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 The Telephone
Music and Libretto by Gian Carlo Menotti
(In Lucy's apartment. As the curtain goes up, Lucy is
busy opening a gift box which Ben has just handed to
her)
LUCY
Oh! Just what I wanted.
(she unwraps a piece of abstract sculpture)
Thank you!
BEN
I'm so glad you like it!
Now, Lucy, I've something to tell you.
I'm going away.
LUCY
Oh, dear! When are you going?
BEN
My train leaves in an hour.
LUCY
Oh, I'm sorry!
BEN
But before I go
I would like to ask you something.
LUCY
Yes, dear.
BEN
You know how much I've always liked you.
LUCY
 Yes, dear?
BEN
Well, then...
I was just wond'ring...
that is, of course, after I come back...

If you would consider...

LUCY
What, dear?
BEN
I don't quite know to tell you.
(the telephone rings)
LUCY
Excuse me. Hello! Hello!
Oh, Margaret, it's you.
I am so glad you called,
I was just thinking of you.
It's been a long time since you called me.
Who? I? I cannot come tonight.
No, my dear, I'm not feeling very well.
When? Where? I wish I could be there!
I'm afraid I must not. Hello? Hello?
What did you say, my darling?
What did you say? Hello? Hello?
Please speak louder!
I heard the funniest thing!
Jane and Paul are going
to get married next July.
Don't you think it is the funniest thing
you ever heard? I know... of course...
(she giggles)
And how are you?
And how is John?
And how is Jean?
You must tell them that I send them my love.
And how is Ursula,
 and how is Natalie,
and how is Rosalie?
I hope she's got ten over her cold.
And how is your mother,
and how is your father,
and how is dear little granny?
(nodding)
Ha, ha! Ha, ha!

(Shaking her head)

Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
Oh, dear! Well then, good-bye.
I am so glad you called,
I was just think of you.
It's been a long time since you called me.
Yes, you already told me that.
No my darling, of course I won't forget!
Yes, goodbye, my dear, good-bye
Yes my darling, good-bye. Yes!
Ha, ha! Ha, ha!
That's the funniest thing I ever heard!
And how are you,
and Bets, and Bob,
and Sara, and Sam?
You must tell them that I send them my love.
And how is the pussycat, how is the dog?
Oh, I'm so glad! Goodbye!
Yes, Margaret!
All right, all right!, good-bye!
All right, all right!, good-bye!
Now, Margaret, goodbye! So long.
(she hangs up)
That was Margaret!
BEN
You don't say.
LUCY
 Isn't she funny?
BEN
She is a scream!
LUCY
Would you like to know what she told me?
BEN
I'd love to, but not now...
It is getting and there is so much
I have to tell you.

LUCY
All right, go on.
What is it, darling?
(the telephone rings)
Excuse me. Hello! Hello!
What are you saying?
What number do you want?
Wrong number!
Why must they always pick on me
when they get the wrong number?
BEN
Why, indeed!
But now will you please listen to me?
The time is getting shorter.
LUCY
Would you like to know the exact time?
Just wait.
(Lucy dials, than she hangs up)
It is four fifteen and three
and half seconds.
LUCY, BEN
Oh!
BEN
Thank you. But now, please,
will you listen to me?
LUCY
 Of course, what else have I done? Go on then.
BEN
Well, as we were saying,
you know how much I've always cared for you...
so, I was just wond'ring... that is, of course,
after I come back...
if you would consider
(the telephone rings)

Oh! I'll go insane!

LUCY
I'm sorry. Hello? Hello?
Why, George, it's you!
But why must scream at me so!
What do you mean!
Who ever told it to you?
I never said that about you!
If you don't believe me you can call up Phyllis!
How dare you say such a thing!
Stop using such language!
No... yes... no, no, I mean...
I swear it isn't true!
How can you believe that I'd say such a thing?
Now listen to me!
I'm not going to stand it if you call me names!
(she giggles the receiver)
Hello? Hello?
(spoken)
Murder!
(she hangs up and bursts into tears)
BEN
Listen, Lucy, listen, now don't you cry.
There is something I must tell you.
Listen, Lucy, listen, dear, don't you cry,
lift your face and dry your tears. Listen,
Lucy, listen dear
 LUCY
Oh, you don't understand!
Let me go and get a handkerchief.
(Lucy exits)
BEN
Try again and again. What else can a man do
except wait and then try and wait
And then try once again?
I'd rather contend with lover,

husband, or in-laws, than

This two headed monster who comes unasked
and devours my day.
For this thing can't be poisoned or drowned.
It has hundred of lives and miles of
Umbilical cord.
(he notices a pair of scissors on table. He arms
himself with them and approaches the telephone
slowly and menacingly. Suddenly the telephone rings
out loudly and desperately, like a child crying for help.
Lucy rushes in and takes the telephone protectingly
in her arms)
LUCY
You wicked man! What were you doing to it?
BEN
I... I was only trying...
LUCY
The poor thing! Shame on you! Put them down!
BEN
I assure you it was all in self defence.
LUCY
You must have hit it first!
BEN
Lucy, can we two have a quiet talk?
LUCY
Yes, dear, but first I must call up Pamela.
 BEN
Pamela? Why must you call her now?
LUCY
I must tell her of my quarrel with George.
BEN
Can't you tell her afterwards?
LUCY
Oh, no, I must get hold of her before she hears

it from some body else.

