respect you?

Low self esteem feeds your negative thinking and causes you to believe the critcism others
make of you. Do you take what others say and not speak up? This can cause you to lose
confidence so it is vital to end negative thoughts if you want to build your self esteem.

Low Self Esteem - what to do:

 Low self esteem feeds on negative thoughts so Don't indulge in self criticism. Why
are you waging war against yourself? Read self talk and silence your inner judge.
 You can choose to please yourself   It is good to you care about other's feelings
but aren't your needs just as important? Don't neglect yourself!
 Don't try to be like someone else.  This leads to lack of self worth and confidence.
You are unique and you cannot be someone else. Strive to improve but don't criticise
yourself for not being as successful, beautiful, slim or as popular as someone else. 
 Take life and yourself less seriously. Failure just means you are not successful
YET. Everybody fails before succeeding, don't look on it as failure but as a means to
learning. Perhaps you just need a change of direction. Problems make you stronger
if you strive to overcome them.

o Self worth, confidence and assuredness increase when you Focus on your needs
and desires. You deserve to live life as you want. This is not selfishness as what you
want doesn't hurt others or prevent them from living life on their terms.
 o Focus on your successes. Lack of confidence feeds on your feelings of failure and
inadequacy. Remember the truly successful things you have done in your life.
Reward yourself when you do succeed.

Building Your Child's Self Esteem

Factors affecting children's self esteem:

 How much the child feels wanted, appreciated and loved

 How your child sees himself, often built from what parents and those close say
 His or her sense of achievement 
 How the child relates to others 

Your child's self esteem can be increased by you:

 Appreciating your child

 Telling your child that you love them
 Spending time with your child
 Encouraging your child to make choices
 Fostering independence in your children
 Giving genuine importance to your child's opinion and listening
 Taking the time to explain reasons 
 Feeding your child with positive encouragement
 Encouraging your child to try new and challenging activities

Appreciating your child

A child's self esteem will suffer if he or she is not appreciated. Children know if you are
sincere or not. If you spend time together you must enjoy or there is no point. Show
appreciation at all times. Tell your child you love him or her - this is appreciation. Thanking a
child when he does something good is reward enough. Children like to please.

Encouragement 

Esteem is boosted with your encouragement. Encourage decision-making, this will lead to a
feeling of confidence and independence. 
Praise

Self esteem comes from what you think about yourself, praise is external. I do not agree
entirely with some who say praise creates kids addicted to it and then needing praise to feel
good. Encouragement is better than praise. I was often told "could do better" and this lead
me to feel no matter what I did it would not be good enough to please others.

Mutual respect

Children's self esteem will be higher if you treat him or her seriously and with respect.
Explain to the child everything and treat him as an intelligent individual able to understand
and reach conclusions. You want to be treated like this and children are no different. A child
who is belittled, patronized or put down will suffer lack of confidence. Mutual respect will
foster trust and confidence.

Dealing with failure

If the child fails he must not feel a failure. Teach a child failure doesn't exist only temporary
setbacks on the road to success. Never tell a child he has failed, let you down or cannot
succeed. Be a mentor and help the child to believe in his or her ability to succeed no matter
how long it takes! 
 High Self Esteem
High self esteem is the opposite of the above! If you have a high level of self esteem you
will be confident, happy, highly motivated and have the right attitude to succeed. 

Importance

Self esteem is crucial and is a cornerstone of a positive attitude towards living. 

It is very important because it affects how you think, act and even how you relate to other
people. It allows you to live life to your potential. Low self esteem means poor confidence
and that also causes negative thoughts which mean that you are likely to give up easily
rather than face challenges. In addition, it has a direct bearing on your happiness and
wellbeing

Why should self esteem matter to you?

 Self esteem can be the difference between success and failure

 
 Esteem can affect your thinking, causing your outlook to be positive or negative
 
 Esteem affects your confidence
 
 It affects your self image
 
 If you do not value yourself how will you be able to value others?
 
