ig aes gana PUP tO sed Coloring\ rota eta cod ae Whe eee ESKep att Men Pty)i here at FAG SCHOOL tend to lean towards the WM svecific belief that shit has REALLY hit the fan. These days, straight dudes look like faggots, i ll faggots are zombies, and the only people who'll] nity on you and truly MEAN IT is old dudes at the a library. TOTAL BUMMER. We here at FAG SCHOOL also believe that in times such as these we have to a separate ourselves from this smelly SMELLY bullshit ig and get to the real nitty gritty. There are lines in the sand to be drawn and FAG SCHOOL will draw them...BOLDLY. Let it be known that your dogs at F.S. are totally down with all things included (but CERTAINLY NOT limited too)in the following: PUNK & ROCK, femme-bots, radical twinks, radical twinkie- ism,converse (real or imitation) skateboarding, the "slow" hand,boning on the first date,boning on other peoples beds,smashing the state,dazzy dukes, gf arty porn, Kip Knoll,cuddling,step aerobics, yoga- punnyism,carbs,0.P.P., 17 year olds, snoddling, plowjobs, 69ing,PORN OBBSESSION, sex with senior citizens, seX with strangers,se% with ugly people,BEER, fucking in bushes,drinking in bushes ,dancing at shows,dressing like a slut, SLUT PRIDE, making out with girls, condoms, California and the dirty South specifically, Le Tigre (the brand), stoners, hookers, northern soul records, poyfriend swapping, trannie tops, VOUGEING (turnturnturnitOUT!), making it known that your *ayailable", putting it out there,putting out, tattoos, pink EVERYTHING, INTERRACIAL EVERYTHING, gam bong rips, putting on lipgloss COMPULSIVELY, moderate meat eaters, performance anxiety , the twist ,wigs...etc. AND we are most certainly NOT down with: Squares, diesel jeans w/ Italian sneakers (that's UGLY), tops only, war, cops, cop porn, jocks, jock porn (eXcept Locker Jocks-HELLA SICK), cocaine (unless its free), Screwdriver, METROIDS, just peing "friends", dumb boys, child molesters, repressed honkies, internet cruising, hating, haters, shade (unless thrown expertly), kicking people out of bed, taking it like a *man", pleated fronts, Christians, getting fucked without getting kissed, CRABS, Jeffry Dahmer...etc.ey eC of Contents eee Alvin Orloff LR Key e b ela eo std TaE The Life of a Totally FAB cle eccremslend Ask Allison Advertisement BNC MB c(t Too: 9 Vals Scream Club Bees eT aN MD oat s3 Reviews Rested ieeespiton!(COOLl) He a also « ea wrote Gutter Boys ‘o RATRIPPED-OUT tale, about BTR cook boys BAG Vtowd you ager mto punkl2ZT ~ ~ Well in high school my friend yennifer and 1 were alienated and we read in a magazine, 1t must've been 1977 or something, about the Sox pyersys ting a lot of publicity for swearing tmon tv. so wo Wee ig nog pun and Jennifer started this band rhe Blow-Drycrs and i wrote HIB Lycice tor thon and Jennifer sang. ‘they played at the’ Mabuhay Gasdons ~ the firet punk club in San Francisco and it was umm, fun, Bace then the Bay Area was still really a hippy towa, People were Still holding eut on the age of Aquarius and there was still lets of long hair. Yeu'sa wear black peg leg Jeans and they would say "how'd you get your fetet through the bottom of your pants? there so narrow!" People only wore beil-bottoms. ‘hey’ Mere really, the hippies. They really thought it was reactionary to be punk, rock, they didn't like it, ~~ = sa Dwnak Qroorkrt TRE omos® Every single gay man in SF. had lil teeny moustache an al g sgt #41 teeny moustache and plaia and tial Bee Te eee er areeeaalted the "clane" look because they all Tented ee 13, alikeg. It was really boring and horrible and they all listeened te di. ”, music and did peppers all the time. “ee a > Ewww wot ould hear Gloria Gaynor every eingle place you went, it didn't ena! Ana" thoy never Let ge ef thess cango etd their fine. Bones. tow dene bent chon Twas sick to death. Every tise yen went ent pou'd here’ the sae ergy ine [Senge ever and ever. I didn't feel like I fit in with the gaya at all. They were a for pink Teck gay people but inet m hens fein * once 4 was walking down market St, past thia