The University of North Carolina

at Greensboro

JACKSON LIBRARY

CQ

no. 698

Gift of
Edward L. Pilkington
COLLEGE COLLECTION
PILKINGTON, EDWARD L. Arthur L. Koplt and Oh Dad. Poor
Dad, Mama's Hung You In the Closet and I'm FeelIn' So Sad.
(1970) Directed by Dr. David Batcheller.
PP. 133
The purpose of this thesis was to study the script,
produce the play, and evaluate the production of Arthur L.
Koplt's. Oh Dad. Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You in the Closet
and I'm Feelln' So Sad.
The preliminary part Includes the following: (1)
historical and stylistic analyses of the play, (2) character
descriptions and analyses, (3) a discussion of the function
and mood of the set, and (4) Justification for the director's
choice of the script for production.
The second part Includes the director's prompt book
of the production, performed on November 20, 21, 22 and 24,
1969, In Mooney Theatre, Elon College, North Carolina.
Types of notations Included are (1) movement, composition
and plcturlzatlon, (2) rhythm and tempo notes, and (3)
stage business, and (4) sound notes. Floor plans and pro-
duction photographs Implement this record.
Part III contains the director's critical evaluation
of his work with the production. Discussed in this chapter
are: (1) goals and alms of Interpretation, (2) use and
success of composition, (3) actor-director relationships
during the rehearsal period, and (4) audience reaction to
the production.
 The appendix of this thesis Includes a program as
an actual record of the performances.
ARTHUR L. KOPIT AND OH DAD, POOR DAD, KAMA'S HUNG YOU IN

THE CLOSET AND I'M FEELIN' SO SAD

by
Edward L. Pilklngton

A Thesis Submitted to
the Faculty of the Graduate School at
The University of North Carolina at Greensboro
In Partial Fulfillment
of the Requirements for the Decree
Master of Fine Arts

April, 1970

Approved by

Thesis Adviser
 AP±>aOVAL SHEET
This thesis has been approved by the following com-
mittee of the Faculty of the Graduate School at the
University of North Carolina at Greensboro.

Thesis ! I '
Adviser i^/d**-**. ' I^ML*.

Oral Examination
Committee Members:

Date of Examination '

11

J
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Grateful acknowledgment Is made to the faculty

of the theatre division of the Department of Drama and
Speech—especially to Dr. David Batcheller for his kind
assistance and encouragement as thesis director; to A. S.
Moffett, the designer; to the cast and crews for their
superb effort; and to my loving wife for her patience
and fortitude.

Ill
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

PART I: THE PLAYWRIGHT AND THE PLAY

The Prelude 2
The Plan 5

PART II: PROMPT BOOK

Scene I 16
Scene II 33
Scene III 63

PART III: CRITICAL EVALUATION

Interpretation 118
Composition 122
Actors 12^
Audience Reaction 127

BIBLIOGRAPHY 130

APPENDIX

Production Program 132

lv

3b8H2(J
 LIST OF FIGURES

PIGUHE PAGE
Figure 1 15
Figure ? 32
Figure 3 1*5
Figure 4 5^
Figure 5 58
Figure 6 6l
Figure 7 6?
Figure 8 110
Figure 9 113
PART I

J
 PART I
THE PLAYWRIGHT AND THE PLAY
THE PRELUDE
Gaynor P. Bradish In his Introduction to Arthur L.
Koplt's play. Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You In the
Closet and I'm Feelln1 5o Sad, mentions Koplt's careful
memory. On October 14, 1964, this director met Arthur
Koplt at the Mermaid Theatre in New York while auditioning
for his play. The Day the Whores Came Out to Play Tennis.
This director was not aware that two years later, he would
retire from professional theatre and certainly could not
foresee that he might be directing one of Arthur Koplt's
plays for a Master of Fine Arts Thesis. At this point,
the director has had to reach back into the artist's card
catalogue of the mind and extract the pertinent data from
that meeting. At that meeting Kopit seemed painfully aware
of life and possessed the uncanny ability to recall names,
faces, places and situations. He referred occasionally to
the eyes of man as being "mind windows".
Arthur Koplt's mind windows have looked upon a
generous helping of varied topics. Koplt studied "engi-
neering and applied physics" in Europe, and actually
wrote Oh Dad while on a Shaw Traveling Fellowship awarded him
by Harvard University. He graduated from Harvard In 1959
*

and seven of his plays were performed there In a three year

period. According to Bradish, during those three years
Kopit strove to "attain scope for language and suggestions
of the tragic", and to "blast apart stubborn structure of
prose realism and claim the theatre once again as the domain
of 'imaginary forces'".1
Arthur L. Koplt called his play a "Pseudo-classical
Traglfarce in a Bastard French Tradition". This director
will use this description as the basis for any historical
considerations, and as the statement of the director's
production style. The acting edition of Kopit's play
excludes this subtitle, but the director, after having
met and talked with the author, feels the subtitle to be
vital to an historical and stylistic understanding of the
play.
While talking to Koplt, this director discussed
several points of Interest in Whores, and then answered
questions about Oh Dad. The director recalls some state-
ment concerning the aforementioned subtitle that sounded
as if Kopit was concerned about the Impression of the sub-
title. Essentially, the discussion seemed to mean that
the author viewed the history of slavish theatrical

!Arthur L. Koplt, Oh Dad, Poor Dad. Mamma's Hung You

in the Closet and I'm Feelln' 3o Sad, with a foreword by
Gaynor F. Bradish, (New York: Hill and Wang, I960), p. 2.
obedience to Aristotle as absurd, thus the use of "pseudo-

classical", and "bastard french tradition" in a subtitle

statement. Apparently, he did not Intend for the play to

be viewed as a caricature, but rather as a grotesquely

absurd probe into the history of tragedy In general, and

the classical tragedy in particular. The author mentioned

this In relation to the hypothesis set forth by Shaw,

Beckett, Ionesco, Genet, and Durenmatt: "that the tragi-

comic play with its comic framework, provides the necessary

distance for tragic Insights and allows art freedom from

the literal".2

How is it that we lost the necessary distance in

theatre presentation? Through the "mind windows" of Arthur

Kopit we see that by 1750 the "classical tragedy" with its

Intense traffic mood, unity of time and place, and use of

verse, had been well received by the general public. But

from 1750 on, the sociological and geographical structure

of man began to change. Ever more crowded, larger cities

were exposed to great and immediate pain through direct

involvement. Wars began to engulf continents, and new

technological developments brought the suffering of others

into an interpersonal relationship. The modern playwright's

decision to evoke in realistic terms, In fact, demanded

the audience to accept the horror of tragedy as being a

2
Martln Esslin, The Theatre of the Absurd (Garden
City, N.Y.: Doubleday and Company, Inc., 1961), p. 227.
constant companion. The dramatists left the world precious

little room in which to stand back and observe tragedy

with that special detachment which might allow Identification

with the tragic moment without immediate fear of one's self

in that situation. As Bradish says:

The modern world has seen too much pain to

view pain with the detachment that tragedy,
if it were otherwise possible, would require,
and actual disaster has been too familiar
for the suspension of disbelief that Its
representation in art must assume. 3

Arthur Koplt sees this modern world as a plethora

of greed and sexual madness. He finds mankind unable to

cope with his new environment: the environment of human

beings. The ohan^e from rural America to urban America

has been too fast for a major adjustment In human relation-

ships. Han might be able to cope with the elements of

Wordsworthian nature, but the crowding of Freudian nature

has evolved a vicious, cannibalistic environment. Man feeds

upon man. The unsuspecting Innocent suffer day by day, hour

by hour, minute by minute, and man Is always there when it

happens.
THE FLAN

Oh Dad. Poor Dad, in its simplest form tells of a

boy's cruel domination by his Mother to the point of des-

troying his identity. 3y using grotesque Imagination,

^Arthur L. Koplt, Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You

In the Closet and I'm Feelln' So Sad. p7 3.
Koplt Is able to serve us the entire front page of the
dally newspaper and make It pleasantly digestible. He
chose to deal with this dark situation In a manner which
he felt would deepen the actor-audience relationship.
His use of the contrasting elements of horror and the
ridiculous reinforce the cruelty of the relationships and
yet afford the audience the exquisite comfort of aesthetic
distance. The director would call this technique lllusory-
lmaglnatlon. Koplt bases his work on the Illusion of
reality, but surrounds It with a uniquely Imaginative and
presentational environment.
The structure of Oh Dad Is unusual In that the
entire play Is made up of three scenes without an act
break. This director will, however, have one act break
between scene two and scene three. The Intermission Is
simply a rest stop before the bizarre third scene.
The play begins disarmlngly enough. Madame Rose-
pettle decides to stay over a few days with her son
Jonathan in Port Royal. Historically Port Royal was a
Caribbean Island destroyed by volcanic eruptions. Madame
Rosepettle says she Is in mourning for her late husband.
She finds out that Commodore Roseabove Is the richest man
In the Caribbean Islands, and she arranges a meeting with
a girl, Rosalie, for her son in the hopes that he will be
able to see what young girls are really like. All of this
takes place In scene one.
In scene two, however, Jonathan falls In love with
Rosalie. There Is a tender exploratory love scene and
"Mama" Is forced to reveal Rosalie as a harlot, and there-
fore unfit for her son.
In scene three, Madame Rosepettle arranges a dinner
with Commodore Roseabove in her hotel room. Jonathan over-
hears the Commodore's futile attempts to seduce his mother.
Madame Rosepettle ridicules the Commodore, and strips his
soul bare, to reveal in a long monologue what has brought
about her hatred of the "sex-driven, dirt-washed" world.
The Commodore crawls away accompanied by Madame Rosepettle's
laughter. Madame Rosepettle leaves in her beach attire.
Jonathan then attempts to free himself by first killing
the Venus flytraps and Flrahna fish. Rosalie enters and
tries to persuade Jonathan to run away with her, to marry
her. Jonathan is not that free yet. She enters Madame
Rosepettle1s sacred bedroom, and convinces Jonathan to
enter as well. Rosalie almost succeeds in seducing
Jonathan, but the Father interrupts by falling out of the
closet and landing on top of the lovers. Jonathan kills
Rosalie. The Mother returns from the beach where she has
been delightfully engaged in kicking sand in couple's faces.
Madame Rosepettle confronts Jonathan with the dead plants,
fish, girl, and husband and asks, "What is the meaning of

-
 8

this?" It appears Jonathan Is trapped, or Is he?

Madame Rosepettle Is undoubtedly one of the most
challenging female roles In this century. She stands
astride the world like a colussus. For her, all men are
weak and Impotent, and all women are whores and sluts.
She is not altogether an unattractive widow In her mid
forties. She Is Victorian to the point of being ludicrous.
The "sins of the father" will not visit the son, because
they cannot get by the mother. She so delights In showing
the world how vile, and self-deluded It really is. She
is the heroine Sarah Bernhardt in disguise. Her mission
in life Is to expose the hypocrisy of mankind. With the
zeal of St. Joan, Madame Rosepettle strips bare the soul
of the Commodore and Rosalie. As the evangelist, Madame
Rosepettle is critical, cynical, satirical and sardonic.
The son whom she seeks to protect Is less important than
the idea of non-Involvement which she seeks to promote.
Jonathan Is a sheltered young man who has been
denied the opportunity to develop fully. He is at once a
child, boy, and man; a person of many names, none of which
is all Jonathan, He Is inarticulate at age twenty-four.
He is all men in a mother's world of "protection". Madame
Rosepettle says that above all else, "he is suceptlble",
and therefore she must keep him indoors.
The character of Rosalie is salvation for Jonathan
T
and damnation for Madame Rosepettle. She has tasted of
the world at twenty-two and longs for comfort and security.
Marriage to Jonathan offers some measure of that shelter.
She would be an honest woman. Rosalie hides behind the
guise of Innocence.
The Commodore Is an opulent man, driven by lust.
Koplt would have us see affluent man as a being whose brain
Is In his genitals. Forever susceptible to sexual failure,
The Commodore pursues without reason. His age Is fifty-
two. He Is vulnerable.
The bellboys are those Inferior persons who are
motivated by <rreed. They would sell anythin<r--their souls,

their bodies for money.

The Venus flytraps and Plrahna fish represent the
paradox In nature, and as the author Intends lt--the decep-
tively beautiful yet deadly In "human" nature. They are
symbolic watchdogs planted In the mind of Jonathan.
Dad Is the past that will not leave Jonathan alone.
He reinforces Madame Rosepettle's attitudes and even in
death will not allow Jonathan to leave his environment.
Environment is a key word in this play. The Broad-
way Production of Oh Dad. Poor Dad played the environment
as realistic. Kopit's own feelings about the particular
use of reality was that the play should be anchored in
reality or illusion, but that it should also be a somewhat
 10

less naturalistic setting than the one used In New York.

