The Fairly OddParents

“The Big Problem”

(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT)

#101

Written By:
Steve Marmel

First Draft:
2/22/00
Second Draft:
2/29/00
Final Draft:
3/3/00

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 2
c2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 3
FADE IN:

EXT. - TURNER HOME (ESTABLISHING SHOT) - MORNING

The camera pushes in.

TIMMY (O.S.)
SNORE, SNORE, SNORE, SNORE.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - TIMMY’S ROOM - MORNING

TIMMY is fast asleep. Next to his bed, in their fishbowl,

COSMO and WANDA are swimming in fish form.

WANDA
Ready Cosmo?

COSMO
Ready Wanda.

COSMO AND WANDA

One… two… three!

COSMO
Wakey, Wakey, Timmy!

TIMMY
SNORE, SNORE, SNORE.

With a “POOF!” Cosmo turns into a “Fairly OddParents” ALARM

CLOCK. The “clock” begins RINGING INCESSANTLY. Cosmo pops
back to normal, and he and Wanda magically get Timmy
dressed and cleaned for school throughout the following
dialogue... because he’s 99.9% asleep.

WANDA
Come on, little fella! Even though
we’re your Fairy Godparents--

COSMO
--We don’t need our magic to tell us
that you’re in for a boring, ordinary
day of school!

TIMMY
Yippee.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - SCHOOLYARD - MORNING

The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 4
FRANCIS is holding Timmy’s hat over his head. Timmy’s
leaping for it, but he’s not tall enough to grab it.

FRANCIS
Heh, heh! You’d be able to reach this
if you weren’t so puny.

CUT TO:

EXT. - FOOTBALL FIELD - EARLY AFTERNOON

Timmy, fully padded in FOOTBALL GEAR, stands in line with

BEEFY JOCKS three-times his size. A COACH shouts at them.

COACH
Welcome to football tryouts. Listen up
for your positions! Tailback!

ON JOCK ONE

JOCK #1
Yes Sir!

COACH (OS)
Linebacker!

ON JOCK TWO

JOCK #2
Yes Sir!

COACH (OS)
Ball!

Camera pans to the much smaller, Timmy.

TIMMY
Huh?

Jock #1 grabs Timmy and tosses him like a football.

EXT. - STREET - EARLY EVENING

Timmy walks home with a CHUNK OF THE FOOTBALL FIELD on his

head.

TIMMY
Can’t wait to get home. At least I’m
big in my parents eyes.

DISSOLVE TO:
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 5
INT. - THE TURNER HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON

MOM AND DAD greet the soil-topped Timmy as he enters. Dad

whips out a MAGNIFYING GLASS and examines him.

DAD
Hey, Short-Stuff! Guess what? We’re
going to the movies!

TIMMY
Awright!

DAD
Not we’re as in all of us, we’re as in
your Mom and I!

TIMMY
What?

Dad pulls out a CHALKBOARD, with the following sentence

diagrammed grammatically.

DAD
You’re not old enough for this movie
and we’re not taking you! Ain’t
pronouns a kick?

MOM AND DAD

(Laughing hysterically)

As they laugh, the Godparents “POP!” in unnoticed, turn

into WHISK BROOMS and sweep the soil off of Timmy’s head.
They pop away, unnoticed.

MOM
Aw, honey, cheer up! You’ll get into
those movies someday! Why, soon, you
won’t even need a baby sitter!

TIMMY
Really?

DAD
Yep! But tonight you do! Hey!
Pronouns again!

MOM & DAD

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

SFX: DOOR BELL RINGS. Several CANDLES in the background

blow out. A COYOTE HOWLS. Angle on the fishbowl.
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 6
COSMO
(shudders)
Oh no... the baby-sitter.

The door opens, revealing VICKY.

VICKY
Hello Mister and Mrs. Turner! It’s Me!
Vicky!

At the sound of her name, a vase of flowers wilts and dies.

WANDA
You can’t spell Vicky without Icky!

DAD
We’ll be back really late... so just
tuck Timmy in, okay?

