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The Power Principle

Dr. Blaine Lee outlines useful methods to overcome powerlessness. He says There are three paths to power: coercive, Utility and principle-centered. When others honor you, you will have sustained, long-term influence with them, he says. Lee: you choose to be powerless or powerful every day.

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100% found this document useful (1 vote)
14K views13 pages

The Power Principle

Dr. Blaine Lee outlines useful methods to overcome powerlessness. He says There are three paths to power: coercive, Utility and principle-centered. When others honor you, you will have sustained, long-term influence with them, he says. Lee: you choose to be powerless or powerful every day.

Uploaded by

edi_santosa5798
Copyright
© Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
You are on page 1/ 13

WISDOM IN A NUTSHELL

The Power Principle


Influence with honor

By
Stephen R. Covey and Blaine Lee
A Fireside book by Simon & Schuster 1998
ISBN 0-684-81058-1
Pbk 0-684-84616-0
363 pages

Businesssummaries.com is a business book summaries service. Every week, it


sends out to subscribers a 9- to 12-page summary of a best-selling business
book chosen from among the hundreds of books printed out in the United States.
For more information, please go to http://www.bizsum.com.
The Power Principle Page 2

The Big Idea

Dr. Blaine Lee outlines useful methods to overcome powerlessness, emphasizing


that in our business or personal lives, we are always faced with a Choice. This is
a book for people who need to understand the greatest power is that which
comes through integrity, how principle-centered power, or the way you live your
life, is the way to getting the kind of power, respect, and honor that outlasts a
lifetime.

The Answer is in You


The key to power is honor. When others honor you, you will have sustained, long-term influence
with them. This is the Power Principle.

Nine Positive Premises


1. You already understand much about power because you have experienced its many
forms as others have influenced you.
2. Power and influence can be acquired and developed.
3. You choose to be powerless or powerful every day.
4. Powerlessness and each of the three paths to power have different foundations.
5. Depending on the situation, you may attempt to influence others with honor, with fairness,
with fear, or you may sometimes doubt your ability to influence at all.
6. The results you get with each approach are absolutely predictable.
7. Whatever your official title or position, ultimately your ability to influence others is a result
of what you are, as well as what you do.
8. You can change.
9. You can make a difference, for good, and the world needs what you can do.

When we follow principle-based living, it makes for more effective practices.

Chapter 1. Power and Influence


People have an innate sense of who is powerful in any situation.

There are three paths to power:


1. Influencing people through Fear, or Coercive power
2. Making deals or exchanges in Fairness, or Utility power
3. People follow us because they give us respect and Honor, or Principle-centered power

The ability to exercise integrity in the moment of choice, or making decisions based on what is
right, is the essence of Principle-centered power.

The Power Process

YOU

CHOICE

Powerless Powerful

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The Power Principle Page 3

Doubt Coercive Utility Principle-Centered


Fear Fairness Honor

Chapter 2. Powerlessness – why don’t they listen to me?

Powerlessness erodes our self-esteem and our effectiveness in dealing with others.

The Victim Mentality, or Choosing to be powerless:


• We feel if we cannot solve a problem in 30 minutes or 30 days, we have failed.
• We accept things because we feel powerless to change them.
• We impose “busy-ness” in our lives so we never have the chance to step back and really
see where we are going or what is really happening to us. We never slow down to notice
things which may be demanding our attention until it is too late.
• We become powerless when we simply accept the life we have rather than make our own
decisions to change.

Early pioneers in America had a strong sense of self-reliance, a different mentality than most
Americans today. They either “fixed it up, wore it out, made do, or did without”. These settlers are
examples of the kind of people we could be if we make the choice to empower ourselves. Once
we expect others to do things for us, we stop searching for ways to do it ourselves. We end up
always trying to justify that everyone else has the power except us.

As we get older, we grow more and more insecure over our ability to influence and have power.
Our self-esteem is eroded slowly over time, perhaps because a recent setback caused us to think
we aren’t that great after all, and maybe we just can’t achieve what we set out to.

Reactions to Disappointment/Failures
If we don’t snap out of it, we could go in a downward spiral

Disappointment
Discouragement
Depression
Despondence
Despair
Defeat
Destruction

The general sense of powerlessness we feel when faced with a particular situation for which
there is no apparent way out comes to a climax in the decision to take one’s own life. Some sort
of loss, maybe a loss of a job, a loved one, a relationship, or a significant loss of status
precipitates this decision. Even a strong fear of impending loss can trigger feelings of
powerlessness.