It seemed to force the credulity of his flights of fancy
Into hell. The director Interprets Koplt's remarks to
mean that the environment or "scenery" for this production
of Oh Dad should be theatricalized and Intensified
symbolically. To this end the director has asked for a
design that will Incorporate wall panels that revolve and
doors that slide up and down. The wish here Is that the
environment should reflect the absurdity of the situation,
and that even the physical setting manipulates and con-
spires to trap Jonathan. The bellboys will make some of
their entrances and exits through the revolving walls as
they become a part of his environment.
In the third scene, the action shifts from the
living room to Madame Rosepettle's bedroom. At that point
the walls come to life. They undulate, and swallow up
the furniture leaving the Impression of having walked with
Jonathan's mind Into the forbidden room. This effect will
be reinforced by the use of an opaque projector with
colored oil and water. The director chose this manner of
shifting the scene because of the limited space at Elon
College. The theatre Is actually a small room, and since
the script calls for a scene change, this seems to be the
most logically motivated way to change from the living
room to the bedroom. Again the environment acts upon the
 11

mind, and here we see the mind seeing the environment as

It acts.
Initial entrance Into the environment Is unique.
The audience will have to walk first through the Jungle
and hear Jungle sounds, then Into and through the actual
set accompanied by waltz music, and finally sit amidst
carnival sounds and fireworks. Because the theatre Is so
small, and since the hypothesis Is that the tragi-comlc
play with Its comic framework provides the necessary dis-
tance for traorlc Insights and allows art freedom from the
literal, the director wishes to establish an audience-
environment rapport Immediately. Everything Is turned
around. The audience walks through the house and sits on
the stage. The lights are exposed. The Immediate Im-
pression is one of reversal of the order of things.
Color plays an Important part In the environment of
h
Oh Dad. Borrowing from Elsensteln's color psychology,
the wall frames will be a dirty rose pink and the panels
a llxht pastel pink. These panels later change to a bloody
purple In scene three. Although these colors connote
soiled innocence and perverted regality, the general mood
of the play, however, the environment of the play turns

^Sergei Elsensteln, FIJLm Form and Film Sense (New

York: Meridian Books, 19^2), p. 132.
•

12

tragic In texture and mood Intermittently pierced by

flashes of the grotesque.
The Rose symbol will be carried beyond the name
Implications, 1. e. Roseabove, Rosepettle, Rosalinda, and
Rosalie. Madame Rosepettle In the opening scene enters
with two pictures of a rose under her arm and places them
on the walls. In the third scene the dining tables will
be decorated with one wilting rose. Madame Rosepettle It
would appear, carries her environment with her. In fact,
Madame Rosepettle Is Jonathan1s environment, but Jonathan
In turn becomes her environment. Wherever they go she
arranges, rearranges and Influences the surroundings to fit
Into her mold of the universe, a mold which bejran to
solidify and ultimately was forced upon her by her husband,
and Jonathan's father, Edward Albert Robinson Rosepettle,
The Third. Koplt views the rose from the "rotting underside

of life."5
The director feels that this unusual play, and pre-
sentation will expose the Elon College Community and sur-
rounding communities to an Important modern American play-
wright. The director also feels that his statement of
presentation, I.e. "Pseudo-classical Traglfarce", will

5George E. Wellwarth, The Theatre of Protest and

Paradox (Washington Square, N.Y.: New York University
tress, 1964), p. 291.
 13

grant the necessary comfort of distance In order that the

play's content may be hicrhly enjoyable and thoucht pro-
voking. As a theory It is possible that Koplt Is trying
to tell us that tragedy can no longer slna:, purge, and
sleep. Is he saying that It might Instead do better to
laugh, and lie awake thinking?
•

11*

PART II
^

FIGURE 1

(GROUND PLAN) 15

V
n \

/
 16

PART II
PROMPT BOOK
OH DAD, POOR DAD, MAMA'S
HUNG YOU IN THE CLOSET
AND I'M FEELIN' SO SAD

SCENE ONE
(SCENE: A LAVISH HOTEL SUITE SOMEWHERE IN THE CARIBBEAN.)
(AT RISE: AS THE CURTAIN GOES UP - ENTER BELLBOYS ONE AND
TWO THROUGH AUDIENCE, CARRYING A COFFIN. THEY CROSS TO
DOWN LEFT AND REMAIN HOLDING COFFIN.)
WOMAN'S VOICE
(OFFSTAGE) Put It In the bedroom'

BELLBOYS ONE AND TWO

The bedroom. (BELLBOY ONE AND BELLBOY TWO START TOWARD THE
BEDROOM DOOR, UP LEFT. THE BELLBOYS STOP IN CONFUSION.
MADAME ROSEPETTLE ENTERS THROUGH THE AUDIENCE, DRES3ED IN
BLACK, WITH HER SON, JONATHAN, TRAILING BEHIND HER. THE
BELLBOYS AHE FROZEN WITH TERROR.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Fools' (CROSSES TO BELOW TABLE AT R STAGE, JONATHAN CROSSES
R S AND SITS IN CHAIR U R OF TABLE.)

HEAD BELLBOY

Uh—which bedroom, Madame?

 17

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Which bedroom? Why the master bedroom, of course. Which
bedroom did you think? (THE BELLBOYS BOW, PICK UP THE COFFIN
AND CROSS U L TOWARD THE MASTER BEDROOM.) Gently! (THE
BEDROOM DOORS OPEN.) People have no respect for coffins
nowadays. (CROSSES TO WINDOWS U C.) They think nothing of
the dead. I wonder what the dead think of them? (SHORT
PAUSE.) Agh! (CROSSES TO U L OP TABLE.) The world Is
growing dismal.

BELLBOY ONE
Uh— begging madame's pardon.

BELLBOY TWO
Sorry we must Interrupt.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Speak up! Speak up!

BELLBOY ONE
Well—you see—

BELLBOY TWO

Yes, you see—

BELLBOY ONE

We were curious.

BELLBOY ONE
Uh--Ju8t where In madame's bedroom would she like It to be
put?
■

18

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Next to the bed, of course!

BELLBOYS ONE AND TWO

Of course. (THEY EXIT WITH COFFIN INTO MASTER BEDROOM U L.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

(CROSSES U R C.) Morons! -- Imbeciles. (ENTER TWO OTHER

BELLBOYS THROUGH THE AUDIENCE CARRYING TWO LARGE PLANTS.)
Ah, my plants! (THE EELLBOYS CROSS U C TO THE WINDOWS AND
SET THE PLANTS DOWN.) Uh—not so close together. They
fight. (THE BELLBOYS MOVE THE PLANTS APART AND EXIT THROUGH
THE AUDIENCE DC.)

(THE HEAD BELLBOY ENTERS THROUGH AUDIENCE CARRYING A DICTA-

PHONE AND BLACK DRAPES UNDER HIS ARM. HE STOPS DC.)

HEAD BELLBOY

The dictaphone, madame.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Ah, splendid. (CROSSES U R BEHIND JONATHAN.)

HEAD BELLBOY

Where would madame like It to be placed?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Oh, great srods, are you all the same? The table, naturally.
One never dictates one's memoirs from anywhere but the
center of a room. Any nincompoop knows that.

HEAD BELLBOY

It must have slipped my mind. (CROSSES TO U L OF TABLE AND

PLACES DICTAPHONE ON TABLE.)
MADAME ROSEPETTLE

You flatter yourself.

 19

HEAD BELLBOY
(CROSSES TO C.) Will there be something else?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Will there be something else, he asks? (CROSSES TO L OF
BELLBOY.) Will there be something else? Of course there'll
be something else. There's always something else. That's
one of the troubles with Life.

HEAD BELLBOY
Sorry, madame.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Yes, so am I. (TURNS FROM BELLBOY AND FACES D R.) Oh,
this talk is getting us nowhere. Words are precious. On
bellboys they're a waste. And so far you have thoroughly
wasted my time. Now to begin:—

HEAD BELLBOY
Madame, I'm afraid this must end.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
(TURNING.) I--beg your pardon?

HEAD BELLBOY
I said this must end! I am not a common bellboy, madame—
I'm a lieutenant. (PLACES HIS FOOT ON COUCH.) Notice the
stripes. If you will. I am a lieutenant, madame. And being
a lieutenant I'm in charge of other bellboys and therefore
entitled, I think, to a little more respect from you.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Well—you may consider yourself a lieutenant, lieutenant,
but I consider you a bore! If you're going to Insist upon
pulling rank, however, I'll have you know that I am a Tourist,
 20

(CROSSES TO H OF BELLBOY.) Notice the money, If you will.

I am a Tourist, my boy. — And beina a Tourist I'm In
charae of you. Remember that and I'll mall you another stripe
when I leave. As for "respect", we'll have no time for that
around here. We've got too many Important things to do.
Bight, Albert?

JONATHAN
Ra-ra-ra-rrrlght.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Now, to begin: (CROSSES R S TO D L OF TABLE.) You may
pick up the drapes which were so Ingeniously dropped In a
lump on my table, carry them Into the master bedroom and
tack them over my window panes. I don't wear black in the
tropics for my health, my boy. I'm In mourning. And while
I'm here in Port Royal, no single speck of sunlight shall
enter and brighten the mournful gloom of my heart—at least,
not while I'm in my bedroom. Well, go on, lieutenant, go
on. Forward to the field of battle, head hlsh. (CROSSES
WITH DRAPES TO BELLBOY AND DUMPS THEK IN HIS ARMS.) Tack
the drapes across my windows and when my room is black, call
me In.

HEAD BELLBOY
(SALUTES.) Yes, madame. (BELLBOY EXITS U L.)

MADAME R03EFETTLE
In Buenos Aires the lieutenant clicked his heels when
leavinc That's the trouble with these revolutionaries.
No reglrd for the duties of rank. (CROSSES U R TO ABOVE
JONATHAN.) Remind me. Edward, to have this man fired,
first thing In the morning. He'll never do.

(JONATHAN TAKES A PAD OUT OF HIS POCKET AND WRITES IN IT.

BELLBOYS ONE AND FIVE ENTER THROUGH AUDIENCE CARRYING
MINIATURE TREASURE CHESTS. THEY STOP D C.)

BELLBOY FIVE

The stamp collection, madame.

 21

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Ah, Robinson! Your fantastic stamp collection. Look!
It18 arrived.

BELLBOY ONE
Where would you like It put, madame?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Where would you like It put, my love?

JONATHAN

Uh—uh—uh—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Now—now, let's not start stammering again. You know what
I think of It.

JONATHAN

Ummmmm—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
My dear, what Is wrong with your tongue?

JONATHAN

Uhhhh—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

But they're only bellboys.

JONATHAN

Ummmmm--
 22

(BELLBOY TWO ENTERS ALSO THROUGH AUDIENCE WITH A MINIATURE

TREA3URE CHEST. HE STOPS D C WITH OTHER BELLBOYS.)

BELLBOY TWO

The coin collection, madame. Where would you like It put?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

(HOVERS OVER JONATHAN.) Edward, your fabulous collection

of coins has Just arrived as well. Now—where would you
like It put?

JONATHAN

Ummrara--

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Oh, great gods! Can't you for once talk like a normal
human being without showering the room with you Inarticu-
late spit!?

JONATHAN

I-I-I-I-I—da—da—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Oh, very well. Very well— If you can't muster the nerve
to answer—stick out your paw and point.

(JONATHAN JUMPS TO HIS KNEES IN THE CHAIR. HE THKUSTS OUT

HIS TREMBLING HAND AND POINTS OFF TOWARD U R BEDROOM.)

JONATHAN

If__lf__they would—be so kind. (BELLBOYS EXIT OFF U R.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

- sOt course they would! They're bellboys. Remember that,

 23

It's your first Lesson In Life for the day. (CROSSES U 3

TO DOOR.) No! Don't get the stamps In with the coins.
They stick!

HEAD BELLBOY

(RE-ENTERS FROM THE MASTER BEDROOM U L AND CROSSES DOWN

TO ABOVE COUCH.) I'm terribly sorry to disturb you, madame,
but I find that—I don't seem to have a—uh—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

I wondered when you'd ask. (CROSSES TO BELLBOY AND OFFERS

HIM A HAMMER FROM HER PURSE.)

HEAD BELLBOY

Thank-you—madame. (TURNS AND START TO EXIT U L.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Bellboy? (HE STOPS AT U L DOOR.) The nails.

HEAD BELLBOY

Yes, of course, (CROSSES TO MADAME ROSEPETTLE.) How

foolish of me.
MADAME ROSEPETTLE

(HANDS BELLBOY THE NAILS FROM HER PURSE.) Keep the extras.
(HE EXITS U L INTO MASTER BEDROOM.) In Buenos Aires the
Lieutenant came equipped with a pneumatic drill. That's
what I call service. (CROSSES TO L OF JONATHAN.) Robinson
darling, remind me to have this man barred from all hotels,
everywhere. Everywhere.

(THREE BELLBOYS RE-ENTER FROM U ft. THEY CROSS TO C AND

STAND IN A LINE RUNNING C TO D C AND FACE AUDIENCE.) Here,
for your trouble: a little something. (CROSSES TO R OF
BELLBOY ONE AT C.) It's a Turkish plaster—1876. Good
year for plasters. (CROSSES TO BELLBOY TWO.) And for you
a—a 1739 Danzig gulden. Worth a fortune, my boy. A small
fortune, I will admit, but nevertheless a fortune.
 2k

(CROSSES TO BELLBOY THREE AT D C.) And for you we have a-

a—1962 DIME!! Edward--what Is the dime doln* in here? Eegh!
(SHE DROPS THE DIME AND CROSSES D R. THE BELLBOYS LEAP TO
."JET IT. THEY STRUGGLE ON HANDS AND KNEES DC.)

JONATHAN
Some—some—9omeday--lt will be—as rare as the others.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Some day! Some day! That's the trouble with you, Robinson.
Always an optimist. I trust you have no more such currency
contaminating your fabulous collection. H'm, Albert? Do
I assume correctly? H'm? Do I? H'm? Do I? H'm? Do I?

JONATHAN

Ya--yes.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Splendid. Then I'll *lve you your surprise for the day.

JONATHAN

Na—now?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Yes, now.

JONATHAN
IN-ln-front of-them? (BELLBOYS SCREECH AND STAND FIGHTING
FOR THE COIN.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Turn your backs, bellboys. (THEY CROSS U L AND FACE OFF
STAJE ) Here Edward, my sweet. The rarest of all coins
for your rarest of all collections. (CROSSES TO JONATHAN.)
A 1572 Javanese Yen-Sen.
 25

JONATHAN
How--how many—were were minted?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

None.

JONATHAN

Na—none?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
I made It myself. So glad you like It. (TO THE BELLB0Y3.)
You may turn around now. (THE SOUND OP A HAMMER IS HEARD
OFF LEFT.) If you must bans like that, my boy, then please
bang with some sort of rhythm. (BELLBOYS CLAP IN RHYTHM.)
Oh, the Lieutenant In Buenos Aires, remember him, Robinson?
How he shook when he drilled. I fairly danced that day. (SHE
BEGINS TO DANCE TOWARD D L. THE BELLBOYS EXIT D C CLAPPING
IN RHYTHM.) That's enough. (SHE STOPS AT C.)

BELLBOY FOUR
(BELLBOYS ONE AND FOUR ENTER CARRYING A HUGH TREASURE CHEST.
MADAME ROSEPETTLE CROSSES TO U R. BELLBOYS CROSS TO C.)
The, uh--book collection, madame.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Albert, look. Albert! Look! Your unbelievable collection
of books. It's arrived.

JONATHAN
Ca--ca—could they—open It—I—I-I wonder?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
You want to see them, eh Albert? You really want to see
them ap;aln? That badly? You really want to see them ap-aln,
that badly?
 26

JONATHAN
Yyyyyyesssssss.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Then let the trunk be opened.

(THEY OPEN THE TRUNK. THE BOOKS FALL ONTO THE FLOOR.
JONATHAN CROSSES TO BOOKS AND LEAPS ON THEM. BELLBOYS
EXIT D C.)

JONATHAN
Tra-Tra-Trallope Ha-Haggard—Daudlet—Ga-Ga-Gautler—
ma-mmmmy old—fffriends. La—lllook at them all. Sh-Sh-
Sholokhov—Alain- Fournier—Alightlerl—Turturturgenev.
My—old friends.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

All right, Albert, that's enough.

JONATHAN

But—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

That's enough—Get up, «et up—Come, off your knees.

(CROSSES TO D 3 OF TABLE.) Rise from your books and sing
of love.