VICKY
I’ll take care of the little darling
like he was my own cash and blood!
Have fun at the movies! Bye!

The Turners exit. As soon as they leave, Vicky turns to

Timmy with a scowl.

VICKY
Awright, twerp. Time for bed.

TIMMY
But it’s only 6:04!

VICKY
Well, it’s 9:04 on the East Coast.
Bed!

CUT TO:

INT. - TIMMY’S ROOM - 6:05 PM

Timmy is wide awake, sitting upright in his bed. Cosmo

sits next to a digital clock reading “6:05.”

COSMO
Now It’s 9:05 on the east coast!

WANDA
Cheer up, Timmy! You’re only gonna be
little for a little while!

TIMMY
Well, being little stinks! I bet it’ll
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 7
be great to be an adult!

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A BUSY STREET - DAY (TIMMY’S FANTASY)

We see a full body shot of OLDER TIMMY standing at a

crosswalk. He is big, buff and one good looking dude.

TIMMY (V.O.)
When I’m big, I’m gonna do what I want,
when I want! …I’ll help little old
ladies cross the street…

We see a KINDLY OLD LADY standing at a busy street corner.

Timmy picks her up and does a series of acrobatic leaps
across the intersection, landing safely at the other side.

KINDLY OLDER LADY

Oooh. Thanks older Timmy!

CUT TO:

EXT. - SCHOOLYARD - LUNCH (TIMMY’S FANTASY)

OLDER TIMMY towers over Francis. In front of CHESTER & AJ,

Timmy gives Francis a gigantic wedgie and boots him off
screen.

TIMMY (V.O.)
I’m not gonna take any crud from
bullies!

FRANCIS
Yikes!

CHESTER & AJ
Yayyyy, older Timmy!

CUT TO:

EXT. - A SUBURBAN STREET - DAY (TIMMY’S FANTASY)

Older Timmy is driving a REALLY NICE CAR down the street.

On the sidewalk, we see Vicky holding a “WILL BABY-SIT FOR
FOOD” sign. He throws a QUARTER into her cup.

TIMMY (V.O.)
And I won’t even need a baby-sitter!
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 8
VICKY
…Will baby-sit for food.

Older Timmy then pulls the coin out -- it’s attached like a
yo-yo on a string -- and drives away!

OLDER TIMMY
psyche!!! Ha ha ha!

VICKY
Blast you, older Timmy! (cough, cough)

RIPPLE DISSOLVE BACK TO:

INT. - TIMMY’S ROOM - 6:06 PM

Timmy finishes up his fantasy.

WANDA
It sounds like being older’ll be a
hoot!

TIMMY
Yeah, and I don’t even have to wait!
‘Cuz I’ve got fairy godparents! Okay,
you guys, I wish I was older!

COSMO
You wish it...

WANDA
...we dish it!

Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands and -- POOF! -- Timmy is

an adult! But... not the adult he hoped. WE PAN UP TO
REVEAL the OLDER TIMMY looks like a pudgy, balding George
Castanza. No hair on his head.

TIMMY
Well, how do I look?

COSMO AND WANDA

EEEEEeeeeeeeeeew.

Timmy checks himself in the mirror.

OLDER TIMMY
Ew is right! I don’t have any hair!

WANDA
Sure you do! It’s here on your back.
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 9
Wanda pulls Timmy’s shirt back, revealing his back is
carpeted with hair.

OLDER TIMMY
Ew! That’s just creepy! I wish I had
a full head of hair.

Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands, but nothing happens. DA

RULES appear. Cosmo opens the book as Wanda reads on.

WANDA
Sorry, Timmy. According to Da Rules,
Fairy Godparents only grant wishes to
kids!

OLDER TIMMY
Really? Hmm... It doesn’t mean you
still can’t pal around with me, right?

COSMO
Not that we know of!

OLDER TIMMY
Cool! Then let’s go do adult stuff!

COSMO
Okay! Like what?