(together)
LUCY
It will only take a moment,
I will make it very short.
It will only take a moment,
I will make it very short.
It will take me just a minute,
I will make it very short.
BEN
Lucy, dear, please not now.
I shall soon be gone.
Lucy, dear, please not now.
I shall soon be gone.
Can't you wait until I go?
But I have not time to lose.
Oh, all right, but please hurry!
(Lucyl dials)
LUCY
Hello!, this is Lucy.
I must had a quarrel with George...
over the telephone.
Shall I tell you all about it?
It all began on Sunday,
when Jean and I went skating.
We got on the trolley
and met Meg and Molly,
 so we sat down next to them.
I've known both Meg and Molly for years,
and thought they were my friends.
But what they have done to me now
I'll never forget.
They started asking if I had seen George,
and now I know why
I said I had seen him once;
that's all they wanted to know.
So one thing led to another,
and while we gabbed about George.
I told them what you told me
you had heard about him and Joe.
Yes, I told them what you told me

you had heard about him and Joe.

I know I was a fool,
but now It is too late.
They told him what I told them
you had told me.
BEN
I've waited hour after hour,
but she will never stop.
I must tell her I love her,
but that thing will not let me,
and now I have to go and she will never
and she will never know.
LUCY
Of course, I said, "Oh, George, my darling,
how can you believe that I'd say such a thing,
you know that in me you have a true friend"
But he wouldn't believe me,
and cursed me up and down,
and kept calling me names,
yes, all sorts of names.
And then I said "Oh George, my darling,
 if you don't believe me
you can call up Phyllis and ask her
to tell you whether or not is true"
Of course I had to lie, what Else was Ito do?
But oh, you'll never know how much
I went through.
Oh, you'll never know how much
I went through.
(together)
BEN
I've waited hour after hour
but she will never stop.
I must tell her I love her,
but that thing will not let me,
and now I have to go, and she will never,
and she will never know.
I heard that before.
She only stops to start again.
If I stay I'll go mad!
There's only one thing left,
there's only one thing left.

LUCY
I thought I would die; Ah! Ah!
I am so glad that you understand.
And now, let's say good-bye.
I want to think it over,
if anything else should happen today
I promise to call you again.
Good-bye. Good-bye.
(Ben exits)
Oh, where has he gone?
He left me alone with my telephone.
I wander what he wanted to tell me?
I have feeling he had something on his mind.
Will he come back?
 By now he must be on the train.
(at one side of the stage a curtain is drawn,
revealing a public telephone booth somewhere
in the city Ben is seen in it, dialing a number)
I don't know why I feel depressed.
(the telephone rings)
Oh! It must be he! It must be he!
(she quickly powders her nose and
fixes her hair)
Hello?
BEN
Hello!
LUCY
Where are you, my darling?
BEN
I'm terribly near you, right next to your ear.
LUCY
Did you miss your train?

BEN
Not yet.
LUCY
But why did you leave me,
and what was the thing
you so wanted to tell me?
BEN
Will you marry me?
LUCY
Oh, Ben! Of course I will marry you!
You know that I love you.
So why, my darling, did you wait so long
to ask me what you already knew?
BEN
Blessed invention, extend your forgiveness!
From now on this shall be that form
Of love which people call "L'amour a trois".
 I must go now.
LUCY
Oh, not just yet.
BEN
I'll miss my train.
LUCY
No, no, you still have time.
BEN
Will you wait for me?
LUCY
Oh, Ben, of course I will wait,
but please don't be long.
(together)
BEN
As long as you have a phone
you'll never be alone.
LUCY

I'll wait by the phone, but darling,

don't be long. And while you're away...
BEN
Yes?
LUCY
Don't forget...
BEN
Your eyes?
LUCY
No...
BEN
Your hands
LUCY
No...
BEN
Your lips?
LUCY
No...
 BEN
What, then?
LUCY
My number!
BEN
Your number?
(together)
LUCY
Oh! Please don't forget to call my number,
my darling, remember to call it every day
my number, my number.
Oh! Please don't forget to call my number,
my darling, remember to call it every day.
You always can reach me
by ringing this number,

by ringing this number,

by ringing this number.
BEN
I'll never forget to call your number,
yes dear, I'll remember to call it every day
your number, your number,
I'll never forget to call your number.
Yes, dear, I'll remember to call it every day
I always can reach you
by ringing this number,
by ringing this number,
by ringing this number.
LUCY
You'd better write it down
so you won't forget it.
Stevedore two...
(Ben struggles with a pencil and paper)
BEN
Stevedore two...
LUCY
 Three...
BEN
Three...
LUCY
Four...
BEN
Four...
LUCY
Nine...
BEN
Nine...
LUCY
0...

