4 5 Seminars
4 5 Seminars
4. This is the Naval Reserve Officers Training Corps. Its members are called
"Neurotics."
5. "Yes," prattled the elderly lady, "that is the Duke and Duchess; the couple
behind them are the Mayor and the Mayoress, and those on the right are the Vicar
and the-er-Vixen."
6. "If I speak of afoot, and you show me your feet, and I give you a boot, would a
pair be called beetl If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the
plural of booth be called beethV 7. The man I argued yesterday's expla-nation
puzzled me greatly.
1. "I want you to teach my son a foreign language." - "Certainly, mad-am, French,
German, Russian, Italian, Spanish -?" - "Which is the most foreign?"
2. Landlady: "I think you had better board elsewhere." Boarder: "Yes, I often
have." Landlady: "Often had what?" Boarder: "Had better board elsewhere."
3. "What are the comparative and superlative of bad, Berty?" - "Bad - worse -
dead."
4. "Unmarried?" - "Twice."
1. "An' what's more, I ain't 'ad a day's illness in my life!" - "Lor lumme, what on
earth d'yer find to talk about?"
2. "And your brother, who was trying so hard to get a government job, what is he
doing now?" - "Nothing. He got the job."
3. "I would like to settle that little debt of mine." - "I'm very glad to hear it!" - "I
said I would like to; but I can't."
4. "I must say these are fine biscuits!" Exclaimed the young husband. "How could
you say those are fine biscuits?" inquired the young wife's mother, in a private
interview. "I didn't say they were fine. I only said I must say so."
5. A man who is always complaining is the easiest man to satisfy because nothing
satisfies him.
6. At fifteen I'm an orphan, and Vic moves in. "From now on you'll do as I tell
you," he says. It impressed me.
7. "Can you tell me where this road goes, please?" - "It don't go anywhere; it just
stops where it is."
8. "I'm taking Political economy at college." - "That's a useless course. Why learn
to econoniize in politics? It's not being done."
9. "Waiter!" - "Yes, sir." - "What's this?" - "it's bean soup, sir." - "No matter what
it's been. What is it now?"
10. said, "This deed, sir, will you do?" And soon the deed was dod!
12. "Does a doctor ^tor a doctor according to the doctored doctor's doctrine or
doctoring, or does the doctor doing the doctrine doctor the other doctor according
to his 1 own doctoring doctrine?"
13. "If we forget, then we've forgotten, But things we wet are never wotten, And
houses let cannot be lotten."
14. "So you're not going to Paris, this year?" - "No - it's London we're not going to
this year; it was Paris we didn't go to last year!"
2. "Shay, pardon me, offisher, but where am I?" - "You're on the corner of
Broadway and Forty-second Street." - "Cut out the details. What town am I in?"
3. "Your hair wants cutting badly, sir," said a barber insinuatingly to a customer.
"No, it doesn't," replied the man in the chair "it wants cutting nicely. You cut it
badly last time."
3. The real war was not between the Bill Davidsons and the Jean Duvals and the
Hans MUllers [...] (тобто англійцями, французами і німцями).
4. The blonde I had been dancing with's name was Bemice - Crabs or Krebs.
5. A world without goodness - it'd be Paradise. But it wouldn't no more than now.
The only paradises were fools' paradises, ostriches' paradises.
10. You have come from Them to spy on me. I told my uncle that the next one
would suffer. And you're him.
11. A great pity! Surely something could be done! One must not take such
situations lying down. She walks on, and reached a station, hot and cross.
12. You can never know what you can do till you try.
13.1 don't want to write; 1 want to live. What does she (I) mean by that.
14. All the people like us are We, and everyone else is they.
15. "And what are we going to do now, escape?" the warder asked the prisoner.
2. "It's lonesome enough fur to live in the mount'ins when a man and a woman
keers fur one another. But when she's a-spittin' like a wildcat or a-sullenin' like a
hoot-owl in the cabin, a man ain't got no call to live with her." (O'Henry)
4. "Wall," replide I, "in regard to perlittercal ellerfunts і don't know as how but
what they is as good as enny other kind of ellerfunts. But і maik bold to say thay is
all a ornery set and unpleasant to hav round. They air powerful hevy eaters and
take up a right smart chans of room." (Artemus Ward)
8. (School-boy) "Gam, I ain't done it." - (Teacher) 'Tommy, Tommy, where is your
grammar?" - "She's a tome in bed, teacher, with the noomonier."
3. His wife was a Wave; he waved at a Wac. The Wac was in front, but his wife
was in black. Instead of a wave from the Wac, it is said, What he got was a whack
from the Wave he had wed.
4. I saw thee weep - the big bright tear Came o'er that eye of blue; And then
methought it did appear A violet dropping dew. (Byron)
5. But any man that walks the mead, In bud, or blade, or bloom, may find,
According as his humours lead, A meaning suited to his mind. (Tennyson)
7. I bring fresh showers for the thirsting flowers, From the seas and the streams; I
bear light shade for the leaves when laid In their noonday dreams. (Shelly)
8. О that those lips had language! Life has passed With me but roughly since I
heard thee last. (Cowper)
1- There she sees a damsel bright, Drest in a silken robe of white. (Col-eridge)
2- E'en from the tomb the voice of Nature cries, E'en in our ashes live their wanted
fires. (Gray)
4. West wind, wanton wind, wilful wind, womanish wind, false wind from, over
the water, will you never blow again? (Shaw)
5. And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me - filled
me with fantastic terrors never felt before. (Рое)
12. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling, faintly through universe
and faintly falling like the descent of their last end, upon the living and the dead.
(J. Joyce)
13. From the morn to the night, he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit
and good humour! (Gilbert)
14. Leaves
Murmuring by myriads in the shimmering trees Lives
Wakening with wonder in Pyrenees. Birds
Cheering chirping in the early day. Bards
Singing of summer scything thro' the hay. (Owen)
15. "They've killed him, those vile, filthy foreigners. My baby son."Sam Browne,
still mystified, read the telegram. He then stood to attention, saluted (although not
wearing a cap), and said solemnly: "A clean sport- in' death, an Englishman s
death."
(When Huns were killed it was neither clean nor sportin', but served the beggars -
(" ......... " among men) - right. ) (Aldridge)
16. "AS - I - WAS - SAYING," said Eyore loudly and sternly, "as I was saying
when I was interrupted by various Loud Sounds, I feel that -' (Milne)