OLDER TIMMY
Driving!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A HIGHWAY - LATER

Timmy’s stopped in a CAR, in the middle of a huge TRAFFIC

JAM. Cosmo and Wanda hang from the mirror as FUZZY DICE.

WANDA
I’m carsick.

COSMO
I’m Cosmo!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A BUSY STREET - DAY

This is the street from Timmy’s “fantasy.” A KINDLY OLD

LADY stands at a busy street corner as CARS whip back and
forth. Timmy walks up to the lady, grabbing her arm.

OLDER TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 10
Hello Little Old Lady. May I help you
cross the street?

KINDLY OLDER LADY

No! My purse!

She INSTANTLY pulls out a CAN OF MACE, and sprays Timmy.

OLDER TIMMY
AAAAA!!!!!!

They lady crosses the street without Timmy’s help.

WANDA
You know, Timmy... when a kid helps an
old lady cross the street, it’s kind of
cute.

COSMO
But when an adult does it, it’s just
plain creepy.

OLDER TIMMY
Fine! There’s still other fun things
adults can do!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - A MOVIE THEATER - A LITTLE LATER

Timmy is sitting in the audience, watching the movie O.S.

The light of the movie flickers against his face.

OLDER TIMMY
Finally, I can see a grown up movie!

ON THE SCREEN: We see a guy and a girl kissing.

SCREEN COUPLE
(slurpy, kissy sounds)

OLDER TIMMY
Ew! Gross! Adult making out.

We pan over to see Timmy’s Mom and Dad, making out in the
same way the couple on the movie screen were.

MOM & DAD

(kissy, kissy sounds)

Timmy covers his eyes.

OLDER TIMMY
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 11
AAAAGH!!! It burns!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - A MEN’S ROOM - LATER STILL

Timmy holds a DISPOSABLE RAZOR as Cosmo and Wanda watch.

OLDER TIMMY
Shaving will be fun!

Timmy walks off screen. We hear the sound of a razor

RIPPING across Timmy’s face.

OLDER TIMMY
AAAAAAA!!

Cosmo and Wanda wince. Timmy walks back on screen, face

littered with SCRATCHES and BAND-AIDS. Cosmo grabs a
BOTTLE OF COLOGNE from the sink.

COSMO
Try some manly cologne!

Timmy takes the bottle and walks off screen again. We hear
a “SLAP!” as he puts the cologne on.

OLDER TIMMY (O.S.)

AAAAA! They call this soothing?

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A FANCY RESTAURANT - EARLY EVENING

Timmy walks up to the DOOR of a fancy restaurant. Cosmo

and Wanda float next to him as butterflies.

OLDER TIMMY
I’m hungry.

COSMO
I’ve got an idea! Maybe if you ate
some adult food, you’d have better luck
thinking like an adult!

WANDA
Great idea, puddin’!

COSMO
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 12
I’m chock full of ‘em!

COSMO & WANDA

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - THE FANCY RESTAURANT AT TIMMY’S TABLE

Cosmo and Wanda, disguised as lobsters, are near Timmy in a

LOBSTER TANK. A garden variety LOBSTER floats next to
Wanda and makes goo-goo eyes at her. Cosmo seethes. A
WAITER walks up to Timmy.

WAITER
Sir.

OLDER TIMMY
The grown up menu! For grown ups! Like
me!

A CHEF’S HAND reaches into the lobster tank, coming close

to Cosmo. As the other lobster tries to put his claw
around Wanda, Cosmo bumps him into the chef’s hand. It’s
eyes bulge as he’s pulled out.

WANDA
That lobster looked mad!

COSMO
If you think he’s steamed now, just
wait!

The waiter returns, handing Timmy the MENU. He gives a

very sarcastic thumbs up.

OLDER TIMMY
I want the Fillet Mig-non... and the
Shrimp Scamp-ey... and this... and
this... and this...

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - THE FANCY RESTAURANT - A LITTLE LATER

Timmy’s table is covered with EMPTY DISHES and half eaten

plates of food. The waiter hands Timmy the BILL.

