Getting Unstuck

Getting (and staying!) Unstuck

In just a few lines we’re going to get to a powerfully simple process for jumping
out of the experience of being stuck. First, tho, it’s vital that you are clear on
association and disassociation as we use the terms in NLP processes and models.

You first may want to review the definitions found through the links above, and
then take yourself through the following rehearsal. If you have a friend to read
you the instructions, so much the better!

DISSOCIATION

First, review an experience of the impact of dissociation:

1. Identify a pleasant experience and a mildly unpleasant experience from your
past.
2. Explain what association and dissociation are. Draw a diagram on the board and
use lots of appropriate hand gestures.
3. “Take a look at the image associated with each memory, and notice whether you
are associated or dissociated in each one.
4. “Now, whichever way you did it spontaneously, reverse it, to discover the impact
of association/dissociation.
If you were associated in the pleasant one, try stepping back and looking at the
event as if it were a framed photo and you are dissociated from it. Notice how that
affects your feelings of that memory.
If you were dissociated, try stepping forward into that experience and wrap it
around you until you are associated, in order to notice what impact this shift has.
If you don’t like doing it the other way, feel free to go back to the way you like
it as soon as you have experienced the shift long enough find out what it’s like.”
5. “What did you notice?”

Discussion: Point out that dissociation results in not having the feelings of being
there. You may have different feelings of observing. “What makes most sense to do?
Would you like to associate to everything? Dissociate to everything?” Everything is
a skill, depending upon where and how you use it. Association is great for
accessing resources, remembering pleasant experiences, making love, etc.
Dissociation is great for thinking of unpleasant experiences, being able to view
experience for its informational value, “being objective,” etc.
Imagine what life would be like if all your pleasant experiences you recalled
dissociated, and all your unpleasant experiences you think about by jumping back
into what happened? It’s a great way to get depressed, no matter how good your life
“really” is.

Frame: Next you’re going to learn a procedure for going from a stuck state to
having resources available. But to make sure you really get it, we’ll do it step by
step. Dissociation is a key to this, so we’ll do dissociation first.

Dissociation: Calibration
(Trios: Instructions are written for A, who is programmer, working with B, who is
client. C is meta person/observer. 5 minutes in each position.)

1. Elicit Dissociation. “What would you see if you could watch yourself from my
point of view?” or “Imagine you’re in a movie theater and you see a picture of
yourself as you look sitting here, up there on the screen.” Anchor this state with
a touch on B’s shoulder. Calibrate to B’s dissociated state. (Be sure you are
anchoring the client’s dissociating from the context he is in now.
2. Separator State. Distract to any neutral state.
3. Testing. Fire dissociation anchor. Watch for sensory based evidence of
dissociated state in B.
Discussion:
Burnout prevention: Teach dissociation from others, so the person doesn’t feel all
the unpleasant states that the client is in. When you need kinesthetic information
about the client, associate with him only long enough (a few moments) to get this
information, and then dissociate again. Since dissociation leaves K feelings
behind, it’s a great way to break state. A few people whose “sense of self” is
based largely on feelings may feel very strange and complain that “it isn’t me”
when they are dissociated. It can be useful to frame this state as “an unfamiliar
new resource” rather than “not me,” for these people.
Calibration: observable signs of dissociation: breathing shallower and higher in
chest, head moves back and up a bit, shoulders higher and back, whiter skin color,
muscle tone increases, less movement (stillness), lips thinner.
Utilize reference experiences: See yourself in the bathroom mirror; see yourself in
a photograph; see yourself on videotape. “Can you see a picture/movie of yourself
up on the wall (movie screen, as if you were in a movie theater)?”
Doing dissociation with someone who “can’t visualize.” Use other rep. systems: “Can
you feel yourself float out of your body, or hear yourself speaking and moving over
there?” Combine feeling and seeing: “Step outside your body and look back.” Use “as
if” frame: “Pretend that you can see yourself over there.” Unspecified rep. system:
“Can you get a sense of yourself over there?” “Slow down your auditory commentary.
As you do this, your pictures will flash by a little more slowly, making it easier
for you to see them. Always watch for postural shifts characteristic of
dissociation for feedback. As long as the person accesses the state, it doesn’t
matter if they’re conscious of it or not. Chunking. Start with a small part of the
body “look at your hand, close your eyes and see an image of that hand, etc.”
Gradually build up entire visual image, step by step.
Change physiology. Some postures are anchors for representational system primacy.
Ex: hands over head and looking up; try to feel depressed. This posture keeps you
visual because of eyes up and expanded chest, which are powerful physiological
anchors for states other than being depressed, so it’s very hard to have strong
feelings. In the same way you can physically mold someone into a “dissociation
posture” and then instruct them to see themselves.

