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This is the revised and expanded edition of Academic Writing Skills and Strategies III,
ISBN 978-4-903049-16-8 first published in Japan by Waseda University International Co., Ltd. in 2007
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Contributors: Zachary Blalock, Joe Garner, Oliver Hadingham, Miklos Juhasz, Thatcher Spero, Genevieve Tran
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Academic Writing Skills has been developed by the Research and Development team
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 iv

UNIT 1

Part 1 nding the essay prompt 2

Part 2 7

Part 3 10

Part 4 ning the essay 17

UNIT 2 Essay Paragraphs

Part 1 Introductory paragraphs 32

Part 2 Body paragraphs 41

Part 3 Logical fallacies .60

Part 4 Concluding paragraphs 69

UNIT 3 Using and Citing Sources

Part 1 Evaluating sources 74

Part 2 Integrating source information 77

Part 3 Citing sources 89

Part 4 Using reporting verbs and phrases 94

UNIT4 Accuracy and Clarity

Part 1 Hedging and intensifying 102

Part 2 Academic sentence styles 108

Part 3 Editing 122

Appendix A Essay genres 130

Appendix B Additional citation rules (APA style) 132

Appendix C Review activity 137

iii
 Introd uction

Academic Writing Skills 3 presents the skills necessary to write coherent,

accurate, and logical university-level essays. There are four units in the
textbook, each covering an important element of successful academic writing.

Unit 1 focuses on the pre-writing steps which prepare the writer to write
an essay that efficiently accomplishes a desired task. Advanced concepts
introduced include:
• interpreting a complex essay prompt.
• doing research before taking a position.

Unit 2 focuses on writing effective paragraphs, from the introduction to the

conclusion. Advanced concepts introduced include:
• establishing a motive for the essay.
• building a paragraph around researched information.
• avoiding mistakes with logic.

Unit 3 focuses on outside sources, from selecting which sources to use to

incorporating them effectively. Advanced concepts introduced include:
• distinguishing primary, secondary, and tertiary sources.
• sorting out the complexity of APA citation style.
• using a variety of reporting verbs to improve style.

Unit 4 focuses on improving the academic tone of an essay, with tips on

language and editing. Advanced concepts introduced include:
• using hedging and intensifying to convey information more accurately.
• using conjunctions to improve cohesion.
• positioning information strategically using the passive form and
nominalizations.
• efficiently editing an essay using a multi-step process.

To maximize the use of this book, you should:

• read the information in each unit thoroughly.
• take notes in the page margins on explanations from your teacher,
classmates' comments, or your own thoughts.
• complete all the exercises.

iv
UNIT

Preparing to Write
Part 1 Understanding the essayprompt

Part 2 Taking a position

Part 3 Doing research

Part 4 Planning the essay

 Par t
Understanding the
1 essay prompt

Identifying the requirements

Academic writing is the result of a process involving the research and careful
consideration of a topic. The ultimate purpose of this process is for a writer to
present a point of view on a topic that readers will accept as true or plausible.
Writers must research their topic in order to present a point of view that is
supported by logical and objective evidence.

Planning to write academically begins with the genre of the essay because
this affects the organization of the essay. Common essay genres include
argumentative, compare and contrast, or problem-solution essays (see
Appendix A on page 130 for more on essay genres). The genre is often
indicated by the words used in the essay prompt.

Therefore, since researching a topic is often guided by the requirements of an

instruction, or essay prompt, it is essential that an academic writer considers:

What is the essay prompt asking me to do?

To understand the essay prompt, first identify its two main parts:
1. the general topic
2. requirements for the essay

Consider this prompt:

Analyze the growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the
iMac.

The general topic is Apple, Inc. The requirement for the essay is to analyze the
growth of market share since the introduction of the iMac.

Requirements for the essay

After identifying the topic, the writer should look for requirements in the
essay prompt. These requirements tell the writer what must be included in
the essay.

There are four types of requirements in many prompts:

1. Recall - show knowledge learned from a reading, lecture, or some other
source.

2
 Unit 1 • Part 1

2. Analysis - break down a topic into smaller parts and explain the
significance of each part.
3. Synthesis - use information from two or more sources (lectures, readings,
etc.) to show a relationship and possible deeper meaning.
4. Evaluation - judge the value of something based on an analysis of
information.

These requirements are often indicated by the use of certain instructional

words in the essay prompt. Here is a list of common instructional words.

Requirement

3
 NOTE: The writer is normally expected to express an objective opinion when
the essay prompt asks for an evaluation. For other question types, an objective
opinion is not normally expected. For example:

Compare the health care systems of France and the United States.
(No opinion asked for - the writer must only provide evidence to support how
the two systems differ or are similar.)

Compare the health care systems of France and the United States. Then
evaluate the more successful of the two in terms of overall public health.
(Opinion asked for - the writer must both provide evidence to support
how the two systems differ or are similar, and express an objective opinion
about these differences or similarities.)

Exercise 1 For each example essay prompt in the table on page 3:

a. underline the topic.

b. circle any instructional words indicating a requirement.

Example:
~the growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the
iMac.

Understanding longer essay prompts

Longer essay prompts with more details included are commonly assigned. In
a longer essay prompt with multiple requirements, identifying the general
topic may be a challenge. For example:

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources which
can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels. Assess how much countries
should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their energy needs.
Be sure to discuss matters of concern regarding energy use, such as cost and
environmental impact, and make comparisons among various energy sources
regarding these. Include statistics from a variety of sources to help support
your position.

In the prompt above, what is the general topic?

a. Fossilfuels
b. Nuclear energy
c. Various energy sources

The correct answer is b - nuclear energy.

Identifying requirements in longer essay prompts

With longer essay prompts, the writer must be very clear about the different
requirements. One way to do this is by identifying and circling each
instructional word indicating a requirement. For example:

4
 Unit 1 • Part 1

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources which
can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~how much countries
should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their energy needs.
Be sure to~matters of concern re arding energy use, such as cost and
environmental impact, and ake comparison mong various energy sources
regarding these. ~statistics rom a variety of sources to help support
your position.

In this essay prompt, there are four clear requirements:

• Assess how much countries should rely on nuclear energy to help meet
this goal and their energy needs.
• Discuss matters of concern regarding energy use.
• Make comparisons among various energy sources.
• Include statistics from a variety of sources to help support your position.

The main requirement is often the first one; it should be the focus of the
entire essay. The other instructional words show sub-requirements (or even
sub-sub-requirements) - the different levels of focus which the writer should
include at some point in the essay.

To distinguish main from sub- and sub-sub-requirements, create an outline of

the essay prompt, formatted as follows:

Main requirement
• Sub-requirement 1
o Sub-sub-requirement
• Sub-requirement 2
o Etc.

For example, an outline of the requirements from the essay prompt on nuclear
energy could be:

Main requirement: Assess how much countries should rely on nuclear

energy to help meet this goal and their energy needs.
Sub-requirement 1: Discuss matters of concern regarding energy use.
Sub-sub-requirement: Make comparisons among various energy sources.
Sub-requirement 2: Include statistics from a variety of sources to help
support your position.

Exercise 2 Look at the essay prompts on the next page and:

a. underline the general topic.

b. circle any instructional words indicating a requirement.

c. outline the requirements to show the main from sub- and sub-sub-
requirements.

5
 1. Select several of Picasso's paintings representing both his pre- and post-
war periods. Compare aspects of both periods. Explain the transformations
which occurred in his art, making sure to refer to color, images, and
expressions.

2. The lectures in this course have thus far focused on the 30 articles in
the U.N. Declaration of Human Rights and the historical basis for each.
Select one of the Declaration's member countries and describe the
challenges it faces in trying to uphold the human rights standards outlined
in the articles. Determine how close the country is to being a model
human rights state.

3. In the class, examples were given of how socio-cultural factors affect

the perception of certain issues which often lead to misunderstandings
and breakdowns in diplomatic negotiations, protests, and even armed
conflicts. Select a particular issue which eventually led to an armed
conflict. Contrast how this issue may have been perceived on both sides
of the conflict, making sure to include points on differing values, beliefs,
behavior, and laws.

4. Analyze a contemporary novel with a female protagonist and compare

and contrast it with classic works where women were traditionally
portrayed as the villain or victim, such as in the works analyzed in the
course (e.g., Macbeth, The Scarlet Letter, The Great Gatsby, Washington
Square). Be sure to a) comment on whether or not women still come across
as being the "weaker sex" in more modern literature, and b) identify
where symbolism and allegory are used in defining the woman's character.

6
Par t

2 Taking a position

Choosing a position

For every essay prompt, the writer must take a position. This position is
what the writer claims to be true about the topic. The entire essay should be
focused on supporting this position. Therefore, a clear position helps ensure
that the essay is coherent and organized.

The position a writer could take depends on the essay prompt. For example:

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: "Globalization has

had a positive influence on Asia"?

The topic is globalization. The position a writer could take on the topic seems
to be limited to two options:
• It has had a positive influence on Asia.
OR
• It has not had a positive influence on Asia.

However, in an academic subject, it is rare that something is completely right

or wrong, positive or negative, best or worst. Therefore, other positions on
the topic of the essay prompt above could be:
• It has had a mostly positive influence on Asia.
• It has had a somewhat negative influence on Asia.
• It has had a positive influence in some sectors of societies in Asia but
negative in others.
• Certain countries in Asia have benefitted more from globalization than
others.

7
 Other types of essay prompts do not ask for agreement or disagreement. For
example:

When did the process of globalization start?

The topic again is globalization. Possible positions on the topic could be:
• It truly began with the advent of information technology.
• It is not a recent phenomenon but has a long history spanning millennia.
• It is impossible to determine when exactly it began, but it has certainly
intensified over the last few decades.
• During the European era of exploration and conquest during the sixteenth
and seventeenth centuries is when the world truly started to become
globalized.

The following essay prompt is even more open:

Define globalization.

This kind of prompt asks the writer to use a particular approach in responding
to the prompt. The approach taken is the writer's position. Different positions
to the above essay prompt could be:
• Globalization is a set of processes that have made the world seem smaller.
• Globalization has increased the economic, cultural, and political links
among countries.
• Globalization is a process that has increased the importance of a global
shared culture and at the same time the importance of local cultures.
• Cultural, economic, and political connections have increased to such an
extent that borders and differences among countries, cultures, and people
have no meaning.

To summarize, for most essay prompts there is a variety of positions. The

writer is free to choose any position as long as it:
• responds directly to the essay prompt.
• can be supported well, normally with research.

8
 . Unit 1 • Part 2

Exercise 1 Look at the essay prompts below. For each, list at least three possible
positions a writer could take.

Essay prompt _a • ••.• •

1. Discuss some of the

technological advances in
the twentieth century which
have helped transform the
workplace.

2. Compare the health care

systems of France and the
United States.

3. Evaluate the effectiveness of

anti-piracy laws on curbing
the illegal downloading of
digitalized video, music, and
print.

4. Argue for or against the

expansion of the school week
from five to seven days.

5. Summarize the most significant

developments in social
networking and describe their
impact on the lives of internet
users today.

6. Examine some of the most

popular shows currently on TV
and offer insights into why they
are popular. Make comments
on how the popularity of these
shows may reflect certain
characteristics of society.

NOTE: The initial position a writer takes may change, especially if research
shows that another position is more valid.

9
 Par t

3 Doing research

Starting research

Academic essaysare different from other types of essaysbecause they include

research. Below is the process many writers follow before writing the first
draft of their essay:

Read essay prompt -+ Do research -+ Take position -+ Create outline

1. When to start research

In the process above, the writer does research immediately after reading the
essay prompt. Since many academic topics are rather complex, the writer
takes a position after gaining a better understanding of the topic through
research. This helps ensure that the position is well informed and less biased.

In some cases, the writer may have some knowledge of the topic and take
a position before researching. However, a writer who does not research all
possible positions risks:
• ignoring or overlooking useful information.
• writing an essay that is biased.

2. Asking questions

After understanding the essay prompt, it is important to create a list of

questions which will help guide research into the topic. These questions
should:
• give the writer a better understanding of the topic.
• enable the writer to take an informed position based on the research.

In the essay prompt:

~the growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the

iMac.

10
 Unit 1 • Part 3

the instructional word" analyze" is used, so the writer needs to research such
questions as:
• What were the statistics on Apple's market share growth prior to and
since the introduction of the iMac?
• What factors have contributed to this growth?

In the longer essay prompt:

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources which

can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~how much countries

should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their energy needs.

Be sure to~matters of concern regarding energy use, such as cost and

environmental impact, an~among various energy sources

regarding these.~statistics from a variety of sources to help support

your position.

there are multiple requirements listed, but the main requirement is indicated
with the instructional word "assess." The writer is expected to give an
opinion on the topic. To form this opinion, the writer needs to research such
questions as:
• What are the statistics on how much nuclear energy is currently used?
• What are the benefits and drawbacks of nuclear energy use?
• How do alternative energy sources compare with nuclear energy?

11
 Exercise 1 Below are the essay 1. In partfrom
prompts 3, what
pageshould
9. For we
eachrely on to create a list
prompt,
of questions ask
to research. the

Essay prompt Research questions

1. Discuss some of the

technological advances in
the twentieth century which
have helped transform the
workplace.

2. Compare the health care

systems of France and the
United States.

3. Evaluate the effectiveness of

anti-piracy laws on curbing
the illegal downloading of
digitalized video, music, and
print.

4. Argue for or against the

expansion of the school week
from five to seven days.

5. Summarize the most significant

developments in social
networking and describe their
impact on the lives of internet
users today.

6. Examine some of the most

popular shows currently on TV
and offer insights into why they
are popular. Make comments
on how the popularity of these
shows may reflect certain
characteristics of society.

12
 Unit 1 • Part 3

Keeping a research list

It is important to keep a list of research which includes:

• information which could be used in the essay.
• the source of the information.

Here is a sample research list for the essay prompt on how much countries
should rely on nuclear energy (page 11).

Source (writer or title,

Information page number)

• Nuclear - 13.4% world energy supply ("2011 Key world" 24)

• Nuclear energy preferred in Asia (Chang and Thomson 26)

• 301 new reactors under construction, planned, or proposed (N ASia's Nuclear

Energy")

• British Energy: Torness nuclear reactor CO2 emissions = 5 glkWh, coal plant
= 900 glkWh ("Environmental" 6)

• Nuclear reactor's greenhouse gas emissions lower than wind and solar
power ("Technology")

• Solar - one hour of sun's power = human energy needs for a year rsotar
Power")

• If innovation increased, solar can produce more energy <Tanaka, "Solar";

Tanaka, "Technology")

• After Fukushima, suspension I cancelling new nuclear plants "merely a

knee-ier« reaction to stifle growing public hysteria over nuclear safety"
(Kimura 31)

• cnemobvt, 1986,31 immediate deaths, other teatetion-retetea deaths later

(several sources)

• Fatalities coal extraction - 20,000, hydropower - 30,000 deaths (Nuclear

Energy Agency)

• Nuclear - 2.14 cents I kWh, natural gas - 4.86 cents / kWh, oil- 15.18 cents /
kWh ("Nuclear Energy Institute - Economic")

• As solar power costs fall, will lead to increase at local level (ROaf and Gupta
2009, pp. 84-107; Christopher, Kumar, et al. 2009, p. 9)

• Solar power - expensive solar panels ("Solar Power")

• Stable sources of uranium available from Canada or Australia ("Nuclear

Power: Nukes of Hazard':

• Nuclear reactor Britain estimated S7.9 billion r'Nuciear Power: Nukes of

Hazard")

13
 Synthesizing research

Writers analyze the information they gain from research in order to take an
informed position on a topic. Part of this analysis is synthesizing related ideas
to make a statement about the topic. For example, research for the essay
prompt:

~the growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the

iMac.

may have revealed the following information:

• The Apple name and logo were appealing and contrasted with the colder,
more machine-like image of IBM. (Kluger)
• "On May 6,1998, Steve Jobs unveiled the iMac, a desktop computer whose
translucent, brightly colored shell made it instantly distinctive from other
pes on the market ... its success was critical in reviving the company's
fortunes." (Apple: A history ... )
• "Thanks to its sleek, simple interface and the fact it allowed users to tote
their entire music library in one device in their pocket, the iPod transformed
how we buy and listen to music." (Apple: A history ... )

A synthesis of the researched information above may lead the writer to state
the following:

Design was a major reason Apple's products and brand image became
attractive to consumers.

Research may have also revealed the following information:

• Apple has hundreds of retail stores around the world which sell products
directly to consumers - this helps eliminate the cost of paying a middle-
man to distribute the product. (Hiner)
• Apple is able to source components at a discounted rate, which enables
them to manufacture products at a fraction of what it would normally cost
to produce a new technologically advanced product. (Gobry)
• Apple earns close to a 60% profit margin on each sale of the iPhone, far
higher than for competitors. (Eimer-DeWitt)

By synthesizing the above information, a possible statement about Apple

could be:

Apple's manufacturing and distribution process enables the company to earn

a relatively high profit on each product sold.

14
 Unit 1 • Part 3

Exercise 2 Analyze the research list on page 13 and:

• identify pieces of information on the list which are related to each
other and write them in the table below.
• synthesize the information and then write a statement about the essay
topic based on this research information in the table below.

Research information:

Synthesis statement:

Research information:

Synthesis statement:

Research information:

Synthesis statement:

15
 Exercise 3 Read the following essay prompt and possible positions. Choose the position
that is best supported by the information synthesized in Exercise 2.

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources

which can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~ow much

countries should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their

energy needs. Be sure to~atters of concern regarding energy

use, such as cost and environmental impact, and~

among various energy sources regarding these.~statistics from

a variety of sources to help support your position.

Possible positions:

• Nuclear energy should be completely relied on.

• Nuclear energy should be mostly relied on.

• Nuclear energy should be partially relied on.

• Nuclear energy should be slightly relied on.

• Nuclear energy should not be relied on.

16
Par t

4 Planning the essay

Writing a thesis

After doing research and taking a position, the next stage in preparing to
write is to create an outline. An outline helps:
• organize ideas in a way that most effectively supports the writer's position.
• guarantee that the writer stays focused when writing the essay.

The first step in creating an outline is writing the thesis. A thesis is a sentence
which states the writer's position on a topic. It is the most important sentence
in the essay because it tells readers the purpose of the essay.

An effective thesis should include:

• the topic of the essay.
• the writer's position on the topic.

For the essay prompt:

~the growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the

iMac.

a thesis may be:

The rapid growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the iMac
was due to a number of innovations in design, manufacturing, and marketing.

A breakdown of this thesis shows it has the necessary components:

Topic

t
The rapid growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the iMac

was due to a number of innovations in design, manufacturing, and marketing.

Position

17
 For the longer essay prompt:

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources which

can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~how much countries

should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their energy needs.

Be sure to ~matters of concern regarding energy use, such as cost and

environmental impact, and~mOng various energy sources

regarding these.~statistics from a variety of sources to help support

your position.

a thesis may be:

Topic Position

1
Despite fears over its safety, nuclear energy
1
still seems to be the only option

to sufficiently meet the demands of an increasingly energy-hungry world

while limiting damage to the environment.

This is an effective thesis because it contains the topic and the writer's position.

Directly responding to the essay prompt

It is also important to ensure that the thesis directly responds to the essay
prompt. The following examples are not suitable because they do not do so.

For the prompt:

~the growth of Apple's market share since the introduction of the

iMac.

a thesis such as:

~ Apple's rapid growth since the introduction of the iMac shows why it
produces some of the best products in the world.

is not suitable because:

• it does not indicate that there is any analysis of the reasons for Apple's
growth.
• it gives an evaluation when the prompt only asked for an analysis.

18
 Unit 1 • Part 4

For the prompt:

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources which

can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~how much countries
should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their energy needs.

Be sure toEifJmatters of concern regarding energy use, such as cost and

environmental impact, and~amOng various energy sources

regarding these.~statistics from a variety of sources to help support

your position.

a thesis such as:

~ To eliminate the use of nuclear energy, people around the world

should stop consuming too much energy, and families should not
have more than one child.

is not suitable because it is off-topic. This thesis offers recommendations for

people around the world rather than an assessment of how much countries
should rely on nuclear energy.

Exercise 1 For each essay prompt below, choose the thesis which comes closest to
satisfactorily replying to the prompt.

1. Describe the American judicial system and how it is designed to limit

wrongful convictions.

a. The Americanjudicial system is better than most in the world because it

limits wrongful convictions.

b. The American judicial system eliminates wrongful convictions.

c. TheAmerican judicial system has several aspects which are meant to try
to prevent wrongful convictions.

2. Watch the movie Mulholland Drive and identify its "film noir"
characteristics. Refer to the aspects of the classic movies from the 1950s
covered in the lecture.

a. Mulholland Drive was a failure at the box office because of its "film
noir" characteristics.

b. Mulholland Drive is somewhat similar to "film noir" of the 1950s both

visually and in its storyline.

c. Mulholland Drive is a more modern but confusing version of classic

"film noir."

19
 3. Using points from the various readings assigned this semester, determine
the most critical turning points in the evolution of human societies.

a. Human societies have evolved a great deal over a long period of time.

b. Human societies have evolved tothe point where people are ableto live
longer lives now than ever before.

c. Human societies seem to have undergone the most significant changes

after the introduction of certain revolutionary technology.

4. The lectures in this course have thus far focused on the 30 articles in the
U.N. Declaration of Human Rights and the historical basis for each. Select
one of the Declaration's member countries and describe the challenges it
faces in trying to uphold the human rights standards outlined in the
articles. Determine how close the country is to being a model human
rights state.

a. Sweden is the best country in the world because it perfectly meets all
of the U.N.'s standards for human rights.

b. No country is a model human rights state because everyone of them

has faults in their treatment of people.

c. The United States falls short of meeting a number of the U.N.'s

standards for human rights.

20
 Unit 1 • Part 4

Making an outline

When creating an outline, include:

• the thesis statement (full sentence).
• the main arguments supporting the thesis (full sentences).
• the supporting points under each main argument (bullet points).

An outline for an essay is often structured as follows:

OUTLINE
Thesis:

Main argument 1

• Supporting point 1

• Supporting point 2

• Supporting point ...

Main argument 2

• Supporting point 1

• Supporting point 2

• Supporting point ...

Main argument 3

• Supporting point 1

• Supporting point 2

• Supporting point ...

Main argument ...

21
 Exerc~se2 For the essay prompt:

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources

which can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~how much
countries should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their

energy needs. Be sure to~matters of concern regarding energy

use, such as cost and environmental impact, and~

among various energy sources regarding these.~statistics from

a variety of sources to help support your position.

a possible thesis is:

Despite fears over its safety, nuclear energy still seems to be the only option
to sufficiently meet the demands of an increasingly energy-hungry world
while limiting damage to the environment.

Based on the research on page 13, below are some supporting points the
writer could present in the essay. In the outline on the next page, place each
of the supporting points under the main argument it supports.

• cheaper than natural gas and oil

• some think not safe, but unreasonable; other energy more deaths
• building nuclear power plants is expensive, but over time still cheaper
• production of nuclear energy is constant
• emits low CO2
• nuclear energy - reliability of suppliers
• renewable energy - innovation still needed to make cheaper and more
available
• renewable energy has potential, but not enough; erratic supply
• any energy source is expensive

22
 Unit 1 • Part 4

OUTLINE
Thesis:
Despite fears over its safety, nuclear energy still seems to be the only option to
sufficiently meet the demands of an increasingly energy-hungry world while
limiting damage to the environment.

Main argument 1
One benefit of nuclear power is that it is a much cleaner and safer energy source
than fossil fuels.

