Pockmarks Incognito

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/8348512.

Rating: Explicit
Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence,
No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Category: M/M
Fandom: | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin, Kim Namjoon | Rap Monster/Kim
Seokjin | Jin, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Jung Hoseok | J-
Hope/Original Character(s)
Character: Bangtan Boys Ensemble
Additional Tags: Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, First
Love, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity, Rape Recovery, Rape
Aftermath, Misunderstandings, Homophobia, Homophobic Language,
Internalized Homophobia, Angst, Heavy Angst, Angry Sex, Anger,
Abuse, Drunk Sex, Drinking, Heavy Drinking, Drinking to Cope, Alcohol,
I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence,
Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe, Amnesia,
Memory Loss, Temporary Amnesia, Forgiveness, Redemption, Guilt,
guilty, Abusive Relationships, Sacrifice, Self-Hatred, Self-Sacrifice, Self-
Harm, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional
Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Attempted
Rape/Non-Con, Past Rape/Non-con, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst
and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Eventual Happy
Ending, Sad with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending,
Crying, I Made Myself Cry, Pain, Tears, Tearjerker, Platonic
Relationships, OT7, trigger warning, Panic Attacks, Panic, Flashbacks,
Memories
Series: Part 10 of MiniMini
Stats: Published: 2016-10-22 Completed: 2020-05-15 Chapters: 12/12 Words:
30684

Pockmarks Incognito
by CmiMiu, MiMi (CmiMiu)

Summary

He was raped.
He had raped.
But nothing changed. And everything did.

Notes

So. Before anything I would to clear some things up.

Did you read the Warnings? No? GO READ IT NOW!

Okay. I see you're back.

Please please PLEASE keep in mind that this is just a FanFic.
It does not represent (and doesn't relate to) any person dead or alive.

I know of that I am taking my characters based on BTS but I am merely making an

assumption on how I THINK they will behave in the situations portrayed in the story.
These are based on their personalities (the ones we see) only and bare no resemblance to
the actual artists.

This story includes Rape and NO! I'm not trying to glorify it. But this is merely a story.
Please take it at Face Value ONLY! Also, my warnings mind sound a little too much, you
might've read more severe fics. But please bear in mind that this work has a Trigger
Warning and is rated Explicit. I don't want any fingers pointed at me.

This is just a child from my idle and once depressed mind. (I wrote this story about an year
ago.)

Now. Since you've all read that I assume I will not be getting any hate and that I've fairly
warned every reader with what is about to come.

If you think you can not handle this please walk away.

On that note, those who choose to proceed, please do so with an open mind.

Thankyou.
Love,
Myself.
 And though this is purely a blemish; a pockmark,
Chapter by MiMi (CmiMiu)

"Ji- Ji- Jiminie..." the elder tried to touch the boy who was sitting in the corner of the room balled
up into a crying mess. When he got closer, Jimin flinched and recoiled at the sight of the elder's
hand hovering above his head.

Jimin tried to further hide into the wall, if that was possible when Yoongi crouched beside him. He
tried to hide his face into the corner. Trying to hide himself as much as he could.

It pained the elder, to see Jimin shivering and sobbing uncontrollably in his presence. It pained
Yoongi to look at the long scars that ran down his dongsaeng's back caused by his nails. It hurt to
hear the younger boy whimper each time he moved causing his lower body to ache. And it felt
horrible to know that he was the one who caused this.

Yoongi inched a little closer only to hear a terrified whimper escape the boy's lips. Jimin's entire
body was shaking and he was in fear of the elder.

His lips were bruised and red. Eyes puffy from no sleep and crying. His wrists had red angry
fingerprints of the elder's on them. And his back was scratched and bleeding.

A tear slipped his eyes when the elder looked away from the sobbing boy to where he sat. Dried
blood covered Jimin's thighs, pajamas and the floor beneath him.

The memories of the previous night out with their friends, streamed in front of Yoongi's eyes, as he
cried beside his sobbing friend.

Flashback:
"Hyung?" Jimin asked when he opened the door. He looked at the time on his watch to find that it
had been less than an hour when he had left the elder at Seokjin's apartment.

Yoongi stumbled his way into the boy's apartment making him lose his footing for a moment.
Hesitantly, Jimin closed the door and followed the elder boy in.

"Mhuummhhh" grumbled the elder but Jimin couldn't make out what he said.

With a raised eyebrow Jimin asked him, I left you with Jin hyung didn't I , hyung? What are you
doing here? How'd you get here?"

Jimin moved closer towards the brunette and sat beside him repeating the question but was
stopped midsentence. "Shut Up!" Shouted the elder clasping his ears as they'd burned.

Panicked, Jimin leaned over the elder boy to examine what was wrong, concern lacing his words.
Had Jimin known what was to happen next he wouldn't have even opened the door that night.

The elder smacked his lips harshly against the younger boys as he roughly held his face in his
hands. Jimin, surprised by the sudden kiss, stood still for a moment. When he regained his
bearings he firmly pushed the elder away steadying his legs that had turned jelly.

No it wasn't his first kiss. But it was a kiss from his Hyung. Too occupied in the moment Jimin
walked the man into his room, making sure not to wake Namjoon , who was in the guest ro om
sleeping the drunken day out.
He led himself and the elder into his own room. Either ways Jimin wasn't going to sleep for
another two hours, he was practicing some of the fine points in his singing. He laid the elder on his
bed and made to move away but a hand clutched his wrist refusing to let go.

Yoongi stared at him in his drugged out stupor before pulling him closer and right next to his
sleeping frame. He leaned on his elbows and softly kissed Jimin, who this time responded with a
shove . The saint kisses soon turned to hungry, lusty ones as Yoongi grabbed the boy's face in his
hands and ran his tongue along his lower lip asking for entry.

Sensing something wrong Jimin tried to push the elder's hands away from groping his body but he
found himself incapable of it. Jimin was buff, that was true, but it was also true that he was tired.
Very tired. He had been practicing his choreography for five hours straight on an empty stomach.
So it was understood that he couldn't escape his hyung's vicelike grip.

Fearing for worse Jimin started to hastily whisper, "Hyung! Hyung. You need to let go. You're not
in you right mind! Hyung! The elder ran his hands along the boy's jaw line. "Hyung listen to me."
His hand brushed the younger's nipple teasingly. "You need to sleep Hyung!" He brought his hand
under Jimin's shirt, tracing his defined abs. "Stop it Hyung!"

Jimin shoved Yoongi away, leaving as he looked at the lust-filled eyes of his Hyung . He gulped
nervously and backing up , he said in a soothing way, "Hyung. Sleep okay. You're not thinking
straight. We'll discuss this in the morning."

With that Jimin turned to leave but was stopped mid - turn. He looked at the hand that painfully
gripped his arm. Jimin was just about to say something, when he was ruthlessly thrown on the bed.
Yoongi pinned him to the mattress, pressing his lower body in. Jimin gulped, no longer hiding the
fear and stammered, "H-Hyung! Wake up Hyung! Wake up! D-don't. Don't. I k-know. Know you w-
won't." He looked into the eyes of his hyung.

Once angelic, Yoongi 's eyes now looked demonic. "Y-you. You. You won't... Right Hyung?" Jimin
pleaded. He almost smiled at the thought that he would escape this but no.

Yoongi rubbed his lower region against his and leaned down bringing his lips to the younger's
ears, and whispered in a drunken slur. "You wanted this right, Jim i nnie?"

Jimin's blood ran cold. He wasn't even give a chance to react as the elder started undressing him
against his will.

Jimin yelled and yelled for help but none came. Namjoon was sleeping in Yoongi's room which was
sound proof, because he needed silence when producing songs. Maybe if the walls had allowed
even a small amount of voice to pass , the elder wouldn't have committed the biggest mistake of his
life and Jimin wouldn't have been hurt the way he was.

*****

"Hyung. H-hyung. P-plea-plea-please hyung!" Jimin begged the elder who was almost half passed
out. He had Jimin tied down in bed his face facing the mattress, his hands tied behind his back
with the boys T-shirt and his pants almost off.

Yoongi pressed his naked body over the younger boy's, as his fingers found their way to the place
they'd enter.

*****

"Argh! Argh! Hyu- Argh!" Jimin tried to speak, to form coherent words, through his Hyung's
painful thrusts. But seeing as moans of agony were the only things that escaped his lips that had
been bruised enough by the elder , Jimin just bit his lip to endure the pain.

Yoongi was thrusting into him dry and rough and brutally, while simultaneously scratching his
back with angered strokes.

Tears wet the mattress where Jimin's face lay pressed against. He bit his lips praying for the pain
to stop but it didn't. For a long time it didn't. He could feel the blood between his legs. He could
feel his body twitch. He could feel his entire existence crumple. And he could feel pain. A lot of it.

Yoongi soon fell asleep, still inside him. He pushed the body of his Hyung away and stepped away
from the boy. Falling in the ground , he crawled into the far corner of the room, not daring to step
out of the room and let the world find out what happened.

Jimin cried the entire night. The blood drying between his legs. The tears never drying. His cell
phone blinking with Taehyung's name.
 it stings like a wound freshly blotched.

Okay, so I know I said there'd be no Author's Notes until the story is over... But, those who know
me and have read my will know I am fickle when it comes to such things.

Anyway. What I wanted to say in this Note was... Please pay attention to the Indention in the
upcoming chapters. Meaning Please pay attention to where the text flows from and to.

For example, if the Text is LEFT INDENTED, (like this one is) then it means it's the story AFTER
the Incident.

If it is RIGHT INDENTED, (like this one is) then it means it's the story BEFORE the Incident.

Okay? Cool!
Sorry for the confusion but yeah...

Jimin looks over at the elder, pale boy and bites his lips to keep his feelings in check. Presently,
Yoongi is talking to one of the female trainees. And it shouldn't be a big deal but clearly Yoongi is
flirting and that just boils Jimin's blood.

It's not that he and Yoongi are dating. Far from that actually. Yoongi is like the moon to Jimin,
who Jimin is allowed to admire only from the rooftop of his mind and nowhere closer. Because
Yoongi is not gay, and Jimin is. And this little one-sided crush that he harbors for the elder stings
so bad.

Because Yoongi merely speaking to a girl feels like being punched in the gut to Jimin. And maybe
he doesn't only like Yoongi. Maybe what he feels for Yoongi is a little more than like. What with
every time Yoongi smiles at him, Jimin's resident stomach butterflies start fluttering with the
ecstasy of a two year old. Or how Yoongi calling him by his special nickname, Jiminie, has him
rolling around the dorm room squealing like a little mouse.

It is a widely known fact that Jimin likes Yoongi. One that is known by all, but Yoongi.

So, obviously, Jimin hides it. Behind stubborn pranks and lazy eye rolls and too much skinship that
he showers the maknae with.

When Yoongi pulls away from the girl who looks close to tears, Yoongi must've gone all Min
Producer on her, Jimin races to the elder's side asking him to lighten up as he pulls him away. And
Jimin couldn't be more proud of himself than he is when he makes Yoongi smile.

And it hurts to see this. Because the others know. Because Jimin tries so hard to hide the pain he
feels when Yoongi ruffles his hair, but it's all platonic for him whereas Jimin's heart is doing the
rumba. Because Yoongi calls Jimin Jiminie with affection, and he is the only who gets that
privilege. Because Yoongi is so painfully oblivious to Jimin's feelings towards him that he
tramples all over the boy's heart in a single smile he sends towards a girl.

Because Jimin cries at night asking himself why he had to fall in love with, Yoongi who isn't gay.

"Jiminie!" Yoongi yelled across the quiet dorm room. When Jimin raced out the kitchen with flour
stuck to his cheeks the elder chuckled as he walked closer to Jimin. The Busan boy's breath hitches
but he gulps it down as Yoongi brings a hand up to his cheeks and brushes off the flour at a snail's
pace. "I need your hoodie" he says in an almost whisper and it takes Jimin a second to realize it
 wasn't the 'I love you' he was fantasizing about.

Jimin runs into his room, keeping as quiet as he can, and brings back the hoodie he knows
Yoongi's talking about. Taking the hoodie, Yoongi ruffles Jimin's hair fondly before exiting the
apartment.

And it's all very platonic. Because Yoongi likes Jimin's hoodie and has been searching it online for
weeks and only ordered it four days ago. And until it comes, Yoongi plans on wearing Jimin's
instead, because it is warm and fluffy and feels like home. It is solely for the purpose of wearing
something and there is no hidden pleasure that Yoongi receives because it's Jimin's hoodie, and
Jimin knows this!

But, it still hurts. Because when Yoongi returns the stupid piece of clothing, it won't be just a
stupid piece of clothing. It'll be smothered in Yoongi's scent and Jimin will never want to wash it.

Because, to him, it smells like Yoongi. To him, it smells like home.

*****

"You really like him, don't you?" Taehyung asked him, as Jimin stood opening the moving boxes.
Jimin looked back at his best friend and shot him a wry smile before turning back to his task of
unpacking. After Namjoon had moved out, Hoseok had followed. Then slowly Taehyung and
Jungkook moved in together in Jungkook's parents apartment and before he knew it, Jimin was left
alone in the dorm with Yoongi after Seokjin moved out too.

It was one thing staying in an empty apartment with one of his band mates but, it was Yoongi who
was left with him and Jimin couldn't take that. So, a week after Seokjin moved out, Jimin too found
himself a decent apartment near the company building. Taehyung had dropped by to help but Jimin
knew it was more than just that.

"Does that really matter now, Tae?" Jimin asks with a dry chuckle.

Taehyung rolled his eyes as he set up the showcase with Jimin's certificates carefully framed. "It
does when he asks you to let him stay over every night until he finds his own place." Jimin stiffens
at that because he hadn't told the others of the arrangement.

Yes, Yoongi had come to Jimin before the later left and asked a simple favor that felt like carrying
the world's weight on his shoulders. And it's not like Jimin's argument of, 'No hyung you can't
because I like you and it's wrong but if we're alone together I might never stop liking you' was a
good enough answer. So, generally, Jimin said yes.

Jimin turned to the boy and smiled simply as he stated, "it doesn't."

"It does dammit!" Taehyung ruffles his hair irritably as he heaves and bites out, "is he is so fucking
oblivious that he can't see how much you're hurting!? Or is he just playing the fool and enjoying
your pain!?"

The slightly elder boy shrugs as he moves his attention back to his stereo that he was setting up "he
doesn't know and we'll keep it like that." The Busan boy turns to look at the Daegu boy and quirks
his eyebrow and reconfirms, "right?"

"...right."

*****
 Jimin fell hard on the floor as the music died down. His sweat flowing down his face as if he'd just
come out of the shower. He lay down on his back looking at the ceiling, his breathing come in
short gasps. His chest rising up and down as he took in labored breaths. Alone in the dimly lit
studio Jimin was once again practicing their new dance. Everyone knew he didn't need too but they
also knew that he was a perfectionist so they didn't give it much heed. Taehyung was the only one
who knew the real reason why Jimin was practicing to the point of death.

It had happened the day they'd finished recording for Fallen Leaves. After three hours of nonstop
dance practice, they were required to record their new song; and since time was a luxury they
couldn't afford everyone was on pins and needles. They'd taken four hours already. And even
though Jimin had given his all, a certain hyung remained dissatisfied.

"Get your head on straight Jimin. Everyone is tired and everyone has done well. You're the only
one who is fooling around here!" Yoongi yelled.

Jimin ducked his head ashamed and muttered a feeble apology that was ignored by the yelling
elder. Jungkook stared deadpanned at the elder glaring at him. Now that he knew how Jimin
felt(Jungkook only recently found out about Jimin's feelings for the oldest rapper of the group. He
was just as ignorant as Yoongi it would seem) it only fueled his anger towards the ignorant elder.

Taehyung, on the other hand, livid with anger, stepped in front of Jimin blocking the boy and
snapped back, "He did good enough. Even Namjoonie hyung said so. Why do you have to single
him out every time?"

The older Daegu boy didn't respond. He was too shocked at the younger's tone. Taehyung never
spoke this way to his hyungs. He never even took this tone with Jungkook or Jimin. But he didn't let
his expression change. He grabbed hold of Taehyung's collar threateningly and spoke slowly into
his face, "Next time think before you speak. Piece of shit." He then pushed Taehyung forcefully
before yelling a cruel warning to everyone present, as he pointed his finger at Jimin "I want
everyone except for him out of this studio. Now!"

And soon everyone was gone. Jungkook actually had to pull Taehyung out, who wouldn't let his
glare divert from the elder's head. The other hyungs just stared morosely at Jimin before exiting
too. They too felt bad for him but they also knew they could do nothing about this. They had to
finish recording by tonight by any means.

A knock on the studios door roused Jimin from his thoughts. He saw Taehyung make his way
towards him and he sat up smiling his eye smile. Taehyung smiled in return and asked as he sat
down, "what was he saying when we left?"

Jimin rolled his eyes reaching for the chips packet in Taehyung's hands and said, "nothing much.
He yelled for a while. After which we recorded for two more hours until he was finally happy with
the track." He sat munching the chips and Taehyung looking at him. In an afterthought he sadly
admitted with a smile, "he didn't even say that I did a good job."

Taehyung didn't reply but Jimin could see him clench his jaw and fist his hands angrily at that.
Jimin smiled internally at the thought of a friend like the boy next to him. "Let's go out for Soju."
The younger of the two suddenly stated but Jimin refused.

"You need to get back home Taehyung-ah. Jungkook must've been waiting up on you for a while
now" said Jimin staring at the small clock in the room that read 12:53.

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders and stated, "he can wait."

 Jimin eyed the boy suspiciously before asking "did you two fight again?"

The taller boy smirked rather childishly and stated "No. I just wanna spend some quality time with
my best friend is all."

Jimin stared back at his friend for a while before finally speaking, "you're a good friend Tae. The
best I'll ever have."

Taehyung smiled back and stood up reaching down to pull Jimin up with him as he stated with
pride and gestured towards the elder boy, "well, I do learn from the best."

And with that they entered the elevator. Unaware that a certain hyung had seen the scene. His
stomach churning uncharacteristically at the way Jimin affectionately ruffled Taehyung's hair. The
bottle of warm milk in hand, crushed a little.

Jimin wasn't picking up his phone. And had it been anyone else, Seokjin wouldn't have been in his
emergency mode, but this was Jimin who never failed to pick up calls and was always at
everyone's disposal, every time. The fact that Yoongi was absent from the guest room wasn't
helping either. The broad shouldered man quickly put on his pullover from last night, wincing at
the pain that shot through his cranium at the sudden movement and replayed the memories of last
night.

Flashback
"Bottoms up!" Hoseok shouted and literally shoved the soju bottle into Jimin's mouth, who sneakily
drank a mouthful before shoving it into Jungkook's too eager, open arms.

It was the 4th anniversary of their debut and BangPDnim had advised them to "go all out tonight
boys! Have fun! And freak out!" Which clearly translated to, 'Go out and drink like crazy and raid
the karaoke place and be all out nuisances! But cover your faces please.'

You'd have thought the boys would take 'freak out' as a hint and hit up a strip club or a Korean
hostess bar, but no. Currently, the boys were draped over each other in a dingy Karaoke room,
namely the one they used to frequent together during the trainee days, and they were shit drunk. All
except Jimin and Taehyung who were on a diet, and didn't want to break their great streak despite
having permission to.

And honestly, no one remembers anything after that. It was obvious that Seokjin and Hoseok, who
had been a little less under the influence, had taken taxis to their apartments and Taehyung had
helped Jungkook back to their own. Jimin had offered to take Namjoon in.

Seokjin did remember Jimin asking him to accommodate Yoongi though. But, nothing after letting
the other boy in.