JONATHAN

But I—I can't sing.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Well, stand up anyway. (JONATHAN CROSSES L TO COUCH AND

SITS.) All right, now where's Rosalinda?!
 27

BELLBOYS

(FROM THE AUDIENCE.) Who?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Ply fish. (CROSSES D C AND PACES AUDIENCE.) I want my

fish. Who has my fish?

A VOICE

I have It, madame.

(BELLBOY TWO ENTERS THROUGH AUDIENCE CARRYING AN OBJECT
COVERED BY A BLACK CLOTH. HE STOPS DC.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Ah, splendid. Bring It here. (CROSSES U R OF TABLE.)

rut It here, by the dictaphone. Near my memoirs. Brine;
It here, bellboy. But set It gently, If you will. (BELL-
BOY CROSSES TO TABLE AND SET IT DOWN.) Now. The black
shawl of mournlnc, bellboy. Remove It, If you will. But
-ently. Gently. Gently as she *oes. (BELLBOY LIFTS OFF
THE SHAWL. REVEALED B A FISH BOWL WITH A FISH AND A CAT'S
SKELETON INSIDE.) Ah, I see you fed It today. Siamese, I
presume.

BELLBOY TWO

No, madame. Alley.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

WHAT!? A common alley cat? Just who do you think I am?

(ADVANCES.) What kind of fish do you think I have? Alley
cat? Alley cat? Indeed. (PUSHES BELLBOY TO D C.) In
duenos Aires, I'll have you know, Rosalinda was fed nothing
but ilamese kittens, which are even more tender than Siamese
cats. That's what I call consideration! Edward, make note:
we will dismiss this creature from the bellboy squad first
thing In the morning!

BELLBOY TWO

(KNEELS D C.) Madame, please, there were no Siamese cats.

 28

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
There are always Siamese cats!

BELLBOY TWO
Not In Port Royale.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
Then you should have flown to Buenos Aires, I would have
paid the way. Give me back your Turkish plaster. No.
Never mind. Keep it. It's not worth a thing except in Is-
tanbul, and hardly a soul uses anything but Traveller's
Cheque's there anyhow! Shows you should never trust me.

BELLBOY TWO
Madame, please. I have a wife.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
And I have a fish. I dare say there are half a million men
in Port Royale with wives. (BELLBOY EXITS SLOWLY THROUGH
AUDIENCE. SHE CALLS OFF AFTER HIM.) Eut show me one person
with a silver Piranha fish and then you'll be showing me
something. Your marital status does not impress me, sir.
You are common, do you hear? Common! While my Piranha fish
is rare.

ROSALINDA THE FISH

ilump,

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Oh, dear thing. (CR0S3E3 TO U L OF TABLE.) You can Just

tell she's not feeling up to snuff. Someone will pay for
this!

HEAD BELLBOY

(RE-ENTERS FROM U L BEDROOM.) Well, I'm finished.

 29

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

You certainly are.

HEAD BELLBOY

(STOPS ABOVE COUCH.) I beg your pardon?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Edward, make note. (CROSSES U R.) First thing In the

morning we speak to the chef. Subject: Siamese cats—
kittens If possible, though I seriously doubt It here.
And make a further note Albert, my darling. Let's see
If we can't get our cats on the American plan, while we're
at It.

HEAD BELLBOY

Madame, Is there something I can—

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

QUIET'. And put that hammer down. (CROSSES U L C. BELLBOY

PUTS HAMMER DOWN ON COUCH.) You have all behaved rudely.
(CROSSES TO U C WINDOWS.) If the sunset over Guanabacoa
Bay were not so full of mae-enta and wisteria blue I'd leave
this place tonight. But the sunset is full of magenta and
wisteria blue, and so I think I'll stay. Therefore, beware.
Madame Rosepettle will have much to do. She won't have time
for hiring and firing people like you. Right, Robinson?
I said, rlKht, Robinson? RIGHT, ROBINSON'?? (JONATHAN NODS
HEAD QUICKLY.) There's your answer. Now get out and leave
us alone. (BELLBOY STARTS TO EXIT D C.) No. Walt.
(BELLBOY STOPS D C ON RAMP.) A question before you go. That
yacht In the harbor.

HEAD BELLBOY

Which yacht In the harbor?

 30

MADAMS ROSEPETTLE

The pink one, of course--l8? feet long, I'd Judge. Who

owns it?

HEAD BELLBOY

Why, Commodore Roseabove, madame. It»8 a pretty sloop.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Roseabove. Roseabove—I like that name,

HEAD BELLEOY

Madame realizes, of course, it's the largest yacht on the

island.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

(CROSSES TO C.) It's also the largest yacht in Haiti,

Puerto Rico, Bermuda, the Dominican Republic and West
Palm Beach. I haven't checked the Virgin Islands yet.
I thought I'd leave th em till last. I doubt if I'll
find a larger one ther e. I take great pleasure, you see,
in measuring yachts. My hobby, you might say. (HEAD
BELLBOY EXITS THROUGH THE AUDIENCE DC.) Edward, make
note. First thing in the morning we restaff this hotel.
(CROSSES TO WINDOWS U C.) Roseabove. I like that name.

ROSALINDA THE FISH

ileep.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Ah, listen. My lovely little fish. (CROSSES R ABOVE TO

TABLE.) She, too. Is feeling better already. She, too.
 31

You can tell--you can tell. (PICKS UP MOUTHPIECE OF

DICTAPHONE.) My Memoirs. Port Royale—Part One—The
Arrival. (JONATHAN CRAWLS BEHIND COUCH TO FRENCH WINDOWS
AT U C. HE STANDS ON PORCH. FLYTRAPS GROWL AND REACH
FOR HIM. SEE FIGURE 2.) Sorry to say, once attain, nothing
unusual to report.

BLACKOUT

CURTAIN
I
 33

SCENE TWO

(THE PLACE IS THE SAME. THE TIME, TWO WEEKS LATER.

HOSALIE IS STANDING U C BY THE FRENCH WINDOWS. JONATHAN
SITS ON THE COUCH L C.)

HOSALIE

But if you've been here two weeks, why haven't I seen you?

JONATHAN

I've I've been In my room.

ROSALIE

All the time?

JONATHAN

Yes—all the time.

HOSALIE

Well, you must get out sometimes. I mean, sometimes you

simply must get out. (CROSSES TO B OF COUCH.) You Just
couldn't stay inside all the time—could you?

JONATHAN

Yyyes.
ROSALIE
You never get out at all? I mean, never at all?
 3*

JONATHAN

Some-sometimes, I do go out on the porch. M-Ma-Mother

has some—Venus-flytraps which she bra-brought here from
the rain forests of Va-Va-Va-Venezuela. They're va-very
rrrrare and need a-a lot of sunshine. Well, sir, she
ka-keeps them on the porch and I—I feed them. Twice a
day, too.

BOSALXB

Oh. (SITS BY JONATHAN.)

JONATHAN

Ma-Ma-Mother says everyone must have a vocation in life.

I ga-guess that's--my Job.

H03ALIE

I don't think I've ever met anyone before who's fed—uh-

Venus-flytraps.

JONATHAN

Ma-Ma-Mother says I'm va-very good at it. I—don't know-

if--I am, but--that's--what she says so I guess—I am.

R03ALIE

Well, uh, what do you--feed them? You see, I've never met
anyone who's fed Venus-Flytraps so—that's why I don t
know what—you're supposed to feed them.

JONATHAN

Oh, I fa-feed them— 1-1-lots of things. r,a-ga-green peas,

chicken feathers, rubber bands. They're not very fussy.
 35

They're—nice, that way. Ma-Ma-Mother says It It it o-a-

s:lves me a feeling of a—co-oo-compllshraent. (CROSSES TO
U C.) Ifffff you would--llke to to see them I—could
show them to you. It's—almost fa-feeding time. It is,
and--and I could show them to you.

ROSALIE

No. That's all right. Well, how about later?

JONATHAN

(CROSSES TO ROSALIE.) Do-do-do you ra-really wwwwwwant

to see them? (SITS R OF ROSALIE.)

ROSALIE

Yes, yes, I really think I would like to see them—later.

If you'll show them to me then, I'd really like that. I
still don't understand why you never go out. How can you
Just sit—in?

JONATHAN

Sometime8whenI* montheporchldootherthlngs,

ROSALIE

What?

JONATHAN

Sa-3a-3ometlmes, when I'm on the porch, you know, when

I'm on the porch? Ssssssssome-times I—do other things, too
ROSALIE
What do you do? What sort of things? What sort of things
do you do?
 36

JONATHAN

Other things.

ROSALIE

What do you mean, "Other things?"

JONATHAN

Other things besides feedlnc my mother's plants. Other

things besides that. That's what I mean. Other things
besides that.

ROSALIE

(EDGES CLOSER TO JONATHAN ON THE COUCH.) What kind of

things—In particular?

JONATHAN

Oh, watching.

ROSALIE

Watching?

JONATHAN

Yes. Like—watching.

ROSALIE

Watching what? (LEANS TOWARD HIM.) Watching what?

 37

JONATHAN

You.

(ROSALIE INCHES CLOSES TO JONATHAN ON THE COUCH.)

ROSALIE

What do you mean—watching me?

JONATHAN

I—watch you from the porch. That's what I mean. I

watch you from the porch. I watch you a lot, too. Every-
day, too. It's—It's the truth. I—I swear It—Is. I
watch you ev'ry day. Do you believe me?

HCSALIE

Of course I believe you, Albert. Why—

JONATHAN

Jonathan! (TURNS AWAY.)

ROSALIE

What?

JONATHAN

Jonathan. Ca-ca-call me Ja-Jonathan. That's my name.

ROSALIE

But your mother called you —

 38

JONATHAN

Nooooo! Call—me Jonathan. Pa-pa-please?

ROSALIE

All right—Jonathan.

JONATHAN

You do believe me! (RISES AND CROSSES U C.) You rrreally

do believe me. I-I can tell!

ROSALIE

Of course I believe you. Why shouldn't—?

JONATHAN

You want me to tell you how I watch you? (CROSSES TO U R C.)

You want me to tell you? I'll bet you'll na-never a;ues8.

ROSALIE

How?

JONATHAN

Guess,

ROSALIE

Through a telescope?
V
 39

JONATHAN

How did you guess?

ROSALIE

I—I don't know, I was Just Joking. I didn't really

think that was—

JONATHAN

I'll bet everyone watches you throuc-h a telescope.

(CROSSES TO R END OF COUCH AND KNEELS.) I'll bet every-
one you go out with watches you through a telescope.
That's what I'll bet.

ROSALIE

No. Not at all.

JONATHAN

Well, that's how I watch you. (SITS R OF ROSALIE.)

Through a telescope.

ROSALIE

I never would have guessed that—

JONATHAN

I thought you were--eolng to say I—I watch you with—

with love in my eyes or some—thing like that. I didn't
think you were o:olng to guess that I—watch you through
a telescope. I didn't think you were going to guess that
I wa-watch you through a telescope on the fa-flrst guess,
anyway. Not on the first guess.
 1*0

ROSALIE

Well, It was Just a guess.

JONATHAN

Do you watch me through a telescope?

ROSALIE

I never knew where your room was.

JONATHAN

Now you know. (CROSSES TO WINDOWS U C.) Now will you

watch me?

ROSALIE

Well, I—don't have a telescope.

JONATHAN

You can make one. That's how I got mine. I made It.
Out of lenses and tubing. That's all you need. Lenses
and tubing. (CROSSES ON STEP TOWARD ROSALIE.) Do you
have any lenses?

ROSALIE

No.

JONATHAN

Do you have any tubing? (CROSSES ANOTHER STEP TOWARD

ROSALIE.)
"

41

ROSALIE

No.

JONATHAN

Oh. (CR033E3 TO ABOVE ROSALIE.) Well, would you like me

to tell you how I made mine In case you find some lenses
and tubing? Would you like that?

ROSALIE

Sure, Jonathan. I think that would be nice.

JONATHAN

(CROSSES SLOWLY TO C.) Well, I made It out of lenses and

tubing. The lenses I had because Ma-Ma-Mother wave me a set
of lenses so I could see my stamps better. I have a fabulous
collection of stamps, as well as a fantastic collection of
coins and a simply unbelievable collection of books. Well,
sir, Ma-Ma-Mother gave me these lenses so I could see my stamps
better. She suspected that some were fake so she gave me
the lenses so I mljht be—able to see. You see? Well, sir,
I happen to have nearly a billion sta-stamps. So far I've
looked closely at 1,352, 769. I've discovered three actual
fakes! Number 1,352, 767 was fake. Number 1,352,768 was
a fake, and number 1,352,769 was a fake. They were stuck
together. Mother made me feed them Immediately to her fly-
traps. Well—(CROSSES U C.) one day, when Mother wasn't
looking—that Is, when she was out, I heard an airplane
flying. An airplane—somewhere—far away. It wasn't very
loud, but still it could be heard. An airplane. Flying—
somewhere, far away. I ran outside to the porch so that
I might see what It looked like. The airplane. With hun-
dreds of people inside It. And If, I thought to myself, I
could Just see—If I could Just see what they looked like,
the people, sitting at their windows, looklrw; out—and fly-
ing. If I could see-Just once—if I could Just once see
what they looked llke--then I might—know what I—what I...
3o—I built a telescope In case the plane ever—came baok
again. The tubing came from an old blowgun. (EXITS U R.)
*■

42

Mother brought It back from her last hunting trip to

Zanzibar. (RE-ENTERS WITH TELESCOPE AND CROSSES TO FRENCH
WINDOWS U C.) The lenses were the lenses she had given
me for my stamps. So I built it. My telescope. A tele-
scope so that I might be able to see. And—(CROSSES ONTO
THE PORCH.) and--and I could see! I could! I COULD! I
really could. For miles and miles I could see. For miles
and miles and miles! (LIFTS TELESCOPE ALMOST TO EYE AND
THEN STOPS.) Only . . . (ROSALIE CROSSES TO JONATHAN, TAKES
TELESCOPE AND SCANS THE HORIZON. JONATHAN CROSSES TO COUCH
L AND SITS.)

ROSALIE

There's no thine: to see out there.

JONATHAN

I know. That's the trouble. You take the time to build

a telescope able to see for miles, then there's nothing
out there to see. Ma-Mother says it's a Lesson in Life.
(ROSALIE DROPS TELESCOPE AND CROSSES TO COUCH AND SITS L
OF JONATHAN.) But I'm not sorry I built my telescope.
And you know why? Because I saw you. Even if I didn't see
anything else, I did see you. And— and I'm—very glad.
I—I remember, you were standing across the way in your
penthouse garden playing blind man's buff with ten little
children. Are—are they by any chance—yours?

ROSALIE

Oh, I'm not married.

JONATHAN

(SLIDES TO R END OF COUCH.) Oh!

ROSALIE

I'm a baby sitter.