Supporting points:

Main argument 2
Another appeal of nuclear power is that the cost of production is extremely low
for such an efficient energy source.

Supporting points:

Main argument 3
Another reason nuclear power should be a significant part of the world's energy
supply is its reliability.

Supporting points:

23
 Model essay

Read the the essay prompt and the following model essay.

Many governments, for a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources

which can help them curb their reliance on fossil fuels.~how much

countries should rely on nuclear energy to help meet this goal and their

energy needs. Be sure to~matters of concern regarding energy

use, such as cost and environmental impact, and~

among various energy sources regarding these.~statistics from

a variety of sources to help support your position.

NUCLEAR POWER:
A viable means of meeting our future energy demands

One way to measure a country's economic and social development

is its increased usage of and reliance on energy. Most people now heat or
cool their homes, cook, wash, power their TV or computer, and commute
using energy mostly derived from fossil fuels. Our ancestors who lived
as recently as 100 years ago would marvel at how much energy is used
now and taken for granted. However, as the world's population has
surpassed seven billion, and a growing proportion are seeing big increases
in their wealth and energy consumption, achieving energy sufficiency
while minimizing environmental damage is a challenging but crucial
task. Undoubtedly, the key to environmental sustainability is curbing
the overuse of and dependency on environmentally damaging fossil fuels
like coal, natural gas, and oil. Many believe that increasing the reliance
on nuclear power - a relatively clean, cheap, and reliable form of energy
- is the answer. It contributes a vital 13.4% of the world's energy supply
(International Energy Agency, 2011), and in Asia, a region where nuclear
energy is in favor (Chang & Thomson, 2011), 301 new reactors are either
under construction, planned, or proposed (World Nuclear Association,
2010). Others, wary of the potential risks of nuclear power, see a solution
in harnessing the power available through natural sources such as wind
or sunlight. Yet, while such renewable forms of energy have incredible
potential and have recently seen increased investment and innovation,
none of them have been shown to be able to produce energy on a level
anywhere close to that currently being consumed around the world.
Therefore, at least for the time being, despite fears over its safety, nuclear
energy seems to be the only viable option for satisfying the demands
of an increasingly energy-hungry world while limiting damage to the
environment.

24
 Unit 1 • Part 4

One benefit of nuclear power is that it is a much cleaner and

safer energy source than fossil fuels. Nuclear energy emits virtually no
environmentally harmful carbon. British Energy (2005) asserts that the
total CO2 emissions from the Torness nuclear reactor in Scotland are
estimated to be just over 5 grams per kilowatt hour (g/kWh), compared
to the 900 g/kWh produced by a coal plant (p. 6). Indeed, research by
the International Energy Agency (2011) showed that greenhouse gas
emissions over a nuclear reactor's lifecycle are actually lower than what
wind or solar power would emit over a similar period at a similar wattage.
It is apparent then that nuclear energy has a crucial part to play in lowering
the world's carbon emissions and safeguarding the environment. Its critics,
however, question whether nuclear energy is especially clean, given the
necessity of storing radioactive waste nuclear power produces, and the
potential release of harmful levels of radiation through nuclear accidents.
The Chernobyl accident in 1986 led to 31 fatalities, and subsequently
many more radiation-related deaths (Nuclear Energy Institute, 2011). The
environmental and human cost of the nuclear leaks in 2011 from a reactor
in Fukushima, Japan, after it was hit by a tsunami, is still being quantified.
Incidents such as these ignite fears over nuclear safety, leading to fierce
resistance by the public in certain countries towards building new reactors ..
For many, the risks of increasing the use of nuclear power outweigh any
advantages. However, it seems unreasonable to equate these two disasters
with nuclear plants everywhere. By far, the vast majority of the world's
nuclear plants are not at risk from a tsunami, and the rigorous prevention,
monitoring, and containment procedures in reactors now virtually
eliminate the likelihood of another Chernobyl-like accident (Nuclear
Energy Institute, 2011). It is also a mistake to believe other energy
sources are entirely safe. Between 1969 and 2000, fatalities from coal
extraction numbered over 20,000, and hydropower generation accounted
for approximately 30,000 deaths, dwarfing the number of fatalities from
nuclear disasters (Nuclear Energy Agency, 2010). In addition to public
concerns about dangerous emissions, worries have also been expressed over
what happens with waste from plants.
The fear over nuclear waste is commonly misunderstood. According
to Cambridge University physics professor David MacKay (2008), nuclear
power produces about 760 ml of radioactive waste per person, per year,
that must be securely stored for about 1,000 years. Of this amount,
however, only about 25 ml is actually dangerous. This amount is minute
compared to the other wastes humans produce each year, including
517 kgs of garbage, and 83 kgs of hazardous industrial waste per person.
Correspondingly, the amount ofland required to store garbage and
dangerous toxic waste is much larger and, due to its threats to both the
environment and human health, much of the waste must be securely
isolated from its surroundings. Given that society already tolerates having
to deal with such a massive amount of hazardous waste, exercising similar
precautions for equally dangerous but far less abundant nuclear waste does
not seem to warrant special concern. Hopefully, careful consideration

25
 of these facts will lead the general public to recognize nuclear power's
advantages in terms of cleanliness and safety. Indeed, it should be a
significant part of any country's plans to reduce its dependence on fossil
fuels.
Another appeal of nuclear power is that the cost of production is
extremely low for such an efficient energy source. With energy demands
increasing, producing enough energy is vital, and keeping costs low is
necessary for making sure energy remains affordable. The U.N. Secretary-
General, Bani Ki-Moon, in addressing the world's growing population,
has consistently emphasized the necessity of supplying the poor with
cheap electricity (United Nations Population Fund, 2011) - and few
forms of electricity come cheaper than nuclear energy. Nuclear energy
can be produced at 2.14 cents per kilowatt hour (kWh), compared with
natural gas (4.86 cents per kWh), and oil (15.18 cents per kWh) (Nuclear
Energy Institute, 2010). Essentially, the many parts of the world eager to
become less reliant on fossil fuels are unlikely to find a more cost-effective
alternative to nuclear energy. However, many claim that the expense of
building nuclear power plants makes nuclear energy far more expensive
than one might assume for the cost of energy generation. The huge cost
of planning, designing, and funding nuclear power plants, critics assert,
as well as the length of time required to achieve fully functioning power
plants (given how politically fraught the issue is), means nuclear energy
is a prohibitively expensive enterprise. A proposed nuclear reactor in
Britain is estimated to cost $7.9 billion (Nuclear power: Nukes of hazard,
2011), which is a massive outlay at a time when government budgets are
stretched. But as Kimura (2011) stresses, although the initial expense
of nuclear power is extremely high, once the plants are functioning, this
cost is not so significant when divided by the years the station will be
generating electricity. In contrast, The Economist notes that solar power
use remains largely confined to individuals who can afford the expensive
solar panels, or to companies able to buy the many expensive panels and
the large amount ofland required to create solar farms (Solar power,
2011). It is hoped that as solar power costs fall, and its ability to generate
sufficient electricity increases, its acceptance and adoption at the local
level will increase greatly (Roaf & Gupta, 2007; MacKay, 2008). Yet, as
development of the technology is slow and incremental, this seems a long
way off. Radical breakthroughs are necessary to make renewable energy
as widely available and cheap as nuclear power is now. Therefore, while
renewable energy has undeniable promise, nuclear energy remains the
most viable, available energy source for a world with an ever-increasing
appetite for energy.
A further reason why nuclear power should be a significant part of
the world's energy supply is its reliability. Once nuclear power plants
are built and functioning, the production of nuclear energy is constant.
Wind and solar power, however, are intermittent energy producers. Wind
turbines are not much use when there is no wind, while solar power has
limited potential in, say, cloud-covered Northern Europe. A key advantage
of nuclear power is that, come gale, rain or shine, nuclear energy is still

26
 Unit 1 • Part 4

generated. Nuclear power plants can also depend on having a stable supply
of materials. Oil and gas are currently produced in relatively unstable
regions of the world, which makes an over-reliance on this energy source
risky to the extent that it could jeopardize national security. Accordingly,
as Moran and Russell (2009) point out, issues of energy security are now
high on the agendas of political leaders throughout the world. In contrast,
the primary source of nuclear power - uranium - is easily supplied by
Canada and Australia, two comparatively stable countries (Nuclear power:
Nukes of hazard, 2011). With the regular supply of uranium guaranteed,
nuclear energy can be generated domestically at constant levels, forming
the basis of a country's security and self-reliance. Many argue, though,
that certain renewable energy forms that safely harness the earth's natural
energy could become more reliable. Wind power is proving to be a
growing, domestically generated, energy source. Solar power is even more
promising: one hour of the sun's power contains more than humanity's
energy needs for one year (Solar power, 2011). With increasing technical
advances, its supporters claim, solar power can be responsible for a much
greater share of energy production (Tanaka, 2010). However, despite the
clear potential of such forms of energy, if nuclear energy generation were
to cease immediately, renewable sources, given their current erratic nature, .
would be unable to meet the 13.4% required to make up the deficit. As the
world tries to gradually move away from its reliance on fossil fuels, nuclear
power still remains the only energy supply constant enough to depend on
for an adequate supply of energy.
It is apparent that nuclear power does offer a realistic means of
meeting the world's growing energy demands, while at the same time
limiting environmental destruction. Nuclear energy is clean and cheap,
its production is reliable, and its materials are readily available. However,
as a result of several major nuclear accidents, the public is wary of
potential disasters on their doorstep, making nuclear power a currently
unpopular choice. On the other hand, renewable energy, which is far
more accepted and much easier to champion, remains unable to provide
a significant share the world's energy needs. Perhaps in the future the
huge potential of solar, wind, or some other form of renewable energy will
be unlocked, allowing it to power all that fossil fuels power now. Until
then, governments and the nuclear energy industry should make the case
for nuclear energy more aggressively to appease a nervous but seemingly
misinformed public about the role nuclear power plays in making life
comfortable for so many around the world.

27
 References

British Energy. (2005, May). Environmental product declaration of

electricity from Torness Nuclear Power Station summary of results.
Retrieved from http://www.britishenergy.comldocuments/EPD _Exec_
Summary. pdf

Chang, Y., & Thomson, E. (2011). East Asian energy supply, demand
and cooperation outlook. In E. Thomson, Y. Chang, & J. S. Lee
(Eds.), Energy conservation in East Asia: Towards greater energy security.
Singapore: World Scientific Publishing Co. Pte. Ltd.

International Energy Agency. (2011). Key world energy statistics.

Retrieved from http://www.iea.org/textbase/nppdflfree/20ll/key _world_
energy _stats. pdf

Kimura, 1. (2011). ~I.:1,}\.;-¥-tt!t~ - ~f5R~O);r~'l:tiit~F~O);r~#Ii

[Nuclear energy and public opinion _ Fear with it,jear without it].
Tokyo: Narimasu Press.

MacKay, D. J. C. (2008, November 3). Sustainable energy _ Without the

hot air. Retrieved from http://www.inference.phy.cam.ac.uklsustainable/
book/rex/ sewtha. pdf

Moran, D., & Russell, J. A. (Eds.). (2009). Energy security and global
politics: The militarization of resource management. London: Routledge.

Nuclear Energy Agency. (2010). Comparing nuclear accident risks with

those from other resources. Retrieved from http://www.oecd-nea.org/
ndd/reports/2010/nea6861-comparing-risks. pdf

Nuclear Energy Institute. (2010). Economic growth. Retrieved

from http://www.nei.org/keyissues/reliableandaffordableenergy/
econornicgrowth/

Nuclear Energy Institute. (2011, July). Chernobyl accident and its

consequences. Retrieved from http://www.nei.org/filefolderl
Chernobyl_Accident_and_Its_ Consequences_July _2011_ 4

Nuclear power: Nukes of hazard. (2011, October 15). The Economist.

Retrieved from htttp://www.economist.comlnode/21532330

Roaf, S., & Gupta, R. (2007). Solar power: Using energy from the sun
in buildings. In D. Elliot (Ed.), Sustainable energy: opportunities and
limitations (pp. 84-107). Basingstoke, England: Palgrave Macmillan.

Solar power: A painful eclipse. (2011, October 15). The Economist.

Retrieved from http://www.economist.comlnode/21532279

28
 Unit 1 • Part 4

Tanaka, N. (2010, May). Solar for the energy revolution: lEA launches
the PV and CSP roadmaps [PowerPoint slides with speech transcript in
PDF document]' Retrieved from http://www.iea.org/speechia_notes.pdf

United Nations Population Fund. (2011, October 26). State of world

population 2011. Retrieved from http://foweb.unfpa.org/SWP2011/
reports/EN-SWOP20ll-FlNAL.pdf

World Nuclear Association. (2010, April). Asia's nuclear energy growth.

Retrieved from http://world-nuclear.org/info/inf47.html

29
 Exercise 3 Here is the essay prompt for the model essay again with each of the
instructional words numbered (1-4):

Many governments, r a variety of reasons, are seeking energy sources

which can help them cur their reliance on fossil fuels. ssess ow much

countries should rely on nu lear energy to help meet this goal and their

atters of concern regarding energy

among various energy sources regarding these. Includ

a variety of sources to help support your position.

Go through the model essay and label each part of the essaythat answers
these four instructions with the appropriate number. For example:

I ... Others, wary of the potential risks of nuclear power, see a solution in harnessing

the power available through natural sources such as wind or sunlight. Yet, while

such renewable forms of energy have incredible potential and have recently seen

increased investment and innovation, none of them have been shown to be able to

produce energy on a level anywhere close to that currently being consumed around
, the world. Therefore, at least for the time being, despite fears over its safety,

nuclear energy seems to be the only viable option for satisfYing the demands of an

increasingly energy-hungry world while limiting damage to the environment.

One benefit of nuclear power is that it is a much cleaner and safer energy

source than fossil fuels. Nuclear energy emits virtually no environmentally harmful

carbon. British Energy (2005) asserts that the total CO2 emissions from the

T orness nuclear reactor in Scotland are estimated to be just over 5 grams per

kilowatt hour (g/kWh), compared to the 900 g/kWh produced by a coal plant

(p. 6). Indeed, research, ...

30
UNIT

Essay Paragraphs
Part 1 Introductory paragraphs

Part 2 Body paragraphs

Part 3 Logical fallacies

Part 4 Concluding paragraphs

 Par t
Introductory
1 paragraphs

The introductory paragraph should introduce the essay topic and prepare
readers for the contents of the essay. Therefore, there are certain things
writers should consider when making decisions about any introductory
paragraph.

The introductory paragraph can be written before or after the rest of the
essay. Writing it before the rest of the essay follows a logical order, as it is
the first paragraph of the essay, and it also helps to focus the writer on the
specific contents of the essay.When the essay is finished, the writer can revise
the introductory paragraph written at the start to ensure its contents match
the essay. However, if writers do not have fully formed ideas about all the
contents of the essay, they may waste time deciding what to write in the
introductory paragraph.

Therefore:
• write the introductory paragraph without worrying about perfection.
OR
• write the introductory paragraph after writing the body paragraphs.

What to include

What to include in an introductory paragraph depends on the topic, the

type of essay being written, and the target reader. However, in general, the
introductory paragraph should consist of three parts:
1. background on the topic.
2. the writer's thesis.
3. a motive for the essay.

1. Background on the topic

Suitable background is information such as:
• a history of the topic.
• the current situation regarding the topic.
• different perspectives on the topic.
• definitions of key terms.
• statistics.

32
 Unit 2 • Part 1

The following introductory paragraph includes all these features.

Statistics
- the
Demographers predict that the world's population will reach 9 billion by
middle of the twenty-first century. Competition for scarce resources will
______ certainly intensify as a result, with one resource of particular concern: food.
o The United Nations reports that close to a billion people are suffering from
-..

chronic hunger ("Food"). As the population continues to grow, this figure

I is sure to increase, so attempts are being made to meet the demand through
more industrialized food production, which aims for higher and quicker
yields of current food sources. However, industrialization usually requires
History! vast amounts of resources and produces large quantities of greenhouse gases,
current situation leading to concerns over the environmental sustainability of agricultural
industrialization. Therefore, the challenge is not only how to feed the bulging
population, but how to do so sustainably. Perhaps the answer lies not in
trying to produce higher yields of current food sources, but instead in finding
, alternative food sources. One possible solution, then, is entomophagy, the
Definitions of
---I+- scientific term for eating insects. Research has shown that insects have several
key terms
major advantages as a food source in terms of nutrition, cost, safety, and
environmental impact. Of course, it can be argued that the perception of
Different ---I+- insects as disgusting pests means that they will never be considered as a
perspectives source of food in many countries. Yet attempts should be made to change this
negative perception, as entomophagy offers a realistic and sustainable food
source in a world where population increase shows no sign of abating.

Exercise 1 Look at the introductory paragraph of the model essay on page 24. Label
the different parts of the introductory paragraph (follow the example
above).

Selecting background to include

Background information depends on the essay topic. The key question is:

What background information is necessary for readers to understand the

essay contents?

If the essay topic is familiar, provide a brief background and focus on

presenting information which may challenge what readers already believe
about the topic. For example:
Topic: Causes in the rise in worldwide obesity
Thesis: The rise in worldwide obesity rates has less to do with the spread of
American-style fast food, and has more to do with an increase in the
American-style "fast life. "

Readers may be familiar with this issue and have assumptions about its causes.
Appropriate background could be:
• statistics on the rise in worldwide obesity.
• clarification of how many kilograms overweight is considered obese.
• previous assumptions about the causes of obesity, plus a challenge to that
assumption:

33
 ~Although many people blame "fast-food culture" for the rise of obesity in
_____ many parts of the world, new research has revealed that fast-food meals
Assumption have no more calories than home-cooked ones. ~
Challenge

If the topic is less familiar, more background information may be necessary

for the reader to understand the topic. For example:
Topic: Ways to improve the lives of people in developing countries
Thesis: Funding for desalination plants is one way to increase social stability
and economic growth in those areas of the developing world in
need of fresh water, a resource arguably more vital than oil and
more precious than gold.

Readers may be unfamiliar with two key parts of the thesis - the issue of
water shortage and desalination plants. Appropriate background could be:
• the scope of the water shortage problem (e.g., countries affected, how
lives are affected, resulting social and economic problems).
• statistics on water availability.
• a definition and description of "desalination."

Exercise 2 For each thesis statement below, list appropriate background information
to help readers understand the essay topic.

1. Thesis: Arranged marriages are still an integral aspect of many cultures

and actually seem to be more stable than the more modern "love
marriages. "

Background:

2. Thesis: Although people are better informed about other cultures

through the internet, racism and ethnocentrism is apparently increasing,
as people find more opportunities to compare their own culture to that of
others.

Background:

34
 Unit 2 • Part 1

3. Thesis: The argument could be made that nanotechnology has been the
most influential science in the twenty-first century, due to the
number of life-changing pro-ducts developed from it.

Background:

4. Thesis: An analysis of the bodily features of the main actors in the top
25 highest grossing movies of today versus those 30 years ago
indicates some similarities and differences in what is considered
physically attractive in males and females.

Background:

5. Thesis: The vast sums of money spent trying to deter drug trafficking
and drug abuse seem to have had little or no effect, thereby
warranting the implementation of more radical tactics in the
"war on drugs."

Background:

35
 2. The writer's thesis

As explained in Unit 1, the thesis is a clear statement of the writer's position

on the topic. It is often the last sentence of the introductory paragraph.

In the sample paragraph on entomophagy (page 33), the thesis is the last
sentence:

Yet attempts should be made to change this negative perception, as

entomophagy offers a realistic and sustainable food source in a world where
population increase shows no sign of abating.

Everything that follows in the essay should focus on showing how and why
this thesis is valid.

3. A motive for the essay

While the thesis is the writer's position on the topic, the motive is the reason
why it is necessary to take this position or why the topic is worth exploring.
The motive explains to the reader the situation which led to the thesis. A
common indicator of a motive is by the use of the words but, however, or
although.

The following are three common motives for an academic essay:

o There is an issue worthy of debate.

a. Thesis: The internet has made society less efficient, less informed, and
less healthy.

Motive: Some view the internet as an overwhelmingly positive force

which has benefited mankind.

b. Thesis: The concepts of marriage and monogamy evolved from societal

necessities, rather than innate human tendencies.

Motive: It is widely accepted that finding a life partner in marriage

and having children is a natural goal for humans. However,
research has cast doubt on whether or not marriage can be
considered natural.

8 There is a problem requiring a solution or explanation.

a. Thesis: To lower recidivism rates among violent criminals who return

to society, the time they spend in prison should focus on keeping
their mind and body active with productive activities that foster
ambition and self-confidence.

Motive: For most countries, prison is the main means for punishing
criminal behavior and making society safer. However, while
prison does protect society in the short-term by keeping criminals
away from ordinary citizens, incarceration and lengthy prison
sentences seem to be counter-effective in reducing violent crime
rates in the long-term.

36
 Unit 2 • Part 1

b. Thesis: The paradox of increased IT spending by companies but lower

productivity and increased work hours is attributable to a
number of factors related to employer expectations, difficulties
in measuring productivity, and significant shortcomings in
computer-based work.

Motive: The spread of computers should have signaled the dawn of

an era of efficiency in the workplace, leading to increased
productivity and shorter work hours. However, statistics show
that productivity has dropped and work hours have increased
since computers became ubiquitous in offices all around the
developed world.

@) There is information which may aid understanding.

a. Thesis: It is clear that students in families living in poverty have few of

the types of social and parental interactions necessary to
properly prepare them for the challenges of academic study.

Motive: It is well documented that students from impoverished

backgrounds tend to perform poorly in school compared with
their more affluent counterparts. However, while reducing
the cost of education does alleviate some of the financial
burden, research has indicated that certain factors common in
these students' lives outside school have a greater influence on
their poor academic performance.

b. Thesis: A major reason why Western celebrities are popular in Asia but
Asian celebrities are less so in the West is that the Western
cultural products have vastly superior financial and marketing
strength.

Motive: Western athletes, actors, and singers enjoy huge followings all
around Asia. However, attempts by their Asian counterparts to
create similar levels of popularity in the West have met with
minimal success. Part of understanding the appeal of Western
celebrities in Asia requires an examination of the relative power
of their cultural industries.

Look at the introductory paragraph of the model essay on page 24.

1. Underline the motive.

2. Decide which type of motivating point it is, and write the number in the
margin next to the motive.

37
 Exercise 4 For introductory paragraphs a, b, and c below:

1. Underline the motive.

2. Decide which type of motivating point it is, and write the number in the
margin next to the motive.

Example:
Nowhere else in the world do Emperor penguins live, do 4,000 meter-
deep ice sheets exist, do distant galaxies shine brighter, or do winds blow
colder. The extreme climate of the Antarctic and its remote location on
the globe make it an ideal laboratory. Scientific research of such rare
conditions may offer the potential to better understand the entire global
ecosystem. Because of the efforts of scientists and documentarians,
who bring back rare data and footage informing the public about
Antarctica's features and ecosystem, the interest among tourists to see
and experience this unspoiled place has grown exponentially. Many laud
the once-in-a-lifetime trip to Antarctica as experiential education in eco-
tourism. a category of traveling focused on environmental conservation
and minimal invasiveness on a natural area. Tourism dollars are also a
valuable potential source of funds to help finance the many ongoing
scientific experiments being conducted. However. despite these benefits.
the presence of humans in Antarctica. particularly that of tourists. has
been unavoidably intrusive. The sheer number of visitors has resulted in
unprecedented damage to the continent, with scientists warning that,
unless significant measures are taken, the increasing number of tourists
will inevitably bring irreparable future disruptions to the fragile ecosystem
there, with possible ripple effects around the world. As Antarctica has
no government or rule of law to protect itself, the onus is on scientists,
governments, and tour operators to coordinate their efforts to ensure
visitors maximize their travel experience without negatively impacting
Antarctica's environment.

a. Much has been written about the cultural basis of seniority-based versus
merit-based promotion and pay in companies, as well as the benefits and
drawbacks of each system. A seniority-based system is more common in
the East - e.g., Thailand, Japan - where the hard work and loyalty of
company employees are rewarded with increased status and pay as they
get older. While such a system virtually guarantees lifetime employment
for employees, it also often breeds inefficiency and even laziness among
those who feel there is no incentive to do more than what is required of
their position. A merit-based system, however, is prevalent in the West
- e.g., the United States, the U.K. - where productivity is the basis of
position and pay. It gives employees the incentive to work hard and be
innovative, but it also often leads to competition among employees,
resulting in distrust and conflict in the workplace as well as less job
security. Studies have indicated that there seems to be a shift toward a
more merit-based system among companies in the East, but a number of
factors can help determine if such a shift is necessary.or desirable.