Bernice Bobs Her Hair

Music: Norman Weston
Libretto: F. Scott Fitzgerald and Norman Weston
Time: The Summer of 1919
Place: A fairly large, sophisticated, midwestern city
Characters: Marjorie Harvey- popular and devious
Roberta- A friend of Marjorie
Genevieve- A friend of Marjorie
Bernice- Marjorie's unsophisticated cousin visiting from Eau Claire
Mrs. Harvey- Marjorie's mother (Speaking Role)
Warren- A popular boy who has a crush on Marjorie
 G. Reece- A friend of Warren
Charley- A friend of Warren
Postman- (Silent Role)
Production Notes: The time is 1919, before the flapper era, so the costumes and manners ar
those of the late 1910's, not the 1920's, which is why getting a "bob" cut
is so shocking. All female characters have long hair (though it may be
tied up).
The action should be continuous throughout. The only break is between
Scene 1 and 2, and the blackout ending Scene 1 should occur
simultaneously with the beginning of Scene 2. The set should be designed
with continuous action in mind.
Almost all of the action takes place in either the parlor of Marjorie's
house, or her bedroom. Other locations: The Sevier Hotel Barber Shop,
Bernice's bedroom, and the street in front of Marjorie's house, can be
created with minimal, moveable props or sets.
Dances: There are two social dance scenes- Scene 1 and Scene 3. The music is
intentionally anachronistic and the director/choreographer should feel no
obligation to re-create any dance styles of the times.
Running Time: Approximately 30 minutes
Bernice Bobs Her Hair is based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Scene 1- The Parlor of Marjorie Harvey. Couples are dancing. Bernice sits alone in a corne
Sung
Marjorie: Warren ... Warren
Warren: Yes, Marjorie, what?
Marjorie: Would you do something for me? Would you dance with my cousin Bernice?
Warren: Bernice?
Marjorie: Yes, Bernice. You don't mind, do you? What is it, Warren?
Warren: It's just that no fella's gonna cut in!
Marjorie: I promise I'll make sure others cut in.
Warren: No, I'll get stuck.
Marjorie: You won't get stuck. Oh, I know she's a bit of a flat tire, but ... Come!
Addressing the men
Listen here fellas and do me a favor and dance with my cousin
Roberta and Genevieve: Her cousin Bernice who is here for the summer
and comes from Eau Claire
 Roberta: It's a town in Wisconsin
Genevieve: Perhaps Minnesota
Roberta and Genevieve: We're not really sure.
Marjorie: And I promised my mother that I'd entertain her
so do me a favor
Marjorie, Roberta and Genevieve: and dance with Bernice!
G. Reece, Warren and Charley: Oh we know Bernice, she is not unfamiliar but
rather insipid and thoroughly dull, talking
only of weather and other minutiae,
is really quite dopeless and lacking in poise.
While we attend Harvard and Princeton and Yale,
will inherit some wealth

Marjorie, Roberta and Genevieve: and are ever so popular

G. Reece, Warren and Charley: Sounds quite impressive
Marjorie, Roberta and Genevieve: It does sound impressive, but don't be impressed
G. Reece, Warren and Charley: `cause we're all rather shallow and
Marjorie's asked us to dance with Bernice and we
probably will for we all adore Marjorie
Roberta and Genevieve: Warren's quite taken
G. Reece and Charley: He might be in love.
Marjorie: Oh, he certainly is and I love the attention and find him amusing but
other than that I am rather indifferent.
Roberta, Genevieve, G. Reece and Charley: Marjorie's only concern is herself!
Marjorie, Roberta and Genevieve: Listen here fellas and do me/us a favor and
dance with my/her cousin, my/her cousin Bernice who is
visiting here for the summer yet no one will ask her to dance.
Warren: Alright I'll dance with Bernice.
Marjorie: Oh, Warren you are an angel.
Tango begins.
Spoken Dialogue
Warren: Bernice
Bernice: Yes?
Warren: May I have a dance?
Bernice: Oh yes.
Over the course of the Tango, Bernice is passed from boy to boy- it is clear that the boys dan
 reluctantly. Bernice talks continuously throughout the entire dance as if to a single person,
indifferent to the fact that she is passed from Warren to G. Reece to Charley and then back ag
to Warren. Bernice is an awkward dancer.
Bernice: (spoken) I enjoy dancing. Do you enjoy dancing? I enjoy dancing very much. Bac
home in Eau Claire, that's in Wisconsin, I often dance at parties.

Bernice clumsily bunips into another dancer.