 Self esteem enables you to have the right attitude to succeed at work
 
 It affects your happiness

Self Esteem Test

1.  Other people are not better off or more fortunate than me

2.  I accept myself as I am and am happy with myself

3.  I enjoy socializing

4.  I deserve love and respect

5.  I feel valued and needed

6. I don't need others to tell me I have done a good job

7. Being myself is important

8. I make friends easily

9. I can accept criticism without feeling put down

10. I admit my mistakes openly

11. I never hide my true feelings

12. I always speak up for myself and put my views across

13. I am a happy, carefree person

14. I don't worry what others think of my views

15. I don't need others' approval to feel good

16. I don't feel guilty about doing or saying what I want

TEST SCORE: Total number of TRUE answers you gave, EACH ONE POINT:

15-16 Points - You have a high level of self esteem!

12-14 Points - Not bad but room for you to improve

8-11   Points - Low self esteem is holding you back

Below 8 Points - Your esteem is drastically low!

 
 Emotional Quotient and Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Quotient or EQ is one of the ways to measure a person’s ability to be successful
in life. The phrase was first developed in the 1980s and asserts that emotional quotient
or emotional intelligence is as valuable as intellectual quotient (IQ).

According to theories of brain function, a high emotional quotient means someone is self-

confident, self-aware, and able to navigate through trying emotional times. EQ is often tied
directly to the degree of success one may have in the workplace and in personal
relationships. Some companies offer services to test the emotional quotient of employees.

Emotional intelligence (EI) describes the ability, capacity, skill or, in the case of the trait EI
model, a self-perceived ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of one's self, of
others, and of groups. Different models have been proposed for the definition of EI and
disagreement exists as to how the term should be used. [1] Despite these disagreements,
which are often highly technical, the ability EI and trait EI models (but not the mixed models)
enjoy support in the literature and have successful applications in different domains.

The ability EI model

Salovey and Mayer's conception of EI strives to define EI within the confines of the standard
criteria for a new intelligence. Following their continuing research, their initial definition of EI
was revised to "The ability to perceive emotion, integrate emotion to facilitate thought,
understand emotions and to regulate emotions to promote personal growth."
The ability-based model views emotions as useful sources of information that help one to
make sense of and navigate the social environment. [11] The model proposes that individuals
vary in their ability to process information of an emotional nature and in their ability to relate
emotional processing to a wider cognition. This ability is seen to manifest itself in certain
adaptive behaviors. The model claims that EI includes four types of abilities:

1. Perceiving emotions – the ability to detect and decipher emotions in faces,

pictures, voices, and cultural artifacts—including the ability to identify one's own
emotions. Perceiving emotions represents a basic aspect of emotional intelligence,
as it makes all other processing of emotional information possible.
2. Using emotions – the ability to harness emotions to facilitate various cognitive
activities, such as thinking and problem solving. The emotionally intelligent person
can capitalize fully upon his or her changing moods in order to best fit the task at
hand.
 3. Understanding emotions – the ability to comprehend emotion language and to
appreciate complicated relationships among emotions. For example, understanding
emotions encompasses the ability to be sensitive to slight variations between
emotions, and the ability to recognize and describe how emotions evolve over time.
4. Managing emotions – the ability to regulate emotions in both ourselves and in
others. Therefore, the emotionally intelligent person can harness emotions, even
negative ones, and manage them to achieve intended goals.
The ability EI model has been criticized in the research for lacking face and predictive
validity in the workplace.

Intelligence quotient measuring has existed for much longer than EQ measuring. Alfred
Binet developed the first modern IQ test in the early 20th century. Since then, many
modifications on intelligence quotient testing have been made. Currently an IQ test involves
a set of standardized questions for which one receives a score.

While the IQ can measure concepts like logical reasoning, word knowledge and math skills,
many feel it is not adequate in measuring creative abilities or emotional abilities. In fact,
some with high IQs do not seem to be particularly adept at maintaining relationships or
seem socially awkward at best.

What are EQ Strengths?

How do you score according to Goleman's list of what characteristics determine how
successfully you handle impulse and deal with upsets?

Do you have the following attributes?

 Self Control: Are able to manage disruptive emotions and impulses effectively

 Trustworthiness: Display honesty and integrity

 Conscientiousness: Dependable and responsible in fulfilling obligations

 Adaptability: Flexible in handling change and challenges

 Innovation: Open to novel ideas, approaches, and new information.

Four Categories of EQ

Emotional Intelligence is divided into two dimensions: the personal and the social, each of
which has two aspects: awareness and management. This gives four areas, each of which
allows for personal growth and development over the course of a career.