38
 Unit 2 • Part 1

b. Since the middle of the twentieth century, Keynesian economic theory has
been the mainstay of governmental policies in regulating the economy.
The theory essentially contends that in times of recession, a free-market
economy may not be able to self-correct naturally, thereby requiring the
government to intervene by trying to stimulate the economy with such
measures as tax and interest rate cuts and increases in spending on various
projects. Although Keynesian policy has been successful in the sense
that there has not yet been a repeat of the Great Depression of 1929,
the lingering effects of the market collapse of 2007-8 and subsequent
recessions have shown that traditional government interventions are
having relatively little effect in turning economies around. An explanation
for this lies in examining particular aspects of modern communication,
especially with regard to the effect of the media and "bandwagon"
behavior.

c. Much credit is given to Hollywood for spreading American culture around

the world through movies and TV shows. However, one might argue that
another American export has had an equally or even more pervasive
effect in capturing the minds and souls of people worldwide: hip-hop.
Hip-hop culture began on the streets of New York in the 1970s, as house
and street parties in black and Hispanic communities provided a venue
for listening to rap music and wearing loose-fitting brand sportswear as
a fashion statement. Since then, hip-hop has won fans around the world,
as youths have adopted its musical, clothing, and speaking styles, while
also combining elements of their own culture. There are a number of
factors which have driven hip-hop's popularity and helped create one of
the world's truly global music styles.

Exercise 5 For each thesis below, write a possible motive.

a. Thesis: Witness testimony in criminal trials can be considered unreliable

due to a number of factors which affect the ability of humans to
accurately recall something or someone.

Motive:

39
 b. Thesis: Developments in traffic management suggest the key to
reducing accidents may be to reduce the number of instructions
given to drivers through road signs.

Motive:

c. Thesis: Despite being costly to host, the Olympics seem to bring a

number of beneficial social effects for the host country.

Motive:

d. Thesis: Traditional styles of medicine have a role to play alongside

modern medical techniques.

Motive:

e. Thesis: More focus should be placed on preventing health problems

rather than dealing with them once they have already occurred.

Motive:

40
Par t

2 Body paragraphs

Purpose and parts

Essaysare organized into a logical flow of information which demonstrates

why the thesis is valid.

( ••Thesis

Topic sentence
••
I
I

~------Supporting sentences

Topic sentence
••
I
I

~------Supporting sentences

Body paragraphs follow the introduction. They form the majority of the essay
because they present all the details supporting the thesis.

A body paragraph contains:

1. A topic sentence. This is usually the first sentence of a body paragraph.
It states the topic and a controlling idea of that paragraph.
2. Supporting sentences. These are claims, evidence, and explanations which
show how the controlling idea supports the essay'sthesis.
3. An optional transitional sentence. This sentence can be at the end or
beginning of a paragraph to indicate one idea is complete and a new one
is beginning.

41
 Topic sentences

Each body paragraph requires a clear topic sentence, which states what the
body paragraph will be about. The sentence includes:
• the topic - the theme of the paragraph which is related to the thesis.
• a controlling idea - the specific focus of the paragraph. All the details in
the body paragraph support the controlling idea.

Here is a thesis and topic sentence from an essay on photography's influence

on art:

Thesis: Photography dramatically influenced artists by a affecting their

subject matter, level of detail, and development of new styles.

Topic sentence:
One effect photographv had on artists was in changing the subjects in their
paintings.

The above topic sentence shows that the paragraph will be:
• linked to the thesis about the "effect photography had on artists."
• specifically about how photography was influential in "changing the
subjects in their paintings."

Topic sentences
• can begin with either the topic or controlling idea.
• should use precise words for stating the topic and controlling idea,
avoiding pronouns such as they, it, or these, or words such as reason,
aspect, or effect when they are not clearly explained.

Examples:
1 It was also a new creative medium for artists.
1 Creating a new medium for artists was also an effect.

These two topic sentences are ineffective because they do not give readers a
clear idea of what the paragraph will be about, nor do they remind readers
what the thesis of the essay is.

./ Photography also inspired artists to explore a new medium by which art

could be created.

This topic sentence is effective because it is clear that the essay is about how
photography affected artists and that the controlling idea of the paragraph
will be about how artists began using photography as a medium to produce
art.

42
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Exercise 1 Read the following topic sentences. Circle the topic and underline the
controlling idea if possible. Decide the effectiveness of each topic
sentence.

1. As of 2008, over half of the people using a social networking service were
over 35 years old.

2. First, cars are safer today than ever before because airbags have become
a standard safety feature.

3. Furthermore, although not an old technology, they have already become

obsolete.

4. Increased productivity in the workplace has been another result of staff

being allowed to use their own tablet computers.

5. Another limitation is that electricity cannot be generated at night.

Relevance

When writing a topic sentence, it is important that the topic sentence shows
its relevance to the essay thesis. Here is a thesis and two topic sentences:

Certain aspects of reality TV shows reflect the American character and

preferences which enable these programs to dominate television ratings in
the u.s.
a. One reason there are so many reality TV shows is that they are relatively
inexpensive to produce.
b. Through reality Til, American society has shown a voyeuristic desire to
look into the lives of other, "ordinary" people.

Topic sentence "a" is irrelevant because, although it is about reality TV shows,

it is not related to the idea of how it reflects the American character. Topic
sentence "b" is relevant because it mentions a specific character trait: being
voyeuristic.

Exercise 2 For each thesis on the next page, read each topic sentence and:

• circle the topic and underline the controlling idea.

• determine if the topic sentence logically supports the thesis by writing

"yes" or "no" in the space next to it.

43
 1. Thesis: Certain aspects of reality TV shows reflect the American
character and preferences which enable these programs to
dominate television ratings in the u.s.
Potential topic sentences:
a. Reality TV has also caught on in Asia, so much so that they have started
their own shows there which are similar or even direct copies of the
original American versions. _

b. Many of the participants in the most popular reality TV shows are there
to achieve status and prestige, which is indicative of what motivates
Americans in general in many aspects of their life. _

c. Almost every major TV network in the u.s. has its own lineup of reality
TV shows, with new ones debuting every season. _

d. Reality TV also highlights the competitive nature of Americans, as many

shows have features which make them as dramatic as sports events.

2. Thesis: With society's high value on personal and environmental health,

an increasing number of people are becoming vegetarians
because of the benefits it brings to individuals and the world's
ecosystem.

Potential topic sentences:

a. Adopting a vegetarian diet is widely believed to reduce the risk of many
illnesses. _

b. Vegetarians used to be known as Pythagoreans, after the ancient Greek

philosopher and mathematician Pythagoras, an early advocate of non-
meat diets. _

c. A vegetarian lifestyle is also seen as fashionable among some young

people.

d. The success of animal rights groups over the last four decades
has created a generation expecting the ethical treatment of animals.

e. Adopting a vegetarian diet is also believed to contribute to a reduction in

greenhouse gases that cause global warming. _

f. In many Western countries, Asian food has become much more popular
due to its perceived health benefits. _

g. Another factor is protecting the balance of the' world's ecosystem.

44
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Supporting sentences and the "waltz"

Supporting sentences follow the topic sentence in a body paragraph. They

provide details that support the controlling idea. To organize these sentences,
use the paragraph "waltz." The waltz is a way to write supporting sentences so
that they work together to logically develop ideas to support the controlling
idea. The waltz has three parts:

Part 1 A claim: a sentence or sentences introducing a specific point

about the controlling idea. One or more claims may
be introduced in a body paragraph.
Part 2 Evidence: a sentence or sentences providing one or more
examples, statistics, or other evidence supporting
each claim.
Part 3 An explanation: a sentence or sentences explaining the meaning
of each claim and evidence, and showing their
significance, relevance, or implication to the
controlling idea.

Examples
a. Part 1: Body paragraph developing one claim for the topic sentence on
page 42.

One effect photography had on artists was in changing the subjects

Topic sentence
in their paintings. Prior to the camera, the subjects in paintings were
often of religion, wealthy people, or landscapes. However, during the
Introducing the
nineteenth century, photographs of ordinary people going about their
claim
everyday lives inspired artists to use these subjects in their paintings.

In this example, the controlling idea in the topic sentence is photography

"changing the subjects in their paintings." The claim, "photographs of
ordinary people going about their everyday lives inspired artists to
use these subjects in their paintings," supports the controlling idea that
photography changed the subjects in paintings. The essaywriter needed
to write two sentences to express this one claim clearly.

45
 b. Part 2: Evidence added to support the claim

One effect photography had on artists was in changing the subjects

in their paintings. Prior to the camera, the subjects in paintings were
Introducing
often of religion, wealthy people, or landscapes. However, during the
the claim
nineteenth century, photographs of ordinary people going about their
everyday lives inspired artists to use these subjects in their paintings.
According to Biggs (2001), The Umbrellas by Pierre-Auguste Renoir, in
which the artist depicts a rainy street scene in Paris, vividly exemplifies
this influence. The people in the painting are not posing. The principal
Evidence female figure and a young girl look out at the viewer as if they notice
supporting
the claim they are being watched while the other figures appear only concerned
about making their way in the rain; one female figure is even shown in
the act of raising her umbrella. Another figure, a man, is shown to be on
the verge of speaking to the principal female figure, which suggests the
painting is like a photograph of people on a typical rainy day.

In this example, the painting The Umbrellas is the evidence which shows
that the claim "ordinary people going about their everyday lives" is true.
The essay writer needed several sentences to describe this evidence
clearly.

c. Part 3: Explanation added to express the significance of the claim and

evidence
The explanation in the waltz is crucial to make the reader understand why or
how the claim and evidence support the controlling idea and the thesis.

One effect photography had on artists was in changing the subjects

in their paintings. Prior to the camera, the subjects in paintings were
often of religion, wealthy people, or landscapes. However, during the
nineteenth century, photographs of ordinary people going about their
everyday lives inspired artists to use these subjects in their paintings.
According to Biggs (2001), The Umbrellas by Pierre-Auguste Renoir, in
which the artist depicts a rainy street scene in Paris, vividly exemplifies
this influence. The people in the painting are not posing. The principal
female figure and a young girl look out at the viewer as if they notice
they are being watched while the other figures appear only concerned
about making their way in the rain; one female figureis even shown in
the act of raising her umbrella. Another figure, a man, is shown to be
on the verge of speaking to the principal female figure, which suggests
the painting is like a photograph of people on a typical rainy day.

46
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Explanation of The result was a revolution in subject matter; the mundane events of
the significance life became interesting subjects, and elevated the common person to
of the claim and
evidence
the status of worthy subject in serious art.

To be effective, the explanation should clearly express the meaning of

the claim and evidence, and show their significance to the controlling
idea. The explanation should not just repeat the claim or evidence. In
this example, the meaning of the claim and evidence is: Photography
caused a "revolution in subject matter" because photographs often
had subjects of common people doing common things, as exemplified
in The Umbrellas, so artists were inspired to also use these same, new
subjects. Therefore, the writer concludes that "the mundane events
of life became interesting subjects, and elevated the common person
to the status of worthy subject in serious art."

d. Parts 2 and 3: Reversed position in a body paragraph

The order of the waltz parts can be changed. A claim usually follows the
topic sentence to clearly establish the specific idea that will be developed.
However, in the following waltz, the evidence and explanation are
reversed.

One effect photography had on artists was in changing the subjects

in their paintings. Prior to the camera, the subjects in paintings were
often of religion, wealthy people, or landscapes. However, during the
nineteenth century, photographs of ordinary people going about their
everyday lives inspired artists to use these subjects in their paintings.
The result was a revolution in subject matter; the mundane events of
Explanation of
the significance of life became interesting subjects, and elevated the common person to the
the claim status of worthy subject in serious art. According to Biggs (2001), The
Umbrellas by Pierre-Auguste Renoir, in which the artist depicts a rainy
Evidence street scene in Paris, vividly exemplifies this influence. The people in
supporting
the painting are not posing. The principal female figure and a young girl
the claim and
explanation look out at the viewer as if they notice they are being watched while
the other figures appear only concerned about making their way in the
rain; one female figure is even shown in the act of raising her umbrella.
Another figure, a man, is shown to be on the verge of speaking to the
principal female figure, which suggests the painting is like a photograph
of people on a typical rainy day.

It is the writer's decision how to arrange the evidence and explanation

parts in body paragraphs. In this example, the explanation is presented
before the evidence. The writer may have decided that putting the
explanation before the evidence was more effective in supporting the
claim, or wanted to avoid repeating the same waltz organization in each
body paragraph.

47
 e. Body paragraphs with multiple claims
In a body paragraph with more than one claim, simply start a new waltz with
the next claim.

At the beginning of the twentieth century, the mass-production of

Topic sentence
cameras contributed to making society more equal. First, with George

1st claim Eastman's development of photographic film in 1885, cameras became

cheaper. For example, released in 1900, the Kodak Brownie was the
Evidence for
1st claim world's first mass-produced camera. It sold for only $1 and became an
immediate success with millions sold (McDougal, 2001). The result of
these inexpensive cameras was that photography became a new leisure
Significance of 1st
activity accessible to all. People from all social classes could now afford
claim and evidence
to participate in an activity previously reserved for those with the free
time and wealth needed to take pictures. In addition, these cameras were
2nd claim easy to use and produced inexpensive photos, which led to the idea of
the "snapshot." Wilson (2003) describes snapshots as photos of everyday
Evidence for events such as birthday parties and other celebrations, animals, or travel
2nd claim
destinations, characterized by their amateurish technique, spontaneity,
and low picture quality. The ease of taking snapshots allowed everyone
Significance of 2nd
claim and evidence to record the unique events of their own lives. In short, mass-produced
cameras played a role in equalizing society by allowing all social classes
Implications of 1st to pursue the same hobby, and by empowering ordinary people to
and 2nd claim and
visually express and document their own lives for the first time.
evidence

48
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Exercise 3 Read the following thesis statement. Put the sentences for a body
paragraph supporting this thesis into a logical order by numbering them
1-9.

Thesis: Preventable diseases are a major cause of poverty in developing

countries.

Body paragraph sentences:

____ With no investment in infrastructure projects or business ventures,

entire regions remain isolated and backwards because of the threat of malaria.

This impact on people results in a significant reduction in

productivity and lost income, and inhibits daily commercial activity.

____ In all, malaria, a disease seen as a result of poverty, is also a

significant contributor to poverty throughout the developing world.

____ First, communicable diseases such as malaria negatively affect the

workforce.

____ The World Bank (2007) found that in areas where malaria outbreaks
are commonly reported, investment from both domestic and international
sources are virtually non-existent.

____ The presence of malaria also prevents larger scale economic

development through discouraging investment.

____ Moreover, malaria prevents many people in developing regions

who work from their homes from participating in the day-to-day commerce
of their community.

____ The presence of disease limits the economic growth of many

developing countries.

____ The World Health Organization (2010) estimates that malaria alone
accounts for nearly 40 percent of absenteeism among workers in developing
countries.

49
 Exercise 4 Develop the ideas in the following body paragraphs.

1. Write an explanation in a body paragraph from an essay about the

benefits of nuclear power.

One of the main benefits of nuclear power is

Topic sentence
that it is relatively clean.

Nuclear power does not produce the same level

Claim
of atmospheric pollution as fossil fuels.

Burning fossil fuels produces 21 billion tons of

Evidence carbon dioxide every year, and the planet can
only absorb about half of that amount.

Explanation

2. Write a claim and explanation for a body paragraph from an essay about
making driving tests more difficult for older people:

Another reason for making the driving test

Topic sentence more difficult for older people is that it would
likely increase road safety.

Claim

After about 60 years of age, people experience

declines in reflexes, strength, eyesight, memory,
Evidence
concentration, and judgment as a result of the
natural aging process.

Explanation

50
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Exercise 5 Write two logically organized and developed body paragraphs supporting
the following thesis. Use the information provided to help write each
paragraph.

Thesis: Globalization is essentially Americanization, as U.S. culture has

become a part of the daily lives of people in countries around the
world.

1. Information:
McDonald's now operates over 25,000 restaurants worldwide, and opens
six new ones per day.

Topic sentence

Claim

Evidence

Explanation

2. Information:
About two-thirds of movie ticket sales around the world are for films
made in the United States.

Topic sentence

Claim

Evidence

Explanation

51
 Transitional sentences

Transitional sentences can be placed at the end of a body paragraph, or at the

beginning before the topic sentence. These sentences can be useful to:
• prepare the reader for a change in ideas.
• add emphasis to the new idea.

Here is an example of a transitional sentence placed at the end of a paragraph.

One effect photography had on artists was in changing the subjects

in their paintings. Prior to the camera, the subjects in paintings were
often of religion, wealthy people, or landscapes. However, during the
nineteenth century, photographs of ordinary people going about their
everyday lives inspired artists to use these subjects in their paintings.
According to Biggs (2001), The Umbrellas by Pierre-Auguste Renoir, in
which the artist depicts a rainy street scene in Paris, vividly exemplifies
this influence. The people in the painting are not posing. The principal
female figure and a young girl look out at the viewer as if they notice
they are being watched while the other figures appear only concerned
about making their way in the rain; one female figure is even shown in
the act of raising her umbrella. Another figure, a man, is shown to be
on the verge of speaking to the principal female figure, which suggests
the painting is like a photograph of people on a typical rainy day. The
result was a revolution in subject matter; the mundane events of life
became interesting subjects and elevated the common person to the
status of worthy subject in serious art. Yet, photographs were perhaps
more influential in prompting an even greater impact on art: detail.
The camera also allowed painters to depict a greater level of detail
previously not possible. Before photographs, ...

Alternatively, the transitional sentence can be placed at the beginning of

a paragraph:

... The result was a revolution in subject matter; the mundane events of
life became interesting subjects and elevated the common person to the
status of worthy subject in serious art.
Yet, photographs were perhaps more influential in prompting an
even greater impact on art: detail. The camera allowed painters to depict
a greater level of detail previously not possible. Before photographs, ...

52
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Body paragraphs without topic sentences

Some body paragraphs have a controlling idea that requires many claims to
support it. In these situations, it may be necessary to spread these claims over
more than one paragraph. When more than one body paragraph develops
the same controlling idea, only the first paragraph requires a complete topic
sentence. The additional paragraphs can begin with a claim that supports the
controlling idea from the previous paragraph.

In the essay in Exercise 6, body paragraph 6 has the topic sentence:

The Antarctic ecosystem is also threatened by environmental hazards brought

by the increasing stream of tourists.

Body paragraph 7 continues to support the same controlling idea of

threatened by environmental hazards, so it begins another waltz with
another supporting claim:

Moreover, the threat of invasive microbes and other unseen organisms

presents a major problem to the safety of the environment.

In the above claim, invasive microbes and other unseen organisms supports
the controlling idea of threatened by environmental hazards.

Exercise 6 In the following essay:

1. Identify the topic and controlling idea in each body paragraph topic
sentence.

2. Choose one body paragraph and identify the claim(s), evidence, and
explanation parts of that paragraph.

3. Identify any transitional sentences in the essay.

Essay prompt:

The increase in tourism to Antarctica in recent decades has been a controversial

issue. Outline the problems that tourism has created in the Antarctic region, and
propose solutions that would address these problems.