 "

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3ad*LX3

". fc.r* :'jr :ae 3eao._» ?no jwn ":ie ^en^cise

;c Lirn.ij

•' le^er leen -near irmuut.

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■all ie i jnecx ;-"?r- fee* ina *_ M la :•:• men
: : — - 3M rttl T.drsn 3 laaea jrral^ttt

™.uJ

/ou sold Call ie *m.:n f«7 -ney *«nr : -.nn..t r*..ia -;ie»
: - :ei sscorce ip.c . '~: I _ : iilD ?! '
' -.an see far alias

iLi:

ist ,jr». '.r.i^ir^n '*»rr 2Ucn. -VJ m-re jr. iany I lean.
» -^siar-canL* *oaan 3he lust -je ?UJ ^er^ i
is :o :* -inorher ine. -.-in inonsier iniId -J v-. rai .ie;

art 30
 *3

JONATHAN

(SLIDES BACK TO PREVIOUS POSITION.) Oh.

ROSALIE

I work for the people who own the penthouse.

JONATHAN

I've never seen them around.

ROSALIE

I've never seen them, either. They're never home. They

Just mall me a check every week and tell me to make sure
I keep the children's names straight.

JONATHAN

If you could tell me which way they went I could find them
with my telescope. (CROSSES U L C AND PICKS UP TELESCOPE.)
It can see for miles.

ROSALIE

They must love children very much, to have so many, I mean,

What a remarkable woman she must be. (PAUSE.) There's
?olnjr to be another one, too! Another child is coming!
I got a nl*ht letter last nls<ht.

JONATHAN

By airplane? (CROSSES TO ABOVE ROSALIE, PLACES TELESCOPE

BEHIND COUCH AND LEANS TOWARD L OF ROSALIE.)
 u»
ROSALIE

I don't know.

JONATHAN

I bet It was. I can't see at nlarht. Ma-Mother can but I

can't. (CROSSES TO D L END OP COUCH. FACES OFF D L.)
I'll bet that's when the planes fly.

ROSALIE

If you like, I'll read you the letter. (JONATHAN TURNS BACK
AND KNEELS ON L END OF COUCH.) I have It with me. (SHE
UNBUTTONS HER BLOUSE AND TAXES OUT THE LETTER. JONATHAN
COVERS EYES. SEE FIGURE 3.) "Have had another child. Sent
It yesterday. Will arrive tomorrow. Call It Cynthia."
(PLACES LETTER BACK IN BLOUSE. JONATHAN SITS.)

JONATHAN

Will that make eleven? That's an awful lot of children to

take care of. I'll bet it must be wonderful.

ROSALIE

Well, they do pay very well.

JONATHAN

They pay you?

ROSALIE

Of course—what did you think? (PAUSE) Jonathan? (SNUGGLES

Uf TO JONATHAN.)
 FIGURE 3 ^5

A
X

A
 46

JONATHAN

Yyyyyes?

ROSALIE

It gets very lonesome over there. The children go to

sleep early and the parents are never home so I'm always
alone. Perhaps—well, Jonathan, I thought that perhaps
you might—visit.

JONATHAN

Well—well—well, you—you see—I—I-

ROSALIE

We could spend the evenlncs together—at my place. (PLAYS

WITH HIS HAIR.) It pets so lonesome there, you know what
I mean? I mean, I don't know what to do. I s-et too lone-
some there.

JONATHAN

rta-ma-ma-maybe you—you can—come over—here? Maybe you

you can do—that.

ROSALIE

Why are you trembling so?

JONATHAN

I' m—I' m—I • m—I' m—

J
 4?

ROSALIE
, Are you afraid?

JONATHAN

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. Whaaaaaaaa-why—should I—be—afraid?

ROSALIE

Then why won't you come visit me?

JONATHAN

I--I--I —I

ROSALIE

I don't think you're allowed to s-o out. That's what I

think.

JONATHAN

Nnnn-o. I--I—can-can—can—

ROSALIE

Why can't you a-o out, Jonathan? I want to know.

JONATHAN

Nnnnnnnnnn—

ROSALIE

Tell me, Jonathan!

J
 *7

ROSALIE
Are you afraid?

JONATHAN

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno. Whaaaaaaaa-why--should I—be afraid?

ROSALIE

Then why won't you come visit me?

JONATHAN

I —I —I —I

ROSALIE

I don't think you're allowed to no out. That's what I

think.

JONATHAN

Nnnn-o. I--I—can-can—can—

ROSALIE

Why can't you so out, Jonathan? I want to know.

JONATHAN

Nnnnnnnnnn—

ROSALIE

Tell me, Jonathan!

 k8

JONATHAN

I—I—

ROSALIE

I said I want to knowl Tell me.

JONATHAN

I—I don't know. (RISES AND CROSSES D L C.) I don't

know why. I mean. I've nnnnnnnever really thought—
about going out. I guess—It's Just natural for me to—
stay Inside. You see—I've trot so much to do. I mean,
all my sssssstamps and—ca-colns and books. (CROSSES
U C.) The pa-pa-plane might ffffly overhead while I was
going downstairs. And then thhhere are—the plants ta-to
feeeed. And I enjoy wvery much wa- watching you and all
yyyyyour chil-dren. I've really KOt so ma-many things—
to—do. Like—like my future, for Instance. (CROSSES
SLOWLY TO R OF TABLE AND FACES OFF D R.) Ma-Mother says
I'm going to be rreat. I ssswear. Of course, she doesn't
know ex-actly what I'm—going to be great In—so she sits
every afternoon for—for two hours and thinks about It.
Na-na-naturally I've--got to be here when she's thinking
In case she--thinks of the answer. Otherwise she might
forget and I'd never know--what I'm ga-golng to be great
in. You—see what I mean? I mean, I've—I've ggggot so
many things to do I—Just couldn't possibly pet anything
done If I ever-went—outside. (PAUSES AND LOOKS DOWN.)
Besides, Mother locks the front door.

ROSALIE

(RISES.) I thought so.

JONATHAN

No! You-you don't understand. (CROSSES TOWARD ROSALIE

A FEW STEPS.) It's not what you think. She doesn't lock
the door to ka-ka-keep me In, which would be malicious.
 **9

She--locks the door so I can't o-et out, which is for my

own good and therefore—beneficient.

CUCKOO CLOCK

(FROM THE MASTER BEDROOM D L.) Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

'1
ROSALIE

What's that?

JONATHAN

A warning.

ROSALIE

What do you mean, a warning?

JONATHAN

A warning that you have to go. Your time is up, (CROSSES

TO ROSALIE.)

ROSALIE

My time is what?

JONATHAN

Your time is up. You have to go. (PULLS HER TOWARD D C

EXIT.) Now. At once. Right away. You can't stay any
longer. You've got to xo!
 50

ROSALIE

Why?

JONATHAN

I don't really know.

CUCKOO CLOCK

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! (ROSALIE STOPS AT L C. JONATHAN

STOPS AT DC.)

ROSALIE

Why did your mother ask me to come up here?

JONATHAN

So I—I could meet you.

ROSALIE

Then why didn't you ask me yourself? Something's wrong

around here, Jonathan. I don't understand why you didn't
ask me yourself.

JONATHAN

ria-Mother's so much better at those things,

CUCKOO CLOCK

CUCKOO! CUCKOO! CUCKOO!!

 51

JONATHAN

You've Kot to cret out of here! That's the third warnlnc,

(STARTS TO PUSH HER TOWARD DC.)

ROSALIE

Will you call me on the phone?

JONATHAN

Please, you've got to go!

ROSALIE

Instead of your mother telllnc- me to come, will you come

and eet me yourself? Will you at least call me? Wave to
me? (STANDS D C ON RAMP.)

JONATHAN

Yes-yes—I'll do that, (CROSSES U C.) Now get out of

here!

ROSALIE

I want you to promise to come and see me a^aln.

JONATHAN

Get out!

ROSALIE

Promise me.
 52

JONATHAN

(BACKS TO L OF TABLE.) GET OUT!

ROSALIE

Why do you keep looking at that door?

JONATHAN

Please.

ROSALIE

Why do you keep looking at that door?

JONATHAN

Please! You've cot to e;o before It's too late!

ROSALIE

There's something very wroncr here. I want to see what's

behind that door. (STARTS TO CROSS U L. JONATHAN GRABS
ROSALIE AROUND THE KNEES AT C.)

JONATHAN

(KNEELING.) I love you.

(ROSALIE STARES DOWN AT JONATHAN.)

ROSALIE

What did you say?

^
 53

JONATHAN

'I-I-I llllove you. I love you, I love you, I love you.

I—.(CUCKOO CLOCK SCREAMS. THE BEDROOM DOOR U L OPENS.
'MADAME ROSEPETTLE CROSSES IN ONE STEP. SEE FIGURE k.)
/ too late.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Two warnings are enough for any man. (CROSSES SLOWLY TO

U R C.) Three are enouarh for any woman. The cuckoo struck
three times and then a fourth and still she's here. (TURNS
AND FACES ROSALIE AND JONATHAN.) May I ask why?

ROSALIE

You've been listening at the keyhole, haven't you?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

I'm talking to my son, harlot' (CROSSES R AROUND TABLE TO

BELOW TABLE.)

ROSALIE

(CROSSES TO MADAME ROSEPETTLE.) What did you say!

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Harlot, I called you! (CROSSES BY ROSALIE TO C.) Slut,

scum, sleazy prostitute catching and caressing children and
men. Stroking their hearts. (TURNS BACK TO ROSALIE.)
I've seen you.

ROSALIE

What are you talking about?

 55

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Blind man's buff with the children In the garden. The

redheaded one—fifteen, I think. Behind the bush while
the others cover their eyes. Up with the skirt, one-two-
three and It's done. Don't try to deny It. (CROSSES
ABOVE JONATHAN.) I've seen you In action. I know your
kind.

ROSALIE

That's a lie! (CROSSES TO R OF MADAME R03EPETTLE.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Life Is a lie, my sweet. Not words but Life Itself.

Life In all Its uecliness. It builds green trees that
tease your eyes and draw you under them. Then when
you're there In the shade and you breathe In and say,
"Oh God, how beautiful," that's when the bird on the
branch lets zo his droppings and hits you on the head.
Life, my sweet, beware. It isn't what it seems. I've
seen what it can do. I've watched you dance.

ROSALIE

What do you mean by that?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Last night in the ballroom. I've watched you closely

and I know what I see. You danced too near those men
and you let them do too much. Don't try to deny It.
Words will only make it worse. It would be best for
all concerned if you left at once and never came again.
Good day. (CROSSES TOWARD BEDROOM U L.)

ROSALIE
Why don't you let Jonathan out of his room?
 56

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

(STOPS U L.) Who?

ROSALIE

Jonathan.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Who? (CROSSES BACK TO U R OP JONATHAN WHO IS KNEELIN;

AT C.)

ROSALIE

Your son.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

You mean Albert? Is that who you mean? Albert?

JONATHAN

Pa-pa-please do-don»t.

MADAMS ROSEPETTLE
Is that who you mean, slut? H'm? Speak up? Is that who
you mean?

ROSALIE

I mean your son.

 57

MADAME H03EPETTLE

I don't let him out because he Is my son. (LEANS OVER

JONATHAN.) I don't let him out because his skin Is as
white as fresh snow and he would burn If the sun struck
him. I don't let him out because outside there are trees
with birds sitting on their branches waiting for him to
walk beneath. I don't let him out because you're there,
waiting behind the bushes with your skirt up. I don't
let him out because he Is susceptible. That's why.
Because he Is susceptible. Susceptible to trees and to
sluts and to sunshine.

ROSALIE

Then why did you come and <?et me?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Because, my dear, my studious, stupid son had been

watching you through that stupid telescope he made.
(RISES.) Because, In short, he wanted to meet you and
I, In short, wanted him to know what you were really
like. Now that he's seen, you may go.

ROSALIE

(CROSSES TO JONATHAN.) And If I choose to stay? (MADAME

ROSEPETTLE CROSSES BETWEEN THEM AND FORMS TRIANGLE. SEE
FIGURE 5.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Can you cook?

ROSALIE

Yes.
 59

MADAME R03EPETTLE

How well?

ROSALIE

Fairly well.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

Not good enough! hy son is a connoisseur. A connoisseur,

do you hear? I cook him the finest foods in the world.
Recipes no one knows exist. Food my sweet, is the finest
of arts. And since you can't cook you are artless. You
nauseate my son's aesthetic taste. (CROSSES D R C.) Do
you like cats?

40 :ALIE

(COUNTERS TO d C.) Yes.

MADAME RO SEATTLE

What kind of cats?

HO ^ALIE

Any kind of cats.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

Alley cats?

ROSALIE
Especially alley cats.
 60

MADAME R03EPETTLE

I thought so. (TURNS AND CROSSES TO ROSALIE.) Go, my

dear. Find yourself some weepinc? willow and set yourself
beneath It. Cry of your lust for my son and wait, for a
Booking bird waits above to deposit his verdict on your
whorish head. (ROSALIE CROSSES TO D C T£XIT AND STOPS.
MADAME ROSEPETTLE STANDS ABOVE HER SON.) My son Is as
white as fresh snow and you are tainted with sin. You
are varnished with c-arllc and turn our tender stomachs
In disgust.

ROSALIE

Why did you come to Port Royale?

MADAME BOSBPETTLE

To find you! (TAKES JONATHAN TO COUCH AT L.)

HO^ALIE

(TURNS TO FACE HER.) And now that you've found me--?

MADAME ROSEi-ETTLE

I throw you out! I toss you In the garbage can! I heard

everything, you know. So don't try to call. The phone Is
In ray room—and no one coes Into my room but me. (EXITS OFF
U L. ROSALIE SLOWLY CROSSES TO JONATHAN. MADAME ROSEPETTLE
RE-ENTERS U L AND STANDS IN DOORWAY.) One more thine;. If,
by some chance, the eleventh child named Cynthia turns out
to be a Siamese cat, give It to me. I, too, pay well.

JONATHAN

(REACHES OUT TO ROSALIE.) Come back a=raln. Pa-please—

come back arcaln. (ROSALIE BACKS SLOWLY TOWARD D C EXIT.
SEE FIGURE 6.)
FIGURE 6
 62

BLACKOUT

CURTAIN

_
 63

SCENE THREE

(THE HOTEL ROOM AT NI3HT, ONE WEEK LATER. JONATHAN IS

ALONE ON THE COUCH AT L STAGE. A CLOCK TICKS IN THE
DISTANCE. LAUGHTER IS HEARD. FIREWORKS EXPLODE, AND
ORGIASTIC MUSIC IS HEARD. JONATHAN CROSSES U C AND
CLOSES FRENCH WINDOWS. SOUND OUT. JONATHAN CROSSES
TO C. WINDOWS FALL. SOUND RETURNS.)