club celled the calceay thate nor Jan anttique stere andi was wearing’ « black aiit a hot pith Shirt a okey natok tte and blackh beotie toecte, and t vas thinking 1 Leked ce need feast. lip. And thon, coseonge spit on me from the heiceay. They wore ake ate eon oho think ohe Ler" Poaple were really bitchy fn dence dave: rect nohenn of tne disce uscene, but maybe if had bees a il wider | couke neve taeait wien te YWhere dich you get sexe A dtday ulh-U in Well 4a 1978 Dan Waite who wac this ex peliceman whe had run fer beard ef super~ Wisere and won, resigned because he said he wacn't making enough money and then he waa like "eh i change ay aind", but the meyer who was this nice liberal guy Geerge Mascone, caid ne, 1¢ was his decision and Harvy Milk, the first gay slected pelitcal official was on his side. Ande so Dan White went crazy and shot the mayer and chet Harvy Milk. thate when Dianae Feinstein toek ever as mayer ‘and all ef a cudden they started enforcing the drinking age and the town steppedb| being a hippy free fer all, it wast the firct step twerds the ultimate trasmogra- facation ince yuppieville. Se te make a leng story shert, in 1978 right before the aseaseination, i ceuld ce to the Mtud bar when 1 was 1? ne questions askea and after that 1 couldnt get in anywhere so 4 ork in 61 ...wore we talking about sex? Places xo «Chu Tike 1 said had ne luckta in SF because 1 ceulant go te bars er clubs, 1 auppese there was sex eutside but its always se celd in SF your kind ef taking yeur life 1 | yeur hands if you have sex in public. yeu ceuld get frestbite. se i hardly had sex AIDS went pul lic? Jat didnt all happen at ence. for a few years in the early 80s i'd eccasionally hear ef a person getting mysterieusly sick and instantly dieing thaugh nebedy i knew = well. then the medical types came up with the term GRID (gay related immune defi- ciency) and there wac panic, Nebexdy knew what was cuausing it and lots of people started getting sick and ay pals and i all cert ef mascumed we were geing te die t We decided we were doomed and partied alot. that wansat unusual, theugh mest cut foack their partying and stayed heme mere. then peeple mefre clever than me and my friends discevered the HIVvirus and invented safe sex and ACT UP and there was hope hich is actually super impertant to normal fumctiening. it was years before effective treatwent turned up though and by that tine half the people i cared about ere dead. Wat The Name ot the \pookt Boutter Bays, Whee mocke, ae ee 22 years is se leng age even if i had written a memoir it would be half fiction any way. se i thought , why not just make it a nevely The reason i wanted te write it is because it finally dawned on me that that era is completely gene for goed. theres net a shread ef that left ever and people should knew about the past and what it was like, it makes peeple more aware if they know abeut their history ané 4 dont think theres alot ef knewledge out there about gay social histery and what is tends to be done in ry academic tone, ya'knon? OU Wanna wire ow do ou tee | alocut the | PeAicel queer movemon’s how t 4 think 1 aeems fine. dont feel like im t 4 dont feel Like im that uc but dont tell nebedy! the really nice thing areur sve that deve and girla and trannion, really, that every one ie tonther see ye eabiane and gay mon did not hang ut together that muchs ante ther vacraenre Me? Li... ——s—e @ part pf it because im 42, Fadical queer thing now 18I+ wake up and smoke HELLA weed. three bowls, no, 4! it is a known facta that weed makes you better at everything. another toke and youll be a total CHAMP!| keep the ase fat cause flat is whack, this is remember girls, NO UNE wants te seem you tryi: te booty pop with a pancake ass, Mua. your te do list today: burritte, fried food, beer. tions. rude+aus a4 tightvs. fe:you still gotta make it toe the club giri! and unless a kaseball vat is part ef your outfit you wont be making it there in tw§ alone. ge incognite! wig, coat, and glasses fer that hella sketchy. look, just| like your 6th grade teacher ho soeeee fond ef you. a look that says "you donf know me, bitch!