Seeking out other people is often the key to emerging from a severely depressed state.

Reliable Preventive Measures:


1. Be with a trusted friend or family member
2. Be with someone who will listen and understand, who is patient and kind.
3. Engage in some diversion.
4. Lose yourself in work, and worthwhile activities.

Barriers to Power

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• Pride. An example is how young people are unwilling to commit to a long-term


relationship, unwilling to submit themselves to full accountability and to the things that
make a serious relationship durable. Because they are unwilling to give more of
themselves, they cannot get what they want from others. The result is a long string of
superficial relationships, and a lot of lonely young people in the world searching for “soul
mates” and life partners but themselves unwilling to commit.
• Ignorance makes us settle for less because we simply don’t know what options are
available or what is actually possible.
• Negative feedback. Imagine if someone like Enrico Caruso had listened to one of his
earlier teachers and critics, the world would never have heard his golden voice. Trust
your instincts and let no one deter you from following your dream.
• Escape conditioning. We escape rather than face a potentially hurtful situation by
responding out of fear. We never know whether another outcome might have been
possible because we simply didn’t try.
• Learned helplessness. In scientific experiments, it was proven that animals once
harnessed to prevent their escape would no longer try to escape even after the
harnesses were removed. Humans behave similarly. Just look at the large number of
women who are afraid to leave their abusive husbands or boyfriends. We may refuse to
take action because we are paralyzed and think there is no way out. We doubt our own
ability to make a difference.

Chapter 3. Power shift –from powerless to powerful


Once we realize that we always have a Choice, there is always something we can do, we begin
to fortify our power base.

An example of the Power of the Powerless is the story of a boy named Oliver. Born blind, deaf,
and mute, he was fed, bathed, and cared for lovingly by his family for 32 years. It was this
physically powerless human being that actually had the power to help his able-bodied brother
choose the right woman to marry. Chris De Vinck, the author of this most powerful story, had
brought home a girlfriend to meet his family. When asked if she would like to meet Oliver, the girl
declined. It was the second girl, one with cheerfulness and compassion, who was even delighted
and volunteered to feed Oliver, whom Chris married. The power of the seemingly powerless
Oliver was great in that he could bring out the compassion in others, letting his brother see the
difference in character of the two women.

MADD or Mothers Against Drunk Driving is an organization that was established by Candace
Lightner, a mother of a young girl named Cari who was killed in a drunk driving accident. Instead
of wallowing in self-pity and playing the victim, Candace chose to do something about this
destructive behavior in others, and created a major force which today has national power and
influence. MADD has helped 1,200 drunk-driving laws get enacted, while fatalities from drunk-
driving have diminished markedly, and existing legislation in 47 states has been changed, all
because of one woman’s choice to be powerful, not powerless.

Self-assessment
Below is a brief self-assessment designed to help you determine where you are in your personal
journey to increase your own power. Consider each question carefully. Reflect on your answers
and be honest with yourself.
1. Under what circumstances are you likely to become immobilized by doubt or lack of faith?
2. What triggers this reaction in you? Can you describe your doubts?
3. In these situations, what better alternatives have you not chosen that seem at first
unlikely or improbable?
4. What is one thing you could do that would challenge the irrational thought that the best
thing to do is nothing?
5. Is there another way? What is another alternative?

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The Power Principle Page 5

Chapter 4. Coercive Power –controlling others through fear

In a climate of fear, especially in the workplace, coercive power may get the job done, in the
short-term, but in the long-term, losses are greater due to:
• Employees feeling unfairly treated, resulting in office theft, or more sick-outs, cheating the
time clock, and poor quality of work.
• Ideas are not aired for fear of criticism, public humiliation, and thereby suppression of
creativity and innovation
• Fear makes subordinates follow or obey, even if the leader is wrong.