 Self-Awareness: This includes the ability to “read” one's own emotions and
recognize their impact; the ability to assess one's own strengths and weaknesses;
and a sound self-confidence in one's real capabilities.
 Self-Management: The ability to control one's emotions appropriately and to use
emotional reactions positively and effectively. Self-management includes self-
motivation and a sense of efficacy in life and work.
 Social Awareness: This is the ability to extend self-knowledge towards other
people: empathy, or understanding others’ emotional states and points of view;
group dynamics, or clarity about how organizations and communities work; and an
orientation to service, or making the situation better for others, not only the self.
 Relationship Skills: The fourth area is that of influencing individuals and groups
through one's well-developed self and social awareness. Relationship skills allow the
emotionally intelligent person to manage conflict, help others develop in his
knowledge and skills, provide appropriate leadership, and facilitate teamwork and
collaboration.

How to Grow in Emotional Intelligence

Anyone can improve in these areas if a commitment is made to growth and learning.
Reflective analysis of past incidents where emotional reactions played a critical role can
help to provide material for study of one's own EQ and the areas in which one may wish to
develop further. At each level, self and social, awareness and management, anyone can
find a wealth of personal anecdotes to reflect upon.

After fully remembering the incident itself, try out alternative responses or emotional
management techniques in the imagination to find ways that may seem more mature,
intelligent, or wise for dealing with the usual conflicts and incidents of life.

Reflective analysis and imaging of alternatives, if practiced on a regular basis can contribute
substantially to increasing your emotional intelligence, or EQ.
Learning Emotional Intelligence

Human emotions spring up in response to stimuli that may or may not be relevant to the job
at hand. Even if relevant, the emotional reaction is not necessarily proportional to the
importance of the stimulus that caused it. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to maintain
awareness of emotions and their relative strengths without allowing them to take control.

For example, an emotionally intelligent person will recognize that some types of behavior by
a co-worker will always “push those buttons” and stimulate a similar emotional reaction.
However, EQ allows one to choose whether or not to “push back” and if so, how to do so
positively and intelligently.

Using reflection and analysis, one can increase one's ability to become aware of the nature
of emotional reactions when they occur; to regulate the translation of emotional reaction into
action, to respond more empathetically to others by recognizing their emotional states and
to intervene in emotionally charged situations to provide leadership towards positive
outcomes. Thus, Emotional Intelligence is one of the characteristics of a successful leader
in any arena of life.

Ways to increase EQ

1. Identify Distortions – write down the negative thought and identify how it fits under
the ten forms of distorted thinking. Once we see that our negative thoughts and beliefs are
not realistic, it’s much easier to replace them with thoughts that are more positive and
realistic.

2. Substitution – simply ask yourself if you can think of a more positive and realistic
thought and substitute that one every time you catch yourself thinking the negative thought.

3. Cost-Benefit Analysis – list the advantages and disadvantages of a negative thought,

belief or behaviour – for example, the advantages of getting angry or upset in various
situations. Ask yourself “how will it help me and how will it hurt me to think like this”. 

4. Evidence Examination – ask yourself - what is the evidence that this thought IS true?
What is the evidence that it is not true? Instead of assuming that a negative thought is true,
examine the actual evidence for it.

5. Survey Method – do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. For
example, if you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal, ask several friends if they
ever felt that way.
6. Experimental Method – often you can actually do an experiment to test the accuracy of
your negative thought – ask yourself “how could I check to find out if this thought really IS
true?”.

7. Double-Standard Technique - talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you

might talk to a dear friend who was upset.

8. Pleasure-Predicting Method – predict how satisfying activities will be, from 0% to

100%. Then keep a check on how satisfying they actually turn out to be. After a few days
you will get a good idea of how good your fortune telling talents might be.

9. Why – ask why it would be upsetting if it were true. 

10. Shades of Gray Thinking – instead of thinking about your problems in black and white
categories, evaluate things in shades of gray.

11. Defining Labels – when you label yourself as “inferior” or a “loser”, ask yourself what
you really mean by these labels.

12. Specific Method – stick with reality – those are statements of FACT - and avoid
generalized judgments about reality.

13. Semantic Method – substitute language that is less emotionally loaded for “should”
statements and labeling.

14. Re-attribution – instead of blaming yourself for a problem, think about ALL the factors
that may have contributed to it.