OLDER TIMMY
(chewing sounds) ...What’s this?
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 13
WAITER
The bill.

OLDER TIMMY
Oh, that goes to my...
(looking around)
...parents.

WAITER
That’ll be two hundred and sixty five
dollars.

OLDER TIMMY
What? That’s more than I get in
allowance...
(catching self; voice deeper)
I mean, that’s more than I make in a
month.

WAITER
Well, you should have finished college.

OLDER TIMMY
Did you finish college?

WAITER
(crying)
No, why do you think I’m a waiter?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. - THE KITCHEN - A LITTLE LATER

Timmy is washing dishes, tired and exhausted. Cosmo is the

SCRUB BRUSH and Wanda is the DRYING RAG.

OLDER TIMMY
Couldn’t you guys magically clean
these?

He dries the last dish with Wanda.

WANDA
Nope! Adults have to do everything all
by themselves!

OLDER TIMMY
Finally. All done.

The waiter comes in with another big PILE OF DISHES.

WAITER
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 14
Couple of shmoes just got back from the
movies.

We see Timmy’s Mom and Dad finishing a big meal.

MOM
Nothing like a bunch of grown up movies
to work up a grown up appetite!

DAD
Yeah! Let’s dirty up some more dishes!

MOM & DAD

(Smoochy, smoochy)

Timmy sinks.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - TIMMY’S FRONT DOOR - LATER THAT NIGHT

An exhausted Timmy walks home, with Cosmo and Wanda walking

next to him as DOGS. He pulls out a key.

OLDER TIMMY
...so tired...

CUT TO:

INT. - TIMMY’S LIVING ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS

Vicky is reading “Handsome Jerk Monthly,” when she hears

the door jiggling. The door swings open, revealing Older
Timmy. Vicky doesn’t recognize him.

VICKY
(inhales deeply)

She pulls out a BIG RED WHISTLE and BLOWS IT LOUDLY while
giving three quick karate kicks to Older Timmy’s stomach
and ribs.

VICKY
HA-HEE!

OLDER TIMMY
AAGH!

VICKY
HEE-YII!

OLDER TIMMY
YEEAGH!
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 15
VICKY
YAAAAAAA!

Timmy flies out the door, which Vicky slams shut.

CUT TO:

EXT. - TIMMY’S FRONT DOOR - SIMULTANEOUS

Older Timmy is holding his stomach.

OLDER TIMMY
Ooof! Oh, man... Booted out of my own
house!

COSMO
Yeah. Usually you have to tick off
your wife to make that happen!

Wanda glares at Cosmo.

COSMO
I mean... so I’m told.

CUT TO:

INT. - THE TURNER HOUSE, JUST INSIDE THE FRONT DOOR

Vicky cockily slaps her hands together.

VICKY
Nobody gets rid of creeps like Vicky.

At “Vicky,” a CANARY keels over and swings from it’s perch

upside down.

BIRD
Squawk.

VICKY
Hmmm. Timmy hasn’t said anything since
I sent him to bed. The brat’s usually
whimpering with the hunger by now...

CUT TO:

EXT. - TIMMY’S FRONT DOOR - SIMULTANEOUS

Timmy looks longingly at his house.

OLDER TIMMY
Aw, man? What good is being big if I
can’t even go to my own home? Come on.
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 16
I know where we can still go...

Timmy exits.

INT. - TIMMY’S ROOM - SECONDS LATER

Vicky opens the door and sees Timmy’s bed, empty. The
window open.

VICKY
Gasp! He’s gone! Something could have
happened to him! Or worse! Something
could happen to me because something
happened to him!

Through the window, we see the Turner’s car pull up.

VICKY
His parents are home! Need time to
find the punk...

MOM (OS)
Vicky! (something crashes OS) It’s us!

DAD
Timmy’s loving parents.

MOM
We’re home!

Vicky grabs a bunch of Timmy’s CLOTHES, shoves them under

the BLANKET and picks up a BASKETBALL and rests it on the
pillow. She puts Timmy’s pink hat on the ball, as though
it were his head. Dad walks in.