VENUS-FLYTRAPS

Grrrrrr. (THEY REACH OUT FOR JONATHAN.)

ROSALINDA THE PISH

Grarrgh!

(JONATHAN CROSSES U C ONTO PORCH. WALTZ MUSIC IN.

FESTIVAL MUSIC OUT. BELLBOYS ENTER FROM WALL PANELS
L AND R. THEY CROSS TO C. SET UP TABLE AND FIX THE
WINDOWS. THEY EXIT L AND R.)

THE COMMODORE

How lovely it was this evening, madame, don't you think?

(MADAME ROSEPETTLE AND THE COMMODORE ENTER THROUGH THE
AUDIENCE AND CROSS TO C BELOW TABLE.) How gentle a wind,
madame. And the s tars, how clear and bright they were.
don't you think? Ah, the waltz. (THEY BEGIN TO WALTZ
IN CIRCLE FROM C, TO D R, TO U C, TO D L.) How exquisite
it is, madame, don •t you think? One-two-three, one-two-
three, one-two-thr ee. Ahhhh, madame, how classically
simple. How stark how stronc-—how romantlc--how sublime,
 6^

Oh, If only madame knew how I've waited for this moment.
If only madame knew how long. How this week, these nights,
the nights we shared together on my yacht; the warm, won-
derful nights, the almost-perfect nights, the would-have-
been-perfect nights, had It not been for the crew peeking
through the port-holes. (THEY STOP BACK AT C.) Ah, those
nights, madame, those nights; almost alone but never quite;
but now, tonight, at last, we are alone. And now, madame,
now we are ready for romance. For the night was made for
love. And tonight, madame--we will love.

MADAME ROSEPETTLS

Oh, Commodore, how you do talk.

THE COMMODORE

Madame, may I kiss you?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Why?

THE COMMODORE

Your lips are a thing of beauty.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

My lips. Commodore, are the color of blood. (THEY BE3IN

TO WALTZ IN AREA R OP TABLE.) I must say, you dance ex-
ceptionally well, Commodore--for a man your a<re.
 65

THE COMMODORE

I dance with you, madame. That Is why I dance well For

to dance with you, madame, is to hold you.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Well, I don't mind your holding me. Commodore, but at the

moment you happen to be holding me too tla;ht. (THEY STOP
U A.)

THE COMMODORE

I hold you too dear to hold you too tiarht, madame. I hold
you close, that is all. And I hold you close in the hope
that ray heart may feel your heart beating.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

(MADAME ROSEPETTLE SRABS COMMODORE.) One-two-three, one-

two-three. (THEY WALTZ IN PLACE.) You're not paying atten-
tion to the music, Commodore. I'm afraid you've fallen out
of step.

THE COMMODORE

Then lead me, madame. Take my hand and lead me wherever

you wish. For I would much rather that I think of my
words than my feet.
 66

MADAMS R03SP2TTLE

Why certainly. Commodore. Certainly, If that Is want-

It will be my pleasure to oblige. (MADAME ROSEPETTLE
SPINS HIM TOWARD L 3 AND AROUND TO R S. SHE STOPS.)
Beautiful, Isn't It, Commodore? The waltz. The Dance
of Lovers. I'm so glad you enjoy It so muoh. (WALTZ
MUSIC OUT.) Commodore! You were supposed to spin Just
then. When I squeeze you in the side it means spin!

THE COMMODORE

I—I thought it was a sign of affection,

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

You'll learn. (SQUEEZES HIM IN THE SIDE. THE COMMODORE

SPINS ABOUT UNDER HER ARM. SEE FIGURE ?.) Ah, you're
learning.

THE COMMODOSE

Ho-ho, ho-ho. Stop. I'm dizzy. Stop, please. Stop.

Dizzy. Ho-ho. Stop. Dizzy. Ho-ho. Stop. Too fast.
Slow. Slower. Stop. Ho-ho. Dizzy. Too dizzy. Weeee!
s/ (ROSEPETTLE KISSES THE COMMODORE AT U R C. A LONG KISS.)
Asthma. (BREAKS FREE AND BACKS U R. ROSEPETTLE FOLLOWS.)
Couldn't breathe. Asthmatic. Couldn't «et any air.
Couldn't get any. . . air. You—you surprised me—you know.
Out--of breath. Wasn't—ready for that. (MADAME ROSEPETTLE
ALMOST KISSING HIM.) Didn't expect you to kiss me.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE
I know. (CROSSES TO C AND SITS LEFT OF TABLE.) That's why
 68

I did it. Perhaps you'd prefer to sit down for a while.

Commodore? Catch your breath, so to speak. Dancing can
be so terribly tirlne-—when you're growing old. Well, if
you like, Commodore, we could Just sit and talk. And per-
haps— sip some pink champagne, eh? Champagne?

THE COMMODORE

Ah, Champagne. (CROSSES TO TABLE AND STANDS U R OF MADAME

HO SEATTLE.)

MADAME R03EPETTLE

And Just for the two of us.

THE COMMODORE

Yes, The two of us. Alone.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Yes. All alone.

THE COMMODORE

At last.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

With music in the distance.

 69

THE COMMODORE

A waltz.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

A Viennese waltz.

THE COMMODORE

The Dance of Lovers. (TAKES HER HAND.)

MADAME R03EPETTLE

Yes, Commodore. The Dance of Lovers.

THE COMMODORE

Madame, you have won my heart. And easily.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

No, Commodore. You have lost it. Easily. (CHAIR IS

PULLED BY INVISIBLE WIRE TO COMMODORE AND FORCES HIM TO
SIT AT C 3 TABLE. ROSPETTLE OFFERS CHAMPAGNE.)
Champagne?
 70

THE COMMODORE

Champagne,

MADAME HOSEPETTLE

Four?

THE COMMODORE

Please.

MADAME HOSEPETTLE

A toast?

THE COMMODORE

To you.

MADAME HOSEPETTLE

No, Commodore, to you.

THE COMMODORE

No, madame, to us.

 71

MADAME ROSEPETTLE AND THE COMMODORE

To US. (THEY TOAST AND BREAK GLASSES.)

THE COMMODORE

Pardon, madame! Pardon!

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

ras de quol, monsieur.

THE COMMODORE

J'etals emporte par 1'enthouslasme du moment,

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Pas de quol.
(BELLBOYS ENTER AGAIN THROUGH WALLS R AND L. THEY CLEAN
UP AND LEAVE FRESH TABLE. THEY EXIT BACK THROUGH rfALLS
R AND L.) Encore?

THE COMMODORE

Sl»l vous plait. To us,

 72

MADAME R03EPETTLE

To us, Monsieur--Commodore. (THEY TOAST LIGHTLY.) Tell

me about yourself.

THE COMMODORE

My heart Is speaking, madame. Doesn't it tell you enough?

MADAMS R03EPETTLE

Your heart, monsieur, is ;?rowins; old. It speaks with a

murmur. Its words are too weak to understand.

THE COMMODORE

But the feeling, madame, is still strong

MADAME R03EPETTLE

Feelings are for animals, monsieur. Words are the specialty

of Man. Tell me what your heart has to say.

THE COMMODORE

My heart says it loves you.

 73

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

And how many others, monsieur, has your heart said this to?

THE COMMODORE

None but you, madame. None but you.

MADAME HOSEPETTLE

And pray, monsieur. Just what Is It that I've done to make

you love me so?

THE COMMODORE

Nothing, madame. And that Is why. You are a strange woman,

you see. You go out with me and you know how I feel. Yet,
I know nothing of you. You disregard me, madame, but never
discourage. You treat my love with Indifference—but never
disdain. You've led me on, madame. That Is what I mean to
say.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

I've led you to my room, monsieur. That is all.

THE COMMODORE

To me, that is enough.

 74

MADAME R03EPETTLE

I know. That's why I did It.

THE COMMODORE

Madame, I Just must ask you something. Why are you here?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Well, I have to be somewhere, don't I?

THH; COMMODORE

But why here, where I am? Why in Fort Boyale?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

You flatter yourself, monsieur. I am in Port Royale only

because Royale was in my way 1 think I'll have to move
on tomorrow.

THE COMMODORE

For--home?
 75

i-lADAME R03EPETTLE

Only the very youn? and the very old have homes. I am
neither. So I have none.

THE COMMODORE

Eut--surely you must come from somewhere.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

Nowhere you've ever been.

THE COMMODORE

I've been many places.

MADAME. R03EPETTLE

But not many enough. (DRINKS.)

THE COMMODORE

(GRABS HER HAND.) Madame, don't go tomorrow. Stay. My

heart Is yours.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

How much is It worth?

 76

THE COMMODOHE

A fortune, madame.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Good, I'll take It In cash.

THE COMMODORE

But the heart *roes with It, raadame.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

And you with the heart, I suppose?

THE COMMODORE

Forever.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Sorry, monsieur. (PULLS HAND AWAY.) The money's entlcln*

and the heart would have been nice, but you, I'm afraid, are
a bit too bulky to make it all worth while.
 77

THE COMMODORE

You Jest, madame.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

I never Jest, monsieur. There isn't enough time,

THE COMMODORE

Then you make fun of my passion, madame, which is Just

as bad.

MADAME R03EPETTLE

But, monsieur, I've never taken your passion seriously

enough to make fun of it.

THE COMMODORE

Then why have you ?one out with me?

MADAME R03EPETTLE

3o that I ml^ht drink champagne with you tonight.

THE COMMODORE

That makes no sense.

 78

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

It makes perfect sense.

THE COMMODORE

Not to me.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

It does to me.

THE COMMODORE

But I don't understand. And I want to understand

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Don't worry. Commodore. You will.

THE COMMODORE

When?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Soon.
 79

THE COMMODORE

how soon?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Very soon. (THE C0MMOD0HE GRAE3 MADAME ROSEi-'ETTLE BY

THE WRIST.) Now.

THE COMMODORE

Madame--I love you Forever. Don't you understand?

(KISSES HER HANDS.) Oh, your husband—He must have been-
a wonderful man--to have deserved a woman such as you.
(HE SOBS AND KISSES HER HANDS AGAIN.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Would you like to see him?

THE COMMODORE

A snapshot?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

No. My husband. He's Inside in the closet. I had him

stuffed. Wonderful taxidermist I know. H'm? What do you
say. Commodore? Wanna peek? He's my very favorite trophy.
I take him with me wherever I go.

THE COMMODORE

Hah-hah, hah-hah. ¥es. Very a;ood. Very funny. Sort of

 80

a—urn—white elephant, you might say.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

You might say.

THE COMMODORE

Well, lt's--certalnly very—courageous of you, a--a woman

still In mourning, to—to be able to laush at what most
other women wouldn't find—well, shall we say. funny.

MADAME BOSEPETTLE

Life, my dear Commodore, Is never funny. It's grim! It's

there every morning breathing In your face the moment you
open your red baggy eyes. Life, Mr. Roseabove, Is a hus-
band hanging from a hook In the closet. Open the door too
quickly and your whole day's half shot to hell. But open
the door Just a little ways, sneak your hand In, pull out
your dress and your day Is made. Yet He's still there, and
waiting—and sooner or later the moth balls are gone and
you have to clean house. Oh, It's a bad day, Commodore,
when you have to stare Life In the face, and you find he
doesn't smile at all; Just handsomely hanirs there—with
his tongue sticking out.

THE COMMODORE

I—don't find this—very funny.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Sorry. I was hoping It would give you a laugh.

 81

THE COMMODORE

I don't think it's funny at all. And the reason that I

don't think it's funny at all is that it's not my kind of
Jolly Joke. One must respect the dead.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Then tell me. Commodore—why not the living, too? (POURS

MORE CHAMPA1NE.)

THE COMMODORE

How—how did he die?

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Why, I killed him, of course. Champagne? (TOASTS THE

COMMODORE.) To your continued xood health. Ah, the waltz,
monsieur. Listen. The waltz. The Dance of Lovers.
Beautiful—don't you think? (LAU3HS.)

THE COMMODORE

Forgive me, madame. But—I find I must leave. Urgent

business calls. Good evening. (TRYS TO LEAVE CHAIR. HE
CANNOT AND SO SINKS BACK INTO SEAT.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Now you don't really want to ever leave—do you. Commodore?

After all, the night is still so younx—and you haven't even
seen my husband yet. Besides, there's a little story I still
 82

must tell you. (RISES AND CROSSES L C.) A bedtime story.

A fairy-tale full of handsome princes and enchanted maidens;
full of love and Joy and music; tenderness and charm. It's
my very favorite story, you see. And I never leave a place
without telllna: It to at least one person. So please,
Commodore, won't you stay? . . . Just for a little while?
Good. (CROSSES TO R OF COMMODORE.) I knew you'd see It
my way. It would have been such a shame If you'd had to
leave. For you see. Commodore, we are. In a way, united.
We share something In common—you and I. We share desire.
For you desire me, with love in your heart. While I, my
dear Commodore—desire your heart. (CROSSES ABOVE COMMODORE
TO D L.) How simple It all Is, In the end. His name was
Albert Edward Robinson Roespettle, III. How strange and
sad he was. All the others who had come to see me had
been tall, but he was short. They had been rich, while
he was poor. The others had been handsome but Albert, poor
Albert, he was as ugly as a humid day—and Just about as wet,
too. Oh, he was a fat bundle of sweat, Mr. Roseabove. He
was nothing but one i;reat torrent of perspiration. Winter
and summer, sprln-r and fall, Albert was drlpplna- wet. Yes,
he was round and wet and hideous and I never could figure out
how he ever got such a name as Albert Edward Robinson Rose-
pettle. III. (SLOWLY CROSSES TO D R C.) Oh, I must have
been very susceptible Indeed to have married Albert. I was
twenty-el ht and that Is a susceptible year In a woman's
life. And of course I was a virgin, but still I—Oh, stop
blushing, Mr. Roseabove. I'm not lying. It's all true.
Part of the cause of my condition, I will admit, was due to
the fact that I still hadn't u-one out with a man. But I am
certain, Mr. Roseabove, I am certain that despite your
naughty .rlances my virtue would have remained unsolled, no
matter what. Oh, I had spoken to men. Their voices are
gruff. And In crowded streets I had often brushed against
them. Their bodies, I found, are tough and boney. I had
the foresight to realize I must know what I was up against.
So I watched them huddled In hallways, talking In nervous
whispers and laughln- when little girls passed by. I watched
their hands In crowded buses and even felt their feeling el-
bows on crowded streets. (CROSSES D L C.) And then, one
night, when I was walking home I saw a man standing In a win-
dow. I saw him take his contact lenses out and his hearing
aid out of his ear. I saw him take the teeth out of his
thin-lipped mouth and drop them Into a smiling glass of water.
I saw him lift his snow-white hair off of his wrinkled, white
head and place It on a gnarled, wooden hat tree. And then I
saw him take his clothes off. And then he was done and didn't
move but stood and stared at a full-length mirror whose glass
he had covered with towels, then I went home and wept. And
 83