15. Acceptance Paradox – instead of defending yourself against your own self-criticisms,

find truth in them and humbly accept them BUT without beating yourself up for them.
 Ways to increase IQ
1. Read! Reading enhances the mind's ability to comprehend, as well as encouraging
you to think critically. Reading a book that you have never read before broadens your
horizons, thus increasing your IQ. Reading different genres is even more productive, as well
as reading newspapers, current events magazines, and multi-content periodicals (such as
the New Yorker). Make sure the book is in your reading level. You don't want to read
something that is too easy for you.
Don't give up. Ignore limiting stereotypes such as "An old dog cannot learn new tricks."
Imagine the success you will feel when you bump up ten points. Soon enough, that fantasy
will become a reality.
Try writing with your opposite hand. Writing with your opposite hand can in fact lead to
stimulation of the side of the brain that is opposite to that hand. So perhaps a
southpaw could go righty and think more logical, or a righty could try going left-handed to be
more creative. Keep in mind this is only a theory.
Write whenever possible. Send a note instead of an email, or write a draft of a paper (or
an outline). It will increase visual and kinesthetic stimulation.
Play video games. Games can be a great way to stimulate the brain. Try to play a game
that is out of your usual range of choices. It will help you think differently. Especially look for
games that provide you with problems to solve or force you to think quickly.
o Scientific studies have shown that playing the popular game Tetris leads to
more efficient brain activity; as players become more proficient at the game, their brains
show a reduced consumption of glucose (the body's main fuel).
 
Work on cryptology. This is when a message is written in codes and you try to figure it
out. It's challenging for some, but after a while may even become enjoyable. All logic
puzzles are great.
Practice crosswords and sudoku. These activities stimulate your mind and thought
processes. People may not normally consider word searches thought-provoking, but if
practiced in addition to other mind games, they could prove to be easy and stimulating.
Do logic and lateral thinking puzzles. These help your brain think outside the box and
solve problems in different ways.
Take a weekly IQ test and record your results. If you would like to view your
improvements, consider placing the results on a line graph using excel or another graph-
compatible program.(Seeexternal links for a free, tested online IQ test). Bear in mind that
many online IQ tests are not legitimate, and many ask for a mobile number at the end for
the results. These are spam.
Listen to classical music. The Mozart effect suggests that by listening to classical music,
a short-term improvement is induced on the performance of certain tasks. Gradually, this
may have a somewhat long-term effect.
Excel in school and have a better career. There is a huge amount of evidence
substantiating the correlation between excellent grade and better intelligence. Good grades
are the path to better careers and better ways of life. Scientific encephalo case studies
show that the brains of sophisticated professionals are anatomically larger, healthier and
having more prominent convolutions, whereas the labour workers have much thinner
neocortex, implicating lower than average intelligence. This is because the labourers do not
use their brains often. Intense learning which is required by many challenging, professional
careers can certainly trigger neurogenesis and improve brain's cognitve capacity.
 Anger management

The term anger management commonly refers to a system

of psychological therapeutic techniques and exercises by which someone with excessive or
uncontrollable anger can control or reduce the triggers, degrees, and effects of an
angered emotional state. In some countries, courses in anger management may be
mandated by their legal system.
One technique for controlling anger is finding agreement with another person rather than
conflict. The use of deep breathing and meditation can be used as a means of relaxation.
Other intervention sinclude learning empathy, stress management skills, forgiveness,
changing how you speak about yourself or others and improving optimism. As the issue of
anger varies from person to person, the treatments are designed to be personal to the
individual.
A common skill used in most anger management programs is
learning assertive communication techniques. Assertive communication is the appropriate
use of expressing feelings and needs without offending or taking away the rights of others. It
is typically started with the use of "I" statements followed by a need statement. For example,
"I feel upset when you don't take my feelings into consideration when you talk about your
past relationships. I hope you can be more thoughtful and know what you should and should
not say the next time."
Anger management deals with the management of one’s anger so that the least possible
damage is felt to self, others and the environment. This involves understanding one’s anger
patterns and dealing with them effectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively
can possibly manage the anger of others as well.
Methods of anger management
Psychologists recommend a balanced approach to anger, which both controls the emotion
and allows the emotion to express itself in a healthy way. Some descriptions of actions of
anger management are:

 'Directyou shold always direct', such as not beating around the bush, making
behaviour visible and conspicuous, using body language to indicate feelings clearly and
honestly, anger directed at persons concerned.
 Honorable you should be honorable, such as making it apparent that there is some
clear moral basis for the anger, being prepared to argue your case, never using
manipulation or emotional blackmail, never abusing another person's basic human
rights, never unfairly hurting the weak or defenseless, taking responsibility for actions.
 Focused, such as sticking to the issue of concern, not bringing up irrelevant
material.
 Persistent, such as repeating the expression of feeling in the argument over and
over again, standing your ground, self defense.
 Passionate, such as using full power of the body to show intensity of feeling, being
excited and motivated, acting dynamically and energetically, initiating change, showing
fervent caring, being fiercely protective, enthusing others.
 Creative, such as thinking quickly, using more wit, spontaneously coming up with
new ideas and new views on subject.
 Forgiveness, such as demonstrating a willingness to hear other people's anger and
grievances, showing an ability to wipe the slate clean once anger has been expressed.
 Listen to what is being said to you. Anger creates a hostility filter, and often all you
can hear is negatively toned.
Three Stage Anger Management
Anger management can be divided into three stages –

1. Managing anger before it even shows in

2. Managing anger when you are angry
3. Managing anger after your anger

I. Managing Anger Before it Ever Appears

Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‘ prevention is better than
cure’ approach. This is actually the only effective technique for anger management. This
involves two steps:

1. Understanding the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger
patterns in particular.
2. It also involves having a self-structure that does not cram up stress or that is non-
conducive to anger or stress. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing
technique such as meditation, relaxation (somatic relaxation like progressive
muscular relaxation and psychological relaxation like autogenic training etc.).
3. And also developing self-confidence, courage etc.

1. Understanding Anger

"Anger is temporary madness." – Osho

You become angry because something or someone has done something against your
expectations. An expectation is a shelter – it gives you a security feeling. So when someone
breaks your expectations he is breaking your shelter, making you insecure, fearful.

You become angry because you are psychologically a weak person.

"Anger is fear in disguise"

Fear is actually ignorance  and fear occurs because there is two.

If your ego is hurt you may become angry. Understand that ego itself is a disease. Dissolve
your ego as far as possible. If you have inferiority complex, or have a very deficient ego you
will lose your temper very easily.
2. Preventive Techniques

 Practice Relaxation, meditation or the like stress releasing or dissolving techniques.

Practice Holistic Integration Technique (HIT) the simplest and natural Meditation
Technique.
Or Use Guided Somato-Psychic Relaxation (GSPR)  Technique.
 Try the Who Am I technique
 Improve yourself, develop yourself continuously. Break your Personal Rules of
Living regarding anger. Be optimistic, positive and have hope
 Live in the present (here and now) as far as possible.
 Be aware of yourself, your anger patterns. Find the root cause of your anger – it will
be fear or lust or attachment.
 Develop self-confidence
 Accept yourself as such. When you accept your negatives, deficits, you do not have
any internal conflict at all
 Be simple, open and authentic
 Love yourself, love others. Unless you love and forgive yourself, you cannot love
others or forgive others.
 Develop equal-mindedness in the opposites: good and bad, positive and negative,
virtue and non-virtue.
 Avoid over sensuality.
 Avoid revenge, hate and hatred. Avoid mugging up stress.
 Don’t be perfectionist: 
Inability to accept errors & mistakes of self and others, non-compromising behavior,
inability to cope up with failure and longing for success in all and everything etc.
creates tension.
 Avoid looking for the negatives in yourself and others.