DAD
Aw... look at that big, orange,
basketball shaped head of his,
sleeping! Good night, Timmy!

Dad pats Timmy on the head. We hear the sound of a

basketball being dribbled. Vicky backs out slowly.

VICKY
Well... uh... good night!

She runs off screen.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - SCHOOLYARD BLEACHERS - LATER THAT NIGHT

A tired and beaten Timmy starts to fall asleep on the

The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 17
benches. Cosmo and Wanda turn into a PILLOW and BLANKET.

OLDER TIMMY
I can’t make wishes... I can’t sleep in
my own bed... I didn’t know being an
adult would be so hard.

WANDA
Aw, it’s okay, sweetie. Tomorrow will
be better.

OLDER TIMMY
Really?

COSMO
We don’t know! OWIE!

Wanda elbows Cosmo for letting Timmy “in” on the fact that
they’re clueless. As Timmy falls asleep, we...

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - SCHOOLYARD BLEACHERS - THE NEXT MORNING

Timmy’s face, as he wakes to see Francis pestering CHESTER

and AJ, plucking them in the back of their heads with his
huge bully finger.

CHESTER
Ouch! Ow! Cut it out Francis! That’s
my only head!

FRANCIS
Heh, heh, heh.

AJ
Cease and desist, you troglodyte.

FRANCIS
(LAUGHING) What did you call me?

OLDER TIMMY
Finally! This looks like a job for...

COSMO AND WANDA

...Older Timmy!

Timmy walks up behind Francis and plucks his head.

OLDER TIMMY
Pluck on somebody your own size!

Francis is unhurt, but mad at the strange adult. He

The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 18
notices a couple of COPS in the distance, and smiles.

FRANCIS
(Fake Cry) Waa-haa-haa.

The cops instantly turn their attention towards the school

yard. Timmy runs as Cosmo and Wanda change into RABBITS
and hop alongside him. Chester turns to AJ.

CHESTER
Man, it’s okay to bug a kid when you’re
a kid.

AJ
Yeah! But when you’re an adult bugging
a kid, it’s just plain creepy!

CUT TO:

EXT. - A PARK - SECONDS LATER

Timmy is out of breath. Cosmo and Wanda turn into two BIG
SHRUBS that Timmy hides behind.

OLDER TIMMY
Pant, pant.

The cops run by, oblivious to the Pink and Green bushes.
Suddenly, a Fairy Messenger arrives.

FAIRY MESSENGER
Fairy gram for Cosmo and Wanda.

COSMO
I’m Cosmo and Wanda!

FAIRY MESSENGER
Now that your kid is big and hairy,
your next assignment is mean and scary.

The messenger waves his wand and forms a “portal” in the

air. We see a REALLY MEAN LOOKING KID smacking his “GI JOE”
doll against a brick.

MEAN LOOKING KID

Man, I wish I had some Fairy Godparents
to knock around, instead of this stupid
doll!

The head of the doll pops off, and rolls off screen.
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 19
MEAN LOOKING KID
Whoa. The head fell off. (BEAT)
Awesome!

WANDA
You mean we’re being reassigned?

FAIRY MESSENGER
HAHAHAH!! (catches self) I mean, yes.
And we’re all very sorry.

COSMO
(nervous)
Uh, can we have a couple of hours to
say goodbye to Timmy?

FAIRY MESSENGER
Can I have five dollars?

Timmy hands the Fairy Messenger FIVE BUCKS.

FAIRY MESSENGER
Two hours.

OLDER TIMMY
What’s goin’ on? You said you just
couldn’t grant me any more wishes... I
didn’t know you’d have to leave me,
too!

COSMO
We didn’t know that either! Apparently
the other thing I’m chock full of is
not knowing stuff!

TIMMY
I don’t want to be an adult anymore if
it means I don’t have you guys around!
(beat: then a realization)
Hey, what if I acted like a kid again?
I could wish myself back to normal and
you guys wouldn’t have to leave!

“DA RULES” appear.