*****

"I don't think this is a good idea" Jimin mutters watching Namjoon pull out the small pouch of pills
from his jacket pocket.

The leader rolls his eyes and shoves him lightly in the shoulders, grinning like crazy, the alcohol
making his vision blurry. "Come on, ChimChim." He slurs, giggling to himself. "You don't wanna
drink, that's cool. But let us have some fun~~~"

Taehyung then rolls his eyes and wraps his arm around Jimin's shoulder, muttering in his eyes,
watching the elder pop two pills into the glass in front of him. "Let them be, Jiminie." He scoffs
goodnaturedly slips his sparkling water as he continues, "besides, it won't kill him. And Yoongi
hyung needs to have some before he dies. He's always so anal about doing drugs."

"And he should be!" Jimin exclaims almost offended. He turns to watch Namjoon add three more
pills in the soju glass and then eyes the sleeping forms of Seokjin and Hoseok. "If only Seokjin
hyung was awake, he would stop his dumb boyfriend from doing dumb things", Jimin mutters to
him."They are illegal for a reason. And Namjoon hyung is crazy sometimes! Who gives ecstasy to a
first timer!?"

Jungkook then roars from behind and slips between the two friends, completely sober. The boy's
alcohol tolerance is obviously the highest of all. "Please~" He drones out, grabbing another soju
glass and downing. "You're talking as if ecstasy is not a drug but poison. Don't be a dork, Jimin
hyung. He'll be fine."

Jimin is about to refute the boy for calling him a dork but cuts off when Yoongi enters the karaoke
room again. "I hate the bathrooms here." The man mutters before falling into his seat opposite
him.

Namjon snickers as he pushes the soju glass towards the elder, "last glass of soju, hyung."

All four of them, Namjoon, Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin, watch Yoongi reach for the glass.
Before he can even stop the man Yoongi has already gulped down the ecstasy drugged alcohol.

And honestly, no one remembers anything after that. It was obvious that Seokjin and Hoseok, who
had been a little less under the influence after waking up, had taken taxis to their apartments and
Taehyung had helped Jungkook back to their own. Jimin had offered to take Namjoon in.

Seokjin did remember Jimin asking him to accommodate Yoongi though - the man was way too
high for him to be able to control him. But, nothing after letting the other boy in.
Flashback Over

Seokjin had called everyone and Yoongi wasn't apparently nowhere in sight, which only meant that
the Daegu boy was at Jimin's or in some gutter hole near his apartment. So Jin grabbed his car
keys and jacket and walked out the apartment. He would just have to drive to Jimin's apartment. He
knew Jimin wasn't hung over because Jimin had clearly told him he was going to practice when he
left the drunk Hyung in Jin's care. And he was the first person to pick up a phone at any given
time. So it was odd that Jimin's phone wasn't getting connected.

Having driven to the boy's studio apartment at the speed of light, thanks to traffic on dry days of
course, the elder raced up the flight of stairs, the elevator had a huge line of workers, and soon was
standing in front of the main door. He contemplated ringing the bell but realizing that Namjoon
must be asleep, instead decided to just use the spare key he had.

When Jin opened the door, a normal apartment greeted him. He didn't know what he was expecting
but a clean and fresh apartment was the last thing he'd expected to find. Nonetheless, he walked in
closing the door behind him. He peaked into the kitchen to find some takeout food boxes on the
counter. Rolling his eyes at the scene, Jin made a mental note to treat Jimin to some home cooked
meals from time to time.

Jin made his way to the living area, finding it spotlessly clean so he walked towards the two
bedrooms. He first looked into the one in the right. Namjoon lay deep in slumber with his dimples
looking a lot more deep. Jin smiled as he entered the room. He made his way to his boyfriend and
sat down on the ground beside his face.
Letting his finger trace the younger boy's eyebrows, Jin leaned in to peck the boys lips. Smiling to
himself Jin almost climbed into bed with the boy. Yoongi's grown up now. He'll find his way
somehow. Besides it's not my fault he ran away. And Monnie looks so cute. I can lie down for a
while right? Jin told himself. His conscience got the better of him though.

Sneaking one more kiss from the unsuspecting boy, Jin sighed as he exited the bedroom. He
entered the shared bathroom but seeing nothing in particular, made his way to the last room in the
house. Jimin's room.

He twisted the door knob and entered the room without fear of waking the boy up. Jimin was
known to wake up early after all. He walked into the room and what he saw made a shiver run
down his spine as he took in the scene. Trying to make sense of it all.

Hit me up on Tumblr at CMiMiU or on Twitter at @CmiMiu

 Because your rainy eyes, that gaze at me with guilt,

Flashback
Jimin is staring at the elder with an unnerving gaze when Yoongi enters the dorm and shoots him a
smile. He crosses the room and leaving the empty couch, take a seat beside the Busan boy on the
ground pillow, as he slumps his body over the younger boy's.

"I hate comeback season, Jiminie.", the Daegu boy drawls as he yawns and snuggles further into
the younger boy's side.

Jimin hides a smile and asks in the gentlest of whispers he can articulate, "hard time at the
studio?" The TV in front of them is muted, projecting a warm glow in the otherwise low lit
apartment. The others, already tucked in bed.

Yoongi muffles something along the lines of an affirmative and continues to cuddle with Jimin.
Forgetting for a while the fact that he hates skinship. "Thanks for staying up for me." He murmurs
sleepily. "I'd tell you to stop, but you're like the warmest person on earth so please keep waiting up
for me, okay?"

With that Yoongi drifts off into sleep, just like he does every night after long hours at the studio,
producing tracks. And Jimin, just like he does every night, stays wide awake. The feeling of free
falling into an abyss taking over his being.

Because he knows Yoongi is being simply platonic when he says those things, but Jimin's heart
doesn't let the knowledge damped the speed at which it beats.

*****

Yoongi looks between the two Busan boys fooling around and something feels heavy inside of him.
He doesn't know what elicits this behavior, though.

Is it the way Jungkook teases Jimin about his height, making the elder of the two react with fake
anger? Is it the way Jungkook grabs Jimin into what is meant to be a headlock, but turns into a
friendly side hug? Maybe it is the way Jimin giggles when Jungkook calls him cool. Or it could be
the way Jimin never leaves the maknae's side.

Whatever it is, it sure doesn't sit well with Yoongi. He doesn't like it when Jimin calls Jungkook
Kookie. And he hates it, when these days he comes back home in the middle of the night to find the
two Busan boys snuggled in, what is supposed to be, Yoongi and Jimin's corner watching some
random action movie. Yoongi detests when the two are always sharing food. And he especially
abhors how Jimin still chooses to give Jungkook the time of the day, even after being shoved over
and over again.

But, the thing Yoongi hates the most is the fact that he doesn't know exactly why he feels this. Why
does he feel this emotion he's never felt before? Why is he jealous?

*****

Jimin has just come home from his dance practice at the studio. He is late again. Yoongi would've
asked him where he'd been but he doesn't want to. He knows that Jimin will answer that he was
with Taehyung and Yoongi will end up just getting pissed and scold him. Though, the reason to
warrant such a reaction is still unknown.
 Instead the elder of the two roommates quickly sets the table up and calls Jimin out to eat.
Jungkook has his arm slung over Jimin when he enters the kitchen and he doesn't know why, but
Yoongi feels his hands turn into fists. He didn't know Jungkook had tagged along. What's wrong
with you these days? he asks himself, as he bites his lips angrily when Jimin tenderly touches
Jungkook's eye to check if it is any better.

Yoongi coughs to get their attention and when he does successfully he turns to Jungkook and asks
him as he points towards his bruised face "mind telling me who you wrestled with to get that
Maknae?"

Jungkook's smile turns upside down and his brows furrow as he speaks. "Just V hyung. We had a
disagreement and ended up throwing fists at each other." Jungkook says with disappointment
lacing his words.

Yoongi is just about to ask him what this is all about but Jimin speak before he can utter a single
word, "stop this Kookie-ya. He said he was sorry; he even knelt in front of you. That's enough. He
said he was drunk right? Taehyungie wouldn't have done it if he wasn't drunk."

"Stop taking his side on this matter hyung!" Jungkook yells back at Jimin. And the eldest boy in
the kitchen swears he can see a nerve twitch under Jimin's neck as he tries to pass over the anger.
Jungkook doesn't take the hint though, and continues, "why do you always have to justify his
actions!? Why do you always fucking do that?"

This earns the maknae a punch in the face by the muscled boy, as Jimin says, irritated with
Jungkook now, "because he's family and you don't judge family."

With that Jimin gets up and leaves but not before turning to the Daegu boy with a pout and saying,
"hyung I'll be back before midnight I promise." Whoever said he couldn't do aegyo hadn't seen
Jimin when he wanted his way.

Yoongi smiles involuntarily and nods a yes. He knows that he could get in trouble for letting the
younger go out so late at night. But it's Jimin. Yoongi don't know why he always ends up agreeing
to his requests.

As Jimin leaves and Jungkook goes back to his apartment with and excuse of "I'm not hungry"
Yoongi realizes that he is actually smiling.

Why am I smiling? the pale boy asks himself. Why do I feel so happy seeing them fight like that?
It's not right to feel this way. Wake up! Wake up you jerk! he mentally slaps himself. "I shouldn't be
so happy about them fighting." the Daegu boy tells himself. What's gotten into me?

That night, Yoongi goes to bed with a smile.

Seokjin's hands trembled by his side as he stared at the boy shivering in the corner, hiding his face.
He also saw the older boy crouched next to him, looking helpless and scared. Both had tear tracks
marking their cheeks. Seokjin quietly closed the door behind him but neither of the two made any
gestures to show they were aware of his presence.

The eldest in the room moved closer to the boys to find Jimin crouched in a fetal position, crying.
Shaking and shivering and sobbing. His entire body, wounded. Like he was beaten. And with
Yoongi muttering incoherent 'Sorrys' and 'Forgive Mes', it didn't take a genius to understand that
the pale boy had somehow hurt Jimin in his drunken stupor.
What made Seokjin do a double take were a couple of odd things though. Firstly, Jimin's back
looked like it had been scratched repeatedly, but Seokjin couldn't conjure up a scenario where a
fight between the two could end up in scratches. His wrists were red as if they'd been bound; that
didn't make sense either. Next thing Seokjin noticed, was the blood on Jimin's boxers and between
his legs. What the... And the last thing he noticed, was the mattress.

The pillows were ruined. Bed sheets and covers on the floor. The mattress itself ruined. Basically it
looked like someone had drove a truck over the thing. What caught it his eyes, though, was the mix
of semen and blood, that smeared the entire lower area of the mattress.

The eldest boy's blood ran cold as realization hit him like a car crash. He looked back at the boys to
find the elder of the two staring at him with hurt flashing in his eyes. Yoongi's eyes had turned red
with his tears as he looked vulnerable. That was the first time Seokjin had seen him cry. And it was
probably the first time that he saw the emotion cross his face. Fear.

Seokjin fell to his knees as the elder boy looked at him with pleading eyes. As if begging him to
turn back time. He then looked at Jimin and let his tears fall. Jimin's shivering body making
everything so much more clearer in his mind.

After what felt like ages, his voice found him and he moved towards the younger boy. He was
ignoring the elder. Jimin was the one who needed him right now. Yoongi could wait.

He placed a hand on Jimin's shoulder and felt him freeze under the touch. With shaking pupils and
blinking eyes, Jimin turned to him. The moment he registered that it was Seokjin hyung and not
Yoongi, Jimin let out a cry of agony as he shoved his head into the elder's open arms.

Seokjin took the younger boy fiercely into his embrace. His own sobs turning to inaudible
whimpers as he pressed the boy's face into his chest, swaying in a comforting manner. Like a
mother trying to calm down her crying son. The elder tried to form comforting words to calm the
boy down, but Jimin seemed to have finally opened the dam to his hurt. He cried and cried and
cried. And Seokjin held him through it all.

He would spare a glance or two at the other boy in the room, but would quickly look away. The
pain in Yoongi's eyes made him weak and he didn't want that. Because right now, Jimin was the
one who needed him. And it was clear what happened in the room last night. Seokjin put two and
two together and the answer was staring at him right in the face in the form of a scarred and
traumatized Jimin and a broken yet guilty Yoongi.

All the while only one thought ruled his brain. How am I going to handle this? What am I
supposed to do? However, it seemed he needn't worry of that. Because when Jimin pulled away
from the embrace after several minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, he looked into the elder's eyes
and said, begged, "don't tell anyone hyung. Please. Don't let anyone know."

And Seokjin nodded a yes, as Yoongi beside him went numb. He was staring at Jimin with an open
mouth.

So what now? Is it that simple!? Doesn't he understand how things could change!? Is that all that
concerns him!? Were they supposed to just pretend that nothing ever happened!? Yoongi yelled in
his mind. Seokjin voiced his thoughts as he asked, "Jimin. We can't act like nothing happened. Are
you telling me to pretend that I don't know? And how are you going to go be with each other now?
People will realize. Look Jimin, I know it's hard and-"

Jimin cut him short as he gently explained, his voiced was hoarse from screaming from the night
before. His words, quivering with effort, "no one needs to know hyung. We're at a very important
point in our career. We can't let... something so..." He looked away to stare at his fingers and
continued, "small come in the way." The younger boy looked up at the eldest hyung and tried to
smile as he said, "it'll take some time. I'm not saying it won't. But I'll be fine." Jimin looked away,
keeping eye contact was proving to be impossible to him, and said, "for the time being, please help
us keep a distance. I- I don't th- think I'll be okay so soon."

Seokjin grabbed the boy in one more hug as he muttered an "Okay". He wanted to object but Jimin
needed peace of mind right now. He wasn't thinking straight, Seokjin decided and agreed with the
boy's request for now. When he pulled back he looked into Jimin's eyes and it was like his entire
being was shattered. And Seokjin realized just how brave the boy really was.

"Do you need me to help you get changed?" Seokjin asked in a quiet voice, caressing the boy's
cheeks in gentle care.

Jimin looked away as more tears started to flow down his cheeks. He bit his lips as he muttered, "I-
I want..." The boy looked up with fear marring his expressions and whispered as if speaking any
louder would be a crime, "can I be alone? For some time?"

And Seokjin wanted to say no. He wanted to refuse and never let Jimin be alone. He wanted to
lock boy in his embrace so as to hide him from all things bad. But, he knew what this meant to
Jimin. Seokjin knew that him staying there wouldn't do the boy much good. As much as it hurt to
admit it, this was something Jimin had to go through alone. For now at least.

So Seokjin got up and pulled the other boy away. Yoongi had been staring at Jimin the entire time.
The younger squirming under his gaze. Even as Seokjin pushed the boy out of the room, Yoongi
stared at Jimin. Even when Seokjin closed the door on him, Yoongi stared at the door. He couldn't
believe the amount of sacrifice Jimin was capable of. And he hated him himself.

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 remind me of the darkness; the deed

Jimin had sneaked out the house and into the studio as soon as Seokjin had left him. It had been
three days since the... incident, and Seokjin had spent them in Jimin's apartment taking care of the
boy. Jimin couldn't help but feel a little proud to have a hyung like him. Seokjin wouldn't let Jimin
out of his sight though, claiming that his wounds hadn't healed yet and that he should rest some
more. But Jimin wasn't the type to "rest". His dictionary didn't have a word like that.

They were going to make comeback in a month and Jimin wanted to make sure he was well
prepared. He was a perfectionist when it came to perfuming. He put the CD with their latest songs
in and clicked on the title song. Soon as the music flooded the studio a smile made its way to his
lips. The first one in days.

And he danced. It hurt and he felt like he was being torn inside. The wounds on his body pained as
if they'd never been healed. But, Jimin was tougher than he let out. He bit his teeth and kept
dancing. Letting his body sway to the music.

This time their comeback focused more on the choreography than the performance, so Jimin found
himself jumping, sliding, and making sudden movements a lot. At one point in the choreography
he had to do a midair somersault and land on the ground with a split. That was the most
excruciating of all. His wounds down there hadn't healed yet, so every time he did the split he
could feel the muscles down there cry out in agony.

But Jimin being Jimin, simply grit his teeth and kept on dancing. Not noticing the blood that had
started to flow down the inside of his legs. Only when he slipped on his own sweat on the ground,
landing his head harshly on the tiles, did Jimin see it. His blood splattered on the floor in drops.
And that was when he felt the pain.

He quickly got up, as quickly as his body could allow, and first cleaned the blood with the shirt he
was wearing. Horrified at the thought that someone might notice, Jimin swiftly stashed his
bloodied T-shirt into the duffle bag he’d carried to the studio. He then took his clothes bag and
walked into the bathroom to change.

The warm water did nothing to soothe the pain he felt between his legs, but Jimin wouldn't cry. He
grit his teeth, washed himself, and donned his clean clothes back on. The boy then decided it was
time he went back home now. Though he wasn't quite satisfied with his practice that day, it would
have to suffice. Jimin cringed at the thought of Seokjin finding out. He could only imagine how the
elder would scold him for opening the wounds again.

Jimin quickly hide the bloodied clothes deeper into his bag and opened the door. Not expecting a
certain elder to be there when he walked back into the studio.

*****

"Who is she?" Namjoon question Hoseok shoving his shoulder lightly with his own.

Hoseok rolled his eyes, the silly grin still hanging on his lips and with sparkling eyes, exclaimed in
a failed attempt to sound annoyed "I don't know okay. We never even met!"
Namjoon snickered as he put an arm around the slightly elder boy and brinnging his head under his
armpit, ruffled his hair and said, "I've known you for six years Hoseok. I know when there's
something up." He let go of the other and grinned as he said, "you wouldn't be so giddy if you
hadn't met her yet. You didn't even let me sleep the entire night because you'd start going
'kekekeke' every two seconds.”

Hoseok rubbed his neck, guilty, and said in a small voice, "I swear I haven't met her." He turned
his body to Namjoon’s and said, once again giddy, "but we exchanged numbers and we're meeting
next Sunday. Argh! I can't wait."

Namjoon rolled his eyes at the ball of sunshine and said, "I can't believe you are actually in love
with a girl you met online."

Hoseok reddened at that and snapped back haughtily, "I'm not in love okay!" He looked away
embarrassed at his own little outburst and continued in a quiet voice, "I just like her and want to get
to know her."

Namjoon raised an eyebrow at that and asked him curiously, "can I know why you like her

Hoseok grinned like a happy puppy and answered, "cuz she's beautiful"

Namjoon stared at him with crazy eyes and laughed and said, "but you haven't even seen her! Heck
you don't even know her name!" And he continued to laugh while Hoseok, for once, sat quiet.

When Namjoon had calmed down a little Hoseok continued to speak, "so what if I haven't seen
her? I'm sure she's beautiful. I can tell by her user ID."

Namjoon sent him a deadpanned look that could easily be translated to 'You-Have- GOT-To-Be-
Kidding-Me'. "Her user ID is icednaengmyeon, Hosoek-ah. How? That's all I can say. How?"

Hoseok smiled to himself as he dreamily said back, "doesn't she sound cute?"

And Namjoon couldn't help but agree so he didn't give the elder boy a reply. And looked away.

Just as he turned his head to the bathroom, Jimin stepped out of it. Hoseok heard the sound of the
bathroom door opening and turned his attention towards it too.

The two elder boys smiled at Jimin and Hoseok called out his name, "Jimin-ah!"

***** ⚠

The moment Jimin stepped out of bathroom he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. He took
one look at his hyungs and he felt like all the air in his body was forced out of him.