™ remember, dont drink te excess, just drink till your wasted. ther: fference, wasted: "im on a box in m; inderwear, i might vemit, nd i keep falling dewn...GOOL!™ excess: sure old dude i dont know, 111 be in “Balise Deep in Twink Tewn™. be warned!that at the heart ef a tru: jet DJ. whats on yr. playlist??? 7. its high time yeu give it arest, mary-lou, remember, the ive—been-| partying. e-leok only leeks hn a Pee alia sat et fer abeut two. grab anotheri Mie? the WORLD Know about it when you fucked with Wer. duck teyit. _ Shell write 'e.seng alboutit ond yo IL ksrion Shi i yOn Algor about my ac think 1 offended nin Mielp! My wi Frrouble! After Jget. my hands on, fériends! SHOULD Pe one Cleveland, 0 EMO SHITHEAD’ made jand a Gonna say at with what does: aspicior for ck I'kind of fed to have sex with oreo} Gropped the bali and started talk he best way to approach this eituat Shouldn't Have Seen on Shroom jear Big Gay AppreS D nippie or what? why can't Biow off a toilet seat like proper city folk? aniveyer People wait ‘til they get down and dirty to realfeevstta own there. Duh! You should talk about Ghia ahie TACTE iknow it! You go apologize to your friend, plead temporary stay at hone with your hand for awhile. “You're groued! fate it when down and dirty LLY ahead of fino the fuck ‘and you insanity. and| 4 and unruly lifestyle has finally gotten me i ry dreadlocked, garlic-breathed crusty 1 could ‘aught seables and have given them to all my ucking hippies a no-n0% fieip!* ia right! Yeah, you should feel badr” wise’ y reantze that NO-NO! UST SAY. EL BAD? = q ssekes : yeah are, and th. ro Emo Hovs house naked bod agaimusic by: Dd Shertstep,, Geld Chains,, SGREAM CLUB, The Seft Pink ects ey Meckey,. Casietene fer the Painfully Alene, Pheenecia, +Gravy Train!!! Samaramascara fer infe contacts: welise. cen(The Husbands play sleaz roll, drink in bushes, tour. The Husbands are ¥_and COO00000L rock n' and take underage boys on| our fucking HEROES. ) my god, IT was what were the husbands on???722 (1 then the question is what were youl i P: Maybe Mehoughs behave b mown to drink awful lot $e" were ao drunk we were blacked out for the tative experience, ‘The answer mist be. «drunk. — fem the husbands are TOTAL ROCKER are WEARING Th @AREN T- Have you seen what teeneere Busey anc gtheee days??? TOTAL ENO NATION tS eeeee x ponder this same question many TINGS-@Uay FOF one i °S much easier to know what you want to be when yout iow wat You desinitely don't ‘want to be.”r, €0 pu ipvansther way, if there weren't so any asses wort Kicking it would be hard tok : ually works to just be w-usual an get really dull when 1am not inspired and really vicious yoked. when an asshole walks up and tries to hit on me the tress thing he usually no is that Tam missing one o} my front teeth, if he lets that go he'll tind sue Of a.mean spirited bore 1 must be.jP— fine recy fhe Husbands happen to know (AND i REALLY gét ig feeling you do) what's the BEST way to get asshole ndie rock college students. WH GOUT AT BARS, NOT to hit on youx Blood. You kiow, sonetines referring to we fuckers whose blood I'd like to spl Zonet ines tefecring to delicious warm blooded bab tho F would 1ike to sink my teeth into. Fee e ea a ere eesp Whats: the — BEST — “y thing about Y ~Doning yp 9 bandnfate?? —\ usually everyone wants to do it with there best triend. We get too, and on top of that we get to Cosa backstage with free beer!me rHROWINE com sect vail Yous TheaReviews Li ag ge rca ince sole ® Wrestling is for me— i Loe DB _+this book! Teaches You..all the coolest moves ) Gyttm and takedowns such as “the double wrist @_ride” and the “two on ones & MUSTHAVE for wrestling nuts ers of MAMRL A SuburbanBitch i: cautionary taled— fl Nonelle Nessie, ig a fucking LEGEND, She Sarefor # TheTourettes, readied for the Queers, 2 ANE patron Saint fr young punk:reck fags, i 7 AND writes HELAPUNNY COMICS In this _offerin ie Se abe the tragic: comedy of the SB, tour — if Jz .OB' Le summer punk ork reel trip gone