Nowhere else in the world do Emperor penguins live, do 4,000

meter-deep ice sheets exist, do distant galaxies shine brighter, or do winds
blow colder. The extreme climate of the Antarctic and its remote location
on the globe make it an ideal laboratory. Scientific research of such rare
conditions may offer the potential to better understand the entire global
ecosystem. Because of the efforts of scientists and documentarians, who
bring back rare data and footage informing the public about Antarctica's
features and ecosystem, the interest among tourists to see and experience

53
 this unspoiled place has grown exponentially. Many laud the once-in-
a-lifetime trip to Antarctica as experiential education in eco-tourism, a
category of traveling focused on environmental conservation and minimal
invasiveness on a natural area. Tourism dollars are also a valuable potential
source of funds to help finance the many ongoing scientific experiments
being conducted. However, despite these benefits, the presence of humans
in Antarctica, particularly that of tourists, has been unavoidably intrusive.
The sheer number of visitors has resulted in unprecedented damage to the
continent, with scientists warning that, unless significant measures are taken,
the increasing number of tourists will inevitably bring irreparable future
disruptions to the fragile ecosystem there, with possible ripple effects around
the world. As Antarctica has no government or rule of law to protect itself,
the onus is on scientists, governments, and tour operators to coordinate their
efforts to ensure visitors maximize their travel experience without negatively
impacting Antarctica's environment.
One of the main problems tourists cause in Antarctica is the disruption
of scientific research being conducted there. While scientific study in
Antarctica was once the main purpose for human presence there, science
seems to have given way to tourism. In fact, from 1990, the number of
tourists began to increase to a point where their numbers now exceed the
number of scientists (Shaik, 2010). Initially, this was welcomed by research
staff whose projects saw a potential funding boost through an increase in
visitors, and scientists who stay in Antarctica all year round welcomed the
idea of more human contact (Larson, 2012). However, it quickly became
apparent that the large number of tourists was beginning to have negative
impacts on the scientists. According to American University, which funds
research in the Antarctic, independent tour companies are often unaware
of research schedules and bring hundreds of tourists to scientific sites
requesting explanations and tours (Grall, 1992). In addition, scientific staff
sometimes have to stop their work to aid tourists who have either ignored
the risks or underestimated the extreme conditions of Antarctica. They have
had to participate in the rescue of pilots who crashed attempting to break
records, or other adventurers who were not prepared for the harsh exposure
while trekking in the cold (Tourists in Antarctica, 2009). All of these
disruptions take scientists away from their experiments, cost money, delay
important results, and potentially endanger their lives.
A solution to the problem of having scientists attend to the throngs
of tourists is increased cooperation between the tour organizers and
researchers. Science-based charities or NGOs can actively promote their
research facilities as tourist destinations to ensure minimal interference with
research projects. In the Canadian low arctic, for example, a research charity
attracts, houses, educates, and leads tourists around the area - all under
the supervision of experts at the research station. The funds generated in
doing this finance the charity and its research while completely controlling
the impact of tourists (Churchill Northern, 2007). Likewise, the Chilean
government minimizes the impact of tourists who come through their

54
 Unit 2 • Part 2

program by confining their visit to its own facilities. Each facility houses
and manages the visitors, and the scientists at each station educate and
lead tours based on the research focus of each station (Antarctica annual,
2005). By exercising stricter controls and reducing experimental disruptions,
operations such as these seem ideal for properly maintaining a workable
balance between research and tourism in Antarctica.
Unfortunately, safeguarding scientific efforts in Antarctica amounts to
very little if tourists can still disrupt the ecosystem from which all their data
are gathered. Therefore, tourism's impact on the ecosystem is perhaps even
more worrying than its disruptions of ongoing experiments. The effect that
the now nearly 45,000 annual tourists have had on the wildlife in this fragile
environment has become a serious concern (Shaik, 2010). Hoping to view
the unique animals of the Antarctic, eco-tourists often venture too closely
to their habitats or nesting grounds. In addition, although a portion claim
to have had some environmental sensitivity training prior to departure,
the presence of tourists, regardless of whether they venture too close to
the animals or stand at a distance, has been proven to cause stress among
the wildlife. Gene S. Fowler (1999), from the University of Washington,
documented elevated levels of adrenalin that Magellanic penguins produced
upon being excited or scared by a human. It took some birds, especially
those that saw humans at irregular intervals, months to recover from their
symptoms of shock at these encounters. Similar problems were also found
among animals living in areas frequented by humans, even though these
animals are presumed by many to be "used to" tourists. According to
Trathan, Forcada, Atkinson, Downie, and Shears (2008), the presence of too
many humans was the likeliest contributor to a significant drop in gentoo
penguin breeding in colonies most exposed to tourists. The delicate balance
of natural cues for animals to nest and mate successfully can be all too easily
disturbed by the presence of tourists. And the resultant population swings,
particularly in an environment as fragile as Antarctica, could directly affect
the stability of other animal populations connected through the food chain,
leading to a vicious cycle that could reverberate throughout the ecosystem.
Most tour operators do have guidelines for tourists intended to
prevent disruption to the ecosystem, but it is apparent that much more needs
to be done to ensure guidelines are followed. Over the years, researchers
have catalogued increasingly numerous incidents of tourists showing either
.no knowledge of or complete disregard for the visitor guidelines. Tourists
often walked dangerously among Weddell seals on the beach, or ventured to
within one foot of a penguin's nest for a photo (Grall, 1992; Shaik, 2010),
despite the official guidelines of the International Association of Antarctica
Tour Operators (IAATO), which advise no closer than 15 feet (Guidelines,
2012). Similarly, reports of other violations include tourists trying to feed
penguins, and numerous incidents of tourists chasing seabirds to make them
scatter and flyaway for a photo (Trathan et aI., 2008). Clearly, the self-
regulation of these tour operators is ultimately inadequate in controlling
the misdemeanors of tourists. Therefore, regulation should come from the

55
 individual governments of the tour operators. Licensing of tour operators
should depend on how well they enforce the guidelines for behavior among
participants in their tours.
The Antarctic ecosystem is also threatened by environmental hazards
brought by the increasing stream of tourists. A number of the tourist
cruise ships visiting the area have been damaged by jagged ice, causing
oil to gush out into the water. The Associated Press (2007) reported one
notable example of a cruise ship which sank in Antarctic waters, releasing
over 210,000 liters of diesel, 24,000 liters of lubricant, and 1,000 liters of
gasoline into the surrounding water, threatening thousands of penguins
en route to the continent for mating season. There has been at least one
other report of a ship sinking, and several reports of ships coming too
close to shore and running aground (Shaik, 2010). With the presence of
more and more vessels, it would only require a few more incidents like
these to poison marine life such as krill and plankton, thereby irreparably
damaging the food chain. In addition to that from ships, waste from the
numerous research and tourist stations pollutes the land. Marcus Zylkstra,
an environmentalist in Antarctica, has criticized the condition of a number
of American stations as having "decades' worth of human excrement,
sewage, gas and oil leaking from broken-down and abandoned vehicles,
and numerous piles of discarded garbage and debris" (as cited in Arroyo &
Duque, 2004, p. 52). The extent to which biological and chemical pollutants
have continued to find their way into the environment shows the lack of
responsibility and coordination by the humans using this fragile land.
Moreover, the threat of invasive microbes and other unseen organisms
presents a major problem to the safety of the environment. Larson (2012)
reports that microbes from foreign environments cling to the boots and
jackets of disembarking visitors and infect the flora and fauna in potentially
unpredictable ways. Studies have confirmed that virtually every visitor
coming to the region carries a plethora of microscopic life forms alien to
Antarctica. In addition, tourists unknowingly transport tiny seeds which are
carried in their clothing (Askin, 2012). Indeed, Arroyo and Duque (2004)
found one invasive species of grass taking root in Antarctica believed to
have been introduced via seeds from tourists, and have warned that seeds
from "the Iceland Poppy, Tall Fescue Velvet grass and Annual Winter
Grass - all from cold climates and capable of growing in Antarctica" (p.
57) have been found, and their spread may threaten the few native grass
species. Snyder (2007) further asserted that native Antarctic grass species
are particularly vulnerable because they have never had to compete against
other species, so they would be easily overrun by the more aggressive
invasive strains. Therefore, introducing even just a few organisms of a
foreign species is enough to wreak havoc on the ecosystem. In total, the
potential for a takeover by invasive species combined with the multitude of
environmental pollutants unleashed into the Antarctic environment make
human activity a real threat to the entire ecological balance of the continent.

56
 Unit 2 • Part 2

Coordinated efforts between tour operators, their governments, and

the scientists stationed in Antarctica could be quite helpful in addressing
the threat of environmental hazards. An alliance between scientists and the
tourism industry would aid in facilitating the removal of waste produced by
humans. The arrival and departure dates could be shared among scientists
and tour operators, and tour boats could be responsible for carrying waste
with them after they depart. Clearly, the regular removal of biological and
other waste would reduce the risk of environmental contamination. Formal
cooperation between science and tourism could also decrease the chances
of the accidental release of foreign microbes. Tour operators could provide
their own outerwear for exclusive use in Antarctica to limit the risk of
contamination, and scientists could take further measures to check and
disinfect other possessions the tourists might bring. Individual governments
can further aid efforts to stop contamination by making strict licensing
requirements for the tour operators. Many governments already adhere to
the established guidelines for scientific cooperation (Australian Antarctic
Division, 20lla; Australian Antarctic Division, 20llb; The Secretariat of
the Antarctic Treaty, 2011), and this could act as a basis for all governments
involved in Antarctic tourism to cooperatively monitor their tour companies.
One especially important requirement is a limit on the number of people
allowed to embark on a tour at anyone time. Restricting this number would
ensure that large ships, which require heavily toxic fuels, are not used in
the tours (International Maritime Organization, 2011). Only smaller ships
running on lighter and less toxic fuel would be allowed in Antarctic waters,
thereby controlling the risk of devastating and irreparable damage to the
ecosystem caused by an accident.
In the end, although science was the original reason for the constant
presence of humans in Antarctica, the allure of exploring what many
consider Earth's last natural frontier is attracting adventurous tourists in
increasing numbers. While the arrival of tourists in any part of the world
inevitably has its pros and cons, the potential negative effects of tourism
on Antarctica, from the disruptions of its wildlife to pollution of its soil
and water, could be devastating to the delicate ecosystem. Despite these
concerns, tourism need not be stopped. Through cooperation and the
strict enforcement of rules, these issues can be overcome so both scientists
and tourists may satisfy their interest in Antarctica while minimizing their
effect on it. It is only with a concerted effort from all parties involved that
Antarctica's pristine environment can be preserved, rather than become a
casualty of human self-interest.

57
 References

Antarctica annual turnover 900 million U.S. dollars. (2005, March 31).
MercoPress. Retrieved from http://en.mercopress.coml2005/03/31/
antarctica-annual-turnover-900-million-us-dollars

Arroyo, C. & Duque, H. (2004). Environmental tragedies in the

southern reaches: The human impact on Antarctica. Nuestra Unica
Tierra. 3(1), 46-58.

Askin, P. (2012, March 6). Alien invasion a threat to Antarctic ecosystem.

Reuters. Retrieved from http://www.reuters.com/articleI2012/03/06/us-
antarctic-seeds-idUSTRE82504V20120306

Associated Press. (2007, November 6). Sunken Antarctic cruise ship

left oil spill. msnbc.com. Retrieved from http://www.msnbc.msn.coml
idl22039975/

Australian Antarctic Division. (20lla). Australia continues to lead the

way in Antarctica. Retrieved from http://www.antarctica.gov.aulmedial
news/20l1/ australia -continues-to-lead -the-way-in -antarctica

Australian Antarctic Division. (20llb). Training. Retrieved from

http://www.antarctica.gov.aulliving-and-working/training

Churchill Northern Studies Centre. (2007, March 7). Unique learning

vacations. Retrieved from http://www.churchillscience.calindex.
php?page=vacations

Fowler, G. S. (1999). Behavioral and hormonal responses ofMagellanic

penguins (Spheniscus magellanicus) to tourism and nest site visitation.
Biological Conservation, 90(2), 143-149.

Grall, J. (1992, September). Antarctic tourism impacts. TED Case Studies,

2(1). Retrieved from http://www1.american.edulTED/antarct.htm

Guidelines for Visitors to the Antarctic (2012). International Association

of Antarctica Tour Operators (IAATO). Retrieved from http://iaato.
org/cldocument_library/get_file?uuid=aedl054d-3e63-4a17-a6cd-
a87beb15e2878qgroupId=10157

International Maritime Organization. (2011, July 29). Antarctic foeloil

ban and North American EGA MARPOL amendments enter intoforce
on 1 August 2011 [Press Release]. Retrieved from http://www.imo.org/
MediaCentrelPressBriefingslPages/ 44- MARPO L-amends. aspx

Larson, S. (2012, May 11). More tourists head to Antarctica, affecting

the region's ecosystem and science. Peninsula Press. Retrieved from
http://peninsulapress.com/2012/05/11/ more-tourists- head -to-antarctica-
affecting- the-regions -ecosystem -and -science/

58
 Unit 2 • Part 2

The Secretariat of the Antarctic Treaty. (2011). Environmental protection.

Retrieved from http://www.ats.aq/e/ats_environ.htm

Shaik, A. (2010, May 4). Antarctic wanderlust. EJ Magazine, 2010,

Spring. Retrieved from http://news.jrn.msu.edulejmagazine/2010/05/04/
antarctic-wanderlust-a-booming-tourism-industry-may-harm-
earth%E2%80%99s-southernmost-continent!

Snyder,]. (2007). Tourism in the polar regions: The sustainability

challenge. The United Nations Environment Programme.

Tourists in Antarctica cause of major concern. (2009, December 21).

ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/
12/091221130220.htm

Trathan, P. N., Forcada,]., Atkinson, R, Downie, R H., & Shears,

]. R (2008). Population assessments of gentoo penguins (Pygoscelis
papua) breeding at an important Antarctic tourist site, Goudier Island,
Port Lockroy, Palmer Archipelago, Antarctica. Biological Conservation,
141(12),3019-3028.

59
 Par t

3 Logical fallacies

Part 2 introduced how to develop controlling ideas using claims, evidence,

and explanations. It is essential that these arguments are developed logically.
Mistakes with the logical connections in an argument are known as logical
fallacies and should be avoided when writing an essay.

In general, logical fallacies result from:

1. overgeneralization - the reason and/or the conclusion are too broad to be
accurate.
2. irrelevance - the reason for the conclusion is not relevant.

Overgeneralization

1. Fallacy of division
The characteristics of a small sample are inaccurately transferred to a whole
group.

Examples:
Because the minister of finance was discovered to be corrupt, the public
should not trust politicians.

This argument assumes that because one politician is corrupt, all politicians
are therefore corrupt.

Since the majority of drug traffickers are foreigners, the government should
impose restrictions on the number of immigrants allowed into the country.

Not every foreigner is a drug trafficker, but the illegal actions of a few are
leading to demands for sweeping regulations for all foreigners .

..

60
 Unit 2 • Part 3

2. False cause

The cause of something has not been proven or cannot be proven.

Examples:
People are unemployed because they do not want to accept jobs which pay
low wages.

There may be many causes of unemployment, such as lack of job experience,

poor education, or few job opportunities. Essaytopics often deal with complex
problems which cannot be explained with one definitive reason.

The number of people visiting a psychologist regularly has increased

significantly since the introduction of Freud's theories at the beginning of the
twentieth century. This shows that psychotherapy is an effective treatment
for mental illnesses.

This argument claims that a rise in people seeing psychologists means that
psychotherapy is effective. However, this conclusion is an overgeneralization
about the cause of this rise. The effectiveness of psychotherapy often
depends more on the results of the therapy rather than the number of people
visiting therapists. Moreover, a rise in the number of people in therapy could
be attributable to a population increase, or perhaps an increase in stress in
people's lives.

3. False dichotomy

Only two options are presented, "either X or Y." However, in reality more
than two options exist.

Examples:
In order to prevent an increase in the number of road users, it is essential
to reduce public transportation fees. The alternative to a fee reduction is
congestion and delays resulting from an increase in traffic.

This argument presents reducing fees as one option, and the only other
option (or result) will be increased congestion. However, other measures to
reduce congestion are possible.

Those who are proficient English speakers are likely to be prepared for the
intense negotiations involved in global business, while those who are not
proficient at English are bound to succumb to the pressures of international
negotiations.

This argument assumes that there are only two types of people - a good
negotiator who is proficient at English and a poor negotiator who is not
proficient at English. However, such an overgeneralization ignores the other
skills necessary to be a good negotiator, such as the ability to think logically,
to empathize with one's counterpart, and to make proposals which may bring
agreement.

61
 Exercise 1 Identify the logical fallacy in the following examples.

1. Another significant teenage health issue the government should address

is alcohol consumption. Health care professionals report increasing
alcohol consumption among teenagers. This is particularly a problem
because in some cases it leads to violence, absenteeism from school,
and criminal behavior such as vandalism {Report on youth, 2004). \t is
important that the government increase awareness among young people
of the dangers that may come from excessive drinking. Without this kind
of preventative education, the problem will increase. Special government-
appointed health advisors in schools should provide detailed lectures to
all high school students which promote a better understanding of the
effects of alcohol on the human body. This should be supplemented by
an advertising campaign in which popular celebrities clearly explain the
reasons for the legal drinking age and highlight the negative effects of
alcohol on teenage bodies.

2. The increase in levels of violence portrayed in movies is well documented.

Furthermore, research by Wills and Stanford (2008) shows that in the
highest grossing movies of the 1990s, the immediate consequences of
violence were portrayed significantly less than in previous decades. They
conclude that "the role of violence in blockbuster movies moved from
a plot device to merely an additional element of entertainment." This
produced a kind of cultural desensitization to violence which led to an
increase in the number of violent assaults in urban areas during the same
time period.

3. One source of environmental damage is industrial pollution to rivers. A

2008 investigation by the Organization for Nature Protection described
the case of a large textile company polluting the environment. This
company was found to have released amounts of chemicals into nearby
rivers which were above the limits set by law. Examples such as this
demonstrate that more significant punishments need to be put in place
to make sure that large companies follow legal guidelines.

Irrelevance

1. Straw man

The opposing argument is represented inaccurately so it can be easily defeated.

Examples:
The reason that people support the decision to wage war is because they wish
to see the destruction of other countries.

This is an extreme representation of the opinions of people who support wars.

It is likely to be untrue. .

62
 Unit 2 • Part 3

Public works projects such as bridges, highways, tunnels, and dams are an
ideal way to keep a country's population employed. People opposed to such
types of government spending probably put nature over the welfare of the
population.

It is inaccurate to claim that those opposed to government spending on public

works projects don't care about people's welfare. They may simply believe
that this kind of spending is wasteful, and that there are better ways the
money could be used to keep people employed.

2. Slippery slope

The argument assumes that one thing occurring will inevitably lead to a
number of other things occurring.

Examples:
Taxpayers will suffer if the government increases wages for teachers because
it will eventually increase wages for every other kind of public servant. This
will cost a huge amount of money taxpayers cannot afford.

If the government raises teachers' wages, it does not automatically mean

that it will have to raise the wages of other kinds of public servants. The
argument would be improved if the conclusion was less extreme. It would
also be improved if it explained how raising wages of one group of public
servants could lead to pressure to raise the wages of other public servants
who feel they also deserve raises.

If same sex marriage is permitted, then soon traditional families will cease to
exist.

This argument assumes that if same sex couples are allowed to marry, it will
cause a chain of events that will make traditional marriages disappear. This
is illogical.

3. False appeal

An unrelated authority or reason is cited to support an argument.

Examples:
Children should learn to play soccer at school because it is the most popular
sport in the world.

Just because an activity is popular is not a sufficient reason to do it. Further

evidence should be provided (e.g., the possible health or social benefits of
playing soccer).

One way to improve education in high school is to replace traditional

textbooks with tablet computers. In fact, a survey showed that 95 percent of
high school students support such an idea.

63
 While high school students may have some valid ideas on how to improve
education, they may have a variety of reasons for wanting a tablet computer
not necessarily education related (e.g., to play games, to not have to carry
a load of books). There are other people who are likely to have more
knowledge on whether or not using tablet computers in classrooms would
actually improve education, such as educational researchers and teachers.

4. Circular reasoning

The conclusion is the same as the original argument.

Examples:
She was elected because she was the most popular choice among voters.

Being elected is the same as being most popular among voters. The argument
needs to explain why she is popular with voters.

Becoming bilingual should be a requirement for all foreign ministers, as they

will be able to speak two languages.

Speaking two languages is the definition of bilingualism. An explanation

of why bilingualism should be required by foreign ministries needs to be
provided.

5. Non-sequitur

There is no connection or a very weak connection between the reason and

the conclusion.

Examples:
The previous financial recession was caused by rapid inflation. Therefore, the
current recession cannot be the result of low wages.

The fact that a past recession was caused by one factor does not mean that a
current recession cannot be caused by a different reason.

Japan's population began declining as the country became more affluent

and more women became educated and career-minded. It stands to reason,
then, that with more wealth and improved educational and employment
opportunities for women, countries in Africa will experience a population
decline.

Population trends are caused by a complex variety of factors specific to a

country. It is not logical to assume that the circumstances in Japan will be the
same allover Africa.

64
 Unit 2 • Part 3

Exercise 2 Identify the logical fallacy in the following paragraphs and suggest a
way to improve the argument.

1. Figures from elementary school exams demonstrate that grades

in mathematics have been at a record low for the last three years.
Consequently, the Ministry of Education needs to make mathematics the
primary focus of elementary school education. Mathematics is necessary
for many important everyday tasks, such as purchasing goods, deciding
journey times, and checking salary payments. If young children are not
taught the foundations of mathematics, they will carry this weakness
over as they grow older, and after they graduate from school and enter
society, they will carry out daily tasks inefficiently, resulting in many
wasted hours of work time.

2. Major media companies are applying pressure on official legislative

bodies to impose stricter fines - and even prison sentences - on individuals
who download copyrighted material. Despite the argument from media
companies that current laws are not effective, increasing punishments
would be too extreme. There is a widespread consensus that the existing
legal boundaries are fair. Public opinion surveys from the past decade
demonstrate that between 60 and 70 percent of the population support
the existing copyright laws.

3. The evidence suggests that the most effective way to help a country win
more medals at the Olympic Games is to recruit children who show great
promise as athletes. These children could be placed in special training
academies, which would accelerate the improvement of their skills to a
world-class level quickly and effectively. However, some people disagree
with this proposal because they lack a sense of patriotism, as shown by
their lack of concern for their country's success in international sports
competitions.

4. Basketball has shown itself to be an enduringly popular spectator sport.

The appeal of watching basketball lies in the game's high scores. Sports
Eye magazine reports that an average of 83 points has been scored per
game over the previous five seasons (8). Fans enjoy watching teams score
continuously throughout the game. It is precisely these high scores that
attract fans of all ages to the sport.

5. One area in which zoos are particularly useful is for schoolchildren. For
instance, it is common for classes of children to visit zoos to get practical
experience which supplements what they are learning about in biology
classes. Indeed, many zoos offer discounts for groups of students in order
to encourage their use as an educational tool. Prices may be lowered by
up to 50 percent if groups of students are accompanied by a teacher. As
a result, children can receive information and education that they would
not be able to find in textbooks.

65
 Exercise 3 Identify the reasons and conclusions in the following arguments. Decide
whether or not they contain logical fallacies.

Example:
In a recent survey of university students, almost half reported spending
more time doing club activities than preparing for classes. Clearly,
university students do not feel that the information they are learning in
their classesis valuable.

Reason: Half of students spend more time on club activities than

preparation.

Conclusion: Students do not feel classesare valuable.

This is a false cause. The evidence does not provide reasons why students
spend more time on club activities. Some students may feel that the
contents of their classes are not valuable, but there are many other
reasons affecting how students choose to use their time.

1. The right of pol iceofficers to carry weapons becamea controversial issue

last week after the police shot and killed an unarmed man. It can be
argued that police officers require more training before they can be
allowed to do police work. Their current training has been shown to be
inadequate.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

2. U.S. military spending accounts for approximately 40 percent of total

military expenditure in the world, more than four times the amount of
the next biggest country. This is why the United States is the strongest
military power in the world.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

66
 Unit 2 • Part 3

3. Cycling is a less environmentally damaging method of transportation

compared to driving. Employees who cycle to work are more concerned
about environmental matters than people who live a similar distance
from work but drive to their offices.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

4. Many companies have a policy of encouraging traditional styles of gray

and black clothing during the autumn season. However, fashion designer
Clare Hall believes that the pastel autumn colors are also suitable for
casual business environments. It is time for companies to change the
limited view of what constitutes appropriate business attire.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

5. Many teachers in public schools are unhappy with their working

conditions, so if the government does not increase wages for teachers,
many of them will quit and search for jobs in other fields.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

6. A rise in student exam scores over the last few years demonstrates that
these examinations have become easier.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

67
 7. Windows is a superior computer operating system because it is the
biggest selling and most widely used computer system in the world.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

8. Four of the top 20 countries in Asia in terms of gross domestic product

(GOP) are Japan, China, Korea, and Malaysia. This shows how vital
exports are to this region of the world.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

9. As the possibility of illegal music downloading has increased, revenues

from CD sales have dropped steadily. Therefore, music companies could
increase CD sales by convincing governments to introduce measures to
reduce levels of illegal downloading.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

10. The U.N. has reported that industrialized countries waste 30 percent of
edible food annually while over one billion people living in poverty are
unable to get enough to eat every day. Reducing food waste will help
alleviate the problem of the starving poor.

Reason: _

Conclusion: _

68
Par t

4 Concluding paragraphs

The concluding paragraph signals to readers that the essay is coming to a

close. An effective conclusion reinforces the essay's arguments and leaves a
positive final impression on the reader. In fact, the conclusion is often what
readers remember the most, as it is the last thing they read.

The concluding paragraph:

1. reminds the reader of the position in the thesis and the main points from
each paragraph.
2. leaves the reader with a final thought.

Below is the concluding paragraph from the essay on page 53.

I In the end, although science was the original reason for the constant
presence of humans in Antarctica, the allure of exploring what many
consider Earth's last natural frontier is attracting adventurous tourists in
increasing numbers. While the arrival of tourists in any part of the world
inevitably has its pros and cons, the potential negative effects of tourism
Position /
on Antarctica, from the disruptions of its wildlife to pollution of its soil
main points
and water, could be devastating to the delicate ecosystem. Despite these
concerns, tourism need not be stopped. Through cooperation and the strict
enforcement of rules, these issues can be overcome so both scientists and
tourists may satisfy their interest in Antarctica while minimizing their
\ effect on it. It is only with a concerted effort from all parties involved that
Final thought Antarctica's pristine environment can be preserved, rather than become a
casualty of human self-interest.

69
 An effective final thought

The following techniques and examples show how effective conclusions can
be made.

1. Re-emphasize the importance of the issue or the position taken:

It is only with a concerted effort from all parties involved that Antarctica's
pristine environment can be preserved, rather than become a casualty
of human self-interest.