During the three days that he was looked after by Seokjin, Jimin hadn't left his room even once. Be
it for food or anything else. Seokjin provided it for him. Even on his way to the studio today, Jimin
had successfully avoided everyone in an attempt to avoid Seokjin. Now, as he stood in front of his
two hyungs Jimin began to understand exactly why Seokjin had kept him from going out.

His knees shook as he looked at the two boys, who had started getting concerned now.

"Jimin-ah?" Namjoon said. Jimin flinched at the words as he started to hyperventilate.

Both Hoseok and Namjoon sprang to their feet when they saw how Jimin ducked his head, trying
to not look at them. He held his ears in his hand and pressed his eyes a little too tight, as if he was
watching something horrifying. Or rather re-living it.

Hoseok and Namjoon raced to his side, both bending down a little to look at Jimin's face that he
had hidden in his chest as he crouched into a fetal position.

What is wrong with me? What's wrong with you Jimin!? Breathe! Breathe you fool! Jimin yelled at
himself. He just couldn't understand what was happening to him and why.

Hoseok and Namjoon grew increasingly concerned as time passed. Jimin never behaved like this.
They just couldn't figure out why he was acting like this. Why was he blocking his ears as if
listening to a single breath would kill him? Why was his eyes shut as if a single ray of light would
blind him? Why was he breathing heavy as if he was underwater?

They didn't understand. They didn't know.

That Jimin had his ears blocked because he could hear the angry, lustful grunts of his Yoongi
Hyung while he screamed for mercy. That he had his eyes shut tight because he could see his
Yoongi Hyung tear his clothes off him as Jimin cried for him to stop. And that he was breathing
heavy because he could feel his Yoongi Hyung's body pressed against his own.

They didn't know that he was having a panic attack.

Stop it! Stop it! Stop thinking about it! Jimin scolded himself as the images of that night became
more vivid. It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter! He held himself tighter and yelled to himself to see
reason. You're a man! A man! Men don't get raped! There's No SUCH THING JIMIN! So, stop
this! Nothing happened! It was Nothing!

But, wasn't nothing. Jimin just didn't know it. He just wouldn't admit it.

Hoseok, worried for his dongsaeng, bent down beside the boy and placed his arm around him. If
only he had known the effect it would have on the boy.

Jimin jerked at the touch and moved away. He crawled back like a scared little child looking at
Hoseok with wild eyes. Confused Hoseok made to move towards him again calling out his name,
"what's wrong Jiminie?"

That nickname. Jiminie. The very nickname that he had started to hate resounded in his ears. It felt
like it echoed along the walls.

Get of a hold of yourself, You bastard! Jimin scolded himself once again. Look at them! They are
worried for you! They won't hurt you! So, stop this madness!

But his body seemed to think otherwise.

Soon as his eyes registered Hoseok moving closer, Jimin sprang to his legs and ran out of the
studio. Running as fast as his tired legs could take him, Jimin ignored the cries of his two members
as he raced towards his bike.

He just needed to get out of there.

Unfortunately, he was all too aware of the people around him now.

Hoseok and Namjoon exchanged concerned looks before racing out the door to find the boy. Jimin
had already fainted in the third-floor corridor while running down the stairs.

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 Your words, and face; your hands

When Jimin opened his eyes, the bright light overhead made him close them again. Trying to get
his eyes to adjust to the light turned out to be harder than he would've expected though. After some
squirms and grumbles he finally could see ahead of him. The long face of a too familiar doctor
greeted him. Jimin moved himself into a sitting position before offering his sunshine smile to the
elder woman.

"Hello Noona." Jimin bowed to the elder while seated and kept the smile.

Doctor Jung, though, looked at him with a scrutinizing gaze. One that said, I-Know-Something-
Happened-Just-Admit-It. But Jimin shook his head at the notion. How could she possibly know?
Hobi hyung doesn't know so she wouldn't know either. Right?

Hoseok's sister was the teams official doctor. When the news that Jimin had fainted in the corridor
reached her ears, she quickly abandoned her clinic and waiting patients to race to the company
building, having harbored a little crush on the boy years ago. Now, after her marriage, that crush
had turned into affection. She thought of Jimin much like she cared for Hoseok, so she had come
running.

"Jimin." she said in a tensed tone. Jimin took note of that. The Jung siblings were never serious and
the woman's stern gaze only made Jimin squirm in his seat.

He managed to smile despite the pain that shot through him but the look of discomfort didn't
escape the woman's eyes. "What's up, Noona?" he asked, trying to sound cool.

"You fainted" she stated in a flat tone.

Jimin gulped before ruffling his own her and sending her a silly grin. Pouting a little, he retorted
off-handedly, "comeback in a month. Weight loss. Practice overdose. No breakfast." He shrugged
at his own excuses, as if to show it was no big deal.

Jimin expected the woman to smile and roll her eyes at him before shaking her head and hitting his
shoulder. That was what she always did when he hurt himself during practice; which happened a
lot. But this time it was different. He saw tears pool into her eyes and saw her lower lip tremble. He
saw how her hands shook as she looked away from his eyes and heard her sob.

No. No... Sh... She doesn't know... She... She can't know! Jimin was about to have a mental
breakdown. He could feel his windpipe shrink and he had started to heave. The symptoms of a
panic attack taking affect once again. But, somehow, he managed to deny himself. He managed to
shake his head at the thought that she knew. Don't be ridiculous. She doesn't know. She can't...

What finally broke him though, was the look in her eyes. The look of pure pity. That was the last
straw and Jimin once again felt his surrounding confine themselves on to him. He curled into a ball
and rocking back and forth muttering words of mercy like "Stop it", "Please", "I'm sorry", "I was
wrong".

He was lost in the world of torture. So lost, that he didn't notice how the woman had frantically left
his hand, only to be replaced by a much larger form of a boy. He didn't notice how the boy was
sweating because he had run there. How the boy's knee was bleeding because he had fallen while
climbing the stairs. He didn't notice the boy's presence until the boy touched his arm.

Jimin flinched at the contact but when he looked up the tears finally gave way. He dove into
Seokjin's open arms as the boy was rubbing soothing circles on his back. His heartbeat calming
down instantly.

Seokjin moved on the bed Jimin was on, taking the boy fully in his embrace. He whispered words
like "It's okay", "I'm hear", "She won't tell" and many more. And Jimin only listened. His head
against the elder's chest, Jimin only listened to Seokjin's heartbeat. It was racing.

Seokjin was very worried, and Jimin knew.

*****

Seokjin was sitting in front of the woman who looked angry, to say the least. They had exited the
room Jimin was in after he had gone to sleep in Seokjin's arms. The elder boy kept his eyes to the
ground, finding himself unable to look her in the eyes.

"Why didn't you tell someone Seokjin?" She's using my real name Seokjin thought. Jiwoo,
Hoseok's elder sister, was, like her brother, a ray of sunshine that only believed in using nicknames
and aegyo. The fact that she was referring to him with his real name meant that she was serious.

Seokjin gulped before speaking. He looked her fleetingly as spoke in a quiet voice, "J-Jimin...
Asked me to not to."

Jiwoo huffed annoyed and looked away from the boy. She didn't speak for a long time after that,
trying her hardest to keep her anger at bay. Looking back at the boy in front her, she growled him
an irritated tone, "that's the most stupidest thing I ever heard. I don't care what Jimin said to you.
You are telling Mr. Bang about this. And we are reporting this to the police ASAP."

Seokjin's eyes enlarged at that. He shook his head frantically as he said, "No! Noona you can't do
that!"

Frowning, Jiwoo questioned him back "why not Seokjin!? Have you lost your mind!? After what
happened to him I can understand him wanting to hide it, but you too?" Jiwoo was losing her
patience with the boy. She just couldn't figure out a reason he'd want to keep this a secret.

Panic settling in, Seokjin shifted in his seat and spoke in a nervous tone, "Noo- Noona. Th- Think
about it. Think what telling the world about this co- could do to Bangtan. Think about our careers.
If... if..." He looked away from her and spoke ever so slowly, "if people find out about this... our...
our ca- careers... Noona. Ji- Jimin was right when he said th- that... We need to hide this Noo-
Noona. Our dreams... our dreams are too precious. We... we can't.”

Jiwoo looked at the boy with a mixture of disbelief and annoyance. "I can't believe I'm hearing this
from you Seokjin,” she scoffed accusingly. Raising her voice now she said, "how can you say
that!? How can you still think only about yourself? Jimin sealed his mouth because he doesn't want
this hurting you or the others but all you care about is your own career!"

"This isn't just my dream Noona. Bangtan is Jimin's dream as well." Seokjin responded rather
angry now. This isn't about me. Seokjin thought to himself. This is about the others. Why can't she
see that...? Even if I give up my dream... I can't bear to watch six other dreams shatter. Sacrificing
one to save six other lives... Is the only way...

Jiwoo looked away from the boy to keep her anger at bay. Taking in gulps of air to calm her
nerves, she finally spoke again, "I can't believe how heartless you are."

Seokjin looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I am not heartless. Why can't you understand how
this has hurt Jimin? You really think he can suffer the loss of another important thing in his life. I
don't care if you misunderstand me or hate me. I don't care if my dreams are never fulfilled, but I
won't let this shatter the dreams of my dongsaengs. I am only trying protect the others. I am only
trying to protect Jimin. He needs to forget about what happened and telling the world about it will
only serve to make the scar permanent."

Jiwoo looked at the boy in front of her. He was right, and she knew he was. Seokjin was heaving
by the end of his speech but he had a look of determination in his. He wouldn't listen. Jiwoo knew
he wouldn't. Not when it came to the other members of Bangtan. She heaved a sigh and spoke
quietly this time, trying her best to make him see sense.

"But Seokjin-"

"Noona. Think about Hoseok too!" Seokjin cut her. "Do you really want see all his hard work go to
waste, just like that?" And, at the name of her brother, she stopped. He was right. She didn't want
that.

"Seokjin. Look. I understand. You are right." She started. Nervous. "We won't let anyone know.
We'll make sure no one finds out. Okay?" She spoke slowly and calmly this time. "Jimin won't lose
his dream. No one will. I promise you that." When Seokjin looked at her with interest she
continued, "But, Seokjin we need to report this-"

"I'm leaving" Seokjin muttered when she said that, getting up. Jiwoo raced to get him to sit back
down.

"Wait wait wait!” The woman braced his hands. Looking at her pleading eyes Seokjin sat back
down, albeit regretfully. "Like I said. No one will find out. I promise no one will know." She spoke
in a soothing way, as if to calm Seokjin down. "We can do that. No one will know." She watched
Seokjin settle down in his seat and continued, "don't you want the one who did this to Jimin to get
punished? Don't you want justice for what was done to Jimin?"

She watched Seokjin's expression. She watched the wheels in his mind turning. She watched his
resolve break. He was about to speak. He would say yes. Jiwoo was convinced he would. Seokjin
almost spoke an affirmation when a thought crossed his mind. His blood freezing.

No! Yoo- Yoon- Yoongi...

The look of panic that crossed his features didn't escape Jiwoo, as she looked at him with raised
eyebrows. "We... We ca- can't."

"Why!?" she screamed back. She was starting to get annoyed. What the hell is going through his
mind? she thought.

Seokjin in a state of panic let the words tumble down his lips, "Noo- Noona! No! We ca-can't! It
was all a mistake Noona! Jimin said so himself. I've seen it too. He didn't mean to Noona. He was
high. He would never. I know it Noona. It was just a drugged mistake. Please. We can't! He regrets
it too Noona. And Jimin had forgiven him too. He di-didn't do it.. I-I mean. He didn't me-mean to.
Please Noona. Please!" The boy was breathless by the end of it.

Jiwoo looked at him with a look of disbelief and asked the boy, lost for words "you know who did
this?"

And Seokjin gulped nervously, knowing he had just committed a huge mistake.

*****
"Who is it?" Jiwoo asked with eager eyes. "Who is it?" When Seokjin didn't reply back Jiwoo,
irritated with the boy shook him by the shoulders and asked him again, "Damn it! Seokjin tell me
who did it! Tell me or so God help me I don't know what I will do to you!"

Seokjin stammered back in answer, "I ca-can't te-tell you."

Jiwoo screamed with annoyance evident in her tone. "What is wrong with you!? You know who
did this and you're just sitting around!? You should hurry up and get him arrested for Heaven's
sake!" What is he even thinking!? He's such a fool!

Seokjin spoke much more calmly this time as he tried to get his point across. "Noona. I told you,
right? It... It was a mistake... He didn't mean to do it. We don't need to get him reported." When
Seokjin watched Jiwoo's eyes dilate with anger and he hurried to continued, "He's sorry too,
Noona. He regrets it as well. Jimin also knows this. Jimin doesn't resent him either. He knows it
was all a mistake. Please Noona. I've seen him. He cried Noona. I've never seen him cry but he did
that night. And he's been crying every night ever since." Seokjin broke eye contact with her and
said, "I won't say... that..." He heaved a sigh and continued, "I won't say that he's hurting more than
Jimin. But..." His lips trembled at the words he knowns are true. "He's not hurting more than
Jimin, but... he's hurting just as much."

Jiwoo's eyes showed understanding and soon Seokjin was allowed to leave with a promise to never
tell anyone. She thought back to her words to Seokjin just a couple of minutes ago.

He's from Bangtan isn't he? She had asked the boy. Seokjin looking away at that had been proof
enough for her.

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 when they move away, leave dents in me.
Chapter Summary

Please mind the indentation (where the text flows from and to). Or else things might
get confusing.

Jimin's Apartment

"It's not a bad idea Jimin-ah." Seokjin calmly spoke to the boy who was bundled up under the
comforter.

Jimin sniffled sleepily and replied back in a whisper, "but I don't want to meet a therapist hyung.
I'm fine."

Seokjin decided that sweet talking isn't going to work so his voice turns stern as he fumed, "Park
Jimin. You fainted today because Hoseok and Namjoon spoke to you. What will you do when the
others come along? What will you do when they try to initiate skinship? What will you do when
we all have to practice? When you see Yoongi?"

Jimin stiffened at the name of the elder and Seokjin softened beside him. "I- I'll be fine hyung. I- I
just need sometime. Please?"

And no matter how much Seokjin wanted to refuse and tell him it's for his own good he was
unable to. The look of pure horror at the thought of relaying to someone else what happened to
him, was too clear on the younger one’s face.

And so, Seokjin relented in Jimin's wishes once again. "Okay" he conceded resignedly. Pulling the
covers off of Jimin lightly he tugged him up by the arms. Jimin complies. Seokjin places a hand on
his cheek and smiles as he says, "Noona gave me some medicine to make the wounds down there
better. It's just a cream. Put it on before you go to bed?"

When Jimin nods, Seokjin digs into his bag to produce a cream. He places it Jimin's hands and
with a tap at the younger cheeks, gets up to leave the room. The smiles at the small thank you that
escapes Jimin's lips and exits.

Flashback
BigHit Practice Rooms

"Are you sure you don't mind Jimin-ah?" Hoseok asks the younger worriedly as he stretches. "You
fainted two days ago, I don't wanna force you if you can't."

Jimin smiles his sunshine smile and says to the elder from where he is sitting on the ground. "Don't
worry, hyung. It's only until today that I can't practice. I'll be fine by tomorrow."

Hoseok flashes him a giddy smile and slides down next to the boy, not noticing how Jimin stiffens
at the proximity or how he tries to discreetly move away. The elder boy happily pulls him closer
and places an arm over his shoulder. He doesn't notice how Jimin freezes in that moment. How his
breathing turns hollow or how he ducks his head into his chest to try to bring his breathing back to
normal.

Too busy with telling Jimin about Mijoo, the girl he met online and how she's a Noona and how he
can't wait to meet tomorrow, Hoseok doesn't notice how Jimin is whimpering small, almost
inaudible ‘Sorry’s.

He let's go soon enough though, when the rest of the team enters the practice area. Jimin almost
gets into a panic attack again but Seokjin is by his side before he can even register the huge
amount of people in the room.

"Relax Jimin-ah. I'm here" says the elder. And Jimin nods quickly reverting to the quiet boy he
used to be when he had first joined the band.

That day, during the entire session, Seokjin stays by Jimin's side. He makes sure that Jimin doesn't
see anyone but him and makes sure he doesn't look at this one brunette who looks like dead warned
over him.

In an attempt to keep Jimin from meeting eyes with the said boy, Seokjin ends up making several
mistakes over and over and getting scolded by the dance instructor. But he doesn't let that stop
him. And, after five long hours their first practice together after the incident is complete.

Seokjin is too busy focusing on Jimin, who is silently replaying the moves he saw with a sad look,
to notice the brunette boy looking at the younger one with pained eyes.

Seokjin is too busy making sure Jimin doesn't feel bad about not being able to join in on the
practice, to see how the instructor is yelling relentlessly at the brunette boy for having made way
too many mistakes because he was too busy making sure Jimin was okay.

Seokjin, is too busy making sure he is there to wipe away Jimin's tears, to see Yoongi crying blood.

Yoongi's Apartment

Yoongi eyes the empty apartment wearily as he carries his box of clothes and enters the corridor.
Ever since the incident, he had been living back at the dorms alone. He finally signed the contract
and leased the apartment he was currently standing in, yesterday.

As he places box after box in, he feels the reality finally crashing into him. And a memory makes its
way into his mind.

He had been moving his stuff to the dorm that day. Everyone knew they were going to move to a
new place and everyone had already shifted their things. Yoongi was the only one left.

He didn't mind the absence of a helping hand as he easily carried his suitcases up the stairs. Or at
least that's what he liked to believe.

As he stepped on the third floor he cursed under his breath remembering that there were four more
floors to go. And he still had one more suitcase and three boxes left.

Just as he was about to drag the suitcase up once again, a voice broke the silence of the empty
stairwell.

"Sunbae-nim!"

Yoongi looked down towards the voice to see a short, chubby-faced kid running up the stairs
towards him. He was heaving by the time he got to him.
Yoongi eyed the boy waiting for his breathing to normalize. When it did, Yoongi was greeted with a
billion-dollar smile that shone so bright he literally had to look away.

Just as Yoongi was about to snap at the smiling kid for, well smiling, he spoke, "Hello, Sunbae-
nim! I'm Park Jimin!" And he watched as the boy bowed a little more than ninety degrees to him.

Rubbing the back of his neck Yoongi responded in a rather non-committing tone, "Hi."

They stood like that for a while. Yoongi turned to leave with a "See ya" when Jimin dove in
grabbing the suitcase away from him.

Yoongi almost yelled at the boy. Almost. But Jimin's bright smile doused all his anger away. "I'll
help you, Sunbae-nim." Jimin said and had already started up the stairs. Yoongi smiled at the
retreating body of the boy before climbing down the stairs to get his other things.

That day Jimin, who did most of the work because by the time Yoongi reached his car Jimin had
too and offered to carry the three heavy boxes while Yoongi carried the last suitcase, had earned a
special place in the elder's heart.

Now, as he remembered that day, pain was the only emotion he could feel. The night of the
incident he had stood outside Jimin's door till the next day; hearing the boy cry out in pain every
five minutes.

When Namjoon had come asking what had happened that made Jimin cry like that, Yoongi found
himself unable to answer. Seokjin had come to his rescue then, as he told the younger rapper that
Jimin and Yoongi had gotten into a fight that had upset the boy.

After that more than a week had passed but Yoongi saw none of the BTS members. He had
effectively locked himself in his room as he sat in the dark living and reliving that day he woke to
find Jimin.

He couldn't remember a single thing of what happened the previous night. He didn't even
remember being taken to Seokjin's place. He only remembered the scene of the next morning.

He only remembered finding himself on Jimin's bed, which was messy and bloody and smelled of
sex. He only remembered the whimpers of the younger boy. And he only remembered the look of
pure horror cross Jimin’s feautres as Yoongi approached him.