WANDA
I don’t see anything that says you
can’t...

COSMO
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 20
(shutting “Da Rules”)
I smell loophole! We’ll discuss it at
the next Fairy convention! Come on,
Timmy!

WANDA
Let’s find your inner child!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - A MINIATURE GOLF COURSE - LATER THAT DAY

Wanda becomes a PUTTER, Cosmo becomes a GOLF BALL.

COSMO
Miniature golf is a great kid’s game!

Timmy bends over to putt... and throws his back out.

OLDER TIMMY
OW! My Back!

Wanda sticks a THERMOMETER in Timmy’s ear. It measures

Timmy’s age by “Kid,” “Adult” and “More of an Adult.” The
mercury moves from “Adult” to “More of an Adult.”

WANDA
Let me try the Age-O-Meter. Kid…
adult… Oh no! You’ve become even more
of an adult!

CUT TO:

EXT. - A WALMART TYPE STORE - A LITTLE LATER

Older Timmy is riding on a ROCKET-SHIP RIDE. A FATHER and

DAUGHTER look on as it collapses under his weight.

DAUGHTER
(Points and laughs)

FATHER
That’s just plain creepy.

Wanda checks the thermometer again. Timmy’s getting even

older. Suddenly, the Fairy Messenger arrives.

FAIRY MESSENGER
Time to go.

COSMO
But we’re not ready yet!
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 21
WANDA
Can we have two more hours with Timmy?

FAIRY MESSENGER
Can I have five more dollars?

Timmy gladly complies. The Messenger POOFS! away.

TIMMY
Come on! We gotta get me younger! I’m
running out of fives!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - THE NEIGHBORHOOD - LATER THAT DAY

A harried Vicky hands out “Have You Seen This Twerp” FLYERS
with Timmy’s face on them.

VICKY
Have you seen this twerp? Have you
seen this twerp? Have you seen this
twerp? Have you seen this twerp?

Older Timmy comes around a corner, sees her, and runs up to

her.

OLDER TIMMY
Vicky! I’ve never been so happy to see
you in my... Actually, I’ve never been
happy to see you.

VICKY
(inhales deeply)

Vicky pulls out her panic whistle and BLOWS IT LOUDLY. She
busts out the Karate and kicks Timmy to the ground.

VICKY
HAA-HEE!

OLDER TIMMY
OOOF!

VICKY
HEE-YII!

OLDER TIMMY
EEAGH!

VICKY
YAAAAAAA!
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 22
We pan up to reveal the cops from the school yard. They
reach down and grab him.

COP ONE
You are one creepy adult. We got a
place for guys like you.

OLDER TIMMY
Home?

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. - JAIL - LATER THAT DAY

Timmy is in an empty jail cell. He’s terrified. Cosmo and

Wanda float next to him. Their bags are packed.

WANDA
Aw, sweetie, we tried.

COSMO
Look at it this way! Meals don’t cost
$265 dollars here!

The cop arrives. Cosmo turns into a TOILET, Wanda turns

into a SINK. The cop hands Timmy a PHONE.

COP ONE
One phone call, Creep.

Timmy takes the phone.

OLDER TIMMY
Mom? It’s me! Timmy!

CUT TO:

INT. - TIMMY’S LIVING ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS

Mom is holding the phone, cupping the receiver.

MOM
Honey, It’s some old guy calling me
from jail! He says he’s Timmy!

DAD
That’s creepy... And inaccurate! We
know that Timmy was taken to school by
his loving baby sitter, Vicky.

At “Vicky,” a MIRROR in the background shatters.

CUT TO:
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 23
INT. - JAIL - SIMULTANEOUS

Timmy is looking at the receiver, in horror.

OLDER TIMMY
They didn’t believe me!
(starting to cry)
I don’t want to be grown up! Sob!

Timmy hunches over and begins sobbing. Cosmo and Wanda

change back to console him. The fairy messenger appears.

FAIRY MESSENGER
Okay! Chop Chop! Somebody in this
room has to go help the new kid!

