10 Basic Rules for Dominants and submissive's

TEN RULES FOR DOMINANTS:

1. Be Patient

Until you enter into a relationship with a submissive, you have no more right to order her/him around than does anyone else. Give your bottom

time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go

hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.

2. Be Humble

You may be a God or Goddess and a gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to

show how good you are - and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in

a scene. Don't set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.

3. Be Open

Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in D/s-SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced.

Be willing to learn from other Dominant's who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with

an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.

4. Communicate

You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes,

and health information. Playing D/s-SM without this knowledge is like playing russian roulette. Talk about your head-space and your view of

D/s-SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and

contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.

5. Be Honest

If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be

honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always

be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.

6. Be Sensitive

There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring Dominant and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a

creative synthesis of your needs and fantasies and your bottom's needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving

you, what actually is happening is that Dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never

violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.

7.Be Realistic

End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, not

just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture

books may be stimulating in themselves, but don't try to imitate them to the last detail.
8.Be really

Dominant/Submissive's are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted,

not just cardboard images from cigarette ad or macho stereotypes. Your dominance enhances your whole existence. It does not cover up or

substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Make your submissive fall in love with you, and expect him or her to give him/herself up to you

totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don't shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to

your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the Dominant role - now take it!

9. Be Healthy

Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you

sleep, your eating habits, and your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don't attempt to do SM

when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a Dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the

scene. An attitude of "drugs and alcohol don't affect me that much... I can do it anyway" violates your submissive's trust in you and can be

dangerous. If you don't want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!

10. Have Fun

After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from

responsible, creative SM play.

TEN RULES FOR SUBMISSIVES:

1. Be Patient

A potential top will let you know if he or she is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to

satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top to be able to turn on like a light switch.

The timing must be right for both of you.

2. Be Humble

You may be a God or Goddess and a gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it.

You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set

yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your top can never reach.

3. Be Open

You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or

how Dominant or submissive they are. D/s- SM is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM

lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable D/s-SM friends.

4. Communicate

Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information about you, such

as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turnoffs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until your top asks. Don't expect your Dominant

to be a mind-reader who instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
5. Be Honest

Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your Dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turnoffs is

essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate information.

Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.

6. Be Vulnerable

Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain

physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your top to be a puppet in a fantasy

play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you're never been

before. When you trust your top completely, let him or her know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.

7. Be Realistic

Your Dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you

perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to

afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.

8. Be really Submissive

This is the whole point. Let your Dominant take you over completely. Don't coach, second guess or be critical. Exchange information on your

special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should

try being a top. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect

punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what

turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.

9. Be Healthy

D/s-SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants - both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional health. The

amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene.

Your Dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now"

attitude when you aren't able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your Dominant and yourself best by staying

healthy.

10. Have Fun

After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from

responsible, creative D/s-SM play.