so one day I bolted the door to my room. I locked myself

inside, bought a small revolver Just In case, then sat at
my window and watched what went on below. It was not a
pretty sight. (CROSSES D C.) Some men came up to see me.
They came and knocked. I did not let them In. (FACES
AUDIENCE.)
"Hello In there," they said.
"Hello In there, my name Is Steven.
Steven 3. (for Steven) Steven.
One Is odd, but two Is even.
I know you're not, but I'm not leaving"
Or something like that. But they all soon left anyway. I
think they caught the scent of a younger woman down the
hall...And so I listened to the constant sound of feet dis-
appearing down the stairs. I watched a world walk by my
window; a world of lechery and lies and greed. I watched
a world walk by and I decided not to leave my room until
this world came to me, exactly as I wanted It. (CROSSES
U 3 TO ABOVE COMMODORE.) One day Albert came toddling up
the stairs. He waddled over to my room, scratched on the
door and said, in a frail and very frightened voice, "Will
you please marry me?" And so I don't know why, but I did.
It was as simple as that. I still so wonder why. I don't
really know why. I guess it Just seemed like the right
thing to do. No, that's not right. —Perhaps It's—yes,
perhaps it's because one look at Albert's round, sad face
and I knew he could be mine—that no matter where he went,
or whom he saw, or what he did, Albert would be mine, my
husband, my lover, my own—mine to love; mine to live with; —
mine to kill. (CROSSES U R.) And so we were wed. That
night I went to bed with a man for the first time in my JIM.
The next morning I picked up my mattress and moved myself in-
to another room. Not that there was something wrong with
Albert. Oh, No! He was quite the picture of health. His
pudgy, pink flesh bouncing with glee. Oh. how easily is man
satisfied. How easily Is his porous body saturated with
"fun". All he asks Is a little sex and a little food and
there he Is, asleep with a smile, and snoring. Never the
slightest regard for you, lying In bed next to ££*/"*
eyes open wide. No. he stretches his legs and kicks jwi U
the shins; stretches nls arms ana smacks you in the eye. on.
now no Die, how magical, how marvelous Is love ^ARTb
CURVED CROSS FROM R C, TO U C, TO ULC.) So you see. Mr.
Roseabove. I had to leave his room. For ••}•■« •■J.'JS"
ed there I was not safe. After all. we'd only jetthedaj
before and I knew far too little about him. But nowthat
we were married I had time to find &*****•'* HL£
the things I wanted to know were; What had he done before
we'd ever met. what had he wanted to do. what did he still
 8^

want to do, what was he doing about It? What did he

dream about while he slept? What did he think about
when he stared out of the window?...What did he think
about when I wandered out and he was alone? These were
the things that concerned me most. And so I began to
watch him closely. My plan worked best at night for that
was when he slept—I would listen at my door until I heard
his door close. (CROSSES D L.) Then I'd tiptoe out and
watch him through his keyhole. When his lights went out
I'd open up his door and creep across the floor to his bed
and then I'd listen more. My ear became a stethoscope
that recorded the fluctuations of his dream life. For I
was waiting for him to speak; waiting for the slightest
word that might betray his sleeping, secret thoughts—
Only I listened for a word of love...But, no, Albert only
snored and smiled and slept on, and on. And that, Mr.
Roseabove, is how I spent my nights!—next to him; my
husband, my "Love". (CROSSES TO ABOVE COMMODORE.) A
month later I found that I was pregnant. (CROSSES TO R
OF COMMODORE.) It had happened that first horrible night.
How like Albert to do something like that. I fancy he
knew it was goln? to happen all the time, too. I do be-
lieve he planned it that way. One night, one shot, one
chance in a lifetime and bham! you've had it. It takes
an Imaginative man to miss. It takes someone like Albert
to do something like that. (CROSSES D R C.) But yet, I
never let on. Oh, no. Let him think I'm simply getting
fat, I said. And that's the way I did it, too. I non-
chalantly am putting on weight; Albert nonchalantly watch-
ing my belly grow! If he knew what was happening to me he
never let me know it. He was as silent as before. Twelve
months later my son was born. He was so overdue, when he
came out he was already teething. He bit the index finger
off the poor doctor's hand and snapped at the nurse till
she fainted. I took him home and put him a cage in the
darkest corner of my room. But still I—

THE COMMODORE

Was it a large cage?

MADAME R03EPETTLE

What? (CROSSES TO R C.)

 85

THE COMMODORE

Was his cage large? I hope It was. Otherwise It wouldn't

be very comfortable.

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

I'm sorry. (CROSSES TO COMMODORE.) Did I say cage? I

meant crib. I put him In a crib and set the crib In a cor-
ner of my room where my husband would not see him. For
until I'd found out exactly why he'd married me, I would
not tell him that a son had been born. (SLOWLY CROSSES TO
D L C.) Shortly after that, Rosalinda came. She was one
of Albert's many secretaries. I've always felt there was
something star-crossed about those two, for she was the
only person I ever met who was equally as ugly as he. It
seems that Rosalinda's mother had once owned a laundromat,
and she, being a curious child, had taken an exploratory
trip through the mangier, with the result that she now re-
sembled nothing more nor less than a question mark. (CROSSES
TO U L C.) Well, naturally, I never let on that I knew she
had come. When she walked In front of me I looked straight
through her. When she spoke I looked away. I flatly refused
to recognize her presence. And though Albert watched me like
a naughty child anxious to see his mother's reaction to a
mischievous deed, I disregarded him and continued my life as
If nothing had changed. So at night, Instead of preparing
one, I prepared two beds. Instead of fluffing one pillow I
fluffed up two and straightened an extra pair of sheets. I
said good night as politely as I could and left them alone—
the monster and my husband, two soulmates expressing their
souls through sin. (CROSSES U L.) And while they lay In
bed I listened at the keyhole. And when they slept I crept
In and listened more. Albert had begun to speak! After
months of my listening for some meager clue he suddenly be-
gan to talk In torrents. Words poured forth and I, like some
listening sponge, soaked them up and stayed for more. He
told her things he never told to me. Words of passion and
love. He told her how he worshipped the way she cooked; how
he worshipped the way she talked; how he'd worshipped the
way she'd looked when he'd first met her; even the way she
looked now. And this to a hideous, twisted slut of a woman
sleeping In sin with him'. . . Words he never told to me. . .
(CROSSES TO L OF COMMODORE.) I ask you, Mr. Roseabove, I
ask you—how much Is a woman supposed to take?? Ah, but
the signs of regret were getting to show. And oh, how I
 86

laughed when I saw. How little he ate; how little he

spoke; how slowly he seemed to move. It's funny but he
never slept anymore. I could tell by his breathing.
(CROSSES ABOVE COMMODORE.) Then one night he died. One
year after she had come he passed on. The doctors didn't
know why. His heart, they said, seemed fine. It was as
large a heart as they'd ever seen. And yet he died. At
one o'clock in the morning this large heart stopped beating.
But it wasn't till dawn that she discovered he was dead.
Well, don't you get it? Don't you catch the irony, the
Joke? What's wrong with you? Ke died at one. At ONE
O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING'. • DEAD'.! Yet she didn't know he
was dead till dawn. What a lover he must have been*
WHAT A LOVER'.'. (CROSSES TO R C.) Well, don't you see?
Their affair, their sinfulness—it never even existed!
He tried to make me Jealous but there was nothing to be
Jealous of. His love was sterile! He was a child. He
was weak. He was Impotent. He was mine! Mine all the
time, even when he was in bed with another, even in death-
he was mine! COMMODORE CLIMBS OUT OF CHAIR, AND CRAWLS
TOWARD D C.) Don't tell me you're leaving, Commodore. Is
there something wrong? Why, Commodore, you're on your
knees! How romantic. Don't tell me you're going to ask
me to marry you again? Commodore, you're trembling. What's
wrong? Don't tell me you're afraid that I'll accept?
(COMMODORE STOPS DC.)

THE COMMODORE

(RISING.) I—I-I—feel sa-sorry for your ssson--that's

all-I—can— sssay. (EXITS THROUGH AUDIENCE D C.)

MADAME ROSEFETTLE

And I feel sorrier for you! (CROSSES D C.) For you are
nothing! While my son is mine. His skin is the color of
fresh snow, and his mind is pure. For he is safe, Mr.
Roseabove, and it is I who saved him. Saved him from the
world beyond that door. The world of you. The world of
his father. A world waiting to devour those who trust in it;
those who love. A world vicious under the true hypocrisy of
kindness, ruthless under the falseness of a smile. Well, go
 8?

on, Mr. Roseabove. Leave my room and enter your world

again—your sex-driven, dirt-washed wate of cannibals
eating each other up while they pretend they're kissing.
Go, Mr. Roseabove, enter your blind world of darkness. My
son shall have only light!! (EXITS U L. BELLBOYS ENTER
THROUGH THE WALLS AND CLEAN UP. THEY SET UP LIVING ROOM, AND
EXIT BACK THROUGH WALLS L AND R. R0SEPETTL2 ENTERS FROM U L
BEDROOM AND EXITS THROUGH AUDIENCE D C. JONATHAN ENTERS FROM
rORCH U C AND CROSSES TO C.)

VENUS FLYTRAPS

(THEY REACH FOR JONATHAN.) Grrrrrr!

(JONATHAN BACKS TO R C. AND HITS THE TABLE ON WHICH THE FISH

AND THE DICTAPHONE LIE. THE DICTAPHONE MAKES A STRANGE NOISE
AND BEGINS TO SPEAK.)

THE DICTAPHONE

(MADAME ROSEPETTLE'S VOICE.) ". . . And of course, could

one never forget those lovely seaside shops—"

(DICTAPHONE RACES FASTER AND LOUDER. JONATHAN HITS MACHINE.

IT SCREAMS AND STOPS. THE FISH GIGGLE AND THE PLANTS SNAtiL.
JONATHAN EXITS U R AND GETS AXE. RE-ENTERS AND CROSSES TO
U C, CHOPS THE FLYTRAPS DOWN, AND THEN TURNS TO CHOP ROSALINDA
I THE*FISH.)

ROSALIE

(OFFSTAJE D C.) Jonathan! (ENTERS THROUGH AUDIENCE DC AND

CROSSES U C TO L OF JONATHAN AT TABLE.) Jonathan! rfhat have
you done? Jonathan! Put down that silly old axe. You mi-at
hurt yourself. Jonathan!

JONATHAN

I kilLed it!
 88

ROSALIE

Ssh. Not so loudly. (CROSSES TO U L C 3Y WINDOWS.)

Where1! you put her body?

JONATHAN

There.

ROSALIE

Where? I don't see a body. Where is she?

JONATHAN

Who?

ROSALIE

lour mother.

JONATHAN

I haven't killed my mother. I've killed her plants, The

one I used to feed. I've chopped their hearts out.

ROSALIE

I thought you'd killed your mother. (THE PIRANHA FISH

GIGGLES. JONATHAN CROSSES TO ABOVE TABLE AND LIFTS AXE.)
 89

Jonathan, stop. (CROSSES TO JONATHAN AND GRABS HIS ARM.)

Jonathan' (JONATHAN SMASHES THE AXE AIAINST THE FI3H BOWL,
AND IT BREAKS.)

ROSALINDA THE PISH

AAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

ROSALIA

Now look at the mess you've made.

JONATHAN

Do you think It can live without water?

ROSALIE

What will your mother say when she gets back?

JONATHAN

Maybe I should hit It a*ain. Just In case. (STRIKES IT

AGAIN.)

ROSALINDA THE FISH

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(JONATHAN CROSSES TO COUCH AND SITS.)

 90

ROSALIE

There's something bothering you, isn't there?

JONATHAN

I thought I'd never see you again. I never thought I'd

talk to you again. I never thought you'd come.

ROSALIE

Did you really think that? (CROSSES L TO ABOVE COUCH.)

JONATHAN

She told me she'd never let you visit me again. She said
no one would ever visit me again. She told me I had seen
enough.

ROSALIE

But I had a key made.

JONATHAN

She—she hates me.

ROSALIE

What?
 91

JONATHAN

ihe doesn't let me do anything. She doesn't let me listen

to the radio. She took the tube out of the television set.
Jhe doesn't let me use her phone. She makes me show her
all my letters before I seal them. She so—doesn't—

ROSALIE

setters? What letters are you talking about?

JONATHAN

Just--letters I write.

ROSALIE

To whom?

JONATHAN

To people.

ROSALIE

Other girls? (SITS R OF JONATHAN.) Could they be to other

girls by any chance?

JONATHAN

No They're Just to people. No people in particular. Just

people in the phone book. Just names. So far I've covered
 92

all the "A's" and "B's" up to Barreara.

ROSALIE

What is it you say to them? Can you tell me what you say
to them--or is it private? Jonathan, Just what do you say
to them?

JONATHAN

mostly I Just ask them what they look like. But I don't
think she ever mails them. She reads them, then takes them
out to mail, but I don't think she ever does. I'll bet she
Just throws them away. Well, if she's not goln? to mall the,
the, the letters—why does she say she will? I—I could save
the stamps.

ROSALIE

luess why I had this key made.

JONATHAN

I'll bet she's never even mailed one, From Abandono to

3arreara, not one.

ROSALIE

Well, do you know why I had this key made? Do you know
why I'm even wearing this new dress?

JONATHAN

She tells me I'm brilliant. She makes me read and re-read

 93

books no one's ever read. She smothers me with blankets

at night In case of a storm. She tucks me In so tight I
can't even get out till she comes and takes my blankets off.

30SALIE

Try and guess why I'm all dressed up. (RISES AND CROSSES
8 A FEW STEPS.)

JONATHAN

She says she loves me. (RISES AND CROSSES BY ROSALIE TO

D C.) Every morning, before I even have a chance to open
my eyes, there she Is, leaning over my bed, breathing In
my face and saying, "I love you, I love you."

ROSALIE

Jonathan, Isn't my dress pretty?

JONATHAN

But I heard everything tonight, I heard It all when she

didn't know I was here.

ROSALIE

What's the matter? JONATHAN CROSSES U C.) Jonathan, what's

the matter?

JONATHAN

But she must have known I was here. She must have known!
 94

I mean—where could I have gone? (PAUSE.) But—If that's

the case—why did she let me hear?

ROSALIE

Jonathan, I do wish you'd pay more attention to me. Then

look here, look at my dress. (CROSSES UP TO L OF JONATHAN.)
You can even touch It If you like. Guess how many crinolines
I have on. Guess why I'm wearing such a pretty, new dress,
Jonathan!

JONATHAN

haybe—It didn't make any difference to her—whether I

heard or not.