sooo WRONG YE DQ 30 funny ou ll shit yourself Cemwus\) (gimme action. tf GutterBoy Sm— Nvin Oeil iso hor Kisser And he writts 9004 books, This book i is the Super cool Pre-ALDS, Pre“Latechet, fre Gracey delivery I ‘ole @ of *WO new-wave fags hanging outin NYC SE |B and one often sai'hs fo Nis deadarannies MOT..Aeve) | [Vad @ ftom ie~ oan St inn Nona THEMES ot the Folsom Fain find all the old Cactro-ags hated on, | Oo rn for wearing ellershates, PAUL THOSE FREGOTS, T LOOKED CUTE | Be @VoecLva. ruleck four ladies from SE Pali ne new-waver” §Ravierwwe Ceont'cl ) BRAVE°THB MODZ® PRotez Avo r REW+ED +hy's pike then SOF HEXA Stoned. GO.GET THIS Right Now! Ol) COMRIE TO BIMY OBO Y)OUG tuts BAND is Like A Less-Retarded vers; °. et © rE TWOODS, My econ) PlayeRys-bus4o) FEA Plays records eveR and over. One time T tet ny BOK mor iks ay like 22 thesina.Row,.. something that— May t hePPenes ince TEACHER'S PET. I partied with them a7 IPO ond. farm threw—atact bomb at me—and Made ney Critet Fed back on O handheld foPeelayeR/microehene thing, the IN92R has hot haik-and is Ki RO the-organ. CORD PACE seowtet Antes when T play thei Song Sexy," E Want to pave Vidleat Sex with the Sinyer, Freddy yi listy._ They Sound ike a more peak, more Dee Mave VER 5% ef STEELY DAN, I like theik adult confenponty Songs best They Sing ahowt “Deni Boys. r e CS te 5 4G PBCROPE x have this Teenyboppertey ; IN’ ROCKERS. It's & black girls who have cool otis and haves baal and the-Sons_totally tips o¢— \Aa hr ve and they dante; ; ipstick Pickups. Total bubblegum pop w/ the Cutest fh; h iched git chipmunk “oats. 1° earl 1 Wants te Sih ‘em, ECOL Gosb9 LE yov'ge Cool you love. Helle, Bay Cty lers, Gary Glitter ank now... COOL Gigrsi!l 2 Swedish, 4 aliFoRnian, the Swedish Alf afe-s tone-cetd foxes, T wish ELON wR makeup 2 SUNG Sweet BNR ospet € (B This “hottie” got Kicked out re SFR their LRSELP cuz he.was MONO g 19, HIS Soho & Some or tho best power PoP SovgZ ever. Got the D ie: AM tS “s9-Coop-yeu'f; bop everytime, POG Rorenie First Willpower gamme @ case of the BIS wut wow Sm iartoit huge: Like Jay Jasin Tinbelake, Oles Jikea Sailor, ComiMG soow tO & Pavia stato Mork Yous 6, BoB They ple yed BRowFe2’s House “and used his Room ac oa wore Oe pp and t kept “helt, NON Orn ENG thejR* Beh $0 enormous, Too bad Mis be was and Foy Popwo, Tam pretty into thomill Covegedin dildos ThEY-aRe—E magusPORN REVIEWS Be/12 uci gon dry! Haw cone Gayescule has Canines if he haunt cou Sun in 200 yeare? This nevic cenfuses ey if @ guy with aD ape a bardven and fangm given ME a hard-an, dase toast asen (ve ou Higulighte include: Geyrasula in am BL Canine, serering at a bases dank (he's gotta have 1t!), ond the dude whe peepe eut metal balls. best when watched HELLA STONED. Gayracula— 80a, ali time Black cast. I think 1 even remhmrmember « jheri gurl, HOT. the plots 10 farmers are leaking fer tried, “trecoure en the farm. In a critical breakdewa in the need orn te breakfest ane atart singing “ald nacdenale” (7777) Black Heabre- This shit is ceee busted. I hate it. Ass scars ane aullets, owrr. the plet is seee fucked. this sa Pik waite dude whe for seme reacen is dixammadreseed and The Last ef the Bericuas- t Jerking efrt te recenmead it te fri SeKip ane our eeelE Ae brethers which i guess ackes thee WEED, Pye "(ubeht)~ And theres Jogging! Jogging in pera is SYEBT. the plet: Either Kip er Scent tuhe threugh hie brethers re: they eclSTHINE it only te be camght by his beetoy: and then bee serew the rest of thenarie. 1 want tocl ene plat is very pe egtable. if 4 over round a perae with op brether init i'¢ femeret busy laughing ay acm eff te Jerk. Th, Seon~ 70s straight flick! the best. ecene EVEN 15 when the girl decides te tle she mmoet through a wreng number SE Ris Noucse and eut of newhere her layfricad sient up. ef Tr (eather tp teated and Eethrows arquad nance Dot the So Cite x face PULL ef umcum, ae lean) delivers theres eed, been enree Se Jeu te judge me” i think ef all ine hase ss? osu this girl and i say, RIGHT ON, SISTER, 9 rr best HAMBLA-cere perm EVER.