Oh my, the floor is so crowded.
She briefly pauses
And rather hot, too. It's hot here. Hotter here than in Eau Claire. I hope the weather
cools down this week. I'm only here for another week, you know, and then I go back
to Eau Claire. But I won't be in Eau Claire for very long- only a month or so, and
then I go off to school. I'm going to school in New York, you know. At Miss
Truby's finishing school.
She briefly pauses again
My parents couldn't decide between Miss Truby's school or Miss Brereton's. I didn't
really have a preference, but my Aunt- not Aunt Josephine- that's Marjorie's mother
of course, but another Aunt- Aunt Edna- well she had heard of some scandal at Miss
Brereton's involving a local girl and a Princeton boy and, well, as I said, I didn't have
a preference so my parents decided to send me to Miss Truby's. In New York. Of
course, my Aunt- Aunt Edna, not Aunt Josephine, mind you - well she has very old-
fashioned views.
All but Bernice dance as couples, elegantly. Benzice is left standing alone, abandoned.
Marjorie spins Warren back into Bernice 's arms. Bernice continues talking as if she were nev
interrupted.
Why, do you know that she doesn't believe boys or girls should have cars of their
own? Have you ever heard such a thing? I can't imagine not having a car of my own.
Can you imagine not having a car of your own? Well, maybe you can, but I can't. I
have a Pan, a Model A in a lovely green. But Basil Lee- Basil is a boy I know back
in Eau Claire- he has a Packard. It's the most beautiful blue touring model. Of
course, Basil Lee has the richest father in Eau Claire. Tell me, what kind of car do
you 9
Warren: (putting a finger tofnger to Bernice 's mouth, hushing her) Bernice. You've got an
awfully kissable mouth
Bernice; (shocked) Fresh!
Everyone turns to look at Bernice in surprise, who quickly exits, embarrassed.
 Scene 2- Marjorie's bedroom. Marjorie and Mrs. Harvey are talking in the bedroom. Bernic
is just outside but can hear what is being spoken.
Spoken Dialogue
Marjorie: Mother, Bernice is absolutely hopeless!
Mrs. Harvey: Now Marjorie, everyone says that your cousin Bernice is pretty and sweet an
she's ...
Marjorie: Such a good cook? Oh, I know Mother, but what of it? She has a bum time. Men do
like her.
Mrs. Harvey: (annoyed) Those boys? Well, Marjorie, that's just cheap popularity. What's a lit
cheap popularity?
Marjorie: It's everything when you're eighteen. I've done my best. I've been polite and I've ma
men dance with her, but they just won't stand being bored. When I think of that
gorgeous coloring wasted on such a ninny!
Mrs. Harvey: There's no courtesy these days.
Marjorie: (with music underneath) Well, no girl can permanently bolster up a lame-duck visit
because these days it's every girl for herself. I've even tried to drop her hints about
clothes and things, and she's been furious--given me the funniest looks. She's sensitive
enough to know she's not getting away with much, but I'll bet she consoles herself by
thinking that she's very virtuous and that I'm too gay and fickle and will come to a bad
end. All unpopular girls think that way. It's just sour grapes!
Bernice: (sung) Is that what she thinks? Is that who I am? Absolutely hopeless?
Is that what she thinks? Am I a bore? A ninny? And a lame-duck visitor?
All the boys back home fancy me, call on me, dance with me.
But here, she says men don't care for me. I'm unpopular.
Is that what they think? Is that who I am?
Spoken dialogue (continued over music)
Mrs. Harvey: It seems to me, that you ought to be able to do something for Bernice. I know sh
not very vivacious.
Marjorie: Vivacious? Good grief! I've never heard her say anything to a boy even remotely w
or interesting. It's just weather, finishing schools and automobiles and "back in Eau
Claire".
Mrs. Harvey: All I know is that other girls not half so sweet and attractive get partners and yo
of all people, should be able to help her be more popular. Now, off to bed, child.

Mrs. Harvey exits without seeing Bernice.

 Bernice: (sung) All the boys back home fancy me, call on me.
But here they think, they all think,
that I'm tiresome and dull, a nuisance who only talks of home.
Well, I miss home.
I miss being popular. I miss being fancied by all the boys.
I miss my home.
Marjorie opens her bedroom door to head down the hall and sees Bernice. It is clear that
Bernice has heard everything.
Spoken Dialogue
Marjorie: Bernice. What are you doing here? Have you been here long?
Bernice: Yes, and I heard what you said about me to your mother.
Marjorie: Well?
Bernice: I didn't mean to- at first. I guess I'd better go back to Eau Claire- if I'm
such a nuisance. I've tried to be nice, and- and I've been first neglected and then
insulted. No one ever visited me and got such treatment.
(Marjorie is silent)
But I'm in the way, I see. I'm a drag on you. Your friends don't like me. Of course I
was furious last week when you tried to hint to me that that dress was unbecoming.
Don't you think I know how to dress myself?
Marjorie: No. And I didn't hint anything. I said, as I remember, that it was better to wear a
becoming dress three times straight than to alternate it with two frights.
Bernice: Do you think that was a very nice thing to say?
Marjorie: I wasn't trying to be nice. (After a pause) When do you want to go?
Bernice: Go?
Marjorie: Didn't you say you were going?
Bernice: Yes, but -
Marjorie: Oh, you were only bluffing!
Bernice: (sobbing) Marjorie, you're my cousin. I'm visiting you. I was to stay a month, and i