A tear slipped down his face as he closed his eyes, as if doing so would erase the memories. It
didn't. And Yoongi simply got back to work. His tears never stopping.

Flashback Over

Practice Room

Jimin presses the play button and walks in front of the mirror. He looks at himself in the mirror
and is glad to see that his wounds have healed and he doesn’t look as bad as he had a few days ago.

The music soon starts, and the boy's body flows to the rhythm, moving up and down and in every
possible position, fluidly. After days, he is finally able to properly dance. To properly lose control.

And it feels like heaven.

Maybe that is why he fails to see the two new additions into the room until after the music has
ended.
"Nicely done, Jimin-ah" comes the voice of the dance instructor. Jimin turn around with a smile,
ready to bask in the compliments. His smile, however, never reaches its end, as he takes in the
sight of a certain black haired boy with pale skin standing beside the instructor with his head
bowed, looking like a lost puppy.

The instinct to up and run away is too strong, and Jimin seriously ca feel the adrenaline surge into
his veins, but he stops himself. His own words to Seokjin, echoing in his mind.

I- I'll be fine hyung. I- I just need sometime. Please? Jimin repeats the words to himself as the
instructor moves towards the sound system. That's what you told Seokjin hyung Jimin-ah! So why
can't you do it!? Get a hold of yourself! It doesn't matter! What happened... Doesn't matter! He...
He... He won't hurt you... Again.

All that prep talk in his mind doesn’t help though.

"Jiminie" is all Yoongi says. Whispers. But the voice and that nickname bring everything back
again. He bites his lips to stop the onslaught of tears. And when the instructor comes back to his
side, for once, he is thankful for the sudden arm that is placed over his shoulder.

"Jimin-ah" the man says, looking down at the smaller boy. Jimin smiles questioningly and the man
replies with a nod in Yoongi's direction. "Yoongi here is in a dance slump I believe." He shakes his
head lightly in disappointment. And had it been any other day, Jimin would’ve proceeded to turn at
the older boy and snickered.

Today, however, he just nods his head in understanding.

"I see" is all Jimin says. His tone meek. His words soft. His eyes, downcast. And Yoongi's heart
clenches at the sound of the boy's voice.

The instructor pats his back and continues, "I had originally asked Hoseok to help me but he's out.
It's best this way. Yoongi tends to listen to you better anyway" And with that the practice begins.

During entire time Jimin tries his hardest to not bawl over and just cry and disappear. He simply
tries to ignore the elder boy. Yoongi tries even harder to catch Jimin's eye, it seems.

"Yoongi! Pay attention will you!" booms the angry voice of instructor as he yells at the elder of the
two boys yet again for loosing focus. And the practice continues like that.

*****

The practice goes on for more than an hour. They are on their fourth round of their training of their
third song's choreography, when a knock on the door alerts them to someone's presence.

"Take five" the instructor directs, as he walks to the door.

Both, Jimin and Yoongi, slump onto the floor when the instructor turns his back. Their legs
honestly feel like jelly and Yoongi's pale white skin has turned apple red.

Jimin tries to ignore the burning gaze trained on him as he opens and reties his shoe laces. He
groans internally at the task at hand. It is the one thing he hated bout Jordans. Yoongi, on the other
hand, keeps his eyes trained onto the side of the younger boy's head. His gaze would've dug a hole
into the others skull, has it not been for the instrustor.

"Hey, Jimin-ah!" the man calls out and Jimin looks up from his now tied shoes. He smiles as he
always does and ushers the man to continue. "The new dance team just came" his dance leader
explains.

Jimin's eyes light up at the news and Yoongi can't help but feel that empty drop in his stomach at
the boys facial curve. It's been days since since seen that smile. "Are they good?" Jimin asks
excitedly, leaning over the palms of his hands bending his body a little. He actually looks like a
little baby asking for a milk bottle really.

The instructor shakes his head and replies back, "I don't know. I haven't seen them yet."

"Oh." Jimin effectively deflates.

"I actually have a meeting with them right now. I have to go check out their skills and make sure
they understand the timings and other such details." Jimin nods in understanding.

Of course, he knows that the new dance crew had to be trained. It takes more than just dancing
really. Their compatibility with each other was important too. Facial expression were also a must.
They also had to be flexible enough to follow through the choreographies both mind and body.
Jimin himself had helped in the training of the earlier groups, so he knows.

The instructor smiles thankfully at the boy and declares, "I'll have to leave now then."

Jimin raises an eyebrow, surprised as he asks, "oh! Right now?" When the elder man nods guilt,
Jimin quickly nods his head in a way that says 'No Problem. "Does that mean we're done for the
day?"

The instructor wearing a sheepish smile, and rubbing the back of his neck and admitted, "I really
wish so... But Yoongi is still not any better than before Jimin-ah. I hate to keep you too late, but
could you please help me out?"

Bile rises to Jimin's throat as he takes in the new information. Did the man mean what Jimin thinks
he meant? No way! Th- This... This is too soon!

Yoongi, too, does a double take at the news. Wait. Is he going to leave Jimin alone with... What
will I say? H- How... How should I--

The inner turmoils of the two boys' is soon cut short by another knock on the door. Their old dance
team's lead dancer pops his head into the gap between the door and threshold and gestures for the
instructor to hurry up. Shooting an apologetic smile towards Jimin, the man turns around shouting
"Thanks Jimin-ah!" over his shoulders and is soon gone.

Leaving behind the two boys who feel like they are being locked up in a tiny coffin.

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 But nothing hurts more than your guilty eyes.

Flashback

"Ya. Jimin-ah" Hoseok calls out to the boy affectionately. He fingers the silver ring on Jimin's ring
finger and asks him with a raised eye, "what's with this ring? You never take it off? Even when you
do take it off for performances you run back like crazy to put it on after the performance. What's
with that?"

Before Jimin can respond back Namjoon quips from beside him on the couch with a silly smirk,
"it's probably some token of love from his girlfriend or something."

When Seokjin smack him on the head with a frown, Jimin as he replies back, "no, no, hyung." A
blush dusks his cheeks. "It's a chastity ring, hyung. I'm supposed to wear it at all times."

****

"Hyung! I can't find my ring! Hyung! Help me! I can't find it! Could you look for it? I woke up this
morning and it was gone! Hyung please!" Jimin speed rambles to Seokjin as he literally tears the
place apart for the silver piece of accessory.

Seokjin later that night punished Jungkook with a smack on his head and no food for hiding Jimin's
ring. Yoongi stays up the entire night consoling the boy.

****

Taehyung stares at Jimin with his eyes popping out of his skulls and open mouthed when Jimin
simply shrugs at his question. He splutters as he says, "but. But Jimin. You- You. You never take it
off!"

Seokjin watches Jimin twitch uncomfortably under his gaze before he mutters back an answer that
had Taehyung laughing with mirth and congratulating the boy. "You... only wear it until you're...
still a virgin... Tae-tae."

Seokjin pretends he doesn't see the tears clinging onto Jimin's eyes at the mention of his virginity.
And he wishes so bad that he could tell Taehyung that congratulations are the last things Jimin
needs.

Flashback Over

Seokjin and Namjoon's Apartment

"Hyung." Namjoon calls out dryly as he takes in the sight of his boyfriend worriedly putting on his
shoes. "Hyung!" He yells to get his attention, exhausted by the elder's attitude by now.

Seokjin turn back with a start and, raising an eye at his younger friend, asks in an irritated tone,
"What is it?!"

Namjoon huffs a sigh. Rubbing his face tiredly he looks back at elder tying his other foot's
shoelaces and asks in a sad voice, "That's what I want to know, Hyung." The sadness in the boy's
voice, makes Seokjin turn around to consider his boyfriend's eyes. Tears are glistening the corners
of his eyes and Seokjin take a double take.

He rushes to the boy's side, his left shoe still in hand, and regards him with a cooing voice,
"Joonie? Joonie what's wrong? What happened?" When Namjoon simply sniffles, and pushes the
elder away, Seokjin can barely keep the expression of hurt from his features. He bends down in
front of Namjoon near the bed, and cups his cheeks. Looking up at the boy sitting on the bed, he
makes him study his eyes and with the gentlest of voice asks, "what is it Namjoon-ah? Did
something happen at the meeting with PDnim?"

Namjoon simply shakes his head and leans his face further into the elder’s warm hands. Seokjin
smiles at that and gently caresses the boy's face. A few minutes pass when Namjoon finally opens
his eyes to look down at his concerned hyung. He heaves a sigh of relief and finally speaks, just
like Seokjin knows he will.

"Hyung... Hyung are we okay?" The frown that made its way to Seokjin's forehead must've been a
dead giveaway of how confused Seokjin is because Namjoon quickly goes to clarify his words, "I
mean..." He looks into the worried eyes of the handsome man in front of him and states, "it's just
that... It's just that..." Heaving a sigh he continues with much determination again. "It's just that, I
feel you've been ignoring me... these few days. So, I was worried if..." Namjoon huffs a sigh
again. He looks back at Seokjin again and whispers, "we... we're okay... right, Hyung?"

And in that moment, Seokjin realizes that no amount of pain in the world could equal to the pain
he feels when he sees the way Namjoon looks at him. Like he is doubting himself. Weak and
fragile. Insecure.

Confused wouldn't even begin to describe how he is feeling. Seokjin can’t fathom why his
boyfriend would ever feel this way. So, he replies the only knows "I love you, Namjoon. Why
would you think like that?"

"Because!" Namjoon bursts out. Seokjin recoils at the sudden outburst of the younger and
Namjoon huffs another sigh rubbing his face tiredly. He gets down to his knees besides the elder
boy and taking his hands in his own he looks into Seokjin's eyes and continues in a restrained
whisper, as if speaking any louder would give away his tears. "Because... it's been almost two
weeks since we've even sat down to talk without you turning to your cellphone every few seconds
because Jimin needed to talk. It's been over a week since we've even slept in the same bed, let
alone sleep together. You've been ignoring my calls for days in favor of receiving Jimin's. You've
been spending far more time with him than with me. Heck! You even slept over at his place for the
past three days!" Namjoon looks away from look of pure shock on Seokjin's face and stares at their
entwined hands. Heaving what feels like the hundredth sigh of the day he looks back at the man he
is in love with and mutters, his next words. "I just... I know I'm not as... I mean..."

Seokjin feels his throat go dry as he eggs Namjoon to continue, "what? what do you mean,
Namjoon?"

Namjoon closes his eyes and lets a tear slide down his face as he confides. "I may not be as good as
Jimin... but I l-"

He is cut off by Seokjin's lips that crash onto his own. The younger boy’s eyes fly open as Seokjin
deepens the kiss, pressing the boy into the edge of the bed; his hands running up to the boy's neck
as he dominates the kiss.

Namjoon just sits there. For once, he is at the receiving end of the kiss. In a semi-shock, his eyes
staring straight ahead at the wall in front of him. Only when Seokjin slowly releases his neck and
lips does the younger boy dare to remove his eyes from the lavender wall in front of him.
He stares at the man beside him. Seokjin's lips are slightly swollen, red and he is heaving lightly.
Namjoon can only imagine what he himself looks like.

Seokjin pulls away but only enough to regard the younger boy's eyes. His left hand still languidly
placed over the others neck. He lets himself smile at the look of amazement in his boyfriend's eyes
and whispers, "I love you, Namjoon." He fondly caresses the boy's neck as he continues, "and if
that kiss wasn't enough of a proof, then..." He tips his head lightly, making their lips touch, but
only slightly.

"Then?" croaks the rapper. And Seokjin simply smiles at the way his voice wavers. The usually
rough, confident leader of the Bangtan Sonyeondan, hanging on his next words as if life itself
depends it on it, only emphasizes how much the boy loves him. How much he fears losing him.

Seokjin smirks at the boy. He pecks his lips in the most chaste kiss and whispers against his lips,
"then I guess I'll have to marry you... And make sure you realize it."

All the warnings in the world couldn't have prepared the younger boy for that. Namjoon stares
dumbfounded at the love of his life, who seems to have a very casual smile gracing his features. It
feels like hours before Namjoon finally gets out the words choked in his throat, "did... did... Did
you just propose to me?" Doubt and worry evident in the stammered words.

Seokjin chooses not to answer the question as he simply leans in for another peck on the younger
boy's full lips. When he pulls back, he responds in a teasing tone, "I'm expecting a yes, you know."

The blush that creeps into the rapper's cheeks couldn't even be compared to the reddest of tomatoes
in the world. He hits Seokjin on his arm weakly and murmurs into the elder’s hands, "I was
supposed to be the one to propose."

At this Seokjin chuckles and gets comfortable beside the boy, their shoulders touching; and unlike
any other time, it is Namjoon who placed his head on the elders shoulders. Seokjin chuckles
affectionately and ruffling his hair, murmurs to him teasingly, "says who? I'm the elder one in the
relationship, I get to propose."

Namjoon sniggers in that husky voice of his that Seokjin knows is his favorite sound in the world,
besides his boyfriend's laughter of course. Namjoon shifts a little closer to the elder as he states in a
tired but blissful tone, "please. I top in the bedroom, so I get to propose." A hint of cheekiness
lacing his words.

Seokjin tiredly lets his head to rest on the head of the boy next to him and states in a drawled
whisper, "I've been meaning to change that you know." At the hidden innuendo of the words,
Namjoon ducks his head shyly into the elder's shoulder, reddening even more, if possible that is.

They sit like that for several blissful minutes, until Namjoon chooses to break the silence. He
doesn’t move from his position, staring sleepily in front of him, listening to Seokjin's deep breaths
beside him, "I'm sorry Hyung. For doubting you. For doubting Jiminie too." Seokjin stiffens beside
him, and Namjoon feels it but chooses not to point it out. He continues his apology, "I'm sorry
Hyung. I'll apologies to Jiminie too. I know you don't wanna tell me what happened. Maybe you're
not ready yet. It's okay. I'll wait. "

Silence engulfs them again. This time it was heavier because Namjoon knows that Seokjin is
hiding something. And Seokjin knows that he is wrong in doing so.

Maybe that is why when he next opens his mouth to speak, the only thing that escapes Seokjin's
lips, is truth.
"He was raped, Namjoon." Seokjin utters slowly. Quietly. Not looking up.

He feels Namjoon go completely still beside him. And he closes his eyes.

*****

"... and since then I've been taking care of Jimin because he just won't listen when I tell him that he
needs to a therapist about this!" Seokjin exclaims as he finishes explaining to the boy next to him
everything that had happened. The party. Yoongi getting drunk. Escaping Seokjin's Apartment.
Coming over at Jimin's. And everything after that.

Namjoon hasn’t spoken a word since the announcement. He seems to be unable to do so. Seokjin
sighs and snuggles closer to the now stiff boy. He knows how much of a shock this is for him. He
knows how this has affected him. And he almost regrets telling him. Almost.

They sit like that for several long seconds. During which Seokjin's eyes begin to wet, and Namjoon
realizes just how hard breathing can become.

Jimin. Jimin. Jimin.

The only name that keep bouncing around his mind. Everything makes sense now. Why Jimin was
crying the day after the party. Why Yoongi looked like he was the guilty of the worst kinds of
crime. Why Jimin didn't attend practice for an entire week. Why Yoongi looked like death warned
over him, Jimin being no different. Why Jimin fainted. Why Yoongi moved to the dorms. Why the
two stopped talking. Everything fell in line now. And only one thought reins his mind.

"I should've known. I should’ve been there for him. I should've known."

Seokjin looks up at his boyfriend’s babble and the tears in the boy's eyes further break his heart.
But, before he can even conjure up any words of consolation, Namjoon turn his head swiftly to the
side to look at Seokjin.

"Wha-" Seokjin begins to speak, but stops midway when Namjoon grabs his arms fiercely.

With worry shining in his eyes the younger boy asks Seokjin, "is that where you were going?" His
tone is eager and frantic.

Seokjin nods a yes unsure. "Yeah" he confirms. "Jimin told me that Hoseok couldn't make it to the
practice and had asked him to take his place." He rubs his face tiredly and continued, "I told him
he should've refu-"

He is cut short again with Namjoon's eager pull at his shoulders. The rapper’s eyes are frantic,
worried, and hold a whole lot of fear. He gulps before speaking, "Hyung. Song Leader needed
Hoseok's help in practicing with one of the members who were having trouble with the choreo."

Seokjin raises an eyebrow at the statement and assures, "Yeah I know. Ji-"

Namjoon once again shakes his shoulder and pleadingly looks into his eyes, as if begging him to
understand. "Hyung the only ones having a trouble with the new choreography were you,
Taehyung and Yoongi hyung." When Seokjin responds back with the same quirked eyebrow,
Namjoon impatiently rolled his eyes and continued, "you're here. Tae's out on a date with
Jungkook. Who's the only one left?"

Seokjin's eye enlarge as realization hits him. His throat goes dry and eyes palms turn clammy.
"You... You mean-"
Namjoon only nods shakily as the reality of his own words just hits him. "I just came back from
the company building, Hyung. Song Leader was going at some meeting and he left the two alone
to practice."

That is all Seokjin needs.

The elder bolts to his feet, pulling Namjoon, who looks like a rag doll at this point, up to his feet.
And they run out of the room. Jimin's face being the only one they can see the entire way.

And, for the first time in a very long time, Namjoon finds himself praying. Praying nothing bad
will happen to his Jimin.

Not again.

Jungkook and Taehyung’s apartment

The clear sound of crystal shattering resounds the apartment as Taehyung glares back at the
younger in the room. Taehyung seethes as he stands up from his crouched position on the floor,
wincing when a piece of glasses tears the skin of soles.

“Another word. Just one word from you and I promise the next set of glasses will be shattered on
your head, Taehyung!” Jungkook growls, nose flared and eyes deathly.

Taehyung stands where he was pushed on the ground; glaring at the younger with hatred brimming
at the rims of his patience. He wipes the blood smeared in the corner of his lips with the back of his
hands and looks away with a dry chuckle.

“You think I’ll get scared by that?” Taehyung challenges the boy. Without warning, the elder one
grabs the lotion bottle off the vanity and throws it at Jungkook with his lower lip in his teeth. A
vicious cackle issuing from his lips as the bottle flies.

Jungkook ducks away and time before the object misses his face by a fraction; hitting the mirror
behind him instead. The boy turns around to look at the shattered glass shards and hatred boils in
his veins. He turns around and stalks over the shorter male; his knees jutting up as soon as he’s
close enough and hitting Taehyung right in the ribs.

The boy with the sun-kissed skin stumbles to the ground with a painful groan. Jungkook doesn’t
give him time though, as he grabs his hair painfully in a fist before throwing a fist into his right
cheekbone. Blood splatters from Taehyung’s lips as he lies limp on the ground. As Jungkook
continues the beatings with kicks to his side.

They’ve been fighting for too long and now, Taehyung is just tired.

He’ll let Jungkook batter him and walk away. Just like always does. Because no matter how much
he tries, Jungkook is too strong.

*****

They are in different rooms.

Jungkook is out in the kitchen, trying to put a medicated pass on his back. Wincing slightly as the
cold material comes in contact with his bruised skin. The place where he’d hit himself when
Taehyung had pushed him into the door knob, aching immensely. His hand is wrapped in come
gauze and his lips are split from the punch Taehyung managed to get in while they were using
fists. But, other than some scratches, Jungkook is fine.
Taehyung, on the other hand, is in a relatively worse state. His bottom lip is painfully split and his
eyes are swollen purple from the fists Jungkook had thrown his way. There’s blood trickling down
his forehead from the time Jungkook had pushed him to the ground, and the gash on his arms is
bleeding appallingly. He shivers at the torn T-Shirt hems and curls into himself when he
remembers what happened the last time they’d fought.