Emotional factors that trigger loss of control, causing us to use force on others:
• Impatience
• Fatigue
• Loneliness
• Anger
• Emotional scripting (or how you were treated as a child)
• Expedience or pressure from a deadline
• Any other approach requires too much effort, time, or patience
• Feels good to control others
• Lack skill, desire, or information needed to do anything else/provide alternative
approaches
• Mental illness
• Hormonal or chemical imbalance
• Substance abuse
• Psychopathology
• Sociopathology
• Lack of hope
• It is the only way
• Ego is threatened
• Insecurity
• Short-term effectiveness

Social factors that trigger control


• Peer approval
• Social sanctions
• Social modeling
• Mob psychology
• It gets the job done
• Short-term payoffs seem worth it

The Results of Coercion


Dick Grote summarizes 5 primary problems with punishment as a management tool in the
workplace:

1. Supervisors allow some people more leeway than others.


2. Supervisors often hesitate until there is no alternative.
3. Over time, punishment loses its power.
4. Since people avoid the things they are hit with, punishment produces avoidance.
5. Although short-term consequences include immediate improvement, long-term results
are disastrous.

Self-assessment:

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1. Under what circumstances are you likely to invoke coercive power?


2. What triggers this reaction in you? What are you afraid of?
3. In these situations, what do you do that creates fear in others?
4. What results are you getting that cause you to continue approaching others this way?
5. What is another alternative?
6. What potential results would be worth a change in your approach?

Chapter 5. Utility power – Let’s make a deal.


Types of utility power:
Reward power. Based on other’s expectations, can be social, monetary, plaques of recognition,
this acts as a reinforcer of the behavior you want.
Positional power. You have the job or title that causes others to listen to you.
Expert power. You have the special skill, or expertise that others need.
Charisma power. People are drawn to you.
Informational power. You know something others need to know.
Opportunity power. When a crisis presents an opportunity for you to shine, people remember your
actions long after the crisis is over.
Resource power. You are the gatekeeper or have access to resources, people, commodities or
goods that are not necessarily yours.
Instrumental power. You have the capacity to get things done.
Appraisal power. Your feedback is critical to the members of a group
Relational power. You know someone who is powerful.

As adults we use utility power more commonly than coercive power. Some of the reasons we use
it is it brings results, it’s fair, it works, it’s low-risk, and creates mutual back-scratching.

Utility power can be both good and bad. You can increase your awareness, lower the cost of
dealing with you, make yourself more available to others, lower the threshold between you,
simplify procedures (remove red tape) make it more convenient, and get closer to people you
want to influence, and your power will increase. The more you do for them, the more they will be
likely to do for you.

The bad side is when someone wants to collect what you owe them at an inopportune time, or
when it comes to a marriage, the utility power of prenuptial agreements can make this kind of
power seem ugly.

With utility power we normally make a deal, bargain, argue, exchange, settle, concede, quarrel
and compromise. Partial win/win relationships, and temporary solutions result from utility power
struggles.

Bargaining can suffice with people we do not know well but with some people like our spouses or
children, we need to grow beyond utility power to a higher level…

Chapter 6. Principle-centered power – honor makes the difference.

We live with honor when we are true to what we believe is right.

Principle-centered power brings about sustained, proactive influence.

Principle-centered power can come from someone who is no longer alive. That person’s influence
is not a passing fad, his or her effect on you does not lose potency over time but stays with you
throughout your life.

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The Power Principle Page 7

Principle-centered power is about self-control, being self-correcting, building interdependence


and saying, “What can we do and be together?”

The Results of principle-centered power are sustained power, proactive behavior, self-control,
and a cultivation of interdependence.

When we have principle-centered power, we persuade, use patience, gentleness, we are


teachable, we accept others unconditionally, we are kind, loving, open, disciplined, consistent,
and we live with integrity. As a result we get fruitful partnerships, synergy, calculated risks,
increased capacity, positive internal control, self-control, ethical behavior, interdependent
relationships, proactivity, trust, win/win solutions, partnership agreements, and deeply satisfying
long-term relationships.

Chapter 7. How to honor- ten principles of power

Developing honor is a lifelong process. It is neither quick nor easy to do. If you want to have this
type of influence with those around you, you must win their trust, respect, and admiration. To do
this honorable people incorporate ten basic principles of power:

Persuasion – People need to see the big picture. They need to know Why they are doing
something. They look to their leader for clarity of vision.

Patience – Free people by giving them a chance to grow and develop. A good practice in
patience is growing your own home garden. The art of managing people is like carefully and
patiently tending your own vegetable patch. You cannot simply “fix” people overnight, like a piece
of machinery. You can only work to create the conditions that will allow people to flourish.