2. Make a prediction based on the facts:

However, if no effort is made to mitigate the harmful effects tourism is
causing on Antarctica, future scientists may be left researching
environmental destruction rather than environmental purity.

3. Make a recommendation for further action:

Ultimately, individual governments of countries from which tours originate
will need to take the lead and enforce harsher penalties to ensure
protection is not compromised for the sake of profit.

4. Assessthe value of the arguments in the essay:

Human presence is bound to alter Antarctica's landscape and ecosystem to
some degree, but exclusion is neither practical nor desirable. Therefore,
given the circumstances, coordinated efforts will surely help guarantee
Antarctica's purity can be explored and enjoyed by future generations of
scientists and tourists.

What to avoid in the concluding paragraph

The following information is not suitable in a concluding paragraph:

1. New information - the conclusion should focus on only the arguments

presented in the body of the essay. Any new information will distract the
reader and reduce the impact of the essay.

For example:
Global warming is sure to increase if nothing is done to protect Antarctica.
(No mention was made in the essay of global warming, so mentioning it
in the conclusion is inappropriate.)

2. Empty statements - avoid obvious statements that the reader already

knows and vague statements which do not say anything about the topic.

For example:
The evidence shows that tourism in Antarctica is a difficult problem.
(Most issues worthy of academic analysis are difficult to solve, so there is
no need to state the obvious.)

Nature is a precious resource that is important for everyone.

(This point is obvious and offers no further insight.)

70
 Unit 2 • Part 4

Exercise 1 These concluding paragraphs relate to the introductory paragraphs in

Exercise4 on page 38. Write an effective final thought for each.

1. As the evidence shows, more companies which had traditionally been

seniority-based are switching to a merit-based system to determine pay
and position. While such moves are sure to initially create resentment
and fear among employees accustomed to a seniority-based system,
guaranteeing lifetime employment seems to no longer be suitable in a
global economy, where even formerly domestically focused companies
must bow to the pressure to be efficient and flexible in order to simply
stay in business.

2. In conclusion, Keynesian economic policy still seems to hold merit

in mitigating the severity of an economic recession. As has been
demonstrated, recessions are tending to last longer than before, due to
company and consumer behavior which is driven by the fear that the media
perpetuates. Therefore, it is apparent that future economic downturns
will likely require more radical and severe government interventions to
combat this fear before a turnaround can be realized.

71
 3. Indeed, the far-reaching impact of hip-hop culture is due to a number of
factors which demonstrate its relevance to young people all around the
globe. While the marketing power of the hip-hop industry is evident in
the amount of money it generates, its appeal in regions as diverse as the
U.K., Myanmar, and the Middle East indicates that resistance to authority
and desire for change are themes common to youth everywhere.

72
UNIT

Using and
Citing Sources
Part 1 Evaluating sources

Part 2 Integrating source information

Part 3 Citing sources

Part 4 Using reporting verbs and phrases

 Par t

1 Evaluating sources
Primary, secondary, and tertiary sources

Information from sources is necessary in academic writing to support the

writer's ideas and arguments. Sources can be grouped into three basic types:
primary, secondary, and tertiary. Each type can provide important information
to the essay writer when researching and writing essays.

A primary source is where information (e.g., statistics, research results)

originally comes from. Some of the more common primary sources cited in
academic essays are:
• A scholarly / professional journal - Journal articles are usually written
by experts in a field and are reviewed by other experts before being
published.
• A government organization - Government organizations usually have the
resources and expertise to provide official information (e.g., data on the
population, crime, the economy)
• A reputable organization - Well-known and respected organizations (e.g.,
UNESCO, WHO, DECO, the World Bank) often have resources and expertise
that allow them to provide reliable information.
• A university - Universities publish information by knowledgeable
professionals with expertise in their fields.
• An expert- Experts in fields make comments through speeches, interviews,
editorials, or books.

In an academic essay, try to use the primary source of information, especially

for facts, statistics, and research results .

.•

74
 Unit 3 • Part 1

A secondary source reports or interprets information from primary sources,

such as articles in magazines and newspapers, or postings on a website.
For example, look at the following excerpt from an article published in a
newspaper:

'Many people are worried. tliat tlie aging population is causing roads to become
more danqerous. Statistics from tlie Department of Transportation sliow tliat
of tlie over 5, 000 traffic accidents fast year wliicli resulted in at [east one death,
near[ya quarter were caused Gydrivers 65 or older, tlie liigliest of any age group
cateqorized: 'ITiis lias prompted' tlie state government to consider adoptini;
stricter requlations for tlie Iicensinq of eWer[y drivers.

The newspaper is a secondary source that is reporting statistics on traffic

accidents, but the primary source of these statistics is the "Department of
Transportation. "

Secondary sources can be useful in academic writing, especially when another

person's interpretation of information from a primary source is required.

NOTE: A newspaper or magazine can be considered a primary source in some

instances (e.g., an interview with a witness to an event, a commentary from
an expert on a particular topic, or a past issue of a newspaper or magazine
for historical research.)

A tertiary source is a collection of information from primary and secondary

sources which often offers a condensed description of a topic. Examples of
tertiary sources are encyclopedias, guidebooks, indices, and textbooks.

Tertiary sources are not usually accepted as appropriate sources in academic

writing because much of their information comes from primary or secondary
sources. However, they can be useful because they provide background
information on topics, and they do provide a reference list of primary and
secondary sources on the topic to help essay writers begin their research.

Exercise 1 Read the model essay on tourism in Antarctica on page 53. Find the
sources used in the essay, and decide which are primary and which are
secondary.

75
 Determining credibility

All sources need to be evaluated to determine how useful their information

can be in an essay.The following aspects of each source need to be evaluated.

1. Author (person or organization)

• Who is the author of the information?

• What expertise or reputation does this author have?

2. Publisher

• Who published the information?

NOTES: 1. Even if the author of the information is unknown, a respected

publisher probably means the information is credible.
2. For internet sources, the publisher is normally the server where
the information is stored, so this does not ensure that the
information is reliable.

3. Purpose

• Who was the information written for?

• Is the author making an argument, making a criticism, or just stating facts
on a topic?
• What is the author's motivation - why was the information written?

4. Accuracy

• Is there credible evidence to support the ideas presented in the

information?
• Does the information lean only towards one viewpoint or does it consider
multiple viewpoints?
• Are there other sources used in the information, and are they identified
in-text or in a list of references?
• For internet sources, are there hyperlinks to other sources?

5. Context

• When was the source originally published?

• Has it been revised or updated - is the information still relevant to the
topic?
• Were any significant events happening in society when the source was
written? Could those events have influenced the source in some way?
• Does the source seem unique in its position on the topic compared to
other sources?
• Is the writing style and tone similar to or different from other sources?

76
 Par t
Integrating source
2 information

Section 1 Paraphrasing, summarizing, and quoting

There are three methods to integrate source information: paraphrases,

summaries, and quotations.

• Paraphrases - specific details of source information are written in the

writer's own words and style.

• Summaries - the main idea of source information is written in the writer's

own words and style in significantly fewer words than the original source.

• Quotations - source information is written using the exact words as the

original source and placed inside quotation marks.

NOTE: Paraphrases, summaries, and quotations are the first steps in avoiding
plagiarism: copying of other people's words and ideas and using them as
your own. This is viewed as stealing and could have serious consequences.
By rewriting source information in paraphrases and summaries, essay writers
avoid copying others' words; in using quotations, essay writers indicate
that words were copied, and that they belong to someone else. Combining
these three techniques with citation (see Part 3) is necessary anytime outside
sources are used in an essay.

Choosing to paraphrase or summarize

Paraphrase or summarize when the source information is useful, but its

exact wording is not important. The choice to paraphrase or summarize also
depends on the amount of detail required from the source:
• If useful source information is up to about 50 words, then paraphrase.
Paraphrasing longer passages is ineffective because it moves the focus of
the essay from the writer's ideas to other people's ideas.
• If useful source information is over 50 words, and only the main ideas are
useful, then summarize.

77
 Shared language

Before writing a paraphrase or summary, identify shared language in the

source. Shared language is words and phrases that cannot be effectively
expressed in another way. When paraphrasing and summarizing, shared
language does not need to be reworded because it is not unique to the
original writer or source, and is necessary to maintain meaning.

Many words and phrases can be shared language. A few examples are:
• Proper nouns
the Olympics, the United Nations, Mount Kinabalu, Alexander the Great
• Common nouns
lion, banana, election, culture, hydrogen
• Dates and figures
1972,25%,37 mil/ion
• Specialized language / terminologies
public opinion, gross national product, chemical reaction

NOTE: Some shared language can have their word forms changed but
maintain the meaning of the original. The word "election" could be changed
to "elected," depending on how the writer rewrites the information. For
example:

She won the election because of her business career.

Her background in business is why she was elected.

Exercise 1 Underline the shared language in the following passage.

Spanish conquistadors discovered potatoes in Peru in the sixteenth century.

They were soon introduced to Europe where they became the staple food in
many regions. Some historians believe that the potato, a highly reliable and
nutritious crop, eliminated a major source of civil unrest: famine. This led to
healthier and increased populations, which in turn resulted in much more
stable governments and economies. With this stability, a number of European
countries were able to increase their power and eventually project it around
the world between 1700 and 1950. In short, the potato was instrumental in
helping create the great European empires.

Section 2 Writing paraphrases and summaries

1. Six steps to writing a paraphrase

1. Read the passage several times until you understand its meaning fully.
2. On a separate piece of paper, note down the ideas from the passage in
the order they appea red in the orig ina I and underl ine the shared lang uage.
3. Avoiding the first idea from the source, choose one of the other ideas to
start the paraphrase.
4. Without looking at the original text, use your notes to write the paraphrase.

78
 Unit 3 • Part 2

5. Keep the shared language, but change the wording of the original using
different:
• words (a thesaurus will help).
• word forms (a dictionary will help).
• grammatical structure.
• word order.
However, do not:
• change the verb tense of the original.
• change meaning or add ideas not in the original.
• use more than three words in a row from the original text without
quotation marks. (Using more than three words in a row without
quoting is considered plagiarism.)
6. Check the paraphrase against the original passage to ensure:
• the same meaning is conveyed.
• the paraphrase is not plagiarized.
Revise the paraphrase if necessary.

Example:
1. Read the original:
"Increases in the cost of air travel have had a negative effect on
tourism in destinations such as Hawaii, which are significant distances
from other countries. "

2. Note down ideas in the order they appeared in the original and underline
shared language:
Increases cost air travel/negative effect / tourism in destinations
Hawaii / significant distances from other countries.

3. Choose a different idea from the first to begin t:.:..h:..::e:..Jp!:.-a::..:r_::a:=.;_:c....=.::....:::..:

Increases cost air travel/negative effect

(jjiiiiJP significant distances from other countries.

4. Write the paraphrase using your notes:

The tourist industry in places like Hawaii, which is fairly remote from
other countries, has been adversely affected by rises in airfare.

5. Keep the shared language, but change the wording of the original. Note
in the paraphrase: "destinations" changed to "places," "significant
distances" changed to "fairly remote," and "have a negative effect"
changed to "adversely affected." The tense of the paraphrase is the same
as the original.

6. Check the paraphrase against the original passage to ensure the same
meaning is conveyed and the paraphrase is not plagiarized.

2. Five steps to writing a summary

1. Read the information to be summarized several times until you understand
its meaning fully.

79
 2. On a separate piece of paper, note down the main points of the original
source and underline the shared language. To help identify the main
points:
• In longer texts, pay attention to the introductory and concluding
paragraphs, chapter or paragraph headings, and topic and concluding
sentences in paragraphs - they often help in identifying main ideas.
• In longer sources of information, write a few key words for each
paragraph summarizing the content.
• In the original text:
- Words and phrases like in summary, in short, basically, and in other
words can be useful.
- Information following phrases like for example ... , such as ... , for
instance ... is normally not a main point, so it should not be used in a
summary.
- Quotes in the original source are also used to support the writer's
main point, so they should not be used in the summary.
3. Without looking at the original, write the summary using only your notes.
Use any necessary shared language.
4. Check the summary against the original passage to ensure the main idea
is conveyed and the summary is not plagiarized (see paraphrase, step 5).
5. Revise the summary if necessary. The summary should be much shorter
than the original - often only one or two sentences in length.

Example:
1. Read the original.

The 1984 Olympics in LosAngeles demonstrated the considerable political

value of sporting events during the Cold War. The 1984 Games took place
against a backdrop of the key political issues of the time. The 1980 Moscow
Olympics had been boycotted by the USA and many of its client states, in
protest over the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan in 1979. The Soviet Union
and 16 other countries boycotted the 1984 Olympics, although intense U.S.
diplomacy ensured China and Romania sent teams (Hill, 1999). The Games
still attracted 6,802 competitors from 140 countries, competing across 221
different events (Toohey & Veal, 2000). This political opportunity was seized
upon by the 1984 organizers. The noted French political economist Jean-
August Sevigny (2001) wrote, "The tit-for-tat boycotts made the LA Olympics
a perfect opportunity to upstage the Soviet enemy and display all that was
good - and better - about the USA" (p. 12). For the first time, official large-scale
commercial Olympic sponsorship was allowed, major corporate funding was
accepted for the building of certain facilities, and exclusive TV broadcast rights
were secured by the highest bidders. Rampant commercialism undoubtedly,
but the 1984 Olympics registered a healthy $223 million profit (Davis, 2012).
And with the organizers promoting the L.A. Olympics as a patriotic display of
Americanism, the 1984 Games served as an ideal showcase for the vibrancy of
U.S.consumer society in the context of the ongoing Cold War.

80
 Unit 3 • Part 2

2. On a separate piece of paper, write down the main points of the original
source and underline any shared language:
1984 OlYmpics Los Angeles, political value, Cold War / 1980 Moscow
OlYmpics boycotted by USA / Soviet invasion Afghanistan / Soviets and
others boycotted 1984 L.A. / opportunity to upstage Soviet, display good/
better about USA / First time - commercial sponsorship, corporate funding,
TV broadcast highest bidder =
commercialism / $223 million profit patriotic
display Americanism, vibrancy U.S. consumer

3. Without looking at the original, write the summary using only your notes.
Use any necessary shared language:
Despite the Soviet Union and some of its allies boycotting the 1984
Olympics in Los Angeles in response to the U.S.'s boycott four years earlier
of the Moscow Olympics over the Soviet's invasion of Afghanistan in 1979,
the L.A. Olympics were politically successful in making the Soviets jealous
of the U.S.'s commercial power which was displayed through commercial
sponsorships, corporate funding, and TV broadcast rights bidding. As a
result, the animosity between the two countries intensified.
Cut - not part
of main idea ~. Check the summary against the original passage to ensure the main
idea is conveyed and the summary is not plagiarized.
, Despite the Soviet Union and some of its allies boycotting the 1984
Inaccurate ~ Olympics in Los Angeles in response to the U.S.'s boycott four years ea;"/ier
of the ,\1oscow' Olympics olter the Soviet's invasion of Afghanistan in 1979,
the L.A. Olympics were politically successful in fflaking the Soviets jealous
Cut - details
of the U.S.'s commercial power which was displayed through cOfflmercial
too minute
---- -~ sponsorships, corporate funding, and TV broadcast rights bidding. As a
..•
+ too close
result, the anifflosity betvteen the two countries intensified.
to plagiarism
(same words
and word
t
Inaccurate
order)

5. Revise the summary if necessary. The summary should be much shorter

than the original - often only one or two sentences in length:
Despite a boycott from the Soviet Union and some allies, the 1984 Los
Angeles Olympics were a political success in the midst of the Cold War as
the U.S. could show the power of commercialism and the advantages of
being American.

Exercise 2 Read the following passage. The underlined parts in the original source
information have been plagiarized in the paraphrase and summary. Find
and underline the plagiarized parts in the paraphrase and summary.

Original source information

"The modern concept of democracy is the result of an evolution begun by the
ancient Greeks. For the Greeks, however, democracy was a right exercised only
by the elite -landowning men, a fraction of the population. Non-landowning
men, and women were normally excluded from any political involvement and
were disenfranchised. Yet this condition was not believed to be a restriction
on freedom, but rather a reflection of society's values. Those of wealth and
status were expected to hold the reigns of power, as it was their inherited
right and responsibility to attend to the affairs of state."

8
 Plagiarized paraphrase
Contemporary society's idea of democracy began in ancient times with the
Greeks. However, for the Greeks democracy was a right exercised only by
a fraction of the population - landowning men. This elite prohibited men
without property and women from voting or having any kind of political.
involvement. However, this situation was a reflection of society's values and
not believed to be a restriction on freedom. To the ancient Greeks, the elite
had the responsibility to wield power over all society because they possessed
wealth and position, and this gave them an inherited right and responsibility
to control the government.

Plagiarized summary
As a reflection of society's values, the ancient Greeks believed that only those
of wealth and status were expected to govern.

Exercise 3 Below are an acceptable paraphrase and summary of the original passage
from Exercise 3. In each, find and underline the rewording of the
plagiarized parts.

Acceptable paraphrase
To the ancient Greeks, democracy meant that those possessing high social rank
- a minute percentage of society - had the duty to lead the state. Yet, rather
than seeing this arrangement as a limitation of freedom, those excluded from
political involvement, such as women and men without property, accepted it
as an extension of the natural social order. Therefore, though contemporary
democracy has evolved from ancient times, in its very early form, only the
elite (normally landowning men) governed the entire state.

Acceptable summary
The ancient Greeks believed that only men occupying society's highest class
had the right and duty to govern in a democracy.

Exercise 4 Choose the best paraphrase of the original text.

Original passage
"Although white rice accounts for 35-80% of the caloric intake for 3.3 billion
Asians, it has several problems, such as a lack of adequate nutrition, which
makes Asians' body size relatively small; and also a lack of taste, which leads
to a high consumption of sodium in many of the foods eaten with rice."

Paraphrases
a. The over 3 billion Asians whose calories mostly come from white rice
should change their diet because white rice is nutritionally deficient,
making them smaller than other races, and also tasteless, causing people
to add more sodium to the other foods they eat with rice.

b. Nutritional deficiency and tastelessness are two aspects of white rice

which make it a less than ideal food for those whose calories are heavily
dependent on it, which includes other 3 billion Asians, who have small
bodies and consume a lot of sodium as a result.

82
 Unit 3 • Part 2

c. Although rice supplies 35-80% of the calories eaten by 3.3 billion Asians,
it makes Asians weaker because of the lack of nutrition" and high sodium
in other foods."

Exercise 5 Paraphrase the following passages on a separate piece of paper.

1. Because it is portable and inexpensive, ultrasound equipment is used in

some traditional societies to identify the sex of the fetus, and abort
unwanted girls.

2. Over-population, pollution, climate change, poor sanitation, and rising

sea levels are contributing to a scarcity of fresh water. Over the long-
term, this scarcity could become a crisis for the world, causing wars as
billions of people will compete over accessto vital fresh water supplies in
the future.

3. Alan Turing is widely seen as the "Father of Computing." While studying

at Cambridge, Turing introduced the concept of the algorithm, the idea
at the heart of modern computing. In 1950, Turing also proposed the idea
of artificial intelligence: the ability for machines to think.

4. In 2011, Africa became the largest cellular phone market after Asia. With
600 million users, the size and quality of Africa's cellular network is
developing rapidly to meet the growing demand of users.

5. The fact that certain blood types are more vulnerable to particular kinds
of diseases is proven, but there has never been any credible research that
links blood types to certain personality traits.

Exercise 6 Choose the best summary of the original text.

Original passage
Some educators maintain that choosing a major is the most crucial decision
for students entering college, whereas others argue it is not especially
important. Paul Harrington, Neeta Fogg, and Thomas Harrington argue in
College Majors Handbook that as the world becomes more competitive,
those students with a clear career path on entering college have an obvious
advantage over those who do not. Those who want to pursue high-paying
careers such as medicine or engineering ought to focus on their career goal
as early as possible. It is a mistake for students to start college with the aim
of working out what they want to do for the rest of their lives, the authors
argue. However, Donald Asher in his book, How to Get a Job with Any Major,
disagrees. The choice of major often does not limit a student's career options.
Although there are certain majors that clearly prepare students for particular
careers, most students ultimately pursue careers unrelated to their chosen
major. Asher believes that students can best spend their time in university
finding their true interests because, on average, people switch careers, often
to something completely unrelated, three to five times in their working lives.

83
 a. Some educationalists contend that deciding on a major is the most
critical decision students face when entering college, whereas others
argue that the most important thing for students to discover in university
is their true interests, because many establish careers not related to the
major they studied in college.

b. Students who spend their college time working out what to do in the
future are at a disadvantage in an increasingly competitive world
compared with those who are motivated to set career goals and choose a
major to achieve them.

c. Educators disagree over the importance of choosing a major: some believe

it is crucial in giving students an advantage in an increasingly competitive
world, while others argue that as people usually end up in careers
unrelated to their college major and change careers several times, having
a major is not especially important.

Exercise 7 Summarize the following passages on a separate piece of paper.

1. In their theory about the nature and origin of crime, Travis Hirshi and
Michael Gottfredson dismiss the older notion of "indirect control," the
"psychological presence" parents possessed in the minds oftheir children,
to explain the inherent barriers to deviancy. Instead, the centrality of
"self-control" in explaining the propensity to commit or refrain from
crime is advanced. The authors maintain that this accounts for all factors
- whether age, culture, sex, or circumstances - in determining whether
someone commits a crime or not. A child develops self-control through
direct parenting, when the parent closely monitors the child's behavior
and punishes deviancy when it occurs. Without it, lack of self-control
develops naturally. People who develop low self-control in childhood
are more likely to act on an urge to break laws, should the opportunity
exist. Crucially, an individual's tendency to commit crime is shaped by his/
her lack of self-control, not the ease and availability of opportunities to
engage in crime. Further, low self-control promotes an outlook on life
as a "permanent present" in which immediate gratification is central. To
such people, crime supplies immediate risks, thrills, and rewards.

2. The electric guitar became important to other music genres, although in

no other genre did it take on the significance it did in rock and roll. The
ability of the electric guitar to distort, alter, and sustain notes was picked
up by country, blues, and jazz musicians. Yet it was not until rock and
roll emerged from the 1950s that the electric guitar gained widespread
appeal. Rock and roll devotees marveled at the range of sounds and
volumes the electric guitar could produce and saw its huge potential,
both musically and within the broader counter-culture of the decades
after World War II. The image of the rock and roller with his leather jacket
and slicked-back hair was never complete without him holding an electric
guitar. Curiously, despite its current place within the' mainstream music
culture, the electric guitar was initially treated with great skepticism by
traditional audiences and instrument makers in the music world. How
wrong they were! The electric guitar has come to embody a musical
genre, a generation, a set of values, and even a way of life.

84
 Unit 3 • Part 2

3. What is becoming clearer is the disjuncture between advancing technology

and our ability to manage its wider repercussions. Social networking
services (SNS) like Facebook and Linkedln increasingly dominate people's
time online. Data shows that 66% of the 80% of Americans who use
the internet use social networking services; and of the 95% of teenagers
in the U.S. on the internet, 80% of them use SNS. Social networks have
started to supplement, even replace, face-to-face relationships. For
many of Facebook's 901 million monthly worldwide users, the role of
SNS in friendship goes beyond simply getting in touch and keeping in
touch. Social networking online involves a level of public display and
self-promotion entirely new to the majority of people. SNS leaves the
nuances of emotion unexplored or unarticulated, and the gradual process
of getting to know someone - the true beauty of friendship - are fast-
tracked, as everything, quite literally, is on their SNS profile.