go home my mother will know and she'll wonder -

Bernice slowly controls herself
Marjorie: (coldly) IT give you my month's allowance, and you can spend this last week
anywhere you want. There's a very nice hotel -
Bernice: (resumes sobbing) You want me to go home?
Marjorie: Well, I suppose if you're not having a good time you'd better go. No use being
miserable.
 Bernice: Don't you think common kindness -
Marjorie: Oh, please don't quote "Little Women"! That's out of style.
Bernice: You think so?
Marjorie: Heavens, yes! What modern girl could live like those inane females?
Bernice: They were the models for our mothers, for the "womanly woman".
Marjorie: (laughing) Yes, they were- not! Oh, our mothers were all very well in their way,
but they know very little about their daughters' problems.
Bernice: Please don't talk about my mother.
Marjorie: I don't think I mentioned her. And as for you, I've done my best, but you're
rather hard material to work with.
Bernice: I think you're hard and selfish, and you haven't a feminine quality in you.
Sung
Marjorie: Oh, my Lord! You little fool!
It's girls like you who are
responsible for all the tiresome marriages
and all those ghastly inefficiencies
that pass as feminine qualities.
What a blow it must be when a
man with imagination marries the
beautiful bundle of clothes that he's been building ideals round,
and finds that she is just a weak and whining cowardly mass of affectations!
Bernice: Oh, Marjorie! How cynical!
And what about the "womanly woman"?

Marjorie: The "womanly woman"?

Her whole early life is spent occupied in
whining criticisms of girls like me who really do have a good time.
Bernice: Maybe you're right.
Marjorie: Yes, I'm right. Absolutely right.
Marjorie guides Bernice into her roan
Come, Bernice. Listen to me. And do exactly what I say.
Bernice: You mean to help me?
Marjorie: Yes. I'll help you
Bernice: You'll really help me?
Marjorie: I'll really help you if you listen to me and you follow what I say without reservatio
Bernice: Without reservations?
 Marjorie: Without reservations.
Bernice: Are they sensible things? They must be sensible things?
Marjorie: They are not, for you're no case for sensible solutions.
Marjorie assesses Bernice.
Let's start with your appearance.
Bernice: My appearance?
Marjorie: Yes. It's hard to have an ease of manner when you're never sure about your person
appearance.
Bernice: Don't I look all right?
Marjorie: (as Marjorie applies color to Bernice's eyebrows and face) No. Your eyebrows shou
be black and lustrous. Your face ...
Bernice: My face?
Marjorie:... needs a pinch of color.

Bernice: Color?
Marjorie: And your dress, some red or blue.
Marjorie takes a blue sash and wraps it round Bernice's waist. She re-assesses Bernice.
And some sparkle
She places a sparkly necklace around Bernice 's neck.
Now let's address your dancing.
Bernice: Address my dancing? Don't I dance all right?
Marjorie: No, you don't.
(Demonstrating)
You dance straight up instead of bending over
Bernice, trying to mutate Marjorie, overcompensates. Marjorie corrects Bernice.
Just a little
Spoken Dialogue (as Marjorie and Bernice Dance)
Marjorie: Let the man lead- they like the illusion of control.
Yes, that's much better. Now about your conversation?
Bernice: My conversation?
Marjorie: Yes, your conversation. I've never heard you say anything to a boy except that
it's hot or the floor's crowded or that you're going to school in New York next year or
what kind of automobile you have back in Eau Claire.
Bernice: Boys like automobiles.
Marjorie: Boys are dull. You need to dazzle them with subjects they don't know
anything about, like Russia
 Bernice: Russia
Marjorie: The League of Nations
Bernice: The League of Nations