II. What To Do When You Are Angry

There are no fool-proof techniques available for anger management at this stage. This is the
most difficult stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the
person who is to manage yourself. Try one or more of the following:

 As soon as you are in control withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid
irreparable or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment.
 When you recognize that you are angry, just stop doing what you have been doing.
Walk around or sit calmly for a few minutes.
  Release the stress (stored due to anger) in a way in which there is least possible
harm to self, others, and the environment.
 Breath deeply. Inhale deeply and hold for a second or two. Then exhale deeply.
Repeat a few times.
 Become aware that you are angry. Just observe yourself.
 If possible involve in some creative work that can pacify you.
 If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you; like humorous
films, calming music, watering your garden, going to beach or park or the like.
 Postpone the expression of anger again and again.
 Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you.
Speak out to them, if possible.
 If you have love for children, their presence can pacify you.
 Even pets can sometimes pacify you.
 Laugh it out, if you can, by perceiving it in a humorous way.
 Perceive it creatively and constructively and take it as an opportunity to know
yourself, your anger patterns and the situation or other people involved.
 As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a
lesson. I will show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored as
negative energy.
 Use the Stop Technique

III After the Anger Incident

This stage involves 2 things:

1. Analyzing and finding out the root cause of your anger. You will find out that it is one
or other kind of fear or attachment.(Attachment also stems from fear).
2. Repairing and restoring yourself, others and the environment involved in the anger
incident.

1. Analyzing and Finding Out the Root Cause

You may want or expect others to behave on one way or other and they may do the
reverse. This might have made you angry. But why did you expect so? They are free to
create their own psychological prisons (= programs) for themselves. If you have such
expectations, come out of these. These expectations, if you look deeply into it are also your
own fears in disguise. Attachment to these give you a security feeling and when they are
attacked you become angry. Realize these anxieties and fears.
Think of the damages and losses caused to yourself, others and the environment due to
your anger. This awareness will lead to an automatic control slowly.

2. Repairing and Restoring

Repair Yourself

1. Practice relaxation, meditation or any releasing technique so that all pend up stress
energy is either released or dissolved without disturbing yourself, others or the
environment.
2. Use humor: read humorous books, watch cartoons or any humorous films etc.

Repair Others and Your Relationships With Them

Apologize if it is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with the persons

affected by your temper.

Repair the Environment

If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying something, take
time to reinstate them as far as possible.

Personal Rules of Living (PRL)

Personal Rules are pre-programmed behavior patterns you have defined for yourself and
reinforced again and again. For example: ‘I will do this & this in such a situation’; ‘If I were
you I would have kicked him down’ etc. If you have programmed yourself in negative or self-
destructive ways, you should dissolve such programs. It is ideal that you have no such
programs because they make you more machine than human.

The Stop Technique

This technique is generally used as a therapeutically technique for the control of obsessive
thinking. Some people are haunted continuously by negative or undesirable thinking like
thoughts of undressing in the public, thoughts of losing control, thoughts of destroying
something etc. They seldom act like these but are very frustrated due to these unwanted
and undesired thoughts. When such thoughts occur, they are taught to say STOP to
themselves at first loudly and later as the client gains more control, he can say ‘STOP’
silently but emphatically. This is repeated until the thoughts cease totally. By some trials, the
frequency of unwanted thoughts slows down and finally ceases altogether.

This technique is found to be useful to some for anger management also. This is because,
anger elicits destructive thoughts which need to be checked

Attitude
Attitude is a hypothetical construct that represents an individual's like or dislike for an item.
Attitudes are positive, negative or neutral views of an "attitude object": i.e. a person,
behavior or event. People can also be "ambivalent" towards a target, meaning that they
simultaneously possess a positive and a negative bias towards the attitude in question.

Attitudes are composed from various forms of judgments. Attitudes develop on the ABC
model (affect, behavioral change and cognition). The affective response is a physiological
response that expresses an individual's preference for an entity. The behavioral intention is
a verbal indication of the intention of an individual. The cognitive response is a cognitive
evaluation of the entity to form an attitude. Most attitudes in individuals are a result of
observational learning from their environment

1. Target Characteristics: These are characteristics that refer to the person who receives
and processes a message. One such trait is intelligence - it seems that more intelligent
people are less easily persuaded by one-sided messages. Another variable that has been
studied in this category is self-esteem. Although it is sometimes thought that those higher
in self-esteem are less easily persuaded, there is some evidence that the relationship
between self-esteem and persuasibility is actually curvilinear, with people of moderate self-
esteem being more easily persuaded than both those of high and low self-esteem levels
(Rhodes & Woods, 1992). The mind frame and mood of the target also plays a role in this
process.