Flashback

“You’ll only make me hate you more, Jungkook.” Taehyung whimpers horrified when Jungkook
pushes him into the mattress with a growl. The boy, however, disregards the elder beneath him and
dives his teeth into the cleavage of his neck and shoulder.

Jungkook licks at the exposed skin and Taehyung turns his head the other way in disgust. Biting his
lips when he feels Jungkook’s hard on against his thighs.

A tear rolls down the smaller boy’s eyes as he feels his boyfriend palm him through the material of
his pajamas, and he whimpers fearfully when he sees Jungkook reach into the bedside table for
lube.

Taehyung starts to sob. Irrevocably, pitifully. And Jungkook smirks because it’s only a matter of
seconds before Taehyung apologizes. Except he doesn’t.

Jungkook shoves his hands into the elder’s pajamas, his fingers brushing against his length. And,
the shudder that Jungkook feels run down Taehyung’s body, feels sinful.

He watches Taehyung squirm under him. Tears running down in streams and lips bleeding from
the effort to keep mum. And Jungkook frowns.

Because this isn’t what he wanted. This isn’t what he’d expected. He wanted to only scare
Taehyung a little. Expected his boyfriend to get scared and apologize.

And Jungkook would leave him. He would stop.

Jungkook didn’t expect Taehyung getting frightened into relenting. He didn’t want Taehyung to
quietly lie there and take this. He wasn’t going to force himself on the boy; he was just trying to
scare the boy.

But, Taehyung didn’t know that. For Taehyung, Jungkook had lost all sanity. For Taehyung,
Jungkook had turned into a monster. For Taehyung, Jungkook wanted to ruin him.

But, Jungkook didn’t mean to do that. He wasn’t going to… rape him.

So, Jungkook jerked away form the elder boy when he saw the first tears dripple down his face.
Pulling his hands away like they were burnt. He gazed around the bedroom, taking in the damage
their fight had dealt.

The dressing table was on the ground, one of its legs broken and lying on the side. The curtains
had been pulled down, when Taehyung had been pushed into them. The bathroom was open, its
contents, the shampoo, body wash, everything, lying on the bedroom floor. His eyes trailed on the
scattered clothes and belongings on the floor. Eyes lingering on Taehyung’s torn T-Shirt longer.

He turned back at his boyfriend and found him staring up at him with shock and a guarded
expression. As if he was too stunned that Jungkook wasn’t going to rape him. Too scared that he
just might.
And Jungkook got off the boy and then off the bed. He bent down to collect his T-Shirt off the floor,
and without a word turned around to walk out of the room.

Flashback Over

Taehyung is rocking himself in a fetal position when Jungkook’s voice breaks through his mind.
His blood runs cold, fearing the worse, before he regains his bearings.

The boy is singing. Sweetly. And Taehyung frowns before turning to the device lying under the
bedframe. The boy crawls towards it, wiping his tears when Seokjin’s name flashes across the
LCD screen.

“Hello, hyung?” Taehyung is surprised at how calm he sounds.

“T- Tae…” Taehyung can’t help but let panic settle into his veins at the fright in the elder’s voice.
“T- Tae…”

“Hyung? Hyung, what is it?” The boy can feel his heartbeat increase at the urgency in his own
words, but he doesn’t know why. There’s just something in the desperate way Seokjin calls out his
name that makes Taehyung worry.

A second passes before Seokjin finally responds and the words make the device fall from his hands
with a thud. He jumps to his feet and runs out the room.

*****
Jungkook is pouring some tea into the two cups that sit on the countertop when Taehyung enters
the kitchen with heaving breaths. Before the boy even has time to wince at his boyfriend’s open
wounds, though, Taehyung speaks. And Jungkook slams the kettle, pulling Taehyung by his arms.
Both running out of the apartment with urgency guiding their steps.

“Ji- Jimin’s… Jimin’s in the ICU.”

 So, I pretend to not know, because that would hurt less,

Kangnam Hospital

"We'll have to keep him in observation for the next twenty fours." States the white robed man with
a sigh. He spares a glance at the unconscious body of the brunette and patting the manager's
shoulders explains, "I won't put you into a false hope and say that he'll be up and about in no time. I
mean..." He sighs again and continued while adjusting his glasses and moving out of the room, "he
fell down three stories. And it wasn't just simply falling either. The steps of the stairs did a real
number on him, I'm afraid. Not to mention the mirror wall he crashed into? Head first. It's really a
miracle we could get all that debris out of his skull really."

"Thankyou. Thankyou Doctor." Manager Sejin repeats, bowing fervently. The doctor nods patting
his shoulder with a tight smile and walks into his office leaving the man behind.

Sejin walks heavily back towards Jimin's hospital room. He huffs a sigh as he sits thumped beside
a pale shivering body. The moment Yoongi feels the cushions beside his seat move he jerks up and
rounds at the manager ready to voice out the millions of buzzing questions are at the tip of his
tongue.

Sejin Hyung tiredly stops him with a wave of his hand and repeats the words of the doctor. Fatigue
is evident in his drooping shoulders and puffy eyes. The elder man lolls his head to the side as if
cutting off conversation leaving Yoongi behind to fight with his demons.

Yoongi stands up from his seat and walks towards the ICU door. He looks at Jimin through the
small glass window. And he replays the scene that had played out not too long ago.

Flashback

"What happened!? Where's Jimin? What the hell happened!?" Namjoon is yelling at the peak of
his lungs as soon as he sees Yoongi and the manager pacing outside the closed doors of the
Operation Theatre.

Yoongi freezes at the sight of Seokjin, his head drooping off its own accord. Sejin Hyung turns fully
around to face Namjoon and proceeds to explain. "Yoongi called me about fifteen minutes ago,
saying Jimin fell down the third-floor stairs and crashed head first into the mirror wall on the
entrance floor. He's in OT right now. He was bleeding like crazy." The elder man huffs uneasily,
"Doctors say he's in a lot of danger right now because the mirror shards have entered his cranial
cavity. That's what they're operating on right now." A call makes Sejin Hyung break from his train
of thought and he pats Namjoon's arms assumingly before walking away to answer the call.

All the while Yoongi is avoiding eye contact with either of his band mates. Even as he can clearly
see, from the corner of his eyes, how worriedly Seokjin paces in front of him and how Namjoon
won’t stop staring holes into his skull.

At one point Namjoon even edges towards the brunette calling, "Yoongi Hyung..." but is stopped
midway by the broad-shouldered elder who gives him a side glance and a meaningful 'not now'
look.

Soon Hoseok joins them with equal panic and worry painting his features. And then soon
Taehyung and Jungkook are there too. And although Seokjin can literally feel the nervous energy
zap around the hospital's tiny waiting area, with the two youngest looking like they’d undoubtedly
been fighting again, he doesn’t mention it.

Right now, is not the time. Right now, Jimin is important.

Flashback over

"He's not conscious yet, but his vitals show a steady improvement. I think he'll be fine." The doctor
spares one more glance at the writing pad in his hand that has Jimin's medical history and
elaborates. "We'll keep him in the ICU until he regains consciousness, just to make sure." He then
ushers towards Sejin Hyung and starts walking, the other man following behind him, "I will just
need you to sign certain documents."

Seokjin watches the manager and the doctor walk away from where he is lying on the couch in the
waiting room. He, Hoseok and Yoongi had decided to stay back in the hospital while Namjoon
went back to report the incident to PDnim and Taehyung took Jungkook back home. The air of
tension was evident between the two but Seokjin had enough on his plate to worry about them.

For now, all he wants, is for Jimin to be okay. Jungkook too, after much groveling on his part, had
gone home. He had to wake up early for the variety show tomorrow. Somethings just couldn't be
avoided.

Seokjin slowly plucks Hoseok's head off his lap and creeps out of the waiting room, making sure
not to make any noise. He walks back to the ICU Jimin is in, expecting to find Yoongi sitting
outside the door like he has been since the day before. But the pale boy is nowhere to be found. But
Seokjin knew where he'd be, so he walks towards the hospital entrance and out into the parking lot.

The sky is clear and the cars are the only thing in his sight, save for a pale as ghost boy smoking a
thick ring of smoke as he stares up.

*****

Seokjin and Yoongi are sitting on the footpath, their shoulder touching and shivering in the cold.
Seokjin turns his head slightly to look at the man beside him and speaks in the quietest of
whispers, "you okay?" When Yoongi turns to him he doesn’t expect the tears in the man's eyes.
Seokjin's heart clenches at the defeated expression. And, without another word being said between
them, he pulls the younger boy into his arms.

And Yoongi cries.

Flashback

As soon as Mr. Song leaves, the entire practice studio turns cold. Jimin keeps staring at the floor
where his feet touch the cold, barefoot. Yoongi is no different. They might've stayed like that for
hours had it not been for Jimin.

Yoongi, from his peripheral vision, can see the boy shivering. No, he is outright shaking like a leaf
in autumn. And that is what makes Yoongi move. He shifts from where he sits and it pains him to
see Jimin react to the slightest of his movement with a violent jerk away from him.

And they make eye contact.

It is as if a button clicks in him. His eyes enlarge and his forehead begins to sweat. He shakes like
an earthquake and is breathing heavy. Yoongi watches Jimin's chest rise and fall with heavy gulps
of air. His palms have turned clammy, and his eyes shift from here and there, never focusing.
It is like he is trying to avoid Yoongi.

It is a panic attack. And maybe he is wrong.

Maybe he shouldn't have gone closer to the boy like he had learnt in health class in his last year of
high school. Maybe he shouldn't have held the boy's shoulders, telling him to calm down, as was
the protocal. Maybe he shouldn't have forced Jimin to look into his eyes, to let him know he was
here to help. And maybe...

Maybe he shouldn't have done the one thing that was sure to stop a panic attack. The one thing he
had been advised by his doctor brother that was sure to get rid of the panic attack 99% of the
times. Maybe, if he hadn't, Jimin wouldn't have up and ran away. Maybe Jimin wouldn't have been
so desperate about getting away from Yoongi. Maybe he wouldn’t have fallen. Maybe he'd still be
fine. Maybe.

Maybe, sudden kisses don't always work.

Flashback Over.

"He'll be fine Yoongi-ah" Seokjin whispers into Yoongi's hair. But the conviction in his voice is
lost. He doesn’t believe his own words it seema.

*****

Kangnam Hospital (After a few days)

Jimin is beginning to come to and Namjoon and Seokjin have surrounded the boy like he were an
egg about to hatch, eyes locked onto his flitting eyes. Yoongi stands by the door, ignoring Seokjin's
cries to come closer. He doesn’t want to startle Jimin as soon as he woke up. Seokjin understands,
but Namjoon only grunts in agreement.

His eyes slowly opens and it takes him a few tries to finally really open his eyes. Jimin tilts his
head heavily to the side and regards Seokjin with a smile. He then focuses his vision towards a
very worried Namjoon and then shifts his gaze to Yoongi who is on his other side. He quickly
looks back at Seokjin though. A few heavy breaths later he turns to Seokjin and asks him in a
whisper, "what happened? Where are the others?"

Yoongi's spine runs cold at the boy's voice. It feels like he'd heard it after eons. And he lets himself
smile. Because Jimin is fine. And that is all that matters.

"You fell down the stairs." Seokjin ruffles his hair carefully and answers back in a gentle whisper,
"Hobi just came back after dropping Mijoo-ssi off and is sleeping outside right now, so I didn't
wanna wake him up. Jungkookie and Tae went back to their apartment just a while ago. Kookie has
to get up early for that variety show tomorrow.”

The look of confusion on Jimin's face makes Yoongi's blood run cold. His next words scaring him
and the others in the room even more. "Jungkook's... And Tae’s… apart.. ment?" He turns
questioningly towards Namjoon who nods unsurely. He then turns to Yoongi, startling the three
elders, and asks once again, "what apartment?"

And if Yoongi wasn't scared enough when Jimin spoke to him, he is terrified now, because when
Jimin turns back to Seokjin with a looked of utter bewilderment and asks his next question
everything is not okay.

Because Jimin is not okay.

"Who’s… who’s Mijoo-ssi?”
 than seeing you hurt owing to the guilt.

"So, yeah. The doctors say it nothing too bad. He'll be fine and that he can go back to leading a
normal life." Seokjin informs Taehyung while they sit outside in the waiting while Jimin gets his
stats checked out.

A few hours ago, when Jimin had woken up from his short coma Seokjin, Namjoon and Yoongi
found out that he didn't have any memory of how he came to be in the ICU or what date it was or
who Mijoo was. Everyone froze when Jimin was asked what today's date was and he answered
back confidently, "17th April 2016." The doctors later confirmed that he was suffering from minor
amnesia due to the debris still inside his head from the crash.

When Taehyung and Jungkook came running into the waiting room Seokjin could spy a bandage
wrapped across Taehyung’s forehead and his wounds cleans. But, he didn’t inquire, because right
now, Jimin was important.

Presently they are all huddled in the waiting room, waiting for Jimin to exit the doctor's room and
be discharged. He wouldn't be able to perform for a month or two they had been told but honestly
that was the least of their problems.

Seokjin watched Jungkook take Taehyung’s hands in his own at the news of Jimin being okay and
kiss him gently before saying, "it’ll be okay, right?" And Taehyung simply smiled back.

Yes. Things were going to be okay. At least for Jimin and the others.

But Seokjin knew that wouldn't be the case. Because he still knew. Because Namjoon wouldn't
forget. And because Yoongi still remembered.

(A year later)

It’s been a year since the incident in the practice studio. And Jimin is okay.

His memories never came back but he has learned to live with that. The others, of course, keep
retelling him about little tidbits of the past and Jimin takes it all in stride. He is back to being his
sunshine puppy self once again.

But everything is not okay. Seokjin is still trying to mend Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s relationship
that seems to have gone through a whirlwind of something that can never be fixed.

After finding about Jimin's incident Namjoon had built up a sort of wall around him when it came
to Yoongi. He had reduced his conversation with the elder drastically and his protectiveness of
Jimin's had been almost an issue for scandals. Never leaving the boy away from his sight.

When Jimin had been released from the hospital, the first two weeks the boy was not allowed to
leave Namjoon’s and Seokjin’s apartment. And even though Seokjin could see Jimin get
uncomfortable at the prospect of sharing an apartment with the couple, he was quick to refute the
younger boy’s worries. Honestly, he couldn’t thank Namjoon enough for forcing Jimin to live with
them for a while, being scared for the boy for reasons all too innocent.

Namjoon had turned into an overprotective parent ever since he knew. And it was painful to watch
him send side glared towards Yoongi when the boy came over to their place on get togethers.
When Yoongi asked about Jimin. It was hard for Seokjin to watch Namjoon grunt replies to the
elder and scorn at him openly.
It broke Seokjin’s heart to see their perfect friendship shatter this way.

It wasn't like he wasn't trying really, but every time Namjoon saw Yoongi he couldn't get the image
of a broken Jimin out of his mind. His blood curdling at the thought of Jimin shivering in a corner
because he was too scared to meet anyone’s eyes. Of the image of him curving into a ball when he
and Hoseok had been talking to him.

Yoongi too chose to avoid the leader altogether. This didn't come off as much of a change really
because he claimed fatigue as an excuse for not interacting with anyone. Seokjin was turning out to
being the only one he ever spoke too.

What made everything worse was Jimin though.

With his memories eradicated, that night with Yoongi never happened for the boy. And he was
back to being the clingy Busan boy. Cuddling and jumping on Yoongi’s back every chance he got.
It made Yoongi flinch and Seokjin could see his discomfort but Seokjin never uttered a word about
it to either of the boys. Because he could see the look of relief wash over Yoongi every time Jimin
did that.

Because every time Jimin spoke to him, touched him, hugged him, or joked around with him,
Yoongi could pretend that that night never happened.

And Seokjin knew he deserved at least that much salvation.

*****

They are all piled up in the middle of Jimin's new apartment's floor. The furniture has still not been
set up yet and the unopened cardboard boxes line the kitchen isle. Hoseok had called for a meeting
which had everyone intrigued and Jimin had offered his new apartment as the venue. That is what
has them sitting on the ground awaiting a certain maknae's entry.

Jimin is playing with Holly, Yoongi’s puppy that he brought along for the boy, while Yoongi
simply watches them with a slight smile. Hoseok is snuggling with Mijoo and Taehyung with his
own dog. Seokjin is chatting with Namjoon, who was trying to keep a discreet eye over Jimin.

When Jungkook comes back with the beer, settling down beside his boyfriend, Hoseok gleefully
takes the center stage announcing with laughter hanging on the edges of his words that Mijoo is
pregnant. And chaos occurs in the apartment with woots of joy and whistles and applause.

Hoseok pulls his girlfriend to his side, kissing her gently before muttering an audible “I love you.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Jimin interrupts the sweet couple with a smirk and his tongue out like the five-
year-old child he really is. “We’ve got a baby here too!” He exclaims pointing at Holly, who is
cuddled into his arms, and continues with a silly grin, “please keep the rating PG.”

Hoseok flips him middle finger which causes another roll of laughter burst into the living room.
When the laughter dies down, Jungkook abruptly stands up from where he’s seated beside
Taehyung.

Taehyung is just as surprised as everyone else in the room, save for Seokjin when Jungkook walks
towards the eldest and takes the small from him. Jungkook then pulls Taehyung up and to the
center of the room. Guiding him with hands. Taehyung simply kept staring at his boyfriend with a
look of utter confusion. And hints of anticipation.

Jungkook then turns to everyone in the room with a wordless smile, before kissing Taehyung
slowly on the mouth and quietly slipping a ring on his ring finger.

It takes a moment for the scene to set in and when it does Taehyung cries, along with Hoseok and
Jimin cheering around the boys. Throwing confetti around them singing “Congratulations~”
Namjoon is hooting at the boys laughing his throaty laugh that makes him feel giddy with
happiness. And Yoongi is yelling congratulations at the boys throwing cheese sticks at them from
where he is sat on the couch. Seokjin proudly clapping his hands, grinning like a proud father.

Taehyung looks at his boyfriend, now fiancé, amidst the chaos around them with tears clinging
onto his eyelashes. Jungkook pulls him closer, his hands placed on the boys hips. With a serene
smile, he asks Taehyung, his own eyes clear. “Will you?”

Taehyung merely nods his head, his voice choked. “Yes.”

And they kiss. Seokjin smiling at the happy couple.

Flashback

Seokjin passes Taehyung a bottle of beer as he slides down beside him in the sandpit. They are at a
park near the elder’s apartment. Taehyung had called him to meet up fifteen minutes ago.

“Thanks, hyung.” Taehyung’s voice is hushed. Seokjin regards the boy beside him and frown at
the scars adorning his face. His bottom lip is swollen and his nose is bleeding.

Seokjin heaves a sigh, because it’s time he says this to the boy and turns to Taehyung with
determination in his eyes. “You need to break up with him. Let him go, Taehyung.”

Taehyung turns to Seokjin with a chuckle and shakes his head a no. “I won’t leave him hyung. I
love him. And he loves me.”

Seokjin huffs an irritated sigh and ignores the fact that Taehyung said ‘I won’t leave’ instead of ‘I
can’t leave’. “Yes, you can. This isn’t love Taehyung. You’re scared of him. And he doesn’t love
you, Tae. He doesn’t.” Seokjin traces the boy’s bruised cheekbones as he continues. “He wouldn’t
hurt you if he did.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes and pulls away from the touch with a wince and retorts. “You didn’t hear
me, hyung.” The younger boy places a hand on Seokjin’s and explains, “I will not leave him. It’s
not the matter of whether I can or cannot. I don’t want to.”