Using quotations

In general, quoting a source can be useful when the information is:

• from a respected authority on the topic.
• written in a particularly powerful or memorable way.
• from a primary source.
• mostly shared language which cannot be effectively rewritten.

Do not rely on quotations as the main method to include source information

in an essay. Overusing quotations makes it seem like the essay is just repeating
someone else's words and ideas. In general, essay writers should express ideas
using their own words whenever possible. Therefore, quotations are best
used strategically to help emphasize information.
Howa quotation is introduced is also important. The introduction should:
• indicate the quote's significance.
• prepare the reader for the sudden change in writing style.

Example:
Thesis:
Although colonization in general is seen as cross-cultural bullying, colonization
by the West has brought about changes that have shaped the state of society
in certain parts of the world.

Body paragraph excerpt:

... colonization by the British Empire often resulted in the mistreatment
of the indigenous population. "In India, colonialism of course was seen as
dehumanizing. Being suppressed and discriminated against in your own land
is beyond humiliating" (Joshi, 45).

In the excerpt above, the sentence before the first quotation mentions the
mistreatment of the indigenous population. Therefore, the reader may expect
evidence following this statement to show how indigenous populations
were mistreated. However, the quotation is about feelings associated with
mistreatment - dehumanizing and humiliating - which is a sudden change
for the reader.

85
 The quotation should be introduced more effectively to better prepare the
reader:

Colonization by the British Empire often resulted in the mistreatment of the

indigenous population. SanjaY Joshi, a researcher at the Mumbai Language
Institute, emphasized the sentiment felt by many who were colonized: "In
India, colonialism of course was seen as dehumanizing. Being suppressed and
discriminated against in your own land is beyond humiliating" (45).

The introduction prepared readers for the quote by indicating the content -
the sentiment felt.

Note also how source details are mentioned in the introducing sentence
to show that the source is an Indian person, which gives authority to his
description of the feelings of Indian people.

Integrating quotations

Below are some techniques to integrate quotations into essays.Note:

• the punctuation used to introduce the quotations.
• where the quotation marks begin and end.
• if the quotation begins with a capital letter.
(The citation in parentheses after the quote is covered in Part 3).

1. Briefly introduce the quotation with a phrase.

• Place a comma after the phrase that introduces the quotation.
• Begin the quote with a capital letter.

Example:

Although the United Nations is firmly committed to creating a world

society built on peace and harmony, it has never been naive about how peace
might have to be achieved. The very first lines of Chapter 1 in The Charter
of the United Nations clearly statG maintain international peace
and security, and to that end: to take effective collective measures for the
prevention and removal of threats to the peace, and for the suppression of
acts of aggression or other breaches of the peace" (United ations, 1945, p.
3). These principles of removing threats and stopping aggressive acts suggest
that violence may be a necessary means to achieve the goal of a peaceful and
secure world.

86
 Unit 3 • Part 2

2. Introduce the quotation with a complete sentence that states its

significance to the essay'sthesis.
• Place a colon at the end of the complete sentences that introduces
the quotation.
• Begin the quote with a capital letter.

Example:

Although the United ations is firmly committed to creating a world

society built on peace and harmony, it has never been naive about how peace
might have to be achieved. The very first lines of Chapter 1 in The Charter of
the United Nations clearly state that violence may sometimes be necessary
to achieve a higher idea~maintain international peace and security,
and to that end: to take effective collective measures for the prevention and
removal of threats to the peace, and for the suppression of acts of aggression
or other breaches of the peace" (United Nations, 1945, p. 3). These principles
of removing threats and stopping aggressive acts leave open the option of
military force to maintain a peaceful and secure world.

3. Blend the quotation directly into the essay writer's sentence.

• No punctuation is necessary if the quotation is blended into a
sentence using a word such as that.
• Begin the quote with a lowercase letter.

Example:

The very first lines of Chapter 1 in The Charter of the United Nations
clearly state~maintain international peace and security, and to that
end: to take effective collective measures for the prevention and removal of
threats to the peace, and for the suppression of acts of aggression or other
breaches of the peace" (United Nations, 1945, p. 3).

4. Place the introductory phrase inside the quote.

• Use commas to separate the quote from the introductory phrase.

Example:

''To maintain international peace and sec~are the first words of

Chapter 1 in The Charter of the United Nations, but the text immediately
continue~to that end: to take effective collective measures for the
prevention and removal of threats to the peace, and for the suppression of acts
of aggression or other breaches of the peace" (United Nations, 1945, p. 3).

87
 5. If a quotation is more than about 40 words, do not use quotation marks.
• End the sentence before the quote with a colon, start the quotation
on the next line, and indent it.
• Restart the paragraph on a new line after the quotation:

Example:

Although the United ations is firmly committed to creating a world society

built on peace and harmony, it has never been naive about how peace might
have to be achieved. The very first lines of Chapter 1 in The Charter of the
United Nations clearly staG

Indent To maintain international peace and security, and to that end: to take
effective collective measures for the prevention and removal of threats to
the peace, and for the suppression of acts of aggression or other breaches
of the peace, and to bring about by peaceful means, and in conformity with
the principles of justice and international law, adjustment or settlement
of international disputes or situations which might lead to a breach of the
peace (United ations, 1945, p. 3).

Restart
These principles of removing threats and stopping aggressive acts leave open
paragraph
the option of military force to maintain a peaceful and secure world.

Exercise 8 Correct the errors with the use of quotations in the following passages.
Rewrite the passages if necessary.

1. "In China, India, Indonesia and Korea, American, British, Dutch and
French Imperialism, based on the concept of the supremacy of Europeans
over Asians, has been completely and perfectly exploded. In Malaya
and Indo-China British and French imperialisms are being shaken to
their foundations by powerful and revolutionary national liberation
movements." In his 1953 speech "No Easy Road to Freedom," Nelson
Mandela referred to successful movements around the world to inspire
similar change in Africa.

2. In Civilization and Its Discontents, Freud (1930) asserted that "The liberty
of the individual is no gift of civilization. It was greatest before there
was any civilization," but admitted: "though then, it is true, it had for
the most part no value, since the individual was scarcely in a position to
defend it." (p. 42).

88
Par t

3 Citing sources

Citation components and integration

The source of every paraphrase, summary, and quotation must be identified

in the essay. This is called citation (or referencing). Citation is necessary to:
• indicate the origin of ideas.
• allow readers to find the original source.
• avoid plagiarism.

NOTE: If source information is included in an essay without citation, it is

plagiarism.

Citation has two equally important components:

• a References list on a separate page at the end of the essay, which
alphabetically lists all the sources used in the essay.
• in-text (or parenthetical) citation used in the essay paragraphs.

All citation examples in this textbook follow the American Psychological

Association (APA) style.

1. References

Every source used in an essay must appear in the References list. APA requires
that each source be entered on the list in a certain way depending on the
type of source, such as a book, a journal article, a newspaper article, or
information from the internet. Refer to official APA resources for complete
style rules and guidelines.

In general, two things are required for in-text citation:

• whatever information is written first for a source on the References list
(usually the name of the author).
• the year the source was published.

For example, this is a journal article entry on a References list:

Giordano, P. (2012). The trendy Asian tigers. Fashion Business Quarterly
Review, 12(2), 25-29.
When information from this source appears in the essay, Giordano (the first
piece of information listed) and 2012 (the publication year of the source)
must appear in the essay to make in-text citation.

89
 2. In-text citation

There are three patterns of in-text citation.

Pattern 1:

information from the source + (last name of author, + year published

in parentheses) + final punctuation

Example:
The fashion industry continues to enjoy growing profits due to the Asian
consumers' love affair with brand name goods. The Japanese market alone
constitutes over a third of total worldwide sales of Vuitton, Prada, and Gucci
products, and the increasing demand for high-end fashion in China and South
Korea is expected to account for almost 50% of the projected growth in the
industry over the next decade (Giordano, 2012).

In Pattern 1, both the author's name and publication year (Giordano, 2012)
indicate that the information before the parenthesis came from a source. If
the reader wished to check the source, he or she could refer to the References
page, find the author's last name, and find the complete information for the
source.

Using this pattern suggests:

• the source details are basic or uncontroversial facts.
• the information is more useful to the reader than the author's name and
year of publication.

Pattern 2:

author's name in sentence text + (year published in parentheses) +

information from the source

Example:
The fashion industry continues to enjoy growing profits due to the Asian
consumers' love affair with brand name goods. Giordano (2012) reports that
the Japanese market alone constitutes over a third of total worldwide sales
of Vuitton, Prada, and Gucci products, and the increasing demand for high-
end fashion in China and South Korea is expected to account for almost 50%
of the projected growth in the industry over the next decade.

In Pattern 2, the author's name is integrated into the text of the essay before
the source's information. Only the publication year is put in parentheses
(2012) and placed directly after the author's name.

Using this pattern:

• draws attention to the author and year of publication because these may
be important. The author may be a recognized expert in the field, or
having recent information may be significant to the topic.
• allows the essay writer to show the author's position on or attitude
towards the source information (see Part 4, Using reporting verbs and
phrases).

90
 Unit 3 • Part 3

Pattern 3:

year published in sentence text + author's name in sentence text +

information from the source

In a 2012 Fashion Business Quarterly Review article, Giordano states that

the fashion industry continues to enjoy growing profits due to the Asian
consumers' love affair with brand name goods. The Japanese market alone
constitutes over a third of total worldwide sales of Vuitton, Prada, and Gucci
products, and the increasing demand for high-end fashion in China and South
Korea is expected to account for almost 50% of the projected growth in the
industry over the next decade.

In Pattern 3, both the publication year and the author's name are integrated
into the text of the essay before the source information. When this happens,
parentheses are not necessary.

Using this pattern has similar effects as Pattern 2, but in addition:

• the publication year is given greater importance.

In-text citations can be modified in several different ways depending on the

type and details of each source. See Appendix B for a list of possible ways to
modify in-text citation.

Exercise 1 look at the in-text citation of the model essay about tourism in Antarctica
on pages 53-59 and number them 1 to 21:

• Match each in-text citation to its entry in the References list and write
the number next to the entry.
• Then below, write the number of the in-text citation where:

1. two sources are to support one point. Explain how they appear.

2. "et al." is used. Explain why this is used.

3. "as cited in" is used. Explain why this is used.

4. "and" is changed to "&" in some sources. Explain why it changes.

5. the page number of the source information appears. Explain why it is

used.

6. The letters "a" and "b" have been added after the publication dates
in-text and on the References list. Explain why they are used.

91
 Common knowledge

It is not necessary to cite source information that is considered common

knowledge. Generally, information is considered common knowledge if it is:

• accepted as universally true or factual.

• not doubted or arguable.
• unlikely to change.

For example, the following fact does not require citation:

The rules defining modern football were drawn up in England by the Football
Association in 1863.

Although the essay reader may not know about the history of football,
checking several other sources would show exactly the same information.

The following are normally regarded as common knowledge:

• Historical facts:
The Treaty of Versailles was signed in 1919.

• Geographic facts:
Portugal, Spain, Andorra, and Gibraltar comprise the Iberian Peninsula.

• Established facts:
The Indian city of Mumbai was once known as Bombay

• Basic scientific facts:

Water boils at 1000 C and freezes at 00 C under normal conditions.

The majority of researched information used in an academic essay is original

ideas, theories, interpretations, statistics, research findings, and reports.
This information is not considered common knowledge and therefore needs
citation.

NOTE: If you are unsure about whether information is common knowledge or

not, the best strategy is to use citation to avoid plagiarism.

Exercise 2 Which of the following details would have to be cited if used in an

academic essay?

1. Throughout history, thousands of animal species have become extinct.

2. Of the millions killed in war in the twentieth century, an estimated 75%

were innocent women and children.

3. The area of volcanic activity around the Pacific Ocean is commonly

referred to as the Ring of Fire.

4. From 1994 to 1998, reported natural disasters averaged 428 per year,
but from 1999 to 2003, this figure shot up by two-thirds to an average
of 707 natural disasters each year.

92
 Unit 3 • Part 3

5. At an estimated 0.78 children per woman in 2012, Singapore's fertility

rate is the lowest in the world and far below the 2.1 needed to maintain
the population.

6. The six principal organizations of the United Nations are the General
Assembly, Security Council, Economic and Social Council, Trusteeship
Council, International Court of Justice, and Secretariat.

7. Given the tigers' current rate of population decline, many biologists

predict that it will become extinct in the wild in fifteen to twenty years.

8. Founded in 1088, the University of Bologna is widely regarded as the

oldest university in the world.

9. Despite having religious aspects like ideas on an afterlife, Confucianism

is not widely seen as a religion because it does not have core beliefs on
the nature of the human soul.

10. According to several prominent NGOs, government corruption is the

most significant obstacle to poverty relief in developing countries.

93
 Par t
Using reporting verbs
4 and phrases

Reporting verbs are necessary to:

• accurately report the source author's position on or attitude towards the
information.
• help express the significance of an idea or evidence.
• critically evaluate source information.

Using reporting verbs

Below are some of the most common reporting verbs. Using reporting verbs
often follows three general grammatical patterns:

Pattern 1:

writer + reporting verb + that + subject + verb

acknowledge discover point out

agree doubt predict

appear estimate prove

argue explain recommend

assert find report

believe imply reveal

claim indicate show

conclude insist state

contend maintain suggest

demonstrate note write

determine observe

94
 Unit 3 • Part 4

Example:
Researchers have demonstrated that the food additive is harmful to children.

Pattern 1 verbs may also appear in a subordinate clause beginning with as

and followed by a comma:
Example:
As Ellis (2000) insists, the research conclusions should be viewed cautiously
due to the small number of subjects tested.

Complete the following sentences with an appropriate Pattern 1 reporting

verb.

1. Environmentalists chemicals had seeped into the water

table (Baxter, 2007).

2. As researchers _, the new procedure is environmentally

safe (Wu et aI., 2002).

3. This evidence lowering the legal drinking age creates a

greater sense of responsibility among young people and could reduce
rates of alcohol abuse. .

Pattern 2:

writer + reporting verb + somebody/something + for + noun/gerund

account criticize single out

applaud
. emphasize stress

blame praise

condemn recognize

Example:
Marx (1859) actually praised the United States for its freedom, which was
alien to Europe in the 1800s.

95
 Exercise 2 Complete the following sentences with an appropriate Pattern 2 reporting
verb.

1. Both Bernard (2003) and Kim (2005) the need for more
research before drawing any conclusions.

2. A 2001 World Bank report the Nigerian government

for its efforts to combat corruption.

3. The prime minister the media for causing public panic

over the nuclear accident.

Pattern 3:

writer + reporting verb + somebody/something + as + noun/gerund/

adjective

appraise depict perceive

assess describe portray

characterize dismiss present

class evaluate refer

classify identify regard

define interpret view

Example:
Although Friedman and Garibaldi (2005) present their data as conclusive,
they failed to account for all the inconsistencies among the test subjects.

Exercise 3 Complete the following sentences with an appropriate Pattern 3 reporting

verb.

1. Researchers gambling addicts as "being guided by

unbounded irrationality" (Huet & Unger, 2001, p. 103).

2. O'Leary (1998) the removal of banking controls in the

1980s as reckless and warned of future economic problems.

3. Chiang, Faber, and Choi (2011) the sudden change in

policy as a sign of internal turmoil within the government.

96
 Unit 3 • Part 4

Pattern variations:

A) who + at + where + pattern + informations

Examples:
Researchers at The Center for Disease Control found that the virus was highly
contagious among laboratory rats (Dolan, Visnicky, Young, & Perez, 2008).

Donnie Chen (2012) at the Asian Police Alliance describes drug traffickers as
"the greatest threat to public safety" (p. 2) due to their massive arsenal of
weapons and increasing willingness to use them.

B) In a report issued by/from + source + (pattern) + information

Examples:
In a report issued by the World Bank, the subcommittee on trade viewed the
modest growth as encouraging despite being well below projections.

In a report from the University of Middle Florida, sudden increases in food

prices have caused many of those living below the 'poverty line to reduce the
number of daily meals they have from three to two.

C) A + year + source + report/study + (pattern) + information

Examples:
A 2004 Harvard study suggests that drinking coffee may indeed have health
benefits (Thomas & van Dyck).

A 2011 British Commission report criticized city officials for waiting too long
to report the increased bacteria levels in the water.

D) According to + source + (pattern) + information

Examples:
According to Li (2010), the genome test results support the substantial body
of archeological evidence that concludes rice domestication began in the
Yangtze River valley.

According to economists at the East Asia Alliance Fund, the boom in tourism
to the island does not account for the dramatic increases in food prices (Bae
& Kobayashi, 2009).
 Meaning and strength of reporting verbs

Reporting verbs have different meanings and different levels of strength. It is

important to choose a reporting verb that
• accurately matches the meaning of the source information.
• matches the strength of the source author's position or attitude.

Example:
"Despite the well-publicized delays in the final development of the operating
system, the new tablet will definitely be released on schedule." (source
information taken from a company's homepage)

The following use of reporting verbs would be ineffective:

A. The company explains that the new tablet will be released on time.
B. The company indicates that the new tablet will be released on time.

A is incorrect because the company did not explain anything. B is

inappropriate because indicates is too weak. The company used definitely
to indicate certainty in its plans, so a stronger verb would more accurately
represent this attitude.

The following use of reporting verbs would be effective:

C. The company insists that the new tablet will be released on time.
D. The company maintains that the new tablet will be released on time.

The reporting verbs insist and maintain both accurately convey the certainty
expressed in the source with will definitely be released on schedule.

Avoiding neutral reporting verbs

Many reporting verbs, such as said and stated, express a neutral position and
are appropriate when the source author is truly conveying a neutral position.
However, these reporting verbs are often overused and result in less accurate
and repetitive writing.

Example:
The Asian Police Alliance savs the rise in drug trafficking in Asia is because of
the influence of Western pop culture through movies and TV shows.

This example would be more accurate if a stronger reporting verb were used:
The Asian Police Alliance blames the rise in drug trafficking in Asia on the
influence of Western pop culture through movies and TV shows.

The verb blames reflects the police's accusatory attitude regarding Western
influence in Asia. Other reporting verbs expressing a similar attitude strongly
are accused, criticized, and condemned.

98
 Unit 3 • Part 4

Exercise 4 For each sentence, replace said or stated with a verb which more
accurately reports the meaning, strength, or attitude.

1. A researcher from the South Asian Arranged Marriage Council said that
there is no basis for the belief that " love marriages" are more stable than
arranged marriages.

a) estimates b) demands c) insists

2. The school board's president stated that children be required to attend

school seven days a week.

a) recommended b) noted c) confirmed

3. A physicist from the government's military council said that radiation

levels in the area of the nuclear accident pose no immediate threat to
human health.

a) predicted b) assured c) proved

4. A report from the World Football Council states that one out of every
two children in the world plays or watches soccer.

a) estimates b) acknowledges c) argues

5. The Association of American Universities said that tuition increases over

the past decade have hurt the ability of many students to attend
university.

a) admitted b) demonstrated c) argued

6. The Union of Flight Attendants stated that any reduction in cabin

staffing will compromise safety and comfort, especially on long
international flights.

a) declared b) discovered c) warned

7. Eastern Automobile CEO Chuck Croft said that car travel will eventually
become much safer and cleaner than any other form of transportation
thanks to new technological developments.

a) predicted b) doubted c) observed

8. Animal behaviorist Sylvia Fassbender stated that pack animals such as

wolves and lions participate in bullying behavior towards those seen as
weak in their group.

a) discovered b) criticized c) ill ustrated

99
 9. In response to the environmental group's protest, Black Star Oil
Corporation says that no harm will come to wildlife if drilling is
permitted in protected wetlands.

a) anticipates b) insists c) doubts

10. Professor Faria Khan of Middle Eastern University stated that war is
counterproductive when she said, "The best way to fight terrorism is
with olive branches."

a) explained b) implied c) determined

100
UNIT

Accuracy and Clarity

Part 1 Hedging and intensifying

Part 2 Academic sentence styles

Part 3 Editing
 Par t
Hedging and
1 intensifying

Using hedging and intensifying

Hedging and intensifying are essential in academic writing when trying to

express information clearly and accurately. Clear and accurate writing makes
an essay powerful and persuasive.

Hedging means using words to reduce the certainty of statements. Information

and ideas are often not 100% certain: their exact certainty is often unknown,
cannot be known, or is not important. Hedging allows essay writers to express
information and ideas like these as accurately as possible.

Examples:

Original statement:
Therefore, unfair trade practices are the source of conflicts over globalization.

Hedged statement:
Therefore, unfair trade practices are often the source of conflicts over
globalization.

The original statement is an over-generalization: It cannot be known that

"unfair trade practices" are the only cause of conflicts over globalization.
Adding the hedging word often makes the statement more accurate.

Original statement:
The increase in the number of Western-style cafes in Asia means Asian
consumers are more accepting of Western influences.

Hedged statement:
The increase in the number of Western-style cafes in Asia may mean Asian
consumers are more accepting of Western influences.

In the original statement, the increase in Western-style cafes is insufficient

evidence to make the conclusion about Asian consumers. Adding the hedging
word may makes the statement more believable.

Intensifying means using words to increase the certainty of statements.

Using intensifying words helps show the power and significance of certain
information and ideas. However, intensifying must still represent information
and ideas accurately.

102
 Unit 4 • Part 1

Examples:

Original statement:
Shanahan (2011) reports that the rise in unemployment in the United States
is attributable to the outsourcing of jobs to countries which provide cheaper
labor.

Intensified statement:
Shanahan (2011) reports that the rise in unemployment in the United States
is directly attributable to the outsourcing of jobs to countries which provide
cheaper labor.

The intensified statement usesthe word directly to emphasize the significance

of outsourced labor as being a major cause of unemployment.

Original statement:
The development of anesthesia in the early twentieth century was a first step
in aI/owing doctors to perform more complex surgeries.

Intensified statement:
The development of anesthesia in the early twentieth century was an
important first step in aI/owing doctors to perform more complex surgeries.
The intensified statement uses the word important to emphasize the
significance of anesthesia in medicine.

103
 Vocabulary for hedging and intensifying

Vocabulary that can be used for hedging and intensifying is listed below.

Hedging Intensifying

• appear. assume Verbs • argue • assert • contend

• imply. seem • demand • insist
• suggest. tend to

• can • could Modal verbs • do • have to • must

• may· might • will • would

• about • approximate Adjectives • absolute • all • certain

• conceivable • few • clear • complete
• many • most • often • definite • dramatic
• partial • possible • entire • essential • high
• rare • relative • important • most
• similar • some • obvious • quite • sharp
• sometimes • somewhat • significant • specific
• strong • sudden
• thorough • vast • very
• whole

• approximately Adverbs • absolutely • always

• conceivably • likely • certainly • clearly
• likely • partially • completely • definitely
• perhaps • possibly • entirely • essentially
• probably • rarely • highly • indeed
• relatively • usually • in fact • largely
• most (importantly)
• obviously • sharply
• significantly • specifically
• strongly • undoubtedly
• vastly • wholly • widely

Many of these words can also be used in conjunction with each other to
modify meaning.

Examples:

Hedged The findings seem to indicate that the virus can be spread
through physical contact.

The findings indicate that the virus can be spread through

physical contact.

The findings clearly indicate that the virus can be spread

Intensified through physical contact.

104
 Unit 4 • Part 1

Exercise 1 Read the following paragraph, and underline the words that hedge
or intensify.