To self-check for patience, ask yourself:


Are their efforts acceptable as a place to start?
Must it really be done now? This way?
Are the deadlines real?
Where are the pressures coming from?
Is this good enough for now?
Am I open to their opinions?

Some words to say to them to demonstrate patience:


You’ve made a lot of progress.
We’re in this together, for the long haul.
We’re together no matter how this turns out.
I look forward to continuing working with you.
I can see this is worth waiting for.
Think about it; we’ll get together again.
I would like to talk again.
It’s coming, isn’t it?

Gentleness – Everyone has particular areas where they are vulnerable, perhaps because our
families were not fully functional, or we have been hurt in the past. To self-check for gentleness,
ask yourself:

Is this the way I would like to be treated?


How would I respond if I were being treated this way?
Do I know how they were treated before?
Have they been hurt before?
Am I inspiring hope?
Am I being offensive?

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Am I being too direct?


Am I being tactful or diplomatic enough?
Am I considering their feelings?
Is this the right time?
Have they healed?
Do they feel safe right now?

Teachability – If you want to influence someone, let that person influence you.

Self-check by asking yourself:


Do I think I know best?
Am I really just trying to get them to do what I want?
Is there another way to do it?
Is this the best way? How do I know?
What might I learn if I listen to them?
Am I willing to learn from them?
What can they teach me?
Am I really listening?

Words to say to demonstrate teachability:


How do you see it?
I would like to understand your perspective.
How can I help?
What do you think?

Acceptance – There is power in unconditional acceptance. When we do not pre-judge others, we


are living the highest form of principle-centered thought. The author relates how a drama teacher
was able to bring out the full potential of his deaf son, by giving him the lead role in a school
musical.

Self-check:
Have I stopped judging them?

Words to say to demonstrate acceptance:

Your feelings are important to me.


We’re together no matter how this turns out.
You are important to me.
I love you.

Kindness – Do not patronize or be condescending. This is not genuine. True kindness comes
from a real regard for common humanity. You respect others because they are human beings, no
matter what class, race, or creed.

Self-check:
Am I being respectful?
Do I have their best interest in mind?
Do they feel comfortable with me?
Am I being considerate?
Do I feel compassion and generosity toward them?
Do I treat them the way they want to be treated?
Have I shared my feelings?
Am I holding back my feelings?
Have I asked their opinion?
Are they important to me?

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Words to say to demonstrate kindness:


How are you feeling?
Does this work for you?
Is this what you want?
Do you feel respected?
Is there anything else you would like to say?
What is your opinion?
Do you feel my concern when we are working together?

Knowledge – Do we take the time to really get to know the people we would like to influence?

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – Mother Teresa

Do you allow opportunities for deep conversations and real bonding to happen? Do you “date”
your kids? Do you set aside time in your busy schedule to just chat and have breakfast or lunch
with your workers?

Discipline – This means acknowledging people make mistakes, but not giving them the harsh
punishment that would cause them to fear taking chances again. We must give firm but gentle
discipline. Constructive critique, earnestly given, while administered quickly and not too often but
with precise and clear purpose – this is the kind of discipline that stems from principle-centered
power.

Integrity –This means matching your words with your thoughts and actions. The greatest example
of integrity is Mahatma Gandhi. He spoke before the British House of Commons for two hours,
without the aid of any notes. The reason for this eloquence was his basic integrity. His thoughts,
feelings, words, and actions were all coming from the same heart. Integrity means “walking your
talk” and matching up to your highest values.

Self-check:
Does what I say match what I do?
Are my intentions and actions united?
Are my words, deeds, thoughts, and feelings in harmony right now?
Do I have a sense of completeness and wholeness?

When you integrate all these ten principles you will…


Be more careful what you ask of others.
Be more confident when you ask anything of others.
Grow in your ability to influence others.
Come to understand the relationship between principle-centered power, influence, and
leadership.
Have continuing influence with others without forcing them.
Have increasing peace of mind.
Become wiser and more effective as a parent, salesperson, friend, teacher, and leader.

Chapter 8. How to increase principle-centered power

A skillful leader communicates non-verbally to his or her team.

When creating a powerful vision, ask yourself these two big questions:
1. If you did not have to work for a living, what would you devote your life to?
2. If you knew you could not fail, what would you do with your life?

What compels you to get up every morning? It has been studied that when people lose their jobs,
they initially feel sad, but when they begin to do something new (even if they are making less

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The Power Principle Page 10

money) they report feeling happier than in their old jobs. This means we must be willing to step
outside our comfort zones and seek new solutions. Sometimes, we are forced to and realize there
is always a choice and a different way or solution.