Annoyed, Seokjin pulls his hands away. He gets to his feet in a start and starts pacing as he bites
back. “Why not!? He beats you, makes you hurt. He even cheated on you once!” The taller boy
comes to a halt and bends down to be on an eye level with him. He clutches his shoulder and
shakes Taehyung in question, ignoring the pain that runs down the boy’s expression at the tight
hold. “Why can’t you just come out of this relationship!?”

Taehyung doesn’t answer back and Seokjin slumps down into the sand in front of him. A defeated
expression taking his features. A cool wind blows by and the metallic smell of blood wafting from
Taehyung makes Seokjin look at the boy. The younger one smiling at him quietly.

Taehyung brought his left hand up, his long sleeves red with blood. He shows the elder the sleeve
and smiles as he confides. “This is Jungkook’s blood. I got it on my hand when I punched him.”
The boy sniggers like a child. Seokjin frown but doesn’t respond. When Taehyung calms down, he
turns solemn and continues. “I hurt him too, hyung.” The boy shrugs as he brings his hand back
down, playing with the bloodied sweaterpaws. “I may not hurt him as bad as he hurts me. But I
make up for it. Trust me.” He looks into the elder’s eyes and smiles ruefully. “It’s just that… You
 can see my scars. His are usually hidden.”

With pain in his words Seokjin pleads. “Then leave him, Tae. This isn’t healthy. You two are
hurting each other. This relationship is toxic. It’ll do no good.” Seokjin cups the boy’s face into his
warm hands and begs him to see reason. “Love is not about force yourselves to stay together just
because you’ve been together till now. Love is not about staying with each other just because you
hurt each other equally. Love is not about not being able to let go because you think you love them
enough, because you don’t mind being hurt.” Seokjin’s lower lip trembles as he continues, “Please
leave him because hurting each other and saying sorry only to repeat, isn’t love.”

The other shakes his head in denial and lets out box smile. “It’s not a toxic relationship, hyung. I
love him. It’s simple as that. We hurt each other but that doesn’t mean we should leave each
other.”

“It does Tae!”

“No. It doesn’t.” Taehyung places a placating hand on the elder’s shoulder and quietly speaks.
“Love, is love, hyung. There’s nothing more too it.” The boy looks away towards the empty swing
set and sighs in satisfaction, as he explains. “I know how it goes for psychologists. They say that if
someone chooses to remain in an abusive elationship, then they’re something not too right with
him. That only a mentally ill person would force himself into a relationship full of fights. That
people with an inferiority complex or a fear of being left alone are the ones who force themselves
to stay such conditions. That those who are afraid to let go, afraid of society, afraid of closure or
humiliation, stay. That people tend to become so dependent, so caught in their relationships that
they don’t even know there’s a problem to begin with. I know it all, hyung.”

“Then why?” Seokjin whispers.

Taehyung gets up and walks towards the swings. He takes a seat and pushes his feet on the ground
to create some momentum before he lets the winds push him gently. “Because I’m not with him
because I feel like I’ll never be able to love again. I am not scared of what others will say about us,
mainly because no one knows except for you guys. I’m not afraid of him either; he can’t do more
than hit me until I faint. It’s not because I might end up lonely either, because I’ll find someone
else. And it’s not because we have a history, because I’ve been with him for barely a year.”

Seokjin looks at him with a question at the tip of his tongue. Sighing because the boy looks tranquil
as he swings. “Then why are you with him?”

Taehyung keeps swinging along to the rhythm of the wind. “Because I love him. Because, right
now, while talking about him, I want to beat him up. Because, right now, I want to smash a flower
vase on his head. And then watch him cry because he’s hurt.” He turns his gaze back to Seokjin
and elucidates, “because he could break my bones but when the day ends, I’d still want to cuddle
next to him. I’d still want him t smile at me. And I’d still want to kiss him.”

“Tae-“

“It’s not because I’m a masochist, hyung. I don’t like being dominated either. And it’s hard for me
to let Jungkook win, even though I’m the elder on.” He jumps off the swing and lands next to
Seokjin on his butt as he says. “But I love him enough to forget.”

Seokjin stutters for words as he stares at the boy. “I- I didn’t… I mean…”

Taehyung smiles at the elder, understanding his speechlessness. “That’s why we take some time
off, hyung. It’s not because we’re so mad at each other that we don’t even want to see each other.
 It’s because we want to allow ourselves to see what it’d be like if we leave. That’s why, when
things get hard, really hard, I stay with Jimin at his place. Or visit Grandma. That’s why when we
hurt each other so bad it turns us into monsters, Jungkook leaves home to stay at a hotel
somewhere.”

“Tae, I- “Seokjin begins to speak, clarity marking his features, but is cut short by the boy.

Taehyung softly cuts the elder’s words to continue. “I’m here right now, not because I’m scared of
Jungkook or am worried about what’ll happen if I stay there too longer. It’s not because I need to
get out and give myself some time to think. It’s not because I don’t want to see him either.” He
smiles as he says. “I’m here to figure if I want to go back home now. To figure out if I want to talk
to him again. Hug him again. Kiss him again. And I do, hyung.”

Seokjin nods his head as he pulls the boy into a hug. “I’m sorry, Tae. I- I was just- I’m sorry.”
Seokjin may not understand it but he trusts Taehyung enough to know. Because Taehyung isn’t
stupid. He knows what he’s talking about.

“It’s okay.” Taehyung smiles. He pulls his knees to his feet and finally opens the beer bottle, taking
a long sip. “Right now, I love him, hyung. So, until I don’t love him anymore, I’ll pretend to
forget.”

And maybe Seokjin gets it. Maybe Love, is just that. Maybe Love, is just Love.

Flashback Over

"I'm so proud of them Joon-ah." Seokjin mutters wistfully in his boyfriend's embrace. And
Namjoon hums back in reply. They stay cuddling like that on the couch, watching the youngest of
the band members fawn over the soon to be mother. Yoongi staring at the scene with a fatherly
smile from a distance.

Hoseok soon announces that he needs to leave with Mijoo. Taehyung and Jungkook, too, agree.
Namjoon and Seokjin need to leave too, but Namjoon decides to wait until Yoongi does. Yoongi is
lying on the couch watching Jimin and Holly with open affection, ruffling the boy’s hair when he
giggles at Yoongi about Holly’s cute little nose.

Seokjin can feel Namjoon stiffen beside him at the skinship but sighs in relief when Yoongi
quickly pulls his hands back as if only just realizing what he was doing. Yoongi doesn’t meet
Jimin’s eyes the entire night. And soon it’s time for them to leave.

Namjoon watches Jimin with careful eyes as the boy pleads Yoongi to let Holly stay. His frown
deepening when Yoongi mutters a yes, never looking at the boy. Seokjin’s heart hurts, because he
can literally see Yoongi go back into the dark place he’d dug himself out of, and he places a hand
over the boy’s shoulders.

“It’s okay.” Seokjin whispers into his ears as they walk up to the front door. “It’s okay to touch
him, Yoongi. You’re not hurting him. He doesn’t remember.” And the gratitude that flashes
Yoongi’s eyes at the words makes Seokjin smile.

They are at the door and Jimin is patting Holly’s fur when Seokjin notices his left ringer finger
devoid of any rings and that makes him stop. And a memory flashes into his mind.

Flashback

“Come on, Jimin-ah. It’s food time.” Seokjin huffs out, placing the heavy tray of food on the boy’s
bed. The elder watches the younger boy staring at his own hands. Legs pulled to his chest and head
resting on his knees, Seokjin watches Jimin sitting blankly. The elder places a warm hand on the
boy’s exposed knees and speaks in a warm whisper. “Jimin-ah? Jimin?”

The said boy slowly looks away from his fingers and up at the elder. He smiles but his eyes don’t
turn to slits, so Seokjin knows he’s not actually smiling. Jimin moves in his place, and pushes his
legs down turning to the elder.

Seokjin smiles at the boy before he turns on the TV on some medical channel, just to fill in the
heavy silence, and takes some rice into his spoon. He blows on the rice and then places the morsel
into the boy’s open lips. The elder takes little pride in the hum of satisfaction that the boy elicits.

A while passes as Seokjin feeds Jimin and the boy quietly eats. The TV droning on about some
medical myth. It takes a few seconds for Seokjin to figure out that Jimin is talking to him,
distracted by the boy’s quiet chewing. “What were you saying, Sweetie?”

“I was just…” Jimin begins, his words shushed and eyes drifting back towards his fingers. Seokjin
observes the way Jimin fondles with his silver ring, pulling it up and down his ring finger. The boy
then looks up and into Seokjin’s eyes, and with a rueful smile, iterates. “Can you please, keep this
with you?

Seokjin raises his eyebrows at the question but Jimin doesn’t answer. Instead, he takes the elder’s
hand and places the ring in the middle of his palm. It’s his chastity ring.

“Ji… min…” Seokjin is at a loss for words so he merely lets the tears streaming down his face
speak for him.

Jimin looks away and continues to speak. “I can’t wear it now, hyung. I’m not chaste anymore.”

Seokjin grabs the boy by his arms and shakes him as he frantically exclaims. “Don’t say that.
Don’t you dare, Park Jimin.” He wipes his tears as he looks into the eyes of the younger boy that
are too painfully aware. “You’re still the same. Still the pure Jimin I know. You’re just as chaste as
you were before- “The elder finds himself unable to continue.

“Before I was raped.” Jimin gently holds the elder’s hands and takes a bite from the tofu in the
bowl. He watches the TV, looking interested in the program and Seokjin just sits there watching
him. A few minutes pass before Jimin starts speaking again, never looking away from the bowl of
rice and the tray full of food. “They say our body replaces itself every seven years.”

Befuddled by the words, Seokjin only manages to utter a weak, “what?”

Jimin keeps staring at the kimchi plate. Never taking a bite. “If it’s true... If our bodies... really do
replace themselves every seven years. Does that mean there’ll be a time when I’ll be able to forget
it ever happened?”

There is hope in the boy’s tone. At the prospect of forgetting everything. And Seokjin rubs the boy's
shoulder making him look at him. When Jimin turns his gaze towards the elder, Seokjin nods and
mutters a breaky ‘yes’. “You’ll forget it someday. Soon.”

Jimin smiles at that and turns to the elder like a child at Christmas. He points at the ring in
Seokjin’s hand. “So, when I forget, I’ll take it back.”

“I’ll keep it safe until you do” Seokjin murmurs into the boy’s hair, pulling him close.

Jimin sighs in the embrace as he mutters under his breath, loud enough for Seokjin to hear. “After
seven years, I’ll have a body Yoongi hyung will have never touched.”

And Seokjin cries.

Flashback Over

He stares at Jimin's ring less finger and tears pool in his eyes at the knowledge. And he can't keep
them in and cries, earning jeers from the other members for being a cry baby. But they don't know
and it breaks his heart.

Because, Jimin isn't wearing the ring. Because if Jimin really did lose his memories the first thing
he'd have done is look for that ring. Because Jimin isn't wearing that ring. And Seokjin knows.

That Jimin never forgot. That Jimin still remembers and that Jimin is still hurting. That every touch
and every word he shares with Yoongi has him reliving the nightmare. That Jimin is brave and it
just hurts to know.

That despite everything that happened, Jimin still cares about Yoongi enough to pretend to forget.

And it hurts to know that right now, Jimin still loves Yoongi.

Love, is just Love, after all.

Hit me up on Tumblr at CMiMiU or on Twitter at @CMiMiU

 Love, is just Love, after all.
Chapter Summary

So, I'd been reading the comments for this story and everyone was all "That can't be
the end!" "What about YoonMin!?" "But the tags aren't fulfilled!" "Doesn't Yoongi
get any redemption!?"

And I was confused. Because, the story ended.

But! Then I checked back and realized...

I never posted the last chapter. And that it's still Saved but not Posted. And that I am
an idiot.

*I feel like slapping myself*

*I just bitch-slapped myself*
*It hurts*

So, my lovely CU (That's what I shall call my Fans. *Diva hair flip*) THIS is the
actual ending.

Please don't hate me.

And please cry a lot, but not too much.

Love,
Myself

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

"Hyung!" Jungkook's voice echoes around the empty house as he enters through the threshold,
loosening his tie. "Taehyung, where are you?" There's some shuffling he can here from the
bedroom and he frowns before walking to open the door. "Taehyung, wha- " Jungkook stops dead
in his tracks when he sees the elder hurriedly stocking away the makeup box into the vanity.

Taehyung gulps when he sees his husband standing in the bedroom's doorway, looking lost for
words. He fidgets with the compact box and quickly turns to hide his bruised wrists behind his
back. "J- Jungkook. W- When'd you get home?" The elder bites his lips, hoping Jungkook didn't
see more than he already knows. With a shaky breath, Taehyung stands up and walks towards his
husband of two years, smiling. He wraps his arms around the younger's neck and kisses Jungkook
desperately on the lips, as if telling him not to ask.

But Jungkook can't unsee it. He gulps audibly and pulls Taehyung's hands away from their grasp
on his neck. The boy turns them over and there they are, clear as a day. Scars littering the elder's
arms that Jungkook knows were made by him. He brings a shaky hand up and at Taehyung's face,
wiping away the freshly packed concealer from the elder's skin. The blue-purple bruises that adorn
his face meet his eyes.

A choked cry escapes Jungkook's lips as he takes in the damage he's done. The bruises, now a
permanent blemish on the man's skin, look ugly and angry. His lips tremble at the gash on the
elder's forehead that was, seconds ago, covered by compact. "Hy- hyung..."

Taehyung closes his eyes as a tear escapes his blackened eye. His own lips tremble and he turns his
head away. "I- I didn't... Want you to know..."

"But we haven’t fought fo- for months" Jungkook whispers. And Taehyung doesn't know if he's
questioning him or himself.

Taehyung bites his lips as he meets the youngers eyes. He holds his hand as if to say 'It's okay' and
speaks. "The... doctors said... it might be permanent vessel... damage."

And Jungkook falls to his knees in front of the elder. Taehyung falls down beside him, frantically
trying to calm the crying boy who won't let go of the elder's feet. Jungkook continues to cry and his
sobs echo off the bedroom walls. Taehyung tries whispering 'It's okays' and caressing the boy's
hair, hands, anything. But, Jungkook doesn't stop.

Not for a long time he doesn't.

*****

"Why do you wear it?" Jungkook asks on the dinner table, staring at the boy of noodles but never
touching them.

Taehyung hesitates before deciding to just tell the truth. His voice heavy with emotion, "I didn't
want you to feel guilty every time you looked at me."

At that, the younger husband looks up. He pushes the bowl of noodles in front of him aside and
pulls Taehyung's free hand into his own. "But you hate makeup, don't you?" He murmurs and he
presses his lips to the elder's knuckles.

Taehyung chuckles before leaning forward and kissing Jungkook's lips. "I love you more."

*****

Taehyung is snuggled into Jungkook's side as they lie on the bed, when Jungkook says in a hushed
tone. "You don't have you, you know?" When Taehyung looks up, Jungkook kisses the man fully
on the lips, whispering into them. "You don't have to hide them for me. If..." He takes Taehyung's
hands into his own, fondling with the digits. "If you don't want to, I won't mind."

"What about others?" Taehyung quietly questions, never looking up from where his head is rested
on the younger's chest. "They'll ask if they see." He snuggles closer to the boy's warm body and
hums into his skin, "I don't mind having them, but what should I say if they ask?"

"Tell them the truth then. That your boyfriend was an abusive asshole, who fought with you on the
littlest of things." Taehyung can feel Jungkook's heartbeat increase and his hands turning into fists.
"Tell them that your boyfriend was a monster who couldn't control his temper or hands. Tell that he
scarred you forever! Tell them I'm the one who did it!" Jungkook is heaving, with tears staining his
own face.

Taehyung smiles as he moves to sit up cross-legged beside his husband. He lets the comforter pool
around his naked body as he pulls Jungkook's side lower. Jungkook watches the man carefully
trace his ribs, smiling, and raises an eye at him when they lock gazes. Taehyung brings Jungkook's
hand up and places his fingers over the wrinkled skin near his left ribcage. The stitches rough
against his fingers.

"If you want me to roam around without covering up my bruises," Taehyung begins, amusement
marking his words. "Then you have to roam around shirtless."

"Wh- " Jungkook is cut off by the elder's lips pressing into his own.

When Taehyung pulls back, there's a soft smile on his face. "I've scarred you too, right? This scar,"
He traces the huge stitch with his lithe fingers, looking at it and then at his husband. "Remember
how scared Seokjin hyung was when he saw how deep the knife had settled? Jiwoo noona said that
you could've died, had it been an inch longer."

Jungkook sits up, pulling his husband into an open-mouthed kiss. "I'd cheated on you. I deserved
it."

Taehyung smiles at that and nods his head in affirmation. "You did. And I had purposely burnt
your music sheet because I was jealous that you'd been working with IU. I deserved it too."

The younger boy frowns and shakes his head before saying, "but- "

Taehyung cuts him off with a kiss. He presses his forehead against his husband and smiles huskily.
"You've got scars too. They are permanent as well." He caresses his husband's wound as he
continues, "just because it's hidden, doesn't mean it doesn't exist."

They kiss once more and settle into each other's arms. Letting each other's heartbeats serve as
lullabies for the night.

*****

Seokjin let his gaze settle over the little girl of six years old, giggling while she played with JJangu,
his dog. A silly little smile etched on his face. He watched the girl pout at the dog's adorable little
nose and coo at it every time it sneezed, in turn causing Seokjin to coo at her. A hand on his
shoulder diverted his attention.

Namjoon leaned down over him and directed his words to the small girl in the pink frock. "Come
on, Miho-yah. We're going now."

Miho, the sweet girl, who had inherited her father's smile, turned to them with a pout and clutched
onto JJangu in one arm and grabbed Seokjin's legs under the other. "Aaang~ Uncle Joonie,
pleeeez!" She shook her body using all of her aegyo and wailed in a high pitch. "Let Jin Oppa stay,
please! Please! Let him and JJangu stay, please!"

Namjoon scowled playfully at the girl and placed his arms on his hips. "Hey! I'm younger than
Seokjin hyung! You should call me Oppa too!" Cue a dimpled pout from the man.

Miho snickers and shoots her tongue at the man. "Merooong~" She lets go of the dog and grabs
Seokjin as she valiantly exclaims. "Because Jinnie Oppa is handsome!"

Of course, Namjoon stews angrily with his arms across his chest, while Seokjin embraces the girl
into a bear hug. Cooing at her cuteness and agreeing to her confession.

"You took three years to accept my proposal" Namjoon mutters under her breath but loud enough
for the whole house to hear.
"Would you stop getting jealous of my daughter, Joon-ah?" Hoseok echoes from the threshold of
the living area. He smiles when Miho rushes to his side, taking her into his arms and kissing her
lips. The father turns to his two friends and directs his words to the elder of the two. "Thank you
for watching her over today, hyung. Mijoo is coming back from her parents place tomorrow but the
nanny couldn't make it tonight." He smiled at the two and patted Namjoon's shoulder. "If it hadn't
been for you guys, I'd have to bring her to work with me."

Namjoon rolls his eyes because he pats Hoseok back. "Hey. She's a devil but she's cute. So, it
wasn't that bad."

"She was an angel, Hobi" Seokjin sends a playful glare towards his husband. He then turns to the
girl cuddle in her father's arms and waves at her. "Bye Miho-ya. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

Miho nods her head and without warning kisses the man. Hoseok laughed a throaty laugh as
Namjoon pulled his husband away with angry pout.