Marjorie: Ping Pong

(The music stops)
Bernice: Ping Pong?
Marjorie re-assesses Bernice again.
What's wrong? Don't I look alright?
Marjorie: Oh, you look fine. I was just considering whether we hadn't better bob your
hair.
Bernice reacts with shock as Marjorie spins Bernice out into the parlor.
Scene 3-The music begins again. Couples are dancing. The spinning Bernice ends up dancin
with Warren. She dances expertly. The other boys notice. Throughout the scene
Marjorie becomes visibly jealous of Bernice.
Spoken Dialogue
Warren: Well, the weather has cooled down a bit. Do you know if it's cooled down in Eau
Claire as well?
Bernice: Eau Claire? Goodness, I haven't given Eau Claire a thought in ages.
Warren: No?
Bernice: No, I've been thinking about Russia.
Warren: Russia?
Bernice: Yes Russia. You know, how with all of the mutinies in the White Northern Army a
its inability to hold the flanks against the Bolsheviks, the Allied forces have essentially
abandoned them. And now they will have to face the Red Army alone. How can they
possibly prevail?
G. Reece enthusiastically cuts in on a bewildered Warren
G. Reece: So, Bernice, are you looking forward to Miss Truby's, or is it Miss Brereton's,
finishing school?
Bernice: Finishing school? Oh, goodness, I haven't given it a thought lately, what with all tha
going on at the League of Nations.
G. Reece: The League of Nations?

Bernice: Oh yes. I've been especially interested in the woman's rights advocates, mostly Fren
of course. You know- the Inter-Allied Women's Conference- who asked to be allowed
to participate in the peace negotiations. Do you know they have officially condemned
 the Treaty of Versailles for its weak stance against violence as well as its exclusion of
women from the political process?
Charley enthusiastically cuts in on a bewildered G. Reece. The dancers freeze during Warren
aria.
Warren: (sung) Oh what a transformation. Where was she before?
Such brilliant conversation as she glides across the floor.
Has she always been this pretty? Has she always been so charming?
Am I in love?
The dancers resume.
Spoken Dialogue
Charley: I'm thinking of getting an automobile, Bernice. What model do you think I should
Bernice: (interrupting) Oh Charley, automobiles? I don't give a fig for automobiles. What I
want to know is if you play Ping Pong.
Charley: Ping Pong?
Bernice: (flirtatiously) Yes, Ping Pong. I've been playing a lot of Ping Pong lately- mostly
doubles- and I just can't seem to perfect my back hand and I thought if you played Ping
Pong as well, you might be able to help me.
Charley: Oh I don't know much about Ping Pong, Bernice.
Bernice: Well, then, Charley, I have another question for you.
Charley: What is it?
The music stops
Bernice: Do you think I ought to bob my hair, Mr. Charley Paulson?
Everyone, except Warren, tuns to Bernice in shock. Marjorie looks on with a devious, knowi
smile.
Charley: (surprised) Why?
Bernice: Because I'm considering it. It's such a sure and easy way of attracting attention.

Charley: Gosh, Bernice. I don't know much about bobbed hair either.
Bernice: Well, Charley ...
(Sung) I want to be a vampire, a true society vampire.
And the necessary prelude to becoming such a vampire is to bob one's hair.
I'm no old-fashioned Gibson Girl, but a modern, stylish woman.
And I've decided to go down to the Sevier Barber Shop next week,
sit in the barber's chair and tell him I want to bob my hair.
(Spoken) Of course I'm charging admission, but if you'll all come down and encourage
me I'll issue passes for the inside seats.
 G. Reece (Spoken): I'll take a box right now.
The following is sung simultaneously:
Roberta and Genevieve: You believe in bobbed hair?
Bernice: What's not to believe?
G. Reece and Charley: Don't you find it unmoral? Our mothers find it unmoral.
Roberta and Genevieve: Don't you find it shocking?
Bernice: Should I find it shocking?
Roberta and Genevieve: We could never do it.
Bernice: No, you wouldn't do it.
G. Reece and Charley: Though we don't want to miss it.
G. Reece, Charley, Roberta, Genevieve: No, we don't want to miss it.
Roberta and Genevieve: Though it might be unmoral
G. Reece, Charley, Roberta, Genevieve: Don't you find it unmoral?
Warren: Oh what a transformation. Oh where was she before?
Such brilliant conversation as she glides across the floor.
Has she always been this pretty? Has she always been so charming?
Marjorie: You've reached the wrong conclusion. Bernice is still a bore.
It's merely an illusion. An act, and nothing more.
I helped her with dancing. I told her what to say. Are you a fool?

The music stops.

Bernice (Spoken): Well, of course bobbing one's hair is unmoral. But you've either got to amu
people or feed 'em or shock 'em.. Isn't that right Charley?
Charley, flustered, reacts with embarrassed clumsiness.
Scene 4- The Parlor. Everyone exits except Marjorie and Bernice. Mrs. Harvey enters. The
action throughout the scene is rapid and frantic.
The telephone rings. Marjorie goes to answer but Mrs. Harvey gets there first.
Spoken Dialogue (with music)
Mrs. Harvey: Bernice!
Bernice takes the phone
Bernice: (gushing slightly) Oh, hello Warren ... Why, yes... Ten o'clock. See you then.
The doorbell rings. Marjorie goes to answer but Mrs. Harvey gets there first.
Mrs. Harvey: Bernice! It's G. Reece.
Bernice: Tell him I'll come by this afternoon.
The telephone rings again. Marjorie answers.
Marjorie: Yes, she's here. (She gestures to Bernice to take the phone)
 Bernice: (a bit disappointed) Oh, Charley, hello. . . No, I'll have to postpone ... Yes, bye.
The doorbell rings. Marjorie answers. It is the postman who hands Marjorie three letters.
Marjorie: (looking through the letters) Bernice. Bernice. Bernice.
She angrily throws them on the table..
The telephone and doorbell ring simultaneously. Mrs. Harvey answers the phone.
Mrs. Harvey: Bernice will have to ring you back.
Marjorie answers the door. Warren, Charley and G. Reece are at the door.
Marjorie: Warren!