Financial hardship or any major crisis mobilizes us to seek a new solution. We need to wake up
and shift from our old paradigms and move in the direction of our dreams.

We must welcome and entertain unforeseen options. We must be willing to take risks.

Self-assessment:
What is your pattern of behavior?
Have you been honorable with the persons you would like to influence?
Where are you going? (Vision)
Are you coming with me? (Risk)
Can you be honorable? (Capacity)
Have you been honorable with me? (History)
Why should I listen to you? (Credibility)

Chapter 9. Parent power – how to honor your children

We sometimes lose our patience and resort to coercion when it comes to having power with our
children. Unacceptable behavior in kids should be dealt with, but if you do it out of anger or
control, you are likely to end up with a relationship that is painfully alive or regretfully nonexistent.

Educator Kathryn Kvols suggests you examine your beliefs to determine if you are likely to be a
coercive parent.

If you think a child must suffer in order to learn.


You must control your child.
Your child must be afraid of you in order for you to be able to make them behave.
The child must know you are the adult and they are only children.

Physical or emotional abuse, constant parental arguing, or loss of a parent through death or
divorce can produce depression in adolescents and in some cases of helplessness, suicide.

Recommended reading: Discipline: 101 Alternatives to Nagging, Yelling, and Spanking: Ways to
Stop Hurting your kids and start helping them, by Dr. Alvin Price and Jay Parry.

Even making deals or utility power at home can become destructive. The best way is to influence
children with honor and principle-centered power.

The top 5 teenage problems are:


1. Loneliness
2. Disappointment with self
3. Conflict with parents
4. Negative peer pressure
5. Pain –death and problems in the world

We can help our children deal with these issues if we provide a safe, trusting environment for
them at home. Pregnant unwed teens confirmed it was not ignorance of contraception methods
but low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy that led them to become pregnant. They sought
acceptance elsewhere, outside of the family home, and in the arms of boys.

How do we use principle-centered power with our children? One way is to offer them a choice.
Then reinforce the responsibility of that choice, by letting them deal with the consequences of

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The Power Principle Page 11

their decision-making. Sooner or later, the values you have tried so hard to instill in them will
come out in the way they choose.

When it comes to arguments with kids or with your spouse, it does not matter Who is right, but
What is right.

Learn from your children if you want them to learn from you.

Develop your listening skills.

Teach by example.

When it comes to marriage, couples all have arguments, furious walks alone, and crises. The
difference is that those couples that last a long time together are the ones who return home after
letting off steam, and try again. It takes a commitment to not give up and walk away, even when it
feels like you really want to walk away. The most important gift you can give your children is the
love, respect, and acceptance you give each other as husband and wife.

Many marriages are solidly rooted in at least one partner’s determination that this marriage,
unlike the one he or she knew as a child, was going to work and thrive. To summarize, the
couples that succeed at staying together are the ones who learned you have to make your own
marriage. If you know in your gut your marriage can work, then please by all means fight for it.

We need to give and receive a handful of hugs and words of appreciation each day. One
psychologist suggests ten sincere compliments or affirmations to every statement of constructive
criticism. What is the norm in your home?

Selected questions and activities to help you assess what you want and how you are doing:

What was the primary teaching/disciplining style in your home when you were a child – doubt,
fear, fairness, or honor?

When you are under emotional pressure, what is your first response to a crisis in your own home
today?

When you are your spouse have handled a problem well, pause and analyze what happened.
What was the source of your ideas and actions that worked? Congratulate and reinforce each
other. It can happen again if it happened once.

When are you most vulnerable? When are you likely to do something to your kids that you regret?
How would you characterize your dominant approach to influencing your children today –
powerlessness, coercive power, utility power, or principle-centered power? Establish a personal
goal and commitment to move from whichever level you are at and go to the next higher level.
You may want to conduct a family counseling session, listen to your kids, make them aware of
each type of power, and enlist their aid.

Establish a set of agreed-upon signals that will allow your spouse to intervene when you are too
emotionally involved to objectively discipline a child. Support each other in the middle of a
problem and debrief later to brainstorm better alternatives for next time.