*****

They are snuggled on the couch, watching some stupid movie when Seokjin picks the courage to
finally say it.

"Joon-ah?" He whispers into his husband's hair, which is carelessly draped over his chest.
Namjoon simply hums for Seokjin to continue. The elder gulps heavily before he continues. "Do
you... Do you ever think... Of having ids, Joon-ah?"

When the younger man looks up with a start, Seokjin's blood runs cold because maybe he shouldn't
have asked. "Kids?" Namjoon echoes the word, sounding incredulous.

Knowing there's no backing off now, Seokjin nods his head and looks his husband in the eyes.
"Don't you wanna have kids someday, Joon-ah? A cute boy? Or maybe a girl like Miho?"

Namjoon pulls away from their embrace and Seokjin shudders at the sudden cold that hits him.
The younger husband sits cross-legged towards him and rubs his head awkwardly looking here and
there before he responds. "I... I never actually..." He looks into Seokjin's eyes. "I never actually
thought about that, hyung."

It's like being doused with cold water and Seokjin visibly deflates with a single syllable "Oh" as a
reply.

"But we could adopt one!" Namjoon hastens to exclaim, sensing his husband's sudden mood
change.

Seokjin snaps his head up and stares at the boy. "W- What?"

"Yeah! Let's adopt one. What do you say?" The younger exclaims, excited at the prospect. And
Seokjin is bewildered for a moment.

"Yo- you don't... You don't mind having kids?" Seokjin asks shocked.

A guttural laughter issues from the dimpled man's lips and shakes his head amused. "Why wouldn't
I want to have kids? With you that too?" He sobers down and snuggles back into his husbands
arms are he turns his attention back to the TV. "It never crossed my mind is all. But I think we'd be
awesome Dads." He looks up at the still shell-shocked man and smiles warmly at him. "I think it's
a great idea."
Seokjin splatters at the man's words. he leans down and kisses Namjoon a little too desperately.
When he pulls back there's a single tear betraying him. He smiles giddily as he asks once again.
"You think so?"

Namjoon nods back with equal enthusiasm and kisses his husband back. He pulls away from the
kiss as he reaches for the laptop placed on the coffee table. "Let's search for some adoption centers
orphanages right now!"

Seokjin giggles happily at the excited man beside him, watching him note down the address and
making appointments and he sighs in contentment.

He is glad he proposed the boy six years ago.

*****

"Can you stop getting distracted, hyung!?" The shorter boy yells sassily. "Jiyoon is sketching on
the walls again."

The elder smiles good-naturedly at the boy and places his hands over his waist pulling him closer.
Yoongi dips his head down and kisses the man’s lips before pulling away to rest his forehead
against the other. “I’m not getting distracted, Jiminie.” He gestures over the younger one’s boxers
and smirks. “I’m enjoying the view.”

Jimin rolls his eyes and gently slaps Yoongi away. He makes his way towards their four-year-old
son, swaying his hips a little too much, as he speaks over his shoulders. “Could you stop being a
pervert for a while?” He turns to the elder with a grin and teases. “You’ve got two sons now.”

The elder scowls with a pout and mutters a “whatever” as he turns away walking towards their
other son. “Mingi-ya~” The elder singsong and Jimin can’t help but coo at the elder’s adorable
voice when he calls his sons.

He watches his husband cradle their son in his arms, blowing a raspberry into his tummy. His
sweater’s sleeves riding up to so red angry lines. Jimin’s smiles falters at that but he quickly fixes
his expression when Yoongi looks up at him. Showing him his tongue.

Flashback

Jimin is hiding in the changing room, overhearing the exchange between the eldest band members.
Shivering, but it’s not due to the cold.

“Why are you being so reckless!?” Seokjin yells at the boy, holding Yoongi’s bleeding wrists in his
shaking hands. He never looks up from his task of banding the cuts as he continues to chide the
boy. “What the hell is wrong with you!?”

Yoongi doesn’t look at him, instead choosing to stare blankly at the razor blade that was thrown
away near one of the lockers. Seokjin continues to scold the pale boy, who sits motionless. The
elder continues to bandage the deeps cuts as he watches Yoongi from the corner of his eyes in
small glances.

“Hyung,” Yoongi’s voice breaks through the silence once Seokjin is done with his right hand and
reaches for the left. Seokjin merely hums in question as he starts cleaning the cuts of his left hand,
which are deeper and more precise. “I wish… I wish I could forget it, hyung.” Yoongi chokes as
the first signs of emotions fill his voice.

Seokjin looks up at him and trembles when he finds two eyes looking back into his own. Wet with
tears of guilt and pain. “Y- you wi- “ Seokjin swallows a breath as he turns back to the slits wrist
that has turned brown with scabs and red with blood. “You will, Yoongi.”

Yoongi shakes his head a no and bites his lips as he traces his open scars. “I won’t. I can’t.”

“You will, Yoongi.” Seokjin calmly states. Feeling tears spring into his own eyes at the broken
look on the boy’s face.

“I won’t.” Yoongi chuckles. He pulls his fingers back and rubs his eyes as he stutters. “A- As
long… As long as…” He breathes in heavily before laughing contritely. “As long as Jimin
remembers… I can never forget.”

Flashback Over

“But I want to hear the tiger’s story!” Jiyoon yells for the neighbors to hear as his father tries to
tuck him in.

Jimin growls at the boy with his hands on his hips and warns him. “Jiyoon. I read you that one last
night. It’s Mingi’s turn to choose.”

The four-year-old frowns and lands back into the bed with a pout. “I hate you.”

“I hate you too!” Jimin sticks his tongue out at the boy, earning a chortle from his husband. He
glowers at the elder and bites angrily. “And you!”

When Yoongi pouts, Jiyoon exclaims loud as a blowhorn. “Don’t worry, Dad! I love you!”

Jimin scowls at the man and slams the story book into his chest as he angrily states. “You read to
them!” Yoongi shakes his amused and watches his husband walk out of the room with an air of
childishness following him.

*****

Yoongi enters the bedroom cautiously, spying Jimin settled into the bed with his glasses perched
up his nose and a comic book on his lap. He glowers at the man’s entrance and turns his eyes
away.

“Sorry~” Yoongi sings as he rushes to Jimin’s side. Jimin sulks as he jerks his arms out of the
man’s grasp. He pouts as he edges closer to Jimin. “I’m so, so sorry, Baby. I didn’t mean to laugh
at you.”

Jimin turns to the man with a slightly eased expression and hits his lightly on the chest. “You were
being mean. Jiyoon was disrespecting me. You should’ve scolded him instead of laughing at me.”

And Yoongi pulls the boy into a kiss because he sounds like a complaining four-year-old himself.
As he pulls back he sniggers. “He’s three, Sweetie. And you were being a little immature.”

The younger husband huffs and crosses his arms. “Whatever.” He turns to Yoongi and points a
finger at the man as he warns him. “Next time you’ve got to be on my side, okay?”

Yoongi pulls Jimin arms out from under his armpits and kisses his knuckles as he affirms, “Okay.”
When Jimin lets his face crack into a smile, Yoongi too, smiles back. He caresses Jimin’s fingers
as he pulls the boy close. Feeling the two rings on his fingers clack against each other.

He stares at their wedding ring before he shifts his gaze onto the chastity ring that Jimin now wears
on his middle finger. His smile faltering a little.

Flashback

Seokjin places a silver ring into Jimin’s hands. “It’s been seven years, right?” Seokjin asks with a
smile as he ruffles Mingi’s hair, who is jumping up and down on the balls of his feet next to his
husband. He watches the boy lick happily at the ice cream he’d bought him, before he turns his
attention towards the child’s father. “You told me to give it to you when you’d forget.”

Jimin stand there shell-shocked, unaware that his husband of two years is watching, as he
whispers. “You… knew?”

Seokjin smiles as he ignores Jimin’s question and bends down to Mingi’s height, asking the boy
with mirth in his voice. “Where’s Dad and Jiyoon, Mingi-ya?” When the boy tells him that Yoongi
and Jiyoon are at the dentist’s and he and Daddy got out earlier, Seokjin smiles. “Let’s get Jiyoon
an ice cream too?” The boy nods enthusiastically and Seokjin takes his hand pulling him away
towards the ice cream stall.

Jimin follows them having gained some of his bearing. He stands beside the happy pair and
mumbles when Seokjin looks at him. “Why didn’t you say something?”

Seokjin once again avoids the question and retorts one of his own back at the boy, “you love him
that much?”

Jimin looks at the man and smiles as he sits down beside him on the bench. He takes a bite from
the ice cream that was meant for Jiyoon and nods his head cheerily as he replies. “Yep!”

The elder raises and eye at him and asks him dubiously, “so you’ve really forgotten?”

The boy shakes his head as he ducks and looks away. A sad smile paints his face. “I can’t.” He
turns to Seokjin and with emotion-filled eyes tells the elder, “how can I when every time I hold his
hand, I can feel my fingers brush against scars I know he cut into his skin out of guilt?”

Seokjin frowns as he looks at the boy. “Is that why you’re with him? Why you married him?” His
anger speaks for him as he bites back. “Is it guilt?”

Jimin looks away with a gentle “no”. He closes his eyes as he breathes in the fresh air. And when
he opens his eyes he turns to the infuriated elder sitting beside him. “It’s not because of guilt. I
know how it goes with psychologists. I’m not in experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder and
it’s not because of lingering feelings. I’m not with him because it’s the right thing to do and it’s not
Stockholm’s Syndrome.”

“What is it then?” Seokjin asks, a sense of dejavu taking over him.

Jimin smiles gently as he cards his hair through his son’s hair and continues. “I’m with him,
because right now, I love him. Because when I am with him, I can pretend he never hurt me.
Because he loves me enough to ignore his guilt when he’s with me.” Jimin looks at Seokjin before
turning back to his son. “Because until I don’t love him anymore, I want to love him to the fullest.”

Seokjin stares at the younger boy. Gaping as he recalls a similar conversation he’d had before.
“Love…” He begins. “Love isn’t sacrifices, Jimin.” And maybe he wants to see what the boy will
reply because he finds himself rambling. “Love isn’t about pretending to be okay with something
that hurts you. Love isn’t supposed to be bittersweet. Love, shouldn’t be a punishment.”

Jimin beams at the elder. “Love doesn’t have to be anything, hyung.” He bites into Jiyoon’s ice
cream again, humming, pleased at the flavor before he elucidates. “Love, is just Love. It’s not a
punishment if we are happier together. I just love him enough to forget.”

The elder shivers at the words as he denies. “But he hurt you. He scarred you forever.”

“I hurt him too, hyung.” Jimin gently retorts. He smiles as he continues to devour the icy treat.
“Maybe not directly, but he’s hurt because of me too. His scars are permanent as well.” The boy
chuckles and turns to the elder. “It’s just that even though you can’t see my scars you know they’re
there. And even if you can see his scars, you choose to ignore them.”

Seokjin sits speechless as he watches the father-son pair share the rest of Jiyoon’s sweet treat. “He
does love you, Jimin” Seokjin calls after several minutes. And when Jimin turns to him muttering
confidently, that he knows, the elder ruffles his hair and finishes. “And he is hurting. But, when
he’s with you, he forgets.”

Jimin smiles and quietly murmurs, “And when I’m with him, I do too.”

Flashback Over

“Do you think Namjoon and hyung will adopt a boy or a girl?” Yoongi asks as they snuggled
under the covers. They had just gotten off the phone with a very excited Namjoon, rambling about
their visit to the adoption center tomorrow.

Jimin snickers as he presses closer into his husband’s side. “Definitely a girl.” Yoongi frowns as he
pulls away a little to stare at his husband with a raised eye. And Jimin rolls his eyes before
elaborating. “Seokjin hyung always wanted a girl as his first child remember?” When Yoongi sighs
in affirmation, Jimin continues cheekily. “And Namjoon hyung always said he’d marry his first
born off with yours.”

Yoongi snorts at that. He pinches Jimin’s nose before kissing it better. “Seokjin hyung actually
wanted a girl and a boy and timing doesn’t matter for him, as long as the girl is older.” Jimin
agrees with a nod and Yoongi snickers. “And Namjoon could still marry his child off with Jiyoon
or Mingi. Our kids could turn out gay as well, you know?”

This time, it is Jimin who snorts. At Yoongi’s questioning glance, Jimin clarifies with a grin.
“Well, I should probably let you know, that Mingi is has a crush on Miho.”

“He’s four!” Yoongi yells at his husband who simply giggles.

“And he’s got game,” Jimin explains. “Because when he confessed, Miho said yes.”

Yoongi groans at the news, rubbing his face tiredly. “Hobi is going to kill me.”

Flashback

“What… What happened?” Namjoon whispers as he stands in the corner of the ICU. Seokjin looks
up from where he’s cutting fruits for Yoongi. The pale boy, looking paler than he usually does.

Namjoon looks over at the wires and tubes that Yoongi is attached to and when his eyes lands on
the elder boy, Seokjin gets up from his seat. He ushers his boyfriend over beside him. When
Namjoon is by his side Seokjin turns to Yoongi, who, for once, looks frightened to be in Namjoon’s
presence, and speaks over the heavy silence. “Good thing he’s here.” He turns to Namjoon and
smiles as he says, “would you keep Yoongi company, Joonie? I think I need some fresh air.”

Before either Namjoon or Yoongi can deny, Seokjin kisses the youngest in the room, and exits.
Leaving behind an empty silence and two former best friends.

A while passes before Namjoon finally takes a seat beside Yoongi’s bed. His eyes linger over the
elder’s bandaged wrists, frowning with he sees the bandage on his neck. The blood-striped white
cotton makes him look away as bile rises to his lips.

“What… Why… Why did you…?” Namjoon stammers before hushing down. When he sees Yoongi
struggling to speak he puckers his brow. He watches the elder move his lips but no sound seems to
come. The boy moves closer to hear the elder better but when Yoongi points at his throat he stops.
Realization strikes him as he questions hesitantly, “you… can’t speak?”

Yoongi shakes his head weekly as he manages to finally utter a word, “I can’t… speak louder…”
Heaving by the time he finishes. Namjoon nods in understanding and moves closer as Yoongi
continues to speak. The effort making him sweat, “Ji… Min…”

Namjoon moves away at the name. He scowls as he watches Yoongi look at him. Anger bubbles in
him as he shoots back, “so you slit your throat!?” His voice echoing off the pristine white walls of
the room. A nurse enters the room frightened, advising him in a hush to keep his voice down. As
soon as the lady leaves, Namjoon fires back at the elder, in a lower growl. “You think committing
suicide will make it all right again?”

The seething younger falters when Yoongi begin speaking again. He hesitates before moving next
to the elder again. “I… feel angry… and disgusted…” When Namjoon shoots him a raised
eyebrow with pained eyes staring at him, Yoongi continues with uneven breaths from the effort it
takes to speak. “I feel… dead. So, what does it… matter… anyway.”

The guilt that drips from Yoongi’s words shatters Namjoon’s heart. So, grappling on the remains
of his friendship, Namjoon cries. He grabs Yoongi’s hands and touches them to his forehead as he
lets tears fall on the white bedsheets. The boy sobs uncontrollably and after two years he finally
looks at Yoongi like he once used to.

“It does matter, hyung.” He whispers as he runs his fingers lightly against the bloodied gauze the
man’s wrists are wrapped in. “I’m angry. So, so, so angry.” He bites his lips to keep himself from
breaking down as he cries. “But- But you’re Yoongi hyung.” Namjoon continues to cry as he
confesses, “I could hate you to the point of ignoring your existence, but I wouldn’t want you dead.”

Yoongi chuckles softly which sounds like a sigh. “But… Jimin… is hurting.”

Like an adamant child Namjoon grips tighter on to the elder’s fingers and desperately repudiates.
“He isn’t! He isn’t hyung. He doesn’t even remember!”

And when Yoongi shakes his head a no, Namjoon’s blood runs cold. His grasp son the man’s hand
loosens as he hears Yoongi sigh. “He does…”

“H- He doesn’t.” Namjoon denies with enlarged eyes.

Yoongi smiles sardonically and nods his head. “He does… He never forgot.”

With fear in his words Namjoon echoes, “how do you know?”

“I’m been… in love with him, Joon-ah” The nickname sounding warm from Yoongi’s frozen lips.
“I can tell… when he’s… lying.” When Namjoon doesn’t show any signs of certainty the elder
elaborates. “It’s been fifteen months… Since he’s supposedly forgotten…” Namjoon nods in
agreement. “He never once wore… his ring again.”
And Namjoon realizes the truth. And he cries once again.

Soon Seokjin arrives, smiling at the scene of the best friends talking once again. And when
Namjoon is told by the doctor that Yoongi will never be able to rap again, due to the damage his
vocal cords dealt; Seokjin is there to comfort his boyfriend through the shock and misery.

The news of Yoongi leaving the band travels faster than gossip and within six months of his
departure, they disband.

Yoongi turns into a producer with Namjoon following suit. The younger boy releasing mixtapes
every several years. Seokjin takes into acting following Taehyung’s footsteps. And Hoseok opens a
dance academy with Jimin. The two, collaborating time from time in creating choreographies for
their company’s future idol groups. Jungkook is the only who remains in the singing business.

Flashback Over

“We have to meet up with Tae and Kookie tomorrow” Jimin whispers as he kisses the elder
goodnight, setting the alarm for seven in the morning.

Yoongi grunts unimpressed and rests his head in the crook of his husband’s shoulder. He breaths
slowly, fanning Jimin’s skin with warm breath. “Do we have to?”

Jimin rolls his eyes at the elder’s antics and bites his ears naughtily and impishly, “yes. Because
when we were adopting Jiyoon and Mingi, Tae and Kookie tagged along too.”

“They didn’t even do anything!” Yoongi wails. He sighs as he lets his breath come out in shorts.
“All they did was play with the kids. They didn’t even know we were adopting twins!”

Jimin places his index finger on the elder’s lips and chides him. “I told you not to yell too much.”

Yoongi smiles amused and replies, “I’m fine now. It’s been six years.” He kisses the smaller man
and sighs into the kiss, “I can even rap if I want to.”

“I know,” Jimin smiles. He fixes the elder’s messy hair and consoles the boy. “At least Joonie
hyung and Seokjin hyung will be there too.” He sniggers as he continues, “They’re gonna be so
shocked when they find out that Tae and Kookie are gonna visit the same center tomorrow.”

Yoongi allows himself to smile at the image. “We should call Hobi too. It’ll be hilarious!”

Jimin thinks it over before he nods agreeing. “That’s not too bad an idea. Mijoo isn’t gonna be back
until eight something at night.”

Yoongi smiles as he kisses his husband, relishing in the man’s giggles. “Do you think Tae and
Kookie will get a boy?”

“Definitely.” Jimin giggles as he exclaims. “Tae just wants a child and Kookie is too macho to
have a girl.”

Yoongi doesn’t reply, merely agreeing with the boy with a kiss.

Flashback

Yoongi sends a guarded gaze towards Jimin, looking at the boy as if he were crazy. “What did you
just say?”
Jimin smiles easily at the elder. He places his hand over Yoongi’s mouth shushing before repeating
himself. “It’s Valentine’s Day. Hobi hyung is off to Jeju with Mijoo and Jin and Joonie hyung are
at their apartment probably having sex as we speak.” He chortles when Yoongi makes a disgusted
face. “And Tae and Kookie are visiting Tae’s grandma.”

Yoongi raises an eye and questions the boy, “so?”

He younger boy rolls his eyes before latching on to the elder’s arms and pulling him out of the
production studio. “So… let’s not get left behind.”

“Jimin I- “ Yoongi tries to pull himself away from the clingy boy, but Jimin never relents. Tittering
to himself. “We’re not a couple, idiot.”