2. Source Characteristics: The major source characteristics are expertise,

trustworthiness and interpersonal attraction or attractiveness. The credibility of a perceived
message has been found to be a key variable here (Hovland & Weiss, 1951); if one reads a
report about health and believes it came from a professional medical journal, one may be
more easily persuaded than if one believes it is from a popular newspaper. Some
psychologists have debated whether this is a long-lasting effect and Hovland and Weiss
(1951) found the effect of telling people that a message came from a credible source
disappeared after several weeks (the so-called "sleeper effect"). Whether there is a sleeper
effect is controversial. Received wisdom is that if people are informed of the source of a
message before hearing it, there is less likelihood of a sleeper effect than if they are told a
message and then told its source.

3. Message Characteristics: The nature of the message plays a role in persuasion.

Sometimes presenting both sides of a story is useful to help change attitudes.

4. Cognitive Routes: A message can appeal to an individual's cognitive evaluation to help

change an attitude. In the central route to persuasion the individual is presented with the
data and motivated to evaluate the data and arrive at an attitude changing conclusion. In the
peripheral route to attitude change, the individual is encouraged to not look at the content
but at the source. This is commonly seen in modern advertisements that feature celebrities.
In some cases, physician, doctors or experts are used. In other cases film stars are used for
their attractiveness.

Positive Attitude
Positive attitude helps to cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. It brings optimism into
your life, and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. If you adopt it as a way
of life, it will bring constructive changes into your life, and makes them happier, brighter and
more successful. With a positive attitude you see the bright side of life, become optimistic
and expect the best to happen. It is certainly a state of mind that is well worth developing
and strengthening.

Positive attitude manifests in the following ways:

Positive thinking.

Constructive thinking.

Creative thinking.

Expecting success.

Optimism.

Motivation to accomplish your goals.

Being inspired.
Choosing happiness.

Not giving up.

Looking at failure and problems as blessings in disguise.

Believing in yourself and in your abilities.

Displaying self-esteem and confidence.

Looking for solutions.

Seeing opportunities.

A positive attitude leads to happiness and success and can change your whole life. If you
look at the bright side of life, your whole life becomes filled with light. This light affects not
only you and the way you look at the world, but also your whole environment and the people
around you. If it is strong enough, it becomes contagious.

The benefits of a positive attitude:

Helps achieving goals and attaining success.

Success achieved faster and more easily.

More happiness.

More energy.

Greater inner power and strength.

The ability to inspire and motivate yourself and others.

Fewer difficulties encountered along the way.

The ability to surmount any difficulty.

Life smiles at you.

People respect you.

Negative attitude says: you cannot achieve success.

positive attitude says: You can achieve success.

If you have been exhibiting a negative attitude and expecting failure and difficulties, it is now
the time to change the way you think. It is time to get rid of negative thoughts and behavior
and lead a happy and successful life. Why not start today? If you have tried and failed, it
only means that you have not tried enough.

Developing a positive attitude that will lead you to happiness and success:

Choose to be happy.

Look at the bright side of life.

Choose to be and stay optimistic.

Find reasons to smile more often.

Have faith in yourself and in the Power of the Universe.

Contemplate upon the futility of negative thinking and worries.

Associate yourself with happy people.

Read inspiring stories.

Read inspiring quotes.

Repeat affirmations that inspire and motivate you.

Visualize only what you want to happen.

Learn to master your thoughts.

Learn concentration and meditation.

INDEX
Date Module Topic Activity

8/9/2010 Understanding Self self understanding Memory game

13/9/2010 Introduction of Introduce classmate
classmate with good and
bad qualities

15/9/2010 Self assesment self identity

16/9/2010 Self-Esteem: Sense of High self esteem concept of self

Worth story from You Can Win

20/9/10 Low self esteem Low self steem

24/9/10 Self estem crystal ball game

27/9/10 Emotional Emotional Quotient Game for low EQ and

And high EQ
Intelligence: Brain
Emotional Intelligence
Power

1/10/10 EQ,IQ and SQ Spiritual quotient

4/10/10 High EQ and Low EQ action plan- to increase

IQ and EQ
Emotions

8/10/10 importance of emotions

11/10/10 Managing Emotions and anger management, Symptoms, cause

Building Interpersonal
Competence

15/10/10 Anger control How to control anger

management
29/10/10 Anger management video by Dina Das on
anger mgt
1/11/10 Leading Through Attitude Attitude- positive,
negative
Positive Attitude
Steps to build +ve
attitude