If your children are still young, visit with an older couple you respect whose children are raised or
have left home. Ask them what best worked for them, what they regret having done, what really
mattered in the long run, and what they feel good about. A shift in perspective often accompanies
such open dialogue.

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The Power Principle Page 12

Remember that family life is a living laboratory. No one has all the answers. No one has it all
together. We can only improve it if we keep working at it. Do your best and do better next time.
YOU CAN DO IT.

Chapter 10. Teaching with power – how to honor those you teach

The teachers who make a difference are not those who instill fear, but those who teach by using
principle-centered power. Students will respect you if you have the integrity, credibility and
behavior of a teacher who is worthy.

Wise, principle-centered teachers have influence on us long after we graduate. We all have one
favorite teacher in high school who taught us something invaluable which we carry with us
throughout our adult lives.

Chapter 11. Selling with power – how to honor your customers.

When it comes to utility power in selling, the moment someone else offers better value, a cheaper
price, or quicker delivery, you may lose the deal. Everything is tit for tat. The way to sustain
selling and maintain a long-term relationship is using principle-centered power in sales.

You cannot sell with integrity unless you know where your prospect is in terms of the universal
human needs of stomach, head, heart, and spirit.

If you want to influence a valuable prospect, what can you do today that would increase their
capacity to trust you?

Are you burned out and always feeling like you made a compromise just to close a deal?

Do you know why your customers buy? How can your understanding help you serve them better?

Chapter 12. Leading with power – how to honor those you lead

Leaders are pathfinders. They need to clarify the group’s vision, context, direction, goals,
strategy, purpose, and pace.

Leaders are teambuilders. They need to create safe, healthy conditions for risk-taking. They have
to cultivate new leaders from the ranks, provide resources, help others move from independence
to interdependence, help get things done and get out of the way.

Leaders are gardeners. They cultivate core principles and values, create enthusiasm, provide
support systems, rewards, raw materials, weed out the problems, prune and plan for the harvest.

Women leaders know that those who are trusted, valued, and respected always did better work.

For many men it is not customary to put their children first during their workdays. There was much
ado about a film celebrity who stopped in the middle of a shoot because he promised his child he
would call at a certain time of the day.

Those who lead with honor must be nurturing, people-valuing, and accountability-demanding
types, it is a model that is actually more organic, and more female.

There is little room for the small-mindedness of parochial or gender-biased thinking and acting.

Gandhi was very nurturing as a leader. His compassion can be seen in many stories and
anecdotes about his life. In one such story, he fasted for thirteen days, stating he would not eat

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The Power Principle Page 13

until the fighting between Muslim and Hindu Indians would stop. It was the people’s love and
respect for Gandhi that finally caused a cessation in hostilities.

Application activities:

Keep a leadership journal. Study your attempts to influence others –like what was effective and
what attempt failed.
Have someone you respect observe your leadership and give you feedback.
Keep a journal of role models/leaders you want to emulate.
Find a willing, caring, and courageous coach.
Have a career plan that includes diverse experiences and find sponsors to support you.
Take assignments that will bring you out of your comfort zone and will make you build
synergistically with others.

Chapter 13. What if they are trying to influence you?


If someone else is using coercive power to influence you, you still have a choice. Your choices
are to get on with your life, get by (hang in there and survive), get help, or get out and leave the
situation.

10 practical suggestions:
1. Do not take it lying down.
2. Make an action plan.
3. Comply as best you can as long as your actions do not violate your basic values or hurt
others.
4. Invest the time to understand what they want.
5. Talk to others. Get help and form a network of friends or family.
6. Go underground. If the environment at home or work is abusive, you may need to
disappear for your own good.
7. Do something to improve your situation.
8. Bide your time, outlive or outlast the tyrants and you may live to replace them.
9. If you work in a toxic dump, get out. Change jobs, lifestyles, friends, or cities.
10. Pray.

Chapter 14. How do I change?


First you need a wake-up call. We need to be jolted into awareness. Assess the quality of your
relationships with your spouse, family, kids, colleagues, and friends. Ask for candid feedback, and
brace yourself for some nasty surprises.

1. Learn about alternatives.


2. Get help from others.
3. Develop a desire for something different.
4. Recognize an opportunity to choose.
5. Make the decision to change.
6. Take a leap of faith.

Chapter 15. Living with honor –the lifelong quest


Review the 9 positive premises we started out with. Now ask yourself,
How will you spend the rest of your life? The Choice is all up to you.

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