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Greenleaf Book GroupAs We Grieve
Author Offers Gifts to Finding Comfort in Our Most
Sorrowful Time
The loss of someone we love can leave us feeling alone and bereft. Jan Groft,
author of As We Grieve: Discoveries of Grace in Sorrow from Graham House
Books (www.aswegrieve.com) has a gift for you; nine gifts, to be exact, of hope
and healing in times of sorrow.
In addition to examining the depths of her own grief experience and the solace
she discovered there, Groft reached out to others to learn how they dealt with
their losses. She then graciously shared these stories and insights in a touching,
poignant look at how to find comfort amidst great sorrow.
Nurturing a heart open to recognizing moments of grace is key, according to
Groft, for these moments often arrive unexpectedly, taking us by surprise.
“There are endless ways we might be lifted from our deepest sorrow to feel the
warmth and power of love,” wrote Groft. “It is in these moments, I believe, that we
are blessed with the gift of hope.”
For some, noted Groft, a sense of peace arises from encountering the dying or
the deceased in a new light. This is the gift of discovery, received in one
instance by a family of siblings treated to an unbiased view of their dying father
through words of farewell offered by his caregivers. In another, Groft herself
recognizes her own misguided sense of responsibility and is able to re-define a
trying relationship with her deceased mother.
“It can be a gift to encounter a glimpse of the dying or the deceased through new
eyes,” Groft wrote, “for if we decide to embrace this enlightened perspective, we
may enjoy enriched relationships, meaningful exchanges or the will to forgive or
receive forgiveness, endeavors that unveil God’s healing grace.”
Each gift, according to Groft, is similar to an embrace, and the choice to accept it
or not is ours. The gift of memories, for example, may “take us by surprise like
trick candles on a birthday cake suddenly reigniting,” she wrote, or we may
purposefully call them forth to pay tribute. One memory may be inspired by a
photo or memento, while another is summoned through a tribute initiated by
survivors, such as a Maryland baseball field constructed in honor of a beloved
ten-year-old who had “loved to put on his uniform and run out to the mound and
start a game,” according to his grieving father.
“For those who grieve, the essential element we must allow ourselves— however
brief or vast we require it to be — is time,” wrote Groft. “If we feel ready and
when we feel ready, remembering the past, as someone once said, gives power
to the present.”
As unlikely as it may seem, humor is another gift Groft cited as offering comfort in
grief. She recounted stories of humorous reminiscence shared at memorial
services, quips made by patients from their hospital beds, even the punchy
laughter that comes from plain exhaustion. Just as we must let the tears flow,
she suggested, laughter filled with genuine love can be cleansing. This kind of
respite deep in the heart, she pointed out, is often offered among the safety of
family and close friends.
“When family surrounds us permitting us to laugh and be who we are, tension
can be broken and healing kicks in,” noted Groft.
Story after story of grieving men and women of various ages and various walks
of life illuminate Groft’s hope-filled message of the grace that can be found and
embraced amidst grief. In addition to discovery, memories and humor, the gifts
of strength, faith, art, wisdom, gratitude and community are all addressed through
these touching moments she gathered and graciously shared.
About Jan Groft
Writer and speaker Jan Groft is the author of two books, Riding the Dog and As
We Grieve: Discoveries of Grace in Sorrow. Formerly President/Creative
Director of an award-winning advertising agency, she also records life histories of
hospice patients and facilitates writing workshops for the bereaved. She holds a
BA in English from Dickinson College and an MFA in Writing from Vermont
College.