Scene 5- The dialogue, music and action continue without a break.

Marjorie: Bernice isn't home
Warren: Sure she is, Marjorie. I can see her standing right there. But we didn't come just to s
Bernice.
Marjorie: You didn't?
Warren: No. You invited us over for cards, remember?
Marjorie; I did? (recovering her composure) Oh, yes. I'd quite forgotten.
Warren, Charley, G. Reece, enter, followed by Genevieve and Roberta. The boys proceed to
tip the card table and chairs. As they do so, Marjorie takes Bernice aside.
Marjorie: You might as well get Warren out of your head.
Bernice: What?
Bernice: You may as well stop making a fool of yourself over Warren McIntyre. He doesn't c
a snap of his fingers about you.
As the card game (Euchre) is only for four people, the three boys contrive to have Bernice jo
them for the first game. They are all deferential, trying to sit next to her, or be her partner, o
pull out her chair, etc.
G. Reece: There's seven of us.
Charley: You can only play with four.
Sung
Bernice: I'm in.
Warren: I'm in.
G. Reece and Charley: We're in.
Roberta and Genevieve: I guess we're out.
Marjorie: For now we're out.
The boys continue to fumble over who pulls out Bernice's chair and who partners with Berni
who sits next to her, etc.
 Warren: (spoken, pulling out a chair for Bernice) Allow me.
G. Reece ends tip as Bernice's partner, with Charley and Warren therefore sitting next to he
The game is Euchre.
Sittig
G. Reece: (dealing) Two, three, two, three, three, two, three, two.
Queen of Spades.
Warren: Pass
Bernice: Pass
Charley: Pass
G. Reece: I'll pick it up
Spoken Dialogue (while play continues)
Charlie: Bernice, are you really gonna get your hair bobbed?
Bernice: Of course I am, Charlie. It takes a frightful lot of energy to fix my hair in the summ
there's so much of it--so I always fix it first and powder my face and put on my hat;
then I get into the bathtub, and dress afterward. Don't you think that's the best plan?
Sittig
G. Reece: (after Charley and Warren win the hand) My fault, Bernice
Bernice: I was no help. I had no trump.
Warren: (dealing) Three, two, three, two, two, three, two, three.
Ten of hearts.
Bernice: Pick it up. (thinks) I'll go alone!
Spoken Dialogue (while play continues)
G. Reece: The question is, Bernice, when are you gonna get your hair bobbed?
Bernice: Day after tomorrow maybe. Will you come and see me? Because I'm counting on yo
you know.
G. Reece: Will we? You know we will! But you better hurry up.

Sung
Bernice: (winning the hand) Four points for us.
G. Reece: Well played, Bernice.
Marjorie: (sarcastically) "Well played, Bernice."
Roberta: "My fault Bernice."
Genevieve: "Allow me Bernice."
Marjorie: "Sit here, Bernice"
Roberta: "Or here, Bernice."
Genevieve: Always Bernice,
Marjorie, Roberta and Genevieve: Bernice, Bernice. You foolish boys, she'll lose her nerve. Y
foolish boys, she'll never do it.
Charley: (after Bernice deals the next hand) Pass
G. Reece: Pass
Warren: Pass
Bernice: Pass
Charley: Hearts
G. Reece: You sure, Charley?
Genevieve: (looking at Charley's hand) I don't know Charley. You win with that hand and I w
bob my hair as well.
Spoken Dialogue
Charley: You? Bob your hair? That's Bernice's line.
Marjorie: Oh, Charley. You gullible little boy. Bernice will never bob her hair. She has no
intention of bobbing her hair. That's only a bluff of hers. Haven't you realized that by
now?
Charlie: That a fact?

Marjorie: There's a lot of bluffs in the world. I should think you oughta know that, Charley
Charley: Well, maybe so. But with a line like Bernice's -
Marjorie: Really? What's her latest bon mot?
G. Reece: (to Bernice) Was that really all a bluff?
Bernice: I don't know.
Marjorie: Splush! Admit it!
Warren looks at Bernice questioningly
Bernice: Oh, I don't know.
Marjorie: Splush!
Charley: Come through, Bernice. Tell her where to get off.
Bernice: I like bobbed hair, and I intend to bob mine.
Marjorie: When?
Bernice: Any time.
Genevieve: No time like the present.
Warren: Good stuff. We'll have a summer bobbing party. Sevier Hotel barber-shop, I think y
said.
Bernice: What?
Marjorie: Don't worry. She'll back out.
Charley: Come on, Bernice!
 Bernice: All right.
Bernice stands up defiantly
I don't care if I do.
Scene 6- Everyone exits Marjorie's house and heads to the Sevier Hotel Barber Shop.
Bernice: (sung to herself) You tried to buck me and I called your bluff.