ROSALIA

Come with me. (CROSSES TO D C.)

JONATHAN

What?

ROSALIE

Leave and come with me.

JONATHAN

Where?
 95

ROSALIE

Anywhere.

JONATHAN

Wha'—wha'—what do you mean?

ROSALIE

(STANDS ON RAMP DC.) I mean, let's leave. Let's run

away. Far away. Tonight. Both of us, together. Let's
run and run. Far, far away.

JONATHAN

You—mean, leave? (SLOWLY CROSSES TO C.)

ROSALIE

Yes, leave.

JONATHAN

Just like that?

ROSALIE

Just like that.

 96

JONATHAN

But-but—but—

ROSALIE

You went to leave, don't you?

JONATHAN

I—I don't know--know. I--I—

ROSALIE

*'hat about the time you told me how much you'd like to ?o
outside, how you'd love to walk by yourself, anywhere you
wanted?

JONATHAN

I--I don't—know.

ROSALIE

Yes you do. Come. (JONATHAN CROSSES TO HER AT D C.)

Come give me your hand. Stop trembling so. Everything
will be all right. Give me your hand and come with me.
Just through the door. Then we're safe. Then we can
run far away, somewhere where she'll never find you,come,
Jonathan. It's time to go.

JONATHAN

There are others you could take. (CROSSES BACK TO C.)

 97

ROSALIE

But I don't love them.

JONATHAN

You--you love me?

R03ALIE

Yes, Jonathan. I love you.

JONATHAN

rtha-wha-why?

ROSALIE

Because you watch me every night.

JONATHAN

%'ell—can't we stay here?

ROSALIE

No!

JONATHAN

.7ha-wha-whhhy?
 98

ROSALIE

Because I want you alone. I want you, Jonathan. Do you

understand what I said? I want you for my husband.

JONATHAN

I—I—can't, I mean, I—I want to go—go with you very much

ibut I--I don't think—I can. I'm sorry. (KNEELS C. ROSALIE
CROSSES TO R OF JONATHAN.)

RO SALIE

What time will your mother be back?

JONATHAN

Na—not for a while.

ROSALIE

Are you sure?

JONATHAN

Ya-yes.

ROSALIE

where is she?
 99

JONATHAN

The usual place.

ROSALIE

What do you mean, "the usual place"?

JONATHAN

The beach. She likes to look for people making love.

Every night at midnight she walks down to the beach search-
ing for people lying on blankets and making love. When she
finds them she kicks sand in their faces and walks on.
Sometimes it takes her as much as three hours to chase every-
one away. (ROSALIE CROSSES U L TOWARD THE MASTER BEDROOM.)
WHAT AHS YOU DOING!? STOP!' You can't go in there!!! STOP!!

ROSALIE

Come. (DOOR OPENS.)

JONATHAN

Close it. Quickly!

ROSALIE

Come, Jonathan. Let's go Inside.

JONATHAN

Close the door!

 100

ROSALIE

You've never been In here, have you? (EXITS U L.)

JONATHAN

No. (CROSSES TO U L TO DOOH.) An* you can't go In,

either. No one can go In there but Mother. It's her room,
Now close that door!

ROSALIE

(OFF STAGE.) What's wrong with the lights?

JONATHAN

Mother's in mourning. (CROSSES QUICKLY TO U L DOOR.) What

have you done?! (BACKS TO U L C.) What have you done?

ROSALIE

Come in, Jonathan,

JONATHAN

JST OUT OF THERE!

ROSALIE

Will you leave with me?

 101

JONATHAN

I can't!

ROSALIE

But you want to, don't you?

JONATHAN

Yes, yes, I want to, but I told you— I—I—I can't. (CROSSES
TO H C.) I can't! Do you understand? I can't! Now come out
of there.

ROSALIE

Come In and get me.

JONATHAN

Rosalie, please.

ROSALIE

MY, what a comfortable bed!

JONATHAN

GET OFF THE BED!!! (CROSSES U L TO DOOR.)

 102

ROSALIE

What soft, fluffy pillows. I think I'll take a nap.

JONATHAN

Rosalie, please listen to me. Come out of there. You're

not supposed to be in that room. Please come out. Rosalie,
please.

ROSALIE

Will you leave with me if I do?

JONATHAN

Rosalie—? (CROSSES TO U C.) I'll—I'll show you my stamp

collection if you'll promise to come out.

ROSALIE

Bring it in here.

JONATHAN

Will you come out then?

ROSALITi

Only if you bring it in here.

 10?

JONATHAN

(CROSSES TO U L DOOR.) But I'm not allowed to go In there.

ROSALIE

Then I shan't come out!

JONATHAN

You've got to!!

ROSALIE

Why?

JONATHAN

hother will be back. (CROSSES TO C AND LOOKS OUT OVER AUD-

IENCE.)

ROSALIE

She can sleep out there. I think I'll take a little nap.
This bed is so comfortable. Really, Jonathan, you should
come In and try It.

JONATHAN

MOTHER WILL BE BACK SOON!'.

 104

ROSALIE

3ive her your room then If you don't want her to sleep on
the couch. I find it very nice in here. Good night.

JONATHAN

(SLOWLY CROSSES TO U L C.) If I come in, will you come out?

ROSALIE

If you don't come in I'll never come out,

JONATHAN

And if I do?

ROSALIE

Then I may.

JONATHAN

What if I bring my stamps in? (RUNS OFF U R AND GETS COINS

AND STAMPS.)

ROSALIE

Bring them in and find out.

 105

JONATHAN

(OFF STAGS.) I'm bringing the coins, too.

HOSALIE

How good you are, Jonathan. (JONATHAN HE-ENTERS U I.)

JONATHAN

rty books, too. (CROSSES TO U L.) How's that? I'll show

you my books and my coins and my stamps. I'll show you them
all. Then will you leave?

ROSALIE

perhaps. (JONATHAN EXITS U L. WALLS CHANGE AND BED SLIDES

ON WITH ROSALIE RECLINING ON IT. CLOSET SLIPS INTO PLACE.
JONATHAN ENTERS U L.) What's wron?

JONATHAN

I've never been In here before. (SLOWLY CROSSES TO L OF

BED U C.)

R0SALI-:

It's nothing but a room. There's nothing to be afraid of.

JONATHAN

Well, let me show you my stamps. (CROSSES TO ABOVE BED.)

I have one billion, five—
 106

ROSALIA

.Later, Jonathan. We'll have time. Let me show you some-

thing first. (TAKES HIS HAND.)

JONATHAN

What's that?

ROSALIE

You're trembling.

JONATHAN

What do you want to show me?

ROSALIE

There's nothing to be nervous about. Come. 31t down.

JONATHAN

what do you want to show me?

ROSALIE

I can't show you if you won't sit down,

J
 107

JONATHAN

I don't want to sit down! (CROSSES D L C.)

ROSALIE

Jonathan!

JONATHAN

You're sitting on Mother's bed.

ROSALIE

IHcN—Let's pretend it's my be^.

JONATHAN

It's not your bed!

ROiALIS

Come, Jonathan. Sit down here next to me.

JONATHAN

We've got to get out of here. (CSOSJSS TO U L DOOR.)

bother might come.

ROSALIE

Don't worry. We've got plenty of time. The beach is full

 108

of lovers.

JONATHAN

(TURNS BACK.) How do you know?

ROSALIE

I checked before I came.

JONATHAN

(CROSSES TO BED.) Let--let me show you my coins. (SITS ON

L END OF BED.)

ROSALIE

Why are you trembling so?

JONATHAN

Look, we've got to tret out! (BACKS TO U C.) Something

terrible will happen If we don't.

RO -iALI-K

THEN--leave with me. (KNEELS ON BED.)

JONATHAN

The bedroom? (CROSSES TO U L OF ROSALIE.)

 109

ROSALIE

The hotel. The Island. Your mother. Leave with me,

Jonathan. Leave with me now, before It's too late.

JONATHAN

I—I—I

ROSALIE

I love you, Jonathan, and I won't give you up. (TAKES HIS
HAND.) I want you . . .all for myself. Not to share with
your mother, but for me, alone—to love, to live with, to
have children by. I want you, Jonathan. You, whose skin Is
softer and whiter than anyone's I've ever known. Whose voice
Is quiet and whose love Is In every look of his eye. I want
you, Jonathan, and I won't give you up.

JONATHAN

What do you want me to do?

ROSALIE

(STRETCHES OUT ON COUCH.) Forget about your mother. Pre-

tend she never existed and look at me. Look at my eyes,
Jonathan; my mouth, my hands, my skirt, my legs. (STANDS
ON THE BED.) Look at me, Jonathan. Are you still afraid?

JONATHAN

I'm not afraid. (ROSALIE STARTS TO UNBUTTON HER DRESS. SEE

FIGURE 8.) What are you doing?' (BACKS U L.) No!
 FIGUH2 8 110

1
..':•.•" V *'
v

fc
 Ill

H03ALI I

lour mother Is strong, but I am stronger. (TAKES OFF SKIRT.)

I don't look so pink and girlish any more, do I? 3ut you
want me anyhow. You're ashamed but you want me anyhow. It's
written on your face. And I'm very glad. Because I want you,

JONATHAN

rUT IT ON! i-Lease, put it back on!

BOSALIE

Come, Jonathan. (LIES DOWN ON BED.) Lie down. Let me loosen

your shirt.

JONATHAN

no . . . NO . . . UO! STOP! --lease, stop!

ROSALIE

Don't be afrali, Jonathan. Come. Lie down. Everything will

be wonderful. (DrtOPS A STRAP OVER ONE aHOULDEh.)

JONATB

(CROSSES TO L END OF BED.) G-et--off my mother's bed!!

ROSALIE

I want you, Jonathan, all for my own. (TAKES JONATHAN'3

 112

HAND.) Come. The bed Is soft. Lie here by my side.

JONATHAN SITS. CORPSE FALLS OUT OF U C CLOSET AND LANDS
ON ROSALIE. JONATHAN LEAPS TO U L OF CLOSET. SEE FIG-
URE 9.) Vho the hell Is this'?

JONATHAN

It--lt--lt--lt--lt's

ROSALIE

What a stupid place to keep a corpse. (CROSSES U C AND

PUSHES CORPSE BACK IN CLOSET. CROSSES TO JONATHAN AND
BACKS WITH HIM TO U C ABOVE COUCH.) Forget It, Jonathan.
I put him back In the closet. Everything's fine a«:aln.

JONATHAN

It's—lt*s--lt's my--my—my—

ROSALIE

It's all right, Jonathan. It's all rlarht. 3shh. Come.

Let me take off your clothes. (i'ULLS JONATHAN CLO-;E AT UC.
AGAIN CORPSE FALL.' OUT. IT LANDS ON 303ALIE. JONATHAN CRC
E3 U L.)

JONATHAN

It's —It's my—ffffather.

ROSALIE

Oh, for God's sake. (rUSHES CORPSE OFF TO L C. JONATHAN

 Hi*

STANDS FROZEN U L.) Jonathan . . .? LISTEN TO ME,

JONATHAN! sTOk LOOKING AT EIK AND LOOK AT KE! I love
you, Jonathan, and I want you now. Not later an? not
as partner with your mother but now and by myself.
(HJLLS JONATHAN TO ABOVE BED. LIES DOWN ON BED HOLDING
JONATHAN'S HAND.) I want you, Jonathan, as my husband.
I want you to He with me, to sleep with me, to be with
me, to kiss me and touch me, to live with me, forever.
Stop looking at him! He's dead! Listen to me. I'm a-
llve. I want you for my husband! Now help me take my
slip off. Then you can look at my body an? touch me.
Come, Jonathan. Lie down. I want you forever.

JONATHAN

Ma-mother was right! You do let men do anything they want

to you.

R03ALI:

Of course she was right! Did you really think I was that
sweet and pure? Everything she said was rlccht. behind
the bushes and it's done. One-two-three and it's done.
Here's the money. Thanks. Come again. Kah-hah! Come
again! *> what? It's only you I love. They make no
difference.

JONATHAN

You're dirty! (TRIES TO MOVE BUT ROSALIE HOLDS TIGHT.)

ROSALIE

fc, I., not dirt,.. !■• full of l?'!.!^.T^/"""t^

I want children. Tons of them. I want a husband. Is that
dirty? Take off your clothes
 115

JONATHAN

NO!!

ROSALIE

Forget about your father. Drop your pants on top of him,

then you won't see his face. Forget about your mother.
She's gone. Forget them both and look at me. Love is so
beautiful, Jonathan. Come and let me love you; tonight
and forever. Come and let me keep you mine. Mine to love
when I want, mine to kiss when I want, mine to have when
I want. Mine. All mine. So come, Jonathan. Come and
close your eyes. I'm sure your eyes closed will make It
better. It's better that way. Close your eyes so you
can't see. Close your eyes and let me lie with you. Let
me show you how beautiful It Is . . . love.

(JONATHAN SLOWLY CROSSES TO HER AND SMOTHERS HER WITH HER

DRESS. THEN TRIPS AND FALLS OVER THE CORPSE. JONATHAN
EXITS IN SLOW MOTION U L. THE WALLS AND FURNITURE CHANGE
ACK. JONATHAN RE-ENTERS U L AND CROSSES ONTO PORCH U C.)

MADAME ROSEPETTLE

Twenty-three couples' (ENTERS THROUGH AUDIENCE D C. CROSSES

TO U L.) I annoyed twenty-three couples, all of them coupled
In various positions, all equally distasteful. It's a re-
cord, that's what It Is. It's a record! (SEES PLANTS.)
What has happened? My plants! (CROSSES TO U C.) Rosalinda!
(CROSSES TO ABOVE TABLE.) Great Gods, my fish has lost her
water! ALBERT! ALBERT! Ah, there you are, Edward, (CROSSES
TO U R C.) what has been going on during my brief absence?
What are you doing out here when Rosalinda Is lying in there
dead? DEAD!? (CROSSES TO ABOVE TABLE.) Oh, God, dead.
Robinson, answer me. What are you looking for? I've told
you there's nothing out there. (EXITS U L. JONATHAN WAVES
AT AIRPLANE. MADAME ROSEPETTLE RE-ENTERS U L AND STOPS AT
U L C.) This place Is a madhouse. That's what it is. A
madhouse. ROBINSON! I went to lie down and I stepped on
your father! I lay down and I lay on some girl. (JONATHAN
CROSSES SLOWLY TO D C.) Robinson, there is a woman on my
bed and I do believe she's stopped breathing. What is more,
 116

you've burled her under your fabulous collection of stamps,

coins and books. I as you, Robinson. As a mother to a
son I ask you. What Is the meaning of this?