OLDER TIMMY
(really crying)
What? NO! I’ve lost my home, my hair
and now my godparents? THIS STINKS! I
don’t want to be an adult yet! I want
my mom and dad!!! WAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Wanda smiles and realizes something. She puts the

thermometer in Timmy’s ear and sure enough, it’s moved back
to “Kid Timmy.”

WANDA
Timmy! Wanting your Mom and Dad is
making you a kid inside!

COSMO
Quick! Make a wish!

OLDER TIMMY
I wish I was a kid again!

With the most dramatic POOF in the history of our series,

Timmy turns back into his kid self!!!

TIMMY
I’m puny again! Woo hoo!

COSMO AND WANDA

And we get to stay with Timmy!

WANDA
(to fairy messenger)
In your face!!!

FAIRY MESSENGER
Well, someone in here has to get
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 24
assigned to that mean little... Darn
it!!!

With a POOF! The messenger disappears.

CUT TO:

INT. - THE MEAN KID’S LIVING ROOM - SIMULTANEOUS

The mean kid is roughly holding the Messenger by his ankles

in one hand, his headless GI Joe in the other.

MEAN LOOKING KID

Finally! (After a beat) Does your head
pop off?

FAIRY MESSENGER
It’s not supposed to...

CUT BACK TO:

INT. - JAIL - SIMULTANEOUS

The cop returns, and sees Timmy in his cell. We see

several OTHER PRISONERS looking on from their cells.

COP
What happened to that big, fat, creepy,
bald guy?

TIMMY
Uh... Parole?

COP
Well, Jail’s for creepy adults, not
kids! Let’s get you out of here!

The door opens. Timmy walks down the hallway past other
prisoners -- who start crying as well.

VARIOUS PRISONERS
(Crying)
We want our mommies and daddies
toooooo. Wahhhhhhhhh……

TIMMY
It’s great to be back to normal. Being
a kid rocks! I’d rather be a shrimp
than a hairy prisoner any day!

COP
Me too!
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 25
CUT TO:

INT. - FRONT DESK AT THE POLICE STATION - MINUTES LATER

A panicked Vicky is at the staff sergeant’s DESK, filling

out a missing person’s report. Timmy walks up right next
to her. Her hand touches his head.

VICKY
Officer, he’s a twerp, you know… and I
can’t find him. He’s about this high.

She picks the pink hat off Timmy’s head, and shows it to
the sergeant.

VICKY
And he’s got a stupid pink hat, like
this. And he’s got a nasally little
voice like--

TIMMY
Hi Vicky!

At the utterance of “Vicky,” a COP CAR smashes through the

wall.

VICKY
Twerp! I’m safe! Uh… I mean you’re
safe! Which means I’m safe!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. - TIMMY’S SCHOOLYARD - THE NEXT MORNING

Francis is holding Timmy’s hat over his head, again. Other

kids look on, again. Cosmo and Wanda are BIRDS in a NEST,
watching from a nearby TREE.

FRANCIS
Ha! You’re just a shrimp! A puny
little shrimp!

TIMMY
I sure am, Francis. And I’m not in any
hurry to grow up. Best of all, I got
all my hair... and none of it’s on my
back!

Francis looks and sure enough, there’s a little TUFT OF

BACK HAIR sticking out of his shirt.

FRANCIS
The Fairly OddParents: “The Big Problem” by Steve Marmel Final Draft 3/3/00 26
Uh…

CHESTER & AJ
EEEEEeewwwww.

Timmy puts his arm around Francis.

TIMMY
You know, when an adult has back hair,
it’s kind of okay... but when a kid has
it... it’s just plain creepy.

Timmy pulls out an innocuous SHAVING KIT and some shaving

cream.

TIMMY
Here ya go.

FRANCIS
Hey, shaving will be fun.

Francis walks off screen.

FRANCIS
AAAAAAAAA!

TIMMY, COSMO & WANDA

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Hah!

Timmy and the Godparents laugh as we...

IRIS OUT

END OF EPISODE