The globalization of industrial agriculture has also failed to provide the

promised economic benefits to Central American farmers. In order to compete
in global trade, many farmers have turned to monoculture, growing only one
crop rather than multiple crops, to maximize yields. Statistics from the World
Currency Group (2008) suggest that this change in agricultural practice has
likely contributed to a reduction in rural unemployment throughout Central
America by about 4% since 2001. Although the change to specialized, high-
demand export crops may account for this decrease, employment figures
alone cannot definitively show that the situation has improved. In fact, other
economic indicators appear to negate the importance of the employment
numbers. Recent figures from the Central American Agribusiness Association
(2011) clearly indicate that real income levels during the same time period also
decreased. It may be possible to conclude, therefore, that while monoculture
can increase the demand for labor, its higher yields tend to reduce the global
market value of the crop, lower profits for farmers, and maintain poverty in
the region.

Exercise 2 Change the following intensified sentences into hedged sentences.

Use different hedging words in each.

Example:
Obviously, television is a far more effective educational tool than books.
~ Television may be a more effective educational tool than books.

1. Research clearly shows that children are much better second language
learners than adults.

2. Analysts completely agree that the United Nations has successfully

intervened in regional armed conflicts all around the world.

3. All teenagers definitely consider social networking sites an essential part

of their friendship experiences.

4. It is obvious that the international appeal of the Hollywood film industry

is solely due to its financial and technical power.

105
 5. Scientists insist that global warming will be the most catastrophic event
in human history.

Exercise 3 Change the following hedged sentences into intensified sentences.

Use different intensifying words in each.

Example:
Although they may increase overall travel time, airport security checks appear
to be necessary for safeguarding air travel.
~ Although they do increase overall travel time, airport security checks are
essential for safeguarding air travel.

1. The fashion industry might be one area in which it is important that

models have good looks.

2. In some cases, animal rights organizations tend to say that animals should
not be used in experiments.

3. Medical evidence seems to suggest that regular cardiovascular exercise

will probably help reduce the chance of heart disease.

4. A degree of familiarity with computer technology could be useful for

some administrative office jobs.

5. After earthquakes, trained sniffer dogs can playa role in finding a few
survivors buried under collapsed buildings.

106
 Unit 4 • Part 1

Exercise 4 Rewrite the sentences to hedge or intensify their meaning.

Example:
Siddiqui says that while the global food supply is sufficient, its unequal
distribution is the cause of hunger.
~ Siddiqui states that while the global food supply is sufficient, its unequal
distribution is one of the causes of hunger. (hedged answer)
~ Siddiqui asserts that while the global food supply is indeed sufficient,
its unequal distribution is the main cause of hunger. (intensified answer)

1. Kovacs (2012) says that developing countries benefit from removing

restrictions on trade.

2. Globalization leads to the "Englishization" of the world as people need

to speak English to participate in the global economy.

3. Corruption is a problem in developing countries, but Sanchez (2010) says

it is also a problem in developed countries.

4. New medicines are available in developed countries, but they are not
available in developing parts of the world.

5. Environmental degradation in the developing world is not caused by the

indigenous people, but by multinational companies in industrial
countries taking their natural resources.

107
 Par t
Academic
2 sentence styles

Conjunctions

The relationship between ideas within and between sentences must be clear
for writing to be coherent and powerful. This requires the proper use of
transitional words and phrases to express these relationships.

Conjunctions are essential words that create the complex sentences required
in academic writing.

1. Coordinating conjunctions
Coordinating conjunctions link parts of compound sentences using these
prepositions: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so.

These conjunctions:
• show a relationship between independent clauses, phrases, and words in
the same sentence.
• suggest that the information joined in the sentence is equally important.

A comma is needed before the coordinating conjunction if it is followed by

a full clause:
Many people have a preference for a certain alcohol, but beer consumption
tends to increase overall during periods of economic growth.

No comma is needed if the coordinating conjunction joins two nouns, verbs,

or other word form:
Professor Nate Nakamura researched and developed ways to clone farm
animals, such as sheep and chickens, yet he has been the target of protests by
various religious and animal rights groups for the ethics behind such science.

Martin Luther King, Ir., spoke eloquently yet powerfully, which made him the
ideal spokesperson for the American civil rights movement.

NOTE: A serial comma is a comma placed before the last item in a list to
ensure the item is not connected to the others.

108
 Unit 4 • Part 2

A. Society's elite prohibited men without property and women from voting
or having any kind of political involvement.
B. Society's elite prohibited men without property, and women from voting
or having any kind of political involvement. t
Serial comma

Example A implies men had to own property and own women. Example B
makes it clear there were two separate groups who could not vote or have
any political involvement: men without property in one group, and women
in the other.

In general, try to avoid beginning sentences with a coordinating conjunction.

One exception, however, is when trying to emphasize the relationship
information or an idea has with the sentence preceding it:
The prime minister invested heavily in his attempt to be re-elected. But he
failed.

Writing "he failed" as a separate sentence and using the contrasting word
"but" emphasizes the point more powerfully.

2. Correlative conjunctions

The correlative conjunctions are both and, not only ... but also, just as ...
so, either ... or, neither ... nor, whether or.

These conjunctions:
• join information of equal importance.
• add emphasis to the joined information.

Compare the following sentences:

A. Mozart and Beethoven enjoyed great success and fame during their own
lifetimes.
B. Both Mozart and Beethoven enjoyed great successand fame during their
own lifetimes.

In example B,the word "both" emphasizes the two subjects' equal relationship
more than in sentence A.

3. Subordinating conjunctions

Subordinating conjunctions can indicate several different relationships. They:

• create a subordinate clause that depends on an independent clause to
express a complete idea.
• suggest that the independent main clause is more importance than the
dependent subordinate clause.

109
 Below is a table of their common functions with examples.

Showing opposition and although • Although many

contrast even though heads of terrorist
though groups have been
whereas killed or captured in
while the past year, suicide
attacks have actually
increased over the
same period.

Introducing an if • Soccer will likely

alternative unless continue to be a
fringe sport in the
United States unless
there is some way to
make the games more
exciting to watch.

Showing chronological after • As soon as the

order or a sequence as police descended
as soon as on the protestors,
before the peaceful
since demonstration
until quickly turned into an
when uncontrollable riot.
while
• Before the expansion
and adoption of social
networking on the
internet, keeping in
touch with people
took a lot of time and
money.

Showing cause and effect as • Since the Board of

because Education began
since emphasizing
conversational
skills over grammar
knowledge, students'
English proficiency has
improved significantly.

A subordinating conjunction:
• can begin a sentence or be used between the clauses.
• needs a comma between the clauses if the dependent clause comes first.
• does not need a comma if the independent clause comes first.

Examples:

Even though the government distributed it to hospitals and clinics, the vaccine
was known to be completely ineffective in treating the virus.

The vacclne was known to be completely ineffective in treating the virus even
though the government distributed it to hospitals and clinics.

110
 Unit 4 • Part 2

4. Subjunctive adverbs
Subjunctive adverbs show a relationship between ideas in different sentences.
Below are the common functions of subjunctive adverbs, with examples.

The idea is a logical accordingly • Police work often requires

conclusion from the consequently strenuous physical activity.
previous idea. hence Accordingly, entry
subsequently requirements for many
therefore police forces include
thus physical health and fitness
criteria.

• Studies indicate that

children who attend
inner-city schools have
fewer educational
opportunities compared
with the national
average. Hence, these
children are under-
represented in jobs which
require high academic
qualifications.

The idea contrasts conversely • Police work often requires

with the previous however strenuous physical activity:
idea. in contrast Conversely, office work
instead may be detrimental
nevertheless to overall health as
nonetheless it requires very little
still movement.

• Studies indicate that

children who attend
inner-city schools have
fewer educational
opportunities compared
with the national
average. Nonetheless,
every year a number
of these children are
selected for places in top-
ranked universities.

The idea supports additionally • Police work often requires

the previous idea. also strenuous physical activity.
for example Furthermore, the job
for instance may also put officers in
furthermore dangerous situations.
indeed
likewise
• Studies indicate that
children who attend
moreover
inner-city schools have
similarly
fewer educational
to illustrate
opportunities compared
with the national
average. Indeed, parents
of children in these
schools may be justified
in claiming that the
educational system is
unfair.

111
 A subjunctive adverb:
• can often be placed at the beginning, after the main subject, or at the end
of the sentence.
• needs commas to separate it from the words around it.

Examples:

Henry Ford neither invented the car nor the production line. However, he
was the first to mass-produce such a sophisticated machine efficiently.

Henry Ford neither invented the car nor the production line. He was, however,
the first to mass-produce such a sophisticated machine efficiently.

Henry Ford neither invented the car nor the production line. He was the first
to mass-produce such a sophisticated machine efficiently, however.

Linking ideas with punduation

1. Semi-colons (;)

When the relationship between ideas is obvious, semi-colons:

• can replace a conjunction between two independent clauses.
• emphasize the close relationship between the ideas.

Study the following examples.

Coordinating conjunction:
The North American black bear population remains strong, but the Asian
black bear population is decreasing.

Subordinating conjunction:
The North American black bear population remains strong, whereas the Asian
black bear population is decreasing.

Subjunctive adverb:
The North American black bear population remains strong. However, the
Asian black bear population is decreasing.

Semi-colon:
The North American black bear population remains strong; the Asian black
bear population is decreasing.

2. Colons (:)

Colons join an independent clause to a word, phrase, or clause that exemplifies

or explains the preceding idea:
In most countries around the world, people routinely and legally use three of
the most addictive drugs: alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine.

In the example, the list after the colon specifies the three drugs introduced in
the preceding clause as "three of the most addictive drugs."

112
 Unit 4 • Part 2

If an independent clause follows the colon, start it with a capital letter:

Cultures which have an indigenous tradition of vampires or vampire-like
creatures normally have one crucial practice in common: They bury their dead
rather than cremating them.

In this example, the independent clause after the colon begins with a capital
letter and explains the "one crucial practice in common" stated in the first
clause.

Exercise 1 Using appropriate conjunctions, a semicolon, or a colon, write several

possible sentences using the information given.

Example:
• 1946 scientists realize DNA could be transferred between organisms-
possible to create genetically modified (GM) food
• 1983 first genetically modified plant - tobacco

Possible answer sentences:

Although the idea of genetically modifying (GM) organisms dates from 1946,
it was not until 1983 when the first commercial GM crops appeared.

Scientists realized that DNA could be transferred between organisms, but it

was not until 1983 that the first GM crop was created.

Scientists realized that DNA could be transferred between organisms.

However, it was not until 1983 that the first GM crop was created.

In 1946, scientists realized that DNA could be transferred to other organisms

to genetically modify them. But it took until 1983 to create the first GM crop:
tobacco.

1.
• historians disagree on Native American population before
European colonization
• some estimate low 30 million - others high 60 million

113
 2.
• Sony - market value of $21 billion
• Samsung - market value of $162 billion

3.
• the word "snake" from proto Indo-European word "snag"-
"to crawl, or creep"
• the word "sneak" same origin

4.
• Kenya coffee considered best in the world - noted intense flavor,
full body, and mild aroma.
• not large companies with production - about 70% produced
on small-scale farms

5.
• 2010 statistics - rapid increase - read newspapers on internet
• 1.9 billion online newspaper readers worldwide

114
 Unit 4 • Part 2

Sentences in context

The order of information in a sentence is.often determined by the sentences

around it. Sentences must logically connect with each other to create
paragraph cohesion, so writers must decide where to best place information
to clearly indicate important points and achieve smooth transitions between
sentences.

Examples:

A. Beethoven enjoyed widespread fame as a composer during his own

lifetime, but Bach was only known regionally as a talented musician
during his. Beethoven and Bach are now widely considered among the
most important composers of classical music in history.

In example A, the first sentence shows a contrasting relationship between

Beethoven and Bach using "but." In the next sentence, however, the
coordinating conjunction "and" shows Bach and Beethoven's relationship to
be similar. This may confuse the reader.

B. Beethoven enjoyed widespread fame as a composer during his own

lifetime, but Bach was only known regionally as a talented musician
during his. However, both Beethoven and Bach are now widely considered
among the most important composers of classical music in history.

In example B, the writer uses "however" to indicate a contrasting relationship

between the sentences, and then uses "both ... and" to emphasize that
Beethoven and Bach share an important characteristic. This wording helps
emphasize the idea that Bach eventually achieved a similar level of notoriety
as Beethoven.

C. Although the public is overwhelmingly against child labor, there are still
many factories in developing countries which employ children younger
than 10 years old. Because the general public purchases the products
produced by these factories, factories continue to use cheap child labor.

D. Although the public is overwhelmingly against child labor, there are stiff
many factories in developing countries which employ children younger
than 10 years old. Factories continue to use cheap child labor because the
general public purchases the products produced by these factories.

The first sentence in both C and D describes factories. However, the second
sentence in example C starts with information about the general public, which
is an abrupt transition to a new idea which has not been mentioned yet. In
contrast, the second sentence in example D starts with information which has
already been introduced in the previous sentence. This is a smooth transition
because the reader expects the same idea to be continued.

115
 Exercise 2 Use the information in the bullet points to write a sentence that logically
connects to the sentence provided.

Example:
• 2000 first food crop golden rice
• nutrient value increased

Although the idea of genetically modifying (GM) organisms dates from

1946, it was not until 1983 when the first commercial GM crop, tobacco,
appeared.

Possible answer sentence:

Furthermore, it was not until 2000 when the first food crop, golden rice,
was genetically modified to have increased nutrients.

1.
• argue over population killed by European diseases
• some estimates 40% some 80%

Historians argue over the Native American population level before

European colonization: some estimates are as low as 30 million and others
as high as 60 million.

2.
• Forbes magazine (2011), biggest public companies:
Samsung = 26th, Sony = 477th
Although Sony is valued at $21 billion, Samsung is almost eight times
larger at $162 billion.

3.
• the word "snail"
• same origin

Both the word "snake" and "sneak" come from the same proto Indo-
European word "snag," meaning "to crawl, or creep."

..

116
 Unit 4 • Part 2

4.
• Kenya tea - intense full body, malty flavor
• mainly small-scale farms produced

Kenyan coffee is noted for its intense flavor, full body, and mild aroma
and is rarely produced by large companies, with about 70% produced on
small-scale farms.

5.
• traditional newspapers - slight increase
• still 2.3 billion read each day

According to 2010 figures, the number of people reading newspapers

online increased rapidly, and now stands at 1.9 billion readers each day.

Section 4 Active, passive, and nominalization

When constructing a sentence, writers must decide whether to use an

active sentence, a passive sentence, or a nominalization (where an action is
represented in noun form). The decision depends on what information in the
sentence is important.

In general, active sentences are the most common type of sentence. They
represent the relationship between the action and the agent (the noun
that performs the action) as clearly as possible. Passive sentences and
nominalizations are appropriate when the writer wants to emphasize
something other than the agent.

1. Passive sentences

In general, passive sentences are useful in the following situations.

• When the agent is unknown to the reader:

One of the most valuable paintings in the museum was stolen.
• When the agent is clear to the reader:
Much of the world's coffee is grown in Brazil.
The politician was arrested on charges of corruption.
• When the object is more important than the agent:
Although an internet-like system was first used in 1969, the general
public did not use it widely until the 1990s.
If the writer wants to emphasize the use of the internet rather than who
first used it, a passive sentence is more effective.

117
 The new cancer drug was given to patients, and test results were taken.
The writer wants to emphasize the drug and the results rather than the
people who conducted the research.

2. Nominalization

Nominalization is common in academic writing because it creates an

impersonal and objective tone. It is useful in the following situations.

• The action is more important than the agent of the action.

If the writer wants to focus on the issue of drug addiction rather than people
who use drugs, a nominalization is more effective:
People may commit crimes because they are addicted to drugs.
-+ Drug addiction may be a cause of crime.

Nomilization is appropriate if the writer wants to emphasize the action of

speeding itself rather than the people who do it:
A recent report into road safety found that people who drive too fast was the
primary cause of accidents.
-+ A recent report into road safety found that speeding was the primary
cause of accidents.

• To be succinct

Compare these two extracts from an essay on how to boost efficiency among
company employees:
A. Several companies decided to experiment with a new policy aI/owing
their employees to work from home so they can be more productive.
However, these companies realized that trying to get employees to be
more productive while they work at home is difficult because they
become distracted by many things in the home, such as the television
or bed.

B. To boost productivity, several companies decided to experiment with a

new policy aI/owing their employees to work from home. However, the
difficultv of increasing productivity while working from home became
apparent as there are many distractions in the home, such as the
television or bed.

Example A uses the active form, which causes the agent (the companies,
employees, they) to be mentioned multiple times unnecessarily. The
nominalizations in example B make the text more succinct and easier to read.

• To create coherence

A verb used in one sentence can be nominalized when it is the topic in the
following sentence. This creates an effective link between the two sentences:
A recent report into road safety found that speeding was' the primary cause
of accidents. These findings suggest that law enforcement agencies and
public awareness campaigns are not doing enough to discourage people
from driving over the speed limit.

118
 Unit 4 • Part 2

Exercise 3 Considering the guidelines for using active, passive, and nominalization,
choose the most effective sentence to continue.

1. Shakespeare wrote Hamlet some time at the start of the seventeenth

century.

a. Performances of Hamlet are more common than any other

Shakespeare play.

b. Hamlet is performed by theater companies more than any other

Shakespeare play.

2. In contrast to most of the public safety committee's reports, the impact

of this particular report was ineffective.

a. Important information was omitted, which caused confusion.

b. Important information was omitted, which confused people.

3. For the average citizen, it remains difficult to become rich.

a. Economist Karen Miller claims that the most significant barrier to

individual wealth creation is lack of financial incentives.

b. Economist Karen Miller claims that the most significant barrier to

wealth creation is the fact that people have no incentive to create
wealth.

4. A 2010 Department of Health survey revealed numerous sources of

dissatisfaction with large hospitals.

a. For example, many people dislike the long waiting times in large
hospitals.

b. For example, waiting times in large hospitals are unpopular.

5. Local people held a meeting in order to identify the key issues affecting
quality of life in their neighborhood.

a. A number of residents said they were afraid to walk alone at night

because they were afraid of crime.

b. A number of residents said they were afraid to walk alone at night

because of fear of crime.

6. The intense rivalry between many European soccer clubs means that
many players are reluctant to appear in public.

a. This is because they may be insulted or even attacked by rival fans.

b. This is because rival fans may insult or even attack them.

119
 Exercise 4 Use the given information to create new active voice, passive voice,
and nominalization sentences. Be sure to change the word form and add
words so the sentences make sense.

Example:
Subject: researchers
Action verb: collect
Object: data on the behavior of children

Active Voice: Researchers collected data on the behavior of children.

Passive Voice: Data on the behavior of children was collected by researchers.
Nominalization: Collecting data on the behavior of children was the
researchers' assignment.

1.
Subject: nuclear watchdog groups
Action verb: investigate
Object: safety of nuclear power plants

Active voice:

Passive voice:

Nominalization:

2.
Subject: political parties
Action verb: survey
Object: citizens' opinions regarding the proposal to increase
consumption tax

Active voice:

Passive voice:

Nominalization:

3.
Subject: Ministry of Education
Action verb: examine
Object: how high-speed internet can deliver education more
efficiently and effectively

Active voice:

Passive voice:

Nominalization:

120
 Unit 4 • Part 2

4.
Subject: international human rights organizations
Action verb: protest
Object: unequal treatment of women in advanced and developing
countries all over the world

Active voice:

Passive voice:

Nominalization:

5.
Subject: economists
Action verb: hypothesize
Object: correlation between the world economic downturn of 2008
and banks being connected by globalization

Active voice:

Passive voice:

Nominalization:

NOTE: For a comprehensive review activity of units 2 and 3, and unit 4 parts
1 and 2, see Appendix C.

121
 Par t

3 Editing

All writing, especially the initial drafts, can be improved. Editing is the process
of identifying areas for improvement so that the essay is clear and effective.
It is a multi-step process which requires the writer to:
1. check effectiveness.
2. check mechanics.
3. have another person check 1 and 2.

Checking effectiveness

The first step in editing an essay is to check if the essay effectively does what
it is supposed to do - usually to inform and persuade the reader. This requires
looking at the information in each paragraph and deciding what should be
added, cut, or changed.

To check effectiveness, use the following list of questions and notes for each
paragraph type.

1. Introductory paragraph

1. Do the building sentences provide adequate background knowledge on

the topic?
Think of your readers and ask:
• Is there information which the readers likely already know? If so, cut it
from the paragraph.
• Is any more information needed to help readers understand the essay's
thesis? If so, add it to the paragraph.

2. Is the motive for the essay clear?

Goal: To have readers understand why the essay is worth writing.

3. Does the thesis have a clear position?

Goal: To have readers understand what the purpose of the essay is.

122
 Unit 4 • Part 3

4. Does the thesis answer the question prompt?

To answer this question:
• Look at the essay prompt again.
• Then look at the thesis.
• Make sure the thesis uses the words (the same or synonyms) used in the
question prompt.

2. Body paragraphs

1. Does each paragraph have a topic sentence which explains the theme of
the paragraph?
Goal: To have readers know what information will be presented in the
paragraph.

2. Does each topic sentence directly support the thesis?

• List all the topic sentences below the thesis.

I Thesis

Topic sentence

I Topic sentence

I Topic sentence

• Check that there is logical coherence between the thesis and topic
sentences.

3. Do the supporting sentences in each body paragraph directly and

adequately support the topic sentence?
Check for the "waltz":
• Write the number" 1" next to each claim sentence. Check that each
claim makes a statement in support of the topic sentence.
• Write the number "2" next to each piece of evidence supporting a
claim. Check that:
- each claim has evidence supporting it.
- the evidence is directly related to the claim.
• Write the number "3" next to each explanation sentence. Check that
the explanation:
- helps readers understand the meaning of the evidence in relation
to the topic sentence.
does not simply repeat the claim.

123
 • If any of the three "waltz" sentences are missing, add them to the
paragraph.

4. If the essay requires counter-arguments and rebuttals, are they included?

Goal: To show that the writer has considered different perspectives.

5. Are the arguments logical?

Check for:
• overgeneralizations.
• irrelevance.

3. Concluding paragraph

1. Are the readers reminded of the thesis and main arguments?

Check that:
• the thesis is restated in words different from the original.
• a summary of each body paragraph is provided.

2. Is there an effective final thought?

Check that:
• the essay closes with something for the reader to consider regarding
the topic.
• no new information is provided which may confuse the reader.

Checking mechanics

After checking effectiveness, check the mechanics of the essay. This includes:
1. language.
2. use of outside sources.
3. grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization.

1. Language
The following questions can be asked to check for clarity, accuracy, and power.

1. Is the meaning of each sentence clear?

Goal: To ensure each sentence is understandable.

2. Could hedging language be added?

Goal: To avoid overgeneralizations.

3. Could intensifying language be added?

Goal: To better emphasize an idea.

4. Are transitional words or phrases necessary?

Goal: To create cohesion between the sentences.

124
 Unit 4 • Part 3

5. Could the passive form or nominalization be used?

Goal: To place emphasize on a certain point within a sentence.

6. Is there any redundancy?

Check that words and sentences are not a repeat of prior words and
sentences in the essay. For example:

Before the early twentieth century, medicines were developed and sold to
the public relatively free of government regulations, at times resulting in
lethal ami deadly consequences vthich killed many people.

High unemployment causes anxiety in society and is one of the major

reasons politicians lose elections. Some politicians are voted out of
office because of the public's worry over not being able to find work.
Statistics show that less than 10 percent of presidents of a country with an
unemployment rate of over 20 percent were re-elected.

7. Are there any first- and second-person pronouns (I, we, us, you)?
The use of such pronouns is not academic style and should be avoided.