| Ajebs presents "Like Father, Like Sex"- Billy @ ebvieusly ‘just wante te bi Pileat, ane a Liked fa eae Teeny eae aT! Cereewrrere), niax triends, je butcher, « baker, 5 truckers, Nis teachers, his twin brethers fratx brethers¢? prinen inmates, cope (yuck), aid im sure im missing ethers (I SHIT TOU sr), Pine tite hes eee yaa, Daech ie 0 cartean or else he'd need sone therapy oxy | preremmmmereee egies SERIOUS fuckin tube ef Preparation H. ether than thet At! Banjee Magazine 100% checlate, biCRUISING REVIEWS This dude was e SWEET TALKER. "Yeur seooo handseme, are yeu a real mailmanj"| "Ne sir I replied, “I got these sherts at the thrift stere." He wanted to take me heme, fuck me AND buy me beer. This was WAAAY better than I ever did at the bar en Saturday night, the fact that it was Tuesday merning in the park bethered me NONE. Ne cever charge, neo walk of shame...PERFECT. I went te his heuse where he had pictures ef his wife and kids everywhere and every sele male jack-eff film ever. We spent three heurs in the shewer pissing on each ether and he bought me a burritte later. PERFECT DATE., I felt a sense of missien accemplished when i finally get dewn in the bathroom at Gilman St. Getting it on at Gilman is preblematic. Everyene is 14 years eld and screwing to thrash bands takes alot ef concentration. I took the easy way eut and partiexd with a balding (i.e. pest-puberty) member ef the staff betwe bands. we kept being interrupted by « line ef kids waiting fer the stall se they could do drugs. I later found out this same dude wrote a detailed acceunt ef eur encounter FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND! AND THEN left me eut of 90% ef the text Every time i'm in the Gilman bx i still scratch my head (and balls) in confusi¢ Two heurs into my friends wedding party, I feund myself in the bathroem with e older ECuban guy, SCORE! "I only like you cause your young and yeu get big Pips." This was the HOTTEST thing an eld dude i was blewing had said te me, 58 H got REALLY het and started going dauble-tine on his dang (he-he), He told ne had a “big lead ter a little gun", dejizzed all ever my glasses and hair and phen left my drunk ass te wander the party putting on my "oh, that wasnt ME getting slammed in the bathr face (everyone saw right through me). And then i walked heme in the rain. [t was by far the hettest sex ecxv Sccemmend it te a friend, = Normally as a rule of thumb type thing I try not ta fuck dudes with égemp Jerry beamrds, cops, er men with kids because it is understeed that axll these things are fuckin GROSS, I thought I'd caver the bases with this dude but little did i know! So i was at a party and decided ta bring him to the bathroom. I kept reaching for the "D" but was being denied. He finally explained (thick seuthern accent) "I cant screw ya i get genital warts...LOOK!" And sure enough, he did. I had NEVER gotten a nen-erectien SO FAST. He continued, "I been puttin’ cream en um, but they wont go away.” Seme might applaude him fer his henesty but frankly, { HATED HIS ASS. No decent person sheulé have to endure am this, xamWeuld he pull this shit with his grandmother? He made me say things @ i never theught i would (p"put it away!). And just when i theught i ceuld be traumatized no more “Um yeah, I should hurry up and pick up my kids, its late." I wanted to vemit. "Oh MY GOD! Yeru're a father?!! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" I toek he hint and left.he Stafl@ Fas Schoo) © would \\Ke +0” em thank... 2 mari\uana, our models: — @ Yor Slarxo,@ David, 4Zac, 2 iia she -@ oaonds £ =a be in |_@ this Shit, Danelle, Cookie, » wor, & Melissa, ge Aci Fay-Long Cmy gicl) - “» & Seff Bogart Caddy), S. P.M : WAREHOUCE - i boyfrie » Donnie Palmer (sooo sexy), 2 Steve List Cmy other daddy) m2 all the boys Lue slept with, 19 Forgive Me. Sameaya Halperin -D “or setting stoned anol losin Sa (2 of das interverw)% Billy Tana Bes Tor nod gutting in ARS ebony Ete She Wt0rt Even “shougn L sath 7, +64 gonna Pur it in #2 ut thant | | for quilt *epping meClovel) Gnd wot of at|, OUR READERS