Bernice enters the barber shop alone. The others wait outside. Her haircut occurs out of view
Spoken dialogue
Bernice: (quietly, to the barber) I want you to bob my hair.
(louder, after a pause) My hair- bob it!
Bernice exits the barber shop with bobbed hair.
Bernice: Well ...
The music stops.
I've done it.
Now that Bernice has actually bobbed her hair, the others quickly lose interest in the entire
matter. Tluts their response is one of indifference or, in the case of Marjorie (who engineered
all). Self-satisfied cruelty.
Warren: Yes, you've done it.
Bernice: Do you like it Mr. Charley Paulson?
Charlie: Sure, Bernice. It's ... . swell.
Bernice looks to the others for some sort of approval, but receives none.
Marjorie: Warren, would you mind running me down to the cleaners? I've simply got to get
dress there before supper. Roberta's driving right home and she can take the others.
Everyone exits (Marjorie and Warren on one side, the rest on the other) except Bernice, wh
stands alone abandoned. Eventually, Bernice slowly walks back to Marjorie's house.
Scene 7- Marjorie's parlor. Marjorie is sitting in a chair, as Mrs. Harvey stands behind her
braiding her long hair into a single braid. Bernice enters.
Spoken Dialogue
Mrs. Harvey: Bernice!
Bernice: I've bobbed it, Aunt Josephine.
Mrs. Harvey: Why, child!
The music stops.

Bernice: Do you like it? I supposed I've shocked you.

Mrs. Harvey: No, you haven't shocked me. But what'll Mrs. Deyo think tomorrow night?
Bernice; Mrs. Deyo?
 Mrs. Harvey: Yes, Bernice, you should have waited until after the Deyos' dance- you shoul
have waited if you wanted to do that.
Bernice: It was sudden, Aunt Josephine. Anyway, why does it matter to Mrs. Deyo particular
Mrs. Harvey: Why, child, in her paper on "The Foibles of the Younger Generation" that she r
at the last meeting of the Thursday Club she devoted fifteen minutes to bobbed
hair. It's her pet abomination. And the dance is for you and Marjorie!
Music begins
Bernice: I'm sorry.
Mrs. Harvey: Oh, Bernice, what'll your mother say? She'll think I let you do it.
Bernice: I'm sorry to have disappointed you, Aunt Josephine, I'm very sorry
Sung
(to Marjorie) You knew, didn't you?
Marjorie: I'd forgotten all about it.
Bernice: It's all right.
Marjorie: I give my word I'd forgotten all about it.
Bernice: It's all right.
Marjorie: I'll take you downtown tomorrow. We'll fix it ...
Bernice: It's all right Marjorie. Good Night.
Bernice goes back to her room, and dejectedly sits on her bed.
Spoken Dialogue
Marjorie (to Mrs. Harvey): I really am mighty sorry, but I didn't imagine she'd actually go
through with it.

Mrs. Harvey: It's all right, Marjorie. Good night.

Marjorie: Good night.
Mrs. Harvey exits, Marjorie goes to her room, turns out her light and gets in bed.
Bernice gets up off of her bed, and quickly packs her clothes into her suitcase, after which sh
exits her room and enters the parlor. She goes to the desk, where she sits down and writes a no
After writing her note, Bernice reads it aloud
Bernice: (reading) "I've decided to leave a few days early and catch tonight's train back to Ea
Claire. Thank you both for your hospitality. Bernice"
She considers the letter, then adds a postscript)
P.S. I hope that someday I can return your favor in kind.
As Bernice props the note against the lamp on the desk, she sees a pair of scissors.
With a mysterious smile, she picks up the scissors, and stealthily, but with confidence, heads i
Marjorie's room. With a quick snip, she cuts off Marjorie's long braid. Leaving the room, sh
 lays the scissors back on the desk, picks up her suitcase, and exits the door.
Outside, Warren passes by Bernice. Doing a double-take, he looks back at her.
Warren: Bernice? Where are you going this time of night?
Bernice: I'm catching the evening train back to Wisconsin, and if I don't hurry, I will miss i
Warren: Well, good bye then, Bernice.
Bernice: Good bye, Warren
Bernice begins to leave, but then looks down at the braid in her hand and turns back to Warr
Oh, I've something for you Warren
She tosses the braid to him.
I scalped the selfish thing!
Bernice turns away, picks up her suitcase and exits as Warren looks with bemused perplexity
Marjorie's hair.
Blackout.