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Schema Handout - Avoidant Protector

The document discusses avoidant protector mode as a maladaptive coping mode. As children, fight, flight, or freeze responses helped us cope, but as adults they can become problems. Avoidant protector mode aims to avoid failure or rejection by not engaging in potentially difficult situations. This results in avoidance, loss of skills, isolation, and loneliness. The healthy adult mode can push past fears by validating vulnerabilities and encouraging new experiences without criticism. Managing avoidant protector mode involves awareness of triggers, feelings, and difficulties it causes, then using goals, needs, and self-soothing statements to engage supportively.

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Tina Trikaliti
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© © All Rights Reserved
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Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
893 views

Schema Handout - Avoidant Protector

The document discusses avoidant protector mode as a maladaptive coping mode. As children, fight, flight, or freeze responses helped us cope, but as adults they can become problems. Avoidant protector mode aims to avoid failure or rejection by not engaging in potentially difficult situations. This results in avoidance, loss of skills, isolation, and loneliness. The healthy adult mode can push past fears by validating vulnerabilities and encouraging new experiences without criticism. Managing avoidant protector mode involves awareness of triggers, feelings, and difficulties it causes, then using goals, needs, and self-soothing statements to engage supportively.

Uploaded by

Tina Trikaliti
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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SEPTEMBER 2021

AVOIDANT PROTECTOR MODE

Maladaptive Coping Avoidant Protector Mode


Modes The Avoidant Protector Mode deters us from engaging with others.
Coping Modes which helped us The Avoidant Protector mode is a FLIGHT mode. The aim of this mode is to
survive childhood become avoid engaging in activities where there is a chance of failure or rejection. It
Maladaptive Coping Modes in aims to protect the Vulnerable Child by not exposing it to potentially
adulthood. threatening situations. The Avoidant Protector says "I won't go to the party,
because I might make a fool of myself" or "I can't speak up in class because I
As children, we don't have many might get the answer wrong and people will laugh at me". There is a strong
ways to respond to difficult or overlap between the Avoidant Protector and social anxiety.
dangerous situations. A child's
coping strategies are simply fight, It can also look like cancelling plans or not making plans, giving up,
flight or freeze. We use to them to procrastinating or not trying (because we tell ourselves that if we don't try
reduce distress in ourselves or then we can't fail).
others, by pleasing others, staying
quiet or detaching from what is As a result of avoidance, people become de-skilled at dealing with tricky
happening. situations or engaging with others. Then it becomes even harder to confront
situations because you have lost confidence in your abilities, and the cycle
However, as we get older and we continues. Consequently, there is a loss of connection and the world feels
are no longer in the same smaller. The loneliness and isolation can become intense.
environment, so our old coping
strategies don't fit anymore and
start to cause us problems. Our The Role of the Healthy Adult Mode
once helpful childhood survival Healthy Adult Mode pushes you to face your fears.
strategies become maladaptive The MCMs are activated by fear of perceived vulnerability, thus the Healthy
coping strategies in adulthood. Adult Mode (HAM) aims to meet the needs of the Vulnerable Child Mode (VCM) in
a more adaptive coping way. The VCM needs validation and reassurance from
Schema Mode Therapy helps you the HAM that the MCM is not necessary.
to identify which coping modes
you may be using to help you see The HAM needs to create a safe space for the VCM to try new experiences
the problems they are causing. without the Avoidant Protector yelling "watch out, be careful, don't do it". Much
Once you can identify your like healthy parents encourages a young child to try something new and a little
Maladaptive Coping Modes, you scary, the HAM needs to be there to support the VCM by saying "just give it a go,
can then choose whether to stick and if it doesn't work out then we can learn from our mistakes and do it
with that childhood coping mode differently next time". The HAM also needs to silence the Punitive Parent mode
or enact a different choice. who usually criticises the VCM so that there is room for the VCM to stumble
Sometimes it is appropriate to without punishment.
use fight/flight or freeze, but
perhaps not as often as you have Other people can help you by also giving you a compassionate kick up the ass
been. Instead, we offer a fourth when they notice that you are avoiding and you need to give it a go.
option: HEALTHY ADULT.
Therefore, the Maladaptive Coping
Modes (MCM) need to get benched.
They can sit on the sidelines and Thoughts Behaviours Schemas
wait to be called in, rather than "I know I will fail, so I Avoiding Failure
feeling like they are running the won't even try". Isolating Defectiveness
show.
"Why bother, it will go Procrastinating Abandonment
badly. I'm safer at home." Giving up Social Isolation

THEPSYCHCOLLECTIVE.COM AVOIDANT PROTECTOR MODE


_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Overcoming your Avoidant Protector Mode
Mode Awareness
To learn how to skilfully manage your MCM, you must first become aware of when you have flipped
into that mode. The aim is to have more control over your ability to dial this mode down when it isn't
needed. This may be challenging if you have been doing it for a long time so you don't notice when it
is happening.

What are some common triggers for this mode? (Situations, tasks, people)
__________________________________________________________________________________________
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What do you feel when you’re in this mode? (Lonely, scared, anxious)
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What difficulties do you experience when you’re in this mode? (Nothing gets done, no social contact)
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Mode Management
Develop a plan about how you will use your Healthy Adult to reduce your Avoidant Protector.
 
What are your goals for managing this mode? (To be more engaged in society)
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What are your needs in this mode? (To feel safe to try new or scary things)
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What will you do to meet these needs for yourself? (Graded exposure and activity scheduling)
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What will you do if you get overwhelmed by the feelings? (Take a time-limited break then try again)
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What will you say to yourself when you’re in this mode to soothe it? (I can be courageous)
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You may find this hard because it is unfamiliar, or you may notice other modes getting in the way,
like your Demanding Parent Mode or a different MCM jumping in. Keep trying and remember that you
are learning new strategies to try things that you would usually avoid. Perseverance is key!

Check out our website for more resources, handouts and videos
Scan the QR code for the Youtube clip for this handout

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