BLACKOUT

CURTAIN
 118

i'AHT III

CRITICAL EVALUATION
The purpose of this chapter Is to present this
director's personal critical evaluation of his work with
Oh, Dad, i-oor Dad, Mama's Hung You In the Closet and I'm
Feelln' 3o Sad. The analysis will be handled by discussing
the following: (1) the goals and alms of Interpretation,
(2) compositional aspects, C) actor-director relation-
ships, and (4) audience reaction to the production.

Interpretation
The director chose this play for several reasons.
The first was the simple challenge of directing an ab-
surdist drama. The director's practical experience with
theatre of the absurd was limited. Two years before he had
produced Samuel Beckett's play, Waiting for Godot, with some
success, winning the Carolina Dramatic Association's highest
award. There were of course very different problems and an
entirely different view of life In "Oh Dad". The director
wished to investigate those problems and to explore Arthur

Kopit's interpretation of life.

The second reason for the director's choosing this play
was to expose the students of Elon College to an Important
contemporary playwright, and his thoughts. In the past, the
 119

academic and cultural life of Elon had centered around the

classics and light comedy. The director hoped to broaden
campus knowledge by presenting a contemporary view of our
society. The discussions prompted by the play revealed a
healthy Interest among the community In new statements by
new playwrights.
Thirdly, the director found himself surrounded by stu-
dents of theatre begging to be exposed to absurdist product-
ion. Their love and devotion prompted the director to
schedule "Oh Dad . . ." for the fall. As a result these
students began Individual research Into contemporary drama,
disciplining their time wisely so that they might learn more
of today's theatre.
To a man, the cast agreed with the director's Inter-
pretation of the play—not simply as a caricature or parody,
but as a serious attempt by a young concerned dramatist to
restate tragedy In modern terms. At this point the director
feels that Koplt rather left the Investigation dangling, but
perhaps this Is as It should be. It remains to be seen if
the author will expand his technique, and grow Into a full
mature playwright.
The director then did not mean for the audience to simply
laugh and go home, rather he meant for them to laugh, feel
pity and terror, and go home to think about what they had seen.
To this end, we felt somewhat successful, although there were
moments when the thin line between enjoyment an" offenslveness
 120

was broken. As an example, the actresses playing Rosalie

and riadame riosepettle had been instructed to wear body
stockings in the same color as their dresses. The director
hoped to suggest as much as possible of the naked body, so
as to arouse interest In one of the primary grains of tur-
moil in the play, sex. He hoped to intensify the audience's
view of "Oh Dad . . ." to x-ray proportions by carrying the
audience along to the point that they recognized the actresses'
body stockings. "Oh, ho! They're teasing us", they should
say, but not before they had recorded their own indignation
at supposing the most evil of thoughts, the very same thoughts
that ran through i-iadame ftosepettle's open mind.
To this end the director had Instructed the actress
playing Rosalie to wear pink panties under her pink body
stocking. On dress rehearsal night she wore white panties
Instead and this small neglect actually broke the entire
effect of the play. There was very little laughter at that
preview performance. The director can only feel that some-
thin' as small as a pair of white panties In this case did
destroy the interpretation of "Oh Dad . . ." as a tragi-farce
by introducing an element too real to be a part of the
theatrical whole.
Theatrically the set was to take on a subjective
relationship to the play. In order that the setting might
become the environment, the director asked for revolving wall
 121

panels and at one point had the entire room move to

reinforce the distorted state of Jonathan's mind.
The revolving panels allowed the bellboys to appear
and disappear seemingly as If a part of the environment.
They were always close at hand to serve Kadame Hosepettle.
The moving walls placed the characters In a controllfJ
environment. When Jonathan did for the first time Invade
his mother's sacred room, the undulating lights and aovlng
walls were used to heighten the grotesque relationship
between mother and son.
These theatrical devices were quite successful con-
sidering the limitations of Kooney Little Theatre and a lack
of design experience. The stage and the celling are white
tile, which reflected a great *eal of outside light. The
windows, because of poor masking devices, made It quite
impossible to have a complete blackout. This spoiled, for
example, the transition from bedroom to living room. To
combat the seepage of light, the director tried to cover the
change with undulating color. The change was still obvious,
although not quite as distracting.
The director hoped the walls might be full-size revolving
panels that would fit In a light frame, but had to settle
for three-quarter panels. They decreased the effectiveness
of a total moving environment, and almost gave the appearance
of a a-othlc melodrama.
 122

The director often wished for some fly space, but

managed to shift scenery logically enough to show the in-
fluence that environment has upon our lives.
If the director were to produce this play again, he
would like to review his x-ray theory and probably use
Victorian-like costumes. It may be that the power of
suggestion is stronger in this play If it Is seen through
the audience's imagination.

Composition
The director of Oh Dad, Poor Dad was vital to the
production, in that he did at all times control the picturl-
zatlon of Koplt's play. Character placement was dictated
by the relative strengths and weaknesses of the characters
In that particular scene.
Composltionally, Madame Rosepettle was least restricted.
She, of course, dominated the play and in lar?e measure
guided It to its final outcome. The others were more often
manipulated as if by her Invisible presence.
Psychologically, the compositions were basically
acceptance-rejection or guilt-Innocence oriented. The flex-
ible proscenium-thrust staging allowed for many shallow-deep
relationships, which were used on purpose to combat the
horizontal set arrangement. Key moments were composed In
opposition to the natural flow of the set. The director
hoped to establish the grotesque and unusual by this approach,
 123

and to expose the audience to an experience of conflicting

planes. The environmental plane of horizontal and symmetri-
cal set units and props were In constant battle with the
human element of diagonal and vertical movements. Crucial
moments of acceptance-rejection were heightened by these
opposing forces.
Composltlonally, the characters were given positions
relative to their personalities. Madame Rosepettle domin-
ated the stage with upstage positions and sat down In the
scene with the Commodore only facing full front, while the
Commodore sat facing Madame Rosepettle and the weaker side
of the stage off left. Again when she was confronted by
Rosalie over the care and feeding of her son, Madame Rose-
pettle positioned herself between the two young people
facing almost full front while Jonathan sat at her feet and
Rosalie stood with her back to i-iadame tiosepettle facing off
right. Although Rosalie was defying her strength, Madame
Rosepettle remained visually the stronger of the two.
Jonathan was given weak moments and positions. He
continually chose to show his weakness by sitting or droop-
ing his shoulders.
The director gave Jonathan one strong move at the very
end of the play. The mother then stepped back Into the room
dismayed at the desecration of her room and as she called from
her doorway Jonathan moved on a slow cross to down center.
Only at the very end did Jonathan seem to make a positive
 124

move. Coraposltionally, we could now question the relation-

ship between mother and son. If Jonathan dominates now,
will he continue to dominate and If so what shape will his
domination take?
The director feels he was successful In those moments
Just mentioned. On several occasions the audience would
respond to the Rosalle-Madame Rosepettle confrontation with
audible gasps, and Jonathan's strong move at curtain pro-
voked Immediate sympathetic smiles and applause.

Actors
In this discussion the director will try to analyse
problems that arose while working with some of the actors.
He will also mention good points and try to show how during
rehearsal the director and the actor together solved these

problems.
Madame Rosepettle presented the most serious problem.

The actress had been a student at Zlon and was a teacher In

the Alamance County Public Schools. She had experience and

to some degree understood many of the qualities of Madame

Rosepettle. The director and the actress approached the role

with the understanding that this would be the most exciting

and most challenging artistic project she would encounter for

some time.
The actress was enthusiastic, but she soon found that

this role would take more of her time than she had Imagined.
 125

Pressures at home and at school very early In rehearsals

began to take their toll. Concentration was the first In-
gredient to go. Movements were changed to the point that
the director had to suggest before each rehearsal that
everyone relay, and clear their minds of all extraneous
matter.
Every rehearsal for the actress and the director be-
came a slow, painful effort to strip away the many layers
of Inhibition. Several alarming elements of rtadame Hose-
pettle's character drove the actress further away from the
necessary freedom of the creative process. During rehear-
sal the director did all In his power to create for her an
atmosphere of ease and mental freedom. Still the actress
would not suspend her disbelief. It began to look as If
the performance of rtadame Hosepettle would simply be a
technical one, but there remained one last hope.
The director now looked forward to the tensions and
adrenalin of opening night. Structurally and technically
she was ready. Quietly the director told the actress that
her mind and body had been brought to this moment. She
was asked to relax and enjoy the role and allow the spirit
of this woman to come forth. That night the actress was
Madame Hosepettle; self-confident, relishing acid pause,,
and showering conquering smiles on all who felt her perform.
It is sad that during subsequent performances the actress
was unable to reach a similar level of performance.
 126

Even the finest actor can occasionally fin'' himself

resting on his laurels. The actor cast as Jonathan began

his study of that character in a very lazy manner. Well

Into the second week the actor was still playing either
himself or his past role. Line readings made little sense,

and he did not relate to situations or other actors. At

this point, the director had to shock the actor into a self-

less line of thought. Knowing that the actor was basically

serious about his work, and that he thrived on challenge and

self-improvement, the director decided to use controlled

anger and disappointment as a means of forcing the actor back

into his good work habits. This technique worked as move-

ments, motivations and character detail began to emerge.

Immediately the real actor began to make the character come

to life. The actor worked diligently outside his appointed

rehearsal time.
How can a director help an actor build a performance

when the actor can find nothing in the character to relate

to? This problem has a first for the director. Usually

an actor can find some thread upon which to build, be it

physical, mental or emotional, but the actor playing

Commodore Hoseabove appeared to be either "walking the role",

or mugging for the first two weeks. Finally there had to be

an individual rehearsal called.

The director and the actor sat facing each other.
1

127

"I do not know this man", the actor said. "I don't know
anyone like him either." The battle was on. For an hour
or more they talked and worked. The director had the actor
try various postures and moves. An attempt was made to
reach the Commodore through simple emotions and/or passions,
such as lust and greed. Could the actor relate to anyone
he knew? An uncle? An acquaintance? A friend of his
father's? Finally the actor stopped. "Thank you", he said.
"I'll see you tonight", and he left the theatre.
That night the actor had assembled a believable and
genuinely funny beginning for the character of Commodore
Hoseabove. The actor had anchored himself to the Image of
his uncle, a man who enjoyed all of life, and had begun to
extend and enlarge only the elements of lust and greed. In
his part uncle, part fiction. This process took patience,
sweat and mental torture, and from It all the actor found a
single bone, the Image around which he could construct a
skeleton, the characteristics. The actor then fattened and
clothed the character of Commodore Hoseabove, and was joyfully
accepted by the audience.

Audience Reaction
In his play Arthur Koplt gave Madame Rosepettle many
unusually blunt and bitter lines. Diabolically and hysteri-
cally the playwright revealed the character's strange views
on matters of sex. love, religion, marriage and family
 128

tradition. Would a relatively conservative community re-

ject such a bold statement on the insanity of life? By

and large the reaction was indeed favorable.

Opening night was certainly a success. The Greensboro

Dally News praised the cast and crew. The audience appeared

to be Involved in the play, alternately laughing or reacting

with expressions of concern, pleasure and incredulity.

The second evening of performance was a letdown.

Inexperience had it's way. The tempo was down and the actors

tried too hard. The next night the cast began to slowly put

together the pieces. The show Improved each night thereafter,

but "Oh Dad . . ." never again emerged with the spiritual

wholeness it had possessed opening nicrht.

There were moments, of course, on the fourth and final

night when the play was dangerously close to being right,

but all too briefly the Iceberg revealed what lay beneath

the surface of the sea. and then gently settled it's being

below the mirror of level water.

The actor-audience relationship was not at all what the

director wanted. The acting area and seating area in relation

to movement and composition functioned as planned, but this

relationship did not serve to Increase the aesthetic exper-

ience. Actually, the audience was to have been confronted with

the ideas, not the action.

Why did confrontation weaken the production? The light-

ing in Hooney Theatre was the culprit. The director tried

 1?9

to mask off the acting area from the house but the equip-
ment proved to be Inadequate. This meant that the first
two rows were In an unusually bright spill area, and that
another two rows had more than enough light to read their
programs during the show.
If we understand the audience as working under unit
reaction, we can begin to see how this light spill served
to Intensify the self-consciousness of the Individual,
rather than the self-lessness of the Individual. The seg-
ment of the audience In the light spill could see both
themselves and one another. They began to imagine they
were being watched, and so subsequently they felt em-
barrassed by the grotesaue thoughts of the playwright and
the close, Intense action of the direction. The entire
audience needed to rest In a cushion of black space.
This production of Arthur Koplt's play, "Oh Dad, r-oor
Dad, i'lama's Hung You In the Closet and I'm Feelln' So 3ad"
was for the director exciting, frustrating, Intense and ex-
hausting. The tireless effort of the young people Involve''
should be roundly applauded, and perhaps there might be a
special curtain call for Mr. Arthur L. Koplt.
 no

BIBLIOGRAPHY
 131

Slsensteln, Jergi. Film Form and Film Jense. New York:

Meridian Books, 19^2.
Esslln, Martin. The Theatre of the Absurd. Garden City
New York: Doubleday qnd Company, Inc., 1961.
Koplt, Arthur L. Qh Dad, Poor Dad, Mama's Hung You In
the Closet and I'm Feelln' 3o ^ad. New York: Hill
and Wang, I960.
Wellwarth, George B. The Theatre of Protest and Paradox.
Washington Square, New York: New York University
Press, 196^.
 1?2

APPENDIX
 133

ELON PLAYERS
— PRESENT —

OH DAD
POOR DAD
MAMMA'S HUNG
YOU IN THE CLOSET
AND
I'M FEELING SO SAD

by
Arthur Kopit

directed by
Ed Pilkington

NOVEMBER 20. 21, 22*. 24 — 8:15 P.M.

•2:15 P.M.
 -.-..- -r -

= :

- -i;.-

Boat : ant S^ens

-
 CAST CREW

Stage Manager Dan Miller

Nancy Wilkinson
Technical Director Dice Wyllie
Jim (iilK Sound Bill Swart/

Props Ed Baker
■ e Dale Kaufman Al Watson

Bill Shaver Special Effects Dave Scudder

Costume and Make-up Jacquei Lye

Jeff Fields
nit Costumer Chris Miller
Dan Miller
Costume Crew Ann Shawhan
Cathy Albair
Henry Buckner
Publicity Larry Sage
_ Bob Snyder Lights Dice Wyllie

Ann Shawban Stage Crew Clay Buckner

Janet Sylvester

Glenda Condon

Stevie Cowden
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Mr. Bobby Watkins of WSML Radio
lav Wilkinson

Produced by special arrangement with

Intermission between
Samuel French
Scene 2 and Scene 3
This production in partial fulfillment for a M.F.A. Degree
at University of North Carolina at Greensboro.
'1 by Sigma Phi Beta.