At this point, or before one of the following exercises, review the meta person
instructions (p. 11), and ask them to begin to be more active in this role (within
the constraints of respect for the programmer, and maintaining programmer in a
resource state). Later in the training we will ask you to be even more thorough and
demanding, as a courtesy to the programmer who wants to improve his/her skills and
abilities.

Now, you’re ready to learn a very effective process that is a really useful
safeguard for sticky situations!

CHAINING FROM STUCK STATE TO DISSOCIATED STATE

(Same group of three; 5 minutes in each position)

(Note: This pattern is similar to the “Circle of Excellence,” in which the problem
situation was chained into the resource anchored by the circle of excellence.)

First test the dissociation anchor that you created in the previous exercise. Be
sure you have a good dissociation anchor. You may want to use the same subject for
the demonstration, so you don’t have to repeat the first three steps.
4. Access a separator state in B.
5. Elicit a mild stuck state. “Think of a situation in which you get stuck.” (For
the purpose of learning this pattern, do not choose a disastrous stuck state. After
learning this pattern thoroughly you can deal with really unpleasant stuck states.)
6. Chain to dissociation. As soon as B begins to access the stuck state, fire the
anchor for dissociation. Observe to confirm that B does access the dissociated
state.
7. Access a Separator State in B.
8. Test. “Think of the stuck state.” Observe to confirm that B’s initial access of
the stuck state automatically chains to the dissociated state.

Discussion: When a person is stuck, typically s/he is stuck in bad feelings. If you
can get the person to a dissociated state, s/he will leave the bad feelings behind.
A dissociated state “breaks” the stuck state, and is a very useful general resource
state from which it is much easier to go to some other specific resource state.
This is not an entire piece of work. Soon we’ll teach you how to go on to those
other specific resource states.
Notice that formally this exercise is the same thing as the circle of excellence:
It is chaining from a particular problem context to a resource, in this case
dissociation.
Use an appropriate hand gesture to accompany your instruction: “See yourself over
there….” The hand gesture is initially a lead, that will become a visual anchor.
This pattern presupposes that the stuck state is an associated state which is
nearly always the case. It won’t be very useful if the person is already stuck in a
dissociated state, and needs to go into an associated resource state.
Be sure your client keeps the same “stuck state” content when chaining to the
dissociated state. In other words, when you are client, first you go into a “stuck
state” (associated) and then you chain to seeing yourself in that stuck state. (You
don’t see yourself in some other context.)

Stretch. (This is an alternate way to chain from stuck state to dissociation.)

4. Separator state.
5. Elicit a mild stuck state.
6. Chain to dissociation. As soon as the stuck state begins, calibrate to it as you
physically spin B out of stuck state, and have B dissociate and look back at
himself in that context. “Look at how that guy is stuck in that situation. Watch
and listen to all the details of how Joe is stuck.” Observe to be sure of B’s
dissociated state access.
7. Separator State.
8. Test. “Think about the stuck state.” Observe to be sure that the stuck state is
accessed only briefly and then chains quickly and automatically to the dissociated
state.
Caution: Some people find that the physical spinning is an intrusion into their
personal space, and object to it.