2. Use of outside sources

Including information from outside sources is necessary to strengthen

arguments in an essay. Therefore, citing sources accurately is essential, so ask
the following questions.

1. Is information from outside sources cited properly?

Goal: To allow readers to find the source of the information easily in the
References list.

2. Is plagiarism avoided?
In addition to proper citation, writers should check that:
• shorter quotes have quotation marks, longer quotes are indented
within a paragraph.
• paraphrases and summaries do not repeat the wording of the original
source.

3. Are quotations overused?

If so, change some of the quotations to paraphrases or summaries.
_Goal: To have the essay mostly be the writer's own words.

3. Grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization

Have the small mistakes been fixed?

Writing filled with errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, and capitalization

is very distracting to a reader. Word processors can identify many of these
errors, so writers should fix them before submitting an essay for evaluation.
Not doing so reflects poorly on the writer, who could be perceived as lazy for
not bothering to correct small mistakes.

125
 NOTE: Certain mistakes are difficult to detect by a word processor, so some
time should still be spent manually checking for grammar, punctuation,
spelling, and capitalization errors.

Editing by another person

After spending time writing and editing an essay, detecting areas for
improvement becomes much more difficult for the writer. Therefore, another
person's perspective on an essay is helpful because it is fresher and often
more objective than the writer's own. Certain errors, such as logical fallacies
and confusing wording, are often much easier for another person to detect.

The following checklists are for a two-person editing process. Next to the
questions in each step are two boxes, one to be checked by the writer and
another one to be checked by an outside person.

First edit: checking effectiveness

Introductory paragraph

1. Do the building sentences provide adequate background knowledge

on the topic?

2. Is the motive for the essay clear?

3. Does the thesis have a clear position?

4. Does the thesis answer the question prompt?

Body paragraphs

5. Does each paragraph have a topic sentence which explains the theme
of the paragraph?

6. Does each topic sentence directly support the thesis?

7. Do the supporting sentences in each body paragraph directly and

adequately support the topic sentence?

8. Are counter-arguments presented and rebutted?

9. Are the arguments logical?

Concluding paragraph

10. Are the readers reminded of the thesis and main arguments?

11. Is there an effective final thought?

126
 Unit 4 • Part 3

Second edit: checking mechanics

language

1. Is the meaning of each sentence clear?

2. Could hedging language be added?

3. Could intensifying language be added?

4. Are transitional words or phrases necessary?

5. Would the passive voice or nominalization make sentences more

effective?

6. Are there any sentence fragments?

7. Is there any redundancy?

8. Is any language subjective?

9. Are there any first- and second-person pronouns (I, we, us, you)?

Use of outside sources

10. Is information from outside sources cited properly?

11. Is plagiarism avoided?

12. Are quotations overused?

Grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization

13. Have the small mistakes been fixed?

Exercise 1 Use the checklists on the previous page and above to edit the following
essay.

Essay prompt:
Describe the impact of social networking sites (SNS). Note the similarities and
differences in the role SNS plays across different age groups. Include research
and statistics to support your arguments.

Social Networking

Many people have used the internet, especially tenagers. Tenager

across the Globe are learning how to become internet superstars. In

an era of increasing digital connection, social networking sites (SNS)

are gaining in popularity and changing the way that generations of

internet users communicate with friend and person that they have
never met before. More people are using SNS to keep up with people

they know and meeting new people. Older genrations claims that SNS

127
 interaction is a cheapened or superficial forms of communication and

may slow or harm teenagers' ability to grow into young adults who

are able to be sociable in society. However, they are wrong because

SNS allows them to do many things. For example, mold their identities,
broadcast their ideas, and connect with friends both old and new.
Some of my friends have even met their spouse through SNS. SNS are
excellent because they offer a variety of ways are rewriting the way

that teenagers grow as human beings.

SNS allows teenager to mold their identities. Cool sites such as
Facbook, which is currently the blgest and best of the SNS, allows
users to add a variety of information about themselves to their profiles
which can be seen by many people. While all users opt to display

basic details such as their gander, birthday and relationship status

in their profiles, they also include items such as their favorite books,

movies and music (Catherine Dwyer) which help shape their identity
even more. Tiffany mentioned, teenagers also feel comfortable

displaying their sexual orientation, religion, and political affiliations,

and this shows that teenagers are using the SNS experience to help

control their overall identity (Tiffany Pempek). Teenagers shape their

identity this way and they spend a lot of time on it. This large amount
of time teenagers spend shows that they value the attention they
get from people who look at their profile. This means they find value
face-to-face contact less. It is clear that teenagers spend a lot of time

constructing their profile on the internet in SNS. This is a new and

better way for teenagers to mold an identity which many people can
see.
SNS are changing the way people interact with other people by

providing a new form of communication among people. Teenagers are

now easily able to broadcast their ideas via one-to-many broadcasting.
For instance, it is possible to post messages on a friend's wall through
Facebook or share an witty remark with one's followers on Twitter,
and these remarks are freely available for other people to see. Twitter
is actually more popular than Facebook. SNS are able to have video

and photos uploaded. An advantage for teenagers.

Social networking sites gives people who has online access a
way to maintain friendships. A person joins a particular SNS because
he was invited by a friend. They can stay in touch with friends more

easily. Especially with people who live in a foreign country. People

can use SNS to find new friends who may share similar interests.

128
 Unit 4 • Part 3

The Twiter network is growing rapidly and always recommends

following other users who comment on similar topics (Mashable),

so any person who has an account with Twiter can quickly establish

connections with individuals who may share similar interests virtually.

Facbook allows users to help their contacts find friends on top of the

onese they already have through a system which recommends other

possible friends. I like how SNS inform me of people I know and which
someone else I know knows, and so I can friend these people. It's easy
and anyone can realize how SNS can improve their lives by becoming
friends with everyone.

In conclusion, through the use of social networking sites, which

are constantly developing, tenager are maturing in society faster

and quicker than their parents, who are not able to experience the

advantages of SNS. Such as establishing their identity or making

new friends. Teenagers become smarter because they can exchange

opinions with everyone, and having many friends makes teenagers

more popular. Research also show that people who do not use SNS
have a big disadvantage when trying to find a job. Social networking
sites will continue in the future, so it is necessary for teenagers to learn
how to interact socially online if they want to be popular and find a job
in the fture.

References

Adam Ostrow. "Twitter Starts Offering Personalized Suggestions of

Users to Follow." Mashable .com. <http://mashable.com/2010/07/30/
twitter-suggestions-for-you/>.

Catherine Dwyer, Starr Roxanne Hiltz and Katia Passerini. "Trust

and privacy concern within social networking sites: A comparison of
Facebook and MySpace." 2007.

Jilin Chen, et al. 'Make New Friends, but Keep the Old'
Recommending People on Social Networking Sites." <http://portal.
acm.org/citation.cfm?id=1S18701&picked=prox&cfid=3010S84&cftok
en=38427102>.

Tiffany A. Pempek, Yevdokiya A. Yermolayeva, and Sandra L.

Calvert. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology <http://www.
sciencedirect.com/science/>.

129
Appendix A
Essay genres .
The words in the essay prompt indicate what genre of essay is required. Essay genres can usually be
divided into three main categories:
1. argumentative essay.
2. expository essay.
3. compare and contrast essay.

An argumentative essay takes a position of a controversial issue. For example:

• Argue for and against extending the school week from five to six days.
• How far has the United Nations been successful in fulfilling its stated objectives?
The writer should include counter-arguments (arguments against his or her position) and rebuttals
against the counter-arguments to show that both sides of the issue have been considered thoroughly.
The example essay, "Nuclear Power: A viable means of meeting our future energy demands" on page
24 is an argumentative essay.

A common sub-genre of argumentative essays is the problem-solution essay. This essay type focuses on
a specific problem and proposes a solution. For example:
• Obesity in children is becoming a serious concern in many developed countries. Suggest a
solution to alleviate this problem.
• What lifestyle changes can ordinary people make in order to stop global warming?
The position in the thesis should propose a realistic solution that is supported with clear reasons, details,
and examples in the body paragraphs. It is common to include counter-arguments and rebuttals to
make the writer's solution more convincing. The example essay on tourism in Antarctica on page 53 is a
problem-solution essay.

An expository essay explains or describes a system, event, process, or person. For example:
• Describe the change in the character of Hamlet and account for this change.
• Explain how certain twentieth century technology has helped transform the workplace.
The writer should be conscious of how much readers are likely to know about the topic, and then
provide information that may be enlightening to the readers.

A compare and contrast essay compares and contrasts specific, related points between two or more
subjects. Some essay questions in this genre simply require writers to show the similarities and/or
differences between the subjects. For example:
• Compare the health care systems of France and the United States.

130
Other essay questions may require the writer to make an objective evaluation based on the similarities
and/or differences discussed in the essay. For example:
• Compare the health care systems of France and the United States. Then evaluate the more
successful of the two in terms of overall public health.
Compare and contrast essays can be organized either subject-by-subject (with particular body paragraphs
discussing several points about one of the subjects, and then another body paragraph discussing the
other subject) or point-by-point (with each body paragraph discussing one point about both subjects).
Compare and contrast essays should discuss both subjects objectively and with equal amounts of detail
for each.

131
Appendix B
Additional citation rules (APA style)
Below is a list of additional rules for in-text citation and References lists.

Two authors
When two authors' names are included in the sentence, use" and." When their names appear after the
sentence in pa rentheses, use" &."

Examples:
Aisenberg and Goldade (2012) argue that simply buying fair trade goods does not solve poverty in Africa
because many of the fair trade items do not even come from Africa.

Simply buying fair trade goods does not solve poverty in Africa because many of the fair trade items do
not even come from Africa (Aisenberg & Goldade, 2012).

The entry on a References list for the above examples is:

Aisenberg, N., & Goldade, M. (2012). The future of fair trade: How fair can it be? Journal of Political
Geography, 29, 139-151.

Three to five authors

When three to five authors' names are included in the sentence, use "and" before the last author. When
their names appear after the sentence in parentheses, use" &" before the last author.

Examples:
Whitmore, Bay, and Henderson (2012) warn that charging the batteries to full (100%) or leaving them
empty (0%) actually shortens the overall battery life of smart phones because it damages the batteries.

Charging the batteries to full (100%) or leaving them empty (0%) actually shortens the overall battery
life of smart phones because it damages the batteries (Whitmore, Bay, & Henderson, 2012).

Three to five authors (subsequent citations)

When the same authors are mentioned again, write the first author's name and abbreviate the rest by
using "et al."

Examples:
Accorting to Whitmore et al. (2012), using smart phones while they are charging also shortens the
battery life because the heat generated while charging and using damages the batteries.

Using smart phones while they are charging also shortens the battery life because the heat generated
while charging and using damages the batteries (Whitmore et al., 2012).

132
The entry on a References list for the preceding examples is:
Whitmore, S., Bay, F., & Henderson, J. (2012). Improving the battery life of smart phones. Mobile
Technology, 13, 26-35.

NOTE: When there are six or more authors, do not include all the names in-text. Write only the first
author's name and "et al." every time.

Acronyms
If the source is written by an organization rather than an individual author, write the full name of the
organization first and include its acronym in parentheses.

Examples:
The Alliance of Concerned Parents (ACP, 2012) believes that marijuana is a gateway drug which may be
less detrimental but can lead to more dangerous drugs or crimes.

Marijuana is believed to be a gateway drug which may be less detrimental but can lead to more
dangerous drugs or crimes (Alliance of Concerned Parents [ACP], 2012).

Acronyms (subsequent citations)

When the same organization is mentioned again, use the acronym.

Examples:
It is reported by ACP (2012) that 50% of teenagers start smoking cigarettes for no particular reason.

Fifty percent of teenagers start smoking cigarettes for no particular reason (ACP, 2012).

The entry on a References list for the above examples is:

Alliance of Concerned Parents. (2012). Preventing drug use among high school students. Retrieved from
httpllwww.acp.orgllpreventing_drug_use.html

Including a page number

When a quote is from a print source such as a book, a magazine, or a journal, indicate the page number
of the source the quote came from.

Examples:
Although having had periods of great success, the fashion industry is set for more prosperous times.
According to Giordano (2012), "The best days of the fashion industry may have yet to be realized with
the awakening of the Asian market" (p. 29).

Although having had periods of great success, the fashion industry is set for more prosperous times.
Indeed, one industry analyst claims that "the best days of the fashion industry may have yet to be
realized with the awakening of the Asian market" (Giordano, 2012, p. 29).

The entry on a References list for the above examples is:

Giordano, A. (2012). Globalizing fashion industry. New York, NY: Vogue Publishing.

133
Secondhand citation
When the information used in the essay is to be found in a secondary source (a source which is written
by a different author), indicate the name of the secondary source using the phrase "as cited in."

Examples:
The International Energy Agency (as cited in Nuclear Energy Institute, 2012) insists that greenhouse gas
emissions over a nuclear reactor's life cycle are actually lower than what wind or solar power would emit
over a similar period at a similar wattage.

According to the International Energy Agency, greenhouse gas emissions over a nuclear reactor's life cycle
are actually lower than what wind or solar power would emit over a similar period at a similar wattage
(as cited in Nuclear Energy Institute, 2012).

The entry on a References list for the above examples is:

Nuclear Energy Institute. (2012). Life-cycle emissions analysis. Retrieved from http://www.nei.org/
keyissues/protectingtheenvironmentllifecycleemissionsanaIysis/htm

Citing different information from the same author published in the same year
To cite information from the same author of different publications in the same year, distinguish them by
adding" a, b, c ... " to the year in both the in-text citation and References list entry.

Example:
Kwon (2009a) argued for stricter environmental enforcement in the protected coastal areas. Indeed,
in her keynote address at the Wetlands Conservation Plus conference, she openly criticized the local
conservation authorities for their seeming unwillingness to stop illegal fishing and logging (Kwon,
2009b).

The entries on a References list for the above example are:

Kwon, J. (2009a). Dying corals: Will they be extinct in 50 years? Journal of Marine Biology, 55, 893-896.
Kwon, J. (2009b). Humans at the top of the food chain? Keynote presented at the Wetlands Conservation
Plus Conference, Dublin, Ireland.

Source information with no dates

If the information to be cited has no date, write "n.d." in place of the year.

Examples:
California Open College (n.d.) produced an orientation pamphlet "Welcome to Academia" to further
emphasize the university's zero-tolerance policy toward any academic misconduct or infraction.

The orientation pamphlet "Welcome to Academia" further emphasized the university's zero-tolerance
policy toward any academic misconduct or infraction (California Open College, n.d.).

134
The entry on a References list for the preceding examples is:
Welcome to Academia. (n.d.). [Brochure]. San Francisco, CA: California Open College.

Synthesizing multiple sources

When two or more sources are synthesized into one paraphrase or summary, include all the sources in
the in-text citation. Use a semi-colon to separate the sources in parenthesis.

Examples:
Yang (2004) and Matapang (2008) both found that students' second language acquisition was not
inhibited by periodic use of their native language during class.

Two studies concluded that students' second language acquisition was not inhibited by periodic use of
their native language during class (Yang, 2004; Matapang, 2008).

The entries on a References list for the above examples are:

Matapang, A. (2008). A case study of L1-use in Manila junior school English classes. Luzon Studies in
Education and Curricula, 8, 34-37.
Yang, T. (2004). Additional Language Learning: The Impact of the Mother Tongue: Vol. 1. Hong Kong:
Somerset & Liu.

Unknown author
When the source is an article in a publication with no known author, use the full title of the article if it
appears in the sentence. If the source is cited in parentheses, use the full title if it is short, or just the first
few key words if it is long.

Examples:
According to "Solar power: A painful eclipse" (2011), the limitations of solar power prohibit it from
being a viable alternative to power generated from fossil fuels.

The limitations of solar power prohibit it from being a viable alternative to power generated from fossil
fuels (Solar power, 2011).

The entry on a References list for the above examples is:

Solar power: A painful eclipse. (2011, October 15). The Economist. Retrieved from http://www.economist.
com/node/21532279

135
NOTE: Adding credibility and authority to the sources
Adding more information about a source to its in-text citation is not required, but doing so can increase
its credibility and authority, and make the essay sound more reliable.

Examples:
According to David MacKay (2008), nuclear power produces about 760 ml of radioactive waste per
person, per year, that must be securely stored for about 1,000 years.

According to Cambridge University physics professor David MacKay (2008), nuclear power produces
about 760 ml of radioactive waste per person, per year, that must be securely stored for about 1,000
years.

In the above two examples, the second example indicates that the source David MacKay is a professor
of physics at Cambridge University (it is underlined in this example to distinguish the information - in an
essay, it would not be underlined). This additional information separates MacKay from ordinary people,
and adds more credibility to the information he provides.

136
Appendix C
Review activity
This activity requires all aspects of a complete academic paragraph: topic sentence, waltz organization,
•
in-text citation, reporting verbs, varied sentence types, and logical connections.

Use the information provided to write a body paragraph. The paragraph should:
• include the paragraph theme in a topic sentence.
• use the paragraph ideas organized with the waltz pattern.
• include the source information and citation in the paragraph.
• include extra information from the references page entry, if desired.
• use effective sentences that logically connect to each other.

Example:
Essay topic: rail travel
Paragraph theme: effects of technology on level of rail travel
Paragraph ideas:
• air travel growing popularity 1950s
• automobile - private and affordable after World War II
• travel by rail losing traditional domination
• high-speed passenger rail service spreading to many countries 1970s
Integrate the following source information as a quote:
"The development and successful application of high speed rail technologies not only revolutionized
passenger train travel, but also saved it from certain extinction." Page 54
References page entry:
Porter, s. (1994). The Last Century of Rail. Chicago: Hope Western Publishing.

Paragraph:
Technology had a profound effect on the level of rail travel in the latter half of the twentieth
century. After World War II, traveling by automobile and air became increasingly popular. This growing
popularity threatened traditional rail travel, the dominant form of transport until then. However, as
Porter (1994) emphasizes in The Last Century of Rail, "The development and successful application
of high speed rail technologies not only revolutionized passenger train travel, but also saved it from
certain extinction" (p. 54). Now, due to this success, high-speed passenger rail travel has been spreading
worldwide since the 1970s.

137
Essay topic: the effect of Europeans on Native Americans
Paragraph theme: horses
Paragraph ideas:
• horse introduced to North America in sixteenth century
• quick impact
• Indian tribes living on plains especially influenced
• could move more easily, expand territory
• could hunt and fight more effectively
On a separate piece of paper, paraphrase the following source information and integrate it in the
paragraph:
Eighteenth century French explorers recorded their great surprise that every plains Indian tribe they
encountered had fully integrated horses into their way of life.
References page entry:
Morrison, H. (2009). Post Columbus America: Western Ways and the Native Peoples. St. Louis: Tynes
and Mackie Ltd.

2
Essay topic: comparison of the ancient and modern Olympics
Paragraph theme: similarity
Paragraph ideas:
• ancient and modern Olympics not always different
• ancient games - high status for victors - very competitive
• ancient athletes look for advantages to win - used drugs
• athletics unchanged - performance enhancing drugs always present
On a separate piece of paper, integrate the following source information as a quote:
"Such is their desire for glory and riches, Olympic Games athletes eat bread containing potentially
dangerous juice of the plant poppy opium, or potions made from a plant called hippouris for muscle
mass and increased strength." Page 75
Quote is by the Greek philosopher Filostratos (third century Be) from his work Gymnasticos.
References page entry:
Stamkos, B. (2004). The game that never changes - Legal and illegal performance enhancing drugs in
sport. Journal of Recreation, 9(16), 74-83.

3
Essay topic: the modern wireless society
Paragraph theme: working mothers maintain careers
Paragraph ideas:
• traditionally, women sacrifice important part of life - careers - when children born - doing both
not effective and very difficult
• modern wireless society - can provide women with control over lives - create better work-life
balance people want

138
On a separate piece of paper, synthesize the following information from two different sources into one
summary and integrate it into a paragraph:
In the survey, mothers who worked at home an average of 2.8 days per week using a wireless device
reported they were happier working from home because they could be with their children, and felt they
were more productive with their jobs.
References page entry for above information:
Jornada, E., Ng, A., & Reger, T. (2012). A study of stay at home mothers maintaining their careers. Career
and Culture. Retrieved from http://www.carandcul.or.belarch/23rftS/87bvt19.htm

In the study of women whose employers allowed wireless connection from home, 62% said they were
significantly or somewhat more productive even with their children at home; 87% said they were much
happier working from home with their children.
References page entry for above information:
Elliot, K., Marr, D., Nguyen, D., De Tina, A., Tan, V., Schopenhauer, F., & Cleary, W. (2013). The changing
face of the workplace. Studies in Social and Technological Interaction, 34(2), 114-120.

4
Essay topic: results of economic development on developing countries
Paragraph theme: changes in Indian social stratification
Paragraph ideas:
• young associate with people to get economic opportunities
• birth privilege less important now
• personal merit required
• economic class system replacing caste system
On a separate piece of paper, paraphrase the following source information and integrate it in the
paragraph:
"A recent survey found that 84% of business owners, entrepreneurs, and managers under 40 years of
age said that skill, intelligence, ambition, and proven business success, not caste, were the only factors
influencing hiring people or partnering with them."
References page entry:
Chatterjee, V. (2009, October 14). The new path to losing our old path. Asia - International Gazette,
p. C2.

S
Essay topic: threats to marine ecosystems
Paragraph theme: need to protect coral reefs
Paragraph ideas:
• important for marine life and humans
• even small changes in ecosystem - sometimes big effects huge
diversity of marine life live in coral reefs - loss or damage of so many species could have
broad-ranging impacts on the ocean
• humans need reefs - their loss would be a huge blow to a number of industries.

139
On a separate piece of.paper, integrate the following source information as a quote:
"Coral reefs are the rainforest of the sea. Over 25% of fish in the ocean and as many as two million
marine species live in or depend on coral reefs for survival." Page 93
Quote is from Pauline Santos, head biologist at the Pacific Conservation Institute.

References page entry for above information:

Foster, D. (2012). Marine life in danger. San Francisco: Pelican.

Paraphrase the following information and integrate it into the paragraph:

Tropical coral reefs have an estimated value of $30 to $40 billion every year. They provide food and
medicine, create tourism, and prevent damage to coastlines. The local economies of many communities
in developing countries in particular rely on reefs for their survival.

References page entry for above information:

Obingwe, D. (2010). Assessing the impact of human activity on reef sustainability. Retrieved from http://
www.coral.research.org/obingwe.htm

140
Comprising three course books, this series is aimed at university students
in all disciplines who require instruction in completing academic writing
tasks. Through extensive use of examples, model texts, and practical
activities, the course develops the essential skills needed to compose texts
which meet the expectations of an academic reader.

Academic Writing Skills 3 looks at the specific components of academic

writing, such as avoiding logical fallacies, and synthesizing and improving
the clarity of sentences. It is appropriate for advanced writing students
needing to develop specific writing and analytical skills to complete
academic writing tasks.

The skills emphasized in this volume include:

• Taking a position for different academic tasks
• Developing a logical sequence of ideas in paragraphs
• Effectively paraphrasing, summarizing, and quoting outside sources
• Synthesizing and integrating outside sources
• Using different citation styles and in-text citation techniques
• Writing strong and descriptive sentences
• Using hedging and intensifiers, and transitional words and phrases

Learning Links:
Advanced Grammar in Use with Answers and CD-ROM
English Vocabulary in Use Advanced with Answers and CD-ROM
Academic Vocabulary in Use with Answers 3'),J r.OO
vU • v

English
Vocabulary
IIrI!m

978-0-521-61403-0 978-0-521-67746-2 978-0-521-68939-7