Without losing a beat Jimin turns to him. “Then let’s become one!” When Yoongi stops dead in his
tracks, Jimin does too. He lets their eyes speak between them before stepping closer to the elder.
“Would you go out with me, hyung?”

There’s cheekiness in the boy’s words and sparkle in his eyes. And Yoongi spends too long trying
to find some kind of hurt in them, but it isn’t there. Still, Yoongi has to make sure. So, he bites his
lips, looking away. Guilt surging through him as he asks. “You don’t mind dating your rapist?”

Jimin’s smile wavers and his grip loosens, but he doesn’t let go. He’s staring at Yoongi with some
foreign expression take his features. “Wh- what- are you talking…”

“You think I wouldn’t know. I knew you were lying when you broke the laptop in the dance studio
when we were trainees. And I knew it was you who had ordered the ramyun using Hobi’s card that
one time. I know you don’t like tofu but still pretended to like it because you didn’t want Seokjin
hyung to make a double batch.” Yoongi flitters his eyes back at the boy and his lips tremble as he
goes on. “And I know you never forgot.”

Jimin doesn’t let Yoongi’s silence punctuate the conversation as he leans up and kisses the elder.
Shocking Yoongi beyond measure. When he pulls back, there’s an impish smile on his face. “You
know, I knocked myself into the toilet bowl once when I was little?” He echoes but doesn’t wait for
Yoongi to respond as he continues to retell the story he’s recited a million times in interviews and
magazines. “I had to get stitches. That’s why my right eye is swollen.”

“Wha- “

The boy reaches up to kiss the elder and Yoongi closes his eyes, letting his tears fall, as he feels
soft lips press into his. “It left a mark.” He gestures to the stitch mark on his eyebrow. Jimin
whispers against the elder’s lips; his hands finding their way into Yoongi’s black locks. “But you
don’t see me avoiding bathrooms and toilets all my life.” A sweet twitter elicits from the boy’s lips.

Yoongi shakes his head, making a few more tears fall as he stands limp. “It’s not the same, Jimin.”

The shorter of the two shrugs as he places any gentle peck on the elder’s lips. “It’s like falling
down and scratching you knees.”

“Scratched knees can be fixed with medicine, Jimin-ah” Yoongi bitterly bites out.

Jimin chuckles. “And you can fix me by forgetting it.” And when Yoongi begins to speak, Jimin
places a hand over his lips. “Everyone is allowed one mistake as long as they properly atone for
it.”

“I haven’t atoned for it. Not yet. Not by a long shot.” The elder shakes his head and pulls away,
 creating distance between them.

The younger boy doesn’t allow the loss of contact to disconcert him. He takes another step closer,
his hands reaching for the one in front of him. And without warning pulls back the sleeve of
Yoongi’s sweater. The lines and lines of permanent red staring back at them. “I know there’s more.
In places I can’t see yet.” Jimin mumbles as he runs his thumb along the angry stripes. He pulls
his gaze back into the elder’s eyes and smiles as he moves closer. He lets his lips hover of the
elder’s and as if asking for permission, states. “Let’s fix each other, hyung. Let’s become each
other’s medicine.”

And Jimin doesn’t move. He doesn’t make to kiss the boy. Because he wants Yoongi to make a
decision now. He’s giving Yoongi the chance to choose.

And when Yoongi heaves in a breath and leans down to kiss him, Jimin smiles.

Flashback Over

Seokjin and Namjoon end up adopting a three-year-old girl, who they name Jinam.

Jungkook and Taehyung take home two five-year-old and four-year-old boys, naming them
Taejung and Junghyung, and a girl of age two, Taeguk. And everyone finds out that Jungkook, is a
fool for his princess when he buys all the shades of pink he can get his hands on.

And Yoongi and Jimin end up adopting another boy, Minyoon, three-year-old, completing their
sweet family.

Flashback

“So, how many kids would you like to have in the future?” The interviewer asks and the boys blush
a bright red before replying.

“Two boys and a girl” Seokjin and Namjoon confess, glaring at each other, when they answer the
same. And Seokjin further adds, “I want the girl to be the eldest though. I have this ideal image of
an elder sister.”

“I want four.” Hoseok explains. “Two boy and two girls.”

“Five!” a merely twenty-year-old Taehyung, exclaims excitedly.

And Jungkook rolls his eyes as he mutters, “One girl and boy.”

Yoongi drawls tiredly, but with a smile. “I want at least a son.”

And Jimin, with his gaze lingering at the pale elder, says confidently, “we’ll have three sons!”

Flashback Over

Please Hit me up on Tumblr at CMiMiU or on Twitter at @CMiMiU

I'm a bored little penguin. I Ship my OTPs. I need chocolate.

Chapter End Notes

Chapter End Notes

Thank you for reading this story and liking it.

I love everyone single CU out there!

Please do check out the other stories in the MiniMini Series. And if ya'll want angst,
Please check out Red Doored Residents!

Love ya'll,
Myself
 Special Chapter: Love repeats itself.
Chapter Summary

For tat one Reader who asked for Jimin's POV.

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Yoongi had tried to kill himself.

Hyung tried to kill himself. He tried to kill himself. He took a knife and slit his throat, knowing well
he would die. He wasn't playing when he did it. He didn't try to just ease his guilt by harming
himself. He tried to kill himself.

Jimin tried to feel something. Anything. Sadness, hatred, fear. Frustration, anger. Even guilt. But,
he found himself devoid of all emotions. It was as if he'd gone numb. Doused with ice water that
drenched him in chilled nerves. He eyed the sleeping figure of the man who had raped him from
the porthole window of the ICU, never daring to enter, and he felt absolutely nothing.

He walked away without meeting him.

*****

It's been almost a year since Yoongi's left. Four months have passed since they've disbanded.
Things are messed up and Jimin is confused and sad and frustrated. He thinks back to the time
when everything got ruined but there's no one point he can clearly call the climax.

All he knows is that he doesn't see Yoongi every day now.

Nowadays the only times he does see the elder is during song compilations or concept meetings;
during which they discuss Jimin's solo comeback and concept or song directions. No words outside
of work are exchanged and Jimin is surprised when he finds himself easily acclimatised to this.

It's like they're back to being strangers and Jimin isn't regretful of this turn of events. Yoongi
barely regards him outside of work, and even if he does, it is merely about the weather or the day's
lunch menu. Jimin too keeps his greetings short, knowing well enough that this isn't normal.
Because it's like this with Yoongi only. He still visits Namjoon around the studio for movie nights
and goes hotelling around random restaurants with Seokjin. He makes sure to have sleepovers at
Taehyung and Jungkoook's and is also sharing an apartment with Hoseok.

He's still close to everyone, just like he was back when they were still a band. All except Yoongi.

Jimin grapples around in his mind for something that would point towards regret. He had, after all,
loved the man for years. Was still hiding the truth about his memories from everyone because he
still loved him. For things to end just like that, Jimin should've felt something. Right?

*****

It's the year-end party. The choreographers and coordis, cameramen and even Bang PDnim are
present at the event. Jungkook and Taehyung are too busy grinding into each other on the
dancefloor to notice the entrance of a particular pale-skinned man. Hoseok merely waves at him
from the dancefloor, distracted by the man's arrival. They had all thought he'd pass up the party in
favour of doing whatever he does these days. Seokjin pats his back when he joins them at the bar
and Namjoon grins at the man, ordering a tequila on his behalf.

But, Jimin is clueless as to what he should do. He stares at the muffler wrapped around the elder's
neck and guesses that the cold outside isn't the only reason he's wearing it. He's hiding a scar.
Jimin knows this. Understands this. He knows the elder's throat is lined with ugly stitch marks that
will remain for life. He knows why Yoongi carries a muffler or a scarf around all the time ever
since he got out of the hospital. He knows everything, but he doesn't feel anything.

It feels like training days all over again. When he was the newest arrival in the band. The unwanted
newbie who no one knew until barely a year before debut. He gulps down the glassful of rum and
musters his courage to smile and say Hi. And when receives a small smile and a greeting in return,
it's definitely like the trainy days again.

Because the fluttering in his stomach isn't that of being in love. It's the fluttering you get when you
meet someone new. When you make a new friend.

"Didn't think you'd make it, Hyung." Jimin finds the courage in him to speak.

Yoongi simply shrugs, but the smile is still there.

That night, Jimin can't sleep. But it isn't because he saw Yoongi. Or because Yoongi smiled at him
or ruffled his hair. It isn't because Yoongi agreed to tag along for the member-only get together at
a local karaoke next week. And it isn't because Jimin never once thought of anything bad the entire
night.

It's because Jimin is finally friends with Yoongi. And what he feels right now isn't love. It's the
same excitement he had felt when he made friends with Yoongi when they had first met.

*****

Sometimes, Jimin doesn't understand himself.

Sometimes he lies awake in bed after practice forcing himself to feel something.

At first, he'd thought he'd feel avenged, as awful as that sounds. When Seokjin had told him what
Yoongi had done, Jimin had thought he might be happy about it. His rapist had tried to kill himself.
Tried to slit his throat and succeeded. Yoongi was at the cliff of death and Jimin thought he
should've been happy. But when he felt nothing he thought otherwise.

Maybe I should be sad? He tried to kill himself because of me. Because he felt guilty. Maybe I
should be sad about that? Heartbroken? Jimin had lain several nights trying to get himself to feel
anything towards the elder, towards the incident, but came empty-handed.

It was like he had become an empty slate ever since Yoongi was discharged.

*****

He feels himself falling in love again.

Jimin stares at the pale man explaining the lyrics of the new song to Jimin. The one he's preparing
his first choreography for. And Jimin can literally feel himself falling in love.
He thinks back to when he had first loved the elder, and a memory filters into his mind.

Flashback

"Okay, Jimin-ah. Just try to feel the lyrics, okay?" Yoongi had explained to him during their first
recording together. Jimin had been having a really hard time trying to get his voice to sound angry
and Yoongi wanted Jimin to really feel the lyrics when he sang. "Just thinks about how mad you
get when you think about our education system. How mad you get when you think about adults
feeding lies and false expectations into young minds. How they plague your mind with lies. Tell you
you're not good enough. Tell you your dreams are for none"

"But... My parents never did that, Hyung." Jimin bit his lips in frustration. He fell heavily on the
couch he was sitting on and pouted as he continued. "They are the most supporting people ever!
They never stopped me from going for I wanted. I never had it hard. How am I possibly supposed
to 'hate society' when society has never been bad to me?"

Yoongi had a stony face at his words and Jimin felt a stone fall into the pit of his stomach. "Lucky
you, huh?"

"I mean..." Jimin, sensing something more than resentment in the elder's voice, sat up. "I just can't
get angry at someone for no reason, Hyung. If you could just explain to me why you are angry,
maybe I could channel your feelings into my singing. But, I don't think I'll be able to really get
angry at society or adults just like that."

"Tell you why I'm angry?" Yoongi mused. He rolled his eyes, huffed and leant ahead. "You know
why I hate this society? Because when I was young I had to change homes more times than I can
count just to maintain my status because apparently the bigger the home the more worth you have
as a person. I had to leave my friends so many times that after the third time, I stopped making any
friends at all. When I was in high school we went bankrupt and I had to work part time. And every
adult I ever met only exploited me. They'd call me at awful hours, give me the shittiest shifts. Even
my wages were bullshit. They worked me over time and paid me shit. I overworked myself to the
point of breaking my shoulder! When I graduated high school and started doing music, my parents
threw me out on the streets because I wouldn't follow their dreams and enter college. Because
apparently, their dreams are worth more than mine. I had to clean toilets when I first entered this
company just to be able to feed myself with whatever money I was given because working outside
of the company wasn't allowed. I had to sleep on the cold floor with seventeen other guys in a
studio flat because I was still just a trainy. I had depressed, anxiety. I was terrified of people, but I
still had to fucking act like I was fine, because no one cared even if I did tell!"

"Hyung, I-"

He was heaving by now and Jimin sat rock still as he watched Yoongi's eyes water with feelings. "I
went through shit and back but no one helped me! You wanna know why I hate this society?
Because I can't even be my true self in front of these fakes. I can't even love who I want to love
because it's taboo! I can't even say I'm scared because that ruins my idol image!"

"Hyung..."

"Now that you know," Yoongi ignored Jimin's wavering voice and calmly turned back to the sound
mixer. "Can you please channel my feelings into your voice and just fucking sing."

And Jimin sang and Yoongi was astounded by the anger in the younger's voice.

Jimin was angry. At the society that made Yoongi suffer so much.
And he was in love.

*****

They fall into an easy rhythm soon enough. Jimin visits Yoongi everytime he goes to see Namjoon.
Sometimes they have lunch together. Seokjin and Namjoon, and Yoongi and him, and Jimin feels
easy. There aren't things he should be saying or words he should be avoiding. It's almost as if he
had never been raped. As if a part in his mind has been cleared off with white ink.

Sometimes Jungkook, Taehyung and Hoseok join them too, and Jimin realises that maybe he hasn't
really forgotten it all. Maybe it's somewhere locked in some remote corner of his mind. Because
the youngest two always stare. At Yoongi. At the scarf wrapped around his neck. Like they want to
ask, want to broach the subject but can't bring themselves to.

When Yoongi had been discharged Namjoon had warned everyone he knew to never mention the
incident to the man. And simple as that, Yoongi's suicide attempt was never spoken of again.
People had simply passed it off as another anxiety attack. Some believed he never recovered from
his depression. Only the member knew that wasn't the case.

Still, Seokjin and Namjoon hide it well. They pretend they don't know the reason behind Yoongi's
suicide attempt. But Hoseok and the two maknaes don't. Their eyes always flit towards the elder's
neck. Their words carrying a careful undertone when they speak to him. As if talking to an injured
child. They still think he's at flight risk.

And Jimin doesn't know what he feels about that. He loves Yoongi, he's falling all over again for
the man. But he doesn't know what he feels about the man trying to kill himself.

All he knows is that he hasn't forgotten. But the pain has replaced itself with numbness.

*****

Jimin is digging into his fishcakes when he sees it.

They are in Hongdae. Jungkook is busy having a heated discussion about a new music video with
Namjoon and Hoseok, and Taehyung and Seokjin engrossed in their exchanged about some anime
they are watching. Jimin is standing at a food cart with Yoongi, eating fishcakes with soup when
he sees it.

At first, he doesn't understand it. He simply sees red, maybe a little bit of brown. It's all
overshadowed by Yoongi's gummy smile that's directed towards him after almost a year and a half
since they disbanded. He thinks it's just a trick of the eyes and waves it off when the elder lowers
his hands to ask the woman for more soup. Pulling down his sleeves in sweaterpaws while he's at
it. But Jimin nonetheless decides to keep his eyes peeled.

The second time he sees it he's sure. He doesn't need a third to confirm because the proof is staring
at him mockingly in the eyes in the form of brilliant red and brown lines.

Yoongi, singing into his mike in his alcohol induced state, let's his walls down. The fact that the
karaoke is filled with light emitting from just the disco ball overhead and that almost all the other
members except Jungkook and himself are shit drunk helps conceal it. But Jimin is too close to not
be able to make out the angry lines etched into porcelain skin.

He doesn't say anything, though. Because what should he say? He can't even rack his brain enough
for a rhetorical inquiry.
So he ignores it. And they sing and dance and Jimin forget about it in a matter of seconds.

Except he doesn't. Because when he is lying in bed, rewinding the day's happenings he finds
himself being relieved. Disgust fills him to the brim when relief is all he can feel and he hates
himself for the tiniest while.

But, soon that hatred is replaced. Because Jimin suddenly realises that the relief he feels isn't for
himself. It's for Yoongi. Because the lines, when he thinks back about it, were red and angry but
healed nonetheless. Some even brown indicating old scars. He thinks about Yoongi again. How the
elder has opened up to him again. Is talking to him again. Hugging him, touching him again. And
he finally feels something.

He feels happy that Yoongi has forgiven himself.

*****

It's Valentine's Day and three years have passed. And three years is what it took for Jimin to
realised something.

That Yoongi knows everything. That Jimin wasn't a good enough actor. That Yoongi knows and
clearly hasn't forgiven himself.

Flashback

“Would you go out with me, Hyung?” Jimin had asked, cheeks red with embarrassment that he hid
behind his cheekiness.

But Yoongi's response was mind numbing but not at the same time. "You don’t mind dating your
rapist?”

For some reason, Jimin wasn't surprised. He wasn't shocked like he would've expected of himself.
He wasn't even concerned. "Wh- what- are you talking…” he began but somewhere in the back of
his mind he knew.

“You think I wouldn’t know. I knew you were lying when you broke the laptop in the dance studio
when we were trainees. And I knew it was you who had ordered the ramyun using Hobi’s card that
one time. I know you don’t like tofu but still pretended to like it because you didn’t want Seokjin
Hyung to make a double batch. And I know you never forgot.”

Flashback over

As if someone was pulling the string Jimin moved his lips over Yoongi's and he suddenly found
himself speaking. "You know, I knocked myself into the toilet bowl once when I was little?” Jimin
smiled. “I had to get stitches. That’s why my right eye is swollen.”

“Wha-" Yoongi started to speak but Jimin saw past the confusion in the elder's eyes and continued.

“It left a mark.” He kissed the elder again. “But you don’t see me avoiding bathrooms and toilets
all my life.”

"It’s not the same, Jimin.”

“It’s like falling down and scratching your knees.”

“Scratched knees can be fixed with medicine, Jimin-ah.”

 "And you can fix me by forgetting it.” Jimin realised as he said that. He realised that Yoongi
hurting himself was a way of forgiving himself without Jimin having to say it. Because he had
never apologised and Jimin had never voiced his acceptance of the silent apology. Yoongi too was
trying to forget and Jimin, as crazy as that sounds, could only be fixed if Yoongi forgot. Because at
the end of the day, Yoongi was the only reminder. “Everyone is allowed one mistake as long as
they properly atone for it.”

“I haven’t atoned for it. Not yet. Not by a long shot.”

The scars came to mind then and Jimin pulled the elder's sleeves up before he could stop him. “I
know there’s more. In places, I can’t see yet.” With desperation in his tone, Jimin pleaded. “Let’s
fix each other, Hyung. Let’s become each other’s medicine.” He hovered his lips just above
Yoongi's, allowing the elder to decided.

Because Jimin didn't want him to keep reliving in the past. Because Jimin was willing to wait until
the elder forgave himself. He wanted Yoongi to forget it, just like he had. Become a clean slate.
Like trainy days.

And Jimin didn't move. He didn't make to kiss the boy. Because he wanted Yoongi to make a
decision now. He was giving Yoongi the chance to choose.

And when Yoongi heaved in a breath and leant down to kiss him, Jimin smiled.

*****

They are getting married today. Three years later, and Jimin is sure he was never wrong in giving
the elder another chance. Giving himself another chance. And as he waits, he is hit with a wave of
realisation.

They had been strangers. Had loved each other. Hurt each other. Became strangers again and still
fell in love with each other.

"Love repeats itself huh, Tae?" Jimin whispers to Taehyung as Yoongi walks down the aisle to
him.

Maybe Taehyung replies back, but he's not sure he hears his best man when Jimin's gaze is locked
on the man's eyes. Eyes that show so much love that Jimin forgets his pains.

And Yoongi feels no different.

Twitter: @CMiMiU | Tumblr: CMiMiU| Ko-Fi: Buy Me A Coffee

Chapter End Notes

I feel like crying now. But I loved this story despite the hateful comments I got on it
and the taboo subject.
Thank you all for reading it. I love you!!!
 Shameless Promotion
Chapter by CmiMiu

Chapter Summary

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